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Speaker 1: This is intergalactic John.

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Speaker 2: This is Alien Sam on the International Okay Storytime podcast station,

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Speaker 2: and we have some human stories coming up, not alien, but.

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Speaker 3: Before we make a landing, stick around for this two

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Speaker 3: minute not alien ad break before we get to these

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Speaker 3: interstellar stories.

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Speaker 4: My family still loves my ex. It's making me crazy.

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Speaker 4: You have to choose for background. My ex now male

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Speaker 4: twenty five and I female twenty three, started dating at

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Speaker 4: the end of my junior year in twenty eighteen up

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Speaker 4: until the end of twenty twenty two, so for about

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Speaker 4: four point five years. The first year we were long

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Speaker 4: distance because we obviously still lived with our parents, but

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Speaker 4: he lived close to Chicago and I was about three

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Speaker 4: and a half hours away, closer to the Mississippi River.

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Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from some.

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Speaker 4: Internet chick oh five and if you want to submit

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Speaker 4: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime sepreddit.

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Speaker 4: So in twenty nineteen, after I graduated, he had bought

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Speaker 4: a house twenty minutes away from my hometown, so we

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Speaker 4: moved in together. His parents and I got along pretty well.

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Speaker 4: They were always kind to me and even helped us

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Speaker 4: renovate our kitchen. About a year into living together. I

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Speaker 4: couldn't sleep, so I wrote a cute love note in

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Speaker 4: his notes app that he could find later on, as

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Speaker 4: I did every now and then. After I was done,

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Speaker 4: I noticed that he had the Reddit app and decided

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Speaker 4: to scroll through that because I always saw random Reddit

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Speaker 4: posts that I thought were funny and wanted to see

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Speaker 4: how easy it was to use. He had gotten a

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Speaker 4: notification about a message on the app, so I checked

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Speaker 4: it for him. Yes, we had each other's passwords and

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Speaker 4: we trusted each other, so I didn't think anything of it.

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Speaker 4: That's when I discovered that he had been talking to

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Speaker 4: another woman and flirting with them.

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Speaker 1: I only got to two different message threads.

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Speaker 4: There were more, but I couldn't look at them before

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Speaker 4: I broke down crying and woke him up to confront him.

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Speaker 4: He started crying and told me that it never happened again.

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Speaker 4: I believed him and stayed. The next year went by

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Speaker 4: fine until we started to renovate the two upstairs bedrooms

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Speaker 4: and the staircase.

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Speaker 1: His mom kept trying to.

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Speaker 4: Tell us what we should do with it, and I

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Speaker 4: kept telling her that we'll figure it out as we go.

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Speaker 4: My family has a lot of contractors, so while I'm

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Speaker 4: not genius in renovations. I know more than what a

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Speaker 4: typical twenty year old at the time. One day, when

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Speaker 4: they were staying with us, something flipped in her. I

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Speaker 4: can't think of anything I did to provoke her outbreak

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Speaker 4: besides telling her that we weren't going to paint the closets,

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Speaker 4: and I can't even really remember what all she said

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Speaker 4: because I just couldn't believe how quickly her attitude towards

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Speaker 4: me had changed. We argued back and forth about nothing, really.

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Speaker 4: She just finally aired out all of the problems she

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Speaker 4: had with me that were previously unknown to me. She

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Speaker 4: called me rude, disrespectful, and to end it all, she

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Speaker 4: told me to f off.

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Speaker 1: Now.

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Speaker 4: I will admit I wasn't the nicest to her within

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Speaker 4: the argument, but I had treated her like my own

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Speaker 4: mother during my relationship to her son. After the stupidest

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Speaker 4: argument of my life, I was sent into the biggest

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Speaker 4: panic slash anxiety attack I've ever had. I was crying, uncontrollably,

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Speaker 4: hyperventilating and shaking my exits. Ot with me for maybe

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Speaker 4: five minutes, then ran off to go comfort his mom.

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Speaker 4: Eventually he came back and told me to call my mom.

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Speaker 4: And have her take me to her house. Instead of

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Speaker 4: standing up for me to his mom and asking her

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Speaker 4: to leave, his bright idea was to take me out

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Speaker 4: of my safe space, my home and let his mom

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Speaker 4: stay there instead. I was at my mom's for a

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Speaker 4: couple of hours until he came to pick me up

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Speaker 4: and take me home because she had finally left. That

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Speaker 4: was the moment that I lost all respect for him

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Speaker 4: and realized that he would never stand up for me

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Speaker 4: in any situation after that. His parents pretty much just

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Speaker 4: owned him just because he was still with WHOA. The

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Speaker 4: next year and a half was rough. We turned into

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Speaker 4: roommates that slept together. During that last year, I took

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Speaker 4: a nice long look back at our relationship and slowly

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Speaker 4: realized I wasn't happy. We never went on date nights,

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Speaker 4: he never wanted to go do anything, and whenever we

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Speaker 4: did do something, I felt like he wasn't really present

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Speaker 4: in the moments.

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Speaker 1: He was just doing it so that I would shut

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Speaker 1: up about it.

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Speaker 4: Throughout our relationship, he had the same afterwork routine. He'd

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Speaker 4: come home, take the dog out to pee or leave

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Speaker 4: him in the dog run for a little bit, and

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Speaker 4: run for a little bit, shower, and then plays video

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Speaker 4: games until it was bedtime. His headphones would be on

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Speaker 4: and he'd be in his own world for at least

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Speaker 4: five to six hours playing games. I'd make supper ninety

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Speaker 4: percent of the time unless I wanted something on the grill.

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Speaker 4: Only then would he cook. I even ended up up

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Speaker 4: doing my own social experiment with him because I realized

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Speaker 4: I was the one initiating all physical contact except for

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Speaker 4: spicy sleep for three days. I didn't kiss him first,

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Speaker 4: I didn't hug him first, and I didn't say I

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Speaker 4: love you first. In those three excruciating long days, we

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Speaker 4: hugged once, which was initiated by me, and only said

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Speaker 4: I love you once, also initiated by me. He told

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Speaker 4: me from the get go that he wasn't a touchy

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Speaker 4: feely person, but that is one of my biggest love languages.

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Speaker 4: I had to beg him pretty much to cuddle on

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Speaker 4: the couch or come to bed to cuddle me to sleep.

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Speaker 4: When it comes to opening up to people, I'm not

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Speaker 4: the best at it and get emotional very quickly. So

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Speaker 4: instead of sitting down and talking to him about it,

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Speaker 4: I wrote him three different letters, three different times. I

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Speaker 4: explained what he was doing and how it made me feel,

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Speaker 4: and how he could make it better. I had even

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Speaker 4: asked him if there's things I needed to work on,

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Speaker 4: and he would always say that he couldn't think of anything.

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Speaker 4: All three letters would in one year and out the other,

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Speaker 4: nothing would change. After the second letter, I threatened to

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Speaker 4: leave and move back in with my mom, but he

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Speaker 4: said that he'd change, and he did for maybe a

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Speaker 4: week or two. In October of twenty twenty two, he

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Speaker 4: proposed to me what, in front of my family and

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Speaker 4: the photographer that was taking our family pictures, which I

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Speaker 4: was later told was just a ploy for engagement pictures.

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Speaker 4: I said yes because I thought maybe he's finally got it.

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Speaker 4: While trying to plan the wedding, I had asked for

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Speaker 4: his input on literally anything, and I'd always be met

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Speaker 4: with yeah, sure, it's whatever you want. I felt like

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Speaker 4: he didn't care about our special day and wasn't taking

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Speaker 4: it seriously. I felt like this was just a shut

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Speaker 4: up ring, so I'd stopped dropping hints and he wouldn't

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Speaker 4: have to hear about it anymore. Finally, I got tired

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Speaker 4: of my letters not being taken seriously and feeling like

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Speaker 4: his mother's slash roommates. So I moved back in with

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Speaker 4: my mom in November of twenty twenty two. I will

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Speaker 4: admit how we broke up as car effed up. I'd

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Speaker 4: tried to break up with him at three different times,

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Speaker 4: and each time he'd convinced me to stay and think

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Speaker 4: about it. I did because it hurt me to see

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Speaker 4: him hurt while I still lived with him. There was

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Speaker 4: a guy at my work who was leaving me not

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Speaker 4: so subtle hints that he wanted me. At this point,

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Speaker 4: I had given him the ring back, even though it

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Speaker 4: was my mom's engagement ring, and yes, my parents are divorced,

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Speaker 4: so she hadn't worn it into plus years, and I

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Speaker 4: told him I was done with the relationship, but I

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Speaker 4: still lived with it. So at this time I slept

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Speaker 4: with my coworker, So in my ex's head, I cheated.

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Speaker 4: But I'm still in the fence about it because I

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Speaker 4: can see how it would look to him since I

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Speaker 4: still lived with him. Pretty crappy, I know, and I've

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Speaker 4: beat myself up about it for so long. I do

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Speaker 4: wish I waited until I was moved out to start

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Speaker 4: seeing my coworker so there was no doubt in his

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Speaker 4: mind that I was done and wouldn't have hurt him

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Speaker 4: so bad. The six months after our breakup were pretty

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Speaker 4: lonely for me, going to sleep on an air mattress

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Speaker 4: my sister's old room because my mom turned my old

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Speaker 4: room into my niece's toy room, sleeping by myself after

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Speaker 4: three years of having someone else in bed with me,

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Speaker 4: the hookups I went to just to feel wanted by someone,

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Speaker 4: even if it was just for an hour. Thankfully, I

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Speaker 4: decided I was tired of the hookups and wanted something

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Speaker 4: more serious and found my current boyfriend on Bumble. He's

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Speaker 4: such a sweet, caring, lovable goofball that doesn't mind my

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Speaker 4: ADHD slash autism works and actually enjoys.

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Speaker 1: Being around me.

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Speaker 4: We clicked instantly and he said I love you after

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Speaker 4: two weeks.

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Speaker 1: That is wow.

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Speaker 4: Now the reoccurring issue I have is my family. On

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Speaker 4: my mom's side, they still love my ex. He's still

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Speaker 4: in all family group chats, Facebook groups, and is still

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Speaker 4: invited to all the family get togethers. It makes me

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Speaker 4: and my boyfriend so uncomfortable and awkward. My siblings and

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Speaker 4: their significant others all agree with me that he shouldn't

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Speaker 4: still be hanging around. Almost a year and a half later.

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Speaker 4: My mom had told me the first time I came

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Speaker 4: to her crying about me wanting to leave him but

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Speaker 4: not knowing what to do, He'll always be my son,

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Speaker 4: and she has stayed true to that, and even through

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Speaker 4: him a birthday party the same time as my brothers

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Speaker 4: because their birthdays are close together at my grandparents' house.

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Speaker 4: She still calls him uncle ex's name when talking about

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Speaker 4: him with my nieces.

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Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, Oh that's all he's gone, girl, get

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Speaker 5: over him.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I gotta be. That's disrespectful to your dear child.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, actively dating someone new, Yeah yeah, exactly, like disrespectful

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Speaker 4: to the new boyfriend too. My brother finally got fed

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Speaker 4: up with another family situation and brought up the situation

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Speaker 4: with my ex still coming around. My mom had told

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Speaker 4: him if my granny, who passed away long before I

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Speaker 4: was even born, would roll over in her grave if

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Speaker 4: she knew that I punted him out when his family

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Speaker 4: disowned him. Because of ope, of course, everything is always

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Speaker 4: my fault, even though I didn't do anything but tell

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Speaker 4: his mom that we weren't going to paint the closets.

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Speaker 4: She is said that he is her son even though

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Speaker 4: he's my ex. But if my grandma had done the

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Speaker 4: same thing with both of my uncle's ex wives, he'd

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Speaker 4: throw the biggest hissy fit you'd ever see a grown

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Speaker 4: man throw, or even if she did it with my dad.

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Speaker 4: I just don't understand why it's only my ex that

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Speaker 4: gets to keep getting the family treatment. Unfortunately, after we

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Speaker 4: broke up, my ex and my uncle became best friends

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Speaker 4: and will also stand.

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Speaker 1: Up for him no matter what.

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Speaker 4: Oh my goodness, my best friend that I've had since

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Speaker 4: fifth grade got sick of him coming around and lost

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Speaker 4: it when I told her that he had brought his

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Speaker 4: new girlfriend to my grandpa's birthday party. She is in

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Speaker 4: the same boat as me with not knowing why they've

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Speaker 4: kept him around. She texted him along ran and aired

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Speaker 4: out everything that she had wanted to say since we

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Speaker 4: broke up.

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Speaker 1: Nothing that she.

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Speaker 4: Said it was particularly nasty, mainly just pointing out that

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Speaker 4: it's weird how he's still hanging around and how crappy

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Speaker 4: it is to bring your new girlfriend your ex's grandpa's party.

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Speaker 4: The kicker is that he couldn't even stand up for himself.

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Speaker 4: He was either with my uncle or screenshot of the

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Speaker 4: text and sent it to him to read and my

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Speaker 4: uncle came to his defense. I will add that he

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Speaker 4: my ex hadn't had her number saved since he had

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Speaker 4: brought locked her on all social media around the time

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Speaker 4: of the first letter I gave him because he thought

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Speaker 4: that she was behind a lot of why I wanted

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Speaker 4: to leave, which is not true at all. Sooner or

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Speaker 4: later he or my uncle told my mom about it,

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Speaker 4: so she sent out a message in a newly created

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Speaker 4: group chat with me, my siblings, and their lovers about

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Speaker 4: she didn't know his new girl was going to be there.

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Speaker 4: As far as everyone is concerned, he's just as much

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Speaker 4: a part of the family as anyone else, and whoever

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Speaker 4: is texting him the long rant can stop. I haven't yet,

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Speaker 4: but I know I need to sit my mom down

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Speaker 4: and explain exactly.

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Speaker 1: How I feel about this whole situation.

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Speaker 4: I had written and printed out a letter for her

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Speaker 4: explaining that I was just going to be done with

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Speaker 4: that side of the family. They wanted to keep him

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Speaker 4: around so bad, and after my sister's wedding, I would

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Speaker 4: no longer be a part of the family. But my

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Speaker 4: boyfriend asked me if he could give me his thoughts

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Speaker 4: and opinions on the letter. Of course, I said yes,

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Speaker 4: because while it mainly affects me, it does still affect

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Speaker 4: him in a small way. He basically told me, I

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Speaker 4: need to sit down with my mom and give her

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Speaker 4: the ultimatum of me or him before I just leave,

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Speaker 4: because in a few years, if I didn't do everything

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Speaker 4: that I could to try and change her mind or

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Speaker 4: see it from my point of view, I might regret it.

