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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is John the og story

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Speaker 1: Time podcast host.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, we got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: But before that, we get a teeny two minute break

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Speaker 1: from the sponsors that keep this show propped up like

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Speaker 1: a little house. Oh yeah, I ordered my wife to

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Speaker 1: clean the house after I came home from deployment. Sir,

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Speaker 1: can you ask and say please? I had thirty mail.

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Speaker 1: Just came back from a nearly six month deployment. I've

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Speaker 1: been married to my wife, twenty nine female for two years.

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Speaker 1: This is the longest deployment I've had since we lived together.

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Speaker 1: No kids, but we do have a few pets. I

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Speaker 1: bought the house we live in before we got married,

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Speaker 1: and before I left it was clean and in great condition.

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Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from Express Ratio nine to two,

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Speaker 1: and if you want to spit your own stories, go

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Speaker 1: to the r slash. Okay, Storytime suppured it. So when

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Speaker 1: I walk through the door, it was like stepping into

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Speaker 1: one of those hoarder show houses. I wish I was kidding.

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Speaker 1: This is not an exaggeration. In fact, it's probably not

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Speaker 1: descriptive enough. The master bathroom had black mold on the walls.

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Speaker 3: Ugh.

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Speaker 1: The sink shower were caked with soap scum, hair everywhere,

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Speaker 1: trash covering the floors were talking, used tissues, use pads, makeup, packaging,

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Speaker 1: all just strewn around. The toilet I won't even describe

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Speaker 1: the toilet. The bedroom had a waist high piles of clothes, papers,

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Speaker 1: and god knows what lining two walls. The carpet was

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Speaker 1: completely covered in pet hair. I saw little moths flying

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Speaker 1: around that looked like the kind that eat fabric and hair.

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Speaker 1: The living room wasn't dirty as much as it was

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Speaker 1: piled with clutter, unopened shopping bags, decorations from last Halloween

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Speaker 1: and Christmas still out, tons of random stuff she clearly

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Speaker 1: bought but never put away. And the kitchen, the smell

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Speaker 1: hit me before I even walked in. Both sinks were

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Speaker 1: full of dirty dishes with some kind of black sludge

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Speaker 1: coating the bottom. The fridge was packed, but mostly with

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Speaker 1: expired and rotting food. This is my nightmare. There were

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Speaker 1: two casserole dishes filled with what I can only describe

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Speaker 1: as pure mold based on what I found. The food

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Speaker 1: in those dishes had been sitting there since before I

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Speaker 1: left in January. I completely lost it. I yelled a lot.

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Speaker 1: I called her names, because honestly, what kind of person

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Speaker 1: lets things get this bad? It felt like coming home

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Speaker 1: to a house abandoned by squatters. I told her she

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Speaker 1: had one week to clean the entire house and return

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Speaker 1: it to the condition it was in before I deployed,

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Speaker 1: or I'd be filing for divorce. Men I left. I'm

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Speaker 1: staying with a friend. This guy's not easy to live with.

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Speaker 1: He's loud, way too talkative, and messy in his own way.

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Speaker 1: But even his place is paradise compared to what I

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Speaker 1: walked into. My wife cried and begged me to stay.

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Speaker 1: She said I was being unfair and that I just

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Speaker 1: left her here to deal with everything. But I don't

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Speaker 1: understand what is everything. We have no kids, She works

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Speaker 1: a normal job and comes home. That's it. No night shifts,

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Speaker 1: no eighty hour weeks, no caretaking responsibilities. What else was

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Speaker 1: there for her to deal with? What could possibly be

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Speaker 1: taking up so much of her time and energy that

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Speaker 1: basic tasks like throwing away used tissues, washing dishes, or

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Speaker 1: taking out the trashn't be done. She told me I

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Speaker 1: needed to help her because it was our mess. But

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Speaker 1: I've been gone for over five months. She claims that

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Speaker 1: I didn't understand how hard it was for while I

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Speaker 1: was gone. I didn't make any of that mess. I've

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Speaker 1: been deployed and working my butt off and the house

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Speaker 1: I paid for was trashed while I was away. Is

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Speaker 1: there something I really don't understand here? And there are comments,

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Speaker 1: but I mean yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 3: But then also like there's just the fact that you're like,

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Speaker 3: this is unacceptable and I cannot be in this situation,

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Speaker 3: which is you know, you can make that call as

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Speaker 3: an individual, but like it's not like your wife through

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Speaker 3: like a five month long frat party and that's why

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Speaker 3: the house is all messed up.

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Speaker 1: It's like, this is like she's experiencing some sort of

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Speaker 1: mental health crisis, and I think that you need to

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Speaker 1: get curious on what is going on with her, just

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Speaker 1: in general before we because you know, before we go

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Speaker 1: to the divorce route, just like ask some questions.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, there is literally no like are you okay?

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Speaker 3: It was just what's wrong with you?

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Speaker 1: Really? Like my first thought if I entered that house

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Speaker 1: would be like, oh my god, are like what happened

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Speaker 1: to you? Are you?

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Speaker 2: I gotta say, my first I would probably be getting

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Speaker 2: out of that house.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that would be my first thought. Actually, if I'm

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Speaker 1: being honest.

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Speaker 2: Can you front so we can talk?

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Speaker 1: Are you okay? What happened to you? Comments horror Fruit

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Speaker 1: nineteen forty two. You're not the a hole, though it

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Speaker 1: does sound like your wife is in need of professional

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Speaker 1: help boarding and what you are describing could be severe

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Speaker 1: depression or other mental health manifestations. Whilst you have no kids.

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Speaker 1: Loneliness and the reality of that may also be contributing.

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Speaker 1: This doesn't sound like a simple clean the house issue.

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Speaker 1: She needs therapy, and maybe you both need to talk

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Speaker 1: and listen without initial judgment about how it got to

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Speaker 1: that state. You're married, after all, this really seems the

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Speaker 1: worse and better or for worse, who's unwilling to talk

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Speaker 1: or get help? Then yeah, divorce, but maybe there's a

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Speaker 1: few steps before that. Scaff's scoff says, Yeah, looks like

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Speaker 1: depression judgment not the ale, and there is an update,

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Speaker 1: so let's get into it. Just thought i'd post an

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Speaker 1: update because I got responses saying she's depressed on my

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Speaker 1: original post. I hear you a thousand people saying it.

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Speaker 1: You don't need to say it anymore. I went over

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Speaker 1: to our house this morning and started cleaning while my

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Speaker 1: wife was at work. It really doesn't look like she'd

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Speaker 1: done much, even though she told me she'd been cleaning.

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Speaker 1: I'd really like to know what she cleaned, because I

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Speaker 1: don't see any difference between when I first got home

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Speaker 1: to this morning. I cleaned the bathroom, threw most of

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Speaker 1: the garbage all over the place away, but tried to

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Speaker 1: be nice and keep what actually looked like untainted makeup

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Speaker 1: and bath products. I sprayed the entire room with bleach,

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Speaker 1: the walls, the shower, the toilet, the floor. The bleach

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Speaker 1: pretty much ate all of the mold away on its own,

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Speaker 1: but I scrubbed it all two. It took me maybe

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Speaker 1: fifteen minutes to rinse everything in the sink and load

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Speaker 1: the dishwasher. That's what Anna lives. Man, It took fifteen minutes,

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Speaker 1: even with as bad as it was. Why couldn't she

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Speaker 1: have done that? It took longer to say, scrub the

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Speaker 1: sink itself and now scratched up from all the utensils

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Speaker 1: and metal, baking sheets and things. Plus there are permanent stains.

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Speaker 1: I almost vomited from the smell. I saved absolutely nothing

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Speaker 1: from the fridge. I filled too large trash bags up

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Speaker 1: with contents containers and all. I don't think anything was

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Speaker 1: safe in there, and it wasn't worth taking the chance.

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Speaker 1: There's still a lot more to do, but I took

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Speaker 1: care of the most disgusting parts. I'm yeah. Amy Dean

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Speaker 1: says she was too paralyzed to clean, overwhelmed by the clutter,

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Speaker 1: exactly what I'm thinking of. It's like when you are

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Speaker 1: in that state, like mental health wise, you see this

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Speaker 1: just terrible monstrosity and you're like, I don't even know

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Speaker 1: where to start, so I can't. I'm not even gonna

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Speaker 1: do anything because I just don't. It's too it's too much.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Have you ever watched Hoarders?

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Speaker 3: Uh?

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Speaker 2: I feel like you probably haven't because it's your nightmare.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: No, I've seen like clips on TikTok.

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Speaker 3: It's all yeah, it's I mean psychologically, it's like, you know,

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Speaker 3: it's crazy. It's like if it were as easy as

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Speaker 3: you just being like, well don't you want to clean

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Speaker 3: this up and them just being like yeah, like they

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Speaker 3: wouldn't ever be a problem.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's like so nonsensical in their own heads.

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Speaker 3: It's like that keeps them from, you know, from not

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Speaker 3: being able to pick up after the stuff or clean.

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Speaker 1: It's like she came home and didn't expect me to

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Speaker 1: be there. She came home with a shopping bag. She

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Speaker 1: had gone shopping. Despite the horde of stuff inside the house.

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Speaker 1: I told her I cleaned up the bathroom and the

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Speaker 1: kitchen and that we're going to work together all weekend

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Speaker 1: to clean the rest of it. She hugged me and

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Speaker 1: seemed all thankful, and I told her, it's not that simple.

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Speaker 1: I'm still pissed off, and I still don't understand how

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Speaker 1: this happened. She said she didn't understand how it happened either.

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Speaker 1: She just got overwhelmed. She was mad that I threw

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Speaker 1: some of the stuff in the fridge away. She wanted

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Speaker 1: to save the casserole dishes. One was her grandma's. Well,

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Speaker 1: I never want to eat out of that dish again.

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Speaker 1: She went and saved it from the trash. I told

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Speaker 1: her I threw them up. I threw more stuff away

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Speaker 1: and tried to save what seems salvagible in the bathroom.

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Speaker 1: I also let her know that if she doesn't help

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Speaker 1: me clean this weekend, then I'm going to be throwing

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Speaker 1: all of the stuff she's accumulated in the living room

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Speaker 1: away too. She said she's gonna help, I'll obviously have

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Speaker 1: to tell her exactly what tasks to do, and I

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Speaker 1: shouldn't have to do that. I've accepted that I'll have

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Speaker 1: to do it to get the place clean this weekend

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Speaker 1: long term, that's not what I signed up for when

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Speaker 1: I married her. Am I going to have to get

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Speaker 1: a chort chart? Like she's a little kid. I told her,

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Speaker 1: maybe we need to get a cleaning service to come in.

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Speaker 1: I don't feel we need we should need to people

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Speaker 1: to come in and clean our house for us, and

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Speaker 1: I would prefer to spend my money on other things.

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Speaker 1: But I still offered to do it for her sake.

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Speaker 1: She was adamantly against it and doesn't want any cleaners

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Speaker 1: coming into her space. She says it feels too weird

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Speaker 1: to have somebody come in and clean. I asked her

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Speaker 1: what was wrong. Maybe she needs therapy or to get

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Speaker 1: professional help. She said she knows she should probably go

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Speaker 1: get help, but she's not ready to do that, and

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Speaker 1: she can stay on top of things if we just

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Speaker 1: get it back to a clean state. She said she's fine,

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Speaker 1: and she just got overwhelmed with work and felt so tired,

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Speaker 1: and it was easy to let things go when she

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Speaker 1: was the only one here. She says, now that I'm back,

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Speaker 1: it won't happen. I'll believe it when I see it.

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Speaker 1: And there are some comments, uh, to finish this story off.

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Speaker 1: But I don't. I think that's too I think I

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Speaker 1: don't want to say she's lying to you. I don't

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Speaker 1: think that she thinks she's lying to you. But I

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Speaker 1: think that she doesn't quite understand or is unwilling to,

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Speaker 1: you know, reckon with like what's going on with her right.

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Speaker 3: It's like somebody has cancer and they're like, I'll just

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Speaker 3: get chemo if it gets worse. It's like, well, I

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Speaker 3: address the root of the problem because that came from somewhere.

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Speaker 3: The house getting destroyed in six months game from something.

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Speaker 2: Likes to be aware of it.

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Speaker 1: Yike, And you haven't solved anything by cleaning the house

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Speaker 1: that that stuff is still there in you. You've just

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Speaker 1: cleaned the house. But there are some comments. Spacer Cat says,

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Speaker 1: your wife is a hoarder. This is a mental illness.

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Speaker 1: She needs professional help. Seventy pirates baking dishes is not

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Speaker 1: a collection, it's a regular use and obsession. She needs

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Speaker 1: professional help. Whether you stay with her or not. No inspection,

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Speaker 1: says Yep, this is bigger than depression. Something has flipped,

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Speaker 1: does switch. She's in horder territory. Spinner of Yarn says

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Speaker 1: her coming home with bags of things when the house

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Speaker 1: was this nasty really does make it sound like she

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Speaker 1: needs therapy, because this really does sound like hoarding hope,

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Speaker 1: he says. She argued that it was just a few

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Speaker 1: little things, and they were little things, but still she

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Speaker 1: doesn't need to bring anything else into the house until

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Speaker 1: what she has is organized, and that is the end

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Speaker 1: of that story. But I really hope that she gets help.

