Speaker 1: Hello, Yeah, Yeah, what's up?
Speaker 2: Man?
Speaker 3: Hey, how's it going dude? What's your name?
Speaker 1: I'm Jimmy, Jimmy.
Speaker 3: What's going on, Jimmy? How's life?
Speaker 1: Life is actually pretty cool and a little complicated lately.
Speaker 1: Hold on, I'm kicking my dog gack in the house.
Speaker 3: That's all right, man. Why is life? Well? I guess
Speaker 3: we could start with why it's Why is it cool?
Speaker 1: I didn't think I would be alive still, Like, I'm
Speaker 1: thirty two. I'm from Philly, and like, Philly is kind
Speaker 1: of crazy. I'm sure you know because you went to
Speaker 1: Temple mm hm. But I just moved out to like Colorado,
Speaker 1: and I'm starting to like appreciate like the finer things
Speaker 1: in life. I just like nature and mountains and so
Speaker 1: that's kind of cool and like being alive and like
Speaker 1: having benefits from my job.
Speaker 3: Why are you from North Philly?
Speaker 1: I'm from West Philly. I got I grow up right
Speaker 1: next to the Man Music Center.
Speaker 3: Okay, that's where the fresh Prince of bel Araa grew up.
Speaker 1: I went to that same high school.
Speaker 3: No, get the fuck out of here.
Speaker 1: I went to Overbrook High Is that where did.
Speaker 3: Did Will Smith grow up? In West Philadelphia?
Speaker 1: Like up the hill like a Overbrook area, Like yeah,
Speaker 1: it's fifty ninth Street up that way.
Speaker 3: Ah wow, Why.
Speaker 1: That's too local. I'm going to get so micro.
Speaker 3: God you get get b b as you are.
Speaker 1: Ship.
Speaker 3: What the fuck was I gonna say?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: Yeah, when did you move to Colorado? Like recently?
Speaker 1: Yeah, about two years ago, going on two years? Two years,
Speaker 1: I think in October?
Speaker 3: And so is life gooder in Colorado?
Speaker 1: Much much more gooder? The cheese steaks are not more gooder,
Speaker 1: but everything else just about more gooder?
Speaker 3: And uh, why is why is it? Why is life complicated?
Speaker 1: Because I'm banging my coworker.
Speaker 3: Now you're banging your coworker. Yeah, why is that complicated?
Speaker 1: Because I thought about doing it for a while, but
Speaker 1: I to be honest, I was mad depressed, and I
Speaker 1: started therapy and like taking meds at the beginning of
Speaker 1: this year, and that's like now reached. It's like it's
Speaker 1: like it's culminating in this like hyper confidence. The other
Speaker 1: day I was like I'm just go get her number,
Speaker 1: and like we fucked like two days later.
Speaker 3: I ask again, why is this complicated?
Speaker 1: Because I see her like every day and like she
Speaker 1: wants to like suck my dick at work.
Speaker 3: Okay, I mean.
Speaker 1: My problem is that.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 1: This feels weird to me, like I didn't necessarily expect
Speaker 1: that this was going to happen, like if I I
Speaker 1: didn't think it would go as well as it has,
Speaker 1: Like I expected it to be more weird. So I'm
Speaker 1: waiting for like the other like the other foot to drop.
Speaker 3: If you know what I mean, what do you can ask?
Speaker 3: What you what do you do?
Speaker 1: I cook?
Speaker 3: So like, yeah, I cook in a kitchen, yes, like
Speaker 3: at a restaurant.
Speaker 1: No, but I cook it's in an institution.
Speaker 3: You cook in an institution, Okay, all right, okay, but
Speaker 3: you work in a kitchen.
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Does she also work in the kitchen?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 1: I mean, have you ever done anything with a coworker? Lot?
Speaker 3: No, But I haven't really had co workers in a
Speaker 3: long time.
Speaker 1: That's fair, That's fair. Yeah, I kind of not really
Speaker 1: ever had co workers until I came out here because
Speaker 1: I just used to do a bunch of like random
Speaker 1: odd JANKI shit for money. So now it's like maybe
Speaker 1: I wasn't supposed to Like I'm still learning like corporate
Speaker 1: I guess, like boleance and how to behave myself.
Speaker 3: But well, well look look, look, look his I mean,
Speaker 3: this is a few things, right, It's like what this
Speaker 3: job that you're at, It's just like it's just like
Speaker 3: a thing that you do. You give a Do you
Speaker 3: care about this job? Like, like do you care about
Speaker 3: it beyond? Like this is just kind of what I
Speaker 3: do for Like do you see like a long term
Speaker 3: I care about this job. I care about being here.
Speaker 3: I care about this being a very comfortable environment for me.
Speaker 1: Now I'm planning my eggsit already.
Speaker 3: Oh, then have sex with your coworker who gives this shit?
Speaker 1: Okay, Well I guess it was that simple. That's kind
Speaker 1: of I was kind of thinking that myself though, like
Speaker 1: this is a good time, Like I planning on going
Speaker 1: to school in January to get a certification so I
Speaker 1: can like get the hell out of here in the
Speaker 1: next few months. Anyway.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so yeah, I don't know, I don't I mean,
Speaker 3: if I that's but that's kind of how I feel.
Speaker 3: It's like if I'm well, I won't say coworker, but
Speaker 3: like if I'm in any let's say I've had places
Speaker 3: in my life that I returned to frequently and I'd
Speaker 3: like to not have sex with anyone, uh, in those
Speaker 3: places that I am at frequently, if these are locations, institutions, whatever, whatever,
Speaker 3: that I see myself having like long term relationships with right.
Speaker 3: But if but if I'm like, but if you if
Speaker 3: I were at a job that was like, I'm planning
Speaker 3: my exit from this job actively, then I I don't
Speaker 3: think I would, you know, care, because it wouldn't be that,
Speaker 3: it wouldn't feel I mean, even if it does feel
Speaker 3: awkward or whatever.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's kind of fun too, like your life.
Speaker 3: Okay. Is she having a good time?
Speaker 1: I think so? Okay, everything I think everybody in Colorado
Speaker 1: seems to just be constantly having a good time. Like
Speaker 1: there's nothing serious about this. But that's like a whole
Speaker 1: other thing.
Speaker 3: Okay, is she as she is? She like hinting that
Speaker 3: she wants, like, uh, more than just to suck your
Speaker 3: dick at work.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's it's just more variations of like that.
Speaker 1: I think I fear I may have unlocked something that
Speaker 1: I might not be able to control.
Speaker 3: Now in what sense, Like.
Speaker 1: I didn't think that she was going to be like
Speaker 1: this freaky if that makes sense.
Speaker 3: Okay, I mean that's fine, But I guess like, is
Speaker 3: she like does she like like she is she like wanting?
Speaker 3: Is she like having sex with you? She wants you
Speaker 3: to be like like eventually become her boyfriend. I don't
Speaker 3: think so okay, I don't know this doesn't this sounds
Speaker 3: not that I think you would. You would probably know
Speaker 3: if that was the case. I think.
Speaker 1: I would think, so okay.
Speaker 3: So yeah, I don't know if this doesn't sound particularly complicated.
Speaker 1: But that's sick. I don't wanna.
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna take up too much Marie of time.
Speaker 1: So I can go back and listening you can get from.
Speaker 3: That's wait, where where? What are you? What are you
Speaker 3: going to do when you leave the kitchen.
Speaker 1: I'm pretty much gonna try and get my boss's job
Speaker 1: somewhere else. Yeah, he runs the department that is the kitchen,
Speaker 1: the dietary part of the of the institution. But he's
Speaker 1: kind of a dort. He's a lot of a dirt Like.
Speaker 1: I hate this guy. I'm always like busting his balls
Speaker 1: and I'm telling him how much of a fucking loser
Speaker 1: he is and whatever. But I can't complain anymore, really,
Speaker 1: because my plan now was to just go ahead and
Speaker 1: do it in my own kitchen, run my own kitchen
Speaker 1: the way I want to.
Speaker 3: Why do you think this guy is a dork?
Speaker 1: He he lacks leadership qualities, but he's the leader. He's
Speaker 1: a neo baby like his his wife's has a relative
Speaker 1: or something that got him in the job because they
Speaker 1: work there. Like, he doesn't even have the certification that
Speaker 1: I'm ready to go to school for to get, which
Speaker 1: is how you get that position. He's a NEPO baby.
Speaker 1: He's a packers fan, a bunch more stuff. But yeah,
Speaker 1: he just really yeah, he doesn't leave us. Well, he's
Speaker 1: lost the locker room. When are you're coming back to Denver?
Speaker 3: I don't know. Maybe I'm maybe I'll eventually come back
Speaker 3: to Denver.
Speaker 4: I was.
Speaker 3: I always have a great time in Denver. I've been
Speaker 3: to Denver like five or six times. I think I've
Speaker 3: gone like every single year since twenty nineteen. It's a
Speaker 3: great town, good place. I don't know. When are you
Speaker 3: coming to What do you I don't I'm sorry, I
Speaker 3: don't have a retort. What's your name again?
Speaker 1: Jimmy?
Speaker 3: Jimmy, Jimmy. Uh, you seem like an Jimmy. I have
Speaker 3: fun with your life, Jimmy. It's very short, sorry to
Speaker 3: say an existential thing. Good luck, Jimmy, are you hey?
Speaker 3: What's up?
Speaker 1: Oh my god?
Speaker 3: Lyle yes?
Speaker 4: Hi hi hi uh hi Sorry, I was not actually
Speaker 4: expecting that the work. I uh, my name is Beuford.
Speaker 3: Beuford. What a name. That's a sick name. I like
Speaker 3: that name.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Thanks.
Speaker 4: You don't really see that many people around with the
Speaker 4: name Buford these days, like an ancient times name themes.
Speaker 3: What a what a great name, Beuford? What's going on
Speaker 3: in your life? Buford?
Speaker 4: Uh? Stuff, man, stuff, I'm long I've heard I know
Speaker 4: you've heard this probably like a million times, but I've
Speaker 4: been listening to you for about like two years now.
