1 00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:03,520 Speaker 1: You are answering your question for you. You don't need 2 00:00:03,560 --> 00:00:06,000 Speaker 1: to email me to know the right answer. And this 3 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:09,360 Speaker 1: is I said something similar on the beginning of this episode, 4 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:15,400 Speaker 1: but you're you're seeing red flags and then you're continuing 5 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:22,560 Speaker 1: to ask the question when you already know the answer. 6 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:33,440 Speaker 1: What's up, everybody, Thanks for coming, Thanks for joining Grangersmith Podcast. 7 00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:37,000 Speaker 1: This is episode one three one. Wherever you came from, 8 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,519 Speaker 1: maybe you came from an Instagram post or TikTok, or 9 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:41,880 Speaker 1: heard me talk about it on After Midnight or this Smiths. 10 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:45,760 Speaker 1: Wherever you're listening, whether it's Spotify or YouTube or our 11 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:49,760 Speaker 1: Apple podcast or whatever your favorite podcast platform is. I'm 12 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:52,240 Speaker 1: just glad you're here. I love doing this show. I'm 13 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 1: reading your questions you ask them to me. Send an 14 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:58,800 Speaker 1: email to Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com, and we 15 00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:01,960 Speaker 1: could talk about any subject. It doesn't have to be music. 16 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,360 Speaker 1: It could be about anything, whatever life throws at you, 17 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:06,560 Speaker 1: and we're going to talk about it. As though me 18 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:08,119 Speaker 1: and you are sitting in the cab of a truck 19 00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:10,640 Speaker 1: and we're on a road trip and we've got all 20 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:12,520 Speaker 1: the time in the world, and you say, hey, man, 21 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:14,920 Speaker 1: could I run something by you? I've got a question, 22 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:18,840 Speaker 1: something I've been wrestling with, something I'm excited about, and 23 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:21,000 Speaker 1: we'll talk about it. I'm not always right, but I'm 24 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,800 Speaker 1: going to tell you my best answer as though me 25 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:27,280 Speaker 1: and you are friends. And I love this. I love 26 00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:31,080 Speaker 1: this podcast. First question I have here, says Hey Granger, 27 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:35,080 Speaker 1: my name is coy See. I don't read these ahead 28 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:37,880 Speaker 1: of time, and I'm from Colorado. My girlfriend of two 29 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:40,160 Speaker 1: years broke up with me recently, and I'm stuck at 30 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:43,440 Speaker 1: a crossroads. I've been through heartbreak before, but this one 31 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,080 Speaker 1: feels different. Every time, I feel like I'm moving on 32 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:48,440 Speaker 1: and doing better. She sees that and then reaches out 33 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:51,640 Speaker 1: to me. I feel like she's the only She's only 34 00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:53,400 Speaker 1: doing this to make sure that I'm still in love 35 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:55,880 Speaker 1: with her, But she does not want me to be. 36 00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:57,680 Speaker 1: She does not want to be with me right now, 37 00:01:57,920 --> 00:01:59,920 Speaker 1: and she has made that very clear. She also tells 38 00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:03,400 Speaker 1: me that she still loves me. In my mind. It's 39 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,920 Speaker 1: a right girl, wrong time situation. Should I hang on 40 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:12,440 Speaker 1: or let go? Okay? This is this is such a 41 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:15,680 Speaker 1: classic question to jump into the podcast with. First question, 42 00:02:16,639 --> 00:02:19,600 Speaker 1: let me debunk something. There is no such thing as 43 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:24,480 Speaker 1: right girl, wrong time. That is that's just we have 44 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:27,120 Speaker 1: said that. How long have humans said that, I don't 45 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:32,320 Speaker 1: know right girl or right guy, wrong time? That that 46 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,800 Speaker 1: doesn't exist. That doesn't even make sense. Think about it 47 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:38,040 Speaker 1: for a second. If it was the right person, then 48 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:40,520 Speaker 1: it would be also the right time. It can't be 49 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:44,040 Speaker 1: the right person at the wrong time, otherwise it's not 50 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:48,079 Speaker 1: the right person. If it's the wrong time, then it's 51 00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:52,280 Speaker 1: also the wrong person. I understand that you could think 52 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:55,800 Speaker 1: about what ifs and could have been and if we 53 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:57,840 Speaker 1: had met, you know, at this time, or if we 54 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:00,799 Speaker 1: if we only if we had met when she graduated 55 00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:05,840 Speaker 1: high school in three years, or you know, if I 56 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:09,560 Speaker 1: could only meet her when I finally finished the academy 57 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:13,560 Speaker 1: or when I finally get my degree, then I would 58 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:17,240 Speaker 1: be ready for her. But that's just that's hypothetical, and 59 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:20,919 Speaker 1: we never We shouldn't speak in hypothetical when we're talking 60 00:03:20,919 --> 00:03:24,400 Speaker 1: about the present. Your questions are about the present, and 61 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:27,080 Speaker 1: so we only have today. We can only deal with today, 62 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:31,600 Speaker 1: and so there is no right girl, wrong time, And 63 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:34,520 Speaker 1: so I want to start with that. That's the last 64 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:37,360 Speaker 1: thing you said. The second thing I want to talk 65 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:42,680 Speaker 1: about is she broke up with you. Your heart broken. 66 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,320 Speaker 1: She doesn't want to be with you. You've made that clear. 67 00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:48,760 Speaker 1: She made that clear. You said that in your email. 68 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:53,560 Speaker 1: She doesn't want to be with you, yet she's reaching 69 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:57,840 Speaker 1: out to you and touching base with you, kind of 70 00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:00,520 Speaker 1: worried about if you're going to meet somebody. I want 71 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:03,480 Speaker 1: to tell you that doesn't have anything to do with 72 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:07,760 Speaker 1: y'all's relationship or with you. This is an insecurity on 73 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:11,840 Speaker 1: her part because she hasn't found anybody yet. She's looking, 74 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:16,160 Speaker 1: she's ready to go on a date, and she's really 75 00:04:16,279 --> 00:04:19,680 Speaker 1: this is her ego thinking, am I going to meet 76 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:21,720 Speaker 1: somebody before he does? Or is he going to meet 77 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:24,919 Speaker 1: somebody before me? And if he meets somebody, will he 78 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:27,200 Speaker 1: love her more than me? So that's why she's still 79 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:29,560 Speaker 1: saying I love you, And there's truth to that. You know, 80 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,480 Speaker 1: love is at all different kinds of levels, and so 81 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:34,200 Speaker 1: she loves you at some level because of the history 82 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:37,040 Speaker 1: that y'all have together. But I think this is an 83 00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:39,840 Speaker 1: ego thing with her. I think this is and I'm 84 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,480 Speaker 1: not really calling her out like it's a bad thing. 85 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:44,920 Speaker 1: I'm just saying this is a natural human ego coming 86 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:47,280 Speaker 1: out and saying it's a race to see who could 87 00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:51,119 Speaker 1: find the relationship first, and if you do, she really 88 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:53,560 Speaker 1: wants to know is this new girl better than her? 89 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:57,280 Speaker 1: Because she wants to she wants to rank herself personally, 90 00:04:57,320 --> 00:04:59,479 Speaker 1: nothing to do with you. She wants to rank herself 91 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:02,920 Speaker 1: and feel good about herself that she's worthy of the 92 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:06,080 Speaker 1: next guy. So this is this is all. This is 93 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:09,919 Speaker 1: a problem, and the problem is stemming with her. So 94 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:13,240 Speaker 1: because she's not coming back, because she's made it clear 95 00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:15,039 Speaker 1: she don't want to come back, and because you're heartbroken, 96 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:18,240 Speaker 1: you got to cut this off. Man. That's all there 97 00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:21,760 Speaker 1: is to it. That's my advice. This is the wrong girl, 98 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:24,640 Speaker 1: wrong time, right. You got to say that to yourself. 