WEBVTT - Expansion with Sarah Paulson 0:00:00.880 --> 0:00:04.280 Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you well. I'm in 0:00:04.320 --> 0:00:06.160 New York. I'm stopping down in New York. I have 0:00:06.200 --> 0:00:09.120 such a very, very hectic travel schedule this summer. I mean, 0:00:09.160 --> 0:00:11.920 I just can't keep up with myself. So I don't 0:00:11.920 --> 0:00:13.920 know which way is up or what time I'm sleeping, 0:00:14.040 --> 0:00:17.880 or I was in Martha's Vineyard for six days or 0:00:17.920 --> 0:00:20.279 five days with my annual family trip. I've had a 0:00:20.280 --> 0:00:24.279 lot of family time. You have everyone's been watching my Instagram, 0:00:24.360 --> 0:00:26.840 or if everybody hasn't been watching my Instagram, But I 0:00:26.920 --> 0:00:29.640 have been with my family and people NonStop. I don't 0:00:29.640 --> 0:00:32.720 think I've been alone in something like forty five days. 0:00:32.920 --> 0:00:36.040 So I flew in yesterday from the vineyard because I 0:00:36.040 --> 0:00:39.599 went to Dave Chappelle's birthday celebration, one of his birthday 0:00:39.600 --> 0:00:42.400 celebrations last night, and then tonight I'm going to perform 0:00:42.440 --> 0:00:44.440 at Madison Square Garden for his birthday. I'm going to 0:00:44.520 --> 0:00:46.800 go and do a guest set, a pop up set 0:00:46.840 --> 0:00:49.120 for his birthday. And so that was really fun. There 0:00:49.120 --> 0:00:50.680 were a lot of fun people there. Last night. I 0:00:50.760 --> 0:00:53.440 lasted till about I smoked a joy with this girl 0:00:53.520 --> 0:00:55.480 of Noelle. I haven't smoked weeds since I've been gone, 0:00:55.520 --> 0:01:00.440 because I don't travel with those kinds of drugs and 0:01:00.720 --> 0:01:04.160 that's illegal, by the way. And I smoked a joint 0:01:04.160 --> 0:01:08.240 with her and was out of my tree. So I 0:01:08.319 --> 0:01:10.200 lasted until about like nine to forty five, and then 0:01:10.200 --> 0:01:11.880 I got in the car and had my driver go 0:01:11.959 --> 0:01:14.000 get us a two pieces of pizza. Well, actually I 0:01:14.040 --> 0:01:15.920 went and got us two pieces of pizza. He stayed 0:01:15.959 --> 0:01:17.399 in the car and I got one for him and 0:01:17.440 --> 0:01:18.560 I got one for myself. 0:01:18.680 --> 0:01:19.640 You have full service. 0:01:19.720 --> 0:01:21.840 And then I seasoned his like I seasoned my own. 0:01:21.880 --> 0:01:24.120 And he's like, that's a lot of garlic. I'm like, well, 0:01:24.319 --> 0:01:28.600 I'm single, so tonight I have that. And then tomorrow 0:01:28.640 --> 0:01:30.600 night I have this little pop up show in East Hampton, 0:01:30.720 --> 0:01:32.639 and then I go to my worka for a month. 0:01:32.880 --> 0:01:35.240 Oh that's gonna be so nice. You're just having a 0:01:35.240 --> 0:01:36.360 get away from your getaway. 0:01:36.560 --> 0:01:39.000 I'm I have five days alone in my work up, 0:01:39.120 --> 0:01:41.800 five days before my guests start to arrive. Each week 0:01:41.840 --> 0:01:44.000 I have a different set of ten people coming, so 0:01:44.480 --> 0:01:47.039 I have five days to myself. I'm gonna be like, 0:01:47.319 --> 0:01:50.000 bang out some serious writing for my new book Good 0:01:50.200 --> 0:01:53.080 and Yeah. I'm just gonna keep the party going. I mean, 0:01:53.120 --> 0:01:57.280 I've just had so much action this summer and been 0:01:57.320 --> 0:02:01.320 around the world Africa. We went to three countries in Africa. 0:02:01.400 --> 0:02:04.760 We went to Zimbabwe, Kenya, and Tanzania, and then we 0:02:04.800 --> 0:02:07.520 went to Cape Town. My sister and I got rid 0:02:07.520 --> 0:02:11.920 of the kids, and I could not have been more 0:02:11.960 --> 0:02:15.640 excited to be alone with just my sister and adulthood 0:02:15.720 --> 0:02:19.560 and not dealing with any sort of teenage melodrama. I 0:02:19.560 --> 0:02:23.680 didn't sleep alone for the first six nights of Safari, oh, 0:02:23.760 --> 0:02:26.200 because someone was in my bed every night, not a man, 0:02:26.600 --> 0:02:30.960 a snuggle buddy, a child, and so yeah, so I 0:02:31.000 --> 0:02:34.519 am like ready every night. Then I get into bed alone, I'm. 0:02:34.400 --> 0:02:37.280 Like, you can starfish. 0:02:37.360 --> 0:02:39.840 Yeah. But I have had a lot of action this summer. 0:02:39.919 --> 0:02:42.600 I've had a lot of boys, a lot of fluttering around. 0:02:42.919 --> 0:02:46.120 Oh oh, that kind of action, a lot of Yeah. 0:02:45.960 --> 0:02:48.600 So I'm happy. It's exactly the kind of summer I 0:02:48.680 --> 0:02:49.280 was hoping for. 0:02:49.600 --> 0:02:52.280 I'm so glad just like getting out there, you know, 0:02:52.360 --> 0:02:53.760 find us something fresh. 0:02:53.800 --> 0:02:56.440 I've been seeing concerts. I saw two Bruce Springsteen concerts 0:02:56.480 --> 0:03:01.359 which were fucking incredible, incredible. I saw one in Oslo, Norway. 0:03:01.400 --> 0:03:02.919 We went for three days, which is I'm going to 0:03:02.960 --> 0:03:04.600 go buy a house in Oslo Decks. That's where the 0:03:04.600 --> 0:03:06.680 place I think to be is for climate change. 0:03:06.800 --> 0:03:09.680 Yeah, everyone's going to Osla or going to Norway this summer. 0:03:09.800 --> 0:03:11.720 I have like three friends going to Norway, Like. 0:03:11.720 --> 0:03:14.600 Oh yeah, it's fucking gorgeous. The air is clean, the 0:03:14.639 --> 0:03:17.320 people are cool. It's like they get it. They had 0:03:17.320 --> 0:03:20.000 a huge gay Pride event. I loved it. I saw 0:03:20.040 --> 0:03:23.399 two Bruce Springsteen concerts. I saw the weekend last week 0:03:23.440 --> 0:03:26.679 in London. I swung through London again. Swang. Can you 0:03:26.720 --> 0:03:29.880 say swing? No? I like London. I swang. I think 0:03:29.919 --> 0:03:34.200 that refers to actual swinging. Swinging in London. I swang. 0:03:34.680 --> 0:03:36.560 So yeah, Chelsea, I have a question for you. 0:03:37.200 --> 0:03:38.800 How have you changed in the last year? 0:03:39.000 --> 0:03:41.440 Have I changed in the last year. My patience has 0:03:41.480 --> 0:03:46.840 definitely changed in the last year. My tolerance for undesirable 0:03:47.120 --> 0:03:51.840 circumstances has grown. I've found myself in a couple of 0:03:51.960 --> 0:03:56.000 situations or hotel rooms that normally I would just walk 0:03:56.080 --> 0:03:58.160 right out of, and I'm like, you know what, just 0:03:58.280 --> 0:04:00.480 suck it up, Just suck it up. You stay in 0:04:00.560 --> 0:04:03.560 enough nice places. And my reading has grown. I've been 0:04:03.560 --> 0:04:06.160 reading so much this year, so I've been using my 0:04:06.200 --> 0:04:09.040 time wisely instead of watching mindless TV and scrolling on 0:04:09.040 --> 0:04:12.920 my phone. I've made a real effort to read, pay attention, 0:04:13.240 --> 0:04:15.760 and spend less time on my phone. And it's not 0:04:15.800 --> 0:04:17.840 always a home run, but for the most part it is. 0:04:18.160 --> 0:04:20.360 It helps when I'm on when I'm on vacation, I'm 0:04:20.360 --> 0:04:21.880 not on my phone a lot. You know, there's a 0:04:21.920 --> 0:04:23.560 time like when we go to bed, I'm in bed 0:04:23.600 --> 0:04:26.159 with my sister, because I sleep with my sister everybody. 0:04:26.400 --> 0:04:29.159 Her name is Simone Handler Hutchinson. I don't know why 0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:31.440 she's supposed to be divorced so it should be Simone Handler. 0:04:31.480 --> 0:04:34.920 But anyway, she and I are always bunk mates when 0:04:34.920 --> 0:04:37.400 we travel, and we've been spending the entire summer together, 0:04:37.520 --> 0:04:40.080 so we've had a lot of one on one time, 0:04:40.160 --> 0:04:42.200 and I try I sexually harass her in the bed 0:04:42.240 --> 0:04:44.600 and before we're going to bed. She doesn't like that, 0:04:44.760 --> 0:04:48.360 she says, But like any sexual harasser, I can't control 0:04:48.400 --> 0:04:52.680 the I can't control myself. She yeah, she loves it. 0:04:52.720 --> 0:04:53.400 She loves it. 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:54.120 That's good. 0:04:54.160 --> 0:04:55.080 Are you guys cuddlers? 0:04:55.760 --> 0:04:58.680 No? No, no, no, we don't do that. I mean, no, 0:04:58.880 --> 0:05:01.640 we don't cuddle the sister. No, no, my cousins do 0:05:01.680 --> 0:05:03.640 that though they're all gross. They all sleep in the 0:05:03.640 --> 0:05:07.520 same bed without underwear. I'm like, what wait wait, yeah, yeah, 0:05:07.560 --> 0:05:10.800 my cousins will sleep together with Gabby in the same 0:05:10.800 --> 0:05:14.480 bed and they all be topless or bottomless. I'm like, oh, guys, 0:05:14.839 --> 0:05:19.200 this is so disgusting. And my family would never do anything. 0:05:19.320 --> 0:05:21.320 I would never. I don't even think I've ever seen 0:05:21.320 --> 0:05:23.839 my sister's ever seen my Oh yeah she has. I'm 0:05:24.920 --> 0:05:27.880 in my family. I'm the freebird. Were you a naked 0:05:27.920 --> 0:05:29.919 family or not? No? No, no. I never saw my 0:05:29.960 --> 0:05:32.080 mother naked until she was dying, and like she was, 0:05:32.200 --> 0:05:34.000 you know, we needed to take her to the bathroom 0:05:34.000 --> 0:05:36.920 and stuff, but my mom was very shy and she didn't. 0:05:37.000 --> 0:05:39.400 And I'm not shy, but I don't walk around topless 0:05:39.440 --> 0:05:41.000 or naked in front of my brothers or sisters. But 0:05:41.040 --> 0:05:43.719 I also don't care, Like if they see me my 0:05:43.800 --> 0:05:46.360 sister's care, they don't want to, they don't want My sister, 0:05:46.480 --> 0:05:48.880 Shoshana won't even wear a bathing suit. She wears shorts 0:05:48.920 --> 0:05:51.800 over her bathing suit because she's so self conscious. And 0:05:51.839 --> 0:05:54.160 I'm like, oh, who cares? Like we all have cellulate 0:05:54.240 --> 0:05:55.400 who gives a shit anymore? 0:05:55.600 --> 0:05:58.160 Just fatties. I was in a very naked family. We 0:05:58.160 --> 0:05:59.279 were just a very naked family. 0:05:59.320 --> 0:06:01.880 Yeah. That also doesn't appeal to me. Quite frankly, I 0:06:01.920 --> 0:06:04.440 don't because of the way I grew up. I'm just 0:06:04.480 --> 0:06:07.880 like like when I see people. My friend, I remember 0:06:07.880 --> 0:06:10.040 being at my friend's house and she just stripped right 0:06:10.040 --> 0:06:11.880 in front of me, went to the bathroom and then 0:06:11.920 --> 0:06:14.520 walked through her bedroom and her three boys were in 0:06:14.560 --> 0:06:17.320 the bed. And I was like, oh, what is this? 0:06:17.400 --> 0:06:19.039 And then I was like, actually, that's probably the way 0:06:19.040 --> 0:06:21.880 it should be, but it's not what I'm accustomed to. Yeah, 0:06:22.440 --> 0:06:25.359 and now we have one of my most favorite people 0:06:25.400 --> 0:06:28.679 on the podcast today. She's I think, pretty much everyone's 0:06:28.680 --> 0:06:31.360 favorite person, one of everybody's She's in the top ten 0:06:31.480 --> 0:06:34.760 of everybody's favorite person list. She is an Emmy and 0:06:34.920 --> 0:06:39.159 Golden Globe winner, and her name is Sarah Paulson. Sarah 0:06:39.160 --> 0:06:43.000 Paulson is here everybody, and as usual, she's already pulling 0:06:43.000 --> 0:06:43.920 her Shenanigans. 0:06:44.040 --> 0:06:44.560 That's correct. 0:06:44.600 --> 0:06:48.479 She thinks we're in SeeMe Valley, which I've never been to. Actually, no, 0:06:48.600 --> 0:06:52.480 I did, I was. I was once there. Accidentally, and 0:06:52.520 --> 0:06:54.200 she's already had to go to the bathroom four times. 0:06:54.520 --> 0:06:57.200 She's been here for thirty seconds. Sarah, we have a 0:06:57.240 --> 0:06:59.720 lot to discuss. First of all, I have to ask 0:06:59.760 --> 0:07:00.280 you question. 0:07:00.440 --> 0:07:00.719 Hit me. 0:07:01.279 --> 0:07:04.440 You're in a very long term, successful relationship. Sure that 0:07:04.520 --> 0:07:07.719 I didn't realize you had met on Twitter? You two 0:07:07.760 --> 0:07:08.839 connected on Twitter. 0:07:09.080 --> 0:07:12.360 That's that's a little bit of a compressed Okay, can 0:07:12.400 --> 0:07:14.200 you I don't know that it's that interesting. 0:07:14.280 --> 0:07:16.280 Oh I bet it is. I think people are interested 0:07:16.280 --> 0:07:18.920 in your relationship, yes, okay, why because it's people think 0:07:18.920 --> 0:07:22.560 it's weird. Well people, it's it's not traditional, very to 0:07:22.680 --> 0:07:25.080 be but I mean, I think people are into it. 0:07:25.440 --> 0:07:28.400 Yeah, I'm I'm I think a lot of people. I 0:07:28.480 --> 0:07:30.880 think all of our people are into which is all 0:07:30.920 --> 0:07:34.800 we care about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, why we're in relationships. 0:07:34.120 --> 0:07:35.760 Anyway, right, the public's approval? 