Speaker 1: I leave, then I you wanna way back home? Either
Speaker 1: way we want to be there, doesn't matter how much
Speaker 1: baggage you claim. I give us time and a turmano
Speaker 1: and gay. We want to send you off inside. Do
Speaker 1: you wanna welcome you back home? Tell us all about it?
Speaker 1: We scared her? Was it fine?
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 1: Porn?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do your need ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need.
Speaker 4: With Karen and Chris? Mhm, welcome to Do you need
Speaker 4: a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks, This is ercle Garret.
Speaker 4: We are near La X.
Speaker 1: God, it's gorgeous.
Speaker 2: Just kind of hovering around it like.
Speaker 4: A nervous school girl, like a or someone uh you know,
Speaker 4: could be intimidated by our behavior, like a nervous school
Speaker 4: girl or a possible terrorist.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we are hovering around l a X.
Speaker 1: We might we might have bad intentions, mal intent.
Speaker 2: But not this time. No way, you're picking up the
Speaker 2: delightful Johnson. Yeah, maybe go around. Yeah, let's do it, Jake,
Speaker 2: it's just landed.
Speaker 1: He is a major celebrity in the comedy world.
Speaker 2: Be sure it's to me.
Speaker 4: I I've looked up to him as a comman sense
Speaker 4: before I even started doing this stuff.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's I remember seeing him on Letterman long ago
Speaker 1: where he did his joke about it it's not guns
Speaker 1: that kill people, it's bullets, because you right, do you
Speaker 1: remember that joke. There's something like that where then it
Speaker 1: does a whole thing about pushing a bullet into someone's head.
Speaker 3: Oh right, that's funny.
Speaker 1: Or maybe it was the opposite that people were saying,
Speaker 1: it's not guns don't kill people. People kill people, but
Speaker 1: you really do need the gun to get the bullet in.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, something along the line.
Speaker 3: It is the it's like.
Speaker 4: A nail building the house, right without a hammer. No,
Speaker 4: it's very much like that. I think that almost deserved
Speaker 4: like a rejoicing sound of recognition for me just.
Speaker 1: Coming up with for how accurate that was of you?
Speaker 3: Pretty accurate?
Speaker 1: Yeah to do Yeah, I don't what kind of rejoicing
Speaker 1: sound would you like to hear?
Speaker 5: Exactly like saying, oh, oh okay, exactly, let's do it again.
Speaker 1: Let's let's start over.
Speaker 4: Oh bullet, Yeah, bullets kill people without a gun. Yeah,
Speaker 4: and a nail can build a house.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, exactly, thank you?
Speaker 1: Was that loud and horrible enough.
Speaker 4: It was a little shrieky. That's me from the beginning.
Speaker 4: When I started doing comedy. People always like to compare
Speaker 4: you to That's always fun, a fun game. Oh you're
Speaker 4: like a young new heart. I'm like, I didn't even
Speaker 4: know he did stand up and I learned he did
Speaker 4: and I learned. But people compare it just because of
Speaker 4: People have said I'd talk like Ellen a little bit
Speaker 4: m just because of the stammering or whatever. But I
Speaker 4: also someone said ja Jo hansome months and so I
Speaker 4: found and this was pre internet. I don't know if
Speaker 4: I must have ordered a VHS tape or something, but I.
Speaker 2: Was like, oh, I get it that. I like the
Speaker 2: way that guy thinks.
Speaker 4: And I think I met him for the first time
Speaker 4: last year and I may have said something stupid like
Speaker 4: we have similar brains.
Speaker 2: I don't even know.
Speaker 4: No, he had seen me just we just did a
Speaker 4: show together and he liked what I did.
Speaker 2: And I think while I was on.
Speaker 1: Stage, oh good, he knew you were a comedian.
Speaker 4: And then I had just done well. And I also
Speaker 4: because I just watched him. I do I do this
Speaker 4: sometimes where I kind of will do an impression of someone. Yeah,
Speaker 4: and like when Kramer was in our on our podcast,
Speaker 4: it was dug and like this little time, yeah, like
Speaker 4: I can't not do it.
Speaker 2: That's the third episode we've mentioned.
Speaker 1: You know what. The subtitle of this show is the
Speaker 1: Howard Kramer Love Cast. We love him. It's too bad, too.
Speaker 2: Bad, too bad.
Speaker 3: He'll never know unless he listens.
Speaker 1: He'll never know.
Speaker 3: But I get.
Speaker 2: I like the way Jake's brain thinks, and we're gonna
Speaker 2: have his brain and his body in the car shortly.
Speaker 1: What I am excited about. And when I say excited,
Speaker 1: I kind of mean like nervous and fear based, uh huh,
Speaker 1: because as everyone knows, we talk about it all the time.
Speaker 1: This car is it's moderately filthy, just in the way
Speaker 1: that you can't get dog hair off of your what
Speaker 1: seemed to be fleece seats in this stupid hand fast.
Speaker 4: I think the inventor of Velcrow had the same breed
Speaker 4: of dogs as you, and he had it's eureka moment
Speaker 4: one day cleaning off the seats and it's buggy. I
Speaker 4: don't know if this was buggy days when the guy invented,
Speaker 4: but it's a series, you know, velcro on a not
Speaker 4: quite microscopic level.
Speaker 2: There are little hooks, a series of hooks and loops.
Speaker 1: And yeah, this is what's happening. Yeah, there's a hook
Speaker 1: and loop dog hair scenario happening in this car.
Speaker 2: I guess they have split ends. That's the only way
Speaker 2: to explain the barbed hook at the end of Now.
Speaker 1: I did read once that Martha Stewart brushes her dogs
Speaker 1: twice a day, and I don't think I've ever brushed
Speaker 1: either of my dogs. So maybe that's where the filth
Speaker 1: is coming in.
Speaker 2: Brushes her dogs in between cookie make No one ever
Speaker 2: told Martha Stewart to get a goddamn job.
Speaker 1: You know, just because she was rich. She didn't have to.
Speaker 1: She's one of those people.
Speaker 2: Because she's got that dead look in the eye.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, that you know, like you were saying that
Speaker 4: guy that like we're we're talking smack about a few people.
Speaker 2: We're not going to imagine it. Now, you'll have to
Speaker 2: get the bonus episode.
Speaker 1: Was like, oh yeah, blah blah blah.
Speaker 4: I know, no, no, we can't do that, but she
Speaker 4: we should do that. She has that look in her
Speaker 4: eye where I'm like, I don't trust her, you know.
Speaker 1: She she looks like the painting that her eyes or
Speaker 1: her eyes, and then you slide her eyes out and
Speaker 1: your eyes go in so you can spy on people.
Speaker 3: Like the Scooby Doo painting.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's totally Martha Stewart's face. Someone should do an
Speaker 1: oil painting of Martha Stewart.
Speaker 2: Looking at us, like, look at the eyes.
Speaker 1: Hey, remember, no, we I never do this in a
Speaker 1: consecutive way. That would be like good like hooking back
Speaker 1: to another episode. I never do it recent enough, but
Speaker 1: on the Drenda Davis episode Ode, you regaled me much
Speaker 1: to my absolute joy with your all of your Scooby
Speaker 1: Doo voices, Oh, the entire cast.
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, I'm still working on Fred, but my Daphney
Speaker 4: is on point up also.
Speaker 1: But I found the picture. Did you remember seeing it?
Speaker 1: I posted on Twitter where when I we were talking
Speaker 1: about you being Nightcrawler or any villain from Scooby Doo,
Speaker 1: and I found the pictures where they look exactly alike.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was really impressed by myself.
Speaker 2: Find it you made the thing?
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh, I forget.
Speaker 2: I appreciate that.
Speaker 1: This is basically me taking a moment to say, hey,
Speaker 1: remember that time when I did.
Speaker 3: That thing I and it's me.
Speaker 4: Oh, Henry's calling and I don't have time to talk
Speaker 4: to him.
Speaker 1: Let's just see what he wants. Henry Phillips. Everybody wants
Speaker 1: a guest of this show.
Speaker 4: Yeah, once a co host turned guest in one episode.
Speaker 1: Uh am, I I want to turn left? But am
Speaker 1: I allowed to? I think?
Speaker 3: I am?
Speaker 2: Yes, I am, yes, you are allowed.
Speaker 1: Great. This is a this part of LA which would
Speaker 1: be considered.
Speaker 2: What er I don't know. It's the single one.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Could it be Fox Hills?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yes, we are near the Fox Hills Mall.
Speaker 1: Lots of foxes running around in the traffic.
Speaker 4: Oh, it's almost like it's a hazard while you're driving.
Speaker 3: They have foxes.
Speaker 4: Sometimes they're just blowing around like dandelion sports. Just foxes everywhere.
Speaker 1: Oh, we're not allergic.
Speaker 3: I have Yeah, I have a fox hellery. I was gonna.
Speaker 2: Say yeah when they're blowing around not and I'm not
Speaker 2: talking about their dander. These are little fox that.
Speaker 1: Are airborne, tiny, airborn fox tiny.
Speaker 3: And you breathe them in.
Speaker 2: I'll be damned if it doesn't get me stuffed up.
Speaker 3: Okay, yes, still have.
Speaker 2: A herd from Jake. But I know he's in the airport,
Speaker 2: he'd be old.
Speaker 4: He will be walking towards the outdoors, and I think
Speaker 4: this is gonna be one of those episodes where we
Speaker 4: time it perfectly and he will jump in seamlessly to
Speaker 4: our arrival, and we're going to rejoice, and you're gonna
Speaker 4: squeal to let us know you're rejoicing.
Speaker 1: Oh yes, now that I know what rejoicing's supposed to
Speaker 1: sound like, because exactly before this, when I was rejoicing,
Speaker 1: I would go And that's how you knew I would
Speaker 1: make sound.
Speaker 2: You've been giving the wrong impression at all parties for years.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yes, it's absolutely true.
Speaker 2: Happy birthday, friend.
Speaker 1: No, I'm happy, No, I I really I'm some might
Speaker 1: say overjoyed for you. Wow, it doesn't you don't doesn't
Speaker 1: feel like that in any way. It feels like you're
Speaker 1: mad at me. Well I'm not.
Speaker 2: No one ever showed you how to celebrate. So sad.
Speaker 1: It's uh, it is sad. Actually it is sad. Now
Speaker 1: there's a there's a sign in front of that gas
Speaker 1: station over there that says enjoy a cup of fresh
Speaker 1: hot coffee. And what's fascinating about that is we both are.
Speaker 4: Right now I'm currently holding one, as is Karen, and
Speaker 4: it is hot. The only thing that that sign isn't
Speaker 4: letting everyone know I'm not really enjoying it.
Speaker 1: You're not. It's not good.
Speaker 2: This came out of a robot box at.
Speaker 1: The airport Sheridan where we stopped thinking they had a Starbucks,
Speaker 1: and then once we valaid the car and got inside, Yeah,
Speaker 1: not not a star It.
Speaker 2: Used to be a Starbucks.
Speaker 4: Oh really, Oh well, Mount, you get a current employee
Speaker 4: of this not Starbucks to go take down that fucking sign.
Speaker 2: Here's the what I said. I said, fucking sign. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's right, upset he has.
