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Speaker 1: Marriage sex be whacked as fuck. No, it's not with me,

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Speaker 1: marriage sex. I'm talking about marriage sex. Marriage sex be

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Speaker 1: whack as fuck.

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Speaker 2: All right, dead ass, I guess dead ass?

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Speaker 3: Dead ass?

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Speaker 2: So how do we get this spark pothin or how

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Speaker 2: do we keep it? Is the question.

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Speaker 3: That's what we're gonna talk about casually.

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Speaker 2: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devou and we're the Ellis's.

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Speaker 3: You may know us from posting funny videos with our.

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Speaker 2: Boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.

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Speaker 3: Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.

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Speaker 2: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

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Speaker 3: Yes, sir, we are.

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Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

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Speaker 1: li's most taboo topics.

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Speaker 2: Things most folks don't want to talk about.

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Speaker 1: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass

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Speaker 1: is a term that we say every day. So when

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Speaker 1: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred,

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Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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Speaker 1: Were about to take Bilos off to our whole new level.

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Speaker 2: Dead ass starts right now.

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Speaker 1: All right, story time, story time, I'm gonna take y'all

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Speaker 1: back to two weeks ago.

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Speaker 3: We're on a flight coming back from.

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Speaker 2: Oh god, we're because we've been on so many flights, y'all.

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Speaker 3: We're coming back to yourself.

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Speaker 2: Okay, back here.

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Speaker 1: From and you and Jackson, no, you and Kiro were

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Speaker 1: sitting in first class.

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Speaker 3: I was in comfort plus I was sitting right behind.

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Speaker 1: You, right behind us, and we were getting ready to

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Speaker 1: go back home, and we weren't able to have the

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Speaker 1: type of sex that we wanted to have because Cairo

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Speaker 1: was staying with losing cure cyle. So we was like

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Speaker 1: it was two dry days, right, which you know in

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Speaker 1: our house doesn't happen too often. But I remember sitting

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Speaker 1: there texting and k was sending me memes from Instagram,

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Speaker 1: like sexy memes, and then she sends me a text

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Speaker 1: on the meme it was just like, yo, I want

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Speaker 1: you to do some and so to me, and then

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Speaker 1: at the end of it, she was just like, I

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Speaker 1: want to get fucked. And to be honest, though, I

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Speaker 1: don't think a lot of people realize how important that

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Speaker 1: is in the marriage. When you and your spouse decide

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Speaker 1: that we're not going to play the marriage game, right,

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Speaker 1: we were gonna play the I want to get mind

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Speaker 1: game in the bedroom, and that's what I want to

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Speaker 1: talk about today.

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Speaker 2: All right, Now we can unravel that story, baby, when

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Speaker 2: you're ready. All right, karaoke time. I feel like we've

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Speaker 2: had so many episodes about sex. We're talking about random

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Speaker 2: different things about sex, so we're.

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Speaker 3: Not a different one though.

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Speaker 2: We're trying to remember, like what songs we've used, and

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Speaker 2: we use knocking the boots before.

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Speaker 1: Uh huh, we used less talk about done that.

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Speaker 3: I got a different one.

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Speaker 2: This time, you got different. I let you pick today.

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Speaker 3: Shout out to our roots since we both Jamaican.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, he is the passport to proof of baby,

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Speaker 2: and the popis them mm hmm.

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Speaker 1: And now I got the voice, So dime to a

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Speaker 1: have six look out a long every rude boy, yea

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Speaker 1: weird flicks.

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Speaker 3: Dime do I have said?

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Speaker 2: Bye, that's a good one. Flip flip flip flip flicks

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Speaker 2: before you're rich, I guess perfume.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, that's when it said, man, yeah.

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Speaker 2: Child crazy because we were singing this stuff as children.

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Speaker 2: I know.

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Speaker 3: I think it came out in It was either ninety

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Speaker 3: nine or ninety was it really? Yeah? So I remember

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Speaker 3: from Bethlehem, so I was like six.

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Speaker 1: Trying to figure out how to wind my waist tight

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Speaker 1: because that's when all of the slow wine was happening

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Speaker 1: in nineteen ninety flu.

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Speaker 2: The most top tier thing about life for me at

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Speaker 2: least is growing up as a person of West Indian

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Speaker 2: descent in Brooklyn in the nineties.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, like that was a.

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Speaker 2: Vibe. Like the private school that we went to you

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Speaker 2: was all black, It was a mix between American and

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Speaker 2: Caribbean people. It was just such a vibe. I felt

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Speaker 2: like I was really able to come into my own.

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Speaker 1: It became it became a global like cultural movement because

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Speaker 1: from the nineties into two thousands, that's when the Sean

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Speaker 1: Paul's and the Beanie Man's and the Elephant Man's took

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Speaker 1: the world by storm and reggae became real mainstream. Remember

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Speaker 1: from like the late nineties, Maya had the song with

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Speaker 1: Beanie I'm trying to think about what was the first

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Speaker 1: reggae song that went mainstream?

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Speaker 3: I think it was best collab, wasn't It wasn't best

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Speaker 3: to me? What was Maya and Beanie Man's.

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Speaker 2: Take the Stars the Sky?

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Speaker 3: Four years that guys guys.

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Speaker 2: In this world? Then if I could be young girl,

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Speaker 2: that was right? I don't know that was the first,

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Speaker 2: but that was definitely a big one when I was

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Speaker 2: in school.

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Speaker 3: I remember that was the.

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Speaker 1: First reggae song. I remember hearing on Hot ninety seven, okay,

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Speaker 1: and then that song came and Simsimmer. That was was

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Speaker 1: huge in nineteen ninety eight. So matter of fact, I

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Speaker 1: think sim Simmer was first.

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Speaker 2: I love a white beamer to this day.

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Speaker 1: Oh because of sim Simmer. I thought you said, because

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Speaker 1: I love that's why I love white man. I was

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Speaker 1: about to be like, what what because you said that's

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Speaker 1: why I love white And I was like, whereh she going?

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Speaker 2: No, no, no, you know it's a thing where Jamaican's

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Speaker 2: guess what it is. You know what I'm saying. So

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Speaker 2: that's always gonna be a vibe.

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Speaker 3: All right.

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Speaker 2: One thing that kills vibes bills. We gotta pay bills,

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Speaker 2: all right, they're about to kill our vibe. We're gonna

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Speaker 2: take a quick break and we're gonna come back. We're

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Speaker 2: gonna jump into story time and talk about casual sex

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Speaker 2: and marriage. Okay, don't get it twisted. We're gonna explain

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Speaker 2: what that means when we're back. Stick around, y'all, all right,

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Speaker 2: and we're back. Yes, listen, okay, I will say as

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Speaker 2: it relates to your story time, Yes, there is something

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Speaker 2: to be said about like being with your husband away

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Speaker 2: in a tropical place, you know where they are celebrating

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Speaker 2: our really good friend's wedding. But the style cramper is

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Speaker 2: like your kids in the bed hol you in the

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Speaker 2: hotel with us. You know what I'm saying. So we're like,

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Speaker 2: you know what, We'll tough it out for two days.

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Speaker 2: Were there for Tuesday to Thursday, so for three days,

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Speaker 2: we're gonna tough it out until we get back home.

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Speaker 2: So being in that environment and wanting my man the

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Speaker 2: way I want my man, well, actually we did have

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Speaker 2: a moment that was very casual of us. We had

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Speaker 2: How did I forget about that?

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Speaker 3: But that's what sparked you to send me the things

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Speaker 3: on the plane.

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Speaker 2: I think that's what it was.

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Speaker 3: So let me let me go back.

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna let y'all into like a this would be

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Speaker 2: the only fans version of the past for y'allay. So

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Speaker 2: it is the night of the wedding, right, and at

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Speaker 2: that point we had been out dancing all night. Y'all

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Speaker 2: saw the footage. Probably check my fan page because they

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Speaker 2: probably got all my stories on there dancing having a

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Speaker 2: grand on time at the wedding. Right, So Cairo was

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Speaker 2: dancing on the dance floor, he was knocked out in

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Speaker 2: sleep sleep, So Deval and I put them in the

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Speaker 2: bed and whatnot. And then we're just chilling on the

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Speaker 2: balcony on and you know, one thing leads to another.

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Speaker 2: And at that point we're on like the fifth floor,

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Speaker 2: so we're pretty high up.

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Speaker 1: They ain't know one thing leads to another. It's we're

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Speaker 1: on the fifth floor, is high up. We can see

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Speaker 1: it's it's dark out there. Nobody can really because we

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Speaker 1: can't see.

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Speaker 3: No, yeah, hope, we hope nobody can see us. But

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Speaker 3: we're on the balcony.

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Speaker 2: Ye, all the world is sleeping. Blowout.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, yo, you ain't then you ain't never want

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Speaker 1: to have sex on the balcony Macony.

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Speaker 3: She's like people, I was like, shut up, shut up,

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Speaker 3: shut up, shut up.

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Speaker 1: This is where I talk about like the casual sex

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Speaker 1: because if if it's your wife, right, we have these conversations.

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Speaker 3: You know, we're gonna cuddle you know, can we cuddle

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Speaker 3: me up beforehand? Can we? And it's like we can

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Speaker 3: do all of these things.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I get it, I get it, but that should

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Speaker 1: be whacked to me sometimes, Like I'm being honest, Like

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Speaker 1: I love cuddling and I love doing all of that

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Speaker 1: stuff because I know that you need it.

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Speaker 3: But sometimes I want.

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Speaker 1: It to just be like ah and not not spontaneous, spontaneous,

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Speaker 1: but not a quickie because we'll do spontaneous like YoY,

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Speaker 1: we only got seven minutes left before the kids come home. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so we'll do that, but that's also like a let

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Speaker 1: me get mine real fast. No, I want to have

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Speaker 1: casual sex, not casual quikies. Right, casual sex where I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to prove to you that I'm the man that

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Speaker 1: you need me to be, and I want you to

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Speaker 1: prove to me right, you know what I'm saying, And

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Speaker 1: have the type of sex when you you know, when

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Speaker 1: you don't know each.

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Speaker 3: Other really right sore phase. Yes, the dating phase.

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Speaker 2: It is getting back to dating phase, trying to gain

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Speaker 2: title of boyfriend and girlfriend. Yes, you're really feeling this person.

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Speaker 2: That's where all of the sparks, like we talked about,

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Speaker 2: like bottling up that newness in the relationship, in the

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Speaker 2: sexual journey that is marriage. So yeah, we both have

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Speaker 2: had those moments, and I more recently we spoke about

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Speaker 2: removing my IUD devaliating his vasectomy. That those two major

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Speaker 2: things eliminating so much of what used to bother us

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Speaker 2: or used to just interestrate with our sex life and

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Speaker 2: our drives and whatnot. So I have now begind And

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Speaker 2: it could because I'm on the fourth floor now, because

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Speaker 2: I've heard once you get there, you know, you get there,

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Speaker 2: So it could be a combination of those things. But

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Speaker 2: saying that to say, that's something that I kind of

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Speaker 2: require now too. And to your point, there are moments

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Speaker 2: where I'm like, you know, babe, I want you to

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Speaker 2: see me and feel me, and we do all the

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Speaker 2: theatrics of the foreplay, but sometimes the cure style Bontoni

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Speaker 2: Son got that work.

