WEBVTT - #131 Why do you ignore these red flags? 0:00:00.320 --> 0:00:03.520 You are answering your question for you. You don't need 0:00:03.560 --> 0:00:06.000 to email me to know the right answer. And this 0:00:06.080 --> 0:00:09.360 is I said something similar on the beginning of this episode, 0:00:10.400 --> 0:00:15.400 but you're you're seeing red flags and then you're continuing 0:00:15.440 --> 0:00:22.560 to ask the question when you already know the answer. 0:00:29.880 --> 0:00:33.440 What's up, everybody, Thanks for coming, Thanks for joining Grangersmith Podcast. 0:00:33.440 --> 0:00:37.000 This is episode one three one. Wherever you came from, 0:00:37.120 --> 0:00:39.519 maybe you came from an Instagram post or TikTok, or 0:00:39.560 --> 0:00:41.880 heard me talk about it on After Midnight or this Smiths. 0:00:42.400 --> 0:00:45.760 Wherever you're listening, whether it's Spotify or YouTube or our 0:00:45.840 --> 0:00:49.760 Apple podcast or whatever your favorite podcast platform is. I'm 0:00:49.760 --> 0:00:52.240 just glad you're here. I love doing this show. I'm 0:00:52.280 --> 0:00:55.080 reading your questions you ask them to me. Send an 0:00:55.120 --> 0:00:58.800 email to Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com, and we 0:00:58.840 --> 0:01:01.960 could talk about any subject. It doesn't have to be music. 0:01:02.000 --> 0:01:04.360 It could be about anything, whatever life throws at you, 0:01:04.440 --> 0:01:06.560 and we're going to talk about it. As though me 0:01:06.560 --> 0:01:08.119 and you are sitting in the cab of a truck 0:01:08.360 --> 0:01:10.640 and we're on a road trip and we've got all 0:01:10.680 --> 0:01:12.520 the time in the world, and you say, hey, man, 0:01:12.520 --> 0:01:14.920 could I run something by you? I've got a question, 0:01:15.080 --> 0:01:18.840 something I've been wrestling with, something I'm excited about, and 0:01:18.880 --> 0:01:21.000 we'll talk about it. I'm not always right, but I'm 0:01:21.000 --> 0:01:23.800 going to tell you my best answer as though me 0:01:23.840 --> 0:01:27.280 and you are friends. And I love this. I love 0:01:27.319 --> 0:01:31.080 this podcast. First question I have here, says Hey Granger, 0:01:31.120 --> 0:01:35.080 my name is coy See. I don't read these ahead 0:01:35.080 --> 0:01:37.880 of time, and I'm from Colorado. My girlfriend of two 0:01:37.920 --> 0:01:40.160 years broke up with me recently, and I'm stuck at 0:01:40.160 --> 0:01:43.440 a crossroads. I've been through heartbreak before, but this one 0:01:43.520 --> 0:01:46.080 feels different. Every time, I feel like I'm moving on 0:01:46.160 --> 0:01:48.440 and doing better. She sees that and then reaches out 0:01:48.520 --> 0:01:51.640 to me. I feel like she's the only She's only 0:01:51.680 --> 0:01:53.400 doing this to make sure that I'm still in love 0:01:53.440 --> 0:01:55.880 with her, But she does not want me to be. 0:01:56.120 --> 0:01:57.680 She does not want to be with me right now, 0:01:57.920 --> 0:01:59.920 and she has made that very clear. She also tells 0:01:59.920 --> 0:02:03.400 me that she still loves me. In my mind. It's 0:02:03.440 --> 0:02:05.920 a right girl, wrong time situation. Should I hang on 0:02:06.040 --> 0:02:12.440 or let go? Okay? This is this is such a 0:02:12.480 --> 0:02:15.680 classic question to jump into the podcast with. First question, 0:02:16.639 --> 0:02:19.600 let me debunk something. There is no such thing as 0:02:19.720 --> 0:02:24.480 right girl, wrong time. That is that's just we have 0:02:24.600 --> 0:02:27.120 said that. How long have humans said that, I don't 0:02:27.120 --> 0:02:32.320 know right girl or right guy, wrong time? That that 0:02:32.360 --> 0:02:34.800 doesn't exist. That doesn't even make sense. Think about it 0:02:34.840 --> 0:02:38.040 for a second. If it was the right person, then 0:02:38.080 --> 0:02:40.520 it would be also the right time. It can't be 0:02:41.240 --> 0:02:44.040 the right person at the wrong time, otherwise it's not 0:02:44.200 --> 0:02:48.079 the right person. If it's the wrong time, then