0:07:35.800 --> 0:07:39.880 Yeah exactly. I was on a date the other night 0:07:39.920 --> 0:07:42.320 with a guy and all I could think to myself 0:07:42.520 --> 0:07:47.120 was how will everyone react to this? And I was like, 0:07:47.200 --> 0:07:49.160 what are you doing? And I was like, I wonder 0:07:49.200 --> 0:07:51.560 how this will be seen? Because it was very it 0:07:51.680 --> 0:07:54.200 was a non traditional date. I will say, well, you're 0:07:54.240 --> 0:07:55.800 not going to say more about it. No, because I'm 0:07:55.800 --> 0:07:56.960 not going to see that person again. 0:07:57.000 --> 0:07:57.520 Oh that's okay. 0:07:57.600 --> 0:08:00.440 It wasn't I wasn't interested, but I thought while we 0:08:00.440 --> 0:08:01.240 were on the date, I was. 0:08:01.240 --> 0:08:02.240 Like, oh, I know that feeling. 0:08:02.280 --> 0:08:05.360 What if this develops into something Cobby break you down? 0:08:05.440 --> 0:08:05.640 Yes? 0:08:05.720 --> 0:08:08.720 Yes, I'm like, oh, will I have a private relationship 0:08:09.040 --> 0:08:10.800 or will it be a public relationship? 0:08:11.040 --> 0:08:14.600 So essentially, Holland Taylor and I met at a dinner 0:08:14.760 --> 0:08:17.440 party that was thrown by a friend that's for Holland 0:08:18.200 --> 0:08:20.720 that our friend Lee rose through for Buck Henry, the 0:08:20.760 --> 0:08:24.360 incredible screenwriter Buck Henry, who's no longer with us. And 0:08:24.400 --> 0:08:26.920 it was a huge dinner party that I was invited to. 0:08:27.000 --> 0:08:29.480 I was thirty years old, I guess dating someone else 0:08:29.520 --> 0:08:32.040 that was with Cherry Jones at the time. And there 0:08:32.120 --> 0:08:34.760 was one seat left at the table of this dinner party, 0:08:34.800 --> 0:08:36.760 and somebody arrived late and it was miss Holland Taylor, 0:08:37.160 --> 0:08:38.960 and she came in this sort of very what I 0:08:39.000 --> 0:08:41.079 now know, I'm very familiar with the coat she wears 0:08:41.160 --> 0:08:42.880 that she was wearing them that of course I didn't 0:08:42.880 --> 0:08:44.400 know then, but now to me is a very specific 0:08:44.400 --> 0:08:48.920 coat and this kind of drum like like hair muscled 0:08:48.920 --> 0:08:53.000 and late and like, I like this blue and she 0:08:53.080 --> 0:08:54.800 was like, oh god, the part, you know, it's this 0:08:54.880 --> 0:08:58.120 whole thing and wes yeah, a little bit just like that. 0:08:58.520 --> 0:08:59.760 Sure, yes, that was my. 0:08:59.720 --> 0:09:09.800 Last Yeah, so okay, not racist, Peppe. 0:09:10.840 --> 0:09:13.000 And there was one seat next to me and I thought, 0:09:13.000 --> 0:09:14.840 oh God, please don't let I found her to be 0:09:14.960 --> 0:09:16.280 very terrifying. 0:09:16.280 --> 0:09:17.800 Because you had admired her. 0:09:17.840 --> 0:09:18.880 I admired her before. 0:09:18.960 --> 0:09:21.040 I remembered sitting in the movie theater in New York 0:09:21.080 --> 0:09:24.000 City watching One Fine Day, and I remember her coming 0:09:24.040 --> 0:09:26.319 on screen. She played Michelle Feifer's mother. This says a 0:09:26.400 --> 0:09:28.640 joke we make whenever she feels unattractive. I'm like, you know, 0:09:28.679 --> 0:09:31.800 you have played some of the most beautiful women. It's 0:09:31.840 --> 0:09:33.400 not even up for debate. Michelle Fifer is one of 0:09:33.400 --> 0:09:35.280 the most beautiful women to ever walk the planet. You 0:09:35.320 --> 0:09:37.800 played her mother, like, we imagine that she we believe 0:09:37.840 --> 0:09:38.600 that she came out. 0:09:38.440 --> 0:09:40.200 Of your body, that you grew her, you know. 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:42.439 And I was like, that's something you know that I 0:09:42.480 --> 0:09:45.760 think tells everybody you're beauty. She doesn't think that, but anyway, 0:09:45.760 --> 0:09:47.960 I turned and I looked up and I thought, that's 0:09:47.960 --> 0:09:50.000 the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life. 0:09:50.480 --> 0:09:52.120 I hope she doesn't sit next to me. There's not 0:09:52.200 --> 0:09:54.120 a chair to be had for anywhere else, Like, there's 0:09:54.120 --> 0:09:56.439 nowhere else for her to go. And she sat next 0:09:56.440 --> 0:09:58.520 to me, proceeded to make fun of me all night long, 0:10:00.120 --> 0:10:01.920 thirty years old, and I was on Studio sixty and 0:10:01.920 --> 0:10:03.560 it was a show that she loved and wanted to 0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:05.520 be on, and of course nobody was watching it, and 0:10:05.559 --> 0:10:07.520 I just felt like a loser idiot, and you know, 0:10:07.559 --> 0:10:07.760 I was. 0:10:07.840 --> 0:10:09.240 It doesn't sound like she was making fun of you, 0:10:09.320 --> 0:10:11.199 but she was compliments looking. 0:10:10.960 --> 0:10:13.679 At me, like how old are you? She kept saying, yeah, 0:10:13.679 --> 0:10:16.319 oh I'm thirty, And she was like thirty. What kind 0:10:16.360 --> 0:10:18.240 of mora? You know, Like what kind of idiot is thirty? 0:10:18.320 --> 0:10:20.679 You know, she just like she. 0:10:20.840 --> 0:10:26.000 Just like, great, idiot is thirty. And then you know, 0:10:26.920 --> 0:10:29.560 and then the craziest part was at the end of 0:10:29.600 --> 0:10:31.400 the night we walked out of that restaurant, I think 0:10:31.400 --> 0:10:33.680 it's called Luke's on Beverly Boulevard. 0:10:33.720 --> 0:10:35.439 There was this I'm sure it's been shut down. No, 0:10:35.559 --> 0:10:39.040 it's there. It's still there. Oh well, shout out to everybody, 0:10:39.040 --> 0:10:39.760 go it's great. 0:10:41.640 --> 0:10:44.199 There was some kind of very very fancy sports car 0:10:44.440 --> 0:10:47.079 parked out in front of the restaurant, and Alison Janny, 0:10:47.080 --> 0:10:48.640 who's a good friend of mine, was at this dinner. 0:10:48.640 --> 0:10:51.000 Everyone loves Janny. 0:10:50.880 --> 0:10:52.400 And so it's me, Alison, Janny, and Holland. 0:10:52.440 --> 0:10:55.480 And when we were leaving the restaurant, Buck Henry was like, 0:10:55.559 --> 0:10:57.320 let me take this photo, and all three of us 0:10:57.360 --> 0:10:59.080 piled on top of this car that was not ours, 0:10:59.080 --> 0:11:00.920 and we like, you know, I was like, like. 0:11:01.120 --> 0:11:03.560 My picture, it's really I'm leaning all. 0:11:03.480 --> 0:11:05.520 The way back like such a thirty year old move. 0:11:05.840 --> 0:11:08.400 A thirty year old move like this, And Holland's doing 0:11:08.440 --> 0:11:10.400 something very respectful, and so is Alison, and I'm like, 0:11:10.679 --> 0:11:12.960 h hang ten or something like that I was doing. 0:11:13.559 --> 0:11:15.400 And Buck then sent us these pictures. 0:11:15.440 --> 0:11:17.400 And that picture was on my refrigerator for a decade 0:11:17.400 --> 0:11:19.840 before Holland and I got together, so her her picture 0:11:19.880 --> 0:11:22.120 was in my house on my refrigerator. I saw it 0:11:22.200 --> 0:11:24.800 every day. So this was the first time I met Holland. 0:11:25.600 --> 0:11:29.120 Ten years later we met again. Did you slide into 0:11:29.760 --> 0:11:32.880 There was that, but it was post doing a benefit 0:11:33.000 --> 0:11:36.679 for an organization called AS four that as FODS, an 0:11:36.720 --> 0:11:41.199 abortion rights organization that Martha Plimpton started, and we're both 0:11:41.240 --> 0:11:43.000 friends with her, and so she asked us to make 0:11:43.040 --> 0:11:46.319 these little, you know, ads or something to support the organization. 0:11:46.400 --> 0:11:47.199 And we were doing it. 0:11:47.120 --> 0:11:49.080 One after another, and we re met each other then 0:11:49.360 --> 0:11:51.440 and then followed each other on Twitter and that's when 0:11:51.440 --> 0:11:54.640 the DM slide happened. And then like a year later, 0:11:54.640 --> 0:11:56.160 we went to dinner. I thought it was a date. 0:11:56.240 --> 0:11:57.240 She did not think it was. 0:11:57.160 --> 0:11:58.960 A date, so wud she She thought she was just 0:11:59.080 --> 0:11:59.720 going to dinner with. 0:12:00.280 --> 0:12:01.800 Going to dinner with another human. 0:12:02.400 --> 0:12:05.480 Yeah, And I was like, I had called my friends 0:12:05.960 --> 0:12:07.600 just being like can I you know, I was having 0:12:07.600 --> 0:12:09.840 that thing of like can I what will this look like? 0:12:09.880 --> 0:12:11.959 What will people say if I go out? At that point, 0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:15.079 Holland was I just turned forty. Holland was seventy two, And. 0:12:15.160 --> 0:12:17.640 Oh, I didn't realize it was so thirty two years 0:12:17.800 --> 0:12:18.240 two years. 0:12:18.280 --> 0:12:20.520 Yeah, wow, Holland's eighty. 0:12:21.520 --> 0:12:24.720 Wow. It's fascinating. 0:12:24.720 --> 0:12:25.960 It is pretty fascinating. 0:12:26.120 --> 0:12:28.560 Yeah, because it would you would it would? You know, 0:12:28.679 --> 0:12:33.720 I've always dated older people than myself typically in relationships, 0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:36.080 but I would think it would be hard to sustain 0:12:36.200 --> 0:12:37.559 over a long period of. 0:12:37.520 --> 0:12:39.520 Time to date with an older person. 0:12:39.679 --> 0:12:42.120 Yeah, I think there's always an attraction with somebody, but 0:12:42.120 --> 0:12:43.839 for it to make it last. And I guess that's 0:12:43.840 --> 0:12:47.079 applicable to anybody your own age. It's I guess what's sustainable, 0:12:47.240 --> 0:12:47.520 you know. 0:12:47.679 --> 0:12:50.000 I think the truth of the matter is the things 0:12:50.040 --> 0:12:52.280 that are our troubles have less to do with age 0:12:52.320 --> 0:12:54.319 and more to do with just the things that bother 0:12:54.400 --> 0:12:56.640 you about another person when you're dating them, which are 0:12:56.760 --> 0:12:59.640 a myriad of things that it's actually not not the 0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:02.000 age stuff. Funnily enough, it's more like she's not a 0:13:02.000 --> 0:13:05.319 big communicator, and I'm a big communicator. I want to 0:13:05.360 --> 0:13:08.320 talk about everything, and she's like, I'm good, yeah, I mean, 0:13:08.360 --> 0:13:09.240 we don't need to talk about it. 0:13:09.280 --> 0:13:11.959 I'm like, well, I think we do. Yeah, right, Holland. 0:13:12.760 --> 0:13:16.600 And what do you attribute to having such a successful relationship, Like, 0:13:16.679 --> 0:13:20.200 what is it about this person with you that makes 0:13:20.240 --> 0:13:24.439 it so successful and keeps you happy, engaged and wanting 0:13:24.480 --> 0:13:25.440 to be there every day? 0:13:26.040 --> 0:13:30.840 I think she's the smartest, wisest, funniest, most extraordinary person 0:13:30.840 --> 0:13:33.520 I've ever met, So I can't imagine not being with her. 0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:34.439 I just can't. 0:13:34.800 --> 0:13:37.160 I just feel very, very lucky to be around someone 0:13:37.280 --> 0:13:41.640 so incredibly witty and funny and smart, and I think 0:13:41.679 --> 0:13:45.240 incredibly sexy. I find her to be the most beautiful woman. 0:13:45.679 --> 0:13:47.560 I tell her all the time, like she's the most 0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:49.400 beautiful woman I've ever seen, and she always will be. 0:13:50.200 --> 0:13:52.479 And what does she bring out in yourself? 0:13:53.040 --> 0:13:55.160 So I mean, this is a sort of anecdotal thing 0:13:55.160 --> 0:13:58.240 that is sort of meaningless to anyone who isn't me, probably, 0:13:58.280 --> 0:14:00.600 but I'm the kind of person when some thing, let's say, 0:14:00.600 --> 0:14:03.760 I set my alarm off accidentally, my house alarm, my 0:14:03.840 --> 0:14:06.040 first response is ago and I stay out loud. I 0:14:06.040 --> 0:14:07.240 don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. 0:14:07.280 --> 0:14:08.280 I don't know what to do. I don't know what 0:14:08.320 --> 0:14:10.040 I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing. And she's 0:14:10.040 --> 0:14:12.440 always like, you do you do know what you're doing? 0:14:12.960 --> 0:14:14.560 You do know what you're doing? That I'm like, I do, 0:14:14.840 --> 0:14:16.560 I do know what I'm doing? And then I remember 0:14:16.559 --> 0:14:18.800 my code and I'm able to So that's a sort. 0:14:18.600 --> 0:14:20.400 Of silly but a kind of. 0:14:20.560 --> 0:14:23.280 Very specific example of a way in which she sort 0:14:23.280 --> 0:14:26.800 of pulls me out of my tendency to be anxious 0:14:26.920 --> 0:14:30.040 or sort of hysterical in doubting my own capabilities. And 0:14:30.080 --> 0:14:33.480 she's sort of constantly reminding me about how capable I am. 0:14:33.760 --> 0:14:36.360 I love that. That is a really kind of because 0:14:36.480 --> 0:14:38.760 a lot of times in dynamics and relationships that are 0:14:38.840 --> 0:14:41.080 unhealthy is a person trying to remind you that you 0:14:41.120 --> 0:14:42.880 need them no, and that you need. 0:14:42.760 --> 0:14:44.320 She's constantly say to me, why are you with me? 0:14:44.760 --> 0:14:46.200 Why are you with me? Why are you doing this? 0:14:46.840 --> 0:14:49.320 What are you doing? You're very strange person, she says 0:14:49.360 --> 0:14:52.000 to me all the time, very strange that you're doing this, 0:14:52.080 --> 0:14:53.080 And I'm like, really is it? 0:14:53.160 --> 0:14:54.720 I don't know. 0:14:55.480 --> 0:14:57.640 My mom tells me a story sometimes about a psychic 0:14:57.720 --> 0:14:59.400 that she saw when I was very young, who said, 0:14:59.560 --> 0:15:01.920 you're l this daughter is going to live a wildly 0:15:02.000 --> 0:15:03.120 unconventional life. 0:15:03.560 --> 0:15:06.160 Wow, And I was like, do you have her number? 