WEBVTT - “I’M HOOKING UP WITH MY CO-WORKER” 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:01.680 Hello, Yeah, Yeah, what's up? 0:00:01.720 --> 0:00:01.960 Man? 0:00:02.480 --> 0:00:04.040 Hey, how's it going dude? What's your name? 0:00:05.120 --> 0:00:06.600 I'm Jimmy, Jimmy. 0:00:06.640 --> 0:00:08.160 What's going on, Jimmy? How's life? 0:00:08.800 --> 0:00:12.600 Life is actually pretty cool and a little complicated lately. 0:00:12.640 --> 0:00:14.280 Hold on, I'm kicking my dog gack in the house. 0:00:14.640 --> 0:00:19.720 That's all right, man. Why is life? Well? I guess 0:00:19.760 --> 0:00:22.240 we could start with why it's Why is it cool? 0:00:24.000 --> 0:00:26.760 I didn't think I would be alive still, Like, I'm 0:00:26.840 --> 0:00:30.600 thirty two. I'm from Philly, and like, Philly is kind 0:00:30.600 --> 0:00:32.120 of crazy. I'm sure you know because you went to 0:00:32.120 --> 0:00:37.920 Temple mm hm. But I just moved out to like Colorado, 0:00:38.080 --> 0:00:43.400 and I'm starting to like appreciate like the finer things 0:00:43.440 --> 0:00:47.680 in life. I just like nature and mountains and so 0:00:47.680 --> 0:00:49.920 that's kind of cool and like being alive and like 0:00:49.960 --> 0:00:51.320 having benefits from my job. 0:00:53.479 --> 0:00:55.520 Why are you from North Philly? 0:00:55.680 --> 0:00:57.400 I'm from West Philly. I got I grow up right 0:00:57.400 --> 0:00:58.600 next to the Man Music Center. 0:00:59.160 --> 0:01:01.800 Okay, that's where the fresh Prince of bel Araa grew up. 0:01:02.480 --> 0:01:03.800 I went to that same high school. 0:01:04.200 --> 0:01:05.280 No, get the fuck out of here. 0:01:05.760 --> 0:01:08.399 I went to Overbrook High Is that where did. 0:01:08.640 --> 0:01:11.640 Did Will Smith grow up? In West Philadelphia? 0:01:12.920 --> 0:01:15.240 Like up the hill like a Overbrook area, Like yeah, 0:01:15.319 --> 0:01:17.039 it's fifty ninth Street up that way. 0:01:17.520 --> 0:01:20.360 Ah wow, Why. 0:01:19.840 --> 0:01:22.320 That's too local. I'm going to get so micro. 0:01:22.480 --> 0:01:24.600 God you get get b b as you are. 0:01:27.080 --> 0:01:27.319 Ship. 0:01:27.360 --> 0:01:28.520 What the fuck was I gonna say? 0:01:28.600 --> 0:01:28.759 Oh? 0:01:28.800 --> 0:01:32.000 Yeah, when did you move to Colorado? Like recently? 0:01:33.000 --> 0:01:35.600 Yeah, about two years ago, going on two years? Two years, 0:01:35.640 --> 0:01:36.680 I think in October? 0:01:37.040 --> 0:01:39.720 And so is life gooder in Colorado? 0:01:41.440 --> 0:01:44.720 Much much more gooder? The cheese steaks are not more gooder, 0:01:44.880 --> 0:01:47.520 but everything else just about more gooder? 0:01:49.240 --> 0:01:53.120 And uh, why is why is it? Why is life complicated? 0:01:53.880 --> 0:01:55.840 Because I'm banging my coworker. 0:01:55.400 --> 0:02:01.640 Now you're banging your coworker. Yeah, why is that complicated? 0:02:03.120 --> 0:02:05.000 Because I thought about doing it for a while, but 0:02:05.400 --> 0:02:07.160 I to be honest, I was mad depressed, and I 0:02:07.200 --> 0:02:10.160 started therapy and like taking meds at the beginning of 0:02:10.200 --> 0:02:15.040 this year, and that's like now reached. It's like it's 0:02:15.120 --> 0:02:18.400 like it's culminating in this like hyper confidence. The other 0:02:18.480 --> 0:02:20.760 day I was like I'm just go get her number, 0:02:20.840 --> 0:02:22.240 and like we fucked like two days later. 0:02:24.120 --> 0:02:26.600 I ask again, why is this complicated? 