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Speaker 3: I'm going to my doctor's appointments without my husband.

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Speaker 1: His family got upset. I want to go to your

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Speaker 1: doctor's appointments.

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Speaker 2: I hate I'm boasting this, but here I am.

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Speaker 3: I forty seven female have been diagnosed with stage two

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Speaker 3: A breastkcter. I got my diagnosis in September. Since then,

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Speaker 3: I have been at every appointment by myself. By the way,

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Speaker 3: this comes from user Okay cod two thousand and one,

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Speaker 3: and if you want us to be your own stories,

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Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay storytime subpred it. So

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Speaker 3: my husband has not been at one appointment with me.

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Speaker 3: We have been together for thirty one years, and I

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Speaker 3: have been at every appointment he has had. Tonight, we

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Speaker 3: got into an argument because I'm not feeling spicy going

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Speaker 3: through what I am going through. The argument tonight is

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Speaker 3: that he wants to be taken care of. Today was

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Speaker 3: a bad day mentally because I had to shave my

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Speaker 3: head because the chemo was making my hair fall out.

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Speaker 3: Seeing myself with a bald head hurt me deeply. Since

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Speaker 3: I've been going through this, my husband cares more about

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Speaker 3: his own spicy needs over my mental, emotional and physical health.

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Speaker 3: What made me snap tonight was him telling me that

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Speaker 3: if I don't take care of him tonight, he won't

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Speaker 3: go to any of my appointments with me from here

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Speaker 3: on out. I saw red because you haven't been to

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Speaker 3: any and the fact that you would threaten me with

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Speaker 3: that while I'm going through.

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Speaker 1: This is sick and selfish.

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Speaker 3: I told him I don't need him at any of

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Speaker 3: my appointments and I can do this alone.

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Speaker 2: Of course, the fool called his mom and told her

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Speaker 2: what I said.

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Speaker 3: She called me and told me I was wrong because

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Speaker 3: he is stressing about my diagnosis as well. The only

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Speaker 3: reason I feel I maybe was wrong is because my

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Speaker 3: mother in law called me. I have a wonderful relationship

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Speaker 3: with her and I respect her.

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Speaker 2: Was I wrong? I know he didn't tell her everything.

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Speaker 2: Small update.

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Speaker 3: I went to his mom's house to have a talk

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Speaker 3: with her, and when I got there, his uncle, who

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Speaker 3: he admires and is also scared of. Okay, was there

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Speaker 3: for a man in his seventies, He's strong willed and

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Speaker 3: doesn't take crap from anyone. I told both of them

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Speaker 3: what has been going on. Apparently he has been telling

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Speaker 3: his mom he goes to my appointments. He also told

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Speaker 3: her I snapped at him because I was upset about

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Speaker 3: cutting my hair. The look on his uncle's face was priceless.

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Speaker 3: I think if my husband was there, he might have

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Speaker 3: put his hands on him. He can only hope. Anyway,

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Speaker 3: they both were upset, and his uncle said he was

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Speaker 3: a disgusting human being. He said if this was back

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Speaker 3: in the day, he would take him out to the

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Speaker 3: shed and rectify this situation. His mom called him and

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Speaker 3: told him that she needed him to come to her

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Speaker 3: house after work to fix her sink. He doesn't no,

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Speaker 3: I went there and told her anything. His mom apologized

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Speaker 3: to me and said she would have never called me

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Speaker 3: if she knew what was really going on. I have

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Speaker 3: chemo therapy tomorrow, and she said she's going with me.

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Speaker 3: I think I'm gonna be there when he comes and

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Speaker 3: sit back in the corner sipping a cup of tea

285
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Speaker 3: and watch the show. As far as people saying he's

286
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Speaker 3: going to cheat or already has been cheating, it's cool.

287
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Speaker 3: He can be their problem. I need his insurance for

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Speaker 3: my treatments. I'm also going to talk to my children

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Speaker 3: and let them know what's going on. Side note, my

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Speaker 3: mother in law wants me to learn to crochet so

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Speaker 3: I can take my mind off things. I think I

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Speaker 3: will give it a try. I mean, do you have

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Speaker 3: an update? Yeah, this is like I look through you

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Speaker 3: for the rest of my life, Like I'm like, what

295
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Speaker 3: is this empty void?

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Speaker 2: Speaking in my general direction.

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Speaker 1: That's what that feels like. That's what her response feels like.

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Speaker 1: It feels like, yeah, I would do that. I tell

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Speaker 1: his family and honestly, I don't care like I need

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Speaker 1: his insurance. I don't whoever he wants. I need his

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Speaker 1: marriage to get me insurance so that I can get

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Speaker 1: through this freaking die you know, terrible diagnosis. Um, then

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Speaker 1: you know, he doesn't really exist.

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Speaker 3: To me, like I would get a neurallink just to

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Speaker 3: have it built so that like that guy he just

306
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:05,440
Speaker 3: scrubbed out, I cannot physically perceive no, just like A

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00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:08,280
Speaker 3: what there's like a shimmery space in front of me.

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Speaker 2: It's like a it's so weird. Yeah, but let's get

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Speaker 2: into this update.

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Speaker 3: Well, I will let everyone know what's going on, but

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Speaker 3: first I'm gonna address some things.

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Speaker 2: One person made a comment about our age.

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Speaker 3: I'm forty seven, my husband is fifty one, and his

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Speaker 3: mom is sixty nine. She is very active and healthy.

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Speaker 3: I did not appreciate people calling her old and decrepit.

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00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,960
Speaker 3: If my husband cheats or is cheating, I really don't care.

317
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Speaker 3: I have bigger fish to fry than worrying about who's

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Speaker 3: getting his willie wet. My husband has never treated me

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Speaker 3: this way before. I am not in a harmful relationship.

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Speaker 3: I was not going to go into full detail with

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Speaker 3: my children now onto what has happened. I was upstairs

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Speaker 3: at his mom's house resting, so when he got here,

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Speaker 3: he didn't know I was still there. When he came in,

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00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,600
Speaker 3: his mom told him to sit down, and then she

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Speaker 3: called me down the look on his face was priceless.

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Speaker 2: He was not expecting me.

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Speaker 3: His mom asked him to tell the truth about why

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Speaker 3: I told him I didn't want him at my appointments.

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Speaker 3: He was really shocked when his uncle walked in the

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Speaker 3: room and asked him the same thing. He turned red

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Speaker 3: as a tomato. He admitted the truth about everything. His

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Speaker 3: reasoning was because I was still doing things like nothing

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Speaker 3: was wrong with me. He didn't think I was that sick.

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Speaker 3: Little does the idiot know I rest in sleep when

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Speaker 3: he is at work. He said he knew he effed

336
00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:25,240
Speaker 3: up when he said the threat, but he didn't know

337
00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:27,120
Speaker 3: how to take it back. He was expecting me to

338
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Speaker 3: react the way I did.

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Speaker 1: He said he.

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Speaker 3: Called his mom to get her to talk to me

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Speaker 3: because he knows we're close and he figured she could

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Speaker 3: calm me down so we could talk. He admitted that

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Speaker 3: he's scared of losing me, and I'm always the strong

344
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,480
Speaker 3: one and he is not used to me not being strong.

345
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Speaker 3: He thought I was okay and just taking the medicine.

346
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:46,040
Speaker 3: He claims he wanted to do something because he wanted

347
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:49,520
Speaker 3: me to still feel hot without my hair before getting

348
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Speaker 3: diagnosed with caller. Yes, I was a very spicy person.

349
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Speaker 3: I did love it. I have never told him no.

350
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Speaker 3: He turned to look at me to tell me sorry.

351
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Speaker 3: But this is when the uncle stepped in. He went

352
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Speaker 3: off on my husband so bad and said some things

353
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Speaker 3: I don't think I can put here, but at the

354
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Speaker 3: end he had my husband in tears.

355
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Speaker 2: His uncle has made some decisions for us.

356
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Speaker 3: One thing is we will be temporarily staying with my

357
00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:13,760
Speaker 3: mother in law so she can be there.

358
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Speaker 2: To take care of me and go to my appointments.

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Speaker 3: Also, his uncle told him he will take a leave

360
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Speaker 3: of absence from his job so he can take care

361
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Speaker 3: of me. Finances are not an issue for us, so

362
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Speaker 3: he can take off. His uncle told him I am

363
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:27,360
Speaker 3: the priority. He did apologize to me, and I let

364
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Speaker 3: him know that I was thinking about a divorce. I

365
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:32,040
Speaker 3: also showed him my post. Ben said cheating on me

366
00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:34,200
Speaker 3: was never an option for him. I told him that

367
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Speaker 3: he broke my trust and I don't know when or

368
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Speaker 3: if I could forgive him. Yet he promised to earn

369
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Speaker 3: my trust back. On a funny note, his mom and

370
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,560
Speaker 3: uncle both told him if we get divorced, I get

371
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Speaker 3: both of them. Hell well, I know this doesn't fix everything,

372
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:49,600
Speaker 3: but it is a start. How far this goes is

373
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Speaker 3: on him. He put a big crack in our marriage.

374
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Speaker 3: Only he can fix it. I let him know if

375
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Speaker 3: he can't be there for me, then I'd rather be alone,

376
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Speaker 3: and I had no issue walking away. When I told

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Speaker 3: him this, his mom said, not without us.

378
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Speaker 2: I love her.

379
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:02,360
Speaker 1: She's nice.

380
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Speaker 2: There's a second update.

381
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Speaker 1: Let's get into it.

382
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,760
Speaker 3: It has been a while and I had so much

383
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:09,040
Speaker 3: going on that I forgot about this post. The first

384
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:11,560
Speaker 3: thing I want to talk about is my care. I

385
00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:14,720
Speaker 3: have six chemo therapy treatments left. I am no longer

386
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,080
Speaker 3: on the hard chemo medication that made me feel awful.

387
00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:20,000
Speaker 3: The one I'm on now does not make me feel

388
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Speaker 3: so bad. After my last treatment, I have to wait

389
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,440
Speaker 3: four weeks and then I can get surgery. I wanted

390
00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:27,600
Speaker 3: to be cancer free by my birthday, but it will

391
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:30,399
Speaker 3: be after, so that sucks a little. I'm also not

392
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:32,920
Speaker 3: sure if I have to do radiation after the surgery,

393
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:35,359
Speaker 3: but I'm keeping my prayers up that I won't have to.

394
00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:38,040
Speaker 3: As for my husband, for a while, it was like

395
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,280
Speaker 3: living with a roommate. He's been to some of my

396
00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:43,520
Speaker 3: chemotherapy treatments when he can get off and the times

397
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,240
Speaker 3: he can't, his mom is there with me. To be honest,

398
00:17:46,359 --> 00:17:48,200
Speaker 3: I like when his mom is there with me more,

399
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:51,200
Speaker 3: and that is because she is there as a mom.

400
00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:54,160
Speaker 3: She treats me like her child. She gives me comfort

401
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,960
Speaker 3: that I need as a mother figure. My mom passed

402
00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,119
Speaker 3: away seven years ago, so she's given me the comfort

403
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,480
Speaker 3: I wish I could could get from my mom. I've

404
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,520
Speaker 3: been crocheting when I am not sleeping at chemo for

405
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:08,000
Speaker 3: my doctor appointments. My husband is there and understands for better.

406
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:11,600
Speaker 3: Now we are somewhat better, but not all the way there,

407
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:15,120
Speaker 3: but it is a work in progress. Just search okay,

408
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:18,800
Speaker 3: storytime the name of the show, and go crazy. Just

409
00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,439
Speaker 3: lose your mind on it, really quick question.

410
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,320
Speaker 1: They said they were married for thirty one years, right,

411
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Speaker 1: and she's forty seven.

412
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:29,480
Speaker 3: I guess they got married young. His mom was also

413
00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:30,240
Speaker 3: really young.

414
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:33,960
Speaker 1: Dang man. I mean, like when you're sixteen, you still

415
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,560
Speaker 1: rely on your parents and then you just go from

416
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:39,639
Speaker 1: the You're like okay, well now you're wow. Good. No,

417
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,239
Speaker 1: they can't. That would be insane if they got there.

418
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Speaker 3: Two back to back nightmare scenarios for Sophia getting married

419
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Speaker 3: at sixteen and having a hoarder house.

420
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Speaker 2: Yeah that be Monday.

421
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:53,080
Speaker 1: Wow.

422
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:56,040
Speaker 3: Okay, so we have a little more story left. Yeah,

423
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:58,960
Speaker 3: let's finish it off. So Also, his uncle is still

424
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,480
Speaker 3: the champ in my eyes. He checks on me and

425
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:04,280
Speaker 3: always sends me some kind of treat. The man makes

426
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:07,840
Speaker 3: a dang good carrot cake. I am still here. I

427
00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:10,400
Speaker 3: am still fighting. This is a war that I'm going

428
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:13,840
Speaker 3: to win. It is too many soldiers in this car fight,

429
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:16,600
Speaker 3: and I am not alone. I thank everyone for their

430
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,000
Speaker 3: caring words. In my last post, I laughed at some

431
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:21,800
Speaker 3: of the comments about my husband and his uncle. Side note,

432
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:24,280
Speaker 3: can anyone recommend some good products to use for when

433
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:26,280
Speaker 3: my hair starts to grow back. It's coming in a

434
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:28,800
Speaker 3: little bit, but I am going to keep cutting my

435
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:31,639
Speaker 3: hair until I finish my treatments. I don't really have

436
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:34,000
Speaker 3: any advice for that. But no, what's crazy is sometimes

437
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,200
Speaker 3: it'll grow back completely different.