0:15:06.200 --> 0:15:09.080 I got some new questions for her, this psychic, because 0:15:09.440 --> 0:15:09.960 it's true. 0:15:10.000 --> 0:15:11.880 I have lived a kind of unconventional life. 0:15:12.080 --> 0:15:13.440 Are you into psychic readings? Have you ever? 0:15:13.480 --> 0:15:16.360 I do liked them, but then I get really nervous 0:15:16.440 --> 0:15:18.560 about what they're going to say, and then I try 0:15:18.560 --> 0:15:20.960 to sort of like mentally will them to say what 0:15:21.040 --> 0:15:22.320 I want them to say, as if I have that 0:15:22.400 --> 0:15:22.880 kind of power. 0:15:23.000 --> 0:15:24.960 I find this to be very common. People are scared 0:15:24.960 --> 0:15:27.480 of psychics it's like, psychics don't tell you bad things, 0:15:27.560 --> 0:15:28.680 like that's not their business. 0:15:28.720 --> 0:15:31.040 I know if I have a friend who's psychic, told 0:15:31.040 --> 0:15:32.760 them something to tell me that was going on with 0:15:32.800 --> 0:15:33.120 me that. 0:15:33.160 --> 0:15:34.000 Was not great. 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:38.640 What Yeah, it's true your name specifically, like well, like. 0:15:38.640 --> 0:15:42.120 She showed her my picture, this Russian psychic who like 0:15:42.400 --> 0:15:45.240 reads the bottom of coffee grounds and things, and she's 0:15:45.320 --> 0:15:47.480 this friend of mine has been going to her forever, 0:15:47.640 --> 0:15:48.800 and she's like, she's always right. 0:15:48.840 --> 0:15:51.120 She predicted all this stuff about the pandemic before it happened. 0:15:51.120 --> 0:15:52.280 She was in twenty twenty, it is going to be 0:15:52.320 --> 0:15:55.040 the year of mass death and it's going to be 0:15:55.120 --> 0:15:56.760 this wild thing. 0:15:56.800 --> 0:15:59.320 And we were all like, what what are you talking about? 0:16:00.360 --> 0:16:02.000 And I better keep smoking. 0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:05.400 Smoke whenever I am trying to communicate, Like. 0:16:05.560 --> 0:16:08.000 Or you're driving an eighteen wheeler like you did when 0:16:08.040 --> 0:16:09.800 you came in with your steering wheels. 0:16:09.880 --> 0:16:12.359 I was like, when I was driving here, so ridiculous. 0:16:12.920 --> 0:16:15.480 Now when you're on set, are you are you somebody 0:16:15.480 --> 0:16:18.280 who second guesses your performance? Because my god, yes, yeah, 0:16:18.280 --> 0:16:21.040 because you see you strike me as someone who's constantly 0:16:21.080 --> 0:16:22.080 second guessing herself. 0:16:22.080 --> 0:16:22.320 I do. 0:16:22.560 --> 0:16:24.680 And you don't really understand your own gravitas. 0:16:24.720 --> 0:16:26.600 What is it that makes you think that, because I mean. 0:16:26.520 --> 0:16:29.200 I've just been around you and like like you're a 0:16:29.240 --> 0:16:31.880 little in a great way. I like it. I'm a 0:16:31.880 --> 0:16:36.480 little what you're just like a little bit wacky. I remember, 0:16:36.600 --> 0:16:39.280 this is the first time I met Sarah. This is 0:16:39.320 --> 0:16:41.640 that's the first time I met Sarah. I was doing 0:16:41.680 --> 0:16:45.160 my very first talk show, Chelsea Lately, and I got 0:16:45.160 --> 0:16:48.480 a letter, a note from Sarah saying who do I 0:16:48.560 --> 0:16:51.640 have to fuck to get on this show? And I 0:16:51.760 --> 0:16:53.680 was like, oh god, oh no, you sent me a 0:16:53.760 --> 0:16:56.560 video a video yes, and we played it on the show, 0:16:56.560 --> 0:16:58.200 and then of course we had you on the show. 0:16:58.400 --> 0:17:01.840 And that actually another very very moving thing you did. 0:17:01.960 --> 0:17:04.119 I thank goodness. I just remember this is. I was 0:17:04.160 --> 0:17:06.200 in the hospital for something a couple of years ago 0:17:06.280 --> 0:17:09.200 and you sent me the sweetest DM saying I had 0:17:09.200 --> 0:17:12.080 that heart thing that I've talked about. And she was like, 0:17:12.160 --> 0:17:14.399 you know, you sent me a very sweet DM and said, 0:17:14.440 --> 0:17:16.760 you know, I'm very concerned about you. Are you okay? 0:17:16.760 --> 0:17:18.440 I want to make sure you're okay because I don't 0:17:18.440 --> 0:17:21.200 talk to you that often. Even though I always admire 0:17:21.240 --> 0:17:25.480 you from Afar always, I adore you and everybody does, 0:17:26.200 --> 0:17:29.520 just so you know, in case you were wondering, everybody 0:17:29.600 --> 0:17:32.720 loves you. Well, that's nice, So take it on set. 0:17:33.000 --> 0:17:34.000 What is your story? 0:17:34.840 --> 0:17:37.439 I think I'm I'm very doubtful. I don't have a 0:17:37.440 --> 0:17:40.280 lot of confidence in my abilities. It's changing as I've 0:17:40.280 --> 0:17:41.200 gotten older. 0:17:41.720 --> 0:17:42.920 Do I have Chris Jenner here? 0:17:43.200 --> 0:17:44.160 Is it like? No? 0:17:44.160 --> 0:17:44.280 No? 0:17:44.760 --> 0:17:47.600 I actually yes, there's a striking similarity between you and 0:17:47.640 --> 0:17:51.080 Chris Jenner, and there always has been. That's exactly what 0:17:51.119 --> 0:17:51.960 I was thinking when you've. 0:17:51.840 --> 0:17:53.800 Walked sometimes I'm like, is it justin Bieber? 0:17:54.000 --> 0:17:57.160 It's more like justin Bieber? Yeah, more like Ellen. Actually 0:17:57.200 --> 0:18:00.240 you kind of has your giving off Ellen hare vibe. 0:18:00.400 --> 0:18:02.879 I mean it's a different color, but you know, I 0:18:03.680 --> 0:18:05.639 mean you're both lesbians. So there you go. All right, 0:18:05.720 --> 0:18:08.280 I guess that's all you need to have in comment. Sorry, 0:18:08.320 --> 0:18:10.000 I'm sorry about our guests. I didn't know she was 0:18:10.040 --> 0:18:13.640 going to be such a live water two hot messes 0:18:13.680 --> 0:18:14.440 sitting right here. 0:18:14.800 --> 0:18:15.879 I was telling Chelsea. 0:18:16.000 --> 0:18:17.720 I was like, I just know you from your roles, 0:18:17.880 --> 0:18:21.159 which are all very serious, including by the way, Studio sixty. 0:18:21.240 --> 0:18:22.439 I was the person that watched it. 0:18:22.520 --> 0:18:25.200 You were the one person I watched Studio sixty, thank. 0:18:25.040 --> 0:18:25.719 You for watching. 0:18:25.840 --> 0:18:28.080 But I you know, and doing research for this episode, 0:18:28.080 --> 0:18:30.440 I was like, wow, you are like a tremendous, wonderful 0:18:30.440 --> 0:18:33.479 goofball and I was delighted and I'm so glad it's 0:18:33.520 --> 0:18:34.000 paying off. 0:18:34.240 --> 0:18:35.280 I guess I'm wacky. 0:18:35.520 --> 0:18:39.399 Yeah, you are wacky totally that like wacky, Like you're wacky. 0:18:39.440 --> 0:18:41.840 Onto're like, this is this shit? Wacky's great? Will you 0:18:42.040 --> 0:18:43.760 to be? You want to be nice? You know what 0:18:43.840 --> 0:18:46.200 I hate when people say, oh, she was really nice 0:18:46.320 --> 0:18:48.280 or he was nice? I go, what does that fucking mean? 0:18:48.359 --> 0:18:49.160 Doesn't mean an nice? 0:18:49.240 --> 0:18:51.439 This is not a descriptor. That just is saying that 0:18:51.480 --> 0:18:54.320 they're boring or that that's not being more compelling to say, 0:18:54.400 --> 0:18:58.200 you know, wacky's fun. That's positive. It's that beat. But 0:18:58.320 --> 0:19:01.200 back to your acting. Yes, I get with Ryan Murphy. 0:19:01.200 --> 0:19:03.320 You do tons of stuff with Ryan, right, So how 0:19:03.359 --> 0:19:06.119 does he deal with you? I guess is the question. 0:19:06.760 --> 0:19:09.320 I think he found a way to just throw shit 0:19:09.400 --> 0:19:12.040 at me that I was find challenging, just to kind 0:19:12.040 --> 0:19:15.720 of keep me from combusting. I guess the harder it 0:19:15.800 --> 0:19:17.520 is and the more I don't know how to do it, 0:19:17.560 --> 0:19:20.000 the more excited I get. Like the Linda Trip thing 0:19:20.080 --> 0:19:21.840 was the thing I'm the most proud of that I've 0:19:21.880 --> 0:19:23.720 ever done. Nobody really watched it, and nobody really cared, 0:19:23.720 --> 0:19:24.399 which was fine. 0:19:24.680 --> 0:19:26.440 But it's the greatest work I've ever done. 0:19:26.480 --> 0:19:29.240 Okay, I did not watch that one. What was the 0:19:29.320 --> 0:19:31.520 Linda Trip thing? I'll watch it now. I want to 0:19:31.560 --> 0:19:33.320 see you, but well, I know I don't have to, kid. 0:19:33.400 --> 0:19:35.120 I want to see you play Linda Trip. I want 0:19:35.119 --> 0:19:37.520 to see that physical transformation because you didn't go out 0:19:37.560 --> 0:19:38.280 there with your own face. 0:19:41.200 --> 0:19:44.160 It was so crazy. I did all this wild, wild wreck. 0:19:44.359 --> 0:19:46.160 Did you get to spend time with Monica Lewinsky? 0:19:46.320 --> 0:19:46.640 I did. 0:19:46.720 --> 0:19:47.520 She's a pleasure. 0:19:47.560 --> 0:19:48.240 She's a pleasure. 0:19:48.359 --> 0:19:51.160 Oh yeah. People don't say that enough about Monica Lewinsky, 0:19:51.240 --> 0:19:53.760 so I'd like to make sure we're on record saying right, 0:19:53.920 --> 0:19:57.040 she's great, she's fucking cool, she's fun, and she's a 0:19:57.080 --> 0:20:00.320 great girl whose life could have been a disaster. That's right, 0:20:00.480 --> 0:20:02.840 and it was probably for a little bit of time. 0:20:02.880 --> 0:20:06.320 But now she's just as extraordinarily good hair you yeah, well, 0:20:06.359 --> 0:20:07.120 she's Jewish. 0:20:07.240 --> 0:20:09.480 A lot of Jewish girls have good hair. I'm only 0:20:09.560 --> 0:20:12.840 half Jewish, so that's why I'm constantly balding and I 0:20:12.880 --> 0:20:15.479 have no not anymore because I do this hair treatment 0:20:15.520 --> 0:20:18.720 called hark Lincoln. Have you heard of this no? So yeah, 0:20:18.800 --> 0:20:21.560 if you can see I have like it lowers your hairline. 0:20:21.600 --> 0:20:23.080 So now I have more hair than I know what 0:20:23.160 --> 0:20:25.639 to do with because I put this treatment in twice 0:20:25.640 --> 0:20:28.040 a night and it makes because I'm very fair. So 0:20:28.080 --> 0:20:31.440 you know, fair hair, I guess gets their Yeah, fair hair, 0:20:31.520 --> 0:20:33.920 fair hair, do care, But what do you lower? 0:20:34.040 --> 0:20:36.000 A lot of people have like trelesist to get that like, 0:20:36.040 --> 0:20:37.920 nobody wants it to start hair like it. 0:20:37.880 --> 0:20:40.520 Has new growth that comes in lower. I know that's 0:20:40.560 --> 0:20:43.760 new because women their hair. You because I'm fucking telling you. 0:20:43.800 --> 0:20:46.760 But I look at me, Are you look at me? Now? 0:20:46.880 --> 0:20:51.840 I'm Linda Tripp Manica Monica. This is I talked when 0:20:51.840 --> 0:20:54.200 I did it at this I talked about it. That's 0:20:54.200 --> 0:20:56.399 how I talked. I did a different voice and everything 0:20:56.440 --> 0:20:57.359 with Linda. Yeah. 0:20:57.440 --> 0:20:59.600 Yeah, No, you're very talented. I know that for sure. 0:21:00.359 --> 0:21:04.600 I was reading in your bio that you're scared of clowns, sharks, bees, 0:21:04.760 --> 0:21:07.400 and many holes in the same place. 0:21:09.000 --> 0:21:10.600 Tripeophobia or tripophobia. 0:21:10.720 --> 0:21:13.399 Like so for example, what's that game called where you 0:21:13.480 --> 0:21:15.000 throw those fucking way. 0:21:14.920 --> 0:21:19.720 Yeah, the max into a hole. Yeah, like corn hole exactly. 0:21:19.720 --> 0:21:21.119 I knew it was a name I don't like. 0:21:21.200 --> 0:21:23.280 I don't enjoy corn hole either, But that doesn't bother 0:21:23.320 --> 0:21:25.560 me because there's space between the holes. I don't like 0:21:25.600 --> 0:21:26.399 when the holes are. 0:21:26.280 --> 0:21:27.320 Like what about connect for? 0:21:27.760 --> 0:21:28.720 Is that of that fine? 0:21:28.880 --> 0:21:31.280 That's fine because they're all the same shape. So think 0:21:31.320 --> 0:21:32.200 about like. 0:21:32.119 --> 0:21:34.439 A natural coral reef makes me want to vomit. 0:21:34.760 --> 0:21:37.240 Oh, I see what you're saying, all of them together 0:21:37.400 --> 0:21:39.840 Like wow, that is a weird thing to be or. 0:21:39.760 --> 0:21:42.480 Like like if I think about it gives me the heat. 0:21:42.640 --> 0:21:43.520 What about snakes? 0:21:43.760 --> 0:21:44.359 I don't mind them. 0:21:44.400 --> 0:21:45.160 I like them really. 0:21:45.280 --> 0:21:46.720 Oh, I've done a lot of snake work. 0:21:47.000 --> 0:21:49.000 I have a picture of me with an albino Boa 0:21:49.000 --> 0:21:49.920 constrictor around my neck. 0:21:49.960 --> 0:21:54.040 It was like, yeah, yeah, I don't I'm really I 0:21:54.040 --> 0:21:54.680 have a phobia. 