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Speaker 1: Hello, Yeah, Yeah, what's up?

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Speaker 2: Man?

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Speaker 3: Hey, how's it going dude? What's your name?

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Speaker 1: I'm Jimmy, Jimmy.

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Speaker 3: What's going on, Jimmy? How's life?

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Speaker 1: Life is actually pretty cool and a little complicated lately.

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Speaker 1: Hold on, I'm kicking my dog gack in the house.

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Speaker 3: That's all right, man. Why is life? Well? I guess

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Speaker 3: we could start with why it's Why is it cool?

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Speaker 1: I didn't think I would be alive still, Like, I'm

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Speaker 1: thirty two. I'm from Philly, and like, Philly is kind

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Speaker 1: of crazy. I'm sure you know because you went to

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Speaker 1: Temple mm hm. But I just moved out to like Colorado,

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Speaker 1: and I'm starting to like appreciate like the finer things

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Speaker 1: in life. I just like nature and mountains and so

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Speaker 1: that's kind of cool and like being alive and like

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Speaker 1: having benefits from my job.

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Speaker 3: Why are you from North Philly?

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Speaker 1: I'm from West Philly. I got I grow up right

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Speaker 1: next to the Man Music Center.

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Speaker 3: Okay, that's where the fresh Prince of bel Araa grew up.

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Speaker 1: I went to that same high school.

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Speaker 3: No, get the fuck out of here.

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Speaker 1: I went to Overbrook High Is that where did.

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Speaker 3: Did Will Smith grow up? In West Philadelphia?

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Speaker 1: Like up the hill like a Overbrook area, Like yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's fifty ninth Street up that way.

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Speaker 3: Ah wow, Why.

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Speaker 1: That's too local. I'm going to get so micro.

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Speaker 3: God you get get b b as you are.

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Speaker 1: Ship.

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Speaker 3: What the fuck was I gonna say?

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Speaker 1: Oh?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, when did you move to Colorado? Like recently?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, about two years ago, going on two years? Two years,

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Speaker 1: I think in October?

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Speaker 3: And so is life gooder in Colorado?

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Speaker 1: Much much more gooder? The cheese steaks are not more gooder,

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Speaker 1: but everything else just about more gooder?

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Speaker 3: And uh, why is why is it? Why is life complicated?

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Speaker 1: Because I'm banging my coworker.

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Speaker 3: Now you're banging your coworker. Yeah, why is that complicated?

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Speaker 1: Because I thought about doing it for a while, but

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Speaker 1: I to be honest, I was mad depressed, and I

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Speaker 1: started therapy and like taking meds at the beginning of

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Speaker 1: this year, and that's like now reached. It's like it's

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Speaker 1: like it's culminating in this like hyper confidence. The other

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Speaker 1: day I was like I'm just go get her number,

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Speaker 1: and like we fucked like two days later.

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Speaker 3: I ask again, why is this complicated?

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Speaker 1: Because I see her like every day and like she

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Speaker 1: wants to like suck my dick at work.

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Speaker 3: Okay, I mean.

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Speaker 1: My problem is that.

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Speaker 4: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: This feels weird to me, like I didn't necessarily expect

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Speaker 1: that this was going to happen, like if I I

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Speaker 1: didn't think it would go as well as it has,

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Speaker 1: Like I expected it to be more weird. So I'm

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Speaker 1: waiting for like the other like the other foot to drop.

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Speaker 3: If you know what I mean, what do you can ask?

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Speaker 3: What you what do you do?

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Speaker 1: I cook?

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Speaker 3: So like, yeah, I cook in a kitchen, yes, like

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Speaker 3: at a restaurant.

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Speaker 1: No, but I cook it's in an institution.

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Speaker 3: You cook in an institution, Okay, all right, okay, but

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Speaker 3: you work in a kitchen.

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Does she also work in the kitchen?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Okay.

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Speaker 1: I mean, have you ever done anything with a coworker? Lot?

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Speaker 3: No, But I haven't really had co workers in a

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Speaker 3: long time.

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Speaker 1: That's fair, That's fair. Yeah, I kind of not really

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Speaker 1: ever had co workers until I came out here because

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Speaker 1: I just used to do a bunch of like random

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Speaker 1: odd JANKI shit for money. So now it's like maybe

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Speaker 1: I wasn't supposed to Like I'm still learning like corporate

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Speaker 1: I guess, like boleance and how to behave myself.

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Speaker 3: But well, well look look, look, look his I mean,

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Speaker 3: this is a few things, right, It's like what this

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Speaker 3: job that you're at, It's just like it's just like

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Speaker 3: a thing that you do. You give a Do you

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Speaker 3: care about this job? Like, like do you care about

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Speaker 3: it beyond? Like this is just kind of what I

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Speaker 3: do for Like do you see like a long term

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Speaker 3: I care about this job. I care about being here.

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Speaker 3: I care about this being a very comfortable environment for me.

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Speaker 1: Now I'm planning my eggsit already.

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Speaker 3: Oh, then have sex with your coworker who gives this shit?

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Speaker 1: Okay, Well I guess it was that simple. That's kind

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Speaker 1: of I was kind of thinking that myself though, like

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Speaker 1: this is a good time, Like I planning on going

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Speaker 1: to school in January to get a certification so I

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Speaker 1: can like get the hell out of here in the

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Speaker 1: next few months. Anyway.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so yeah, I don't know, I don't I mean,

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Speaker 3: if I that's but that's kind of how I feel.

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Speaker 3: It's like if I'm well, I won't say coworker, but

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Speaker 3: like if I'm in any let's say I've had places

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Speaker 3: in my life that I returned to frequently and I'd

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Speaker 3: like to not have sex with anyone, uh, in those

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Speaker 3: places that I am at frequently, if these are locations, institutions, whatever, whatever,

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Speaker 3: that I see myself having like long term relationships with right.

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Speaker 3: But if but if I'm like, but if you if

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Speaker 3: I were at a job that was like, I'm planning

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Speaker 3: my exit from this job actively, then I I don't

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Speaker 3: think I would, you know, care, because it wouldn't be that,

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Speaker 3: it wouldn't feel I mean, even if it does feel

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Speaker 3: awkward or whatever.

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Speaker 1: I mean, it's kind of fun too, like your life.

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Speaker 3: Okay. Is she having a good time?

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Speaker 1: I think so? Okay, everything I think everybody in Colorado

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Speaker 1: seems to just be constantly having a good time. Like

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Speaker 1: there's nothing serious about this. But that's like a whole

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Speaker 1: other thing.

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Speaker 3: Okay, is she as she is? She like hinting that

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Speaker 3: she wants, like, uh, more than just to suck your

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Speaker 3: dick at work.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's it's just more variations of like that.

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Speaker 1: I think I fear I may have unlocked something that

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Speaker 1: I might not be able to control.

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Speaker 3: Now in what sense, Like.

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Speaker 1: I didn't think that she was going to be like

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Speaker 1: this freaky if that makes sense.

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Speaker 3: Okay, I mean that's fine, But I guess like, is

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Speaker 3: she like does she like like she is she like wanting?

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Speaker 3: Is she like having sex with you? She wants you

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Speaker 3: to be like like eventually become her boyfriend. I don't

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Speaker 3: think so okay, I don't know this doesn't this sounds

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Speaker 3: not that I think you would. You would probably know

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Speaker 3: if that was the case. I think.

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Speaker 1: I would think, so okay.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, I don't know if this doesn't sound particularly complicated.

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Speaker 1: But that's sick. I don't wanna.

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Speaker 2: I'm not gonna take up too much Marie of time.

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Speaker 1: So I can go back and listening you can get from.

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Speaker 3: That's wait, where where? What are you? What are you

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Speaker 3: going to do when you leave the kitchen.

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Speaker 1: I'm pretty much gonna try and get my boss's job

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Speaker 1: somewhere else. Yeah, he runs the department that is the kitchen,

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Speaker 1: the dietary part of the of the institution. But he's

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Speaker 1: kind of a dort. He's a lot of a dirt Like.

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Speaker 1: I hate this guy. I'm always like busting his balls

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Speaker 1: and I'm telling him how much of a fucking loser

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Speaker 1: he is and whatever. But I can't complain anymore, really,

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Speaker 1: because my plan now was to just go ahead and

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Speaker 1: do it in my own kitchen, run my own kitchen

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Speaker 1: the way I want to.

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Speaker 3: Why do you think this guy is a dork?

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Speaker 1: He he lacks leadership qualities, but he's the leader. He's

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Speaker 1: a neo baby like his his wife's has a relative

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Speaker 1: or something that got him in the job because they

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Speaker 1: work there. Like, he doesn't even have the certification that

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Speaker 1: I'm ready to go to school for to get, which

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Speaker 1: is how you get that position. He's a NEPO baby.

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Speaker 1: He's a packers fan, a bunch more stuff. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: he just really yeah, he doesn't leave us. Well, he's

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Speaker 1: lost the locker room. When are you're coming back to Denver?

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Speaker 3: I don't know. Maybe I'm maybe I'll eventually come back

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Speaker 3: to Denver.

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Speaker 4: I was.

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Speaker 3: I always have a great time in Denver. I've been

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Speaker 3: to Denver like five or six times. I think I've

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Speaker 3: gone like every single year since twenty nineteen. It's a

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Speaker 3: great town, good place. I don't know. When are you

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Speaker 3: coming to What do you I don't I'm sorry, I

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Speaker 3: don't have a retort. What's your name again?

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Speaker 1: Jimmy?

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Speaker 3: Jimmy, Jimmy. Uh, you seem like an Jimmy. I have

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Speaker 3: fun with your life, Jimmy. It's very short, sorry to

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Speaker 3: say an existential thing. Good luck, Jimmy, are you hey?

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Speaker 3: What's up?

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Speaker 1: Oh my god?

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Speaker 3: Lyle yes?

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Speaker 4: Hi hi hi uh hi Sorry, I was not actually

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Speaker 4: expecting that the work. I uh, my name is Beuford.

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Speaker 3: Beuford. What a name. That's a sick name. I like

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Speaker 3: that name.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Thanks.

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Speaker 4: You don't really see that many people around with the

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Speaker 4: name Buford these days, like an ancient times name themes.

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Speaker 3: What a what a great name, Beuford? What's going on

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Speaker 3: in your life? Buford?

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Speaker 4: Uh? Stuff, man, stuff, I'm long I've heard I know

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Speaker 4: you've heard this probably like a million times, but I've

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Speaker 4: been listening to you for about like two years now.

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Speaker 3: Cool awesome, Yeah, it's.

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Speaker 4: You've been definitely, uh, a big part of my day

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Speaker 4: for a while. I've been listening as much as a

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Speaker 4: late Sorry, there's a bunch of seagulls squawking around me.

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Speaker 1: Right you.

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Speaker 3: Ford, You're you're you're more than al right, you're more

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Speaker 3: than all right. Yeah, No, I appreciate you. I appreciate you. Well.

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Speaker 3: Ship Here we.

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Speaker 4: Are, Yeah, yeah, we're here.

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Speaker 1: We're here.

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Speaker 4: I guess what I really wanted to talk about. Sorry,

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Speaker 4: I'm walking to my car right now. I got people

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Speaker 4: in my room. I can't really get an eight piece

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Speaker 4: out here right now just because.

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Speaker 1: People.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but I wanted to guess, what's been going on

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Speaker 4: in my life? Is I guess a lot of abandonment.

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Speaker 1: It seems like.

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Speaker 4: A couple months back, I was in a relationship for

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Speaker 4: about we'll say, like eight months, and I had a

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Speaker 4: decent friend group around here. And uh, this is after

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Speaker 4: I moved, I moved away from my home and yeah,

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Speaker 4: it's just been a little rough. But I lost the

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Speaker 4: girl and I've lost a lot of those friends. And

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Speaker 4: she was the only one who was around, so we

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Speaker 4: still kept hanging out. But it seems like, yeah, eventually

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Speaker 4: she's got tired of me too, and I don't.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, these last couple of weeks, Yeah, I have.

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Speaker 4: Something really important coming up. But it's been really hard

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Speaker 4: to focus on anything else other than you know, just

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Speaker 4: my life, well my life outside of my work.

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Speaker 3: What is what is this important thing coming up?

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Speaker 4: So it's a test. I want to go into too

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Speaker 4: much detail, but it's a big test that will impact

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Speaker 4: what I do next. Basically if I make a lot

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Speaker 4: of money next or not. Uh, if I fail this test,

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Speaker 4: I got to basically start from scratch. If I passed

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Speaker 4: this test, I got some word stuff that I need

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Speaker 4: to do. But you know, I'll be able to move

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Speaker 4: forward at least. But there's something that's been looming over

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Speaker 4: me for I want to say a year and a

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Speaker 4: half now. So yeah, I've been kind of stuck in

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Speaker 4: this one place with this test looming over me, you know,

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Speaker 4: towards the end of you know, the end of everything.

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Speaker 4: When I feel like I'm ready to take the test

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Speaker 4: and everything, everything just kind of starts, you know, crashing down.

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Speaker 4: In my personal.

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Speaker 3: Life, can ask how old you are?

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Speaker 4: I just turned twenty five?

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Speaker 3: Cool? Uh? And why did you Why did you lose

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Speaker 3: all your friends?

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Speaker 4: It's been going on for a while, but it's either

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Speaker 4: they move away or you know, they uh, I want

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Speaker 4: to say a lot of cases they get into relationships

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Speaker 4: and uh yeah, it's like the typical bits like I'm sorry,

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Speaker 4: you know, I want to hang out with you, but

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Speaker 4: you know, Sydney wants to go get groceries or something

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Speaker 4: like that, and that's obviously going to take the entire day.

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Speaker 1: So I can't.

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Speaker 2: I can't call you, or I can't I can't like,

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Speaker 2: you know, sit on discord.

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Speaker 1: For a little bit.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 4: Like I get it. And you know, when I was

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Speaker 4: in the relationship, I was to an extra kind of

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Speaker 4: like that, but you know, completely abandoning relationships with people

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Speaker 4: that I've known for like five years, like just losing

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Speaker 4: them just like, you know, am I the problem? Because

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Speaker 4: it seems like it's always happening to me. And it's

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Speaker 4: like whenever I ask or like you know, could bought

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Speaker 4: them about it, I'm just like, you know, why aren't

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Speaker 4: we talk as much? They're just like, yeah, you're a

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Speaker 4: great guy. You know, I love hanging out with you.

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Speaker 4: It's just, you know, Tom moves on.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, It's kind of a thing of life. And

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Speaker 3: you know, here's the thing, man, and I, you know,

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Speaker 3: I relate to a lot of the stuff that you're saying,

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Speaker 3: and I have my own thoughts about it and and

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Speaker 3: I and I really can only approach the situation from

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Speaker 3: the way that I like to think about this ship,

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Speaker 3: in the way that I've approached it in my own life.

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Speaker 3: And you know, some people like to talk about I

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Speaker 3: was told, you know, can I go on a rant

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Speaker 3: you for two seconds?

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah, please please?

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Speaker 3: I Okay. So I've been I've been going back to therapy,

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Speaker 3: and my therapist said, so I people might think I'm insane,

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Speaker 3: but whatever. My therapist said something to me where she

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Speaker 3: was like, you got to learn how to be comfortable

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Speaker 3: being alone, and that fucking and I know what she

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Speaker 3: means when she says that. She means you have to

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Speaker 3: be okay with being alone because when you're okay with

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Speaker 3: being alone, you are then able to approach your life.

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Speaker 3: She didn't say this, I inferred this, but when you're

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Speaker 3: okay with being alone, you are able to approach your

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Speaker 3: life with a greater sense of power than if you're like,

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Speaker 3: not okay with being alone. But I hate the notion

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Speaker 3: that you're supposed to be okay with being alone, or

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Speaker 3: that you're supposed to be happy being alone. I fucking

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Speaker 3: hate when people say that. Because human being, we are

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Speaker 3: biologically wired to not be okay with being alone. It

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Speaker 3: sucks to pretend that it doesn't, or to pretend that

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Speaker 3: you're supposed to be alone and be happy with that

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Speaker 3: and be okay with that is ridiculous. It's a ridiculous thing.