0:02:26.840 --> 0:02:30.040 Because I see her like every day and like she 0:02:30.160 --> 0:02:32.000 wants to like suck my dick at work. 0:02:33.560 --> 0:02:34.760 Okay, I mean. 0:02:37.000 --> 0:02:38.040 My problem is that. 0:02:39.520 --> 0:02:39.880 I don't know. 0:02:39.880 --> 0:02:42.120 This feels weird to me, like I didn't necessarily expect 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:44.800 that this was going to happen, like if I I 0:02:44.800 --> 0:02:47.040 didn't think it would go as well as it has, 0:02:47.919 --> 0:02:50.040 Like I expected it to be more weird. So I'm 0:02:50.040 --> 0:02:52.680 waiting for like the other like the other foot to drop. 0:02:52.720 --> 0:02:54.560 If you know what I mean, what do you can ask? 0:02:54.560 --> 0:02:55.359 What you what do you do? 0:02:57.000 --> 0:02:57.400 I cook? 0:02:57.880 --> 0:03:02.200 So like, yeah, I cook in a kitchen, yes, like 0:03:02.280 --> 0:03:03.600 at a restaurant. 0:03:04.440 --> 0:03:11.160 No, but I cook it's in an institution. 0:03:13.280 --> 0:03:17.720 You cook in an institution, Okay, all right, okay, but 0:03:17.760 --> 0:03:18.639 you work in a kitchen. 0:03:19.360 --> 0:03:19.960 Yeah? 0:03:20.080 --> 0:03:21.520 Does she also work in the kitchen? 0:03:22.400 --> 0:03:22.760 Yeah? 0:03:23.560 --> 0:03:23.960 Okay. 0:03:24.200 --> 0:03:29.560 I mean, have you ever done anything with a coworker? Lot? 0:03:30.880 --> 0:03:38.280 No, But I haven't really had co workers in a 0:03:38.360 --> 0:03:39.040 long time. 0:03:41.000 --> 0:03:45.120 That's fair, That's fair. Yeah, I kind of not really 0:03:45.160 --> 0:03:47.720 ever had co workers until I came out here because 0:03:47.720 --> 0:03:50.160 I just used to do a bunch of like random 0:03:50.160 --> 0:03:53.800 odd JANKI shit for money. So now it's like maybe 0:03:53.840 --> 0:03:56.840 I wasn't supposed to Like I'm still learning like corporate 0:03:57.600 --> 0:04:00.760 I guess, like boleance and how to behave myself. 0:04:00.840 --> 0:04:05.240 But well, well look look, look, look his I mean, 0:04:05.240 --> 0:04:07.160 this is a few things, right, It's like what this 0:04:07.280 --> 0:04:09.240 job that you're at, It's just like it's just like 0:04:09.320 --> 0:04:12.080 a thing that you do. You give a Do you 0:04:12.120 --> 0:04:14.400 care about this job? Like, like do you care about 0:04:14.440 --> 0:04:16.120 it beyond? Like this is just kind of what I 0:04:16.160 --> 0:04:18.240 do for Like do you see like a long term 0:04:18.720 --> 0:04:21.280 I care about this job. I care about being here. 0:04:21.320 --> 0:04:24.240 I care about this being a very comfortable environment for me. 0:04:25.480 --> 0:04:27.000 Now I'm planning my eggsit already. 0:04:27.240 --> 0:04:29.560 Oh, then have sex with your coworker who gives this shit? 0:04:31.279 --> 0:04:34.040 Okay, Well I guess it was that simple. That's kind 0:04:34.040 --> 0:04:35.919 of I was kind of thinking that myself though, like 0:04:36.320 --> 0:04:37.960 this is a good time, Like I planning on going 0:04:37.960 --> 0:04:40.680 to school in January to get a certification so I 0:04:40.680 --> 0:04:42.120 can like get the hell out of here in the 0:04:42.120 --> 0:04:43.200 next few months. Anyway. 0:04:44.000 --> 0:04:47.040 Yeah, so yeah, I don't know, I don't I mean, 0:04:47.040 --> 0:04:49.320 if I that's but that's kind of how I feel. 0:04:49.320 --> 0:04:54.000 It's like if I'm well, I won't say coworker, but 0:04:54.080 --> 0:04:59.960 like if I'm in any let's say I've had places 0:05:00.160 --> 0:05:07.040 in my life that I returned to frequently and I'd 0:05:07.080 --> 0:05:10.600 like to not have sex with anyone, uh, in those 0:05:10.640 --> 0:05:17.720 places that I am at frequently, if these are locations, institutions, whatever, whatever, 0:05:17.960 --> 0:05:24.120 that I see myself having like long term relationships with right. 