0:21:54.720 --> 0:21:56.040 Really you don't like this. 0:21:56.720 --> 0:21:59.680 I don't like the flither, the movement there. I don't 0:21:59.760 --> 0:22:00.840 like that they're jumping now. 0:22:01.000 --> 0:22:02.040 Oh I don't know about the jumping. 0:22:02.119 --> 0:22:05.040 Oh yeah, they're jumping. Jump. Oh there was a snake 0:22:05.840 --> 0:22:08.800 that's that slid across a lake and then jumped onto 0:22:08.840 --> 0:22:12.120 someone's paddle board from Nope, yeah, that jump and they 0:22:12.160 --> 0:22:14.560 climb up things that you don't think that they can climb. 0:22:14.640 --> 0:22:16.719 I don't like that, tr but I have done some 0:22:16.840 --> 0:22:18.480 acting with some snakes and I liked it. 0:22:18.560 --> 0:22:19.640 But you're scared of clowns. 0:22:19.760 --> 0:22:20.600 I don't like a clown. 0:22:20.840 --> 0:22:23.320 You don't meaning like a Poultergeist cloud with Poltergeist, the 0:22:23.359 --> 0:22:24.840 one where there was a clown under the bed? Where 0:22:24.880 --> 0:22:27.120 was the one where there was a clown in the corner? 0:22:27.680 --> 0:22:28.520 It was like under the bed. 0:22:28.560 --> 0:22:30.760 I don't have a bad clown or like a bad clown. 0:22:30.800 --> 0:22:31.040 I don't. 0:22:31.040 --> 0:22:33.280 I think they're creepy. I understand the clown thing. I 0:22:33.320 --> 0:22:33.720 don't like it. 0:22:33.800 --> 0:22:43.000 I'm sure you playing a clown you feel Do you 0:22:43.119 --> 0:22:44.760 feel like that's something that could happen? 0:22:45.040 --> 0:22:47.080 I do, actually, but I just don't know why. That 0:22:47.119 --> 0:22:49.679 really makes me laugh. I could see you, like the 0:22:49.720 --> 0:22:52.160 great compliment of the day. I could see you playing 0:22:52.240 --> 0:22:52.679 a clown. 0:22:53.000 --> 0:22:55.360 What are you working on now? By the way, you're 0:22:55.400 --> 0:22:56.440 not doing anything right now. 0:22:56.640 --> 0:22:59.240 I've taken it. I took a break after the Linda 0:22:59.280 --> 0:23:00.880 Tripp thing. It was when the hardest things I've ever 0:23:00.920 --> 0:23:02.760 done was it. Yeah, I gained a lot of weight 0:23:02.800 --> 0:23:07.000 and that was an interesting experience. My body didn't respond 0:23:07.040 --> 0:23:09.760 well to that hormonally. Really, yeah, sort of put me 0:23:09.800 --> 0:23:13.520 into prepair. Its just while from gaining the weight, from 0:23:13.560 --> 0:23:14.359 gaining and losing. 0:23:14.400 --> 0:23:15.960 So who's calling? Who cares? 0:23:16.440 --> 0:23:18.480 I don't know. I hate this fucking Apple Watch, you 0:23:18.520 --> 0:23:21.080 know why? Because I don't need these alerts. All it 0:23:21.119 --> 0:23:22.720 has is I can't figure out how to put it 0:23:22.720 --> 0:23:25.440 on a regular there we go, can't. I can't figure 0:23:25.440 --> 0:23:27.639 out how to put it on a regular time frame either, 0:23:27.760 --> 0:23:29.679 so that I can just see the time. All it 0:23:29.720 --> 0:23:31.320 shows me is in the middle of a workout that 0:23:31.359 --> 0:23:33.800 I haven't been in for like three days, and then 0:23:33.840 --> 0:23:35.040 it has a compass. 0:23:35.800 --> 0:23:37.840 Somebody's got to figure this out for you. Well I wait. 0:23:38.320 --> 0:23:40.359 I mean, of course somebody does, and I just haven't 0:23:40.359 --> 0:23:43.760 gotten around to it yet. But I'm walking around Manhattan yesterday, 0:23:43.880 --> 0:23:46.359 walking along, walking along, and it just tells me north 0:23:46.400 --> 0:23:48.480 by northeast. I'm like, you think I give a shit 0:23:48.560 --> 0:23:51.879 about my directionals. I don't know what fucking time it is. 0:23:51.960 --> 0:23:53.240 Yeah, what were you doing in New York? 0:23:53.320 --> 0:23:54.960 I was on tour. So, yeah, you guys have to 0:23:55.000 --> 0:23:56.840 go to my show in October. I'm doing two nights 0:23:56.840 --> 0:23:58.240 at the Pantages. All of it. 0:23:58.400 --> 0:23:58.920 I love that. 0:23:59.119 --> 0:24:01.800 Okay, back to you. I'm interested in what happens to 0:24:01.840 --> 0:24:05.840 the body. I find that interesting on the exterior and interior. 0:24:06.000 --> 0:24:09.159 So how much weight did you put on and how 0:24:09.160 --> 0:24:09.840 did you do that? 0:24:10.040 --> 0:24:12.359 I just ate a shit on a food, bad food, 0:24:12.400 --> 0:24:14.840 bad food. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, And then I had 0:24:14.880 --> 0:24:16.440 gained it all. And then the pen were supposed to 0:24:16.440 --> 0:24:18.760 start shooting March of twenty twenty. Then the pandemic happened. 0:24:18.760 --> 0:24:20.399 We didn't shoot for eight months, and then I lost 0:24:20.520 --> 0:24:22.240 some of it, and then we didn't know when we 0:24:22.240 --> 0:24:23.760 were shooting, and they were like, now we're going you 0:24:23.800 --> 0:24:25.960 need to gain it back. And so it was a 0:24:25.960 --> 0:24:27.359 little bit of that, and then we shot for almost 0:24:27.359 --> 0:24:29.080 eleven months, so it was like I had to maintain 0:24:29.160 --> 0:24:29.800 that for a long. 0:24:29.720 --> 0:24:33.439 So it was almost two years. My body was like, 0:24:33.480 --> 0:24:35.760 what are we doing? The new normal? 0:24:35.840 --> 0:24:36.119 Cool? 0:24:36.240 --> 0:24:39.040 But then it wasn't, and you know, it just it 0:24:39.080 --> 0:24:41.960 was I think very hard on your on my hormone story. 0:24:42.119 --> 0:24:43.800 I do want to jump in really quick. We have 0:24:43.840 --> 0:24:47.320 a caller who is on your weight to therapy in 0:24:47.359 --> 0:24:48.040 a few minutes. 0:24:48.119 --> 0:24:51.240 So okay, oh oh oh, all right, forget about get 0:24:51.240 --> 0:24:52.359 about my perimenopausal. 0:24:52.520 --> 0:24:54.600 We're going to get back to that, or we won't. 0:24:54.600 --> 0:24:56.280 I'll tell you that we're going to take a quick 0:24:56.320 --> 0:24:58.280 break and we'll be right back to get to our 0:24:58.320 --> 0:25:00.439 first caller. I'm very I'm very sorry. Why about this 0:25:00.440 --> 0:25:07.320 interview so far? Yeah, me too, Okay, and we're back. 0:25:07.640 --> 0:25:08.960 We are back. 0:25:09.080 --> 0:25:12.400 We're pausing prymnopause and we're going to talk really quickly 0:25:12.640 --> 0:25:15.080 to And she's thirty eight. 0:25:15.800 --> 0:25:16.479 Dear Chelsea. 0:25:16.920 --> 0:25:20.679 I'm living a successful, fulfilling and happy life except for 0:25:20.720 --> 0:25:22.720 the fact that I'm single and haven't been in a 0:25:22.760 --> 0:25:25.880 long term relationship for over ten years for a plethora 0:25:26.000 --> 0:25:28.840 of reasons. Last year, I moved to a small town 0:25:28.840 --> 0:25:31.159 in the Midwest to be close to my family and 0:25:31.240 --> 0:25:34.400 got an epic job as an executive chef at a nonprofit. 0:25:34.880 --> 0:25:35.840 I love my job. 0:25:35.920 --> 0:25:37.439 I just bought a place in the city that I 0:25:37.520 --> 0:25:41.359 absolutely adore, and I'm making wonderful friends here. Of course, 0:25:41.440 --> 0:25:43.679 I'm on the apps and I swipe daily. I flirt 0:25:43.720 --> 0:25:46.040 with guys in public and have told all my people 0:25:46.040 --> 0:25:47.680 here that I'm in search of a man who will 0:25:47.680 --> 0:25:50.800 exceed my expectations. But I've been told that I have 0:25:50.880 --> 0:25:54.360 high standards and am very picky by my friends. However, 0:25:54.600 --> 0:25:56.480 I just think I deserve the best and won't settle 0:25:56.520 --> 0:25:58.800 for someone who does not fit my life. I need 0:25:58.840 --> 0:26:02.240 advice from too strong in dependant women help. Cheers and 0:26:03.000 --> 0:26:04.720 Hi ed Hi Anne, Hi. 0:26:05.080 --> 0:26:06.520 This is our special guest, Sarah. 0:26:06.680 --> 0:26:08.800 Hi, Hi Sarah. How are you. 0:26:09.160 --> 0:26:10.000 I'm very well, thank you? 0:26:10.040 --> 0:26:10.439 How are you? 0:26:10.680 --> 0:26:11.480 Very nice to meet you. 0:26:11.880 --> 0:26:12.920 Nice to meet you as well. 0:26:13.160 --> 0:26:15.480 Well. First of all, I love having high standards. I 0:26:15.480 --> 0:26:17.280 think that is a good thing to have in life. 0:26:17.280 --> 0:26:20.840 But sometimes you can have high standards that preclude you 0:26:20.880 --> 0:26:23.160 from being open minded and enough to let the right 0:26:23.200 --> 0:26:23.639 people in. 0:26:24.119 --> 0:26:24.320 Right. 0:26:24.680 --> 0:26:29.040 Yes, I've been on the apps forever and those are 0:26:29.560 --> 0:26:34.200 just not a fun experience. They're good for one night ers, 0:26:34.320 --> 0:26:36.480 you know, like when you want to get something fun. 0:26:37.080 --> 0:26:41.720 But I like that and you want to get something fun. 0:26:42.920 --> 0:26:47.320 And dating here in the area is it's pretty conservative 0:26:47.520 --> 0:26:51.080 and I am not. There's not very many people like 0:26:51.640 --> 0:26:53.639 me here. I mean, I've traveled the world. I've been 0:26:53.640 --> 0:26:57.000 a seven continents, thirty countries. I've seen the world, and 0:26:57.080 --> 0:27:00.639 I'm looking for someone that has the same quality of 0:27:00.720 --> 0:27:01.280 life is me. 0:27:01.880 --> 0:27:03.840 Are you at all willing to open up beyond the 0:27:03.920 --> 0:27:04.960 area where you're living? 0:27:05.480 --> 0:27:09.640 So I have thought about that. But I recently took 0:27:09.680 --> 0:27:12.080 a job about a year ago and bought a condo, 0:27:12.760 --> 0:27:15.280 so I'd like to stay here for a little bit longer. 0:27:15.760 --> 0:27:18.800 I'm happy to look outside, even out of the country, 0:27:19.280 --> 0:27:22.320 but I need to stay here for at least five 0:27:22.359 --> 0:27:22.800 more years. 0:27:23.160 --> 0:27:25.600 But you can still date somebody long distance, I think, 0:27:25.720 --> 0:27:26.560 is what Sarah said. 0:27:26.600 --> 0:27:27.480 What I'm wondering is. 0:27:27.440 --> 0:27:29.879 Like if you widen the pool, if you know that 0:27:29.960 --> 0:27:32.639 where you live there's a sort of contained, like a 0:27:32.680 --> 0:27:35.600 limited in terms of the possibility of meeting someone that 0:27:35.680 --> 0:27:37.919 shares your values or is interested in the things that 0:27:37.960 --> 0:27:41.040 you're interested in. I wonder if like widening the pool 0:27:41.240 --> 0:27:44.400 a little bit, it doesn't. I mean, I know many 0:27:44.400 --> 0:27:47.399 people who have started relationships long distance that then you 0:27:47.520 --> 0:27:49.359 make a change later when the time when it becomes 0:27:49.440 --> 0:27:50.960 clear that you don't want to live without one another, 0:27:51.000 --> 0:27:53.800 you become more willing to do that. But I think 0:27:53.840 --> 0:27:57.000 sometimes you might have to, You might have to expand 0:27:57.040 --> 0:27:59.719 a little beyond what's what's right in a little radius 0:27:59.800 --> 0:28:00.480 for you there. 0:28:00.880 --> 0:28:04.320 Okay, Yeah, because I've looked into Chicago, which has much 0:28:04.359 --> 0:28:05.119 more of my stuff. 0:28:05.560 --> 0:28:08.320 Gentlemen, Yeah, a nice style of gentlemen. 0:28:09.080 --> 0:28:12.240 Where do you live in the Quad Cities, so Illinois, 0:28:12.280 --> 0:28:14.199 Iowa near Davenport. 0:28:14.640 --> 0:28:17.040 I don't know what that means. I know, quad cities. 0:28:17.119 --> 0:28:18.480 I've never heard that expression, but. 0:28:18.560 --> 0:28:23.240 Heard the Twin Cities Illinois and Iowa, about two hours 0:28:23.280 --> 0:28:24.160 west of Chicago. 0:28:24.800 --> 0:28:27.399 Okay, okay, So listen, you definitely need to open up 0:28:27.400 --> 0:28:29.600 your pool because two hours is not even long distance. 0:28:29.640 --> 0:28:32.400 I mean, that's like many distance I've dated guys overseas. 0:28:32.440 --> 0:28:35.120 That's kind of the relationship I prefer, quite frankly, I. 0:28:35.080 --> 0:28:35.800 Think I'm will too. 0:28:36.359 --> 0:28:39.080 Yeah. And also when you are dating somebody, I think 0:28:39.120 --> 0:28:41.320 you need to if you have very high standards. I 0:28:41.360 --> 0:28:44.719 have very high standards for myself as well, and sometimes 0:28:45.080 --> 0:28:48.280 our standards not that they shouldn't be high, they absolutely should. 0:28:48.360 --> 0:28:51.560 But sometimes you have judgments about people that you need 0:28:51.600 --> 0:28:54.320 to pare down because it limits who you're allowing yourself 0:28:54.320 --> 0:28:57.000 to let in. And sometimes being on one date or 0:28:57.040 --> 0:28:59.400 one interaction with a person is not enough. 0:29:00.360 --> 0:29:01.520 I agree with this completely. 0:29:01.560 --> 0:29:03.920 And I also wonder is there's some part of you 0:29:04.880 --> 0:29:08.040 that is keeping it narrow in terms of what you're 0:29:08.080 --> 0:29:12.160 willing or interested in because you're scared to maybe have 0:29:12.200 --> 0:29:13.800 the relationship in the first place. 