WEBVTT - Black and Proud (w/ Violet Palmer) 0:00:00.760 --> 0:00:04.600 Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. You are tuned into 0:00:04.640 --> 0:00:07.480 the Vitamin DVA Dawn Day Podcast and I'm your host, 0:00:07.600 --> 0:00:10.280 Dawn Day, here to get you excited about your life 0:00:10.480 --> 0:00:12.640 so that you can live life on purpose and for 0:00:12.720 --> 0:00:16.479 a purpose. If you're returning, welcome back, thank you, I 0:00:16.560 --> 0:00:18.920 love you, I appreciate you. And if this is your 0:00:18.960 --> 0:00:22.800 first time, welcome, um, welcome on the journey of my dreams. 0:00:23.239 --> 0:00:26.960 Welcome and thank you for choosing to live your best life. Now, 0:00:27.200 --> 0:00:29.440 let me tell you this right now, Vitamin D is 0:00:29.520 --> 0:00:31.800 U pun off my name, right, So you get vitamin 0:00:31.840 --> 0:00:33.760 D from the sun. So I'm here to shed light 0:00:33.760 --> 0:00:36.639 into your life. But let's be clear. When we talk 0:00:36.680 --> 0:00:38.960 about vitamin D and shedding a light, that means on 0:00:39.080 --> 0:00:41.239 the good and the bad. Because if you want to 0:00:41.280 --> 0:00:43.920 be better and you want to do better, you gotta 0:00:43.960 --> 0:00:45.839 be able to see better. And we do that with 0:00:46.240 --> 0:00:50.879 inspirational insights and conversations with celebrities and everyday people like 0:00:50.920 --> 0:00:54.520 you and me. So this is all about unraveling, and 0:00:55.600 --> 0:00:57.880 it takes times that we're just thinking and we're just 0:00:58.040 --> 0:01:01.120 being and we're just feeling and we're coming in and 0:01:01.280 --> 0:01:04.120 perfectly perfect. So no, you don't have to be ready. No, 0:01:04.319 --> 0:01:06.680 you don't have to always be optimistic. I just want 0:01:06.680 --> 0:01:09.600 you to show up as you show up as you 0:01:09.680 --> 0:01:12.800 and getting ready to see you. And uh, we're gonna 0:01:12.800 --> 0:01:16.640 be seeing an individual today the world has seen. She's 0:01:16.640 --> 0:01:22.000 a legend um. She is the first female NBA referee. 0:01:22.400 --> 0:01:25.160 Her name is Violet Palmer. I had an episode on 0:01:25.200 --> 0:01:28.080 her before, but I was like, says, we didn't changed 0:01:28.120 --> 0:01:29.679 it up a little bit. We're in the studio. I 0:01:29.720 --> 0:01:32.000 need to bring her and do it right in the studio. 0:01:32.040 --> 0:01:34.080 And we're gonna delve a little deeper because we all 0:01:34.120 --> 0:01:37.759 know the story about her being the first female NBA referee, 0:01:37.800 --> 0:01:40.200 but I'm interested in knowing a little bit more about 0:01:40.200 --> 0:01:42.600 the woman behind the whistle. So we're gonna blow the 0:01:42.600 --> 0:01:45.679 whist on this episode. So without further ado, it's time 0:01:45.680 --> 0:01:50.960 for your dose a vitamin D. Right with me and 0:01:51.000 --> 0:01:58.640 get excited about Hello, Well, what's going on this donde? 0:01:59.000 --> 0:02:02.080 What's going on home? Paul? Listen is Paula? How you doing? 0:02:02.280 --> 0:02:06.440 You know what? I'm fabulous and uh, very very happy 0:02:06.480 --> 0:02:08.760 to be here with you, just to shed a little 0:02:08.840 --> 0:02:11.520 light on this beautiful day. I'm I'm happy to be 0:02:11.600 --> 0:02:14.920 here thank you for having me, thank you, thank you 0:02:14.960 --> 0:02:17.480 for coming again. Thank you for believing in my trains. 0:02:17.480 --> 0:02:20.079 Because when I had you won the first time, that 0:02:20.280 --> 0:02:22.560 was when the did the pandemic just started. We're in 0:02:22.560 --> 0:02:25.120 the midst of it was close, real close. It probably 0:02:25.120 --> 0:02:27.560 had been going on maybe several months or something like that. 0:02:27.639 --> 0:02:30.160 But yes, we had to do the whole zoom thing 0:02:30.240 --> 0:02:32.200 from my from my house and you I don't even 0:02:32.200 --> 0:02:36.120 know where you are. We're in a studio now. I 0:02:36.200 --> 0:02:38.560 love it what you're saying. God is good all the 0:02:38.600 --> 0:02:44.720 time every day. Listen, we got conversation. I love your shirt, 0:02:44.760 --> 0:02:47.520 black and Proud. I love that. Thank you. What's the inspiration? 