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Speaker 4: But if I at least try to talk to her

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Speaker 4: and it boils down to me stepping away from the family,

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Speaker 4: I'll know I've done everything that I could before turning

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Speaker 4: to my nuclear option. I agreed with him because I

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Speaker 4: had had a similar thought after rereading my letter. I

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Speaker 4: told my siblings about the letter and let them read it.

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Speaker 4: They all agreed that it's well written, and while they

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Speaker 4: don't want to see it happen, they don't want me

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Speaker 4: to be miserable and uncomfortable at all of the future

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Speaker 4: family functions.

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Speaker 1: My sister and her future.

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Speaker 4: Wife didn't invite my ex to their wedding out of

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Speaker 4: respect for me, since I don't think that they'd want

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Speaker 4: one of the maids of honor to be uncomfortable during

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Speaker 4: their wedding.

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Speaker 1: They just want love and good vibes all day.

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Speaker 4: My brother feels like he's being replaced by my ex,

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Speaker 4: since he and my mom do more together than my

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Speaker 4: mom and my brother. My boyfriend feels like my family

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Speaker 4: hasn't even given him a chance since my ex is

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Speaker 4: still around and no one really talks to either of

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Speaker 4: us at family gatherings. As of me writing this, we've

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Speaker 4: been together for almost a year now. My mom even

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Speaker 4: makes a family calendar every year for everyone for Christmas

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Speaker 4: and left out my boyfriend's birthday, but still kept my

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Speaker 4: exes and still adds his pictures. She even put him

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Speaker 4: on her twenty twenty three Christmas cards. I'm honestly terrified

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Speaker 4: to talk to her about everything because she has shown

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Speaker 4: me time and time again she wants him there with

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Speaker 4: no end in sight, and I'm scared that if I

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Speaker 4: give her the ultimatum, she'll choose my ex, maybe not

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Speaker 4: by directly saying I choose him, but more of like

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Speaker 4: a I can't do that to him, and I know

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Speaker 4: that she won't because she is stubborn, and I would

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Speaker 4: have no choice but to choose my own mental health

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Speaker 4: and well being and have to leave the biggest support

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Speaker 4: system I have because they care more about my ex

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Speaker 4: than me and my feelings. I'm at a standstill right

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Speaker 4: now with talking to my mom because I'm just so

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Speaker 4: nervous and i know I'm either going to get frustrated

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Speaker 4: and furious with her or I'm just going to break

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Speaker 4: down and cry my eyes out while trying to have

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Speaker 4: a discussion with her. By the way, you don't have

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Speaker 4: to break down or cry, because we have more full

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Speaker 4: episodes of stories just like this one on iHeart Radio

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Speaker 4: Apple Podcasts. One of your favorite podcast app is just

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Speaker 4: search Okay story Time. This has been going on for

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Speaker 4: almost two years, and if I don't talk to her soon,

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Speaker 4: I'm going to go crazy. Thankfully, my boyfriend and I

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Speaker 4: live about an hour away from our hometown, so I

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Speaker 4: don't have to worry about randomly running into my ex.

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Speaker 4: I'm not necessarily looking for sympathy because I know I

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Speaker 4: have to up too. I just want to feel heard

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Speaker 4: and maybe given some advice on how to better approach

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Speaker 4: my mom when I finally grow a pair fite the

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Speaker 4: bullet and talk to her. I don't know if it

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Speaker 4: would be better to do it one on one or

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Speaker 4: have my siblings there with me just for support and

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Speaker 4: maybe add their feelings about the whole situation. I don't

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Speaker 4: want my mom to think that we are attacking her,

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Speaker 4: but seeing how this has affected my brother, I think

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Speaker 4: he also needs to be heard because his thoughts and

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Speaker 4: feelings are just as important.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like I feel like having the siblings.

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Speaker 4: There would be good because then you're not alone, and

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Speaker 4: hopefully they can and you know, counter something that your

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Speaker 4: mom says that you might not have words for in

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Speaker 4: the moment.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a great idea.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, yeah, you just want like someone who

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Speaker 5: like knows your mom is supportive of you.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and especially like she said, the brother is clearly

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Speaker 4: having problems with it too, so like, you know, other

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Speaker 4: people you know need this alone, but hopefully they can

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Speaker 4: go about it in like a calm way that doesn't

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Speaker 4: just blow up in a family fight.

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Speaker 5: My brother and his girlfriend made me feel unwelcome, so

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Speaker 5: I returned the favor ooh sweet Sweet revenge. For context,

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Speaker 5: my brother and I have never had an argument before

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Speaker 5: in our life and have always been close and got

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Speaker 5: on until I offered his girlfriend work. Him and his

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Speaker 5: girlfriend had just got a mortgage, and his girlfriend decided

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Speaker 5: to quit her job. Without another job to go to

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Speaker 5: my brother confided in me that this has left them

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Speaker 5: struggling financially. I'm a wedding photographer, so I offered to

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Speaker 5: train his girlfriend to become a second shooter for me

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Speaker 5: to help her earn some money. By the way, this

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00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,800
Speaker 5: comes from Economy Speed ninety sixty four and if you

341
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Speaker 5: want to spit your own stories, go to the r

342
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Speaker 5: slash story time suppered it. I paid her for the

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00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:04,480
Speaker 5: full second rating at the time, which was two hundred

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Speaker 5: and fifty pounds per day at.

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Speaker 1: Plus expenses, despite.

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Speaker 5: Her being completely new to it. I also gave her

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00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:11,720
Speaker 5: a few lessons in how to use one of my

348
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:14,200
Speaker 5: cameras and let her keep it and one of my lenses,

349
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Speaker 5: which she used on the wedding. But she was often

350
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:18,680
Speaker 5: rude to me over texts and showed little to no

351
00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:21,400
Speaker 5: gratitude if I didn't respond within the hour to her

352
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:24,640
Speaker 5: text she'd send loads of question marks, question mark, question mark,

353
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Speaker 5: Yet she'd often take days to reply to me. When

354
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:29,720
Speaker 5: I tried to raise this with her, she told my

355
00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:32,360
Speaker 5: brother I was being horrible tart, and he called me

356
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Speaker 5: up thing he doesn't see the problem with it.

357
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Speaker 1: I let it go.

358
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Speaker 5: Then I was diagnosed with melanoma and needed surgery on

359
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Speaker 5: my leg oh, which meant I couldn't walk or work

360
00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:44,320
Speaker 5: for about two months. It put a huge strain on

361
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Speaker 5: me financially, as I then had to pay other experienced

362
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:50,560
Speaker 5: photographers to cover my weddings and pay them an associate fee.

363
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:52,560
Speaker 5: I had to get quite a few weddings covered, which

364
00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:54,840
Speaker 5: meant I had to use all my savings and any

365
00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:57,240
Speaker 5: money I had in my current account. Even though I

366
00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:59,920
Speaker 5: was never late with any payments to my brother's girlfriend,

367
00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:02,440
Speaker 5: I explained her that I couldn't pay her immediately because

368
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Speaker 5: of everything going on, and I said I would pay

369
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Speaker 5: her in ten days when I was next due to

370
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Speaker 5: be paid. I owe her for two weddings. Pay five

371
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Speaker 5: hundred pounds. She responded really harshly and showed no understanding

372
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Speaker 5: at all, saying I need that money now, That's not

373
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Speaker 5: my problem, and I have bills to pay. Not long after,

374
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Speaker 5: my brother called me and told me I needed to

375
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Speaker 5: send her as much money as possible now and then

376
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Speaker 5: pay the rest in ten days, even to the point

377
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Speaker 5: of emptying my bank account, because he thought it was

378
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Speaker 5: unfair she wasn't being paid. It was incredibly hurtful. I've

379
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Speaker 5: done everything I could to help them when they were struggling,

380
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Speaker 5: but the moment I needed a little grace, they gave

381
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Speaker 5: me none. My parents were disappointed too. They expected them

382
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Speaker 5: both to be kind and understanding, especially given the fact

383
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Speaker 5: I was dealing with a serious health issue that I

384
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Speaker 5: couldn't plan for. At Least your pants are on your side.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's good.

386
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Speaker 5: Despite how upset I was, I didn't want a big fallout,

387
00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:55,440
Speaker 5: so I tried my best to move past it. After this,

388
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Speaker 5: his girlfriend wanted to start her own wedding photography business,

389
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Speaker 5: which I was in full supportive. We had shot around

390
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Speaker 5: forty weddings together, and out of those, I had only

391
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Speaker 5: shared around ten of those on my website and Instagram.

392
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Speaker 5: Because she had only ever worked on my weddings and

393
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Speaker 5: didn't have any other seconding work to use or any

394
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Speaker 5: style shoots she had begun to make her work look

395
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Speaker 5: different to mine, I was quite worried that if she

396
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:19,360
Speaker 5: shared lots from those ten weddings I had shared, that

397
00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:22,560
Speaker 5: our pages would look too similar, so I politely requested

398
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Speaker 5: that she only share groom prep to core shots from

399
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Speaker 5: those ten weddings, not any of the couple's portraits that

400
00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:31,000
Speaker 5: I always pose slashed that up and that instead she

401
00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:34,080
Speaker 5: shared couple shots from the thirty weddings I hadn't shared,

402
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:36,600
Speaker 5: so that her page looked different. She got back to

403
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Speaker 5: me and said it was so unfair of me to

404
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:40,320
Speaker 5: restrict like this and that I was clearly not being

405
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Speaker 5: very supportive of her new business venture. She then told

406
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Speaker 5: my brother and he called me and called me an

407
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Speaker 5: a hole down the phone, screaming at me, saying I

408
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:50,880
Speaker 5: was being unfair and that I had let another photographers

409
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:53,280
Speaker 5: share from a wedding this shot with me. Yes, I did,

410
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:56,080
Speaker 5: but that was because they were an established photographer who

411
00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:58,080
Speaker 5: had only shot with me a couple of times. And

412
00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,800
Speaker 5: even if they did share from a wedding posted, their

413
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:03,360
Speaker 5: page would never look too close to mine as they

414
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:06,120
Speaker 5: had a strong portfolio of their own work that had no.

415
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:07,159
Speaker 1: Relation to mine.

416
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Speaker 5: Again, I let it go as I didn't want to

417
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Speaker 5: fall out with them, but I just said I had

418
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:14,439
Speaker 5: worked really hard to build my business over ten years

419
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Speaker 5: and I didn't want it to be devalued. What hurt

420
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Speaker 5: me the most was my brother calling me an ale

421
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Speaker 5: after he had asked me if he could shadow me

422
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:23,760
Speaker 5: on weddings and learn videography, which I let him join

423
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:25,960
Speaker 5: me on a few to build up his portfolio. I

424
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:29,040
Speaker 5: recommended him out to all of my couples and anyone

425
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:31,919
Speaker 5: who inquired with me to help kickstart his business. I

426
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:33,639
Speaker 5: also put him in touch with a video friend of

427
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:36,080
Speaker 5: mine so he could ask him any questions he had.

428
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:39,160
Speaker 5: On top of this, I also bought him a videography

429
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:41,920
Speaker 5: course worth five hundred and fifty pounds, but I got

430
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,040
Speaker 5: it for one hundred and fifty pounds to help him

431
00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:47,199
Speaker 5: learn even quicker. So when I had gone above and

432
00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:49,760
Speaker 5: beyond for him, it really hurt me when he called

433
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:52,320
Speaker 5: me up to shout abuse at me. Also, I had

434
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:55,159
Speaker 5: been asking his girlfriend for invoices for ten months. I

435
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,720
Speaker 5: had always paid her straight away without an invoice, but

436
00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:59,560
Speaker 5: it was on the understanding that she would send me

437
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,760
Speaker 5: an invoice before my tax had to be calculated. I

438
00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:05,240
Speaker 5: sent her a template of an invoice so it would

439
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:08,040
Speaker 5: be simple for her to produce and email across. I

440
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:11,280
Speaker 5: asked her ten months for the invoices. Over a period

441
00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:14,600
Speaker 5: of ten months, each text read like I hope you're good,

442
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,399
Speaker 5: just checking in to see if you can send me

443
00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:18,080
Speaker 5: those invoices when you get the chance.

444
00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:18,720
Speaker 1: Thanks.

445
00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:22,200
Speaker 5: It now got to three weeks before I needed these invoices,

446
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:25,320
Speaker 5: so I text her again saying, Hi, hope you're well.

447
00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:28,000
Speaker 5: It's three weeks until my tax return is due, so

448
00:18:28,119 --> 00:18:31,400
Speaker 5: I really need the invoices. Please, thank you. She had

449
00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:33,480
Speaker 5: just announced to us she was pregnant a couple of

450
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:35,840
Speaker 5: weeks prior to be setting this text, and she then

451
00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:37,920
Speaker 5: got back to me and said, you're stressing me out.

452
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:40,560
Speaker 5: You've left it late and now making me strussed when

453
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:42,560
Speaker 5: you know I'm pregnant. That's when I checked how many

454
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:44,879
Speaker 5: times I had messaged her prior to this time, and

455
00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:47,919
Speaker 5: it dates back to ten months. I've been asking politely

456
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:51,520
Speaker 5: around ten times, so I hadn't left it last minute

457
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:53,840
Speaker 5: at all. I got back to her and explain this.

458
00:18:54,119 --> 00:18:57,120
Speaker 5: Then I got another harmful phone call from my brothers

459
00:18:57,160 --> 00:19:00,760
Speaker 5: screaming at me, saying, you're stressing out our's pregnant women.

460
00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:03,600
Speaker 1: This guy sucks. What about Op's stress from not.

461
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:05,680
Speaker 5: Getting paid and also what melanoma?

462
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,960
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, I said, I'm not trying to.