it's 0:02:48.160 --> 0:02:52.280 also the wrong person. I understand that you could think 0:02:52.280 --> 0:02:55.800 about what ifs and could have been and if we 0:02:55.880 --> 0:02:57.840 had met, you know, at this time, or if we 0:02:57.880 --> 0:03:00.799 if we only if we had met when she graduated 0:03:01.160 --> 0:03:05.840 high school in three years, or you know, if I 0:03:05.840 --> 0:03:09.560 could only meet her when I finally finished the academy 0:03:09.840 --> 0:03:13.560 or when I finally get my degree, then I would 0:03:13.600 --> 0:03:17.240 be ready for her. But that's just that's hypothetical, and 0:03:17.320 --> 0:03:20.919 we never We shouldn't speak in hypothetical when we're talking 0:03:20.919 --> 0:03:24.400 about the present. Your questions are about the present, and 0:03:24.440 --> 0:03:27.080 so we only have today. We can only deal with today, 0:03:28.200 --> 0:03:31.600 and so there is no right girl, wrong time, And 0:03:32.600 --> 0:03:34.520 so I want to start with that. That's the last 0:03:34.520 --> 0:03:37.360 thing you said. The second thing I want to talk 0:03:37.400 --> 0:03:42.680 about is she broke up with you. Your heart broken. 0:03:44.000 --> 0:03:46.320 She doesn't want to be with you. You've made that clear. 0:03:46.480 --> 0:03:48.760 She made that clear. You said that in your email. 0:03:49.400 --> 0:03:53.560 She doesn't want to be with you, yet she's reaching 0:03:53.600 --> 0:03:57.840 out to you and touching base with you, kind of 0:03:57.880 --> 0:04:00.520 worried about if you're going to meet somebody. I want 0:04:00.520 --> 0:04:03.480 to tell you that doesn't have anything to do with 0:04:03.600 --> 0:04:07.760 y'all's relationship or with you. This is an insecurity on 0:04:07.800 --> 0:04:11.840 her part because she hasn't found anybody yet. She's looking, 0:04:12.640 --> 0:04:16.160 she's ready to go on a date, and she's really 0:04:16.279 --> 0:04:19.680 this is her ego thinking, am I going to meet 0:04:19.720 --> 0:04:21.720 somebody before he does? Or is he going to meet 0:04:21.760 --> 0:04:24.919 somebody before me? And if he meets somebody, will he 0:04:25.000 --> 0:04:27.200 love her more than me? So that's why she's still 0:04:27.200 --> 0:04:29.560 saying I love you, And there's truth to that. You know, 0:04:29.600 --> 0:04:31.480 love is at all different kinds of levels, and so 0:04:31.520 --> 0:04:34.200 she loves you at some level because of the history 0:04:34.240 --> 0:04:37.040 that y'all have together. But I think this is an 0:04:37.080 --> 0:04:39.840 ego thing with her. I think this is and I'm 0:04:39.880 --> 0:04:41.480 not really calling her out like it's a bad thing. 0:04:41.480 --> 0:04:44.920 I'm just saying this is a natural human ego coming 0:04:44.920 --> 0:04:47.280 out and saying it's a race to see who could 0:04:47.279 --> 0:04:51.119 find the relationship first, and if you do, she really 0:04:51.120 --> 0:04:53.560 wants to know is this new girl better than her? 0:04:53.920 --> 0:04:57.280 Because she wants to she wants to rank herself personally, 0:04:57.320 --> 0:04:59.479 nothing to do with you. She wants to rank herself 0:05:00.040 --> 0:05:02.920 and feel good about herself that she's worthy of the 0:05:02.960 --> 0:05:06.080 next guy. So this is this is all. This is 0:05:06.120 --> 0:05:09.919 a problem, and the problem is stemming with her. So 0:05:10.960 --> 0:05:13.240 because she's not coming back, because she's made it clear 0:05:13.279 --> 0:05:15.039 she don't want to come back, and because you're heartbroken, 0:05:15.360 --> 0:05:18.240 you got to cut this off. Man. That's all there 0:05:18.320 --> 0:05:21.760 is to it. That's my advice. This is the wrong girl, 0:05:21.800 --> 0:05:24.640 wrong time, right. You got to say that to yourself. 