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Speaker 1: The reason why I felt like that too was because

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Speaker 1: your parents live with us right this. Sometimes I want

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Speaker 1: to have casual sex right there in the family room,

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Speaker 1: And every time I go, I'm like, yo, yo, come on,

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Speaker 1: just come on, come give me some happy quick.

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Speaker 3: She'd be like She's like, no, no, no, what My

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Speaker 3: dad he walks real slow, He's like a.

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Speaker 2: Go and I'm like it floats around the house, y'all.

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Speaker 2: He pops up. He's scared this shit out of me.

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Speaker 2: The other day when I was over here just packing,

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Speaker 2: cleaning up the room or whatever, and I turned around

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Speaker 2: and my dad was literally standing there looking at me

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Speaker 2: like a creep, and I'm like what and he's like, oh, nothing,

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Speaker 2: I was just checking to see if you want me

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Speaker 2: to take out some meat for dinner.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, I'm meat and give it to your

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Speaker 1: daughter right now, sir. You messing up my vibes all right.

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Speaker 2: Like we literally have to be like, yeah, we are

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Speaker 2: conscious of it.

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Speaker 3: And if it's not your parents, it's a kid, so.

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Speaker 1: We don't we don't get a chance to have like

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Speaker 1: casual sex ever, like it's it's always planned. It has

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Speaker 1: to be like I wanted it to be casual sex

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Speaker 1: because married couples don't ever get a chance to have

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Speaker 1: casual sex, especially if you have kids. For example, if

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Speaker 1: I look at my wife and she looks hot right now, right,

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Speaker 1: I can't just say, yo, let's go in the back end. No,

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Speaker 1: I got to be like, what time you got to

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Speaker 1: get so and so, who is there? Who is in

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Speaker 1: the house? Okay, Then by the time we get to

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Speaker 1: the end of the night, she tired. So now I'm

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Speaker 1: just like, fuck, how do I how do I ease

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Speaker 1: her back into the idea of having sex? And then

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Speaker 1: it's like, what hoops do I gotta jump through? Okay,

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Speaker 1: let me give her a massage, let me rub her back.

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Speaker 1: At this point, it's not casual no more. And I'm

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Speaker 1: not really enjoying it that much, right you know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying.

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Speaker 2: It's the work that has to go into it when

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Speaker 2: we just want those effortless moments. It was hilarious other day.

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Speaker 2: I think Matt came by, and Matt, you know, Matt's family.

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Speaker 2: So Matt came by and I think he noticed that,

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Speaker 2: like some car was missing, and he didn't know who

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Speaker 2: exactly was home. And he's like, valecaty might be home

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Speaker 2: by themselves, and if they are, who knows what might

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Speaker 2: be going down if I walk through this door right now.

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Speaker 2: So it's like, announce yourself, sir, because he had the

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Speaker 2: right idea, Let me announce myself so that I'm not

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Speaker 2: working your doorbell.

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Speaker 1: And the thing is that annoyed the ship out of me.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, who the fuck ringing the doorbell in the

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Speaker 1: middle of the day. They know we are just like,

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Speaker 1: whoever's here knows that we here. So then I'm like, Matt,

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Speaker 1: why the camera the door?

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Speaker 3: Bet Matt. He's just like, look, man, I ain't see

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Speaker 3: these cars. The kids is at school. I know how

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Speaker 3: y'all do? Do you know what I'm saying? I was like, I.

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Speaker 2: Appreciate that, bro, Yeah, appreciate that.

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Speaker 1: But for real, though, like people don't realize how monotonous

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Speaker 1: sex can become, even in your marriage, even when you

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Speaker 1: try to.

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Speaker 3: Be deliverate, deliverate, deliberate, deliver it would be.

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Speaker 2: Trying to want you to deliver it. Yes, I want

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Speaker 2: you to deliver it, and I'd be wanting to do that.

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Speaker 3: I be wanting to deliver it, but there'd be so

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Speaker 3: much things going on.

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Speaker 1: And I'm gonna say this, two women don't understand how

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Speaker 1: much goes in our mind when we getting ready to

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Speaker 1: have sex.

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Speaker 3: Right, Like we were talking beforehand, Josh was like his

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Speaker 3: wife was just like, do you see me?

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Speaker 2: And he was like she wants to feel seen too, right,

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Speaker 2: But he's just like, you don't see y'all.

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Speaker 3: Is clearly I see you, and you asking me if

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Speaker 3: I see you? It's messing up the mojo right now, So.

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Speaker 2: You should see that.

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Speaker 3: I see you, don't see me seeing you, both of

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Speaker 3: us see you.

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Speaker 1: He looking right at you with the one eye, right,

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Speaker 1: he the one eye looking right at you, like, come on,

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Speaker 1: what we're trying to do. And that's that's what I'm

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Speaker 1: talking about with casual sex. That that sex was just

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Speaker 1: like John fuck and you like yeah, and then there's no,

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Speaker 1: there's no let's talk about for a play like me,

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Speaker 1: get in my phone and make sure not it.

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Speaker 3: Is grab the collar, dragging the back of the room

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Speaker 3: and I got we're seeing.

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Speaker 2: That the footage of the lions and stuff like that.

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Speaker 2: That's what you mean. Do they like each other? They're fighting? Oh,

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Speaker 2: they're not. They're not fighting.

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Speaker 1: They fighting they're fighting for love. That's how when we

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Speaker 1: have casual sex.

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Speaker 3: You know, have you noticed how to do this? We

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Speaker 3: have casual sex. We have casual sex.

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Speaker 1: Right when I'm finished, I'm not getting the towel, Nope,

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Speaker 1: because if I just met you, I'm not getting the

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Speaker 1: towel this casual sex. Baby, I'm just rolling over, going

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Speaker 1: to sleep. Whatever happens on that side of the bed

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Speaker 1: happened on that side of the bed already. You figure

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Speaker 1: it out, Which.

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Speaker 2: Is fine because sometimes I don't feel like being cuddled either.

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Speaker 2: I'm hot anyway. I'm hot anyway, So back up.

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Speaker 3: What KA gonna do is right, We're gonna be finished.

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Speaker 3: She's gonna look down there. She's gonna be like.

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Speaker 1: This, if this can dry up on its own, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to sleep. But she's like, if this might cause

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Speaker 1: some problems down there, then I see her stomp to.

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Speaker 3: The bathroom right.

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Speaker 2: Like that. Man, it really just all depends.

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Speaker 1: It really all you selfish too, because then you'll come

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Speaker 1: back after wiping yourself up, won't come back with it.

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Speaker 3: She will go right on the side of the bed

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Speaker 3: and go to sleep, and you know what, don't touch

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Speaker 3: me anyway.

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Speaker 1: I'm good like That's that to me is what keeps

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Speaker 1: our sex life like on fire, because it's like yo

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Speaker 1: sometimes and it's gonna sound crazy to people, but once again,

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Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm not asking you how to affirm my marriage.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to care about you. Sometimes I just

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Speaker 1: want to split you in half and show you like

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Speaker 1: this is why you marry me I completely.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes the reminder is very valid and needed in that moment,

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Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying, because as a woman, sometimes

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Speaker 2: I want to be you know handled a little bit,

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Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying, so it really works out.

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Speaker 2: I saw a video on Instagram of a couple and

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Speaker 2: the pov was just like when you both are trying

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Speaker 2: to act normal after you just like pretty much had

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Speaker 2: a session and you walk in and you have to

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Speaker 2: return to life and return to the kids. I'm like

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Speaker 2: and I laugh because I'm like, that's deval nice so

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Speaker 2: many times because falling into again the marriage rud of

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Speaker 2: what sex is. There's the Okay, it's the end of

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Speaker 2: the day, the kids have been taken care of, it's nighttime,

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00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:26,880
Speaker 2: we cleaned up the kitchen, everybody showered, and it's like, okay,

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Speaker 2: here's the bed. Let's both turn down east side of

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Speaker 2: the bed and then get in the bed. And that's

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Speaker 2: probably the worst way for us at least, and it

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Speaker 2: may work for somebody else, but for us, that's the

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Speaker 2: worst way to start a session.

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Speaker 3: I agree with you, though I'm not going to say

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Speaker 3: it's the worst sex for everyone else. Right for me,

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Speaker 3: I hate the minute I get in the bed and

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Speaker 3: we both laying in the bed shoulder and shoulder.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to have sex no more, right, I

350
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Speaker 1: don't like there has to be some sort of adventure,

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Speaker 1: like like we've done this already, you know. And and

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Speaker 1: to be honest, and then isn't as important when you

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Speaker 1: get married as the actual idea of having sex with

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Speaker 1: your wife, Like when you younger or you're single, you

355
00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:12,800
Speaker 1: want to get a nut, like I'm looking for gettingnot

356
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Speaker 1: I want that feeling. Right once you've got married, you

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Speaker 1: get that feeling because we have sex consistently. Now it's

358
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,840
Speaker 1: not just about the nuts. I can get a nut

359
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Speaker 1: if I wanted a nut. It's about actually having that

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Speaker 1: connection with a person. And that's to me, Oh my gosh,

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00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:30,520
Speaker 1: to be to be with you in any type of

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Speaker 1: way and me giving it to you and you look

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00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:34,600
Speaker 1: back and you giving it to me, and we enjoying

364
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:37,840
Speaker 1: it and we without having to think about I hope

365
00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:39,440
Speaker 1: I did enough for a play.

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Speaker 3: I hope I you know what I'm saying.

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00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:44,200
Speaker 1: I hope she feels seen, you know, without you having

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Speaker 1: to feel like, I hope we had sex enough days

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Speaker 1: in a role you know, it's like, yeah, sometimes you

370
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Speaker 1: need to have casual sex in the marriage where we're

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Speaker 1: not thinking about each other.

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Speaker 3: I'm thinking about myself. You better think about yourself.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, get what we need. But there's also like a

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Speaker 2: performance aspect of it too, because it's like, as much

375
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:01,640
Speaker 2: as I want to get what I need from it,

376
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Speaker 2: I need to make sure that he gets what I'm giving.

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Speaker 3: You know what?

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Speaker 1: That's that, To be honest, I think that's what the

379
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:10,080
Speaker 1: biggest thing is. Casual sex for a lot of people

380
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:14,159
Speaker 1: is about performance. When you get married, you stop performing

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Speaker 1: because it's like, I got my person, I don't have

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Speaker 1: to prove anything.

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00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:19,600
Speaker 3: I can just get whatever I'm getting.

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Speaker 1: But no, if you're constantly trying to perform for your spouse,

385
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:26,359
Speaker 1: imagine what type of sex you have in If she

386
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Speaker 1: come to bed and she's like, I'm about to really

387
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,800
Speaker 1: freak this niggle off something crazy, but he comes to you,

388
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Speaker 1: I done have my ginkolobo.