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Speaker 3: People might disagree with me, but we're biologically wired to

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Speaker 3: not be alone. That being said, I understand it's very

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Speaker 3: helpful to become comfortable with being alone so that you

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Speaker 3: can approach your life with power. And so I take

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Speaker 3: those two things and I look at this and I

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Speaker 3: look at it very logistically, because that's how I like

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Speaker 3: to look at the problems of my life and how I,

301
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Speaker 3: you know, do shit in my life. And I go, Okay,

302
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Speaker 3: you know, you really inherently cannot rely on people because

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Speaker 3: they exist outside of your control. That's like the stoic thing.

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Speaker 3: And now stoicism can also be a certain form of avoidance.

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Speaker 3: And if you lean too heavily into it, and you

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Speaker 3: lean too heavily into that, you close yourself off to others.

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Speaker 3: And you don't want to do that. You want to

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Speaker 3: open yourself up to others and accept and understand that

309
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:58,479
Speaker 3: they might fuck your shit, you know, and accept that

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Speaker 3: getting your shit fucked by others because you trusted them

311
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Speaker 3: is just a part of life. And you feel sad

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Speaker 3: and you feel bad about it, but it's just hits

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Speaker 3: you and you let it hit you. All that being said,

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Speaker 3: I like to look at these things very logistically. So

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Speaker 3: I'm like, in my life, when I've felt alone and

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Speaker 3: I've felt like I had like friends that were like

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Speaker 3: flaky on me or you know, relationships that didn't work

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Speaker 3: out or whatnot. I've kind of logistically gone, what can

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Speaker 3: I do to put myself in situation like this is

320
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Speaker 3: where you take your power back? Is you go, what

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Speaker 3: can I do to put myself in situations where I

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Speaker 3: am around people? And how do I empower myself to

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Speaker 3: talk to those people and to make those people want

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Speaker 3: to be around me and to be the kind of

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Speaker 3: person that other people want to be around. And I

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Speaker 3: approach this from like a logistical way, So yeah, I guess, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I'll go ahead.

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Speaker 4: God no, I was gonna say, because yeah, I feel

329
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Speaker 4: the exact same way when it comes to when it

330
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Speaker 4: comes to just telling somebody be comfortable being alone. But

331
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Speaker 4: like the problem is I'm lonely, right, Like, you know,

332
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Speaker 4: how do you get to that point?

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00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:33,960
Speaker 3: Yeah?

334
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:37,280
Speaker 4: And I made attempts to Like where I'm at, its

335
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:40,280
Speaker 4: kind of like, you know, it has a couple of

336
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:42,320
Speaker 4: areas where I can just you know, kind of go

337
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,320
Speaker 4: at and you know, it gets me out of the

338
00:19:44,359 --> 00:19:48,920
Speaker 4: room because one my roommate usually in the room, but

339
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:53,840
Speaker 4: twenty four to seven. But also, yeah, I just want

340
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,280
Speaker 4: to I don't like being in the room by myself. Anymore,

341
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,520
Speaker 4: because now it's just like I'm sitting here and I'm

342
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Speaker 4: thinking about all this stuff that it happened, and like

343
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:03,840
Speaker 4: what did I do wrong? Like why did I do this?

344
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:06,760
Speaker 4: And you know, so I'm going out and trying to,

345
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,800
Speaker 4: you know, put myself into spaces, but now I'm finding

346
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Speaker 4: out that's like when I get into these spaces, I'm

347
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:19,800
Speaker 4: still kind of alone because I'm like not really, I

348
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Speaker 4: don't know. I don't know if I'm like scared now

349
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,520
Speaker 4: to talk to anybody just because I've had so many

350
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:32,040
Speaker 4: what lost relationships, or if like you know, nobody just

351
00:20:32,119 --> 00:20:35,320
Speaker 4: actually wants to speak to me. You know, I don't

352
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:38,560
Speaker 4: know if I like look weird or you know something

353
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,440
Speaker 4: I think, don't think that's weird that I'm like five

354
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Speaker 4: foot nothing.

355
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Speaker 3: But well you can't, yeah, but you can't go Like

356
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:53,040
Speaker 3: there's a lot of a lot of the like uh,

357
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,920
Speaker 3: internal being comfortable, being alone and stuff, as it does

358
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:57,600
Speaker 3: piss me off, but then a lot of it has

359
00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:02,840
Speaker 3: like such deep truth to it, you know, and the

360
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:04,639
Speaker 3: parts of it that have deep the parts of it

361
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:07,480
Speaker 3: that have deep truth to it are the parts that

362
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:12,160
Speaker 3: are how you perceive yourself. I don't think I don't

363
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:14,320
Speaker 3: think I don't think how you perceive people say how

364
00:21:14,359 --> 00:21:17,000
Speaker 3: you how you perceive yourself as how other people perceive you.

365
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:20,280
Speaker 3: I don't think that's a one to one translation at all.

366
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:24,879
Speaker 3: I think that's kind of bullshit. But how you perceive

367
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:29,240
Speaker 3: yourself is like extremely important to how other people like

368
00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:33,320
Speaker 3: perceive you. So if you walk around being like, oh,

369
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:35,080
Speaker 3: people don't want to be around me, people don't like me,

370
00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:37,719
Speaker 3: blah blah blah, all this stuff, even if you are

371
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:41,200
Speaker 3: five foot nothing, even if you are you know, whatever,

372
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:48,080
Speaker 3: these things you think you are like, it will not

373
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:53,200
Speaker 3: help you to have to carry that around. So that's

374
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:56,800
Speaker 3: an important thing to attack, is like, yeah, that that

375
00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:06,960
Speaker 3: kind of negative like self image. Yeah. So and so

376
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:14,840
Speaker 3: you have this big test coming up, and I think, well,

377
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:17,160
Speaker 3: a couple of things. I mean, I think that obviously

378
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:19,199
Speaker 3: it makes a lot of sense that you're very like

379
00:22:19,359 --> 00:22:23,640
Speaker 3: distracted by all of this ship going on in your

380
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:31,639
Speaker 3: personal universe, right, but uh, it sounds like the test

381
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:35,440
Speaker 3: is very important to you, and like, you know, kinda

382
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:39,320
Speaker 3: get it's it's maybe not forever, but it's okay to

383
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:47,160
Speaker 3: get on your fucking sigma male wolf meme, Uh, grind

384
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:50,199
Speaker 3: set for a bit and just be like, let me

385
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:53,840
Speaker 3: fucking hone in on this test and let me, you know,

386
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:59,160
Speaker 3: get my money up. Yeah, right, because because all these

387
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,360
Speaker 3: things feed into it each other, and money is important

388
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:03,520
Speaker 3: because when you have money, when you have some money,

389
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:05,600
Speaker 3: now you're like, Okay, I have some money, maybe I'll

390
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:11,160
Speaker 3: join a fucking you know thing of some kind now,

391
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:13,760
Speaker 3: and then maybe I'll start going out to these places

392
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:16,320
Speaker 3: and doing these things that you know cost money to do.

393
00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:20,239
Speaker 3: But now now you have kind of a little bit

394
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,919
Speaker 3: of a foundation for you to like kind of start

395
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:28,360
Speaker 3: like ideal idea. In an ideal world, you're not knocking

396
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:31,399
Speaker 3: on people's doors constantly to get them to want to

397
00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:36,520
Speaker 3: be around you. You're just strategically building a life where

398
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:42,600
Speaker 3: you are naturally around people. And that's that to me,

399
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:44,199
Speaker 3: that's the best way to do it. And it's and

400
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:48,480
Speaker 3: it's hard, but it's very but it's possible if you're

401
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:51,320
Speaker 3: intentional about it. I believe, where do you live, not

402
00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:53,720
Speaker 3: like your address, but like what part of the town, Well,

403
00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:55,560
Speaker 3: part of America?

404
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:58,320
Speaker 4: Oh so right now, I'm in Ohio.

405
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:01,000
Speaker 3: Well part of do you live like a city or

406
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:01,520
Speaker 3: do you live.

407
00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:03,159
Speaker 4: In like, yeah, Cincinnati, Ohio?

408
00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:07,080
Speaker 3: Yes, Okay, this ship, this ship happening in Cincinnati, Ohio.

409
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:14,800
Speaker 4: Mm hmm, yeah, it's uh yeah, Cincinnati. Uh what was it?

410
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:18,000
Speaker 4: But right now I'm in uh sorry, right now, I'm

411
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:18,480
Speaker 4: in Cali.

412
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:22,800
Speaker 3: Okay, I live in Cincinnati.

413
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,159
Speaker 4: All this stuff is happening in Cincinnati, but I'm in

414
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:26,040
Speaker 4: Cali for a little bit.

415
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:28,960
Speaker 3: Okay, is that where you're like from?

416
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:29,200
Speaker 1: Oh?

417
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 4: No, but I have family out here.

418
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:35,199
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, Yeah, when's when's your big when's your

419
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:36,680
Speaker 3: big test?

420
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:42,560
Speaker 4: My big test is Monday, oh ship. Yeah, so it's

421
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:46,440
Speaker 4: pretty soon. But the thing is, I feel fine for

422
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:52,159
Speaker 4: the test and I feel like confident about it that

423
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:54,920
Speaker 4: I had like a practice one a couple of months back,

424
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:59,119
Speaker 4: and yeah, I didn't do too well, but after, you know,

425
00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:03,280
Speaker 4: after grinding a little bit, I feel like I'm more

426
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:06,159
Speaker 4: prepared for it. So we'll see how it goes this

427
00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:11,840
Speaker 4: next time. But and you know, if things don't work out,

428
00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:12,320
Speaker 4: it is.

429
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:12,600
Speaker 2: What it is.

430
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:15,720
Speaker 4: At this point, I'm just I think I'm more ready

431
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:18,480
Speaker 4: to just kind of be done with this part of

432
00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:22,200
Speaker 4: my life because I feel like I've been preparing for

433
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:25,879
Speaker 4: this forever and it's been kind of keeping me from

434
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:30,360
Speaker 4: addressing things and you know, kind of like getting into

435
00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:33,679
Speaker 4: anything new because I've been mainly focused on just trying

436
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:34,320
Speaker 4: to do this.

437
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:35,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, so yes, yeah, you.

438
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:40,199
Speaker 4: Pass or fail is going to be some sort of

439
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:43,000
Speaker 4: a relief to where it feels like I'm going to

440
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:45,400
Speaker 4: at least get back to a normal life and start

441
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:46,359
Speaker 4: doing something different.

442
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:46,920
Speaker 1: Yeah.

443
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:48,840
Speaker 3: I like that, and I felt that way about things

444
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:52,960
Speaker 3: in my life constantly all the time. So and yeah,

445
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,119
Speaker 3: it's on Monday, so I mean, yeah, you'll you'll probably

446
00:25:55,119 --> 00:26:01,200
Speaker 3: feel some kind of like reset after the fact. Anyway, Right,

447
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:06,879
Speaker 3: there's this concept that I'm thinking about a lot of

448
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:09,960
Speaker 3: like you know, I mean, there's no word for it,

449
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:11,800
Speaker 3: but you know, I mean, people do this whole thing

450
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:16,680
Speaker 3: where they're like once X, once X happens, then why

451
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:20,320
Speaker 3: will happen? Or after why, I'll feel z or after

452
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:22,640
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, Like after this, I'll finally

453
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:26,520
Speaker 3: feel this and that and the other thing. And sometimes

454
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:29,359
Speaker 3: and that's I've lived a lot in my life like that.

455
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:36,439
Speaker 3: And sometimes you are correct. People say, like you you know,

456
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:40,200
Speaker 3: there might be some fucking Instagram meme or a thing

457
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,080
Speaker 3: that says you're always waiting to live your life, but

458
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:48,960
Speaker 3: sometimes it actually is true. Sometimes it is actually true that. Yeah,

459
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:51,800
Speaker 3: sometimes it is true that once you're over certain things,

460
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,640
Speaker 3: your life is different. What is what is pretty much

461
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:59,960
Speaker 3: never true is that you live a life without any problems,

462
00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:06,040
Speaker 3: but you might objectively be living life with less intense

463
00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:09,760
Speaker 3: like I do believe in uh, there being a there

464
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:14,640
Speaker 3: of some kind in some sense as to like how

465
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:19,760
Speaker 3: we're like narratively structuring our lives. But you're still gonna

466
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:21,560
Speaker 3: have problems.

467
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:21,720
Speaker 1: You know.

468
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:27,160
Speaker 3: It's not like you're gonna burst into ethereal light after

469
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,040
Speaker 3: this test is over. You still have to be in

470
00:27:29,119 --> 00:27:32,200
Speaker 3: your stupid human body and you still have to live

471
00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 3: with your stupid human brain and all those things. But

472
00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:38,200
Speaker 3: I mean, I say, sprint to the finish on the test,

473
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:41,960
Speaker 3: and you know, I think I think it's cool. I

474
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:45,920
Speaker 3: think it's I think it's good. But yeah, again, I

475
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:48,040
Speaker 3: would just figure out how to kind of naturally build

476
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:50,320
Speaker 3: your life that you're around people, and I would try

477
00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:53,359
Speaker 3: to be smart about it. And it's never been it's

478
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:56,040
Speaker 3: never been easier to do that than now. And I

479
00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:57,840
Speaker 3: don't know what this test is for, what the job

480
00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:00,480
Speaker 3: is for. I you know, you don't have to tell

481
00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:02,399
Speaker 3: me if I guess it. But maybe it's like an

482
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:08,360
Speaker 3: l stats thing or a fucking med thing or whatever.

483
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:10,920
Speaker 4: Let's say it's a mad thing. But let's just say

484
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:11,560
Speaker 4: it's a mad thing.

485
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,119
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, Well that's as far.

486
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:14,399
Speaker 1: As I'll go.

487
00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:17,320
Speaker 4: I just don't want to I don't want to expose

488
00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:17,960
Speaker 4: myself out.

489
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 3: That's okay, that's okay, all right. Yeah, I mean you'll

490
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:27,280
Speaker 3: take the test. It sounds like you're well prepared for it.

491
00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:29,359
Speaker 3: I hope you do well. I hope you get this job.

492
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:30,919
Speaker 3: I hope you make this money that you need to

493
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:37,520
Speaker 3: do these things. But yeah, I just would spend as

494
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,720
Speaker 3: little time kind of dwelling on these things as possible

495
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:43,280
Speaker 3: and as most most time, like being very strategic about

496
00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:45,480
Speaker 3: how you can build your life to be around other people.

497
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:51,080
Speaker 3: But by the way, it fucking sucks, you know, like

498
00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:56,480
Speaker 3: like the grief is the grief of like a breakup

499
00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:58,840
Speaker 3: or of like friends that you thought would be in

500
00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:02,320
Speaker 3: your life. Yeah, not being there's good. I like to

501
00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:06,840
Speaker 3: blend there's you know, I'm very interested in like blending

502
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:13,240
Speaker 3: the two ideas, the like competing ideas. There's because there's

503
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:19,160
Speaker 3: a very there's a like parts of my brain that

504
00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:22,160
Speaker 3: are like you know, the emotional ethereal ones that are

505
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:24,720
Speaker 3: like you need to feel your feelings and you need

506
00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:28,000
Speaker 3: to you know, uh, feel your grief, and you need

507
00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:30,360
Speaker 3: to be comfortable with being alone, and you need to

508
00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:33,320
Speaker 3: this and and I think there's there's a ton of

509
00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 3: validity to those things. But but also I want to

510
00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:38,880
Speaker 3: match them up with like, okay, but you also need

511
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:43,680
Speaker 3: like logistically can empirically figure out and move you know,

512
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:47,640
Speaker 3: a pawns around a board to be like okay, But

513
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:51,000
Speaker 3: how do I then fix these problems? Because I I

514
00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:53,120
Speaker 3: go to sometimes I go to therapy, and I like,

515
00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:56,080
Speaker 3: you know, it's all about the feelings part of it.

