1
00:00:01,680 --> 00:00:04,359
Speaker 1: If you would like to have us answer your questions.

2
00:00:04,559 --> 00:00:07,880
Speaker 2: If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or

3
00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:09,440
Speaker 2: a terrible throuffle.

4
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:12,640
Speaker 1: Guess what you've got Decisions.

5
00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:16,680
Speaker 2: Welcome back, y'all to another hump day. We are here

6
00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:20,160
Speaker 2: to answer your questions. Please send them in to us,

7
00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:23,320
Speaker 2: because listen, y'all be in a DM like help girl,

8
00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:26,000
Speaker 2: we ain't seeing them, you know, Mandy organized send it

9
00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:29,000
Speaker 2: to the email. And also, we have a Patreon tier

10
00:00:29,240 --> 00:00:32,280
Speaker 2: that will get you a fast track to you got Decisions,

11
00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:35,000
Speaker 2: So if you're in a crisis, bitch, go on Patreon

12
00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:35,720
Speaker 2: to send him question.

13
00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:39,279
Speaker 3: That's right, that will be the top tier. That's our

14
00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:42,360
Speaker 3: producer tier if you want the fast track. Otherwise, make

15
00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:46,599
Speaker 3: sure you send your email in to Decisions pod at

16
00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:48,720
Speaker 3: gmail dot com so.

17
00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:50,559
Speaker 1: That we could read your question.

18
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:53,360
Speaker 3: All right, I'm gonna get right into this one this

19
00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:57,160
Speaker 3: week because it's a long one, but we got details.

20
00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:59,760
Speaker 3: I'm gonna give it somebody. I'm gonna read it like

21
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:03,320
Speaker 3: our would our book No Holds Barred. Okay, make sure

22
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:06,880
Speaker 3: you are order that now and get your tickets for

23
00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:11,200
Speaker 3: the tour nhbtour dot com. Okay, let's get into this, girl,

24
00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:13,360
Speaker 3: if you ever want a detail, if you ever want

25
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:15,080
Speaker 3: a backstory, we get in it today.

26
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:17,840
Speaker 1: High decisions Decisions.

27
00:01:18,319 --> 00:01:22,080
Speaker 3: So I'm in my first series relationship and I've been

28
00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:26,280
Speaker 3: feeling stuck for a while now. Also, do not roll

29
00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:29,280
Speaker 3: y'all eyes when I read her age. I'm twenty two

30
00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:33,520
Speaker 3: and my boyfriend is twenty six. We've been together for

31
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:37,920
Speaker 3: several years and we live together now. He's had other

32
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:42,680
Speaker 3: relationships before, but I lost my virginity to him. While

33
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:45,160
Speaker 3: I care about him a lot, I'm starting to feel

34
00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:47,960
Speaker 3: like I'm the only one putting in the effort when

35
00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:52,400
Speaker 3: it comes to intimacy, both emotional and physical. To give

36
00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:56,640
Speaker 3: you some background, this isn't something new. It's been It's

37
00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:59,360
Speaker 3: been an ongoing issue for a while, and I'm feeling

38
00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:03,800
Speaker 3: more frustrated. I've tried talking to him multiple times about

39
00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:06,240
Speaker 3: how I'm not getting my needs met, but it feels

40
00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:09,560
Speaker 3: like nothing changes. For example, I've expressed to him that

41
00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:12,040
Speaker 3: I want him to put more effort into our intimacy.

42
00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:15,400
Speaker 3: I've told him that I want him to reciprocate, like

43
00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:18,000
Speaker 3: when we're being intimate. I want him to give me

44
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,560
Speaker 3: oral too, or at least engage in four play in

45
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:24,360
Speaker 3: a way that feels mutual. He'll sometimes reply, well, it

46
00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:27,520
Speaker 3: wasn't a problem before, and if we didn't get together

47
00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:31,120
Speaker 3: when we were teenagers, or as if I can't want

48
00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:35,280
Speaker 3: different or have different needs for our relationship and myself.

49
00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:38,680
Speaker 3: He has given me oral a few times over the years,

50
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,800
Speaker 3: but it's not as often as I would like.

