WEBVTT - What Parenthood is REALLY Like w/ Andrew Gillum | MiniPod

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<v Speaker 1>Native Lampard is a production of iHeart Radio in partnership

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<v Speaker 1>with Reason Choice Media.

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<v Speaker 2>Welcome.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, everybody, this is our mini pod for this week.

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<v Speaker 1>We got abandoned super Many. It's just a duet and

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<v Speaker 1>it's a NA. See what I did there.

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<v Speaker 3>It's R and R with an A, rod Real with

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<v Speaker 3>an A. It's kind of cool. We should maybe have

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<v Speaker 3>a podcast here. I was thinking.

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<v Speaker 1>Earlier this week about you know, well, often I think

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<v Speaker 1>about this. I'm like, oh, I really I feel like

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<v Speaker 1>I've done so much of what I wanted to get

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<v Speaker 1>done in my life, but the place where I have

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<v Speaker 1>not is family, like being married, having kids, and it's

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<v Speaker 1>something that I really really want. You have three very

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<v Speaker 1>special young ones who I have adopted, and you were

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<v Speaker 1>talking about spring break on our main show, and I

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<v Speaker 1>would love for you to talk to me, your sister,

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<v Speaker 1>about kind of the ups and downs of parenting and

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<v Speaker 1>some of the joys. Like you guys didn't have a

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<v Speaker 1>super easy journey to parenthood, but now you are fully

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<v Speaker 1>in it, so I'd love to hear that, and like

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<v Speaker 1>some of the things that you've had to sacrifice along

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<v Speaker 1>the way that you know may have been difficult but

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<v Speaker 1>worth it.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I will say the journey to getting pregnant and

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<v Speaker 2>staying pregnant was heralding, such to the point where I

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<v Speaker 2>didn't want to know when Jay, you know, after after

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<v Speaker 2>the third miscarriage, I just couldn't. I wasn't functioning properly.

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<v Speaker 2>I wasn't. Every phone call in the middle of the

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<v Speaker 2>day that was her was traumatic, you know, the phone,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, buzzing or whatever. And because my aide, Angela,

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<v Speaker 2>would interrupt me in meetings and she's say, Lady Gilliam's coming,

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<v Speaker 2>Lady Gillam's coming, that's what she called r J r

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<v Speaker 2>J didn't really favor that title. But so I was

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<v Speaker 2>on I was on pins and needles about it, right,

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<v Speaker 2>And so we talked and we were at the point

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<v Speaker 2>of adoption, or you know, we had in our minds said, well,

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<v Speaker 2>we still want to give the gift of us, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>and we want to get the gift of what it

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<v Speaker 2>means to shape and mold and watch this, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>this baby turned to a human or this young person,

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<v Speaker 2>this little person turned into a full slize adult. And

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<v Speaker 2>as soon as we had set our minds to that,

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<v Speaker 2>Jay got pregnant again. Because this is we we had IVF,

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<v Speaker 2>which again a lot of people think that's then you're guarante.

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<v Speaker 2>I did, and it is not. It is not. I

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<v Speaker 2>think you and I talked about the shots. Oh how

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<v Speaker 2>I am. I can't take shots myself. I definitely can't

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<v Speaker 2>give one, but I would pass out. And then Jay

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<v Speaker 2>had to have these shots every day, and you know,

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<v Speaker 2>we worked out something with the neighbor who come over

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<v Speaker 2>and help us out, and so on and so forth.

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<v Speaker 2>I never still to this day, gave her a shot.

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<v Speaker 2>I just I felt for her health. I might fall

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<v Speaker 2>over in the middle of it, and you know, Lord

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<v Speaker 2>knows pull the thing. I don't know. So the journey

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<v Speaker 2>to getting there was incredible, incredibly heartbreaking, the lowest of depths,

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<v Speaker 2>but also the highest of high when you think it's

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<v Speaker 2>gonna work and it's going to be possible. And that's

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<v Speaker 2>really what I wanted to not experience anymore. I didn't

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<v Speaker 2>want the lows. You know, in politics you deal with

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<v Speaker 2>lows a lot. This was very personal, so slightly different.

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<v Speaker 2>But I feel like I can psych my mind out

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<v Speaker 2>on the valleys, but the mountaintops, I couldn't really fake it,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, I couldn't really fake what it felt like.