0:29:14.360 --> 0:29:15.000 Do you know what I mean. 0:29:15.080 --> 0:29:18.120 Sometimes we create these stories of like it has to 0:29:18.120 --> 0:29:19.360 look like this, and this is what I mean. You 0:29:19.560 --> 0:29:21.280 just said I have to be here for the next 0:29:21.320 --> 0:29:23.160 five years, and it's like you've got all this stuff 0:29:23.480 --> 0:29:25.320 kind of planned and figured out, which doesn't leave a 0:29:25.320 --> 0:29:27.480 lot of elasticity or room for anyone to sort of 0:29:27.480 --> 0:29:30.080 come inside that. Even mentally for yourself. It seems like 0:29:30.120 --> 0:29:31.800 you've got a plan about how you want it to be, 0:29:32.280 --> 0:29:34.479 and that means somebody, anyone's got to come into it 0:29:34.480 --> 0:29:37.320 in an exact right way or you're not interested. And 0:29:37.360 --> 0:29:40.440 I feel like sometimes taking you know, it's like a 0:29:40.480 --> 0:29:42.760 horse with blinders on. You got to kind of take 0:29:42.800 --> 0:29:44.840 them off and just you might notice somebody near you, 0:29:45.200 --> 0:29:47.640 closer to you than you may imagine, or even further away, 0:29:47.680 --> 0:29:50.480 but that you kind of need to sometimes question why 0:29:50.520 --> 0:29:53.040 you're making it so rigid in the first place, because 0:29:53.040 --> 0:29:56.280 there may be a deeper reason why doing that. Abbit 0:29:56.560 --> 0:29:59.880 that might make it a little clearer to you, you know. 0:30:00.440 --> 0:30:01.880 Yeah, that's super helpful. 0:30:02.000 --> 0:30:05.479 Yeah. I have always had very limited standards, like oh 0:30:05.480 --> 0:30:08.040 I can't do that, I can't date because of. 0:30:08.120 --> 0:30:09.560 X y Z, I can't do like give us some 0:30:09.640 --> 0:30:12.160 examples what are the things that are deal breakers in 0:30:12.200 --> 0:30:12.680 your mind? 0:30:13.000 --> 0:30:17.480 A Republican, I support. 0:30:17.200 --> 0:30:18.000 I support. 0:30:18.160 --> 0:30:19.040 I'm with you on that one. 0:30:20.560 --> 0:30:21.960 So I really like a foodie. 0:30:22.000 --> 0:30:26.680 I'm a chef, so having to explain what different ingredients 0:30:26.720 --> 0:30:29.640 or cuisines are it's very frustrating. But I guess I 0:30:29.640 --> 0:30:31.600 could open myself up to that. So, like, I get 0:30:31.600 --> 0:30:34.160 a foodie would be nice, but I don't have many 0:30:34.240 --> 0:30:35.080 deal breakers. 0:30:35.200 --> 0:30:37.840 That's okay, fine, Then let's go in the opposite direction. 0:30:38.160 --> 0:30:39.720 What are the things that you're looking for? 0:30:40.120 --> 0:30:44.880 Trustworthy kind a foodie, someone who's traveled the world and 0:30:45.080 --> 0:30:48.360 seen not maybe as many countries as me, but like 0:30:48.640 --> 0:30:52.320 it's curious and open to new cultural experiences. I prefer 0:30:52.360 --> 0:30:55.200 a person of color, and that's hard to find here 0:30:55.680 --> 0:30:56.400 in porn Iowa. 0:30:56.560 --> 0:31:00.800 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I feel like it's going to be 0:31:01.000 --> 0:31:03.000 a tall order for Iowa. 0:31:03.640 --> 0:31:06.520 So that's why I'm like, I have looked out in Chicago, 0:31:07.160 --> 0:31:08.440 but yeah, it's just. 0:31:08.480 --> 0:31:11.360 Not What can I ask you? What's your work schedule? Like, 0:31:11.400 --> 0:31:12.920 do you work during the week or do you work 0:31:12.920 --> 0:31:14.600 on the weekends. What's your situation? 0:31:15.160 --> 0:31:18.400 So I work during the week and I have Sunday 0:31:18.400 --> 0:31:19.040 Mondays off. 0:31:19.280 --> 0:31:21.080 Okay, that's a tricky night to go out to bars. 0:31:21.080 --> 0:31:22.680 I guess on a Sunday night in Chicago. I was 0:31:22.680 --> 0:31:24.280 going to say to a lot some of your time 0:31:24.320 --> 0:31:26.360 to like commit to spending a certain amount of time 0:31:26.400 --> 0:31:28.239 in a city where you're going to meet someone of 0:31:28.240 --> 0:31:31.480 color that meets these requirements. I have no doubt there's 0:31:31.520 --> 0:31:33.680 somebody for you in Chicago, correct, Like that is a 0:31:33.760 --> 0:31:36.440 huge city filled with tons of different types of people. 0:31:36.840 --> 0:31:39.040 So I think that if there's a way you could 0:31:39.120 --> 0:31:41.680 kind of commit your time to actually actively going to 0:31:41.760 --> 0:31:44.760 these cities and on apps are good. You know, you 0:31:44.800 --> 0:31:47.520 can definitely cast a wider net in terms of like 0:31:47.560 --> 0:31:51.640 your geographical location, but you should also spend more time 0:31:51.640 --> 0:31:53.480 in these play two hours is not a big deal. 0:31:53.640 --> 0:31:55.440 You can go spend the night there, get a cheap 0:31:55.440 --> 0:31:58.800 hotel room, you know, and like go out and experience 0:31:58.840 --> 0:32:01.680 the night life there and like go out to different restaurants, 0:32:01.720 --> 0:32:03.680 go to the places that you would be attracted to, 0:32:04.080 --> 0:32:06.600 or sign up for some sort of like group activity, 0:32:06.680 --> 0:32:08.959 like make it a two day adventure that you have 0:32:09.000 --> 0:32:11.760 Sunday and Mondays off, so you're doing like something outdoorsy. 0:32:11.840 --> 0:32:14.440 You're going to a nice restaurant, you know, just start 0:32:14.520 --> 0:32:18.000 cultivating different things that that aren't available in your city, 0:32:18.240 --> 0:32:20.680 because you have a huge advantage that a big city 0:32:20.720 --> 0:32:22.000 like that is so close to you. 0:32:22.320 --> 0:32:22.600 Right. 0:32:23.080 --> 0:32:25.600 And also, maybe instead of a person who has done 0:32:25.600 --> 0:32:27.720 all the traveling, what about a person who's just incredibly 0:32:27.760 --> 0:32:29.960 interested in doing it, a person that you could actually 0:32:30.040 --> 0:32:32.560 show some of, you know, the things you've learned and 0:32:33.320 --> 0:32:35.880 you know, discovered and places that are your favorite places 0:32:35.880 --> 0:32:37.960 in the world, people that might be really interested in 0:32:38.000 --> 0:32:40.040 doing it who don't necessarily have to meet. You know, 0:32:40.080 --> 0:32:42.600 it's a pretty rare, wonderful thing to be able to 0:32:42.600 --> 0:32:45.120 have traveled as much as you have, and maybe taking 0:32:45.160 --> 0:32:48.760 a little bit of the curiosity component and the willingness 0:32:48.760 --> 0:32:51.560 and desire to do it or willingness desire to learn 0:32:51.680 --> 0:32:53.760 about food, and you know, it seems to me like 0:32:53.800 --> 0:32:56.120 it could be more about a desire to do so 0:32:56.280 --> 0:32:58.440 rather than a person who already checks all of the boxes. 0:32:58.960 --> 0:32:59.800 That's super helpful. 0:33:00.240 --> 0:33:01.800 What about anyone in your restaurant. Do you work in 0:33:01.800 --> 0:33:02.360 a restaurant? 0:33:02.520 --> 0:33:02.880 I do? 0:33:03.400 --> 0:33:04.960 What about any of the people you work with. 0:33:05.400 --> 0:33:05.960 So there's a. 0:33:06.000 --> 0:33:07.960 Team of four of us and we're all women. 0:33:08.280 --> 0:33:11.440 Oh okay, listen, baby, let me tell you something man, we. 0:33:11.440 --> 0:33:13.880 Have a lesbian here, and we have probably a potential 0:33:13.920 --> 0:33:14.560 lesbian here. 0:33:15.120 --> 0:33:17.720 Everybody's a lesbian. I hate to break it too, all 0:33:17.760 --> 0:33:17.959 of you. 0:33:18.280 --> 0:33:21.600 I mean, if I could, I absolutely would like my 0:33:21.640 --> 0:33:22.600 front of house manager. 0:33:23.000 --> 0:33:26.440 She's sexy as hell. But we both like the D, so. 0:33:27.040 --> 0:33:29.640 Well, why but if you both like the D, hey 0:33:29.800 --> 0:33:30.560 get it, get a D. 0:33:30.680 --> 0:33:31.240 You can share? 0:33:31.760 --> 0:33:35.479 Why not? Why not? Why not experiment with her? If 0:33:35.480 --> 0:33:38.000 you're both like, if that that's it? You never know? 0:33:38.320 --> 0:33:38.600 You could? 0:33:38.760 --> 0:33:41.240 You doesn't want it, but you know, and doesn't look 0:33:41.280 --> 0:33:43.400 that interested. She says no with a little stinky face. 0:33:43.440 --> 0:33:45.800 You can get the D. By the way, without the woman. 0:33:46.560 --> 0:33:49.360 You know, that's right weight of a ban on you. 0:33:49.760 --> 0:33:51.840 I know, I know, I know what you're talking about. 0:33:51.880 --> 0:33:54.320 But that's like a fissure for it. Have you been 0:33:54.320 --> 0:33:54.640 with men? 0:33:54.840 --> 0:33:55.040 Yes? 0:33:55.200 --> 0:33:58.320 Yeah, oh yeah, no wonder all lesbians have been with men? 0:33:58.440 --> 0:34:00.680 And then they come they're like, forget get married. 0:34:00.960 --> 0:34:03.160 You're a great man. Yeah yeah, yeah, great man. 0:34:03.400 --> 0:34:06.720 Anyway, cast a wider net. Are there any other big 0:34:06.760 --> 0:34:08.160 cities within two hours of you? 0:34:08.280 --> 0:34:12.359 Besides Chicago's the US map look like it's so fun 0:34:12.400 --> 0:34:14.279 to like move What happens. 0:34:13.960 --> 0:34:15.320 If you go left? Left? 0:34:15.360 --> 0:34:16.560 Or right or down or up. 0:34:18.440 --> 0:34:21.160 I can't cast a wider net. That is absolutely. 0:34:22.160 --> 0:34:24.600 Yeah, And also give people the benefit of a doubt 0:34:24.680 --> 0:34:26.120 if you like, if you go on a date and 0:34:26.160 --> 0:34:28.440 somebody's really gross and they turn you off, fine, But 0:34:28.480 --> 0:34:29.680 if you go on a date and it was just 0:34:29.800 --> 0:34:33.080 eh and there's really nothing there that repulsed you or 0:34:33.480 --> 0:34:35.600 you just found it kind of boring, I think you 0:34:35.640 --> 0:34:37.719 should give those dates a second chance. Because a lot 0:34:37.719 --> 0:34:41.680 of people are very nervous on their first interaction with somebody, 0:34:41.880 --> 0:34:44.080 you know, So I think like you should really just 0:34:44.320 --> 0:34:46.439 also give yourself a break, you know what I mean. 0:34:46.520 --> 0:34:48.360 I think you should think about all of this moving 0:34:48.360 --> 0:34:51.640 forward as expansion. Don't say no, open. 0:34:51.440 --> 0:34:53.520 Up, Yes, wider net. 0:34:53.560 --> 0:34:54.840 It goes with everything, the. 0:34:56.440 --> 0:34:58.960 Widening of the legs, all of it, it comes together. 0:34:59.040 --> 0:35:01.480 I'm so sorry to be so crass, but you know, 0:35:02.000 --> 0:35:06.080 we're all friends here, so yeah, but I mean, just 0:35:06.120 --> 0:35:08.359 do that, practice it and make an event out of it. 0:35:08.440 --> 0:35:10.680 Like seriously, go to Chicago on your day's off for 0:35:10.760 --> 0:35:13.120 like a couple times a month. Go get a hotel room, 0:35:13.320 --> 0:35:15.200 go there and spend time there so that you can 0:35:15.280 --> 0:35:17.920 actually get FaceTime with people. You never know what the 0:35:17.920 --> 0:35:19.840 fuck's gonna happen? Or how you're going to meet somebody? 0:35:20.400 --> 0:35:20.799 Got it? 0:35:21.239 --> 0:35:21.600 Okay? 0:35:21.719 --> 0:35:23.719 Okay, report back when you do get penetration. 0:35:24.200 --> 0:35:27.040 We go to therapy, go go. 0:35:28.680 --> 0:35:32.640 Okay, sorry, tell your therapist. I said, what up? Okay, 0:35:36.239 --> 0:35:39.839 So nice to meet you too. My friend once said 0:35:39.840 --> 0:35:42.040 to me, she's like, your standards are so high, and 0:35:42.080 --> 0:35:45.319 I go, I think they can be I said, why 0:35:45.360 --> 0:35:47.840 would they be low? And she was like, well, I 0:35:47.960 --> 0:35:50.799 just thank you your expectations. I'm like, but I'm I'm 0:35:50.840 --> 0:35:53.560 not desperate, So if I don't have someone to meet 0:35:53.600 --> 0:35:57.520 my expectations, then myself. Yeah to me, Now, I have 0:35:57.560 --> 0:35:59.120 a question about being with a woman. 0:35:59.440 --> 0:36:02.239 Do you You're like, that's fascinating, Well, no, it's about 0:36:02.360 --> 0:36:03.080 about vagina. 0:36:03.239 --> 0:36:05.279 I feel like being with a woman. I'm reading this 0:36:05.360 --> 0:36:07.759 book and there's this big lesbian hot scene in this book, 0:36:07.880 --> 0:36:11.279 right and they're describing this their love making, and I'm like, oh, 0:36:11.320 --> 0:36:13.319 this is totally hot. Like you know, it wasn't like 0:36:13.360 --> 0:36:15.520 I wasn't a gay person, you know, Like I remember 0:36:15.520 --> 0:36:17.680 being younger and reading about things that I wasn't comfortable 0:36:17.719 --> 0:36:20.520 with and almost kind of like rebuffing it, being like ooh, 0:36:20.719 --> 0:36:23.799 and I realized my own reaction. I was like, oh, 0:36:24.000 --> 0:36:26.680 this is hot, and I go I think I understand. 0:36:27.160 --> 0:36:29.680 I feel like being with another woman would make you 0:36:29.760 --> 0:36:32.840 a lot less self conscious about your body issues. 0:36:33.400 --> 0:36:35.239 For me, not so much. 0:36:35.600 --> 0:36:38.879 Still, I still because at the end of the day, 0:36:38.920 --> 0:36:42.600 it's still the fundamental truth is that you're still attracted 0:36:42.600 --> 0:36:44.440 to the person. You still have this normal, you know, 0:36:44.560 --> 0:36:48.319 human desire to be wanted and to have everybody find 0:36:48.360 --> 0:36:51.440 you appealing in those moments. And just because they have 0:36:51.560 --> 0:36:53.680 what you have doesn't mean that they're not or that 0:36:53.719 --> 0:36:55.160 you're you know what I mean, that you're not Like. 0:36:55.400 --> 0:36:57.040 Is mine weird? You know what I mean? 0:36:57.280 --> 0:36:57.480 Right? 