51
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:43,160
Speaker 1: And when I've brought this up, he says he's fine

52
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:43,480
Speaker 1: with it.

53
00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:46,640
Speaker 3: I've asked him directly if he just doesn't like doing

54
00:02:46,639 --> 00:02:49,320
Speaker 3: it or something, or if something's wrong with me that

55
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:52,720
Speaker 3: I should know, and he always assures me there's nothing wrong.

56
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:55,920
Speaker 3: But even when we talk about sex, he'll smile and

57
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:57,919
Speaker 3: we'll talk about the things we'll do to each other,

58
00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:01,959
Speaker 3: but it just doesn't follow through like i'd hope. I've

59
00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:04,800
Speaker 3: expressed that I want to feel wanted and desired in

60
00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:07,280
Speaker 3: this way, but it often feels like he just isn't

61
00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:10,720
Speaker 3: putting in the same energy. There's also a pattern where

62
00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:14,120
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells because of

63
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:17,840
Speaker 3: past mistakes, especially something that happened years ago when I

64
00:03:17,919 --> 00:03:19,440
Speaker 3: kissed another guy in front of him.

65
00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:22,120
Speaker 1: Oh girl, what she said.

66
00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:24,560
Speaker 3: I was young and it was a mistake, a bad decision,

67
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:26,840
Speaker 3: but it feels like but it feels like.

68
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,440
Speaker 1: He's still holding onto it.

69
00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:30,760
Speaker 3: It's hard because sometimes I feel like he's using it

70
00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:34,440
Speaker 3: as a reason to withhold affection or intimacy from me. Now,

71
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:36,800
Speaker 3: if you will like more details or background off with this,

72
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:38,720
Speaker 3: I could share. If you like gery, you wrote enough,

73
00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:43,800
Speaker 3: all right, keep going. The most recent incident that happened

74
00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:46,440
Speaker 3: was we were both in bed. I was rubbing on

75
00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:49,840
Speaker 3: his back. He guides my hand to his dick, so

76
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:52,040
Speaker 3: of course I get excited and I start to rub

77
00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:54,560
Speaker 3: on him. I'm telling him things in his ear. I'm

78
00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:56,160
Speaker 3: starting to think of all the things he can do

79
00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:59,440
Speaker 3: to me. He pulls my shirt down, grabs my boobs.

80
00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:02,440
Speaker 3: I'm getting excited. I'm inching my way closer to his body,

81
00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:03,760
Speaker 3: wanting him to touch me below.

82
00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:06,440
Speaker 1: He doesn't, but I'm getting wet.

83
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:10,720
Speaker 3: Moments passed, he's finally but slowly moving his hand to

84
00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:13,960
Speaker 3: the rim of my shorts. I'm thinking, yes, finally touch

85
00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:17,400
Speaker 3: me there, but he doesn't. He moves his hand away

86
00:04:17,839 --> 00:04:21,480
Speaker 3: and over his head. I know he's enjoying it because

87
00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:23,560
Speaker 3: he was grunting and his dick was hard as fuck.

88
00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:25,839
Speaker 3: But now I'm back in my head again and instead

89
00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:27,520
Speaker 3: of thinking of all the things he can do to me,

90
00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:30,039
Speaker 3: I'm thinking why he isn't doing the things I want

91
00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:33,159
Speaker 3: him to. He eventually puts his dick in me, but

92
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,040
Speaker 3: it doesn't feel like he even wants to have sex

93
00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:37,520
Speaker 3: with me for pleasure of both of us, but solely

94
00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:41,440
Speaker 3: for the pleasure of him. I try to redirect my thoughts.

95
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:45,680
Speaker 3: He finishes, wipes me, then rubs on my legs. As

96
00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:48,080
Speaker 3: he's rubbing my legs, I ask him if he could

97
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:51,520
Speaker 3: return the favor, and he replies, I'm going to sleep,

98
00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:55,839
Speaker 3: so out of frustration, I use the vibrator to take

99
00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:58,119
Speaker 3: care of myself right next to him in bed.

100
00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:01,640
Speaker 1: Honestly, I'm wondering that was too harsh, But I.

