Speaker 1: You are answering your question for you. You don't need
Speaker 1: to email me to know the right answer. And this
Speaker 1: is I said something similar on the beginning of this episode,
Speaker 1: but you're you're seeing red flags and then you're continuing
Speaker 1: to ask the question when you already know the answer.
Speaker 1: What's up, everybody, Thanks for coming, Thanks for joining Grangersmith Podcast.
Speaker 1: This is episode one three one. Wherever you came from,
Speaker 1: maybe you came from an Instagram post or TikTok, or
Speaker 1: heard me talk about it on After Midnight or this Smiths.
Speaker 1: Wherever you're listening, whether it's Spotify or YouTube or our
Speaker 1: Apple podcast or whatever your favorite podcast platform is. I'm
Speaker 1: just glad you're here. I love doing this show. I'm
Speaker 1: reading your questions you ask them to me. Send an
Speaker 1: email to Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com, and we
Speaker 1: could talk about any subject. It doesn't have to be music.
Speaker 1: It could be about anything, whatever life throws at you,
Speaker 1: and we're going to talk about it. As though me
Speaker 1: and you are sitting in the cab of a truck
Speaker 1: and we're on a road trip and we've got all
Speaker 1: the time in the world, and you say, hey, man,
Speaker 1: could I run something by you? I've got a question,
Speaker 1: something I've been wrestling with, something I'm excited about, and
Speaker 1: we'll talk about it. I'm not always right, but I'm
Speaker 1: going to tell you my best answer as though me
Speaker 1: and you are friends. And I love this. I love
Speaker 1: this podcast. First question I have here, says Hey Granger,
Speaker 1: my name is coy See. I don't read these ahead
Speaker 1: of time, and I'm from Colorado. My girlfriend of two
Speaker 1: years broke up with me recently, and I'm stuck at
Speaker 1: a crossroads. I've been through heartbreak before, but this one
Speaker 1: feels different. Every time, I feel like I'm moving on
Speaker 1: and doing better. She sees that and then reaches out
Speaker 1: to me. I feel like she's the only She's only
Speaker 1: doing this to make sure that I'm still in love
Speaker 1: with her, But she does not want me to be.
Speaker 1: She does not want to be with me right now,
Speaker 1: and she has made that very clear. She also tells
Speaker 1: me that she still loves me. In my mind. It's
Speaker 1: a right girl, wrong time situation. Should I hang on
Speaker 1: or let go? Okay? This is this is such a
Speaker 1: classic question to jump into the podcast with. First question,
Speaker 1: let me debunk something. There is no such thing as
Speaker 1: right girl, wrong time. That is that's just we have
Speaker 1: said that. How long have humans said that, I don't
Speaker 1: know right girl or right guy, wrong time? That that
Speaker 1: doesn't exist. That doesn't even make sense. Think about it
Speaker 1: for a second. If it was the right person, then
Speaker 1: it would be also the right time. It can't be
Speaker 1: the right person at the wrong time, otherwise it's not
Speaker 1: the right person. If it's the wrong time, then it's
Speaker 1: also the wrong person. I understand that you could think
Speaker 1: about what ifs and could have been and if we
Speaker 1: had met, you know, at this time, or if we
Speaker 1: if we only if we had met when she graduated
Speaker 1: high school in three years, or you know, if I
Speaker 1: could only meet her when I finally finished the academy
Speaker 1: or when I finally get my degree, then I would
Speaker 1: be ready for her. But that's just that's hypothetical, and
Speaker 1: we never We shouldn't speak in hypothetical when we're talking
Speaker 1: about the present. Your questions are about the present, and
Speaker 1: so we only have today. We can only deal with today,
Speaker 1: and so there is no right girl, wrong time, And
Speaker 1: so I want to start with that. That's the last
Speaker 1: thing you said. The second thing I want to talk
Speaker 1: about is she broke up with you. Your heart broken.
Speaker 1: She doesn't want to be with you. You've made that clear.
Speaker 1: She made that clear. You said that in your email.
Speaker 1: She doesn't want to be with you, yet she's reaching
Speaker 1: out to you and touching base with you, kind of
Speaker 1: worried about if you're going to meet somebody. I want
Speaker 1: to tell you that doesn't have anything to do with
Speaker 1: y'all's relationship or with you. This is an insecurity on
Speaker 1: her part because she hasn't found anybody yet. She's looking,
Speaker 1: she's ready to go on a date, and she's really
Speaker 1: this is her ego thinking, am I going to meet
Speaker 1: somebody before he does? Or is he going to meet
Speaker 1: somebody before me? And if he meets somebody, will he
Speaker 1: love her more than me? So that's why she's still
Speaker 1: saying I love you, And there's truth to that. You know,
Speaker 1: love is at all different kinds of levels, and so
Speaker 1: she loves you at some level because of the history
Speaker 1: that y'all have together. But I think this is an
Speaker 1: ego thing with her. I think this is and I'm
Speaker 1: not really calling her out like it's a bad thing.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying this is a natural human ego coming
Speaker 1: out and saying it's a race to see who could
Speaker 1: find the relationship first, and if you do, she really
Speaker 1: wants to know is this new girl better than her?
Speaker 1: Because she wants to she wants to rank herself personally,
Speaker 1: nothing to do with you. She wants to rank herself
Speaker 1: and feel good about herself that she's worthy of the
Speaker 1: next guy. So this is this is all. This is
Speaker 1: a problem, and the problem is stemming with her. So
Speaker 1: because she's not coming back, because she's made it clear
Speaker 1: she don't want to come back, and because you're heartbroken,
Speaker 1: you got to cut this off. Man. That's all there
Speaker 1: is to it. That's my advice. This is the wrong girl,
Speaker 1: wrong time, right. You got to say that to yourself.
Speaker 1: And as hard as as it is to do, you're
Speaker 1: gonna have to block her in your phone or just
Speaker 1: stop replying, whichever one. If you're strong enough to not reply, great,
Speaker 1: If you're not strong enough to not reply, then you
Speaker 1: need a blocker, and you do that right now, and
Speaker 1: you pull up your phone, you pull up her number,
Speaker 1: and your heart's gonna beat and you're gonna think, oh,
Speaker 1: this is terrible. Then you're gonna go boom block and
Speaker 1: then you're not gonna see that stuff anymore. And then
Speaker 1: you're finally gonna be able to heal and move on
Speaker 1: because there's no chance. She's not giving you a chance.
