Speaker 1: Hello everybody. Hey, y'all, how's it going. I am Eli,
Speaker 1: I'm Diana. We're so excited for another episode of ridiculous
Speaker 1: romance here on Valentine's Day or when you'll be hearing
Speaker 1: this shortly after Valentine's Day. Yeah, but this is how
Speaker 1: we're spending our Valentine's Day. We're not huge Valentine's people. No,
Speaker 1: that's I was about to say. I don't really expect
Speaker 1: much for Valentine's Day. Like I'm not trying to get like,
Speaker 1: you know, chuck chuck some flowers and crazy jewelry or anything. Oh, ship,
Speaker 1: call off the truck. No, I mean if there's a
Speaker 1: truck on the way. Okay, Well, at least we've each
Speaker 1: found each other who cares an equal amount about Valentine's Day, which, like,
Speaker 1: it's nice. It's like like we said hello this morning,
Speaker 1: you know, gave it a little like good morning, good
Speaker 1: to see you again. Oh what a special day. Hands hands,
Speaker 1: It's very formal. Nice, it's nice. It's nice to know
Speaker 1: the magic's not totally fizzled out. No, we clebrated over
Speaker 1: the weekend. We went and saw wild woods a glow
Speaker 1: at Fernbank, just like a natural History Museum and they
Speaker 1: had this whole like a really cool exhibit about color
Speaker 1: and light. It was really cool. It's like this after
Speaker 1: hours thing, adults only like seven to eleven, and they're like,
Speaker 1: we got this outdoor light show you can go see
Speaker 1: and you can buy drinks in the lobby under the
Speaker 1: big dinosaur skeletons, and there's like a band that played
Speaker 1: for a minute, and then the museum is yours to explore.
Speaker 1: And I think we both learned that maybe PM with
Speaker 1: a drink in your hand isn't when you particularly want
Speaker 1: to be walking around a museum and reading a lot
Speaker 1: of things on tiny cards. But it was still cool
Speaker 1: to be in there. I definitely was like, I like
Speaker 1: a natural history museum, but I'm just not interested in
Speaker 1: learning right now. Shells and I was like whatever, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you were done around the show. I was done around.
Speaker 1: I was like a collection, don't care. Because there was
Speaker 1: also a lot of drunk people. Weirdly like people got
Speaker 1: there and went hard early, or they were just like
Speaker 1: walking by everything really fast. I know. It's yeah, that's
Speaker 1: this whole sound bath and they're like mushroom Garden. You're
Speaker 1: supposed to just like get lost in these these humming
Speaker 1: tones that are playing while these mushrooms light up, and
Speaker 1: it was beautiful. And then we're like what Jenny say?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, well what Steve say? And I was like, dude,
Speaker 1: we're in the sound bath. I don't want to be
Speaker 1: based in your bro talk. Shut up, which I was
Speaker 1: kind of laughing because I'm normally I'm a person who's like, well, whatever,
Speaker 1: they're enjoying themselves, Like fine, it's kind of fun sometimes
Speaker 1: to let snatches of other people's conversation come to your
Speaker 1: ear and you're like, what, like fill in the blank,
Speaker 1: like whatever you like. It's like speculation station out in
Speaker 1: the wild. Yeah, but but yeah, for some reason, I
Speaker 1: was I was just I was like, I feel annoyed
Speaker 1: because I'm annoyed today it was an outdoor meditative exhibit
Speaker 1: about sound. It was like, this is the worst place
Speaker 1: for that. I mean, like the shells, I would love
Speaker 1: to catch snippets of your absolutely insane conversation to the shells.
Speaker 1: Did you listen? Did you hear that? In the shells room?
Speaker 1: Was that girl yelling? She was talking to her friend
Speaker 1: about like another friend of theirs, and like clearly they
Speaker 1: were disagreeing about Palestine and like it was something very
Speaker 1: serious and I was like, oh my god, why are
Speaker 1: you talking about this right now? In the Shells Exhibit's
Speaker 1: like I just can't hang out with him. After what
Speaker 1: he said about Palestine. I was like, what did he say?
Speaker 1: I was I was like, so in their conversation, right,
Speaker 1: how did it get to this here? It was very
Speaker 1: serious and incredible. I feel like you should say that
Speaker 1: another time. But the highlight of the weekend, I think
Speaker 1: was when we got to go see Mark Evan Jackson
Speaker 1: at the Plaza Theater and Improv show, The Improv show.
Speaker 1: Who I You know, if you don't know who he is,
Speaker 1: he Kevin Cosner on Brooklyn nine nine and he's Shawn
Speaker 1: the Demon in Good Place. He's really funny, so dry.
Speaker 1: If you don't know who he is, you probably do
Speaker 1: just look back like, oh yeah that guy very true
Speaker 1: and uh yeah. It was really fun and we is
Speaker 1: like some hometown improv heroes on stage with him, and
Speaker 1: it was really funny and but it was cool to
Speaker 1: like see someone how he's not a goofy person, right,
Speaker 1: but like he was so funny, just so dry, and
Speaker 1: his delivery is so ry and stuff that like he
Speaker 1: he just gets you. He'll say one thing and it's
Speaker 1: just the delivery fucking tickles you. Ye, like the most
Speaker 1: mundane line that he'll deliver in a way that just
Speaker 1: has everybody rolling. That's just the real talent that some
Speaker 1: people have. It is, that's like truly funny. But enough
Speaker 1: about us and our ridiculous romance. Y'all didn't tune in
Speaker 1: for that. You turned in to hear this incredible story.
Speaker 1: I love this one because today we want to tell
Speaker 1: you about Agnes of Dunbar. She was married to Patrick,
Speaker 1: the Earl of March, but Patrick was away from home
Speaker 1: fighting for Scottish independence when British troops pulled up on
Speaker 1: Agnes and tried to besiege her castle, but she held
Speaker 1: onto it in a fight so legendary that the story
Speaker 1: has been passed down for centuries as a model example
Speaker 1: of Scottish bravery and defiance. So let's hear about sticky
Speaker 1: Scottish politics, four different edwards, and how Agnes made herself
Speaker 1: the star the story. Yes, let's go, Hey, their French
Speaker 1: come listen. Well, Elia and Diana got some stories to tell.
