Speaker 1: That's right, Yatas, And you guys already know me. It's
Speaker 1: your girl mad and you're listening to Exactly Almada, a
Speaker 1: production of iHeart and thank you so much for tuning in, Mira.
Speaker 1: Don't forget to subscribe, Okay, don't forget to subscribe to
Speaker 1: the podcast on your favorite podcast platform, whichever want may be,
Speaker 1: and rate us those five stars, leave us those reviews.
Speaker 1: Head over to the YouTube channel, where you can also
Speaker 1: watch and listen to the podcast by searching for micro
Speaker 1: through that podcast and collickting on Exactly a'm ada. I
Speaker 1: always want to do episodes that are impactful, episodes that
Speaker 1: connect with the people that are listening, that connect with you, guys, because.
Speaker 2: I do this for you by me, Beto. I do
Speaker 2: this with so much love.
Speaker 1: And today I really want to explore, you know, the
Speaker 1: complicated question of life, love and everything in between. Today's
Speaker 1: episode is a deep dive into a timeless question.
Speaker 2: Loving versus being loved? Which one feels better? Which one?
Speaker 1: Are you?
Speaker 2: Are you more of a lover or are you more
Speaker 2: of like? Love me? Love me?
Speaker 1: And if you are a love me? Does that make
Speaker 1: you selfish? Loving and being loved are two sides on
Speaker 1: the same coin, you know, because it's all loved, you know,
Speaker 1: no bad vibes, but the energy feels different.
Speaker 2: They are both bringing a unique joy and challenges. What
Speaker 2: exactly is love?
Speaker 1: I really want to talk about the difference in between
Speaker 1: loving someone and being loved, and I honestly feel that
Speaker 1: a lot of us are constantly looking for love in
Speaker 1: the wrong places because we feel felt or didn't grow
Speaker 1: up feeling loved, whether it is by your mother or
Speaker 1: your father, your siblings, or whatever the case may be.
Speaker 1: In my case, I am going to speak from the
Speaker 1: perspective of being in a relationship with someone at some
Speaker 1: point in life and something in a habit that I've
Speaker 1: worked really hard on breaking is I've had the build
Speaker 1: a bear syndrome, the build a man's syndrome where you
Speaker 1: find someone broken somewhat and you feel the need to fix.
Speaker 2: Them, and that is my way of loving.
Speaker 1: I want to love you by fixing your hurt, by
Speaker 1: fixing the broken pieces that I feel that I can repair.
Speaker 1: And that is the biggest mistake we can do. Because
Speaker 1: people come as they are. They need to be loved
Speaker 1: and accepted for who they are as they are in
Speaker 1: that moment you meet them. In life because yes, people
Speaker 1: can grow, evolve, and change, but you have to love
Speaker 1: them with their challenges. The biggest mistake you can do
Speaker 1: is try to change someone. No one can be changed
Speaker 1: unless they choose to change if they want to change,
Speaker 1: you know, because if you feel like you want to
Speaker 1: change someone, then that means you need to find somebody else,
Speaker 1: someone that is what you visualize, someone that is what
Speaker 1: you want to love, because you would hate for someone
Speaker 1: to try to change you.
Speaker 2: And been there, done that.
Speaker 1: Loving someone, I've learned that is to love them with
Speaker 1: flaws and all, whether it's your friend, whether it's your
Speaker 1: you know, a father, a mother. We've had situations, obviously,
Speaker 1: we've all seen it where you have an alcoholic father
Speaker 1: or a mother or drug addict, whatever, and you have
Speaker 1: to love people how they are, for who they are
Speaker 1: in that moment in life. You can help them in
Speaker 1: their journey. But there's a difference between helping and changing,
Speaker 1: and a lot of times we feel that we we
Speaker 1: do it with love. So it's okay to change someone
Speaker 1: and that's not okay. We all express our sense of
Speaker 1: love for one another differently.
Speaker 2: You know, my mom shows me her love.
Speaker 1: Obviously by well obviously through food because it's a very
Speaker 1: Latino things. She shows me her love through food, but
Speaker 1: she also shows me her love through being really hard
Speaker 1: with me. She expects a lot out of me because
Speaker 1: in many occasions, you know, they can see things that
Speaker 1: we can't see for ourselves.
Speaker 2: And that also happens when.
