1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:03,360 Speaker 1: Welcome Home, fam. Today's episode is a rerun of a 2 00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:06,520 Speaker 1: mini pod that where me and Andrew recorded. I think 3 00:00:06,519 --> 00:00:10,120 Speaker 1: this was back in September, about black family loans, especially 4 00:00:10,119 --> 00:00:11,879 Speaker 1: around the holidays. You know how it is when your 5 00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:14,360 Speaker 1: family hits you up and say, well, your nephew needs, 6 00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:16,760 Speaker 1: or your needs needs, or you know, big Mama needs. 7 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:20,720 Speaker 1: So we hope this episode helps you navigate some of 8 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:23,040 Speaker 1: those family conversations you might be having. 9 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:26,880 Speaker 2: Nigga Blain Pod is a production of iHeartRadio in partnership 10 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:28,800 Speaker 2: with Recent Choice Media. 11 00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:34,480 Speaker 3: Welcome Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome home, y'all. 12 00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:37,480 Speaker 1: We are here with this league minipod, and I know 13 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:40,360 Speaker 1: you all are gonna find its relatable because Andrew had 14 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:46,040 Speaker 1: the great idea to talk about money, specifically loaning. 15 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:47,760 Speaker 3: Money to family and friends. 16 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,519 Speaker 1: And when you start making money and you become the 17 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:52,360 Speaker 1: person like JJ. 18 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:56,400 Speaker 3: Want to go to prom and being money for his tugs. 19 00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:57,800 Speaker 1: And Renee want to go to the dance and she 20 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:00,160 Speaker 1: needs money for her dress and all those things. We 21 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:03,840 Speaker 1: certainly have been through that collectively. So Andrew, what made 22 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:04,680 Speaker 1: you want to talk about this? 23 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:05,360 Speaker 4: No? 24 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,800 Speaker 2: I you know, I came across this clip and I 25 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:11,680 Speaker 2: thought it was like quite something to hear a very very, 26 00:01:11,959 --> 00:01:17,400 Speaker 2: very very rich woman, uh share this problem that a 27 00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:20,800 Speaker 2: lot of us common folks also encounter, and I just 28 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:26,320 Speaker 2: I just wanted to see if our audience might relate 29 00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:30,959 Speaker 2: similarly to how this particular person deals with. 30 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:37,120 Speaker 1: Long because that's my only Wait. 31 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:40,119 Speaker 2: This the voice that you're going to hear if you're 32 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:46,040 Speaker 2: on the listening side is Melanie Hopson, who I'm sorry, 33 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:48,200 Speaker 2: I say, Melanie. You can have a D in your 34 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:51,960 Speaker 2: name all day of you a melody, and I'm people 35 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:52,440 Speaker 2: do that. 36 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:55,960 Speaker 1: But she's I don't know, we know her, but a 37 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,200 Speaker 1: lot of people like may not actually know her. 38 00:01:58,320 --> 00:01:59,960 Speaker 3: She's the president of Ariel. 39 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:06,640 Speaker 1: Invest Mint, which is a huge management strategic planning firm 40 00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:08,120 Speaker 1: but really in finance. 41 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:10,840 Speaker 3: She also happens to be married to George Lucas. 42 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:14,200 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, Star Wars. 43 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:21,400 Speaker 1: Star Wars fame, so collectively they are ballin' very She 44 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:23,760 Speaker 1: was formerly on the board of Starbucks, but I don't 45 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:26,640 Speaker 1: think she's on the board now, and I think she's 46 00:02:26,919 --> 00:02:29,080 Speaker 1: on the board of the Rockefeller Foundation as well. 47 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:33,240 Speaker 2: I mean, she's a big deal. She's a big check 48 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:35,600 Speaker 2: her out. I will check it out. You should. I 49 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:36,280 Speaker 2: think you find it. 50 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,760 Speaker 1: Interesting how when you become the one person in the 51 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:43,160 Speaker 1: family that makes money, how do you maintain relationships with 52 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:43,760 Speaker 1: your family. 