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Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying, No and meet you shots.

390
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:42,840
Speaker 1: And shit's getting brain and not exploding before you're supposed to.

391
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:45,680
Speaker 1: Because we got we got missing guys. We all got

392
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:47,440
Speaker 1: our tricks. You know some guys, I was in the

393
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:49,160
Speaker 1: hood or was You get a honey pack. You get

394
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:50,840
Speaker 1: a honey pack before you go to lay down with

395
00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:55,720
Speaker 1: that one sick you want the corner store.

396
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Speaker 3: And it keeps you here.

397
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Speaker 2: You know what, I'm saying the honey peg tonic, sexy

398
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:03,320
Speaker 2: and the roots you go to health food stores, you know.

399
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:06,040
Speaker 1: But that's the type of sex that makes a woman

400
00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:08,280
Speaker 1: fall in love because he's not going it or not.

401
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,919
Speaker 1: That's the type of sex when guys with their friends,

402
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:12,760
Speaker 1: they'd be like, Yo, I'm going to shorty that I

403
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:15,040
Speaker 1: was after for the past couple and she said, now

404
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,800
Speaker 1: is the time I have to deliver that grade A.

405
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:19,680
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, because I'm not going to

406
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:23,960
Speaker 1: be the clown in her friends group chats that chat

407
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:27,960
Speaker 1: bro jet. That type of sex is the sex that

408
00:18:28,119 --> 00:18:30,600
Speaker 1: be missing when you get married, when you're and I

409
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:34,520
Speaker 1: think we just having this discussion really like brought it

410
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:38,000
Speaker 1: to a point. It's the performance because you perform now.

411
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:42,720
Speaker 2: Absolutely man, you thought can say stayed on stage after tour,

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Speaker 2: baby we brought her home.

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Speaker 1: Okay, ladies, this is this is a this is a

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Speaker 1: married man talking right. And we had this conversation too. Like,

415
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Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of the world is lost

416
00:18:52,359 --> 00:18:55,640
Speaker 1: because single people listen to single people of the opposite

417
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Speaker 1: sex and say, well, this is what they want.

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00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:01,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, that guy single, he's telling you what he wants.

419
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:02,160
Speaker 3: He's single.

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Speaker 1: He don't know what he wants, because if he wanted

421
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:05,280
Speaker 1: to be with somebody, he would have found it and

422
00:19:05,359 --> 00:19:08,240
Speaker 1: found that person. So you're listening to single people, listen

423
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:11,440
Speaker 1: to married people tell you how they keep the flames.

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00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:15,280
Speaker 1: As a man, I'm telling you when you perform right,

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00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:18,440
Speaker 1: that shit keeps me excited when you when I know

426
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:21,320
Speaker 1: that this ain't about the cuddles and when this is

427
00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:23,040
Speaker 1: about oh, she really wants to show me that she

428
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:27,879
Speaker 1: the baddest one. When it's the sex that part of me, Ladies,

429
00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:31,040
Speaker 1: it's the sex that your side chick give you when

430
00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:32,960
Speaker 1: she's trying to prove she's trying to be the main ship.

431
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:35,840
Speaker 1: Don't you hear this all the time, and you say

432
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Speaker 1: this all the time. The best position for a woman

433
00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:40,840
Speaker 1: to be heard that is the side chick position, because

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00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,680
Speaker 1: that's the woman that wants to constantly prove.

435
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:45,320
Speaker 2: That's also that the person that most of most men

436
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:47,240
Speaker 2: I've heard, at least I don't know, go to for

437
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:50,280
Speaker 2: some sort of escapism, right, you know why because you

438
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:51,840
Speaker 2: only come with one.

439
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:54,159
Speaker 3: Thing, and she's coming to do what perform?

440
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:59,760
Speaker 1: Perform for me it's like wife perform Because as a husband,

441
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,920
Speaker 1: I put that pressure on myself to perform. I don't

442
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,040
Speaker 1: ever want. I don't ever want in our marriage ever.

443
00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:07,080
Speaker 1: I don't care how old we are. You look at

444
00:20:07,119 --> 00:20:10,399
Speaker 1: me and be like, Okay, that's it. Like you forgot

445
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:12,399
Speaker 1: about me, Like you didn't you didn't want to make

446
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:13,560
Speaker 1: sure that I got mine.

447
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,720
Speaker 2: I don't think I could. I could honestly say, I

448
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:18,359
Speaker 2: don't think that was ever a case.

449
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:20,720
Speaker 1: You know why, because my friends in my group chat.

450
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:24,320
Speaker 1: We be on each other, like keep your health up.

451
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:25,880
Speaker 1: Like a lot of us we work out and stuff,

452
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,440
Speaker 1: but we keep our bodies on point because we want

453
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:30,040
Speaker 1: our wives to look at us in that way. Where Yo,

454
00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:31,960
Speaker 1: if your wife ain't looking at you like that, trust me,

455
00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:34,640
Speaker 1: she looking at somebody like that. You know what I'm saying.

456
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:37,359
Speaker 1: So imagine you lose yourself in the looks department as

457
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:41,240
Speaker 1: a man. Right so now, stomach getting big, your hair

458
00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:44,440
Speaker 1: falling out. You can't perform as much as you did

459
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,760
Speaker 1: before because you don't care to try because you already

460
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:50,199
Speaker 1: got her. Then you're gonna be mad if she steps out. Nah, bro,

461
00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:51,080
Speaker 1: that's your fault.

462
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:52,879
Speaker 3: That is like, you have a.

463
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,920
Speaker 1: Responsibility as a man to make sure that your wife

464
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,680
Speaker 1: knows Like I'm coming home to deliver grade A.

465
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:01,120
Speaker 3: I don't how many kids we got.

466
00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:04,480
Speaker 2: I completely get it, and I love that that's happening

467
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:06,360
Speaker 2: in your group chat because I've actually been the one

468
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:09,280
Speaker 2: to shift the dialogue in some of my group chats

469
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:11,480
Speaker 2: or even just in one on one conversations with women

470
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,720
Speaker 2: who I know who are friends that are still married,

471
00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:16,239
Speaker 2: and a lot of time, the narrative is us as

472
00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:19,719
Speaker 2: women getting together and communing over how tired we are,

473
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,480
Speaker 2: how much we have on our plate, all the things

474
00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:24,200
Speaker 2: that we have to do, which is very accurate and

475
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,639
Speaker 2: it's very I see them, and I see because I

476
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:28,680
Speaker 2: know I'm living that, like there's a thousand things to

477
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:30,720
Speaker 2: be done on a toy day basis as a wife

478
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:33,200
Speaker 2: and mom. But I'm also the one now to introduce

479
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:36,520
Speaker 2: into those group chats and those discussions. But doesn't your

480
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:39,840
Speaker 2: husband deserve to have his wife? And I'm trying to

481
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:43,000
Speaker 2: change the narrative because I feel like, I feel like

482
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:46,760
Speaker 2: it's necessary for us as women to be honest, to

483
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:50,600
Speaker 2: finally be honest as wives and as moms about what

484
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:54,879
Speaker 2: it requires for us to sustain these marriages healthily with

485
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:58,480
Speaker 2: our spouses. So the conversations have become now.

486
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:01,159
Speaker 3: Wait, wait, just because you to go to have his

487
00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:03,120
Speaker 3: wife in what way.

488
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,320
Speaker 2: The way he wants to have his wife, or the

489
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,880
Speaker 2: way you feel your husband deserves to be treated based

490
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,000
Speaker 2: off of the life that he's able to provide for you.

491
00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:15,000
Speaker 2: Like I recently became friends with someone that I met

492
00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:17,879
Speaker 2: through another friend, and she's so refreshing to me. That's

493
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:21,440
Speaker 2: why I don't subscribe to the whole no new friends thing. Yeah,

494
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,600
Speaker 2: because at this point in life, I'm meeting people who

495
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:26,760
Speaker 2: are aligning with a lot of the things that I

496
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:30,480
Speaker 2: have become. And I love conversations with her because we

497
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:35,480
Speaker 2: talk about how amazing our husbands are, how much they're

498
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,720
Speaker 2: doing for us, how much we want to go the

499
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:40,960
Speaker 2: extra miles, exchanging tips and tricks about like oh this

500
00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:43,000
Speaker 2: worked for me, or I took him on a staycation

501
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,320
Speaker 2: or I had him do that. Like they're just little

502
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:48,720
Speaker 2: things that we feel like are required. So it's changing

503
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:51,320
Speaker 2: the narrative within those women group chats and within those

504
00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:54,760
Speaker 2: married women forums where we're not just complaining about all

505
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:56,760
Speaker 2: the things that we have on our plate, but just

506
00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:59,760
Speaker 2: really saying, how can we refocus husband, how can we

507
00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:04,320
Speaker 2: focus marriage and intimacy and what our husbands require based

508
00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:06,600
Speaker 2: off of the life that we've provided for each other.

509
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:09,000
Speaker 2: You know, it's important to have those conversations, and I

510
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:11,359
Speaker 2: think women tend to glaze over that it is important.

511
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:14,080
Speaker 3: I'm glad you kind of brought that up because when

512
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:14,480
Speaker 3: we did the.

513
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:19,160
Speaker 1: Podcast with Nice and Neat Okay, yes, and we talked

514
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:22,119
Speaker 1: about making a choice, and then them all three of

515
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:26,560
Speaker 1: those brothers, Jalan, Omar, and Duke, all married black women

516
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,880
Speaker 1: as well, all in shape, all make really good money,

517
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:31,639
Speaker 1: but all decided that they weren't going to do the

518
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:34,920
Speaker 1: same thing that other podcasts where young men did, was

519
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:37,359
Speaker 1: create a battle of the sexist and talk.

520
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:39,240
Speaker 3: About the things that women weren't doing.

521
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:42,560
Speaker 1: They decided to talk about what they can do as

522
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:45,360
Speaker 1: men to show up for each other, to be better spouses.

523
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:47,919
Speaker 1: And that's why when you put me on to them,

524
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:49,520
Speaker 1: I was like, damn, Like this is really a different

525
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:51,719
Speaker 1: perspective because now these are young men that I can

526
00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:54,119
Speaker 1: talk to as well and be like, wait, that worked

527
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:57,360
Speaker 1: for you. What for example with Omar right and him

528
00:23:57,440 --> 00:24:00,600
Speaker 1: changing his whole diet and this whole lifestyle right to

529
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:03,119
Speaker 1: be part of Kansas to be what Candace needs. And

530
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:06,360
Speaker 1: now they had their child, they getting their sex life

531
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:08,480
Speaker 1: back in order. It's like, those are things that I

532
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:10,439
Speaker 1: think we as a society need more.

533
00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:15,320
Speaker 2: Enough of the blame game and enough of the salacious

534
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:18,280
Speaker 2: you know clips where podcasts are just pinning us against

535
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:21,160
Speaker 2: each other. Like, no, I think we have a responsibility

536
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:24,000
Speaker 2: as wives, for example, and I'll speak on our behalfs

537
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:26,600
Speaker 2: because we speak a lot about couples and relationships stuff.