Speaker 1: He had his fist on his hip, and I said
Speaker 1: right behind him, way though I kinda yeah, like a
Speaker 1: bossy kind of momish way. You also had a Yeah
Speaker 1: he was. He was definitely working it and he was
Speaker 1: sissing that walk. Then I come up behind him. I
Speaker 1: come up behind him and I says, hey, I don't
Speaker 1: want some goddamn coffee from Malaysia, motherfucker.
Speaker 2: Yeah that's right.
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have yelled that so loud. There are several families.
Speaker 4: You and I, both within the same minute, are regretting
Speaker 4: our f bomb drops.
Speaker 1: We went nuts at the airport shared God.
Speaker 2: Why I don't know why? No, I mean, just now
Speaker 2: we both said the F word.
Speaker 1: Oh, I've been very good about it.
Speaker 4: You have been, and then and then I just once
Speaker 4: I say it, that opens up the F word.
Speaker 2: Karen col Garrett Floodgates.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it just all of a sudden, it
Speaker 1: sounds so natural to me. It sounds so good.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, Airport Boulevard seems the most appropriate.
Speaker 1: It just fits. It makes sense. Yeah, I've been very
Speaker 1: good about the swearing lately. I've noticed I've also started
Speaker 1: wearing dresses and pinning my hair back.
Speaker 2: Did you finally throw away your garbage pail?
Speaker 3: Kids?
Speaker 4: That said swearing Karen? Because that is real, Go ahead
Speaker 4: and look it up. Everyone is that swearing Karen does?
Speaker 1: She have a little piece of dried lettuce on her face.
Speaker 3: That's why she's swearing.
Speaker 2: She's like, goddamn salad, so hard.
Speaker 1: To even salad. I hate it.
Speaker 2: Are you going to bump this van to prove a point?
Speaker 1: Put it forward?
Speaker 3: It seems like you're gonna bump this.
Speaker 1: I want to roll it up. I want to roll
Speaker 1: it forward here and.
Speaker 4: It's lurching towards this bumper, and we you are. You
Speaker 4: cannot go any closer or I will get.
Speaker 1: Nervous, or you'll scream.
Speaker 3: What if?
Speaker 2: What if there's an old lady and they need running.
Speaker 1: And that's on him being You can't just back up
Speaker 1: into me. You can't bring that this way, because I'm
Speaker 1: not the one. One time I was in a check
Speaker 1: cashing place and sound like you were auditioning for do
Speaker 1: the Right Thing, Yeah right, because I was in the
Speaker 1: check cashing place and this homeless lady came in and
Speaker 1: started saying the N word. Oh oh, and everybody got
Speaker 1: super nervous. All everybody of every color of.
Speaker 5: The rainbow in that check cause real uncomfortable, craggly haired
Speaker 5: white lady.
Speaker 1: That's exactly right. I'm Hollywood Bolvard.
Speaker 2: I hate it when it rolls off those oh so
Speaker 2: homeless tongues.
Speaker 1: But everybody just pretended she wasn't there until she tried
Speaker 1: to get in. This probably six foot seven black man
Speaker 1: who was standing behind me wearing a beautiful suit. He
Speaker 1: looked like a banker, and she tried. She came up
Speaker 1: and she started saying something to him, and he turned
Speaker 1: and goes, you best not be talking to me, because
Speaker 1: I am not the one, and then she just left,
Speaker 1: She left the building and it was one of the
Speaker 1: coolest things I've ever seen. I am not the one
Speaker 1: because I'm not the one.
Speaker 3: That's great. It was.
Speaker 2: I'm not the person you're looking.
Speaker 1: This, This is not He was saying, you'll get your seed,
Speaker 1: will get no purchase here, ma'am. Yes, your racial seed.
Speaker 2: I wish that he had said that. Can I change
Speaker 2: the story?
Speaker 1: You could?
Speaker 2: Your seed will grow no.
Speaker 1: Crops, you will not reap.
Speaker 2: Also, why are you because it's.
Speaker 1: A racism active in a live today it's a white
Speaker 1: Mercedes with a person who.
Speaker 5: Is not a man and not do you think they
Speaker 5: were being race? That starts us because we're why then
Speaker 5: it doesn't make sense. See I can I can sing?
Speaker 1: You absolutely can't.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, thank you.
Speaker 5: Sometimes classically trained, self taught, but in a classic way.
Speaker 2: I made myself sing while wearing a powdered wig when
Speaker 2: oh as.
Speaker 1: A child, Oh I see the Mozart style classic?
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, I was singing piano. It was another
Speaker 2: like one. But yes, Michael Winslow is here's why he's underrated. Okay,
Speaker 2: reason can he do a better helicopter than that?
Speaker 1: That was pretty good?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: That's the only reason. He just does a better helicopter
Speaker 2: than that. That's that's he deserves. Good helicopter noisemaker.
Speaker 1: He's right in there. He's got like a five point eight,
Speaker 1: which is exactly what he deserves.
Speaker 2: One time, my is on ra video in Austin with
Speaker 2: that Robert Hawkins guy who we've talked about victually thinking
Speaker 2: is quite Michael Winslow was on Radio two and we
Speaker 2: were just asking him to make the sounds of things.
Speaker 2: And we were like, do sausage sizzling in and he
Speaker 2: made it sound. It was just coming out of his mouth,
Speaker 2: this crinkling, popping noise that sounded like. And then and then,
Speaker 2: in kind of a dick move, Robert said, now do bacon.
Speaker 3: And he did a difference.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's awesome, a.
Speaker 2: Different sound that was kind of thinner. So it's like, well,
Speaker 2: maybe where else.
Speaker 3: Is that guy gonna perform?
Speaker 4: Yes, he's not a comedian to me, he's not a
Speaker 4: guy that thinks of.
Speaker 1: Jokes and what he is as an entertainer.
Speaker 3: He is an entertainer and.
Speaker 1: Where and he also does put those sounds together. He's
Speaker 1: a comedian in that. I mean, there's some people who
Speaker 1: call themselves comedians who are way worse than Michael Winslow.
Speaker 1: Let's not be let's not be tradition right right?
Speaker 2: Who are traditionally all them?
Speaker 3: Who?
Speaker 2: Framework?
Speaker 3: Is there?
Speaker 1: The frame there, the pr is there. People call them
Speaker 1: comedians and they work.
Speaker 2: And they get them workan clubs.
Speaker 1: And you've heard them, You've heard their name constantly, and
Speaker 1: perhaps are even lauded and are actually rotten rotten.
Speaker 2: This is where we are talking about specific people, but
Speaker 2: we aren't saying who they are. It's got to be frustrating.
Speaker 1: It's got to be you know what. It's creating a
Speaker 1: kind of hot dynamic tension for the listeners.
Speaker 2: The listeners at home, like, I know who that is?
Speaker 2: To me?
Speaker 1: Do I know who it means? Does it even matter
Speaker 1: who it means?
Speaker 2: It's signed that comedian in your own brain?
Speaker 1: Right? We all hate a person doesn't have to be
Speaker 1: a comedian. It could be that lady in your office
Speaker 1: that's so irritating.
Speaker 2: Don't your name, don't say your name, don't even think.
Speaker 1: It, don't even just know that you're right, know that
Speaker 1: she exists, and that you hate her. That you're right
Speaker 1: there are you know? The Internet age has introduced this
Speaker 1: idea that everybody's great, and that's simply not true.
Speaker 3: No, just read my YouTube comments.
Speaker 1: How about that for a sound of ecstatic joy? What
Speaker 1: I just did?
Speaker 2: He looks pretty good with that guy. He knows what
Speaker 2: we're doing.
Speaker 1: He knows, he knows. He's hot as hell, looks like.
Speaker 4: He's best dressed up for a business meeting. But it's
Speaker 4: about wrestling.
Speaker 1: He's got bad shoes, so you know it's about wrestling. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's really bad.
Speaker 4: So he's you know, jumping up on the roads and
Speaker 4: throwing them, using them as a weapon.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 2: When there isn't a folding chair, he's used to a.
Speaker 1: Tall Lisa boots black flat shoe. Doesn't really he's not
Speaker 1: good at shopping for those.
Speaker 4: We're all scuffed up because he's tossed them at his
Speaker 4: co workers.
Speaker 1: That guy looked like a beefy er. Stay phoned.
Speaker 4: Do you think the wrestlers call the other wrestlers co workers?
Speaker 4: I guess that's more of a Matt McCarthy question.
Speaker 1: I bet you if I text Matt right.
Speaker 2: Now, we could crash into a car and.
Speaker 1: Then we would do a p s A for not
Speaker 1: texting while you drive.
Speaker 3: I think we just did it.
Speaker 2: I didn't mean to jump down your throat.
Speaker 3: But there will no texting during.
Speaker 1: This There will be no texting.
Speaker 2: Vehicular podcast.
Speaker 1: Look at that guy's a top pad.
Speaker 2: Can anything girl other than homicide be vehicular?
Speaker 4: Oh see that was pretty funny. We have a vehicular podcast.
Speaker 4: Well that's terrible and illegal.
Speaker 2: No, I didn't say, man, No, we don't kill anybody. Yeah,
Speaker 2: no one gets hurt.
Speaker 1: We kill with our yeah jokes.
Speaker 3: Fucking kill.
Speaker 2: They crush. I crushed in my car the other day. Okay,
Speaker 2: I don't see him.
Speaker 4: I guess he's not quite out here yet, but he
Speaker 4: still hasn't Should we be so so.
Speaker 2: Brass? Brash? Brassy?
Speaker 1: Should we be should we with our hair so brazier?
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 3: Is a nice Where are you from? Out of town?
Speaker 1: What are you some kind of?
Speaker 3: And now they're honking? No, get in front of me.
Speaker 2: I want I need someone to honk at.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna sometimes I let people in just so I
Speaker 4: can honk at them.
Speaker 1: Chris, we're going around again. We have to go around.
Speaker 4: I know, I mean, what are you solving a crime?
Speaker 4: Don't leap out of your taxi, you crazy ass.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm really excited to pick up a fair We
Speaker 2: almost clipped his Uh.
Speaker 1: That cab driver jumped out on the driver's side into
Speaker 1: airport traffic.
Speaker 2: He's such a calm look on his face, but it
Speaker 2: was it was the body of an urgent man.
Speaker 1: It was probably he had already his spirit had left
Speaker 1: his body because he was committed.
Speaker 2: The look on that man's face, he's like looking for
Speaker 2: his loved ones. He look he has a little kid's face.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he was lost.
Speaker 2: He was adorable. No, this guy's adorable. Look at this
Speaker 2: old guy.
Speaker 1: Look at him. He's like, I'll get it.
Speaker 2: Really he's throwing the is he frustrated and his damn hat.
Speaker 1: Of my wife's stupid traffic?
Speaker 2: No, he's sweet. I never really had a grandpa, Karen.
Speaker 1: You didn't know, Oh, I I had one great grandpa,
Speaker 1: one awesome grandpa.
Speaker 2: He was Oh, was he your grandpa's dad or was.
Speaker 3: He just awesome?
Speaker 1: He was my dad's dad. I didn't mean to say great.
Speaker 4: That was a Madison Davis joke. She said she has
Speaker 4: this great grandpa great grandma joke. Oh was she you're
Speaker 4: really old or just a really good grandma? And I
Speaker 4: did it wrong.