0:05:25.120 --> 0:05:27.800 And as hard as as it is to do, you're 0:05:27.839 --> 0:05:30.479 gonna have to block her in your phone or just 0:05:30.520 --> 0:05:35.080 stop replying, whichever one. If you're strong enough to not reply, great, 0:05:35.520 --> 0:05:37.479 If you're not strong enough to not reply, then you 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:39.760 need a blocker, and you do that right now, and 0:05:39.800 --> 0:05:41.560 you pull up your phone, you pull up her number, 0:05:42.000 --> 0:05:44.280 and your heart's gonna beat and you're gonna think, oh, 0:05:44.360 --> 0:05:48.680 this is terrible. Then you're gonna go boom block and 0:05:48.720 --> 0:05:50.440 then you're not gonna see that stuff anymore. And then 0:05:50.560 --> 0:05:52.919 you're finally gonna be able to heal and move on 0:05:53.040 --> 0:05:55.480 because there's no chance. She's not giving you a chance. 0:05:56.200 --> 0:05:58.960 She's just she's playing with you, dude, She's playing with you. 0:06:01.000 --> 0:06:07.599 I think that's all I have to say. Next question 0:06:07.680 --> 0:06:09.880 says that subject line says advice. It says, Hey Granger, 0:06:09.880 --> 0:06:12.320 your my name is Chase. I'm twenty years old from Oregon. 0:06:12.400 --> 0:06:14.000 I've been listening to your podcast on and off for 0:06:14.000 --> 0:06:15.800 about a year now. I really love hearing all the 0:06:15.880 --> 0:06:19.440 light that you bring into people's lives. I felt called 0:06:19.600 --> 0:06:22.120 to drop out of school temporarily and work full time 0:06:22.160 --> 0:06:24.920 to find myself. But when I did this, I had 0:06:25.000 --> 0:06:28.000 roommate issues and ended up having to move three times 0:06:28.000 --> 0:06:31.039 in one month. My job ended up not being the 0:06:31.120 --> 0:06:33.000 best over the course of the next three months, and 0:06:33.040 --> 0:06:36.640 I fell into a huge financial hole. I have faith 0:06:36.680 --> 0:06:38.840 that I will be back, but how do I get 0:06:38.920 --> 0:06:43.080 my mind to focus on anything other than my finances? 0:06:43.120 --> 0:06:47.880 Thanks a lot, Chase, Yeah, Chase, tough times man, and 0:06:47.920 --> 0:06:52.279 thanks for your email shout out to Oregon. Here's what 0:06:52.320 --> 0:06:56.360 I would say to you, aside from the fact that 0:06:57.760 --> 0:06:59.680 and I'm not doubting you on this, that you are 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:02.680 you're looking for another job. You're looking for ways to 0:07:03.720 --> 0:07:06.760 double up your income, whether that's working a couple jobs 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:11.480 or that's just getting a better job. I understand this 0:07:11.600 --> 0:07:15.960 financial hold that you've gotten yourself into. I understand everyone listening, 0:07:16.000 --> 0:07:19.720 including me, has been through these kind of valleys. That's 0:07:19.960 --> 0:07:22.720 just what's going to happen. I mean, maybe there's some 0:07:22.760 --> 0:07:25.000 trust fund babies out there that have never thought about it, 0:07:25.040 --> 0:07:28.960 but that's super rare. Okay, you're going through a financial value. 0:07:29.400 --> 0:07:35.560 Here's my advice. Like I said, besides, you are diligently 0:07:36.320 --> 0:07:42.280 looking for something else, another income stream. Whenever you're struggling, 0:07:42.320 --> 0:07:44.280 and this is not just this is not just your 0:07:44.360 --> 0:07:51.280 financial situation. Whenever you're struggling with something that it's overcoming 0:07:51.440 --> 0:07:55.559 your mind and it's bringing you down and you get 0:07:55.600 --> 0:07:57.640 stuck in a rut. Your brain gets stuck in a 0:07:57.720 --> 0:08:02.120 rut going back and forth to this issue, and this 0:08:02.280 --> 0:08:06.640 issue is affecting your ability to move forward and everything 0:08:06.640 --> 0:08:12.920 else that you do. You have to start having enough 0:08:12.960 --> 0:08:17.880 discipline in yourself. This is gonna sound funny. You need 0:08:17.920 --> 0:08:21.040 to have enough self discipline in yourself to literally schedule 0:08:21.480 --> 0:08:25.680 a time to worry. Okay, and when you're gonna worry. 