99 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:27,800 Speaker 1: And as hard as as it is to do, you're 100 00:05:27,839 --> 00:05:30,479 Speaker 1: gonna have to block her in your phone or just 101 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:35,080 Speaker 1: stop replying, whichever one. If you're strong enough to not reply, great, 102 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:37,479 Speaker 1: If you're not strong enough to not reply, then you 103 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:39,760 Speaker 1: need a blocker, and you do that right now, and 104 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:41,560 Speaker 1: you pull up your phone, you pull up her number, 105 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:44,280 Speaker 1: and your heart's gonna beat and you're gonna think, oh, 106 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:48,680 Speaker 1: this is terrible. Then you're gonna go boom block and 107 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:50,440 Speaker 1: then you're not gonna see that stuff anymore. And then 108 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:52,919 Speaker 1: you're finally gonna be able to heal and move on 109 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,480 Speaker 1: because there's no chance. She's not giving you a chance. 110 00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,960 Speaker 1: She's just she's playing with you, dude, She's playing with you. 111 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:07,599 Speaker 1: I think that's all I have to say. Next question 112 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:09,880 Speaker 1: says that subject line says advice. It says, Hey Granger, 113 00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:12,320 Speaker 1: your my name is Chase. I'm twenty years old from Oregon. 114 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:14,000 Speaker 1: I've been listening to your podcast on and off for 115 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,800 Speaker 1: about a year now. I really love hearing all the 116 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:19,440 Speaker 1: light that you bring into people's lives. I felt called 117 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:22,120 Speaker 1: to drop out of school temporarily and work full time 118 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:24,920 Speaker 1: to find myself. But when I did this, I had 119 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:28,000 Speaker 1: roommate issues and ended up having to move three times 120 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:31,039 Speaker 1: in one month. My job ended up not being the 121 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:33,000 Speaker 1: best over the course of the next three months, and 122 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:36,640 Speaker 1: I fell into a huge financial hole. I have faith 123 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:38,840 Speaker 1: that I will be back, but how do I get 124 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:43,080 Speaker 1: my mind to focus on anything other than my finances? 125 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:47,880 Speaker 1: Thanks a lot, Chase, Yeah, Chase, tough times man, and 126 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:52,279 Speaker 1: thanks for your email shout out to Oregon. Here's what 127 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:56,360 Speaker 1: I would say to you, aside from the fact that 128 00:06:57,760 --> 00:06:59,680 Speaker 1: and I'm not doubting you on this, that you are 129 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:02,680 Speaker 1: you're looking for another job. You're looking for ways to 130 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:06,760 Speaker 1: double up your income, whether that's working a couple jobs 131 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:11,480 Speaker 1: or that's just getting a better job. I understand this 132 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:15,960 Speaker 1: financial hold that you've gotten yourself into. I understand everyone listening, 133 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:19,720 Speaker 1: including me, has been through these kind of valleys. That's 134 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:22,720 Speaker 1: just what's going to happen. I mean, maybe there's some 135 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:25,000 Speaker 1: trust fund babies out there that have never thought about it, 136 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:28,960 Speaker 1: but that's super rare. Okay, you're going through a financial value. 137 00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:35,560 Speaker 1: Here's my advice. Like I said, besides, you are diligently 138 00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:42,280 Speaker 1: looking for something else, another income stream. Whenever you're struggling, 139 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:44,280 Speaker 1: and this is not just this is not just your 140 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:51,280 Speaker 1: financial situation. Whenever you're struggling with something that it's overcoming 141 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:55,559 Speaker 1: your mind and it's bringing you down and you get 142 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,640 Speaker 1: stuck in a rut. Your brain gets stuck in a 143 00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:02,120 Speaker 1: rut going back and forth to this issue, and this 144 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:06,640 Speaker 1: issue is affecting your ability to move forward and everything 145 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:12,920 Speaker 1: else that you do. You have to start having enough 146 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:17,880 Speaker 1: discipline in yourself. This is gonna sound funny. You need 147 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:21,040 Speaker 1: to have enough self discipline in yourself to literally schedule 148 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:25,680 Speaker 1: a time to worry. Okay, and when you're gonna worry. 149 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:29,320 Speaker 1: You're not worried about tomorrow or next month. You only 150 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:34,320 Speaker 1: are allowed to worry about today. Today's problems are big 151 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:38,760 Speaker 1: enough in themselves. Okay, tomorrow has enough worries of its own. 152 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:42,720 Speaker 1: You can't deal with it. That's biblical. So when I 153 00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:46,360 Speaker 1: say schedule, this is what I mean. You were worried 154 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,760 Speaker 1: about these finances, and you're gonna think about it when 155 00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:50,200 Speaker 1: you wake up, and you're gonn think about it all day, 156 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:51,680 Speaker 1: and you're gonna think about it when you lay your 157 00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:54,120 Speaker 1: head down in your pillow at night. So you're gonna 158 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:58,000 Speaker 1: tell yourself, I'm going to worry about this because it's 159 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,280 Speaker 1: a big deal and it's happening today right now. But 160 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:04,920 Speaker 1: I'm gonna worry about this at three o'clock. Like I said, 161 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:09,680 Speaker 1: this sounds funny. Do this three o'clock to three fifteen. 162 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:14,520 Speaker 1: That's my worry about finances time. I'm gonna give myself 163 00:09:14,559 --> 00:09:17,520 Speaker 1: fifteen minutes and I'm gonna dive into this and I'm 164 00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:19,200 Speaker 1: gonna worry about it, and I'm gonna think about it. 165 00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:21,720 Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna reflect on how I got here. 166 00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:24,080 Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna think about a plan to get 167 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:27,120 Speaker 1: out of it. Then this is aside from the fact 168 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:29,200 Speaker 1: that you're looking for a job in the meantime, But 169 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:31,240 Speaker 1: this is the time to worry. Three to three fifteen. 170 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:36,240 Speaker 1: And when three fifteen hits your watch, you tell yourself, well, 171 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:38,800 Speaker 1: I've already done my worrying for the day about this, 172 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:41,880 Speaker 1: so I'm not gonna think about it. And at four 173 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:44,080 Speaker 1: o'clock and five o'clock and six o'clock, when it pops 174 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:46,160 Speaker 1: back in your brain, you go, I already worry about that. 175 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:50,440 Speaker 1: I already gave myself the fifteen minutes to dive into 176 00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:53,760 Speaker 1: that kind of stress. And there's nothing more I could 177 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:56,520 Speaker 1: do right now than I already did in fifteen minutes. 178 00:09:56,559 --> 00:10:00,760 Speaker 1: There's nothing that's gonna help me worry at all anymore 179 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:03,160 Speaker 1: than the I already did at fifteen minutes. Three to 180 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:06,360 Speaker 1: three fifteen. Okay, you could do this, make it, make 181 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:09,719 Speaker 1: it anytime. Ten am, I don't care, ten pm, I 182 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:13,040 Speaker 1: don't care. Make yourself time if you want, twenty minutes, 183 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:17,200 Speaker 1: if you need thirty minutes, whatever. I think. Fifteen minutes 184 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:19,600 Speaker 1: is the first thing that popped in my head. Chase, 185 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:23,160 Speaker 1: give yourself fifteen minutes and just worry and stress and 186 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:27,280 Speaker 1: cry and sweat whatever. But when three fifteen rolls around, 187 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:31,800 Speaker 1: you're done with it. Okay. Nothing else is gonna make 188 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:35,120 Speaker 1: things better If you worry all day, Okay, it's only 189 00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:37,840 Speaker 1: gonna get worse, and you're gonna you're gonna be inhibited 190 00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:40,720 Speaker 1: by this worry, and that's gonna affect your ability to 191 00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:43,440 Speaker 1: find the next job, the next income stream for you. 192 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:50,600 Speaker 1: See what happens. Try this and see what happens. Next 193 00:10:50,679 --> 00:10:54,960 Speaker 1: question says subject line dating. Hey, my name is Kate, 194 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:57,199 Speaker 1: and I've gone out with the guy for a couple 195 00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:59,360 Speaker 1: of dates. But when I try to make plans with 196 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:03,760 Speaker 1: him now, he says, I'm really busy. I'm always the 197 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:07,000 Speaker 1: one starting conversations and he only wants to text. Every 198 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,920 Speaker 1: guy seems to do this to me. Is it just 199 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:15,680 Speaker 1: an excuse, Kate? Yeah, here's the hard answer for you. Yes, 200 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:21,000 Speaker 1: it's an excuse. It's a major excuse. I'm really busy. 201 00:11:21,679 --> 00:11:23,439 Speaker 1: I'm really You try to make plans with him and 202 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:27,000 Speaker 1: he says, I'm real busy. Is that not a red flag? 203 00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:30,120 Speaker 1: It is a red flag to everyone that's listening except you, 204 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,440 Speaker 1: and I get it because when you're in it, you 205 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:36,640 Speaker 1: don't see this huge red flag. Okay, Imagine this, Kate. 206 00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:41,200 Speaker 1: Imagine Imagine the relationship goes to the next level. Imagine 207 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:45,600 Speaker 1: you get engaged. Imagine you're married, and three years down 208 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:48,960 Speaker 1: the road of marriage, you can't do anything with him 209 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,600 Speaker 1: because he says I'm real busy. Is that what you want? 210 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:55,199 Speaker 1: And that happens all the time? Is that what you 211 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:59,000 Speaker 1: want out of a relationship a guy that says I'm 212 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:02,280 Speaker 1: real busy. No, it's not. Of course it's not. So 213 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:05,480 Speaker 1: Why do you think that that's okay at the beginning 214 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:07,960 Speaker 1: of the very beginning of a relationship, for that to 215 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:10,960 Speaker 1: be said and for you to understand and that to 216 00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:14,040 Speaker 1: not be just an excuse to not see you. Why 217 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:17,000 Speaker 1: is that okay? Why are you going to accept that now? No, 218 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:20,760 Speaker 1: you're not so. Yes, it's an excuse. And no, this 219 00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:23,920 Speaker 1: is not right. This is not right, especially at the 220 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:28,360 Speaker 1: beginning of relationship. This should be nothing but roses and 221 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:32,680 Speaker 1: movies and flowers and dinner dates. I mean, he should 222 00:12:32,679 --> 00:12:36,240 Speaker 1: be pouring into you right now. He should be courting 223 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,160 Speaker 1: you right now at the beginning of a relationship, not 224 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,560 Speaker 1: telling you he's real busy. Let him do that in 225 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:43,880 Speaker 1: ten years, but not now. That's a bad sign. No, 226 00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:47,760 Speaker 1: stay away, from this guy. That's all I have to say. 227 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:55,600 Speaker 1: Next question, Subdecline says stage Fright question. Hey, grand your 228 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,120 Speaker 1: my name is Cole. I'm twenty five years old from Mississippi. 229 00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:01,120 Speaker 1: Been listening to your podcast for a while. Public speaking 230 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,680 Speaker 1: is becoming a more prominent part of my life as 231 00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:07,920 Speaker 1: I get older, especially for work, school, and church. It 232 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:11,200 Speaker 1: seems it's a part of nearly everyone's life to some extent. 233 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:15,440 Speaker 1: The problem is, I am terrified of public speaking, even 234 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:17,280 Speaker 1: in front of just a few people. For a long time, 235 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:19,600 Speaker 1: I've tried to dodge it, but I realized I can't 236 00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:23,040 Speaker 1: avoid it forever. I often get thrust into fight to 237 00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:25,880 Speaker 1: fight or flight, and it's difficult for me to get 238 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:28,679 Speaker 1: my head back into the game and finish speaking. Not 239 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,520 Speaker 1: only is this annoying, but it's also kind of embarrassing, 240 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:34,560 Speaker 1: especially in front of people. I know. I just get 241 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:37,480 Speaker 1: the feeling like I'm defeated and I'm a failure. I 242 00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:39,200 Speaker 1: know you do a lot of public speaking and performing, 243 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:41,160 Speaker 1: and I was curious if you had any advice. Thanks 244 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:45,440 Speaker 1: in Ee, Cole Buddy, thanks for thanks for the email. 245 00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:51,120 Speaker 1: Great question. Shout out to Mississippi. Yes, of course, of 246 00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:53,960 Speaker 1: course I deal with this still to this day. And 247 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:58,240 Speaker 1: I've done a lot on stage, so let me walk 248 00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:02,120 Speaker 1: you through kind of a little team to maybe help. 249 00:14:02,679 --> 00:14:04,400 Speaker 1: And before I started, I just want to tell you 250 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:07,280 Speaker 1: this is a normal feeling. You're human. To get up 251 00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:11,920 Speaker 1: in front of people and to speak is difficult, and 252 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:15,080 Speaker 1: it's very rare to be born with the ability for 253 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:16,880 Speaker 1: that not to bother you. And I want to make 254 00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:20,080 Speaker 1: it an argument that it's a good thing that stage 255 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:22,440 Speaker 1: fright bothers you to some extent. It's a good thing 256 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:27,520 Speaker 1: because you said fight or flight, Well, we have to 257 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:29,760 Speaker 1: be able to use that fight or flight for our 258 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:33,840 Speaker 1: advantage because it's built into our human anatomy for a reason, 259 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:38,760 Speaker 1: and it's ancient. It goes back to the beginning of humans. 260 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:41,320 Speaker 1: Is you know, when we're out there and we're hunting 261 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:46,160 Speaker 1: in the forest and you're going after a deer and 262 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:50,720 Speaker 1: a jaguar is stalking you. Well, you see a glimpse 263 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:54,600 Speaker 1: of that jaguar and your eyes widen, you become you know, 264 00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:58,720 Speaker 1: your eyes are dilated, they see perfectly. Your heartbeat increases, 265 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:01,880 Speaker 1: ready for action. You know, all the blood goes to 266 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:05,800 Speaker 1: your extremities and you're ready. Your muscle strength increases. All 267 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:11,520 Speaker 1: this adrenaline is helping you to defend yourself or to 268 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:15,680 Speaker 1: make the kill. Now, I don't think it's very often 269 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:17,920 Speaker 1: that we're gonna be chased by jaguars today in twenty 270 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:21,000 Speaker 1: twenty two, but you could use that to your advantage. 271 00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:26,000 Speaker 1: For instance, you're not gonna get up in a public 272 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:31,440 Speaker 1: speaking environment and get ready to talk and start daydreaming. 273 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:35,960 Speaker 1: You're not going to daydream if this adrenaline is kicking in. 274 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:41,240 Speaker 1: In fact, in my shows, my worst shows by far 275 00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:44,359 Speaker 1: are the times when I get bored and start daydreaming. 276 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:47,760 Speaker 1: And that's maybe because it's just a very relaxed crowd, 277 00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:50,280 Speaker 1: or I'm just I'm a little too comfortable. And when 278 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:53,880 Speaker 1: I get a little too comfortable, every time I'll start daydreaming, 279 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:56,920 Speaker 1: I'll start thinking about, man, I'm hungry, what's for dinner 280 00:15:56,920 --> 00:16:00,000 Speaker 1: after the show? And I will forget the next verse. 281 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,480 Speaker 1: I'll forget the top of the words to the next verse. 282 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:05,880 Speaker 1: And so I want to use that adrenaline to keep 283 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:08,800 Speaker 1: me focused, to keep me very present in the moment, 284 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:11,600 Speaker 1: because your fight or flight that you're talking about, that's 285 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:16,240 Speaker 1: what that's doing, is keeping you ultimately present. You're perfectly 286 00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:19,560 Speaker 1: present in the moment. You're not thinking about yesterday or 287 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,960 Speaker 1: what you're gonna have for dinner later tonight. You're thinking 288 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:26,640 Speaker 1: about right now, execute perfectly right now. So first of all, 289 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:30,280 Speaker 1: use that to your advantage. And then what I want 290 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:31,520 Speaker 1: to tell you this routine I want to tell you 291 00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:34,720 Speaker 1: about is breathing is so important. So before you go 292 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:39,440 Speaker 1: on stage, I want you to breathe. Don't forget to breathe. 293 00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:42,400 Speaker 1: Excel all the way till you're told all the air 294 00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:46,480 Speaker 1: is completely out of your diaphragm, and then inhale slowly 295 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:50,200 Speaker 1: through your nose and then exhale through your mouth slowly. 296 00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:55,040 Speaker 1: So and you're gonna you're gonna want to fight that 297 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,720 Speaker 1: at first because you're gonna want to take these shallow 298 00:16:56,800 --> 00:17:00,560 Speaker 1: breaths and those shallow breasts will increase your anxiety, increase 299 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:04,959 Speaker 1: your heart rate, and decrease your ability to speak clearly. 