463
00:19:08,119 --> 00:19:10,240
Speaker 5: I admit I shouldn't have even paid her a penny

464
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:12,480
Speaker 5: without these invoices, but let me say I've learned my

465
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:14,439
Speaker 5: lesson on that one. In the end, she got my

466
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,679
Speaker 5: brother to do the invoices as she didn't want to

467
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:20,320
Speaker 5: do them. This caused a row between my brother and I,

468
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:22,399
Speaker 5: but I didn't want us to fall out as I

469
00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:24,439
Speaker 5: wanted to be a part of their baby's life. I

470
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:27,640
Speaker 5: offered them a free maternity shoot, as I would anyone

471
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:30,520
Speaker 5: in my family slash best friends. I also paid a

472
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:33,840
Speaker 5: photographer friend of mine who photographed their baby shower, which

473
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:37,520
Speaker 5: she moaned the photographer didn't get enough shots of her family.

474
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:39,840
Speaker 5: I then also went around to take some photos of

475
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:42,959
Speaker 5: their baby when the baby arrived and did a newborn shoot,

476
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,639
Speaker 5: which they said I wasn't allowed to share fair enough,

477
00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:47,560
Speaker 5: but when I sent them over to my brother, he

478
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:50,000
Speaker 5: didn't even get back to me and say thank you

479
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:53,400
Speaker 5: or mention if he liked them. Then they shared them

480
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:57,119
Speaker 5: on socials and never even credited me or mentioned I

481
00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:59,440
Speaker 5: took the photos. I kept asking to go around to

482
00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:01,800
Speaker 5: see their baby baby, but other than the time I

483
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,240
Speaker 5: took photos of the baby, they kept fobbing me off

484
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,480
Speaker 5: or making out they didn't have time. My brother and

485
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:09,119
Speaker 5: his girlfriend never showed any interest in talking to me

486
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:12,119
Speaker 5: unless they wanted something. Then I had another melanoma scare

487
00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:15,359
Speaker 5: and had to have more surgeries. Not once did my

488
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:18,080
Speaker 5: brother or her message me to check on me or

489
00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:20,160
Speaker 5: see if I was okay, and I know my mom

490
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:23,560
Speaker 5: told them about it. Eventually, it really started upsetting me,

491
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:25,760
Speaker 5: and so I reached out to my brother to say

492
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:28,000
Speaker 5: I felt hurt that I felt pushed away and that

493
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:30,280
Speaker 5: I felt like he didn't care. You just got defensive

494
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:32,720
Speaker 5: and blamed me, saying, well, do you blame me for

495
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:35,560
Speaker 5: distancing myself from you when you're stressing out my girlfriend

496
00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:38,080
Speaker 5: while she's pregnant Talking about the invoices, he said he

497
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:40,399
Speaker 5: didn't like me anymore. I said I felt hurt that

498
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:42,760
Speaker 5: he didn't thank me, and that he didn't message me

499
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:45,520
Speaker 5: unless he wanted something, and it just turned into a

500
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:48,480
Speaker 5: heated argument. I was upset, and I said to him

501
00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:50,639
Speaker 5: that she was the problem, as me and my brother

502
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:53,680
Speaker 5: had always been close and had never once argued before

503
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:55,720
Speaker 5: I offered her to work with me. This just caused

504
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,359
Speaker 5: him to say I was horrible over blaming his girlfriend,

505
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:01,720
Speaker 5: and so she's done nothing wrong. I said she definitely has,

506
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:04,320
Speaker 5: and that he can do better than the way she's

507
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:07,200
Speaker 5: treated to his family, as my mom and grandma both

508
00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:10,600
Speaker 5: said she's very ungrateful and never says thank you for gifts.

509
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:13,280
Speaker 5: Me and my brother stopped talking after this for a

510
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:15,879
Speaker 5: few months. Then I got engaged and my mom got

511
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,359
Speaker 5: quite sad that we weren't on speaking terms and she

512
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:20,920
Speaker 5: wanted him to come to my wedding. So, even though

513
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,080
Speaker 5: he had hurt me, I reached out to him and said,

514
00:21:23,119 --> 00:21:25,600
Speaker 5: I really want to make up and for them to

515
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:28,040
Speaker 5: come to my wedding. I made a big effort and

516
00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:30,280
Speaker 5: asked him to be a part of my bridal party

517
00:21:30,359 --> 00:21:33,240
Speaker 5: and his child. However, when his child turned one, he

518
00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:35,560
Speaker 5: had planned their party and I couldn't come to their

519
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,840
Speaker 5: party as I had a wedding that day, which they

520
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,679
Speaker 5: knew about before they planned the party. I checked and

521
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,720
Speaker 5: due to other weddings and shoots and traveling, the only

522
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:46,200
Speaker 5: day I was available to drop off the birthday gift

523
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:49,160
Speaker 5: was their child's actual birthday. My mom said, just come

524
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:51,399
Speaker 5: with us and drop it off, but I texted and

525
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:53,960
Speaker 5: asked if I could pop around on their actual birthday

526
00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:56,320
Speaker 5: as that's the only day I'm free that week, and

527
00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:59,240
Speaker 5: I said I would just quickly visit when mom visits

528
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,679
Speaker 5: for fifteen minutes and then go again. Popping over with

529
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,080
Speaker 5: my son. His nephew He got back to me and said, no,

530
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:07,359
Speaker 5: he doesn't want me there, only parents, as if me

531
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,680
Speaker 5: and my son going to it would turn it into

532
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:11,840
Speaker 5: a gathering, and that's what the party was for. He

533
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:14,600
Speaker 5: never said thanks once for wanting to drop a gift off.

534
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:17,760
Speaker 5: Just made me feel very unwanted. I told my mom

535
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,840
Speaker 5: as she was expecting me to join her. She said

536
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,360
Speaker 5: she wasn't very happy about it, as it seemed very

537
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:24,800
Speaker 5: rigid and inflexible of them. My mom said it was

538
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:26,840
Speaker 5: not very nice of them when I'm making such an

539
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:28,760
Speaker 5: effort for them. My husband to be said, it's not

540
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:30,760
Speaker 5: nice that they won't even let you drop off a

541
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:35,360
Speaker 5: gift when we're spending one k pounds on them coming.

542
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:35,720
Speaker 1: To our wedding.

543
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:38,239
Speaker 5: We were paying for a suit, the child's outfit, and

544
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:41,520
Speaker 5: for the food, drinks and accommodation. When my mom confronted him,

545
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:43,919
Speaker 5: he said, do not invite people around her house without

546
00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:46,520
Speaker 5: asking me, So he's even upset my mom. Then he

547
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:48,879
Speaker 5: came back to me and said, why are you getting

548
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,080
Speaker 5: mom involved? And I said I didn't ask her to

549
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:53,240
Speaker 5: message you. She said she wanted to speak to you,

550
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:55,080
Speaker 5: and I only told her an update that you didn't

551
00:22:55,119 --> 00:22:58,320
Speaker 5: want me there. He said I was clearly not respecting

552
00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:01,240
Speaker 5: his boundaries, that he didn't want me there. Then I

553
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:03,520
Speaker 5: decided to tell him that it has hurt me and

554
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:05,840
Speaker 5: made me feel pushed away, and he said, well, we're

555
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:07,560
Speaker 5: not closed, so why would I want you there. Then

556
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:09,520
Speaker 5: I said, okay, I don't think you deserve to come

557
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:12,320
Speaker 5: to my wedding after everything, and I disinvited him and

558
00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:14,560
Speaker 5: blocked him with this message. If you don't want your

559
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,240
Speaker 5: own sister and nephew there on your son's birthday, when

560
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,680
Speaker 5: we can't come to the party and can't do any

561
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:22,280
Speaker 5: other days that week, then I don't want you there

562
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:25,360
Speaker 5: at my wedding. You will obviously understand, as the feeling.

563
00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:26,200
Speaker 1: Is clearly mutual.

564
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 5: I'm not speaking to you again, and I've not spoken

565
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:31,600
Speaker 5: to him since. By the way, you can listen to

566
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:34,879
Speaker 5: us speak if you go to Spotify, Apple Podcast, or

567
00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:37,880
Speaker 5: IR radio and search up Okay storytime to hear full

568
00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:41,320
Speaker 5: episodes of stories just like this. My mom fully understands,

569
00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:43,800
Speaker 5: and she said he's caused this rift and that she

570
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:46,240
Speaker 5: totally gets why I don't want them there on my

571
00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:49,399
Speaker 5: special day, which by the way, is very intimate only

572
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:50,760
Speaker 5: twenty day guests.

573
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:51,040
Speaker 1: Wow.

574
00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:54,080
Speaker 5: My nan fully supports me, and all of my closest

575
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:57,400
Speaker 5: friends do as well. But my dad, who has always

576
00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:59,600
Speaker 5: been problematic in the past, put us both in a

577
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:02,359
Speaker 5: WhatsApp group and said sort it out. And I felt

578
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:04,560
Speaker 5: like it was more so me who wanted to sort

579
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:07,480
Speaker 5: it out. I said, I've tried to sort it before

580
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:09,720
Speaker 5: when I've been hurt, but I am still treated badly,

581
00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:12,400
Speaker 5: so I can't do it anymore. Then my dad removed

582
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:13,240
Speaker 5: me from the group.

583
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,560
Speaker 1: Am I the ale? No, No, you have tried.

584
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:19,200
Speaker 4: You've put so much effort in and it's not only

585
00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:23,240
Speaker 4: not being reciprocated, but it's the exact opposite is happening.

586
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:27,080
Speaker 4: He's trying to like worsen the relationship in a way.

587
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:30,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, he sucks. Yeah, that's the end of that story.

588
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:34,040
Speaker 3: I planned a higher security at my wedding to keep

589
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:37,280
Speaker 3: my sister out, get her out of there. I thirty

590
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:40,200
Speaker 3: four female, got engaged to my childhood crush, thirty six male,

591
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:43,280
Speaker 3: last year. About a month after getting engaged, my sister

592
00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:46,560
Speaker 3: thirty eight female we'll call her Lynn, and her boyfriend,

593
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:49,000
Speaker 3: forty eight male, Kevin, asked if they could move into

594
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:51,200
Speaker 3: our basement since they both had got a job chance

595
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:53,800
Speaker 3: for fifteen minutes from where we live until they found

596
00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:56,880
Speaker 3: a house. We said sure since we had ample room

597
00:24:56,960 --> 00:25:00,000
Speaker 3: and hardly used our basement except for parties. They moved

598
00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:02,760
Speaker 3: in and everything was fine for about six months. By

599
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:05,159
Speaker 3: the way, this comes from user tired Bride twenty three

600
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:08,520
Speaker 3: seventy seven on the r slash Charlotte do Wray YouTube subreddit,

601
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:10,199
Speaker 3: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

602
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:13,080
Speaker 3: to the r slash Okay storytime subpredit. Six months into

603
00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:15,480
Speaker 3: them loving with us, my fiance and I are heavy

604
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:18,040
Speaker 3: into the wedding planning and figuring out all the logistics

605
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 3: that go along with it. I had asked my sister

606
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:21,880
Speaker 3: to be my maid of honor since we had been

607
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:24,359
Speaker 3: really close since she had been by my side when

608
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:26,840
Speaker 3: I lost my husband about three years earlier. I would

609
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:29,399
Speaker 3: ask my sister questions or vent to her about things

610
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,879
Speaker 3: with the wedding, especially the guest list, since it was

611
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:33,440
Speaker 3: growing out of control.

612
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:34,360
Speaker 1: That's the trouble.

613
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:36,280
Speaker 5: You have too many people that you gotta invite, the

614
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:37,720
Speaker 5: things you don't know who to pick.

615
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:41,359
Speaker 3: You gotta trim the extra weight there what you'd like.

616
00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:43,760
Speaker 3: I don't want that. My fiance and I's family are

617
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:47,560
Speaker 3: both huge and would be about six hundred people if

618
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:51,120
Speaker 3: we invited everyone. Lynn has always been very blunt about

619
00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:53,240
Speaker 3: her opinions and told me that I was being rude

620
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:55,960
Speaker 3: to all of our potential guests since we would not

621
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:58,160
Speaker 3: have time to spend with each person. Keep in mind,

622
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:00,639
Speaker 3: we had not finalized the guest list, that was just

623
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:03,560
Speaker 3: our estimated number before knocking people off. In the next

624
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:06,160
Speaker 3: few months, after having a conversation about the guest list,

625
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:09,000
Speaker 3: she starts making little comments about things I'm doing wrong

626
00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:11,800
Speaker 3: or ways I'm being a witch for the wedding. I

627
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:14,280
Speaker 3: usually just brushed them off my shoulder because she has

628
00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:16,360
Speaker 3: not helped in the day to day planning since she's

629
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:19,199
Speaker 3: too busy and is making assumptions. At this point, my

630
00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:21,680
Speaker 3: sister eventually stepped down as my maide of honor, stating

631
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:23,679
Speaker 3: that she didn't want to be involved in planning a

632
00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:27,000
Speaker 3: wedding that is going to go bad, so I'd ask

633
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:29,280
Speaker 3: my cousin, Becky to be my new maid of honor.

634
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:30,280
Speaker 2: Becky happily and.

635
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:33,640
Speaker 3: Excitedly agreed and stepped in to help me with every detail,

636
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:35,919
Speaker 3: even the boring stuff, as my sister called it. My

637
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,439
Speaker 3: cousin's helped with narrowing down the guest list, figuring her

638
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:41,720
Speaker 3: out decorations not needed per my sister, going dress shopping

639
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:45,200
Speaker 3: wear your last dress, and printing and making invitations waste

640
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:48,000
Speaker 3: of effing time, my sister said. One night, after all

641
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,360
Speaker 3: the invitations were printed, my cousin and sister in law

642
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:53,680
Speaker 3: came over to fold paper and stuff envelopes. My sister

643
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:57,000
Speaker 3: walks upstairs, looks at us all in disgust and says

644
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:58,760
Speaker 3: that we're all wasting our time.

645
00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:00,640
Speaker 2: That was my last straw.

646
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:03,520
Speaker 3: I sat there, trying not to cry, and silently folded

647
00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 3: the paper until my sister in law spoke up and

648
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:09,320
Speaker 3: asked if that's how it's been lately. Begrudgingly, I said yes,

649
00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:11,560
Speaker 3: and I'm just about over it all. They gave me

650
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:13,719
Speaker 3: a little pep talk to get me to refocus, and

651
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:14,920
Speaker 3: we finished the invites.

652
00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:15,760
Speaker 2: A few days.