0:02:47.639 --> 0:02:52.080 Tell me? Well, of course, you know, I'm uh always 0:02:52.160 --> 0:02:55.120 gonna support who I am. And I thought, of course, 0:02:55.160 --> 0:02:58.359 I love the colors. And again it said black and proud, 0:02:58.400 --> 0:03:01.160 and that's exactly what I am. And you know, you 0:03:01.200 --> 0:03:04.000 know how you see something and it's something just inspirational 0:03:04.080 --> 0:03:05.960 and it kind of shares a little bit of who 0:03:06.040 --> 0:03:08.640 you are, and that was my one reason for buying 0:03:08.639 --> 0:03:12.400 the shirt. Isn't amazing. I think if we lived a 0:03:12.440 --> 0:03:16.000 life where we were just stepping and walking who we are, 0:03:16.280 --> 0:03:20.360 the abundance that comes because like there's only one fingerprint, 0:03:20.480 --> 0:03:23.880 one footprint that assigned to us, and it's like, yo, 0:03:24.120 --> 0:03:28.400 it's an open lane for you. So true. But you know, 0:03:28.960 --> 0:03:31.720 and I'm finding and I need and even for myself, 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:35.040 I think as far as like being able to wear 0:03:35.080 --> 0:03:38.440 this shirt or this T shirt, I think it just 0:03:38.560 --> 0:03:41.200 comes from within. And I think for some of us, 0:03:41.480 --> 0:03:45.600 we don't we're not sure are we were hesitant or 0:03:46.120 --> 0:03:50.040 we're not comfortable with just being who we are. And 0:03:50.560 --> 0:03:54.600 I think for me, um, throughout my entire life and 0:03:54.720 --> 0:03:58.680 my entire career, I've got more comfortable and of course 0:03:58.720 --> 0:04:00.840 for me being a lesbian one and and you know, 0:04:00.920 --> 0:04:03.600 and I'm and I can admit that that was a 0:04:03.640 --> 0:04:07.120 struggle for me at a point in time. But you 0:04:07.200 --> 0:04:11.080 know what, it's not me Moore, and it's I feel 0:04:11.080 --> 0:04:13.520 good and and want to share and don't have a 0:04:13.640 --> 0:04:15.360 you know, don't have a problem talking about it, don't 0:04:15.400 --> 0:04:17.240 have a problem wearing it, don't have a problem letting 0:04:17.240 --> 0:04:20.600 anybody know because this is me. And I tell people 0:04:20.600 --> 0:04:23.760 all the time, I go for the people who don't 0:04:23.800 --> 0:04:27.680 like me, you don't even know me, and you didn't 0:04:27.720 --> 0:04:30.600 for the people who feel the same way and love me. 0:04:31.080 --> 0:04:33.560 Those are the people who I want to be around, 0:04:33.560 --> 0:04:35.320 and those are the people that support me, and those 0:04:35.320 --> 0:04:37.600 are the people that I love back what Laura Hill 0:04:37.680 --> 0:04:40.039 said it best. She said, how are you gonna win 0:04:40.160 --> 0:04:43.200 when you ain't right with that? You have to be 0:04:43.279 --> 0:04:47.479 come because that's you know, being successful, having people in 0:04:47.520 --> 0:04:51.880 your life, being supportive, all those things. It's a it's 0:04:51.880 --> 0:04:55.240 a full circle, and it can't the glass can't be 0:04:55.279 --> 0:04:59.800 half full because something's gonna be missing. And I think 0:05:00.240 --> 0:05:03.039 and looking at life and looking at looking at you, 0:05:03.160 --> 0:05:07.479 looking at myself, the reason why we're smiling and we're successful, 0:05:07.520 --> 0:05:10.440 and we're happy, and we're loving and we have love 0:05:10.480 --> 0:05:14.560 in our lives, it's because we're being who we really 0:05:14.560 --> 0:05:17.919 are meant to be. And I think that's that's a 0:05:18.080 --> 0:05:21.960 major struggle for a lot of us. We just, you know, 0:05:22.279 --> 0:05:25.000 for whatever the hesitations, maybe we