Speaker 1: She's just she's playing with you, dude, She's playing with you.
Speaker 1: I think that's all I have to say. Next question
Speaker 1: says that subject line says advice. It says, Hey Granger,
Speaker 1: your my name is Chase. I'm twenty years old from Oregon.
Speaker 1: I've been listening to your podcast on and off for
Speaker 1: about a year now. I really love hearing all the
Speaker 1: light that you bring into people's lives. I felt called
Speaker 1: to drop out of school temporarily and work full time
Speaker 1: to find myself. But when I did this, I had
Speaker 1: roommate issues and ended up having to move three times
Speaker 1: in one month. My job ended up not being the
Speaker 1: best over the course of the next three months, and
Speaker 1: I fell into a huge financial hole. I have faith
Speaker 1: that I will be back, but how do I get
Speaker 1: my mind to focus on anything other than my finances?
Speaker 1: Thanks a lot, Chase, Yeah, Chase, tough times man, and
Speaker 1: thanks for your email shout out to Oregon. Here's what
Speaker 1: I would say to you, aside from the fact that
Speaker 1: and I'm not doubting you on this, that you are
Speaker 1: you're looking for another job. You're looking for ways to
Speaker 1: double up your income, whether that's working a couple jobs
Speaker 1: or that's just getting a better job. I understand this
Speaker 1: financial hold that you've gotten yourself into. I understand everyone listening,
Speaker 1: including me, has been through these kind of valleys. That's
Speaker 1: just what's going to happen. I mean, maybe there's some
Speaker 1: trust fund babies out there that have never thought about it,
Speaker 1: but that's super rare. Okay, you're going through a financial value.
Speaker 1: Here's my advice. Like I said, besides, you are diligently
Speaker 1: looking for something else, another income stream. Whenever you're struggling,
Speaker 1: and this is not just this is not just your
Speaker 1: financial situation. Whenever you're struggling with something that it's overcoming
Speaker 1: your mind and it's bringing you down and you get
Speaker 1: stuck in a rut. Your brain gets stuck in a
Speaker 1: rut going back and forth to this issue, and this
Speaker 1: issue is affecting your ability to move forward and everything
Speaker 1: else that you do. You have to start having enough
Speaker 1: discipline in yourself. This is gonna sound funny. You need
Speaker 1: to have enough self discipline in yourself to literally schedule
Speaker 1: a time to worry. Okay, and when you're gonna worry.
Speaker 1: You're not worried about tomorrow or next month. You only
Speaker 1: are allowed to worry about today. Today's problems are big
Speaker 1: enough in themselves. Okay, tomorrow has enough worries of its own.
Speaker 1: You can't deal with it. That's biblical. So when I
Speaker 1: say schedule, this is what I mean. You were worried
Speaker 1: about these finances, and you're gonna think about it when
Speaker 1: you wake up, and you're gonn think about it all day,
Speaker 1: and you're gonna think about it when you lay your
Speaker 1: head down in your pillow at night. So you're gonna
Speaker 1: tell yourself, I'm going to worry about this because it's
Speaker 1: a big deal and it's happening today right now. But
Speaker 1: I'm gonna worry about this at three o'clock. Like I said,
Speaker 1: this sounds funny. Do this three o'clock to three fifteen.
Speaker 1: That's my worry about finances time. I'm gonna give myself
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes and I'm gonna dive into this and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna worry about it, and I'm gonna think about it.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna reflect on how I got here.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna think about a plan to get
Speaker 1: out of it. Then this is aside from the fact
Speaker 1: that you're looking for a job in the meantime, But
Speaker 1: this is the time to worry. Three to three fifteen.
Speaker 1: And when three fifteen hits your watch, you tell yourself, well,
Speaker 1: I've already done my worrying for the day about this,
Speaker 1: so I'm not gonna think about it. And at four
Speaker 1: o'clock and five o'clock and six o'clock, when it pops
Speaker 1: back in your brain, you go, I already worry about that.
Speaker 1: I already gave myself the fifteen minutes to dive into
Speaker 1: that kind of stress. And there's nothing more I could
Speaker 1: do right now than I already did in fifteen minutes.
Speaker 1: There's nothing that's gonna help me worry at all anymore
Speaker 1: than the I already did at fifteen minutes. Three to
Speaker 1: three fifteen. Okay, you could do this, make it, make
Speaker 1: it anytime. Ten am, I don't care, ten pm, I
Speaker 1: don't care. Make yourself time if you want, twenty minutes,
Speaker 1: if you need thirty minutes, whatever. I think. Fifteen minutes
Speaker 1: is the first thing that popped in my head. Chase,
Speaker 1: give yourself fifteen minutes and just worry and stress and
Speaker 1: cry and sweat whatever. But when three fifteen rolls around,
Speaker 1: you're done with it. Okay. Nothing else is gonna make
Speaker 1: things better If you worry all day, Okay, it's only
Speaker 1: gonna get worse, and you're gonna you're gonna be inhibited
Speaker 1: by this worry, and that's gonna affect your ability to
Speaker 1: find the next job, the next income stream for you.
Speaker 1: See what happens. Try this and see what happens. Next
Speaker 1: question says subject line dating. Hey, my name is Kate,
Speaker 1: and I've gone out with the guy for a couple
Speaker 1: of dates. But when I try to make plans with
Speaker 1: him now, he says, I'm really busy. I'm always the
Speaker 1: one starting conversations and he only wants to text. Every
Speaker 1: guy seems to do this to me. Is it just
Speaker 1: an excuse, Kate? Yeah, here's the hard answer for you. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's an excuse. It's a major excuse. I'm really busy.
Speaker 1: I'm really You try to make plans with him and
Speaker 1: he says, I'm real busy. Is that not a red flag?