Speaker 1: There's no matchmaking a romantic tips, It's just about ridiculous relationships,
Speaker 1: a lover. It might be any type of person at all,
Speaker 1: and abstract cons a don a concrete wall. But if
Speaker 1: there's a story where the second plant ridiculous role lance
Speaker 1: production of I Heart Radio, all right, well, before we
Speaker 1: get into Agnes of Dunbar, we do need a little
Speaker 1: bit of background. That's true, and that means it's time
Speaker 1: to throw caution to the winds, follow our hearts and
Speaker 1: have ourselves a quickling with history. I will tell anyone,
Speaker 1: I promise. So Scotland was ruled by King Alexander the
Speaker 1: Third until he died unexpectedly after being thrown from his
Speaker 1: horse in twelve d things. I feel like that probably
Speaker 1: happened to a lot of hopes. Yeah what we we don't.
Speaker 1: We don't lose rulers like that anymore, like if George W.
Speaker 1: Bush had choked on that pretzel, just like WHOA a
Speaker 1: weird accident and suddenly we need a new ruler of
Speaker 1: our country. Unusual. So some Scots lords thirteen to be exact,
Speaker 1: started vying for this throne, but the two most credible
Speaker 1: claimants were John Balliol and Robert Bruce. They were both
Speaker 1: descended from David the First, who was the King of
Speaker 1: Scotland in there, so they had like blood lines were
Speaker 1: right and all that stuff. Very Stannis and renly once again,
Speaker 1: yes class yeah. So obviously a civil war was to
Speaker 1: be avoided. Nobody wanted that. So the nobility of Scotland
Speaker 1: approached the English King, Edward the First, and they asked
Speaker 1: him to arbitrate the dispute. Basically picked the king that
Speaker 1: he wanted, and Edward the First was happy to do it,
Speaker 1: but only if everyone agreed that Scotland was under the
Speaker 1: authority of England, so king of Theirs was still just
Speaker 1: a subject of his. So Edward the First basically like, oh, yes,
Speaker 1: I'll pick your king. It's me basically, I mean, may
Speaker 1: as well just that. But Robert Bruce and John Balliol
Speaker 1: both agreed that they would bend the knee to the
Speaker 1: King of England whoever he picked, and eventually Edward the
Speaker 1: First picked John Balliol to be King of Scotland in
Speaker 1: twelve ninety two. That was that, Well, that wasn't that,
Speaker 1: because Edward the First just kept pushing it. You know. First,
Speaker 1: you know, you give a mouse a cookie. First, It's like, okay,
Speaker 1: well you'll, I'll let you be king, but you gotta
Speaker 1: listen to me, and then he starts undermining Scotland and
Speaker 1: their new king. At every turn. He forced them to
Speaker 1: pay homage to England, and once he even required King
Speaker 1: John Balliol to show up in court and face charges
Speaker 1: like some commoner, some petty ship something that that that
Speaker 1: is literally just like a power move to make you
Speaker 1: look weak. Absolutely, and that that's exactly how they took it. Now,
Speaker 1: John was willing to compromise with England, and that really
Speaker 1: soured his Scottish subject on him pretty quickly. The straw
Speaker 1: that broke the camel's back, though, was when Edward the
Speaker 1: First demanded that the Scots supply him with soldiers to
Speaker 1: fight England's war with France. Scottish nobility is like, hell,
Speaker 1: now we don't, don't you every dame regards so you
Speaker 1: can fight the French. We don't care about the French.
Speaker 1: We like a croissant. So the Scots convened a council
Speaker 1: and they negotiated treaty with France behind in lives back
Speaker 1: right where I'm not sending you ship. We're actually friends
Speaker 1: with them. Didn't you know we're not at war with France?
Speaker 1: So why don't you eat dirt? Right, Well the Royally
Speaker 1: Piste off Royal Edward the First and he besieged Scotland
Speaker 1: at Dunbar and he won, taking over the Castle of Dunbar,
Speaker 1: which is one of Scotland's strongest and most strategically important fortresses.
Speaker 1: King John Balliol was forced to abdicate and the arms
Speaker 1: of Scotland were ripped off his coat, leading to his
Speaker 1: enduring nickname of tombab meaning empty coats, and this also
Speaker 1: refers to him being like an ineffective ruler, which I love.
Speaker 1: I love them acting like they're like, oh, a coat's here,
Speaker 1: there's no guy in the you know, they're just like
Speaker 1: tabs here. Well, Edward the First had pushed Scotland too far.
Speaker 1: This time it basically kicked off William Wallace's uprising and
Speaker 1: the Scottish Wars for independence. Robert Bruce died, but his son,
Speaker 1: Robert the Bruce felt like his family still had a
Speaker 1: claim to the throne of Scotland and now he helped
Speaker 1: William Wallace fight the British. And then he realized, you know,
Speaker 1: they're never going to restore John Balliols to the throne
Speaker 1: of Scotland, so I think I should have it. So
Speaker 1: he killed his main rival John Coleman in six went
Speaker 1: into hiding and waged pretty much the most effective guerrilla
Speaker 1: war in history against Clan Coleman and King Edward the
Speaker 1: Second this time, who was crowned in thirteen oh seven.
Speaker 1: So we're on to our second Edward. This is that
Speaker 1: movie with Chris Pine, right, that's right, the Outlaw, Yes,
Speaker 1: and Jodie Comer I believe plays his wife. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: that's right. That it was good, right, And I love
Speaker 1: Chris Pine. So I was just like, you love Chris Pine.