438
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,760
Speaker 1: Yeah. We had another family friend, close family friend, who

439
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:41,720
Speaker 1: had breast car and she went from having very straight

440
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:46,000
Speaker 1: hair too very curly hair. Yeah. I remarried my ex husband,

441
00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:48,560
Speaker 1: but I think I made a mistake. Get him back.

442
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:52,480
Speaker 1: Trigger warning mentions of substance use and abuse and stalking

443
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:55,360
Speaker 1: in our early twenties, I met and married my husband.

444
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:57,840
Speaker 1: We were happy and I was madly in love for

445
00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:00,880
Speaker 1: two years. I did not know. I I was young

446
00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:03,920
Speaker 1: and raised Catholic in a tiny southern town. I did

447
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:08,280
Speaker 1: not know that he had become to four substances. He

448
00:20:08,359 --> 00:20:11,200
Speaker 1: hid it fairly well until the third year of our marriage,

449
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,240
Speaker 1: and I was not seeing the red flags that I

450
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,600
Speaker 1: should have seen. By the way, this comes from old

451
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,439
Speaker 1: Lady through one one on the Dusty Thunder subreddit, and

452
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:20,399
Speaker 1: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

453
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:23,760
Speaker 1: the r slash okay. Storytime separated it so by year

454
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:26,240
Speaker 1: four it was a crap show, and by year five

455
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:30,520
Speaker 1: it became so emotionally harmful and consuming his entire life

456
00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:33,159
Speaker 1: that I left. He stalked me, and with the use

457
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:35,639
Speaker 1: of women's advocates, I was able to divorce him and

458
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:38,600
Speaker 1: get out of the situation. I remarried after three years

459
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:42,280
Speaker 1: to a really nice guy. I completed two master's degrees,

460
00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:46,520
Speaker 1: and life was good until the new husband basically became

461
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:50,439
Speaker 1: a roommate that I was supporting financially. He was completely emotionally,

462
00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:54,480
Speaker 1: physically and intellectually distant and gone. By about year five

463
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:58,080
Speaker 1: or six. We were together for a total of ten years.

464
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:01,080
Speaker 1: I had several conversations with him about how he was

465
00:21:01,119 --> 00:21:04,800
Speaker 1: removed from our marriage, and he refused to actually attend

466
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:09,280
Speaker 1: any counseling or seek any medical help. So eventually I

467
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:12,080
Speaker 1: had had enough with that said, I moved from the

468
00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:14,800
Speaker 1: small town to a bigger city about an hour away.

469
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:18,359
Speaker 1: Here's the puncher. I was only able to do that

470
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:20,560
Speaker 1: as quick as I did because I had arranged to

471
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:23,160
Speaker 1: move into my former sister in law's house. She knew

472
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,240
Speaker 1: the way her brother had treated me back in the day,

473
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:28,280
Speaker 1: so all this was done completely on the down low.

474
00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:31,000
Speaker 1: She changed all the locks in the house for added caution,

475
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:34,040
Speaker 1: told no one, not even her parents. I think your

476
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:36,480
Speaker 1: relationship with her brother was just toxic enough to be

477
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:39,240
Speaker 1: the mental strength she needed to be the support system

478
00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:43,320
Speaker 1: for me. More on that later. Again. Fast forward about

479
00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:47,080
Speaker 1: two years, so eventually it was known that Leah and

480
00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:50,119
Speaker 1: I were roommates. The cat was out of bag. My

481
00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:53,679
Speaker 1: ex we'll call him, Kevin, asked Leah to I don't know,

482
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:56,880
Speaker 1: give me a letter or a message or something. She refused.

483
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,199
Speaker 1: She told me about this so I'd be aware of

484
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:02,840
Speaker 1: the situation. He ended up mailing me to the letter.

485
00:22:03,359 --> 00:22:06,360
Speaker 1: I read it and confirmed with Lea that indeed he

486
00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:09,400
Speaker 1: was not only clean and sober, but had been from

487
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:11,960
Speaker 1: just shortly after I had left him. He just wanted

488
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:13,920
Speaker 1: to meet so we could put our pass behind us

489
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:17,200
Speaker 1: and move on. We did just that. Everything was cool

490
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,400
Speaker 1: for a year or two. Family events at our house

491
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:22,600
Speaker 1: all went very cordial and loving. So, being a big girl,

492
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:24,880
Speaker 1: I decided that I had saved enough money to buy

493
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,359
Speaker 1: my own house. I found one I love, but it

494
00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:31,800
Speaker 1: was shall we say, dated, and since Kevin was and

495
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:34,199
Speaker 1: is a builder, I eventually had him come look at

496
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:36,800
Speaker 1: it with me to see if this wall could be removed,

497
00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:39,360
Speaker 1: and this and that change could be made and so on.

498
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:42,000
Speaker 1: In short, he said, yeah, all that can be done.

499
00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:44,320
Speaker 1: I asked if he could give me an estimate, and

500
00:22:44,359 --> 00:22:47,600
Speaker 1: he did. I bought the house and proceeded on with renovations.

501
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:51,040
Speaker 1: Over the course of that several month process, Kevin was

502
00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:54,639
Speaker 1: very respectful and kind, and at the end asked me

503
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:57,720
Speaker 1: out on a date. I went. After a year or so,

504
00:22:57,760 --> 00:22:59,840
Speaker 1: we got tired of going back and forth between his

505
00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:03,040
Speaker 1: house in mine, and with my career, we decided to

506
00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:07,679
Speaker 1: move into my house. We lived together for literally ten years,

507
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:11,119
Speaker 1: no issues outher than the normal arguments that couples get into,

508
00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:13,560
Speaker 1: and at this point, I'm a hound dog when it

509
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:16,600
Speaker 1: comes to red flags. The only red flag I saw

510
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:19,320
Speaker 1: was when we were just dating. I asked why he

511
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:22,600
Speaker 1: and his sister Leah had such a rocky relationship, and

512
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:28,280
Speaker 1: he said, because she was attracted the same gender. I'm sorry,

513
00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:30,840
Speaker 1: your your husband just or your partner just told you

514
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:35,320
Speaker 1: that he's bobic of the homes and you said, that's chill.

515
00:23:35,359 --> 00:23:37,680
Speaker 1: I guess why are you cool with that? I didn't

516
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:39,520
Speaker 1: tell him that was a deal breaker for me because

517
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:42,000
Speaker 1: I'd rather try to help the relationship than focus on

518
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:44,240
Speaker 1: my own because at this point I didn't have a

519
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:46,320
Speaker 1: pony in the race. So what I did say was,

520
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:49,720
Speaker 1: that's your sister. You either love her or you don't, period,

521
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:52,159
Speaker 1: full stop. It is that black and white. So you

522
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:53,960
Speaker 1: need to think on that and either love ol of

523
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,359
Speaker 1: her or none of her, because when it comes to

524
00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:58,560
Speaker 1: loving someone, we don't get a pick and choose what

525
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,159
Speaker 1: parts of them we love. Again, at this point, we

526
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:04,360
Speaker 1: were just dating more casually than seriously. No, that's insane,

527
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,480
Speaker 1: OPI just said. I didn't tell him that was a

528
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:10,200
Speaker 1: deal breaker. It's not a deal breaker if you stayed

529
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:10,600
Speaker 1: with him.

530
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:14,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're teen accepting it at that point, you're dating him.

531
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:17,320
Speaker 1: That's crazy. You said you were a hound dog. Red flags.

532
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:19,880
Speaker 1: That's a red flag, a big one.

533
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:22,680
Speaker 4: And you've completely out disrespected the person that took you in.

534
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:27,320
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, a close friend. I distanced myself and watched

535
00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:29,879
Speaker 1: what happened. It ended up that Leah said to me,

536
00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:32,720
Speaker 1: thank you. My brother came to my house and we

537
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:34,320
Speaker 1: talked and he had never meant to hurt me in

538
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:36,359
Speaker 1: all that, et cetera, et cetera, And she said, I

539
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:39,040
Speaker 1: don't think that would have ever happened without you. Any Who,

540
00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:42,840
Speaker 1: I digress. Sorry, As I sit here, I can summarize

541
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:45,919
Speaker 1: the past twelve years. We lived together for ten years

542
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:48,560
Speaker 1: and eight months. I was coming into a substantial amount

543
00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:51,919
Speaker 1: of money. My tax advisor told me, being a single, solid,

544
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:55,320
Speaker 1: middle class, childless female would eat about half that money

545
00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:58,600
Speaker 1: up in taxes. So I conferred with Kevin and we

546
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:01,000
Speaker 1: decided to get married as a formality to keep that

547
00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:08,680
Speaker 1: from happening. Opee w. Also, your tax advisor told you that,

548
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:10,720
Speaker 1: I mean, that may be true, but like that's kind

549
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:12,480
Speaker 1: of a weird thing to be. Like, Yeah, because you're

550
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:16,439
Speaker 1: single and you don't have kids, suxis. I mean, if

551
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:19,639
Speaker 1: you had kids, you'd also be paying a crazy amount

552
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:20,600
Speaker 1: of money on the kids.

553
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,280
Speaker 4: So I feel like it's not that much of a

554
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:26,159
Speaker 4: tax break to be married, to be worth no.

555
00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:30,919
Speaker 1: Just being like, let's do it taxes. Literally months after that,

556
00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:34,760
Speaker 1: he becomes controlling, manipulative game player and that's why I'm

557
00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:37,000
Speaker 1: on Reddit. I don't know. It's like before the ink

558
00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:41,800
Speaker 1: was tried. He's become this passive, aggressive, entitled bully. So one,

559
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:44,520
Speaker 1: how do I get out of this? And to what

560
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:47,600
Speaker 1: the f current situation? He's been gone ten days after

561
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:49,800
Speaker 1: giving me the silent treatment for the two days before

562
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:52,879
Speaker 1: he left because I'm unwilling to be involved with his family.

563
00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:55,600
Speaker 1: When I questioned what he meant by that, he literally said,

564
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,719
Speaker 1: you haven't even been to my family's Thanksgiving for the

565
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:03,280
Speaker 1: past two three four years. I replied, Kevin, I made

566
00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:06,119
Speaker 1: the turkey dressing in gravy every year for the past decade.

567
00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:08,639
Speaker 1: What are you talking about? Kevin says, you know what

568
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:12,600
Speaker 1: I mean, going out of town after Thanksgiving me because

569
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:15,280
Speaker 1: I had to work. Kevin, Look, you couldn't have gotten

570
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:19,080
Speaker 1: out of that. I'm a primary care provider, add ons

571
00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:22,560
Speaker 1: our finances have always been one hundred percent separate, always

572
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:25,280
Speaker 1: into this day. I have paid for everything basically since

573
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:28,800
Speaker 1: day one of moving in together. Vacations, utilities, insurance and

574
00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:32,760
Speaker 1: home good food appliances, whatever I can easily afford that

575
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:36,439
Speaker 1: he paid. Slash pays for his toys, car, truck, and

576
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:39,280
Speaker 1: upkeep insurance on those. I did that so he'd have

577
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:42,480
Speaker 1: no claim on me financially. He's a complainer just since

578
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:44,600
Speaker 1: we married, though, and I tend to let people vent,

579
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:46,680
Speaker 1: and sometimes when it goes on and on, I tend

580
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:50,000
Speaker 1: to just block the noise. That's my bad. But as

581
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:52,879
Speaker 1: an example or two, if he mows the grass and

582
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:55,280
Speaker 1: I come in from work after darkbind you. If I

583
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:58,879
Speaker 1: don't say immediately, omgee, you mowed the grass. Thanks so much,

584
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:01,600
Speaker 1: he gets asid aggressive and says things like.

585
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:05,360
Speaker 5: You don't even appreciate anything. Do you ever notice anything?

586
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:08,520
Speaker 5: A little appreciation would be nice. On the other hand,

587
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,000
Speaker 5: let's say I spend my day off cleaning the house

588
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:14,119
Speaker 5: top to bottom. He literally did this, maybe five days

589
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:17,440
Speaker 5: before this current silent absent from home thing he's doing.

590
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:20,160
Speaker 5: He came in from work ate dinner. We were making

591
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:22,680
Speaker 5: small talk about our day and then said you could

592
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:25,120
Speaker 5: have at least dusted better. But there is a little

593
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:27,880
Speaker 5: bit left to this story. Do you have any thoughts?

594
00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:34,040
Speaker 4: Well, if it's your house, yeah, can you at least

595
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:38,960
Speaker 4: go he's been gone to day's changing locks.