don't know what they are, 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:29.400 and everybody's different, but I know that, you know, when 0:05:29.480 --> 0:05:33.560 I made that decision to necessarily come out, and it 0:05:33.640 --> 0:05:37.000 was probably one of the biggest momentous moments of my 0:05:37.080 --> 0:05:40.880 life because I had been with my my wife, which 0:05:40.960 --> 0:05:45.560 was just my see there was my partner at the time, 0:05:45.640 --> 0:05:48.480 but we have been together twenty years. Wait, well I didn't. 0:05:49.800 --> 0:05:52.840 We have been together twenty six now. But when I 0:05:52.920 --> 0:05:56.839 literally came out as far as work in the world, 0:05:57.200 --> 0:06:00.160 I was getting married. And this is a true story, right, 0:06:00.160 --> 0:06:02.640 this is a good one. You're gonna love it. Tanya Williams, 0:06:03.120 --> 0:06:08.120 which was our officiate, and she, uh, we were having 0:06:08.160 --> 0:06:10.760 a dress rehearsal at my house for our wedding and 0:06:10.800 --> 0:06:13.000 she and she said, you know a violence. She said, 0:06:13.120 --> 0:06:15.520 you can't keep this a secret. And I'm like, well, 0:06:16.040 --> 0:06:17.880 it's you know, this is what Tanya and I want 0:06:17.880 --> 0:06:20.040 to do. We're sharing it with our friends and family 0:06:20.080 --> 0:06:24.320 and you know, she says, but she said, you are 0:06:24.560 --> 0:06:29.919 an inspiration for your community. She said, you cannot have 0:06:30.120 --> 0:06:33.200 this moment. You have been with your partner for twenty years. 0:06:33.360 --> 0:06:36.520 She said, do you not know how many women you 0:06:36.560 --> 0:06:42.400 can help by giving your story sharing it? So sure 0:06:42.520 --> 0:06:46.680 enough I called the NBA and uh spoke with PR 0:06:46.920 --> 0:06:48.600 to let them know because at that point I was 0:06:48.640 --> 0:06:51.760 still employed, you know, that was my employer. So I'm like, hey, 0:06:51.920 --> 0:06:56.040 I'm getting married. You know, I'm having uh, you know, 0:06:56.080 --> 0:06:58.920 a big ceremony and it may be some plublicity. I 0:06:58.920 --> 0:07:02.760 don't know. How about they embraced it. I end up 0:07:02.800 --> 0:07:06.320 doing interviews and here, and it actually just went bigger 0:07:06.360 --> 0:07:09.359 than what it went viral um, which was kind of fun. 0:07:09.880 --> 0:07:15.240 But I really was so appreciative of her because she 0:07:15.360 --> 0:07:18.200 just spoke up as someone who cared about me and 0:07:18.280 --> 0:07:21.920 Tanya and said, you can't let this moment come Sharon, 0:07:22.040 --> 0:07:25.400 and I went, you know what, You're right, one of 0:07:25.480 --> 0:07:28.320 the best decisions I have ever made in my life, 0:07:29.200 --> 0:07:32.560 not only not to get married, but to necessarily come 0:07:32.560 --> 0:07:35.480 out at that point in time. And for me, you know, 0:07:35.560 --> 0:07:38.840 don it wasn't one of those where I was afraid 0:07:38.880 --> 0:07:42.320 to do it. I was just I was working, I'm good, 0:07:42.360 --> 0:07:44.480 I had my family. I'm just doing what I do. 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:49.120 And when the whole Merits thing came about, you know what, 0:07:49.600 --> 0:07:52.000 knock on wood, it was time. It was time to 0:07:52.080 --> 0:07:59.080 let the world know. And sure enough, beautiful, Yeah, you 0:07:59.160 --> 0:08:02.680 asked that a couple things because it's like, like it 0:08:02.720 --> 0:08:04.680 sounds so simple because all you have to do is 0:08:04.720 --> 0:08:08.320 show up for yourself. Very true, but it wasn't simple. 