653
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:17,840
Speaker 3: Later, my sister in law calls me while I'm working

654
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:20,080
Speaker 3: I were from home, and asked how my mental state

655
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:22,560
Speaker 3: is and everything my sister had said and done. As

656
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:26,560
Speaker 3: I'm explaining it inventing, my sister walks into my office

657
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 3: and explodes up fury that I've only seen in movies

658
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:32,119
Speaker 3: because I'm lying about the invite situation and then I

659
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:34,520
Speaker 3: don't need a second wedding when I've already had one.

660
00:27:34,359 --> 00:27:36,760
Speaker 2: And so on. I calmly ask her to leave.

661
00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:39,479
Speaker 3: My office, which she does after I asked five times,

662
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:41,719
Speaker 3: and I proceeded to break down after she storms out

663
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:42,760
Speaker 3: shouting that she.

664
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:45,000
Speaker 2: And my mom wouldn't be in attendance.

665
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:48,640
Speaker 3: Later that afternoon, my dad calls me, Yes, Daddy's girl

666
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:51,160
Speaker 3: here he and asked what happened this morning and why

667
00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:54,160
Speaker 3: my mom isn't invited to the wedding. I, super confused,

668
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:56,520
Speaker 3: asked him why he thought that, which he proceeded to

669
00:27:56,520 --> 00:28:00,199
Speaker 3: tell me everything my sister had told my mom and

670
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:02,680
Speaker 3: how I invited them all from the wedding. I told

671
00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:04,719
Speaker 3: him that wasn't true, and he asked if my fiance

672
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:06,960
Speaker 3: and I wanted to go to dinner with them, my

673
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:09,159
Speaker 3: mom and dad that night to talk everything through. I

674
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:11,800
Speaker 3: said sure, and we met for dinner. At dinner that night,

675
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:14,520
Speaker 3: I'm venting to my parents when all of a sudden,

676
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:17,480
Speaker 3: my mom starts crying and walks out of the restaurant.

677
00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:20,440
Speaker 3: Then my dad tells me that Lynn told my mom again.

678
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:22,560
Speaker 3: Lynn is the sister told my mom that I didn't

679
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:25,320
Speaker 3: want her there for my wedding, which is not true.

680
00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:28,200
Speaker 3: So I chase after my mom as she's walking down

681
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:30,640
Speaker 3: the highway and tell her to get in. I drive

682
00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:32,960
Speaker 3: back to the restaurant to pick up the men and

683
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:35,480
Speaker 3: go home. At home, my dad wants us to all

684
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:38,640
Speaker 3: sit down to work things out and talk about what happened,

685
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 3: which I'm open to because I thought it would all

686
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:44,120
Speaker 3: just blow over and calm down, but instead it got worse.

687
00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:46,120
Speaker 3: My sister and her boyfriend come up.

688
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:48,600
Speaker 1: And proceed, Oh, whoa were theyre.

689
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 2: Because they're in the basement.

690
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:52,200
Speaker 1: Oh I thought they were at their parents' house. Okay,

691
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:52,960
Speaker 1: I think.

692
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:54,800
Speaker 2: They're back at no piece, Like, why did they come over?

693
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:56,760
Speaker 3: I mean, it's funny because it says my sister and

694
00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:59,200
Speaker 3: my boyfriend come up from the basement.

695
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:01,200
Speaker 1: Literally just back from the basement.

696
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,080
Speaker 2: Allowing you to stay there in our good will.

697
00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:05,360
Speaker 3: My sister and her boyfriend come up and proceed to

698
00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:08,920
Speaker 3: berate me and my fiance for the next three hours

699
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:10,800
Speaker 3: about how horrible I am.

700
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:12,160
Speaker 2: I don't need a second wedding.

701
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:15,320
Speaker 3: I'm selfish, and I'm being a witch for planning it

702
00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:17,720
Speaker 3: the way I'm planning it. I sat there quietly most

703
00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:19,959
Speaker 3: of the time, just listening until they started in on

704
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:22,560
Speaker 3: my fiance and said that they feel bad for him

705
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:26,320
Speaker 3: and that he should think twice before marrying someone so selfish.

706
00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:29,000
Speaker 3: At that point, I stood up for my fiance and

707
00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 3: asked him if I was actually that bad to him

708
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:32,959
Speaker 3: and if he wanted and out he had it. He

709
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:35,320
Speaker 3: refused and said that I wasn't any of those things.

710
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:37,840
Speaker 3: My sister kept going on and on with my dad

711
00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 3: defending me with every statement, Okay, good, dad is defending Opie,

712
00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:42,920
Speaker 3: while my mom sat there quietly.

713
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:44,440
Speaker 2: At the end of her blow up.

714
00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 3: I asked for examples as to how I was all

715
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 3: of those things, and she couldn't give me an answer

716
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:51,520
Speaker 3: except to tell me then my entire family hated me

717
00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:54,040
Speaker 3: and thought the same. At that point, I wasn't going

718
00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:56,080
Speaker 3: to sit there and listen any more. I got in

719
00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:58,160
Speaker 3: my car and drove to my sister in law's house

720
00:29:58,200 --> 00:29:59,720
Speaker 3: to spend the night and cool down.

721
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:01,160
Speaker 2: It's just your house, I.

722
00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:02,800
Speaker 5: Was about to say, it's sex that you're leaving your

723
00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:06,320
Speaker 5: own house because these two people that you welcomed into

724
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:09,360
Speaker 5: your house are like verbally attacking you.

725
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:09,920
Speaker 2: Yeah.

726
00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:12,480
Speaker 3: The next day, I'm so depressed, I turned off my

727
00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:14,960
Speaker 3: phone and just drove around to think and clear my head.

728
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:17,720
Speaker 3: That day, I also called off all wedding planning since

729
00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:20,160
Speaker 3: I didn't want to do anything wrong. Weeks go by

730
00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:22,120
Speaker 3: and my sister and I haven't spoken a word to

731
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:24,000
Speaker 3: each other, but I find out from my dad that

732
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,560
Speaker 3: they finally found a house and would be moving out.

733
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:29,640
Speaker 3: We were relieved because with them came three dogs that

734
00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:33,120
Speaker 3: bark my every moment during work hours and two cats

735
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:35,360
Speaker 3: that refused to use the litter box. So I was

736
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:38,360
Speaker 3: excited to have one have my whole house back, and

737
00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:40,920
Speaker 3: two clean the basement so that it doesn't smell like

738
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:44,520
Speaker 3: animal excrements, and three wouldn't be a stressful living environment.

739
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:45,520
Speaker 2: My fiance and I.

740
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:47,920
Speaker 3: Had a talk that we would resume the wedding planning

741
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:50,120
Speaker 3: once they moved out, because at that point I could

742
00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:52,280
Speaker 3: barely be home and function. I would go to my

743
00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:54,400
Speaker 3: in laws to work or study, and would sleep in

744
00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:55,400
Speaker 3: our camper.

745
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:56,320
Speaker 2: If my fiance was working.

746
00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:58,200
Speaker 3: Late a week before they were to move out, my

747
00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:00,760
Speaker 3: parents Beyonce, and I all, I'll go out to dinner

748
00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:03,200
Speaker 3: again to start making plans and things we needed to

749
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:06,480
Speaker 3: do before the wedding, and all goes fine. Later that night,

750
00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:09,200
Speaker 3: Lynn caused my mom and my dad over hears some

751
00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:13,000
Speaker 3: complaining about my wedding, which keep in mind, neither have

752
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:15,320
Speaker 3: been overly involved in so they don't know much of

753
00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:17,800
Speaker 3: what is going on other than the food. Before they

754
00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:19,840
Speaker 3: hang up on my call, my dad starts yelling at

755
00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 3: both of them, saying that's not their wedding, it's ours,

756
00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:24,920
Speaker 3: and that all they need to do is keep their

757
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:28,720
Speaker 3: opinions private and offer support. At that point, I had

758
00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:31,080
Speaker 3: just started feeling better about the wedding as a whole

759
00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:33,160
Speaker 3: and got back into the planning. Once my dad told

760
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:34,800
Speaker 3: me that, I went right back to my whole of

761
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:38,240
Speaker 3: crying every day, not eating and barely functioning. By the way,

762
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:41,600
Speaker 3: you can function with us by listening to full episodes

763
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:44,560
Speaker 3: with stories just like this. Just go to your favorite

764
00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:49,440
Speaker 3: podcast app Spotify, Apple Podcast, iHeartRadio and search up Okay

765
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:52,960
Speaker 3: story time. There we have so many stories just like

766
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:55,320
Speaker 3: this one, and again there's a little bit more to

767
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:55,800
Speaker 3: the story.

768
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:58,160
Speaker 2: But Sophia, what is your take?

769
00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:02,000
Speaker 5: I just think it's absolutely that you've let this Not

770
00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:03,880
Speaker 5: to say this is on you, but like, can't imagine

771
00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:07,280
Speaker 5: letting this go on for six months? Yeah, and like

772
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:10,520
Speaker 5: leaving your home, living in a camper, feeling like you

773
00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 5: can't work in your own home because your guests who

774
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:16,240
Speaker 5: are your family members.

775
00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:17,280
Speaker 1: Are behaving so poorly.

776
00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:21,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean one my advice would retroactively would be

777
00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:24,120
Speaker 5: to kick them out. My advice now is they do

778
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:25,960
Speaker 5: not need to come to the wedding if they have

779
00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 5: made every aspect of the lead up to it impossible.

780
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:32,480
Speaker 3: Just every little thing you did she had, she never

781
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:35,160
Speaker 3: said a single positive thing about it. It was always something negative.

782
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:37,880
Speaker 3: We know why. It's she's jealous and she sucks. But

783
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 3: imagining that your household is just a war zone for

784
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:43,880
Speaker 3: you and it's stressful, and on top of that, wedding

785
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:45,840
Speaker 3: planning is supposed to be stressful, that's part of it,

786
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:47,680
Speaker 3: but not like this. I would have had a conversation

787
00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:49,280
Speaker 3: with her like, hey, if you don't change your attitude

788
00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:52,040
Speaker 3: and make your animals be a little bit more respectful,

789
00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:54,120
Speaker 3: you're out. You had all the power here and they

790
00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:54,920
Speaker 3: took that away from you.

791
00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:55,200
Speaker 4: Yeah.

792
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:56,720
Speaker 1: I mean you were just like, Okay, well I guess

793
00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:57,880
Speaker 1: I'm living in the camper now.

794
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:00,320
Speaker 3: Yeah that's crazy, now, you know, op, never let your

795
00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:02,720
Speaker 3: sister stay with you again. A couple more weeks go

796
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:05,240
Speaker 3: by and my sister and boyfriend start packing up to

797
00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:07,680
Speaker 3: move out. One day, I come home to my brother

798
00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:10,480
Speaker 3: helping them, but keep to myself since there's been no

799
00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:12,760
Speaker 3: bad bloods with him and figured I talked to him.

800
00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:14,920
Speaker 3: Later that weekend, we are at a friend's wedding and

801
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:17,480
Speaker 3: I get a plethora of text from my brother telling

802
00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:19,720
Speaker 3: me that I hope I'm okay with having a wedding

803
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:22,800
Speaker 3: with no family and that I'm a witch for punting

804
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:24,520
Speaker 3: out my sister from the wedding.

805
00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:27,480
Speaker 1: What he keeps lying to everyone in your family? You

806
00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:28,400
Speaker 1: need to get out of this.

807
00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:30,200
Speaker 5: Does she need to go to everyone in your family

808
00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:32,360
Speaker 5: and be like, ah, you're a still invited. If you

809
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:35,040
Speaker 5: hear from anyone else that you're not invited, they're lying.

810
00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:37,959
Speaker 3: And you also have witness aka both your mom and

811
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:40,840
Speaker 3: your dad, But your mom seems not like a credible source,

812
00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:41,720
Speaker 3: so you have your dad.

813
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 2: I don't know.

814
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:44,240
Speaker 3: You need to have a fall on family discussion or

815
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:46,600
Speaker 3: a family group chat with your dad saying taking the helm,

816
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:49,200
Speaker 3: like stop listening to Lynn. At this point, my in

817
00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:51,560
Speaker 3: laws are doing most of the planning because I'm scared

818
00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:53,960
Speaker 3: of if I do anything, another family member is going

819
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:56,680
Speaker 3: to come striking at me and try to ruin something

820
00:33:56,800 --> 00:33:59,000
Speaker 3: Either way, I'm not super excited for this wedding at

821
00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:01,840
Speaker 3: all because it's been completely stained. My in loss keeps

822
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:04,520
Speaker 3: telling me that this is only happening because Lynn is

823
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 3: jealous and I'm getting married a second time and found

824
00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:09,360
Speaker 3: happiness when her boyfriend won't even propose.

825
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 1: Yes, yep, she's jealous. We found it.

826
00:34:12,640 --> 00:34:15,040
Speaker 3: It's very obvious. Would I be the a hole if

827
00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:17,000
Speaker 3: I were to hire a few people to keep my

828
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:20,160
Speaker 3: sister and her boyfriend from entering my wedding just so

829
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:23,000
Speaker 3: I can have one day of peace with my new husband.

830
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:26,360
Speaker 5: No, no, no, Why would we want someone who doesn't

831
00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:28,919
Speaker 5: support you on like one of the most important days

832
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:29,440
Speaker 5: of your life.

833
00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:31,879
Speaker 3: It'd be so crazy to me that Lynn would try

834
00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:34,680
Speaker 3: to come to your wedding after all this negative talk

835
00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:36,759
Speaker 3: of like, no, this wedding sucks, now, don't do your wedding,

836
00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:37,640
Speaker 3: after saying.

837
00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:40,279
Speaker 1: That she and everyone else in the family was not.

838
00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:43,160
Speaker 2: Invited that too. Oh p here's my advice.

839
00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:47,239
Speaker 3: You need to make it clear as day that you're

840
00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:50,239
Speaker 3: at least your immediate family other than your sister is

841
00:34:50,320 --> 00:34:51,120
Speaker 3: coming to the wedding.

842
00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:53,400
Speaker 1: Hey, it's John e og Host here.

843
00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:54,719
Speaker 4: We're going to get back to the stories, but here's

844
00:34:54,719 --> 00:34:56,839
Speaker 4: a quick three minute break of ass from our sponsors.

845
00:34:57,239 --> 00:35:00,680
Speaker 5: My father disowned my sister years ago, so I.

