1 00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:03,840 Speaker 1: This is Latino USA, the radio journal of news and 2 00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:05,440 Speaker 1: Courture Latino US. 3 00:00:05,519 --> 00:00:07,280 Speaker 2: Latin Latino USA. 4 00:00:07,520 --> 00:00:11,120 Speaker 1: I'm Maria Inojosa. We bring you stories that are underreported 5 00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:13,920 Speaker 1: but that mattered to you, overlooked by the rest of 6 00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:14,360 Speaker 1: the media. 7 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:16,320 Speaker 2: And while the country is struggling. 8 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:17,840 Speaker 1: To deal with these, we listen to the stories of 9 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:22,360 Speaker 1: black and Latino studios United, Latino Front, a cultural renaissance 10 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:25,320 Speaker 1: organizing at the forefront of the movement. 11 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:28,560 Speaker 2: I'm Maria Inojosa. Nose bayan. 12 00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:33,879 Speaker 3: As I grow and as I learn boundaries and authentic 13 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:37,320 Speaker 3: realizations without posturing, just being real. There's a lot of 14 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:39,680 Speaker 3: pain that comes with that, and obviously that's going to 15 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:42,960 Speaker 3: form my music in everything and it's emotional. 16 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:51,120 Speaker 1: From futro media and PRX, It's Latino USA. I'm Mariaino 17 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:56,600 Speaker 1: Hosa Today the Art of Growing into Yourself with musician 18 00:00:56,720 --> 00:01:06,679 Speaker 1: LUs Elena Mendosa Ramos. Earlier this year, Latino USA producer 19 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:10,840 Speaker 1: Victoria Strada met up in Mexico City with Louis Elena 20 00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:15,920 Speaker 1: Mendoza Ramos, the indie musician who plays as e LaBamba. 21 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:23,560 Speaker 1: Victoria brings us this piece about searching for ways of 22 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:26,120 Speaker 1: becoming more yourself. 23 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:31,280 Speaker 4: In two thousand and eight, Luis Lena started playing under 24 00:01:31,319 --> 00:01:35,000 Speaker 4: the name Ila Bamba. It was a solo project, just 25 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:39,720 Speaker 4: LUs Elena in their room with a guitar and their cat, Lavamba, 26 00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:42,400 Speaker 4: which they named this music project after. 27 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:48,720 Speaker 3: Goodbye My Love. I told doomns are called. 28 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:54,960 Speaker 4: I first heard Ila Bamba years later with their fourth album, 29 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:59,000 Speaker 4: O Jose Sol, which was released in twenty sixteen, and 30 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:03,280 Speaker 4: by then Lama was a band and sounded completely different 31 00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:04,920 Speaker 4: from those early recordings. 32 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:08,160 Speaker 2: I can't keep up. 33 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:16,919 Speaker 4: Covering the lie coming from it was impactful to hear 34 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:27,120 Speaker 4: Luceelena fronting a band, singing in English and in Spanish. 35 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:38,400 Speaker 4: The songs were complex, was bounding. They talked about their 36 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:46,680 Speaker 4: relationship with their family, and through it all there was 37 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:47,960 Speaker 4: Lucilena's voice. 38 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:48,720 Speaker 2: Then. 39 00:02:52,760 --> 00:03:05,600 Speaker 4: My Luselena Mendosa Ramos is the child of immigrants. Their 40 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:09,480 Speaker 4: parents migrated from southern Mexico to the US in the seventies, 41 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:13,760 Speaker 4: and Lusilena was born in California and then raised in 42 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:14,639 Speaker 4: southern Oregon. 43 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:18,559 Speaker 2: I grew up in like really very tight Mexican communities. 44 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:21,160 Speaker 3: I didn't have like privileges to go hang out with people, 45 00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:24,240 Speaker 3: kids talk on the phone. My parents really were very 46 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:25,960 Speaker 3: conservative and super strict. 47 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:30,560 Speaker 4: In the two thousands, Lusilena moved to Portland. The city 48 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:35,000 Speaker 4: had an influential indie music scene, with bands like Modest 49 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:44,320 Speaker 4: Mouse to Decemberist and She and Him. 50 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:50,240 Speaker 3: Why do you let me say. 51 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:51,240 Speaker 4: What all of these bands have in common? 