0:08:08.560 --> 0:08:11.280 But you're right, you understand that it wasn't simple, right, 0:08:11.360 --> 0:08:14.240 But it's like how it really was. Things in the way, 0:08:15.200 --> 0:08:17.240 and we sit in a moment of waiting for us 0:08:17.240 --> 0:08:20.200 someone to tell us how to walk, how to talk, 0:08:20.440 --> 0:08:23.240 how to exist and to be when the secret is 0:08:23.360 --> 0:08:25.920 is just to be. And you know, it was interesting 0:08:25.960 --> 0:08:27.720 case you said you had to call the NBA to 0:08:27.800 --> 0:08:30.440 let them know that the ceremony was going on. We're 0:08:30.480 --> 0:08:34.080 not necessarily the ceremony. It's just that once I, of 0:08:34.120 --> 0:08:39.520 course publicly came out, now I had um different magazines 0:08:39.800 --> 0:08:42.320 calling me wanting to talk to me, wanting to do 0:08:42.400 --> 0:08:45.520 an interview. And at that point in time, when I 0:08:45.559 --> 0:08:48.240 was employed with the NBA, you had to actually get 0:08:48.280 --> 0:08:51.040 their permission because of me being an employer, and they 0:08:51.080 --> 0:08:54.199 see they promised, oh yeah, they own kind of your rights. 0:08:54.240 --> 0:08:57.880 When you in my position as a referee, I had 0:08:57.920 --> 0:09:01.080 to actually get permission to do any interview. If I 0:09:01.160 --> 0:09:03.080 was still working with them, I would have had to 0:09:03.120 --> 0:09:05.920 get permission to come talk to you, because that's just 0:09:05.960 --> 0:09:09.959 the way the um the agreement is is written up. 0:09:10.360 --> 0:09:16.160 So obviously when I came out, no hesitation literally approved it. 0:09:16.640 --> 0:09:20.120 Did my interviews, no, nope, nope, no hassle. You know, 0:09:20.200 --> 0:09:22.760 for me, they never really not approved any interview that 0:09:22.800 --> 0:09:26.600 I wanted to do. Never, which was a positive because 0:09:27.800 --> 0:09:30.640 well you know what, because how about the case you 0:09:30.679 --> 0:09:34.120 need a reminder? Thank you let the people know because 0:09:34.280 --> 0:09:37.160 Queen V opened it up and guys even said to me, 0:09:37.200 --> 0:09:39.280 now that's on staff, they go wild violent. You know what. 0:09:40.000 --> 0:09:42.960 Once they allowed you to do it, they allowed the 0:09:42.960 --> 0:09:45.760 rest of us to do it too. You So see 0:09:46.160 --> 0:09:48.480 there it just came. How about I'm like, you know what, 0:09:48.559 --> 0:09:50.840 I need to share that with you. So you're just 0:09:50.960 --> 0:09:53.720 out here popping, just do it, just a little something, 0:09:53.840 --> 0:09:58.720 just really big, like just just divinely you just out 0:09:58.720 --> 0:10:01.319 here glowing and it's just so interesting. And that's what 0:10:01.400 --> 0:10:03.280 this podcast is all about. You know, it's a shed 0:10:03.400 --> 0:10:05.400 in the light, but realizing that the light that you're 0:10:05.440 --> 0:10:08.719 shedding is just taking off the layers of your light within. 0:10:08.840 --> 0:10:13.280 And then wait a minute, holda HOLDA, holda holda. Then 0:10:13.360 --> 0:10:16.120 you step into it right correct, and you just allow 0:10:16.200 --> 0:10:17.959 people to see you and then you shine. And this, 0:10:18.120 --> 0:10:21.479 like you said, you gave other people to permission to shine. 0:10:22.280 --> 0:10:25.560 You know what, I'll take it. How about if if 0:10:25.760 --> 0:10:29.800 something in which I think for for a lot of us, 0:10:30.360 --> 0:10:32.400 and and it's really I say this the kids all 0:10:32.400 --> 0:10:36.080 the time, I go, you really you don't know what's 0:10:36.120 --> 0:10:39.040 out there for you. You don't know you. You just 0:10:39.160 --> 0:10:42.800 have to have some faith and want to step out 0:10:42.840 --> 0:10:45.600 on it. But be all that can be is me 0:10:46.360 --> 0:10:50.080 and the people that are around me, and the success 0:10:50.120 --> 0:10:52.400 that I had and the love that I have in 0:10:52.440 --> 0:10:55.160 my life. All I can do is share that, And 0:10:55.200 --> 0:10:57.480 I think that's something that when when I look at 0:10:57.520 --> 0:11:02.160 you and us having I remember us sitting at a 0:11:02.280 --> 0:11:05.680 restaurant on the bar stools with some friends and you 0:11:05.760 --> 0:11:09.559 