53 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:47,000 Speaker 4: This would be hours of conversation, but I'm going to 54 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:49,440 Speaker 4: give you the highlight reel. For me, I was my 55 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:52,920 Speaker 4: mother's retirement plan. She fully expected and believed that, but 56 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:55,079 Speaker 4: she put a lot of pressure on me a lot. 57 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:56,840 Speaker 4: We had a young woman who worked at Ariel. Her 58 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:58,880 Speaker 4: father was the CEO of a big company. She was 59 00:02:58,919 --> 00:03:01,360 Speaker 4: a young white woman and she was like, you lend 60 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:05,480 Speaker 4: your family members money, you take care of your parents. 61 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:07,079 Speaker 4: And we're all like, there are a bunch of black 62 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:09,240 Speaker 4: people to day and we're like, yeah, you have to 63 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:12,240 Speaker 4: set boundaries. You have to set very very clear boundaries. 64 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:14,240 Speaker 4: And what I did, which was a bit extreme because 65 00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:16,880 Speaker 4: it became debilitating to me and it was going to 66 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,760 Speaker 4: end relationships that I had, was I put, honestly an 67 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:22,000 Speaker 4: accountant between me and my family, and I made it 68 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,760 Speaker 4: that you can't ever call me for money, but you 69 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:25,600 Speaker 4: can call this person. I'm not going to talk to 70 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,360 Speaker 4: you about this. You have to call Tom. You have 71 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,360 Speaker 4: to call Tom. You have to call Tom. It was 72 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,920 Speaker 4: ugly in the beginning. The last thing I told people 73 00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:34,000 Speaker 4: all the time is when you make that decision. Just 74 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 4: understand it's a donation. You're never going to see it again. 75 00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:39,280 Speaker 4: Whatever I do give, I do not expect back. I 76 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:42,520 Speaker 4: never said that to them, but emotionally that was my 77 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:44,400 Speaker 4: way of dealing with when I didn't get it back. 78 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:47,400 Speaker 2: I could relate to that. Well, first of all, the 79 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:51,360 Speaker 2: accountant thing at that ain't in my league, I'll be 80 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:57,000 Speaker 2: clear clearly. But but Tiff, I don't know about you, 81 00:03:57,080 --> 00:04:00,120 Speaker 2: but when folks, you know, sort of make a in 82 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:02,000 Speaker 2: their mind that you're the one that has the resource 83 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:07,920 Speaker 2: as the relative, and in my opinion, sort of spend 84 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,080 Speaker 2: with the fact that you got their kids and got 85 00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:12,680 Speaker 2: the family and got all that, and it's sort of like, 86 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:15,880 Speaker 2: this is what I need and can you help and 87 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,240 Speaker 2: can I just borrow such and such until next week 88 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:23,080 Speaker 2: or such and such, you know, I like, like Melody 89 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:28,359 Speaker 2: said once, I, once I gave money, even if it 90 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:31,240 Speaker 2: were a quote loan, I made up in my mind 91 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:35,600 Speaker 2: immediately it wasn't coming back. Because early on, when I 92 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:38,719 Speaker 2: really did think people were asking for a loan, and 93 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 2: they really were, next Tuesday, gon't pay me back. And 94 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:43,920 Speaker 2: then I saw them next week on Saturday, and they 95 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:46,960 Speaker 2: were buying themselves some kicks. And in my mind, I'm 96 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:50,360 Speaker 2: now resenting and got I got judgment. Now I'm watching 97 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:52,919 Speaker 2: your spend. I'm watching all of it. And it wasn't 98 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:54,919 Speaker 2: that like I needed the money back so badly. It 99 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,080 Speaker 2: was just the principle of the matter, like you said 100 00:04:57,240 --> 00:05:00,279 Speaker 2: with your whole heart that next week two that you 101 00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:02,719 Speaker 2: were going to do a thing. And it's Saturday, and 102 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:04,400 Speaker 2: you didn't do that thing. You didn't do the thing 103 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:08,320 Speaker 2: you said. But worse you not taking the money. You 104 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:11,000 Speaker 2: should be paying me back and buying shoes and this 105 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:15,920 Speaker 2: and that, and let's go to you know, restaurant X, 106 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:18,760 Speaker 2: Y and Z and get brunch. How you gonna get brunch? 107 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:20,120 Speaker 2: You owe me money? 108 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:20,560 Speaker 4: Right? 