52 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:55,720 Speaker 3: They're very white being in Portland, and then like starting 53 00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:58,080 Speaker 3: to assimilate in white spaces and coat switching and all 54 00:03:58,120 --> 00:03:59,840 Speaker 3: this stuff, and you don't even know what's going on. 55 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,800 Speaker 3: And then everyone's like, oh my god, this Mexican American 56 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:05,360 Speaker 3: girls new on the block singing these songs. Oh she 57 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:07,880 Speaker 3: sings Mariacci folk, and that's not what I'm doing, you know. 58 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,120 Speaker 3: So it's like I just allowed them to kind of 59 00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:13,720 Speaker 3: define me. I just started to assimilate, and then I 60 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:15,560 Speaker 3: realized these people don't really see me. 61 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:20,800 Speaker 4: LUs Alena doesn't sing Mariacci, but they are influenced by 62 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:24,000 Speaker 4: the music they grew up listening to, like so Wasteko 63 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:35,360 Speaker 4: from Micha Kan or Corridos or Musica Rancera. Then there 64 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:39,040 Speaker 4: was the music of LUs Lena's teenage years, rock, R 65 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:45,880 Speaker 4: and B and pop. After their fourth album, Lusilena took 66 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:51,080 Speaker 4: a break. Then in twenty nineteen they came back with 67 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:53,840 Speaker 4: a new sound, a new band, and a new album 68 00:04:54,000 --> 00:05:05,320 Speaker 4: called Moucherees. The change made it seem like Luis Elena 69 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:06,560 Speaker 4: was searching for something. 70 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:08,839 Speaker 3: I feel like I'm just a repetition of the past. 71 00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:12,160 Speaker 3: I'm just like kind of like this ancestral algorithm. I'm 72 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,280 Speaker 3: taking space in a way that my parents can't, even 73 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:15,520 Speaker 3: if they don't realize it or not. 74 00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:21,440 Speaker 4: After turning forty years old last year, LUs Elena took 75 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:25,400 Speaker 4: their search to Mexico City. Now they're writing about living 76 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:29,719 Speaker 4: in the city, reverse assimilation and being constantly asked where 77 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:30,400 Speaker 4: they're from. 78 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:34,880 Speaker 3: These conversations that about being like Mexican American, you know, 79 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:38,080 Speaker 3: I'm like always trying to find the right time to 80 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:38,920 Speaker 3: talk about that. 81 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:45,039 Speaker 4: I relate to that searching feeling that I found in 82 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:49,160 Speaker 4: LUs Elena's music. I think it comes from not feeling 83 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:53,120 Speaker 4: entirely comfortable anywhere you are. I grew up on the 84 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:56,919 Speaker 4: Howadi Is El Paso border, and as a teen I 85 00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,800 Speaker 4: was more interested in what was happening in the US. 86 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:04,880 Speaker 4: I took road trips to see bands play in Albuquerque 87 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:08,720 Speaker 4: or Phoenix, and some of those were the very same 88 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:15,400 Speaker 4: groups from LUs Elena's Portland music scene. But eventually something changed. 89 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:21,120 Speaker 4: I decided to study Mexican literature in college. I finished 90 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:25,200 Speaker 4: my degree in Mexico and I moved further south and 91 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:41,960 Speaker 4: I'm still here. At the start of this year, Lusilena 92 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:46,120 Speaker 4: announced the release of Ila Bamba's seventh studio album, Lucha, 93 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:50,200 Speaker 4: and then they announced that Ela Bamba would play their 94 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:54,920 Speaker 4: first ever show in Mexico City. I needed to be there, 95 00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:59,919 Speaker 4: so I went to the show and after Lusilena told me. 96 00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:06,839 Speaker 2: Story, how do I even begin. 97 00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:11,560 Speaker 3: My name is Luisa Lena Mendoza Ramos. I'm forty one 98 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:15,440 Speaker 3: years old. I am Chica X, daughter of immigrant parents. 