Speaker 3: Cool awesome, Yeah, it's.
Speaker 4: You've been definitely, uh, a big part of my day
Speaker 4: for a while. I've been listening as much as a
Speaker 4: late Sorry, there's a bunch of seagulls squawking around me.
Speaker 1: Right you.
Speaker 3: Ford, You're you're you're more than al right, you're more
Speaker 3: than all right. Yeah, No, I appreciate you. I appreciate you. Well.
Speaker 3: Ship Here we.
Speaker 4: Are, Yeah, yeah, we're here.
Speaker 1: We're here.
Speaker 4: I guess what I really wanted to talk about. Sorry,
Speaker 4: I'm walking to my car right now. I got people
Speaker 4: in my room. I can't really get an eight piece
Speaker 4: out here right now just because.
Speaker 1: People.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I wanted to guess, what's been going on
Speaker 4: in my life? Is I guess a lot of abandonment.
Speaker 1: It seems like.
Speaker 4: A couple months back, I was in a relationship for
Speaker 4: about we'll say, like eight months, and I had a
Speaker 4: decent friend group around here. And uh, this is after
Speaker 4: I moved, I moved away from my home and yeah,
Speaker 4: it's just been a little rough. But I lost the
Speaker 4: girl and I've lost a lot of those friends. And
Speaker 4: she was the only one who was around, so we
Speaker 4: still kept hanging out. But it seems like, yeah, eventually
Speaker 4: she's got tired of me too, and I don't.
Speaker 2: Yeah, these last couple of weeks, Yeah, I have.
Speaker 4: Something really important coming up. But it's been really hard
Speaker 4: to focus on anything else other than you know, just
Speaker 4: my life, well my life outside of my work.
Speaker 3: What is what is this important thing coming up?
Speaker 4: So it's a test. I want to go into too
Speaker 4: much detail, but it's a big test that will impact
Speaker 4: what I do next. Basically if I make a lot
Speaker 4: of money next or not. Uh, if I fail this test,
Speaker 4: I got to basically start from scratch. If I passed
Speaker 4: this test, I got some word stuff that I need
Speaker 4: to do. But you know, I'll be able to move
Speaker 4: forward at least. But there's something that's been looming over
Speaker 4: me for I want to say a year and a
Speaker 4: half now. So yeah, I've been kind of stuck in
Speaker 4: this one place with this test looming over me, you know,
Speaker 4: towards the end of you know, the end of everything.
Speaker 4: When I feel like I'm ready to take the test
Speaker 4: and everything, everything just kind of starts, you know, crashing down.
Speaker 4: In my personal.
Speaker 3: Life, can ask how old you are?
Speaker 4: I just turned twenty five?
Speaker 3: Cool? Uh? And why did you Why did you lose
Speaker 3: all your friends?
Speaker 4: It's been going on for a while, but it's either
Speaker 4: they move away or you know, they uh, I want
Speaker 4: to say a lot of cases they get into relationships
Speaker 4: and uh yeah, it's like the typical bits like I'm sorry,
Speaker 4: you know, I want to hang out with you, but
Speaker 4: you know, Sydney wants to go get groceries or something
Speaker 4: like that, and that's obviously going to take the entire day.
Speaker 1: So I can't.
Speaker 2: I can't call you, or I can't I can't like,
Speaker 2: you know, sit on discord.
Speaker 1: For a little bit.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: Like I get it. And you know, when I was
Speaker 4: in the relationship, I was to an extra kind of
Speaker 4: like that, but you know, completely abandoning relationships with people
Speaker 4: that I've known for like five years, like just losing
Speaker 4: them just like, you know, am I the problem? Because
Speaker 4: it seems like it's always happening to me. And it's
Speaker 4: like whenever I ask or like you know, could bought
Speaker 4: them about it, I'm just like, you know, why aren't
Speaker 4: we talk as much? They're just like, yeah, you're a
Speaker 4: great guy. You know, I love hanging out with you.
Speaker 4: It's just, you know, Tom moves on.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, It's kind of a thing of life. And
Speaker 3: you know, here's the thing, man, and I, you know,
Speaker 3: I relate to a lot of the stuff that you're saying,
Speaker 3: and I have my own thoughts about it and and
Speaker 3: I and I really can only approach the situation from
Speaker 3: the way that I like to think about this ship,
Speaker 3: in the way that I've approached it in my own life.
Speaker 3: And you know, some people like to talk about I
Speaker 3: was told, you know, can I go on a rant
Speaker 3: you for two seconds?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, please please?
Speaker 3: I Okay. So I've been I've been going back to therapy,
Speaker 3: and my therapist said, so I people might think I'm insane,
Speaker 3: but whatever. My therapist said something to me where she
Speaker 3: was like, you got to learn how to be comfortable
Speaker 3: being alone, and that fucking and I know what she
Speaker 3: means when she says that. She means you have to
Speaker 3: be okay with being alone because when you're okay with
Speaker 3: being alone, you are then able to approach your life.
Speaker 3: She didn't say this, I inferred this, but when you're
Speaker 3: okay with being alone, you are able to approach your
Speaker 3: life with a greater sense of power than if you're like,
Speaker 3: not okay with being alone. But I hate the notion
Speaker 3: that you're supposed to be okay with being alone, or
Speaker 3: that you're supposed to be happy being alone. I fucking
Speaker 3: hate when people say that. Because human being, we are
Speaker 3: biologically wired to not be okay with being alone. It
Speaker 3: sucks to pretend that it doesn't, or to pretend that
Speaker 3: you're supposed to be alone and be happy with that
Speaker 3: and be okay with that is ridiculous. It's a ridiculous thing.
Speaker 3: People might disagree with me, but we're biologically wired to
Speaker 3: not be alone. That being said, I understand it's very
Speaker 3: helpful to become comfortable with being alone so that you
Speaker 3: can approach your life with power. And so I take
Speaker 3: those two things and I look at this and I
Speaker 3: look at it very logistically, because that's how I like
Speaker 3: to look at the problems of my life and how I,
Speaker 3: you know, do shit in my life. And I go, Okay,
Speaker 3: you know, you really inherently cannot rely on people because
Speaker 3: they exist outside of your control. That's like the stoic thing.
Speaker 3: And now stoicism can also be a certain form of avoidance.
Speaker 3: And if you lean too heavily into it, and you
Speaker 3: lean too heavily into that, you close yourself off to others.
Speaker 3: And you don't want to do that. You want to
Speaker 3: open yourself up to others and accept and understand that
Speaker 3: they might fuck your shit, you know, and accept that
Speaker 3: getting your shit fucked by others because you trusted them
Speaker 3: is just a part of life. And you feel sad
Speaker 3: and you feel bad about it, but it's just hits
Speaker 3: you and you let it hit you. All that being said,
Speaker 3: I like to look at these things very logistically. So
Speaker 3: I'm like, in my life, when I've felt alone and
Speaker 3: I've felt like I had like friends that were like
Speaker 3: flaky on me or you know, relationships that didn't work
Speaker 3: out or whatnot. I've kind of logistically gone, what can
Speaker 3: I do to put myself in situation like this is
Speaker 3: where you take your power back? Is you go, what
Speaker 3: can I do to put myself in situations where I
Speaker 3: am around people? And how do I empower myself to
Speaker 3: talk to those people and to make those people want
Speaker 3: to be around me and to be the kind of
Speaker 3: person that other people want to be around. And I
Speaker 3: approach this from like a logistical way, So yeah, I guess, yeah,
Speaker 3: I'll go ahead.
Speaker 4: God no, I was gonna say, because yeah, I feel
Speaker 4: the exact same way when it comes to when it
Speaker 4: comes to just telling somebody be comfortable being alone. But
Speaker 4: like the problem is I'm lonely, right, Like, you know,
Speaker 4: how do you get to that point?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 4: And I made attempts to Like where I'm at, its
Speaker 4: kind of like, you know, it has a couple of
Speaker 4: areas where I can just you know, kind of go
Speaker 4: at and you know, it gets me out of the
Speaker 4: room because one my roommate usually in the room, but
Speaker 4: twenty four to seven. But also, yeah, I just want
Speaker 4: to I don't like being in the room by myself. Anymore,
Speaker 4: because now it's just like I'm sitting here and I'm
Speaker 4: thinking about all this stuff that it happened, and like
Speaker 4: what did I do wrong? Like why did I do this?
Speaker 4: And you know, so I'm going out and trying to,
Speaker 4: you know, put myself into spaces, but now I'm finding
Speaker 4: out that's like when I get into these spaces, I'm
Speaker 4: still kind of alone because I'm like not really, I
Speaker 4: don't know. I don't know if I'm like scared now
Speaker 4: to talk to anybody just because I've had so many
Speaker 4: what lost relationships, or if like you know, nobody just
Speaker 4: actually wants to speak to me. You know, I don't
Speaker 4: know if I like look weird or you know something
Speaker 4: I think, don't think that's weird that I'm like five
Speaker 4: foot nothing.
Speaker 3: But well you can't, yeah, but you can't go Like
Speaker 3: there's a lot of a lot of the like uh,
Speaker 3: internal being comfortable, being alone and stuff, as it does
Speaker 3: piss me off, but then a lot of it has
Speaker 3: like such deep truth to it, you know, and the
Speaker 3: parts of it that have deep the parts of it
Speaker 3: that have deep truth to it are the parts that
Speaker 3: are how you perceive yourself. I don't think I don't
Speaker 3: think I don't think how you perceive people say how
Speaker 3: you how you perceive yourself as how other people perceive you.
Speaker 3: I don't think that's a one to one translation at all.