0:05:26.000 --> 0:05:27.960 But if but if I'm like, but if you if 0:05:27.960 --> 0:05:31.120 I were at a job that was like, I'm planning 0:05:31.240 --> 0:05:36.320 my exit from this job actively, then I I don't 0:05:36.320 --> 0:05:40.160 think I would, you know, care, because it wouldn't be that, 0:05:40.279 --> 0:05:42.479 it wouldn't feel I mean, even if it does feel 0:05:42.520 --> 0:05:43.400 awkward or whatever. 0:05:45.440 --> 0:05:49.120 I mean, it's kind of fun too, like your life. 0:05:50.400 --> 0:05:51.920 Okay. Is she having a good time? 0:05:53.240 --> 0:05:58.480 I think so? Okay, everything I think everybody in Colorado 0:05:58.480 --> 0:06:00.560 seems to just be constantly having a good time. Like 0:06:00.600 --> 0:06:03.240 there's nothing serious about this. But that's like a whole 0:06:03.320 --> 0:06:03.800 other thing. 0:06:04.400 --> 0:06:08.680 Okay, is she as she is? She like hinting that 0:06:08.760 --> 0:06:12.840 she wants, like, uh, more than just to suck your 0:06:12.880 --> 0:06:13.480 dick at work. 0:06:16.520 --> 0:06:18.840 Yeah, but it's it's just more variations of like that. 0:06:20.680 --> 0:06:22.719 I think I fear I may have unlocked something that 0:06:22.760 --> 0:06:25.680 I might not be able to control. 0:06:25.320 --> 0:06:28.880 Now in what sense, Like. 0:06:31.279 --> 0:06:32.919 I didn't think that she was going to be like 0:06:33.000 --> 0:06:34.880 this freaky if that makes sense. 0:06:35.440 --> 0:06:38.479 Okay, I mean that's fine, But I guess like, is 0:06:38.520 --> 0:06:43.560 she like does she like like she is she like wanting? 0:06:43.760 --> 0:06:45.719 Is she like having sex with you? She wants you 0:06:45.800 --> 0:06:48.720 to be like like eventually become her boyfriend. I don't 0:06:48.760 --> 0:06:54.599 think so okay, I don't know this doesn't this sounds 0:06:54.680 --> 0:06:57.960 not that I think you would. You would probably know 0:06:59.240 --> 0:07:01.520 if that was the case. I think. 0:07:03.520 --> 0:07:07.360 I would think, so okay. 0:07:07.400 --> 0:07:10.440 So yeah, I don't know if this doesn't sound particularly complicated. 0:07:10.880 --> 0:07:11.920 But that's sick. I don't wanna. 0:07:12.080 --> 0:07:14.120 I'm not gonna take up too much Marie of time. 0:07:14.360 --> 0:07:15.960 So I can go back and listening you can get from. 0:07:15.840 --> 0:07:17.560 That's wait, where where? What are you? What are you 0:07:17.600 --> 0:07:19.000 going to do when you leave the kitchen. 0:07:20.600 --> 0:07:23.640 I'm pretty much gonna try and get my boss's job 0:07:23.720 --> 0:07:29.480 somewhere else. Yeah, he runs the department that is the kitchen, 0:07:29.560 --> 0:07:34.000 the dietary part of the of the institution. But he's 0:07:34.080 --> 0:07:36.480 kind of a dort. He's a lot of a dirt Like. 0:07:36.480 --> 0:07:39.240 I hate this guy. I'm always like busting his balls 0:07:39.240 --> 0:07:40.800 and I'm telling him how much of a fucking loser 0:07:40.840 --> 0:07:44.280 he is and whatever. But I can't complain anymore, really, 0:07:44.320 --> 0:07:47.240 because my plan now was to just go ahead and 0:07:47.520 --> 0:07:49.080 do it in my own kitchen, run my own kitchen 0:07:49.080 --> 0:07:49.720 the way I want to. 0:07:51.160 --> 0:07:52.480 Why do you think this guy is a dork? 0:07:54.200 --> 0:07:59.880 He he lacks leadership qualities, but he's the leader. He's 0:07:59.880 --> 0:08:04.320 a neo baby like his his wife's has a relative 0:08:04.400 --> 0:08:06.480 or something that got him in the job because they 0:08:06.520 --> 0:08:10.520 work there. Like, he doesn't even have the certification that 0:08:10.640 --> 0:08:14.119 I'm ready to go to school for to get, which 0:08:14.240 --> 0:08:16.760 is how you get that position. He's a NEPO baby. 0:08:17.400 --> 0:08:21.200 He's a packers fan, a bunch more stuff. But yeah, 0:08:21.240 --> 0:08:23.840 he just really yeah, he doesn't leave us. Well, he's 0:08:23.840 --> 0:08:29.520 lost the locker room. When are you're coming back to Denver? 