538
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:29,399
Speaker 2: But I think at some point us women need to

539
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:31,720
Speaker 2: stand up and say, you know what, these are the

540
00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:33,680
Speaker 2: things that we need to change. These are the things

541
00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:35,280
Speaker 2: that we can tap into a little bit more. And

542
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,480
Speaker 2: I discover that when I really had the conversation with you,

543
00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:40,920
Speaker 2: and you were like, why do I always have to

544
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:42,639
Speaker 2: be the last one on the total pole? Why do

545
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:44,960
Speaker 2: I always have to be the one to understand where

546
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,359
Speaker 2: you're coming from or just understand that you have all

547
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:50,240
Speaker 2: these things to get done. At what point can I

548
00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:53,600
Speaker 2: raise my level on that list of things that you

549
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:55,560
Speaker 2: have where I am more of the priority, even if

550
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:57,440
Speaker 2: it's for a day or two out of the week,

551
00:24:57,720 --> 00:24:59,760
Speaker 2: if it's for an hour out of the week, we

552
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:03,200
Speaker 2: prioritize and make time for the things that are important.

553
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:05,920
Speaker 2: And I've been taken for granted for a long time

554
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:09,359
Speaker 2: you and the things that you require. So these are

555
00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:11,720
Speaker 2: the conversations that I want to have now with women

556
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:14,520
Speaker 2: in those forum of women who are married or aspire

557
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,840
Speaker 2: to marriage, to say, you know what, no, you need

558
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:19,520
Speaker 2: to figure out a way to make sure that your

559
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:21,480
Speaker 2: husband is taken care of. I thin, because that's what

560
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:22,080
Speaker 2: he requires.

561
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:24,320
Speaker 1: I think that's dope because in the past casual sex

562
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:26,520
Speaker 1: spoken about in marriages where a woman just says, you know,

563
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:27,320
Speaker 1: let's go have sex.

564
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:28,920
Speaker 3: All your hear is I don't got time for it.

565
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:30,040
Speaker 3: I got so many other things to do.

566
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:31,760
Speaker 2: I want I'm going to move for it, which is

567
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:34,399
Speaker 2: very valid too, because I've been there. I've been that

568
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:36,960
Speaker 2: woman that's just like now, it's not the time I

569
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:39,920
Speaker 2: have a kid hanging off of my breast, I'm in

570
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:41,680
Speaker 2: the middle of cooking dinner, like I have all the

571
00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:45,080
Speaker 2: things going on. But we really have to be mindful

572
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:47,720
Speaker 2: of taking the time to say, this is what he.

573
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:51,080
Speaker 3: Needs, and that's not just what he needs, what is

574
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:54,399
Speaker 3: he doing to help you be better to do that?

575
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:56,560
Speaker 1: For example, I know for a fact, if my wife

576
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,000
Speaker 1: is exhausted at the end of the day, she's not

577
00:25:58,040 --> 00:25:59,080
Speaker 1: gonna want to have casual sex.

578
00:25:59,119 --> 00:26:00,800
Speaker 3: She's gonna be tired. So you know what I do.

579
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:03,240
Speaker 1: I make sure I pick up the slack in other ways,

580
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:05,440
Speaker 1: or I get people to help around the house. That's

581
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:07,560
Speaker 1: a responsibility as a man you have to do if

582
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:09,000
Speaker 1: you want your wife to freak off.

583
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:12,359
Speaker 3: But also, I'm in the gym every single day. You

584
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:15,000
Speaker 3: know what I'm saying. It's bad enough you already tired.

585
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:17,320
Speaker 1: Right then you look at a dude that you like,

586
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:21,240
Speaker 1: you don't even look the way I saw you attractively,

587
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:23,800
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. And we put a lot

588
00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:27,720
Speaker 1: of onus on women to maintain themselves, but we don't

589
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,440
Speaker 1: put the same on this on dudes. If you a dude,

590
00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:32,680
Speaker 1: then you want to have casual sex with your wife

591
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:37,520
Speaker 1: right and in the the middle of the day or

592
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:39,520
Speaker 1: at the end of the night, how about you present

593
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:41,360
Speaker 1: something to her that makes her go, I can't wait

594
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:42,080
Speaker 1: till fuckentic.

595
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:43,560
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying.

596
00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:46,640
Speaker 1: Why why don't you change your diet to eat better?

597
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:48,520
Speaker 1: Why don't you make sure your six pack is a

598
00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:49,480
Speaker 1: little more six pack?

599
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:50,359
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying.

600
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:52,640
Speaker 1: And here's the thing, even if you're not a six

601
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:55,000
Speaker 1: packed type of dude. I got friends who played in

602
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,720
Speaker 1: the NFL. Who husky, You can still be husky, but

603
00:26:57,800 --> 00:26:59,840
Speaker 1: get your line up lined up, make sure your beard.

604
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,440
Speaker 1: You know, being with some colone like, you don't have

605
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:05,040
Speaker 1: to just lose yourself in your marriage because you like,

606
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:08,240
Speaker 1: I already got my woman. Nah, bro, be the best

607
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:10,639
Speaker 1: version of yourself to her so that she sees you

608
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:12,919
Speaker 1: randomly and you want to grab that colum and be like, yo,

609
00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:13,440
Speaker 1: what's going on.

610
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:16,280
Speaker 2: It's helpful. It's helpful when we're talking about the casual

611
00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:18,720
Speaker 2: sex with the marriage. Same thing goes for women. I

612
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:21,840
Speaker 2: get it. I've been there, I've been postpartum, I've had

613
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:24,159
Speaker 2: all the kids and all that. But I made the

614
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:26,680
Speaker 2: effort and I made the choice to figure out how

615
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:29,200
Speaker 2: my body works. I'm learning my body. I made the

616
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:34,040
Speaker 2: necessary changes to be able to be who my husband

617
00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:37,159
Speaker 2: met essentially. Yeah, and better. I feel like I'm a

618
00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:39,159
Speaker 2: better version of that girl that you met when we

619
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:40,800
Speaker 2: were eighteen. Like, I'm a hold men.

620
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:45,480
Speaker 1: Now I've gained ten pounds with every child. You eighteen

621
00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:46,560
Speaker 1: pounds on all men.

622
00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:47,679
Speaker 2: Yeah, now you're.

623
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:50,000
Speaker 3: Closer to one sixty one.

624
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:52,480
Speaker 2: I fluctuate a bit, you know what I'm saying in

625
00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:55,480
Speaker 2: the right places, But that's something that I'm interested in

626
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,040
Speaker 2: because when I look at my man and he's sexy,

627
00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:00,720
Speaker 2: and I know I'm sexy for my man, it sparks

628
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,320
Speaker 2: something within me, that confidence where I'm just like, oh,

629
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:05,879
Speaker 2: I can be whoever he needs me to be in

630
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,840
Speaker 2: this casual sex moment within our marriage, you know, saying,

631
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:11,399
Speaker 2: all right, we have some quick facts and stats that

632
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:14,080
Speaker 2: we can get into. According to web ind twenty five

633
00:28:14,119 --> 00:28:17,720
Speaker 2: percent of American adults have sex weekly, sixteen percent have

634
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:20,920
Speaker 2: sex two to three times a week, seventeen have sex

635
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:24,280
Speaker 2: once a month, nineteen percent have sex two to three

636
00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:27,720
Speaker 2: times per month, five percent have sex four or five

637
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:31,720
Speaker 2: times per week. So we're within the five percent percent. Yeah,

638
00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:35,240
Speaker 2: and ten percent didn't have sex in the past year.

639
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:36,600
Speaker 3: Oh, ten percent, apeak.

640
00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:40,840
Speaker 2: That's crazy that some people just aren't doing it, doing

641
00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:41,640
Speaker 2: it and doing it well.

642
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:45,320
Speaker 1: According to Tatistan twenty twenty one, people who were cohabitating

643
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:48,520
Speaker 1: and had sex the most frequently, with an average of

644
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 1: one point six times per week. Married people had sex

645
00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:54,680
Speaker 1: on average one point two times per week, while unpartnered

646
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 1: people had sex and averages zero point three times a week.

647
00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:59,120
Speaker 1: This is what's funny too. I'm glad we're talking about

648
00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:02,040
Speaker 1: this why casual sex is so much better when you're single,

649
00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:05,000
Speaker 1: you don't have sex. Is often when you don't have sex,

650
00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:07,280
Speaker 1: is often that anticipation when you do have sex. Because

651
00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:09,400
Speaker 1: when I speak to my single friends, true, and I'm

652
00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:11,240
Speaker 1: talking to them and I'm like, these are dudes, handsome

653
00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:14,400
Speaker 1: dudes with money who live in places that are flooded

654
00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:18,240
Speaker 1: with women Miami, La, New York. And I'm just like, yo,

655
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:20,680
Speaker 1: how often do you have sex? And he's like, man,

656
00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:22,400
Speaker 1: I'll just try to get I try to get one

657
00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:24,280
Speaker 1: a week. You know, you're trying to. It's like it's

658
00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:25,880
Speaker 1: like trying to play whack them more with some of

659
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:28,120
Speaker 1: these chicks, these young chicks you following. And I said,

660
00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:29,840
Speaker 1: it's funny that you're laugh at me and talk about

661
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:31,760
Speaker 1: how as a married person we don't have sex, but

662
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:33,800
Speaker 1: I have sex four to five times a week, and

663
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:35,480
Speaker 1: you try to have it one time in a week.

664
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:37,400
Speaker 3: And that's what it made me like.

665
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:39,240
Speaker 1: And when they looked at me, it was like, wait

666
00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 1: a minute, y'all have sex that often? I said, yeah,

667
00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:42,800
Speaker 1: he's like, I gotta get married. I said, see, that's

668
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:45,880
Speaker 1: that's the thing. You think that you're gonna get married,

669
00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:47,680
Speaker 1: And that one girl is gonna provide you with all

670
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:51,280
Speaker 1: of that sex when before you are balancing five girls

671
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:53,680
Speaker 1: and only getting sex once a week. Then when you

672
00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:57,000
Speaker 1: get married, you both get complacent, and then that sex

673
00:29:57,280 --> 00:29:59,480
Speaker 1: becomes monotonous and then you don't even want.

674
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:01,240
Speaker 3: To have sex with each other each other. Yeah, because

675
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:03,480
Speaker 3: you came from a space, So it's importance.

676
00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:06,840
Speaker 2: It isn't even which one's worse exactly. At least when

677
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:09,000
Speaker 2: you're married is with one person. Then you can trust

678
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:11,240
Speaker 2: that when you do have a session, that you can

679
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:13,000
Speaker 2: do all the things you want to do in your

680
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:15,480
Speaker 2: risk of like contracting something is.