Speaker 2: I told it wrong. It's basically what you just said.
Speaker 1: I liked it. I didn't understand what was happening till
Speaker 1: the end because I was thinking about my grandpa, who
Speaker 1: was the greatest.
Speaker 2: Yeah, mine Wyatt too, I'd won that was a grumpy
Speaker 2: and drank and one that was just grumpy and crazy
Speaker 2: and didn't need drinks to be that way. And they
Speaker 2: both were just.
Speaker 4: Tall and mean, and they were once I was like
Speaker 4: walking and talking, they didn't want anything to do with me.
Speaker 1: You know what, there's nothing worse than a grumpy old Manson.
Speaker 1: They're the worst. They're scary looking, they look like ghouls.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're making it very hard to respect my elders.
Speaker 1: Yes, Grandpa, if you're old, if you're an old man
Speaker 1: and you make it to that point, just be nice.
Speaker 1: Like you have a drink, that's fine, but be nice.
Speaker 2: I wish that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I wish my grandparents because it's kind of the
Speaker 4: reason we left California, where I was born and went
Speaker 4: back to Montana. My dad was like, well, the kids
Speaker 4: should be around grandparents.
Speaker 1: Oh no, we moved.
Speaker 2: Down there and then they just weren't into us. They're like,
Speaker 2: once I started, I think I said something, I had
Speaker 2: an opinion about something once, and he never really looked
Speaker 2: at me again.
Speaker 1: Because he was from an era where you got to
Speaker 1: open hand slap children right in the floor.
Speaker 2: Or he would there'd be the salt shaker would be
Speaker 2: empty and he would just slide it across the floor
Speaker 2: and it would hit my grandma's feet, and without flinching,
Speaker 2: she would pick it up and put salt in it
Speaker 2: and put it together. Like that's called abuse.
Speaker 1: That's called love. Yeah, that's uh, yeah, that's from a
Speaker 1: different time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's they're all gone now, But so I never
Speaker 2: everyone's grandparents are gone. I'm not saying that I don't know.
Speaker 2: You and I we have, we have, We've had lost, Yeah,
Speaker 2: we've had lost, We've.
Speaker 3: Had the the thing.
Speaker 2: But I do see old men and I'm like, I
Speaker 2: yearn for their attention.
Speaker 3: And that's yearning.
Speaker 2: It's the worst word I could have been there. That
Speaker 2: makes it sound sexual. I don't want to be with them.
Speaker 2: I want to just.
Speaker 3: Be with them.
Speaker 1: You want to have a nice cardigan, sweated arm around
Speaker 1: your shoulder.
Speaker 2: I was in England.
Speaker 4: I think there was all these grandpa's I never had,
Speaker 4: because I get I think I'm vaguely English. I don't know,
Speaker 4: I don't I haven't gone to ancestry dot com.
Speaker 1: But I went they don't do it as it is
Speaker 1: all weird, like military records and ships.
Speaker 2: Okay, please insert your teeth into the computer.
Speaker 4: I just all these old men, uh like worse, Why
Speaker 4: is everyone hanking?
Speaker 1: It's traffic, everybody's fine, Super Bowl Sunday?
Speaker 2: Who's this honking? They're just gonna keep honking.
Speaker 4: Sometimes people honk when they're just they don't know. Oh
Speaker 4: he's saying hi to his friend and we're caught in
Speaker 4: the cross fire.
Speaker 1: Could it be that go bro down on your own?
Speaker 1: I'm sorry you guys are Yeah, damn.
Speaker 2: TI isn't the super Bowl happening right now?
Speaker 1: It is happening right now?
Speaker 2: Maybe well, my grandfeathers didn't like me. They knew I
Speaker 2: didn't care about football.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's what it was. And then my dad, You really,
Speaker 1: are you really taking that personally, because if it was
Speaker 1: an old alcoholic man, it had nothing to do with you, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean there's there's a little work to be done there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they were.
Speaker 4: Cool when I was really little. That's what matters when
Speaker 4: a formative count.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, when you're fourteen, who wants to hang
Speaker 2: out with your grandpa?
Speaker 1: Oh? You were fourteen. That's a totally different story. Everyone
Speaker 1: eats teenage, seven or eight.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't have a good memory.
Speaker 1: Great age.
Speaker 2: It's all one big blur. And then college.
Speaker 1: My grandpa. One time we spent the night at my
Speaker 1: grandma and grandpa's house. They were both from the Old Country.
Speaker 1: My grandpa came to America when he was fourteen by himself.
Speaker 2: It's the Old Country, always mean Italy. I don't know
Speaker 2: where that was.
Speaker 1: It means, but it doesn't come the Old Country. It
Speaker 1: depends on what person you're talking to. You. Sorry, yeah,
Speaker 1: in my family means Ireland.
Speaker 2: If you're a Sicilian, then Ireland the boot.
Speaker 4: The boot kicked Sicily the boot. So you're the soccer
Speaker 4: ball if you're Sicilian. And hey, and.
Speaker 2: I called soccer balls.
Speaker 1: Don't mess around?
Speaker 2: And is that racist?
Speaker 4: If I make up my own thing, get out the
Speaker 4: way you damn soccer ball? What the hell does that mean? Well,
Speaker 4: Italy kicks you and you're like at soccer ball.
Speaker 1: Oh well, oh well, too bad. I have to shoot
Speaker 1: you in the head anyway. Sorry, two to the dome.
Speaker 2: That's how the saying, Yep, all Sicilians will shoot you.
Speaker 1: That's right, Sorry, I'll go out on a limb. They're
Speaker 1: gonna shoot me anyway, I might as well tell the truth.
Speaker 2: I learned it from true romance my grandpa.
Speaker 1: One time we spent the night at my grandma and
Speaker 1: grandpa's house. Huh. They had a lot of portraits of
Speaker 1: Jesus with thorns. Oh, on his worst year, the blue period,
Speaker 1: you might say. And and I woke up before my
Speaker 1: sister and my cousin Nancy, and my grandpa was awake
Speaker 1: looking at me. And then he waved his hand and
Speaker 1: he brought me in and gave me powdered donut and
Speaker 1: some tang like I was the only grandchild he cared about. Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: he had twenty nine grandchildren. Wow, but I got some
Speaker 1: special early morning grandpa time because he was awake as
Speaker 1: early as I was. It was great. Kind of not
Speaker 1: interesting maybe to everybody.
Speaker 3: But it is, I think.
Speaker 4: Didn't we were gonna say real specific grandpa stories? Was
Speaker 4: our third podcast idea Will these stories have an ending?
Speaker 3: You?
Speaker 2: Then said, and I said they don't have to.
Speaker 3: No. Oh good.
Speaker 1: Then I said, great, that's exactly how mine's going to go.
Speaker 2: Oh I'm sorry, Well, he said, he's getting a coffee. Okay,
Speaker 2: I guess uh, Oh, no, he's because he's waiting for
Speaker 2: his bag.
Speaker 1: Oh great, and we're going to go up here. We're
Speaker 1: just going to tell him that we had to go
Speaker 1: by delta going around. Are we going to go around again?
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I guess we have to. Okay, he's fighting
Speaker 2: for his bag. What he just was saying getting a
Speaker 2: coffee because he's waiting for his bag.
Speaker 3: I didn't realize.
Speaker 1: No, that's right. I feel like the treat is for
Speaker 1: the listener. Hello listeners. By the way, have we done
Speaker 1: any kind of a salutation that we like to usually do?
Speaker 2: I believe salutation is that it's the conclusionary, doesn't isn't it?
Speaker 2: Or is it like aloha?
Speaker 1: Salutation is greeting.
Speaker 2: I thought salutations like hellos and goodbyes.
Speaker 1: I think it's I think it's like hellos and hellos.
Speaker 2: It's too so it is so salutations.
Speaker 4: A perfect example would be aloha, which means hello and goodbye,
Speaker 4: and it also.
Speaker 1: Means to serve your definition. Yes, but in reality.
Speaker 3: It doesn't, so it doesn't.
Speaker 1: Look if we could just look up Charlotte's Web, we
Speaker 1: would find out exactly what salutation that is.
Speaker 3: Some pick.
Speaker 2: I just like to take things from it. It just
Speaker 2: that might be from babe.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, some pig. That's Charlotte's web all the way.
Speaker 3: Someone had a joke recently and they.
Speaker 4: Were quoting what one of the things the spider weaved
Speaker 4: in there? And it wasn't that some pig, it was
Speaker 4: some that's something.
Speaker 1: Was it the big long word?
Speaker 2: Yes? And they did they just able to say it.
Speaker 1: Oh they didn't know. They didn't.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah it's been dubiti or yeah, yeah, it was
Speaker 4: like some Oh, well, who cares. We Hey, don't get
Speaker 4: me starting on on movies with pigs, and I'm I'll
Speaker 4: be talking all day.
Speaker 2: I'll be talking all damn day.
Speaker 1: B Babe, Pig in the city was upsetting. Remember that.
Speaker 3: I don't.
Speaker 2: I didn't see him go to the city, but I did.
Speaker 4: I remember just him the original country pig. So at
Speaker 4: one point he had to oh he was a real pig.
Speaker 4: It's not like he packed a bag and they.
Speaker 1: He didn't wear like a little red zaster.
Speaker 2: Okay, how about a bow tie.
Speaker 3: I can deal with that.
Speaker 1: You can kind of go for that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Oh, yes, can do.
Speaker 3: I can go for that.
Speaker 2: I yes, can do.
Speaker 3: Is that the real word.
Speaker 1: No, it's not.
Speaker 2: It's I was doing a little riff of Paul and Oates.
Speaker 1: I know, but are those the real words. I can't
Speaker 1: go for that.
Speaker 4: I can't go for that. No, I no can do so,
Speaker 4: I said, I can go for that.
Speaker 3: Oh, yes, can do so.
Speaker 2: It's just a little reversal of the content. Classic so enjoyable.
Speaker 2: I mean, I can't.
Speaker 4: I can't speak for someone like weird Al Yankovic, but
Speaker 4: I think his early work it was just like reversing
Speaker 4: songs to polka, right, that's right?
Speaker 1: Well, and also he did he really sent up some
Speaker 1: of Michael Jackson's greatest hits, my favorite being I'm.
Speaker 2: Fat, have a Nana, have a whole bunch. Right.
Speaker 4: If you don't like it, save it for lunch, Just
Speaker 4: eat it, eat it jam On.
Speaker 2: Jam On described Weird Al and his music. I don't
Speaker 2: think I would go for that, but yes, it's funny.
Speaker 4: Isn't it interesting how he kind of stuck around and everyone.
Speaker 2: Likes him, yes, for sure, and respects him.
Speaker 4: And people are coming out of the closet, Oh, they go, God, Prius,
Speaker 4: you're so indecisive because you have no power in.
Speaker 1: Your silent You're a silent killer.
Speaker 2: Oh why did you?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 4: I think I know why we let them in so
Speaker 4: we can honk at him. That was such a weird behavior.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was not smart driving it very so many
Speaker 1: bad great pulling around almost there, Yes, can do here.
Speaker 1: I'm texting Gray text like Howard Kramer.
Speaker 2: Gray, Uh, sending you the color of the thug and
Speaker 2: also the make and model.