516
00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:58,479
Speaker 3: And I just hate that because I think you need

517
00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:01,000
Speaker 3: a little you need half of that, and then you

518
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:02,560
Speaker 3: need a half of like okay, but what the fuck

519
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:07,560
Speaker 3: are we gonna you know, do Yeah, anyway, sorry, there's

520
00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:08,160
Speaker 3: a whole rant.

521
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:14,040
Speaker 4: But oh no, no, you're good, You're good. Yeah. I

522
00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:16,960
Speaker 4: actually was talking to somebody like a couple of weeks back,

523
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:21,240
Speaker 4: bringing up like the thing with grief. I never really

524
00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:26,920
Speaker 4: saw grieving with like actual relationships. I always just related

525
00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:32,080
Speaker 4: it to like, you know, death or you know, maybe

526
00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:35,760
Speaker 4: like I don't know, losing a friend or something like that.

527
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:37,560
Speaker 4: But I never really thought of it as like a

528
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:41,680
Speaker 4: grieving over a relationship because I think I definitely that

529
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:44,840
Speaker 4: that also has impacted me a little bit too, because

530
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:48,320
Speaker 4: around the time of that practice test is when things ended.

531
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:52,960
Speaker 4: But you know, I kept prolonging the relationship. But now

532
00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:57,360
Speaker 4: she's like completely gone. She's like in a totally different

533
00:30:57,360 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 4: place now, And yeah, it's been suck on my mind

534
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:05,800
Speaker 4: because I feel like I did a lot and I

535
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:09,720
Speaker 4: don't really understand as to why like things ended, especially

536
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:14,720
Speaker 4: since she still wanted to be friends and just yeah,

537
00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:17,440
Speaker 4: I don't I don't know why it had to end.

538
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:21,880
Speaker 3: There was a lady in the in the previous podcast

539
00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:24,360
Speaker 3: where she was talking about how she got divorced, and

540
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,480
Speaker 3: she was like she opened it up with being like,

541
00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:31,920
Speaker 3: you can do everything right and still uh get fucked.

542
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:33,600
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

543
00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:37,800
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, No, that's not that's not really comforting.

544
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 4: No, No, I think what was that The lady who

545
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:44,640
Speaker 4: I think it was, she said her husband was like

546
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:46,080
Speaker 4: doing cocaine or something like that.

547
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:47,280
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, yeah, that was fair.

548
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:50,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I remember that.

549
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:55,600
Speaker 3: But yeah, can do everything right but still get fucked.

550
00:31:55,760 --> 00:32:05,080
Speaker 3: But also again it's like you, I just you see

551
00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:06,560
Speaker 3: you sound and I don't know if I don't want

552
00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:08,200
Speaker 3: to put words in your mouth, but you sound like

553
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 3: you have like a bad self image.

554
00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:17,280
Speaker 4: You you'd be right, you'd be right. And why I

555
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:23,440
Speaker 4: don't know I've based it off because.

556
00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:23,959
Speaker 3: I know I did.

557
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:27,120
Speaker 4: There was a time I didn't feel like this. I

558
00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 4: didn't feel like this, and I want to say it

559
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:33,160
Speaker 4: was like early into high school. You know, I didn't

560
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:35,600
Speaker 4: give it, Damn. I was just you know, I go home,

561
00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:39,440
Speaker 4: I played pucking Super Mario my family, and I would

562
00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:42,520
Speaker 4: give a crap. Uss. I think it was around the

563
00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:47,200
Speaker 4: time when I started, like, you know, being forced to

564
00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:51,480
Speaker 4: get into like more social situations where it's like, you know,

565
00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:53,480
Speaker 4: my dad's over here forcing me to get a job,

566
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:56,040
Speaker 4: and you know, I started making friends and it's like,

567
00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:58,480
Speaker 4: oh wow, I like this feeling of like actually hanging

568
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:01,960
Speaker 4: out with people outside. You know, well, I'm gonna go

569
00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:04,680
Speaker 4: hang out with these dudes every day. And I think

570
00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:07,600
Speaker 4: it was like once I saw that they started getting

571
00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:12,640
Speaker 4: into relationships and that you know, they were moving on

572
00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:16,080
Speaker 4: with their lives and that I was, you know, kind

573
00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 4: of still just working. Yeah, why do you think that?

574
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:25,920
Speaker 3: Sorry, God, go ahead, why do you so? I mean,

575
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:29,080
Speaker 3: I guess like, in this moment, why do you feel

576
00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:33,760
Speaker 3: like you have bad like self image. I think.

577
00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:39,840
Speaker 4: I think it's a comparison thing. It's it's definitely a

578
00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:45,680
Speaker 4: comparison thing, because yeah, I compare myself a lot to

579
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:49,240
Speaker 4: other people, like you know, in my class, Like you know,

580
00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:52,320
Speaker 4: walking around on campus, you see all these people you know,

581
00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:55,200
Speaker 4: with like a much of like four or five groups

582
00:33:55,240 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 4: of friends or you know, with girlfriends, and like, I'm

583
00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:05,120
Speaker 4: over here walking by myself over here now kind of

584
00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:07,360
Speaker 4: wishing I could talk to somebody. Yeah, you know, even

585
00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:10,760
Speaker 4: when I've given the opportunity, sometimes I just I get afraid,

586
00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:14,000
Speaker 4: you know, cause I just don't really want to have

587
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:17,680
Speaker 4: to be in that situation where it's like I made

588
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:21,279
Speaker 4: a friend and now they're gone after like you know,

589
00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:25,160
Speaker 4: two or three months. It's like I really got close

590
00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:28,360
Speaker 4: to this person and now they just leave my life

591
00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:29,920
Speaker 4: and I did all this stuff.

592
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:31,440
Speaker 2: What for.

593
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:38,840
Speaker 3: The I mean, first of all, by the way, I know,

594
00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:41,120
Speaker 3: you're comparing yourself to other people, but you're very much

595
00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:44,560
Speaker 3: not alone. This is like, honestly, probably, this is honestly

596
00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:49,120
Speaker 3: probably You're you're twenty five, so are we we're gen Z.

597
00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:52,799
Speaker 4: Right, I think, yeah, yeah, gen Z.

598
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:56,960
Speaker 3: I think I think this is a strong problem of

599
00:34:57,000 --> 00:35:00,880
Speaker 3: our generation in general, so you're not like you're not alone,

600
00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:03,719
Speaker 3: Like you're like this idea that everybody else is out

601
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 3: at being amazing and you're the only one dealing with

602
00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:12,600
Speaker 3: this is not true?

603
00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:13,000
Speaker 2: You know.

604
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:16,440
Speaker 3: I remember being in college. I remember being in college

605
00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:19,840
Speaker 3: and anytime I was like in my dorm room, like

606
00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:22,480
Speaker 3: on a Friday night, I would always think I would

607
00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:25,200
Speaker 3: always feel like a loser, you know, if I was like, uh,

608
00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:34,320
Speaker 3: you know, like not doing something. And then like I remember,

609
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:36,680
Speaker 3: you know, you see, I would walk around the dorm

610
00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:39,680
Speaker 3: and like you'd see a few other people who are

611
00:35:39,719 --> 00:35:44,919
Speaker 3: also in the dorm or like doing homework or some shit,

612
00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:52,000
Speaker 3: and you you you realize that like, uh, not everyone.

613
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:57,520
Speaker 3: You realize that where you're uh looking is not a

614
00:35:57,560 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 3: sample size that's reflective of the entire population of the earth, right.

615
00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:04,839
Speaker 1: Right, I get.

616
00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:07,360
Speaker 4: I know I'm not the only person who like feels

617
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:11,960
Speaker 4: that way. It's just always in the environment. And I

618
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:14,440
Speaker 4: know it's like even then, like, I know, there's probably

619
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:17,919
Speaker 4: another person who's walking around that maybe feels that way.

620
00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:22,040
Speaker 4: I guess maybe I'm just not focused on them.

621
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:24,520
Speaker 3: It could be, yeah, but but but I don't even

622
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:26,080
Speaker 3: I don't even I don't even think you should be

623
00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:28,759
Speaker 3: focused on anyone but your yourself in this sense, and

624
00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:31,520
Speaker 3: like what you want and what you and what you

625
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:34,200
Speaker 3: what you want is to is you want community, you

626
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:39,759
Speaker 3: want friends, and you want a girlfriend. And the way

627
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:43,279
Speaker 3: I think to get those things.

628
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:43,319
Speaker 1: Is to.

629
00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:50,719
Speaker 3: It's probably some it's probably some combination of a developing

630
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:54,520
Speaker 3: a better like image of yourself and then but that's

631
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:58,400
Speaker 3: that's its own can of worms to be opened. But

632
00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:01,080
Speaker 3: that's like one of the pillars. And then B is

633
00:37:01,120 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 3: like logistically going like, okay, where is a place that

634
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:10,960
Speaker 3: I can go to regularly once, two, three times a

635
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,960
Speaker 3: week where it's not like because you know, when like

636
00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:21,400
Speaker 3: you fucking like meet someone and like you like, certain

637
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:24,560
Speaker 3: friendships require active effort for you to see each other

638
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:30,640
Speaker 3: right and develop a thing. And that's uh. I always

639
00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:33,920
Speaker 3: feel like that fails five times out of ten or

640
00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:37,360
Speaker 3: six or seven because it just requires too much active effort.

641
00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:40,480
Speaker 3: Whereas if you're in a thing or you've created a

642
00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:44,680
Speaker 3: thing where you're just all you have to do is

643
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:47,359
Speaker 3: show up and people are there and you just keep

644
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:50,400
Speaker 3: showing up and everyone just kind of naturally gathers. Like

645
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:54,759
Speaker 3: that's what real community is. It's rarer and rarer to

646
00:37:54,960 --> 00:38:01,960
Speaker 3: find it, but it exists out there for those willing

647
00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:05,879
Speaker 3: to go find it and willing to like uh find out,

648
00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:08,440
Speaker 3: or or for those willing to create it. So it exists.

649
00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:12,359
Speaker 3: So I mean, that's my advice is I think that

650
00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:15,319
Speaker 3: if you're gonna approach your friendships from a point of like,

651
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:19,040
Speaker 3: you know, oh, maybe I meet someone and like we

652
00:38:19,239 --> 00:38:22,040
Speaker 3: regularly schedule a hangout once a week or so, they

653
00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:28,320
Speaker 3: it just it's just like hard, whereas like the easiest

654
00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:30,640
Speaker 3: thing to do, the easy way, easier way to approach

655
00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:33,359
Speaker 3: it is like, Okay, what are spaces I can regularly

656
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:36,840
Speaker 3: show up to? Because when I'm regularly showing up to

657
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:43,399
Speaker 3: those places, these things occur naturally as opposed to requiring

658
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:47,960
Speaker 3: like this this effort. I mean, I look, man, I

659
00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:51,560
Speaker 3: I you know, for a while, I mean I do,

660
00:38:51,719 --> 00:38:54,239
Speaker 3: I don't. I don't. I don't have coworkers, you know,

661
00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:58,280
Speaker 3: Yeah that I like see every day, you know, I work,

662
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:01,680
Speaker 3: you know, I do this podcast, I work from home.

663
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:04,799
Speaker 3: I do my own little weird side, you know, I

664
00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:07,080
Speaker 3: do my little projects, and like, you know, I'm kind

665
00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:10,920
Speaker 3: of you know, uh, and and that was that was

666
00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:13,200
Speaker 3: really hard for me for a while. And then I

667
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:16,440
Speaker 3: I joined, like, I joined a coworking space that I

668
00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:19,560
Speaker 3: go to and now I like I show up at

669
00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:23,480
Speaker 3: this place like almost every day to like sit and

670
00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:25,799
Speaker 3: do my you know, my make my videos and do

671
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:28,080
Speaker 3: these things. And and as a result of doing that,

672
00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:30,120
Speaker 3: I've like met a lot of people and made a

673
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:34,600
Speaker 3: lot of friends very naturally, you know, and it's been great.

674
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:36,320
Speaker 3: It's been like a huge life change and to find

675
00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:44,320
Speaker 3: an environment like that, And so I think everyone needs

676
00:39:44,440 --> 00:39:47,560
Speaker 3: some kind of environment like that where they that allows

677
00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:53,560
Speaker 3: for the serendipity and the natural connection of you know,

678
00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:56,239
Speaker 3: meeting with people and you and it's it's available and

679
00:39:56,239 --> 00:39:59,080
Speaker 3: it's a a a it's if you live in a

680
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:02,120
Speaker 3: major city of some kind, it's available to you and

681
00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:09,600
Speaker 3: be if it's not, you can make it. So I

682
00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:11,000
Speaker 3: don't know what you I don't know what you like.

683
00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:13,440
Speaker 3: I don't know what you're what you like outside of

684
00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:16,759
Speaker 3: taking tests, I do well.

685
00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:18,400
Speaker 2: Uh.

686
00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:22,319
Speaker 4: I love Nintendo games. I know you've talked about Super

687
00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:22,919
Speaker 4: Smash Bros.

688
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:23,680
Speaker 1: A lot. I used to go to.

689
00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:30,400
Speaker 4: Smash It's pretty often. Oh yeah, music, Yeah, I've gotten

690
00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:33,000
Speaker 4: into writing, and you know, I want to get into

691
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:35,759
Speaker 4: like kind of making my own music. Eventually at some

692
00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:38,520
Speaker 4: point like learning how to like play the piano or

693
00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:40,799
Speaker 4: something like that. Or yeah, maybe go to a bar,

694
00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:43,759
Speaker 4: pull out of harmonica and start spit it or something

695
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:44,200
Speaker 4: like that.

696
00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:47,440
Speaker 3: Okay, here's my Okay, I'm going to end our conversation

697
00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:49,279
Speaker 3: by like I don't usually do this, but here's my

698
00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:55,440
Speaker 3: like concrete actual advice capital A. This is capital A advice. Okay,

699
00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:58,440
Speaker 3: if I were you this, how would structure my life?

700
00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:00,600
Speaker 3: As I would? First of all, I would I would

701
00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:02,080
Speaker 3: after you get on the off the phone with me,

702
00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:04,839
Speaker 3: I would spend the next forty eight hours studying as

703
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:08,640
Speaker 3: hard as you can for this test and truly surrendering

704
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:10,600
Speaker 3: to not think about anything else. And then you take

705
00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:12,680
Speaker 3: this test. And then when you I don't know if

706
00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:14,200
Speaker 3: you're gonna stay in California, if you're gonna go back

707
00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:18,680
Speaker 3: to Cincinnati. But if you go back to Cincinnati, you

708
00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:21,839
Speaker 3: fucking go on meetup dot com or you go on

709
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:27,240
Speaker 3: Facebook or your search and you find a writer's group

710
00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:32,759
Speaker 3: or a fucking smash tournament or a jam session. And

711
00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:35,560
Speaker 3: if you and you go and you just show up

712
00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:40,040
Speaker 3: to that once a week and and I think I

713
00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:42,520
Speaker 3: already really did this on the podcast before but whatever,

714
00:41:43,320 --> 00:41:49,120
Speaker 3: you you show up and the first uh time, second time,

715
00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:52,200
Speaker 3: third time, maybe fourth, fifth, sixth time you show up,

716
00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:55,520
Speaker 3: you're gonna feel super weird and alienated from everyone, Like

717
00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:57,440
Speaker 3: you're gonna you're gonna go in, but you're gonna go

718
00:41:57,520 --> 00:42:01,120
Speaker 3: in understanding and accept that that's how you're going to

719
00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:05,160
Speaker 3: feel the first four or five six times you show up.