300 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:08,840 Speaker 1: So you want to slow yourself down with breathing. So 301 00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:12,359 Speaker 1: start this routine five or ten minutes before you go 302 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:17,000 Speaker 1: on stage. Start breathing, and try to avoid too many 303 00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:19,920 Speaker 1: conversations with people on the side of the stage or backstage, 304 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:21,399 Speaker 1: and you can straight up tell them like hey, I'm 305 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:24,320 Speaker 1: gonna I'm gonna focus up on what I'm about to do, 306 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:27,400 Speaker 1: and anyone would understand that I'm about to go on stage. 307 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,600 Speaker 1: I'm I'm gonna focus real quick, and they'd be like, yeah, cool, 308 00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:31,480 Speaker 1: instead of telling you the story that they're about to 309 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:36,840 Speaker 1: tell you. So breathe walk slowly, okay, And then I 310 00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:38,639 Speaker 1: think this is so important. But when you get on 311 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:42,840 Speaker 1: stage and you fill that anxiety kicking in, and like 312 00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:45,719 Speaker 1: you said here in your email, not only is it annoying, 313 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:49,200 Speaker 1: but it's also kind of embarrassing. I would walk up 314 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:52,560 Speaker 1: on the stage and I would I would say that 315 00:17:53,359 --> 00:17:56,040 Speaker 1: to people because what you're gonna do is you're gonna 316 00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:59,760 Speaker 1: disarm the crowd completely. So instead of looking at Coal, 317 00:18:00,119 --> 00:18:03,240 Speaker 1: who's about to give this speech and they're they're mentally 318 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:07,400 Speaker 1: judging your ability to do public speaking, you're gonna disarm 319 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:11,119 Speaker 1: them and you're gonna put yourself up as this vulnerable 320 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:14,400 Speaker 1: guy that's no different than they are. And you're gonna 321 00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:18,640 Speaker 1: say something like, hey, guys, I'm col and I'm gonna 322 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,919 Speaker 1: give you this speech today, whatever it might be, and 323 00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:24,280 Speaker 1: you're and you're gonna say something like, before I start, 324 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:28,280 Speaker 1: I want to be completely honest with y'all. I'm a 325 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:32,879 Speaker 1: little bit nervous. Public speaking makes me nervous, and that 326 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,639 Speaker 1: makes me a little embarrassed. And so uh, if I 327 00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:38,880 Speaker 1: fumble some words here, it's just because I really want 328 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:40,919 Speaker 1: to say the right thing and I want to do 329 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,800 Speaker 1: this right. This is so important to me today to 330 00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:46,040 Speaker 1: tell you guys what I'm about to say, and I've 331 00:18:46,119 --> 00:18:48,879 Speaker 1: prepared this and because of that, that's made me a 332 00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:52,800 Speaker 1: little bit nervous. And I hope that you could indulge 333 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:56,760 Speaker 1: me in this, and that completely disarms the crowd. Everyone 334 00:18:56,800 --> 00:19:00,159 Speaker 1: in the crowd just kind of exhales with you, and 335 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,679 Speaker 1: they're like, yeah, man, I don't I get it. I 336 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:05,520 Speaker 1: would be the same way if I were in your shoes, Cole, 337 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,000 Speaker 1: I would feel the same way. That's what they're going 338 00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:09,359 Speaker 1: to think in the crowd, and then that that's going 339 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:12,960 Speaker 1: to help you move to the top of your speech. 340 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:17,040 Speaker 1: Whatever public speaking you're about to do, that works for me. 341 00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:19,080 Speaker 1: I do it a lot. I do it a lot. 342 00:19:19,119 --> 00:19:22,960 Speaker 1: I'll get up if if I feel uncomfortable, I'll just 343 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:26,000 Speaker 1: go ahead and say it. Guys. I feel nervous today. 344 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:29,240 Speaker 1: I feel I feel stressed out right now because this 345 00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:31,399 Speaker 1: is out of my wheelhouse a little bit. So just 346 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:34,479 Speaker 1: go ahead and tell him that Cole, good luck to you. 347 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:39,240 Speaker 1: Let me know what happens. Email back. Let's grab one 348 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:44,560 Speaker 1: more and take a break. This subject line says patience 349 00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:47,320 Speaker 1: or pounce. Hey Granger, I know relationship questions are your 350 00:19:47,359 --> 00:19:51,439 Speaker 1: main thing now, but here's gonna here's another one. Lol. 351 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:54,080 Speaker 1: So I've been talking to this guy and I like him. 352 00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:56,280 Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure he likes me. We flirt back and forth, 353 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:59,760 Speaker 1: but we're both kind of shy. We've talked about going out, 354 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:02,000 Speaker 1: but we we haven't actually set a time to go out, 355 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,520 Speaker 1: and I don't want to sound very pushy by asking 356 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:07,240 Speaker 1: him when we are going out. Should I have patience 357 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:09,199 Speaker 1: and wait it out and see if God puts it 358 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:11,560 Speaker 1: in motion? Or should I make the first move and 359 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:16,240 Speaker 1: ask him out instead of date? Thanks so much? So, 360 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:19,919 Speaker 1: I mean, that's a good question. That's a good this 361 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,200 Speaker 1: is a this is a this is an interesting situation. 362 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:26,280 Speaker 1: You're both shy when you say should I wait it 363 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,639 Speaker 1: out and see if God puts it in motion? What 364 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:32,600 Speaker 1: do you What do you think that means? Like? Do 365 00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:35,560 Speaker 1: you think that means God is going to write something 366 00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:40,040 Speaker 1: in the clouds and say ask her out? Doesn't God 367 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:43,520 Speaker 1: doesn't work like that. He doesn't. He works through people. 368 00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:46,400 Speaker 1: So a lot of times he works through our passions. 369 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:49,800 Speaker 1: Our desires are once as long as they're righteous, he 370 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:54,080 Speaker 1: works through that. And so this feeling that you're having, like, man, 371 00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:56,480 Speaker 1: I like this guy. I could see he likes me, 372 00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:59,320 Speaker 1: and I could also tell we're both shy, and I 373 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:01,679 Speaker 1: don't know when this is going to happen. How do 374 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,000 Speaker 1: you know that that's not God working through you to 375 00:21:04,119 --> 00:21:07,760 Speaker 1: put for you to put it in motion. I don't 376 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:11,040 Speaker 1: think it causes any problem or it's any harm for 377 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:15,480 Speaker 1: you to tell them one time, Hey, there's this coffee 378 00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:19,040 Speaker 1: shop downtown that I've been going to. I think it's great, 379 00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:22,000 Speaker 1: and would you want to go and grab some coffee 380 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:26,240 Speaker 1: with me, say three o'clock, and to see what he says. 381 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:28,840 Speaker 1: I mean, you're putting it out to him. It's not 382 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,000 Speaker 1: there's no pressure to that. And you could even say 383 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:34,240 Speaker 1: there's no pressure, but I really I dig the vibe 384 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:37,480 Speaker 1: of this coffee shop and there's there's one coffee I 385 00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:39,919 Speaker 1: really like to get, and I want to know if 386 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,520 Speaker 1: you want to go with me today this afternoon and 387 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:44,600 Speaker 1: see what he says. I mean, if he's a shy guy, 388 00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:47,199 Speaker 1: that might be exactly what he wanted to hear. He 389 00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:50,480 Speaker 1: might say yes, and then I think when he says 390 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:52,320 Speaker 1: yes and you guys go for coffee, I think that 391 00:21:52,359 --> 00:21:55,439 Speaker 1: builds his confidence to then make the next move and 392 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:58,159 Speaker 1: ask you to do something later. If you want to 393 00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:00,440 Speaker 1: be more specific than an opening in coffee, then you 394 00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:04,440 Speaker 1: could say, Hey, there's this movie that I've been really 395 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:06,720 Speaker 1: wanting to see and I was thinking about going. It 396 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:11,359 Speaker 1: shows at seven pm at the theater, and I'm going 397 00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:14,160 Speaker 1: to go at seven and do you think you want 398 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:18,480 Speaker 1: to go with me? Make it specific, make a specific 399 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:22,400 Speaker 1: time in a specific place, and bring it up. No pressure. 400 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,320 Speaker 1: But I think this is I think that's a good thing. 401 00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:27,280 Speaker 1: I don't think there's anything wrong with you doing that. 402 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:35,760 Speaker 1: Let's take a break and bear right back. If you 403 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:39,160 Speaker 1: have a question for this podcast, email me Grangersmith Podcast 404 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:41,320 Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. I'll put it in the queue. 