Speaker 1: It is a red flag to everyone that's listening except you,
Speaker 1: and I get it because when you're in it, you
Speaker 1: don't see this huge red flag. Okay, Imagine this, Kate.
Speaker 1: Imagine Imagine the relationship goes to the next level. Imagine
Speaker 1: you get engaged. Imagine you're married, and three years down
Speaker 1: the road of marriage, you can't do anything with him
Speaker 1: because he says I'm real busy. Is that what you want?
Speaker 1: And that happens all the time? Is that what you
Speaker 1: want out of a relationship a guy that says I'm
Speaker 1: real busy. No, it's not. Of course it's not. So
Speaker 1: Why do you think that that's okay at the beginning
Speaker 1: of the very beginning of a relationship, for that to
Speaker 1: be said and for you to understand and that to
Speaker 1: not be just an excuse to not see you. Why
Speaker 1: is that okay? Why are you going to accept that now? No,
Speaker 1: you're not so. Yes, it's an excuse. And no, this
Speaker 1: is not right. This is not right, especially at the
Speaker 1: beginning of relationship. This should be nothing but roses and
Speaker 1: movies and flowers and dinner dates. I mean, he should
Speaker 1: be pouring into you right now. He should be courting
Speaker 1: you right now at the beginning of a relationship, not
Speaker 1: telling you he's real busy. Let him do that in
Speaker 1: ten years, but not now. That's a bad sign. No,
Speaker 1: stay away, from this guy. That's all I have to say.
Speaker 1: Next question, Subdecline says stage Fright question. Hey, grand your
Speaker 1: my name is Cole. I'm twenty five years old from Mississippi.
Speaker 1: Been listening to your podcast for a while. Public speaking
Speaker 1: is becoming a more prominent part of my life as
Speaker 1: I get older, especially for work, school, and church. It
Speaker 1: seems it's a part of nearly everyone's life to some extent.
Speaker 1: The problem is, I am terrified of public speaking, even
Speaker 1: in front of just a few people. For a long time,
Speaker 1: I've tried to dodge it, but I realized I can't
Speaker 1: avoid it forever. I often get thrust into fight to
Speaker 1: fight or flight, and it's difficult for me to get
Speaker 1: my head back into the game and finish speaking. Not
Speaker 1: only is this annoying, but it's also kind of embarrassing,
Speaker 1: especially in front of people. I know. I just get
Speaker 1: the feeling like I'm defeated and I'm a failure. I
Speaker 1: know you do a lot of public speaking and performing,
Speaker 1: and I was curious if you had any advice. Thanks
Speaker 1: in Ee, Cole Buddy, thanks for thanks for the email.
Speaker 1: Great question. Shout out to Mississippi. Yes, of course, of
Speaker 1: course I deal with this still to this day. And
Speaker 1: I've done a lot on stage, so let me walk
Speaker 1: you through kind of a little team to maybe help.
Speaker 1: And before I started, I just want to tell you
Speaker 1: this is a normal feeling. You're human. To get up
Speaker 1: in front of people and to speak is difficult, and
Speaker 1: it's very rare to be born with the ability for
Speaker 1: that not to bother you. And I want to make
Speaker 1: it an argument that it's a good thing that stage
Speaker 1: fright bothers you to some extent. It's a good thing
Speaker 1: because you said fight or flight, Well, we have to
Speaker 1: be able to use that fight or flight for our
Speaker 1: advantage because it's built into our human anatomy for a reason,
Speaker 1: and it's ancient. It goes back to the beginning of humans.
Speaker 1: Is you know, when we're out there and we're hunting
Speaker 1: in the forest and you're going after a deer and
Speaker 1: a jaguar is stalking you. Well, you see a glimpse
Speaker 1: of that jaguar and your eyes widen, you become you know,
Speaker 1: your eyes are dilated, they see perfectly. Your heartbeat increases,
Speaker 1: ready for action. You know, all the blood goes to
Speaker 1: your extremities and you're ready. Your muscle strength increases. All
Speaker 1: this adrenaline is helping you to defend yourself or to
Speaker 1: make the kill. Now, I don't think it's very often
Speaker 1: that we're gonna be chased by jaguars today in twenty
Speaker 1: twenty two, but you could use that to your advantage.
Speaker 1: For instance, you're not gonna get up in a public
Speaker 1: speaking environment and get ready to talk and start daydreaming.
Speaker 1: You're not going to daydream if this adrenaline is kicking in.
Speaker 1: In fact, in my shows, my worst shows by far
Speaker 1: are the times when I get bored and start daydreaming.
Speaker 1: And that's maybe because it's just a very relaxed crowd,
Speaker 1: or I'm just I'm a little too comfortable. And when
Speaker 1: I get a little too comfortable, every time I'll start daydreaming,
Speaker 1: I'll start thinking about, man, I'm hungry, what's for dinner
Speaker 1: after the show? And I will forget the next verse.
Speaker 1: I'll forget the top of the words to the next verse.
Speaker 1: And so I want to use that adrenaline to keep
Speaker 1: me focused, to keep me very present in the moment,
Speaker 1: because your fight or flight that you're talking about, that's
Speaker 1: what that's doing, is keeping you ultimately present. You're perfectly
Speaker 1: present in the moment. You're not thinking about yesterday or
Speaker 1: what you're gonna have for dinner later tonight. You're thinking
Speaker 1: about right now, execute perfectly right now. So first of all,
Speaker 1: use that to your advantage. And then what I want
Speaker 1: to tell you this routine I want to tell you
Speaker 1: about is breathing is so important. So before you go
Speaker 1: on stage, I want you to breathe. Don't forget to breathe.
Speaker 1: Excel all the way till you're told all the air
Speaker 1: is completely out of your diaphragm, and then inhale slowly
Speaker 1: through your nose and then exhale through your mouth slowly.
Speaker 1: So and you're gonna you're gonna want to fight that
Speaker 1: at first because you're gonna want to take these shallow
Speaker 1: breaths and those shallow breasts will increase your anxiety, increase
Speaker 1: your heart rate, and decrease your ability to speak clearly.