846
00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:01,520
Speaker 1: Did the same to hit.

847
00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:02,600
Speaker 2: That's very fair.

848
00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:05,200
Speaker 5: Hi everyone, I apologize, but this will be a long

849
00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:07,440
Speaker 5: post as there is a lot of background to get

850
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:09,880
Speaker 5: through getting right into it. I am eighteen female and

851
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:12,279
Speaker 5: my sister is twenty two female. We both live with

852
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:14,719
Speaker 5: our mom fifty female, and I'm going into my senior

853
00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:15,400
Speaker 5: year of high.

854
00:35:15,239 --> 00:35:17,360
Speaker 1: School this year. My sister is a full time.

855
00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:20,360
Speaker 5: Job and is currently looking for apartments with her longtime girlfriend.

856
00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:23,319
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from Fantastic Dear two two

857
00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:25,120
Speaker 5: and if you want to spit your own stories, go

858
00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:27,480
Speaker 5: to the r slash Okay storytime separate it. My parents

859
00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:30,840
Speaker 5: divorced while I was very young, think five or younger,

860
00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:33,360
Speaker 5: and it was a very messy divorce. I only have

861
00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:35,719
Speaker 5: my mom's side of the story, which is basically, my

862
00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:39,760
Speaker 5: dad is a chronic liar and manipulator, so she punted

863
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:41,640
Speaker 5: him out of the house despite being a stay at

864
00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:44,200
Speaker 5: home mom at the time and having no income stream

865
00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:46,799
Speaker 5: but is now stable despite being low income for the

866
00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:49,160
Speaker 5: next five years, my mom and dad ad fifty to

867
00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:51,840
Speaker 5: fifty custody. Now to clear some things up, my sister

868
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:54,480
Speaker 5: and I are very much opposites. I am very good

869
00:35:54,480 --> 00:35:56,960
Speaker 5: at school and I am in advanced classes well. She

870
00:35:57,000 --> 00:36:00,960
Speaker 5: has been diagnosed with several different mental disorders, including autism

871
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:03,960
Speaker 5: and ADHD that makes school incredibly hard for her. This

872
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:07,319
Speaker 5: was especially prevalent starting in elementary school. She tried all

873
00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:10,399
Speaker 5: different kinds of therapies, but nothing worked, and my mom

874
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:13,800
Speaker 5: finally said that my sister needed to go on meds.

875
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:16,560
Speaker 5: My father disagreed with this and maintained that my sister

876
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:20,360
Speaker 5: was faking her disorders for attention. She wasn't and refused

877
00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:22,960
Speaker 5: to let her go on medicine. She desperately needed. Few

878
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:25,640
Speaker 5: family courts, my mom took my dad to court, and

879
00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:29,279
Speaker 5: the battle lasted four years before my mom eventually won

880
00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:31,560
Speaker 5: and my sister got the help she needed. I was

881
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:34,160
Speaker 5: pretty young when all this was happening, six to tenis

882
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:36,879
Speaker 5: years old, so I really don't remember that much other

883
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:40,440
Speaker 5: than extreme tension at my dad's house. When I was seven,

884
00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:43,040
Speaker 5: my dad married my stepmom. I won't go into detail

885
00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:45,960
Speaker 5: about her, but she really hated my sister, but I

886
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:48,000
Speaker 5: eventually came to view her as a mother figure.

887
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:48,279
Speaker 3: Now.

888
00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:50,799
Speaker 5: When my sister finally went on meds when she was

889
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:53,960
Speaker 5: fourteen and I was ten, my dad completely threw her

890
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:56,800
Speaker 5: out of his house and disowned her. She started staying

891
00:36:56,840 --> 00:36:59,120
Speaker 5: at my mom's house full time, and he only paid

892
00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 5: child support when he was ordered to by the court.

893
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:04,600
Speaker 5: He completely ignored birthdays, Christmas.

894
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:04,560
Speaker 1: Et cetera.

895
00:37:04,719 --> 00:37:07,400
Speaker 5: I continued fifty to fifty custody. However, now that my

896
00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:09,520
Speaker 5: sister was out of the house, my mom started acting

897
00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:12,320
Speaker 5: badly towards me, and my dad didn't really do anything

898
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:14,239
Speaker 5: about it. As I got older, I went to his

899
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:16,919
Speaker 5: house less and less until I only saw him every

900
00:37:16,920 --> 00:37:19,640
Speaker 5: other weekend. Eventually I stopped seeing him all together and

901
00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:22,439
Speaker 5: just texted back and forth. Even when I never saw

902
00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:24,960
Speaker 5: my dad and only texted him, he sent me birthday

903
00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:27,959
Speaker 5: and Christmas presents and ignored my sister. During this time,

904
00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:31,279
Speaker 5: my sister really resented me, and I can't say that

905
00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:34,279
Speaker 5: I blame her. I created excuses for myself as to

906
00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:36,560
Speaker 5: why it was okay that our dad had abandoned her

907
00:37:36,680 --> 00:37:39,200
Speaker 5: and was still in contact with me. Finally, when I

908
00:37:39,239 --> 00:37:41,719
Speaker 5: was fifteen, I realized how messed up it was that

909
00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:44,200
Speaker 5: my dad loved me and not her, and I stopped

910
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:47,360
Speaker 5: texting him and went no contact with him, basically overnight.

911
00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:49,680
Speaker 5: He still texted me from time to time, but I

912
00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:52,360
Speaker 5: never responded. Even after I went no contact with me,

913
00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:55,360
Speaker 5: he still sent me fifty dollars for my birthday and Christmas,

914
00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:57,640
Speaker 5: and my sister got nothing. At this point, my sister

915
00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 5: and I started to repair our relationship as she realize

916
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:02,400
Speaker 5: this was my way of sticking up for and I

917
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:04,920
Speaker 5: even told her when our dad passes away, if he

918
00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:07,560
Speaker 5: leaves me anything, I'll split it with her. As a

919
00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:09,640
Speaker 5: side note, my dad is fairly wealthy, so this is

920
00:38:09,719 --> 00:38:12,560
Speaker 5: a possibility. I'm now jumping to present day. A couple

921
00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:14,560
Speaker 5: weeks ago, I got a text from him that went

922
00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:17,040
Speaker 5: something like, I just wanted to show you that I'm

923
00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:20,520
Speaker 5: unbelievably proud of you. If you need anything for school,

924
00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:22,320
Speaker 5: just let me know. I told my sister about the

925
00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:24,520
Speaker 5: text and said that I consider texting him back and

926
00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:27,120
Speaker 5: asking if he was proud of her at her behest.

927
00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:29,680
Speaker 5: I did, and the conversation went like this, are you

928
00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:31,359
Speaker 5: unbelievably proud of sister?

929
00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:31,880
Speaker 1: Dad?

930
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:34,160
Speaker 5: I'm proud of both of you me. Do you want

931
00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:35,120
Speaker 5: to know what she's been up to?

932
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:35,600
Speaker 3: Dad?

933
00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:37,480
Speaker 5: I really don't have any clues, so I'm all ears

934
00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:39,560
Speaker 5: if you want to share. I can't tell if he's

935
00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:42,200
Speaker 5: just putting on this act for a I can't tell.

936
00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:45,839
Speaker 3: I mean again, from the beginning, the mother said that

937
00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:48,960
Speaker 3: he's a pathological liar, and not pathological liar, but he's

938
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:49,399
Speaker 3: a liar.

939
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:52,319
Speaker 5: My sister actually typed this really long text him from

940
00:38:52,320 --> 00:38:54,920
Speaker 5: my point of view, basically outlining how good she's doing,

941
00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:57,400
Speaker 5: including her a high stress job, the fact that she

942
00:38:57,480 --> 00:38:59,920
Speaker 5: bought a car with her own money, and her relationship dad.

943
00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:01,960
Speaker 5: That all sounds to me like reasons I should be

944
00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:04,080
Speaker 5: more proud of her. Thank you for telling me about it.

945
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:06,920
Speaker 5: Here's the thing. About a week after this conversation, my

946
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:10,840
Speaker 5: sister's twenty second birthday game, she actually got a card

947
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:12,719
Speaker 5: from him saying that he was proud of her, and

948
00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:15,120
Speaker 5: he gave her his phone number, saying to ask him

949
00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:16,320
Speaker 5: if she needed anything.

950
00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:17,760
Speaker 1: He hasn't texted me since.

951
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:20,040
Speaker 5: My sister has made no move to contact him, as

952
00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:22,920
Speaker 5: she is still really mad at him for favoring me

953
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:25,239
Speaker 5: throughout our childhood. I was talking about all this with

954
00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:27,520
Speaker 5: my friend and said that I think my dad finally

955
00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:30,360
Speaker 5: understands that if he wants to have any relationship with me.

956
00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:33,000
Speaker 5: He has to have a relationship with her. My mom

957
00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:35,399
Speaker 5: wants me and my dad to get along so he'll

958
00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:37,360
Speaker 5: help pay for college, and told me that I should

959
00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:39,120
Speaker 5: ask him to buy me a car, which I doubt

960
00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:42,120
Speaker 5: he would do. I'm feeling really lost and unsure what

961
00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:44,560
Speaker 5: to do for here and need advice. I don't know

962
00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:46,560
Speaker 5: if I want my dad in my life, and my

963
00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:49,200
Speaker 5: sister definitely doesn't want him in hers. If it comes

964
00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:51,480
Speaker 5: down to it, I will always choose her over him,

965
00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:53,600
Speaker 5: But I'm really not sure what to do right now.

966
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:56,239
Speaker 5: Any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

967
00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:58,960
Speaker 5: Thanks for reading, and there is an update.

968
00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:00,160
Speaker 1: I think my my.

969
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:01,880
Speaker 5: First thoughts here, like I don't want to read it

970
00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:06,520
Speaker 5: anything that no sister went through, but I would want

971
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:08,480
Speaker 5: to get a little bit more information about like what

972
00:40:08,640 --> 00:40:12,040
Speaker 5: happened on, like in the dad's eyes, you know. Update though,

973
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:14,879
Speaker 5: my dad texted me and since I got a couple

974
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:17,160
Speaker 5: of comments telling me to get his side of the story,

975
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:19,759
Speaker 5: I texted back conversation when like this, how are you

976
00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:23,600
Speaker 5: doing me? I finally finished college tours, University and other

977
00:40:23,719 --> 00:40:26,279
Speaker 5: university are my top choices I picked what I want

978
00:40:26,280 --> 00:40:28,480
Speaker 5: my first tattoo to be. I've also finished all my

979
00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:31,480
Speaker 5: summer's simons. Can I ask you some questions?

980
00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:33,640
Speaker 1: Dad? That's awesome, sure me.

981
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:36,400
Speaker 5: Why did you fight so hard against sister getting the

982
00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:38,560
Speaker 5: medicine she needed? And why did you let me go

983
00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:41,120
Speaker 5: on meds without a fight? Context? A few years after

984
00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:43,879
Speaker 5: my sister got on meds, I became depressed and also

985
00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:46,880
Speaker 5: needed meds. My dad didn't fight this. I'm still on

986
00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:47,919
Speaker 5: them to this day.

987
00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:48,320
Speaker 2: Dad.

988
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:50,080
Speaker 5: At the time your mom and I were seeing a

989
00:40:50,120 --> 00:40:53,360
Speaker 5: therapist to try to co parent, he was very highly regarded.

990
00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:55,080
Speaker 5: He had talked to Anna quite a bit and was

991
00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:57,680
Speaker 5: pretty firm that he did not think she needed medication.

992
00:40:57,840 --> 00:41:00,640
Speaker 5: I was following his recommendation that I was given hope.

993
00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:03,040
Speaker 1: That makes sense. Context, This is a lie.

994
00:41:03,239 --> 00:41:06,319
Speaker 5: Experts recommended that my sister did go on meds, and

995
00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:08,560
Speaker 5: she was even begging for them because she knew that

996
00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:11,280
Speaker 5: she needed help. My dad really only argued in court

997
00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:14,200
Speaker 5: that she was faking it me, but she wasn't. Okay,

998
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:16,800
Speaker 5: Mom and her teachers and everyone could see that therapy

999
00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:19,560
Speaker 5: wasn't working. And for four years, that's a long time

1000
00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:21,640
Speaker 5: not to get a second opinion. I didn't even know

1001
00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:23,640
Speaker 5: what was going on, and I could see she needed

1002
00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:24,080
Speaker 5: some help.

1003
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:24,399
Speaker 2: Dad.

1004
00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:26,680
Speaker 5: He was actually the third therapist we had seen during

1005
00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:28,600
Speaker 5: that four year period. I was trying to do with

1006
00:41:28,680 --> 00:41:30,879
Speaker 5: the people who were experts were telling me me. If

1007
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:33,400
Speaker 5: that's true, then why when she finally got on meds,

1008
00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:35,759
Speaker 5: which she's so much better. Does it even occur to

1009
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:37,799
Speaker 5: you that you were wrong and put your child through

1010
00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:38,640
Speaker 5: heck for no reason?

1011
00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:39,000
Speaker 1: Dad?

1012
00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:41,000
Speaker 5: I'm very clear that I made a lot of mistakes

1013
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:43,000
Speaker 5: in that period. I was trying to listen to what

1014
00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:46,239
Speaker 5: mental health professionals were telling me. I wasn't qualified to

1015
00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:49,080
Speaker 5: make that kind of determination, and they were me. Even

1016
00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:51,200
Speaker 5: if I believe that, why did you punt her out

1017
00:41:51,239 --> 00:41:53,239
Speaker 5: of the house? Why was I allowed to stay? You

1018
00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:55,919
Speaker 5: didn't even get her Christmas or Birthday gifts? You made

1019
00:41:55,920 --> 00:41:58,520
Speaker 5: it abundantly clear that I was your favorite. Dad says,

1020
00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:00,480
Speaker 5: I didn't punt her out. I said one day that

1021
00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:03,359
Speaker 5: maybe she should go back to your mom's early and

1022
00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:06,040
Speaker 5: she never came back. I have sent Christmas presents and

1023
00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:10,080
Speaker 5: Birthday cards every year since, including this year. Well that's

1024
00:42:10,239 --> 00:42:11,319
Speaker 5: unless he's nighing about that.

1025
00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:11,880
Speaker 1: That's interesting.

1026
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:14,359
Speaker 5: She never cashed any of the checks. She never reached out.