109 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:24,720 Speaker 2: So that was that that began to tear at relationships 110 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:27,040 Speaker 2: for me. And I'm talking to you know history forward. 111 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:31,120 Speaker 2: And so it was like, Andrew, you gotta make one 112 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,440 Speaker 2: or two decisions. You either are going to say, no, 113 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:36,040 Speaker 2: I'm not loaning money. I don't give no, I can't 114 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:39,080 Speaker 2: do that, or you're going to say if it is 115 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,800 Speaker 2: a gift, if it's a loan, it's a gift. It 116 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,680 Speaker 2: is make up in your mind you you are never 117 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:47,000 Speaker 2: see it again. And that way I can release it 118 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:50,200 Speaker 2: right when I release the money, that that is gone. 119 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:51,400 Speaker 3: I think that's a good practice. 120 00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:52,760 Speaker 1: So I didn't know we were going to be talking 121 00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:55,920 Speaker 1: about this, but just coincidentally, of course, you know, I'm 122 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:59,600 Speaker 1: writing a book and I write extensively about this U, 123 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:02,080 Speaker 1: So I actually have some data on this and the 124 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:04,559 Speaker 1: challenge with Andrew. As you well know, as a parent, 125 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:07,520 Speaker 1: sometimes you're now put in a position where now you're 126 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:09,919 Speaker 1: taking care of parents and you're taking care of children, 127 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:13,120 Speaker 1: so you're getting bled by both ends, which puts you 128 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:13,760 Speaker 1: in peril. 129 00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:15,000 Speaker 3: So then the cycle continues. 130 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:16,920 Speaker 1: You put your children in a position where they now 131 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:18,760 Speaker 1: have to take care of you and their children. 132 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:21,000 Speaker 3: And it's like, how do you stop right? But many 133 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,279 Speaker 3: of us are doing just that. 134 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:25,039 Speaker 1: So in fact, nearly half of all college educated black 135 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:29,359 Speaker 1: households are taking care of their parents or you know, 136 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:33,440 Speaker 1: putting money back into their family, while just sixteen percent 137 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:37,840 Speaker 1: of college educated white households do the same. And more 138 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:41,640 Speaker 1: than a quarter of Black Americans live in multi generational 139 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:46,479 Speaker 1: homes here, So you look at what we're doing and 140 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:50,600 Speaker 1: also considering the wealth gap. So I write about that, 141 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:52,800 Speaker 1: and it's not just data, but I also write about 142 00:06:52,839 --> 00:06:54,920 Speaker 1: it through my own personal lens and how I live 143 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:55,440 Speaker 1: my life. 144 00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:58,520 Speaker 3: Look, this is one of the challenging things for me. 145 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:01,799 Speaker 3: I am a giver. If I have it, I will 146 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:02,360 Speaker 3: give it. 147 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,359 Speaker 1: And I certainly you know, I have an immediate family 148 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:07,719 Speaker 1: member who I take care of all of her needs 149 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:09,320 Speaker 1: as best I can. 150 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:10,840 Speaker 3: I don't want her to want for anything. 151 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,840 Speaker 1: And then outside of that, I get a little frustrated 152 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:18,400 Speaker 1: because I made certain choices in life and I have 153 00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:22,680 Speaker 1: been a really amazing steward of my own finances. I 154 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:25,600 Speaker 1: have budgeted in a way that I have this pot 155 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:28,720 Speaker 1: of money to live off of every month. And since 156 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:30,400 Speaker 1: since one of the comments in our survey was I 157 00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:32,080 Speaker 1: don't talk about my personal life and tell all my 158 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:33,560 Speaker 1: personal business, I'll tell you. 159 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:35,960 Speaker 3: All a very specific story. 