Speaker 1: So you want to slow yourself down with breathing. So
Speaker 1: start this routine five or ten minutes before you go
Speaker 1: on stage. Start breathing, and try to avoid too many
Speaker 1: conversations with people on the side of the stage or backstage,
Speaker 1: and you can straight up tell them like hey, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna I'm gonna focus up on what I'm about to do,
Speaker 1: and anyone would understand that I'm about to go on stage.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm gonna focus real quick, and they'd be like, yeah, cool,
Speaker 1: instead of telling you the story that they're about to
Speaker 1: tell you. So breathe walk slowly, okay, And then I
Speaker 1: think this is so important. But when you get on
Speaker 1: stage and you fill that anxiety kicking in, and like
Speaker 1: you said here in your email, not only is it annoying,
Speaker 1: but it's also kind of embarrassing. I would walk up
Speaker 1: on the stage and I would I would say that
Speaker 1: to people because what you're gonna do is you're gonna
Speaker 1: disarm the crowd completely. So instead of looking at Coal,
Speaker 1: who's about to give this speech and they're they're mentally
Speaker 1: judging your ability to do public speaking, you're gonna disarm
Speaker 1: them and you're gonna put yourself up as this vulnerable
Speaker 1: guy that's no different than they are. And you're gonna
Speaker 1: say something like, hey, guys, I'm col and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: give you this speech today, whatever it might be, and
Speaker 1: you're and you're gonna say something like, before I start,
Speaker 1: I want to be completely honest with y'all. I'm a
Speaker 1: little bit nervous. Public speaking makes me nervous, and that
Speaker 1: makes me a little embarrassed. And so uh, if I
Speaker 1: fumble some words here, it's just because I really want
Speaker 1: to say the right thing and I want to do
Speaker 1: this right. This is so important to me today to
Speaker 1: tell you guys what I'm about to say, and I've
Speaker 1: prepared this and because of that, that's made me a
Speaker 1: little bit nervous. And I hope that you could indulge
Speaker 1: me in this, and that completely disarms the crowd. Everyone
Speaker 1: in the crowd just kind of exhales with you, and
Speaker 1: they're like, yeah, man, I don't I get it. I
Speaker 1: would be the same way if I were in your shoes, Cole,
Speaker 1: I would feel the same way. That's what they're going
Speaker 1: to think in the crowd, and then that that's going
Speaker 1: to help you move to the top of your speech.
Speaker 1: Whatever public speaking you're about to do, that works for me.
Speaker 1: I do it a lot. I do it a lot.
Speaker 1: I'll get up if if I feel uncomfortable, I'll just
Speaker 1: go ahead and say it. Guys. I feel nervous today.
Speaker 1: I feel I feel stressed out right now because this
Speaker 1: is out of my wheelhouse a little bit. So just
Speaker 1: go ahead and tell him that Cole, good luck to you.
Speaker 1: Let me know what happens. Email back. Let's grab one
Speaker 1: more and take a break. This subject line says patience
Speaker 1: or pounce. Hey Granger, I know relationship questions are your
Speaker 1: main thing now, but here's gonna here's another one. Lol.
Speaker 1: So I've been talking to this guy and I like him.
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure he likes me. We flirt back and forth,
Speaker 1: but we're both kind of shy. We've talked about going out,
Speaker 1: but we we haven't actually set a time to go out,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to sound very pushy by asking
Speaker 1: him when we are going out. Should I have patience
Speaker 1: and wait it out and see if God puts it
Speaker 1: in motion? Or should I make the first move and
Speaker 1: ask him out instead of date? Thanks so much? So,
Speaker 1: I mean, that's a good question. That's a good this
Speaker 1: is a this is a this is an interesting situation.
Speaker 1: You're both shy when you say should I wait it
Speaker 1: out and see if God puts it in motion? What
Speaker 1: do you What do you think that means? Like? Do
Speaker 1: you think that means God is going to write something
Speaker 1: in the clouds and say ask her out? Doesn't God
Speaker 1: doesn't work like that. He doesn't. He works through people.
Speaker 1: So a lot of times he works through our passions.
Speaker 1: Our desires are once as long as they're righteous, he
Speaker 1: works through that. And so this feeling that you're having, like, man,
Speaker 1: I like this guy. I could see he likes me,
Speaker 1: and I could also tell we're both shy, and I
Speaker 1: don't know when this is going to happen. How do
Speaker 1: you know that that's not God working through you to
Speaker 1: put for you to put it in motion. I don't
Speaker 1: think it causes any problem or it's any harm for
Speaker 1: you to tell them one time, Hey, there's this coffee
Speaker 1: shop downtown that I've been going to. I think it's great,
Speaker 1: and would you want to go and grab some coffee
Speaker 1: with me, say three o'clock, and to see what he says.
Speaker 1: I mean, you're putting it out to him. It's not
Speaker 1: there's no pressure to that. And you could even say
Speaker 1: there's no pressure, but I really I dig the vibe
Speaker 1: of this coffee shop and there's there's one coffee I
Speaker 1: really like to get, and I want to know if
Speaker 1: you want to go with me today this afternoon and
Speaker 1: see what he says. I mean, if he's a shy guy,
Speaker 1: that might be exactly what he wanted to hear. He
Speaker 1: might say yes, and then I think when he says
Speaker 1: yes and you guys go for coffee, I think that
Speaker 1: builds his confidence to then make the next move and
Speaker 1: ask you to do something later. If you want to
Speaker 1: be more specific than an opening in coffee, then you
Speaker 1: could say, Hey, there's this movie that I've been really
Speaker 1: wanting to see and I was thinking about going. It
Speaker 1: shows at seven pm at the theater, and I'm going
Speaker 1: to go at seven and do you think you want
Speaker 1: to go with me? Make it specific, make a specific
Speaker 1: time in a specific place, and bring it up. No pressure.
Speaker 1: But I think this is I think that's a good thing.
Speaker 1: I don't think there's anything wrong with you doing that.
Speaker 1: Let's take a break and bear right back. If you
Speaker 1: have a question for this podcast, email me Grangersmith Podcast
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. I'll put it in the queue.