681
00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:19,440
Speaker 1: Like, but imagine how amazing the sex can be when

682
00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:22,840
Speaker 1: you trust somebody, When you open and you're attracted, you

683
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:25,400
Speaker 1: don't have no iud in I have a vasectomy. Now

684
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:27,640
Speaker 1: we're both attracted to each other and we can have

685
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:32,800
Speaker 1: that raw animalistic sex and not have no consequences. And

686
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:35,680
Speaker 1: what I mean consequences is like, Okay, you can get pregnant,

687
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:37,480
Speaker 1: you can have an STD. There's so many things you

688
00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:39,960
Speaker 1: can happen if you have sex with someone randomly. But

689
00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:44,240
Speaker 1: that's an amazing feeling. And to me, that's why having

690
00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:47,440
Speaker 1: casual sex within your marriage is important because it keeps

691
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:50,680
Speaker 1: your libido up right. And as it's keeping your libido

692
00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:53,920
Speaker 1: up then we also have the intimate moments where Kadeen

693
00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:56,160
Speaker 1: is just like, yo, can we just cuddle tonight? And

694
00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:59,080
Speaker 1: can we We may just cuddle and roll into each

695
00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:01,680
Speaker 1: other and have like a slow love making sessions.

696
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:03,560
Speaker 2: Which is good for You're also great for that moment too,

697
00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:04,560
Speaker 2: you know exactly.

698
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:07,160
Speaker 3: The casual sex just keeps everything vibrant.

699
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:09,440
Speaker 2: You know what's funny. I used to look at the

700
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:11,960
Speaker 2: I don't want to say burden of our everyday life,

701
00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:13,640
Speaker 2: because it's not a burden. It's a blessing to have

702
00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:16,200
Speaker 2: our four boys and our businesses and all the things

703
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:19,200
Speaker 2: that we're doing. But in that where I used to

704
00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:21,520
Speaker 2: look at it as a burden or something that impeded

705
00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:24,680
Speaker 2: my sex drive or just even my desire to want

706
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 2: to do anything when it came to that at the

707
00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:28,760
Speaker 2: end of the night because I was just so exhausted.

708
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:31,760
Speaker 2: Now I look at it as Okay, we have all

709
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:35,840
Speaker 2: of these things. My escapism is you like to get

710
00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:38,959
Speaker 2: away from the monotony of the truck and this one

711
00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:41,360
Speaker 2: here and there, and you know, having to deal with

712
00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:44,000
Speaker 2: emails and people and talking and texting and being social

713
00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:45,840
Speaker 2: and my social battery just having to be on for

714
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:49,320
Speaker 2: the public. You are my escape where I feel like, okay,

715
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:53,480
Speaker 2: now I'm craving those moments more where I want to

716
00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:56,160
Speaker 2: be with you and in that, like you said, sometimes

717
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:59,840
Speaker 2: it's just sitting in our bed, laying together, listen to

718
00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:02,080
Speaker 2: R and B singing at the top of our love Yeah,

719
00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:05,240
Speaker 2: that eventually becomes a love making session, or it could

720
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:07,200
Speaker 2: just not be that, or it could be the sexual,

721
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:10,800
Speaker 2: you know, sex portion of it, but the casual sex

722
00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:14,320
Speaker 2: portion rather. But those moments for me now become a

723
00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:17,320
Speaker 2: means of escapism from life, which I think is great.

724
00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:20,400
Speaker 1: I mean it's great, but it's also a fact, a

725
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 1: scientific fact, oh is it? In a study that asks

726
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:25,920
Speaker 1: married people how satisfied they were in their marriage, researchers

727
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:30,480
Speaker 1: found that as sexual satisfaction increased, marital satisfaction also increased,

728
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:32,920
Speaker 1: which is a proven factor. You can't say to people

729
00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:35,240
Speaker 1: sex is not that important in a marriage, or it

730
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:38,520
Speaker 1: shouldn't be a priority. Sex should be a priority, especially

731
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:42,080
Speaker 1: if infidelity is a priority. If you don't want your

732
00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:44,000
Speaker 1: partner to be with anybody else, how can you then

733
00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:46,600
Speaker 1: say sex is not a priority. So I think more

734
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:49,240
Speaker 1: married people need to take heed to that and decide that,

735
00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:51,040
Speaker 1: you know what, We're not going to let sex fall

736
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:53,800
Speaker 1: by the wayside because I got my partner. Yes, I

737
00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:57,360
Speaker 1: am going to try to casually have sex with my

738
00:32:57,480 --> 00:32:59,920
Speaker 1: partner to remind them the fun of sex.

739
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:02,680
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, Yes, because it can be fun, baby,

740
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:05,400
Speaker 2: and trust and believe. All Right, we're gonna take a

741
00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:07,800
Speaker 2: quick break and we're gonna move into listen letters after

742
00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:10,520
Speaker 2: we get into some ads, so stick around. We'll be

743
00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:20,840
Speaker 2: right back, y'all. All right, y'all, we're back time for

744
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:23,600
Speaker 2: my favorite part of the show, listener letters, because this

745
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:25,240
Speaker 2: is when we get to hear from you guys and

746
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 2: see what you got going on in your lives and

747
00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 2: we can give you our two cents. Hey guys, this

748
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 2: is Sha Day writing from Cleveland. First, I would like

749
00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:36,120
Speaker 2: to say I love you both. Kaddin, You're an inspiration

750
00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:38,600
Speaker 2: to me and all husbands should be like you. Devo.

751
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:46,280
Speaker 2: Thank you relationship, real life relationship, girls and time. But

752
00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:48,960
Speaker 2: it's so worth it. You guys have a beautiful family

753
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:51,160
Speaker 2: and I wish you all the best and many more blessings.

754
00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:54,400
Speaker 2: Thank you, Shadday. I've been in a relationship for seven years,

755
00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:57,480
Speaker 2: and my dilemma is he's a mama's boy. I'm thirty

756
00:33:57,520 --> 00:34:00,000
Speaker 2: three years old and he will be thirty five in September.

757
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:02,360
Speaker 2: I love this man so much, and he checks all

758
00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:04,400
Speaker 2: the boxes of what I want in a man. We

759
00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:08,360
Speaker 2: get along great. We always have good time together. We

760
00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:12,200
Speaker 2: have and enjoy the same interests, and the sex is great.

761
00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:14,880
Speaker 2: Capital letters for exclamation points.

762
00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:15,200
Speaker 3: Baby.

763
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:20,520
Speaker 2: His only and biggest downfall is him being a mama's boy.

764
00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:23,200
Speaker 2: We do not live together. He lives at home with

765
00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:25,279
Speaker 2: her and I live at home with my mother because

766
00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:27,640
Speaker 2: I'm in the process of buying my first home. He

767
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:31,080
Speaker 2: is financially unable to buy a home because of circumstances.

768
00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:35,240
Speaker 2: She's very manipulative and overbearing. She has purposely done things

769
00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:37,239
Speaker 2: to keep him busy so that he doesn't have time

770
00:34:37,320 --> 00:34:39,799
Speaker 2: for me, and has asked him to do things right

771
00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:43,160
Speaker 2: before our plans for the evening. She's very controlling and

772
00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:46,320
Speaker 2: wants to micromanage everything. I don't know if it's because

773
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:49,520
Speaker 2: he's the youngest of her three children, or because he

774
00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:53,080
Speaker 2: had brain surgery, or because he had brain surgery, but

775
00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:55,759
Speaker 2: he can seem to set boundaries when it comes to

776
00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:59,440
Speaker 2: her he is a non confrontational person, and to avoid

777
00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:02,040
Speaker 2: argument with her, he will do the things the way

778
00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:05,960
Speaker 2: she wants to keep peace. We've gone out together and

779
00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:07,880
Speaker 2: we speak to one another, but the mother and I

780
00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:11,440
Speaker 2: won't have any conversation. She has told people she doesn't

781
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:15,320
Speaker 2: like me, but never gives a valid reason. It's frustrating

782
00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:19,839
Speaker 2: because I always feel like it's frustrating because I always

783
00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:22,399
Speaker 2: feel like I'm finding an invisible battle of tugo war

784
00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:25,520
Speaker 2: with her. She treats him as if he is her

785
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:28,480
Speaker 2: man and not her son. She won't seem to cut

786
00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:31,000
Speaker 2: the umbilical cord and let him be a fully grown

787
00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:34,359
Speaker 2: man without always adding her two cents. From my point

788
00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:36,560
Speaker 2: of view, it doesn't seem like he's doing enough to

789
00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:38,759
Speaker 2: put her in her place. He says, once we move

790
00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:41,239
Speaker 2: in together, things will be different, But I don't see

791
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:43,359
Speaker 2: how if he can't take the steps now to make

792
00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:46,040
Speaker 2: a change. I know he has, I know he has

793
00:35:46,120 --> 00:35:48,400
Speaker 2: to change the dynamic of the situation. But when he

794
00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:51,040
Speaker 2: does speak up against her, she uses a guilt trip

795
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:54,000
Speaker 2: and is back to the same old vicious cycle. Should

796
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:56,400
Speaker 2: I leave him to his mother or hold on? Please

797
00:35:56,440 --> 00:35:59,080
Speaker 2: give me some advice in this common situation. Thank you

798
00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:03,160
Speaker 2: love you guys, man. I never want to be that mom.

799
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:06,759
Speaker 2: I pray I never want to be that. As much

800
00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:09,160
Speaker 2: as my boys love me, I never want. I would

801
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:11,320
Speaker 2: never let you that mom, I would never let you

802
00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:13,080
Speaker 2: be there. I would never want to impede their life

803
00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:13,440
Speaker 2: that way.

804
00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:15,240
Speaker 3: I would never I want them.

805
00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:17,200
Speaker 2: To be there for me and want to be around me,

806
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:19,560
Speaker 2: but never to a detriment of their own life.

807
00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:23,839
Speaker 1: I will say this though, she's a single mom, right

808
00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:25,160
Speaker 1: she said, yeah, she's a single mom.

809
00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:25,960
Speaker 3: He lives with his mom.

810
00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:26,759
Speaker 2: Yes, okay, yes.

811
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:29,520
Speaker 1: I've also seen this where there have been women who

812
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:33,240
Speaker 1: have their last child or that child that's been like theirs,

813
00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:36,440
Speaker 1: and it's like, once this child goes, who do I have? Right?

814
00:36:36,719 --> 00:36:41,320
Speaker 1: So subconsciously they do things to try to sabotage or

815
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:44,560
Speaker 1: promo the factors. But I've also seen women who says

816
00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:46,640
Speaker 1: that a guy is a mama's boy, and it's not

817
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:49,320
Speaker 1: that he's a mama's boy, he just won't do everything

818
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:52,160
Speaker 1: you want him to do. And since his mom still

819
00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:54,279
Speaker 1: tells him like yo, like that's not your wife yet,

820
00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:57,239
Speaker 1: like right now, it's he's a mama's boy. The truth

821
00:36:57,320 --> 00:37:00,560
Speaker 1: of the matter is I can't really give them full

822
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:02,680
Speaker 1: I can't get for a full advice without hearing his

823
00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:06,399
Speaker 1: side and the mom's side, right, because I want to understand.

824
00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:08,080
Speaker 3: Is he really a mama's boy?

825
00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:10,920
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, His mom's really tripping, right,

826
00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:11,400
Speaker 2: you know?