0:08:30.680 --> 0:08:33.040 I don't know. Maybe I'm maybe I'll eventually come back 0:08:33.080 --> 0:08:33.400 to Denver. 0:08:33.400 --> 0:08:33.640 I was. 0:08:33.640 --> 0:08:35.240 I always have a great time in Denver. I've been 0:08:35.240 --> 0:08:39.160 to Denver like five or six times. I think I've 0:08:39.200 --> 0:08:44.000 gone like every single year since twenty nineteen. It's a 0:08:44.040 --> 0:08:49.400 great town, good place. I don't know. When are you 0:08:49.640 --> 0:08:54.600 coming to What do you I don't I'm sorry, I 0:08:54.600 --> 0:08:57.040 don't have a retort. What's your name again? 0:08:58.160 --> 0:08:58.959 Jimmy? 0:08:59.080 --> 0:09:02.640 Jimmy, Jimmy. Uh, you seem like an Jimmy. I have 0:09:02.720 --> 0:09:06.800 fun with your life, Jimmy. It's very short, sorry to 0:09:06.800 --> 0:09:12.760 say an existential thing. Good luck, Jimmy, are you hey? 0:09:12.800 --> 0:09:13.280 What's up? 0:09:13.600 --> 0:09:14.120 Oh my god? 0:09:14.280 --> 0:09:16.000 Lyle yes? 0:09:16.080 --> 0:09:22.920 Hi hi hi uh hi Sorry, I was not actually 0:09:22.960 --> 0:09:26.080 expecting that the work. I uh, my name is Beuford. 0:09:27.120 --> 0:09:29.840 Beuford. What a name. That's a sick name. I like 0:09:29.920 --> 0:09:30.360 that name. 0:09:31.400 --> 0:09:32.160 Yeah. Thanks. 0:09:32.280 --> 0:09:34.640 You don't really see that many people around with the 0:09:35.200 --> 0:09:39.440 name Buford these days, like an ancient times name themes. 0:09:40.040 --> 0:09:43.280 What a what a great name, Beuford? What's going on 0:09:43.320 --> 0:09:44.280 in your life? Buford? 0:09:45.840 --> 0:09:51.840 Uh? Stuff, man, stuff, I'm long I've heard I know 0:09:51.840 --> 0:09:54.480 you've heard this probably like a million times, but I've 0:09:54.480 --> 0:09:58.120 been listening to you for about like two years now. 0:09:58.160 --> 0:10:01.280 Cool awesome, Yeah, it's. 0:10:01.120 --> 0:10:04.600 You've been definitely, uh, a big part of my day 0:10:04.800 --> 0:10:08.079 for a while. I've been listening as much as a 0:10:08.160 --> 0:10:11.160 late Sorry, there's a bunch of seagulls squawking around me. 0:10:11.240 --> 0:10:11.760 Right you. 0:10:13.840 --> 0:10:16.600 Ford, You're you're you're more than al right, you're more 0:10:16.640 --> 0:10:22.880 than all right. Yeah, No, I appreciate you. I appreciate you. Well. 0:10:22.920 --> 0:10:24.679 Ship Here we. 0:10:24.640 --> 0:10:27.079 Are, Yeah, yeah, we're here. 0:10:27.520 --> 0:10:28.040 We're here. 0:10:29.440 --> 0:10:32.840 I guess what I really wanted to talk about. Sorry, 0:10:32.840 --> 0:10:35.960 I'm walking to my car right now. I got people 0:10:35.960 --> 0:10:39.440 in my room. I can't really get an eight piece 0:10:39.480 --> 0:10:40.880 out here right now just because. 0:10:42.320 --> 0:10:42.600 People. 0:10:43.120 --> 0:10:47.200 Yeah, but I wanted to guess, what's been going on 0:10:47.240 --> 0:10:51.839 in my life? Is I guess a lot of abandonment. 