were telling me what you were trying to do. Really 0:11:09.679 --> 0:11:14.400 and here you are. Make it a dream and you 0:11:14.440 --> 0:11:17.040 can do it right there you go, you dream it. 0:11:17.160 --> 0:11:19.880 You can be living my dreams wide awake. Right. I 0:11:19.920 --> 0:11:22.160 love it. I like the wide awake part. They have 0:11:22.240 --> 0:11:23.800 to steal that one. I'm gonna have to give that 0:11:23.840 --> 0:11:26.320 to Tiffany Beasley. She came with that live your dreams 0:11:26.320 --> 0:11:28.920 wide awake, because I think often times we think of 0:11:29.040 --> 0:11:32.960 dreams were sleep and sleep your dormant. Absolutely, and we 0:11:33.040 --> 0:11:36.520 are beings that are meant to live out fully. So 0:11:38.000 --> 0:11:43.760 Happy Pride Month. Hello. So wasn't an issue of you 0:11:43.880 --> 0:11:46.760 coming out like so? It was publicly out there, so 0:11:46.800 --> 0:11:50.079 nobody in the NBA knew. No. Well put it like this. 0:11:50.280 --> 0:11:53.280 I had my core group because it was sixty of 0:11:53.400 --> 0:11:56.080 us at the time, sixty guys and plus myself that 0:11:56.120 --> 0:11:58.440 worked in they that were in the NBA. It's a 0:11:58.520 --> 0:12:02.240 small number, it's a it's sixty leans across the country, 0:12:02.559 --> 0:12:04.680 in the entire world and the world in the world. 0:12:05.240 --> 0:12:10.080 That's it. Yo, this, do you understand who's right here? 0:12:10.800 --> 0:12:14.040 Catch it? Catch it? Because I want to delve into 0:12:14.080 --> 0:12:16.679 deeper of talking about what it means to really be 0:12:16.679 --> 0:12:19.439 the first. But sorry, I just got so sixty of 0:12:19.480 --> 0:12:22.400 y'all are out here. Yes, So I had a group, 0:12:22.600 --> 0:12:25.079 you know, I had my ten I calling my boys, 0:12:25.280 --> 0:12:26.920 and these are boys that I that I was in 0:12:26.960 --> 0:12:30.760 training with and to this day, those are some of 0:12:30.800 --> 0:12:35.200 my best friends. So they knew, yes, my core group 0:12:35.280 --> 0:12:38.240 of guys that I had established a really really good relationship. 0:12:38.480 --> 0:12:42.320 We're friends. They knew. But I hadn't publicly come out 0:12:42.400 --> 0:12:46.560 to like the world and everyone. So of course, in 0:12:46.640 --> 0:12:49.120 Layman's terms, I was still kind of in the closet. 0:12:50.040 --> 0:12:55.199 But family knew clearly, My family knew. You know, everybody 0:12:55.200 --> 0:12:57.400 was fine. But I just had not came out with 0:12:57.559 --> 0:13:00.920 work because I guess at the time I really didn't 0:13:00.960 --> 0:13:02.640 have to. I didn't feel like I didn't want to 0:13:02.640 --> 0:13:04.600 make a big deal out of it, but you know what, 0:13:04.760 --> 0:13:11.040 timing is everything. Because when I decided to get married, um, 0:13:11.080 --> 0:13:14.880 I had already been in the league more than ten years, 0:13:15.360 --> 0:13:18.040 and I had made it to the playoffs. I had 0:13:18.120 --> 0:13:22.200 established myself, so I knew that. You know, and I 0:13:22.240 --> 0:13:26.160 say this to young women who are struggling, struggling as 0:13:26.200 --> 0:13:28.160 far as work wise or whether they want to come 0:13:28.160 --> 0:13:30.200 out of whether they don't. I said, look, I said, 0:13:30.200 --> 0:13:32.880 you know what, here's what I found. I found that 0:13:34.040 --> 0:13:36.800 the person that you are, people are gonna love you. 0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:40.479 For the ones who are gonna have something negative to say, 0:13:40.520 --> 0:13:43.640 they don't even know you, and they don't even matter. 