WEBVTT - “I LIVE IN IOWA” 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:06.080 All from Kay. Hello, Hey, what's up? 0:00:06.160 --> 0:00:06.800 Who is this? 0:00:08.800 --> 0:00:11.000 I'll go by k Okay? 0:00:11.240 --> 0:00:12.440 What's up? Okay? How's life? 0:00:13.640 --> 0:00:17.360 Oh? It's treating me decently, an average like sticks? How 0:00:17.400 --> 0:00:19.880 about you? 0:00:19.880 --> 0:00:25.120 You know, man, I'm out here trying my best. What 0:00:25.160 --> 0:00:25.600 can I do? 0:00:25.960 --> 0:00:26.680 What you can do? 0:00:26.960 --> 0:00:27.800 That's how you can do? 0:00:28.120 --> 0:00:28.680 What can I do? 0:00:28.840 --> 0:00:28.880 For? 0:00:29.000 --> 0:00:33.040 Okay? Would you want to talk about Well? 0:00:34.560 --> 0:00:38.159 I am half deaf. I can't hear out of my 0:00:38.240 --> 0:00:43.000 left ear at all. I was born like that. My mom, 0:00:43.479 --> 0:00:47.120 I'm pretty sure I'm convinced she didn't mess with me 0:00:47.600 --> 0:00:51.440 at the time, but she will. She will never admit 0:00:51.479 --> 0:00:55.120 to that. She's like told me timeline stuff back in 0:00:55.160 --> 0:00:58.080 the day because we're super close, and I'm like, so, 0:00:58.240 --> 0:01:00.440 you did do it at that time, but she won't 0:01:00.440 --> 0:01:01.120 admit it to me. 0:01:01.320 --> 0:01:02.000 She just won't. 0:01:05.360 --> 0:01:06.839 And how old are you now? 0:01:08.000 --> 0:01:11.600 I'm twenty three and you said so? 0:01:11.600 --> 0:01:16.520 So your death partially because your mom did meth while 0:01:16.680 --> 0:01:17.560 she was pregnant with you. 0:01:18.680 --> 0:01:22.240 Yeah, she didn't know. She didn't know, obviously, I would hope. 0:01:22.040 --> 0:01:24.600 Not at least did that. Did you come out addicted 0:01:24.640 --> 0:01:25.000 to meth? 0:01:26.400 --> 0:01:26.560 No? 0:01:26.720 --> 0:01:30.679 So that's crazy because I mean I live in Iowa 0:01:30.840 --> 0:01:33.720 and meth is like the number one years drug around here, 0:01:34.360 --> 0:01:37.640 and everyone always asks, oh my gosh, have you tried math? 0:01:37.680 --> 0:01:39.679 Have you tried math? And I'm like, why would I 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:43.679 do that? Because I'm already predispositioned to be more addicted 0:01:43.720 --> 0:01:45.720 than the regular Iowa folk, you know what I mean? 0:01:45.760 --> 0:01:47.920 Why would I even subject myself to that? 0:01:49.760 --> 0:01:50.200 Yeah? 0:01:50.240 --> 0:01:54.480 So no long, long as or short. No, I didn't. 0:01:54.640 --> 0:01:56.080 I've never done that, thank God. 0:01:57.800 --> 0:02:00.400 And what do you do over in Iowa? What's going on? 0:02:01.920 --> 0:02:02.120 Oh? 0:02:02.320 --> 0:02:07.120 You know, just try to get out. Basically, I'm a 0:02:07.200 --> 0:02:11.400 janitor right now. Actually I'm at work, but I'm by myself. 0:02:11.720 --> 0:02:15.160 It's kind of cushy job. And then I go to 0:02:15.200 --> 0:02:20.240 school and I'm just trying to work my way through 0:02:20.280 --> 0:02:20.880 the system. 0:02:20.960 --> 0:02:23.240 You know, what do you go to school for. 0:02:25.639 --> 0:02:29.040 I'm in criminal justice right now, but I'm not much 0:02:29.080 --> 0:02:33.480 of an enforcer type. I'm not good with authority and whatnot. 0:02:33.520 --> 0:02:36.799 So I think I'd like to go into human services 0:02:36.919 --> 0:02:39.600 or something, help help someone. 0:02:40.760 --> 0:02:43.000 What kind of human services? 