Speaker 1: We feel that, oh, you know, I am going to
Speaker 1: love you by trying to change who you are and
Speaker 1: I am going to change you by forcing you to
Speaker 1: see the best in you. And we don't all receive
Speaker 1: that love the same way. And also, you know, when
Speaker 1: it comes to being loved by you know what it
Speaker 1: is to be loved as a Latina or from the
Speaker 1: Latino perspective. In many occasions when it comes to relationships,
Speaker 1: we've seen that there's women that have accepted men as
Speaker 1: well that I have accepted this love that can be
Speaker 1: very toxic. You know, Oh, I love you so much
Speaker 1: that I am going to change you. I am going
Speaker 1: to treat you with this masculine love that can become toxic,
Speaker 1: that can become hurtful. I like those relationships where they
Speaker 1: slap you and then they they like, you know, that's
Speaker 1: just me because I love you so much.
Speaker 2: I have heard it you, or because I love you
Speaker 2: so much, I.
Speaker 1: Did this, and we in many occasions are in so
Speaker 1: much need of love that we accept the wrong type
Speaker 1: of love.
Speaker 2: Does that make sense? I mean, I'm going to speak
Speaker 2: from my perspective.
Speaker 1: I've spent in many occasions that I was raised without
Speaker 1: a father, and that, you know, affected the way that
Speaker 1: I see love from the male perspective. I've been in
Speaker 1: many relationships that have been toxic, that have been not healthy,
Speaker 1: but looking for that love and acceptation. Like I want
Speaker 1: you to accept me, I want you to want me.
Speaker 1: I want you to embrace me. You accept things that
Speaker 1: obviously are not good for you, that shouldn't be tolerated,
Speaker 1: but you're always seeking to be to be loved right,
Speaker 1: and that makes you, in many occasions, become the lover.
Speaker 1: I want to love you because I wasn't loved. I
Speaker 1: want to love you the way that I wish I
Speaker 1: was loved. I want to do this for you, and
Speaker 1: in many occasions, that person may not want that, that
Speaker 1: person may not need that.
Speaker 2: That's why therapy is so important. I'm not going to lie.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: The older I become, the more I understand that finding
Speaker 1: a professional that can help you really is important. When
Speaker 1: we love someone, we experience the incredible feeling of nurturing,
Speaker 1: caring and providing support. You know, when if someone loves you,
Speaker 1: it's a beautiful validation of worthiness and it can boost
Speaker 1: your self confidence.
Speaker 2: And that's extremely important.
Speaker 1: And we have to appreciate those people that put the
Speaker 1: effort into trying to show us how much they care
Speaker 1: about us, because in many occasions, when.
Speaker 2: We're not prepared for that, what we can do is
Speaker 2: push them away.
Speaker 1: You know, a lot of us don't know what it
Speaker 1: is and don't know how to accept and receive being
Speaker 1: loved by somebody else.
Speaker 2: We can push them away without even noticing. And I really.
Speaker 1: Feel that those things can come from traumas, from our
Speaker 1: earlier ages of how we were loved, how we were treated,
Speaker 1: even in school.
Speaker 2: It could be anything.
Speaker 1: It could be one traumatic situation can affect the way
Speaker 1: that you perceive love from your family, from your friends,
Speaker 1: from your loved ones. All those things really do matter.
Speaker 1: I never want to be the one to point fingers
Speaker 1: and judge any of the parents because now as a
Speaker 1: parent myself, I understand how hard it is. I'm a
Speaker 1: workaholic because I'm trying to give my daughters, the best
Speaker 1: future possible. And in many occasions, kids don't really care
Speaker 1: about none of those things. They care about the time
Speaker 1: and the quality time that you spend with them. And
Speaker 1: then that from the Latino perspective, from the immigrant perspective,
Speaker 1: a lot of our parents didn't spend too much time
Speaker 1: with us growing up, and they didn't give us all
Speaker 1: that love and affection that we were seeking for because
Speaker 1: they were so busy trying to be a parent, a
Speaker 1: parent that had to have a you know, not only
Speaker 1: one job, but two full time jobs besides being a parent.
Speaker 1: Who weren't you know, at home as much as we
Speaker 1: may have wanted to, who may not been able to
Speaker 1: support us the way that we wanted to work, or
Speaker 1: just show us that love and appreciation the way that
Speaker 1: we wanted to write, because they were so cut up
Speaker 1: working and trying to provide for us, and all those things,
Speaker 1: believe it or not, do affect you.