160 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:39,520 Speaker 1: Just recently, I had budgeted where I paid for everything, 161 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:44,320 Speaker 1: all bills are paid, family taken care of, you know, grocery, money, 162 00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:47,440 Speaker 1: going out, money, everything, and I just had a thousand 163 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:51,000 Speaker 1: dollars surplus. You know, this was just free cash for 164 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:56,520 Speaker 1: me to do with whatever. If I wanted to pay 165 00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,200 Speaker 1: for dinner one night, if I wanted to catch a 166 00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:00,240 Speaker 1: train to New York to meet with my public there 167 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,000 Speaker 1: about just whatever nothing silly. 168 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:06,760 Speaker 3: You're a publisher, yeah, or whomever in New York. No, 169 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:08,640 Speaker 3: not the gun. He turns up with the guy. I 170 00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:10,920 Speaker 3: know he will be paying for it if I was 171 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:11,560 Speaker 3: going to see him. 172 00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:14,320 Speaker 1: But me, you know, whatever appointments I might have, is 173 00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:15,680 Speaker 1: to have to go back and forth in New York 174 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,200 Speaker 1: all the time is really expensive. 175 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:19,400 Speaker 3: And so just a thousand not free money. 176 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:22,000 Speaker 1: You know, that's not allocated anywhere, not even to my 177 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:25,400 Speaker 1: going out budget. And just like that, my family hit 178 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:27,920 Speaker 1: me up, I need three hundred dollars. Okay, well that'sk one. 179 00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:30,800 Speaker 1: Another family member, I need three hundred dollars. Okay, well, 180 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:34,120 Speaker 1: now I'm down the six hundred. Then this family needed something. 181 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:36,120 Speaker 1: Well now I'm down to five hundred. And it just 182 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:38,760 Speaker 1: got whittled and whittled until now I have a three 183 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:43,800 Speaker 1: hundred dollars surplus for myself. Now I didn't want for anything. 184 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:46,480 Speaker 1: I was well taken care of. But to be honest, 185 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:50,560 Speaker 1: I did have a little bit of resentment because I 186 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:55,520 Speaker 1: budget my money for that reason, and I do wonder, like, 187 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:59,280 Speaker 1: what are you doing that you're not budgeting your money 188 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:03,640 Speaker 1: and the assumption that you're going to borrow money, And 189 00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:05,840 Speaker 1: I know I'll never see that money again. And then 190 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:07,880 Speaker 1: I also feel like an asshole for asking front of 191 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:12,200 Speaker 1: money because you know, I make my family can't comprehend. 192 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,240 Speaker 1: But I also live in one of the most expensive cities, 193 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:17,360 Speaker 1: so it's not like I'm out here ball and it's like, yeah, 194 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:21,360 Speaker 1: what I pay in rent might be their mortgage for 195 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:24,440 Speaker 1: six months, you know, like, so it might look like 196 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:26,839 Speaker 1: I have this surplus of cash, but I have this 197 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:31,360 Speaker 1: huge bucket of expenses, and I'm never you know, like 198 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:33,360 Speaker 1: the woman who gave me life and never like I 199 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:37,440 Speaker 1: always want her to not have have what she needs, 200 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:42,360 Speaker 1: but have what she wants as well. So I really 201 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:46,800 Speaker 1: appreciate you bringing up this conversation because I don't have kids, 202 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:50,120 Speaker 1: and I can't imagine trying to take care of children. 203 00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:54,720 Speaker 1: But it is exhausting, it's emotionally exhausting, it is financially taxing. 204 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:58,079 Speaker 1: Then there's also those random tax bills that come up, 205 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,319 Speaker 1: and so when you have of you know, I think 206 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:05,240 Speaker 1: some of the income challenges and blessings that we have. 207 00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:06,440 Speaker 3: That's another thing. 