Speaker 3: I think that's kind of bullshit. But how you perceive
Speaker 3: yourself is like extremely important to how other people like
Speaker 3: perceive you. So if you walk around being like, oh,
Speaker 3: people don't want to be around me, people don't like me,
Speaker 3: blah blah blah, all this stuff, even if you are
Speaker 3: five foot nothing, even if you are you know, whatever,
Speaker 3: these things you think you are like, it will not
Speaker 3: help you to have to carry that around. So that's
Speaker 3: an important thing to attack, is like, yeah, that that
Speaker 3: kind of negative like self image. Yeah. So and so
Speaker 3: you have this big test coming up, and I think, well,
Speaker 3: a couple of things. I mean, I think that obviously
Speaker 3: it makes a lot of sense that you're very like
Speaker 3: distracted by all of this ship going on in your
Speaker 3: personal universe, right, but uh, it sounds like the test
Speaker 3: is very important to you, and like, you know, kinda
Speaker 3: get it's it's maybe not forever, but it's okay to
Speaker 3: get on your fucking sigma male wolf meme, Uh, grind
Speaker 3: set for a bit and just be like, let me
Speaker 3: fucking hone in on this test and let me, you know,
Speaker 3: get my money up. Yeah, right, because because all these
Speaker 3: things feed into it each other, and money is important
Speaker 3: because when you have money, when you have some money,
Speaker 3: now you're like, Okay, I have some money, maybe I'll
Speaker 3: join a fucking you know thing of some kind now,
Speaker 3: and then maybe I'll start going out to these places
Speaker 3: and doing these things that you know cost money to do.
Speaker 3: But now now you have kind of a little bit
Speaker 3: of a foundation for you to like kind of start
Speaker 3: like ideal idea. In an ideal world, you're not knocking
Speaker 3: on people's doors constantly to get them to want to
Speaker 3: be around you. You're just strategically building a life where
Speaker 3: you are naturally around people. And that's that to me,
Speaker 3: that's the best way to do it. And it's and
Speaker 3: it's hard, but it's very but it's possible if you're
Speaker 3: intentional about it. I believe, where do you live, not
Speaker 3: like your address, but like what part of the town, Well,
Speaker 3: part of America?
Speaker 4: Oh so right now, I'm in Ohio.
Speaker 3: Well part of do you live like a city or
Speaker 3: do you live.
Speaker 4: In like, yeah, Cincinnati, Ohio?
Speaker 3: Yes, Okay, this ship, this ship happening in Cincinnati, Ohio.
Speaker 4: Mm hmm, yeah, it's uh yeah, Cincinnati. Uh what was it?
Speaker 4: But right now I'm in uh sorry, right now, I'm
Speaker 4: in Cali.
Speaker 3: Okay, I live in Cincinnati.
Speaker 4: All this stuff is happening in Cincinnati, but I'm in
Speaker 4: Cali for a little bit.
Speaker 3: Okay, is that where you're like from?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 4: No, but I have family out here.
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, Yeah, when's when's your big when's your
Speaker 3: big test?
Speaker 4: My big test is Monday, oh ship. Yeah, so it's
Speaker 4: pretty soon. But the thing is, I feel fine for
Speaker 4: the test and I feel like confident about it that
Speaker 4: I had like a practice one a couple of months back,
Speaker 4: and yeah, I didn't do too well, but after, you know,
Speaker 4: after grinding a little bit, I feel like I'm more
Speaker 4: prepared for it. So we'll see how it goes this
Speaker 4: next time. But and you know, if things don't work out,
Speaker 4: it is.
Speaker 2: What it is.
Speaker 4: At this point, I'm just I think I'm more ready
Speaker 4: to just kind of be done with this part of
Speaker 4: my life because I feel like I've been preparing for
Speaker 4: this forever and it's been kind of keeping me from
Speaker 4: addressing things and you know, kind of like getting into
Speaker 4: anything new because I've been mainly focused on just trying
Speaker 4: to do this.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so yes, yeah, you.
Speaker 4: Pass or fail is going to be some sort of
Speaker 4: a relief to where it feels like I'm going to
Speaker 4: at least get back to a normal life and start
Speaker 4: doing something different.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I like that, and I felt that way about things
Speaker 3: in my life constantly all the time. So and yeah,
Speaker 3: it's on Monday, so I mean, yeah, you'll you'll probably
Speaker 3: feel some kind of like reset after the fact. Anyway, Right,
Speaker 3: there's this concept that I'm thinking about a lot of
Speaker 3: like you know, I mean, there's no word for it,
Speaker 3: but you know, I mean, people do this whole thing
Speaker 3: where they're like once X, once X happens, then why
Speaker 3: will happen? Or after why, I'll feel z or after
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, Like after this, I'll finally
Speaker 3: feel this and that and the other thing. And sometimes
Speaker 3: and that's I've lived a lot in my life like that.
Speaker 3: And sometimes you are correct. People say, like you you know,
Speaker 3: there might be some fucking Instagram meme or a thing
Speaker 3: that says you're always waiting to live your life, but
Speaker 3: sometimes it actually is true. Sometimes it is actually true that. Yeah,
Speaker 3: sometimes it is true that once you're over certain things,
Speaker 3: your life is different. What is what is pretty much
Speaker 3: never true is that you live a life without any problems,
Speaker 3: but you might objectively be living life with less intense
Speaker 3: like I do believe in uh, there being a there
Speaker 3: of some kind in some sense as to like how
Speaker 3: we're like narratively structuring our lives. But you're still gonna
Speaker 3: have problems.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: It's not like you're gonna burst into ethereal light after
Speaker 3: this test is over. You still have to be in
Speaker 3: your stupid human body and you still have to live
Speaker 3: with your stupid human brain and all those things. But
Speaker 3: I mean, I say, sprint to the finish on the test,
Speaker 3: and you know, I think I think it's cool. I
Speaker 3: think it's I think it's good. But yeah, again, I
Speaker 3: would just figure out how to kind of naturally build
Speaker 3: your life that you're around people, and I would try
Speaker 3: to be smart about it. And it's never been it's
Speaker 3: never been easier to do that than now. And I
Speaker 3: don't know what this test is for, what the job
Speaker 3: is for. I you know, you don't have to tell
Speaker 3: me if I guess it. But maybe it's like an
Speaker 3: l stats thing or a fucking med thing or whatever.
Speaker 4: Let's say it's a mad thing. But let's just say
Speaker 4: it's a mad thing.
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, Well that's as far.
Speaker 1: As I'll go.
Speaker 4: I just don't want to I don't want to expose
Speaker 4: myself out.
Speaker 3: That's okay, that's okay, all right. Yeah, I mean you'll
Speaker 3: take the test. It sounds like you're well prepared for it.
Speaker 3: I hope you do well. I hope you get this job.
Speaker 3: I hope you make this money that you need to
Speaker 3: do these things. But yeah, I just would spend as
Speaker 3: little time kind of dwelling on these things as possible
Speaker 3: and as most most time, like being very strategic about
Speaker 3: how you can build your life to be around other people.
Speaker 3: But by the way, it fucking sucks, you know, like
Speaker 3: like the grief is the grief of like a breakup
Speaker 3: or of like friends that you thought would be in
Speaker 3: your life. Yeah, not being there's good. I like to
Speaker 3: blend there's you know, I'm very interested in like blending
Speaker 3: the two ideas, the like competing ideas. There's because there's
Speaker 3: a very there's a like parts of my brain that
Speaker 3: are like you know, the emotional ethereal ones that are
Speaker 3: like you need to feel your feelings and you need
Speaker 3: to you know, uh, feel your grief, and you need
Speaker 3: to be comfortable with being alone, and you need to
Speaker 3: this and and I think there's there's a ton of
Speaker 3: validity to those things. But but also I want to
Speaker 3: match them up with like, okay, but you also need
Speaker 3: like logistically can empirically figure out and move you know,
Speaker 3: a pawns around a board to be like okay, But
Speaker 3: how do I then fix these problems? Because I I
Speaker 3: go to sometimes I go to therapy, and I like,
Speaker 3: you know, it's all about the feelings part of it.
Speaker 3: And I just hate that because I think you need
Speaker 3: a little you need half of that, and then you
Speaker 3: need a half of like okay, but what the fuck
Speaker 3: are we gonna you know, do Yeah, anyway, sorry, there's
Speaker 3: a whole rant.
Speaker 4: But oh no, no, you're good, You're good. Yeah. I
Speaker 4: actually was talking to somebody like a couple of weeks back,
Speaker 4: bringing up like the thing with grief. I never really
Speaker 4: saw grieving with like actual relationships. I always just related
Speaker 4: it to like, you know, death or you know, maybe
Speaker 4: like I don't know, losing a friend or something like that.
Speaker 4: But I never really thought of it as like a
Speaker 4: grieving over a relationship because I think I definitely that
Speaker 4: that also has impacted me a little bit too, because
Speaker 4: around the time of that practice test is when things ended.
Speaker 4: But you know, I kept prolonging the relationship. But now
Speaker 4: she's like completely gone. She's like in a totally different
Speaker 4: place now, And yeah, it's been suck on my mind
Speaker 4: because I feel like I did a lot and I
Speaker 4: don't really understand as to why like things ended, especially
Speaker 4: since she still wanted to be friends and just yeah,
Speaker 4: I don't I don't know why it had to end.
Speaker 3: There was a lady in the in the previous podcast
Speaker 3: where she was talking about how she got divorced, and
Speaker 3: she was like she opened it up with being like,
Speaker 3: you can do everything right and still uh get fucked.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, No, that's not that's not really comforting.
Speaker 4: No, No, I think what was that The lady who
Speaker 4: I think it was, she said her husband was like
Speaker 4: doing cocaine or something like that.
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, yeah, that was fair.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I remember that.
Speaker 3: But yeah, can do everything right but still get fucked.
Speaker 3: But also again it's like you, I just you see
Speaker 3: you sound and I don't know if I don't want
Speaker 3: to put words in your mouth, but you sound like
Speaker 3: you have like a bad self image.
Speaker 4: You you'd be right, you'd be right. And why I
Speaker 4: don't know I've based it off because.
Speaker 3: I know I did.