720
00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:12,080
Speaker 3: But you still go because eventually you'll, like it's supposed

721
00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:14,000
Speaker 3: to feel that way when you first show up, but

722
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:17,680
Speaker 3: then eventually you acclimate yourself and if none of those

723
00:42:17,719 --> 00:42:22,120
Speaker 3: things exist, you start your own. So that's what I

724
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:25,520
Speaker 3: would suggest that you do, because I think you'll unlock

725
00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:30,200
Speaker 3: a new little kind of pathway that you didn't really

726
00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:33,480
Speaker 3: because you want to find this community and then you

727
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:35,120
Speaker 3: you don't want to just be like a background character

728
00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:36,799
Speaker 3: in it. You want to find a way to add

729
00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:39,240
Speaker 3: value to it. So if it's like a writing group,

730
00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:43,839
Speaker 3: you know, fucking you know, give, give, raise your hand

731
00:42:43,920 --> 00:42:47,400
Speaker 3: when they're asking for the crits, or or give or

732
00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:49,720
Speaker 3: or give or share the work or just do something

733
00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:52,600
Speaker 3: to kind of you know, force yourself to be seen.

734
00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:56,240
Speaker 3: So that's that's that's my advice.

735
00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:01,200
Speaker 4: That's that's really good advice that's actually really in the place.

736
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:03,640
Speaker 3: I hope you take it. Let me know if you do.

737
00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:07,040
Speaker 3: It would make me very happy to hear that you

738
00:43:07,160 --> 00:43:09,560
Speaker 3: took it and it worked out well for you. So

739
00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:15,880
Speaker 3: good luck. What's your name again, Beauford? How did I

740
00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:17,600
Speaker 3: forget that? Buford is a good name?

741
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:22,360
Speaker 4: Thank you, le This means a lot. I actually did

742
00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:23,719
Speaker 4: not think I was gonna get on the phone with

743
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:25,040
Speaker 4: you like ever in my life.

744
00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:26,080
Speaker 1: So thank you.

745
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:29,160
Speaker 3: Thank you of course, man. I appreciate you sharing your

746
00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:31,920
Speaker 3: your your time and your vulnerability with us. Is there

747
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:33,120
Speaker 3: anything else you want to say to the people of

748
00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:34,160
Speaker 3: the computer before we go.

749
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:41,920
Speaker 4: Just everyone have an amazing day, and I don't know,

750
00:43:42,040 --> 00:43:43,920
Speaker 4: eat a bag of chips.

751
00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:47,600
Speaker 3: Eat your favorite chip or something beautiful. Hey, take care

752
00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:48,439
Speaker 3: of you for good luck.

753
00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:51,600
Speaker 4: Thank you, le bye.

754
00:43:53,719 --> 00:43:59,000
Speaker 3: Those Buford Beufford is a good guy. Uh, this is

755
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:02,480
Speaker 3: this is totally a I know, I know that that's

756
00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:08,040
Speaker 3: a topic that is like we've covered a lot on

757
00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:13,640
Speaker 3: this show. Yeah, I think everyone feels that way. I've

758
00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:18,799
Speaker 3: felt that way significantly throughout my life, you know, not

759
00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:21,239
Speaker 3: just and throughout different epochs of my life, you know,

760
00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:25,239
Speaker 3: throughout sometimes in college, sometimes as like an adult, sometimes uh,

761
00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:28,120
Speaker 3: you know, and so I don't know. I think I've

762
00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:34,520
Speaker 3: like kind of uh figured out ways to ways to

763
00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:37,520
Speaker 3: do that, and I think people have like a kind

764
00:44:37,520 --> 00:44:42,759
Speaker 3: of wrong approach to it that's very based on like

765
00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:46,719
Speaker 3: I'm going to meet a person and we're going to

766
00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:50,319
Speaker 3: meet for lunch once a week or something. It's just

767
00:44:50,400 --> 00:45:01,879
Speaker 3: too it's not natural, I guess in that way. Okay, Hello, Hi, Kjoe. Hi,

768
00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:06,719
Speaker 3: what's your name. I'm Jess, Jess. What's up, Jess? Have

769
00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:08,720
Speaker 3: we uh, have we ever spoken before?

770
00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:10,120
Speaker 2: No?

771
00:45:10,239 --> 00:45:12,480
Speaker 5: We never have. I called in a bunch of times,

772
00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:13,520
Speaker 5: but this is the first time.

773
00:45:14,120 --> 00:45:18,239
Speaker 3: Oh, wonderful, wonderful. Well, what's up, Jess. What's going on

774
00:45:18,320 --> 00:45:18,560
Speaker 3: with you?

775
00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:23,359
Speaker 5: I'm just thrilled to be on the phone with you.

776
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:23,879
Speaker 4: I'm just.

777
00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:30,600
Speaker 5: I'm here on this. I'm in southern California and I've

778
00:45:30,600 --> 00:45:34,080
Speaker 5: been dying to talk to you forever, hanging out with

779
00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:39,799
Speaker 5: my boyfriend. He's heard me call into your show a

780
00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:41,120
Speaker 5: bunch of times.

781
00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:47,239
Speaker 3: M hm, Well, Louie, let me ask you this. I

782
00:45:47,239 --> 00:45:51,680
Speaker 3: guess to start off our conversation, was there anything in

783
00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:54,080
Speaker 3: particular that you wanted to call in to talk about.

784
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:57,399
Speaker 3: It's okay if not, no, I don't.

785
00:45:57,480 --> 00:46:00,680
Speaker 5: I don't think, so get into whatever what you got

786
00:46:00,719 --> 00:46:01,480
Speaker 5: going on today?

787
00:46:02,360 --> 00:46:07,080
Speaker 3: Uh? What do I got going on today? I don't know.

788
00:46:07,120 --> 00:46:09,640
Speaker 3: I could blab about myself, but I'm I don't. I

789
00:46:09,680 --> 00:46:14,040
Speaker 3: don't have a lot about myself to blab, to be honest,

790
00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:18,800
Speaker 3: right now, I mean, I mean, look, you know you

791
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:21,800
Speaker 3: uh you said you've called into the show multiple times

792
00:46:21,800 --> 00:46:24,440
Speaker 3: and you listen to the show and you've heard people,

793
00:46:25,160 --> 00:46:28,120
Speaker 3: uh you know, start to just talk about their lives

794
00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:32,160
Speaker 3: and what's going on. And have you ever at any

795
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:35,719
Speaker 3: point during that thought about what you might want to

796
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:37,800
Speaker 3: talk about were you to be on the show.

797
00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:42,680
Speaker 5: Oh, I sure have. I think I thought about because

798
00:46:42,719 --> 00:46:45,919
Speaker 5: I know it's we're on this whole existential kick.

799
00:46:47,040 --> 00:46:49,960
Speaker 3: We don't have to be. We don't have to be.

800
00:46:50,480 --> 00:46:52,960
Speaker 3: I'm letting you know, we don't have to be. We

801
00:46:53,040 --> 00:46:55,080
Speaker 3: don't have to be. We can be, we can be,

802
00:46:55,200 --> 00:46:57,680
Speaker 3: we also can be, just letting you know. Anyway, go ahead.

803
00:46:57,719 --> 00:47:00,600
Speaker 5: Sorry, I don't I don't think I really want to be.

804
00:47:00,719 --> 00:47:05,279
Speaker 5: But what I've thought about through all of these all

805
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:08,759
Speaker 5: of these like deep things, is just also to talk

806
00:47:08,800 --> 00:47:12,799
Speaker 5: about like the beauty of life, because you know, we

807
00:47:12,840 --> 00:47:15,440
Speaker 5: can talk about all these like deep things about like

808
00:47:15,480 --> 00:47:18,840
Speaker 5: what does it mean? And I thought about maybe what

809
00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:23,759
Speaker 5: it all means is just to be able to see

810
00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:26,600
Speaker 5: like the sun rise and like to feel the beauty

811
00:47:26,640 --> 00:47:29,680
Speaker 5: of it, and like maybe none of it means anything.

812
00:47:31,719 --> 00:47:34,439
Speaker 3: You know, I'm actually to be honest, I'm actually over

813
00:47:34,520 --> 00:47:38,600
Speaker 3: my existential kick, which is it feels great. I love it.

814
00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:43,479
Speaker 3: I I normal life is nice. I hate I don't.

815
00:47:43,600 --> 00:47:47,640
Speaker 3: I hate thinking about uh so well, I get existential

816
00:47:47,680 --> 00:47:49,560
Speaker 3: thinking about how many people there are in the world.

817
00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:55,359
Speaker 3: That makes me existential. But I'm over it. It led

818
00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:58,600
Speaker 3: to nothing. That's the craziest part is that, I mean

819
00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:00,399
Speaker 3: I got definitely like I get to make some stuff

820
00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:02,319
Speaker 3: out of it, and I got some good conversations out

821
00:48:02,320 --> 00:48:04,680
Speaker 3: of it, and I think.

822
00:48:04,520 --> 00:48:06,000
Speaker 4: That maybe that's the point.

823
00:48:06,840 --> 00:48:10,000
Speaker 3: I don't know if it's I don't know if there

824
00:48:10,040 --> 00:48:12,279
Speaker 3: was ever a point, but it was. That's a nice

825
00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:15,520
Speaker 3: it was. That was a nice aftershock to it is that,

826
00:48:15,920 --> 00:48:21,080
Speaker 3: uh you know, it was nice nice. You know, I

827
00:48:21,239 --> 00:48:27,399
Speaker 3: felt something deeply and that's nice to do. But uh,

828
00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:29,240
Speaker 3: I don't care, you know, I don't care anymore.

829
00:48:29,239 --> 00:48:29,399
Speaker 1: Now.

830
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:33,040
Speaker 3: I'm just like, I walk into a store and I

831
00:48:33,360 --> 00:48:37,799
Speaker 3: buy a bottle of soda and I walk out, and

832
00:48:38,200 --> 00:48:41,520
Speaker 3: I think about like my actual life. You know, I'm

833
00:48:41,520 --> 00:48:44,319
Speaker 3: not I'm I'm not thinking about existential stuff anymore. I'm

834
00:48:44,320 --> 00:48:49,279
Speaker 3: just kind of, like, you know, trying to live. I mean,

835
00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:50,920
Speaker 3: I kind of think about exsistential I mean, do you

836
00:48:51,040 --> 00:48:54,560
Speaker 3: do you think about existential stuff? You know what?

837
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:58,560
Speaker 5: I've thought about existential stuff forever, like since I was

838
00:48:58,600 --> 00:49:01,640
Speaker 5: like fifteen, and then I ended up at the point

839
00:49:01,680 --> 00:49:07,120
Speaker 5: that maybe maybe I'll never figure it out, but then you.

840
00:49:09,120 --> 00:49:11,839
Speaker 3: Will. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm interrupting you. I'm terrible

841
00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:15,200
Speaker 3: at doing this now. But you you, you never will

842
00:49:15,200 --> 00:49:17,560
Speaker 3: figure it out. That's the whole point, is there.

843
00:49:17,719 --> 00:49:17,919
Speaker 1: Yeah?

844
00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:22,240
Speaker 3: You know that's fucking what's his face? All the philosophers

845
00:49:22,280 --> 00:49:27,160
Speaker 3: and science people they never figured it out. So exactly,

846
00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:29,840
Speaker 3: I'm sorry I interrupted you. I shouldn't interrupted you. What

847
00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:30,320
Speaker 3: were we saying?

848
00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:31,000
Speaker 1: No?

849
00:49:31,560 --> 00:49:36,120
Speaker 5: But I think we can like think all day about,

850
00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:38,680
Speaker 5: you know, whatever life means, but.

851
00:49:40,160 --> 00:49:40,799
Speaker 2: End of day we.

852
00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:44,200
Speaker 5: Still end up like with these beautiful little interactions that

853
00:49:44,239 --> 00:49:46,600
Speaker 5: we have at the store or over the phone, are

854
00:49:47,680 --> 00:49:51,560
Speaker 5: you know, with our parents, our boyfriend's grandma or fucking

855
00:49:51,680 --> 00:49:55,279
Speaker 5: who knows, But it's all just as beautiful. We just

856
00:49:55,280 --> 00:49:59,120
Speaker 5: gotta find the point in that, and I think that's

857
00:49:59,160 --> 00:50:01,920
Speaker 5: what i've sometimes.

858
00:50:01,440 --> 00:50:04,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, sometimes, Yeah, No, No, I don't think everything is

859
00:50:04,360 --> 00:50:08,839
Speaker 3: uh beautiful and amazing all the time. Sorry you call

860
00:50:08,640 --> 00:50:13,200
Speaker 3: with Jess your name, your name is Jess. I'm just sorry.

861
00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:16,040
Speaker 3: I I always show up to this thing as I am,

862
00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:19,280
Speaker 3: which if that is upsetting to people, I I that's fine,

863
00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:23,480
Speaker 3: But yeah, I don't. I don't think everything is beautiful

864
00:50:23,560 --> 00:50:25,840
Speaker 3: all the time, but they I don't think it should be,

865
00:50:26,480 --> 00:50:31,000
Speaker 3: you know, like, uh, sometimes it's okay for like things

866
00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:34,279
Speaker 3: to just be normal, Like going to the d m

867
00:50:34,400 --> 00:50:39,400
Speaker 3: V isn't beautiful, And it's sometimes beautiful and amazing. But

868
00:50:39,680 --> 00:50:42,000
Speaker 3: I think if you're if you're feeling I think if

869
00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:44,960
Speaker 3: you're feeling that really powerfully, if you're like, oh, look

870
00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:50,560
Speaker 3: at these people and wow, this is psychedelic, I don't. Yeah,

871
00:50:50,600 --> 00:50:52,120
Speaker 3: I can do that sometimes, but you don't want to

872
00:50:52,120 --> 00:50:54,200
Speaker 3: do that all the time because that's too it's just

873
00:50:54,280 --> 00:50:56,839
Speaker 3: too much, you know, at least for me, it feels too.

874
00:50:56,880 --> 00:50:57,680
Speaker 3: It feels too much.

875
00:50:59,360 --> 00:51:05,160
Speaker 5: Isn't there isn't there power in the mundane? Like isn't

876
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:09,640
Speaker 5: there something nice? Like even if it's not like, oh man,

877
00:51:09,760 --> 00:51:13,440
Speaker 5: this is like so beautiful. But I mean at least, like,

878
00:51:14,120 --> 00:51:17,640
Speaker 5: can you find beauty in the little things in life?

879
00:51:17,920 --> 00:51:20,120
Speaker 3: Yeah? You can. I mean sure, yeah, you can find

880
00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:27,560
Speaker 3: beauty and everything. But I sometimes, uh, sometimes it's okay

881
00:51:27,600 --> 00:51:29,719
Speaker 3: to just go you know, sometimes it's okay to just

882
00:51:29,760 --> 00:51:31,200
Speaker 3: go to the bank. If you got to go to

883
00:51:31,239 --> 00:51:32,799
Speaker 3: the bank, you know, I.

884
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:37,480
Speaker 5: Mean hell yeah. But this that's finding like the beauty

885
00:51:37,520 --> 00:51:42,080
Speaker 5: and the little things is what has cured my existentialism.

886
00:51:42,280 --> 00:51:45,479
Speaker 3: I think, good, good, I'm good. I'm glad that that

887
00:51:45,480 --> 00:51:47,359
Speaker 3: that that's been good. Good for you?

888
00:51:50,560 --> 00:51:57,080
Speaker 5: Hell yeah, Well what have solved the such existentialism for you?

889
00:51:59,800 --> 00:52:03,959
Speaker 3: The the march of time forward? And I mean also

890
00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:08,440
Speaker 3: I have like just uh, I mean I don't know, Vexus,

891
00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:11,839
Speaker 3: I don't know if it's been solved, but you know, yeah,

892
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:16,200
Speaker 3: just a march forward of time and uh you know,

893
00:52:18,440 --> 00:52:20,040
Speaker 3: yeah time.