208 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:09,320 Speaker 1: It's hard to explain that to family, Like you don't 209 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,800 Speaker 1: understand that I'm paying a lawyer or if I'm collecting 210 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:14,640 Speaker 1: the speaker fee. I'm paying an agent, I'm paying my 211 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:18,040 Speaker 1: speaking agent, I'm paying my overall agent, I'm paying the manager, 212 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:21,480 Speaker 1: I'm paying an assistant. Everything like, there are things that 213 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:25,760 Speaker 1: I budgeted for and I allocated for this. Now, I 214 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:28,120 Speaker 1: don't always feel like there's a lot of consideration to that. 215 00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:29,839 Speaker 1: I mean, I trust some people come to me they 216 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:33,120 Speaker 1: feel bad and they've gone through all the things. But 217 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,240 Speaker 1: I also look back, like god, damn, like when we 218 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,240 Speaker 1: were younger, this is why I was trying to tell 219 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:40,000 Speaker 1: you you should do this this, like make a different decision, 220 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:42,200 Speaker 1: and it didn't happen. 221 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:44,400 Speaker 3: And so I don't know. I just I feel guilty. 222 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:46,240 Speaker 3: I have that middle class guilt for sure. 223 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:58,520 Speaker 2: No, I feel that. I feel that, and sometimes our friends, 224 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:01,280 Speaker 2: family would ever sort of make us feel, you know, 225 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:03,680 Speaker 2: sort of shamed or guilted in some way or another, 226 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:07,000 Speaker 2: because you remember, I gave my last for such and 227 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:08,679 Speaker 2: such and such, and I did my and I know 228 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:13,480 Speaker 2: about those things, so we feel some obligation there. I 229 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,520 Speaker 2: guess if I could, if something could be different about 230 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:19,800 Speaker 2: the dynamic I get. For me, it will probably be 231 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:25,079 Speaker 2: just don't call it alone if you don't really mean 232 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:30,720 Speaker 2: for it. If yeah, it's just something about that that 233 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:35,079 Speaker 2: just don't feel right. Yeah, you feel really taking advantage 234 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:38,160 Speaker 2: of and almost like playing for stupid, like now you 235 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:41,680 Speaker 2: damn well, no, you ain't paid back the last six 236 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:43,719 Speaker 2: and you ain't about to pay back the seventh. And 237 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:48,800 Speaker 2: so don't say it. Stop joshing me. Stop you know, 238 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:53,439 Speaker 2: acting like I was born last night, because that did. 239 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:56,559 Speaker 2: Something about that just doesn't feel honest with the relationship. 240 00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,959 Speaker 2: And that's what I would say. I sort of missed 241 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:03,520 Speaker 2: the most. There was a period in time where I 242 00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:06,160 Speaker 2: just didn't want to take calls from them, you know, 243 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:08,959 Speaker 2: you know, from from from service. I knew what it 244 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:11,440 Speaker 2: was on the other end, and so I was like, 245 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,000 Speaker 2: you know what, I need peace today, Like I just 246 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:16,440 Speaker 2: can't get in the middle of it. And then also 247 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:19,120 Speaker 2: got to a stage where you know, you just need 248 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,960 Speaker 2: to leave a text or voicemail with the amount and 249 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:24,160 Speaker 2: like and then that's done and this is over. Like 250 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,319 Speaker 2: I don't want to have to fake I don't want 251 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:26,440 Speaker 2: to have. 252 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:26,800 Speaker 3: To fake it. 253 00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:30,200 Speaker 2: Don't ask me how I'm doing, how you've been and 254 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:35,600 Speaker 2: you don't mean it. You know, I can see from 255 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:41,640 Speaker 2: the ring, I know it from this the phone vibrates. Yeah, 256 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:45,800 Speaker 2: but I also know that there are people who get 257 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:48,840 Speaker 2: out and they are working job. They are showing up 258 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,040 Speaker 2: to their job, they are working their job. They are 259 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:53,719 Speaker 2: getting the paycheck from the job, and before they can 260 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,480 Speaker 2: cash it, it is already spent on the bills and obligations. 