Speaker 2: I'll see how it affected me.
Speaker 1: It affected me because I have become a workaholic, you know,
Speaker 1: seeing the way that my mom had four jobs and
Speaker 1: was barely ever there for me. She would come out
Speaker 1: of work super late at night. That was her time
Speaker 1: to clean, cook, whatever prepare meals for me in the morning.
Speaker 1: She would leave at six o'clock in the morning to work.
Speaker 1: I would barely see her, maybe to you know, umbsito
Speaker 1: lamagana to wake me up, and I would have to.
Speaker 1: She would leave like you know, the breakfast or lunch,
Speaker 1: you know, ready for me to take it home. But
Speaker 1: then I wouldn't see her again to the next day
Speaker 1: in the morning. And I knew the rules and regulations
Speaker 1: of when you come from school, close the door, don't
Speaker 1: let anybody in, even if they not you know. I
Speaker 1: knew what it was to have to be basically raised
Speaker 1: on my own for a very long time, and it
Speaker 1: was her way of trying to fine ends meet as
Speaker 1: an immigrant with no documents back then at that time,
Speaker 1: she had to figure out ways to financially stay afloat.
Speaker 2: With a child. And at that moment maybe I judged her.
Speaker 1: Now as an adult, I thank her and I respect
Speaker 1: her for the grind, the hustle, the things that she
Speaker 1: had to do. I think that sometimes we can be
Speaker 1: very ungrateful with our parents and not you know, give
Speaker 1: them their credit for all the hard work that they
Speaker 1: had to do to raise a child in this world
Speaker 1: in these times things have changed.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: It's not like back in the days when La Vesina, Elvesino.
Speaker 2: Whatever your neighbor would.
Speaker 1: Be like, Oha, take care of my kid for a
Speaker 1: couple of hours, I'll be right back.
Speaker 2: Those days is gone.
Speaker 1: You have to figure out who you know, what babysit
Speaker 1: or what nanny, what daycare center, whatever it is you
Speaker 1: have to do in order for you to go out work, hustle,
Speaker 1: grind and unfortunately all those things. You know, the way
Speaker 1: the society is set up can affect the love and
Speaker 1: support and the structure that you feel from your household,
Speaker 1: from your mom, from your dad, the quality time that
Speaker 1: you get to spend, and in many occasions as you grow,
Speaker 1: you try to find that and replace that love in
Speaker 1: other places, whether you do it with your friends, whether
Speaker 1: you do it in relationships, or whether you do it
Speaker 1: with other things.
Speaker 2: We see people that you know.
Speaker 1: Try to fill up that void with drugs, alcohol, with sports,
Speaker 1: with dance, with games, with Whenever we feel that we're
Speaker 1: not loved, whenever we feel that there's a gap, whenever
Speaker 1: we feel there's a space missing in there, we usually
Speaker 1: try to fill it up with other things. All the
Speaker 1: things that I personally have suffered and been through because
Speaker 1: everybody in life has gone through their own stuff.
Speaker 2: Let's be clear about that.
Speaker 1: Nobody's perfect and everybody is struggling with their own demons
Speaker 1: in one way or another. Nobody's life is perfect, no
Speaker 1: matter how perfect they make it seem through social media.
Speaker 2: Everybody is going through their things.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of people that portray to be, you know,
Speaker 1: so happy and have a perfect life outside the exterior
Speaker 1: of them, But when that door closes, they're really looking
Speaker 1: and searching and seeking for love. They want to be loved.
Speaker 1: In many occasions, like myself as an entertainer, I am
Speaker 1: accustomed to giving of me. I give my voice, I
Speaker 1: give my talent, I give my personality, I give you
Speaker 1: my body, I give my image, I give my charisma,
Speaker 1: I give my I give I'm a giver. But in
Speaker 1: many occasions, because I give so much, people don't worry about.
Speaker 2: Pouring back into my cup.
Speaker 1: People don't worry about maybe she needs love, maybe she
Speaker 1: needs to be you know, maybe she needs back.
Speaker 2: Nobody really worries about that.
Speaker 1: And that's you know, in many occasions, even when you
Speaker 1: see artists that you know, their life changes and their
Speaker 1: live shifts, and many things may occur is because you
Speaker 1: become so used to giving that your your cup gets empty,
Speaker 1: and you also need love, and you also need that support.
