Speaker 1: This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 1: Chris Harrison and Lauren's em coming to you from the
Speaker 1: home office in Austin, Texas, where today we're talking about proposals.
Speaker 1: Now I propose to Lauren, and I'll admit it was
Speaker 1: beautiful and it worked. She said, Yes. There is a
Speaker 1: tradition in a traditional old school marriage man and woman
Speaker 1: that the man gets down on one knee and proposes.
Speaker 1: It's what we were all brought up with Disney movies
Speaker 1: and romantic movies being there in front of the Eiffel Tower,
Speaker 1: the Empire State Building. All the industry was built on
Speaker 1: the man proposing to the woman. Is that still a thing?
Speaker 1: Should it be a thing? Why don't more women propose
Speaker 1: to men? And it's something else that we talked about
Speaker 1: a lot on the Bachelorette. The premise of the Bachelorette
Speaker 1: in early days was let's flip the script. Let's put
Speaker 1: the woman one hundred percent in control to the point
Speaker 1: where she chooses the winner and then proposes. But what
Speaker 1: we found, as much as we wanted that was the
Speaker 1: man took over at the last minute, that the bachelorette.
Speaker 2: Actually try to do it. You tried with which bachelorette.
Speaker 1: Every bachelorette we wanted that.
Speaker 2: Every single season, you tried to have the bachelorette propose.
Speaker 1: We would have loved to have the bachelorette proposal.
Speaker 3: So tell me how you tried, because it's not like
Speaker 3: we've ever seen footage of the woman's about to go
Speaker 3: down on one knee and the guy steps in.
Speaker 2: We never saw that.
Speaker 1: Trish, for example, the original Bachelorette, we knew it was
Speaker 1: her and Ryan. Everybody knew it was her and Ryan.
Speaker 1: We would have loved to have her propose that first
Speaker 1: bachelorette would have been awesome. At the end of the day,
Speaker 1: Trista hopeless from antic loved Ryan really wanted him to propose,
Speaker 1: and we ran into that pretty much on every occasion
Speaker 1: where the bacheorette said at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: I want him to take this leap as well. I
Speaker 1: want him to make this commitment and I want to
Speaker 1: say yes.
Speaker 2: And oh, that's interesting.
Speaker 3: I like that because it's like this has kind of
Speaker 3: been on my terms, but I want him to have
Speaker 3: some ownership here.
Speaker 1: But it was funny that that's the way it went
Speaker 1: for the bacheorette that's not how it goes for the Bachelor.
Speaker 1: The bachelor was always in control and then they proposed.
Speaker 3: True, why doesn't the woman? Maybe the woman should propose
Speaker 3: on the Bachelor?
Speaker 1: Right, I mean that, yeah, you should have to say, okay,
Speaker 1: now I need you to choose me. But that still
Speaker 1: never came into play ever on the Bachelor. It was
Speaker 1: never even a question. So post that's the patriarchy? Is
Speaker 1: that sexism? Is it? What is that the in us?
Speaker 1: That it always ended up the same way. As much
Speaker 1: as we actually tried to make it happen the other way,
Speaker 1: we couldn't. And it's not that we couldn't. We could
Speaker 1: have forced I guess that moment, but they didn't want that,
Speaker 1: and we wanted to give them the moment that they do.
Speaker 2: Did any bachelorette really want to do it?
Speaker 1: I can't remember any bacheorette saying I want to propose.
Speaker 1: I will propose.
Speaker 3: So part of the reason we want to have this
Speaker 3: discussion today is we saw this article in Time magazine.
Speaker 3: It's kind of an opinion piece and the headline is
Speaker 3: why don't more women propose? And the article gets into
Speaker 3: look times, they are a change in women are more
Speaker 3: financially independent.
Speaker 2: Why is this still a thing.
Speaker 3: And I think a huge part of it is just
Speaker 3: sort of the like I think probably overall, women feel
Speaker 3: it's romantic to be proposed to. They feel it it's
Speaker 3: men showing effort. They feel it makes them feel loved
Speaker 3: and special and caretaken.
Speaker 1: It just feels like there's this old stigma that women
Speaker 1: want this more than men, and men need to make
Speaker 1: that leap of faith, they need to commit into the stigma.
Speaker 2: I think that's very accurate.