261 00:12:56,600 --> 00:13:01,480 Speaker 2: I know that life all too well. Remember trading, you know, paying, 262 00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 2: you know, robing Peter to pay Paul and then borrowing again, 263 00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:06,920 Speaker 2: you know, off the Paul money in the serp. You 264 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,360 Speaker 2: know to do this. So I don't, I don't. I 265 00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:11,839 Speaker 2: try not to act like I don't know what's going on. 266 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:13,880 Speaker 2: I get it. But then I also wanted the other 267 00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:17,120 Speaker 2: side for you to know that just because you saw 268 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,520 Speaker 2: me on a plane to d C the other day 269 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,199 Speaker 2: and then I was in New York, that ain't my person. 270 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:24,760 Speaker 2: I'm not I'm not out here ball and taking trips 271 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:30,160 Speaker 2: every week. That is life. And it made money, but 272 00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:32,240 Speaker 2: cultivated a story as a. 273 00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:35,400 Speaker 1: Work for somebody else's was putting the build. Yes, but 274 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:38,199 Speaker 1: all they did at the highlights reel and make assumptions 275 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:41,040 Speaker 1: the highlight. But my point is, even if you see 276 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:45,120 Speaker 1: me laying on the bit on the beach in the Maldives, 277 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:47,520 Speaker 1: like so, I budgeted for that I worked for that 278 00:13:47,679 --> 00:13:50,920 Speaker 1: and I get to do that. So it's this is 279 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:54,120 Speaker 1: a sensitive topic. I you know, I didn't know we 280 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:55,760 Speaker 1: were going to talk about this, but it is making 281 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:59,480 Speaker 1: me feel even guilty right now, to be honest, because 282 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:03,760 Speaker 1: I also no, like it's hard, Like there are people 283 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,040 Speaker 1: in my family where, yes, we have the same opportunities, 284 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:08,679 Speaker 1: but we had different coping skills with life, we had 285 00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:13,360 Speaker 1: different goals in life, and so I feel bad that 286 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:17,200 Speaker 1: I made certain decisions that other people did not. But 287 00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:20,960 Speaker 1: what I'm working through is living for myself and choosing 288 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,840 Speaker 1: my joy because I can't carry other people's pains and 289 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:27,640 Speaker 1: it does. It pains me when my family, it's even 290 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:31,760 Speaker 1: if their feelings are hurt, it pains me. And so 291 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:34,240 Speaker 1: when they ask, like it is difficult for me to 292 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:36,720 Speaker 1: say no, actually I saved his money. I wanted to 293 00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:40,000 Speaker 1: get my hair done. You know, Johnny Wright a pretty penny. 294 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:43,000 Speaker 1: I was like, I wanted to get my hair but 295 00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:47,760 Speaker 1: it looks like it but it's like, yeah, I'm paying 296 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:50,000 Speaker 1: a lot of money, but I budgeted to be able 297 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,000 Speaker 1: to pay this money to get my hair done. Or 298 00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:54,480 Speaker 1: I'm you know, speaking at this event and they're not 299 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:56,000 Speaker 1: paying for hair and makeup like that had to come 300 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,360 Speaker 1: out of my own pocket, and so I feel like 301 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,280 Speaker 1: the asshole, and I'm like, damn, you can't pay your 302 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:03,480 Speaker 1: phone bill and I have it, except I want to 303 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:06,120 Speaker 1: go use it to get this fancy haircut. And then 304 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:08,880 Speaker 1: I feel guilty, and then I feel mad that I 305 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,800 Speaker 1: feel guilty about it, and I just and then I 306 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:15,920 Speaker 1: get resentful that I'm forced to feel all yes, yes, 307 00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:19,440 Speaker 1: And so I know what the society has done to 308 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:22,400 Speaker 1: our people. I understand the wealth gap. I understand the 309 00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:26,560 Speaker 1: decisions that our respective families have had to make. I 310 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:30,080 Speaker 1: understand what my uncles and different people in my life 311 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:32,920 Speaker 1: who have given me money and you know, just gifted 312 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:36,960 Speaker 1: me things for surplus just because I was their niece. 313 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:41,640 Speaker 1: But it can be taxing in every possible way. So 314 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:45,520 Speaker 1: I'm curious for our viewers if you guys can if 315 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:51,040 Speaker 1: you are the borrower, what are the circumstances that lead 316 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:56,120 Speaker 1: you to ask your auntie, a sister, a cousin for money? 