Speaker 1: And like I say, in many occasions, this happens also
Speaker 1: with her parents. This also happens with the wives. This
Speaker 1: also happens with fathers. This also happens because let's say
Speaker 1: I heard this one too, also from a male perspective,
Speaker 1: that as fathers or as men, they're expected to be strong,
Speaker 1: to be brave, to provide, to be the provider, to
Speaker 1: be the protector, to give you. You're supposed to do
Speaker 1: all these things. But who protects you, who loves you,
Speaker 1: who caters to you, who comforts you, who hugs you?
Speaker 1: And I think there, we're so caught up in all
Speaker 1: the things that we're doing ourselves, you know, we're so
Speaker 1: caught up in wanting to be loved and be taken
Speaker 1: care of, in the validation and all these things for ourselves,
Speaker 1: that we forget to be that loving person for someone else,
Speaker 1: that we forget to fill up that cup that spades
Speaker 1: that emptiness for somebody else. The smallest question of like
Speaker 1: how can I help you? Can I be there for you?
Speaker 1: Just even a simple hug you may not know what
Speaker 1: that person is going through, because as much as they
Speaker 1: may try to portray, we're all out here in this
Speaker 1: world portraying this facade, the facade of being happy. We're
Speaker 1: so loved, everything is perfect, we look good, we eat well. Everything,
Speaker 1: Especially now with social media, we're in a world where
Speaker 1: we're so accustomed to portraying this happiness and everybody's good,
Speaker 1: these perfect relationships where nobody argues and everybody's always in
Speaker 1: a vacation with matching outfits, that it's like when that
Speaker 1: door closes, what is really going on? How do you
Speaker 1: really feel those business that have become multimillion dollar you know, businesses,
Speaker 1: and everything seems good. Can we see the behind the scenes?
Speaker 1: Can we see you cry because your business didn't go well?
Speaker 1: You know that you lost money, that they ripped you up?
Speaker 1: Can I see the behind the scenes. Everybody has their
Speaker 1: vulnerable side. Everybody has had to sacrifice something, Everyone has
Speaker 1: had you know has gone through a heartbreak. Everybody has
Speaker 1: gone through something. Why is it so hard for us
Speaker 1: to be honest, vulnerable and just transparent with our lives.
Speaker 1: Why are we so busy trying to portray this perfect
Speaker 1: life that's not true? Why is it so hard for
Speaker 1: us to say I need to be loved, I want love.
Speaker 1: I feel empty, I need something, I need someone to
Speaker 1: help me fill up this void.
Speaker 2: And as much as you're.
Speaker 1: Supposed to do that for yourself, because self love is
Speaker 1: the most important thing, I understand that.
Speaker 2: That's great. You can love yourself as much as you want.
Speaker 2: But we're human.
Speaker 1: We're meant to have human can We weren't born in
Speaker 1: this world by ourselves, right, We're meant to have human connection.
Speaker 1: And sometimes we just want to be loved. Not by ourselves.
Speaker 1: We want to be loved by somebody else. It could
Speaker 1: be your friend, It could be your mother, it could
Speaker 1: be your father, it could be whoever. It is. Just
Speaker 1: love overall is universal. You may not speak the same language,
Speaker 1: but you can feel what it is to be loved.
Speaker 1: And it could be from the smallest things. As like
Speaker 1: I said, my mom loves to love me, loves to
Speaker 1: love people through food.
Speaker 2: That is her way.
Speaker 1: She likes to cater, she likes to see you eat.
Speaker 1: She likes to know that her food what she did
Speaker 1: with her hands, you know, being able to cook a
Speaker 1: hot meal for you and fulfill that hunger in your stomach.
Speaker 2: That is her way of showing you her love.
Speaker 1: I remember my mom would argue with me, or be
Speaker 1: upset at me, or you know, give me my whoopings,
Speaker 1: and then she would come with a plate of food,
Speaker 1: and that was her way. And later on through life
Speaker 1: I understood that was her way. There's people that show
Speaker 1: their love by being physical. They like to touch, they
Speaker 1: like to hug, they like to There's others that like
Speaker 1: to give things. You know, there's different ways of showing
Speaker 1: your love. Some people show their loves by giving, by gifting.
Speaker 1: I'm going to give you this, and this is my way.
Speaker 1: And I understand that part too, because if you work,
Speaker 1: and your work requires sacrifice, and you use your sacrifice
Speaker 1: money to buy something to give, to provide for somebody
Speaker 1: to show them or your token of.