Speaker 1: Now I really do. Your Valentine, my Valentine, chris Pine. Valentine,
Speaker 1: my valent Pine. So yeah, Robert the Bruce is fighting
Speaker 1: this war for years, and the turning point was the
Speaker 1: Battle of Baneford in thirteen fourteen, when Robert the Bruce
Speaker 1: delivered a stunning defeat to the English. This is when
Speaker 1: we meet Pat Trick Dunbar, one of our subjects today.
Speaker 1: He was the Earl of March and his dad was
Speaker 1: one of the thirteen claimants to King Alexander's crown. If
Speaker 1: you remember, there was thirteen Scots who came in and said,
Speaker 1: well we should make king. After that guy fell off
Speaker 1: the horse, etcetera, etcetera. Well, his dad, after King Edward
Speaker 1: the first pick to king for Scotland, his dad was like, okay,
Speaker 1: all side with the English here, that sounds good, and
Speaker 1: Patrick Dunbar followed in his father's footsteps. He received payments
Speaker 1: from the English crown to help sort of keep the
Speaker 1: Scots in line. Now he had to deal with both
Speaker 1: sides all the time, as Deborah McGillivray writes in her
Speaker 1: article A Tale of Two Women and One Castle, because
Speaker 1: Patrick Dunbar's lands were always kind of caught in the
Speaker 1: middle English Scottish English Scottish. Both Robert the Bruce and
Speaker 1: his younger brother Edward Bruce loved to raid dunbar lands
Speaker 1: for supplies while the English garrisons were also waging war there,
Speaker 1: and that just put everyone in danger. And he's kind
Speaker 1: of being impoverished by both sides. Patrick had to play
Speaker 1: a pretty daring diplomatic game to keep himself and his
Speaker 1: people and his property safe. However, as much as his
Speaker 1: dad had ridden with Edward the First, his mother had
Speaker 1: taken a stand for the Scots, and she defended Castle
Speaker 1: Dunbar from the English when Patrick was only eleven years old,
Speaker 1: So he had this really contradictory life. It seems right, moms,
Speaker 1: Scottish dad's with the English. I'm totally torn in between them.
Speaker 1: And in thirteen fourteen, at the Battle of bannock Burn,
Speaker 1: Patrick gave quarter to King Edward the Second in Dunbar
Speaker 1: Castle and helped him to escape by boat back to England.
Speaker 1: So that seemed like he pretty firmly took a side there,
Speaker 1: like I've got the English king right here, I'm going
Speaker 1: to sneak him out. But almost as soon as Edward
Speaker 1: the Second was out of Scotland, Patrick turned around and
Speaker 1: made peace with his cousin Robert the Bruce and decided
Speaker 1: to fight for Scottish independence. So he was sort of
Speaker 1: feeling flip floppy at this time if he wasn't really
Speaker 1: sure what was the best bet. So Patrick Dunbar is
Speaker 1: listed as being present at Robert the Bruce's first Parliament
Speaker 1: in thirteen fifteen, and he took part in the Scottish
Speaker 1: siege at Berwick, which is an important border town, and
Speaker 1: he was one of Robert the Bruce's commanders. It was
Speaker 1: like a very trusted part of the Scottish fight for independence.
Speaker 1: And in thirteen eighteen Patrick married Agnes Randolph Oh from
Speaker 1: the title of the episode is now Agnes was Robert
Speaker 1: the Bruce's nephews daughter. We don't know for sure if
Speaker 1: they loved each other. There's no like fun love letters
Speaker 1: to read you from Patrick's Agnes or vice versa. But
Speaker 1: Deborah McGillivray points out that they did have to go
Speaker 1: through quite a bit to make their marriage legal, so
Speaker 1: they must have really wanted it. Agnes and Patrick were
Speaker 1: second cousins, so they had to get a papal dispensation
Speaker 1: to wed classic that Pope was like, you're not quite
Speaker 1: related enough cousins, please send them, okay, And then they
Speaker 1: had to get a second dispensation in order to make
Speaker 1: any children. They may have their legal heirs because Agnes's
Speaker 1: sister had married Patrick's brother, so there's just too any
Speaker 1: like crossing of the streams. The siblings would be like,
Speaker 1: if my sister married your brother, which is the most
Speaker 1: insane thing, I can would never work any either of
Speaker 1: your sisters, either my sisters and your brother. Not absolutely
Speaker 1: laugh laughable what it is. So it's possible that there
Speaker 1: was some feelings on either side, but also this was
Speaker 1: actually a very advantageous marriage, you know, one of those
Speaker 1: possibly a business proposition. You're telling me nobility in Europe
Speaker 1: in century was marrying strategically. I am loving you that shocking,
Speaker 1: can't handle it. Shocking, but true. No, this was a
Speaker 1: very advantageous marriage because Agnes was the eldest dad of
Speaker 1: Thomas Randolph, so she had a huge inheritance that would
Speaker 1: just add a lot to Patrick's already vast land holdings
Speaker 1: and personal wealth. Robert the Bruce would get the Dunbar
Speaker 1: clans helped to subdue Clan Coman, his enemies at home,
Speaker 1: and Patrick would get Roberts Generals, which included his new
Speaker 1: father in law Thomas Randolph, to stop raiding his lands
Speaker 1: all the time because they would actually care because it
Speaker 1: was their families lands now. So it was truly a
Speaker 1: win win for everybody. Oh and here's a little just
Speaker 1: a historic note. Agnes is often called black Agnes, which
Speaker 1: historians take to mean that she had dark hair or
Speaker 1: like a swarthy complexion, but Deborah McGillivray points out that
Speaker 1: in Scottish clans they referred to the black branch of
Speaker 1: the family tree, meaning the eldest, and the red branch
Speaker 1: meaning the youngest, so Black Agnes could just be a
Speaker 1: reference to her being the eldest child rather than have
Speaker 1: anything to do with her physical appearance. Well, meanwhile, Scotland
Speaker 1: is bumping along through this fight. You've got Bruce's fight comens,
Speaker 1: You've got Ireland get involved. Everyone's fighting the English and
Speaker 1: then some real drama hit. In thirteen twenty seven, Edward
Speaker 1: the Second was deposed by his own queen Isabella and
Speaker 1: her lover Roger Mortimer, and he was forced to abdicate
Speaker 1: to his own son, Edward the Third, even though that
Speaker 1: kid was only fourteen years old at the time. So
Speaker 1: bonus classic romance here in this episode of a of
Speaker 1: a queen and her lover overtaking her husband the king,
Speaker 1: putting their kid on the thrones, that they could really
Speaker 1: be in charge. She hated Edward the Second him because
Speaker 1: since Edward the Third was so young. Of course, Isabella
Speaker 1: and her lover Roger Mortimer, conducted negotiations with the Scots
Speaker 1: in his name, and they signed the Treaty of Northumberland
Speaker 1: in eight which recognized Robert the Bruce as the King
Speaker 1: of Scotland. Bing bang bong Scott's independent pipes. Everybody's happy,
Speaker 1: but everybody wasn't happy. Particularly the English not at all.