101
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:04,000
Speaker 3: Was just so annoyed and frustrated because I feel like

102
00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:08,320
Speaker 3: he's not even trying. During this particular incident, I was sick,

103
00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:10,760
Speaker 3: so when I took out the vibrator to use on myself,

104
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:14,920
Speaker 3: he said, you don't seem sick now, and I replied,

105
00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:17,560
Speaker 3: I'm sick, but my vagina isn't that.

106
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:21,240
Speaker 1: He was mad. He grabbed his pillow in a cover

107
00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:25,839
Speaker 1: girl and slept on the couch. Can I be honest,

108
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,160
Speaker 1: hold on, were I don't know.

109
00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:32,520
Speaker 3: They we'll see this was not the first time something

110
00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:36,160
Speaker 3: has happened like this. When he finishes and I don't,

111
00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:38,200
Speaker 3: I sometimes as to be taken care of.

112
00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:39,800
Speaker 1: He'll say he's going to.

113
00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:42,919
Speaker 3: Sleep, actually falls asleep, or just instantly get mad that

114
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:45,919
Speaker 3: I'm asking. Normally, I'll just go to the bathroom and

115
00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:49,719
Speaker 3: finish quietly, hold in my saved hold it in, save

116
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,560
Speaker 3: my energy, and go to sleep or speak up, but

117
00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:56,479
Speaker 3: then we'll end up arguing. Unfortunately, there are times where

118
00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:59,800
Speaker 3: I'm satisfied by just giving, but the times I feel

119
00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:02,680
Speaker 3: like I need more and he doesn't reciprocate is my issue.

120
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,239
Speaker 1: Lately, I've been feeling emotionally drained.

121
00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:09,440
Speaker 3: I even ended up crying while finishing myself off, which

122
00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:13,400
Speaker 3: has never happened before. I don't know if it's just

123
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:16,320
Speaker 3: because of the high emotions or because of how he's

124
00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:19,520
Speaker 3: not meeting my needs. So here's where I'm struggling, and

125
00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:21,640
Speaker 3: here are the questions we're going to help her answer. Weezy,

126
00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:25,200
Speaker 3: Am I in the right for feeling upset and frustrated

127
00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:27,440
Speaker 3: by how he's treating me?

128
00:06:27,839 --> 00:06:30,840
Speaker 1: Or is it just me being overly sensitive? Number two?

129
00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:35,919
Speaker 1: What should I do moving forward? I don't want to

130
00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:38,800
Speaker 1: break up, but I can't keep feeling like I'm the

131
00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:39,640
Speaker 1: only one trying.

132
00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:42,680
Speaker 3: How do I communicate this in a way that we'll

133
00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:43,440
Speaker 3: get through to him?

134
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:44,360
Speaker 1: Number four?

135
00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:48,240
Speaker 3: Should I step back from being intimate with him until

136
00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:51,760
Speaker 3: things improve? Or is that something I might regret? And

137
00:06:51,839 --> 00:06:55,200
Speaker 3: the last question is was I being too harsh or

138
00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:58,600
Speaker 3: overreacting by using my vibrator the way I did. I

139
00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:01,039
Speaker 3: really don't want to walk away from this relationship, but

140
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:02,880
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm stuck in a cycle.

141
00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:03,520
Speaker 1: Where nothing changes.

142
00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,799
Speaker 3: I'd appreciate any advice on how to handle this situation

143
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:10,680
Speaker 3: and whether I'm justified in feeling this way after everything

144
00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:13,080
Speaker 3: that's happened. I hope my story makes sense to you.

145
00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:16,240
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for your time and help. Best

146
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:17,280
Speaker 3: A fan.

147
00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:21,080
Speaker 1: So I know we could just say, girl, break up

148
00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:21,360
Speaker 1: with him.

149
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,600
Speaker 3: There's more dickinacy, but she reiterated three times that she

150
00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:27,040
Speaker 3: does not want to walk away from this relationship, So

151
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:29,760
Speaker 3: let's think of advice from that perspective.

152
00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:31,640
Speaker 2: Well, I want to tell you why you don't want

153
00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:34,040
Speaker 2: to walk away from this relationship, because we've all been there.