Speaker 4: There was a time I didn't feel like this. I
Speaker 4: didn't feel like this, and I want to say it
Speaker 4: was like early into high school. You know, I didn't
Speaker 4: give it, Damn. I was just you know, I go home,
Speaker 4: I played pucking Super Mario my family, and I would
Speaker 4: give a crap. Uss. I think it was around the
Speaker 4: time when I started, like, you know, being forced to
Speaker 4: get into like more social situations where it's like, you know,
Speaker 4: my dad's over here forcing me to get a job,
Speaker 4: and you know, I started making friends and it's like,
Speaker 4: oh wow, I like this feeling of like actually hanging
Speaker 4: out with people outside. You know, well, I'm gonna go
Speaker 4: hang out with these dudes every day. And I think
Speaker 4: it was like once I saw that they started getting
Speaker 4: into relationships and that you know, they were moving on
Speaker 4: with their lives and that I was, you know, kind
Speaker 4: of still just working. Yeah, why do you think that?
Speaker 3: Sorry, God, go ahead, why do you so? I mean,
Speaker 3: I guess like, in this moment, why do you feel
Speaker 3: like you have bad like self image. I think.
Speaker 4: I think it's a comparison thing. It's it's definitely a
Speaker 4: comparison thing, because yeah, I compare myself a lot to
Speaker 4: other people, like you know, in my class, Like you know,
Speaker 4: walking around on campus, you see all these people you know,
Speaker 4: with like a much of like four or five groups
Speaker 4: of friends or you know, with girlfriends, and like, I'm
Speaker 4: over here walking by myself over here now kind of
Speaker 4: wishing I could talk to somebody. Yeah, you know, even
Speaker 4: when I've given the opportunity, sometimes I just I get afraid,
Speaker 4: you know, cause I just don't really want to have
Speaker 4: to be in that situation where it's like I made
Speaker 4: a friend and now they're gone after like you know,
Speaker 4: two or three months. It's like I really got close
Speaker 4: to this person and now they just leave my life
Speaker 4: and I did all this stuff.
Speaker 2: What for.
Speaker 3: The I mean, first of all, by the way, I know,
Speaker 3: you're comparing yourself to other people, but you're very much
Speaker 3: not alone. This is like, honestly, probably, this is honestly
Speaker 3: probably You're you're twenty five, so are we we're gen Z.
Speaker 4: Right, I think, yeah, yeah, gen Z.
Speaker 3: I think I think this is a strong problem of
Speaker 3: our generation in general, so you're not like you're not alone,
Speaker 3: Like you're like this idea that everybody else is out
Speaker 3: at being amazing and you're the only one dealing with
Speaker 3: this is not true?
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: I remember being in college. I remember being in college
Speaker 3: and anytime I was like in my dorm room, like
Speaker 3: on a Friday night, I would always think I would
Speaker 3: always feel like a loser, you know, if I was like, uh,
Speaker 3: you know, like not doing something. And then like I remember,
Speaker 3: you know, you see, I would walk around the dorm
Speaker 3: and like you'd see a few other people who are
Speaker 3: also in the dorm or like doing homework or some shit,
Speaker 3: and you you you realize that like, uh, not everyone.
Speaker 3: You realize that where you're uh looking is not a
Speaker 3: sample size that's reflective of the entire population of the earth, right.
Speaker 1: Right, I get.
Speaker 4: I know I'm not the only person who like feels
Speaker 4: that way. It's just always in the environment. And I
Speaker 4: know it's like even then, like, I know, there's probably
Speaker 4: another person who's walking around that maybe feels that way.
Speaker 4: I guess maybe I'm just not focused on them.
Speaker 3: It could be, yeah, but but but I don't even
Speaker 3: I don't even I don't even think you should be
Speaker 3: focused on anyone but your yourself in this sense, and
Speaker 3: like what you want and what you and what you
Speaker 3: what you want is to is you want community, you
Speaker 3: want friends, and you want a girlfriend. And the way
Speaker 3: I think to get those things.
Speaker 1: Is to.
Speaker 3: It's probably some it's probably some combination of a developing
Speaker 3: a better like image of yourself and then but that's
Speaker 3: that's its own can of worms to be opened. But
Speaker 3: that's like one of the pillars. And then B is
Speaker 3: like logistically going like, okay, where is a place that
Speaker 3: I can go to regularly once, two, three times a
Speaker 3: week where it's not like because you know, when like
Speaker 3: you fucking like meet someone and like you like, certain
Speaker 3: friendships require active effort for you to see each other
Speaker 3: right and develop a thing. And that's uh. I always
Speaker 3: feel like that fails five times out of ten or
Speaker 3: six or seven because it just requires too much active effort.
Speaker 3: Whereas if you're in a thing or you've created a
Speaker 3: thing where you're just all you have to do is
Speaker 3: show up and people are there and you just keep
Speaker 3: showing up and everyone just kind of naturally gathers. Like
Speaker 3: that's what real community is. It's rarer and rarer to
Speaker 3: find it, but it exists out there for those willing
Speaker 3: to go find it and willing to like uh find out,
Speaker 3: or or for those willing to create it. So it exists.
Speaker 3: So I mean, that's my advice is I think that
Speaker 3: if you're gonna approach your friendships from a point of like,
Speaker 3: you know, oh, maybe I meet someone and like we
Speaker 3: regularly schedule a hangout once a week or so, they
Speaker 3: it just it's just like hard, whereas like the easiest
Speaker 3: thing to do, the easy way, easier way to approach
Speaker 3: it is like, Okay, what are spaces I can regularly
Speaker 3: show up to? Because when I'm regularly showing up to
Speaker 3: those places, these things occur naturally as opposed to requiring
Speaker 3: like this this effort. I mean, I look, man, I
Speaker 3: I you know, for a while, I mean I do,
Speaker 3: I don't. I don't. I don't have coworkers, you know,
Speaker 3: Yeah that I like see every day, you know, I work,
Speaker 3: you know, I do this podcast, I work from home.
Speaker 3: I do my own little weird side, you know, I
Speaker 3: do my little projects, and like, you know, I'm kind
Speaker 3: of you know, uh, and and that was that was
Speaker 3: really hard for me for a while. And then I
Speaker 3: I joined, like, I joined a coworking space that I
Speaker 3: go to and now I like I show up at
Speaker 3: this place like almost every day to like sit and
Speaker 3: do my you know, my make my videos and do
Speaker 3: these things. And and as a result of doing that,
Speaker 3: I've like met a lot of people and made a
Speaker 3: lot of friends very naturally, you know, and it's been great.
Speaker 3: It's been like a huge life change and to find
Speaker 3: an environment like that, And so I think everyone needs
Speaker 3: some kind of environment like that where they that allows
Speaker 3: for the serendipity and the natural connection of you know,
Speaker 3: meeting with people and you and it's it's available and
Speaker 3: it's a a a it's if you live in a
Speaker 3: major city of some kind, it's available to you and
Speaker 3: be if it's not, you can make it. So I
Speaker 3: don't know what you I don't know what you like.
Speaker 3: I don't know what you're what you like outside of
Speaker 3: taking tests, I do well.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 4: I love Nintendo games. I know you've talked about Super
Speaker 4: Smash Bros.
Speaker 1: A lot. I used to go to.
Speaker 4: Smash It's pretty often. Oh yeah, music, Yeah, I've gotten
Speaker 4: into writing, and you know, I want to get into
Speaker 4: like kind of making my own music. Eventually at some
Speaker 4: point like learning how to like play the piano or
Speaker 4: something like that. Or yeah, maybe go to a bar,
Speaker 4: pull out of harmonica and start spit it or something
Speaker 4: like that.
Speaker 3: Okay, here's my Okay, I'm going to end our conversation
Speaker 3: by like I don't usually do this, but here's my
Speaker 3: like concrete actual advice capital A. This is capital A advice. Okay,
Speaker 3: if I were you this, how would structure my life?
Speaker 3: As I would? First of all, I would I would
Speaker 3: after you get on the off the phone with me,
Speaker 3: I would spend the next forty eight hours studying as
Speaker 3: hard as you can for this test and truly surrendering
Speaker 3: to not think about anything else. And then you take
Speaker 3: this test. And then when you I don't know if
Speaker 3: you're gonna stay in California, if you're gonna go back
Speaker 3: to Cincinnati. But if you go back to Cincinnati, you
Speaker 3: fucking go on meetup dot com or you go on
Speaker 3: Facebook or your search and you find a writer's group
Speaker 3: or a fucking smash tournament or a jam session. And
Speaker 3: if you and you go and you just show up
Speaker 3: to that once a week and and I think I
Speaker 3: already really did this on the podcast before but whatever,
Speaker 3: you you show up and the first uh time, second time,
Speaker 3: third time, maybe fourth, fifth, sixth time you show up,
Speaker 3: you're gonna feel super weird and alienated from everyone, Like
Speaker 3: you're gonna you're gonna go in, but you're gonna go
Speaker 3: in understanding and accept that that's how you're going to
Speaker 3: feel the first four or five six times you show up.
Speaker 3: But you still go because eventually you'll, like it's supposed
Speaker 3: to feel that way when you first show up, but
Speaker 3: then eventually you acclimate yourself and if none of those
Speaker 3: things exist, you start your own. So that's what I
Speaker 3: would suggest that you do, because I think you'll unlock
Speaker 3: a new little kind of pathway that you didn't really
Speaker 3: because you want to find this community and then you
Speaker 3: you don't want to just be like a background character
Speaker 3: in it. You want to find a way to add
Speaker 3: value to it. So if it's like a writing group,
Speaker 3: you know, fucking you know, give, give, raise your hand
Speaker 3: when they're asking for the crits, or or give or
Speaker 3: or give or share the work or just do something
Speaker 3: to kind of you know, force yourself to be seen.
Speaker 3: So that's that's that's my advice.
Speaker 4: That's that's really good advice that's actually really in the place.
Speaker 3: I hope you take it. Let me know if you do.
Speaker 3: It would make me very happy to hear that you
Speaker 3: took it and it worked out well for you. So
Speaker 3: good luck. What's your name again, Beauford? How did I
Speaker 3: forget that? Buford is a good name?
Speaker 4: Thank you, le This means a lot. I actually did
Speaker 4: not think I was gonna get on the phone with
Speaker 4: you like ever in my life.
Speaker 1: So thank you.
Speaker 3: Thank you of course, man. I appreciate you sharing your
Speaker 3: your your time and your vulnerability with us. Is there
Speaker 3: anything else you want to say to the people of
Speaker 3: the computer before we go.