Speaker 3: It's black.
Speaker 1: It's black, don't.
Speaker 2: Right, Gray hond Oh black Honda.
Speaker 1: Accord?
Speaker 2: What with dog hair?
Speaker 3: And it?
Speaker 2: Should I have written that? Okay, Sarah, I bet he
Speaker 2: has dogs himself.
Speaker 3: Uh.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's nothing I can do. I'm really ashamed about it,
Speaker 1: but now I've it's turned over into just I have
Speaker 1: no feeling about it anymore.
Speaker 2: Hate being at L A X and you said you
Speaker 2: like it? God, I get so uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: Here, do you really?
Speaker 3: And it's nice.
Speaker 2: It's not even crowdedna. I don't know what to ask Jake. Oh,
Speaker 2: let's just I'm gonna I want to know. There's some
Speaker 2: general knowledge things. I just want to know. I don't
Speaker 2: know him very well. I just know that I like
Speaker 2: him and.
Speaker 1: I think he's very receptive for Yeah, but you know,
Speaker 1: who knows he might be uncomfortable. The dogcare might make
Speaker 1: him uh sneeze, super bummed out. Who knows. We just
Speaker 1: have to play it by ear. We have to play
Speaker 1: it as it laid.
Speaker 2: And that Prius cut us off.
Speaker 4: And right now it's just forever you see him in
Speaker 4: front of you where you want to be. And now
Speaker 4: I'm I'm still mad at that Prius Silent killers. You
Speaker 4: cannot make a car. I don't care if it if
Speaker 4: it's good for the environment, I do care.
Speaker 3: That it is.
Speaker 2: I take that it's nice.
Speaker 4: It's nice ever since the advent of prius is and
Speaker 4: there's fewer. When I moved here in two thousand and
Speaker 4: three to Los Angeles, there's so many.
Speaker 2: Hummers and everything.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, it was horrible, and I never could
Speaker 4: see the Hollywood sign. Now I can see it all
Speaker 4: the time, and I really think it is because everyone's
Speaker 4: buying smarter cars. But absolutely, the fact that it just
Speaker 4: rolls up and all you can hear is the tread
Speaker 4: of the wheel, like there's no motor sounds.
Speaker 1: It's crazy.
Speaker 2: I've almost been hit by so many Prius.
Speaker 1: I yeah, it doesn't make sense like that. Who ever
Speaker 1: thought of that, they should have put in an artificial
Speaker 1: noise because it's crazy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like or just baseball card and the spokes.
Speaker 1: Look at They had to wave to their grandma. Who's
Speaker 1: now coming.
Speaker 2: Black pants and a brown shirt, he said, which I.
Speaker 1: Oh, okay, I like that so distinctive, almost punk rock.
Speaker 3: Yeah, here we go.
Speaker 1: Black pants, brown shirt.
Speaker 2: Jake Johansson, black pants, brown shirt.
Speaker 1: What will you do?
Speaker 2: Oh, that's not him.
Speaker 1: That guy was coming. I honestly thought that guy was
Speaker 1: getting into our car.
Speaker 4: I'm going to roll down the window at the risk
Speaker 4: of making some noise. The sights and sound, well not
Speaker 4: the sights, but certainly the sounds. Boy, I don't I
Speaker 4: don't see him.
Speaker 1: Oh I love his face.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's got a great face.
Speaker 3: Hey, I'm gonna tell him you said that. You just wait,
Speaker 3: you just wait. Leon, Okay, I always want to.
Speaker 1: It's open, it should be open.
Speaker 4: Oh uh oh I always want to help.
Speaker 1: Hi. Hi, Oh that was way too high. Did you
Speaker 1: hear how high my voice went?
Speaker 3: There?
Speaker 1: It's okay, exclamation of joy.
Speaker 2: It's okay, Hi, here he comes, Jake Joe.
Speaker 1: Hanson hands and everybody. Yes, well, it's covering all the dog.
Speaker 3: Hair on that she she has dogs and look, she's
Speaker 3: moved the sheet, but I'm glad I didn't.
Speaker 1: The sheet's clean.
Speaker 4: It would have been funny if you got under it
Speaker 4: and just immediately took a night.
Speaker 3: Just well, it seems like you're picking up a dog.
Speaker 1: I know. I kind of always am.
Speaker 2: If there's one in the road and it looks like
Speaker 2: it doesn't have an owner.
Speaker 1: I'll grab that pick it up.
Speaker 3: Okay, let's see if we can get a dog on
Speaker 3: our way.
Speaker 2: Jake, I'm telling on you, Karen Jake. As soon as
Speaker 2: you came out, She's like, I look at his great face.
Speaker 1: It's true.
Speaker 3: I said about my face.
Speaker 1: You have a great it's great to see your face.
Speaker 3: This is just my face.
Speaker 1: I think it's just as good.
Speaker 4: In a roundabout way, maybe because I'm uncomfortable, we're saying
Speaker 4: you're handsome.
Speaker 3: Well that's sweet.
Speaker 2: Oh you're welcome.
Speaker 3: Sweet. I can't believe I'm in the back by myself
Speaker 3: because is.
Speaker 2: It a little weird because you're talking to the back
Speaker 2: of our heads.
Speaker 1: I'm staring at you through the rear of your mirror.
Speaker 3: It's nice. I like your podcast. Thank you. It's nice
Speaker 3: to get a ride from the airport. Though I was
Speaker 3: thinking when I was, you know, texting it back and forth,
Speaker 3: and like, oh god, it's easier to take a cab
Speaker 3: than to do this. But but now that I'm in
Speaker 3: the car, I'm really.
Speaker 2: Right, aren't you glad we're not an angry cab driver.
Speaker 3: I would love it if this turned into like a
Speaker 3: meal and then we all go out tonight, we get
Speaker 3: some pizza.
Speaker 2: Recording the whole time.
Speaker 3: Come on, we we.
Speaker 4: Know, and especially for the send off episodes where we're
Speaker 4: bring people to the airport.
Speaker 3: That's what I really wish that I you know, I mean,
Speaker 3: not to take anything away from this experience.
Speaker 2: It seems like so far, Jake, you've only complained. It
Speaker 2: doesn't like it seems like you're not you.
Speaker 3: Know, I don't think of myself as a complainer, but
Speaker 3: maybe it's time to face the pack. Yeah, that those
Speaker 3: early morning ones, you know, like I have to go
Speaker 3: to Columbus on Thursday. I think I'm gonna have to
Speaker 3: leave my house at five in the morning. Where will
Speaker 3: you be then?
Speaker 1: Just out of curiosity, we'll be right in front of
Speaker 1: your house at four forty fives.
Speaker 3: Well, okay, sequel, that's what I smell.
Speaker 1: So let's put some cliffhangers in this one.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's gonna end. Okay, ellipses. I have the
Speaker 3: worst diarrhea right now, and it's because I ate a
Speaker 3: bag of diamonds on the plane. To be continued.
Speaker 1: Will they become millionaires or just have a mess on
Speaker 1: their hands.
Speaker 3: I went into that airplane bathroom and you never think
Speaker 3: you're going to see a bag of diamonds in there,
Speaker 3: but there it was. And I thought, if I come
Speaker 3: out with these, they're going to know that I have them.
Speaker 3: But if I eat them, I can deny I had
Speaker 3: eat the bag too.
Speaker 2: That's what one of the only reasons people don't eat
Speaker 2: bags of diamonds, that's they really cut you up.
Speaker 3: Then the diamonds, it's that velvety bag thing. That's where
Speaker 3: I think is really going to be the problem. Where
Speaker 3: the diamonds in like a purple crown royal, they were
Speaker 3: sitting on top of the bag, and so I I
Speaker 3: didn't I didn't put the diamonds in the bag because
Speaker 3: I thought, look, that's gonna that's going to create a
Speaker 3: real kind of a bottleneck. No pun intended. I ate
Speaker 3: the diamonds separately, and then I also ate the bag.
Speaker 3: I felt like, if you leave the bag in there,
Speaker 3: it's kind of Oh, you want to take a right
Speaker 3: here to go? Yeah, let's go right here.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're going to go to and you.
Speaker 3: Can go any way you want.
Speaker 1: Did I just make you spell that coffee?
Speaker 3: Just a little bit? But that's not bad. I was
Speaker 3: going to wash these clothes when I get home. I'm
Speaker 3: coming home. That's the beauty of coming home. Man, would
Speaker 3: I be mad if we were on our way to
Speaker 3: the airport now?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 3: Great? Now I'm going to be in Ohio all week.
Speaker 1: Breaking of coffee.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I just want to add one thing to the
Speaker 4: diamond thing. I would have eaten the bag first, just
Speaker 4: to coat my stomach. Oh yeah, I've been waiting to
Speaker 4: say that. Well, you know, we hadn't moved on to
Speaker 4: a coffee.
Speaker 3: This is the thing. Everybody's got an opinion after the fact.
Speaker 3: I don't know where you were when I was on
Speaker 3: the plane. Here's the problem with our early morning.
Speaker 4: When someone has a six am flight and we've gone
Speaker 4: all the way down for a four o'clock pick up
Speaker 4: in Studio City.
Speaker 2: We're all so tired. No one is funny. I'm not
Speaker 2: funny until.
Speaker 3: I worried about the clock. I worried about that myself too.
Speaker 3: I worried that, you know, I'm slightly emotional now, that
Speaker 3: must be part of what happens when you pick people
Speaker 3: up at the airport.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of crying usually on this podcasts, and
Speaker 1: you've been traveling, you you would think you would just
Speaker 1: be used to it by now, but it's it's still
Speaker 1: not a pleasant.
Speaker 3: I've only just recently realized that I've done my career wrong. Well,
Speaker 3: you know, a couple of weeks ago, or maybe it
Speaker 3: was a week ago. Who can even tell what is
Speaker 3: a week ago or what's a couple of weeks ago,
Speaker 3: or what happened this afternoon a North Stra damis maybe, Yeah,
Speaker 3: everything is so different now that I've swallowed those diamonds.
Speaker 3: You can do either one. But yeah. I did a
Speaker 3: show on a comedy Magic and I thought, well, this
Speaker 3: is gonna be fun. I'm headlining down here and it's
Speaker 3: low pressure. It's Tuesday Wednesday night, and then it's Paul
Speaker 3: Riser and Ray Ramono are doing guest sets, and then
Speaker 3: so they go on legends of you know, TV comedy.
Speaker 3: People can't believe they're even in the same room with it, right, right,
Speaker 3: And then I go on and I realized, Oh, I see,
Speaker 3: with the mistake that I've made. Now, it's also clear
Speaker 3: I've done my career as if performing on stage was
Speaker 3: my job and TV and movies were this hobby thing
Speaker 3: that I did.
Speaker 2: It's so funny.
Speaker 4: We were talking about that right before we picked you up,
Speaker 4: and I've been doing the same thing. I just always
Speaker 4: wanted to be a comedian for a living.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I'm loving it, Like I was just in Atlanta.
Speaker 3: I worked at the Laughing Skull. It's a great club,
Speaker 3: the tiniest club in the university.
Speaker 2: It's like an eater, isn't it?