99 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:18,400 Speaker 3: I play music under the La Bamba and I've been 100 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:20,440 Speaker 3: doing that since I was like twenty four years old. 101 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:24,720 Speaker 3: And I am an artist, which is really interesting because 102 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:26,400 Speaker 3: I don't I've never called myself that. 103 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:29,360 Speaker 2: I didn't call myself an artist because I thought it 104 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:30,040 Speaker 2: was for white people. 105 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:33,040 Speaker 3: I thought it was for white American cultured like people, 106 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:35,040 Speaker 3: and I didn't have like chips on. 107 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:38,000 Speaker 2: My shoulder about it. I was like, oh, that's for them. 108 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:41,280 Speaker 3: I think I've just been finding my voice still and 109 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:43,240 Speaker 3: I'm forty one and it's never going to end. 110 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:45,680 Speaker 2: I feel like a late bloomer in that way. So 111 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:46,240 Speaker 2: I don't know. 112 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:47,920 Speaker 3: I don't know how to describe that, but I feel 113 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:51,680 Speaker 3: like it's like the as the world keeps changing, evolving, 114 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:54,680 Speaker 3: and as I keep changing evolving, like my music and 115 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:56,800 Speaker 3: to sound different. But I don't music is just an 116 00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:59,280 Speaker 3: extension of how I express myself. It's not everything that 117 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:10,280 Speaker 3: I am. Understand I just feel like talking about identities 118 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:15,680 Speaker 3: super it's awkward for me. I am my own voice, 119 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:19,680 Speaker 3: but I'm also like my mom's voice. I'm also like 120 00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:22,520 Speaker 3: my thes, you know, like the voice of like my 121 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,880 Speaker 3: family and like the women and just not even just 122 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:34,240 Speaker 3: the culture. As I grow and as I learn boundaries 123 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:38,320 Speaker 3: and authentic realizations without posturing, just being real, there's a 124 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:40,440 Speaker 3: lot of pain that comes with that. And then obviously 125 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,600 Speaker 3: that's going to form my music in everything, and it's 126 00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:48,040 Speaker 3: emotional mental health in particular is something that really comes 127 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:53,200 Speaker 3: up a lot as I'm processing identity and processing my feelings. 128 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:57,199 Speaker 3: It's something that I've been like taking the initiative and 129 00:08:57,360 --> 00:09:00,360 Speaker 3: protecting myself and being as thorough as I can hand 130 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,560 Speaker 3: and if people put me in a pedestal or not, 131 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:07,600 Speaker 3: I'm a person. And one of the challenges is that 132 00:09:07,679 --> 00:09:22,160 Speaker 3: being invisible. Especially music is so vulnerable. If people were 133 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:25,240 Speaker 3: using their emotional intelligence and really hearing the story of 134 00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:29,120 Speaker 3: a queer Mexican American first generation daughter m my core 135 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:31,960 Speaker 3: parents across the border with a through river, you know, 136 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:32,839 Speaker 3: like would really be. 137 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:35,360 Speaker 2: Like, oh, okay, I think I'm listening. I think I 138 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:38,360 Speaker 2: can see this. Would listen to my music, not just like, oh, 139 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:39,400 Speaker 2: look at these sounds. 140 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,679 Speaker 3: Look at the style, but actually see like the struggle 141 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,560 Speaker 3: that I was going through and being around men and 142 00:09:44,559 --> 00:09:47,080 Speaker 3: white people and having them trying them to control my 143 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:50,559 Speaker 3: narrative as a Latin chicanex You know, that has been 144 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:56,440 Speaker 3: a huge challenge for me, muting myself when I shouldn't 145 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:59,520 Speaker 3: have to mute myself. It's a lot to bear when 146 00:09:59,559 --> 00:10:02,000 Speaker 3: you're the one that's cutting the ties of ancestral trauma 147 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:04,560 Speaker 3: and you're making art. And when I hear my music 148 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:09,640 Speaker 3: in the past, I know that obviously Nadi masque grave. 