0:08:25.880 --> 0:08:29.320 You're not worried about tomorrow or next month. You only 0:08:29.360 --> 0:08:34.320 are allowed to worry about today. Today's problems are big 0:08:34.400 --> 0:08:38.760 enough in themselves. Okay, tomorrow has enough worries of its own. 0:08:38.880 --> 0:08:42.720 You can't deal with it. That's biblical. So when I 0:08:42.760 --> 0:08:46.360 say schedule, this is what I mean. You were worried 0:08:46.360 --> 0:08:48.760 about these finances, and you're gonna think about it when 0:08:48.800 --> 0:08:50.200 you wake up, and you're gonn think about it all day, 0:08:50.200 --> 0:08:51.680 and you're gonna think about it when you lay your 0:08:51.720 --> 0:08:54.120 head down in your pillow at night. So you're gonna 0:08:54.120 --> 0:08:58.000 tell yourself, I'm going to worry about this because it's 0:08:58.000 --> 0:09:00.280 a big deal and it's happening today right now. But 0:09:00.320 --> 0:09:04.920 I'm gonna worry about this at three o'clock. Like I said, 0:09:04.960 --> 0:09:09.680 this sounds funny. Do this three o'clock to three fifteen. 0:09:11.200 --> 0:09:14.520 That's my worry about finances time. I'm gonna give myself 0:09:14.559 --> 0:09:17.520 fifteen minutes and I'm gonna dive into this and I'm 0:09:17.559 --> 0:09:19.200 gonna worry about it, and I'm gonna think about it. 0:09:19.240 --> 0:09:21.720 I'm gonna I'm gonna reflect on how I got here. 0:09:22.040 --> 0:09:24.080 I'm gonna I'm gonna think about a plan to get 0:09:24.080 --> 0:09:27.120 out of it. Then this is aside from the fact 0:09:27.120 --> 0:09:29.200 that you're looking for a job in the meantime, But 0:09:29.320 --> 0:09:31.240 this is the time to worry. Three to three fifteen. 0:09:31.280 --> 0:09:36.240 And when three fifteen hits your watch, you tell yourself, well, 0:09:36.960 --> 0:09:38.800 I've already done my worrying for the day about this, 0:09:39.679 --> 0:09:41.880 so I'm not gonna think about it. And at four 0:09:41.880 --> 0:09:44.080 o'clock and five o'clock and six o'clock, when it pops 0:09:44.080 --> 0:09:46.160 back in your brain, you go, I already worry about that. 0:09:47.120 --> 0:09:50.440 I already gave myself the fifteen minutes to dive into 0:09:50.480 --> 0:09:53.760 that kind of stress. And there's nothing more I could 0:09:53.800 --> 0:09:56.520 do right now than I already did in fifteen minutes. 0:09:56.559 --> 0:10:00.760 There's nothing that's gonna help me worry at all anymore 0:10:01.120 --> 0:10:03.160 than the I already did at fifteen minutes. Three to 0:10:03.200 --> 0:10:06.360 three fifteen. Okay, you could do this, make it, make 0:10:06.400 --> 0:10:09.719 it anytime. Ten am, I don't care, ten pm, I 0:10:09.800 --> 0:10:13.040 don't care. Make yourself time if you want, twenty minutes, 0:10:13.080 --> 0:10:17.200 if you need thirty minutes, whatever. I think. Fifteen minutes 0:10:17.280 --> 0:10:19.600 is the first thing that popped in my head. Chase, 0:10:19.880 --> 0:10:23.160 give yourself fifteen minutes and just worry and stress and 0:10:23.240 --> 0:10:27.280 cry and sweat whatever. But when three fifteen rolls around, 0:10:27.360 --> 0:10:31.800 you're done with it. Okay. Nothing else is gonna make 0:10:31.840 --> 0:10:35.120 things better If you worry all day, Okay, it's only 0:10:35.160 --> 0:10:37.840 gonna get worse, and you're gonna you're gonna be inhibited 0:10:37.920 --> 0:10:40.720 by this worry, and that's gonna affect your ability to 0:10:40.760 --> 0:10:43.440 find the next job, the next income stream for you. 0:10:44.520 --> 0:10:50.600 See what happens. Try this and see what happens. Next 0:10:50.679 --> 0:10:54.960 question says subject line dating. Hey, my name is Kate, 0:10:55.480 --> 0:10:57.199 and I've gone out with the guy for a couple 0:10:57.200 --> 0:10:59.360 of dates. But when I try to make plans with 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:03.760 him now, he says, I'm really busy. I'm always the 0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:07.000 one starting conversations and he only wants to text. Every 0:11:07.000 --> 0:11:08.920 guy seems to do this to me. Is it just 0:11:08.960 --> 0:11:15.680 an excuse, Kate? Yeah, here's the hard answer for you. Yes, 0:11:16.120 --> 0:11:21.000 it's an excuse. It's a major excuse. I'm really busy. 0:11:21.679 --> 0:11:23.439 I'm really You try to make plans with him and 0:11:23.520 --> 0:11:27.000 he says, I'm real busy. Is that not a red flag? 0:11:27.280 --> 0:11:30.120 It is a red flag to everyone that's listening except you, 0:11:30.200 --> 0:11:32.440 and I get it because when you're in it, you 0:11:32.480 --> 0:11:36.640 don't see this huge red flag. Okay, Imagine this, Kate. 0:11:36.720 --> 0:11:41.200 Imagine Imagine the relationship goes to the next level. Imagine 0:11:41.240 --> 0:11:45.600 you get engaged. Imagine you're married, and three years down 0:11:45.600 --> 0:11:48.960 the road of marriage, you can't do anything with him 0:11:48.960 --> 0:11:51.600 because he says I'm real busy. Is that what you want? 0:11:52.480 --> 0:11:55.199 And that happens all the time? Is that what you 0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:59.000 want out of a relationship a guy that says I'm 0:11:59.040 --> 0:12:02.280 real busy. No, it's not. Of course it's not. So 0:12:03.040 --> 0:12:05.480 Why do you think that that's okay at the beginning 0:12:05.640 --> 0:12:07.960 of the very beginning of a relationship, for that to 0:12:08.040 --> 0:12:10.960 be said and for you to understand and that to 0:12:11.080 --> 0:12:14.040 not be just an excuse to not see you. Why 0:12:14.080 --> 0:12:17.000 is that okay? Why are you going to accept that now? No, 0:12:17.120 --> 0:12:20.760 you're not so. Yes, it's an excuse. And no, this 0:12:20.920 --> 0:12:23.920 is not right. This is not right, especially at the 0:12:23.960 --> 0:12:28.360 beginning of relationship. This should be nothing but roses and 0:12:28.480 --> 0:12:32.680 movies and flowers and dinner dates. I mean, he should 0:12:32.679 --> 0:12:36.240 be pouring into you right now. He should be courting 0:12:36.280 --> 0:12:38.160 you right now at the beginning of a relationship, not 0:12:38.200 --> 0:12:40.560 telling you he's real busy. Let him do that in 0:12:40.600 --> 0:12:43.880 ten years, but not now. That's a bad sign. No, 0:12:44.640 --> 0:12:47.760 stay away, from this guy. That's all I have to say. 0:12:50.920 --> 0:12:55.600 Next question, Subdecline says stage Fright question. Hey, grand your 0:12:55.600 --> 0:12:58.120 my name is Cole. I'm twenty five years old from Mississippi. 0:12:58.120 --> 0:13:01.120 Been listening to your podcast for a while. Public speaking 0:13:01.200 --> 0:13:03.680 is becoming a more prominent part of my life as 0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:07.920 I get older, especially for work, school, and church. It 0:13:08.040 --> 0:13:11.200 seems it's a part of nearly everyone's life to some extent. 0:13:11.280 --> 0:13:15.440 The problem is, I am terrified of public speaking, even 0:13:15.480 --> 0:13:17.280 in front of just a few people. For a long time, 0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:19.600 I've tried to dodge it, but I realized I can't 0:13:19.600 --> 0:13:23.040 avoid it forever. I often get thrust into fight to 0:13:23.160 --> 0:13:25.880 fight or flight, and it's difficult for me to get 0:13:25.880 --> 0:13:28.679 my head back into the game and finish speaking. Not 0:13:28.720 --> 0:13:31.520 only is this annoying, but it's also kind of embarrassing, 0:13:31.600 --> 0:13:34.560 especially in front of people. I know. I just get 0:13:34.600 --> 0:13:37.480 the feeling like I'm defeated and I'm a failure. I 0:13:37.520 --> 0:13:39.200 know you do a lot of public speaking and performing, 0:13:39.240 --> 0:13:41.160 and I was curious if you had any advice. Thanks 0:13:41.160 --> 0:13:45.440 in Ee, Cole Buddy, thanks for thanks for the email. 