Speaker 1: It could be about any subject. We could talk about
Speaker 1: anything you want. I'm not always right, but I'll tell
Speaker 1: you as though we are friends and we have a
Speaker 1: long time to discuss it. I'll give you what I
Speaker 1: think about the situation, so don't take it to heart.
Speaker 1: I'm not a therapist. I'm not a psychologist, just I'm
Speaker 1: your friend. We'll look at it that way. Next question
Speaker 1: in que here says you may have a podcast already
Speaker 1: done on this, but how do I let go and
Speaker 1: let God? My wife is a God believer and always
Speaker 1: tells me stop stressing and let God work. But how
Speaker 1: do I do this? My stressing and worrying about finances
Speaker 1: and work takes a toll on my wife. Any marriage
Speaker 1: advice about God and stress would be good. So interesting question,
Speaker 1: interesting in the way that you worded it. And I'll
Speaker 1: tell you why you're asking me advice about God. But
Speaker 1: you're saying it's because your God. Your wife is a
Speaker 1: God believer, but not you. At least you didn't say that,
Speaker 1: but you kind of hinted that your wife is the
Speaker 1: one that is telling you this. And so I'll answer
Speaker 1: the question the way you asked it first. Okay, the
Speaker 1: way I'll answer it for you in your words is
Speaker 1: there is no God. This is something your wife believes
Speaker 1: but you don't. And the world is full of stress,
Speaker 1: and it's full of anxiety, and there's a lot of
Speaker 1: finances to worry about, and there's a lot of marriage
Speaker 1: problems to worry about. Sorry, buddy, that's my answer. But
Speaker 1: if I'm going to answer it the way I think
Speaker 1: you want to hear it, I'm going to say, if
Speaker 1: you believe in God, which is the starting point in this,
Speaker 1: then this is what you would believe, maybe the way
Speaker 1: your wife does. You would believe that if there is
Speaker 1: a God of the Bible, then he created everything. He
Speaker 1: created the universe, He created the world as we know it,
Speaker 1: He ordained the fall, He ordained the problems that surround us. Why, well,
Speaker 1: I would suggest to you if he didn't create ordain
Speaker 1: allow I should say, the problems, then what would make
Speaker 1: life sweet at all? If there was only light, then
Speaker 1: why would light be any different than dark if you
Speaker 1: didn't have a reference to dark. But by bringing in
Speaker 1: the darkness, it makes the light that much more beautiful.
Speaker 1: It makes the light that much more worth living in
Speaker 1: because there's darkness. See, if you only lived in light,
Speaker 1: you wouldn't have a reference to what darkness was, and
Speaker 1: it wouldn't matter. The light wouldn't be special, It would
Speaker 1: just be would be bland. So I use the analogy
Speaker 1: of football. If you take an NFL team that struggles
Speaker 1: in the season with injuries and losses and weather and
Speaker 1: locker room problems. But they come together and they fight
Speaker 1: through it, and they unite, and they put their their
Speaker 1: sweat and blood and tears into the season and they
Speaker 1: go all the way to the super Bowl and they
Speaker 1: win it. How much sweeter is that trophy when they
Speaker 1: hold it up? How much better does it feel to
Speaker 1: have the victory when you when you overcame so much
Speaker 1: diversity as opposed to a team that holds up a trophy,
Speaker 1: They never had any diversity or losses or injuries or problems.
Speaker 1: It was just easy. The trophy doesn't matter. The finish
Speaker 1: line doesn't matter at that point like it does with
Speaker 1: the with the adversity. So I would say that that
Speaker 1: would first of all, help better explain the fallenness of
Speaker 1: the world and why it's here. And then you could think, well,
Speaker 1: if he created all this, then he also created me,
Speaker 1: and he also created my wife, and he also has
Speaker 1: a plan for me and a purpose for me. And
Speaker 1: if he has a purpose for me, if he created
Speaker 1: the beginning, then he also understands the end and he
Speaker 1: purposed that too, And he sees the whole picture. He
Speaker 1: sees the beginning, he sees the struggle, he sees the end,
Speaker 1: and it's always good because everything that He does is good.
Speaker 1: According to the Bible, everything God does has a purpose,
Speaker 1: has a meaning, and it's always good. And his definition
Speaker 1: of good, it's not always ours because we can't see
Speaker 1: the end. We can't see the final result. When we
Speaker 1: discipline a child, Right, we discipline a little kid, we
Speaker 1: spank him. That kid cannot see very much past the
Speaker 1: spanking and the pain of the spanking. Right, But as
Speaker 1: the parent, we see that the spanking is good and
Speaker 1: that the end result is obedience, and the end result
Speaker 1: of obedience is a better life and more discipline and
Speaker 1: a better path to better things. Right, that's what we
Speaker 1: see as parents, But a kid can't see it. And we,
Speaker 1: in God's eyes, we are the kids. We can't see
Speaker 1: past these immediate problems. So when you when your wife says,
Speaker 1: let go and let God, it's it's the simple fact
Speaker 1: of understanding, Hey, God, God brought me into existence. He's
Speaker 1: purposing where I am right now, and he has a
Speaker 1: plan for the end goal for me. And that simple
Speaker 1: thought you could I'm not saying that. I'm not saying
Speaker 1: I don't have stress or I don't have worries, but
Speaker 1: understanding that gives you a sense of peace that nothing
Speaker 1: else can like. Man, this is this is crazy right now,
Speaker 1: this is stressful. Right now, I'm so worried. But God
Speaker 1: knows how this is going to end, and he has
Speaker 1: a good purpose for that. That's what your wife's talking about.
Speaker 1: You don't have to believe that. And if you don't,
Speaker 1: if you don't believe that at all, Man, that life
Speaker 1: is tough, then you have no fallback. It's just random existence,
Speaker 1: and anything that happens is just random. It's just part
Speaker 1: of amiebas that just spawned out of nothing, out of
Speaker 1: gases that turned into rocks that somehow turned into life,
Speaker 1: and it has no purpose. It's just all random and meaningless.