Speaker 3: Well, and if we really look into I could be wrong,
Speaker 3: but from the light research I've done and it makes
Speaker 3: sense to me. I think the whole reason men proposed
Speaker 3: to women in the first place is rooted in that
Speaker 3: women used to be seen as property and that marriages
Speaker 3: were about were very transactional and about you know, the
Speaker 3: unions of houses or alliances. Yeah, like the arranged marriages
Speaker 3: would unite houses and countries, and women were property and
Speaker 3: their families would get a you know, a dowry for
Speaker 3: them being proposed to, and and it was very businessy.
Speaker 3: So it's really very unromantic when you think about it
Speaker 3: that way, that the idea of a proposal is rooted
Speaker 3: in wartime alliances or business transactions and women being property.
Speaker 1: But I think it has evolved into or dissolved into
Speaker 1: the guy is the one that is hard to commit,
Speaker 1: Like there's this again. I just think there's this tradition
Speaker 1: that we all feel that the guy is the one
Speaker 1: that needs to step up because you know, if a
Speaker 1: woman proposes to him, oh, she's trapping him or she's
Speaker 1: it's like, the connotation is different and it shouldn't be.
Speaker 1: What I'm saying is that's bullsh I think the whole
Speaker 1: concept is complete, bs, And if you're in love, you
Speaker 1: don't care. I would not have cared at all. If
Speaker 1: you had taken me to NAPA and proposed to me,
Speaker 1: I would have been so damn happy. I don't care
Speaker 1: if it was us backwards forward.
Speaker 3: No, Matt, Okay, hold on, I want you to really
Speaker 3: think about it. Yeah, I think I totally agree that
Speaker 3: you would have been happy, and I think we both
Speaker 3: would have been happy if say, us getting engaged should
Speaker 3: come out in this really casual way of me turning
Speaker 3: to and being like I want to marry you? Do
Speaker 3: you want to get married? And you would have said yes,
Speaker 3: and I think we would have been really happy and
Speaker 3: then maybe we would have said, let's go pick out
Speaker 3: a ring together and we would have had a fun
Speaker 3: time of it. I want you to really imagine yourself, truly,
Speaker 3: tell me how you would feel if I had done
Speaker 3: a big proposal and I had gotten down on one
Speaker 3: knee and proposed to you.
Speaker 1: I don't want you to get down on one nay.
Speaker 2: See why why that's interesting.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have cared. It would have been I think
Speaker 1: you would have felt bad.
Speaker 2: I think you would have been like, babe, get up,
Speaker 2: I do It's.
Speaker 1: There is a tradition like would you have called my
Speaker 1: mom or dad? You know, would you have asked for
Speaker 1: my hand in marriage because I called your mom.
Speaker 2: Which again probably goes back to the like dowry and well, for.
Speaker 1: Sure it goes back to we see it now arranged marriage.
Speaker 1: I would like to marry your daughter. We would like
Speaker 1: to unite the clan.
Speaker 3: I hate the phrase asking for their permission. I hate
Speaker 3: that phrase.
Speaker 1: I do your blessing right.
Speaker 3: That's a much better take on it, because asking for
Speaker 3: permission means like again that the woman is this property.
Speaker 1: And I definitely did not ask your mom's permission. What
Speaker 1: I said was, you know, I would like your blessing, and.
Speaker 2: She loved it.
Speaker 3: She was so touched by her phone call. And I
Speaker 3: do think that's a very beautiful thing.
Speaker 1: That's the thing is that those traditions that I think
Speaker 1: are very sweet and I hold dear. I meant a
Speaker 1: lot to me to call your mom right before, because
Speaker 1: I know that it may have gotten out on the
Speaker 1: coconut Telegraph. I didn't want it to get ruined. But
Speaker 1: would you have taken that step? Would you have called
Speaker 1: my parents?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 3: I mean maybe, well I would have called them to
Speaker 3: give them a heads up. I think, yeah, I don't
Speaker 3: think I would have called them.
Speaker 1: And then it would have been weird. Your mom would
Speaker 1: have not been involved.
Speaker 3: What's interesting is you know in this article gets to
Speaker 3: this again, women are more financially independent than ever. We
Speaker 3: want equality and relationships more than ever. We don't want
Speaker 3: I'm not saying everybody, but overall, there's this movement away
Speaker 3: from the man's the provider, the woman stays at home.