Speaker 1: This made Roger and Isabella really unpopular, and that went
Speaker 1: along with a lot of moves they made really unpopular
Speaker 1: with the people. And so in thirteen thirty, when he
Speaker 1: was just seventeen years old, their son Edward the Third,
Speaker 1: whom they had conspired but on the throne, let a
Speaker 1: coup against them, and he executed Roger Mortimer and exiled
Speaker 1: his own mother Isabella. Now that Edward the Third was
Speaker 1: really in charge, he turned his eyes back towards Scotland
Speaker 1: once more. Robert the Bruce, who had been made king
Speaker 1: by Isabella and Mortimer, had died, and his toddler son,
Speaker 1: the five year old David the Second was king. Now
Speaker 1: Edward the Third was like, well, I was a fourteen
Speaker 1: year old king. I know how week a five year
Speaker 1: old king would be. And he decided to take advantage
Speaker 1: of the situation because he didn't really like the decision
Speaker 1: that his mother made, much like the rest of England.
Speaker 1: And he's like, uh, independent Scotland never heard of it.
Speaker 1: And he said that John Balliol remember him, the tomb
Speaker 1: tabour guy. He was the last real king of Scotland,
Speaker 1: which means David the Second, Robert the Bruce's son. This
Speaker 1: little five year old was just a pretender to the throne.
Speaker 1: He had no real claim. The real king of Scotland
Speaker 1: would be John Balliol's son, Edward Balliol, our fourth Edward.
Speaker 1: So yeah, it was time to fight a Balliol again,
Speaker 1: and Patrick Dunbar was ready. But it would be at
Speaker 1: as his battle that would go down in history, and
Speaker 1: we will find out more about that right after this.
Speaker 1: We'll come back. Give it a buddy. I do love
Speaker 1: your Scottish accent. Thank you so good. It's so fun
Speaker 1: to do. I hope it's not too offensive and terrible.
Speaker 1: Really is fun. I'll have to hear from some of
Speaker 1: our Scottish listeners. Are you offended by something? Tells me
Speaker 1: our Scottish friends won't be shy about expressing theirs. I'm
Speaker 1: not getting the impression from this episode or any other
Speaker 1: any others. Not a timid people, not so much, all right.
Speaker 1: So we're dealing with Edward the third Right, who has
Speaker 1: decided Scotland ain't independent, it's a vassal of England, and
Speaker 1: I want to be the guy who crushes it once
Speaker 1: and for all. So in thirteen thirty two, Patrick was
Speaker 1: appointed a Guardian of Scotland and the regents. So he
Speaker 1: was acting for the infant David the Second. Okay, okay, wait,
Speaker 1: so our boy Patrick Patrick Dunbar is now acting as
Speaker 1: the regent for this five year old who had been
Speaker 1: making after Robert the Bruce died. That's right, that's not
Speaker 1: a bad gig, no, And it shows you how trusted
Speaker 1: of a person he must have been for Robert the Bruce.
Speaker 1: You can see chris Pine on his deathbed with that mullet.
Speaker 1: Patrick's are it's gotta be you man? How did he
Speaker 1: sound like? That's a chris Pine sense. That's true, hippie man.
Speaker 1: Teach him not to be toxic masculine. Get some linen pants,
Speaker 1: go to the bookstore by fifty books of the bookstore.
Speaker 1: Make sure the paparazzie sees you. Book talk will be thirsty.
Speaker 1: So Patrick Dunbar met Edward Balliol, who was Edward the
Speaker 1: Third kind of puppet king I want to be king.
Speaker 1: He met him on the battlefield several times, crushed it
Speaker 1: as usual. Again we're talking about a really good soldier. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and Edward Balliol was eventually forced to ask Edward the
Speaker 1: Third for help. He's like, I can't take over Scotland
Speaker 1: by myself and had some English soldiers and the King
Speaker 1: answered the call and together they besieged Berwick, that important
Speaker 1: border town we talked about earlier, and they won the
Speaker 1: Battle of Halidon Hill. Patrick Dunbar was forced to surrender,
Speaker 1: and in order to avoid prison he bent the knee
Speaker 1: to both Edwards Edward Balliol as King of scott Land
Speaker 1: and Edward the third as King of England, and as
Speaker 1: part of their agreement to not arrest or kill Patrick,
Speaker 1: Edward the third ordered him to destroy the fortifications of
Speaker 1: Castle Dunbar so the Scots could not use it as
Speaker 1: a base of operations to wage war against the British. Again,
Speaker 1: this is the strongest fortress in Scotland. It's one of
Speaker 1: it's very strategically important place and the Scots were definitely
Speaker 1: using it in their girla war. So He's like, let's
Speaker 1: deny them this base of operations. Destroy your house. So
Speaker 1: Patrick and Agnes had to deliberately make their historic home
Speaker 1: in Scotland's greatest fortress weaker for their enemy, but even
Speaker 1: more frustrating. As soon as they were done dismantling stuff,
Speaker 1: Edward the third changed his mind and he told Patrick
Speaker 1: to make this place battle ready once again at Patrick's
Speaker 1: own expense. So he's straight up it's like, what did
Speaker 1: you do with all the fortifications? We need this? Like
Speaker 1: you just told me to break him up. You never
Speaker 1: say something ridiculous. Wow. I know no one's ever said
Speaker 1: this before, but the King of England is kind of
Speaker 1: a dick. Wow. Brand new take by the King of England.