1027
00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 5: I assumed that she meant she didn't want to talk

1028
00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:18,799
Speaker 5: to me. Context. This is another lie. You never sent

1029
00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:21,279
Speaker 5: cards or presents before. You say that my mom could

1030
00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:23,200
Speaker 5: have taken them. Doesn't make sense that she would take

1031
00:42:23,239 --> 00:42:25,319
Speaker 5: them before now, and not the card this year. The

1032
00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:27,760
Speaker 5: card this year didn't have a check or any presence

1033
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:29,960
Speaker 5: with it me. That's not the way she tells it,

1034
00:42:30,200 --> 00:42:32,520
Speaker 5: and that's not the way Mom tells it, and that's

1035
00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:35,040
Speaker 5: not the way I remember it. Context. I was in

1036
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:37,800
Speaker 5: the house when my father threw my sister out. For years,

1037
00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:40,399
Speaker 5: I couldn't remember any part of that day. Two years ago,

1038
00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:43,799
Speaker 5: I finally remembered something, but it's blurry, and I don't

1039
00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:46,040
Speaker 5: know if the memory is real or something my brain

1040
00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:48,160
Speaker 5: made up. It seems plausible, but I don't want to

1041
00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:51,080
Speaker 5: assume anything either way. My sister remembers that day very

1042
00:42:51,239 --> 00:42:54,280
Speaker 5: clearly and has no reason to lie. She was definitely

1043
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:57,319
Speaker 5: forced out. Dad, well, Dutch, Oh, I remember it. Sorry

1044
00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:59,440
Speaker 5: if it doesn't match your recollection. I have all the

1045
00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:01,680
Speaker 5: receipts for the gifts in checks, so I'm certain they

1046
00:43:01,719 --> 00:43:05,280
Speaker 5: happened to me. Look for better or worse. You're my dad,

1047
00:43:05,320 --> 00:43:08,960
Speaker 5: but I will always choose sister first, no matter what happened.

1048
00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:12,640
Speaker 5: I can't discount my own lived experience anymore than I

1049
00:43:12,680 --> 00:43:15,280
Speaker 5: can discount hers. That being said, I might be willing

1050
00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:18,120
Speaker 5: to try family therapy with you, if you're willing, Dad, Sure,

1051
00:43:18,360 --> 00:43:20,640
Speaker 5: I'm completely open to that me. Okay, let me think

1052
00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:22,560
Speaker 5: about it and get back to you in a few days.

1053
00:43:22,640 --> 00:43:22,839
Speaker 1: Now.

1054
00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:25,880
Speaker 5: As much as I would love to have an actual dad,

1055
00:43:26,080 --> 00:43:28,200
Speaker 5: I am only going to therapy with him if it's

1056
00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:30,640
Speaker 5: okay with my sister. I told her about this conversation

1057
00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:32,680
Speaker 5: from the very beginning, but she didn't want to know

1058
00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:34,600
Speaker 5: what he had to say. I'm still a little wary,

1059
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:36,479
Speaker 5: given that I know he lied to me at least

1060
00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:39,200
Speaker 5: twice during this conversation. Take but I can't in good

1061
00:43:39,239 --> 00:43:42,240
Speaker 5: conscience take his money for college without at least trying

1062
00:43:42,239 --> 00:43:42,960
Speaker 5: to make amends.

1063
00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:44,520
Speaker 1: Thank you to everyone who read this far.

1064
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:47,439
Speaker 5: I know my family drama is an easy advice would

1065
00:43:47,480 --> 00:43:50,600
Speaker 5: still be very much appreciated, and there is an update. Firstly,

1066
00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:52,919
Speaker 5: I want to clarify a couple of things. My dad

1067
00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:55,640
Speaker 5: is still paying my mom's child support for me where

1068
00:43:55,680 --> 00:43:58,960
Speaker 5: I live. The parents must say child support until the

1069
00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:02,200
Speaker 5: child graduates highcho and I'm currently in my senior year

1070
00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:04,279
Speaker 5: of high school. My dad paid child support for my

1071
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:06,560
Speaker 5: sister when he was ordered to by the court until

1072
00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:09,200
Speaker 5: she graduated as well. I saw a couple of comments

1073
00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:12,240
Speaker 5: on my previous posts asking about my stepmom, so here's

1074
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:14,400
Speaker 5: some more info. My dad and her got married when

1075
00:44:14,440 --> 00:44:16,719
Speaker 5: I was seven. For the first couple of years, she

1076
00:44:16,800 --> 00:44:19,360
Speaker 5: acted pretty badly towards my sister, but I came to

1077
00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:21,919
Speaker 5: view her as a mother figure after my sister left.

1078
00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:25,040
Speaker 5: She directed that bad behavior towards me, pressuring me to

1079
00:44:25,080 --> 00:44:28,080
Speaker 5: be perfect, and just generally making me feel unwelcome. My

1080
00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 5: dad and stepmom have two children together, a boy and girl.

1081
00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:33,319
Speaker 5: Now they would be about ten and nine. I often

1082
00:44:33,400 --> 00:44:35,880
Speaker 5: felt second class to my half brother and sister, and

1083
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:37,799
Speaker 5: often felt like I had to be the perfect big

1084
00:44:37,840 --> 00:44:39,920
Speaker 5: sister to them, even though I was only seven or

1085
00:44:39,960 --> 00:44:41,799
Speaker 5: eight when they were born. The two of them are

1086
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:45,439
Speaker 5: incredibly spoiled. They get whatever they want. I've never seen

1087
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:46,880
Speaker 5: either one of them eat a vegetable.

1088
00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:47,360
Speaker 1: Yikes.

1089
00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:50,360
Speaker 5: They both got Minecraft accounts and their own personal iPads

1090
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:52,520
Speaker 5: when they were three. What are they doing with a

1091
00:44:52,520 --> 00:44:55,120
Speaker 5: Minecraft account? At three? Two young and both got a

1092
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:58,000
Speaker 5: Nintendo Switch for Christmas a couple of years ago, just

1093
00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:00,880
Speaker 5: before I left. They also both have a death top computer.

1094
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:03,040
Speaker 5: They eat a ton of fast food, and while I

1095
00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:06,600
Speaker 5: was there, they got McDonald's breakfast almost every Saturday, which

1096
00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:09,240
Speaker 5: would normally be fine, but they eat out like every

1097
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:11,880
Speaker 5: other day. I remember once we had chicken nuggets twice

1098
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:14,200
Speaker 5: in one day, once from a fast food place and

1099
00:45:14,239 --> 00:45:16,480
Speaker 5: once frozen and heated up in the oven. They both

1100
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:18,840
Speaker 5: go to a fancy private school. I could be wrong,

1101
00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:21,720
Speaker 5: but I think the tuition is twenty thousand dollars a semester.

1102
00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:23,880
Speaker 5: Take that with a grain of salt, because I'm not

1103
00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:26,200
Speaker 5: exactly sure what it costs, but it's definitely a lot

1104
00:45:26,239 --> 00:45:28,080
Speaker 5: of money. My sister and I have been in public

1105
00:45:28,080 --> 00:45:31,080
Speaker 5: school our whole lives, albeit a good one which allows

1106
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:32,799
Speaker 5: me to take five AP classes.

1107
00:45:32,440 --> 00:45:33,160
Speaker 1: That I really enjoy.

1108
00:45:33,320 --> 00:45:35,880
Speaker 5: Now for the actual update. I had a really interesting

1109
00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:38,200
Speaker 5: conversation with my mom the other night where I showed

1110
00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:40,320
Speaker 5: her my dad's texts. She didn't tell me anything I

1111
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:42,719
Speaker 5: didn't already know, just made it very clear that my

1112
00:45:42,800 --> 00:45:45,680
Speaker 5: sister was punted out of my dad's house. But I'm

1113
00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:47,480
Speaker 5: not sure how much I can trust her word. She

1114
00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:49,759
Speaker 5: then went on this long rant about the first time

1115
00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:51,640
Speaker 5: my dad lied to her while they were dating, where

1116
00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:53,759
Speaker 5: he lied about an injury and my grandmother had to

1117
00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:57,040
Speaker 5: correct her. My mom detailed how all these small and

1118
00:45:57,160 --> 00:45:59,560
Speaker 5: big lies really got to her to the point where

1119
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:02,080
Speaker 5: she asked for a divorce and talked about a cycle

1120
00:46:02,120 --> 00:46:04,560
Speaker 5: where she would ask him to stop lying, you would

1121
00:46:04,560 --> 00:46:06,319
Speaker 5: for a time, and then he would start again. I've

1122
00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:09,120
Speaker 5: actually done research on this harmful cycle and it is

1123
00:46:09,280 --> 00:46:12,640
Speaker 5: legit and honestly very scary. Something interesting, though. She has

1124
00:46:12,680 --> 00:46:16,280
Speaker 5: gone through the exact same cycle with me and my boundaries.

1125
00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:18,400
Speaker 5: For example, I will ask her not to touch me

1126
00:46:18,520 --> 00:46:20,640
Speaker 5: because I don't like people touching me, and she will

1127
00:46:20,680 --> 00:46:22,040
Speaker 5: back off for a few days and.

1128
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:23,759
Speaker 1: Then start again. It's infuriating.

1129
00:46:23,840 --> 00:46:26,200
Speaker 5: I was thinking about what I wanted from a relationship

1130
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:28,280
Speaker 5: with my father, and I came up with three things.

1131
00:46:28,320 --> 00:46:31,480
Speaker 5: Financial security. This really shouldn't come as any surprise. I'll

1132
00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:34,399
Speaker 5: get scholarships for college, but it will still probably cost

1133
00:46:34,520 --> 00:46:36,840
Speaker 5: five thousand dollars a year if I get lucky and

1134
00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:39,320
Speaker 5: I don't have that money. A car would be nice,

1135
00:46:39,320 --> 00:46:42,040
Speaker 5: but it's definitely not a necessity and not something I

1136
00:46:42,040 --> 00:46:44,520
Speaker 5: can ask for now. I won't need one until graduation

1137
00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:46,880
Speaker 5: at the earliest, and I can obviously survive with that

1138
00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:49,520
Speaker 5: one for four years of college. The truth, I want

1139
00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:51,520
Speaker 5: to know if my sister was forced out of my

1140
00:46:51,600 --> 00:46:53,520
Speaker 5: dad's house, and I want to know if my own

1141
00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:56,000
Speaker 5: memory is valid. I doubt I'll ever know for sure,

1142
00:46:56,080 --> 00:46:59,120
Speaker 5: but therapy may help. And finally, a dad. I want

1143
00:46:59,160 --> 00:47:01,319
Speaker 5: a parent that will support me and love me. And

1144
00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:03,319
Speaker 5: I'm sure there's a way to have a relationship with

1145
00:47:03,360 --> 00:47:06,560
Speaker 5: my dad and sisters simultaneously. If it turns out that

1146
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:09,880
Speaker 5: he is a liar and a manipulator and really won't change,

1147
00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:11,680
Speaker 5: then I can cut him out. But I want to

1148
00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:14,160
Speaker 5: give him an honest chance first, And I want to

1149
00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 5: give you guys an honest chance to go listen to

1150
00:47:16,719 --> 00:47:19,480
Speaker 5: full episodes with stories just like this. Just go to Spotify,

1151
00:47:19,520 --> 00:47:22,480
Speaker 5: Apple Podcast for iHeartRadio and search up Okay story time.

1152
00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:24,480
Speaker 1: But there is a little bit left to the story.

1153
00:47:24,600 --> 00:47:27,319
Speaker 3: Do any final thoughts, trust your gut, op, and like

1154
00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:29,240
Speaker 3: I said, just keep your arm's length.

1155
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:32,279
Speaker 5: Given these three things, I decided to give therapy with

1156
00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:34,680
Speaker 5: my dad a chance. I'm hoping we can use my

1157
00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:36,920
Speaker 5: personal therapist that I've been with for a couple of

1158
00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:39,879
Speaker 5: years now so she already knows all the drama. She's great,

1159
00:47:40,080 --> 00:47:42,160
Speaker 5: She's not afraid to call me out in a productive

1160
00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:44,759
Speaker 5: way if I'm being unrealistic, and is very good at

1161
00:47:44,840 --> 00:47:48,360
Speaker 5: helping me navigate my feelings. She also specializes in teens

1162
00:47:48,440 --> 00:47:50,839
Speaker 5: and their parents, so it really is a perfect fit.

1163
00:47:51,040 --> 00:47:53,479
Speaker 5: As of right now, I'm not comfortable seeing my dad

1164
00:47:53,560 --> 00:47:56,239
Speaker 5: outside of therapy, but that may change with time. I

1165
00:47:56,280 --> 00:47:59,280
Speaker 5: don't see my sister ever having a relationship with my dad,

1166
00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:01,719
Speaker 5: but she will all always be welcome in therapy, and I,

1167
00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:04,440
Speaker 5: of course won't push her to forgive him. I wanted

1168
00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:06,480
Speaker 5: to address the few comments in my latest post that

1169
00:48:06,560 --> 00:48:08,640
Speaker 5: told me to just move on. I really thought about it,

1170
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:10,960
Speaker 5: but for me, there's a little too much hurt and

1171
00:48:11,160 --> 00:48:13,439
Speaker 5: history to do that in a healthy way, at least

1172
00:48:13,480 --> 00:48:15,520
Speaker 5: right now. That's part of why I wanted to start

1173
00:48:15,520 --> 00:48:18,200
Speaker 5: with therapy, to move past that hurt and go from there.

1174
00:48:18,239 --> 00:48:21,080
Speaker 5: I'm very optimistic that this can happen, but even if

1175
00:48:21,120 --> 00:48:24,040
Speaker 5: it doesn't, I won't spend my life wondering what could

1176
00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:26,719
Speaker 5: have happened if I didn't at least try. Finally, I

1177
00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:29,680
Speaker 5: want to thank everyone that commented all my other posts.

1178
00:48:29,800 --> 00:48:31,800
Speaker 5: It really helped to give me clarity, and all the

1179
00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:34,800
Speaker 5: different opinions were incredibly helpful. Hopefully this is the last

1180
00:48:34,800 --> 00:48:37,000
Speaker 5: time you hear from me about this issue, and that

1181
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:38,800
Speaker 5: is the end of that story.