596
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:42,159
Speaker 1: I said to taxes cannot be worth it. It's not

597
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:45,040
Speaker 1: worth it. I can't. They just can't be. He's just

598
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:48,000
Speaker 1: gonna keep getting worse, so much worse. I mean, OK,

599
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:52,119
Speaker 1: you've already gone through this with this guy with this

600
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:56,359
Speaker 1: anxiety sigh. Yeah. Wait, I mean, like you're in this

601
00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:58,879
Speaker 1: relationship for ten years, just get married. He's showing the

602
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:01,720
Speaker 1: same traits. I mean, fortunately, it doesn't seem like you've

603
00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:04,399
Speaker 1: mentioned like the substance abuse again. But you know, it

604
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:07,439
Speaker 1: seems like that wasn't what was causing him to be

605
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:12,600
Speaker 1: that way. He's just not a good partner person. Yikes. Uh,

606
00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:14,199
Speaker 1: there is a little bit left to the story. But

607
00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 1: my advice for you is to leave him. Divorce divorce

608
00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:20,479
Speaker 1: source Before a while before this, he had been on

609
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:22,840
Speaker 1: a job maybe four hours away from home for about

610
00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 1: a week. The first thing he said when he came

611
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:27,160
Speaker 1: home was can you not even get a new roll

612
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:29,560
Speaker 1: of paper towels? I said, I didn't notice the role

613
00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:32,040
Speaker 1: was empty. I don't really use them. His reply, it's

614
00:28:32,119 --> 00:28:35,480
Speaker 1: not empty, but the same three paper towels are on

615
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:36,840
Speaker 1: the role since I've been gone.

616
00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:41,800
Speaker 5: Huh, He's like, you don't use them, use them, and

617
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:42,920
Speaker 5: I'm not about it?

618
00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:45,280
Speaker 1: Like was that a test? Did he count paper towels

619
00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 1: to I don't know see how many I use or

620
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:50,440
Speaker 1: what or to what end? I know I'm being gas lit,

621
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:52,560
Speaker 1: But how do I just ask for divorce? So maybe

622
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:55,440
Speaker 1: it'll be nice again? Girl? Leave him, change the locks,

623
00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:58,360
Speaker 1: asking the divorce, and leave him. I know this was

624
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,000
Speaker 1: long and you probably won't even read it, but I'm

625
00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:04,000
Speaker 1: kind of at a loss. Can someone fake their personality

626
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,320
Speaker 1: for over a decade until they finally get what they want?

627
00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:08,320
Speaker 1: Maybe that should have been the title. I don't think

628
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:13,640
Speaker 1: he faked his personality. I think he just manipulated really well. Unfortunately.

629
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:16,200
Speaker 1: I think he showed you who he was years ago,

630
00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 1: and then you left him, and then you got back

631
00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:22,320
Speaker 1: together with him. He tricked you, and then he showed

632
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:24,080
Speaker 1: you who he was again, but you already k who

633
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:24,400
Speaker 1: he was.

634
00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:28,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, weirdly know, it's not your fault for getting into this,

635
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:31,160
Speaker 4: but now that you've seen it, it's time to leave.

636
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:32,760
Speaker 1: Absolutely Sam Here.

637
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:33,959
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to the stories.

638
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:36,920
Speaker 1: But here's three of its bads from our sponsors. My

639
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:40,240
Speaker 1: husband's first love reached out and wants to reconnect with him.

640
00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:43,800
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry it's too late, tigger warning mentions of

641
00:29:43,800 --> 00:29:47,560
Speaker 1: emotional I twenty seven female have been with my husband

642
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:51,960
Speaker 1: twenty seven male for almost eight years, married for three

643
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:57,560
Speaker 1: wow nineteen. Let's call him Liam. Prior to our relationship,

644
00:29:57,600 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 1: Liam was with Danielle twenty eight female. All soick name.

645
00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:03,960
Speaker 1: Liam and Danielle met in high school and were extremely

646
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:07,400
Speaker 1: close friends before they decided to start dating. They dated

647
00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:09,440
Speaker 1: from the end of their senior year of high school

648
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 1: to the end of their freshman year of college. By

649
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:14,440
Speaker 1: the way, this comes from concern wife twenty seven and

650
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:16,040
Speaker 1: if you want to spit your own stories, go to

651
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:19,680
Speaker 1: the r slash Oaky Storytime subpared it so. They were

652
00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:22,520
Speaker 1: a lot of first for each other, including spicy sleep

653
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:25,360
Speaker 1: for the first time. According to Liam, Danielle was the

654
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:28,320
Speaker 1: first girl he was ever truly in love with. He

655
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:30,880
Speaker 1: did anything for her, including driving over two and a

656
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:34,200
Speaker 1: half hours to and from his college to her college

657
00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:37,120
Speaker 1: every weekend their freshman year. They went to schools in

658
00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:40,200
Speaker 1: different states so they could spend time together. Things started

659
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:42,239
Speaker 1: to change for them during the later parts of their

660
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:45,720
Speaker 1: freshman year of college after Danielle got heavily involved with

661
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:48,840
Speaker 1: a religious group on her campus. According to Liam, she

662
00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:52,440
Speaker 1: got very manipulative and emotionally harmful. She had these new

663
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:54,720
Speaker 1: ideas in her head of who she was wanting him

664
00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:58,120
Speaker 1: to be and wanting to save him. He tried going

665
00:30:58,120 --> 00:30:59,920
Speaker 1: to church with her and doing the things she wanted

666
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:04,200
Speaker 1: him to do, but it eventually led to him becoming confused, upset,

667
00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:08,480
Speaker 1: and ultimately resentful, which led to them ending things in

668
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:11,320
Speaker 1: a crash and burned type of way. Fast forward, several

669
00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:14,920
Speaker 1: months after they broke up, Liam meets me. We started

670
00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:17,120
Speaker 1: casually dating at first, since he still had a lot

671
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:19,640
Speaker 1: of trauma and large amounts of trust issues that remain

672
00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:23,520
Speaker 1: from his relationship with Danielle. After about five months, he

673
00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:26,760
Speaker 1: felt like he was ready for something serious again. Three

674
00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:31,080
Speaker 1: and a half years later, we're engaged. Dang wow. Another

675
00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:34,479
Speaker 1: year goes by, We're married. Almost three years later, we

676
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:37,720
Speaker 1: are here today. Throughout all of this time, Liam has

677
00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:42,600
Speaker 1: not heard from Danielle once. Also, during this time, Danielle

678
00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:45,720
Speaker 1: has met someone new, gotten married as well and currently

679
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:49,560
Speaker 1: has a young child. Day Wow flashed to a week

680
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:51,680
Speaker 1: and a half ago. Liam and I just moved to

681
00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:54,640
Speaker 1: a new house closer to our hometowns and posted about

682
00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:57,920
Speaker 1: the move on social media. After seeing the post, Danielle

683
00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:01,280
Speaker 1: decides to message Liam, congratulate us on the new place

684
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:04,840
Speaker 1: and hoping that all is well. Nothing too crazy, but

685
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:08,440
Speaker 1: not something that he was expecting. They began briefly conversing

686
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:12,280
Speaker 1: about house things, moving, renovations, et cetera. Liam tells me

687
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:14,320
Speaker 1: she reached out to him, and I find this a

688
00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:17,400
Speaker 1: bit odd, but nothing to worry about. A couple of

689
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:20,320
Speaker 1: days later, Liam sits me down to ask me something

690
00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:23,720
Speaker 1: and for me to not freak out. It's perfect. I

691
00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:27,120
Speaker 1: of course begin freaking out. Yeah, I probably would too,

692
00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:31,400
Speaker 1: start to freak out. Apparently, Danielle had continued to message

693
00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:36,040
Speaker 1: him after their brief conversation and eventually sent him a

694
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 1: long post letting him know that there are some things

695
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:41,040
Speaker 1: she wants to get out in the open. Wants to

696
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:44,080
Speaker 1: deeply apologize for the way she treated him towards the

697
00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:47,080
Speaker 1: end of the relationship, and wants to do all of

698
00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:49,920
Speaker 1: this in person with him. He asks me my opinion

699
00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:52,640
Speaker 1: on this and I'm definitely concerned as to why, after

700
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:55,400
Speaker 1: all this time, this is something she feels the need

701
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:58,280
Speaker 1: to do, and also why the need for this to

702
00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:01,440
Speaker 1: be in person. Ascussing this with a friend who had

703
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:04,320
Speaker 1: a similar thing happened to her and afterwards the ex

704
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:08,080
Speaker 1: left them alone. I ultimately agreed, hoping that the same

705
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:11,520
Speaker 1: scenario would play out with us. Boy was I wrong.

706
00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:14,920
Speaker 1: Liam and Danielle decide to meet at a coffee shop

707
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:18,320
Speaker 1: in a town about halfway between where we live and

708
00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:20,400
Speaker 1: where she and her husband live. For Liam, it was

709
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:24,280
Speaker 1: about an hour drive. This meeting took place this past Saturday.

710
00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:27,120
Speaker 1: At first, I asked to come with and just sit

711
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:30,240
Speaker 1: in the car while they talked, since I anticipated it

712
00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:34,160
Speaker 1: being a short but awkward conversation where she could express

713
00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:36,320
Speaker 1: what she needed to and then he could leave and

714
00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:39,280
Speaker 1: we could go do something afterwards. Liam convinced me I

715
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 1: would end up being bored and he would feel bad

716
00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:44,880
Speaker 1: leaving me alone for that time, so it was better

717
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:50,080
Speaker 1: for me to just stay back. Ooh, no, I don't

718
00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:53,520
Speaker 1: like where this is going, Like, I don't know, I

719
00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:56,600
Speaker 1: don't know. It would be a little bit little bit

720
00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:59,560
Speaker 1: suspicious if some like a partner was like, yeah, I'm

721
00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:02,160
Speaker 1: meeting my ex, but like, you don't adore it, like

722
00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:04,480
Speaker 1: like you shouldn't come. Yeah, you don't, you shouldn't. It'll

723
00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:08,239
Speaker 1: be so boring, so boring, you you'll be you'll you'll

724
00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:08,640
Speaker 1: hate it.

725
00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:11,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, but then also knowing that she has been like

726
00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:13,480
Speaker 6: manipulative and stuff that makes it.

727
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:16,480
Speaker 1: So much worse, so much worse. He didn't think it

728
00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:19,200
Speaker 1: would last very long, maybe an hour or so, and

729
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:21,719
Speaker 1: he would be home before I knew it. I ended

730
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:23,839
Speaker 1: up agreeing, and he left early in the morning so

731
00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:26,560
Speaker 1: he could meet her around ten, after letting me know

732
00:34:26,680 --> 00:34:28,360
Speaker 1: once he got there and that he would keep me

733
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:31,160
Speaker 1: posted on when he would be heading back. I waited.

734
00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:34,640
Speaker 1: After about an hour, I texted asking how it was going,

735
00:34:34,680 --> 00:34:36,640
Speaker 1: and he said it was fine and that he was

736
00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:39,879
Speaker 1: just listening to what she had to say. Another hour

737
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:43,239
Speaker 1: goes by, and I start feeling a bit concerned, as

738
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:45,479
Speaker 1: I would have thought they would have been done by now.

739
00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:50,560
Speaker 1: Another hour goes by and I plan irritated. Yeah, I

740
00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:53,239
Speaker 1: would be too, what's going on? Why did you chit

741
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:57,000
Speaker 1: chat about? Yeah? I text him saying it's been three

742
00:34:57,080 --> 00:35:00,200
Speaker 1: hours and ask when I should expect him back. He

743
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:02,040
Speaker 1: lets me know they're catching up, and he would let

744
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:07,359
Speaker 1: me know. Another hour goes by hours in total, and

745
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:10,360
Speaker 1: I'm mad. Wow, what was supposed to be a short

746
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:14,560
Speaker 1: apology conversation was turning into a full day thing. Finally

747
00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:16,520
Speaker 1: he lets me know he's heating home. After four and

748
00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:20,160
Speaker 1: a half hours of them talking. I needed answers. When

749
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:23,239
Speaker 1: he finally got home, I asked what happened. He lets

750
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:25,680
Speaker 1: me know that Danielle did apologize for the way she

751
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:29,520
Speaker 1: treated him during the relationship. After that, they began catching

752
00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:32,520
Speaker 1: up on their lives since it had been nearly eight

753
00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:36,719
Speaker 1: years since they last talked. It was a good casual conversation,

754
00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:42,920
Speaker 1: and then she started breaking down crying. Oh whoa. According

755
00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:45,640
Speaker 1: to Liam, Danielle is at her wits end in her marriage,

756
00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:49,799
Speaker 1: is considering divorcing her husband, and she's talking to her

757
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:52,640
Speaker 1: ex about this. Yeah, this is not the one that

758
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:55,880
Speaker 1: we need to go to. Ooh. She told Liam that

759
00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:58,719
Speaker 1: her husband hasn't been the man she thought he would be,

760
00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:03,719
Speaker 1: and then she goes all passionate in marriage that it

761
00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:06,640
Speaker 1: got harder after she had their baby and doesn't know

762
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:08,960
Speaker 1: what to do since she doesn't really like the idea

763
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:12,160
Speaker 1: of starting over and navigating as a single mom. Basically,

764
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:14,520
Speaker 1: she was confiding in him about all of the issues

765
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:17,680
Speaker 1: in her life and he sat and listened and talked

766
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:20,799
Speaker 1: with her. Liam said she really just needed someone to

767
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:25,080
Speaker 1: listen that wasn't involved in their circle, and she chose

768
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:26,319
Speaker 1: her ex boyfriend.