Speaker 1: So it took years to renovate the castle back to
Speaker 1: its original or better strength, but by thirty seven it
Speaker 1: was fortified once more. And even though Patrick had sworn
Speaker 1: allegiance to England, he was still helping the Scots out
Speaker 1: on the side, and that's because he was firmly tied
Speaker 1: the Scots because of his wife, Agnes. Patrick took up
Speaker 1: arms in several battles against the English, fighting alongside Agnes's
Speaker 1: younger brother, John Randolph, the Earl of Moray, and Sir
Speaker 1: Alexander Ramsey to defeat the English count Namer. After Namer
Speaker 1: was beaten, John Randolph escorted the count to safety, but
Speaker 1: he was ambushed and taking prisoner by the English. Damn Patrick,
Speaker 1: Dunbar and Alexander Ramsey early escaped with their lives. According
Speaker 1: to Zeborah, McGillivray. But this brings us to our main
Speaker 1: story today, which is the siege of Dunbar Castle. In
Speaker 1: January eight, Patrick Dunbar was off fighting, probably either a
Speaker 1: battle or preparing to fight one, and acts of Dunbar.
Speaker 1: His wife was at home at Dunbar Castle, which had
Speaker 1: been of course all fortified and was super strong. Right now,
Speaker 1: sparkland brand, spank, intification, wet paint, don't touch. It was
Speaker 1: pretty common in medieval times for the woman of the
Speaker 1: house to defend her home in her lands when her
Speaker 1: husband wasn't around, and Agnes took that job very seriously.
Speaker 1: But the British Earl of Salisbury, William Montague, thought that
Speaker 1: he would take advantage of the brave and daring Patrick's absence.
Speaker 1: He figures, this castle is really important and right now
Speaker 1: there's just some lady and her servants, like a couple
Speaker 1: of guards taken care of it, so this to be
Speaker 1: an easy victory. This sounds to me like Joe Peshi
Speaker 1: and home alone. Yes, let's knock off this. It's just
Speaker 1: some kids, just some kids, let's go rob this place.
Speaker 1: Oh my, this is actually very much like a thirty
Speaker 1: eight Scottish home alone are really well, if I could
Speaker 1: please to play Agnes, Oh my god, absolutely hilarious. Surely
Speaker 1: there's a Scottish woman. No, there is a Scottish woman
Speaker 1: out there who would be a better choice. So he's like, oh, easy,
Speaker 1: peasy whatever. He shows up. Salsbury shows up at Castle
Speaker 1: Dunbar with twenty thousand men, and he told Agnes surrender
Speaker 1: in the name of the King of England. But to
Speaker 1: his surprise, hadn't us responded with a resounding and no, bitch,
Speaker 1: She apparently told him quote of Scotland's king. I had
Speaker 1: my house, I pay him eat and feet, and I
Speaker 1: will keep my good old house while my house will
Speaker 1: keep me as. Salisbury's like, okay, this bitch is crazy.
Speaker 1: It's the middle of winter. She's got no supplies, no man,
Speaker 1: and she's rhyming at me, like, what come on, boys,
Speaker 1: Let's get to siege and we should be done at
Speaker 1: like fifteen minutes. He's so confident. Well, so Salisbury's army
Speaker 1: dragged out the manganels or these siege engines that could
Speaker 1: kind of triped shape catapult things, and they start hurling
Speaker 1: giant boulders at the ramparts of Castle Dunbars. All day.
Speaker 1: For two weeks they would rain these big gas boulders
Speaker 1: onto the castle, but brand spanking new, shiny and fortified
Speaker 1: as it was, these stones didn't really do as much
Speaker 1: damage as Salisbury would have liked. And then, to add
Speaker 1: insult to injury, when the English stopped for the day,
Speaker 1: Agnes would come out with her ladies in waiting and
Speaker 1: just sort of casually dust off the ramparts with their
Speaker 1: handkerch its, like, oh, why are you boys on the
Speaker 1: way so messy? Basically I can like they haven't done much,
Speaker 1: but spread some dirt arounds to clean up this mess again. Uh,
Speaker 1: buys down there, when you're playing with your toys tomorrow,
Speaker 1: can you try and keep things a little more tid?
Speaker 1: Can you clean up after yourselves? Next? Tame and yeah,
Speaker 1: he must be like, oh, like, oh my god. But
Speaker 1: the Salsbury's like, alright, alright, alright, let's bring out the
Speaker 1: big guns. Let's show this lady who's buss And he
Speaker 1: built a sow, which is this big movable siege engine
Speaker 1: that allowed men to use a battering ram on the
Speaker 1: castle doors while being protected from arrows or boiling oil
Speaker 1: or whatever from above. Well, Agnes is like, uh, yeah,
Speaker 1: that'll be using that sow because I'm about to catch
Speaker 1: me a bunch of quote let's all anglish Peggy's. So
Speaker 1: Salsbury's gets worked up again. He does not like how
Speaker 1: she is just mocking him face very much. Sorry. It's
Speaker 1: very much like the French night in Monty Python and
Speaker 1: the Holy Grail, like real taunting and insulting and just
Speaker 1: belittling this man. He's like, hilarious, and she's like your
Speaker 1: mother smells, except she's probably like your mother smells a
Speaker 1: dog shite. I'm true. That's so she would not even bother.