0:13:45.559 --> 0:13:51.120 Great question. Shout out to Mississippi. Yes, of course, of 0:13:51.160 --> 0:13:53.960 course I deal with this still to this day. And 0:13:54.000 --> 0:13:58.240 I've done a lot on stage, so let me walk 0:13:58.280 --> 0:14:02.120 you through kind of a little team to maybe help. 0:14:02.679 --> 0:14:04.400 And before I started, I just want to tell you 0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:07.280 this is a normal feeling. You're human. To get up 0:14:07.320 --> 0:14:11.920 in front of people and to speak is difficult, and 0:14:12.600 --> 0:14:15.080 it's very rare to be born with the ability for 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:16.880 that not to bother you. And I want to make 0:14:16.880 --> 0:14:20.080 it an argument that it's a good thing that stage 0:14:20.080 --> 0:14:22.440 fright bothers you to some extent. It's a good thing 0:14:23.120 --> 0:14:27.520 because you said fight or flight, Well, we have to 0:14:27.520 --> 0:14:29.760 be able to use that fight or flight for our 0:14:29.880 --> 0:14:33.840 advantage because it's built into our human anatomy for a reason, 0:14:34.600 --> 0:14:38.760 and it's ancient. It goes back to the beginning of humans. 0:14:38.840 --> 0:14:41.320 Is you know, when we're out there and we're hunting 0:14:41.360 --> 0:14:46.160 in the forest and you're going after a deer and 0:14:46.640 --> 0:14:50.720 a jaguar is stalking you. Well, you see a glimpse 0:14:50.760 --> 0:14:54.600 of that jaguar and your eyes widen, you become you know, 0:14:54.640 --> 0:14:58.720 your eyes are dilated, they see perfectly. Your heartbeat increases, 0:14:58.880 --> 0:15:01.880 ready for action. You know, all the blood goes to 0:15:01.920 --> 0:15:05.800 your extremities and you're ready. Your muscle strength increases. All 0:15:05.880 --> 0:15:11.520 this adrenaline is helping you to defend yourself or to 0:15:11.560 --> 0:15:15.680 make the kill. Now, I don't think it's very often 0:15:15.720 --> 0:15:17.920 that we're gonna be chased by jaguars today in twenty 0:15:17.960 --> 0:15:21.000 twenty two, but you could use that to your advantage. 0:15:21.440 --> 0:15:26.000 For instance, you're not gonna get up in a public 0:15:26.080 --> 0:15:31.440 speaking environment and get ready to talk and start daydreaming. 0:15:32.360 --> 0:15:35.960 You're not going to daydream if this adrenaline is kicking in. 0:15:36.120 --> 0:15:41.240 In fact, in my shows, my worst shows by far 0:15:41.880 --> 0:15:44.359 are the times when I get bored and start daydreaming. 0:15:45.080 --> 0:15:47.760 And that's maybe because it's just a very relaxed crowd, 0:15:47.920 --> 0:15:50.280 or I'm just I'm a little too comfortable. And when 0:15:50.280 --> 0:15:53.880 I get a little too comfortable, every time I'll start daydreaming, 0:15:53.880 --> 0:15:56.920 I'll start thinking about, man, I'm hungry, what's for dinner 0:15:56.920 --> 0:16:00.000 after the show? And I will forget the next verse. 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:02.480 I'll forget the top of the words to the next verse. 0:16:03.200 --> 0:16:05.880 And so I want to use that adrenaline to keep 0:16:05.880 --> 0:16:08.800 me focused, to keep me very present in the moment, 0:16:08.840 --> 0:16:11.600 because your fight or flight that you're talking about, that's 0:16:11.680 --> 0:16:16.240 what that's doing, is keeping you ultimately present. You're perfectly 0:16:16.320 --> 0:16:19.560 present in the moment. You're not thinking about yesterday or 0:16:19.560 --> 0:16:21.960 what you're gonna have for dinner later tonight. You're thinking 0:16:22.000 --> 0:16:26.640 about right now, execute perfectly right now. So first of all, 0:16:26.760 --> 0:16:30.280 use that to your advantage. And then what I want 0:16:30.280 --> 0:16:31.520 to tell you this routine I want to tell you 0:16:31.520 --> 0:16:34.720 about is breathing is so important. So before you go 0:16:34.760 --> 0:16:39.440 on stage, I want you to breathe. Don't forget to breathe. 0:16:39.800 --> 0:16:42.400 Excel all the way till you're told all the air 0:16:42.480 --> 0:16:46.480 is completely out of your diaphragm, and then inhale slowly 0:16:46.880 --> 0:16:50.200 through your nose and then exhale through your mouth slowly. 