Speaker 1: But your wife is trying to tell you that everything
Speaker 1: has meaning, everything has purpose. So you have two paths
Speaker 1: to take, and you don't have to be super spiritual
Speaker 1: or super deep or an overthinker to see simply that
Speaker 1: in this world, these two choices are pretty clear random
Speaker 1: random chaos or or somebody some being planned this. When
Speaker 1: you see anything beautiful and you look at it and
Speaker 1: you just go, man, how in the world did this
Speaker 1: come into existence? How did an eyeball come into existence?
Speaker 1: How did the Grand Canyon, or a flower so detailed,
Speaker 1: a snowflake with all the millions of chambers in the snowflake.
Speaker 1: How did this just randomly happen? It couldn't And there's
Speaker 1: no way. There's just no way. Like I said, you
Speaker 1: don't have to be a deep thinker to come up
Speaker 1: to that conclusion. Right. That's where we are. That's my
Speaker 1: answer for you. Next question, Subjecline says addictions. Hey, grangdeer,
Speaker 1: I'm fifteen. I'm from Midwest Michigan. I'm battling an Arizona
Speaker 1: Arnold Palmer addiction. It gets worse daily. My body is
Speaker 1: relying on the caffeine and the tea. If I go
Speaker 1: a day without it, my body doesn't function well. But
Speaker 1: the days when I do drink it, I get shaky
Speaker 1: and constantly have to use the bathroom or get overhydrated.
Speaker 1: Every day. I'm not sure what to do. I appreciate
Speaker 1: you reading this. Have a great day, Stephen. Stephen. First
Speaker 1: of all, I don't know a lot about Arizona Arnold
Speaker 1: Parmel addiction. So this is one of these situations where
Speaker 1: you're gonna need medical advice from a professional. And then,
Speaker 1: and then I would encourage you to seek wise counsel
Speaker 1: in that circle. So you find other people that have
Speaker 1: gone through this, are currently going through it, and you
Speaker 1: seek them out and you become part of their community.
Speaker 1: We could just be YouTube, right, it could be a
Speaker 1: YouTube community, or it could be you're actually physically in
Speaker 1: a place with them and you say, this is what
Speaker 1: I'm dealing with, and you need someone that says, yes,
Speaker 1: I feel you. I've been there, guys. This goes with anything,
Speaker 1: not just this specific subject. I've been there, I've struggled,
Speaker 1: this is what I did, this is what I tried
Speaker 1: that failed, and this is what I did that ended
Speaker 1: up working. And this is where I am today, and
Speaker 1: you find comfort in that community. We need community as humans,
Speaker 1: So seek out this White's Council, seek out medical professional advice.
Speaker 1: And then if you're just talking about caffeine addiction or
Speaker 1: any kind of chemical addiction, we can't go cold turkey
Speaker 1: and quit it. We can't just say I'm gonna wake
Speaker 1: up tomorrow and not do any caffeine at all at all,
Speaker 1: because you're gonna have withdrawals, chemical withdrawals. So what I
Speaker 1: would encourage you to do for my non medical advice
Speaker 1: is start keeping a daily journal. And there's apps that
Speaker 1: can do this, or you could just do it straight
Speaker 1: on your notes on your phone. But I would keep
Speaker 1: a journal of how much caffeine you're taking in and
Speaker 1: record it. And I'm talking to the milligram. So you
Speaker 1: have a cup of coffee and you go there's there's
Speaker 1: one hundred grams of right there, one hundred milligrams of
Speaker 1: caffeine right there. And then you have an energy drink
Speaker 1: or a coke or whatever, and you record it accordingly
Speaker 1: in your phone. Precisely. Do this for a couple days.
Speaker 1: Don't change anything in your life. Just do this for
Speaker 1: a couple of days, maybe a week, and then go
Speaker 1: back and look at the week, and then add up
Speaker 1: the milligrams and then divide it and find out your
Speaker 1: average daily intake of caffeine. And then when Monday rolls
Speaker 1: around the next Monday and you have your week's average,
Speaker 1: then slowly start pulling that average down. So say you
Speaker 1: have five hundred milligrams a day average, start the Monday
Speaker 1: and go today, I'm going to record everything precisely, and
Speaker 1: I'm going to do four hundred milligrams today. And when
Speaker 1: you hit four hundred, you don't touch anything else after that,
Speaker 1: and you could spread it out over the course of
Speaker 1: the day if you want, so that your last cup
Speaker 1: of whatever comes later in the day, and you could
Speaker 1: spread it out so it's not all in the morning.
Speaker 1: And then the next week and then record that week,
Speaker 1: and then the next week after that, you're gonna cut
Speaker 1: down to three hundred, and you're gonna and when you
Speaker 1: journal this and you're writing down the milligrams, also write
Speaker 1: down how you're currently feeling, so that on week one,
Speaker 1: when you say this is three hundred milligrams, I'm three
Speaker 1: hundred milligrams in and I feel shaky, and then write
Speaker 1: that every day, so you're you're not only getting the
Speaker 1: average of how much you're taking, but you're you're getting
Speaker 1: the average of how you're feeling. Also the next week,
Speaker 1: do the same thing. Week three, you're cutting down to
Speaker 1: three hundred. Week four, cut down to two hundred, and
Speaker 1: continue journaling. So maybe at two hundred you say I'm
Speaker 1: having some kind of withdrawt my body's not functioning right now,
Speaker 1: and this is two hundred. So next week I'm gonna
Speaker 1: bump it up to two fifty and then journal two
Speaker 1: fifty and you say I'm still not functioning on two fifty.
Speaker 1: So on week five, I'm going to two seventy five
Speaker 1: and try to find try to find that place where
Speaker 1: you go, Okay, this is this is pretty good. Actually
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not shaking, and I'm also functioning. I'm
Speaker 1: at a pretty good level right now. This is while
Speaker 1: you're also seeking medical advice and the community of people
Speaker 1: that have the same thing you do. This is good.