Speaker 1: She'd just be like, actually, you also smell like dogs,
Speaker 1: so I guess it runs in the family. So anyway,
Speaker 1: he Salsbury immediately deploys the sal It gets close to
Speaker 1: the castle walls and they start battering. But Agnes and
Speaker 1: a few men that she had at her disposal had
Speaker 1: been collecting those boulders that the English had been thrown
Speaker 1: at them, so they simply tossed one over the castle
Speaker 1: walls and completely crushed the south and Salburry' is like,
Speaker 1: oh ship, and Agnes waves at him and she's like, oh,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for the ammunition. Appreciate it would
Speaker 1: have been screwed without all these boulders. Incredible. So as
Speaker 1: the survivors running back to the English line, she called out,
Speaker 1: quote the whole the letter of English pigs scurrying. Salisbury's
Speaker 1: dignity has taken a real hit because even the guards
Speaker 1: got into it. One of Agnes's archers deliberately drew down
Speaker 1: on Salisbury like he met his eye and he's like,
Speaker 1: I'm about to kill you, then deliberately hit the guy
Speaker 1: next to him and yelled out quote, Agnes has love
Speaker 1: shafts go straight to the heart. Wow. Well, clearly Salisbury
Speaker 1: was not very good at his job, and he had
Speaker 1: to think of a new strategy. Patrick had fortified the
Speaker 1: absolute shit out of the castle at Edward the Third's commands,
Speaker 1: and Agnes was not scared enough to give in. So
Speaker 1: Salisbury went up to the Scottish soldier who was guarding
Speaker 1: the pork palis and he bribed him to leave the
Speaker 1: gate unsecured, so so man, my men could storm the
Speaker 1: castle and get inside. He's a shilling for your time,
Speaker 1: and the guards like, oh shore bet got you up,
Speaker 1: and he took Salisbury's money, and sure enough, a short
Speaker 1: while later, the Portcullis creek open backstabbers trader Well, Salisbury
Speaker 1: and his men went charging up, and one guy sort
Speaker 1: of managed to get ahead of salisbury real eager soldier,
Speaker 1: and he entered the gate first victory. We're inside, except
Speaker 1: not because as soon as this eager little soldier got
Speaker 1: inside the bailey or the outer wall of the castle,
Speaker 1: the portcullis slammed shut, trapping him inside. The Scottish guard
Speaker 1: had apparently happily taken Salisbury's money as a bride, but
Speaker 1: then he went straight to Agnes with the story, and
Speaker 1: she cooked up a little scheme to take Salisbury prisoner.
Speaker 1: They were gonna try and trap him him inside the bailey,
Speaker 1: leading Lady Dunbar, what do you believe this englishman thinks
Speaker 1: that he can give me a shilling? Just do whatever
Speaker 1: he says. We've got to come up with something funny.
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, no, we're going to use this, Oh
Speaker 1: we're going to use this incredible Well, this eager little
Speaker 1: soldier ruined it because they caught him instead. But even
Speaker 1: though it didn't work, you know, our girl got the
Speaker 1: last word. Of course, she called down to him. Quote
Speaker 1: Farewell Montague, I intended that you should have slept with
Speaker 1: us and assist us in defending the castle against the English.
Speaker 1: She stood up, had a plate lad after you and
Speaker 1: everything coming in. I thought you were coming in to
Speaker 1: help out. Well, all right, I guess see you next time.
Speaker 1: So Agnes is killing it. I mean she is not
Speaker 1: only holding her for it, he is pissing him off
Speaker 1: so hard, and she has not fired a single shot herself.
Speaker 1: Salthburies get angry by the day. Months had gone by.
Speaker 1: He could not get one castle out of the hands
Speaker 1: of a twenty six year old woman. So he's pasting
Speaker 1: around his little war tent or whatever, and he's like,
Speaker 1: what does this horrible woman love? What will make a
Speaker 1: give in? And he realized that the English actually did
Speaker 1: have something very precious to Agnes. Her brother John Randolph,
Speaker 1: the Earl of Moray. Remember, he had been taken prisoner
Speaker 1: a while back, and he and Agnes corresponded frequently while
Speaker 1: he was I mean he was away. He was like
Speaker 1: imprisoned for years. He went to like many different locations.
Speaker 1: She always wrote to him, and he always wrote back,
Speaker 1: so that he's like, oh, she must be really fond
Speaker 1: of him. I know exactly what to do. So Southbury's like,
Speaker 1: get John out here, and he brings John up to
Speaker 1: the gate, throws a noose around his neck, and it
Speaker 1: calls out to Agnes, surrender or I will execute your
Speaker 1: beloved baby brother right in front of you. Well, what
Speaker 1: do you think happened? Agnes gave in and the story
Speaker 1: is over. No, just kidding. Agnes just laughed in his face,
Speaker 1: and she told him to go for it. She said,
Speaker 1: you'll be doing me a favor. Actually, I'm John's air,
Speaker 1: so if he dies, I will be the Countess of Moray,
Speaker 1: which was a title that she already felt belonged to
Speaker 1: her because she was the eldest child, thank you very much,
Speaker 1: who cares about gender? So she's like all his land
Speaker 1: and property would come to me. So I'll watch happily
Speaker 1: go ahead. And Salisbury was left looking really stupid because
Speaker 1: he never planned to kill John. He couldn't. John was
Speaker 1: a really important hostit so Agnes totally called his bluff
Speaker 1: and he just had to like take the rope off
Speaker 1: with John's neck and be like, okay, well back back
Speaker 1: to prison with you, I guess, oh my god, embarrassing
Speaker 1: him like getting so angry, he got tarred and feathered.
Speaker 1: He goes up to grab the door knob and the
Speaker 1: blowtoard hits him on that at yes, exactly, And I
Speaker 1: like to think that John knew that Agnes was just
Speaker 1: I hope he was standing like He's probably like a
Speaker 1: bold strategy that a sister way to call his bluff,
Speaker 1: and she's like, yeah, call his bluff. That's what I
Speaker 1: was doing. Well, So Agnes is still firmly in control
Speaker 1: of Castle Dunbar and Salisbury is red as hell in
Speaker 1: the face. But he did come up with a new strategy,
Speaker 1: and that was just to starve her out. We will
Speaker 1: find out how successful he was right after this break.