149 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:16,079 Speaker 2: Or whatever, like I remember everything and stuff like that. 150 00:10:17,559 --> 00:10:20,199 Speaker 3: Everyone has a different experience, you know, not every Mexican 151 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:23,360 Speaker 3: American child of immigrant parents has a similar experience. 152 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:26,720 Speaker 2: But this is my experience, and I have felt really 153 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:35,480 Speaker 2: alone for so long thinking of ourself like a child. 154 00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:37,280 Speaker 3: How I. 155 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:42,760 Speaker 2: Remember, I'm forty one. There was a chunk of time 156 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:46,439 Speaker 2: that I didn't have any access to these conversations at all. 157 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:48,400 Speaker 3: I just had to go with it, you know. So 158 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:50,839 Speaker 3: now I'm here, it's like I am going to talk 159 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:52,719 Speaker 3: about it. That is a challenge, and it shouldn't be 160 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:58,240 Speaker 3: a fucking challenge to talk about mental health and art. 161 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:06,600 Speaker 3: This child. I don't want to eat a food, get it, 162 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:11,720 Speaker 3: don't the out. My decision to move to Mexico is 163 00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:14,920 Speaker 3: not to play music, is to really know where that 164 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:15,520 Speaker 3: came from. 165 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:17,320 Speaker 2: I've always been doing the research. 166 00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,720 Speaker 3: You're getting as much as I can get close to 167 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:24,160 Speaker 3: accurate sincere narrative of where my parents actually come from 168 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:26,920 Speaker 3: and what they went through and like the lineagee and everything. 169 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:30,920 Speaker 2: And I decided to mo to Mexico like last year, 170 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:32,319 Speaker 2: and I just did it. 171 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:35,320 Speaker 3: It feels so visceral and scary, you know, because it 172 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:36,960 Speaker 3: is a city, it is Eurocentric. 173 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,480 Speaker 2: It is so much that I had no idea about. 174 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:43,560 Speaker 2: It is a trip. 175 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:47,040 Speaker 3: My parents came over there to survive and to make it, 176 00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:49,760 Speaker 3: and I'm over here trying to like heal these. 177 00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:56,440 Speaker 2: Wounds skip us a nation, and then. 178 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:59,880 Speaker 3: Also getting to see the Latino diaspora here through my 179 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:03,760 Speaker 3: innocence and my eagerness to grow and learn about a 180 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:06,400 Speaker 3: Mexico that my parents never really knew how to teach me. 181 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:07,040 Speaker 2: It's their fault. 182 00:12:07,559 --> 00:12:10,000 Speaker 3: I'm that bridge, and I have that privilege to not 183 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:13,080 Speaker 3: come and learn and do it right, you know, respectfully. 184 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:15,760 Speaker 3: I want to make sure I'm respecting where I come from. 185 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:18,320 Speaker 3: And Mexico City is a trip for me because all 186 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:20,959 Speaker 3: these foreigners are moving to Mexico City and like taking space, 187 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,040 Speaker 3: and I'm like trying to stomach all of that and 188 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:24,959 Speaker 3: see how it makes me feel as I'm living here. 189 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:27,160 Speaker 3: So it makes me feel a certain way when I'm 190 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:29,079 Speaker 3: living over there in the United States, and then I'm 191 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:31,199 Speaker 3: trying to feel what it makes me feel here those 192 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:35,679 Speaker 3: conversations and participating in those conversations, even the chicaismo all that. 193 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:39,240 Speaker 3: I'm like, where does that conversation fit here in Mexico? 