894
00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:23,840
Speaker 5: Just knowing that it's all gonna happen no matter what.

895
00:52:25,200 --> 00:52:29,040
Speaker 5: That's what's pushing forward.

896
00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:35,000
Speaker 3: I don't I don't know if there isn't it, well

897
00:52:35,200 --> 00:52:40,879
Speaker 3: like it's all going to happen. But what But what's

898
00:52:40,920 --> 00:52:42,839
Speaker 3: what's your life like, Jess, what do you got going

899
00:52:42,880 --> 00:52:46,480
Speaker 3: on in your in your regular life?

900
00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:52,480
Speaker 5: Oh, my regular life. Well, I'm unemployed, which maybe that

901
00:52:52,600 --> 00:52:56,520
Speaker 5: helps all of this. But I live with my amazing

902
00:52:56,560 --> 00:53:01,840
Speaker 5: partner of almost eight years. I'm twenty six now, so

903
00:53:01,880 --> 00:53:07,400
Speaker 5: we've been together since I'm eighteen, and we live like

904
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:15,799
Speaker 5: coastal southern California, and yeah, he works. I stay at home.

905
00:53:15,880 --> 00:53:18,239
Speaker 5: I just do some like dinners. Maybe I'm like the

906
00:53:18,360 --> 00:53:19,239
Speaker 5: bottomized but.

907
00:53:19,680 --> 00:53:20,359
Speaker 1: Have a good time.

908
00:53:20,880 --> 00:53:22,239
Speaker 3: Why do you, well, why do you say you're lo

909
00:53:22,239 --> 00:53:24,200
Speaker 3: bottomized girl?

910
00:53:24,239 --> 00:53:27,680
Speaker 5: Because I'm just like a you know, stay at home girlfriend.

911
00:53:29,480 --> 00:53:31,600
Speaker 5: I'm almost eight years.

912
00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:33,920
Speaker 3: Okay, I mean do you do you? I mean, do

913
00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:34,680
Speaker 3: you like life?

914
00:53:36,280 --> 00:53:36,520
Speaker 1: Oh?

915
00:53:36,560 --> 00:53:37,200
Speaker 5: I love life?

916
00:53:37,880 --> 00:53:39,239
Speaker 3: That's great. Why do you say you're Why do you

917
00:53:39,280 --> 00:53:40,279
Speaker 3: think you're lo bottomized?

918
00:53:40,280 --> 00:53:40,480
Speaker 1: Then?

919
00:53:41,680 --> 00:53:45,280
Speaker 5: Oh, I don't know a girl, because I'm a girlfriend

920
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:50,640
Speaker 5: of eight years, so maybe I should be married?

921
00:53:51,560 --> 00:53:56,239
Speaker 3: Question mark, do you want to be married.

922
00:53:57,520 --> 00:53:58,120
Speaker 5: So bad?

923
00:53:58,680 --> 00:53:59,480
Speaker 1: So bad? Loyle?

924
00:54:01,120 --> 00:54:04,759
Speaker 3: Then then what's stopping you from getting married?

925
00:54:05,080 --> 00:54:05,239
Speaker 1: Oh?

926
00:54:05,280 --> 00:54:09,359
Speaker 5: Well, my boyfriend's listening to the stream, so that's that's

927
00:54:09,360 --> 00:54:09,840
Speaker 5: the reason.

928
00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:16,959
Speaker 3: Okay, I mean, what's the What is the difference between

929
00:54:17,040 --> 00:54:19,480
Speaker 3: what you got going on right now and being married?

930
00:54:20,719 --> 00:54:25,319
Speaker 3: I don't know, because you lived together and you, I

931
00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:26,680
Speaker 3: mean you already have a life together.

932
00:54:28,160 --> 00:54:32,960
Speaker 5: And by the state of California. We're what is this like, not.

933
00:54:33,080 --> 00:54:35,200
Speaker 3: Legally married, but domestic partnership.

934
00:54:36,080 --> 00:54:38,080
Speaker 5: Domestic partnership, that's what it is.

935
00:54:38,680 --> 00:54:42,640
Speaker 2: We go mm hmm, yeah, I don't know.

936
00:54:43,160 --> 00:54:46,640
Speaker 5: It's just something there. I don't know. I could never

937
00:54:46,719 --> 00:54:49,200
Speaker 5: figure it out what exactly that is.

938
00:54:50,280 --> 00:54:50,719
Speaker 1: M hmm.

939
00:54:52,560 --> 00:54:53,200
Speaker 2: What do you think?

940
00:54:54,480 --> 00:54:55,879
Speaker 3: What do I think about whether or not you should

941
00:54:55,920 --> 00:54:56,400
Speaker 3: get married?

942
00:54:58,160 --> 00:54:58,359
Speaker 1: Well?

943
00:54:58,400 --> 00:55:00,160
Speaker 5: That and then what do you think it is that

944
00:55:00,200 --> 00:55:04,000
Speaker 5: little like itch in my brain that tells me, well,

945
00:55:04,040 --> 00:55:05,439
Speaker 5: I know you're a therapist.

946
00:55:05,800 --> 00:55:09,120
Speaker 3: Well, well this isn't What do I think is the

947
00:55:09,160 --> 00:55:12,040
Speaker 3: little itch in your brain that tells you, that tells

948
00:55:12,080 --> 00:55:12,279
Speaker 3: you what?

949
00:55:14,480 --> 00:55:16,200
Speaker 5: Do they want to be married so badly?

950
00:55:18,480 --> 00:55:20,680
Speaker 3: Why do I think you want to I don't. I

951
00:55:20,719 --> 00:55:22,480
Speaker 3: don't know if I can answer why I think you

952
00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:25,359
Speaker 3: want to get married? Why do you think you want

953
00:55:25,400 --> 00:55:27,080
Speaker 3: to get married? Why do you why do you think

954
00:55:27,080 --> 00:55:27,880
Speaker 3: you want to get married?

955
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:31,480
Speaker 5: I don't know, because I want a big wedding.

956
00:55:36,000 --> 00:55:39,279
Speaker 3: Okay, Well, who's what Your boyfriend's in the other room

957
00:55:39,320 --> 00:55:43,000
Speaker 3: watching the stream? Yeah, well why should tell him you

958
00:55:43,000 --> 00:55:43,760
Speaker 3: want to get married?

959
00:55:44,840 --> 00:55:45,000
Speaker 4: Oh?

960
00:55:45,000 --> 00:55:45,840
Speaker 5: I told you?

961
00:55:45,880 --> 00:55:50,000
Speaker 3: What do you say?

962
00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:50,520
Speaker 2: Hmm?

963
00:55:51,440 --> 00:55:54,960
Speaker 5: Well, we're just saving up money. It's exceptive here in California.

964
00:55:55,640 --> 00:55:59,760
Speaker 3: Uh what to have a big ass wedding, Not a big.

965
00:55:59,560 --> 00:56:04,680
Speaker 5: Ass you know, do something, but to have a wedding. Yeah,

966
00:56:04,400 --> 00:56:09,400
Speaker 5: M it's expensive, You're just in California. Just in general, it's.

967
00:56:09,239 --> 00:56:15,960
Speaker 3: A legitimate reason. I mean yeah, I uh, it sounds

968
00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:17,000
Speaker 3: like you want. I mean you can want, you have,

969
00:56:17,080 --> 00:56:18,120
Speaker 3: you can have a little party.

970
00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:22,799
Speaker 2: I can tell yeah, but.

971
00:56:23,640 --> 00:56:27,520
Speaker 5: You know what, It'll happen in time. I'm at peace

972
00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:31,280
Speaker 5: with that. Uh.

973
00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:35,359
Speaker 3: Well, Jess, Jess, let me ask you this, is there

974
00:56:35,400 --> 00:56:37,919
Speaker 3: any uh is there anything else that you really want?

975
00:56:37,960 --> 00:56:41,120
Speaker 3: I want to give you whatever you really wanted out

976
00:56:41,160 --> 00:56:43,200
Speaker 3: of this conversation before we go. I want to make

977
00:56:43,239 --> 00:56:45,279
Speaker 3: sure I gave you whatever you really wanted out of

978
00:56:45,280 --> 00:56:46,040
Speaker 3: this conversation.

979
00:56:47,080 --> 00:56:52,480
Speaker 5: M what thin I want out of this? Let's see, No,

980
00:56:52,760 --> 00:56:56,279
Speaker 5: Because I think I have called into the show a

981
00:56:56,280 --> 00:56:59,960
Speaker 5: bunch of times, like looking at a sunset kind of

982
00:57:00,080 --> 00:57:05,320
Speaker 5: thinking about like or as sunrise, I mean, thinking about

983
00:57:05,920 --> 00:57:11,239
Speaker 5: like how beautiful things are, and like I've come to

984
00:57:11,280 --> 00:57:15,440
Speaker 5: the point where I've accepted but maybe nothing means nothing,

985
00:57:16,280 --> 00:57:19,240
Speaker 5: all of this not maybe all of this means nothing,

986
00:57:20,760 --> 00:57:24,600
Speaker 5: And like I've accepted that, and I've here, I've heard

987
00:57:24,640 --> 00:57:28,920
Speaker 5: a lot of people kind of like lament about like Okay.

988
00:57:28,600 --> 00:57:29,360
Speaker 2: What does this mean?

989
00:57:29,400 --> 00:57:33,480
Speaker 5: And where are we going? And like maybe what is this?

990
00:57:33,800 --> 00:57:38,320
Speaker 5: Like maybe like pot, maybe what I'm thinking is like

991
00:57:38,440 --> 00:57:44,080
Speaker 5: nihilism and that maybe all of this maybe it means

992
00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:48,440
Speaker 5: nothing but to enjoy like a sunset or the birds chirping,

993
00:57:48,720 --> 00:57:53,400
Speaker 5: or like watching your dog play around. So I guess

994
00:57:53,440 --> 00:57:56,160
Speaker 5: I wanted your take on that, but I think you've

995
00:57:56,440 --> 00:57:59,960
Speaker 5: he's kind of giving me that, So.

996
00:58:00,520 --> 00:58:03,640
Speaker 3: Well, well, well, why do you want my take on that?

997
00:58:03,640 --> 00:58:07,600
Speaker 3: That's your own epiphany? That's a very pretty that what

998
00:58:07,640 --> 00:58:10,320
Speaker 3: you're talking you want you want you're asking my take

999
00:58:10,440 --> 00:58:12,480
Speaker 3: on your personal.

1000
00:58:13,640 --> 00:58:17,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, because yeah, because I've heard like a lot of

1001
00:58:17,680 --> 00:58:21,160
Speaker 5: people's takes on this.

1002
00:58:22,160 --> 00:58:26,200
Speaker 3: My well, truthfully, just my take on what you just

1003
00:58:26,240 --> 00:58:30,360
Speaker 3: said is that you uh arrived at your own personal

1004
00:58:31,320 --> 00:58:32,800
Speaker 3: uh journey.

1005
00:58:32,960 --> 00:58:33,160
Speaker 1: You know.

1006
00:58:33,280 --> 00:58:36,880
Speaker 3: My take is is of nothing to you your Do

1007
00:58:36,880 --> 00:58:39,600
Speaker 3: you think your your go ahead?

1008
00:58:41,360 --> 00:58:41,840
Speaker 1: Sorry?

1009
00:58:42,040 --> 00:58:48,200
Speaker 5: Do you think that everyone's this this feeling that like

1010
00:58:48,320 --> 00:58:52,400
Speaker 5: you and many of these other colors? Do you think

1011
00:58:53,000 --> 00:58:55,520
Speaker 5: where a lot of these people are at? Is it

1012
00:58:55,600 --> 00:58:58,280
Speaker 5: all like a personal journey and everyone has to reach

1013
00:58:58,880 --> 00:58:59,920
Speaker 5: their own epiphany?

1014
00:59:03,280 --> 00:59:06,439
Speaker 3: I don't know if everyone, Yeah, I think so, I think, yeah,

1015
00:59:06,440 --> 00:59:09,160
Speaker 3: everyone kind of reaches their own epiphany and you know,

1016
00:59:09,240 --> 00:59:16,160
Speaker 3: your God and your whatever, uh, the the champion of

1017
00:59:16,160 --> 00:59:17,960
Speaker 3: your own universe. So yeah, I mean, who gives a

1018
00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:21,320
Speaker 3: fuck what I think about you know, your personal ephany,

1019
00:59:21,320 --> 00:59:24,720
Speaker 3: it's your personal epiphany, you know what I mean. Like,

1020
00:59:24,800 --> 00:59:29,240
Speaker 3: if that's how you feel about the world and that

1021
00:59:29,360 --> 00:59:32,560
Speaker 3: makes you feel good and that feels aligned with you,

1022
00:59:33,280 --> 00:59:38,680
Speaker 3: then that's that's. Uh, that's that's that's that's you. And

1023
00:59:38,720 --> 00:59:40,440
Speaker 3: I know you're about to say something nice to me,

1024
00:59:40,560 --> 00:59:47,680
Speaker 3: but I I okay, sorry, okay, then please then please

1025
00:59:47,720 --> 00:59:52,600
Speaker 3: please tell me, Please tell me the thing, like, wow.

1026
00:59:52,440 --> 00:59:57,200
Speaker 5: I've been on your journey of this existentialism and so

1027
00:59:57,440 --> 01:00:01,120
Speaker 5: like I don't I don't know how much a funk

1028
01:00:01,160 --> 01:00:04,800
Speaker 5: I give about anyone else, but I don't know. I

1029
01:00:04,840 --> 01:00:09,000
Speaker 5: thought it'd be nice to hear your how you've reached

1030
01:00:09,160 --> 01:00:12,200
Speaker 5: like the end, not end, but like kind of a

1031
01:00:12,320 --> 01:00:16,640
Speaker 5: conclusion to this existentialism.

1032
01:00:15,920 --> 01:00:17,800
Speaker 3: I have I have I haven't. I haven't reached a

1033
01:00:17,840 --> 01:00:21,000
Speaker 3: conclusion to this existentialism. I'll reach a conclusion when I die.

1034
01:00:21,320 --> 01:00:26,840
Speaker 3: But I mean I'm like, I'm not, I'm not you know, yeah,

1035
01:00:26,920 --> 01:00:29,960
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm not yeah, I'm not like, uh, I mean,

1036
01:00:30,160 --> 01:00:32,880
Speaker 3: I'm in a little bit of dread. I I don't know,

1037
01:00:35,120 --> 01:00:35,800
Speaker 3: and that's good.

1038
01:00:35,840 --> 01:00:38,080
Speaker 5: There's beauty in it. That means you're alive.

1039
01:00:39,960 --> 01:00:46,280
Speaker 3: I guess, man, I don't I don't know. I don't know, Jess,

1040
01:00:46,400 --> 01:00:48,440
Speaker 3: I guess. I guess, I guess.

1041
01:00:48,600 --> 01:00:52,160
Speaker 5: But it fucking sucks, but you're in it, so like

1042
01:00:52,400 --> 01:00:55,920
Speaker 5: there's something good. At least you get to be live

1043
01:00:56,040 --> 01:00:59,560
Speaker 5: and doing it and then you find beauty and the

1044
01:00:59,560 --> 01:01:02,200
Speaker 5: people you talk to, like out in the street or

1045
01:01:03,280 --> 01:01:04,280
Speaker 5: whatever it is.

1046
01:01:04,640 --> 01:01:07,760
Speaker 3: Some Well when I said sometimes, I mean some when

1047
01:01:07,760 --> 01:01:10,000
Speaker 3: I said sometimes, I mean sometimes sometimes I just pick

1048
01:01:10,080 --> 01:01:12,720
Speaker 3: my nose and eat it and it's not beautiful and

1049
01:01:12,760 --> 01:01:17,000
Speaker 3: it's just you know, it's no, it's not even a hell. Yeah,

1050
01:01:17,040 --> 01:01:20,440
Speaker 3: it's just I just it's just what it what it was.