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<v Speaker 2>Being like, oh my god, lord, I'm about to be

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<v Speaker 2>a daddy, you know, and I'm about to you know,

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<v Speaker 2>have this human race that I couldn't fake. And so

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<v Speaker 2>I felt that every time, and I was like, I

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<v Speaker 2>don't want that anymore. That's the thing I don't want.

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<v Speaker 2>If I could cutterize that, you know, we'd be all right.

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<v Speaker 2>And I didn't want to see Jay hurt anymore. It

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<v Speaker 2>was the hardest thing. I mean, the first time, I

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<v Speaker 2>think we were both were just so broken. And in

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<v Speaker 2>the second time, I was broken, yes, but I was

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<v Speaker 2>broken for her because you know, regardless of what people

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<v Speaker 2>say right about how mischaracters happened and so on and

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<v Speaker 2>so forth, I know that there is a big burden

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<v Speaker 2>that lies with the woman. And there was nothing I

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<v Speaker 2>could do to interrupt that. There was nothing I could

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<v Speaker 2>do to you know, I felt like there was nothing

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<v Speaker 2>I could do to stop it. And I didn't want

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<v Speaker 2>that anymore either, her heartbreak and I didn't want my

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<v Speaker 2>eyes from it. The most amazing part, especially now, because

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<v Speaker 2>you you know, we've got pictures of you, and they

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<v Speaker 2>love their themselves, some aunty angela, and they put themselves

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<v Speaker 2>in places where you and I have been that they

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<v Speaker 2>ain't never been Oh when we were there over night, No,

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<v Speaker 2>you ain't been there. That wasn't you? And that was

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<v Speaker 2>me and whatnot y'all for the for the record, and

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<v Speaker 2>Angela is the most amazing Auntie Funty. I said, it's funny,

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<v Speaker 2>not unto most amazing Funty because she basically outfitted the

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<v Speaker 2>whole house for the babies when she knew the twins

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<v Speaker 2>were coming, I mean just bought up all everything. But

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<v Speaker 2>in truth, watching the people they like are becoming and

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<v Speaker 2>actually tracing it back to like I started to see

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<v Speaker 2>this and I got a sense of them very early.

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<v Speaker 2>And you know what, that characteristic has not changed. It's

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<v Speaker 2>like just coming in the greater blossom. But it's also

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<v Speaker 2>like wearing your heart and your most sensitive appendages outside

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<v Speaker 2>your body, not protected by anything so inclement weather, an accident,

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<v Speaker 2>at anything. I'm I'm on pins and needles from the

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<v Speaker 2>time that they're out of my sight to their back

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<v Speaker 2>in it.

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<v Speaker 1>To be truthful, we watched that happen. We were in

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<v Speaker 1>Where were we, Andrew? We were in?

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<v Speaker 2>Where were we in Texas?

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, we were in Texas.

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<v Speaker 1>We were for Afrotech and we were recording a podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>You got a call from Jay. You guys did not

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<v Speaker 1>know where the boys were, right, yeah, and they left

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<v Speaker 1>their eye as At Andrew got up from the podcast

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<v Speaker 1>set and I was like, get his stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>He gotta go.

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<v Speaker 3>No.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, Jay, I can't understand. You have to stop.

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<v Speaker 2>You have to stop crying. We have to communicate. But

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<v Speaker 2>that's what it is, right you can reason goes away

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<v Speaker 2>and I said, Jay, calm down and then we you know.

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<v Speaker 2>And I could only do that because we were in Texas, Angela, and.

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<v Speaker 3>You ran the hell off the set.

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<v Speaker 2>But I only speak to her.

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<v Speaker 3>I want to help.

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<v Speaker 2>I could only speak to her that way. And then Lord,

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<v Speaker 2>as I got off the phone and I look, I

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<v Speaker 2>didn't even have to get back in the room. All

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<v Speaker 2>y'all had come out of the room. You but Cary

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<v Speaker 2>Tiffany in the hallway like everything okay, everything's okay, Angela.

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<v Speaker 2>I pray for you and your desire. I never know

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<v Speaker 2>because I have, you know, friends from college who are single.