Speaker 4: Just everyone have an amazing day, and I don't know,
Speaker 4: eat a bag of chips.
Speaker 3: Eat your favorite chip or something beautiful. Hey, take care
Speaker 3: of you for good luck.
Speaker 4: Thank you, le bye.
Speaker 3: Those Buford Beufford is a good guy. Uh, this is
Speaker 3: this is totally a I know, I know that that's
Speaker 3: a topic that is like we've covered a lot on
Speaker 3: this show. Yeah, I think everyone feels that way. I've
Speaker 3: felt that way significantly throughout my life, you know, not
Speaker 3: just and throughout different epochs of my life, you know,
Speaker 3: throughout sometimes in college, sometimes as like an adult, sometimes uh,
Speaker 3: you know, and so I don't know. I think I've
Speaker 3: like kind of uh figured out ways to ways to
Speaker 3: do that, and I think people have like a kind
Speaker 3: of wrong approach to it that's very based on like
Speaker 3: I'm going to meet a person and we're going to
Speaker 3: meet for lunch once a week or something. It's just
Speaker 3: too it's not natural, I guess in that way. Okay, Hello, Hi, Kjoe. Hi,
Speaker 3: what's your name. I'm Jess, Jess. What's up, Jess? Have
Speaker 3: we uh, have we ever spoken before?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 5: We never have. I called in a bunch of times,
Speaker 5: but this is the first time.
Speaker 3: Oh, wonderful, wonderful. Well, what's up, Jess. What's going on
Speaker 3: with you?
Speaker 5: I'm just thrilled to be on the phone with you.
Speaker 4: I'm just.
Speaker 5: I'm here on this. I'm in southern California and I've
Speaker 5: been dying to talk to you forever, hanging out with
Speaker 5: my boyfriend. He's heard me call into your show a
Speaker 5: bunch of times.
Speaker 3: M hm, Well, Louie, let me ask you this. I
Speaker 3: guess to start off our conversation, was there anything in
Speaker 3: particular that you wanted to call in to talk about.
Speaker 3: It's okay if not, no, I don't.
Speaker 5: I don't think, so get into whatever what you got
Speaker 5: going on today?
Speaker 3: Uh? What do I got going on today? I don't know.
Speaker 3: I could blab about myself, but I'm I don't. I
Speaker 3: don't have a lot about myself to blab, to be honest,
Speaker 3: right now, I mean, I mean, look, you know you
Speaker 3: uh you said you've called into the show multiple times
Speaker 3: and you listen to the show and you've heard people,
Speaker 3: uh you know, start to just talk about their lives
Speaker 3: and what's going on. And have you ever at any
Speaker 3: point during that thought about what you might want to
Speaker 3: talk about were you to be on the show.
Speaker 5: Oh, I sure have. I think I thought about because
Speaker 5: I know it's we're on this whole existential kick.
Speaker 3: We don't have to be. We don't have to be.
Speaker 3: I'm letting you know, we don't have to be. We
Speaker 3: don't have to be. We can be, we can be,
Speaker 3: we also can be, just letting you know. Anyway, go ahead.
Speaker 5: Sorry, I don't I don't think I really want to be.
Speaker 5: But what I've thought about through all of these all
Speaker 5: of these like deep things, is just also to talk
Speaker 5: about like the beauty of life, because you know, we
Speaker 5: can talk about all these like deep things about like
Speaker 5: what does it mean? And I thought about maybe what
Speaker 5: it all means is just to be able to see
Speaker 5: like the sun rise and like to feel the beauty
Speaker 5: of it, and like maybe none of it means anything.
Speaker 3: You know, I'm actually to be honest, I'm actually over
Speaker 3: my existential kick, which is it feels great. I love it.
Speaker 3: I I normal life is nice. I hate I don't.
Speaker 3: I hate thinking about uh so well, I get existential
Speaker 3: thinking about how many people there are in the world.
Speaker 3: That makes me existential. But I'm over it. It led
Speaker 3: to nothing. That's the craziest part is that, I mean
Speaker 3: I got definitely like I get to make some stuff
Speaker 3: out of it, and I got some good conversations out
Speaker 3: of it, and I think.
Speaker 4: That maybe that's the point.
Speaker 3: I don't know if it's I don't know if there
Speaker 3: was ever a point, but it was. That's a nice
Speaker 3: it was. That was a nice aftershock to it is that,
Speaker 3: uh you know, it was nice nice. You know, I
Speaker 3: felt something deeply and that's nice to do. But uh,
Speaker 3: I don't care, you know, I don't care anymore.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 3: I'm just like, I walk into a store and I
Speaker 3: buy a bottle of soda and I walk out, and
Speaker 3: I think about like my actual life. You know, I'm
Speaker 3: not I'm I'm not thinking about existential stuff anymore. I'm
Speaker 3: just kind of, like, you know, trying to live. I mean,
Speaker 3: I kind of think about exsistential I mean, do you
Speaker 3: do you think about existential stuff? You know what?
Speaker 5: I've thought about existential stuff forever, like since I was
Speaker 5: like fifteen, and then I ended up at the point
Speaker 5: that maybe maybe I'll never figure it out, but then you.
Speaker 3: Will. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm interrupting you. I'm terrible
Speaker 3: at doing this now. But you you, you never will
Speaker 3: figure it out. That's the whole point, is there.
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: You know that's fucking what's his face? All the philosophers
Speaker 3: and science people they never figured it out. So exactly,
Speaker 3: I'm sorry I interrupted you. I shouldn't interrupted you. What
Speaker 3: were we saying?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 5: But I think we can like think all day about,
Speaker 5: you know, whatever life means, but.
Speaker 2: End of day we.
Speaker 5: Still end up like with these beautiful little interactions that
Speaker 5: we have at the store or over the phone, are
Speaker 5: you know, with our parents, our boyfriend's grandma or fucking
Speaker 5: who knows, But it's all just as beautiful. We just
Speaker 5: gotta find the point in that, and I think that's
Speaker 5: what i've sometimes.
Speaker 3: Yeah, sometimes, Yeah, No, No, I don't think everything is
Speaker 3: uh beautiful and amazing all the time. Sorry you call
Speaker 3: with Jess your name, your name is Jess. I'm just sorry.
Speaker 3: I I always show up to this thing as I am,
Speaker 3: which if that is upsetting to people, I I that's fine,
Speaker 3: But yeah, I don't. I don't think everything is beautiful
Speaker 3: all the time, but they I don't think it should be,
Speaker 3: you know, like, uh, sometimes it's okay for like things
Speaker 3: to just be normal, Like going to the d m
Speaker 3: V isn't beautiful, And it's sometimes beautiful and amazing. But
Speaker 3: I think if you're if you're feeling I think if
Speaker 3: you're feeling that really powerfully, if you're like, oh, look
Speaker 3: at these people and wow, this is psychedelic, I don't. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I can do that sometimes, but you don't want to
Speaker 3: do that all the time because that's too it's just
Speaker 3: too much, you know, at least for me, it feels too.
Speaker 3: It feels too much.
Speaker 5: Isn't there isn't there power in the mundane? Like isn't
Speaker 5: there something nice? Like even if it's not like, oh man,
Speaker 5: this is like so beautiful. But I mean at least, like,
Speaker 5: can you find beauty in the little things in life?
Speaker 3: Yeah? You can. I mean sure, yeah, you can find
Speaker 3: beauty and everything. But I sometimes, uh, sometimes it's okay
Speaker 3: to just go you know, sometimes it's okay to just
Speaker 3: go to the bank. If you got to go to
Speaker 3: the bank, you know, I.
Speaker 5: Mean hell yeah. But this that's finding like the beauty
Speaker 5: and the little things is what has cured my existentialism.
Speaker 3: I think, good, good, I'm good. I'm glad that that
Speaker 3: that that's been good. Good for you?
Speaker 5: Hell yeah, Well what have solved the such existentialism for you?
Speaker 3: The the march of time forward? And I mean also
Speaker 3: I have like just uh, I mean I don't know, Vexus,
Speaker 3: I don't know if it's been solved, but you know, yeah,
Speaker 3: just a march forward of time and uh you know,
Speaker 3: yeah time.
Speaker 5: Just knowing that it's all gonna happen no matter what.
Speaker 5: That's what's pushing forward.
Speaker 3: I don't I don't know if there isn't it, well
Speaker 3: like it's all going to happen. But what But what's
Speaker 3: what's your life like, Jess, what do you got going
Speaker 3: on in your in your regular life?
Speaker 5: Oh, my regular life. Well, I'm unemployed, which maybe that
Speaker 5: helps all of this. But I live with my amazing
Speaker 5: partner of almost eight years. I'm twenty six now, so
Speaker 5: we've been together since I'm eighteen, and we live like
Speaker 5: coastal southern California, and yeah, he works. I stay at home.
Speaker 5: I just do some like dinners. Maybe I'm like the
Speaker 5: bottomized but.
Speaker 1: Have a good time.
Speaker 3: Why do you, well, why do you say you're lo
Speaker 3: bottomized girl?
Speaker 5: Because I'm just like a you know, stay at home girlfriend.
Speaker 5: I'm almost eight years.
Speaker 3: Okay, I mean do you do you? I mean, do
Speaker 3: you like life?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 5: I love life?
Speaker 3: That's great. Why do you say you're Why do you
Speaker 3: think you're lo bottomized?
Speaker 1: Then?
Speaker 5: Oh, I don't know a girl, because I'm a girlfriend
Speaker 5: of eight years, so maybe I should be married?
Speaker 3: Question mark, do you want to be married.
Speaker 5: So bad?
Speaker 1: So bad? Loyle?
Speaker 3: Then then what's stopping you from getting married?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 5: Well, my boyfriend's listening to the stream, so that's that's
Speaker 5: the reason.
Speaker 3: Okay, I mean, what's the What is the difference between
Speaker 3: what you got going on right now and being married?
Speaker 3: I don't know, because you lived together and you, I
Speaker 3: mean you already have a life together.