1051
01:01:20,600 --> 01:01:23,960
Speaker 3: But you like it. I don't even know if I

1052
01:01:24,120 --> 01:01:27,760
Speaker 3: like it. I attribute nothing to it. You know, it's

1053
01:01:27,840 --> 01:01:30,640
Speaker 3: just the day and so like to you know, like, yeah,

1054
01:01:30,760 --> 01:01:33,480
Speaker 3: today is just what like you know, that's what I

1055
01:01:33,520 --> 01:01:36,920
Speaker 3: mean sometimes you know that's why.

1056
01:01:37,280 --> 01:01:39,600
Speaker 5: Why why isn't it always a hell?

1057
01:01:39,680 --> 01:01:39,919
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1058
01:01:40,080 --> 01:01:43,200
Speaker 5: Because I mean I picked my nose and eat it too,

1059
01:01:43,720 --> 01:01:44,200
Speaker 5: And then and.

1060
01:01:44,160 --> 01:01:45,960
Speaker 3: If it's and if it's a hell yeah for you,

1061
01:01:46,080 --> 01:01:51,040
Speaker 3: then it's all hell yeah for you. Well listen, jet

1062
01:01:52,160 --> 01:01:53,240
Speaker 3: go ahead, go.

1063
01:01:53,200 --> 01:01:56,960
Speaker 5: Ahead, No, no, I was just gonna say, hell, you

1064
01:01:57,040 --> 01:02:01,040
Speaker 5: had a notice picking and eating it. I guess whatever

1065
01:02:01,640 --> 01:02:02,400
Speaker 5: your fucking thing?

1066
01:02:02,560 --> 01:02:03,800
Speaker 4: Who cares?

1067
01:02:04,160 --> 01:02:07,080
Speaker 3: Well listen, Jess, Is there anything else you want to

1068
01:02:07,320 --> 01:02:12,120
Speaker 3: say to the people of the computer before we go there?

1069
01:02:12,200 --> 01:02:13,880
Speaker 5: Sure is it? But thanks for talking.

1070
01:02:14,720 --> 01:02:15,600
Speaker 3: You have a going jest.

1071
01:02:15,640 --> 01:02:17,480
Speaker 5: Bye bye, you take care?

1072
01:02:17,720 --> 01:02:18,000
Speaker 1: Bye.

1073
01:02:20,480 --> 01:02:20,720
Speaker 4: Hello?

1074
01:02:21,360 --> 01:02:23,120
Speaker 3: Hello, what's that man?

1075
01:02:23,520 --> 01:02:23,840
Speaker 1: You doing?

1076
01:02:24,560 --> 01:02:25,919
Speaker 3: I'm doing good man? How are you doing?

1077
01:02:27,120 --> 01:02:27,840
Speaker 4: I'm all right?

1078
01:02:28,000 --> 01:02:29,920
Speaker 3: How's life?

1079
01:02:30,720 --> 01:02:34,440
Speaker 2: Uh, it's been tough the past couple of years.

1080
01:02:35,280 --> 01:02:40,040
Speaker 3: You said it's been good. No, it's been tough, tough

1081
01:02:40,320 --> 01:02:44,920
Speaker 3: t u f F Yes, sir, Wait no, t t

1082
01:02:45,920 --> 01:02:48,919
Speaker 3: no t u f F is the good, tough, the bad,

1083
01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:56,760
Speaker 3: toughest o U g H Yes, sir, it's been tough.

1084
01:02:57,400 --> 01:02:58,200
Speaker 3: Why has it been tough?

1085
01:02:59,480 --> 01:02:59,680
Speaker 1: Yes?

1086
01:03:00,800 --> 01:03:03,800
Speaker 2: Uh so A year and a half ago, I broke

1087
01:03:03,840 --> 01:03:09,480
Speaker 2: my neck and uh I was quite aprillegiate now and

1088
01:03:09,680 --> 01:03:16,280
Speaker 2: uh just the the recovery has been been a struggle.

1089
01:03:18,800 --> 01:03:27,160
Speaker 2: And uh, ironically, much like your previous caller, I don't

1090
01:03:27,200 --> 01:03:33,200
Speaker 2: know for some reason, all my friends left me. I

1091
01:03:33,240 --> 01:03:37,200
Speaker 2: had I had one friend who would visit me in

1092
01:03:37,240 --> 01:03:41,680
Speaker 2: the hospital out of all my friends. Uh, you know,

1093
01:03:41,840 --> 01:03:45,360
Speaker 2: my parents passed away a few years ago, so I

1094
01:03:45,360 --> 01:03:49,840
Speaker 2: don't have family or you know, immediate family. I do

1095
01:03:49,960 --> 01:03:52,600
Speaker 2: have cousins, aunts and uncles, but none of them can

1096
01:03:52,680 --> 01:03:57,120
Speaker 2: die to visit me in the hospital. So yeah, you know,

1097
01:03:57,160 --> 01:04:03,240
Speaker 2: I've just been hearing and just over and all by myself. Uh, Lyle,

1098
01:04:03,360 --> 01:04:07,640
Speaker 2: I do appreciate your streams. They do get me through

1099
01:04:07,880 --> 01:04:12,200
Speaker 2: the day whenever you do streams, So thank you for

1100
01:04:12,400 --> 01:04:13,000
Speaker 2: what you do.

1101
01:04:13,920 --> 01:04:14,000
Speaker 1: You.

1102
01:04:14,080 --> 01:04:14,720
Speaker 3: I appreciate that.

1103
01:04:15,960 --> 01:04:16,440
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1104
01:04:16,640 --> 01:04:23,560
Speaker 2: So, but uh, yeah, just want want to let all

1105
01:04:23,600 --> 01:04:25,440
Speaker 2: the other listeners know.

1106
01:04:28,480 --> 01:04:28,880
Speaker 4: I don't know.

1107
01:04:28,960 --> 01:04:31,200
Speaker 2: I guess just try to plan as many good seeds

1108
01:04:31,240 --> 01:04:35,800
Speaker 2: as you can. Try to have a lot of good friends,

1109
01:04:35,920 --> 01:04:45,880
Speaker 2: you know. But I guess don't expect he just depend

1110
01:04:45,920 --> 01:04:49,480
Speaker 2: on yourself. Yeah, hm hmm.

1111
01:04:50,480 --> 01:04:53,520
Speaker 3: Well kind of like I was saying to uh our

1112
01:04:53,560 --> 01:04:58,640
Speaker 3: boy Beuford earlier. Uh, it's hard. This is a hard

1113
01:04:58,960 --> 01:05:01,080
Speaker 3: like the stoicism and that you can only depend on

1114
01:05:01,120 --> 01:05:04,200
Speaker 3: yourself thing is Uh, it's actually it's actually been a

1115
01:05:04,200 --> 01:05:06,800
Speaker 3: core value of mine, I think for a while in

1116
01:05:06,840 --> 01:05:09,959
Speaker 3: my life and recently as I've gotten older, I've I've

1117
01:05:10,000 --> 01:05:17,600
Speaker 3: come to reevaluate it, because I don't. I don't know.

1118
01:05:17,680 --> 01:05:22,200
Speaker 3: It's it's a it's a it's a belief that I

1119
01:05:22,520 --> 01:05:28,560
Speaker 3: I poking prad at a little bit because it's somewhat

1120
01:05:28,680 --> 01:05:33,200
Speaker 3: avoidant in a bad way, but it's also it's weird.

1121
01:05:33,240 --> 01:05:35,880
Speaker 3: It's one of those things that you believe and you

1122
01:05:36,080 --> 01:05:38,880
Speaker 3: hold close because you don't want to get hurt, and

1123
01:05:38,920 --> 01:05:42,040
Speaker 3: it protects you from getting hurt, but it also uh

1124
01:05:42,640 --> 01:05:45,800
Speaker 3: closes you off. I mean, that's what every song is about,

1125
01:05:45,960 --> 01:05:49,360
Speaker 3: is it not? Every song is about like I won't

1126
01:05:49,520 --> 01:05:52,360
Speaker 3: I won't let you in because you'll hurt me. What's song?

1127
01:05:52,480 --> 01:05:56,760
Speaker 3: What's that's what That's what I got a feeling by

1128
01:05:56,760 --> 01:06:03,160
Speaker 3: the Black Eyed Peas is about. I think that's deff.

1129
01:06:03,280 --> 01:06:06,720
Speaker 3: That's what the Pledge of Allegiance is about. That's what

1130
01:06:09,320 --> 01:06:15,000
Speaker 3: that's what the Simpsons theme is about. But anyway, it's

1131
01:06:15,280 --> 01:06:16,920
Speaker 3: kind of again, it's one of those beliefs that I

1132
01:06:17,120 --> 01:06:19,680
Speaker 3: kind of poking product and uh, I think it has

1133
01:06:19,720 --> 01:06:25,680
Speaker 3: its time and place that's valuable, and then when it's not.

1134
01:06:26,480 --> 01:06:30,640
Speaker 3: But hmm, what is your name? I'm sorry I forgot

1135
01:06:30,640 --> 01:06:31,000
Speaker 3: your name.

1136
01:06:32,200 --> 01:06:32,680
Speaker 2: Stanley.

1137
01:06:33,200 --> 01:06:37,200
Speaker 3: Stanley, how long have you been in the hospital?

1138
01:06:37,200 --> 01:06:42,919
Speaker 2: For so, I was in the hospital for two months

1139
01:06:43,400 --> 01:06:47,040
Speaker 2: and then I've been not been discharged for what would

1140
01:06:47,280 --> 01:06:54,120
Speaker 2: discharge stance h mid to lie. I've been discharged since

1141
01:06:54,240 --> 01:07:01,960
Speaker 2: last July. I've been able to walk walk pretty okay

1142
01:07:02,040 --> 01:07:05,200
Speaker 2: now when you know, a little wobbly, but.

1143
01:07:07,320 --> 01:07:07,960
Speaker 4: You know, it's just.

1144
01:07:09,680 --> 01:07:16,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm just pushing through, you know. Yeah, I'm just

1145
01:07:16,920 --> 01:07:22,520
Speaker 2: so thankful that I'm able to recover from this as

1146
01:07:22,600 --> 01:07:27,320
Speaker 2: much as possible. You know, I've met a wonderful bunch

1147
01:07:27,320 --> 01:07:32,200
Speaker 2: of wonderful uh friends while I was at the hospital,

1148
01:07:32,240 --> 01:07:34,919
Speaker 2: and so many of them have it so much worse

1149
01:07:34,960 --> 01:07:38,000
Speaker 2: than I do. So whenever I'm having a bad day,

1150
01:07:38,040 --> 01:07:40,160
Speaker 2: you know, I just I just remember my friends from

1151
01:07:40,200 --> 01:07:43,600
Speaker 2: the hospital and just you know, just just try to

1152
01:07:43,600 --> 01:07:47,480
Speaker 2: have a good day. But yeah, you know, every every

1153
01:07:47,560 --> 01:07:49,000
Speaker 2: day has the challenges.

1154
01:07:49,760 --> 01:07:53,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, how we so, how is like physical therapy?

1155
01:07:53,200 --> 01:07:53,400
Speaker 1: Going?

1156
01:07:55,000 --> 01:07:58,760
Speaker 2: Physical physical therapy was great? You know, if any of

1157
01:07:58,800 --> 01:08:03,240
Speaker 2: the listeners are peet or ots man, y'all are true

1158
01:08:03,600 --> 01:08:09,360
Speaker 2: true angels. Because physical therapists and occupational therapists like, you know,

1159
01:08:09,440 --> 01:08:12,680
Speaker 2: for them to have so much patience and also teach

1160
01:08:12,840 --> 01:08:15,920
Speaker 2: just have such a great attitude, you know, that really

1161
01:08:15,960 --> 01:08:19,439
Speaker 2: helps us to want to be there and you know,

1162
01:08:19,520 --> 01:08:22,599
Speaker 2: give it our all and just you know, keep you know,

1163
01:08:22,800 --> 01:08:27,280
Speaker 2: keep pushing through and keep going. Every day for a

1164
01:08:27,280 --> 01:08:30,920
Speaker 2: lot of us, that hour of work two that we're

1165
01:08:30,960 --> 01:08:35,880
Speaker 2: at PT, that's all the social interaction we get, you know.

1166
01:08:36,080 --> 01:08:43,680
Speaker 2: So so that's that's another thing with therapists, you know, yeah,

1167
01:08:43,760 --> 01:08:46,920
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, they're doing the physical stuff, but honestly, yeah,

1168
01:08:47,000 --> 01:08:52,760
Speaker 2: they're also like therapists truly. So again, if any of

1169
01:08:52,800 --> 01:08:55,280
Speaker 2: the listeners are pets and ots, you know, thank you

1170
01:08:55,320 --> 01:08:56,240
Speaker 2: so much for what you do.

1171
01:08:59,040 --> 01:09:02,800
Speaker 3: Are you able to, like do you have like a

1172
01:09:02,840 --> 01:09:08,960
Speaker 3: recovery timeline of some sort. Do they give you a

1173
01:09:09,000 --> 01:09:11,479
Speaker 3: timeline of you know, when they think you'll be able

1174
01:09:11,520 --> 01:09:13,479
Speaker 3: to kind of be a little bit more mobile.

1175
01:09:15,760 --> 01:09:23,240
Speaker 2: So they say everybody is different, but I feel I

1176
01:09:23,280 --> 01:09:25,519
Speaker 2: feel pretty al right being able to take care of

1177
01:09:25,560 --> 01:09:30,080
Speaker 2: myself now. It's just you know, I'm still will be

1178
01:09:30,200 --> 01:09:32,479
Speaker 2: weak in the hands and you know up her body.

1179
01:09:33,439 --> 01:09:36,200
Speaker 2: Like I said, when I'm walking, my balance is an issue.

1180
01:09:36,840 --> 01:09:37,000
Speaker 4: Uh.

1181
01:09:37,320 --> 01:09:41,560
Speaker 2: But you know, I try to keep a good attitude

1182
01:09:41,720 --> 01:09:46,240
Speaker 2: and just try to do things. You know, in mine,

1183
01:09:47,200 --> 01:09:49,759
Speaker 2: I try to tell myself to just do things without

1184
01:09:49,840 --> 01:09:52,760
Speaker 2: thinking that I'm you know, I'm injured, you know, just

1185
01:09:53,280 --> 01:09:56,880
Speaker 2: try to move, Just try to move normally, you know,

1186
01:09:57,000 --> 01:09:59,759
Speaker 2: or like you know, think like don't think that I'm injured.

1187
01:10:00,240 --> 01:10:05,439
Speaker 2: Just just do the task. So that kind of helps,

1188
01:10:05,760 --> 01:10:06,000
Speaker 2: you know.

1189
01:10:06,800 --> 01:10:12,240
Speaker 3: And that's that's interesting, Like uh like wait, that's so

1190
01:10:12,320 --> 01:10:15,120
Speaker 3: interesting that almost that it's actually kind of funny to

1191
01:10:15,160 --> 01:10:17,320
Speaker 3: hear you say that, because that almost like you know,

1192
01:10:17,439 --> 01:10:19,519
Speaker 3: I was talking to Buford about about the whole like

1193
01:10:19,680 --> 01:10:25,160
Speaker 3: uh self, like like the uh self image is a

1194
01:10:25,200 --> 01:10:28,200
Speaker 3: reflection of how other people see you type ship. It's

1195
01:10:28,240 --> 01:10:30,280
Speaker 3: kind of funny that. It's kind of funny that that

1196
01:10:30,400 --> 01:10:32,519
Speaker 3: they that works on like a mental sense, but it

1197
01:10:32,560 --> 01:10:34,599
Speaker 3: also works on like a physical sense, like the fact

1198
01:10:34,640 --> 01:10:37,360
Speaker 3: that the they were telling you like just fucking believe

1199
01:10:37,479 --> 01:10:41,320
Speaker 3: that you're not injured and you just aren't. It's kind

1200
01:10:41,320 --> 01:10:47,759
Speaker 3: of crazy, right, Yeah, you had the minus.