Speaker 1: Welcome back Millard's and ladies. So to catch us up,
Speaker 1: Salisbury had shown up at Dunbar in January. His boulders
Speaker 1: had been returned to him, his bribe were unsuccessful, and
Speaker 1: his attempt to murder her family was just laughed at. Well,
Speaker 1: now it was summertime and Salisbury knew the Agnes and
Speaker 1: her people were already rationing their food and water, so
Speaker 1: he decided to set up a blockade and starve her
Speaker 1: out of the castle. With his twenty thousand men, he
Speaker 1: cut off all the roads and he paid Genoise galleys
Speaker 1: to block the ports so no support could come in
Speaker 1: from the sea, and then he cut off all communication
Speaker 1: with the outside world. Damn, so she can call for help.
Speaker 1: He cut the phone lines, blocked out the satellites. It
Speaker 1: really looked like Agnes's goose was truly cooked this time.
Speaker 1: But fortunately for her, Patrick's old friend, Sir Alexander Ramsey
Speaker 1: learned about agnes Is entrapment and he never wasted an
Speaker 1: opportunity to scur around with these British eddiotts. So he
Speaker 1: left Edinburgh and approached the castle under the cover of
Speaker 1: night with forty of his best guys who were ready
Speaker 1: for a fight. And he also snuck in food for
Speaker 1: the people of Dunbar. So the next day Salisbury was
Speaker 1: twice surprised. First when Agnes sent him a freshly baked
Speaker 1: loaf of bread to show him she had provisions to
Speaker 1: last all summer. She had to trolling that she is
Speaker 1: doing all sandwitches. He loved a bit pickish out here.
Speaker 1: I love like she would do killer on Twitter if
Speaker 1: she'd be roasting constantly such a poster and say, I
Speaker 1: mean seriously. So Salesbury's like, oh, he like rips up
Speaker 1: the bread and he decides to strike quickly before Agnes
Speaker 1: and her people get to you know, fed up and
Speaker 1: strong again. So he launched a fresh assault on the castle,
Speaker 1: and that's when he was surprised for the second time
Speaker 1: as Ramsey and his hardened Scott's veterans came running out
Speaker 1: of the castle and easily pushed this giant army all
Speaker 1: the way back to their w This is like a
Speaker 1: artist situation where they had like three hundred dudes. They
Speaker 1: had even less than that, and they still were like, ah,
Speaker 1: we gotta get out of it. So Agnes had held
Speaker 1: the castle on her own for five months and Salisbury
Speaker 1: was a laughing stock. His seed had cost the English
Speaker 1: crown six thousand pounds and had gotten them nowhere. They
Speaker 1: had gotten nothing. They got a worse reputation. I mean basically,
Speaker 1: I feel like how how many Scots were like super
Speaker 1: emboldened by the story, you know, like, Okay, all you
Speaker 1: gotta do is play with their dignity defeat themselves. So
Speaker 1: Salisbury was forced to admit defeat. He lifted the seed
Speaker 1: and left for England on June tenth. Now, eventually, thanks
Speaker 1: to his hundred years War with France and the Black
Speaker 1: Plague hitting England pretty hard, Edward the Third had to
Speaker 1: negotiate a truce with Scotland had too much other ship
Speaker 1: going on, so the Treaty of Berwick was signed in seven.
Speaker 1: So partly in thanks to this badass very literally holding
Speaker 1: down the fort, the Scots got their independence and Agnes
Speaker 1: became a legend. There was even a ballad written about
Speaker 1: her from silly Salisbury's point of view. So let's go
Speaker 1: down or three corner and here as she makes a
Speaker 1: stir and tower and trench, that brawling, boisterous Scottish wench came,
Speaker 1: I Arlie came, I late. I found Agnes at the gate. Amazing.
Speaker 1: He's like I showed up early in the morning. You
Speaker 1: know at night that bitch was standing there. When the
Speaker 1: bards write songs about you, this isn't what you want
Speaker 1: from Salisbury, I know, okay, Well they wrote songs about me,
Speaker 1: talking about what loser I was. Well. Patrick Dunbar would
Speaker 1: continue to fight the British until that treaty in thirteen
Speaker 1: fifty seven, and he fought alongside John Randolph until he
Speaker 1: was killed in the Battle of Neville's Cross, and that
Speaker 1: meant that his title reverted to the crown. Because he
Speaker 1: had no children, but Agnes didn't agree. She just started
Speaker 1: using the title Countess of Moray and no one dared
Speaker 1: to question her about it. That's right, Like she's she
Speaker 1: already thought it was her. Even her husband Patrick Dunbar
Speaker 1: started using it and he's like, I'm the Count of
Speaker 1: more thanks to my wife. Now. Eventually the title went
Speaker 1: to her nephew. When the Treaty of Berwick was being
Speaker 1: discussed and the war in thirteen fifty seven, Patrick was
Speaker 1: one of the lords who went along to discuss the
Speaker 1: release of King David the Second from the English prison
Speaker 1: he was in. Remember that was the toddler who was
Speaker 1: crowned king and Patrick was the regent for him, that's right.
Speaker 1: And then as he was growing up, he spent a
Speaker 1: lot of time in exile in France, and he joined
Speaker 1: the war and then he captured you know, it's like
Speaker 1: a whole thing with King David the Second and Patrick
Speaker 1: ended up being a hostage that England kept us collateral
Speaker 1: until King David the Seconds ransom was paid, but Patrick
Speaker 1: wasn't kept under lock and key, so after the first
Speaker 1: payment was made, he just went on his merry way,
Speaker 1: which turns out to be maybe a bad idea because
Speaker 1: King David never did pay his whole rant. He embezzled
Speaker 1: a lot of money from the Scottish tech payers in
Speaker 1: order to do so. It made him very unpopular, but
Speaker 1: he never actually did finish paying off well. Agnes and
Speaker 1: Patrick ended up having no children together, but they did
Speaker 1: have Award, who was probably Agnes's sister's daughter, her niece
Speaker 1: uh and her name was also Agnes Dunbar. She would
Speaker 1: become the mistress of King David the second. So they
Speaker 1: kept it in the family because they like they do
Speaker 1: they like they get papal dispensations to do. Agnes died
Speaker 1: in and Patrick died just a few months later. Now
Speaker 1: I found this story, I guess probably a couple of
Speaker 1: weeks ago or something, and I was so into it
Speaker 1: because I was just like, this lady is such a
Speaker 1: ship poster, basically, like she's so funny, it's just hilarious.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I want to do this story.