Speaker 5: And by the state of California. We're what is this like, not.
Speaker 3: Legally married, but domestic partnership.
Speaker 5: Domestic partnership, that's what it is.
Speaker 2: We go mm hmm, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 5: It's just something there. I don't know. I could never
Speaker 5: figure it out what exactly that is.
Speaker 1: M hmm.
Speaker 2: What do you think?
Speaker 3: What do I think about whether or not you should
Speaker 3: get married?
Speaker 1: Well?
Speaker 5: That and then what do you think it is that
Speaker 5: little like itch in my brain that tells me, well,
Speaker 5: I know you're a therapist.
Speaker 3: Well, well this isn't What do I think is the
Speaker 3: little itch in your brain that tells you, that tells
Speaker 3: you what?
Speaker 5: Do they want to be married so badly?
Speaker 3: Why do I think you want to I don't. I
Speaker 3: don't know if I can answer why I think you
Speaker 3: want to get married? Why do you think you want
Speaker 3: to get married? Why do you why do you think
Speaker 3: you want to get married?
Speaker 5: I don't know, because I want a big wedding.
Speaker 3: Okay, Well, who's what Your boyfriend's in the other room
Speaker 3: watching the stream? Yeah, well why should tell him you
Speaker 3: want to get married?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 5: I told you?
Speaker 3: What do you say?
Speaker 2: Hmm?
Speaker 5: Well, we're just saving up money. It's exceptive here in California.
Speaker 3: Uh what to have a big ass wedding, Not a big.
Speaker 5: Ass you know, do something, but to have a wedding. Yeah,
Speaker 5: M it's expensive, You're just in California. Just in general, it's.
Speaker 3: A legitimate reason. I mean yeah, I uh, it sounds
Speaker 3: like you want. I mean you can want, you have,
Speaker 3: you can have a little party.
Speaker 2: I can tell yeah, but.
Speaker 5: You know what, It'll happen in time. I'm at peace
Speaker 5: with that. Uh.
Speaker 3: Well, Jess, Jess, let me ask you this, is there
Speaker 3: any uh is there anything else that you really want?
Speaker 3: I want to give you whatever you really wanted out
Speaker 3: of this conversation before we go. I want to make
Speaker 3: sure I gave you whatever you really wanted out of
Speaker 3: this conversation.
Speaker 5: M what thin I want out of this? Let's see, No,
Speaker 5: Because I think I have called into the show a
Speaker 5: bunch of times, like looking at a sunset kind of
Speaker 5: thinking about like or as sunrise, I mean, thinking about
Speaker 5: like how beautiful things are, and like I've come to
Speaker 5: the point where I've accepted but maybe nothing means nothing,
Speaker 5: all of this not maybe all of this means nothing,
Speaker 5: And like I've accepted that, and I've here, I've heard
Speaker 5: a lot of people kind of like lament about like Okay.
Speaker 2: What does this mean?
Speaker 5: And where are we going? And like maybe what is this?
Speaker 5: Like maybe like pot, maybe what I'm thinking is like
Speaker 5: nihilism and that maybe all of this maybe it means
Speaker 5: nothing but to enjoy like a sunset or the birds chirping,
Speaker 5: or like watching your dog play around. So I guess
Speaker 5: I wanted your take on that, but I think you've
Speaker 5: he's kind of giving me that, So.
Speaker 3: Well, well, well, why do you want my take on that?
Speaker 3: That's your own epiphany? That's a very pretty that what
Speaker 3: you're talking you want you want you're asking my take
Speaker 3: on your personal.
Speaker 5: Yeah, because yeah, because I've heard like a lot of
Speaker 5: people's takes on this.
Speaker 3: My well, truthfully, just my take on what you just
Speaker 3: said is that you uh arrived at your own personal
Speaker 3: uh journey.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: My take is is of nothing to you your Do
Speaker 3: you think your your go ahead?
Speaker 1: Sorry?
Speaker 5: Do you think that everyone's this this feeling that like
Speaker 5: you and many of these other colors? Do you think
Speaker 5: where a lot of these people are at? Is it
Speaker 5: all like a personal journey and everyone has to reach
Speaker 5: their own epiphany?
Speaker 3: I don't know if everyone, Yeah, I think so, I think, yeah,
Speaker 3: everyone kind of reaches their own epiphany and you know,
Speaker 3: your God and your whatever, uh, the the champion of
Speaker 3: your own universe. So yeah, I mean, who gives a
Speaker 3: fuck what I think about you know, your personal ephany,
Speaker 3: it's your personal epiphany, you know what I mean. Like,
Speaker 3: if that's how you feel about the world and that
Speaker 3: makes you feel good and that feels aligned with you,
Speaker 3: then that's that's. Uh, that's that's that's that's you. And
Speaker 3: I know you're about to say something nice to me,
Speaker 3: but I I okay, sorry, okay, then please then please
Speaker 3: please tell me, Please tell me the thing, like, wow.
Speaker 5: I've been on your journey of this existentialism and so
Speaker 5: like I don't I don't know how much a funk
Speaker 5: I give about anyone else, but I don't know. I
Speaker 5: thought it'd be nice to hear your how you've reached
Speaker 5: like the end, not end, but like kind of a
Speaker 5: conclusion to this existentialism.
Speaker 3: I have I have I haven't. I haven't reached a
Speaker 3: conclusion to this existentialism. I'll reach a conclusion when I die.
Speaker 3: But I mean I'm like, I'm not, I'm not you know, yeah,
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm not yeah, I'm not like, uh, I mean,
Speaker 3: I'm in a little bit of dread. I I don't know,
Speaker 3: and that's good.
Speaker 5: There's beauty in it. That means you're alive.
Speaker 3: I guess, man, I don't I don't know. I don't know, Jess,
Speaker 3: I guess. I guess, I guess.
Speaker 5: But it fucking sucks, but you're in it, so like
Speaker 5: there's something good. At least you get to be live
Speaker 5: and doing it and then you find beauty and the
Speaker 5: people you talk to, like out in the street or
Speaker 5: whatever it is.
Speaker 3: Some Well when I said sometimes, I mean some when
Speaker 3: I said sometimes, I mean sometimes sometimes I just pick
Speaker 3: my nose and eat it and it's not beautiful and
Speaker 3: it's just you know, it's no, it's not even a hell. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's just I just it's just what it what it was.
Speaker 3: But you like it. I don't even know if I
Speaker 3: like it. I attribute nothing to it. You know, it's
Speaker 3: just the day and so like to you know, like, yeah,
Speaker 3: today is just what like you know, that's what I
Speaker 3: mean sometimes you know that's why.
Speaker 5: Why why isn't it always a hell?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Because I mean I picked my nose and eat it too,
Speaker 5: And then and.
Speaker 3: If it's and if it's a hell yeah for you,
Speaker 3: then it's all hell yeah for you. Well listen, jet
Speaker 3: go ahead, go.
Speaker 5: Ahead, No, no, I was just gonna say, hell, you
Speaker 5: had a notice picking and eating it. I guess whatever
Speaker 5: your fucking thing?
Speaker 4: Who cares?
Speaker 3: Well listen, Jess, Is there anything else you want to
Speaker 3: say to the people of the computer before we go there?
Speaker 5: Sure is it? But thanks for talking.
Speaker 3: You have a going jest.
Speaker 5: Bye bye, you take care?
Speaker 1: Bye.
Speaker 4: Hello?
Speaker 3: Hello, what's that man?
Speaker 1: You doing?
Speaker 3: I'm doing good man? How are you doing?
Speaker 4: I'm all right?
Speaker 3: How's life?
Speaker 2: Uh, it's been tough the past couple of years.
Speaker 3: You said it's been good. No, it's been tough, tough
Speaker 3: t u f F Yes, sir, Wait no, t t
Speaker 3: no t u f F is the good, tough, the bad,
Speaker 3: toughest o U g H Yes, sir, it's been tough.
Speaker 3: Why has it been tough?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: Uh so A year and a half ago, I broke
Speaker 2: my neck and uh I was quite aprillegiate now and
Speaker 2: uh just the the recovery has been been a struggle.
Speaker 2: And uh, ironically, much like your previous caller, I don't
Speaker 2: know for some reason, all my friends left me. I
Speaker 2: had I had one friend who would visit me in
Speaker 2: the hospital out of all my friends. Uh, you know,
Speaker 2: my parents passed away a few years ago, so I
Speaker 2: don't have family or you know, immediate family. I do
Speaker 2: have cousins, aunts and uncles, but none of them can
Speaker 2: die to visit me in the hospital. So yeah, you know,
Speaker 2: I've just been hearing and just over and all by myself. Uh, Lyle,
Speaker 2: I do appreciate your streams. They do get me through
Speaker 2: the day whenever you do streams, So thank you for
Speaker 2: what you do.
Speaker 1: You.
Speaker 3: I appreciate that.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So, but uh, yeah, just want want to let all
Speaker 2: the other listeners know.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I guess just try to plan as many good seeds
Speaker 2: as you can. Try to have a lot of good friends,
Speaker 2: you know. But I guess don't expect he just depend
Speaker 2: on yourself. Yeah, hm hmm.
Speaker 3: Well kind of like I was saying to uh our
Speaker 3: boy Beuford earlier. Uh, it's hard. This is a hard
Speaker 3: like the stoicism and that you can only depend on
Speaker 3: yourself thing is Uh, it's actually it's actually been a
Speaker 3: core value of mine, I think for a while in
Speaker 3: my life and recently as I've gotten older, I've I've
Speaker 3: come to reevaluate it, because I don't. I don't know.
Speaker 3: It's it's a it's a it's a belief that I
Speaker 3: I poking prad at a little bit because it's somewhat
Speaker 3: avoidant in a bad way, but it's also it's weird.
Speaker 3: It's one of those things that you believe and you
Speaker 3: hold close because you don't want to get hurt, and
Speaker 3: it protects you from getting hurt, but it also uh
Speaker 3: closes you off. I mean, that's what every song is about,
Speaker 3: is it not? Every song is about like I won't
Speaker 3: I won't let you in because you'll hurt me. What's song?