0:02:43.680 --> 0:02:47.720 So, since I'm at that age where a lot of 0:02:47.720 --> 0:02:51.320 women are either getting pregnant or asking me why I'm not, 0:02:52.200 --> 0:02:54.959 I kind of realized I really don't want kids. I mean, 0:02:55.280 --> 0:02:57.920 maybe that had something to do with my mom not 0:02:58.120 --> 0:03:00.240 knowing that she had me and doing messing the room 0:03:00.320 --> 0:03:03.040 or something. But I think I'd like to go into 0:03:03.120 --> 0:03:07.080 CPS or something. But also I'm not much for breaking 0:03:07.160 --> 0:03:10.440 up families either or breaking up homes, but I do 0:03:10.480 --> 0:03:12.639 want to help children in some way. I just don't 0:03:12.680 --> 0:03:15.120 want any of my own. So I figured it might 0:03:15.160 --> 0:03:18.960 as well still that hole somewhere, you know. 0:03:20.000 --> 0:03:23.600 M what's uh, what's the path to that look like? 0:03:23.680 --> 0:03:24.840 Do you have to go to a school for a 0:03:24.840 --> 0:03:25.280 long time? 0:03:27.520 --> 0:03:27.720 No? 0:03:28.040 --> 0:03:31.079 I think it's really just so Iowa. It's a lot 0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:34.000 of worker We're known to be like worker bees. Basically, 0:03:34.600 --> 0:03:37.120 let's just kind of work your way up the ladder 0:03:37.920 --> 0:03:41.720 of the government centence to government job technically and all 0:03:41.800 --> 0:03:42.680 that good stuff. 0:03:43.920 --> 0:03:45.000 You got friends over in. 0:03:44.960 --> 0:03:54.880 Iowa, Oh sorta. I mean, yeah, I got a couple 0:03:54.880 --> 0:03:56.760 of friends. I got a couple of beef and friends. 0:03:56.800 --> 0:04:00.800 But it's a it's a small pool out here, you know. 0:04:01.600 --> 0:04:05.000 De Morn is the our capital, right of the state, 0:04:05.280 --> 0:04:07.680 and it's one of the smallest capitals in this country, 0:04:08.360 --> 0:04:11.600 like population wise, and when you if you ever came 0:04:11.640 --> 0:04:13.360 here or if you have, I don't know if you have, 0:04:13.440 --> 0:04:18.839 but it's pretty small, like square miles or whatever. However 0:04:18.880 --> 0:04:20.120 you measure a city. 0:04:23.560 --> 0:04:25.799 Are you still like like when you were when you 0:04:25.800 --> 0:04:29.720 you grew up there? I assume yeah, yeah, Well, and 0:04:29.760 --> 0:04:32.040 are you still friends with the people that you knew 0:04:32.320 --> 0:04:34.000 growing up like middle school, high school? 0:04:35.080 --> 0:04:37.159 No? No, no, no no. So I grew up in 0:04:37.200 --> 0:04:41.000 a small town, which it's nuts, okay. I grew up 0:04:41.000 --> 0:04:45.080 in a town that's like fifteen thousand population, which isn't 0:04:45.760 --> 0:04:50.280 super small, but small enough. And uh, it's a lot 0:04:50.279 --> 0:04:54.080 of people that live there are townies, like they just 0:04:54.120 --> 0:04:57.080 stay there forever and never leave. They can't get out 0:04:57.080 --> 0:04:59.760 of it. Their last name means so much to them, 0:04:59.800 --> 0:05:02.000 and you know, blah blah blah. They just pump money 0:05:02.000 --> 0:05:06.240 back into the city and whatnot. And I've determined for 0:05:06.360 --> 0:05:10.680 myself the second I started schooler, I would not become 0:05:10.720 --> 0:05:13.000 a towny. I am not going to be one of 0:05:13.040 --> 0:05:16.400 those people. And so far, I just moved like forty 0:05:16.440 --> 0:05:20.479 five minutes away. I'm still technically a towny, just in 0:05:20.520 --> 0:05:21.159 a different town. 0:05:21.200 --> 0:05:21.320 Now. 0:05:21.360 --> 0:05:24.360 It's new to me, so experience is a little different, 0:05:24.400 --> 0:05:24.800 I guess. 