154
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,480
Speaker 2: You don't want to start over, you don't want to

155
00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:40,320
Speaker 2: be without him, you're attached to him, he's comfort. But

156
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:47,320
Speaker 2: you need to hear this because it's true that that

157
00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:50,480
Speaker 2: idea and that feeling you have of losing this person

158
00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:55,320
Speaker 2: being so awful is the feeling that he doesn't have

159
00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:58,120
Speaker 2: when it comes to pleasing you and honoring your relationship,

160
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:03,320
Speaker 2: treating you kindly, making you happy, not making you feel bad.

161
00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:07,840
Speaker 2: There's a whole energy shift when someone is walking, going

162
00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:10,000
Speaker 2: to sleep on the couch all over the fact that

163
00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:12,640
Speaker 2: you just want to be pleased too. There's no mutual

164
00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:18,320
Speaker 2: attraction in these scenarios, and I think avoiding the whole

165
00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:23,840
Speaker 2: breakup conversation is sometimes difficult because we're just I can't

166
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:27,280
Speaker 2: be the big Fis girl and be like, yeah, push

167
00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:31,800
Speaker 2: through when hearing stuff like this hurts my feelings. Frankly,

168
00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:35,240
Speaker 2: there's a chapter in No Hol's Barred where I talk

169
00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:37,760
Speaker 2: about having sex with someone and crying right after and

170
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:40,160
Speaker 2: going to sleep right next to them, not knowing, like

171
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:45,000
Speaker 2: not feeling pleased, not having orgasms like this story is

172
00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:47,800
Speaker 2: one that is tail as old as times, and we

173
00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:50,480
Speaker 2: are such loyalists as women that we don't want to

174
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:53,000
Speaker 2: leave a situation we've been in for a while because

175
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:56,080
Speaker 2: we feel like starting over is bad, But what else

176
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:59,040
Speaker 2: is worse and bad is being with someone that treats

177
00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,320
Speaker 2: you that way. And it seems like you already have

178
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:04,920
Speaker 2: had enough conversation. So yes, we'll go through these questions,

179
00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,200
Speaker 2: but we're not going to pretend like this is a

180
00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,080
Speaker 2: relationship anybody should be championing.

181
00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:11,439
Speaker 1: So that's just where I want to get out.

182
00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:14,200
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I want to be clear, I'm not championing

183
00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:17,640
Speaker 3: this relationship as much as I do feel like sometimes

184
00:09:17,679 --> 00:09:19,520
Speaker 3: the easy way out is just telling you to leave

185
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:22,120
Speaker 3: and go hop on a dating app and find someone else.

186
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:25,720
Speaker 3: Let's be very clear, I've had sex far too many

187
00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:29,080
Speaker 3: times with someone that lost my trust, that betrayed me,

188
00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:32,320
Speaker 3: that my body was telling me was not the person

189
00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:36,400
Speaker 3: for me to stay with. Unfortunately, I also feel like

190
00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:40,680
Speaker 3: this is a relationship where you were adamant that you

191
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:45,640
Speaker 3: stepped out or betrayed his trust. So unfortunately, where he's

192
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:48,640
Speaker 3: not comfortable being as intimate as he wants to be

193
00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:50,360
Speaker 3: with or as you want him to be with you,

194
00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:54,880
Speaker 3: he may also just be that much in his head

195
00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:56,840
Speaker 3: where he has not forgiven.

196
00:09:56,440 --> 00:10:00,880
Speaker 1: You for literally violating him in front of him.

197
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:05,040
Speaker 3: So I think that there is you do have to

198
00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:08,320
Speaker 3: hold yourself accountable, and you have by acknowledging that you

199
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,720
Speaker 3: did make a mistake, and you did it in front

200
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:14,280
Speaker 3: of him, And it wouldn't be without me thinking that

201
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:17,240
Speaker 3: that could be a potential reason for him showing up

202
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:17,640
Speaker 3: this way.

203
00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:20,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, of course it definitely also attributed.