0:13:44.640 --> 0:13:48.559 So just be yourself and when the time is right 0:13:48.600 --> 0:13:51.040 in your heart, you can do it. And I think 0:13:51.120 --> 0:13:55.719 that's what really happened with me. I was so excited 0:13:55.840 --> 0:13:57.920 I was getting married. I had to have the love 0:13:57.920 --> 0:14:01.120 of my life. This was our twenty year anniversary, and 0:14:01.160 --> 0:14:03.400 we had made a pack that if we could make 0:14:03.440 --> 0:14:06.880 it to twenty years, and of course Prop eight had 0:14:06.960 --> 0:14:12.240 just passed, the timing was impeccable, so of course got 0:14:12.320 --> 0:14:15.760 married fast forward. We've been you know, we've been together 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:21.480 twenty six years. And you know, you gotta know, I 0:14:23.800 --> 0:14:27.280 am truly blessed. I have an amazing wife and she's 0:14:27.320 --> 0:14:30.760 doing her thing and we're you know, just extremely supportive 0:14:30.800 --> 0:14:34.240 of each other. And you know, that's probably the one 0:14:34.280 --> 0:14:40.280 of the most magnificent parts of my life that people 0:14:40.280 --> 0:14:44.120 who know me, they go, you know what, YouTube are 0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:49.960 just beautiful and you know, I'm just like, oh my god, 0:14:50.480 --> 0:14:54.240 I just fly fabulous. Is just some of us are 0:14:54.280 --> 0:14:58.600 just blessed And I'll take I'll take it. Did you 0:14:58.680 --> 0:15:01.480 say that video that when viral on Instagram with that 0:15:01.560 --> 0:15:04.480 little boy, which one there's been so many, right the 0:15:04.560 --> 0:15:07.600 little boy in which his brother was slapping him and 0:15:07.640 --> 0:15:09.480 beating him up and said thom about something you can't 0:15:09.520 --> 0:15:11.640 be gay and not be getting his sister was filming. 0:15:11.680 --> 0:15:15.560 Yet No, I have not seen that because it's it's 0:15:15.600 --> 0:15:18.040 interesting because it's like the times that we're in right now, 0:15:18.080 --> 0:15:21.280 you know, with proposition aid and just just a little 0:15:21.360 --> 0:15:24.200 nas x. You know, everybody, you know, one would think 0:15:24.240 --> 0:15:26.400 that you're stepping into self and and then now you know, 0:15:26.960 --> 0:15:29.840 you know, boastfully, you know, carrying your pride, But then 0:15:29.880 --> 0:15:32.920 you realize about how many people are still quote unquote 0:15:32.920 --> 0:15:35.440 in the closet or just being ridiculed, and you think 0:15:35.480 --> 0:15:39.360 about how precious a Childooh, so this young boy, they 0:15:39.400 --> 0:15:42.600 actually first of all, they pushed his hairline all the 0:15:42.600 --> 0:15:44.880 way back and on the side of his head they 0:15:44.920 --> 0:15:47.520 put gay and he said, why do you think they 0:15:47.560 --> 0:15:50.120 got this? And they're slapping upside his head right and 0:15:50.120 --> 0:15:52.040 he said, cause the way you're acting with you way 0:15:52.080 --> 0:15:54.080 you're acting, I could be misconstrained. And you can check 0:15:54.120 --> 0:15:56.360 it out on social media, and it's like because of 0:15:56.400 --> 0:15:57.840 the way you act, because of the way you act. 0:15:57.880 --> 0:16:00.040 And then there was another video that posted up with 0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:02.280 the young man was on the live video, and on 0:16:02.320 --> 0:16:04.440 the live video, he's up there and saying, oh, you know, 0:16:04.680 --> 0:16:07.960 everybody needs to relax and chill. You know, that's my siblings. 0:16:07.960 --> 0:16:09.680 They just didn't want me to do that way. It's 0:16:09.680 --> 0:16:12.800 not like they're abusing me or hey, you know, doing whatever. 0:16:12.840 --> 0:16:15.520 But it's just that when you think about the psychological 0:16:15.600 --> 0:16:18.320 part of it, not only if you talking about the sexuality, 0:16:18.360 --> 0:16:20.280 but you're putting them on blast, you're slapping them in 0:16:20.280 --> 0:16:22.880 the face, you're defaming something, and it's like one of 0:16:22.880 --> 0:16:24.760 those things that I guess it all to me is 0:16:24.760 --> 0:16:26.680 like with self love because when you love something that 0:16:26.720 --> 0:16:29.440 you appreciate it, you want to share it with the world. Absolutely, 0:16:29.600 --> 0:16:34.120 and it is so valuable and important to have the 0:16:34.200 --> 0:16:38.960 people that I love you and your family to support. 