1201
01:10:47,760 --> 01:10:54,160
Speaker 2: It's a powerful tool, as they say, so yeah, absolutely, yeah.

1202
01:10:54,200 --> 01:10:55,680
Speaker 3: It's like, uh, I also have a.

1203
01:10:55,640 --> 01:10:58,400
Speaker 2: Little dog, you know. She helps keep my spirits up.

1204
01:10:58,800 --> 01:11:00,760
Speaker 3: Oh cute, what kind of what kind of dog?

1205
01:11:02,520 --> 01:11:06,880
Speaker 2: So she's a Wiener Jack Russell mixed. She'll be ten

1206
01:11:07,080 --> 01:11:09,559
Speaker 2: this oh yeah, in a couple of weeks. She'll be

1207
01:11:09,600 --> 01:11:12,839
Speaker 2: ten on October first, m M yeah.

1208
01:11:15,520 --> 01:11:21,320
Speaker 3: M hmm. What do you do day to day in

1209
01:11:21,360 --> 01:11:24,559
Speaker 3: the hospital, do you or no, you've been discharged, so

1210
01:11:24,840 --> 01:11:27,479
Speaker 3: are you are you working or are you going to school?

1211
01:11:30,160 --> 01:11:33,559
Speaker 2: So right now I'm just trying to heal as much

1212
01:11:33,560 --> 01:11:37,680
Speaker 2: as I can. I'm looking to maybe start putting out

1213
01:11:37,680 --> 01:11:44,000
Speaker 2: applications again beginning next year, you know, with my hands

1214
01:11:44,040 --> 01:11:49,559
Speaker 2: still being kind of weeded, and also I can't move

1215
01:11:49,640 --> 01:11:52,080
Speaker 2: them like how I would like to be able to

1216
01:11:52,200 --> 01:11:58,120
Speaker 2: move them. My right hand's pretty okay, but my left ten.

1217
01:11:59,520 --> 01:11:59,840
Speaker 1: It's not.

1218
01:12:00,160 --> 01:12:05,000
Speaker 2: It's not so much a claw, but I can't I

1219
01:12:05,040 --> 01:12:09,559
Speaker 2: can't lay my hands flat, so it would be really

1220
01:12:09,600 --> 01:12:14,200
Speaker 2: it's really difficult for me to type. So you know,

1221
01:12:14,479 --> 01:12:17,240
Speaker 2: that's you know, typing is one really important thing in

1222
01:12:17,280 --> 01:12:23,000
Speaker 2: the job, uh for jobs. So yeah, but we'll see,

1223
01:12:23,280 --> 01:12:25,320
Speaker 2: we'll see.

1224
01:12:24,200 --> 01:12:29,599
Speaker 3: M hm hmmm mm hmmmm. What else? Uh? What else

1225
01:12:29,600 --> 01:12:32,000
Speaker 3: have you been doing to bide your time?

1226
01:12:34,040 --> 01:12:40,320
Speaker 2: I try to go hiking a little bit. But other

1227
01:12:40,400 --> 01:12:45,240
Speaker 2: than that, you know, I just sleep. I try to

1228
01:12:45,280 --> 01:12:48,799
Speaker 2: do you know, little tasks here and there around the house,

1229
01:12:49,760 --> 01:12:53,160
Speaker 2: like doing the laundry, trying to fold the clothes, trying

1230
01:12:53,200 --> 01:12:55,120
Speaker 2: to cook a little bit here and there, you know,

1231
01:12:55,320 --> 01:13:01,360
Speaker 2: just clean up the house a little bit y. But

1232
01:13:01,360 --> 01:13:04,280
Speaker 2: but yeah, it's a lot of sleeping, that's for sure.

1233
01:13:04,720 --> 01:13:10,040
Speaker 2: And yeah, it's pretty much therapy.

1234
01:13:11,160 --> 01:13:13,000
Speaker 3: What do they what do they tell you in therapy?

1235
01:13:13,040 --> 01:13:14,160
Speaker 3: Do they tell you anything helpful?

1236
01:13:18,160 --> 01:13:21,479
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, we just talk about lives. You know,

1237
01:13:21,560 --> 01:13:25,680
Speaker 2: we'll talk about the game, We'll just Yeah, whenever I

1238
01:13:25,720 --> 01:13:30,040
Speaker 2: have questions about my health and about my recovery, again,

1239
01:13:30,280 --> 01:13:32,559
Speaker 2: their answer is always, you know, we don't know. You know,

1240
01:13:32,600 --> 01:13:38,080
Speaker 2: everybody's different, so you know, I just I just go

1241
01:13:38,200 --> 01:13:41,600
Speaker 2: along with it. Do the do the exercises?

1242
01:13:43,640 --> 01:13:43,760
Speaker 4: Uh?

1243
01:13:44,000 --> 01:13:45,479
Speaker 3: Did they give you any pain killers?

1244
01:13:47,560 --> 01:13:55,400
Speaker 2: You know, I'm so fortunate that I never had any pain. Yeah,

1245
01:13:55,520 --> 01:13:58,000
Speaker 2: I got so lucky with that. But I think that's

1246
01:13:58,040 --> 01:14:02,920
Speaker 2: because my nerves are so messed up now because below

1247
01:14:02,960 --> 01:14:06,440
Speaker 2: my below my you know, my waist, I lost all sensation.

1248
01:14:07,479 --> 01:14:11,759
Speaker 2: Uh so, so I can imagine that that really sucks,

1249
01:14:13,240 --> 01:14:18,559
Speaker 2: especially before trying to pass the time by. But yeah,

1250
01:14:18,680 --> 01:14:21,840
Speaker 2: so you know, there's no pain, but they do have

1251
01:14:21,920 --> 01:14:24,720
Speaker 2: me on a whole bunch of muscle relaxers.

1252
01:14:25,200 --> 01:14:27,799
Speaker 4: Mm hmmm.

1253
01:14:30,120 --> 01:14:34,680
Speaker 3: What are your plans or hopes for the future and

1254
01:14:35,000 --> 01:14:36,080
Speaker 3: in general.

1255
01:14:38,320 --> 01:14:45,360
Speaker 2: The great question kick, Well, I hope I'll able to

1256
01:14:46,040 --> 01:14:50,679
Speaker 2: uh at the lower body strength to go hiking again.

1257
01:14:51,680 --> 01:14:57,040
Speaker 2: Before my injury, I was out hiking every day. So

1258
01:14:57,120 --> 01:15:00,880
Speaker 2: I hope I can be out there again, you know,

1259
01:15:01,000 --> 01:15:07,600
Speaker 2: road tripping, uh, just traveling and yeah, being able to

1260
01:15:07,680 --> 01:15:11,639
Speaker 2: find you know, just a decent job, you know, nothing crazy.

1261
01:15:12,479 --> 01:15:15,000
Speaker 3: Mm hmmm mm hmm.

1262
01:15:15,200 --> 01:15:16,760
Speaker 4: You know I felt so.

1263
01:15:16,920 --> 01:15:19,080
Speaker 2: I mean, it's a bull edged sword, I guess, But

1264
01:15:19,640 --> 01:15:21,880
Speaker 2: in this sense, I was so happy that I wasn't

1265
01:15:21,920 --> 01:15:25,200
Speaker 2: married and had kids because, you know, me getting sucked

1266
01:15:25,280 --> 01:15:27,320
Speaker 2: up like this. I mean, could you imagine, you know,

1267
01:15:28,160 --> 01:15:30,799
Speaker 2: I'm not able to support my wife and kids because

1268
01:15:31,360 --> 01:15:33,880
Speaker 2: because of my accident, you know. Yeah, but at the

1269
01:15:33,880 --> 01:15:37,120
Speaker 2: same time, but at the same time, not having a

1270
01:15:37,120 --> 01:15:39,720
Speaker 2: wife and kids, you know, I'm so alone, you know,

1271
01:15:39,840 --> 01:15:41,280
Speaker 2: and I don't have so much to help me with

1272
01:15:41,320 --> 01:15:44,559
Speaker 2: this recovery. So again, it's a double edged sword.

1273
01:15:44,720 --> 01:15:49,600
Speaker 3: But is that something you you are hopeful for for

1274
01:15:49,640 --> 01:15:50,080
Speaker 3: the future.

1275
01:15:56,560 --> 01:16:01,720
Speaker 2: You know, I'm I'm such a realist, you know, I understand.

1276
01:16:01,800 --> 01:16:05,680
Speaker 2: I mean it's going to be hard for you. I mean,

1277
01:16:05,880 --> 01:16:10,120
Speaker 2: like there's no there's no girl out there thinking, yeah,

1278
01:16:10,240 --> 01:16:13,920
Speaker 2: let me let me go and find a quadriplegic right

1279
01:16:14,040 --> 01:16:16,720
Speaker 2: to spend the rest of my life with right, So

1280
01:16:16,800 --> 01:16:18,439
Speaker 2: I mean I totally get that.

1281
01:16:19,160 --> 01:16:25,040
Speaker 3: But you know, dude, I will hold on. By the way,

1282
01:16:25,120 --> 01:16:26,720
Speaker 3: let me say that there are you know, I don't

1283
01:16:26,760 --> 01:16:28,000
Speaker 3: know if you ever, I don't know if you ever

1284
01:16:27,920 --> 01:16:30,040
Speaker 3: have been on the dating apps, but there are other

1285
01:16:30,160 --> 01:16:34,759
Speaker 3: women in wheelchairs on the dating apps for sure.

1286
01:16:35,120 --> 01:16:36,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're not wrong.

1287
01:16:37,160 --> 01:16:39,280
Speaker 3: That could be kind of crazy.

1288
01:16:39,400 --> 01:16:44,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're not wrong. While but yeah, I mean, you know,

1289
01:16:44,680 --> 01:16:50,559
Speaker 2: if it happens, it happens, you know, I would I

1290
01:16:50,560 --> 01:16:59,040
Speaker 2: would love to be married someday. But I'm not uncomfortable

1291
01:16:59,200 --> 01:17:02,599
Speaker 2: being single. Okay. Like I said, I do have my dog,

1292
01:17:05,280 --> 01:17:07,479
Speaker 2: so I'm not completely alone.

1293
01:17:09,240 --> 01:17:13,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, mm hmm. How about you? Lot?

1294
01:17:13,400 --> 01:17:16,120
Speaker 2: Are you dating? What's up with you? Me?

1295
01:17:16,320 --> 01:17:20,840
Speaker 3: I'm crazy, man, I'm uh I go, I go to

1296
01:17:20,880 --> 01:17:25,919
Speaker 3: the park and uh I'll see I'll see someone beautiful,

1297
01:17:25,960 --> 01:17:28,599
Speaker 3: and I'll be like and I'll walk away, and then

1298
01:17:28,640 --> 01:17:31,839
Speaker 3: I'll be like, I'm gonna I'm gonna go eat a sandwich.

1299
01:17:31,960 --> 01:17:40,599
Speaker 3: That's what I'll do. Uh what about me? I don't know.

1300
01:17:40,760 --> 01:17:46,920
Speaker 3: I have dreams and wants and desires and uh frustrations

1301
01:17:46,960 --> 01:17:51,080
Speaker 3: about my dreams and wants and desires that coexist with

1302
01:17:51,400 --> 01:17:57,160
Speaker 3: UH optimism. So my frustration and my optimism co exists

1303
01:17:58,880 --> 01:18:01,040
Speaker 3: in a bit of a beautiful harmony with each other,

1304
01:18:01,720 --> 01:18:07,439
Speaker 3: and they drive me forward to uh uh not die,

1305
01:18:07,920 --> 01:18:10,559
Speaker 3: not want to die, and to you know, keep going.

1306
01:18:11,439 --> 01:18:13,960
Speaker 3: It's a weird it's a it's a it's a like

1307
01:18:14,000 --> 01:18:17,559
Speaker 3: a yin and yang. The optimism and frustration that I

1308
01:18:17,600 --> 01:18:21,320
Speaker 3: feel is like a like a little ball that uh

1309
01:18:21,600 --> 01:18:25,559
Speaker 3: drives the car of my existence forward. I don't know,

1310
01:18:26,439 --> 01:18:29,960
Speaker 3: hope hopefully, you know, uh and they you know, some

1311
01:18:30,120 --> 01:18:33,360
Speaker 3: I've I've had periods of my life with that were

1312
01:18:33,360 --> 01:18:40,560
Speaker 3: about ninety five percent frustration slash apathy and five percent optimism,

1313
01:18:41,080 --> 01:18:44,520
Speaker 3: and then times that have been ninety five percent optimism

1314
01:18:44,760 --> 01:18:48,080
Speaker 3: and five percent frustration. And they're both there. Both of

1315
01:18:48,120 --> 01:18:52,799
Speaker 3: those things are are as as you know, as a realist,

1316
01:18:52,880 --> 01:18:56,519
Speaker 3: both of those things are dangerous. You don't want to

1317
01:18:56,560 --> 01:18:59,000
Speaker 3: be you don't want to be too apathetic and frustrated,

1318
01:18:59,000 --> 01:19:04,480
Speaker 3: but you don't want to be uh uh blindly optimistic

1319
01:19:04,520 --> 01:19:07,759
Speaker 3: to the fact that you'll never experience anything bad ever again.

1320
01:19:08,680 --> 01:19:13,400
Speaker 3: So right, yeah, I don't know, that's that's that's I

1321
01:19:13,439 --> 01:19:14,800
Speaker 3: guess my answer of what's going on with me?

1322
01:19:16,080 --> 01:19:16,240
Speaker 1: All?

1323
01:19:17,120 --> 01:19:18,800
Speaker 3: Do you play video games?

1324
01:19:20,400 --> 01:19:23,880
Speaker 2: You know I used to be my accident, you know,

1325
01:19:24,000 --> 01:19:33,760
Speaker 2: my hand. Yeah, yeah, but but uh yeah, yeah I do.

1326
01:19:33,880 --> 01:19:40,599
Speaker 2: I've been watching a lot of Netflix and yeah yeah HBO,

1327
01:19:40,760 --> 01:19:44,760
Speaker 2: Max Peacock. I just been running through a lot of

1328
01:19:45,000 --> 01:19:46,719
Speaker 2: shows that I've also already watched.

1329
01:19:47,840 --> 01:19:49,519
Speaker 3: I know, you said, I mean, I know you're like

1330
01:19:49,600 --> 01:19:51,720
Speaker 3: kind of dealing with like loneliness in general, Like, do

1331
01:19:51,840 --> 01:19:58,160
Speaker 3: you you know I think that Yeah. Normally, I think

1332
01:19:58,200 --> 01:20:01,559
Speaker 3: it's best to like go out in person to like

1333
01:20:01,640 --> 01:20:03,280
Speaker 3: meet people hang out with people. But if you can't

1334
01:20:03,360 --> 01:20:06,920
Speaker 3: do that, I mean, there is a lot of great

1335
01:20:07,000 --> 01:20:11,720
Speaker 3: communities on discord and Reddit and Twitch that you can

1336
01:20:12,720 --> 01:20:14,720
Speaker 3: you know, be a part of. I mean, look, there's

1337
01:20:14,720 --> 01:20:17,320
Speaker 3: people hanging out of my Twitch chat right now. Do

1338
01:20:17,360 --> 01:20:19,200
Speaker 3: you do you take advantage of any of that?

1339
01:20:20,800 --> 01:20:21,240
Speaker 2: I do not.