204
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:23,800
Speaker 3: To like and yeah, like, so I want to say

205
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,199
Speaker 3: where we could definitely tell you to leave his ass,

206
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,120
Speaker 3: and we both think that you probably should and that

207
00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:31,400
Speaker 3: this is an unhealthy relationship. I can also be very

208
00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,960
Speaker 3: frank with you and say, girl, you twenty two, I

209
00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:36,440
Speaker 3: promise you this nigga will not exist in your life

210
00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:40,200
Speaker 3: by thirty. But that's coming from someone thirty four who

211
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,040
Speaker 3: in her twenties may have thought she met the love

212
00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:45,839
Speaker 3: of her life. This is clearly someone that isn't mature

213
00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:48,640
Speaker 3: enough to hold space for you, your wants, your needs,

214
00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:53,199
Speaker 3: or communicate those things. So let's get through these questions.

215
00:10:53,559 --> 00:10:56,120
Speaker 3: Am I in the right or feeling upset and frustrated

216
00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:58,880
Speaker 3: by how he's treating me? I want to be very clear.

217
00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:01,200
Speaker 3: The other part is or am I being overly sensitive?

218
00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:06,079
Speaker 3: I think that we as women unfortunately attach the words

219
00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:13,040
Speaker 3: sensitive or nagging or coddling or codependent, like all of

220
00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:17,400
Speaker 3: these words that we attach negative things to. Sensitive being

221
00:11:17,559 --> 00:11:21,719
Speaker 3: one overly sensitive being a dramatization. I think you are

222
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:23,800
Speaker 3: in the right for feeling how you want to feel,

223
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:27,920
Speaker 3: and being upset and frustrated that your partner doesn't seem

224
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:38,240
Speaker 3: interested in pleasing you is a valid response. Weezy, I'm

225
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:41,719
Speaker 3: gonna let you answer this next one. What should she

226
00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:45,120
Speaker 3: do moving forward? She can't keep feeling like she's the

227
00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:47,800
Speaker 3: only one trying. But how should she communicate this in

228
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:51,160
Speaker 3: a way that you think will actually get through to him?

229
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:54,200
Speaker 2: I think he need to stop communicating it during and after.

230
00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:58,160
Speaker 2: I think when the sex stuff is happening, it gets awkward.

231
00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:00,600
Speaker 2: No one knows what to do. You need to be

232
00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:04,960
Speaker 2: saying this before you. Guys have sex. Sometimes in person

233
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,360
Speaker 2: conversation might be difficult, So if you got the balls

234
00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:09,600
Speaker 2: to do it on the phone, give them a call.

235
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,520
Speaker 1: Right after you hear this episode.

236
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,600
Speaker 2: And be like, you know, something's really been on my mind.

237
00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:17,320
Speaker 2: You also need to approach the conversation with I understand

238
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,840
Speaker 2: we chose to stay together, but forgiving and forgetting is

239
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:24,200
Speaker 2: another thing. And is this happening like you need to

240
00:12:24,559 --> 00:12:28,080
Speaker 2: people that have I will say in the past, I

241
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:30,640
Speaker 2: mean it's not happening in my current relationship, but in

242
00:12:30,679 --> 00:12:33,520
Speaker 2: the past when someone's fucked up, I do appreciate when

243
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,760
Speaker 2: they say, yo, I know I did x y Z,

244
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:39,000
Speaker 2: I know I hurt you. That acknowledgment goes a long way,

245
00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:41,720
Speaker 2: and I'm sure that you've already done that. But doing

246
00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:46,680
Speaker 2: it in the same conversation as the sex, because at

247
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:48,880
Speaker 2: least you'll get your answer, Like, if it ain't a

248
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:51,839
Speaker 2: smell nigga, is it the other niggas? What is it?

249
00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:55,080
Speaker 1: Cause you need to know because your brain, your anxiety,

250
00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:57,000
Speaker 1: all of that is going to go rampant.

251
00:12:57,280 --> 00:13:03,320
Speaker 3: I agree, absolutely, And I also think that it's just important.