769
00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:26,719
Speaker 3: Yeah.

770
00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:29,400
Speaker 6: I feel like you're cut, like you're not in the circle,

771
00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:33,160
Speaker 6: but you're kind of involved in her life in some way.

772
00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:36,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, with a history. He felt bad for her and

773
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:39,520
Speaker 1: just wants to make sure she's okay. He then asked

774
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:41,480
Speaker 1: me how I would feel if they continue to be

775
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:46,560
Speaker 1: casual acquaintances. Not great. I told him I could maybe

776
00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:48,640
Speaker 1: get to a point where I would be comfortable with that,

777
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:51,200
Speaker 1: but would need to think about it. He made it

778
00:36:51,239 --> 00:36:53,320
Speaker 1: seem like that was the end of what they discussed,

779
00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:55,560
Speaker 1: and we continued the rest of our day is normal.

780
00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:57,479
Speaker 1: At the end of the day, we get in bed

781
00:36:57,520 --> 00:36:59,799
Speaker 1: and are watching TV. When I noticed that he's getting

782
00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:03,719
Speaker 1: and distant. I ask what's wrong, and he starts to

783
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:06,080
Speaker 1: tear up, saying that there was more he needed to

784
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:11,360
Speaker 1: tell me about him and Danielle's conversation. Uh oh, oh no,

785
00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:15,920
Speaker 1: I immediately get worried. He goes, don't freak out and

786
00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:18,600
Speaker 1: tears He tells me that Danielle expressed to him that

787
00:37:18,680 --> 00:37:23,200
Speaker 1: she still has feelings for him. Shock shocker. No one

788
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:26,839
Speaker 1: could have seen that coming. What even though it's been

789
00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:30,000
Speaker 1: years and they've both moved on, she still has parts

790
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:32,920
Speaker 1: of her heart set for him. That her husband isn't

791
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:36,040
Speaker 1: half the man he is in some ways. I wasn't

792
00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:38,520
Speaker 1: shocked to hear that, especially since she wanted to meet

793
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:41,560
Speaker 1: with him after all this time. However, what he said

794
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:45,440
Speaker 1: next did shock me. Oh no, oh. He told me

795
00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:48,000
Speaker 1: that after talking with her, he realized that he also

796
00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:53,279
Speaker 1: still has some unresolved feelings for her. No. No, you've

797
00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:56,640
Speaker 1: been to ope for years.

798
00:37:56,960 --> 00:37:59,840
Speaker 6: Do you really have unresolved feelings? Or do you just

799
00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:02,080
Speaker 6: not like this? She was sad in front of you.

800
00:38:02,160 --> 00:38:04,640
Speaker 6: Oh my god, Like, I really wonder if if there

801
00:38:04,719 --> 00:38:07,399
Speaker 6: is some sort of like manipulation going on to make

802
00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:09,120
Speaker 6: him think that he had feelings.

803
00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:12,360
Speaker 1: But I don't know. This man is being stupid. Yeah,

804
00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:15,160
Speaker 1: all this time, he thought she hated him after they

805
00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:18,040
Speaker 1: broke up, when in reality, she was just struggling with

806
00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:20,560
Speaker 1: her religious trauma in college and took things out on

807
00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:24,759
Speaker 1: him when she shouldn't. Everything was taken out of context.

808
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:27,680
Speaker 1: I didn't know what to think. He was so hurt

809
00:38:27,719 --> 00:38:29,719
Speaker 1: and torn apart after they broke up, and it took

810
00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:32,960
Speaker 1: me months to build his trust and hope back up

811
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:35,600
Speaker 1: in the beginning, to allow him to see himself capable

812
00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:38,600
Speaker 1: of love again. Now, all these years later, he says

813
00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:40,480
Speaker 1: he still is a part of his heart for her

814
00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:43,920
Speaker 1: in many ways. I understand, because first love will always

815
00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:47,799
Speaker 1: hold the spot, but not in this way. Yeah, definitely not.

816
00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:50,400
Speaker 1: But I'm also a bit hurt that my husband, the

817
00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:52,560
Speaker 1: man I planned to spend the rest of my life with,

818
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:56,719
Speaker 1: still feels for his ex. Yeah. After learning that she

819
00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:58,839
Speaker 1: still has feelings for him, I told him I wasn't

820
00:38:58,880 --> 00:39:01,759
Speaker 1: liking the idea of that, still talking that she could

821
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:05,760
Speaker 1: eventually start interpreting his kindness to her wrongly and see

822
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:08,880
Speaker 1: some sort of potential between them. He already sees potential,

823
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:12,040
Speaker 1: he says, he's not over her. Yeah, exactly.

824
00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:15,000
Speaker 6: Yeah, you don't really have feelings for someone without like,

825
00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:15,920
Speaker 6: at least.

826
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:18,240
Speaker 1: Imagining what it would be like to be with them. Yeah.

827
00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:21,480
Speaker 1: Also the fact that he wanted to be casual acquaintances

828
00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:23,520
Speaker 1: with her and has feelings with her nose.

829
00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:26,200
Speaker 6: Yeah, and when he already like kind of knew that

830
00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:27,359
Speaker 6: he had feelings for her.

831
00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:29,080
Speaker 1: The thing is that I think that you guys could

832
00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:32,560
Speaker 1: get through this of him having feelings for only if

833
00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:35,239
Speaker 1: you cut her off. Yeah, it just seemed to happen

834
00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:38,920
Speaker 1: with them being friends. Yeah, that really she should be

835
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:43,239
Speaker 1: discussing her marital issues with her own husband and not him. Yeah.

836
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:46,120
Speaker 1: He insists that she would never come between us. She

837
00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:49,319
Speaker 1: already has, and that Danielle herself even expressed that she

838
00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:53,799
Speaker 1: respected the idea of marriage wholeheartedly and the last thing

839
00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:56,640
Speaker 1: she would want to do is harm ours. He wants

840
00:39:56,680 --> 00:39:59,040
Speaker 1: to be there for her because it seems like she

841
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:00,880
Speaker 1: doesn't really have any someone else to talk to you

842
00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:03,920
Speaker 1: about all this. Last night he was showing me tiktoks

843
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:07,200
Speaker 1: on his phone when a text notification from Danielle popped up.

844
00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:12,120
Speaker 1: I question him about it, and he shrugged it off

845
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:15,839
Speaker 1: as nothing. Today, I asked if she was still texting him,

846
00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:18,319
Speaker 1: and he said she was, but he was trying to

847
00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:23,600
Speaker 1: slowly cut her off. No, quickly snipstip, Yeah exactly. I

848
00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:26,239
Speaker 1: expressed again how I don't think it's best for him

849
00:40:26,239 --> 00:40:29,000
Speaker 1: to be talking to her, and how she really should

850
00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:31,160
Speaker 1: be going to a friend or family member to talk

851
00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:34,239
Speaker 1: about her issues. I noticed He was still texting her

852
00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:37,680
Speaker 1: throughout the evening tonight too. Should I be concerned about

853
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:39,799
Speaker 1: all this? I don't want to come across as a

854
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:43,279
Speaker 1: wife who controls who her husband can or cannot talk to.

855
00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:46,600
Speaker 1: I do trust my husband, but I don't really know Danielle.

856
00:40:47,080 --> 00:40:49,799
Speaker 1: He insists she is true to her word and would

857
00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:52,439
Speaker 1: never try anything. But how could I know for sure?

858
00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:55,399
Speaker 1: My best friends think I should tell him to block her.

859
00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:58,319
Speaker 1: I don't think he will because he feels bad for her,

860
00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:00,560
Speaker 1: But I don't want her to continue to reach out

861
00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:04,279
Speaker 1: to him for validation and that eventually leads to her

862
00:41:04,280 --> 00:41:09,360
Speaker 1: feelings towards him growing more. What do I do? Please? Help? Gosh?

863
00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:10,239
Speaker 1: But what does ope you do?

864
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:11,160
Speaker 4: I don't know.

865
00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:12,920
Speaker 1: I mean, like, yeah, I get what you're saying. You

866
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:14,000
Speaker 1: don't want to come off as like.

867
00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:16,840
Speaker 6: Ah, you're not allowed to like talk to these people

868
00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:20,520
Speaker 6: or whatever, but just maybe just be like, hey, try

869
00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:22,640
Speaker 6: to see this from my perspective for a second. Like

870
00:41:23,120 --> 00:41:26,239
Speaker 6: you're talking to this girl, like, well, first of all,

871
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:27,680
Speaker 6: she talked to you first.

872
00:41:27,719 --> 00:41:29,839
Speaker 1: You're spending way more time with her than like you

873
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:30,560
Speaker 1: said you would be.

874
00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:34,279
Speaker 6: Yeah, and in that time, like you didn't tell me

875
00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:37,279
Speaker 6: initially first of all that she confessed feelings for you,

876
00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:39,000
Speaker 6: and then later you told me that you think you

877
00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:41,840
Speaker 6: have feelings for her like that, Just try to explain

878
00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:45,320
Speaker 6: to him how suspicious it looks from your side, like

879
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:47,279
Speaker 6: even if you trust your husband like you kind of

880
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:51,000
Speaker 6: can't get past the fact of like how wild that looks.

881
00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:56,600
Speaker 6: Absolutely absolutely, uh yeah, no, it's it's I think that

882
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:59,680
Speaker 6: this is a very very valid boundary of saying, hey,

883
00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:04,359
Speaker 6: you like, we gotta go to marriage counseling because you

884
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:06,880
Speaker 6: can't keep talking to this girl you're.

885
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:09,520
Speaker 1: H after he said that he has feelings for It

886
00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:11,440
Speaker 1: just doesn't work. It just doesn't work. You can't. I'm

887
00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:13,400
Speaker 1: not gonna sit here and let and like be okay

888
00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:16,680
Speaker 1: with you. We're talking to someone that you have feelings for. Nope. No,

889
00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:20,760
Speaker 1: And there are comments folks, commoner one tell your husband

890
00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:24,240
Speaker 1: that his ex's failing marriage is her own problem unless

891
00:42:24,239 --> 00:42:26,200
Speaker 1: you want your own marriage to fail to you better

892
00:42:26,239 --> 00:42:30,560
Speaker 1: stop this nonsense. Reply, Opie, this the problem is I

893
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:33,040
Speaker 1: kind of think he's thinking about more than being friends

894
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:36,360
Speaker 1: with her. Now, I won't lie. This is quite worrisome.

895
00:42:36,719 --> 00:42:40,040
Speaker 1: He needs to stop it because this can destroy your marriage.

896
00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:43,120
Speaker 1: Reply but Danielle didn't want to say or do anything

897
00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:46,320
Speaker 1: to come between them because she believes in marriage. Stark

898
00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:48,799
Speaker 1: has them, but she's fine telling another man she has

899
00:42:48,880 --> 00:42:52,240
Speaker 1: feelings for him even though she's married. Yeah, f that noise.

900
00:42:52,719 --> 00:42:55,719
Speaker 1: Common Er two, Yes, you should be concerned. If your

901
00:42:55,760 --> 00:42:59,279
Speaker 1: husband values your peace and respects you, then they need

902
00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:02,239
Speaker 1: to cut top. Tell him you don't trust her, and

903
00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:04,880
Speaker 1: you don't trust your husband's feelings since she was his

904
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:08,920
Speaker 1: first love. Reply Opie, Seriously, who thinks it's okay to

905
00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:12,560
Speaker 1: pop back into your husband's life? Say thorry and then

906
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:16,040
Speaker 1: act like relationship gurus. Tell her to either sort out

907
00:43:16,080 --> 00:43:19,760
Speaker 1: her own feelings or sit this one out. Your peace

908
00:43:19,840 --> 00:43:23,760
Speaker 1: and his feelings aren't her playthings. Commenter three says Danielle

909
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:27,200
Speaker 1: would never do that, she already did. Why confess her

910
00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:32,600
Speaker 1: feelings to a married man? Why even appear again? Yeah,

911
00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:36,440
Speaker 1: very good points by all of these commenters, and there

912
00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:38,440
Speaker 1: is an update. But uh oh boy, do you have

913
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:41,480
Speaker 1: any thoughts? I mean, same kind of thoughts. I agree

914
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:46,320
Speaker 1: with the commenters. This is just not how you respect marriage.

915
00:43:46,800 --> 00:43:50,360
Speaker 6: It's not how you yeah respect someone else's or your own.

916
00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:53,520
Speaker 6: This is just absolutely not good And I think he's

917
00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:55,160
Speaker 6: very valid in feeling what she feels.

918
00:43:55,920 --> 00:44:01,000
Speaker 1: Agreed, Yeah, couldntcur So let's get into this update twenty seven.

919
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:04,160
Speaker 1: Male husband has been at work all day, so I

920
00:44:04,239 --> 00:44:06,640
Speaker 1: wasn't able to talk to him much until he got home.