0:10:52.800 --> 0:10:53.480 It seems like. 0:10:55.600 --> 0:11:02.240 A couple months back, I was in a relationship for 0:11:02.320 --> 0:11:08.040 about we'll say, like eight months, and I had a 0:11:08.080 --> 0:11:14.360 decent friend group around here. And uh, this is after 0:11:14.400 --> 0:11:20.360 I moved, I moved away from my home and yeah, 0:11:21.120 --> 0:11:24.280 it's just been a little rough. But I lost the 0:11:24.360 --> 0:11:29.440 girl and I've lost a lot of those friends. And 0:11:29.760 --> 0:11:32.199 she was the only one who was around, so we 0:11:32.280 --> 0:11:37.040 still kept hanging out. But it seems like, yeah, eventually 0:11:37.120 --> 0:11:41.920 she's got tired of me too, and I don't. 0:11:43.120 --> 0:11:46.400 Yeah, these last couple of weeks, Yeah, I have. 0:11:46.400 --> 0:11:50.280 Something really important coming up. But it's been really hard 0:11:50.320 --> 0:11:55.320 to focus on anything else other than you know, just 0:11:56.360 --> 0:11:59.280 my life, well my life outside of my work. 0:12:02.120 --> 0:12:04.920 What is what is this important thing coming up? 0:12:06.600 --> 0:12:10.480 So it's a test. I want to go into too 0:12:10.559 --> 0:12:15.199 much detail, but it's a big test that will impact 0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:19.640 what I do next. Basically if I make a lot 0:12:19.640 --> 0:12:23.240 of money next or not. Uh, if I fail this test, 0:12:23.440 --> 0:12:28.320 I got to basically start from scratch. If I passed 0:12:28.320 --> 0:12:30.560 this test, I got some word stuff that I need 0:12:30.600 --> 0:12:33.600 to do. But you know, I'll be able to move 0:12:33.640 --> 0:12:37.480 forward at least. But there's something that's been looming over 0:12:37.559 --> 0:12:40.000 me for I want to say a year and a 0:12:40.000 --> 0:12:46.240 half now. So yeah, I've been kind of stuck in 0:12:46.280 --> 0:12:50.200 this one place with this test looming over me, you know, 0:12:51.280 --> 0:12:54.800 towards the end of you know, the end of everything. 0:12:54.800 --> 0:12:57.120 When I feel like I'm ready to take the test 0:12:57.160 --> 0:13:01.400 and everything, everything just kind of starts, you know, crashing down. 0:13:01.679 --> 0:13:03.520 In my personal. 0:13:03.040 --> 0:13:07.720 Life, can ask how old you are? 0:13:09.480 --> 0:13:10.680 I just turned twenty five? 0:13:11.320 --> 0:13:17.199 Cool? Uh? And why did you Why did you lose 0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:21.679 all your friends? 0:13:21.480 --> 0:13:24.000 It's been going on for a while, but it's either 0:13:24.080 --> 0:13:30.360 they move away or you know, they uh, I want 0:13:30.360 --> 0:13:33.720 to say a lot of cases they get into relationships 0:13:34.520 --> 0:13:39.720 and uh yeah, it's like the typical bits like I'm sorry, 0:13:39.960 --> 0:13:41.960 you know, I want to hang out with you, but 0:13:42.280 --> 0:13:44.480 you know, Sydney wants to go get groceries or something 0:13:44.559 --> 0:13:46.959 like that, and that's obviously going to take the entire day. 0:13:47.160 --> 0:13:48.199 So I can't. 0:13:48.440 --> 0:13:50.880 I can't call you, or I can't I can't like, 0:13:51.440 --> 0:13:52.760 you know, sit on discord. 0:13:52.440 --> 0:13:53.000 For a little bit. 0:13:53.480 --> 0:13:54.560 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0:13:54.400 --> 0:13:57.720 Like I get it. And you know, when I was 0:13:57.720 --> 0:14:01.120 in the relationship, I was to an extra kind of 0:14:01.240 --> 0:14:09.560 like that, but you know, completely abandoning relationships with people 0:14:09.559 --> 0:14:13.040 that I've known for like five years, like just losing 0:14:13.080 --> 0:14:17.920 them just like, you know, am I the problem? Because 0:14:17.960 --> 0:14:19.960 it seems like it's always happening to me. And it's 0:14:20.000 --> 0:14:23.480 like whenever I