0:16:39.520 --> 0:16:42.280 That is huge and I can I can attest to 0:16:43.000 --> 0:16:48.040 being you know, that woman sitting in front of her mother, 0:16:48.800 --> 0:16:51.320 and I never forget it was like my mother is 0:16:51.320 --> 0:16:53.200 sitting like I'm sitting across from you. We were at 0:16:53.200 --> 0:16:56.120 the kitchen table at my mom at my mom's house, 0:16:56.120 --> 0:16:58.440 the house I grew up in right to this day, 0:16:58.520 --> 0:17:00.640 and I said, Mom, I gotta tell you something, but 0:17:00.800 --> 0:17:02.280 I'll do you. At this time, oh no, I was 0:17:02.320 --> 0:17:07.200 an adult. Let's see. I I got married fourteen. So 0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:11.400 I literally talked to my mother. It was early when 0:17:11.400 --> 0:17:13.639 I was saying, when we were planning our wedding, and 0:17:13.760 --> 0:17:16.080 I said, Mom, like, I have to tell you this 0:17:16.200 --> 0:17:18.679 because I just want to, you know, I know, you know, 0:17:19.520 --> 0:17:23.959 but Tanya and I we've talked to our girls and 0:17:24.000 --> 0:17:27.240 we're gonna get married. And I started it with I said, 0:17:27.280 --> 0:17:29.399 you know, you know prop eid mom, right, you know, 0:17:29.400 --> 0:17:32.199 because my mom's old school. My mother would be ninety 0:17:32.320 --> 0:17:35.120 and next month, okay, we're gonna have a huge, big 0:17:35.160 --> 0:17:38.040 old celebration for so I went, I was wanting to 0:17:38.040 --> 0:17:40.000 make sure that she understood what I was saying. So 0:17:40.040 --> 0:17:41.960 I said, you know about prop Eide. She said, yeah, 0:17:41.960 --> 0:17:45.080 I know about prop Vine. I said, okay, Well, Tanya 0:17:45.080 --> 0:17:49.240 and I we've decided we're gonna get married. And she says, 0:17:49.320 --> 0:17:52.360 and I'm and I'm waiting for some negativity here because 0:17:52.359 --> 0:17:55.719 I'm talking to an old school Baptist woman. Now, okay, 0:17:55.720 --> 0:18:00.480 so you know, so I'm waiting and she says, oh God. 0:18:01.040 --> 0:18:06.200 She says, um, can my best friend come? I literally 0:18:06.320 --> 0:18:11.119 thought I started crying because she was so excited. And 0:18:11.160 --> 0:18:12.960 I said, well, Mom, I was just making sure that 0:18:13.000 --> 0:18:16.280 you you know that you were okay about coming? And 0:18:16.320 --> 0:18:20.240 she said coming, She said, of course I'll be there, 0:18:20.880 --> 0:18:26.440 and I mean never, I mean, just went forward, beautiful ceremony. 0:18:26.800 --> 0:18:29.560 And I told my mother. I said, Mom, you have 0:18:29.800 --> 0:18:33.520 no idea your excitement what you just did for me. 0:18:34.119 --> 0:18:36.280 She said, you know what? VI? She said, how about this? 0:18:36.760 --> 0:18:41.080 She and this was interesting? She said, you and Tanya 0:18:41.800 --> 0:18:46.640 have raised three beautiful young women. She said, one thing 0:18:46.680 --> 0:18:48.840 I can tell you, and I've learned this from you. 0:18:49.200 --> 0:18:52.720 Love is love and this is a woman. When when 0:18:52.760 --> 0:18:54.960 my father passed away. My mother and father had been 0:18:55.000 --> 0:19:00.360 together sixty five years, so my mother knows bingo and 0:19:00.400 --> 0:19:03.639 that's what she told me. And I was good. I said, wow, 0:19:04.200 --> 0:19:06.480 you know when when you see again, and we just 0:19:06.560 --> 0:19:10.080 had the story about this young boy and his family. 