Speaker 1: This is good not only for caffeine, but it could
Speaker 1: be good for any kind of addiction or eating or
Speaker 1: I mean, you might be having a gluten intolerance, okay,
Speaker 1: and you could do the same thing with gluten. We
Speaker 1: don't have to say you got to be drinking a
Speaker 1: lot of water. You got to be drinking a lot
Speaker 1: of water. You said that you're you're overhydrating, but it's
Speaker 1: it's not the good kind of hydrating if you're getting
Speaker 1: that much caffeine. So I'm talking about straight water. And
Speaker 1: I would recommend a glass of water for every glass
Speaker 1: of caffeine drink. So one cup of coffee followed by
Speaker 1: a cup of water. That's not going to help you
Speaker 1: go into the bathroom deal. And that's just that this
Speaker 1: is what you're going to be dealing with. But I
Speaker 1: don't think you're overhydrating in the right way. I think
Speaker 1: you're overhydrating in a negative way to your body. That's
Speaker 1: about all I could say about this subject because I
Speaker 1: don't know a lot about it. But buddy, thank you
Speaker 1: for emailing and shout out to Michigan. Keep in touch, man,
Speaker 1: let me know what's going on. Okay, next question, subject
Speaker 1: line says he's moving is letting him go best? Hey Grangeer,
Speaker 1: I'm twenty one years old and my gym crush is moving.
Speaker 1: We've been out of out on a couple of dates
Speaker 1: and stuff, and me and him have painted this picture
Speaker 1: that we could possibly move into something more. I've asked
Speaker 1: him what am I to him, and he said he
Speaker 1: doesn't want to get into a relationship right now because
Speaker 1: he's wanting to have his own apartment and his dogs.
Speaker 1: I don't know when he's moving, but I knew that
Speaker 1: before we started. There's a lot more to this email.
Speaker 1: Well do I need to continue? That's my question. He
Speaker 1: said to me that if we're going to get into
Speaker 1: a relationship, he knows he isn't going to give me
Speaker 1: his best right now. And I said the same that
Speaker 1: I'm not ready, but I saw myself getting attached, so
Speaker 1: I figured it was best for us to not continue
Speaker 1: seeing each other right now. What's a good decision. You
Speaker 1: are answering your question for you. You don't need to
Speaker 1: email me to know the right answer. And this is
Speaker 1: I said something similar on the beginning of this episode.
Speaker 1: But you're seeing red flags and then you're continuing to
Speaker 1: ask the question when you already know the answer. Let
Speaker 1: me ask you this. Take yourself out of it, take
Speaker 1: the situation out of it, and let me just straight
Speaker 1: up ask you a question. Hey, if there's a guy
Speaker 1: you like and you want to go on a date
Speaker 1: with him, and he says, I don't want to get
Speaker 1: into really relationship right now because I really love my
Speaker 1: apartment and my dogs, would you please tell me if
Speaker 1: that's a red flag? Would you please tell me if
Speaker 1: this is going to go anywhere. That's an honest question.
Speaker 1: I'm asking your question back to you. Is that gonna work?
Speaker 1: He likes his dogs. That's the worst excuse I've ever heard.
Speaker 1: That's an absolutely terrible excuse to not get into relationship.
Speaker 1: I've heard a thousand better ones. But he likes his
Speaker 1: apartment and his dogs. Is that's ridiculous. No, this is
Speaker 1: not This is not good. It's not that he's a
Speaker 1: bad guy. It's just a bad excuse. He doesn't like you,
Speaker 1: And if he is, he's just playing with you. He's
Speaker 1: leading you on because it feels good to him to
Speaker 1: have someone that's that's all about him right now. No,
Speaker 1: let him go, let him move, and don't reach out
Speaker 1: to him. If he all of a sudden wakes up
Speaker 1: one day and figures out that you're the love of
Speaker 1: his life and dogs don't matter as much, he's gonna
Speaker 1: come back, or he's gonna pay for your plane ticket
Speaker 1: to go to him. But no, you're not gonna fall
Speaker 1: for this excuse. If he likes his dogs, I'm not
Speaker 1: saying it's a bad thing to like dogs. He just
Speaker 1: he's straight up told you. He's straight up told you
Speaker 1: he likes his dogs better than you. No, no, get
Speaker 1: away from this guy. All right, let's let's move on
Speaker 1: down the queue. Here, sepen Cline says confidence, Hey Granger,
Speaker 1: my name is Keegan, fifteen years old from a small
Speaker 1: town in northwest Iowa. I'm in a rough time right now.
Speaker 1: I'm overweight. I'm trying to get back on the right
Speaker 1: track and keep myself and keep finding myself in the
Speaker 1: same spot. And I keep going through these low spots,
Speaker 1: and I have not one single bit of confidence, as
Speaker 1: was wondering if you if you know how to regain
Speaker 1: confidence in myself. Well, first of all, Keegan, thank you,
Speaker 1: thanks for the email shout out to Iowa. You are
Speaker 1: a fifteen brother, and this is normal for you to
Speaker 1: think this. You have a lot more growing to do,
Speaker 1: a lot more developing to do from fifteen to twenty five,
Speaker 1: and you're going to be shocked at how much you're
Speaker 1: going to grow mentally, how much more discipline you're going
Speaker 1: to get, how much more confidence is going to grow
Speaker 1: in these next ten years. I know that doesn't help
Speaker 1: you very much, but don't dwell on this right now
Speaker 1: at fifteen, your confidence will come me as a fifteen
Speaker 1: year old looking back, Hegan me, as a fifteen year old,
Speaker 1: go Lee. That was so I was so insecure and
Speaker 1: had so little amount of confidence. But where does confidence
Speaker 1: come from? It comes from living life and failing and
Speaker 1: achieving and failing and failing and failing and achieving and
Speaker 1: failing times five and achieving, and you grow confidence through
Speaker 1: that knowing I know what it's like to fail. I'm
Speaker 1: failing at this right now, but that's okay. I've failed
Speaker 1: many times and I've also succeeded, and it's worth failing
Speaker 1: so that I can get to the next success. And
Speaker 1: you do this pattern enough time, Keegan, you are going
Speaker 1: to grow profoundly in your confidence level with yourself. Don't
Speaker 1: dwell on this right now. What I would recommend is
Speaker 1: lean into your friends. Find a group. Maybe you're thinking
Speaker 1: I don't have friends. Start making friends. How do I
Speaker 1: do that? Start with things that you like to do, hobbies,
Speaker 1: books that you like to read. Find people that like
Speaker 1: that book. Movies that you like to watch, Find people
Speaker 1: that like to watch that movie. A sport that you
Speaker 1: like to play, Find people that play that sport or
Speaker 1: whatever hobby fill in the blank. Find people that are
Speaker 1: like minded to you, that have the same interesting you.