252
00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:05,240
Speaker 3: And I say this I think as a tip I've

253
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:11,439
Speaker 3: said it on the podcast that sometimes sex desires, fantasies,

254
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:14,040
Speaker 3: things that you may want to try that are in

255
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:18,560
Speaker 3: the norm. Clearly, oral sex isn't something that you say

256
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:20,240
Speaker 3: you get all the time, but you've only got a

257
00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:25,600
Speaker 3: few times. Ask specifically for that. Don't just think for

258
00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:28,200
Speaker 3: it and want it to happen. When you are about

259
00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:31,640
Speaker 3: to have sex, tell him explicitly, Babe, tonight, I want

260
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:33,000
Speaker 3: my pussy eight tonight.

261
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:36,280
Speaker 1: I want you to taste me tonight. I want to

262
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:37,079
Speaker 1: please each.

263
00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:40,760
Speaker 3: Other orally only there's other ways to where you can

264
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,559
Speaker 3: let it be known of what you specifically want and

265
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:46,600
Speaker 3: everything else is a cherry on top. But don't let

266
00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:51,160
Speaker 3: sex be the whole pie, Like let everything else be

267
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:54,040
Speaker 3: the cherry on top, and the whole Sunday be what

268
00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:54,520
Speaker 3: you want.

269
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,400
Speaker 2: And honestly, I don't even want you to go on

270
00:13:57,440 --> 00:13:59,160
Speaker 2: to the point where you like, let's try sixty nine

271
00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:01,520
Speaker 2: to night, so you have to trick like it's okay

272
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:05,040
Speaker 2: to just receive, be a receiver and let someone enjoy you.

273
00:14:05,559 --> 00:14:08,160
Speaker 2: And I think there's so much guilt and anger going

274
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,960
Speaker 2: around that, like you just can't get there, and the

275
00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:13,640
Speaker 2: conversations aren't happening outside of the bedroom, which is why

276
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:15,080
Speaker 2: you're having issues in the bedroom.

277
00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:16,079
Speaker 1: I agree.

278
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:19,920
Speaker 3: The next one, should I step back from being intimate

279
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,480
Speaker 3: with him until things improve?

280
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:24,680
Speaker 1: Or is that something I might regret? I'm not gonna lie.

281
00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:30,400
Speaker 3: What you're saying is it sounds like something called an ultimatum.

282
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,960
Speaker 3: I absolutely do not think that you should hold back

283
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:37,640
Speaker 3: or punish him or keep sex out of the relationship

284
00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:40,400
Speaker 3: till things improve. I don't see how it will improve

285
00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:42,920
Speaker 3: if you're not doing it, And I don't think that

286
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:46,600
Speaker 3: it's a fair thing for you to do. I know

287
00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:48,160
Speaker 3: you wouldn't like that done to you, and I think

288
00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:52,280
Speaker 3: that it eliminates the communication. I don't think it it's

289
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:55,600
Speaker 3: healthy to completely remove it off the table until you

290
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:58,320
Speaker 3: get what you want. That's kind of like throwing a tantrum.

291
00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:01,160
Speaker 3: It's not mature. And I think that if you genuinely

292
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:05,120
Speaker 3: want to reach a level of intimacy, specifically physically and emotionally,

293
00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,320
Speaker 3: you can't lead with an ultimatum.

294
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,880
Speaker 1: And that's what that sounds like to me.

295
00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:12,800
Speaker 3: You can't completely step back from being intimate until he

296
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:13,200
Speaker 3: gives you.

297
00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:15,120
Speaker 2: What you want, because we still don't know at this

298
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:16,840
Speaker 2: point if the reason he's not giving you what you

299
00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:19,480
Speaker 2: want is because he's doing it as a punishment, and

300
00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:23,400
Speaker 2: so it's just right right and no communicating. The more

301
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,440
Speaker 2: you play, the more you're not getting what you want.

302
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:27,600
Speaker 2: He's playing a game with you and not being honest

303
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:29,120
Speaker 2: because you flat out are like, well what is it?

304
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:30,120
Speaker 1: He's like, everything's cool.

305
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:35,000
Speaker 2: So I genuinely think both of you are doing disservice

306
00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:38,840
Speaker 2: by you not giving him no pussy in him playing

307
00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:39,280
Speaker 2: this game.

308
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:42,920
Speaker 1: The only thing and I'm sure you've heard this.