0:19:10.840 --> 0:19:14.080 That is so you know, kids are in the street 0:19:14.200 --> 0:19:17.720 right now homeless because they came out and their and 0:19:17.840 --> 0:19:20.800 their family disowned them or their or their parents kicked 0:19:20.800 --> 0:19:24.000 them out or whatever the case may be. And that's like, no, 0:19:25.119 --> 0:19:28.000 you that's the embracement that you need. You need that 0:19:28.160 --> 0:19:30.880 love and you need that support from your family because 0:19:31.800 --> 0:19:35.320 that's the backbone. And I think for me, yes, what 0:19:35.440 --> 0:19:38.000 I have had a beautiful ceremony, what I've gone through 0:19:38.119 --> 0:19:41.159 with everything. If my mother wasn't there, of course I 0:19:41.160 --> 0:19:44.280 would have, but there still would have been an emptiness 0:19:44.280 --> 0:19:48.720 in my heart. And to see my mother walked down 0:19:48.760 --> 0:19:53.080 that aisle, come in there smiling, it was everything for 0:19:53.160 --> 0:19:56.080 me and my entire fact my brother walked me downnisle. 0:19:56.640 --> 0:20:01.480 I mean it was inimaginable for me. Tanya's brother walked 0:20:01.520 --> 0:20:06.440 her down the eye. So when I tell you, wonderful, 0:20:07.240 --> 0:20:10.680 you know, just just being able to have this conversation 0:20:10.720 --> 0:20:13.600 which is so cool because it's not like I've shared 0:20:13.680 --> 0:20:16.639 a lot of this with a lot you know, just everybody. 0:20:16.680 --> 0:20:18.480 But it's funny how things just happen and you ask 0:20:18.520 --> 0:20:22.760 the questions and I'm like, yes, we can go there 0:20:24.560 --> 0:20:27.480 because it's like we can. You can never get enough love. 0:20:27.680 --> 0:20:30.760 I don't feel like and and it's interesting. Um, and 0:20:30.800 --> 0:20:32.960 I guess that's the next thing I want to talk about. 0:20:33.840 --> 0:20:35.720 Being able to find love, you had to be able 0:20:35.760 --> 0:20:40.400 to recognize it. So what you know coming up? I'm 0:20:40.440 --> 0:20:42.560 sure you may have known, but when did you accept 0:20:42.560 --> 0:20:45.600 it or embrace it? And because I can only imagine, 0:20:45.640 --> 0:20:48.240 like you said, your mom is ninety and her generation, 0:20:48.359 --> 0:20:50.919 what was that like going to bed l a black 0:20:50.920 --> 0:20:55.320 woman in a Protestant household? Absolutely? But how about this? 0:20:55.920 --> 0:20:59.240 You know what I learned is is that I thought 0:20:59.800 --> 0:21:04.240 I had this big secret. I literally did. I thought no, 0:21:04.440 --> 0:21:08.040 because we all do. I mean, you know, so found 0:21:08.040 --> 0:21:11.000 out later after I got with Tania. You know this 0:21:11.080 --> 0:21:14.800 was later my older sister, Uh, one day came and 0:21:14.800 --> 0:21:18.159 said to me, she said, girl, Uh, you ain't in 0:21:18.240 --> 0:21:21.679 no closet everybody. No, you said, you need to stop, 0:21:21.880 --> 0:21:24.639 she said, she said, g I've been knowing you know 0:21:24.680 --> 0:21:27.080 you were gay since you were in middle school or 0:21:27.200 --> 0:21:29.359 high school something. She said something so long ago, and 0:21:29.400 --> 0:21:32.920 I looked at her. She said, at nobody caring. She said, 0:21:33.000 --> 0:21:36.800 you're my sister, and you're the bomb. She's like, so 0:21:37.520 --> 0:21:40.359 none of us care. So of course you can do 0:21:40.400 --> 0:21:42.679 what you want and you can say it or not 0:21:42.760 --> 0:21:46.000 say it, but we all knew, and that happens, and 0:21:46.040 --> 0:21:49.560 I'm sure and so many households with young women young 0:21:49.560 --> 0:21:52.639 men who want to come out, and you know, and 0:21:52.680 --> 0:21:54.240 I say that, I say the kids all the time. 0:21:54.320 --> 0:21:57.080 I go, trust me, your mother know. And it's interesting 0:21:57.119 --> 0:21:59.320 that you said of like you grew up in her 0:21:59.400 --> 0:22:02.920 her whom like you can. And I always do the reverse, 0:22:03.040 --> 0:22:05.359 Like I know, when my mother was still around and alive, 0:22:05.800 --> 0:22:08.680 I knew her the way her kids were jingle breath, 0:22:08.800 --> 0:22:10.679 And it's just like, how could everything? Why are we 0:22:10.760 --> 0:22:14.600