827
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:12,640
Speaker 3: Is mom being overbearing?

828
00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:14,680
Speaker 2: I mean, because the setup is that it's a set

829
00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:18,640
Speaker 2: up for Mom is probably a little you know, overbearing

830
00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:20,839
Speaker 2: because it's her last like you think about the last

831
00:37:20,920 --> 00:37:23,040
Speaker 2: baby to leave the house, So when he leaves the house,

832
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:26,640
Speaker 2: then what happens? You know? Also, mom's having a very

833
00:37:26,719 --> 00:37:29,040
Speaker 2: high standard for who they think their son should be

834
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:32,120
Speaker 2: with or who is deserving of their son, who is

835
00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:34,800
Speaker 2: probably like their crown jewel. You know. It could be

836
00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:37,759
Speaker 2: that her whole life she had to be his mouthpiece

837
00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:40,000
Speaker 2: and be overprotective of him because he had to have

838
00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:42,279
Speaker 2: brain surgery as a kid. So there are a lot

839
00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:44,480
Speaker 2: of factors in here that Mom might be warranted for

840
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:46,680
Speaker 2: how she feels. But at the same time, too, I

841
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:48,520
Speaker 2: think the only person that really can have a handle

842
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:50,640
Speaker 2: on this if it comes down to, like, you know,

843
00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:54,239
Speaker 2: knowing there needs to be a mediation session, maybe it

844
00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:56,000
Speaker 2: would be him. He has to step up and be

845
00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:59,319
Speaker 2: like Okay, mom, this is what it is. Maybe when

846
00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:01,839
Speaker 2: they are living together to be a little different. They've

847
00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:04,360
Speaker 2: been together some more privacy.

848
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 1: They've been together seven years, this is this is one

849
00:38:07,719 --> 00:38:11,680
Speaker 1: thing I will sell and I will say, after I

850
00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:13,200
Speaker 1: read that up to see how long they were together,

851
00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:17,240
Speaker 1: I will retract a certain statement. You've been with somebody

852
00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:20,879
Speaker 1: for seven years and you your mom and her don't talk.

853
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:23,759
Speaker 1: That's a you problem, bro. I can't put that on

854
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:26,800
Speaker 1: either one of the women. At some point you have

855
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:30,440
Speaker 1: to say, look, look, ma, this is my girlfriend. You

856
00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:33,160
Speaker 1: have to have a relationship with her. Because if we're

857
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:35,520
Speaker 1: going back to biblical times, the Biblical the Bible says

858
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:37,000
Speaker 1: once you find a wife, you find a good thing,

859
00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:39,360
Speaker 1: and then your wife and you create your family. You

860
00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:41,840
Speaker 1: are no longer a part of your nuclear family. So

861
00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:44,000
Speaker 1: if that's going to be the thing, you have to

862
00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:47,440
Speaker 1: be able to be the person in between your wife

863
00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:50,279
Speaker 1: and your mom as the man you have to be.

864
00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:51,840
Speaker 3: You can't just say.

865
00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:54,600
Speaker 2: Figure that out, that's not how that works. Yeah yeah,

866
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:56,080
Speaker 2: and he needs to stand up, bro.

867
00:38:56,440 --> 00:39:01,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, but that's he wants to make her his wife.

868
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:04,279
Speaker 1: I mean, they've been together seven years, she's purchasing the house,

869
00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:06,440
Speaker 1: she didn't say that he was purchasing the house. She

870
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:09,239
Speaker 1: said because of circumstances. So my thing is does he

871
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:12,399
Speaker 1: feel I hold it to his mom because he still

872
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:14,200
Speaker 1: lives at the house. You know, these are things that

873
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:16,920
Speaker 1: she has to start looking at because she's thirty three.

874
00:39:17,719 --> 00:39:20,319
Speaker 1: She's not getting any younger. You know what I'm saying?

875
00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:23,640
Speaker 2: Seven years and years, you know what you've been invested here.

876
00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:25,520
Speaker 2: It's kind of like the same time frame we were together.

877
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:26,640
Speaker 2: Before I was like, all right, what are we going

878
00:39:26,719 --> 00:39:29,040
Speaker 2: to do? We're gonna be together. We didn't have mother,

879
00:39:29,239 --> 00:39:29,520
Speaker 2: but at.

880
00:39:29,480 --> 00:39:31,760
Speaker 1: Seven years we were twenty six. I had mother issues

881
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:35,520
Speaker 1: mama with your mom. But even with that, though you

882
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:38,160
Speaker 1: would have won. It was like your mom like, what

883
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:41,120
Speaker 1: this this thing that's going on? I have you being

884
00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:44,359
Speaker 1: rude and you not speaking, and your mom was trying

885
00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:46,279
Speaker 1: to hold her standard. Nobody was going to be good

886
00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:49,160
Speaker 1: enough for her daughter, which I understand now and looking

887
00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:51,600
Speaker 1: at us now, we met at eighteen, we were twenty

888
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:54,080
Speaker 1: two and acting like we was grown. We weren't grown right,

889
00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:57,920
Speaker 1: So your mom had every every right to be defensive

890
00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:00,520
Speaker 1: and make sure she was protecting her daughter. But you

891
00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:02,640
Speaker 1: are the one who got up and said mom, this

892
00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:04,279
Speaker 1: is not this is who I want to be with.

893
00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:06,440
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying the same way if it

894
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:08,439
Speaker 1: was my parents, I would have had to be the one.

895
00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:10,719
Speaker 1: So he got to step up at some especially if

896
00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:13,200
Speaker 1: she's writing in she clearly feels a way about it.

897
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:15,120
Speaker 1: If this is the woman you want to spend the

898
00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:17,320
Speaker 1: rest of your life with, my dude, you got to

899
00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:18,600
Speaker 1: stand up and be like your mom.

900
00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:20,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know it is, mom, This is what it is.

901
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:22,360
Speaker 3: Is what it is, This is what it is.

902
00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:25,600
Speaker 2: All right. Good luck to you guys as you venture off.

903
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:27,279
Speaker 2: I hope that good luck with the house hunt and

904
00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:29,440
Speaker 2: all that good stuff. And hopefully you guys can figure

905
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:30,960
Speaker 2: out a way to get it together if it's meant

906
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:31,640
Speaker 2: to be, and.

907
00:40:31,680 --> 00:40:34,400
Speaker 1: I think that will change things then moving in together.

908
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:36,040
Speaker 1: But then they can also create a strain where the

909
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:38,600
Speaker 1: mom is always calling him back, come kind of.

910
00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:41,520
Speaker 3: Need you to do this and we've read that before. Absolutely,

911
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:42,800
Speaker 3: And then you know they'll find it.

912
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:44,520
Speaker 1: If he doesn't nip it in the butt, it's always

913
00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:46,120
Speaker 1: gonna be a problem whether they find a house or not.

914
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:50,680
Speaker 1: Right Number two, Hey, the Valen Kadeen, I truly need

915
00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:52,960
Speaker 1: some advice, So I'm going to try to provide as

916
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:55,560
Speaker 1: much context as possible. Let me first say, I love

917
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:57,520
Speaker 1: your show. I've been listening to you guys for a minute.

918
00:40:57,600 --> 00:40:59,719
Speaker 1: Now now to the matter at hand.

919
00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:02,120
Speaker 3: Thank you. Thank you so much for following us and listening.

920
00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:03,240
Speaker 3: We appreciate your support.

921
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:06,759
Speaker 1: I thirty year old male, and my fiancee, twenty eight

922
00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:09,560
Speaker 1: year old female, have recently ended our relationship for three years.

923
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:12,279
Speaker 1: Our last conversation of trying to figure out what went wrong,

924
00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:15,200
Speaker 1: my fiance mentioned that I had everything that I needed

925
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:19,000
Speaker 1: in her. However, I didn't have the things that However,

926
00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:21,840
Speaker 1: I didn't have the things that I wanted. Some background,

927
00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:26,040
Speaker 1: and I'll ever and I ever wanted all I ever wanted,

928
00:41:26,160 --> 00:41:28,279
Speaker 1: some background, All I ever wanted was to be a

929
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:29,560
Speaker 1: good husband and a good father.

930
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:31,799
Speaker 3: It's good to hear she mentioned that I had all

931
00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:35,360
Speaker 3: I needed that being her. That being her and her

932
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:37,960
Speaker 3: two kids isn't me.

933
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:40,839
Speaker 2: It's the comments she know. She mentioned that I had

934
00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:41,680
Speaker 2: all I needed that.

935
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:44,680
Speaker 3: Being her two kids, I got you things made.

936
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:47,839
Speaker 2: Don't read like these young kids now. We actually used

937
00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:49,040
Speaker 2: punctuation still.

938
00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:51,799
Speaker 1: So she's saying he had all he needed earned her

939
00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:54,360
Speaker 1: two kids, rightfully, So I had everything I needed in

940
00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:56,960
Speaker 1: them in my family. What I felt that I always

941
00:41:57,200 --> 00:41:59,960
Speaker 1: still wanted, though, were the titles, the title of husband,

942
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:02,399
Speaker 1: the title of father. I would follow up by saying

943
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:04,360
Speaker 1: that I never looked for her kids to call me

944
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:07,960
Speaker 1: father slash dad. I never wanted to replace their biological father.

945
00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:10,319
Speaker 1: I only wanted to just be there for those kids,

946
00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:12,319
Speaker 1: because I do love them like their my very own.

947
00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:15,040
Speaker 1: What I was searching for was that acknowledgment from my

948
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:18,640
Speaker 1: significant other. Nevertheless, she was still right. I had everything

949
00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:21,800
Speaker 1: I needed. My question for you, guys, are titles really important?

950
00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:24,759
Speaker 1: Or was I just losing sight of my eighty while

951
00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:27,480
Speaker 1: worrying about the other twenty. I proposed to her two

952
00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:30,400
Speaker 1: years ago, but we agreed that we would get married

953
00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:33,200
Speaker 1: after I got my finances together, and for the time

954
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:35,759
Speaker 1: being I was. For the time being, I was doing,

955
00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:39,279
Speaker 1: in my opinion, much better with finances and budgeting than

956
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:42,239
Speaker 1: I was not. Then we moved into our new home

957
00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:44,759
Speaker 1: last year. This is what happens, only for it to

958
00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:47,640
Speaker 1: not feel like home. Our differences in perspective just started

959
00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:50,960
Speaker 1: constantly clashing with one another. I feel like what it

960
00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:53,279
Speaker 1: came down to was that I felt like I wasn't

961
00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:56,040
Speaker 1: being heard in our household as a partner. She felt

962
00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:59,680
Speaker 1: that I lacked initiative. Several small problems led to big

963
00:42:59,719 --> 00:43:02,960
Speaker 1: problem that led us here today. Any advice ps. After

964
00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:05,000
Speaker 1: listening to an episode of Dead Ass, I realized that

965
00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:07,799
Speaker 1: I too have mother issues that I need to process. Well,

966
00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:09,879
Speaker 1: there you go and heal from That's what it sounds

967
00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:12,600
Speaker 1: like to me. He wants the titles and the affirmation

968
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:15,480
Speaker 1: from her because he wants that from his mom. That

969
00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:17,920
Speaker 1: was when she was saying. When he kept saying, I

970
00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:19,839
Speaker 1: want the titles and I wanted it from her, That's

971
00:43:19,880 --> 00:43:24,239
Speaker 1: what it sounded like to me. I feel like hearing

972
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:26,520
Speaker 1: Deval tell his experience of dealing with that truly helped

973
00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:28,840
Speaker 1: me to begin to understand that I may be dealing

974
00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:30,600
Speaker 1: with the same issues I am in the process of

975
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:32,840
Speaker 1: seeking someone to speak to in order to begin this

976
00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:35,239
Speaker 1: healing journey. Thank you, guys for all the support you

977
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:36,240
Speaker 1: give to your listeners.