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<v Speaker 2>They one was married is now single, had a plan

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<v Speaker 2>to have a child with their spouse that didn't work out,

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<v Speaker 2>but she continued forward. Wanted a baby anyway, and as

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<v Speaker 2>an incredible mom, and she's doing her thing. I know

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<v Speaker 2>it is out of maybe the vision that she thought,

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<v Speaker 2>but I can't imagine how I experience her and observe

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<v Speaker 2>her that it is any less fulfilling the way that

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<v Speaker 2>it has come about, Sarah Gus, you know, the whole

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<v Speaker 2>process or whatever. I am probably most terrified that, like

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<v Speaker 2>the moments that I have with it's like just us

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<v Speaker 2>and them, that I've had more of those those days

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<v Speaker 2>than I will have going forward for the twins. That

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<v Speaker 2>upsets me a lot. And I think what it causes

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<v Speaker 2>me to do is like ride out with Davis. Davis

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<v Speaker 2>at the grocery store with me. David's going to the

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<v Speaker 2>post office with me. He don't want to go Lord,

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<v Speaker 2>he wants to go home and get on his daplet.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, David came yeah. I'm like, please, please, please,

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<v Speaker 2>you want to go to the park afterwards, we'll go

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<v Speaker 2>to the park and we'll just you know, so that's

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<v Speaker 2>you know, and we'll go to the park because that's

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<v Speaker 2>the thing he wanted to do. And I drug him

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<v Speaker 2>along with all my stuff. It's making me spend more

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<v Speaker 2>time there.

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<v Speaker 3>Do you feel like you have cleave to them as

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<v Speaker 3>your friend?

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<v Speaker 1>Source too? Like I feel like growing up with my mom.

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<v Speaker 1>She would I mean she used to. She would tell

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<v Speaker 1>me like I was her best friend. I'm like, no, girl,

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<v Speaker 1>you need some of your friends too. And I and

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<v Speaker 1>I loved Art like all her mommy daughter time. But like,

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<v Speaker 1>do you feel like you're cleaving to them as like

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<v Speaker 1>now they've replaced some of your best friend circle, especially

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<v Speaker 1>in a regular routine kind of way.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, they've replaced him because I don't have time for

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<v Speaker 2>the other I mean, they all got schedules in I'm

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<v Speaker 2>bus driver. No. In fact, I had to tell Jackson

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<v Speaker 2>the other week that I'm not your friend. It kind

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<v Speaker 2>of hurt me to say it, to be honest, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I said, I'm not your friend, Jackson. I'm your father.

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<v Speaker 2>And just because you don't like what I told you

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<v Speaker 2>you have to do doesn't mean you can snap an

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<v Speaker 2>attitude with me and snatch something. You might choose to

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<v Speaker 2>do that with your peers and with your friends, but

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<v Speaker 2>that's not our situation. And Angela, you would have been

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<v Speaker 2>heartbroken because I was chastising him the other week about

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<v Speaker 2>a quiz grade that he had gotten, and he was

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<v Speaker 2>on his way to basketball practice and he had gotten

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<v Speaker 2>so upset because I chastised him about it, about what

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<v Speaker 2>I wanted to see. Basically, like, you didn't go from

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<v Speaker 2>an A in this class to a quiz that you

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<v Speaker 2>couldn't even complete. That doesn't tell me that you are

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<v Speaker 2>a applying yourself to your highest and best potential. You

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<v Speaker 2>could have all seas. I just want to know that

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<v Speaker 2>you worked really hard to get them, meaning you put

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<v Speaker 2>your best wood for it. But tell me, honesty, did

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<v Speaker 2>you know? So he gets upset. I've got to go

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<v Speaker 2>get Davis. I come back and Carolina is bawling, crying

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<v Speaker 2>in the kitchen. I'm saying, what's the matter, Caroline? She says,

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<v Speaker 2>Jackson yelled at me. He was so mean. And he's

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<v Speaker 2>there with a real blustered face. And I say, Jackson,

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<v Speaker 2>you need to gather yourself and you need to apologize. Anyway,

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<v Speaker 2>He doesn't gather himself in that moment and apologize. He

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<v Speaker 2>goes outside. When I go outside, he is drowning in tears. Upset.