Speaker 3: And I did this low budget movie that they're doing
Speaker 3: while I was there. Is it like a favorite thing
Speaker 3: during the day. Sure, But that's not the way you're
Speaker 3: supposed to be doing movies. You're supposed to be putting
Speaker 3: your comedy stand up career on hold, going to do
Speaker 3: a big giant movie and you get a sitcom, then
Speaker 3: you go back to doing stand up later on. But
Speaker 3: I've done it the other way around. It's all it's
Speaker 3: too late to change it. Now.
Speaker 2: Are you a person that likes acting? Do you act?
Speaker 3: And I like the part where you actually have the job.
Speaker 3: I just want to point out that things are going
Speaker 3: to be different.
Speaker 1: Once I shit these diamonds, the whole tone is going
Speaker 1: to change.
Speaker 3: Yeah, my career is going to change. I mean that's
Speaker 3: kind of the that's going to be an injection of
Speaker 3: financial security that I've you know, yet to experience in
Speaker 3: my life. Not that things are you know, I don't
Speaker 3: want to kind of maintain this tone of complaining because
Speaker 3: things are fine. I'm very happy.
Speaker 4: Well, you're probably uncomfortable though physically, just with them in there.
Speaker 4: You you there's no way you aren't feeling that diamond's
Speaker 4: in there. But it's the heartest substance known to men, right.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Well, but I had a big lunch on the
Speaker 3: plane too, so they're yeah, they're kind of mixing around.
Speaker 3: When you said that you're probably feeling feeling uncomfortable, I
Speaker 3: thought you were talking about the back seat of the Oh.
Speaker 1: I don't think you're going to be able to though.
Speaker 3: Look at that the sheets there. Okay, we'll take it easy.
Speaker 1: There's a kind of Mormon field to that setup back there,
Speaker 1: where there's a sheet for keeping you from doing things.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I guess I guess it is bad that
Speaker 2: it's not every time there's a sheet back there there
Speaker 2: the Mormons.
Speaker 3: Do with the sheet. I knew that there was a
Speaker 3: Jewish thing with a sheet and a board, and it.
Speaker 2: Was a Jewish I thought, thinking of special magic underwear
Speaker 2: that you can, oh, that's a certain pair of underwear.
Speaker 2: That it's okay too.
Speaker 3: We should stick to our own religions. In my church.
Speaker 3: You don't have to do any of that. You can
Speaker 3: do it. You know, you're not supposed to have sex
Speaker 3: until you get married. So I guess I blew it there.
Speaker 3: It is your church, Jake, Well, I don't really have
Speaker 3: a church, but I grew up in We were Congregational Presbyterian,
Speaker 3: you know, which is kind of the the most Protestant
Speaker 3: Protestant churches. I mean, maybe not Unitarian. Those guys are
Speaker 3: pretty their relax. That's almost like a you know, pot party.
Speaker 2: I went to it.
Speaker 4: I was in a Presbyterian youth group in high school
Speaker 4: just for the pot I no, I really did, and
Speaker 4: it was really I even was very open with my
Speaker 4: pastor guy that I'd never read the Bible and kind
Speaker 4: of saw a lot of holes in it and maybe
Speaker 4: was agnostic.
Speaker 2: And he's like that's okay, wow, because we have some
Speaker 2: a bake sale to run or whatever.
Speaker 3: We just did.
Speaker 1: That's all business. See. My family was the opposite because
Speaker 1: I was raised Catholic, and we went to summer camp
Speaker 1: that was Episcopalian, and we came home on a Sunday
Speaker 1: and went to like morning Mass with all the kids
Speaker 1: we went to camp with at the Episcopalian church. And
Speaker 1: then when we got back to my aunt's house, my
Speaker 1: grandma was there and she said, are they going to
Speaker 1: go to a real church now? She wanted us to
Speaker 1: go to Catholic Mass. We'd already gone to Episcopalia.
Speaker 3: Oh and see for me, from my point of view,
Speaker 3: the Presbyterian Church Episcopalians were actually very that's the real deal.
Speaker 3: That's the Henry the Eighth version of Catholicism, right, I
Speaker 3: mean the sort of the Church of England. They kind
Speaker 3: of he invented his own church once they wouldn't let
Speaker 3: him get divorced and then and that.
Speaker 1: Was what Episcopalia turned into.
Speaker 3: That's my understanding of it. But again we're a little
Speaker 3: over our heads here.
Speaker 2: In there beyond over my head, you're yeah, we're in
Speaker 2: an arena I know nothing about. I couldn't finger Henry
Speaker 2: the Eighth and a lineup if I yeah, I mean photo,
Speaker 2: big fat guy.
Speaker 3: He's always eating a turkey leg. I've seen him down
Speaker 3: at the beach. Yeah. Well, Renaissance Renaissance fair. Have you
Speaker 3: ever been to a Renaissance fair?
Speaker 2: I've always avoided them?
Speaker 3: Should I Have I been wrong this whole time? I
Speaker 3: feel like that's a good sequel to this episode also fair.
Speaker 4: The only wait I'll go to a Renaissance fair if
Speaker 4: you can promise me a couple of things, A person
Speaker 4: with a snake and maybe a juggler.
Speaker 3: Well, come on, I feel like you're sitting in the
Speaker 3: bar a little bit tall order. That's a tall order.
Speaker 1: We can bring our own snake.
Speaker 3: Oh god, there's gonna be if there will be a
Speaker 3: lady with a snake, I don't worry. Forget.
Speaker 2: I have a snake, and you know what, I forgot
Speaker 2: to feed it. Jake.
Speaker 3: Yeah, No, I don't really want to get serious. I
Speaker 3: want to go to the Renaissance.
Speaker 1: Right now.
Speaker 2: I want a mug of mead from the bench.
Speaker 3: And I've never really thought of myself as that guy.
Speaker 3: You know, there's the dungeons and Dragons, guys like Brian
Speaker 3: Posan was telling me he does a podcast where they
Speaker 3: just play Dungeons and Dragons.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh that's great, right.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think so, But I mean I can't. I
Speaker 3: don't even know how Dungeons and Dragons works. But either
Speaker 3: the Renaissance Fair was pre Dungeons and Dragons. That's all
Speaker 3: I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Yeah, is the original cosplay?
Speaker 3: Yeah? What if? What if instead of coming here and
Speaker 3: seeing real people doing these things, we just rolled dice
Speaker 3: and pretend.
Speaker 1: In our basement, we won't have to do all this
Speaker 1: hideous interacting.
Speaker 3: Well, there's new versions of that.
Speaker 2: What's the game?
Speaker 4: There's some not like Risk, but a newer version of
Speaker 4: that about overtaking the world, and people play.
Speaker 2: It now live.
Speaker 3: It's like Risk game.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, a lot of girls play it.
Speaker 3: Girls.
Speaker 2: Yeah, girls, it's like it's I wish I knew that
Speaker 2: the name of the game.
Speaker 3: I wish you did too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's almost like I've wasted the last twenty seconds.
Speaker 3: Well, we can google this, we'll figure it out later.
Speaker 3: There's people googling it right now, getting mad at us,
Speaker 3: but not knowing what it is. What's the google? Girls?
Speaker 3: Renaissance Mystery Date.
Speaker 2: It's a dating game, Melton Bradley dating game. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: guess it's nothing like Dungeons and Dragons unless you're into that.
Speaker 3: It's a dating game.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've World of Warcraft.
Speaker 4: I've always wanted to go. Not No, I'm not a renaissance.
Speaker 4: I like going to the Civil War reenactments.
Speaker 3: Jake, how often are you on the I don't believe
Speaker 3: you've ever been to a civil war. I'm gonna say.
Speaker 3: I know we're not playing a game show right now,
Speaker 3: but I have to say I doubt that. I doubt
Speaker 3: that you've been to a civil war.
Speaker 4: When I lived in Austin where I first saw you
Speaker 4: at the Bad Dog Comedy Theater, It's likely they never
Speaker 4: paid you. I did get paid there, but good Kevin
Speaker 4: Meanie didn't Kevin Meanie, and he he lived up to
Speaker 4: his name.
Speaker 2: He was not happy. That was just a dumb joke,
Speaker 2: but I remember he was.
Speaker 3: Oh the potholes.
Speaker 4: I always not why people have four wheel drive trucks
Speaker 4: in LA And then and then I go over those
Speaker 4: potholes and I'm like, Okay, that made me want to
Speaker 4: have them.
Speaker 3: Ye, it's just gonna get worse. I don't I don't
Speaker 3: want to get all political, but I mean, I feel
Speaker 3: like you were talking about infrastructure right now, and Barack
Speaker 3: Obama has let us down. And I don't think Republicans
Speaker 3: are going to be any help either.
Speaker 1: You know, it's gonna it's all just gonna slowly fall apart.
Speaker 2: It starts with a hole in the road and then
Speaker 2: it ends up with our kids being homeless.
Speaker 3: Hey, did you speaking of our kids, did you know
Speaker 3: there's a measles epidemic right now?
Speaker 1: Yes? Well, I want to Disneyland.
Speaker 3: Yet started at Disneyland, is what I heard? Or it's
Speaker 3: where that's the episplosion the center.
Speaker 4: Everyone's everyone's coming down on Jenny McCarthy and uh, and
Speaker 4: she's like become the poster child for the lunacy of
Speaker 4: not inoculating your kids. But I the measles, mumps, rubella
Speaker 4: shot when I was a kid gave me an immediate reaction.
Speaker 2: I had roseasha, I had convulsions. I would get very
Speaker 2: high fevers, and my mom was always like, I know,
Speaker 2: you were fine and healthy until we got you inoculated.
Speaker 2: Then again, So I've had a mom that my whole
Speaker 2: life was kind of saying that Jenny McCarthy's stuff, really.
Speaker 3: Except you've got the vaccination, so you never came down
Speaker 3: with the real means, and you've got a great career.
Speaker 3: We're in a car doing a podcast right now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're right. I mean so I almost baked my
Speaker 2: brain as a baby.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if you don't consider this a high ten, you're
Speaker 3: right all the way around.
Speaker 1: Yeah you won.
Speaker 3: Yeah, your mom is wrong, but I agree Jenny McCarthy
Speaker 3: deserves a break. I mean, I don't think enough things
Speaker 3: have gone her way.
Speaker 2: What I gleaned from that is I have a pretty
Speaker 2: good life. That's what I keep thinking.
Speaker 3: Thank you. Yeah, well that's what I was thinking. I
Speaker 3: was thinking. I wish I was the guy who was
Speaker 3: picking people up at the airport doing a show. Yeah, someday,
Speaker 3: I hope so close.
Speaker 1: You're close.
Speaker 2: Just just stick to it. You'll get there, kid. I
Speaker 2: like to say that too when I started comedy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we both do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we were talking about that earlier.
Speaker 3: It's something we should have mentioned. I really like you
Speaker 3: guys too, So this is really great. What are we
Speaker 3: going to do after this? I don't know why what
Speaker 3: I looked up to you. Huh.
Speaker 2: I looked up to you and you said, well, I
Speaker 2: like you guys too. Oh that's actually as well.
Speaker 3: I didn't think I can say that. I look up
Speaker 3: to you because that would be weird, right, I mean,
Speaker 3: how could we both look up to each other.
Speaker 2: It's making fun of my height because I'm short.
Speaker 3: I didn't remember that about you.