0:36:57.480 --> 0:36:58.720 I always wonder if mine is weird? 0:36:58.960 --> 0:37:01.480 Right, I think everyone wonders if there's is weird. But 0:37:01.520 --> 0:37:04.000 I'm thinking in terms of like oh cellulate and like 0:37:04.320 --> 0:37:06.799 r flab and stuff like that. Like with a man, 0:37:07.280 --> 0:37:09.959 I do find myself making sure my body's in check 0:37:10.080 --> 0:37:12.239 like I want. And I was thinking about that when 0:37:12.239 --> 0:37:14.279 I was reading this book. I was thinking, Oh, I 0:37:14.320 --> 0:37:16.760 wonder if that is like something that I would feel 0:37:16.800 --> 0:37:20.520 with another woman, because I've been with women sexually and 0:37:20.600 --> 0:37:23.040 I've never felt self conscious. Yeah, but in like you know, 0:37:23.200 --> 0:37:26.240 manajo TOOI or something not like one on one right. 0:37:26.280 --> 0:37:27.640 And you didn't feel self conscious. 0:37:27.719 --> 0:37:30.080 No. I liked the liberation of it because it was 0:37:30.120 --> 0:37:32.799 another woman's body. It's like you have this, I have this. 0:37:33.000 --> 0:37:34.920 There was something very liberating about it. 0:37:35.080 --> 0:37:36.480 I understand that it's just for me. 0:37:36.520 --> 0:37:40.680 I think psychologically it was my body issues were just 0:37:40.960 --> 0:37:41.560 bigger than that. 0:37:42.040 --> 0:37:44.960 Yeah, I think your issues are bigger, right in general? 0:37:45.000 --> 0:37:46.120 In generally, in. 0:37:48.920 --> 0:37:50.600 General issues, it's true. 0:37:50.640 --> 0:37:52.960 Okay, Well, moving on from that topic, Catherine, what do 0:37:53.040 --> 0:37:53.680 we have next? 0:37:54.000 --> 0:37:58.120 Well, next we're going to talk to Alyssa, and Alessa 0:37:58.239 --> 0:38:00.360 has a pretty tough question. 0:38:01.960 --> 0:38:04.799 Try and act serious, okay for this focus hy. 0:38:08.880 --> 0:38:11.600 Subject line is my best friend died? 0:38:11.920 --> 0:38:16.520 Bummer? I know, Alyssa says, Dear Chelsea. I'm thirty one 0:38:16.600 --> 0:38:19.480 and I live in Little Rock, Arkansas. I'm a hairstylist 0:38:19.600 --> 0:38:21.960 and spent the last seven years working in a salon 0:38:22.080 --> 0:38:26.040 with my best friend, my hetero life partner, my soulmate. However, 0:38:26.239 --> 0:38:29.320 almost a year ago, she died tragically in a car accident. 0:38:30.520 --> 0:38:31.359 I'm not someone who. 0:38:31.320 --> 0:38:34.200 Makes friends easily or keeps friends for very long, but 0:38:34.320 --> 0:38:37.480 Ali was the exception to that. She was truly my person. 0:38:38.040 --> 0:38:40.960 I'm struggling not only with just missing her, but miss 0:38:41.040 --> 0:38:44.000 having that female friendship. I don't have any friends, and 0:38:44.040 --> 0:38:46.440 I'm terrified to try and make new ones. Any advice 0:38:46.520 --> 0:38:48.360 on how to make new friends and maybe some advice 0:38:48.440 --> 0:38:50.640 on dealing with the loss of your very favorite person 0:38:50.680 --> 0:38:52.680 on Earth, Thanks so much, Alyssa. 0:38:53.520 --> 0:38:55.480 Hi, Lissa, Lissa, Hi. 0:38:56.320 --> 0:38:56.440 Hi. 0:38:56.760 --> 0:38:59.720 We have Sarah Paulson today as you're our special guest. 0:39:00.320 --> 0:39:03.879 Oh my god, Hi Sarah, Hi, how are you. I'm 0:39:03.960 --> 0:39:04.439 doing good. 0:39:04.880 --> 0:39:08.400 I'm so so sorry to hear about what you're struggling with. 0:39:08.560 --> 0:39:11.560 That sounds really hard you Yeah, yeah. 0:39:11.560 --> 0:39:12.080 It sucks. 0:39:12.880 --> 0:39:13.799 When did this happen? 0:39:14.520 --> 0:39:18.200 So? Ali died in November twenty twenty one, so it'll 0:39:18.239 --> 0:39:19.320 be two years in November. 0:39:19.520 --> 0:39:24.440 Okay, And what's your situation like with your work, your life? Like, 0:39:24.760 --> 0:39:26.480 break it down for us, tell us a little bit 0:39:26.480 --> 0:39:27.080 about yourself. 0:39:27.560 --> 0:39:31.200 So I work in a private studio now, so it's 0:39:31.280 --> 0:39:33.520 just me by myself. I just didn't really feel like 0:39:33.600 --> 0:39:35.759 I could go back to working in a salon again 0:39:36.239 --> 0:39:40.959 with other stylists, And work has been really crazy hard, 0:39:41.560 --> 0:39:45.000 just because so much of our friendship was like intertwined 0:39:45.239 --> 0:39:48.279 in doing hair, because we were both hair stylists and 0:39:49.080 --> 0:39:53.759 so like I'm doing okay, but it's just I literally thought, oh, 0:39:53.800 --> 0:39:56.080 we're going to like grow old together, like oh, we're 0:39:56.080 --> 0:39:59.640 going to outlive our spouses and be golden girls, you know, 0:40:00.040 --> 0:40:03.000 retired and lived together one day. And now I'm like, oh, 0:40:03.160 --> 0:40:05.759 that's not happening, Like none of that that I had 0:40:05.840 --> 0:40:08.239 in my head is happening. And then I'm like, oh, 0:40:08.280 --> 0:40:09.600 I have to find a new friend, Like I have 0:40:09.680 --> 0:40:10.799 to find a new best friend. 0:40:10.920 --> 0:40:11.600 I don't want to do that. 0:40:12.719 --> 0:40:16.400 So it's just a lot like literally my entire trajectory 0:40:16.440 --> 0:40:19.239 of my life has changed. Yeah, do you have a 0:40:19.320 --> 0:40:21.040 spouse longtime boyfriend? 0:40:21.120 --> 0:40:21.760 We're not married. 0:40:21.840 --> 0:40:24.920 Okay, Well that's good. You have somebody, right, yes, Yeah. 0:40:24.760 --> 0:40:29.000 He's super super wonderful and supportive and great, and I 0:40:29.080 --> 0:40:31.920 have like a really good support system. It's just I've 0:40:32.040 --> 0:40:35.840 just never been good at making friends and keeping friends, 0:40:36.600 --> 0:40:41.560 and I just felt like with Ali, it was like, oh, 0:40:41.800 --> 0:40:44.719 this is my person, Like I found my person. This 0:40:45.000 --> 0:40:47.680 is like the one person I can say the gnarliest 0:40:48.040 --> 0:40:51.840 craziest shit too, and her not I think it's like 0:40:52.000 --> 0:40:57.280 weird or crazy or anything. And it's just really difficult 0:40:57.360 --> 0:41:00.399 to imagine my life without that. And then also I'm 0:41:00.520 --> 0:41:06.080 so terrified to try to find another best friend like that. 0:41:06.760 --> 0:41:08.960 And I know, like no one's ever going to replace Ali. 0:41:09.239 --> 0:41:12.560 But I don't know when you say it's hard for 0:41:12.640 --> 0:41:14.920 you to keep friends, how so meaning. 0:41:15.480 --> 0:41:18.160 You know, I don't know if it's my I don't 0:41:18.160 --> 0:41:19.280 know if my pickers broken. 0:41:19.360 --> 0:41:22.239 You know, some people pick really bad partners, and I 0:41:22.360 --> 0:41:24.920 think that I don't know if I just picked really 0:41:24.960 --> 0:41:29.279 shitty friends in the past, or if it's just life circumstances. 0:41:29.320 --> 0:41:31.759 I just feel like every like really good close friend 0:41:31.840 --> 0:41:35.000 that I've ever had has like moved away, you know, 0:41:35.120 --> 0:41:38.359 in childhood or something like that, or I just never 0:41:38.719 --> 0:41:43.040 got those core friendships that a lot of my friends have, 0:41:43.320 --> 0:41:45.960 you know, like not close with anyone that I grew 0:41:46.080 --> 0:41:49.920 up with or anything like that anymore. So I think 0:41:50.000 --> 0:41:54.000 I just have a lot of anxiety about forming new friendships, 0:41:54.560 --> 0:41:57.560 and so that kind of keeps me from reaching out 0:41:57.600 --> 0:42:00.640 to people. And I'm like the most joke with everyone 0:42:00.680 --> 0:42:04.120 all the time that I'm the most like introverted stylist, honar. 0:42:05.080 --> 0:42:09.160 I'm so good at work, you know, I can talk 0:42:09.280 --> 0:42:11.319 all day, and then if I see my clients at 0:42:11.320 --> 0:42:12.680 the grocery store, I'm like, uh. 0:42:13.920 --> 0:42:15.839 That's a lot of people. A lot of people feel 0:42:15.880 --> 0:42:18.640 that way, even extroverted people feel that way. 0:42:19.280 --> 0:42:20.600 Yeah, it's just I don't know. 0:42:20.640 --> 0:42:23.320 When you're out of that like controlled environment, it's like, 0:42:23.440 --> 0:42:25.840 wait what, I don't know how to do this, So 0:42:26.360 --> 0:42:27.600 I've just never been very. 0:42:27.520 --> 0:42:27.880 Good at it. 0:42:28.280 --> 0:42:30.719 Okay, Well, let me say one thing. You have a 0:42:30.800 --> 0:42:34.560 long term, successful romantic relationship, so you are good at relationships. 0:42:34.600 --> 0:42:38.640 You had a best friend forever that passed away unfortunately, 0:42:39.080 --> 0:42:42.279 which is horrifying and terrible and you will feel that 0:42:42.400 --> 0:42:46.160 grief for a very long time. But that is representative 0:42:46.280 --> 0:42:49.320 of another successful relationship that you have. So this narrative 0:42:49.400 --> 0:42:51.960 that you have in your head about not being good 0:42:52.040 --> 0:42:56.960 at making friends isn't true. It's your past and it's 0:42:57.000 --> 0:42:59.040 your childhood. Like it's not even true. 0:42:59.320 --> 0:43:01.440 You weren't even who you are today then, so it's 0:43:01.480 --> 0:43:02.440 actually not applicable. 0:43:02.680 --> 0:43:06.720 Yeah, Like you have this the story that you're telling yourself, 0:43:06.800 --> 0:43:09.480 and it's like, you have a long term romantic relationship 0:43:09.600 --> 0:43:12.040 who's a wonderful guy. Like that says it right there 0:43:12.160 --> 0:43:14.640 that you're good at relationships. You're probably a one on 0:43:14.760 --> 0:43:17.400 one person, You're not a group friend group person, right, 0:43:17.560 --> 0:43:19.600 Is that how you would describe yourself. So I think 0:43:19.640 --> 0:43:21.799 you have to really you have a lot of work 0:43:21.840 --> 0:43:24.880 to do about changing that narrative for yourself, because the 0:43:24.960 --> 0:43:28.719 whole world is filled with possibilities. You sequestering yourself and 0:43:28.800 --> 0:43:34.440 working alone it's not necessarily the right move, because how 0:43:34.520 --> 0:43:35.879 did you meet your old best friend? 0:43:36.320 --> 0:43:39.480 I've got a job a hair salon, yeah, yeah. 0:43:39.920 --> 0:43:42.680 So I really think it's important to get yourself back 0:43:42.719 --> 0:43:46.120 in an environment that at least is bringing new people 0:43:46.280 --> 0:43:47.719 in and out of your life, you know, on a 0:43:47.760 --> 0:43:50.239 professional level. I think it is important to be in 0:43:50.320 --> 0:43:53.960 a hair salon with other stylists, with people, customers coming 0:43:54.040 --> 0:43:56.480 in and out all day, and setting yourself up for 0:43:56.600 --> 0:44:00.480 success in that way. For sure. I think work alone 0:44:00.560 --> 0:44:02.480 isn't going to be the answer. That's not how you're 0:44:02.520 --> 0:44:03.839 going to meet somebody, you know what I mean. 0:44:03.920 --> 0:44:06.440 And it was happenstance that you walked into that salon anyway, 0:44:06.440 --> 0:44:08.400 and that that person happened to be your person, So 0:44:08.480 --> 0:44:11.400 the odds of something like that happening again are are 0:44:11.680 --> 0:44:14.880 significantly higher if you're allowing those things to happen, you know. 0:44:15.560 --> 0:44:18.480 Right, Yeah, And also being in an environment like a 0:44:18.560 --> 0:44:20.920 salon where you are sort of forced to be around 0:44:20.960 --> 0:44:24.200 the same people every day. You can form relationships that 0:44:24.360 --> 0:44:27.279 are more casual and you might find someone who you 0:44:27.400 --> 0:44:29.359 have obviously maybe not the same bond that you had 0:44:29.400 --> 0:44:33.319 with Ali, but a different and you know, successful bond 0:44:33.440 --> 0:44:34.120 with right. 0:44:34.560 --> 0:44:36.840 And there's ways to honor your like are you in therapy? 0:44:36.960 --> 0:44:38.200 Have you been to a therapist? 0:44:38.280 --> 0:44:38.360 Yes? 0:44:38.480 --> 0:44:41.160 Okay, there are ways to honor that friendship too, you 0:44:41.239 --> 0:44:42.719 know what I mean. Like, you can kind of use 0:44:42.760 --> 0:44:45.799 that friendship as a motivating factor. You can have her up, 0:44:45.960 --> 0:44:48.279 you know, a picture of her up at your what's 0:44:48.320 --> 0:44:50.520 it called your little station, right? Is that what it's 0:44:50.520 --> 0:44:53.400 called a station at a slant right, Like, as a 0:44:53.480 --> 0:44:56.040 motivating factor to remind you what a beautiful friendship that 0:44:56.280 --> 0:44:58.200 was and what you were capable of having. Yeah, and 0:44:58.320 --> 0:45:00.480 what you're looking for again, Yeah, you don't have to 0:45:00.560 --> 0:45:03.640 replicate that friendship. There are so many people in this 0:45:03.760 --> 0:45:06.800 world that have value and lend value to our lives. 