194 00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:41,400 Speaker 2: Does it even? Is there a space for it? When 195 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:42,040 Speaker 2: do I share it? 196 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:45,160 Speaker 3: Or is it something that's just going to start tom 197 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:50,840 Speaker 3: you know what I mean. So it's really it's an 198 00:12:50,880 --> 00:13:01,600 Speaker 3: exciting time with music and art. I started this record 199 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:04,920 Speaker 3: during COVID in Portland, and I need to finish this 200 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:07,280 Speaker 3: record in Mexico. It was so important to me, even 201 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:10,240 Speaker 3: I knew that there was going to be like trial 202 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:12,360 Speaker 3: and error and mistakes and here and there, but like 203 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:15,120 Speaker 3: I had to take a chance and I found it 204 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:18,400 Speaker 3: really beautiful Chilean community and they took me in. 205 00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:21,120 Speaker 2: And that was me just taking a risk and throwing 206 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,560 Speaker 2: myself out there and be like, let me just. 207 00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:26,240 Speaker 3: Get to know people without having any like judgment or 208 00:13:26,559 --> 00:13:29,480 Speaker 3: fears or like I just wanted to be I wanted 209 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:31,760 Speaker 3: to throw myself in Mexico City in a way that 210 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:33,640 Speaker 3: I haven't it because I was just like kind of 211 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:34,800 Speaker 3: protecting myself. 212 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:39,840 Speaker 2: Luca means well Luca, So it was a nickname. 213 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:43,160 Speaker 3: I really pair it with like my experience of coming 214 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:47,120 Speaker 3: to Mexico, because everyone started calling me Luca, and I 215 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:49,880 Speaker 3: felt like it was symbol of prosperity in a way. 216 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:51,040 Speaker 2: People are taking me in. 217 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:53,840 Speaker 3: Wow, this is beautiful, and there gave me a nickname 218 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:57,400 Speaker 3: and this is cool. And then obviously Luca means to persevere, 219 00:13:57,559 --> 00:14:00,240 Speaker 3: to fight. This is kind of like a resistancy. It 220 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:03,400 Speaker 3: just made sense and it was like natural, like I'm 221 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:10,160 Speaker 3: gonna call this record lucha. I'm always talking about what 222 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:14,400 Speaker 3: I'm learning about my upbringing and like growth and like 223 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:17,439 Speaker 3: For instance, Nunka is about my mom surviving domestic violence. 224 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:19,760 Speaker 3: I hope that I can die and have the same 225 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:22,400 Speaker 3: strength the way that she has, even though she's like 226 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:26,360 Speaker 3: she's been through so much shit, she has like this 227 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:30,600 Speaker 3: beautiful way of seeing the beauty and such dark shit. 228 00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:41,080 Speaker 3: And the record I include a poem by my mom 229 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:42,400 Speaker 3: is called n Nana's Poem. 230 00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:45,920 Speaker 2: I was tired of being like thank you so and 231 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:46,600 Speaker 2: so and be like. 232 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:50,680 Speaker 3: They're gonna be mad at me, and I was appeasing 233 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:53,880 Speaker 3: white people, white American culture people, and men. For me, 234 00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:56,640 Speaker 3: it is a symbol of how I assimilated and code 235 00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:58,640 Speaker 3: switched that I was like, instead of my thank yous 236 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:02,080 Speaker 3: in my album, I'm gonna put my mom's poem, I'm 237 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:04,320 Speaker 3: gonna put my mom's poem in there, a poem that 238 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,480 Speaker 3: I didn't even know that she even wrote, and that 239 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:09,560 Speaker 3: she's talking about her surviving domestic violence and how she 240 00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:15,040 Speaker 3: felt abandoned by her kids and having my mom's poem 241 00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:24,720 Speaker 3: on that record, even though she's like, you get the vane, 242 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:31,680 Speaker 3: you know, it's like me, she's kind of changing that 243 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,920 Speaker 3: narrative around and just it's kind of like a symbol 244 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:38,920 Speaker 3: of cutting ties with that assimilation that has really hurt me. 245 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:40,760 Speaker 2: It was a symbol of me being like, I'm not 246 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:43,880 Speaker 2: appeasing white people. I'm not doing this anymore. I'm gonna 247 00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:45,000 Speaker 2: put my mom in this record. 