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<v Speaker 2>I pull him to the side. I say, Jackson, if

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<v Speaker 2>you want to talk, I'm here, and he says, I

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<v Speaker 2>hurt Caroline. And he's apoplectic because he hurt Caroline. But

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<v Speaker 2>what he says to me about this whole quiz, because

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<v Speaker 2>that's what this is really about. He's mad at me,

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<v Speaker 2>but he's taking it out on her because he can't

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<v Speaker 2>take it out on me. And he says, I'm just

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<v Speaker 2>mad because I said, you're crying so much. Jackson put

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<v Speaker 2>it into words, and he says, I'm just I just

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<v Speaker 2>failed at life. Oh girl. I went from like hurt

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<v Speaker 2>at the same time to terribly angry, and I liked,

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<v Speaker 2>you aren't. I said, you don't have life experience to

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<v Speaker 2>tell me that you have. I'm insulted that you think

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<v Speaker 2>you could form your lips to say that you failed

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<v Speaker 2>that life. I needed to yank him out of that thing.

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<v Speaker 2>I couldn't coast him into that. I didn't want him

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<v Speaker 2>to think that that was any way nearby acceptable. I'm

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<v Speaker 2>sure there are therapists who would tell me I did

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<v Speaker 2>this wrong. But all I could think of in that

0:12:42.280 --> 0:12:46.160
<v Speaker 2>moment was he plays with all these other little, other wonderful,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, wonderful kids, and things get dramatized and they

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<v Speaker 2>think they're at their end of the rope, and then

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<v Speaker 2>there's nothing left at the end of the rope. I

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<v Speaker 2>needed him to be shocked into knowing that you're not

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<v Speaker 2>even qualified for this conversation. We are not having this.

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<v Speaker 2>I say right now, this is command and control your mother,

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<v Speaker 2>and I command and control you. When you start living

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<v Speaker 2>is when you get to make decisions for yourself and

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<v Speaker 2>then get to execute on those decisions without our input.

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<v Speaker 2>You don't have that life. We command and control you

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<v Speaker 2>right now. I just had to hear real basic with

0:13:18.800 --> 0:13:20.080
<v Speaker 2>on the edge of little. But you would have been

0:13:20.160 --> 0:13:22.480
<v Speaker 2>hurt because it was such a range of emotions and

0:13:22.520 --> 0:13:25.880
<v Speaker 2>you're always fearful that you might be doing it wrong.

0:13:27.280 --> 0:13:33.120
<v Speaker 1>What do you feel like you were prepared? And if

0:13:33.160 --> 0:13:35.400
<v Speaker 1>you don't, what do you think has prepared you the most?

0:13:35.480 --> 0:13:37.400
<v Speaker 1>For parenthood?

0:13:37.600 --> 0:13:40.040
<v Speaker 3>For marriage?

0:13:40.240 --> 0:13:41.760
<v Speaker 2>Oh? That was two different things.

0:13:42.200 --> 0:13:44.040
<v Speaker 3>Now it's both. I want to know for both.

0:13:44.200 --> 0:13:48.480
<v Speaker 2>Well, I'll say for parenthood, the decision to be present

0:13:48.600 --> 0:13:53.400
<v Speaker 2>and it wasn't one that I chose it. It was

0:13:53.440 --> 0:13:57.160
<v Speaker 2>delivered to me, frankly in the election results of twenty eighteen.

0:13:59.280 --> 0:14:01.400
<v Speaker 2>The first time I after the election was looking at

0:14:01.440 --> 0:14:06.839
<v Speaker 2>pictures of them and not really being not remembering when

0:14:06.840 --> 0:14:10.760
<v Speaker 2>they grew so much and when hairlines curls went to

0:14:10.920 --> 0:14:15.760
<v Speaker 2>like straight and then curls at the end. Not remembering

0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:19.920
<v Speaker 2>that stuff just took a toll on me. So so

0:14:20.080 --> 0:14:23.600
<v Speaker 2>for me, it was like, Okay, God's delivered this. I'm

0:14:23.640 --> 0:14:26.160
<v Speaker 2>going to just I'm gonna be here whatever the moment is.

0:14:26.200 --> 0:14:32.120
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to be present marriage. When I realized that

0:14:32.160 --> 0:14:34.800
<v Speaker 2>I didn't have to be right and that I didn't

0:14:34.840 --> 0:14:37.840
<v Speaker 2>want to be right in the arguments anymore.