405 00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:43,760 Speaker 1: It could be about any subject. We could talk about 406 00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:46,480 Speaker 1: anything you want. I'm not always right, but I'll tell 407 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:49,480 Speaker 1: you as though we are friends and we have a 408 00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:52,240 Speaker 1: long time to discuss it. I'll give you what I 409 00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:54,680 Speaker 1: think about the situation, so don't take it to heart. 410 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:58,600 Speaker 1: I'm not a therapist. I'm not a psychologist, just I'm 411 00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:02,960 Speaker 1: your friend. We'll look at it that way. Next question 412 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:08,240 Speaker 1: in que here says you may have a podcast already 413 00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:11,840 Speaker 1: done on this, but how do I let go and 414 00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:14,600 Speaker 1: let God? My wife is a God believer and always 415 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:17,679 Speaker 1: tells me stop stressing and let God work. But how 416 00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:21,159 Speaker 1: do I do this? My stressing and worrying about finances 417 00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:24,439 Speaker 1: and work takes a toll on my wife. Any marriage 418 00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:30,720 Speaker 1: advice about God and stress would be good. So interesting question, 419 00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:33,960 Speaker 1: interesting in the way that you worded it. And I'll 420 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:41,000 Speaker 1: tell you why you're asking me advice about God. But 421 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:44,879 Speaker 1: you're saying it's because your God. Your wife is a 422 00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:49,399 Speaker 1: God believer, but not you. At least you didn't say that, 423 00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:53,840 Speaker 1: but you kind of hinted that your wife is the 424 00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:57,280 Speaker 1: one that is telling you this. And so I'll answer 425 00:23:57,280 --> 00:24:02,960 Speaker 1: the question the way you asked it first. Okay, the 426 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:06,399 Speaker 1: way I'll answer it for you in your words is 427 00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:13,120 Speaker 1: there is no God. This is something your wife believes 428 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:17,520 Speaker 1: but you don't. And the world is full of stress, 429 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:21,600 Speaker 1: and it's full of anxiety, and there's a lot of 430 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:24,879 Speaker 1: finances to worry about, and there's a lot of marriage 431 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:32,119 Speaker 1: problems to worry about. Sorry, buddy, that's my answer. But 432 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,440 Speaker 1: if I'm going to answer it the way I think 433 00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:40,800 Speaker 1: you want to hear it, I'm going to say, if 434 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:45,360 Speaker 1: you believe in God, which is the starting point in this, 435 00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:49,840 Speaker 1: then this is what you would believe, maybe the way 436 00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:55,080 Speaker 1: your wife does. You would believe that if there is 437 00:24:55,119 --> 00:25:01,600 Speaker 1: a God of the Bible, then he created everything. He 438 00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:05,640 Speaker 1: created the universe, He created the world as we know it, 439 00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:15,800 Speaker 1: He ordained the fall, He ordained the problems that surround us. Why, well, 440 00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:20,879 Speaker 1: I would suggest to you if he didn't create ordain 441 00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:27,679 Speaker 1: allow I should say, the problems, then what would make 442 00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:32,720 Speaker 1: life sweet at all? If there was only light, then 443 00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:34,639 Speaker 1: why would light be any different than dark if you 444 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:37,920 Speaker 1: didn't have a reference to dark. But by bringing in 445 00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:42,160 Speaker 1: the darkness, it makes the light that much more beautiful. 446 00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:46,280 Speaker 1: It makes the light that much more worth living in 447 00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:50,120 Speaker 1: because there's darkness. See, if you only lived in light, 448 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,159 Speaker 1: you wouldn't have a reference to what darkness was, and 449 00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:55,560 Speaker 1: it wouldn't matter. The light wouldn't be special, It would 450 00:25:55,600 --> 00:26:02,960 Speaker 1: just be would be bland. So I use the analogy 451 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:06,359 Speaker 1: of football. If you take an NFL team that struggles 452 00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:11,360 Speaker 1: in the season with injuries and losses and weather and 453 00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:15,080 Speaker 1: locker room problems. But they come together and they fight 454 00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:19,680 Speaker 1: through it, and they unite, and they put their their 455 00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:22,119 Speaker 1: sweat and blood and tears into the season and they 456 00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:23,600 Speaker 1: go all the way to the super Bowl and they 457 00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:27,080 Speaker 1: win it. How much sweeter is that trophy when they 458 00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:31,000 Speaker 1: hold it up? How much better does it feel to 459 00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:34,720 Speaker 1: have the victory when you when you overcame so much 460 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:38,439 Speaker 1: diversity as opposed to a team that holds up a trophy, 461 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:43,160 Speaker 1: They never had any diversity or losses or injuries or problems. 462 00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:47,480 Speaker 1: It was just easy. The trophy doesn't matter. The finish 463 00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:50,639 Speaker 1: line doesn't matter at that point like it does with 464 00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:54,040 Speaker 1: the with the adversity. So I would say that that 465 00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:59,639 Speaker 1: would first of all, help better explain the fallenness of 466 00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:02,879 Speaker 1: the world and why it's here. And then you could think, well, 467 00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:06,240 Speaker 1: if he created all this, then he also created me, 468 00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:10,879 Speaker 1: and he also created my wife, and he also has 469 00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:14,480 Speaker 1: a plan for me and a purpose for me. And 470 00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:16,359 Speaker 1: if he has a purpose for me, if he created 471 00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:19,399 Speaker 1: the beginning, then he also understands the end and he 472 00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:22,439 Speaker 1: purposed that too, And he sees the whole picture. He 473 00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:26,919 Speaker 1: sees the beginning, he sees the struggle, he sees the end, 474 00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:30,040 Speaker 1: and it's always good because everything that He does is good. 475 00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:34,600 Speaker 1: According to the Bible, everything God does has a purpose, 476 00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:39,040 Speaker 1: has a meaning, and it's always good. And his definition 477 00:27:39,119 --> 00:27:41,160 Speaker 1: of good, it's not always ours because we can't see 478 00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:44,840 Speaker 1: the end. We can't see the final result. When we 479 00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:47,480 Speaker 1: discipline a child, Right, we discipline a little kid, we 480 00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:50,960 Speaker 1: spank him. That kid cannot see very much past the 481 00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:54,600 Speaker 1: spanking and the pain of the spanking. Right, But as 482 00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:57,200 Speaker 1: the parent, we see that the spanking is good and 483 00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:00,320 Speaker 1: that the end result is obedience, and the end result 484 00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:05,480 Speaker 1: of obedience is a better life and more discipline and 485 00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:11,119 Speaker 1: a better path to better things. Right, that's what we 486 00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:13,000 Speaker 1: see as parents, But a kid can't see it. And we, 487 00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:15,399 Speaker 1: in God's eyes, we are the kids. We can't see 488 00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:21,119 Speaker 1: past these immediate problems. So when you when your wife says, 489 00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:24,600 Speaker 1: let go and let God, it's it's the simple fact 490 00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:30,040 Speaker 1: of understanding, Hey, God, God brought me into existence. He's 491 00:28:30,119 --> 00:28:33,080 Speaker 1: purposing where I am right now, and he has a 492 00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:37,320 Speaker 1: plan for the end goal for me. And that simple 493 00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:40,320 Speaker 1: thought you could I'm not saying that. I'm not saying 494 00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:43,640 Speaker 1: I don't have stress or I don't have worries, but 495 00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:47,160 Speaker 1: understanding that gives you a sense of peace that nothing 496 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:51,120 Speaker 1: else can like. Man, this is this is crazy right now, 497 00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:55,400 Speaker 1: this is stressful. Right now, I'm so worried. But God 498 00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:58,000 Speaker 1: knows how this is going to end, and he has 499 00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:02,040 Speaker 1: a good purpose for that. That's what your wife's talking about. 500 00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:05,080 Speaker 1: You don't have to believe that. And if you don't, 501 00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:09,920 Speaker 1: if you don't believe that at all, Man, that life 502 00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:15,760 Speaker 1: is tough, then you have no fallback. It's just random existence, 503 00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:19,280 Speaker 1: and anything that happens is just random. It's just part 504 00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:24,800 Speaker 1: of amiebas that just spawned out of nothing, out of 505 00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:29,000 Speaker 1: gases that turned into rocks that somehow turned into life, 506 00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:34,320 Speaker 1: and it has no purpose. It's just all random and meaningless. 