1182
00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:41,640
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam, your ogi host here.

1183
00:48:41,719 --> 00:48:42,720
Speaker 2: Bring it back to the stories.

1184
00:48:42,719 --> 00:48:44,360
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes fads from our sponsor.

1185
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:47,720
Speaker 4: My friend demands I wear body pain for her wedding

1186
00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:50,320
Speaker 4: because my skin disgusts them.

1187
00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:51,799
Speaker 1: Well, your friend discussed me.

1188
00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:54,400
Speaker 4: My friend has just gotten engaged and has asked me

1189
00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:56,560
Speaker 4: to be her maid of honor. I am beyond thrilled

1190
00:48:56,560 --> 00:48:58,560
Speaker 4: for her and beyond touched that she has asked me.

1191
00:48:58,640 --> 00:49:00,440
Speaker 4: But it's on the condition that I wear her body

1192
00:49:00,440 --> 00:49:04,040
Speaker 4: makeup over my psoriasis. I can't do that because not

1193
00:49:04,080 --> 00:49:06,759
Speaker 4: only is it impractical, any makeup that will actually cover

1194
00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:10,560
Speaker 4: it will exacerbate the condition and make life miserable for me.

1195
00:49:10,719 --> 00:49:13,160
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from a whole bag of cheese.

1196
00:49:13,480 --> 00:49:15,400
Speaker 4: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

1197
00:49:15,440 --> 00:49:18,320
Speaker 4: to the r sash Okay Storytimes subpreddit. So to be clear,

1198
00:49:18,440 --> 00:49:21,240
Speaker 4: I have it well controlled. I'm not flaky. The skin

1199
00:49:21,360 --> 00:49:24,640
Speaker 4: is simply very red. It covers eighty percent of one forearm,

1200
00:49:24,719 --> 00:49:27,799
Speaker 4: twenty percent on the other both elbows, and I have

1201
00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:31,480
Speaker 4: large patches on my calves, knees, and ninety percent of

1202
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:35,480
Speaker 4: the top of one foot. I use gentle manual exfoliation

1203
00:49:35,680 --> 00:49:38,879
Speaker 4: and a moisturizer that helps control the dry and excess skin.

1204
00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:41,160
Speaker 4: I apply the moist dreizer a couple of times a

1205
00:49:41,200 --> 00:49:43,680
Speaker 4: day and wouldn't be able to do this while wearing makeup.

1206
00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:45,239
Speaker 4: I let her know that I wouldn't be able to

1207
00:49:45,239 --> 00:49:47,360
Speaker 4: do that, explained why. And even though she knows that

1208
00:49:47,400 --> 00:49:48,960
Speaker 4: I have to be careful with all the products that

1209
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:52,280
Speaker 4: I use, and she's quite unhappy with me. She wants

1210
00:49:52,520 --> 00:49:56,160
Speaker 4: beautiful photographs that make everyone feel beautiful and confident, which

1211
00:49:56,320 --> 00:49:57,160
Speaker 4: really upset me.

1212
00:49:57,280 --> 00:49:59,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, and telling your friend that she needs to wear

1213
00:49:59,680 --> 00:50:02,560
Speaker 5: make to look beautiful and confident, yeah, not really doing

1214
00:50:02,600 --> 00:50:05,239
Speaker 5: a good job and making her feel beautiful and or

1215
00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:06,600
Speaker 5: confident exactly.

1216
00:50:06,920 --> 00:50:09,359
Speaker 1: I am content and confident in my skin and.

1217
00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:12,120
Speaker 4: I know it's there and people stare sometimes, But what

1218
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:14,400
Speaker 4: can I do about that? Most people think that I

1219
00:50:14,400 --> 00:50:17,560
Speaker 4: have some kind of gnarly motorbike accident or something TVH.

1220
00:50:17,600 --> 00:50:19,360
Speaker 4: I'm at a point in my life where I honestly

1221
00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:21,120
Speaker 4: don't care and often forget that it's.

1222
00:50:21,080 --> 00:50:22,080
Speaker 1: Unusual to see.

1223
00:50:22,160 --> 00:50:24,160
Speaker 4: I know the reason is because she doesn't want to

1224
00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:25,640
Speaker 4: see it in her photos, and.

1225
00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:27,600
Speaker 1: I said as much to her and she was offended.

1226
00:50:27,760 --> 00:50:30,080
Speaker 4: I suggested that I wear something with long sleeves and

1227
00:50:30,120 --> 00:50:32,200
Speaker 4: a skirt, but she already has her heart set on

1228
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:35,400
Speaker 4: midy length strapless dresses and a shawl covering it.

1229
00:50:35,600 --> 00:50:37,600
Speaker 1: Won't go. It got to the point.

1230
00:50:37,360 --> 00:50:39,759
Speaker 4: Where she was getting heated because I won't do it,

1231
00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:41,960
Speaker 4: and told me that I either wore the body makeup

1232
00:50:42,080 --> 00:50:44,719
Speaker 4: or don't bother even coming. I ended up telling her

1233
00:50:44,760 --> 00:50:47,239
Speaker 4: that either she has me as is or not at

1234
00:50:47,239 --> 00:50:49,920
Speaker 4: all and left. She is now not speaking to me,

1235
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:52,880
Speaker 4: but has told her fiance that I accepted the role.

1236
00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:56,120
Speaker 4: Some of Opie's comments commentary says info, why are you

1237
00:50:56,160 --> 00:50:59,160
Speaker 4: friends with this person? Opie says, I've known her forever

1238
00:50:59,560 --> 00:51:02,480
Speaker 4: and we have had a really great relationship usually and

1239
00:51:02,640 --> 00:51:04,880
Speaker 4: this hasn't ever been a problem before. When we have

1240
00:51:05,080 --> 00:51:08,000
Speaker 4: had little disagreements, we've both been really understanding about it,

1241
00:51:08,040 --> 00:51:10,320
Speaker 4: and those have been few and far between.

1242
00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:11,719
Speaker 1: I really don't understand this.

1243
00:51:11,840 --> 00:51:14,280
Speaker 4: It's so out of character for her to another commenter,

1244
00:51:14,480 --> 00:51:17,640
Speaker 4: because she's usually a really kind and caring, empathetic person

1245
00:51:18,160 --> 00:51:18,919
Speaker 4: genuinely too.

1246
00:51:19,160 --> 00:51:20,560
Speaker 1: We've been through a lot.

1247
00:51:20,320 --> 00:51:23,080
Speaker 4: Together and have supported each other through some really messed

1248
00:51:23,120 --> 00:51:26,680
Speaker 4: up times. She's good, fun, funny without making fun of people.

1249
00:51:26,840 --> 00:51:28,080
Speaker 1: She's just a good egg.

1250
00:51:28,239 --> 00:51:31,480
Speaker 4: Any disagreements or issues we've had have always been talked

1251
00:51:31,520 --> 00:51:34,120
Speaker 4: through with care and consideration on both sides, and it's

1252
00:51:34,120 --> 00:51:37,320
Speaker 4: never felt unbalanced. This is truly really out of character

1253
00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:40,440
Speaker 4: for her. Another commenter says, not the a whole. Soriasis

1254
00:51:40,480 --> 00:51:43,239
Speaker 4: can be so painful and debilitating during a flare up,

1255
00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:45,239
Speaker 4: and I'm assuming that since you were asked to be

1256
00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:47,400
Speaker 4: the maid of honor, she has known you and about

1257
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:51,520
Speaker 4: your psiasis and the soriasis control routine. You shouldn't have

1258
00:51:51,560 --> 00:51:54,160
Speaker 4: to sacrifice your skin's health for days or weeks after

1259
00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:56,400
Speaker 4: the wedding just to be there. You have given her

1260
00:51:56,480 --> 00:51:59,720
Speaker 4: alternate options to help conceal your reddened skin for photos,

1261
00:51:59,760 --> 00:52:03,080
Speaker 4: and he's not even considering them or your feelings or help.

1262
00:52:03,200 --> 00:52:05,320
Speaker 1: Ope says, that's exactly it.

1263
00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:07,480
Speaker 4: It's taken so long to find a good combination of

1264
00:52:07,480 --> 00:52:09,960
Speaker 4: things that work and keep it stable, and she's seen

1265
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:12,680
Speaker 4: me at my absolute worst with it and never said

1266
00:52:12,840 --> 00:52:16,200
Speaker 4: or done anything other than be supportive about it. I

1267
00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:17,839
Speaker 4: really don't want to miss her wedding, but I can't

1268
00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:20,600
Speaker 4: physically or mentally deal with how bad it's been before.

1269
00:52:20,760 --> 00:52:23,759
Speaker 4: Commentary says, you're definitely not the ahole. As someone who

1270
00:52:23,840 --> 00:52:26,560
Speaker 4: also suffers from psoriasis, I'd like to suggest seeing a

1271
00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:30,560
Speaker 4: medical professional because manual exfoliation and applying moisturizer multiple times

1272
00:52:30,600 --> 00:52:32,960
Speaker 4: a day, which I know from personal experience, it's helpful.

1273
00:52:33,040 --> 00:52:35,560
Speaker 1: I also know from personal experience.

1274
00:52:35,160 --> 00:52:38,040
Speaker 4: That there are so many prescription topicals or not topicals

1275
00:52:38,200 --> 00:52:41,280
Speaker 4: that treat psoriasis far better a small amount of topical

1276
00:52:41,280 --> 00:52:45,240
Speaker 4: steroid acid tonide. It is a topical steroid that applied

1277
00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:48,040
Speaker 4: a few times a week keeps my psoriasis in check.

1278
00:52:48,200 --> 00:52:50,880
Speaker 4: It really doesn't sound like yours is well managed, but

1279
00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:53,680
Speaker 4: for this particular issue, I'd stick with. I can't commit

1280
00:52:53,719 --> 00:52:55,560
Speaker 4: to wearing makeup to cover up my skin, so if

1281
00:52:55,560 --> 00:52:57,239
Speaker 4: my skin is enough of a problem for you to

1282
00:52:57,280 --> 00:52:59,640
Speaker 4: exclude me from your wedding party, then so be it.

1283
00:53:00,120 --> 00:53:02,360
Speaker 4: He says, thank you for your concern. A few comments

1284
00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:04,200
Speaker 4: have made me realize that I probably need a new

1285
00:53:04,200 --> 00:53:07,520
Speaker 4: dermatologist and new approach. I've tried a few different steroid

1286
00:53:07,520 --> 00:53:10,120
Speaker 4: based creams and ointments, but after time, my skin would

1287
00:53:10,160 --> 00:53:13,200
Speaker 4: become quite thin and it would stay pink even still,

1288
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:16,080
Speaker 4: I couldn't play rough with my dog because she'd break

1289
00:53:16,120 --> 00:53:19,160
Speaker 4: the skin even playing gently. And I'm also really clumsy

1290
00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:21,719
Speaker 4: and would knock my elbows on doors and walls and

1291
00:53:21,760 --> 00:53:24,840
Speaker 4: the skin would split. I have just been resigned to

1292
00:53:24,880 --> 00:53:27,680
Speaker 4: the redness and my current routine has been working. My

1293
00:53:27,719 --> 00:53:30,839
Speaker 4: current dermatologists basically said that my condition isn't serious enough

1294
00:53:30,840 --> 00:53:33,399
Speaker 4: for some meds, and that others I can't use due

1295
00:53:33,440 --> 00:53:36,719
Speaker 4: to liver issues. Opis just essentially voted not the a hole.

1296
00:53:36,719 --> 00:53:39,400
Speaker 4: That we have an update, but do we agree with

1297
00:53:39,480 --> 00:53:39,880
Speaker 4: the comments.

1298
00:53:39,960 --> 00:53:41,279
Speaker 1: Obviously not the A hole.

1299
00:53:41,600 --> 00:53:44,520
Speaker 5: I think that if your friend is more concerned about

1300
00:53:44,840 --> 00:53:49,359
Speaker 5: optics over your health, yeah, regardless of like if that's

1301
00:53:49,440 --> 00:53:52,359
Speaker 5: you know, internal or external health, yeah, then.

1302
00:53:52,239 --> 00:53:53,280
Speaker 1: She's not really your friend.

1303
00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:53,759
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1304
00:53:53,840 --> 00:53:56,560
Speaker 5: I just think in general, you cannot tell someone to

1305
00:53:56,719 --> 00:54:00,520
Speaker 5: wear unless you're in a play or the film.

1306
00:54:00,600 --> 00:54:03,000
Speaker 1: You can't tell someone that they need to wear makeup.

1307
00:54:03,400 --> 00:54:07,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, absolutely, Ever, even if this woman didn't have psoriasis.

1308
00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:10,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's yeah, it's so silly.

1309
00:54:10,040 --> 00:54:12,600
Speaker 4: It's like I keep thinking, you know, a solution to

1310
00:54:12,840 --> 00:54:15,160
Speaker 4: covering it up would probably be like pantyhose or like

1311
00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:16,880
Speaker 4: tights or sleeves or something like that.

1312
00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:18,600
Speaker 1: But again I agree with you. It's like you shouldn't

1313
00:54:18,600 --> 00:54:21,160
Speaker 1: even need to cover it up or like if you

1314
00:54:21,280 --> 00:54:22,120
Speaker 1: this is what you look like.

1315
00:54:22,239 --> 00:54:23,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, if you're a real friend, then you would be

1316
00:54:23,920 --> 00:54:27,160
Speaker 4: supporting your friend through this and like, you know, empowering them.

1317
00:54:27,239 --> 00:54:28,680
Speaker 1: But this is clearly the opposite.

1318
00:54:28,719 --> 00:54:30,600
Speaker 5: It's like if someone has like a lot of acne

1319
00:54:30,640 --> 00:54:32,359
Speaker 5: and you're like, oh, you have to actually cover all

1320
00:54:32,400 --> 00:54:32,680
Speaker 5: that up.

1321
00:54:32,800 --> 00:54:35,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's like that is their skin. Can you just

1322
00:54:35,040 --> 00:54:37,600
Speaker 4: like do this to me more beautiful for my things?

1323
00:54:37,600 --> 00:54:40,200
Speaker 4: It's like, huh, you don't think I'm beautiful? I know

1324
00:54:40,320 --> 00:54:42,840
Speaker 4: I am, So that's your problem. We do have an update.