Speaker 2: Now that I'm five nine going on, I'm actually shrinking.
Speaker 2: We did a speakeasy together.
Speaker 3: Oh that show was so ridiculous. We did a show
Speaker 3: in a bar that was so dark, Like the light
Speaker 3: on stage was not as bright as your phone. The
Speaker 3: flashlight thing on your was.
Speaker 4: Like one wayward Christmas, a string of light. But it
Speaker 4: was just one little bowl.
Speaker 2: But it was called the Prohibition, I think something.
Speaker 3: Like I can't remember. It was in Culver City and
Speaker 3: it was booked by our friend Al Jackson. Jackson and
Speaker 3: I spoke to Al about it. He said that the guy,
Speaker 3: the guy who runs the room, got up at he
Speaker 3: and wanted to kind of start making all these rules
Speaker 3: about the comedians and the blah blah blah. You know,
Speaker 3: he totally became a prima donna producer. No, so Al
Speaker 3: had he yanked that show out of that room, which
Speaker 3: is a real shame.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so the guy took the lights with him.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm doing a show tonight under the covers. Once
Speaker 3: my wife goes to sleep. We're going to do it
Speaker 3: under the covers on my side of the bed, but
Speaker 3: you kind of have to be quiet.
Speaker 2: Okay, do you need a temper pedic bed for that
Speaker 2: or I already have that.
Speaker 3: Already have that because a lot.
Speaker 4: Of times, you know, you know, if you will want
Speaker 4: to do stand up and the wife will either want
Speaker 4: to sleep or drink wine.
Speaker 1: Jake, what is your sleep number?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: I don't. We have the temper peedick. I don't really
Speaker 3: understand the sleep number. That's a little after my time.
Speaker 2: But you have to actually own the bed and read
Speaker 2: the manual.
Speaker 3: Do you know anything about it? Which is the more firmer?
Speaker 3: Is that a higher number or lower number? Idea?
Speaker 1: I've only seen the commercial one hundred times, but I
Speaker 1: don't really know what that.
Speaker 3: I know I have a sleep number, and that's really
Speaker 3: all I think.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm proud to have one.
Speaker 4: I have a seaypostropedic and that's because you know, it
Speaker 4: makes it easier. I can just electronically elevate my legs
Speaker 4: for my gout and then.
Speaker 2: Kraftmatic, yeah, craftatic adjustable. I grew up with waterbeds, and
Speaker 2: I think that's why I have scoliosis and a number
Speaker 2: of hip problems.
Speaker 3: I really did you really have? Did your parents have
Speaker 3: a waterbed?
Speaker 4: I had a series of waterbeds as a kid, and I.
Speaker 1: A child's waterbed.
Speaker 3: Well it was warm.
Speaker 2: You know. I grew up in Montana and lived in
Speaker 2: a basement my whole life.
Speaker 1: Were you rich?
Speaker 2: I got out.
Speaker 3: I got out of there. The rich kids in Montana
Speaker 3: are put in a basement with it.
Speaker 1: They get their own basement waterbed. My god, it.
Speaker 3: Just never had enough water in it. So it was
Speaker 3: like a hammock.
Speaker 4: It was like I was sleeping in a water hammock, right,
Speaker 4: So my back was always constantly arched. And I think
Speaker 4: you can all tell with my I'm very self conscient
Speaker 4: us about my Uh.
Speaker 3: Yes, oh, I love when Yes.
Speaker 2: Good he works for the city.
Speaker 3: That's good that he has a This guy with a
Speaker 3: reflector vests and a Viking helmet, welcome to the neighborhood.
Speaker 2: He's just a crossing guard with a lot of spirit.
Speaker 3: Anyway, I'm a bad posture, are you, Jake?
Speaker 2: Are you a married person to have family?
Speaker 3: I am? I am. I wasn't kidding about my wife.
Speaker 3: I was kidding about the podcast in bed with her but.
Speaker 4: I remember you mention just moments ago, and I obviously
Speaker 4: I get I think, do you have kids?
Speaker 3: That's what I have a wife and we have a
Speaker 3: daughter who's ten.
Speaker 2: That's terrific.
Speaker 3: And that's why I'm not out. That's why we don't
Speaker 3: get to see each other more often. That's the prob
Speaker 3: that's why we have to wait until Al Jackson does
Speaker 3: a show in a flashlight show in a tiny bar.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm going to see if I can do something
Speaker 2: about that.
Speaker 3: I am too, I'm trying to get out more. I'm
Speaker 3: trying to be amongst more people. This is the step
Speaker 3: in that direction once. Yes, this is yeah, this is it.
Speaker 1: Well, I know many people who would love to have
Speaker 1: you on their shows around town. Many.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you could just kind of take your pick up
Speaker 4: the ones that are just fun where you're actually getting
Speaker 4: work done, because I tend to just do whatever show
Speaker 4: someone offers me, and I'll drive.
Speaker 2: I'd live over here and on the West Side like you,
Speaker 2: and I'll drive.
Speaker 3: All the way to It's a long way from here
Speaker 3: to there. Yeah, you've done any of those shows that
Speaker 3: are like in some like they roll up a garage
Speaker 3: door and you do a show in the driveway, and
Speaker 3: sometimes they're great.
Speaker 1: There's a whole spate of living room shows that space
Speaker 1: is not the right word, but there's a bunch of
Speaker 1: living dearth, a bunch of living room shows where the
Speaker 1: kids that go there are so into it they're like
Speaker 1: some of the best shows I've ever done.
Speaker 3: I totally get why the kids who go there would
Speaker 3: be into it, But what I don't understand really is
Speaker 3: like I feel like we might have lost track of
Speaker 3: what we're trying to do, which is, you know, we're
Speaker 3: trying to make a living you know. I feel like
Speaker 3: if you can't ever charge someone to cover or get
Speaker 3: paid for doing stand up, then I mean, you're not
Speaker 3: gonna get your own sitcom from doing a show in
Speaker 3: somebody's living room? Are you true?
Speaker 1: Though?
Speaker 3: But if it's true, I'm ready to do the living room.
Speaker 3: I don't want to be completely mercenary about this living room.
Speaker 4: Show, but I feel that way when I'm on the
Speaker 4: road and I go to some club. The last one
Speaker 4: that really made me sleep in the fetal position was
Speaker 4: in Houston.
Speaker 2: The Joke Joint, and it was I've never been there.
Speaker 4: It was, yeah, don't I'm gonna and they might be
Speaker 4: listening I'm sorry. You're sweet, lady Rachel, but I uh, well,
Speaker 4: I really have hurt my feelings every night, and I'm like,
Speaker 4: I'm certainly not going to get a sitcom coming getting well.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess you're right.
Speaker 2: You know, it's hard to know you have to do both,
Speaker 2: though I do know.
Speaker 1: That it honestly seems like these days, like in LA
Speaker 1: if you're in a living room show, the odds that
Speaker 1: there's some young assistant to a highly powered person sitting.
Speaker 3: In that audience in the living room.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like that's I swear to god. There's people where
Speaker 1: it's just like, oh I saw you at this thing,
Speaker 1: or I'm like, why in God's name would you be there?
Speaker 3: Yeah, And it's.
Speaker 1: Because they, as their job, go to just places around
Speaker 1: town and they go like hip things.
Speaker 3: Yeah. See, I don't I don't need to get paid
Speaker 3: to do a living room show because I have an
Speaker 3: ass full of diamonds right now. But most people, I
Speaker 3: feel like, you know, you see some of these young
Speaker 3: youngsters and they you know, it'd be nice if not
Speaker 3: only maybe there's an executive there, but they got twenty dollars.
Speaker 3: I know.
Speaker 4: Sometimes they do some shows, right, It's funny because I
Speaker 4: would think it would happen all the time.
Speaker 2: Oh, we're just three minutes from your house.
Speaker 3: Wow, I know, Well we could go around that. You
Speaker 3: could go around the block if you want to, Sure.
Speaker 2: We must, I mean I want to talk more.
Speaker 3: I don't mind talking. But if we sit getting the driveway,
Speaker 3: my wife will come out and maybe come in the house.
Speaker 3: I can promise you that.
Speaker 2: Most most most most drop offs we've had, they we
Speaker 2: come home to an wife that is angry and coming
Speaker 2: out with her hair and curlers rolling pins.
Speaker 3: I wish to get my wife would get busy with
Speaker 3: that rolling pin. That would be so happy. I mean,
Speaker 3: the only thing she uses that thing for is to
Speaker 3: chase me around.
Speaker 1: Not a pie in sight. No, the Joe Handsome's house,
Speaker 1: get about it. Remember when we were in Sacramento together.
Speaker 1: Well I wasn't really on the show, I think, but
Speaker 1: it was Dave Anthony was opening for you and we
Speaker 1: get to hang out for a weekend. Now this was
Speaker 1: back in the nineties.
Speaker 3: Uhh, this is just Dave's favorite show.
Speaker 1: What this podcast?
Speaker 3: No? I worked with Dave and Sacramento one time, and
Speaker 3: he's told the show on my podcast a couple of times,
Speaker 3: and I don't know if he's If you're thinking about
Speaker 3: this story where there's a group of young people in
Speaker 3: the audience that are kind of handicapped and Dave doesn't
Speaker 3: realize it, and they're kind of talking to each other
Speaker 3: and doing some making some noises that are that are
Speaker 3: kind of enthusiastic, and they're supporting and they're really enjoying
Speaker 3: the show. Dave says something to him once and then
Speaker 3: they say something again. He goes, what do you retarded?
Speaker 3: And the whole rest of the crowd goes, oh my god.
Speaker 3: Of course they didn't care. The kids didn't care. They
Speaker 3: were having a good time. And he meant it as
Speaker 3: a joke. He didn't mean it as a mean thing,
Speaker 3: but he was so much more fun.
Speaker 4: I've had the exact same thing happen at cap City
Speaker 4: when I when I lived in Austin. There's people in
Speaker 4: the back and they were laughing and I annoying. They
Speaker 4: were rather than laughing, they're just making an outburst. And
Speaker 4: I didn't say I think I said something a little
Speaker 4: lighter than retarded, but the entire audience was like, whoa
Speaker 4: should I go here?
Speaker 3: We're actually the other way? But yeah, yeah, yeah, but
Speaker 3: that's okay, so take the left whenever you well, or
Speaker 3: you can go up and take a rite and come
Speaker 3: back to hear and then go back. I like that.
Speaker 1: I like that. So sorry you called them a name
Speaker 1: like return.
Speaker 2: I said, I feel like, now maybe I think what
Speaker 2: I may have said, the word retarded.
Speaker 3: It's you know, we're not supposed to say retarded. But
Speaker 3: I don't think anyone ever says retarded when they're talking
Speaker 3: about a handicapped person. I only use that word when
Speaker 3: they're talking about one of their friends is kind of
Speaker 3: being dopey, yeah.
Speaker 2: Or there, or that my bomber keeps coming off of
Speaker 2: my my car is so retarded, I tell you.
Speaker 3: Well, like it would be much more insulting to say
Speaker 3: to someone, look are you someone who was a competent person? Look,
Speaker 3: what are you learning disabled? That seems more insulting, right,
Speaker 3: because now you're talking about a real thing that you
Speaker 3: would say.
Speaker 2: I don't know, it's more clinical.