Speaker 3: What's that's what That's what I got a feeling by
Speaker 3: the Black Eyed Peas is about. I think that's deff.
Speaker 3: That's what the Pledge of Allegiance is about. That's what
Speaker 3: that's what the Simpsons theme is about. But anyway, it's
Speaker 3: kind of again, it's one of those beliefs that I
Speaker 3: kind of poking product and uh, I think it has
Speaker 3: its time and place that's valuable, and then when it's not.
Speaker 3: But hmm, what is your name? I'm sorry I forgot
Speaker 3: your name.
Speaker 2: Stanley.
Speaker 3: Stanley, how long have you been in the hospital?
Speaker 2: For so, I was in the hospital for two months
Speaker 2: and then I've been not been discharged for what would
Speaker 2: discharge stance h mid to lie. I've been discharged since
Speaker 2: last July. I've been able to walk walk pretty okay
Speaker 2: now when you know, a little wobbly, but.
Speaker 4: You know, it's just.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm just pushing through, you know. Yeah, I'm just
Speaker 2: so thankful that I'm able to recover from this as
Speaker 2: much as possible. You know, I've met a wonderful bunch
Speaker 2: of wonderful uh friends while I was at the hospital,
Speaker 2: and so many of them have it so much worse
Speaker 2: than I do. So whenever I'm having a bad day,
Speaker 2: you know, I just I just remember my friends from
Speaker 2: the hospital and just you know, just just try to
Speaker 2: have a good day. But yeah, you know, every every
Speaker 2: day has the challenges.
Speaker 3: Yeah, how we so, how is like physical therapy?
Speaker 1: Going?
Speaker 2: Physical physical therapy was great? You know, if any of
Speaker 2: the listeners are peet or ots man, y'all are true
Speaker 2: true angels. Because physical therapists and occupational therapists like, you know,
Speaker 2: for them to have so much patience and also teach
Speaker 2: just have such a great attitude, you know, that really
Speaker 2: helps us to want to be there and you know,
Speaker 2: give it our all and just you know, keep you know,
Speaker 2: keep pushing through and keep going. Every day for a
Speaker 2: lot of us, that hour of work two that we're
Speaker 2: at PT, that's all the social interaction we get, you know.
Speaker 2: So so that's that's another thing with therapists, you know, yeah,
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, they're doing the physical stuff, but honestly, yeah,
Speaker 2: they're also like therapists truly. So again, if any of
Speaker 2: the listeners are pets and ots, you know, thank you
Speaker 2: so much for what you do.
Speaker 3: Are you able to, like do you have like a
Speaker 3: recovery timeline of some sort. Do they give you a
Speaker 3: timeline of you know, when they think you'll be able
Speaker 3: to kind of be a little bit more mobile.
Speaker 2: So they say everybody is different, but I feel I
Speaker 2: feel pretty al right being able to take care of
Speaker 2: myself now. It's just you know, I'm still will be
Speaker 2: weak in the hands and you know up her body.
Speaker 2: Like I said, when I'm walking, my balance is an issue.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 2: But you know, I try to keep a good attitude
Speaker 2: and just try to do things. You know, in mine,
Speaker 2: I try to tell myself to just do things without
Speaker 2: thinking that I'm you know, I'm injured, you know, just
Speaker 2: try to move, Just try to move normally, you know,
Speaker 2: or like you know, think like don't think that I'm injured.
Speaker 2: Just just do the task. So that kind of helps,
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 3: And that's that's interesting, Like uh like wait, that's so
Speaker 3: interesting that almost that it's actually kind of funny to
Speaker 3: hear you say that, because that almost like you know,
Speaker 3: I was talking to Buford about about the whole like
Speaker 3: uh self, like like the uh self image is a
Speaker 3: reflection of how other people see you type ship. It's
Speaker 3: kind of funny that. It's kind of funny that that
Speaker 3: they that works on like a mental sense, but it
Speaker 3: also works on like a physical sense, like the fact
Speaker 3: that the they were telling you like just fucking believe
Speaker 3: that you're not injured and you just aren't. It's kind
Speaker 3: of crazy, right, Yeah, you had the minus.
Speaker 2: It's a powerful tool, as they say, so yeah, absolutely, yeah.
Speaker 3: It's like, uh, I also have a.
Speaker 2: Little dog, you know. She helps keep my spirits up.
Speaker 3: Oh cute, what kind of what kind of dog?
Speaker 2: So she's a Wiener Jack Russell mixed. She'll be ten
Speaker 2: this oh yeah, in a couple of weeks. She'll be
Speaker 2: ten on October first, m M yeah.
Speaker 3: M hmm. What do you do day to day in
Speaker 3: the hospital, do you or no, you've been discharged, so
Speaker 3: are you are you working or are you going to school?
Speaker 2: So right now I'm just trying to heal as much
Speaker 2: as I can. I'm looking to maybe start putting out
Speaker 2: applications again beginning next year, you know, with my hands
Speaker 2: still being kind of weeded, and also I can't move
Speaker 2: them like how I would like to be able to
Speaker 2: move them. My right hand's pretty okay, but my left ten.
Speaker 1: It's not.
Speaker 2: It's not so much a claw, but I can't I
Speaker 2: can't lay my hands flat, so it would be really
Speaker 2: it's really difficult for me to type. So you know,
Speaker 2: that's you know, typing is one really important thing in
Speaker 2: the job, uh for jobs. So yeah, but we'll see,
Speaker 2: we'll see.
Speaker 3: M hm hmmm mm hmmmm. What else? Uh? What else
Speaker 3: have you been doing to bide your time?
Speaker 2: I try to go hiking a little bit. But other
Speaker 2: than that, you know, I just sleep. I try to
Speaker 2: do you know, little tasks here and there around the house,
Speaker 2: like doing the laundry, trying to fold the clothes, trying
Speaker 2: to cook a little bit here and there, you know,
Speaker 2: just clean up the house a little bit y. But
Speaker 2: but yeah, it's a lot of sleeping, that's for sure.
Speaker 2: And yeah, it's pretty much therapy.
Speaker 3: What do they what do they tell you in therapy?
Speaker 3: Do they tell you anything helpful?
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, we just talk about lives. You know,
Speaker 2: we'll talk about the game, We'll just Yeah, whenever I
Speaker 2: have questions about my health and about my recovery, again,
Speaker 2: their answer is always, you know, we don't know. You know,
Speaker 2: everybody's different, so you know, I just I just go
Speaker 2: along with it. Do the do the exercises?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 3: Did they give you any pain killers?
Speaker 2: You know, I'm so fortunate that I never had any pain. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I got so lucky with that. But I think that's
Speaker 2: because my nerves are so messed up now because below
Speaker 2: my below my you know, my waist, I lost all sensation.
Speaker 2: Uh so, so I can imagine that that really sucks,
Speaker 2: especially before trying to pass the time by. But yeah,
Speaker 2: so you know, there's no pain, but they do have
Speaker 2: me on a whole bunch of muscle relaxers.
Speaker 4: Mm hmmm.
Speaker 3: What are your plans or hopes for the future and
Speaker 3: in general.
Speaker 2: The great question kick, Well, I hope I'll able to
Speaker 2: uh at the lower body strength to go hiking again.
Speaker 2: Before my injury, I was out hiking every day. So
Speaker 2: I hope I can be out there again, you know,
Speaker 2: road tripping, uh, just traveling and yeah, being able to
Speaker 2: find you know, just a decent job, you know, nothing crazy.
Speaker 3: Mm hmmm mm hmm.
Speaker 4: You know I felt so.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's a bull edged sword, I guess, But
Speaker 2: in this sense, I was so happy that I wasn't
Speaker 2: married and had kids because, you know, me getting sucked
Speaker 2: up like this. I mean, could you imagine, you know,
Speaker 2: I'm not able to support my wife and kids because
Speaker 2: because of my accident, you know. Yeah, but at the
Speaker 2: same time, but at the same time, not having a
Speaker 2: wife and kids, you know, I'm so alone, you know,
Speaker 2: and I don't have so much to help me with
Speaker 2: this recovery. So again, it's a double edged sword.
Speaker 3: But is that something you you are hopeful for for
Speaker 3: the future.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm I'm such a realist, you know, I understand.
Speaker 2: I mean it's going to be hard for you. I mean,
Speaker 2: like there's no there's no girl out there thinking, yeah,
Speaker 2: let me let me go and find a quadriplegic right
Speaker 2: to spend the rest of my life with right, So
Speaker 2: I mean I totally get that.
Speaker 3: But you know, dude, I will hold on. By the way,
Speaker 3: let me say that there are you know, I don't
Speaker 3: know if you ever, I don't know if you ever
Speaker 3: have been on the dating apps, but there are other
Speaker 3: women in wheelchairs on the dating apps for sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're not wrong.
Speaker 3: That could be kind of crazy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're not wrong. While but yeah, I mean, you know,
Speaker 2: if it happens, it happens, you know, I would I
Speaker 2: would love to be married someday. But I'm not uncomfortable
Speaker 2: being single. Okay. Like I said, I do have my dog,
Speaker 2: so I'm not completely alone.
Speaker 1: Yeah, mm hmm. How about you? Lot?
Speaker 2: Are you dating? What's up with you? Me?
Speaker 3: I'm crazy, man, I'm uh I go, I go to
Speaker 3: the park and uh I'll see I'll see someone beautiful,
Speaker 3: and I'll be like and I'll walk away, and then
Speaker 3: I'll be like, I'm gonna I'm gonna go eat a sandwich.
Speaker 3: That's what I'll do. Uh what about me? I don't know.
Speaker 3: I have dreams and wants and desires and uh frustrations
Speaker 3: about my dreams and wants and desires that coexist with
Speaker 3: UH optimism. So my frustration and my optimism co exists
Speaker 3: in a bit of a beautiful harmony with each other,
Speaker 3: and they drive me forward to uh uh not die,
Speaker 3: not want to die, and to you know, keep going.