507 00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:38,160 Speaker 1: But your wife is trying to tell you that everything 508 00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:42,720 Speaker 1: has meaning, everything has purpose. So you have two paths 509 00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:46,720 Speaker 1: to take, and you don't have to be super spiritual 510 00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:51,920 Speaker 1: or super deep or an overthinker to see simply that 511 00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:57,360 Speaker 1: in this world, these two choices are pretty clear random 512 00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:06,520 Speaker 1: random chaos or or somebody some being planned this. When 513 00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:08,320 Speaker 1: you see anything beautiful and you look at it and 514 00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:11,920 Speaker 1: you just go, man, how in the world did this 515 00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:14,840 Speaker 1: come into existence? How did an eyeball come into existence? 516 00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:19,080 Speaker 1: How did the Grand Canyon, or a flower so detailed, 517 00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:23,920 Speaker 1: a snowflake with all the millions of chambers in the snowflake. 518 00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:27,160 Speaker 1: How did this just randomly happen? It couldn't And there's 519 00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:31,640 Speaker 1: no way. There's just no way. Like I said, you 520 00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:33,480 Speaker 1: don't have to be a deep thinker to come up 521 00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:38,760 Speaker 1: to that conclusion. Right. That's where we are. That's my 522 00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:47,040 Speaker 1: answer for you. Next question, Subjecline says addictions. Hey, grangdeer, 523 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:50,880 Speaker 1: I'm fifteen. I'm from Midwest Michigan. I'm battling an Arizona 524 00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:53,880 Speaker 1: Arnold Palmer addiction. It gets worse daily. My body is 525 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:56,640 Speaker 1: relying on the caffeine and the tea. If I go 526 00:30:56,720 --> 00:31:00,320 Speaker 1: a day without it, my body doesn't function well. But 527 00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:03,360 Speaker 1: the days when I do drink it, I get shaky 528 00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:06,600 Speaker 1: and constantly have to use the bathroom or get overhydrated. 529 00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:09,200 Speaker 1: Every day. I'm not sure what to do. I appreciate 530 00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:13,200 Speaker 1: you reading this. Have a great day, Stephen. Stephen. First 531 00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:16,760 Speaker 1: of all, I don't know a lot about Arizona Arnold 532 00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:20,640 Speaker 1: Parmel addiction. So this is one of these situations where 533 00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:25,320 Speaker 1: you're gonna need medical advice from a professional. And then, 534 00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:29,480 Speaker 1: and then I would encourage you to seek wise counsel 535 00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:34,320 Speaker 1: in that circle. So you find other people that have 536 00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:37,040 Speaker 1: gone through this, are currently going through it, and you 537 00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:39,800 Speaker 1: seek them out and you become part of their community. 538 00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:41,960 Speaker 1: We could just be YouTube, right, it could be a 539 00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:44,920 Speaker 1: YouTube community, or it could be you're actually physically in 540 00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:47,600 Speaker 1: a place with them and you say, this is what 541 00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:50,200 Speaker 1: I'm dealing with, and you need someone that says, yes, 542 00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:54,080 Speaker 1: I feel you. I've been there, guys. This goes with anything, 543 00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:57,360 Speaker 1: not just this specific subject. I've been there, I've struggled, 544 00:31:57,400 --> 00:31:59,040 Speaker 1: this is what I did, this is what I tried 545 00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:01,200 Speaker 1: that failed, and this is what I did that ended 546 00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:04,200 Speaker 1: up working. And this is where I am today, and 547 00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:08,080 Speaker 1: you find comfort in that community. We need community as humans, 548 00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:13,240 Speaker 1: So seek out this White's Council, seek out medical professional advice. 549 00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:18,560 Speaker 1: And then if you're just talking about caffeine addiction or 550 00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:24,200 Speaker 1: any kind of chemical addiction, we can't go cold turkey 551 00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:28,040 Speaker 1: and quit it. We can't just say I'm gonna wake 552 00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:31,840 Speaker 1: up tomorrow and not do any caffeine at all at all, 553 00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:37,600 Speaker 1: because you're gonna have withdrawals, chemical withdrawals. So what I 554 00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:40,880 Speaker 1: would encourage you to do for my non medical advice 555 00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:45,760 Speaker 1: is start keeping a daily journal. And there's apps that 556 00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:47,520 Speaker 1: can do this, or you could just do it straight 557 00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:50,120 Speaker 1: on your notes on your phone. But I would keep 558 00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:53,320 Speaker 1: a journal of how much caffeine you're taking in and 559 00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:55,959 Speaker 1: record it. And I'm talking to the milligram. So you 560 00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:58,000 Speaker 1: have a cup of coffee and you go there's there's 561 00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:01,400 Speaker 1: one hundred grams of right there, one hundred milligrams of 562 00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:04,120 Speaker 1: caffeine right there. And then you have an energy drink 563 00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:08,240 Speaker 1: or a coke or whatever, and you record it accordingly 564 00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:11,960 Speaker 1: in your phone. Precisely. Do this for a couple days. 565 00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:14,160 Speaker 1: Don't change anything in your life. Just do this for 566 00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:16,680 Speaker 1: a couple of days, maybe a week, and then go 567 00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:18,880 Speaker 1: back and look at the week, and then add up 568 00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:22,080 Speaker 1: the milligrams and then divide it and find out your 569 00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:27,600 Speaker 1: average daily intake of caffeine. And then when Monday rolls 570 00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:30,520 Speaker 1: around the next Monday and you have your week's average, 571 00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:34,760 Speaker 1: then slowly start pulling that average down. So say you 572 00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:40,080 Speaker 1: have five hundred milligrams a day average, start the Monday 573 00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:43,720 Speaker 1: and go today, I'm going to record everything precisely, and 574 00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:47,280 Speaker 1: I'm going to do four hundred milligrams today. And when 575 00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:49,920 Speaker 1: you hit four hundred, you don't touch anything else after that, 576 00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:51,560 Speaker 1: and you could spread it out over the course of 577 00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:54,600 Speaker 1: the day if you want, so that your last cup 578 00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:57,520 Speaker 1: of whatever comes later in the day, and you could 579 00:33:57,520 --> 00:33:59,080 Speaker 1: spread it out so it's not all in the morning. 580 00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:02,160 Speaker 1: And then the next week and then record that week, 581 00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:04,120 Speaker 1: and then the next week after that, you're gonna cut 582 00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:08,040 Speaker 1: down to three hundred, and you're gonna and when you 583 00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:12,239 Speaker 1: journal this and you're writing down the milligrams, also write 584 00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:15,919 Speaker 1: down how you're currently feeling, so that on week one, 585 00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:19,000 Speaker 1: when you say this is three hundred milligrams, I'm three 586 00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:24,920 Speaker 1: hundred milligrams in and I feel shaky, and then write 587 00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:27,040 Speaker 1: that every day, so you're you're not only getting the 588 00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:28,920 Speaker 1: average of how much you're taking, but you're you're getting 589 00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:31,839 Speaker 1: the average of how you're feeling. Also the next week, 590 00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:33,960 Speaker 1: do the same thing. Week three, you're cutting down to 591 00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:38,319 Speaker 1: three hundred. Week four, cut down to two hundred, and 592 00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:42,239 Speaker 1: continue journaling. So maybe at two hundred you say I'm 593 00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:45,839 Speaker 1: having some kind of withdrawt my body's not functioning right now, 594 00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:48,799 Speaker 1: and this is two hundred. So next week I'm gonna 595 00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:51,680 Speaker 1: bump it up to two fifty and then journal two 596 00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:55,360 Speaker 1: fifty and you say I'm still not functioning on two fifty. 