1340
01:20:24,040 --> 01:20:27,840
Speaker 3: Mm, yeah, you should consider it, you know. Yeah, if

1341
01:20:27,920 --> 01:20:29,760
Speaker 3: if you don't have the means to, you know, leave

1342
01:20:29,800 --> 01:20:31,960
Speaker 3: your house right now. I think it's a good thing

1343
01:20:31,960 --> 01:20:33,600
Speaker 3: to look into. But it's also nice because, you know,

1344
01:20:33,600 --> 01:20:36,160
Speaker 3: once you're feeling better and more mobile. I mean, I

1345
01:20:36,200 --> 01:20:38,800
Speaker 3: know a lot of people I have friends who you know,

1346
01:20:38,960 --> 01:20:40,800
Speaker 3: have met and you know, people who listen to this

1347
01:20:40,800 --> 01:20:44,839
Speaker 3: podcast I'm sure who have met people in like Reddit

1348
01:20:45,000 --> 01:20:49,280
Speaker 3: or discord or Twitch and uh, you know, or like

1349
01:20:49,400 --> 01:20:53,599
Speaker 3: online means and have then actually, you know, through those

1350
01:20:53,640 --> 01:20:58,519
Speaker 3: online means, gone on to create like genuine you know,

1351
01:20:58,640 --> 01:21:01,880
Speaker 3: friendships that exist on the computer. So I think it's

1352
01:21:01,960 --> 01:21:05,680
Speaker 3: I think I think if you're like, I guess all

1353
01:21:05,920 --> 01:21:09,320
Speaker 3: this is to say, and I appreciate you sharing you know,

1354
01:21:09,360 --> 01:21:13,800
Speaker 3: your your vulnerability and your story. And I'm also thinking

1355
01:21:13,840 --> 01:21:18,280
Speaker 3: about your situation from like a logistical standpoint, and I

1356
01:21:18,360 --> 01:21:22,720
Speaker 3: think that if you if you do feel frustrated and

1357
01:21:22,760 --> 01:21:25,559
Speaker 3: you feel like you're spinning your fucking wheels, like being

1358
01:21:25,560 --> 01:21:28,200
Speaker 3: at home and you know, not having anything, not not

1359
01:21:28,280 --> 01:21:30,760
Speaker 3: having anyone at home and then not being able to

1360
01:21:30,840 --> 01:21:34,080
Speaker 3: go out, it fucking sucks. And I think if you're

1361
01:21:34,080 --> 01:21:36,240
Speaker 3: spinning your and I would just say, like, I think

1362
01:21:36,240 --> 01:21:39,960
Speaker 3: if you're spinning your wheels over that, and you're like, okay,

1363
01:21:39,960 --> 01:21:42,799
Speaker 3: I need like a just some sort of like outlet

1364
01:21:42,920 --> 01:21:45,759
Speaker 3: to feel like I'm not spinning my fucking hamster wheels

1365
01:21:45,840 --> 01:21:51,080
Speaker 3: and I'm like trying to do something because I think

1366
01:21:51,080 --> 01:21:54,200
Speaker 3: that's that's kind of what settles the brain ultimately, is

1367
01:21:54,200 --> 01:21:56,040
Speaker 3: when it feels like it's not spinning its wheels and

1368
01:21:56,080 --> 01:21:59,639
Speaker 3: it's like we're actually fucking trying to do something about how,

1369
01:21:59,840 --> 01:22:05,800
Speaker 3: you know, the bad shit we're feeling. I think it's

1370
01:22:05,960 --> 01:22:08,639
Speaker 3: not a terrible idea to, you know, give a shot

1371
01:22:08,720 --> 01:22:12,880
Speaker 3: to joining like you know, a Reddit or a Twitch

1372
01:22:13,000 --> 01:22:17,240
Speaker 3: or a discord community. You know, even if there was

1373
01:22:17,240 --> 01:22:20,400
Speaker 3: like a video game that you used to play, right, like, uh,

1374
01:22:21,600 --> 01:22:23,120
Speaker 3: you know, like what's a video game you used to

1375
01:22:23,120 --> 01:22:29,600
Speaker 3: be really into, like nbh ok NBA two K? I

1376
01:22:29,640 --> 01:22:31,920
Speaker 3: mean great, you could you could go into you could

1377
01:22:31,920 --> 01:22:34,519
Speaker 3: go into like a two K Discord and be like,

1378
01:22:34,640 --> 01:22:37,800
Speaker 3: you know, hey, what's up. My name is uh, you know,

1379
01:22:38,360 --> 01:22:43,600
Speaker 3: uh Jonathan for twenty. That's the username I came up

1380
01:22:43,640 --> 01:22:47,479
Speaker 3: with for you and and I and I. You know

1381
01:22:47,600 --> 01:22:49,599
Speaker 3: I I used to play a lot of two K,

1382
01:22:49,760 --> 01:22:51,800
Speaker 3: but then I got into this accident blah blah blah.

1383
01:22:51,880 --> 01:22:53,960
Speaker 3: But I'm just here because I love talking about the game.

1384
01:22:53,960 --> 01:22:55,680
Speaker 3: Blah blah blah. Someone be like, oh, hey was that?

1385
01:22:56,040 --> 01:22:58,639
Speaker 3: You know, It's it's worth giving a shot. I would say,

1386
01:22:58,720 --> 01:23:00,439
Speaker 3: if you're if you're spinning your wheel and you want

1387
01:23:00,479 --> 01:23:06,840
Speaker 3: to talk to someone, yeah, totally what is your not

1388
01:23:07,200 --> 01:23:08,080
Speaker 3: Jonathan for twenty?

1389
01:23:08,160 --> 01:23:10,600
Speaker 2: Name again Stanley?

1390
01:23:11,000 --> 01:23:13,880
Speaker 3: Stanley. There used to be a What the fuck was

1391
01:23:13,880 --> 01:23:16,479
Speaker 3: that show on the Disney Channel where there was a

1392
01:23:16,520 --> 01:23:18,600
Speaker 3: guy named Stanley who like hung out with animals? Do

1393
01:23:18,600 --> 01:23:19,439
Speaker 3: you know what I'm talking about?

1394
01:23:20,600 --> 01:23:21,240
Speaker 4: I do not.

1395
01:23:21,640 --> 01:23:23,400
Speaker 3: You don't know what I'm talking about.

1396
01:23:23,760 --> 01:23:25,960
Speaker 2: I don't. I really don't.

1397
01:23:26,240 --> 01:23:28,800
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm gonna look that up after this phone call.

1398
01:23:28,960 --> 01:23:31,960
Speaker 3: But yeah, again, man, thanks thanks for sharing. I hope that.

1399
01:23:32,920 --> 01:23:35,120
Speaker 3: I guess just before we go, like, is there anything

1400
01:23:35,120 --> 01:23:37,800
Speaker 3: else that you wanted to talk about, or any other

1401
01:23:37,960 --> 01:23:40,240
Speaker 3: like I don't know shit you wanted to talk through,

1402
01:23:40,680 --> 01:23:42,439
Speaker 3: or any other way that like this this phone call

1403
01:23:42,439 --> 01:23:43,240
Speaker 3: could be helpful to you.

1404
01:23:44,560 --> 01:23:47,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean to anyone listening now or you know

1405
01:23:47,920 --> 01:23:51,160
Speaker 2: Winness is up on YouTube or whatever, you know, anyone

1406
01:23:51,240 --> 01:23:54,799
Speaker 2: going through anything similar or going through a dark spot,

1407
01:23:54,960 --> 01:23:59,000
Speaker 2: just just know you come through it. Because when I

1408
01:23:59,080 --> 01:24:02,280
Speaker 2: was discharged from the hospital just two months after my accident,

1409
01:24:02,680 --> 01:24:05,000
Speaker 2: you know, I was back home and like I said,

1410
01:24:05,040 --> 01:24:08,240
Speaker 2: I was alone, and man, I fell into a deep

1411
01:24:08,280 --> 01:24:13,600
Speaker 2: depression and you know, you know, dealing with with suicide.

1412
01:24:13,760 --> 01:24:14,519
Speaker 2: Can I say that?

1413
01:24:17,280 --> 01:24:17,559
Speaker 1: Okay?

1414
01:24:17,640 --> 01:24:20,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know I was. I was, I was battling

1415
01:24:21,000 --> 01:24:24,920
Speaker 2: suicide there because you know, I mean, I was still

1416
01:24:25,439 --> 01:24:27,080
Speaker 2: you know, learning to walk again. I mean, you know,

1417
01:24:27,120 --> 01:24:30,920
Speaker 2: I just didn't know how much my body would heal back, right,

1418
01:24:32,600 --> 01:24:37,240
Speaker 2: and again, you know, just battling the mental battle as well.

1419
01:24:37,360 --> 01:24:40,040
Speaker 2: I you know, it would just be so easy to

1420
01:24:40,080 --> 01:24:46,759
Speaker 2: just to just pull that trigger. But after about maybe

1421
01:24:46,760 --> 01:24:50,400
Speaker 2: about a month, maybe two months, and I started to

1422
01:24:50,439 --> 01:24:52,760
Speaker 2: feel better, you know, you know, I you know, I

1423
01:24:52,800 --> 01:24:56,000
Speaker 2: started you know, outpatient therapy, and again, you know, the

1424
01:24:56,000 --> 01:25:00,200
Speaker 2: therapists were wonderful, did a great job, you know, and

1425
01:25:00,240 --> 01:25:01,559
Speaker 2: then you know, it just took it a day at

1426
01:25:01,560 --> 01:25:06,800
Speaker 2: a time right now, and then, yeah, the past several

1427
01:25:06,840 --> 01:25:11,240
Speaker 2: months have been have been great. And yeah, so to

1428
01:25:11,240 --> 01:25:14,439
Speaker 2: everyone listening, just you know, just take a day ahead

1429
01:25:14,479 --> 01:25:17,479
Speaker 2: of time, and you know it will get better. It

1430
01:25:17,520 --> 01:25:18,479
Speaker 2: really will get better.

1431
01:25:18,920 --> 01:25:22,040
Speaker 3: I appreciate you sharing that sentiment, man, and I hope

1432
01:25:22,080 --> 01:25:25,679
Speaker 3: things go better with you. I hope that you're able

1433
01:25:25,720 --> 01:25:30,559
Speaker 3: to find some sense of community and some sense of

1434
01:25:30,800 --> 01:25:36,560
Speaker 3: like a good path forward for yourself. And I appreciate

1435
01:25:36,600 --> 01:25:41,080
Speaker 3: you sharing your your optimism with the class.

1436
01:25:42,200 --> 01:25:42,920
Speaker 2: Absolutely.

1437
01:25:43,200 --> 01:25:44,439
Speaker 4: Thank you, Gek, take.

1438
01:25:44,320 --> 01:25:49,000
Speaker 3: Care of Stanley. Good luck. Yes, sir, that was a

1439
01:25:49,080 --> 01:25:50,440
Speaker 3: nice guy, Stanley.

1440
01:25:52,960 --> 01:25:53,160
Speaker 1: Ship.

1441
01:25:53,200 --> 01:25:57,839
Speaker 3: What the fuck was I going to say? Uh? Yeah,

1442
01:25:58,400 --> 01:26:01,120
Speaker 3: that was that was nice? I mean, yeah, I've had.

1443
01:26:01,200 --> 01:26:04,760
Speaker 3: I've had yes times where I felt uh, you know,

1444
01:26:04,920 --> 01:26:06,960
Speaker 3: I think I think one of the nice things I

1445
01:26:07,000 --> 01:26:08,920
Speaker 3: thought about recently is that I've had a lot of

1446
01:26:08,960 --> 01:26:12,560
Speaker 3: also times where you know, I felt uh uh suicidal

1447
01:26:12,640 --> 01:26:15,680
Speaker 3: or insane, and to then look back and be like, oh, wait,

1448
01:26:15,680 --> 01:26:18,920
Speaker 3: life actually feels kind of normal and chill. Now. It's like, oh,

1449
01:26:18,960 --> 01:26:20,760
Speaker 3: I didn't even know that would like when I was

1450
01:26:20,800 --> 01:26:22,559
Speaker 3: feeling that way, I didn't even know it would be

1451
01:26:22,680 --> 01:26:26,880
Speaker 3: possible to not feel that way in the future. So,

1452
01:26:27,880 --> 01:26:32,160
Speaker 3: you know, something to that, something to stand optimistic. Wait, okay,

1453
01:26:32,200 --> 01:26:41,320
Speaker 3: what's the name of this fucking cartoon Disney Channel? Stanley Stanley. Oh,

1454
01:26:41,320 --> 01:26:44,679
Speaker 3: it's just called Stanley. Okay, all right, I'm not crazy.

1455
01:26:44,720 --> 01:26:52,599
Speaker 3: It's called Stanley and it's about this guy Stanley who

1456
01:26:53,240 --> 01:26:56,840
Speaker 3: he hangs out with animals. I thought it was like

1457
01:26:56,880 --> 01:27:00,120
Speaker 3: riding a dinosaur or some shit, or he's like a

1458
01:27:00,160 --> 01:27:08,479
Speaker 3: pet tiger. Okay, okay, I'm not crazy. This existed. Hello, folks,

1459
01:27:08,720 --> 01:27:12,000
Speaker 3: it's Lyle here. That's the end of this episode. But

1460
01:27:12,200 --> 01:27:16,920
Speaker 3: get this, I'm releasing a bonus episode this week. That's

1461
01:27:17,040 --> 01:27:21,479
Speaker 3: right then, entire extra hour of the podcast that you

1462
01:27:21,520 --> 01:27:25,200
Speaker 3: can listen to by becoming a Premium member of Therapy

1463
01:27:25,280 --> 01:27:30,200
Speaker 3: Gecko over at therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Supercast

1464
01:27:30,200 --> 01:27:33,920
Speaker 3: subscribers get access to bonus episodes. They get a completely

1465
01:27:34,000 --> 01:27:37,400
Speaker 3: ad free podcast feed of the regular show, They get

1466
01:27:37,400 --> 01:27:41,080
Speaker 3: recordings from my live shows, members only streams, and they

1467
01:27:41,120 --> 01:27:44,720
Speaker 3: help support my ability to continue doing this podcast. So

1468
01:27:44,880 --> 01:27:49,160
Speaker 3: here's a clip from this week's members only bonus episode.

1469
01:27:49,200 --> 01:27:53,040
Speaker 6: We started a delivering pizzas and a pretty shady part

1470
01:27:53,080 --> 01:27:56,599
Speaker 6: of a nearby city. Didn't make it two months through

1471
01:27:56,640 --> 01:27:59,760
Speaker 6: that until some guys actually tried to kill me.

1472
01:28:00,000 --> 01:28:01,520
Speaker 3: While you were delivering pizzas.

1473
01:28:01,920 --> 01:28:02,160
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1474
01:28:02,240 --> 01:28:06,280
Speaker 6: I'd call my girlfriend back and I'm just like, yeah,

1475
01:28:06,760 --> 01:28:07,759
Speaker 6: it's like, what happened?

1476
01:28:07,760 --> 01:28:08,200
Speaker 4: What happened?

1477
01:28:08,240 --> 01:28:10,160
Speaker 3: Are you okay? I was like, I just got stabbed.

1478
01:28:10,200 --> 01:28:10,599
Speaker 2: You don't.

1479
01:28:11,080 --> 01:28:13,120
Speaker 3: If you want to hear this full conversation, you can

1480
01:28:13,160 --> 01:28:16,240
Speaker 3: sign up to become a premium member at therapy Gecko

1481
01:28:16,400 --> 01:28:20,240
Speaker 3: dot supercast dot com or find the link in the

1482
01:28:20,280 --> 01:28:26,040
Speaker 3: episode description that's therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right,

1483
01:28:26,439 --> 01:28:30,240
Speaker 3: I have nothing else to say. They goes on the

1484
01:28:30,320 --> 01:28:34,840
Speaker 3: line taking your phone calls every night, Then goes, I

1485
01:28:35,320 --> 01:28:38,120
Speaker 3: was teaching you aloud in the memory of life is

1486
01:28:38,200 --> 01:28:40,679
Speaker 3: not an expert