ask or like you know, could bought 0:14:23.520 --> 0:14:25.760 them about it, I'm just like, you know, why aren't 0:14:25.760 --> 0:14:27.720 we talk as much? They're just like, yeah, you're a 0:14:27.720 --> 0:14:30.400 great guy. You know, I love hanging out with you. 0:14:30.480 --> 0:14:34.880 It's just, you know, Tom moves on. 0:14:35.800 --> 0:14:37.880 Yeah, yeah, It's kind of a thing of life. And 0:14:38.320 --> 0:14:42.160 you know, here's the thing, man, and I, you know, 0:14:44.120 --> 0:14:49.160 I relate to a lot of the stuff that you're saying, 0:14:49.320 --> 0:14:53.880 and I have my own thoughts about it and and 0:14:54.360 --> 0:14:57.800 I and I really can only approach the situation from 0:14:57.920 --> 0:14:59.520 the way that I like to think about this ship, 0:14:59.600 --> 0:15:01.480 in the way that I've approached it in my own life. 0:15:01.560 --> 0:15:06.280 And you know, some people like to talk about I 0:15:06.320 --> 0:15:09.200 was told, you know, can I go on a rant 0:15:09.280 --> 0:15:10.120 you for two seconds? 0:15:10.600 --> 0:15:11.920 Oh yeah, please please? 0:15:12.720 --> 0:15:16.720 I Okay. So I've been I've been going back to therapy, 0:15:17.400 --> 0:15:22.760 and my therapist said, so I people might think I'm insane, 0:15:22.760 --> 0:15:25.800 but whatever. My therapist said something to me where she 0:15:25.960 --> 0:15:27.960 was like, you got to learn how to be comfortable 0:15:28.520 --> 0:15:36.480 being alone, and that fucking and I know what she 0:15:36.800 --> 0:15:40.760 means when she says that. She means you have to 0:15:40.800 --> 0:15:45.440 be okay with being alone because when you're okay with 0:15:45.600 --> 0:15:52.400 being alone, you are then able to approach your life. 0:15:54.120 --> 0:15:58.120 She didn't say this, I inferred this, but when you're 0:15:58.120 --> 0:16:02.320 okay with being alone, you are able to approach your 0:16:02.400 --> 0:16:09.600 life with a greater sense of power than if you're like, 0:16:10.040 --> 0:16:15.800 not okay with being alone. But I hate the notion 0:16:16.520 --> 0:16:22.520 that you're supposed to be okay with being alone, or 0:16:22.560 --> 0:16:26.040 that you're supposed to be happy being alone. I fucking 0:16:26.720 --> 0:16:30.760 hate when people say that. Because human being, we are 0:16:31.200 --> 0:16:40.160 biologically wired to not be okay with being alone. It 0:16:41.200 --> 0:16:47.040 sucks to pretend that it doesn't, or to pretend that 0:16:47.200 --> 0:16:51.040 you're supposed to be alone and be happy with that 0:16:51.280 --> 0:16:56.560 and be okay with that is ridiculous. It's a ridiculous thing. 0:16:56.760 --> 0:16:59.760 People might disagree with me, but we're biologically wired to 0:16:59.800 --> 0:17:03.240 not be alone. That being said, I understand it's very 0:17:03.240 --> 0:17:09.480 helpful to become comfortable with being alone so that you 0:17:09.560 --> 0:17:13.400 can approach your life with power. And so I take 0:17:13.440 --> 0:17:15.720 those two things and I look at this and I 0:17:15.760 --> 0:17:19.199 look at it very logistically, because that's how I like 0:17:19.280 --> 0:17:21.159 to look at the problems of my life and how I, 0:17:21.400 --> 0:17:25.160 you know, do shit in my life. And I go, Okay, 0:17:25.200 --> 0:17:31.600 you know, you really inherently cannot rely on people because 0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:36.680 they exist outside of your control. That's like the stoic thing. 0:17:38.359 --> 0:17:42.320 And now stoicism can also be a certain form of avoidance. 