597 00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:59,640 Speaker 1: So on week five, I'm going to two seventy five 598 00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:02,439 Speaker 1: and try to find try to find that place where 599 00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:04,960 Speaker 1: you go, Okay, this is this is pretty good. Actually 600 00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:08,399 Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not shaking, and I'm also functioning. I'm 601 00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:11,239 Speaker 1: at a pretty good level right now. This is while 602 00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:14,480 Speaker 1: you're also seeking medical advice and the community of people 603 00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:18,640 Speaker 1: that have the same thing you do. This is good. 604 00:35:18,719 --> 00:35:20,960 Speaker 1: This is good not only for caffeine, but it could 605 00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:24,160 Speaker 1: be good for any kind of addiction or eating or 606 00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:27,960 Speaker 1: I mean, you might be having a gluten intolerance, okay, 607 00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:32,680 Speaker 1: and you could do the same thing with gluten. We 608 00:35:32,719 --> 00:35:34,600 Speaker 1: don't have to say you got to be drinking a 609 00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:36,480 Speaker 1: lot of water. You got to be drinking a lot 610 00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:40,680 Speaker 1: of water. You said that you're you're overhydrating, but it's 611 00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:43,600 Speaker 1: it's not the good kind of hydrating if you're getting 612 00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:48,400 Speaker 1: that much caffeine. So I'm talking about straight water. And 613 00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:53,160 Speaker 1: I would recommend a glass of water for every glass 614 00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:57,040 Speaker 1: of caffeine drink. So one cup of coffee followed by 615 00:35:57,080 --> 00:35:59,160 Speaker 1: a cup of water. That's not going to help you 616 00:35:59,239 --> 00:36:01,520 Speaker 1: go into the bathroom deal. And that's just that this 617 00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:03,960 Speaker 1: is what you're going to be dealing with. But I 618 00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,520 Speaker 1: don't think you're overhydrating in the right way. I think 619 00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:10,680 Speaker 1: you're overhydrating in a negative way to your body. That's 620 00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:13,960 Speaker 1: about all I could say about this subject because I 621 00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:17,120 Speaker 1: don't know a lot about it. But buddy, thank you 622 00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:21,200 Speaker 1: for emailing and shout out to Michigan. Keep in touch, man, 623 00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:27,960 Speaker 1: let me know what's going on. Okay, next question, subject 624 00:36:28,040 --> 00:36:32,640 Speaker 1: line says he's moving is letting him go best? Hey Grangeer, 625 00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:35,640 Speaker 1: I'm twenty one years old and my gym crush is moving. 626 00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:37,879 Speaker 1: We've been out of out on a couple of dates 627 00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:40,080 Speaker 1: and stuff, and me and him have painted this picture 628 00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:43,439 Speaker 1: that we could possibly move into something more. I've asked 629 00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:46,759 Speaker 1: him what am I to him, and he said he 630 00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:48,880 Speaker 1: doesn't want to get into a relationship right now because 631 00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:51,400 Speaker 1: he's wanting to have his own apartment and his dogs. 632 00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:54,759 Speaker 1: I don't know when he's moving, but I knew that 633 00:36:54,800 --> 00:37:00,000 Speaker 1: before we started. There's a lot more to this email. 634 00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:05,200 Speaker 1: Well do I need to continue? That's my question. He 635 00:37:05,239 --> 00:37:06,839 Speaker 1: said to me that if we're going to get into 636 00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:09,319 Speaker 1: a relationship, he knows he isn't going to give me 637 00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:12,840 Speaker 1: his best right now. And I said the same that 638 00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:15,600 Speaker 1: I'm not ready, but I saw myself getting attached, so 639 00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:17,720 Speaker 1: I figured it was best for us to not continue 640 00:37:17,719 --> 00:37:25,080 Speaker 1: seeing each other right now. What's a good decision. You 641 00:37:25,239 --> 00:37:28,279 Speaker 1: are answering your question for you. You don't need to 642 00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:30,799 Speaker 1: email me to know the right answer. And this is 643 00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:34,120 Speaker 1: I said something similar on the beginning of this episode. 644 00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:40,160 Speaker 1: But you're seeing red flags and then you're continuing to 645 00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:44,840 Speaker 1: ask the question when you already know the answer. Let 646 00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:47,560 Speaker 1: me ask you this. Take yourself out of it, take 647 00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:49,959 Speaker 1: the situation out of it, and let me just straight 648 00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:54,319 Speaker 1: up ask you a question. Hey, if there's a guy 649 00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:56,839 Speaker 1: you like and you want to go on a date 650 00:37:56,880 --> 00:37:59,680 Speaker 1: with him, and he says, I don't want to get 651 00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:02,000 Speaker 1: into really relationship right now because I really love my 652 00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:06,200 Speaker 1: apartment and my dogs, would you please tell me if 653 00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:08,680 Speaker 1: that's a red flag? Would you please tell me if 654 00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:12,360 Speaker 1: this is going to go anywhere. That's an honest question. 655 00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:15,400 Speaker 1: I'm asking your question back to you. Is that gonna work? 656 00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:19,920 Speaker 1: He likes his dogs. That's the worst excuse I've ever heard. 657 00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:24,839 Speaker 1: That's an absolutely terrible excuse to not get into relationship. 658 00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:27,880 Speaker 1: I've heard a thousand better ones. But he likes his 659 00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:33,960 Speaker 1: apartment and his dogs. Is that's ridiculous. No, this is 660 00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:36,200 Speaker 1: not This is not good. It's not that he's a 661 00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:40,000 Speaker 1: bad guy. It's just a bad excuse. He doesn't like you, 662 00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:44,319 Speaker 1: And if he is, he's just playing with you. He's 663 00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:46,319 Speaker 1: leading you on because it feels good to him to 664 00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:49,480 Speaker 1: have someone that's that's all about him right now. No, 665 00:38:49,880 --> 00:38:52,759 Speaker 1: let him go, let him move, and don't reach out 666 00:38:52,800 --> 00:38:56,920 Speaker 1: to him. If he all of a sudden wakes up 667 00:38:56,920 --> 00:38:59,080 Speaker 1: one day and figures out that you're the love of 668 00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:02,000 Speaker 1: his life and dogs don't matter as much, he's gonna 669 00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:05,880 Speaker 1: come back, or he's gonna pay for your plane ticket 670 00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:08,279 Speaker 1: to go to him. But no, you're not gonna fall 671 00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:12,160 Speaker 1: for this excuse. If he likes his dogs, I'm not 672 00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:14,839 Speaker 1: saying it's a bad thing to like dogs. He just 673 00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:18,200 Speaker 1: he's straight up told you. He's straight up told you 674 00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:23,759 Speaker 1: he likes his dogs better than you. No, no, get 675 00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:30,600 Speaker 1: away from this guy. All right, let's let's move on 676 00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:38,360 Speaker 1: down the queue. Here, sepen Cline says confidence, Hey Granger, 677 00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:40,799 Speaker 1: my name is Keegan, fifteen years old from a small 678 00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:44,080 Speaker 1: town in northwest Iowa. I'm in a rough time right now. 679 00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:46,319 Speaker 1: I'm overweight. I'm trying to get back on the right 680 00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:49,759 Speaker 1: track and keep myself and keep finding myself in the 681 00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:52,480 Speaker 1: same spot. And I keep going through these low spots, 682 00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:55,520 Speaker 1: and I have not one single bit of confidence, as 683 00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:57,480 Speaker 1: was wondering if you if you know how to regain 684 00:39:57,520 --> 00:40:02,040 Speaker 1: confidence in myself. Well, first of all, Keegan, thank you, 685 00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:04,319 Speaker 1: thanks for the email shout out to Iowa. You are 686 00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:09,000 Speaker 1: a fifteen brother, and this is normal for you to 687 00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:12,239 Speaker 1: think this. You have a lot more growing to do, 688 00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:15,759 Speaker 1: a lot more developing to do from fifteen to twenty five, 689 00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:19,680 Speaker 1: and you're going to be shocked at how much you're 690 00:40:19,719 --> 00:40:23,759 Speaker 1: going to grow mentally, how much more discipline you're going 691 00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:25,760 Speaker 1: to get, how much more confidence is going to grow 692 00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:28,439 Speaker 1: in these next ten years. I know that doesn't help 693 00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:31,200 Speaker 1: you very much, but don't dwell on this right now 694 00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:34,960 Speaker 1: at fifteen, your confidence will come me as a fifteen 695 00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:37,520 Speaker 1: year old looking back, Hegan me, as a fifteen year old, 696 00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:41,480 Speaker 1: go Lee. That was so I was so insecure and 697 00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:46,200 Speaker 1: had so little amount of confidence. But where does confidence 698 00:40:46,239 --> 00:40:51,840 Speaker 1: come from? It comes from living life and failing and 699 00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:55,520 Speaker 1: achieving and failing and failing and failing and achieving and 700 00:40:55,560 --> 00:41:00,959 Speaker 1: failing times five and achieving, and you grow confidence through 701 00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:03,839 Speaker 1: that knowing I know what it's like to fail. I'm 702 00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:07,000 Speaker 1: failing at this right now, but that's okay. I've failed 703 00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:12,120 Speaker 1: many times and I've also succeeded, and it's worth failing 704 00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:14,880 Speaker 1: so that I can get to the next success. And 705 00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:19,200 Speaker 1: you do this pattern enough time, Keegan, you are going 706 00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:27,319 Speaker 1: to grow profoundly in your confidence level with yourself. Don't 707 00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:31,400 Speaker 1: dwell on this right now. What I would recommend is 708 00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:36,479 Speaker 1: lean into your friends. Find a group. Maybe you're thinking 709 00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:40,759 Speaker 1: I don't have friends. Start making friends. How do I 710 00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:44,720 Speaker 1: do that? Start with things that you like to do, hobbies, 711 00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:46,920 Speaker 1: books that you like to read. Find people that like 712 00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:49,640 Speaker 1: that book. Movies that you like to watch, Find people 713 00:41:49,719 --> 00:41:52,520 Speaker 1: that like to watch that movie. A sport that you 714 00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:54,759 Speaker 1: like to play, Find people that play that sport or 715 00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:57,839 Speaker 1: whatever hobby fill in the blank. Find people that are 716 00:41:57,880 --> 00:42:00,359 Speaker 1: like minded to you, that have the same interesting you. 717 00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:04,680 Speaker 1: Find them and latch onto them and tell them tell 718 00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:08,880 Speaker 1: them what you told me. Say, Hey, do any of 719 00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:12,719 Speaker 1: y'all struggle with having low confidence? I struggle with that, 720 00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:16,439 Speaker 1: trying to find myself, trying to get on the right path, 721 00:42:16,480 --> 00:42:19,680 Speaker 1: and I'm trying to build up my confidence. And watch 722 00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:23,839 Speaker 1: what happens to a group when someone else goes same, Yeah, 723 00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:27,759 Speaker 1: I'm the same, and you go, really like, what tell 724 00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:29,360 Speaker 1: me an example? When they tell you an example, and 725 00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:32,719 Speaker 1: you go, I feel that. I feel that, Kegan right, 726 00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:38,520 Speaker 1: Community is everything. It's the same thing with the guy 727 00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:42,120 Speaker 1: with Arnold Palmer. You find a group that could understand 728 00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:45,000 Speaker 1: where you're coming from. But you also need to know 729 00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:47,480 Speaker 1: Kegan that you're fifteen, and this is going to change. 730 00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:50,360 Speaker 1: When you're sixteen, you're gonna have more confidence than fifteen. 731 00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:53,000 Speaker 1: When you're eighteen, you're gonna have way more confidence than 732 00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,359 Speaker 1: when you are fifteen, when you're twenty one, when you're 733 00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:57,160 Speaker 1: twenty five, and by the time you get to thirty, 734 00:42:57,520 --> 00:43:02,000 Speaker 1: you are a different person because you've lived it and 735 00:43:02,040 --> 00:43:06,000 Speaker 1: you've learned through the living. That's where confidence comes from. 736 00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:10,200 Speaker 1: You can't find it anywhere else besides living it, and 737 00:43:10,239 --> 00:43:18,640 Speaker 1: you will. Okay, thanks for email. All right, let's hit 738 00:43:18,640 --> 00:43:20,520 Speaker 1: one more here. Subject line says I got a lot 739 00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:22,960 Speaker 1: going on. Hey Granger, I love your music. My name 740 00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:25,799 Speaker 1: is Alex Rodriguez. I'm eighteen years old. I recently tore 741 00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:28,799 Speaker 1: my acl and meniscus on my birthday. I lost a 742 00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:31,319 Speaker 1: couple of scholarships, and then my girlfriend left me and 743 00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:33,439 Speaker 1: then I got diagnosed with skin cancer and I can't 744 00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:36,480 Speaker 1: find happiness anymore. Yeah, I could smile, but I struggled 745 00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:40,239 Speaker 1: just being happy. And I try to keep a strong mentality, 746 00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:43,600 Speaker 1: but man, I'm slowly losing it. Is there anything you'd 747 00:43:43,640 --> 00:43:48,760 Speaker 1: recommend to do, Alex? Thanks for the email, Brother eighteen. 748 00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:51,800 Speaker 1: You got a lot going on right now. Man. You 749 00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:56,920 Speaker 1: got some torn up knees, you've got a bad relationship, 750 00:43:57,560 --> 00:44:01,920 Speaker 1: you have a cancer scare. It's understandable that you're going 751 00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:06,960 Speaker 1: to ask me this question. But what I would tell 752 00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:10,960 Speaker 1: you is is going to be so simple that you 753 00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:16,839 Speaker 1: only have today, Alex, because tomorrow is not guaranteed. All 754 00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:18,839 Speaker 1: of us have an expiration date at some point, and 755 00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:23,920 Speaker 1: we don't have a guarantee on anything past today. So 756 00:44:24,040 --> 00:44:26,960 Speaker 1: I would find I would search for what you're grateful 757 00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:30,399 Speaker 1: for in today, because right now your gratefulness has now 758 00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:33,920 Speaker 1: fallen below your expectations of how you're supposed to be living. 759 00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:36,960 Speaker 1: You're thinking, I'm supposed to have scholarships, I'm supposed to 760 00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:39,920 Speaker 1: have healthy needs, I'm supposed to have a good girlfriend. 761 00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:42,640 Speaker 1: I'm supposed to be completely healthy with no cancer in 762 00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:48,680 Speaker 1: my body. But that's what you expect so your expectations 763 00:44:48,680 --> 00:44:52,279 Speaker 1: have risen above the gratefulness that you're feeling for your 764 00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:55,839 Speaker 1: life today. So how do you find gratefulness. Well, let's 765 00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:57,680 Speaker 1: go back to journaling. I would start, I would start 766 00:44:57,680 --> 00:45:01,600 Speaker 1: a gratefulness journal. Every morning up and you go, you 767 00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:05,760 Speaker 1: pull out that piece of paper pen and you say, today, 768 00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:08,080 Speaker 1: I'm grateful that I woke up this morning and I've 769 00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:12,480 Speaker 1: got another chance at today. I'm grateful that the sun's 770 00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:16,120 Speaker 1: out and it's seventy degrees. It's really nice, it's not hot, 771 00:45:16,160 --> 00:45:19,560 Speaker 1: it's not cold. I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful that 772 00:45:19,600 --> 00:45:23,080 Speaker 1: I have my family. My family keeps me alive, and 773 00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:27,320 Speaker 1: I love that. I'm grateful that I feel pretty good today, 774 00:45:28,239 --> 00:45:30,960 Speaker 1: even though I have this diagnosis, I have these torn 775 00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:34,440 Speaker 1: up knees. You not feel pretty good today, And as 776 00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:40,239 Speaker 1: you start recording this gratefulness journal, you start raising your 777 00:45:40,800 --> 00:45:45,359 Speaker 1: gratefulness above what you expected to be today instead of thinking, ah, 778 00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:49,560 Speaker 1: I've got all this bad stuff today. So raise your 779 00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:53,120 Speaker 1: gratefulness and aim low. If you can't find gratefulness, keep 780 00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:58,000 Speaker 1: aiming lower lower. If your whole body hurts you right, 781 00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:03,800 Speaker 1: you could find gratefulness that my hands don't hurt my 782 00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:05,799 Speaker 1: knees hurt, my chest hurts, my head or I got 783 00:46:05,840 --> 00:46:09,720 Speaker 1: a headache, my feet are aching. But hey, my hands, 784 00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:13,680 Speaker 1: my hands don't have any pain. Hey, that's aiming low 785 00:46:13,760 --> 00:46:17,480 Speaker 1: for your gratefulness. That's finding something, and that's something to 786 00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:20,480 Speaker 1: build on. So build that foundation of gratefulness with little 787 00:46:20,480 --> 00:46:25,200 Speaker 1: things if you can't find the big ones, and then 788 00:46:25,200 --> 00:46:28,120 Speaker 1: I will say, this day will pass, This will pass 789 00:46:28,239 --> 00:46:30,760 Speaker 1: for you, Okay, So live in today, live in this moment, 790 00:46:31,600 --> 00:46:34,520 Speaker 1: because this moment's going to pass, and there's good times 791 00:46:34,560 --> 00:46:38,680 Speaker 1: ahead of you. How do I know that because we 792 00:46:38,719 --> 00:46:43,279 Speaker 1: have a human tradition of being resilient. You have a 793 00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:46,080 Speaker 1: long history, a long heritage of people before you, Alex, 794 00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:48,799 Speaker 1: that made it through tough times, that made it through 795 00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:55,040 Speaker 1: impossible times that seemed impossible, and they made it. You 796 00:46:55,040 --> 00:47:00,840 Speaker 1: have a history, a heritage, a legacy of that human culture. 797 00:47:01,719 --> 00:47:05,920 Speaker 1: We always find a way, We always do. And so 798 00:47:05,960 --> 00:47:08,120 Speaker 1: that's why I know that you will too, and the 799 00:47:08,160 --> 00:47:14,000 Speaker 1: sun's gonna come up again and you'll feel better. I 800 00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:17,040 Speaker 1: appreciate you guys. We'll see you next Monday. Gee, thanks 801 00:47:17,080 --> 00:47:19,839 Speaker 1: for joining me on the Granger Smith podcast. I appreciate 802 00:47:20,080 --> 00:47:22,040 Speaker 1: all of you guys. You could help me out by 803 00:47:22,160 --> 00:47:25,960 Speaker 1: rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe 804 00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:29,400 Speaker 1: to this channel. Hit that little like button and notification 805 00:47:29,520 --> 00:47:33,360 Speaker 1: spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video. 806 00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:35,319 Speaker 1: If you have a question for me that you would 807 00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:41,040 Speaker 1: like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com, 808 00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:41,439 Speaker 1: yig