978
00:43:36,600 --> 00:43:38,640
Speaker 2: That's awesome. That is awesome that you are like so

979
00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:40,800
Speaker 2: self aware to know like, Okay, yeah, I have some

980
00:43:40,920 --> 00:43:42,840
Speaker 2: issues here and I need to go on the healing journey.

981
00:43:43,560 --> 00:43:45,760
Speaker 2: So just because it was a little spotty in the beginning,

982
00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:47,480
Speaker 2: you get sorry if you want to I just want

983
00:43:47,520 --> 00:43:50,800
Speaker 2: to reread one portion of it. Our last conversation of

984
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:52,960
Speaker 2: trying to figure out what went wrong. My fiance mentioned

985
00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:55,120
Speaker 2: that I had everything I needed in her, However I

986
00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:59,920
Speaker 2: didn't have the things I wanted. So essentially, what he

987
00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:04,600
Speaker 2: saying is that he wants the title. He wanted to

988
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:06,719
Speaker 2: get married, to have the title of husband and.

989
00:44:06,800 --> 00:44:09,040
Speaker 1: Father right, And what she was saying is is like,

990
00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:11,480
Speaker 1: we're not in a good place financially to get married,

991
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:16,000
Speaker 1: so focus on that. And he feels like he's I'm focused,

992
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:17,719
Speaker 1: I'm doing better, I'm doing better, and she's like, no,

993
00:44:17,880 --> 00:44:21,359
Speaker 1: you're not ready yet, and he feels like he keep

994
00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:24,680
Speaker 1: jumping through hoops and he never gets the affirmation from

995
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:27,680
Speaker 1: his wife or girlfriend soon to be wife that he wants.

996
00:44:27,920 --> 00:44:28,120
Speaker 2: Wow.

997
00:44:28,719 --> 00:44:30,160
Speaker 3: And I think there's two things to this.

998
00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:34,040
Speaker 1: Number one, looking for someone to affirm you is always

999
00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:38,160
Speaker 1: a setup for failure because, like he said, that affirmation

1000
00:44:38,239 --> 00:44:40,440
Speaker 1: that you're seeking is not really what you're truly seeking.

1001
00:44:40,640 --> 00:44:42,640
Speaker 1: You have issues with your own issues, and you have

1002
00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:44,640
Speaker 1: those issues and you want your mom to affirm you.

1003
00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:46,600
Speaker 1: But now you're looking for someone else. What's going to

1004
00:44:46,680 --> 00:44:49,120
Speaker 1: happen is she's going to affirm him, and it's not

1005
00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:51,040
Speaker 1: going to change the way he feels, and it's going

1006
00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:51,680
Speaker 1: to be something else.

1007
00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:54,279
Speaker 2: Say that void feeling is going to become kind of

1008
00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:56,560
Speaker 2: obsolete at that point because it's like you're not going

1009
00:44:56,640 --> 00:44:58,600
Speaker 2: to really get to the root of the issue, which

1010
00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:01,040
Speaker 2: is probably, like he says, and I'm glad that you

1011
00:45:01,080 --> 00:45:04,040
Speaker 2: acknowledge it. It's your mom or whatever that lack of

1012
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:06,360
Speaker 2: you know, relationship you have with her or what she

1013
00:45:06,400 --> 00:45:09,440
Speaker 2: didn't pour into you, that you're seeking validation within your relationship,

1014
00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:11,600
Speaker 2: And it could be your fiance seeing that also in

1015
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:14,160
Speaker 2: you and saying, I know that there's something deeply rooty

1016
00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:17,719
Speaker 2: here that needs to be handled or addressed before we

1017
00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:20,800
Speaker 2: take that step to become a married couple, you know.

1018
00:45:21,239 --> 00:45:23,560
Speaker 2: And also too, when you move in together and you become,

1019
00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:27,759
Speaker 2: you know, one within a household, that doesn't necessarily either

1020
00:45:27,880 --> 00:45:29,560
Speaker 2: make it a home when the heart of the home

1021
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:33,759
Speaker 2: is absent because they are underlying issues, then it's only

1022
00:45:33,880 --> 00:45:35,200
Speaker 2: just going to be a house.

1023
00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:40,799
Speaker 1: Also, there is very hard to blend a family, right,

1024
00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:46,080
Speaker 1: especially if the other members outside the family are still involved.

1025
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:49,200
Speaker 1: For example, you meet a woman, she's beautiful, she has everything,

1026
00:45:49,239 --> 00:45:52,640
Speaker 1: she has a child, right, that child has a father, right, Oh,

1027
00:45:52,719 --> 00:45:54,680
Speaker 1: I love the child. Yeah, but that child has a father,

1028
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:58,319
Speaker 1: so you can't be that child's father you. He opened

1029
00:45:58,400 --> 00:45:59,880
Speaker 1: up saying, I always wanted to be a dad and

1030
00:46:00,040 --> 00:46:00,520
Speaker 1: a husband.

1031
00:46:00,680 --> 00:46:00,919
Speaker 3: Cool.

1032
00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:02,960
Speaker 1: You wanted a wife and you wanted kids, but you

1033
00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:06,160
Speaker 1: found somebody with kids, so you want to assume or

1034
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:07,960
Speaker 1: you want to take on the role of being a

1035
00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:09,399
Speaker 1: father figure to them kids.

1036
00:46:09,960 --> 00:46:12,160
Speaker 3: Them kids is like I already got a dad. Bro Like,

1037
00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:14,359
Speaker 3: I'm not here for you. I'm here with my mom.

1038
00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:18,080
Speaker 1: And I think it's difficult for people sometimes to compartmentalize,

1039
00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:21,520
Speaker 1: especially when it comes time to kids. Come down to kids,

1040
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:24,240
Speaker 1: it's like, you're here for the partnership with that person.

1041
00:46:24,880 --> 00:46:28,280
Speaker 1: Those children are not yours, so you are not obligated

1042
00:46:28,320 --> 00:46:31,280
Speaker 1: to do anything for them. They also are not obligated

1043
00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:33,640
Speaker 1: to but anything to make you feel comfortable. Those are

1044
00:46:33,680 --> 00:46:36,800
Speaker 1: somebody else's kids. He's going to have to deal with that,

1045
00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:40,040
Speaker 1: and there's nothing she can say to make him feel comfortable.

1046
00:46:40,480 --> 00:46:42,880
Speaker 1: He wants to be a father and a husband. You

1047
00:46:42,960 --> 00:46:44,960
Speaker 1: can't be a father to those kids because it seems like,

1048
00:46:45,040 --> 00:46:46,560
Speaker 1: based on when she said that those kids have a

1049
00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:48,120
Speaker 1: father figure who's already involved.

1050
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:51,520
Speaker 2: I mean, but he I do like and acknowledge that

1051
00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:53,800
Speaker 2: he feels like he does love them like they're his

1052
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:56,040
Speaker 2: own and they just want that relationship, which is good

1053
00:46:56,080 --> 00:46:59,239
Speaker 2: because we've seen a lot of blended situations that are not.

1054
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:02,040
Speaker 1: But I will say this, we not together and you

1055
00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:06,480
Speaker 1: marry somebody else, right, Jake, my son's is not calling

1056
00:47:06,520 --> 00:47:12,520
Speaker 1: that guy dad or stepdad. Your name is Jake, right, Yes,

1057
00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:15,839
Speaker 1: that's Jake is my mother's husband. I have a dad

1058
00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:18,840
Speaker 1: and a father and I am adamant that because I

1059
00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:22,480
Speaker 1: don't foresee us ever. But if it were to ever happen,

1060
00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:26,040
Speaker 1: my kids are not calling another man dad, and and

1061
00:47:26,160 --> 00:47:29,239
Speaker 1: to be honest, my kids would be super respectful absolutely

1062
00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:30,239
Speaker 1: in that man's house.

1063
00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:30,600
Speaker 3: Yep.

1064
00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:33,600
Speaker 1: But my kids also not staying there. My kids are

1065
00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:37,319
Speaker 1: staying with me because I only trust me with my kids,

1066
00:47:37,960 --> 00:47:40,799
Speaker 1: and I think some people need you see what I'm saying.

1067
00:47:41,080 --> 00:47:42,880
Speaker 1: He doesn't have kids, or he doesn't know what it

1068
00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:45,800
Speaker 1: feels like to have your offspring with someone else, so

1069
00:47:45,920 --> 00:47:47,600
Speaker 1: he may feel like, oh, our house is a house,

1070
00:47:47,680 --> 00:47:49,560
Speaker 1: but it's not a home. Yeah, because them kids ain't

1071
00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:54,000
Speaker 1: running in the house saying hey Dad, you know what

1072
00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:54,479
Speaker 1: I'm saying.

1073
00:47:55,920 --> 00:47:57,800
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, right, get it?

1074
00:47:58,320 --> 00:47:59,839
Speaker 3: Get yeah, you got a compartmental lot.

1075
00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:01,560
Speaker 2: Hey, and then once you go on your healing journey

1076
00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:03,319
Speaker 2: and you figure out what's going on and you get

1077
00:48:03,360 --> 00:48:05,239
Speaker 2: to rid of that, and then you finally get with

1078
00:48:05,320 --> 00:48:07,080
Speaker 2: you fiance and then you decide maybe y'all want to

1079
00:48:07,120 --> 00:48:09,840
Speaker 2: have children together, then you can have that family and

1080
00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:12,719
Speaker 2: that happily ever after that you were so seeking. So

1081
00:48:12,880 --> 00:48:15,360
Speaker 2: good luck to you, brother. I appreciate your.

1082
00:48:16,440 --> 00:48:20,920
Speaker 1: It's unfair for people to come to the table. And

1083
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:22,480
Speaker 1: I say people because I saw me and the other

1084
00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:25,640
Speaker 1: day on Instagram. You come to the table with a relationship,

1085
00:48:25,640 --> 00:48:26,920
Speaker 1: he said, I come with a child. You got to

1086
00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:28,960
Speaker 1: treat my child like it's yours. But then when that

1087
00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:32,120
Speaker 1: person says, hey, well i'm stepping into discipline as y like, well.

1088
00:48:32,040 --> 00:48:33,360
Speaker 3: I don't need you for all that. No, no, no,

1089
00:48:33,480 --> 00:48:35,279
Speaker 3: no no, do not tell me.