1325
00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:45,080
Speaker 4: So firstly, I just want to say a massive thank

1326
00:54:45,120 --> 00:54:47,480
Speaker 4: you to everyone who commented. I honestly thought the majority

1327
00:54:47,520 --> 00:54:49,160
Speaker 4: would tell me to suck it up it's just a

1328
00:54:49,160 --> 00:54:51,799
Speaker 4: few hours for one day, and was surprised by all

1329
00:54:51,800 --> 00:54:55,560
Speaker 4: the supportive comments, compromise suggestions and suggestions and encouragement to

1330
00:54:55,560 --> 00:54:57,799
Speaker 4: seek further treatment for the sake of my health, not

1331
00:54:57,960 --> 00:55:00,719
Speaker 4: my appearance. I'm definitely going to take my psoriasis more

1332
00:55:00,760 --> 00:55:03,120
Speaker 4: seriously due to some of you, So thank you. Also

1333
00:55:03,239 --> 00:55:05,800
Speaker 4: sorry to the mods they had to lock comments because

1334
00:55:05,840 --> 00:55:08,799
Speaker 4: too many people were being rude. I also want to

1335
00:55:08,840 --> 00:55:11,480
Speaker 4: mention all the photoshop and editing comments. I feel stupid

1336
00:55:11,520 --> 00:55:13,399
Speaker 4: for not even considering it in the moment. It's such

1337
00:55:13,400 --> 00:55:15,680
Speaker 4: a simple and obvious solution. I was so shocked and

1338
00:55:15,680 --> 00:55:18,919
Speaker 4: taken aback by my friend's reaction and insistence it didn't

1339
00:55:18,960 --> 00:55:21,160
Speaker 4: even cross my mind. I spent the night bawling my

1340
00:55:21,239 --> 00:55:23,040
Speaker 4: eyes out because a lot of the comments made me

1341
00:55:23,080 --> 00:55:26,000
Speaker 4: feel like I wasted nearly thirty years of friendship with

1342
00:55:26,040 --> 00:55:28,520
Speaker 4: this person, doubt a lot of it. I love her

1343
00:55:28,560 --> 00:55:31,120
Speaker 4: still and was still so confused such.

1344
00:55:30,960 --> 00:55:35,080
Speaker 5: Thing as wasting years on friendship. Yeah, it just sometimes

1345
00:55:35,160 --> 00:55:37,480
Speaker 5: you grow out of our friendship. Yeah, or they grow

1346
00:55:37,520 --> 00:55:37,839
Speaker 5: out of.

1347
00:55:37,760 --> 00:55:38,960
Speaker 1: You, you know. Yeah.

1348
00:55:38,960 --> 00:55:41,080
Speaker 4: Absolutely. I was going to call my friend tonight to

1349
00:55:41,120 --> 00:55:43,520
Speaker 4: discuss this again. I was truly touched that she asked

1350
00:55:43,520 --> 00:55:45,319
Speaker 4: me to be made of honor. She has such a

1351
00:55:45,320 --> 00:55:48,120
Speaker 4: close relationship with her sister that I never thought even

1352
00:55:48,239 --> 00:55:50,399
Speaker 4: once she would ask me. I didn't end up calling

1353
00:55:50,440 --> 00:55:53,200
Speaker 4: my friend, as her fiance called me to thank me

1354
00:55:53,239 --> 00:55:55,279
Speaker 4: for accepting the role, to tell me secretly that his

1355
00:55:55,320 --> 00:55:58,040
Speaker 4: family wanted to pay for the bridal shower, Pen's night,

1356
00:55:58,160 --> 00:56:00,200
Speaker 4: and anything else that we wanted to do or go

1357
00:56:00,320 --> 00:56:03,399
Speaker 4: as he knows the people that the friend wanted as

1358
00:56:03,480 --> 00:56:06,600
Speaker 4: other bridesmaids weren't in a position to be able to contribute,

1359
00:56:06,680 --> 00:56:09,000
Speaker 4: and that he and his family would reimburse me any

1360
00:56:09,040 --> 00:56:12,279
Speaker 4: costs for body makeup, which did flag is odd to me.

1361
00:56:12,560 --> 00:56:14,680
Speaker 4: I told him that I hadn't accepted the role, and

1362
00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:17,360
Speaker 4: that the friend had told me earlier that I wear

1363
00:56:17,600 --> 00:56:19,920
Speaker 4: the makeup or don't come at all, and fiance it

1364
00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:23,280
Speaker 4: was shocked and confused. I explained to him that even

1365
00:56:23,320 --> 00:56:27,240
Speaker 4: mild inflammation would cause days and weeks of irritation at best,

1366
00:56:27,640 --> 00:56:31,560
Speaker 4: or months of pain and cracked skin and possible infections

1367
00:56:31,600 --> 00:56:36,000
Speaker 4: at worst. He had no idea and was completely oblivious

1368
00:56:36,040 --> 00:56:38,600
Speaker 4: and very confused. He's only really known me while my

1369
00:56:38,640 --> 00:56:41,239
Speaker 4: condition has been pretty decently controlled, and I tend to

1370
00:56:41,280 --> 00:56:43,440
Speaker 4: play it off as not so serious to people because

1371
00:56:43,480 --> 00:56:45,400
Speaker 4: I just don't want to talk about it. We finished

1372
00:56:45,440 --> 00:56:47,360
Speaker 4: our phone call and after a couple of hours, my

1373
00:56:47,440 --> 00:56:49,560
Speaker 4: friend calls me back. I can tell that she's been

1374
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:53,279
Speaker 4: crying and was quite upset. She apologized profusely, and it

1375
00:56:53,320 --> 00:56:55,719
Speaker 4: turns out that her future mother and sister in law

1376
00:56:55,960 --> 00:56:58,760
Speaker 4: had been picking away at her, making her feel awful

1377
00:56:58,760 --> 00:57:01,280
Speaker 4: about herself, and how now she needs to be perfect,

1378
00:57:01,480 --> 00:57:05,719
Speaker 4: presentable and beautiful on the day that nothing can distract

1379
00:57:05,760 --> 00:57:08,200
Speaker 4: from her. They both had convinced her that she is

1380
00:57:08,320 --> 00:57:12,200
Speaker 4: especially kind in not worrying or caring about how I looked,

1381
00:57:12,239 --> 00:57:14,719
Speaker 4: but that everyone else is just lying to me and

1382
00:57:14,800 --> 00:57:17,800
Speaker 4: her about not caring. It's been going on for months,

1383
00:57:17,840 --> 00:57:21,080
Speaker 4: even before they knew of the engagement, little digs about

1384
00:57:21,120 --> 00:57:23,240
Speaker 4: me trying to turn my friend against me.

1385
00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:24,000
Speaker 1: Oh gosh.

1386
00:57:24,040 --> 00:57:25,960
Speaker 4: Both mother in law and sister in law are apparently

1387
00:57:26,000 --> 00:57:28,360
Speaker 4: disgusted by my psoriasis to the point that it makes

1388
00:57:28,360 --> 00:57:31,080
Speaker 4: them physically ill, and that her entire wedding day will

1389
00:57:31,120 --> 00:57:34,080
Speaker 4: revolve around how I look and will make everyone miserable.

1390
00:57:34,400 --> 00:57:39,480
Speaker 4: Holy crap. These are terrible sack wows. That it's all

1391
00:57:39,560 --> 00:57:42,160
Speaker 4: anyone would speak about, and if I came, no guests

1392
00:57:42,160 --> 00:57:46,920
Speaker 4: would be able to eat or enjoy themselves. Not Frankenstein's monster. Yeah,

1393
00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:50,040
Speaker 4: she's a person with red skin. Yeah, a lot of

1394
00:57:50,080 --> 00:57:52,880
Speaker 4: people are going to be more understanding about something that

1395
00:57:52,920 --> 00:57:55,760
Speaker 4: she can't control. Like, come on, that I was selfish

1396
00:57:55,760 --> 00:57:58,760
Speaker 4: for even considering going without hiding it. They didn't want

1397
00:57:58,840 --> 00:58:01,200
Speaker 4: me there at all, and we're threatening my friend with

1398
00:58:01,280 --> 00:58:03,959
Speaker 4: not allowing the wedding at all. It was never about

1399
00:58:03,960 --> 00:58:07,200
Speaker 4: the photographs. It was about my condition being visible in general.

1400
00:58:07,480 --> 00:58:12,280
Speaker 4: And you know what you should do in general is

1401
00:58:12,720 --> 00:58:15,960
Speaker 4: go to Spotify, iHeartRadio, Apple Podcast, one of your favorite

1402
00:58:15,960 --> 00:58:18,280
Speaker 4: podcast app is and search Okay, story time, so you're

1403
00:58:18,280 --> 00:58:21,600
Speaker 4: gonna find four full episodes of stories just like this one.

1404
00:58:21,480 --> 00:58:24,040
Speaker 4: Get on, get on over there, and there's a little

1405
00:58:24,040 --> 00:58:25,920
Speaker 4: bit more to the story. But oh my gosh, do

1406
00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:31,280
Speaker 4: these women stink? Yeah, Charlie Faith reacts, says, that's just bs.

1407
00:58:31,400 --> 00:58:33,800
Speaker 4: I have a skinn condition called ezma, and it sucks

1408
00:58:33,920 --> 00:58:36,000
Speaker 4: water and soap dries out my skin and I used

1409
00:58:36,040 --> 00:58:38,200
Speaker 4: to have claw marks on my arms because it itched

1410
00:58:38,320 --> 00:58:39,240
Speaker 4: too much.

1411
00:58:39,520 --> 00:58:41,480
Speaker 1: Oh that sucks, dude.

1412
00:58:41,520 --> 00:58:43,280
Speaker 4: Fun And that's the kind of thing too, where it's

1413
00:58:43,280 --> 00:58:45,480
Speaker 4: like it just doesn't go away, like you can treat it,

1414
00:58:45,520 --> 00:58:49,080
Speaker 4: but it's just it's never gonna just heal completely. So yeah,

1415
00:58:49,080 --> 00:58:51,880
Speaker 4: it absolutely sucks. I think most people would be a

1416
00:58:51,880 --> 00:58:56,120
Speaker 4: lot more understanding of it. And yeah, these people just

1417
00:58:56,240 --> 00:59:00,160
Speaker 4: must have very unhappy and insecure lives themselves.

1418
00:59:00,080 --> 00:59:02,880
Speaker 1: Lutely so like self.

1419
00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:06,440
Speaker 5: Absorbed, and you know, yeah, A shallow shallow is the

1420
00:59:06,520 --> 00:59:07,440
Speaker 5: heard I was looking for.

1421
00:59:07,520 --> 00:59:09,400
Speaker 4: Yes, and there is a little bit more to the story,

1422
00:59:09,440 --> 00:59:11,920
Speaker 4: so let's jump right in. I didn't really know what

1423
00:59:12,040 --> 00:59:14,080
Speaker 4: to say or do. It was a lot to process,

1424
00:59:14,120 --> 00:59:16,200
Speaker 4: and I do truly believe my friend is sorry. Like

1425
00:59:16,240 --> 00:59:18,280
Speaker 4: I said, this was so out of character for her.

1426
00:59:18,640 --> 00:59:21,000
Speaker 4: My friend's fiance got on the phone once she'd finished

1427
00:59:21,040 --> 00:59:23,600
Speaker 4: explaining he is going to speak to his family. He

1428
00:59:23,640 --> 00:59:26,000
Speaker 4: apparently had no idea that this was happening and is

1429
00:59:26,080 --> 00:59:29,040
Speaker 4: pissed for my friend and on my behalf. I don't

1430
00:59:29,080 --> 00:59:31,120
Speaker 4: know what's happening with the wedding or wedding party, but

1431
00:59:31,160 --> 00:59:33,360
Speaker 4: my friend has said that she can't imagine her day

1432
00:59:33,400 --> 00:59:36,120
Speaker 4: without me there and that she feels awful that she

1433
00:59:36,200 --> 00:59:38,600
Speaker 4: allowed them to manipulate her that way. I don't know

1434
00:59:38,640 --> 00:59:41,400
Speaker 4: how I feel yet. I have emotional whiplash. I'm hurt

1435
00:59:41,440 --> 00:59:43,440
Speaker 4: and confused that my friend let them convince her to

1436
00:59:43,480 --> 00:59:45,320
Speaker 4: go through with this, But I do think and hope

1437
00:59:45,320 --> 00:59:47,480
Speaker 4: that we can get through this. OPI adds a comment

1438
00:59:47,520 --> 00:59:50,080
Speaker 4: on her reposted story to a different stump ridn ohkay,

1439
00:59:50,400 --> 00:59:50,800
Speaker 4: that's me.

1440
00:59:51,080 --> 00:59:53,320
Speaker 1: I just edited an update into the origional post.

1441
00:59:53,560 --> 00:59:56,240
Speaker 4: Still hurt, in my friend's choices, but ultimately understand where

1442
00:59:56,280 --> 00:59:59,200
Speaker 4: she's coming from and believe her apology wholeheartedly. The positive

1443
00:59:59,280 --> 01:00:01,160
Speaker 4: to come out of this situation is that I'm going

1444
01:00:01,240 --> 01:00:03,680
Speaker 4: to take my psoriasis a lot more seriously and we'll

1445
01:00:03,720 --> 01:00:07,200
Speaker 4: be finding a rheumatologist and a new dermatologist since mine

1446
01:00:07,240 --> 01:00:08,760
Speaker 4: apparently sucks real bad.

1447
01:00:09,080 --> 01:00:11,240
Speaker 1: And that's the end of that story. I believe that

1448
01:00:11,240 --> 01:00:12,160
Speaker 1: that friendship could be.

1449
01:00:12,320 --> 01:00:15,600
Speaker 5: I think, yeah, if she's truly if she's truly serious,

1450
01:00:15,680 --> 01:00:19,080
Speaker 5: you know, and like, yeah, genuinely apologizes and stuff.

1451
01:00:18,840 --> 01:00:22,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, Yeah, I think that it can work.

1452
01:00:22,280 --> 01:00:25,680
Speaker 4: It's good that she realized, good that she's apologizing, and

1453
01:00:25,840 --> 01:00:28,000
Speaker 4: hopefully they can figure it out and hopefully they have

1454
01:00:28,080 --> 01:00:31,440
Speaker 4: a beautiful, beautiful wedding with this beautiful, beautiful bridesmaid.