0:05:26.320 --> 0:05:29.560 And do you do you want to leave Iowa? At 0:05:29.600 --> 0:05:30.680 some point? Where would you go? 0:05:32.080 --> 0:05:38.679 Honestly, I this is this is so stupid. But I'm since, 0:05:38.880 --> 0:05:40.560 you know, Iowa has all the seasons, and we have 0:05:40.640 --> 0:05:43.239 a little bit of everything. We got a little bit minus, 0:05:43.320 --> 0:05:46.320 like hurricanes and all that. But I'd like to go 0:05:46.360 --> 0:05:48.479 to Minnesota or something. I think I could handle the 0:05:48.640 --> 0:05:52.440 extreme colds and whatnot. And the crowd seems to be 0:05:52.480 --> 0:05:55.159 a lot cooler. They're more people, a lot more to do, 0:05:55.760 --> 0:05:58.440 a lot more opportunity, and not too far from my 0:05:58.480 --> 0:05:59.200 family here. 0:05:59.279 --> 0:06:01.400 You know, that's nice. 0:06:01.440 --> 0:06:06.000 I doubt you will experience significant culture shock moving from 0:06:06.080 --> 0:06:07.280 Iowa to Minnesota. 0:06:08.920 --> 0:06:11.000 No. No, I went to California. I went to see 0:06:11.120 --> 0:06:15.840 Diego and I lived in my car with my shitty 0:06:15.880 --> 0:06:18.239 ex for a while, and that was a culture shock 0:06:18.320 --> 0:06:24.160 for sure. Well, I was like, I was like, basically 0:06:24.200 --> 0:06:28.760 I was home. Was there right, and he is all 0:06:28.839 --> 0:06:33.839 tatted up and scary white guy and stuff, And everybody 0:06:33.960 --> 0:06:36.320 just knew we were from out of town, you know 0:06:36.320 --> 0:06:38.880 what I mean, the state, let's put it that, or 0:06:38.880 --> 0:06:42.359 the region. Even they just could tell I swear. But 0:06:42.680 --> 0:06:45.560 some people were super nice, but most people were just 0:06:46.720 --> 0:06:49.760 they were not about it to you. 0:06:49.839 --> 0:06:51.200 What do you mean? What do you mean by that? 0:06:51.279 --> 0:06:54.320 They were like, who did you what kinds of interactions 0:06:54.320 --> 0:06:55.839 did you have while you were down there? 0:06:57.080 --> 0:06:59.839 Well, we went into like a local skateboard shop and 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:03.200 bought some words there, and the owners there they were 0:07:03.240 --> 0:07:08.520 super cool. Apparently they were like multi award winning skaters. 0:07:08.560 --> 0:07:11.960 I don't know the competition for that or stacked, but 0:07:12.440 --> 0:07:16.600 they were super nice, but random strangers. They they did 0:07:16.600 --> 0:07:19.640 not appreciate us. But also my ex he's kind of, 0:07:21.520 --> 0:07:24.160 for lack of a better term, he's pretty extra, like 0:07:24.520 --> 0:07:29.640 he's just always doing way way too much. But like 0:07:29.800 --> 0:07:34.720 local shops and stuff, they'd constantly see us and kick 0:07:34.800 --> 0:07:37.080 us out. You can't, you can't like, So that's different 0:07:37.080 --> 0:07:40.960 about Iowa and California is everything in California's packs Like 0:07:41.000 --> 0:07:44.120 you can't park anywhere just to park because we lived 0:07:44.160 --> 0:07:47.160 in our car. But in Iowa you could park anywhere. 0:07:47.160 --> 0:07:49.720 You could park in a random person's field and that 0:07:50.120 --> 0:07:52.240 like the farmer won't notice you for. 0:07:52.280 --> 0:07:59.160 A while, you know, Oh yeah, No, California, you can't 0:07:59.200 --> 0:08:01.240 park anywhere or else. It's weird. 0:08:01.280 --> 0:08:06.360 California is weird because like in Los Angeles, if you 0:08:06.480 --> 0:08:09.640 have a if you have a car and you park 0:08:09.680 --> 0:08:13.440 it anywhere for five minutes, you owe the city three 0:08:13.920 --> 0:08:17.280 one hundred thousand dollars. But if you have a giant 0:08:17.480 --> 0:08:19.240 I don't know what this is. If you have a 0:08:19.480 --> 0:08:23.400 giant RV, you can park it in the middle of 0:08:23.440 --> 0:08:26.320 the street like grand theft dollars. Just get out of it, 0:08:26.400 --> 0:08:29.200 just leave it there and it's for some reason. Fine, 0:08:29.240 --> 0:08:30.200 it just stays there. 