Speaker 3: I guess I can't. We're not going to get to
Speaker 3: the bottom of it.
Speaker 1: It's accurate, you know. And it's accurate though, but it's
Speaker 1: unfortunately accurate because there are people who identify that it's
Speaker 1: not a bad thing that they are retarded or handicapped
Speaker 1: mentally handicapped. But Jeff, uh no, I can't remember.
Speaker 3: It's a game shot. I start giving hands Chef.
Speaker 1: He's the one that's on.
Speaker 3: Career Enthusiasm, Okay, and he Jeff Garlett garlic.
Speaker 1: Yes do you think you?
Speaker 3: Oh, I could have Where's the Crazies on that other
Speaker 3: show with this crazy sweaters.
Speaker 1: Yes, he's on Crazy five and he has a whole
Speaker 1: bit about how retarded is the one word that's like
Speaker 1: that that we should be allowed to say because it's
Speaker 1: so accurate. It is because when you want to call
Speaker 1: someone retarded, it's because they're being retarded.
Speaker 2: I want to just I only say it when I'm
Speaker 2: talking about putting out a fire, or slowing down a
Speaker 2: fire like a fire or slow, or bringing a conversation.
Speaker 3: To a halt like I can, I can conversation retardant. Yeah,
Speaker 3: thank you.
Speaker 4: I just wanted someone else to use it in a sentence.
Speaker 4: But it's okay if you say mentally. As soon as
Speaker 4: you take out the word mentally.
Speaker 3: I don't even think we know this. I think again,
Speaker 3: we're in some deep water here. We don't really know
Speaker 3: what we're talking about, either.
Speaker 2: In deep water or on thin ice.
Speaker 3: But either way, my dream is for us to start
Speaker 3: getting letters. Do people even write them anymore? Yeah?
Speaker 1: They come through the sunroof. It's insane.
Speaker 4: I want to get an angry letter. I've gotten some
Speaker 4: angry emails.
Speaker 3: You did.
Speaker 1: How do they get hold of you?
Speaker 2: With nothing? Into your show tonight? And you got angry
Speaker 2: at the man? Heckling.
Speaker 3: I don't believe that.
Speaker 2: I found you very unprofessional.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that was the letter that you got.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then I threw some deduction. I found out
Speaker 2: it was the owner's wife, a woman who was pregnant
Speaker 2: and drinking a beer.
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, Well this is the other thing that I
Speaker 3: think we need to lighten up on. I think it's
Speaker 3: okay for pregnant ladies to have a glass of wine
Speaker 3: every once in a while.
Speaker 4: People are getting so a beer nowadays, people are having
Speaker 4: nine ten pounds infants.
Speaker 3: I just got off a plane, so tell me about it.
Speaker 3: You know, there are some big human beings and maybe
Speaker 3: a couple drinks during pregnancy could solve this probs a
Speaker 3: little bit. I'm sing that song, sing the.
Speaker 2: Dangers.
Speaker 3: Okay, So what you wanted to do was go up
Speaker 3: and get on that ramp. But that's okay. You can
Speaker 3: take a right turn down at the corner.
Speaker 4: We are just making sure we have exactly an hour
Speaker 4: and ten minutes.
Speaker 3: It's the greatest. This is a great You can't even
Speaker 3: turn that, yeah, so take a well you can't. This
Speaker 3: is one way, the wrong way, so yeah, you're gonna
Speaker 3: have to take it right here and then go back.
Speaker 3: You just take it right on main Street.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's a one way wed.
Speaker 4: He don't matter, no matter what we say, do not
Speaker 4: go the wrong way in a one way street. Yeah,
Speaker 4: although it be kind of convenient if you.
Speaker 3: Don't matter what I say, not untie me.
Speaker 1: Oh, it's nice to live out here, isn't it the best?
Speaker 3: It is? I moved out here a long time ago
Speaker 3: after after the pilot that didn't go, and I thought, well,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna move by the beach so I have sanity.
Speaker 3: And it's really worked. But it sort of put a
Speaker 3: real kind of damper on drive. Wanted to.
Speaker 4: I'm constantly going back and forth. I love waking up
Speaker 4: over here. I feel like I when I the brief
Speaker 4: period I was in West Hollywood, I was overwhelmed with
Speaker 4: everything and I came over here.
Speaker 3: Do you just go to the beach for no reason.
Speaker 3: We go surfing down there way, wife and I. You
Speaker 3: can come with us. Why aren't we hanging out more? Chris,
Speaker 3: this is what I want to know.
Speaker 2: I have I got a I got a surfboard from
Speaker 2: uh from Costco, and then I have a little one
Speaker 2: that I'm horrible on.
Speaker 3: But I like surfing. Okay, well we can go to
Speaker 3: the beach. We can go have coffee.
Speaker 4: I absolutely want to do that. There's not a lot
Speaker 4: of Westside friends.
Speaker 1: I mean, I am still in the car.
Speaker 3: That's you know, well you Karen, come on, you're invited.
Speaker 3: If you would just ditch that ridiculous day job you've
Speaker 3: got held us back, we could have done this podcast
Speaker 3: two months ago. It wasn't for you.
Speaker 2: You're a stupid and there you're homeowning in the valley
Speaker 2: house in the valley valley for I don't know. I
Speaker 2: don't know any furniture. I'll tell you that if that
Speaker 2: was your next question.
Speaker 1: I live in an empty house.
Speaker 3: An empty house.
Speaker 1: It's an art project.
Speaker 2: The only furniture is for the dogs.
Speaker 3: Do you have a are you a relationship? Is that
Speaker 3: going on?
Speaker 1: I'm out of a release.
Speaker 3: You concern right, if you want.
Speaker 2: Please don't hit that incredibly attractive young lady.
Speaker 3: There's a lot of there's a lot of attractive people
Speaker 3: here by the beach. I think you'll find that. Yes, Yes,
Speaker 3: and you move out here, Karen. When when we all
Speaker 3: get a locked out here, I feel like I'm ready
Speaker 3: for a clubhouse in my life.
Speaker 1: We could start our own comedy show at the clubhouse.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm down. You want to go right up to
Speaker 3: the next block and then you can turn right, or
Speaker 3: you can pull over if you want to just chat
Speaker 3: for a little while.
Speaker 2: First, when was your pilot that you were talking about there?
Speaker 3: Oh, that was that one? Yeah, I've had That's great.
Speaker 3: I have not. I've been to the plate a number
Speaker 3: of times. I had a pilot that was in nineteen
Speaker 3: right after I got to town eighty seven eight, and
Speaker 3: it was all visitors and fish and it didn't go.
Speaker 3: It was this is the story of that disappointment. Brandon
Speaker 3: Tartagoff was the This is the one. He was the
Speaker 3: president of the network at the time, and his daughter
Speaker 3: was in a I can't remember if this was this
Speaker 3: one or the next one, but I think it was
Speaker 3: this one. He was in a car accident with his daughter.
Speaker 3: Was in a car accident, so he was kind of
Speaker 3: off the scene the show got developed. Then when the
Speaker 3: show was done, he was kind of back and he goes, no, no,
Speaker 3: this isn't what I said I wanted to make. No,
Speaker 3: we're not doing this. And then there was the writer's strike,
Speaker 3: and then the showy they called up and said, look,
Speaker 3: they don't have anything to put on television, so they're
Speaker 3: going to air the pilot. They're not picking up, but
Speaker 3: it's going to be on TV. And then the writer's
Speaker 3: strike ended. Oh no, no, it's not on TV.
Speaker 1: That's just so that was like a triple jerk around.
Speaker 3: It was a well I don't I wasn't counting, but yeah,
Speaker 3: I think you're right. It sounds like a triple.
Speaker 1: It sounds like a triple.
Speaker 3: I did another one for Fox where it was it
Speaker 3: was this presentation. It was during when they were like,
Speaker 3: we're not doing pilots anymore because pilots you got to
Speaker 3: pay people like double what they would get to if
Speaker 3: you was an episode of the show. So instead we're
Speaker 3: going to do presentations, which is we'll put it up
Speaker 3: like a theater play and then we'll just decide if
Speaker 3: we want it based on that and then they and
Speaker 3: I said, okay, well it seems kind of crappy because
Speaker 3: now they're going to pay you a tenth of what
Speaker 3: you would get for a pilot. So you do it
Speaker 3: on stage like they rehearse it for a week as
Speaker 3: if it was an actual they were going to shoot it.
Speaker 3: But then then and then they said, well, you know what,
Speaker 3: we are going to shoot it just because maybe everybody
Speaker 3: can't be there to watch it, so we're going to
Speaker 3: shoot it. But it's not a pilot. And then my
Speaker 3: manager said, well, you can't shoot it if you're going
Speaker 3: to do that, and they said, okay, well we don't
Speaker 3: what about VHS And he goes.
Speaker 1: No, you can't move out a courtroom artist.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Now, so the so the schedule that one I
Speaker 3: did with Tom Thomas, Thomas F. Wilson, my friend Tom Wilson.
Speaker 2: Oh, yes, a lot of people know him from Back
Speaker 2: to the Future.
Speaker 3: Yeah, which I don't even like to say that because
Speaker 3: he's not He's done so many other great things and
Speaker 3: it's not his favorite thing.
Speaker 2: But that's maybe he would bring it up.
Speaker 3: It's a great role everyone because he can't help it
Speaker 3: because everybody.
Speaker 1: He has to say they want to put.
Speaker 3: That saddle on him and ride him around like it's
Speaker 3: their birthday. So but he and I are doing this
Speaker 3: thing and it was so much much fun. And then
Speaker 3: and Peter Bonners, you know the guy, the guy from
Speaker 3: the Bob Newhart Show. That was the guy who directed it.
Speaker 3: It was a really fun week. And then we were
Speaker 3: they were going to do the presentation on Friday, but
Speaker 3: not gonna videotape because all the executives are going to
Speaker 3: show up and it was raining, like it was a
Speaker 3: brutal rating night, and so some of the executive showed up,
Speaker 3: but not all of them. Barry Diller was the head
Speaker 3: of Fox. He did not show up on that Friday. Monday,
Speaker 3: he announced he was leaving Fox to go to QBC.
Speaker 3: Oh god, yeah, so that is this second in my
Speaker 3: series of Hollywood and nut punch.
Speaker 2: Now that that was definitely three multidirectional.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel that didn't feel super good, but it was.
Speaker 2: I was definitely counting those punches. Its just won to
Speaker 2: each night, I think traditionally is how that goes in Hollywood.
Speaker 3: Okay, dual simultaneous.
Speaker 2: Well, I would maybe I'll ride a pilot. Do you
Speaker 2: want to be in my.
Speaker 3: We're teachers to solve and here's my pilot. It's all child.
Speaker 3: Child murders are very hot right now. I mean British
Speaker 3: drama shows are all about there's a dead child and
Speaker 3: let's get to the bottom of it. And then did
Speaker 3: you watch broad Church? Yes, spoiler alert everyone in that
Speaker 3: town is a pedophile. It's it's a little tiny town
Speaker 3: and everybody's fucking kids are in love with them.
Speaker 2: It's English.
Speaker 3: Yeah, when I did stand up.
Speaker 4: I haven't gone to the UK a bunch, but I
Speaker 4: did uh a club in Manchester and every comic there had.