Speaker 2: Love, you got to appreciate that.
Speaker 1: I think it's also important to know overall the people
Speaker 1: that surround you, how do they love to be loved?
Speaker 1: And I also think it's important as that other person
Speaker 1: on the other side, use this conversation that we're having
Speaker 1: right now for you to bother, to take time to
Speaker 1: ask somebody the simplest question, how can I love you?
Speaker 2: How can I love you better? How can I show
Speaker 2: you how much you mean to me.
Speaker 1: I know it sounds really corny, but you have no
Speaker 1: idea how that simple question that can feel awkward can
Speaker 1: change somebody's life, can change your relationship, can change the
Speaker 1: dynamic of the situation or the life that you're living
Speaker 1: at this moment, the smallest question. I know it feels awkward,
Speaker 1: and if you are an awkward person like me, then
Speaker 1: I'm socially awkward.
Speaker 2: Text it. Maybe texting it makes you feel more comfortable.
Speaker 2: Out of no word, out of the blue. How can
Speaker 2: I love you better?
Speaker 1: I think it's important to ask each other. How can
Speaker 1: I love you better? What can I do to be
Speaker 1: a better person for you? Since I am part of
Speaker 1: your life? And honestly, there is no one size fits
Speaker 1: all answer. It's a matter of perspective and personal experience.
Speaker 1: Some of us may find more happiness in giving love,
Speaker 1: while others are extremely happy in just receiving it.
Speaker 2: And I don't think that makes you selfish either, you know.
Speaker 1: I feel like everybody has their own ways, were all
Speaker 1: born with different mechanisms, and that's okay too.
Speaker 2: But here's the beauty of it all. Love.
Speaker 1: Love is love, you know, and it feels good whichever
Speaker 1: way it may be, it enriches you, It enriches your life.
Speaker 1: It's not an either or situation, Okay, It's a delicate
Speaker 1: dance between loving and being loved that makes our relationships
Speaker 1: so profoundly fulfilling. And that's really what matters at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, you know, just trying to figure
Speaker 1: it out naturally, it's the best way to go about
Speaker 1: it with no pressure.
Speaker 2: So how do we find balance?
Speaker 1: Honestly, would be the question for me, because it's very
Speaker 1: hard to figure it out and there's no rule books.
Speaker 1: I always say that there's no rule books on how
Speaker 1: to live your life. But how do we navigate the
Speaker 1: intricate interplay of love in our lives. It starts with
Speaker 1: self awareness, understanding what you need, what you can give,
Speaker 1: how to have open communications, you know, just freely feeling
Speaker 1: like you can be honest no matter what it is
Speaker 1: that you're feeling. Feeling like you can communicate openly really
Speaker 1: is important. And understanding and also talking about expectations and boundaries.
Speaker 1: You know, I expect this, I want this, How can
Speaker 1: I do this? I think communication overall is the key
Speaker 1: to me when it comes to love, to loving or
Speaker 1: being loved don't be afraid to talk. Okay, here's where
Speaker 1: you can take home with you. As I wrap up
Speaker 1: today's episode, remember that the magic of love lies in
Speaker 1: giving and receiving. Embrace both sides, Cherish the love you give,
Speaker 1: and savor the love that you receive.
Speaker 2: Tell me that's not fire. That quote right there?
Speaker 1: You better you better use that as a caption on
Speaker 1: your Instagram post.
Speaker 2: Yeah, guys, by.
Speaker 1: The way, like I always say, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for joining me on this thoughtful journey of today's episode.
Speaker 1: If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe and
Speaker 1: share and just leave amazing review until next time. Guys,
Speaker 1: love love as much as you can love the love
Speaker 1: that you receive. My beautiful listeners, stay true to yourself.
Speaker 1: Embrace the people around you that surround you with positive energy.
Speaker 2: Be that light that just you know, lightens up the
Speaker 2: room when you walk in. Make sure to find me
Speaker 2: on YouTube.
Speaker 1: Catch the show by searching for Microturda podcast on YouTube
Speaker 1: and clicking on exactly Amata. Follow me on Instagram at
Speaker 1: Amala aln and come on sept You guys already know
Speaker 1: this has been a production of Ihearts Microthuda Podcast Network
Speaker 1: and for more podcasts from My Heart, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Speaker 1: Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Speaker 2: This has been exactly Amada