0:08:31.360 --> 0:08:34.920 Right. No that San Diego. 0:08:35.520 --> 0:08:41.400 Why did you go to San Diego to be homeless 0:08:41.480 --> 0:08:42.200 with this guy? 0:08:43.720 --> 0:08:43.960 Well? 0:08:44.600 --> 0:08:48.760 So he was super manipulative. And it was my first 0:08:48.840 --> 0:08:52.599 relationship ever and I was a vergent before that, and 0:08:52.679 --> 0:08:57.800 yah YadA, yaday. And he manipulated me basically because he 0:08:57.840 --> 0:09:00.000 didn't like that talk to other guys, which I wasn't 0:09:00.280 --> 0:09:02.840 talk to other guys like that. It was very mundane 0:09:02.920 --> 0:09:05.600 human interactions. He couldn't deal with that, even you know, 0:09:06.240 --> 0:09:09.800 if I worked with another male, or if I if 0:09:09.800 --> 0:09:11.920 I you know, I worked at gas stations, if of 0:09:12.600 --> 0:09:15.200 men came in. He didn't like that. And one day 0:09:15.200 --> 0:09:17.800 he was just like, oh, well, I'm leaving, are you 0:09:17.840 --> 0:09:20.360 coming with me or not? And it was very manipulative 0:09:20.440 --> 0:09:22.960 and he's like, if you could go anywhere where would 0:09:23.000 --> 0:09:25.640 you want? He made it like my He always put 0:09:25.760 --> 0:09:28.040 planted the idea in my head that it was my choice, 0:09:28.080 --> 0:09:30.880 but really it wasn't. And I've been to San Diego. 0:09:30.920 --> 0:09:33.000 I'd been to Mission Beach before with my family on 0:09:33.040 --> 0:09:35.640 a vacation for like three days, but I felt like 0:09:35.640 --> 0:09:37.520 I didn't get enough time. I fell in love with 0:09:37.600 --> 0:09:40.800 the place, and so I said Mission Beach and He's like, 0:09:40.920 --> 0:09:42.920 let's go. And so we got rid of all of 0:09:42.920 --> 0:09:45.959 our belongings, which wasn't anything, but then we really had 0:09:46.040 --> 0:09:51.319 nothing and went to California and then and then I 0:09:51.600 --> 0:09:53.760 didn't want to go though, because he was making it. 0:09:53.960 --> 0:09:56.440 I was like, oh, if we go on vacation or something, right, 0:09:56.920 --> 0:09:59.319 and he's made it seem like, oh, we're moving there, 0:09:59.400 --> 0:10:03.240 We're gonna lived there. And I was eighteen at the time, 0:10:03.320 --> 0:10:06.920 you know, this was five years ago or whatever, and 0:10:07.120 --> 0:10:09.040 I had no idea what I wanted to do. I 0:10:09.120 --> 0:10:12.040 dropped out of the community college here in Iowa, like 0:10:12.920 --> 0:10:14.240 it was not a good situation. 0:10:14.440 --> 0:10:20.280 But so, how long did you guys just hang out 0:10:20.360 --> 0:10:22.880 in your car in San Diego? 0:10:24.600 --> 0:10:26.360 Well, okay, do you want to hear kind of an 0:10:26.360 --> 0:10:30.880 embarrassing slash funny story about when we left? Sure, it 0:10:30.920 --> 0:10:35.040 was only like a week or maybe two right. I 0:10:35.040 --> 0:10:38.040 don't remember because we went to the dispensaries and you know, 0:10:38.600 --> 0:10:41.560 spent most of our moneys there because I was not legal. 