Speaker 3: It's a weird it's a it's a it's a like
Speaker 3: a yin and yang. The optimism and frustration that I
Speaker 3: feel is like a like a little ball that uh
Speaker 3: drives the car of my existence forward. I don't know,
Speaker 3: hope hopefully, you know, uh and they you know, some
Speaker 3: I've I've had periods of my life with that were
Speaker 3: about ninety five percent frustration slash apathy and five percent optimism,
Speaker 3: and then times that have been ninety five percent optimism
Speaker 3: and five percent frustration. And they're both there. Both of
Speaker 3: those things are are as as you know, as a realist,
Speaker 3: both of those things are dangerous. You don't want to
Speaker 3: be you don't want to be too apathetic and frustrated,
Speaker 3: but you don't want to be uh uh blindly optimistic
Speaker 3: to the fact that you'll never experience anything bad ever again.
Speaker 3: So right, yeah, I don't know, that's that's that's I
Speaker 3: guess my answer of what's going on with me?
Speaker 1: All?
Speaker 3: Do you play video games?
Speaker 2: You know I used to be my accident, you know,
Speaker 2: my hand. Yeah, yeah, but but uh yeah, yeah I do.
Speaker 2: I've been watching a lot of Netflix and yeah yeah HBO,
Speaker 2: Max Peacock. I just been running through a lot of
Speaker 2: shows that I've also already watched.
Speaker 3: I know, you said, I mean, I know you're like
Speaker 3: kind of dealing with like loneliness in general, Like, do
Speaker 3: you you know I think that Yeah. Normally, I think
Speaker 3: it's best to like go out in person to like
Speaker 3: meet people hang out with people. But if you can't
Speaker 3: do that, I mean, there is a lot of great
Speaker 3: communities on discord and Reddit and Twitch that you can
Speaker 3: you know, be a part of. I mean, look, there's
Speaker 3: people hanging out of my Twitch chat right now. Do
Speaker 3: you do you take advantage of any of that?
Speaker 2: I do not.
Speaker 3: Mm, yeah, you should consider it, you know. Yeah, if
Speaker 3: if you don't have the means to, you know, leave
Speaker 3: your house right now. I think it's a good thing
Speaker 3: to look into. But it's also nice because, you know,
Speaker 3: once you're feeling better and more mobile. I mean, I
Speaker 3: know a lot of people I have friends who you know,
Speaker 3: have met and you know, people who listen to this
Speaker 3: podcast I'm sure who have met people in like Reddit
Speaker 3: or discord or Twitch and uh, you know, or like
Speaker 3: online means and have then actually, you know, through those
Speaker 3: online means, gone on to create like genuine you know,
Speaker 3: friendships that exist on the computer. So I think it's
Speaker 3: I think I think if you're like, I guess all
Speaker 3: this is to say, and I appreciate you sharing you know,
Speaker 3: your your vulnerability and your story. And I'm also thinking
Speaker 3: about your situation from like a logistical standpoint, and I
Speaker 3: think that if you if you do feel frustrated and
Speaker 3: you feel like you're spinning your fucking wheels, like being
Speaker 3: at home and you know, not having anything, not not
Speaker 3: having anyone at home and then not being able to
Speaker 3: go out, it fucking sucks. And I think if you're
Speaker 3: spinning your and I would just say, like, I think
Speaker 3: if you're spinning your wheels over that, and you're like, okay,
Speaker 3: I need like a just some sort of like outlet
Speaker 3: to feel like I'm not spinning my fucking hamster wheels
Speaker 3: and I'm like trying to do something because I think
Speaker 3: that's that's kind of what settles the brain ultimately, is
Speaker 3: when it feels like it's not spinning its wheels and
Speaker 3: it's like we're actually fucking trying to do something about how,
Speaker 3: you know, the bad shit we're feeling. I think it's
Speaker 3: not a terrible idea to, you know, give a shot
Speaker 3: to joining like you know, a Reddit or a Twitch
Speaker 3: or a discord community. You know, even if there was
Speaker 3: like a video game that you used to play, right, like, uh,
Speaker 3: you know, like what's a video game you used to
Speaker 3: be really into, like nbh ok NBA two K? I
Speaker 3: mean great, you could you could go into you could
Speaker 3: go into like a two K Discord and be like,
Speaker 3: you know, hey, what's up. My name is uh, you know,
Speaker 3: uh Jonathan for twenty. That's the username I came up
Speaker 3: with for you and and I and I. You know
Speaker 3: I I used to play a lot of two K,
Speaker 3: but then I got into this accident blah blah blah.
Speaker 3: But I'm just here because I love talking about the game.
Speaker 3: Blah blah blah. Someone be like, oh, hey was that?
Speaker 3: You know, It's it's worth giving a shot. I would say,
Speaker 3: if you're if you're spinning your wheel and you want
Speaker 3: to talk to someone, yeah, totally what is your not
Speaker 3: Jonathan for twenty?
Speaker 2: Name again Stanley?
Speaker 3: Stanley. There used to be a What the fuck was
Speaker 3: that show on the Disney Channel where there was a
Speaker 3: guy named Stanley who like hung out with animals? Do
Speaker 3: you know what I'm talking about?
Speaker 4: I do not.
Speaker 3: You don't know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2: I don't. I really don't.
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm gonna look that up after this phone call.
Speaker 3: But yeah, again, man, thanks thanks for sharing. I hope that.
Speaker 3: I guess just before we go, like, is there anything
Speaker 3: else that you wanted to talk about, or any other
Speaker 3: like I don't know shit you wanted to talk through,
Speaker 3: or any other way that like this this phone call
Speaker 3: could be helpful to you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean to anyone listening now or you know
Speaker 2: Winness is up on YouTube or whatever, you know, anyone
Speaker 2: going through anything similar or going through a dark spot,
Speaker 2: just just know you come through it. Because when I
Speaker 2: was discharged from the hospital just two months after my accident,
Speaker 2: you know, I was back home and like I said,
Speaker 2: I was alone, and man, I fell into a deep
Speaker 2: depression and you know, you know, dealing with with suicide.
Speaker 2: Can I say that?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know I was. I was, I was battling
Speaker 2: suicide there because you know, I mean, I was still
Speaker 2: you know, learning to walk again. I mean, you know,
Speaker 2: I just didn't know how much my body would heal back, right,
Speaker 2: and again, you know, just battling the mental battle as well.
Speaker 2: I you know, it would just be so easy to
Speaker 2: just to just pull that trigger. But after about maybe
Speaker 2: about a month, maybe two months, and I started to
Speaker 2: feel better, you know, you know, I you know, I
Speaker 2: started you know, outpatient therapy, and again, you know, the
Speaker 2: therapists were wonderful, did a great job, you know, and
Speaker 2: then you know, it just took it a day at
Speaker 2: a time right now, and then, yeah, the past several
Speaker 2: months have been have been great. And yeah, so to
Speaker 2: everyone listening, just you know, just take a day ahead
Speaker 2: of time, and you know it will get better. It
Speaker 2: really will get better.
Speaker 3: I appreciate you sharing that sentiment, man, and I hope
Speaker 3: things go better with you. I hope that you're able
Speaker 3: to find some sense of community and some sense of
Speaker 3: like a good path forward for yourself. And I appreciate
Speaker 3: you sharing your your optimism with the class.
Speaker 2: Absolutely.
Speaker 4: Thank you, Gek, take.
Speaker 3: Care of Stanley. Good luck. Yes, sir, that was a
Speaker 3: nice guy, Stanley.
Speaker 1: Ship.
Speaker 3: What the fuck was I going to say? Uh? Yeah,
Speaker 3: that was that was nice? I mean, yeah, I've had.
Speaker 3: I've had yes times where I felt uh, you know,
Speaker 3: I think I think one of the nice things I
Speaker 3: thought about recently is that I've had a lot of
Speaker 3: also times where you know, I felt uh uh suicidal
Speaker 3: or insane, and to then look back and be like, oh, wait,
Speaker 3: life actually feels kind of normal and chill. Now. It's like, oh,
Speaker 3: I didn't even know that would like when I was
Speaker 3: feeling that way, I didn't even know it would be
Speaker 3: possible to not feel that way in the future. So,
Speaker 3: you know, something to that, something to stand optimistic. Wait, okay,
Speaker 3: what's the name of this fucking cartoon Disney Channel? Stanley Stanley. Oh,
Speaker 3: it's just called Stanley. Okay, all right, I'm not crazy.
Speaker 3: It's called Stanley and it's about this guy Stanley who
Speaker 3: he hangs out with animals. I thought it was like
Speaker 3: riding a dinosaur or some shit, or he's like a
Speaker 3: pet tiger. Okay, okay, I'm not crazy. This existed. Hello, folks,
Speaker 3: it's Lyle here. That's the end of this episode. But
Speaker 3: get this, I'm releasing a bonus episode this week. That's
Speaker 3: right then, entire extra hour of the podcast that you
Speaker 3: can listen to by becoming a Premium member of Therapy
Speaker 3: Gecko over at therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Supercast
Speaker 3: subscribers get access to bonus episodes. They get a completely
Speaker 3: ad free podcast feed of the regular show, They get
Speaker 3: recordings from my live shows, members only streams, and they
Speaker 3: help support my ability to continue doing this podcast. So
Speaker 3: here's a clip from this week's members only bonus episode.
Speaker 6: We started a delivering pizzas and a pretty shady part
Speaker 6: of a nearby city. Didn't make it two months through
Speaker 6: that until some guys actually tried to kill me.
Speaker 3: While you were delivering pizzas.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 6: I'd call my girlfriend back and I'm just like, yeah,
Speaker 6: it's like, what happened?
Speaker 4: What happened?
Speaker 3: Are you okay? I was like, I just got stabbed.
Speaker 2: You don't.
Speaker 3: If you want to hear this full conversation, you can
Speaker 3: sign up to become a premium member at therapy Gecko
Speaker 3: dot supercast dot com or find the link in the
Speaker 3: episode description that's therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right,
Speaker 3: I have nothing else to say. They goes on the
Speaker 3: line taking your phone calls every night, Then goes, I
Speaker 3: was teaching you aloud in the memory of life is
Speaker 3: not an expert