1090
00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:37,880
Speaker 1: You want me to step up as a parental figure

1091
00:48:37,960 --> 00:48:40,799
Speaker 1: to your child only when it's convenient, because now you're

1092
00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:41,600
Speaker 1: blurring the lines.

1093
00:48:41,680 --> 00:48:43,320
Speaker 3: And there was a woman on there screaming at this

1094
00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:45,120
Speaker 3: man like you're not how father, You're not how father.

1095
00:48:45,160 --> 00:48:46,520
Speaker 1: Don't say nothing to her, And he was just like,

1096
00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:48,839
Speaker 1: but y'all here staying in my house and I saw

1097
00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:51,000
Speaker 1: she was doing something disrespectful to you, and she's like,

1098
00:48:51,040 --> 00:48:52,279
Speaker 1: well she got a father to Doude that I don't

1099
00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:52,560
Speaker 1: need you.

1100
00:48:53,040 --> 00:48:54,600
Speaker 3: That would have been the last day both of them

1101
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:55,319
Speaker 3: was being in my house.

1102
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:57,719
Speaker 1: I'd be like, oh, for real, okay, so I can't

1103
00:48:57,760 --> 00:49:00,759
Speaker 1: discipline so and so okay, cool, this is the last

1104
00:49:00,800 --> 00:49:03,120
Speaker 1: set of discipline. Get y'all shit and get out, because

1105
00:49:03,120 --> 00:49:05,120
Speaker 1: you're not going to disrespect me in my house in

1106
00:49:05,160 --> 00:49:05,919
Speaker 1: front of your child.

1107
00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:07,359
Speaker 3: And now that child one.

1108
00:49:07,400 --> 00:49:10,000
Speaker 1: Think they can disrespect me in my house. And if

1109
00:49:10,040 --> 00:49:12,439
Speaker 1: I disrespect the child, then they go to get their father.

1110
00:49:12,960 --> 00:49:15,360
Speaker 1: And if I'm that child's father and you disrespect my

1111
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:18,239
Speaker 1: kid in your house, I'm whooping your ass. And that's

1112
00:49:18,280 --> 00:49:20,120
Speaker 1: what I think a lot of people need to realize.

1113
00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:22,399
Speaker 1: When you are getting involved with people who have kids,

1114
00:49:22,440 --> 00:49:24,719
Speaker 1: there's a dynamic that you may not.

1115
00:49:24,880 --> 00:49:25,480
Speaker 3: Be ready for.

1116
00:49:25,760 --> 00:49:26,319
Speaker 2: That's a fact.

1117
00:49:26,440 --> 00:49:28,960
Speaker 3: And until you ready for that, don't get into it.

1118
00:49:29,080 --> 00:49:31,960
Speaker 2: Don't do it. Just don't do it. All right, Good

1119
00:49:32,040 --> 00:49:33,560
Speaker 2: luck to you, bro, And if you guys want to

1120
00:49:33,600 --> 00:49:36,279
Speaker 2: be featured as one of our listening letters, email us

1121
00:49:36,400 --> 00:49:38,759
Speaker 2: at dead Ass Advice at gmail dot com. We'd love

1122
00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:39,279
Speaker 2: to hear from you.

1123
00:49:39,520 --> 00:49:41,520
Speaker 3: That's D E A D A S S A D

1124
00:49:41,680 --> 00:49:44,600
Speaker 3: V I C E at gmail dot com.

1125
00:49:45,480 --> 00:49:48,240
Speaker 2: All right now, moment of truth time. We're talking casual

1126
00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:51,400
Speaker 2: sex within a marriage. Don't get it twisted. Mine is

1127
00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:54,080
Speaker 2: a fairly simple baby. Let me hear it every now

1128
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:57,320
Speaker 2: and again. You just gotta bust a wide open for

1129
00:49:57,400 --> 00:50:01,480
Speaker 2: your man, okay. And why and when you think it's wide,

1130
00:50:01,560 --> 00:50:06,319
Speaker 2: go wider. And when you think you wider, wider. I'm

1131
00:50:06,320 --> 00:50:08,560
Speaker 2: about to take some stretch classes, y'all, to get my

1132
00:50:08,640 --> 00:50:10,720
Speaker 2: flexibility back. Like I said, I've been working on my body,

1133
00:50:10,719 --> 00:50:12,759
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying. So working on all the

1134
00:50:12,800 --> 00:50:15,040
Speaker 2: things so that when we have our casual sex moments

1135
00:50:15,520 --> 00:50:18,560
Speaker 2: within the relationship here, I like, I can give you

1136
00:50:18,680 --> 00:50:20,719
Speaker 2: what you need and in turn you give me what

1137
00:50:20,920 --> 00:50:24,480
Speaker 2: I need and that gives us what we need collectively

1138
00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:29,840
Speaker 2: to move forward with our day. And I love that

1139
00:50:29,960 --> 00:50:31,960
Speaker 2: for us. I love where we are with this. You

1140
00:50:32,040 --> 00:50:34,360
Speaker 2: guys have literally seen this progress over the course of

1141
00:50:34,520 --> 00:50:37,320
Speaker 2: fifteen seasons, okay, because if you listen to one of

1142
00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:40,520
Speaker 2: our podcast episodes talking about sex early on, where there was.

1143
00:50:40,520 --> 00:50:42,359
Speaker 3: Season one, two or three trying to figure it out.

1144
00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:44,480
Speaker 2: We were trying to figure it out We've literally figured

1145
00:50:44,520 --> 00:50:47,800
Speaker 2: out the journey of our life together as a married couple,

1146
00:50:48,280 --> 00:50:50,360
Speaker 2: having sex within this marriage, and what that looks like

1147
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:52,600
Speaker 2: for us, and the struggles and the ups and the downs.

1148
00:50:53,040 --> 00:50:55,440
Speaker 2: But I'm happy to announce, as if y'all care. I

1149
00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:58,840
Speaker 2: don't know if y'all do. I'm happy to announce that

1150
00:50:58,880 --> 00:50:59,680
Speaker 2: we're in a great space.

1151
00:51:00,600 --> 00:51:03,959
Speaker 1: We're in a great space. I have nothing to complain about.

1152
00:51:04,640 --> 00:51:06,560
Speaker 1: I get taken care of her, focus on taking care

1153
00:51:06,600 --> 00:51:10,479
Speaker 1: of you. My moment of truth is the same as yours.

1154
00:51:11,040 --> 00:51:14,120
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. Gentlemen, we ask them to

1155
00:51:14,160 --> 00:51:17,759
Speaker 1: bust it open. Sometimes you gotta just get deep. And

1156
00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:19,640
Speaker 1: when you think you've gone deep, you gotta go deeper.

1157
00:51:20,040 --> 00:51:21,480
Speaker 1: And when you think you're going as deep as you

1158
00:51:21,520 --> 00:51:22,720
Speaker 1: can go, you gotta go deeper.

1159
00:51:22,800 --> 00:51:23,000
Speaker 3: Y'all.

1160
00:51:23,480 --> 00:51:27,640
Speaker 1: Like to be honest, you gotta remember, Oh my god,

1161
00:51:27,840 --> 00:51:30,200
Speaker 1: you gotta remember when you was trying to drop that

1162
00:51:30,320 --> 00:51:32,640
Speaker 1: grade A to prove to her that she should mess

1163
00:51:32,760 --> 00:51:35,640
Speaker 1: with no other dude. Every dude has that moment. But

1164
00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:37,400
Speaker 1: it's like, y'all gonna make sure she don't mess with

1165
00:51:37,480 --> 00:51:40,640
Speaker 1: nobody else. I think it's imperative that you continue to

1166
00:51:40,760 --> 00:51:45,160
Speaker 1: do that. Five ten fifteen twenty years into the marriage,

1167
00:51:45,880 --> 00:51:47,919
Speaker 1: and don't lose sight of the fact that that woman

1168
00:51:48,239 --> 00:51:50,200
Speaker 1: wants to be split in half once in a while,

1169
00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:51,880
Speaker 1: Like does she need that?

1170
00:51:52,080 --> 00:51:52,520
Speaker 3: She need that?

1171
00:51:52,600 --> 00:51:56,320
Speaker 1: Reminded, gentleman, So yo, casually fuck your wife consistently.

1172
00:51:56,600 --> 00:52:02,560
Speaker 2: All right, dead ass, y'all, and we have some amazing

1173
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:08,440
Speaker 2: after show content, exclusive podcast videos, family content. Everything is

1174
00:52:08,480 --> 00:52:13,080
Speaker 2: on Patreon patrem Patreon shout out, I know you got

1175
00:52:13,120 --> 00:52:14,600
Speaker 2: me all hot and bothered. Good thing. I got my

1176
00:52:15,080 --> 00:52:18,680
Speaker 2: hoodie on camouflage under hear y'all, but no, make sure

1177
00:52:18,680 --> 00:52:21,040
Speaker 2: you're signed up on Patreon. Shout out to our Patreon

1178
00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:24,719
Speaker 2: gang Gang Gang Gang for subscribing and watching all of

1179
00:52:24,800 --> 00:52:26,959
Speaker 2: our content. You can also follow us on social media

1180
00:52:27,400 --> 00:52:29,840
Speaker 2: at dead Ass the podcast I'm Kadena, I am and

1181
00:52:29,960 --> 00:52:30,560
Speaker 2: I Am Devout.

1182
00:52:30,600 --> 00:52:33,080
Speaker 1: And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate,

1183
00:52:33,520 --> 00:52:36,120
Speaker 1: review and subscribe. And if you're listening, make sure you

1184
00:52:36,200 --> 00:52:38,600
Speaker 1: get that copy of We Over Me, The counter Intuitive

1185
00:52:38,600 --> 00:52:41,759
Speaker 1: Approach to Getting Everything you want out of your relationship.

1186
00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:45,000
Speaker 3: New York Times bestselling y'all over almost one hundred thousand.

1187
00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:47,239
Speaker 2: Come on, get us to one hundred thousand copies, y'all.

1188
00:52:47,560 --> 00:52:50,279
Speaker 2: The holiday seasons are coming up right there. We're right

1189
00:52:50,360 --> 00:52:55,000
Speaker 2: into fall. It's holiday season pretty much. It's gift giving season.

1190
00:52:55,400 --> 00:52:59,040
Speaker 2: It's hoodie season. Grab your dead Ass merch, grab your book.

1191
00:52:59,360 --> 00:53:01,239
Speaker 2: All great gifts it gets for the holidays as well.

1192
00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:02,840
Speaker 2: All right, love y'all so much.

1193
00:53:05,680 --> 00:53:05,919
Speaker 3: Cut.

1194
00:53:07,160 --> 00:53:10,239
Speaker 1: Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast network and

1195
00:53:10,280 --> 00:53:13,840
Speaker 1: its produced by Donor Opinya and Triple Follow the podcast

1196
00:53:13,920 --> 00:53:16,520
Speaker 1: on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and never

1197
00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:17,080
Speaker 1: miss a Thing