0:10:41.600 --> 0:10:46.960 But anyways, we went to Jack in the Box for 0:10:47.000 --> 0:10:49.280 the first time because we also don't have that in Iowa. 0:10:49.800 --> 0:10:54.360 He bought a crap ton of food, right, like an 0:10:54.440 --> 0:10:57.280 abnormal amount of fast food from Jack in the Box. 0:10:57.760 --> 0:11:00.400 We were stuff on our faces and he found this 0:11:00.600 --> 0:11:03.720 like little grave piece in one of his burgers. And 0:11:03.760 --> 0:11:08.839 he's not much of a people person, like I said, plus, 0:11:08.880 --> 0:11:12.000 he's just very rude people. So I went in and 0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:14.800 I was like, yeah, this burger's nasty whatever, right, not 0:11:14.800 --> 0:11:16.640 taking anything of it. They gave us a refund, gave 0:11:16.720 --> 0:11:19.320 us new food whatever. We were sleeping in our car 0:11:19.400 --> 0:11:22.240 that night, went to bed I. We were in a 0:11:22.480 --> 0:11:25.880 Hondai accent like twenty twelve super small car. I'm like 0:11:25.960 --> 0:11:29.440 five eight, he's above six foot, super small car. He 0:11:29.520 --> 0:11:32.360 took the seats. I was on the floor and I 0:11:32.480 --> 0:11:35.200 just wake up to him freaking out and he's like, 0:11:35.280 --> 0:11:38.959 I have to shit. But in California at the time, 0:11:39.000 --> 0:11:45.360 it was like right before COVID, right around like George 0:11:45.360 --> 0:11:49.319 Floyd riots and stuff, So all the gas stations were closed. 0:11:49.800 --> 0:11:52.600 All the quart of potties, even on the beach were closed, 0:11:52.600 --> 0:11:55.400 like the beach was closed, appier and stuff. He was 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:59.439 freaking out and just saying, oh, no, I have this shit. 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:03.400 It's so mad. And eventually I was just like, okay, 0:12:04.040 --> 0:12:06.760 you know, let's get a hotel with the very little 0:12:06.760 --> 0:12:10.440 money I had. And he was like, we're going back tonight. 0:12:10.920 --> 0:12:12.800 And I was like, that's crazy. We're going to go 0:12:12.880 --> 0:12:15.640 back because you couldn't find somewhere to ship, you know 0:12:15.720 --> 0:12:18.959 what I mean, Like, that's wild. Actually, now we're gonna 0:12:18.960 --> 0:12:21.800 look extra stupid. Not just coming back, but the reason 0:12:21.840 --> 0:12:23.959 we came back is because you couldn't find a place 0:12:23.960 --> 0:12:24.280 to ship. 0:12:24.760 --> 0:12:26.480 Well, you know what, you know, I don't think that 0:12:26.480 --> 0:12:27.960 that's an embarrassing story. 0:12:28.000 --> 0:12:32.360 I think that that is a truthfully, I mean. 0:12:33.679 --> 0:12:35.440 Here not having the ship hey first, I mean, that's 0:12:35.440 --> 0:12:36.760 a great reason to leave a place. 0:12:36.880 --> 0:12:38.200 Is because you can't take a shit there. 0:12:38.280 --> 0:12:42.200 That's a no exc reason some hours away from home. 0:12:42.360 --> 0:12:43.200 That's wild. 0:12:43.480 --> 0:12:44.880 That's a great reason to leave a place. 0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:47.360 By the way, you guys, leaving because he didn't have 0:12:47.400 --> 0:12:50.040 a place to take a shit is is is a 0:12:50.080 --> 0:12:53.880 microcosm of the actual issue I mean that was your 0:12:53.920 --> 0:12:54.480 issue is. 0:12:54.400 --> 0:12:55.520 You didn't have a place to live. 0:12:55.559 --> 0:12:58.720 You didn't you That really was the legitimate reason to leave, 0:12:58.840 --> 0:13:01.400 is hey, we don't have a place to ship. So 0:13:01.559 --> 0:13:04.600 I don't think that's particularly embarrassing, And I think that's 0:13:06.360 --> 0:13:07.960 it sounds like you were fed up with living in 0:13:07.960 --> 0:13:09.719 your car and you were like, let's go someplace where 0:13:09.760 --> 0:13:10.520 we don't have to do that. 0:13:11.880 --> 0:13:14.520 I mean I was more. I was willing to follow 0:13:14.559 --> 0:13:17.480 this man wherever. He