0:17:42.960 --> 0:17:45.200 And if you lean too heavily into it, and you 0:17:45.280 --> 0:17:49.000 lean too heavily into that, you close yourself off to others. 0:17:49.040 --> 0:17:50.800 And you don't want to do that. You want to 0:17:50.840 --> 0:17:54.320 open yourself up to others and accept and understand that 0:17:54.680 --> 0:17:58.479 they might fuck your shit, you know, and accept that 0:17:59.000 --> 0:18:01.720 getting your shit fucked by others because you trusted them 0:18:02.280 --> 0:18:06.000 is just a part of life. And you feel sad 0:18:06.080 --> 0:18:09.640 and you feel bad about it, but it's just hits 0:18:09.680 --> 0:18:12.600 you and you let it hit you. All that being said, 0:18:13.119 --> 0:18:15.080 I like to look at these things very logistically. So 0:18:18.480 --> 0:18:22.600 I'm like, in my life, when I've felt alone and 0:18:22.680 --> 0:18:27.240 I've felt like I had like friends that were like 0:18:27.359 --> 0:18:30.800 flaky on me or you know, relationships that didn't work 0:18:30.800 --> 0:18:33.880 out or whatnot. I've kind of logistically gone, what can 0:18:33.960 --> 0:18:39.399 I do to put myself in situation like this is 0:18:39.440 --> 0:18:42.159 where you take your power back? Is you go, what 0:18:42.359 --> 0:18:48.120 can I do to put myself in situations where I 0:18:48.160 --> 0:18:54.840 am around people? And how do I empower myself to 0:18:55.880 --> 0:18:59.560 talk to those people and to make those people want 0:18:59.680 --> 0:19:01.879 to be around me and to be the kind of 0:19:01.920 --> 0:19:04.560 person that other people want to be around. And I 0:19:04.600 --> 0:19:14.160 approach this from like a logistical way, So yeah, I guess, yeah, 0:19:14.200 --> 0:19:14.760 I'll go ahead. 0:19:14.840 --> 0:19:20.200 God no, I was gonna say, because yeah, I feel 0:19:20.240 --> 0:19:23.399 the exact same way when it comes to when it 0:19:23.400 --> 0:19:29.040 comes to just telling somebody be comfortable being alone. But 0:19:29.240 --> 0:19:32.159 like the problem is I'm lonely, right, Like, you know, 0:19:32.200 --> 0:19:33.280 how do you get to that point? 0:19:33.680 --> 0:19:33.960 Yeah? 0:19:34.000 --> 0:19:37.280 And I made attempts to Like where I'm at, its 0:19:37.480 --> 0:19:40.280 kind of like, you know, it has a couple of 0:19:40.320 --> 0:19:42.320 areas where I can just you know, kind of go 0:19:42.480 --> 0:19:44.320 at and you know, it gets me out of the 0:19:44.359 --> 0:19:48.920 room because one my roommate usually in the room, but 0:19:49.040 --> 0:19:53.840 twenty four to seven. But also, yeah, I just want 0:19:53.840 --> 0:19:56.280 to I don't like being in the room by myself. Anymore, 0:19:56.320 --> 0:19:58.520 because now it's just like I'm sitting here and I'm 0:19:58.520 --> 0:20:01.959 thinking about all this stuff that it happened, and like 0:20:01.960 --> 0:20:03.840 what did I do wrong? Like why did I do this? 0:20:04.040 --> 0:20:06.760 And you know, so I'm going out and trying to, 0:20:07.200 --> 0:20:09.800 you know, put myself into spaces, but now I'm finding 0:20:09.840 --> 0:20:14.200 out that's like when I get into these spaces, I'm 0:20:14.240 --> 0:20:19.800 still kind of alone because I'm like not really, I 0:20:19.800 --> 0:20:21.880 don't know. I don't know if I'm like scared now 0:20:21.960 --> 0:20:24.520 to talk to anybody just because I've had so many 0:20:25.320 --> 0:20:32.040 what lost relationships, or if like you know, nobody just 0:20:32.119 --> 0:20:35.320 actually wants to speak to me. You know, I don't 0:20:35.359 --> 0:20:38.560 know if I like look weird or you know something 0:20:38.600 --> 0:20:41.440 I think, don't think that's weird that I'm like five 0:20:41.480 --> 0:20:42.280 foot nothing. 