248 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:51,480 Speaker 3: And then there's a song walk Along which I wrote 249 00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:54,360 Speaker 3: about a girl, something that I've never done, something that 250 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,920 Speaker 3: I've been a closeted queer person in my community and 251 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,240 Speaker 3: my family. My dad still doesn't know I'm gay. I 252 00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:02,480 Speaker 3: took a chance monoque didn't that, you know, like taking 253 00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:05,760 Speaker 3: a chance to like write about having a queer crush 254 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:06,240 Speaker 3: on a girl. 255 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:08,480 Speaker 2: Oh my god. But that's a big deal for me. 256 00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:10,840 Speaker 3: So I'm writing and being vulnerable and writing about that 257 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:13,960 Speaker 3: in a very shy wake like he hes my wife, 258 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,240 Speaker 3: you know, like it's the Catholic guilt that is still 259 00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:21,720 Speaker 3: it's still in there, you know. I'm always writing about 260 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:25,240 Speaker 3: personal growth, self discovery, stuff like that. And it's really 261 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:29,000 Speaker 3: interesting how I read back interviews or when people make 262 00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:32,680 Speaker 3: the publications and it's something like this, lucilen A Mendoza 263 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:36,760 Speaker 3: so vulnerable, Wow, And I'm like, I'm always vulnerable. Now 264 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:39,280 Speaker 3: I'm like, why are people highlighting this vulnerability in such 265 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:41,720 Speaker 3: a way. It really just shows me that people are 266 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:44,600 Speaker 3: having a hard time being vulnerable. I don't want to 267 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:49,320 Speaker 3: glorify or overly romanticize vulnerability. It's just something that I 268 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:51,800 Speaker 3: hope that we can normalize so it doesn't sound like 269 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:54,920 Speaker 3: this little trinket or this beautiful shiny thing that oh 270 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,600 Speaker 3: my god, this person has that thing. 271 00:16:59,400 --> 00:16:59,880 Speaker 2: I'm happy. 272 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:08,119 Speaker 3: So my album is just an emotional representation of what 273 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:09,760 Speaker 3: I was going through at the time, and I'm sure 274 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:24,280 Speaker 3: the next record. I've been wanting to play Mexico City 275 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:27,760 Speaker 3: like this for a while, but it had to be right. 276 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:31,520 Speaker 3: It had to just come to me, and it just 277 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:35,159 Speaker 3: finally felt right. I thought at first the tour was 278 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:37,879 Speaker 3: going to start with Mexico City being the first, but 279 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,200 Speaker 3: it didn't work out, and I'm glad. 280 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,159 Speaker 2: I think I'm with the ancestors, like, no, let's be 281 00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:43,119 Speaker 2: let's do the last in. 282 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:48,719 Speaker 3: A way that I remember from the show, being very nervous, 283 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:52,800 Speaker 3: very scared, very excited. We also had to change our 284 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:55,960 Speaker 3: set for that show because we were missing a band member, 285 00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:56,720 Speaker 3: and so. 286 00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:58,040 Speaker 2: We had a hustle really fast. 287 00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:01,080 Speaker 3: That's why it was extra even stress fool So what 288 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:02,920 Speaker 3: I was thinking about was how is this going to go? 289 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:06,720 Speaker 2: I didn't think that people were gonna come like that. 290 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:14,840 Speaker 2: I had no idea. It just happened so quick. I 291 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:20,200 Speaker 2: was just like trying to make it. Thank you. 292 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:25,399 Speaker 3: I remember just like boomy Yah looking at like the 293 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:30,600 Speaker 3: band was Gordon, Julia and just Zibo, and I felt 294 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:36,639 Speaker 3: safe with him. All I could think about was like 295 00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:40,440 Speaker 3: I wish my mom and my dad were there. I 296 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,320 Speaker 3: wish like my family was there to see what it 297 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:45,680 Speaker 3: is that I am doing at the capacity that I 298 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:57,879 