Speaker 3: Pedo file pedophile. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, oh, that's how
Speaker 3: they say it over there.
Speaker 4: And they all laugh. They're like, oh, that's my favorite
Speaker 4: thing to make fun of, whereas here people are kind
Speaker 4: of like, hey, that's serious.
Speaker 3: I had a nephew.
Speaker 2: Yeah that got shown something in a pool house and
Speaker 2: then so that's it's off limits. But in the UK
Speaker 2: they it's pedophile, this pedophile that, well, they're all pedophiles.
Speaker 3: So you can't.
Speaker 1: Can't anybody want to hear my PIDs from my o
Speaker 1: my pilot?
Speaker 3: We are we in it?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's called pool house, okay, And you guys.
Speaker 3: Both work there and there's Okay, you're.
Speaker 1: The towl boys in the pool house.
Speaker 2: Okay, and it's mostly kids.
Speaker 1: It's just every week a different kid who wanders in
Speaker 1: and then you take them away, and then a curtain
Speaker 1: will blow.
Speaker 2: I think i'd wires of that. Okay, but I'm not.
Speaker 3: Right this you've just described just the first you know,
Speaker 3: what do they call that first two minutes before the
Speaker 3: show starts? Kind of every this is just a cold open, yes,
Speaker 3: then what happens afterwards.
Speaker 1: Will murder that kid? Okay, and then whatever else you want.
Speaker 3: I mean, like, I feel like most popular when they
Speaker 3: it's the people who are the main characters of the
Speaker 3: people who catch the murderer, not the SI. I mean,
Speaker 3: you're the one with a TV writing job.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing. I think you both need to be
Speaker 1: willing and brave just to be an unlikable character every
Speaker 1: once in a while.
Speaker 2: But as the stars, yeah we're talking amount of SI.
Speaker 3: Even been listening to this episode, I feel like we've
Speaker 3: all been taking turns being unlikable.
Speaker 1: We're about as unlikable as you can get.
Speaker 2: Yeah, for the recharge, that was terrific. Well, let's face it,
Speaker 2: we're at your place, We're sitting in a turned off car.
Speaker 3: Well, we can start up. We're actually a few blocks away,
Speaker 3: so we can drive. Yeah, we're not here. No, we're
Speaker 3: not here. I told you if we were, I said
Speaker 3: that pull over so we could talk a little bit more.
Speaker 3: If we pull into my driveway. My wife is going
Speaker 3: to come out. No, I mean, she's a.
Speaker 1: Character, but Hanson will be on. She could jump in.
Speaker 3: She said she was going to take my name, and
Speaker 3: then she didn't.
Speaker 1: She didn't do it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's it's not like a bon of contention, but
Speaker 3: it's just a factual thing that we've been married for
Speaker 3: going on, it'll be twelve years and that's October. That
Speaker 3: did you hear my phone? That's that's her texting me.
Speaker 3: Where are you my love? That's what she says.
Speaker 2: Wait for her to come out. Just stroller a blaze.
Speaker 1: Maybe if you print up the paperwork and just put
Speaker 1: it on her desk, make it easy for her.
Speaker 3: What's the paperwork for her name change?
Speaker 2: Maybe it's the clerical stuff and going.
Speaker 1: She doesn't like paper.
Speaker 3: She might have done that.
Speaker 2: You know her, Well, it sounds like Karen, I know her.
Speaker 3: That's what's stopping me from a lot of things too.
Speaker 3: Is the papers.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, the living room comedy show paperwork that you
Speaker 1: don't want to get.
Speaker 2: Certainly the reason I even't paid my taxes in five years.
Speaker 3: We got to be coming close here. It's just will
Speaker 3: you go over this next thing? And then it's on
Speaker 3: the right. Oh I remember now? Yeah? What do you
Speaker 3: remember from well.
Speaker 1: Past your house? Oh?
Speaker 3: I know, I got My friend is now managing her
Speaker 3: name is Melan. Yeah, my friend's managing her. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Does she have another hit?
Speaker 3: She's still rocking it out? Yeah? I can't remember her
Speaker 3: other hits, but yeah she has. She's had a couple
Speaker 3: of hits. I didn't know that she's still doing it.
Speaker 3: Take a take a take. Well, no, there's someone in
Speaker 3: the driveway right there, right there. Yeah, no, next to
Speaker 3: the one with a silver car. That one back a droopy.
Speaker 2: It's almost like it's melting.
Speaker 3: I love it. Okay, No, I'm I'm did you see
Speaker 3: where that blue car is over there? I'm in the
Speaker 3: one next to that, behind the other kind of sage
Speaker 3: greeny one.
Speaker 1: Do you want me to back up and go back
Speaker 1: over there?
Speaker 3: Well you can, Okay, she's fine, Hi are you?
Speaker 2: She was? She really has a curious look on her face.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, she is a curious person. She's probably coming
Speaker 3: out because that might be someone in one of her
Speaker 3: friend's car, or maybe she's mad at the person who
Speaker 3: left the car. She lives in this building where that
Speaker 3: driveway goes to, or that building this not in this
Speaker 3: this building that we're parked in. I don't know the
Speaker 3: people who live here that much.
Speaker 1: I could be blocking somebody.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, but they'll either be in the road or
Speaker 3: they'll come up this driveway and they'll have an angry look.
Speaker 3: In the neighborhood that lives behind that building's famous. His
Speaker 3: default mode is to just start every time something's a problem,
Speaker 3: he just starts yelling at you. His life. You know
Speaker 3: how they say you make your own world. You know,
Speaker 3: he's he's the star of that.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, Well, certainly the look on her face could
Speaker 2: be confused for very angry. I don't It might be.
Speaker 3: Just her rest anything to do with us.
Speaker 4: But yeah, it's probably just a lifetime of being mistreated.
Speaker 1: I bet it's that jean jacket. It's a tiny It.
Speaker 4: Might be the fringe on that skirt that's making her angry.
Speaker 2: It's just the denim on denim that she has gone.
Speaker 3: And you don't even know what kind of undergarments she's
Speaker 3: gonna sometimes, you know, just.
Speaker 2: Big floppy granny bloomers, just windsock.
Speaker 3: I was thinking more of kind of a religious kind
Speaker 3: of like there's a tight thing.
Speaker 1: Or some magic underwear.
Speaker 2: She just drapes a sheet with a hole in it
Speaker 2: around her waist or it's chainmail.
Speaker 1: Oh she because she is from the rent Fair. I
Speaker 1: don't need her permission she has. Okay, Jake, what any plugs?
Speaker 3: And yeah? Great? When is this going to be coming out?
Speaker 3: Here's what be next Monday. Here's what I can say
Speaker 3: to you people listening to this. I've got a comedy
Speaker 3: special that you can download. It's five dollars and you
Speaker 3: can download it from my website. Jake. This dot com
Speaker 3: and that's my website, so you can find out where I'm.
Speaker 1: Playing dot com. What's the comedy special? What's the title?
Speaker 3: It's called Pictures of My Dinner. I love that name.
Speaker 1: I'm going to watch that.
Speaker 2: You also have other ones? You have I Love You on?
Speaker 2: You can watch that on Netflix.
Speaker 3: No you can't anymore?
Speaker 2: They really I watched it on there.
Speaker 3: I know they pull this is Do you want to
Speaker 3: hear about another kind of way that showbes disappoint you. Yes,
Speaker 3: they can stop having you on Netflix. I didn't know
Speaker 3: that they could do that, but I was like, what happened?
Speaker 3: And not only do they take the special off, but
Speaker 3: they remove all the reviews and the record of it
Speaker 3: being on there. So so for a while it was
Speaker 3: like you could go on and you could say, well,
Speaker 3: if this ever comes back, I want to watch it,
Speaker 3: or you could read reviews that people have written about it.
Speaker 3: But it was on for three years and then and
Speaker 3: now it's not. But I'm gonna I'm gonna put that
Speaker 3: up for a digital take that personally it hurts.
Speaker 4: Instead of charge five bucks for that one, since it's
Speaker 4: the old one, get for free.
Speaker 3: On I thought I thought you were going to suggest
Speaker 3: ten dollars. I mean all money. Money is really kind
Speaker 3: of classic. Okay, seven, it's all a technicality. Now that
Speaker 3: I'm I've got these diamonds, so.
Speaker 1: Everything is now your whole world has shifted dramatically.
Speaker 3: I know it's all for fun. Now everything is for fun.
Speaker 3: It's great. I can't wait to see you guys at
Speaker 3: the living room show that we're going to do. Why
Speaker 3: don't we buy a house that we just do living
Speaker 3: room shows and nobody even lives there.
Speaker 2: I mean, if you make the down payment, you're the
Speaker 2: one that's shipping money.
Speaker 3: We'll fill the basement up with dead children.
Speaker 1: A dream house, yeah, dream house, a little place.
Speaker 3: It's just for us.
Speaker 1: And our predilections.
Speaker 3: I didn't think this was going to be that much fun,
Speaker 3: kind of dreading it a little bit. No, I was
Speaker 3: excited about it, but but I really didn't. This was
Speaker 3: more fun than I thought.
Speaker 2: I'm glad that you're saying that, and I'm glad.
Speaker 4: I hope that it was better than the cab, right
Speaker 4: it certainly I'm going to just go ahead.
Speaker 3: Oh this beats the crap out of a cab. What
Speaker 3: do I owe you?
Speaker 1: No cologne? Starting with no cologne? And then we actually
Speaker 1: knew how to get to your house.
Speaker 3: The payment sort of we spiraled in, but we did it.
Speaker 1: You know, roundabout way.
Speaker 2: The payment is in, having made you've paid us in laughs.
Speaker 3: If you want to go, if you want to park
Speaker 3: at my driveway, you can come in and meet my wife.
Speaker 3: If you want to thank you. No, I didn't like so, Okay.
Speaker 2: I'm a little nervous. Just anyone in Curlers Wheel.
Speaker 3: It's not really where you made that up. That's not
Speaker 3: who she really is, but retracing my that was my.
Speaker 1: Whole I'm catturing her is pet from Andy Cap, and
Speaker 1: I don't want any part of it.
Speaker 2: I should.
Speaker 4: That pet for Andy Cap makes me want to take
Speaker 4: a face naps on a couch, remember like nap on
Speaker 4: his face.
Speaker 2: He was a drunk, he was abusive.
Speaker 1: He was a terrible drunk on h O N.
Speaker 3: I don't remember Andy Cap as well as you guys,
Speaker 3: and you're younger than me too. That's it's weird. It's
Speaker 3: very It's a turnabout thing that's happened.
Speaker 1: It's a turnaround, Jake. I'm going I'm going to make
Speaker 1: you do low key shows in Hollywood.
Speaker 3: Okay, I want to We're done now right. I keep
Speaker 3: thinking like I should put this down, but then it's
Speaker 3: not really over. But it is over, right, isn't it. Okay,
Speaker 3: we're going to get out.
Speaker 1: Here's you do the sign off? We will Okay, you're
Speaker 1: trying to say.
Speaker 2: Something, Jake, thank you for being on the show. We
Speaker 2: very much enjoyed you. This is my conclusionary.
Speaker 4: Voice you've been listening to Do you need a ride?
Speaker 3: D y n Air