0:20:42.119 --> 0:20:48.159 But well you can't, yeah, but you can't go Like 0:20:48.760 --> 0:20:53.040 there's a lot of a lot of the like uh, 0:20:53.160 --> 0:20:55.920 internal being comfortable, being alone and stuff, as it does 0:20:55.960 --> 0:20:57.600 piss me off, but then a lot of it has 0:20:57.640 --> 0:21:02.840 like such deep truth to it, you know, and the 0:21:02.880 --> 0:21:04.639 parts of it that have deep the parts of it 0:21:04.680 --> 0:21:07.480 that have deep truth to it are the parts that 0:21:07.600 --> 0:21:12.160 are how you perceive yourself. I don't think I don't 0:21:12.160 --> 0:21:14.320 think I don't think how you perceive people say how 0:21:14.359 --> 0:21:17.000 you how you perceive yourself as how other people perceive you. 0:21:17.359 --> 0:21:20.280 I don't think that's a one to one translation at all. 0:21:20.320 --> 0:21:24.879 I think that's kind of bullshit. But how you perceive 0:21:24.920 --> 0:21:29.240 yourself is like extremely important to how other people like 0:21:29.640 --> 0:21:33.320 perceive you. So if you walk around being like, oh, 0:21:33.320 --> 0:21:35.080 people don't want to be around me, people don't like me, 0:21:35.640 --> 0:21:37.719 blah blah blah, all this stuff, even if you are 0:21:37.800 --> 0:21:41.200 five foot nothing, even if you are you know, whatever, 0:21:41.240 --> 0:21:48.080 these things you think you are like, it will not 0:21:48.560 --> 0:21:53.200 help you to have to carry that around. So that's 0:21:53.200 --> 0:21:56.800 an important thing to attack, is like, yeah, that that 0:21:57.000 --> 0:22:06.960 kind of negative like self image. Yeah. So and so 0:22:07.080 --> 0:22:14.840 you have this big test coming up, and I think, well, 0:22:14.880 --> 0:22:17.160 a couple of things. I mean, I think that obviously 0:22:17.160 --> 0:22:19.199 it makes a lot of sense that you're very like 0:22:19.359 --> 0:22:23.640 distracted by all of this ship going on in your 0:22:23.720 --> 0:22:31.639 personal universe, right, but uh, it sounds like the test 0:22:31.720 --> 0:22:35.440 is very important to you, and like, you know, kinda 0:22:36.200 --> 0:22:39.320 get it's it's maybe not forever, but it's okay to 0:22:39.400 --> 0:22:47.160 get on your fucking sigma male wolf meme, Uh, grind 0:22:47.240 --> 0:22:50.199 set for a bit and just be like, let me 0:22:50.240 --> 0:22:53.840 fucking hone in on this test and let me, you know, 0:22:54.359 --> 0:22:59.160 get my money up. Yeah, right, because because all these 0:22:59.160 --> 0:23:01.360 things feed into it each other, and money is important 0:23:01.680 --> 0:23:03.520 because when you have money, when you have some money, 0:23:03.880 --> 0:23:05.600 now you're like, Okay, I have some money, maybe I'll 0:23:05.720 --> 0:23:11.160 join a fucking you know thing of some kind now, 0:23:11.160 --> 0:23:13.760 and then maybe I'll start going out to these places 0:23:13.800 --> 0:23:16.320 and doing these things that you know cost money to do. 0:23:16.440 --> 0:23:20.239 But now now you have kind of a little bit 0:23:20.240 --> 0:23:22.919 of a foundation for you to like kind of start 0:23:23.160 --> 0:23:28.360 like ideal idea. In an ideal world, you're not knocking 0:23:28.440 --> 0:23:31.399 on people's doors constantly to get them to want to 0:23:31.440 --> 0:23:36.520 be around you. You're just strategically building a life where 0:23:36.560 --> 0:23:42.600 you are naturally around people. And that's that to me, 0:23:42.720 --> 0:23:44.199 that's the best way to do it. And it's and 0:23:44.240 --> 0:23:48.480 it's hard, but it's very but it's possible if you're 0:23:48.480 --> 0:23:51.320