0:14:37.960 --> 0:14:39.480
<v Speaker 3>I might need to put that on a mirror.

0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:43.120
<v Speaker 2>It's so God I needed it. I was fighting, so

0:14:43.240 --> 0:14:45.720
<v Speaker 2>you know, in the fights, I was going to you know,

0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:47.640
<v Speaker 2>you were going to come out of this seeing it

0:14:47.720 --> 0:14:50.560
<v Speaker 2>the way that I saw it, experienced it, and you're

0:14:50.560 --> 0:14:53.760
<v Speaker 2>going to you understand exactly why I responded the way

0:14:53.800 --> 0:14:55.400
<v Speaker 2>I did. You're going to be in that frame of mind.

0:14:56.000 --> 0:14:57.880
<v Speaker 2>And then it was like no, but she's going there,

0:14:57.920 --> 0:15:01.320
<v Speaker 2>but it's begrudgingly and now there's resentment and there's all

0:15:01.360 --> 0:15:03.720
<v Speaker 2>those others. So okay, I don't have to be right.

0:15:03.760 --> 0:15:06.920
<v Speaker 2>I just want us to be happy afterwards. I want

0:15:06.960 --> 0:15:07.720
<v Speaker 2>us to smile.

0:15:09.000 --> 0:15:11.800
<v Speaker 1>I had a well I'm still if I hope she

0:15:11.920 --> 0:15:14.920
<v Speaker 1>runs that thing back. But Angela Manuel Davis is she

0:15:15.120 --> 0:15:18.480
<v Speaker 1>was a soul cycle instructor and she started her own company.

0:15:18.480 --> 0:15:20.720
<v Speaker 1>But we really call her like a fitness evangelist. She's

0:15:20.760 --> 0:15:25.000
<v Speaker 1>done stuff for Oprah. She's incredible. And Angela would say,

0:15:26.000 --> 0:15:28.480
<v Speaker 1>Ange would say, like on the bike, the way you

0:15:28.600 --> 0:15:30.840
<v Speaker 1>do one thing is the way you do all things.

0:15:31.160 --> 0:15:34.320
<v Speaker 1>And you know, as we like really round out this

0:15:34.400 --> 0:15:36.280
<v Speaker 1>mini pod, Andrew, the one thing that I want to

0:15:36.280 --> 0:15:40.080
<v Speaker 1>commend you for is watching you as a husband, watching

0:15:40.120 --> 0:15:44.360
<v Speaker 1>you as a father, watching you as a brother, as

0:15:44.400 --> 0:15:49.320
<v Speaker 1>a son, as a candidate, as a mayor, as a

0:15:49.600 --> 0:15:51.000
<v Speaker 1>as a commissioner.

0:15:51.280 --> 0:15:52.720
<v Speaker 3>You really.

0:15:53.880 --> 0:15:58.040
<v Speaker 1>Do all things with the same amount of vigor and

0:15:58.120 --> 0:16:01.400
<v Speaker 1>discipline and desire to be great at it. And I

0:16:01.520 --> 0:16:05.000
<v Speaker 1>just want to publicly thank you, brother, because you are

0:16:05.080 --> 0:16:08.720
<v Speaker 1>someone who I deeply admire across the board, because I

0:16:08.800 --> 0:16:11.800
<v Speaker 1>know it's got to be hard to I don't even

0:16:11.800 --> 0:16:14.800
<v Speaker 1>say balance everything, it's just a farce, but to carry everything,

0:16:15.440 --> 0:16:17.800
<v Speaker 1>not let a ball drop, and when you do let

0:16:17.880 --> 0:16:20.040
<v Speaker 1>it drop, to go back and pick it up gracefully,

0:16:20.080 --> 0:16:22.920
<v Speaker 1>even if it means picking Jackson up after the other

0:16:22.960 --> 0:16:23.840
<v Speaker 1>side of that quiz.