Speaker 1: And Eli told me not to do it because he
Speaker 1: thinks it's not a ridiculous romance because it's just about
Speaker 1: like this wife. Sometimes we stretch into I would say,
Speaker 1: particularly women's history, because these stories are so interesting and
Speaker 1: typically untold. So during our research. Sometimes we come across
Speaker 1: one and we're like, we gotta do this episode. How
Speaker 1: can we wedge it into being a story about a relationship.
Speaker 1: But mainly because like, especially in medieval times, they didn't
Speaker 1: write about women, you know what I mean, Like the
Speaker 1: most you ever got recorded was if you had a
Speaker 1: baby or not, and even if when you died, they
Speaker 1: didn't bother to write it down. You know. It's just
Speaker 1: like your life and accomplishments and the things you do
Speaker 1: don't matter to anybody. They don't matter for posterity the
Speaker 1: way men's actions do or whatever. So I think it
Speaker 1: is really important when a wife eclipses her husband, I
Speaker 1: guess because it's so unusual. If there's not a man
Speaker 1: in the story, how am I supposed to relate? No,
Speaker 1: I've come around since we read it and started doing it.
Speaker 1: But next time I'm going to do a story just
Speaker 1: about a husband eclipsing his wife. Oh it'll be so
Speaker 1: hard to find a story about that. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: And liken us but the unknown George Washington, Yeah, Washington,
Speaker 1: I don't. I just think about it, guys more famous.
Speaker 1: I mean, we've done it, George Lucas, you know, like
Speaker 1: you've seen it happen. Marcia deserved that episode, damn it well.
Speaker 1: And I think we even talked about this when we
Speaker 1: were talking about doing this show at all, because I
Speaker 1: was like, I think it's really narrow to have to
Speaker 1: do couples, like to have to do people who were together,
Speaker 1: because a lot of women only succeeded because they were
Speaker 1: able to get away from their husbands or not get
Speaker 1: married or live you know what I mean. A lot
Speaker 1: of a lot of the episodes we have done have
Speaker 1: been very much about, you know, these partnerships between two people,
Speaker 1: not even always a man and a woman, but where
Speaker 1: one person who's who's not the sis mail in that
Speaker 1: partnership doesn't really get the attention that they deserve in history, right, Um,
Speaker 1: And that's led to some really cool episodes for us. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think that's kind kind of what opened me up
Speaker 1: or whatever when we started sort of making our giant
Speaker 1: list of possible subjects and I was like, actually, people
Speaker 1: have been fucking for a long time, exactly exactly, So, Um,
Speaker 1: there's so much history that you can cover through the
Speaker 1: lens of a couple or an affair or whatever, as
Speaker 1: we have done. But I think this is just one
Speaker 1: of those. To me, I think it's yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: and honestly, after we read through it, that's I mean, yes,
Speaker 1: that's what I think too. Yeah. Well, whatever we think
Speaker 1: or whatever you think, we're really excited to tell this
Speaker 1: story of Agnes of Dunbar, one of the few women
Speaker 1: in history who eclipsed her husband by being sassy and
Speaker 1: defiance and trolling the ship at some English dude. She's
Speaker 1: incredible and totally like hitting him in the face. The
Speaker 1: paint can hilarious metaphorical Scottish paint can I'm glad paint,
Speaker 1: you know, like in the cartoons, and it was already
Speaker 1: patterned paint and paint all over our Salsbury. I wonder
Speaker 1: if it's still standing Castle Dunbar, because I would love
Speaker 1: to go see it. I feel like it must be right.
Speaker 1: Who could bring it down? Fortress was a long ast
Speaker 1: time ago, so who knows. Hey, Scottish friends, you have
Speaker 1: two things to tell us. One our accents offensive to too.
Speaker 1: Is Castle Dunbar still round? Um? Well, I hate to
Speaker 1: tell you, is it not. There's some ruins? Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I thought so, it's it. That's the long ast time ago. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the last of the castle was damaged in fifteen sixty seven,
Speaker 1: apparently deliberately to reduce its value as a military target.
Speaker 1: So probably very similar to what Edward the Third was
Speaker 1: trying to do when he was like, don't bring it
Speaker 1: down so it can't be used against me. Yeah, she
Speaker 1: had a long run the fifteen sixties. That's longer than that,
Speaker 1: older than America, I know, but even longer than that
Speaker 1: because Patrick's mom defended it, so it was already standing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was built in the seventh century. Oh wow, yeah, well,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for tuning in today, y'all. Yes,
Speaker 1: let us know what you think about Agnes of Dunbar
Speaker 1: and Patrick and this whole story. Um, I hope you
Speaker 1: loved it as much as we did. You can reach
Speaker 1: us through emails at ridic Romance at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: That's right. You can find us on Twitter and Instagram.
Speaker 1: I'm at Oh great, it's Eli. I'm at Danamite Boom
Speaker 1: and the show is at ridict Romance and you can
Speaker 1: find us on TikTok at Ridiculous Romance. Thanks so much
Speaker 1: for tuning in. You can't wait to bring you the
Speaker 1: next episode. I love you by so long. Friends, it's
Speaker 1: time to go. Thanks so listening to our show, tell
Speaker 1: your friend's Namebor's uncle Sandez to listen to a show.
Speaker 1: Ridiculous Romance