0:16:50.280 --> 0:16:55.040 So and you're gonna you're gonna want to fight that 0:16:55.080 --> 0:16:56.720 at first because you're gonna want to take these shallow 0:16:56.800 --> 0:17:00.560 breaths and those shallow breasts will increase your anxiety, increase 0:17:00.560 --> 0:17:04.959 your heart rate, and decrease your ability to speak clearly. 0:17:05.600 --> 0:17:08.840 So you want to slow yourself down with breathing. So 0:17:09.320 --> 0:17:12.359 start this routine five or ten minutes before you go 0:17:12.440 --> 0:17:17.000 on stage. Start breathing, and try to avoid too many 0:17:17.080 --> 0:17:19.920 conversations with people on the side of the stage or backstage, 0:17:20.000 --> 0:17:21.399 and you can straight up tell them like hey, I'm 0:17:21.400 --> 0:17:24.320 gonna I'm gonna focus up on what I'm about to do, 0:17:24.720 --> 0:17:27.400 and anyone would understand that I'm about to go on stage. 0:17:27.400 --> 0:17:29.600 I'm I'm gonna focus real quick, and they'd be like, yeah, cool, 0:17:29.680 --> 0:17:31.480 instead of telling you the story that they're about to 0:17:31.480 --> 0:17:36.840 tell you. So breathe walk slowly, okay, And then I 0:17:36.920 --> 0:17:38.639 think this is so important. But when you get on 0:17:38.640 --> 0:17:42.840 stage and you fill that anxiety kicking in, and like 0:17:42.880 --> 0:17:45.719 you said here in your email, not only is it annoying, 0:17:45.720 --> 0:17:49.200 but it's also kind of embarrassing. I would walk up 0:17:49.200 --> 0:17:52.560 on the stage and I would I would say that 0:17:53.359 --> 0:17:56.040 to people because what you're gonna do is you're gonna 0:17:56.040 --> 0:17:59.760 disarm the crowd completely. So instead of looking at Coal, 0:18:00.119 --> 0:18:03.240 who's about to give this speech and they're they're mentally 0:18:03.320 --> 0:18:07.400 judging your ability to do public speaking, you're gonna disarm 0:18:07.480 --> 0:18:11.119 them and you're gonna put yourself up as this vulnerable 0:18:11.160 --> 0:18:14.400 guy that's no different than they are. And you're gonna 0:18:14.400 --> 0:18:18.640 say something like, hey, guys, I'm col and I'm gonna 0:18:18.640 --> 0:18:20.919 give you this speech today, whatever it might be, and 0:18:20.960 --> 0:18:24.280 you're and you're gonna say something like, before I start, 0:18:24.320 --> 0:18:28.280 I want to be completely honest with y'all. I'm a 0:18:28.280 --> 0:18:32.879 little bit nervous. Public speaking makes me nervous, and that 0:18:32.960 --> 0:18:35.639 makes me a little embarrassed. And so uh, if I 0:18:35.720 --> 0:18:38.880 fumble some words here, it's just because I really want 0:18:38.920 --> 0:18:40.919 to say the right thing and I want to do 0:18:41.000 --> 0:18:43.800 this right. This is so important to me today to 0:18:43.880 --> 0:18:46.040 tell you guys what I'm about to say, and I've 0:18:46.119 --> 0:18:48.879 prepared this and because of that, that's made me a 0:18:48.920 --> 0:18:52.800 little bit nervous. And I hope that you could indulge 0:18:52.800 --> 0:18:56.760 me in this, and that completely disarms the crowd. Everyone 0:18:56.800 --> 0:19:00.159 in the crowd just kind of exhales with you, and 0:19:00.160 --> 0:19:02.679 they're like, yeah, man, I don't I get it. I 0:19:02.680 --> 0:19:05.520 would be the same way if I were in your shoes, Cole, 0:19:05.520 --> 0:19:07.000 I would feel the same way. That's what they're going 0:19:07.080 --> 0:19:09.359 to think in the crowd, and then that that's going 0:19:09.440 --> 0:19:12.960 to help you move to the top of your speech. 0:19:13.320 --> 0:19:17.040 Whatever public speaking you're about to do, that works for me. 0:19:17.160 --> 0:19:19.080 I do it a lot. I do it a lot. 0:19:19.119 --> 0:19:22.960 I'll get up if if I feel uncomfortable, I'll just 0:19:22.960 --> 0:19:26.000 go ahead and say it. Guys. I feel nervous today. 