921
00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:08,440
Speaker 1: I sat him down again and let him know that

922
00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:12,040
Speaker 1: I needed to talk about him and his communication with Danielle.

923
00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:15,799
Speaker 1: Twenty eight, female husband's ex. I told him that I

924
00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:18,279
Speaker 1: wasn't happy and that I needed to know if he

925
00:44:18,360 --> 00:44:21,480
Speaker 1: was still talking to Danielle today. He told me he

926
00:44:21,719 --> 00:44:26,200
Speaker 1: was stop girl, stop, but that he was to finally

927
00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:28,600
Speaker 1: end things with her. For those of you, if not

928
00:44:28,680 --> 00:44:30,960
Speaker 1: all of you, that suggested Danielle reached out to him

929
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:35,440
Speaker 1: because she wanted him for herself, you were correct. Liam

930
00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:38,239
Speaker 1: called her today and she straight up asked him how

931
00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:40,760
Speaker 1: happy he was with me, and that if for even

932
00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:44,120
Speaker 1: a second there were issues and he wanted out, that

933
00:44:44,160 --> 00:44:47,640
Speaker 1: they could run away together. She sucks. She wants to

934
00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:49,719
Speaker 1: divorce her husband and be with him, then do that.

935
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:54,120
Speaker 1: Divorce your husband, Yeah, leave Liam out of it. Divorce

936
00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:56,640
Speaker 1: your husband because you weren't happy with your husband, exactly.

937
00:44:57,080 --> 00:45:01,280
Speaker 1: I believe this admittance finally broke Liam's rose colored glasses

938
00:45:01,320 --> 00:45:04,239
Speaker 1: on the situation and opened him up to seeing what

939
00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:08,480
Speaker 1: she was really doing. I mean, wow, it was so obvious.

940
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:11,920
Speaker 1: She literally told him her whole plot and he was like, well,

941
00:45:11,960 --> 00:45:15,280
Speaker 1: I just don't know until now. And then she tells

942
00:45:15,480 --> 00:45:18,120
Speaker 1: him again and he's like, oh, oh, that was your

943
00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:21,000
Speaker 1: plot that they do that, your plot was your plot

944
00:45:21,239 --> 00:45:23,839
Speaker 1: trying to manipulate her way back to him and home

945
00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:26,759
Speaker 1: wreck our marriage. He finally told her enough is enough

946
00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:29,319
Speaker 1: and that he cannot talk to her anymore, that he

947
00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:31,920
Speaker 1: did feel sorry for everything going on with her and

948
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:34,600
Speaker 1: her own marriage, but for the sake of his own

949
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:36,880
Speaker 1: marriage and his love for me, that he needs to

950
00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:39,560
Speaker 1: stop being in touch with her. He realized that those

951
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:42,239
Speaker 1: unresolved feelings that he started to have for her after

952
00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:45,760
Speaker 1: meeting with her this past Saturday were more like feelings

953
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:49,279
Speaker 1: of nostalgia for the time they spent together and the

954
00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:54,520
Speaker 1: times they were happy. My thoughts have remained the same. Yeah,

955
00:45:54,680 --> 00:45:57,600
Speaker 1: it's just what do you mean he didn't see it?

956
00:45:57,719 --> 00:45:59,680
Speaker 1: What do you mean? What do you mean? But the

957
00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:01,960
Speaker 1: thing he did see it because he confessed that he's

958
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:05,040
Speaker 1: still had feelings for her, well exactly, it's so he

959
00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:08,799
Speaker 1: saw something. So either he's lying or he's stupid. Yeah,

960
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:12,240
Speaker 1: Like because because again, yeah, you're right, he did say

961
00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:14,680
Speaker 1: and it's just all so wrong.

962
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 6: It's just all so wrong. And he, like, I think

963
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:19,000
Speaker 6: he's not being totally honest.

964
00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:21,880
Speaker 1: I agree. I mean every time he talks to him,

965
00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:25,880
Speaker 1: he's like, so she did say this, Okay, so I

966
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:27,840
Speaker 1: did forget to tell you this bart Oh, So she

967
00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:32,000
Speaker 1: is still texting me like he's exactly and like the

968
00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:36,160
Speaker 1: fact that she originally confessed and he didn't realize what

969
00:46:36,239 --> 00:46:39,680
Speaker 1: she was doing until now she's like saying exactly what

970
00:46:39,719 --> 00:46:45,360
Speaker 1: she's doing again for the second time. He's now realizing it. Like, like,

971
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:46,800
Speaker 1: it's so obvious.

972
00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:48,520
Speaker 6: That the reason that he wanted to keep talking to her,

973
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:51,399
Speaker 6: whether it was subconscious or not, is because he had

974
00:46:51,440 --> 00:46:52,160
Speaker 6: feelings for her.

975
00:46:52,320 --> 00:46:55,680
Speaker 1: Yep, and he even like he admitted it. He admitted it.

976
00:46:55,760 --> 00:46:57,480
Speaker 1: So I don't know. At first, I was thinking that

977
00:46:57,560 --> 00:47:01,560
Speaker 1: this man was just like a like like naive guy

978
00:47:01,719 --> 00:47:04,080
Speaker 1: or oblivious to like the fact when people are in

979
00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:06,200
Speaker 1: love with him. But now I think that he's just

980
00:47:06,360 --> 00:47:09,360
Speaker 1: he's doing something on purpose. He's doing it on purpose. Yeah,

981
00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:12,200
Speaker 1: the way she spoke about him and his character made

982
00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:15,200
Speaker 1: him feel good and gave him that ego boost. But

983
00:47:15,280 --> 00:47:19,520
Speaker 1: after hearing her true intentions for the second time. Yeah,

984
00:47:19,600 --> 00:47:21,800
Speaker 1: he was able to remember the way she was before

985
00:47:21,840 --> 00:47:24,520
Speaker 1: and why they broke up in the first place. I

986
00:47:24,600 --> 00:47:26,920
Speaker 1: told him I wanted him to block her. I wanted

987
00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:30,080
Speaker 1: no contact at all with her, and he agreed, so

988
00:47:30,120 --> 00:47:33,280
Speaker 1: he deleted all her messages, blocked her number, and blocked

989
00:47:33,320 --> 00:47:35,520
Speaker 1: all of her social media right in front of me.

990
00:47:35,920 --> 00:47:39,200
Speaker 1: There will be no communication between them going forward. Again.

991
00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:41,360
Speaker 1: Thank you all so much for the help realizing what

992
00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:43,440
Speaker 1: was done and what needed to be done. I really

993
00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:46,800
Speaker 1: appreciate it. Commoner one says, Yes, finally a good update.

994
00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:50,040
Speaker 1: Thankfully got his head out of his behind and realized

995
00:47:50,040 --> 00:47:52,560
Speaker 1: what she was doing. Good luck to you in the future.

996
00:47:52,920 --> 00:47:55,920
Speaker 1: Commoner two says, oh, Pee, that's great. But trust me

997
00:47:55,960 --> 00:47:58,360
Speaker 1: when I say you have to inspect what you expect.

998
00:47:58,920 --> 00:48:01,480
Speaker 1: Don't just blindly take his word for it. He could

999
00:48:01,480 --> 00:48:03,879
Speaker 1: probably tell you were done if he didn't agree, so

1000
00:48:03,920 --> 00:48:07,080
Speaker 1: he took steps. All of those could be undone just

1001
00:48:07,160 --> 00:48:09,879
Speaker 1: as fast. Give it a day, maybe two, and then

1002
00:48:09,960 --> 00:48:13,360
Speaker 1: without fanfer ask him for his phone. Tell him you

1003
00:48:13,400 --> 00:48:15,120
Speaker 1: just want to see for your own mental health that

1004
00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:17,680
Speaker 1: she is still blocked and there has been no communication.

1005
00:48:18,280 --> 00:48:21,160
Speaker 1: Because you don't believe she will go that easily. Don't

1006
00:48:21,239 --> 00:48:23,600
Speaker 1: let him say no or leave the room. Tell him

1007
00:48:23,640 --> 00:48:26,520
Speaker 1: to unlock it and let you see it. Check every

1008
00:48:26,600 --> 00:48:32,680
Speaker 1: single app he has on his phone that offers messages, texts, Facebook, Messenger, Instagram, WhatsApp, Snapchat,

1009
00:48:32,719 --> 00:48:36,560
Speaker 1: every single app. Look at recently deleted folders. Also, you

1010
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:40,160
Speaker 1: still need to contact her husband and alert him. Don't

1011
00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:42,839
Speaker 1: tell your husband you're going to just do it. He

1012
00:48:42,880 --> 00:48:46,160
Speaker 1: deserves to know. Her marriage maybe a wreck, but cheaters

1013
00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:48,520
Speaker 1: say that all the time. You would want him to

1014
00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:51,400
Speaker 1: call you if she is that miserable. He needs to know.

1015
00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:56,040
Speaker 1: And folks, that is the end of that story. Wow. Yeah,

1016
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:59,480
Speaker 1: I worry for your marriage, op, but I agree with

1017
00:48:59,560 --> 00:49:00,200
Speaker 1: you the best.

1018
00:49:00,280 --> 00:49:02,359
Speaker 6: And that is a good point that like cheaters will

1019
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:04,759
Speaker 6: just lie about like like.

1020
00:49:04,800 --> 00:49:08,160
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, like I'm in this horrible situation. I need

1021
00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:10,640
Speaker 1: to get out and be with you. It's like man

1022
00:49:10,760 --> 00:49:12,520
Speaker 1: to make you feel bad and then want to be

1023
00:49:12,600 --> 00:49:14,919
Speaker 1: with them more. You're like, oh, well, she needs me there,

1024
00:49:15,120 --> 00:49:16,360
Speaker 1: she needs emotional support.

1025
00:49:16,440 --> 00:49:19,360
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's like she's she's keeping the fact that she's

1026
00:49:19,480 --> 00:49:22,520
Speaker 6: doing something terrible a secret from like her husband and

1027
00:49:22,760 --> 00:49:24,880
Speaker 6: from the person that she's cheating with.

1028
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:28,120
Speaker 1: Exactly but uh, that is the end of that story.

1029
00:49:28,239 --> 00:49:30,200
Speaker 2: Hey y'all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get

1030
00:49:30,239 --> 00:49:31,520
Speaker 2: back to the story. So but here's a quick three

1031
00:49:31,520 --> 00:49:33,120
Speaker 2: minute break from as for more sponsors.

1032
00:49:33,920 --> 00:49:36,440
Speaker 6: My wife wanted to be a traditional wife, so I

1033
00:49:36,600 --> 00:49:38,479
Speaker 6: told her to start acting like one.

1034
00:49:39,120 --> 00:49:43,560
Speaker 1: Ooh, I don't know where this is going. I'm thirty

1035
00:49:43,560 --> 00:49:45,719
Speaker 1: five and my wife is forty. We've been together for

1036
00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:48,200
Speaker 1: fifteen years. At the last couple of years she really

1037
00:49:48,239 --> 00:49:50,880
Speaker 1: fell down the child wife black hole and it's driving

1038
00:49:50,920 --> 00:49:53,160
Speaker 1: me crazy. At first, it started off.

1039
00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:54,760
Speaker 6: With her saying that she doesn't want to work anymore,

1040
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:57,480
Speaker 6: and lately it has escalated to saying that men who

1041
00:49:57,520 --> 00:49:59,160
Speaker 6: make their wives work are harmful.

1042
00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:03,879
Speaker 1: What good, yike, that's not true. By the way, this

1043
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:06,120
Speaker 1: comes from Throwaway No Tread and if you want to

1044
00:50:06,120 --> 00:50:07,959
Speaker 1: submit your own stories, go to the our slash Okay

1045
00:50:07,960 --> 00:50:11,480
Speaker 1: storytime and supred it. So we both have well paid jobs.

1046
00:50:11,600 --> 00:50:13,959
Speaker 6: I'm a self employed builder with the Team and earn

1047
00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:16,840
Speaker 6: around one hundred k pounds a year. She works in

1048
00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:20,400
Speaker 6: management for the NHS and earns around fifty k pounds

1049
00:50:20,400 --> 00:50:22,960
Speaker 6: a year. We both work, I guess I should say

1050
00:50:23,080 --> 00:50:26,440
Speaker 6: worked for her really hard and have no kids, and

1051
00:50:26,560 --> 00:50:28,920
Speaker 6: three years ago managed to pay our mortgage off and

1052
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:31,000
Speaker 6: lived in a nice enough area where I would have

1053
00:50:31,080 --> 00:50:35,440
Speaker 6: happily stayed forever. She, however, suddenly wanted a massive house

1054
00:50:35,480 --> 00:50:38,320
Speaker 6: that we didn't need. I should have seen what was coming.

1055
00:50:38,480 --> 00:50:41,360
Speaker 6: She was looking out a seven hundred k pound houses

1056
00:50:41,440 --> 00:50:43,320
Speaker 6: which would require a mortgage.