317 00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:58,080 Speaker 1: Do you pay it back? Do you feel uncomfortable? How 318 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:00,920 Speaker 1: do you handle it? And if you are the one 319 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:04,440 Speaker 1: who is issuing funds to family, how do you guys 320 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:06,280 Speaker 1: handle it? And y'all know I read the comments, but 321 00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:09,120 Speaker 1: I'm also asking just because I want some guidance for 322 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:13,760 Speaker 1: myself as I navigate my own emotions around it. 323 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:16,960 Speaker 3: Uh, how do y'all? How do y'all deal with it? 324 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,000 Speaker 3: And I don't know. 325 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,600 Speaker 1: My parents for the record, like the people give me life, 326 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:24,960 Speaker 1: they just get to, you know, do whatever. 327 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:25,640 Speaker 3: I don't mind that. 328 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:30,320 Speaker 2: If I got it, you got it. Basically, Yeah, yeah. 329 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:35,360 Speaker 2: I think this is a charged topic for a lot 330 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,320 Speaker 2: of us in our community, and we've come by it 331 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:40,600 Speaker 2: the hard way because most of us know it so well, 332 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:43,400 Speaker 2: which is why we find ourselves so obedient to the 333 00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:47,200 Speaker 2: request because at various points in our lives and you know, 334 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:50,320 Speaker 2: God forbid in our future life will we ever find 335 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:52,880 Speaker 2: ourselves on the on the side of need. But I 336 00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:55,040 Speaker 2: will say, if I am ever on the side of need, 337 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,960 Speaker 2: when I have been on the side of need, I've 338 00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:01,280 Speaker 2: made it my creed to pay people, and I like 339 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,480 Speaker 2: to do it right when I say, and I hope 340 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:06,760 Speaker 2: it's the next, very very next week if it can, 341 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,640 Speaker 2: because I know the feeling of i'll pay you back 342 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:11,679 Speaker 2: into I don't ever want. 343 00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:14,120 Speaker 3: To be on that character, and if I can't, I'm 344 00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:15,000 Speaker 3: going to acknowledge it. 345 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,440 Speaker 1: At least I'm going to say, hey, for sure say 346 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:20,160 Speaker 1: something right, but this assumption, I mean, that's just true 347 00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:23,960 Speaker 1: the behavior of men and women, grown adults. 348 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:27,840 Speaker 3: This is how how that goes. So yeah, that's real. 349 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:31,199 Speaker 2: Well, thank y'all for indulging us in this conversation, and 350 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:34,000 Speaker 2: thank you TIF for sharing more of your personal love. 351 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,439 Speaker 2: Although I have to say I disagree with that comment 352 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:40,040 Speaker 2: because I think you are very very vulnerable and open 353 00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:46,800 Speaker 2: about what's well it. Certainly, if you're, you know, doing 354 00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:49,480 Speaker 2: some experimental stuff, you just you just set that camera 355 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:53,160 Speaker 2: up and we'll be the judge of it. Okay, y'all, 356 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:55,240 Speaker 2: thank you for being with us on this, on this 357 00:17:55,359 --> 00:17:57,639 Speaker 2: mini pod. I hope you took something from it, and 358 00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,560 Speaker 2: we are still expecting to get something from you. We 359 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,600 Speaker 2: want to hear your thoughts and reflections on how it 360 00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:02,800 Speaker 2: is you negotiate. 361 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:06,399 Speaker 3: Shared a conversation h with the people people money, ask 362 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:12,399 Speaker 3: them what they think. What's all think about this? 363 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:16,440 Speaker 2: And we kept it brief, So get it in the 364 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:18,720 Speaker 2: group chat. Take care, everybody, Welcome. 365 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,800 Speaker 4: Home, okay. 366 00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:34,160 Speaker 1: Native Lampod is a production of iHeart Radio and partnership 367 00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,840 Speaker 1: with reisent Choice Media. For more podcasts from my heart Radio, 368 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:40,040 Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen 369 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,000 Speaker 1: to your favorite shows.