0:19:26.200 --> 0:19:29.240 I feel I feel stressed out right now because this 0:19:29.359 --> 0:19:31.399 is out of my wheelhouse a little bit. So just 0:19:31.400 --> 0:19:34.479 go ahead and tell him that Cole, good luck to you. 0:19:35.400 --> 0:19:39.240 Let me know what happens. Email back. Let's grab one 0:19:39.240 --> 0:19:44.560 more and take a break. This subject line says patience 0:19:44.640 --> 0:19:47.320 or pounce. Hey Granger, I know relationship questions are your 0:19:47.359 --> 0:19:51.439 main thing now, but here's gonna here's another one. Lol. 0:19:52.320 --> 0:19:54.080 So I've been talking to this guy and I like him. 0:19:54.119 --> 0:19:56.280 I'm pretty sure he likes me. We flirt back and forth, 0:19:56.760 --> 0:19:59.760 but we're both kind of shy. We've talked about going out, 0:19:59.800 --> 0:20:02.000 but we we haven't actually set a time to go out, 0:20:02.160 --> 0:20:04.520 and I don't want to sound very pushy by asking 0:20:04.560 --> 0:20:07.240 him when we are going out. Should I have patience 0:20:07.320 --> 0:20:09.199 and wait it out and see if God puts it 0:20:09.240 --> 0:20:11.560 in motion? Or should I make the first move and 0:20:11.600 --> 0:20:16.240 ask him out instead of date? Thanks so much? So, 0:20:17.520 --> 0:20:19.919 I mean, that's a good question. That's a good this 0:20:20.000 --> 0:20:22.200 is a this is a this is an interesting situation. 0:20:22.320 --> 0:20:26.280 You're both shy when you say should I wait it 0:20:26.320 --> 0:20:28.639 out and see if God puts it in motion? What 0:20:28.680 --> 0:20:32.600 do you What do you think that means? Like? Do 0:20:32.680 --> 0:20:35.560 you think that means God is going to write something 0:20:35.560 --> 0:20:40.040 in the clouds and say ask her out? Doesn't God 0:20:40.040 --> 0:20:43.520 doesn't work like that. He doesn't. He works through people. 0:20:43.640 --> 0:20:46.400 So a lot of times he works through our passions. 0:20:46.440 --> 0:20:49.800 Our desires are once as long as they're righteous, he 0:20:49.840 --> 0:20:54.080 works through that. And so this feeling that you're having, like, man, 0:20:54.160 --> 0:20:56.480 I like this guy. I could see he likes me, 0:20:56.800 --> 0:20:59.320 and I could also tell we're both shy, and I 0:20:59.320 --> 0:21:01.679 don't know when this is going to happen. How do 0:21:01.760 --> 0:21:04.000 you know that that's not God working through you to 0:21:04.119 --> 0:21:07.760 put for you to put it in motion. I don't 0:21:07.800 --> 0:21:11.040 think it causes any problem or it's any harm for 0:21:11.080 --> 0:21:15.480 you to tell them one time, Hey, there's this coffee 0:21:15.480 --> 0:21:19.040 shop downtown that I've been going to. I think it's great, 0:21:19.359 --> 0:21:22.000 and would you want to go and grab some coffee 0:21:22.000 --> 0:21:26.240 with me, say three o'clock, and to see what he says. 0:21:26.280 --> 0:21:28.840 I mean, you're putting it out to him. It's not 0:21:29.000 --> 0:21:31.000 there's no pressure to that. And you could even say 0:21:31.000 --> 0:21:34.240 there's no pressure, but I really I dig the vibe 0:21:34.240 --> 0:21:37.480 of this coffee shop and there's there's one coffee I 0:21:37.560 --> 0:21:39.919 really like to get, and I want to know if 0:21:39.920 --> 0:21:42.520 you want to go with me today this afternoon and 0:21:42.600 --> 0:21:44.600 see what he says. I mean, if he's a shy guy, 0:21:45.040 --> 0:21:47.199 that might be exactly what he wanted to hear. He 0:21:47.320 --> 0:21:50.480 might say yes, and then I think when he says 0:21:50.560 --> 0:21:52.320 yes and you guys go for coffee, I think that 0:21:52.359 --> 0:21:55.439 builds his confidence to then make the next move and 0:21:55.520 --> 0:21:58.159 ask you to do something later. If you want to 0:21:58.160 --> 0:22:00.440 be more specific than an opening in coffee, then you 0:22:00.480 --> 0:22:04.440 could say, Hey, there's this movie that I've been really 0:22:04.520 --> 0:22:06.720 wanting to see and I was thinking about going. It 0:22:07.280 --> 0:22:11.359 shows at seven pm at the theater, and I'm going 0:22:11.440 --> 0:22:14.160 to go at seven and do you think you want 0:22:14.160 --> 0:22:18.480 to go with me? Make it specific, make a specific 0:22:18.520 --> 0:22:22.400 time in a specific place, and bring it up. No pressure. 0:22:23.000 --> 0:22:25.320 But I think this is I think that's a good thing. 0:22:25.640 --> 0:22:27.280