Speaker 3: have been doing. But I got to see family in 299 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,359 Speaker 3: a way, you know, like I was going to make Hiko. 300 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:03,399 Speaker 3: There were people were there, you know, so I had 301 00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:07,080 Speaker 3: this like big old like I'm here. I did this, 302 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,159 Speaker 3: They're here, we did this. 303 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:23,159 Speaker 4: You got up there and I don't know if you 304 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:26,560 Speaker 4: remember that people started quodam known started singing not I. 305 00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:30,440 Speaker 2: Had my in ear, so I don't hear ship. I know, 306 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:33,639 Speaker 2: I didn't hear anything that would make me so nervous. 307 00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:47,720 Speaker 3: In twenty sixteen for Sola, I've been so alone, like 308 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:49,600 Speaker 3: just talking about my perspective. 309 00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:51,240 Speaker 2: It was like a message and I. 310 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:53,040 Speaker 3: Never thought that it was going to get the response, 311 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,920 Speaker 3: and like I really felt like, oh they found me 312 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:56,440 Speaker 3: I'm seeing. 313 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:06,680 Speaker 2: I feel proud of myself that I did it because 314 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:09,280 Speaker 2: I never thought I would. And I hope that. 315 00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:14,720 Speaker 3: Through this I get to continue to build community, authentic 316 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:18,160 Speaker 3: care and leaning in in the right conversations close to see. 317 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:23,600 Speaker 3: So I am excited to see what's going to happen 318 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,399 Speaker 3: and I feel encouraged. Made me feel very encouraged and 319 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:29,160 Speaker 3: supported in a way that I just hard to accept. 320 00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:34,440 Speaker 3: I'm going to be here as long as Mexico wants 321 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:35,120 Speaker 3: me to be here. 322 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:36,439 Speaker 2: I want to be here. 323 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:39,359 Speaker 3: My intention is to keep my ear close to the 324 00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,679 Speaker 3: ground and really deconstruct. 325 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:45,960 Speaker 2: Shall be again at. 326 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,239 Speaker 4: La IS on tour again. You can check out their 327 00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:03,959 Speaker 4: instagram for information about upcoming shows. 328 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:25,800 Speaker 1: This episode was produced by Victoria Stradra and edited by 329 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:30,320 Speaker 1: Haley Sanchez. It was mixed by Julia Caruso. The Latino 330 00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:35,520 Speaker 1: USA team also includes Andre Lopez Grusado, Marta Martinez, Mike Sargent, 331 00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:39,000 Speaker 1: and Rinaldo leanoz Junior, with help from Gerdi mar Marquez 332 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:43,480 Speaker 1: and Raoul Perezino Josa. Our director of engineering is Stephanie Lebau. 333 00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:48,239 Speaker 1: Additional engineering support by Gabriel Abiaz and JJ Carubin. Our 334 00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:52,560 Speaker 1: marketing manager is Luis Luna. Our theme music was composed 335 00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:56,480 Speaker 1: by Zee Ruinos. I'm your host and executive producer Maria Josa. 336 00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:59,400 Speaker 1: Join us again on our next episode. In the meantime, 337 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:03,560 Speaker 1: look us on your social media and as always, remember. 338 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:05,040 Speaker 2: Yes Joe. 339 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:10,760 Speaker 5: Latino USA is made possible in part by the Heising 340 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:18,000 Speaker 5: Simons Foundation unlocking knowledge, opportunity and possibilities more at hsfoundation 341 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:21,880 Speaker 5: dot org, the John D. And Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation, 342 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:26,880 Speaker 5: and the Ford Foundation working with visionaries on the front 343 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,920 Speaker 5: lines of social change worldwide. 344 00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:34,160 Speaker 2: Does that make sense? 345 00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:37,600 Speaker 4: And then I'm sorry. 346 00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:41,760 Speaker 2: My cry is because the show is Mexico is a 347 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:42,280 Speaker 2: big deal.