0:16:24.080 --> 0:16:27.400
<v Speaker 2>Well, thank you for letting me for being really generous

0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:29.560
<v Speaker 2>with that comment, because as you know, the balls that

0:16:29.680 --> 0:16:32.000
<v Speaker 2>drop are my cell phone. It could be in another

0:16:32.080 --> 0:16:36.280
<v Speaker 2>sick you know, put away for the weekend and I'll

0:16:36.280 --> 0:16:38.760
<v Speaker 2>see it on the other side, you know, because there

0:16:38.760 --> 0:16:41.400
<v Speaker 2>are sacrifices, right, there are things that you listen. What

0:16:41.480 --> 0:16:43.320
<v Speaker 2>you hope is that all your friends are going to

0:16:43.400 --> 0:16:46.800
<v Speaker 2>be like you, which is they're not going to charge

0:16:46.800 --> 0:16:48.480
<v Speaker 2>it to you know the.

0:16:48.520 --> 0:16:52.320
<v Speaker 3>Heart, but well it sometimes I do, well, I know.

0:16:52.280 --> 0:16:54.120
<v Speaker 2>But you usually come up out of it. How can

0:16:54.160 --> 0:16:55.880
<v Speaker 2>you get through your fields? You come up out of it.

0:16:55.960 --> 0:17:00.360
<v Speaker 2>And I have the patience for that now, and you're

0:17:00.360 --> 0:17:03.880
<v Speaker 2>going to be incredible as you have always been in

0:17:03.920 --> 0:17:10.880
<v Speaker 2>your life as the leader, the mentor, the mother, the caretaker,

0:17:11.680 --> 0:17:15.600
<v Speaker 2>the person who gives all the love. And what I

0:17:15.640 --> 0:17:18.840
<v Speaker 2>want for you back is for you to get triple

0:17:18.880 --> 0:17:21.959
<v Speaker 2>times that and to feel it and to know it

0:17:22.080 --> 0:17:22.800
<v Speaker 2>when you see it.

0:17:23.720 --> 0:17:25.280
<v Speaker 3>And you're not going to make me cry here, but

0:17:25.359 --> 0:17:28.639
<v Speaker 3>it's right here. I know I'm going to.

0:17:30.600 --> 0:17:34.520
<v Speaker 1>Well. I don't know why I recorded Ricky smiling at

0:17:34.520 --> 0:17:37.480
<v Speaker 1>the end of such a tender moment, but Ricky, shout.

0:17:37.160 --> 0:17:37.560
<v Speaker 3>Out to you.

0:17:39.240 --> 0:17:43.040
<v Speaker 1>I wanted you all to get to see another side

0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:46.160
<v Speaker 1>of my dear brother because he works so hard to

0:17:46.200 --> 0:17:49.360
<v Speaker 1>carry the things and and he does it really well.

0:17:49.440 --> 0:17:52.720
<v Speaker 1>So shout out to our my sister R J. Gillow

0:17:53.680 --> 0:17:57.000
<v Speaker 1>and to the kids I need to see them soon.

0:17:57.400 --> 0:17:59.440
<v Speaker 1>Davis Jackson, Carolina, love y'all.

0:17:59.440 --> 0:18:02.360
<v Speaker 2>So Angela get to interview you next, Okay, so they

0:18:02.560 --> 0:18:05.199
<v Speaker 2>just know that you're mine for no, I get it

0:18:05.240 --> 0:18:07.399
<v Speaker 2>for the next pod, for the next, for the for

0:18:07.440 --> 0:18:08.240
<v Speaker 2>the mini and the for.

0:18:08.359 --> 0:18:09.760
<v Speaker 3>A n A on the R n R.

0:18:10.200 --> 0:18:11.720
<v Speaker 1>That's on the rn R.

0:18:12.080 --> 0:18:14.560
<v Speaker 3>That's it, all right. Well, welcome home, y'all.

0:18:14.600 --> 0:18:17.119
<v Speaker 1>Welcome to the Tender Moment, brought to you by the

0:18:17.160 --> 0:18:18.760
<v Speaker 1>A Team, not the B team.

0:18:18.920 --> 0:18:20.920
<v Speaker 3>Tell them we said it.

0:18:20.680 --> 0:18:30.000
<v Speaker 2>Can't nobody. Setting Up by.

0:18:36.440 --> 0:18:39.280
<v Speaker 1>Native lampod is a production of iHeart Radio and partnership

0:18:39.280 --> 0:18:41.800
<v Speaker 1>with Reizent Choice Media. For more podcasts from iHeart Radio,

0:18:41.920 --> 0:18:44.520
<v Speaker 1>visit the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you

0:18:44.640 --> 0:18:46.320
<v Speaker 1>listen to your favorite shows,