Speaker 1: Find them and latch onto them and tell them tell
Speaker 1: them what you told me. Say, Hey, do any of
Speaker 1: y'all struggle with having low confidence? I struggle with that,
Speaker 1: trying to find myself, trying to get on the right path,
Speaker 1: and I'm trying to build up my confidence. And watch
Speaker 1: what happens to a group when someone else goes same, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm the same, and you go, really like, what tell
Speaker 1: me an example? When they tell you an example, and
Speaker 1: you go, I feel that. I feel that, Kegan right,
Speaker 1: Community is everything. It's the same thing with the guy
Speaker 1: with Arnold Palmer. You find a group that could understand
Speaker 1: where you're coming from. But you also need to know
Speaker 1: Kegan that you're fifteen, and this is going to change.
Speaker 1: When you're sixteen, you're gonna have more confidence than fifteen.
Speaker 1: When you're eighteen, you're gonna have way more confidence than
Speaker 1: when you are fifteen, when you're twenty one, when you're
Speaker 1: twenty five, and by the time you get to thirty,
Speaker 1: you are a different person because you've lived it and
Speaker 1: you've learned through the living. That's where confidence comes from.
Speaker 1: You can't find it anywhere else besides living it, and
Speaker 1: you will. Okay, thanks for email. All right, let's hit
Speaker 1: one more here. Subject line says I got a lot
Speaker 1: going on. Hey Granger, I love your music. My name
Speaker 1: is Alex Rodriguez. I'm eighteen years old. I recently tore
Speaker 1: my acl and meniscus on my birthday. I lost a
Speaker 1: couple of scholarships, and then my girlfriend left me and
Speaker 1: then I got diagnosed with skin cancer and I can't
Speaker 1: find happiness anymore. Yeah, I could smile, but I struggled
Speaker 1: just being happy. And I try to keep a strong mentality,
Speaker 1: but man, I'm slowly losing it. Is there anything you'd
Speaker 1: recommend to do, Alex? Thanks for the email, Brother eighteen.
Speaker 1: You got a lot going on right now. Man. You
Speaker 1: got some torn up knees, you've got a bad relationship,
Speaker 1: you have a cancer scare. It's understandable that you're going
Speaker 1: to ask me this question. But what I would tell
Speaker 1: you is is going to be so simple that you
Speaker 1: only have today, Alex, because tomorrow is not guaranteed. All
Speaker 1: of us have an expiration date at some point, and
Speaker 1: we don't have a guarantee on anything past today. So
Speaker 1: I would find I would search for what you're grateful
Speaker 1: for in today, because right now your gratefulness has now
Speaker 1: fallen below your expectations of how you're supposed to be living.
Speaker 1: You're thinking, I'm supposed to have scholarships, I'm supposed to
Speaker 1: have healthy needs, I'm supposed to have a good girlfriend.
Speaker 1: I'm supposed to be completely healthy with no cancer in
Speaker 1: my body. But that's what you expect so your expectations
Speaker 1: have risen above the gratefulness that you're feeling for your
Speaker 1: life today. So how do you find gratefulness. Well, let's
Speaker 1: go back to journaling. I would start, I would start
Speaker 1: a gratefulness journal. Every morning up and you go, you
Speaker 1: pull out that piece of paper pen and you say, today,
Speaker 1: I'm grateful that I woke up this morning and I've
Speaker 1: got another chance at today. I'm grateful that the sun's
Speaker 1: out and it's seventy degrees. It's really nice, it's not hot,
Speaker 1: it's not cold. I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful that
Speaker 1: I have my family. My family keeps me alive, and
Speaker 1: I love that. I'm grateful that I feel pretty good today,
Speaker 1: even though I have this diagnosis, I have these torn
Speaker 1: up knees. You not feel pretty good today, And as
Speaker 1: you start recording this gratefulness journal, you start raising your
Speaker 1: gratefulness above what you expected to be today instead of thinking, ah,
Speaker 1: I've got all this bad stuff today. So raise your
Speaker 1: gratefulness and aim low. If you can't find gratefulness, keep
Speaker 1: aiming lower lower. If your whole body hurts you right,
Speaker 1: you could find gratefulness that my hands don't hurt my
Speaker 1: knees hurt, my chest hurts, my head or I got
Speaker 1: a headache, my feet are aching. But hey, my hands,
Speaker 1: my hands don't have any pain. Hey, that's aiming low
Speaker 1: for your gratefulness. That's finding something, and that's something to
Speaker 1: build on. So build that foundation of gratefulness with little
Speaker 1: things if you can't find the big ones, and then
Speaker 1: I will say, this day will pass, This will pass
Speaker 1: for you, Okay, So live in today, live in this moment,
Speaker 1: because this moment's going to pass, and there's good times
Speaker 1: ahead of you. How do I know that because we
Speaker 1: have a human tradition of being resilient. You have a
Speaker 1: long history, a long heritage of people before you, Alex,
Speaker 1: that made it through tough times, that made it through
Speaker 1: impossible times that seemed impossible, and they made it. You
Speaker 1: have a history, a heritage, a legacy of that human culture.
Speaker 1: We always find a way, We always do. And so
Speaker 1: that's why I know that you will too, and the
Speaker 1: sun's gonna come up again and you'll feel better. I
Speaker 1: appreciate you guys. We'll see you next Monday. Gee, thanks
Speaker 1: for joining me on the Granger Smith podcast. I appreciate
Speaker 1: all of you guys. You could help me out by
Speaker 1: rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe
Speaker 1: to this channel. Hit that little like button and notification
Speaker 1: spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video.
Speaker 1: If you have a question for me that you would
Speaker 1: like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com,
Speaker 1: yig