had a problem with not being 0:13:17.520 --> 0:13:20.559 able to ship free will, you know, But he also 0:13:20.640 --> 0:13:23.920 dragged us too there, so that's also on him. We 0:13:24.000 --> 0:13:25.920 should be saying, well, if he wanted a place of 0:13:26.000 --> 0:13:27.160 shit and so, all. 0:13:27.120 --> 0:13:28.640 Right, so you went down there, you went down to 0:13:28.679 --> 0:13:31.520 San Diego to hang out with this guy, You go 0:13:31.600 --> 0:13:33.640 back to Iowa, do you break up with him? 0:13:35.080 --> 0:13:39.040 We were, uh, we went, we came back, We went 0:13:39.080 --> 0:13:41.760 to Texas because he did the same. Now he knows 0:13:41.840 --> 0:13:44.400 I'm willing to follow him wherever, right, so he just 0:13:44.480 --> 0:13:47.120 used that against me for a couple more times. We 0:13:47.160 --> 0:13:49.720 went to Texas like twice, went back to San Diego 0:13:50.200 --> 0:13:55.280 with his shitty friends another time about we haven't been 0:13:55.320 --> 0:14:00.959 together for three years now, so I don't know, it 0:14:01.080 --> 0:14:02.880 was mass but we were together like on and off 0:14:02.880 --> 0:14:04.240 for a couple of years after that. 0:14:04.720 --> 0:14:06.520 So what's up with you now? 0:14:06.600 --> 0:14:09.880 You're a janitor, you're working in a little bit outside 0:14:09.920 --> 0:14:11.240 of Iowa, You're gonna try to. 0:14:11.160 --> 0:14:13.920 Go to Minnesota. What's what's the goal? What's the dream? 0:14:15.440 --> 0:14:18.520 I don't know. I just honestly, through that relationship, I 0:14:18.600 --> 0:14:21.840 just don't want anyone to take advantage of me ever again. 0:14:22.040 --> 0:14:24.800 I mean, growing up in with my dad at least 0:14:24.880 --> 0:14:27.800 he only had girls and he wanted boys, and I'm 0:14:27.800 --> 0:14:32.520 the oldest and he just always instilled, you know, don't 0:14:32.520 --> 0:14:35.720 ever depend on a man besides him. I guess, which 0:14:36.200 --> 0:14:39.800 kind of fucked. But uh, and that's my goal, I guess, 0:14:39.920 --> 0:14:42.240 just try to build enough of a life where I 0:14:42.240 --> 0:14:44.960 don't have to depend on anyone, just not even a man, 0:14:45.680 --> 0:14:46.840 anyone in general, you know. 0:14:47.640 --> 0:14:48.720 Mm hmmmm hmm. 0:14:50.600 --> 0:14:55.920 It's tough. It's really tough. Do you are you have 0:14:56.000 --> 0:14:58.280 you gone? Have you tried dating anyone again? Or are 0:14:58.320 --> 0:14:59.720 you staying single for the time being? 0:15:00.640 --> 0:15:01.080 Oh? 0:15:01.400 --> 0:15:04.960 No, I dated. I mean, like I said, I was 0:15:05.000 --> 0:15:08.280 full of mess and I dated this white guy who 0:15:08.280 --> 0:15:12.320 thought he was like in the gang and stuff and yeah, 0:15:12.400 --> 0:15:16.200 not for me. I'm I'm honestly, I'm I'm a pretty 0:15:16.440 --> 0:15:19.120 like I want to consider myself a hippie, but like 0:15:19.160 --> 0:15:22.640 a rocker chic. I don't like guns and stuff if 0:15:22.640 --> 0:15:24.240 you don't know how to use them, don't you know. 0:15:25.000 --> 0:15:28.160 And that's all I got to say about that. But no, now, 0:15:28.200 --> 0:15:31.720 I'm I'm pretty cool with being single and figuring myself out, 0:15:31.760 --> 0:15:33.640 which is why I'm like a janitor and going to 0:15:33.680 --> 0:15:36.360 school again at twenty three with a bunch of like 0:15:36.480 --> 0:15:41.680 eighteen year olds and stuff who just graduated. Uh. 0:15:41.760 --> 0:15:44.680 I mean, look, man, you sound like you've done actually 0:15:44.680 --> 0:15:47.960 pretty well for yourself considering the circumstances that you're coming from. 0:15:49.000 --> 0:15:50.360 Thank you, Thank you, I appreciate. 