0:45:07.120 --> 0:45:09.760 And when we kind of get narrow because of something 0:45:09.800 --> 0:45:12.680 that's happened to us, we don't expand we just start 0:45:12.760 --> 0:45:14.640 to shut down and we're like, oh, I trust this 0:45:14.760 --> 0:45:16.640 person and that person and I'm not good at this 0:45:16.719 --> 0:45:18.960 I'm not good at that, And the reality is you 0:45:19.040 --> 0:45:21.360 could be great at all of these things. It's just 0:45:21.440 --> 0:45:23.520 your mindset. And I think you have to get into 0:45:23.560 --> 0:45:26.760 a different headspace, you know, like there's a time for grieving, 0:45:27.120 --> 0:45:29.880 there's a time for reaping and sewing, like there's a 0:45:29.960 --> 0:45:32.640 time for you to start investing in yourself again, because 0:45:32.920 --> 0:45:34.800 that's what your best friend would want for you. 0:45:35.080 --> 0:45:35.279 Yeah. 0:45:35.360 --> 0:45:37.000 I think you have to make a new relationship with 0:45:37.120 --> 0:45:40.640 yourself too, in terms of being a friend to yourself 0:45:40.840 --> 0:45:43.359 and doing some of this work that Chelsea's talking about, 0:45:43.360 --> 0:45:47.000 in terms of like recalibrating that narrative and don't feed 0:45:47.160 --> 0:45:50.120 that story anymore because it's actually not true. You have 0:45:50.400 --> 0:45:54.160 real proof in your life of being capable of having deep, rich, 0:45:54.239 --> 0:45:56.680 fulfilling relationships, both romantic and otherwise. 0:45:57.040 --> 0:45:59.279 So that is out there for you again too. 0:45:59.400 --> 0:46:01.120 I just but I don't think it can happen in 0:46:01.719 --> 0:46:04.279 a little sliver of your society. 0:46:03.840 --> 0:46:04.000 You know. 0:46:04.520 --> 0:46:06.560 Does it sound like something that you can do is 0:46:06.680 --> 0:46:09.320 go and you know, seek out a job at a salon. 0:46:10.239 --> 0:46:11.239 Honestly, I don't know. 0:46:12.520 --> 0:46:13.040 I don't know. 0:46:13.719 --> 0:46:14.040 I just. 0:46:15.680 --> 0:46:16.440 Hairstylists. 0:46:16.440 --> 0:46:20.080 I'm going to be brutally honest, most hairstylists are like 0:46:20.480 --> 0:46:22.320 my least favorite type of people. 0:46:23.680 --> 0:46:25.799 I know. But think about what you're saying. You met 0:46:25.800 --> 0:46:28.160 your best friend as a hairstylist, and you're judging the 0:46:28.239 --> 0:46:30.480 rest of them like they're not gonna I know it's 0:46:30.600 --> 0:46:33.560 so stupid, But they're not all like that. They're not 0:46:33.760 --> 0:46:34.320 all that. 0:46:35.040 --> 0:46:36.759 But I think a lot of it also has to 0:46:36.840 --> 0:46:41.000 do with you know, I live in a predominantly conservative state. 0:46:42.160 --> 0:46:45.840 Lots of conservative hairstylist. Girl, he's out there, and so 0:46:46.080 --> 0:46:49.480 I love my little space and my vibe of my 0:46:49.840 --> 0:46:51.880 studio because I have my own little studio and it's 0:46:51.960 --> 0:46:56.279 like perfectly representative of me and I love it there. 0:46:56.760 --> 0:46:58.600 So it'd be really hard for me to step away 0:46:58.640 --> 0:47:00.920 from that into a salon. But I do think what 0:47:01.040 --> 0:47:04.840 you're saying is absolutely the thing that I need to do. 0:47:05.000 --> 0:47:06.160 I just don't know if I need to do it 0:47:06.239 --> 0:47:07.200 like in a work setting. 0:47:07.280 --> 0:47:09.400 Okay, well go great. Then think of other ways that 0:47:09.480 --> 0:47:11.719 you can get out there. There's other like minded people 0:47:11.760 --> 0:47:14.360 in Little Rock, Arkansas. I know it's a conservative place, 0:47:14.440 --> 0:47:16.879 but you will find your people. You can find your people. 0:47:17.160 --> 0:47:19.680 What about couple relationships? Do you guys have couples? You 0:47:19.760 --> 0:47:20.520 hang out with at all. 0:47:21.000 --> 0:47:21.520 Not really. 0:47:21.880 --> 0:47:25.200 My boyfriend is a thirty five year old skateboarder. 0:47:25.760 --> 0:47:26.200 So forgot. 0:47:26.239 --> 0:47:28.320 I mean he has a job. He has Okay, what 0:47:28.440 --> 0:47:30.640 about in your space, in your salon space, do you 0:47:30.719 --> 0:47:34.680 have room to hire another stylist or anything like that, 0:47:34.880 --> 0:47:35.880 or do you have any employee? 0:47:36.040 --> 0:47:38.560 Probably I have been doing here for like ten years, 0:47:38.600 --> 0:47:40.719 so I have thought about taking on like an assistant 0:47:41.320 --> 0:47:43.719 or something like that to try to teach someone else 0:47:43.880 --> 0:47:45.800 kind of just the things that I've learned, So that 0:47:46.040 --> 0:47:47.160 could be an option. 0:47:47.239 --> 0:47:49.799 Yeah, or hiring another stylist, And that way you get 0:47:49.840 --> 0:47:51.920 to choose, Like if there is some conservative person you 0:47:51.960 --> 0:47:54.440 don't want around, then you can choose who's come in. 0:47:54.560 --> 0:47:56.560 I mean, that's a nice way to meet somebody. But 0:47:56.640 --> 0:47:59.120 there are millions of other ways. You can join a 0:47:59.239 --> 0:48:01.400 rock climbing group, you can like, what are you into? 0:48:01.600 --> 0:48:03.320 What do you do? Do you go hiking? Do you 0:48:03.480 --> 0:48:06.239 like to what else happens in little Rock? Is there 0:48:06.280 --> 0:48:07.279 a body of water there? 0:48:09.440 --> 0:48:12.040 There is? There are lots of bodies of water, Okay, great? 0:48:12.200 --> 0:48:14.400 Do you like to sail? Do you like to go 0:48:14.719 --> 0:48:15.480 river rafting? 0:48:15.760 --> 0:48:15.800 Like? 0:48:15.960 --> 0:48:19.080 There's plenty of shit where you can join clubs and 0:48:19.160 --> 0:48:21.400 I know it sounds like, oh, well, I don't need 0:48:21.560 --> 0:48:23.680 to join a club to meet people. Yeah, you fucking do? 0:48:24.040 --> 0:48:24.080 You? 0:48:24.200 --> 0:48:25.000 Literally you do. 0:48:25.160 --> 0:48:27.320 You're calling us figuring out how to get a friend? 0:48:27.360 --> 0:48:28.960 Do you know what I mean? And you have to 0:48:29.040 --> 0:48:31.280 put yourself out there in ways that don't seem natural 0:48:31.320 --> 0:48:34.120 to you in order to attract something different and attract 0:48:34.160 --> 0:48:37.800 something new. Because you're capable of having a great friend, 0:48:38.120 --> 0:48:39.960 you're just grieving the one that you lost and you 0:48:40.040 --> 0:48:43.240 think she's irreplaceable, which she probably is, but that doesn't 0:48:43.280 --> 0:48:45.560 mean there's not another great friend out there, or even 0:48:45.640 --> 0:48:47.799 more than one great friend out there. How great would 0:48:47.800 --> 0:48:49.400 it be to find a group of girls that you 0:48:49.520 --> 0:48:52.719 actually vibe with, that believe in the same stuff you know, 0:48:52.960 --> 0:48:56.279 and it's two or three girls like, that's a possibility too. 0:48:56.600 --> 0:48:58.359 I had a therapist one time say to me when 0:48:58.400 --> 0:49:00.520 I was thinking about dating and I wasn't sure if 0:49:00.520 --> 0:49:01.759 I wanted to dat a man, I wasn't sure if 0:49:01.760 --> 0:49:03.000 I wanted to date a woman. I wasn't sure what 0:49:03.040 --> 0:49:04.680 I wanted to do. And she said to me, you know, 0:49:04.760 --> 0:49:07.960 you can't figure this out hypothetically. You can't figure it 0:49:08.000 --> 0:49:10.120 out in your living room. You have to go out 0:49:10.239 --> 0:49:14.000 into the world and have some experiences, and those experiences 0:49:14.040 --> 0:49:16.319 are going to like direct you, you know, and you're 0:49:16.360 --> 0:49:19.560 going to get more information that's going to concretize something 0:49:19.640 --> 0:49:20.560 that you may be feeling. 0:49:20.719 --> 0:49:26.440 You know, you needize, you need to Finally, finally the 0:49:26.560 --> 0:49:29.480 clown comes up with a good word or like a 0:49:29.560 --> 0:49:32.560 book club. Are you in reading? Make it book club? 0:49:32.719 --> 0:49:32.879 Yeah? 0:49:32.960 --> 0:49:34.759 Book clubs are cool. At least they're going to be 0:49:34.840 --> 0:49:36.319 smart and fucking reading. 0:49:36.160 --> 0:49:36.320 You know. 0:49:36.880 --> 0:49:38.719 Yeah, that's a good thought. 0:49:39.000 --> 0:49:41.160 Should think about things that move you, that you get 0:49:41.239 --> 0:49:43.840 excited by and seeing seeing if there's something. 0:49:43.719 --> 0:49:45.800 Or you can drive. You know, if you're into like 0:49:45.880 --> 0:49:47.359 are you you said you don't like to be around 0:49:47.360 --> 0:49:49.800 conservative people. Are you into politics? You could join like 0:49:50.000 --> 0:49:52.360 a political group that like gets out the vote or 0:49:52.400 --> 0:49:53.239 something like that, and. 0:49:53.239 --> 0:49:56.400 You'll automatically meet people who have more of a sensibility. 0:49:56.719 --> 0:49:58.640 Okay, okay, I can do these things. 0:49:58.840 --> 0:49:59.279 I can do that. 0:49:59.440 --> 0:49:59.839 Yeah, I think. 0:50:00.040 --> 0:50:03.920 Bottom line, you gotta treat friendship when you're looking for 0:50:04.000 --> 0:50:06.000 a friend a little bit like dating. 0:50:06.560 --> 0:50:07.480 It's a numbers game. 0:50:07.560 --> 0:50:07.680 You know. 0:50:07.719 --> 0:50:08.919 The more you put yourself out. 0:50:08.840 --> 0:50:11.600 There, the more individual situations you put yourself in, the 0:50:11.680 --> 0:50:13.680 more people you meet, the more likely you are to 0:50:13.719 --> 0:50:15.560 find sort of the one or the two or three. 0:50:16.200 --> 0:50:18.800 Right, there's a way for you to localize people on 0:50:18.880 --> 0:50:21.279 your Instagram. Don't ask me how because I don't know, 0:50:21.480 --> 0:50:25.080 but it's it's a possibility to localize people, to find 0:50:25.120 --> 0:50:27.640 people in Little Rock and that way, Like when you're 0:50:27.680 --> 0:50:30.040 looking at people's Instagram profiles, I think that's a great 0:50:30.040 --> 0:50:32.120 way to reach out to somebody or to date somebody 0:50:32.120 --> 0:50:34.480 because you're getting a kind of a full spectrum of 0:50:34.600 --> 0:50:36.840 what they're into and what they're not. And that's a 0:50:36.920 --> 0:50:40.000 totally normal thing to reach out via Instagram. I have 0:50:40.120 --> 0:50:42.360 tons of friends that reach out to me via Instagram, 0:50:42.440 --> 0:50:43.520 strangers and friends. 0:50:43.840 --> 0:50:44.320 You know that. 0:50:44.480 --> 0:50:47.000 I yeah, we did. I mean that's how I booked 0:50:47.040 --> 0:50:51.400 Sarah on the podcast. So, like, just think outside of 0:50:51.480 --> 0:50:54.560 your comfort zone and make some actionable like take some 0:50:54.800 --> 0:50:58.520 actionable steps where you're actually doing things that you wouldn't 0:50:58.520 --> 0:51:01.840 normally do to meet some friends that are like minded. 0:51:02.320 --> 0:51:05.360 Okay, okay, you gotta do things and talk to people. 0:51:06.840 --> 0:51:08.400 You got a great voice and a great accent. 0:51:08.520 --> 0:51:12.239 Well, and also listen, I want you to just get 0:51:12.320 --> 0:51:14.479 up every day for the next like twenty one days 0:51:14.600 --> 0:51:18.000 and write down. I'm good at making friends. I'm so 0:51:18.200 --> 0:51:21.239 grateful to have found new friends. Write it down like 0:51:21.320 --> 0:51:24.759 it's already happened. I'm so grateful for these new relationships 0:51:24.800 --> 0:51:28.040 in my life. I'm grateful for this new relationship. I'm 0:51:28.080 --> 0:51:30.840 grateful to have met this new these all these new people. 0:51:31.280 --> 0:51:33.680 Just write that down for twenty one days and there 0:51:33.680 --> 0:51:36.279 will be a shift within you and you will be 0:51:36.400 --> 0:51:39.319 more open. So will it into your life? 0:51:39.360 --> 0:51:39.719 Very good? 0:51:40.200 --> 0:51:42.920 Very good? Yeah, your sister just kidding. 0:51:44.560 --> 0:51:46.640 You seem like you change mid way through. I was like, 0:51:46.680 --> 0:51:47.320 what's happening? 0:51:47.640 --> 0:51:49.600 Sorry that you have to witness arch A canery, but 0:51:49.719 --> 0:51:50.879 we're both key. 0:51:51.080 --> 0:51:52.000 I'm thoroughly doing it. 0:51:52.760 --> 0:51:55.239 But anyway, Lissa, you're gonna be fine. And I'm so 0:51:55.400 --> 0:51:58.440 sorry about your friend. I know that's devastating and grief 0:51:58.640 --> 0:52:00.840 is you know. I'm so glad you're seeing somebody to 0:52:00.920 --> 0:52:04.120 talk to about that. But just remember your bestie would 0:52:04.120 --> 0:52:06.200 want you to be happy in making friends, you know. 0:52:06.800 --> 0:52:08.239 Yeah, for sure, you're right. 0:52:08.520 --> 0:52:10.359 Just like anyone who loves you, they want to see 0:52:10.400 --> 0:52:10.880 you succeed. 0:52:11.360 --> 0:52:13.920 Yeah, okay, I can do that. 0:52:14.000 --> 0:52:16.360 Okay, let us know when you make some friends. 0:52:16.400 --> 0:52:21.120 Okay, Alissa, thanks. 0:52:22.480 --> 0:52:24.760 It is true though, sometimes you have really good advice. 