309
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:47,080
Speaker 2: So many times, communicate, communicate, communicate, and really the help

310
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:50,840
Speaker 2: that you need is how to communicate, and I think

311
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:53,960
Speaker 2: effectively it has to be outside of the bedroom.

312
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,560
Speaker 1: And if you do get too shy in person.

313
00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:57,320
Speaker 2: I know some people say it's better to do things

314
00:15:57,720 --> 00:15:59,800
Speaker 2: in person, but I think phone calls can be good too.

315
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,320
Speaker 2: Sometimes we need to be in our isolated space, like

316
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:05,480
Speaker 2: I don't know, I really feel like you've just got

317
00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:07,040
Speaker 2: a call and pull the band aid off.

318
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:09,720
Speaker 1: Both of you know what's happening.

319
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:13,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, And then the last question is was I being

320
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:16,560
Speaker 3: too harsh or overreacting by using my vibrator the way

321
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:19,920
Speaker 3: I did? I don't know if you guys are deep

322
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:24,280
Speaker 3: into the catalog of horrible decisions. I did this with

323
00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:28,480
Speaker 3: a previous partner and it was out of spite. It

324
00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:32,600
Speaker 3: was in my immature way to show him that I

325
00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:36,320
Speaker 3: didn't come, that I wasn't finished, and that he didn't

326
00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:36,840
Speaker 3: please me.

327
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:42,240
Speaker 1: And to be honest, it resulted in nothing. Bitch, he came.

328
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:46,400
Speaker 1: So I don't think that it was too ursh or overreacting.

329
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:50,520
Speaker 3: But it's like, do you know, like when girls go

330
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:54,160
Speaker 3: on to like their platforms and be like, oh, he

331
00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:55,680
Speaker 3: fumbled me, he lost me.

332
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:59,400
Speaker 1: Bitch. If he wanted to be there, he would. If

333
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:00,800
Speaker 1: he wanted to show up, he would.

334
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:03,560
Speaker 3: And so you thinking that you did that, you're doing

335
00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:06,920
Speaker 3: something to hurt his ego. He might just think you'd

336
00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:10,879
Speaker 3: be imre immature about it. I've done it before, so

337
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:14,119
Speaker 3: this isn't me, you know, sounding like ooh, bitch. I

338
00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:18,399
Speaker 3: would never but even after the fact, it literally didn't

339
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:21,600
Speaker 3: change anything. And to be honest, I was only doing

340
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:25,280
Speaker 3: it to make him aware that he didn't make me come,

341
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:28,200
Speaker 3: and because he was right there, bitch, I still never came.

342
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:33,240
Speaker 3: So I don't think you were too harsh or overreacting.

343
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:39,280
Speaker 3: I do think, however, your reaction was immature. I agree,

344
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:40,320
Speaker 3: that's what I would.

345
00:17:40,119 --> 00:17:40,680
Speaker 1: Say about that.

346
00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:43,840
Speaker 3: I do hope that you guys choose to communicate. I

347
00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:46,520
Speaker 3: do hope that you choose to get over this hump.

348
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:50,240
Speaker 3: And it does sound like he possibly hasn't forgiven you

349
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:54,199
Speaker 3: because you only acknowledged your mistake in the relationship and

350
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:57,919
Speaker 3: not his. So I would just wonder if you guys

351
00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:00,880
Speaker 3: may need therapy. You are both also young, but not

352
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:05,320
Speaker 3: it's it's always worth trying, And to be fair, I

353
00:18:05,359 --> 00:18:07,919
Speaker 3: would never say tell for anyone to stay in a

354
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:13,000
Speaker 3: relationship where they're crying, unfulfilled emotionally and physically. Intimacy is

355
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,920
Speaker 3: something that I just recently experienced and I absolutely crave

356
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:18,480
Speaker 3: it and need it. And so if you're not getting

357
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:22,200
Speaker 3: that and this all of the advice that we gave

358
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:25,240
Speaker 3: you doesn't work, I just want to let you know.

359
00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:27,560
Speaker 3: Bit you young, and it's a whole lot of other people

360
00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:27,840
Speaker 3: out there.

361
00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:30,639
Speaker 1: It's only gonna hurt for a little bit. Baby, It's

362
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:31,199
Speaker 1: just it is.