0:15:50.920 --> 0:15:51.600 Yeah. 0:15:52.240 --> 0:15:56.200 So your so your mom was on math? Where did 0:15:56.200 --> 0:15:58.040 you do you self? Have a relationship with her? What's 0:15:58.080 --> 0:15:58.720 what's her deal? 0:15:59.600 --> 0:15:59.680 Oh? 0:15:59.800 --> 0:16:03.200 Yeah, I know, we're so. The funny part is my 0:16:03.320 --> 0:16:06.880 dad was the mess dealer and that's how they met, 0:16:07.680 --> 0:16:11.760 and you know, all that good stuff. But no, I'm 0:16:11.760 --> 0:16:15.440 pretty close with her. She's she had never really been 0:16:15.440 --> 0:16:18.240 a mother to me, just because of some trauma. She 0:16:18.280 --> 0:16:22.000 went doing her life and whatnot, and that's all right 0:16:22.080 --> 0:16:23.880 with me. I've kind of come to terms with that, 0:16:25.000 --> 0:16:28.600 but we're no, we're sure close. She's she's still one 0:16:28.600 --> 0:16:29.720 of my best friends. You know. 0:16:30.040 --> 0:16:32.160 Wow, Okay, great, so you so you still have a 0:16:32.160 --> 0:16:33.880 good relationship about your dad. He still got a good 0:16:33.880 --> 0:16:34.800 relationship with him. 0:16:35.640 --> 0:16:38.240 Uh me, and so he wasn't really around much in 0:16:38.280 --> 0:16:41.920 my childhood because he was an iron worker and when 0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:43.600 you're in a union, you can travel a lot. He 0:16:43.720 --> 0:16:46.960 chose to travel so he could cheat, be away from 0:16:47.000 --> 0:16:50.640 his family and whatnot. But then when I was like sixteen, 0:16:50.720 --> 0:16:54.360 he came back in and tried to control me and 0:16:54.400 --> 0:16:55.880 that didn't go too well. So we had a lot 0:16:55.920 --> 0:16:58.880 of beef then. But and then it keeps me out 0:16:58.920 --> 0:17:01.720 and whatnot. But I deserted. I was being a shithead 0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:05.159 right obviously. Anyways, now we're decent though. It's been a 0:17:05.160 --> 0:17:08.760 couple of years obviously since that, and he's helped me 0:17:08.760 --> 0:17:10.680 out a lot. He's a pretty smart dude. 0:17:14.600 --> 0:17:18.520 M hm hm hmm. You sound like what's your name again? 0:17:19.600 --> 0:17:22.280 I'll go back, k Okay, Okay, you sound like. 0:17:22.200 --> 0:17:26.760 You're doing pretty okay for for everything that's uh that's 0:17:26.800 --> 0:17:30.080 been going on with you, ver re all. I mean 0:17:30.160 --> 0:17:32.399 the fact that I mean, you know, you got a 0:17:32.400 --> 0:17:35.600 lot going for you. You're not addicted to meth. You 0:17:35.680 --> 0:17:38.760 have a job, like really, like really genuinely. 0:17:38.280 --> 0:17:40.240 I'm not thinking I'm. 0:17:39.640 --> 0:17:41.280 Like rude, like I mean this, I'm thinking about it. 0:17:41.280 --> 0:17:45.879 I'm like, Okay, you're not addicted to meth. You seem like, uh, 0:17:46.560 --> 0:17:48.479 it was a journey to get there. But you got 0:17:48.560 --> 0:17:53.680 good self esteem, you got a job, you're going to school, you're. 0:17:53.520 --> 0:17:57.199 Doing very well. You're doing very well. That's that's a 0:17:57.240 --> 0:18:00.359 great those are all those are all a good things. 0:18:00.400 --> 0:18:00.560 Man. 0:18:00.600 --> 0:18:04.760 You got goals to you got goals. It's good. It's 0:18:04.800 --> 0:18:05.520 all good stuff. 0:18:05.520 --> 0:18:05.720 Man. 0:18:05.760 --> 0:18:07.760 I hope, I hope you're Are you happy or you 0:18:07.800 --> 0:18:09.520 do you feel happy? 