0:52:25.040 --> 0:52:28.399 Oh thanks, Sonny. Isn't it true? Though? Sometimes you get 0:52:28.400 --> 0:52:30.560 such a narrative in your head about your things you've 0:52:30.560 --> 0:52:32.440 done in the past, which who hasn't done things that 0:52:32.520 --> 0:52:36.719 they've regretted, and you define the future by that or 0:52:36.760 --> 0:52:39.239 your present moment by the past behavior, And it's like 0:52:39.600 --> 0:52:42.719 everyone is capable of change and shifting. 0:52:42.960 --> 0:52:45.800 I also think the thing that sometimes helped you survive 0:52:45.920 --> 0:52:48.799 as a young person, they become the real thing that's 0:52:48.840 --> 0:52:50.400 the hindrance to you as a grown up. It's like 0:52:50.400 --> 0:52:52.560 a little and you hold on to it because you're afraid. 0:52:52.840 --> 0:52:54.600 You only know how to function with these sort of 0:52:55.280 --> 0:52:57.280 things in order, and sort of holding on really tightly 0:52:57.320 --> 0:52:59.000 to the way things used to work for yourself that 0:52:59.040 --> 0:53:01.080 when new things start happy opening, you either dig a 0:53:01.120 --> 0:53:03.320 little bit deeper and you refuse to let it go, 0:53:03.680 --> 0:53:06.480 or you find a way to trust that you can 0:53:06.520 --> 0:53:08.960 make different choices that. I do think the very thing 0:53:09.040 --> 0:53:11.719 that kept you safe for made you know how to 0:53:11.760 --> 0:53:14.200 function in the world, ends up being something that can 0:53:14.280 --> 0:53:14.920 be constraining. 0:53:15.120 --> 0:53:18.040 Yeah. Brenane Brown says that like it's your teflon, it's 0:53:18.120 --> 0:53:21.200 like your cover. That's why It's called midlife crisis because 0:53:21.360 --> 0:53:24.000 at a certain age it stops working for you, and 0:53:24.120 --> 0:53:26.560 usually around forty you're like, wait, the very thing that 0:53:26.719 --> 0:53:29.360 made me so successful is the thing that's now making 0:53:29.520 --> 0:53:32.759 me back. Yeah, tactly. So that is I think a 0:53:32.840 --> 0:53:35.759 salient piece of advice as well. But I also think 0:53:36.440 --> 0:53:39.520 when we lose someone, there's a guilt in letting go 0:53:39.760 --> 0:53:43.320 of totally and moving on, Like people get so guilty, 0:53:43.400 --> 0:53:45.000 like God, if I fall in love or if I'm 0:53:45.080 --> 0:53:48.520 happy again, this is what does this mean to her? Like, well, 0:53:48.560 --> 0:53:51.480 I was reading this book yesterday about PTSD and you know, 0:53:51.640 --> 0:53:55.080 Vietnam vets and how they can wake up with terrible nightmares, 0:53:55.120 --> 0:53:58.960 and it was in that body keeps the Score, Catherine, Yeah, 0:53:59.360 --> 0:54:03.239 and patient was saying, oh, I can't be present for 0:54:03.400 --> 0:54:06.600 my family and children because that means I've deserted all 0:54:06.680 --> 0:54:10.000 of my that I was in war with and all 0:54:10.080 --> 0:54:13.880 the soldiers who fell, like I can't disappoint them and 0:54:13.960 --> 0:54:16.799 they're gone. So instead of valuing the people who are 0:54:16.800 --> 0:54:19.360 in front of you, they're still hooked on that. And 0:54:19.480 --> 0:54:22.320 so I think that's also something to remember, to know 0:54:22.520 --> 0:54:24.399 that people want you to move on with your life. 0:54:25.360 --> 0:54:28.279 I know I when I was rereading that email after 0:54:28.320 --> 0:54:30.160 the first time I read it, I realized is Ali 0:54:30.239 --> 0:54:32.279 and Alyssa. And I'm like, I'm sure they were just 0:54:32.360 --> 0:54:35.239 like two peas in a pod. But yeah, I think 0:54:35.280 --> 0:54:37.759 that was very good advice for her. Should we take 0:54:37.880 --> 0:54:39.400 a little break and wrap up? 0:54:39.680 --> 0:54:41.480 Okay, we'll take a break and then I'm gonna kick 0:54:41.520 --> 0:54:42.880 Sarah Paulson out of here? 0:54:43.080 --> 0:54:44.680 Do you keep going? Do you do like others? 0:54:44.880 --> 0:54:44.920 No? 0:54:45.040 --> 0:54:46.320 No, I'm wrapped for the day. This is it? 0:54:46.719 --> 0:54:46.919 Wow? 0:54:48.560 --> 0:54:56.640 Okay, Like I said, we're gonna take a break, Okay, 0:54:56.719 --> 0:54:59.759 and we're back. We're back. We're back with Chelsea and 0:54:59.800 --> 0:55:02.120 saying it's already over. I don't want it to be over. 0:55:03.680 --> 0:55:05.560 Do you have one more? Do you have one more 0:55:05.680 --> 0:55:07.239 question to throw at us? I actually do? 0:55:07.520 --> 0:55:08.920 I actually have a pretty juicy one? 0:55:09.239 --> 0:55:10.560 Oh well, why didn't you say that? 0:55:11.480 --> 0:55:13.160 How about how you were gonna let us go with 0:55:13.280 --> 0:55:14.439 a juicy one on the line? 0:55:14.520 --> 0:55:16.319 How dare you well, we'd like to wrap things up 0:55:16.320 --> 0:55:17.520 in an hour to be respectful. 0:55:20.520 --> 0:55:26.640 Well, this question comes from Ashley's. 0:55:24.520 --> 0:55:27.239 That's a lot of alliteration today, it's a lot of alliteration. 0:55:28.400 --> 0:55:31.120 They're all A's and Alyssa and Ashley. 0:55:32.560 --> 0:55:35.160 Ashley spelled with an L E I g H. So 0:55:35.320 --> 0:55:37.799 you know that's the other ones we take it from. 0:55:38.840 --> 0:55:41.400 Dear Chelsea, love your podcast, and boy do I have 0:55:41.440 --> 0:55:44.200 a doozy of a problem for you. I work in 0:55:44.360 --> 0:55:47.279 entertainment and run my own company. I'm forty years old 0:55:47.400 --> 0:55:50.040 and over the years have built a niche but profitable 0:55:50.080 --> 0:55:53.080 client list for myself. Fifteen years ago, when I was 0:55:53.120 --> 0:55:55.560 still very young and starting out, I had a flirtation 0:55:55.719 --> 0:55:57.880 with one of my first clients, which turned into a 0:55:58.000 --> 0:56:02.000 full fledged affair that went on for years. He was 0:56:02.200 --> 0:56:05.080 and still is married, and so was I at the time. 0:56:05.719 --> 0:56:07.400 This went on for so long that we both had 0:56:07.520 --> 0:56:11.040 children with our respective partners, all while carrying on this affair. 0:56:12.080 --> 0:56:14.800 A few years ago, I left my husband. There was 0:56:14.880 --> 0:56:17.480 no love there for a long time, no surprise given 0:56:17.560 --> 0:56:20.160 what I was doing, and I just couldn't do it anymore. 0:56:20.520 --> 0:56:23.839 But after that situation resolved, I realized I no longer 0:56:23.960 --> 0:56:25.680 wanted or needed the affair. 0:56:25.400 --> 0:56:25.879 I was having. 0:56:26.480 --> 0:56:28.800 It's as if the cloud of my toxic marriage was 0:56:28.840 --> 0:56:31.239 obscuring the fact that I had long ago fallen out 0:56:31.280 --> 0:56:33.480 of love with this other man as well, and just 0:56:33.560 --> 0:56:35.560 hadn't realized it, so I broke it off. 0:56:36.239 --> 0:56:37.040 Here's the problem. 0:56:37.800 --> 0:56:41.279 He's still my biggest client, and for obvious reasons, it's 0:56:41.280 --> 0:56:44.440 gotten weird professionally. He swore he would never fire me 0:56:44.600 --> 0:56:47.320 or go to another company because of our situation, but 0:56:47.480 --> 0:56:50.880 over the months he's become colder, unresponsive to calls, and 0:56:51.080 --> 0:56:54.200 very critical of my work. I'm almost certain he's meeting 0:56:54.239 --> 0:56:57.200 with other companies while I have other clients. The loss 0:56:57.239 --> 0:56:59.800 of this revenue were he to fire me, would impact 0:56:59.840 --> 0:57:03.160 my future. I'm fully aware that I've gotten myself into 0:57:03.200 --> 0:57:06.120 this situation and this is the definition of don't shit 0:57:06.160 --> 0:57:08.399 where you eat. But now I'm in it and I'm 0:57:08.480 --> 0:57:12.000 losing sleep. Help thanks, Ashley, m hmmm. 0:57:13.480 --> 0:57:13.719 Trying. 0:57:15.520 --> 0:57:17.880 I mean, I don't think. I think if your motivation 0:57:18.360 --> 0:57:22.520 is listen. I understand it's financial and it's your career 0:57:22.680 --> 0:57:26.280 and your job, But I think him leaving wouldn't be 0:57:26.320 --> 0:57:28.160 the worst thing in the world. I think that is 0:57:28.200 --> 0:57:31.640 a bigger burden to Carrie than replacing him financially, which 0:57:31.720 --> 0:57:35.840 will happen. You will get other clients and if if 0:57:35.880 --> 0:57:38.320 the writing's on the wall, I would probably get ahead 0:57:38.360 --> 0:57:40.880 of it. If you can, if you want to, I 0:57:40.960 --> 0:57:44.000 mean get ahead of it. But it's not a bad thing, 0:57:44.240 --> 0:57:46.760 Like it's kind of a toxic thing in your life. 0:57:46.880 --> 0:57:49.360 Yeah, it sounds like adding so much complication to your 0:57:49.400 --> 0:57:51.800 daily life and not sleeping and all that over something 0:57:51.880 --> 0:57:55.200 like this. It's like, I don't know, waiting. 0:57:54.960 --> 0:57:57.160 To be fired, waiting to be the worst feeling in 0:57:57.200 --> 0:57:57.560 the world. 0:57:57.720 --> 0:58:02.000 Yeah, and not only that, it feels like closing the 0:58:02.080 --> 0:58:05.280 door on a chapter in a real complete way to 0:58:05.400 --> 0:58:09.640 maybe end anything where there's still a tie that is 0:58:09.680 --> 0:58:13.000 sort of connected to how you're making a living that's 0:58:13.040 --> 0:58:15.760 got so much sort of toxic I don't know. 0:58:15.920 --> 0:58:20.560 Did they say they're still sleeping together? Okay, yeah for sure, Yeah, 0:58:20.640 --> 0:58:23.560 I think. I mean, I don't know what the ins 0:58:23.600 --> 0:58:26.080 and outs of are like for references and stuff like that, 0:58:26.160 --> 0:58:28.360 but I wouldn't rely on him for any of that anyway, 0:58:28.440 --> 0:58:31.800 because you already have such a history. The healthiest thing 0:58:31.920 --> 0:58:35.000 for you would definitely would be to cut ties, whatever 0:58:35.040 --> 0:58:37.240 that means financially. I think you have to have faith 0:58:37.280 --> 0:58:38.920 in the fact that you will get other clients that 0:58:38.960 --> 0:58:42.400 will supplement that, you know, and replace his whatever income 0:58:42.440 --> 0:58:45.800 he's bringing into your company. But yeah, it's bad juju. 0:58:46.040 --> 0:58:46.960 I think it's bad juju. 0:58:47.400 --> 0:58:49.040 Yeah, and I think sometimes when you get rid of 0:58:49.120 --> 0:58:51.160 that bad juju, you make space for the good things 0:58:51.200 --> 0:58:52.200 to come in, and it gets. 0:58:52.160 --> 0:58:53.280 Craze for good clients. 0:58:54.040 --> 0:58:56.880 Yeah, absolutely, because also it's a fear based response to 0:58:56.960 --> 0:58:58.680 want to hold on to it anyway, because she's afraid 0:58:58.680 --> 0:59:00.400 that nothing's going to come forward. 0:59:00.880 --> 0:59:03.400 But I think cutting that you'd be surprised to see 0:59:03.440 --> 0:59:04.920 what what what? Lands? 0:59:05.440 --> 0:59:08.120 You smell like baby powder? Do you know that? Yeah, 0:59:08.240 --> 0:59:09.880 like a little baby, like a little bit. And I 0:59:09.960 --> 0:59:11.840 usually don't like to smell babies, to be honest with you, 0:59:11.960 --> 0:59:15.680 because yeah, I understand any but you smell like an 0:59:15.680 --> 0:59:16.360 adult baby. 0:59:16.800 --> 0:59:16.960 I do. 0:59:17.560 --> 0:59:21.600 Yeah, it's fresh clean, Yeah, my bathe, it's my perfume. 0:59:21.920 --> 0:59:22.760 Don't ask me what it is. 0:59:22.920 --> 0:59:28.400 Sarah Catherine Paulson, we were so blastes were we were 0:59:28.480 --> 0:59:34.080 we she was late. No, we were happy to have 0:59:34.280 --> 0:59:37.720 you today and we love you. Thank you right back. 0:59:37.840 --> 0:59:38.720 Thanks for having me. 0:59:39.040 --> 0:59:44.280 Okay, shall them shall em shot bout shalom? Okay, guys, 0:59:44.360 --> 0:59:46.880 we have added more shows to my Little Big Bitch tour. 0:59:47.360 --> 0:59:49.480 I added another second show in Toronto, so I have 0:59:49.520 --> 0:59:52.520 two shows in Toronto now to December seventh, December eighth, 0:59:52.960 --> 0:59:56.800 December ninth, I'm in Ottawa and two new shows at 0:59:56.840 --> 1:00:00.320 December fifteenth. On a Friday, we're doing a seventh thirty 1:00:00.360 --> 1:00:03.200 and ten pm show with Kevin Hart and Friends that's 1:00:03.240 --> 1:00:07.560 in Thackerville, Oklahoma. And all my other shows you can 1:00:07.600 --> 1:00:10.200 buy tickets for at Chelseahandler dot com. I'm starting my 1:00:10.280 --> 1:00:14.760 tour backup on September twenty ninth in New York City 1:00:14.840 --> 1:00:16.919 at the Beacon, which is sold out, but the next 1:00:17.000 --> 1:00:19.520 night there are tickets available in September thirtieth at the Beacon, 1:00:19.800 --> 1:00:21.800 So for all fall dates, you can go to Chelseamler 1:00:21.840 --> 1:00:23.320 dot com for tickets and you'll see me. 1:00:24.400 --> 1:00:24.840 If you'd like. 1:00:24.880 --> 1:00:27.680 Advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea 1:00:27.840 --> 1:00:30.480 podcast at gmail dot com and be sure to include 1:00:30.520 --> 1:00:33.800 your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by 1:00:33.880 --> 1:00:37.040 Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and be sure to 1:00:37.120 --> 1:00:39.320 check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com