363
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:33,840
Speaker 3: I mean, no, no, no, no, I was hurt for

364
00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:35,439
Speaker 3: about a year and a half. And this is the

365
00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:37,920
Speaker 3: person you lost your virginity too, and the only person

366
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:38,960
Speaker 3: you've been with Andy.

367
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:39,920
Speaker 2: I reckon it works.

368
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,960
Speaker 1: I'm just saying I want to be real, like man

369
00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:44,400
Speaker 1: Joe bounced back.

370
00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:45,040
Speaker 2: I'm not.

371
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:47,640
Speaker 3: But I know that Nick bitch is at twenty two,

372
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:49,480
Speaker 3: really think it's the end of day life and oh

373
00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:50,640
Speaker 3: my god, they lose it out all today.

374
00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:54,119
Speaker 1: Soulmate, we be dumb, we be delusional.

375
00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:56,000
Speaker 3: In our twenties, and so I understand that she probably

376
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:56,920
Speaker 3: is too.

377
00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:57,480
Speaker 1: Bitch.

378
00:18:57,520 --> 00:19:01,919
Speaker 3: I was delusionally, bitch, I was delusional at thirties, so

379
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,000
Speaker 3: I can only imagine where she's feeling. And this is

380
00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:06,719
Speaker 3: the nigga who took her virginity. She said they've been

381
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:10,199
Speaker 3: together since teenagers. This isn't gonna be easy, but I

382
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:10,919
Speaker 3: have for you.

383
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:15,880
Speaker 2: Sorry, my god, I was gonna say, we definitely need

384
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,080
Speaker 2: to do some updates. We should be doing a YGD

385
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,720
Speaker 2: update episode. That would be great. So I would really

386
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,840
Speaker 2: appreciate if you could reply to the thread. If anyone's

387
00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:25,840
Speaker 2: ever sent us a question, reply and let us know

388
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:26,879
Speaker 2: what you did with that advice.

389
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:27,760
Speaker 1: I would be great to hear.

390
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:32,040
Speaker 3: Absolutely well, guys, we're gonna leave you here. Make sure

391
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:34,720
Speaker 3: you go to NHB tour dot com and check us

392
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:38,080
Speaker 3: out on tour, where we bring no holds barred from

393
00:19:38,119 --> 00:19:40,840
Speaker 3: the pages to the stages on It is going to

394
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,760
Speaker 3: be a live show like you've never seen it before,

395
00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:45,840
Speaker 3: with all of still the laughs, the kinksters and all

396
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:48,440
Speaker 3: the things. We're really excited to be doing it, and

397
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:51,800
Speaker 3: we cannot become a New York Times bestseller without your help.

398
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:54,600
Speaker 3: So if you're listening to this and haven't yet pre ordered,

399
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:59,720
Speaker 3: make sure you go online, local bookstores, Amazon, whatever you

400
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:01,879
Speaker 3: need to to do order it. I just want to

401
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:05,080
Speaker 3: shout out to we got a chance to meet some

402
00:20:05,119 --> 00:20:08,160
Speaker 3: of are horre Hive members at the Black Effect Fest,

403
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:11,200
Speaker 3: and it was so awesome to know someone who lives

404
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,880
Speaker 3: in a town where there is no black owned bookstores

405
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:19,399
Speaker 3: purchased from a black owned bookstore in Philly literally, just

406
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:24,120
Speaker 3: to be sure, literal Uncle Bobby's is the black owned

407
00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:27,679
Speaker 3: bookstore in Philadelphia, and she let us know that she

408
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,640
Speaker 3: purchased from there because she wanted to support her black

409
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,560
Speaker 3: owned bookstore. So you already know we're pushing that. So

410
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:37,320
Speaker 3: make sure that you guys support us and thank you again.

411
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:41,440
Speaker 3: We will see y'all and check y'all out on Monday

412
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:45,280
Speaker 3: on Decisions Decisions, And just so you know, Horrible Decisions

413
00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:47,040
Speaker 3: has not gone anywhere, you just have to join the

414
00:20:47,080 --> 00:21:00,040
Speaker 3: Patreon Patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions Rank you I