1057
00:50:42,880 --> 00:50:46,719
Speaker 1: Of five hundred k. After we sold our house, I

1058
00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:50,120
Speaker 1: gave in and we bought a house. She then wanted

1059
00:50:50,120 --> 00:50:52,840
Speaker 1: a new car, which kind of caved too, and she

1060
00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:55,240
Speaker 1: got a car that is worth more than she earns

1061
00:50:55,320 --> 00:50:57,920
Speaker 1: a year. She then decided that she didn't want to

1062
00:50:57,920 --> 00:50:58,600
Speaker 1: work anymore.

1063
00:50:58,719 --> 00:51:00,719
Speaker 6: She said that her job was crap, and I said,

1064
00:51:00,880 --> 00:51:04,200
Speaker 6: take a lower paid one then that you'll enjoy more.

1065
00:51:04,560 --> 00:51:07,480
Speaker 6: She said no, she just doesn't want to work full stop.

1066
00:51:07,880 --> 00:51:10,400
Speaker 6: She also doesn't want to give up anything that she

1067
00:51:10,480 --> 00:51:12,719
Speaker 6: has over the past couple of years. It has been

1068
00:51:12,760 --> 00:51:15,200
Speaker 6: obviously she is trying to lose her job without leaving,

1069
00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:18,319
Speaker 6: despite me saying that I cannot afford the house and

1070
00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:21,600
Speaker 6: car and holidays on my own. She started bringing this

1071
00:51:21,680 --> 00:51:24,400
Speaker 6: trad wife crap up, but said that she'd want to

1072
00:51:24,520 --> 00:51:26,920
Speaker 6: hire a cleaner as the house is too big for

1073
00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:30,160
Speaker 6: her to clean. Helone, and she prefers my cooking to hers,

1074
00:51:30,200 --> 00:51:32,640
Speaker 6: so I would still do all the cooking. He doesn't

1075
00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:34,640
Speaker 6: want to be a trad wife. She wants to be

1076
00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:40,040
Speaker 6: a like just do nothing, Yeah, lounge around. Yeah, she

1077
00:51:40,080 --> 00:51:41,359
Speaker 6: wants to have a boring.

1078
00:51:42,760 --> 00:51:44,720
Speaker 1: Want to be a trophy. She wants to be a trophy.

1079
00:51:45,160 --> 00:51:48,000
Speaker 1: That's what she wants. Yeah, that's different exactly. So I said,

1080
00:51:48,200 --> 00:51:51,080
Speaker 1: you basically want to dress up pretty and bake the

1081
00:51:51,120 --> 00:51:54,400
Speaker 1: odd cake. She stormed off and said I didn't get it.

1082
00:51:54,920 --> 00:51:57,480
Speaker 6: She again brought it up yesterday and I said, fine,

1083
00:51:57,560 --> 00:51:59,200
Speaker 6: she can do it, but she's got to get up

1084
00:51:59,239 --> 00:52:01,400
Speaker 6: before me and make sure that my breakfast is ready,

1085
00:52:01,440 --> 00:52:05,640
Speaker 6: like in the videos that she watches. Yeah, honestly, she's

1086
00:52:05,640 --> 00:52:08,320
Speaker 6: got to be dressed in a strumkshi version of a

1087
00:52:08,400 --> 00:52:11,160
Speaker 6: fifties housewife, like in the videos she watches, from the

1088
00:52:11,200 --> 00:52:13,640
Speaker 6: moment I opened my eyes to the moment I close them. Well,

1089
00:52:13,680 --> 00:52:15,600
Speaker 6: that's that's a bit much, But well.

1090
00:52:15,640 --> 00:52:21,040
Speaker 1: I I do. I do think that. OP is like, okay, fine,

1091
00:52:21,080 --> 00:52:22,840
Speaker 1: if you want to do that, then yeah, do it

1092
00:52:22,880 --> 00:52:26,480
Speaker 1: this way, sure, go ahead. Is that exactly what you want? Yeah?

1093
00:52:26,520 --> 00:52:29,080
Speaker 1: If she if you're getting inspo from these videos, then

1094
00:52:29,120 --> 00:52:30,720
Speaker 1: go ahead. I think he's calling her bluff.

1095
00:52:30,800 --> 00:52:34,200
Speaker 6: Yeah, the house must be spotless at all times, like

1096
00:52:34,239 --> 00:52:37,800
Speaker 6: in the videos she watches. I want huge packed lunches

1097
00:52:38,080 --> 00:52:40,680
Speaker 6: for work like in the videos she watches.

1098
00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:43,040
Speaker 1: I want to come home and have beautiful pies and

1099
00:52:43,120 --> 00:52:45,800
Speaker 1: cakes ready for putting like in the videos she watches.

1100
00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:48,360
Speaker 1: I want a bathrooun for when I get in and

1101
00:52:48,400 --> 00:52:51,480
Speaker 1: then come down to a proper meal every night. Say

1102
00:52:51,520 --> 00:52:55,879
Speaker 1: it with me like the videos she watches. I want this,

1103
00:52:56,320 --> 00:52:57,120
Speaker 1: this is nice.

1104
00:52:57,280 --> 00:53:00,400
Speaker 6: I want a bath drawn for me right then went

1105
00:53:00,480 --> 00:53:02,720
Speaker 6: a foot rep while I eat the cakes and pies

1106
00:53:02,719 --> 00:53:03,360
Speaker 6: as she makes.

1107
00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:07,239
Speaker 1: I also want spicy sleep on demand. How I want it,

1108
00:53:07,280 --> 00:53:10,040
Speaker 1: when I want it, And she did what videos is

1109
00:53:10,080 --> 00:53:13,480
Speaker 1: she watching me? I don't know. These are pretty wildly specific.

1110
00:53:14,120 --> 00:53:18,719
Speaker 6: And she called me harmful a user, et cetera, and

1111
00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:21,479
Speaker 6: stormed out to her equally delusional sister's house.

1112
00:53:21,960 --> 00:53:23,279
Speaker 1: Don't get me started on her.

1113
00:53:23,719 --> 00:53:26,160
Speaker 6: I'll be honest, I'm ready for a divorce if this

1114
00:53:26,200 --> 00:53:26,680
Speaker 6: carries on.

1115
00:53:26,880 --> 00:53:27,879
Speaker 1: So am I the a hold.

1116
00:53:27,960 --> 00:53:29,520
Speaker 6: We do have some comments, but I would love to

1117
00:53:29,520 --> 00:53:30,840
Speaker 6: hear your comments first.

1118
00:53:31,360 --> 00:53:34,560
Speaker 1: I think you were perhaps heavy handed ye in your

1119
00:53:35,360 --> 00:53:38,160
Speaker 1: in your comeback, but I don't think you're the a hole.

1120
00:53:38,200 --> 00:53:41,600
Speaker 1: I think your wife is very I don't know. It

1121
00:53:41,640 --> 00:53:44,000
Speaker 1: seems like you guys had an idea of what your

1122
00:53:44,040 --> 00:53:46,759
Speaker 1: life would be together, and she is now wanting to

1123
00:53:46,840 --> 00:53:48,480
Speaker 1: change it up because she doesn't work at all. She

1124
00:53:48,520 --> 00:53:52,120
Speaker 1: doesn't want to work at all. Yeah, and you're just like, Okay,

1125
00:53:52,239 --> 00:53:54,719
Speaker 1: if this is what you want, this is what that

1126
00:53:54,960 --> 00:53:59,759
Speaker 1: life looks like, right, we can't afford that life. Yeah.

1127
00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:01,160
Speaker 1: Oh yeah.

1128
00:54:01,200 --> 00:54:04,240
Speaker 6: And the fact that like she's calling him, yeah really

1129
00:54:04,560 --> 00:54:08,399
Speaker 6: because it's like, well, what did you like expect you.

1130
00:54:08,320 --> 00:54:12,239
Speaker 1: Expected the the you know, living style where you did

1131
00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:17,399
Speaker 1: nothing and yeah cook sometimes and he has work would

1132
00:54:17,440 --> 00:54:19,120
Speaker 1: be the equal rights one.

1133
00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:22,560
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's like you gotta contribute to your own life somehow.

1134
00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:25,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, but there are some comments. Pomegranate No.

1135
00:54:26,320 --> 00:54:29,880
Speaker 6: Nine three says, at least you don't have kids, so

1136
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:30,960
Speaker 6: divorce is easier.

1137
00:54:31,080 --> 00:54:33,520
Speaker 1: Probably best to do it while you're both still earning well,

1138
00:54:33,560 --> 00:54:35,800
Speaker 1: so there's no question of alimony.

1139
00:54:35,719 --> 00:54:38,840
Speaker 6: Forgot to add obviously not the a hole. In a

1140
00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:42,920
Speaker 6: traditional household, women don't make no contribution. Their contribution is

1141
00:54:42,960 --> 00:54:46,520
Speaker 6: through domestic labor, while men provide financial value by going

1142
00:54:46,560 --> 00:54:50,640
Speaker 6: out and working. Her contribution would already be far below average.

1143
00:54:50,680 --> 00:54:53,560
Speaker 6: Given that the bulk of the traditional wife's time is

1144
00:54:53,560 --> 00:54:56,920
Speaker 6: spent on children, she wants to make no contribution and

1145
00:54:57,080 --> 00:54:59,400
Speaker 6: is disguising it as trad wife.

1146
00:55:00,200 --> 00:55:02,160
Speaker 1: Jay says, get the divorce mate.

1147
00:55:02,320 --> 00:55:05,000
Speaker 6: It'll be cheaper and less stressful than dealing with a

1148
00:55:05,040 --> 00:55:07,160
Speaker 6: crazy wife every minute of the day and night.

1149
00:55:07,520 --> 00:55:10,719
Speaker 1: It's not about the tradwife lifestyle. She simply doesn't want

1150
00:55:10,719 --> 00:55:11,040
Speaker 1: to work.

1151
00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:14,360
Speaker 6: She merely wants to sit on her backside, enjoy the

1152
00:55:14,400 --> 00:55:16,960
Speaker 6: things that she has badgered you into paying for, and

1153
00:55:17,040 --> 00:55:20,360
Speaker 6: doing nothing. There is a lot of this kind of

1154
00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:23,839
Speaker 6: crazy going around. It won't get any better either. What

1155
00:55:23,920 --> 00:55:27,800
Speaker 6: will it be next? Vacations on the French Riviera, a bigger,

1156
00:55:28,080 --> 00:55:29,760
Speaker 6: nicer and more expensive car.

1157
00:55:30,080 --> 00:55:33,080
Speaker 1: The list goes on and on. Opie says, I am

1158
00:55:33,200 --> 00:55:34,000
Speaker 1: leaning this way.

1159
00:55:34,600 --> 00:55:37,120
Speaker 6: I think a divorce is more likely than anything else

1160
00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:39,800
Speaker 6: at this moment in time. Luckily, she's afraid of flying,

1161
00:55:39,840 --> 00:55:42,399
Speaker 6: so I've managed to avoid the expensive holidays apart from

1162
00:55:42,440 --> 00:55:46,280
Speaker 6: the odd Eurostar trip to Paris. She makes me feel

1163
00:55:46,400 --> 00:55:49,680
Speaker 6: like a ten pounds millionaire though, trying to be something

1164
00:55:49,719 --> 00:55:52,480
Speaker 6: that we aren't. I know that we're better off than most,

1165
00:55:52,520 --> 00:55:55,239
Speaker 6: but we don't earn Footballers money, which is what I

1166
00:55:55,280 --> 00:55:59,560
Speaker 6: think she aspires to. Jedi Fed says, you were crazy

1167
00:55:59,600 --> 00:56:02,360
Speaker 6: to agree to the seven hundred k house. You'll be okay,

1168
00:56:02,360 --> 00:56:05,000
Speaker 6: but it makes things so much tougher. If she wanted that,

1169
00:56:05,080 --> 00:56:07,319
Speaker 6: why not save up with the old house and then

1170
00:56:07,560 --> 00:56:09,520
Speaker 6: work up to the new one and both of you

1171
00:56:09,680 --> 00:56:10,320
Speaker 6: work together.

1172
00:56:10,960 --> 00:56:13,960
Speaker 1: Opie said, that's what I suggested. With my job, we

1173
00:56:13,960 --> 00:56:16,080
Speaker 1: could have bought a cheap house, done it up and

1174
00:56:16,120 --> 00:56:19,240
Speaker 1: made some money, and then moved upwards slowly and stayed

1175
00:56:19,280 --> 00:56:21,400
Speaker 1: debt free. I have modified our house a bit, and

1176
00:56:21,440 --> 00:56:22,480
Speaker 1: it's probably worth.

1177
00:56:22,400 --> 00:56:25,320
Speaker 6: Eight hundred k now, but it's still not a nice

1178
00:56:25,320 --> 00:56:27,960
Speaker 6: feeling having such a big mortgage and knowing that she

1179
00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:28,480
Speaker 6: wants me.

1180
00:56:28,520 --> 00:56:29,520
Speaker 1: To cover it alone.

1181
00:56:29,920 --> 00:56:35,280
Speaker 6: Anika Desi says, dude, divorce her if she doesn't act normal.