0:18:10.320 --> 0:18:15.480 I mean for the most part, i'd say, yeah, I 0:18:15.520 --> 0:18:17.400 got I got a lot more than people in life, 0:18:17.400 --> 0:18:19.880 but also in my outlook. Like how you always say, 0:18:19.920 --> 0:18:24.200 you know, it's perspective on everything, right, And I believe 0:18:24.240 --> 0:18:27.800 that too, like wholeheartedly. So I are me and you 0:18:27.880 --> 0:18:30.120 gek are morals A line I swear to God. 0:18:30.160 --> 0:18:31.800 Well it's so, I don't know if that's a I 0:18:31.800 --> 0:18:33.560 don't know if that's a moral. I don't know if 0:18:33.560 --> 0:18:35.399 that's a moral. And by the way, that that's not 0:18:35.640 --> 0:18:39.640 like people have been saying. People have been saying like, oh, 0:18:39.680 --> 0:18:42.000 you preach this every day, and I appreach it as 0:18:42.040 --> 0:18:43.520 an observation. It's one of those things. 0:18:43.520 --> 0:18:46.040 I have all these things that I like know in 0:18:46.119 --> 0:18:50.280 my soul that I try to that I I are 0:18:50.359 --> 0:18:54.800 like beacons that I attempt to practice because my perspective 0:18:54.960 --> 0:18:58.000 is shitty. Well, I don't, I don't know. I mean, 0:18:58.040 --> 0:19:02.280 my perspective is shitty all the time. I actually will 0:19:02.359 --> 0:19:09.199 notice all the time that there's a saying that like 0:19:09.280 --> 0:19:12.480 the mind can make hell of heaven and heaven of hell, 0:19:12.560 --> 0:19:15.280 and I'll notice all the time that I make hell 0:19:15.320 --> 0:19:18.760 of heaven, and I have to remind myself. I'm like, 0:19:18.880 --> 0:19:20.840 you know, I talk on the podcast. I guess what 0:19:20.880 --> 0:19:23.720 I mean is I don't mean this from some place 0:19:23.760 --> 0:19:27.399 of like I am enlightened and as part of my enlightenment, 0:19:27.520 --> 0:19:29.080 this is what I'm sharing with you, you know. 0:19:29.160 --> 0:19:33.200 I really I don't think people take it like that though. 0:19:33.280 --> 0:19:33.960 I really don't. 0:19:34.240 --> 0:19:36.280 Yeah, I'm probably just pro just in my own fucking 0:19:36.320 --> 0:19:37.960 head about it. I don't think they do either. 0:19:38.160 --> 0:19:41.239 But it's it's kind of like it's kind of like 0:19:41.320 --> 0:19:42.960 fake it till you make it you know what I mean. 0:19:43.000 --> 0:19:47.040 So you're you're like perspective, perspective, and then one day 0:19:47.119 --> 0:19:48.840 you know, you'll have a good perspective too. 0:19:49.359 --> 0:19:52.080 I was like, I caught myself the other day. I 0:19:52.119 --> 0:19:55.080 was like, I'm in this situation right now. I've been 0:19:55.119 --> 0:19:58.480 like living out of airbnbs for for months and months. 0:19:58.560 --> 0:20:01.120 I've been living on Airbnb's for like seven months or something, 0:20:01.160 --> 0:20:03.680 and I'm you know, tired, and I'm like. 0:20:07.880 --> 0:20:09.520 The opposite of cabin fever, I guess. 0:20:09.840 --> 0:20:11.639 But I've just been thinking, I'm like, Okay, once I 0:20:11.680 --> 0:20:14.760 finally settle down, I can get my perspective right. 0:20:15.480 --> 0:20:17.000 And it's like, what the fuck does that mean. 0:20:17.040 --> 0:20:19.359 It's as if it's like something that's like, Okay, once 0:20:19.520 --> 0:20:22.080 this is an it's like you're delaying it. It's like, well, 0:20:22.119 --> 0:20:23.880 once this is an order, and this is an order, 0:20:23.880 --> 0:20:27.119 and once my life looks pretty much perfectly exactly like this, 0:20:27.200 --> 0:20:31.439 which it never ever ever will, then I'll be able 0:20:31.480 --> 0:20:34.680 to have good perspective. Like that's like it's just it's 0:20:34.680 --> 0:20:39.440 like a hilarious thing. It's like, once once the external well, 0:20:39.440 --> 0:20:43.639