1182
00:56:35,400 --> 00:56:37,640
Speaker 6: You sound like such a catch, Like I don't like

1183
00:56:37,880 --> 00:56:41,200
Speaker 6: rushing with divorce. Maybe marriage counseling first. But you have

1184
00:56:41,200 --> 00:56:44,280
Speaker 6: no kids, so you can easily split without drama. Be assertive,

1185
00:56:44,440 --> 00:56:47,200
Speaker 6: say no, say what you expect, and that you want

1186
00:56:47,200 --> 00:56:49,719
Speaker 6: to split. If she doesn't go back to how she was,

1187
00:56:50,120 --> 00:56:51,600
Speaker 6: say that she has x amount of.

1188
00:56:51,520 --> 00:56:54,080
Speaker 1: Time up to you one month, two months. I don't

1189
00:56:54,080 --> 00:56:54,360
Speaker 1: know if it.

1190
00:56:54,440 --> 00:56:58,239
Speaker 6: Ultimatum is like the Yeah, I don't think that's ever

1191
00:56:58,280 --> 00:56:58,719
Speaker 6: the way to go.

1192
00:56:59,239 --> 00:57:03,760
Speaker 1: I think it's just to her like, hey, I feel

1193
00:57:03,800 --> 00:57:08,440
Speaker 1: like we are no longer partners. You have put a

1194
00:57:08,440 --> 00:57:10,759
Speaker 1: lot of reliance on me, kind of taking up all

1195
00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:12,759
Speaker 1: of the slack of this like new dream life that

1196
00:57:12,840 --> 00:57:15,520
Speaker 1: you want that we've never spoken about. I would like

1197
00:57:15,560 --> 00:57:17,280
Speaker 1: to go to counseling to see if we can get

1198
00:57:17,280 --> 00:57:19,680
Speaker 1: back on the same page, because right now we're just not.

1199
00:57:20,000 --> 00:57:22,280
Speaker 6: Exactly like I think there's probably a way to get

1200
00:57:22,320 --> 00:57:24,640
Speaker 6: out of this without just straight up divorcing right away,

1201
00:57:24,640 --> 00:57:26,640
Speaker 6: because it is what everyone like jumps to.

1202
00:57:26,920 --> 00:57:29,120
Speaker 1: And we got in together for fifteen years. Yeah, that's

1203
00:57:29,120 --> 00:57:31,560
Speaker 1: a long time. That's definitely you can have a conversation. Ye.

1204
00:57:31,680 --> 00:57:34,320
Speaker 6: At that time, Opie says, I don't know about it.

1205
00:57:34,400 --> 00:57:37,360
Speaker 6: Catch I've asked for a couples counseling numerous times. She's

1206
00:57:37,560 --> 00:57:38,320
Speaker 6: not interested.

1207
00:57:38,480 --> 00:57:41,560
Speaker 1: Well, Taxi Lady sixty nine says, now is the time

1208
00:57:41,600 --> 00:57:44,400
Speaker 1: to say, couples counseling or divorce your choice, honey.

1209
00:57:44,680 --> 00:57:46,920
Speaker 6: So the overall judgment is that Opie is not the

1210
00:57:46,920 --> 00:57:49,920
Speaker 6: a hole, and we do have an update. Shall we

1211
00:57:49,960 --> 00:57:53,160
Speaker 6: just roll right into it, roll into it, so an update,

1212
00:57:53,520 --> 00:57:55,560
Speaker 6: I'd like to answer a few questions from my first

1213
00:57:55,600 --> 00:57:56,680
Speaker 6: post before an update.

1214
00:57:56,960 --> 00:58:00,120
Speaker 1: No, my requests were not serious, and I can I

1215
00:58:00,160 --> 00:58:02,480
Speaker 1: believe how many people thought that they were. It was

1216
00:58:02,560 --> 00:58:04,640
Speaker 1: me trying to prove a point of how ridiculous she

1217
00:58:04,720 --> 00:58:07,320
Speaker 1: is being. Like I said in the comments, I don't

1218
00:58:07,360 --> 00:58:09,800
Speaker 1: want a maid or a slave. I want a partner.

1219
00:58:10,440 --> 00:58:13,400
Speaker 6: Before my wife got on this train, she was very ambitious,

1220
00:58:13,680 --> 00:58:16,680
Speaker 6: career driven person who wanted to climb to the top.

1221
00:58:16,960 --> 00:58:19,400
Speaker 6: She was never really on social media until the PANDEMI

1222
00:58:19,680 --> 00:58:21,960
Speaker 6: the troudwife thing started a couple of years ago. A

1223
00:58:21,960 --> 00:58:25,520
Speaker 6: lot of people suggested couples counseling. I've asked many times

1224
00:58:25,600 --> 00:58:29,120
Speaker 6: and always get the same response, which is I don't

1225
00:58:29,200 --> 00:58:29,920
Speaker 6: need counseling.

1226
00:58:30,080 --> 00:58:33,680
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with me. So now onto the update.

1227
00:58:34,520 --> 00:58:36,600
Speaker 6: We spoke Saturday morning and I told her that I

1228
00:58:36,640 --> 00:58:38,680
Speaker 6: can't go on like this. I said to her bluntly

1229
00:58:38,720 --> 00:58:41,400
Speaker 6: that the trodwife thing is never happening, and she either

1230
00:58:41,440 --> 00:58:43,560
Speaker 6: accepts it and we go to couples counseling or we

1231
00:58:43,600 --> 00:58:47,480
Speaker 6: split up. I'm not dancing around her bs. So she

1232
00:58:47,800 --> 00:58:52,920
Speaker 6: chose to split up. What I asked her if she

1233
00:58:53,000 --> 00:58:54,960
Speaker 6: even really wanted to be a trodwife, or if she's

1234
00:58:55,000 --> 00:58:57,320
Speaker 6: just trying to force me away, like she's trying to

1235
00:58:57,360 --> 00:58:59,560
Speaker 6: force her job to sack her because she doesn't have

1236
00:58:59,560 --> 00:59:03,280
Speaker 6: the balls quit herself. She said, yes she does, and

1237
00:59:03,320 --> 00:59:06,000
Speaker 6: there's plenty of dating sites that cater to this dynamic.

1238
00:59:06,360 --> 00:59:07,520
Speaker 1: I told her that I'd.

1239
00:59:07,280 --> 00:59:09,720
Speaker 6: Seen them and they are more sugar daddy dynamics, and

1240
00:59:09,760 --> 00:59:11,800
Speaker 6: without being horrible, she's too old for that.

1241
00:59:12,840 --> 00:59:14,480
Speaker 1: Now. This set her off.

1242
00:59:14,720 --> 00:59:16,480
Speaker 6: She said that I'm wrong, and then I'm the one

1243
00:59:16,480 --> 00:59:19,080
Speaker 6: who can't support my wife. So I'm the bad one

1244
00:59:19,080 --> 00:59:21,720
Speaker 6: in the marriage, and a real man would be able

1245
00:59:21,760 --> 00:59:23,200
Speaker 6: to give her the life that she wants.

1246
00:59:23,480 --> 00:59:26,240
Speaker 1: She was shouting and screaming this at the top of

1247
00:59:26,280 --> 00:59:29,040
Speaker 1: her lungs. It's about the only time that I've been

1248
00:59:29,040 --> 00:59:31,400
Speaker 1: glad to be in our new house. So the neighbors

1249
00:59:31,400 --> 00:59:33,320
Speaker 1: didn't hear. It's a little bit more to the story.

1250
00:59:33,320 --> 00:59:38,360
Speaker 1: But oh my gosh, so she shows divorce. Dang, that's crazy.

1251
00:59:38,440 --> 00:59:42,640
Speaker 1: I mean, she's gone. She's somehow gotten like pulled into

1252
00:59:42,680 --> 00:59:45,280
Speaker 1: this trad wife. It's like when you get red pilled,

1253
00:59:45,320 --> 00:59:51,120
Speaker 1: except she's trad lifed exactly. Ah, yikes, yikes, It's totally fine.

1254
00:59:51,160 --> 00:59:53,960
Speaker 1: For couples to want to have this type of dynamic.

1255
00:59:54,440 --> 00:59:57,200
Speaker 1: Even it's totally fine if the wife literally wants to

1256
00:59:57,240 --> 00:59:59,080
Speaker 1: do nothing, like she's not even a stay at home

1257
00:59:59,120 --> 01:00:02,080
Speaker 1: whyfe first, you know, or anything. She literally just lounges

1258
01:00:02,120 --> 01:00:04,760
Speaker 1: and this is a you know, trophy wife or whatever.

1259
01:00:05,440 --> 01:00:11,240
Speaker 1: That's fine if you've agreed on it as partners prior. Yeah,

1260
01:00:11,240 --> 01:00:14,680
Speaker 1: but you haven't. You have been living one way for

1261
01:00:14,720 --> 01:00:16,960
Speaker 1: fifteen years. And then she all out of the blue,

1262
01:00:17,440 --> 01:00:19,680
Speaker 1: was like, well, I'm going to change this up and

1263
01:00:19,760 --> 01:00:21,240
Speaker 1: you have to do what I say, or you're not

1264
01:00:21,320 --> 01:00:23,520
Speaker 1: a real man. Yeah, exactly like that.

1265
01:00:23,720 --> 01:00:27,840
Speaker 6: What she's accusing him of is so incorrect and just

1266
01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:30,640
Speaker 6: grasping at straws to insull him.

1267
01:00:31,320 --> 01:00:32,200
Speaker 1: There is a little bit more.

1268
01:00:32,720 --> 01:00:35,240
Speaker 6: I got a bit petty at the real man comment

1269
01:00:35,360 --> 01:00:38,120
Speaker 6: and said, you can't cook, you can't clean, and you

1270
01:00:38,160 --> 01:00:39,280
Speaker 6: don't have a spicy sleep.

1271
01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:41,720
Speaker 1: What a part of being a trod wife do you offer?

1272
01:00:42,280 --> 01:00:44,480
Speaker 6: I then stole a comment from my last post and

1273
01:00:44,520 --> 01:00:46,200
Speaker 6: said that she doesn't want to be a trod wife,

1274
01:00:46,280 --> 01:00:47,880
Speaker 6: she wants to be a trophy wife.

1275
01:00:47,960 --> 01:00:51,280
Speaker 1: Literally just what you said, what I said? Whoa he

1276
01:00:51,400 --> 01:00:52,120
Speaker 1: was listening to you?

1277
01:00:52,280 --> 01:00:55,160
Speaker 6: Yep, she just said I'm unbelievable and has gone to

1278
01:00:55,160 --> 01:00:57,840
Speaker 6: her sisters again. I'm going to take the next couple

1279
01:00:57,840 --> 01:01:00,200
Speaker 6: of weeks and start talking to a divorce lawyer to

1280
01:01:00,280 --> 01:01:04,480
Speaker 6: see what this entails. Then once this bass got rolling,

1281
01:01:04,680 --> 01:01:07,000
Speaker 6: I'm effing off to Portugal for a couple.

1282
01:01:06,840 --> 01:01:09,760
Speaker 1: Of weeks by myself. There are some comments.

1283
01:01:09,960 --> 01:01:13,560
Speaker 6: Zella's ideal group five five nine says she's forty eight

1284
01:01:13,640 --> 01:01:17,440
Speaker 6: in the UK, where there isn't a conservative trodwife slash

1285
01:01:17,520 --> 01:01:20,280
Speaker 6: trophy wife culture. She's going to be divorced and on

1286
01:01:20,400 --> 01:01:23,240
Speaker 6: benefits in a crappy bedst take care of yourself a

1287
01:01:23,280 --> 01:01:26,480
Speaker 6: pee because she's intent on blowing up her life for

1288
01:01:26,520 --> 01:01:27,080
Speaker 6: some reason.

1289
01:01:27,640 --> 01:01:30,520
Speaker 1: Harvard diplomat says, you can't cook, you can't clean, and

1290
01:01:30,560 --> 01:01:32,800
Speaker 1: you don't have a spicy sleep part of being a trodwife?

1291
01:01:32,800 --> 01:01:35,800
Speaker 1: Do you offer? Lmao, that is some serious a burn

1292
01:01:36,120 --> 01:01:40,240
Speaker 1: and that is the end of that story. Wow, good

1293
01:01:40,320 --> 01:01:43,400
Speaker 1: luck O, P, good locko. P. I mean props to you.

1294
01:01:43,480 --> 01:01:45,160
Speaker 1: I think you went about it the right way. You know,

1295
01:01:45,320 --> 01:01:48,360
Speaker 1: you asked her woes up and that like that it

1296
01:01:48,800 --> 01:01:50,760
Speaker 1: happening to see exactly you.

1297
01:01:50,760 --> 01:01:54,360
Speaker 6: You offered counseling, she denied it. You you asked her

1298
01:01:54,520 --> 01:01:56,280
Speaker 6: if she wanted to be.

1299
01:01:56,240 --> 01:01:58,800
Speaker 1: In this relationship, if she couldn't be a traidwife because

1300
01:01:58,840 --> 01:02:01,880
Speaker 1: she would have to contribute. You're absolutely in the right Hopie,

1301
01:02:02,200 --> 01:02:06,560
Speaker 1: and she said no, she said no, that is on her.

1302
01:02:07,000 --> 01:02:08,440
Speaker 1: So that is the end of that story.