Speaker 3: Of course, this isn't a new movement, but as much
Speaker 3: as we're going towards that, proposals have become more decadent
Speaker 3: and over the top and still traditional than fu. I mean,
Speaker 3: people I guarantee you people spend more time and money
Speaker 3: on proposals today than maybe ever before.
Speaker 1: I think the more things change.
Speaker 3: You need a photographer, you're supposed to have flowers, you're
Speaker 3: supposed to throw a party after.
Speaker 2: And have the family there and all these things.
Speaker 1: Well, two things, two schools of thought. Number One, there
Speaker 1: is the social media aspect, right, people know it's going
Speaker 1: to be seen, they want to post it, they know
Speaker 1: their significant other will probably want content. Again, did it
Speaker 1: happen if you don't see it on Instagram? The other
Speaker 1: thing is, I think, and I found this on the
Speaker 1: show when I was producing, the more things change in
Speaker 1: this world, the more things we crave to stay the same,
Speaker 1: the more we kind of lean on those traditions and
Speaker 1: things where we kind of harken back to when things
Speaker 1: were simpler, and a traditional proposal is like that. And
Speaker 1: I always said the beauty of the Bachelor and Bacherette
Speaker 1: was its simplicity. At the end of the day, no
Speaker 1: matter what happens social media, the craziness all that there's
Speaker 1: a boy and a girl on a mountain, on a
Speaker 1: beach and a air balloon in a submarine whatever, just
Speaker 1: staring at each other hoping they love each other, and
Speaker 1: that again.
Speaker 2: I'm just a girl. Yeah, staying in front of a
Speaker 2: boy asking him to love her.
Speaker 1: Notting Hill reference always works, but that is again you
Speaker 1: go back to the Taylor Swift story. With this Travis
Speaker 1: kelce guy. We want to believe in a good love story.
Speaker 1: And it's so simple. The superstar woman, the football player.
Speaker 1: It's America. It takes us back. It's what we wanted
Speaker 1: to believe in Megan and Harry that we are now
Speaker 1: so disillusioned by, and we're disappointed in. We want to
Speaker 1: believe in those fairy tales, even though the things are
Speaker 1: now getting so crazy on yeah, apps and all that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and maybe because the world's feeling a little dark,
Speaker 3: it's nice to see some beautiful flowers in a gorgeous
Speaker 3: proposal moment.
Speaker 1: What would Swifties say and what would happen to the
Speaker 1: world if Taylor Swift got down on one day and
Speaker 1: proposed to Travis kelcey. Let's flash forward and say they're
Speaker 1: madly in love, they've been dating and this is going
Speaker 1: to happen. We all see it coming a mile away.
Speaker 1: But it's Taylor that proposes to Travis.
Speaker 3: I think Swifties would love it, and it would totally
Speaker 3: change the game and suddenly make it.
Speaker 1: Okay because she is a leader, and she is so empowered,
Speaker 1: and she is the most powerful woman maybe you know,
Speaker 1: possibly in the world, definitely the most famous, and if
Speaker 1: she did that, it would change the game. It's interesting
Speaker 1: a whole generation of young girls would grow up saying, Okay.
Speaker 3: Well, you know my former mother in law, who I'm
Speaker 3: still very close with and I love, She's always been
Speaker 3: a real ahead of her time thinker. She has been
Speaker 3: saying this for years. I mean for years she's been
Speaker 3: saying and she kind of did it in her own marriage,
Speaker 3: and they've been together like thirty five years, if not longer.
Speaker 3: I think she kind of said to him, like, let's
Speaker 3: get married, and she's and saying for years. If women
Speaker 3: want to take ownership of their lives, then why not
Speaker 3: take ownership of the biggest decision in your life. A
Speaker 3: piece of advice I heard not long ago was we
Speaker 3: worry so much about where we're going to go to
Speaker 3: college and what kind of job we're going to have.
Speaker 3: The most important thing in your life, and studies show
Speaker 3: that this is the biggest factor of happiness in your
Speaker 3: life is the life partner. You choose who will you
Speaker 3: spend your life with? That is more important than anything.
Speaker 3: So why are women not taking a stand and getting
Speaker 3: ownership in the deciding factor of the most important choice
Speaker 3: of their.
Speaker 2: Life, of the proposal of where it all starts?
Speaker 1: I would say, also a good mattress. Choosing who you're
Speaker 1: going to spend your life with.
Speaker 2: In a good mattress, the mattress a decade.
Speaker 1: The two most important things long relationship.
Speaker 3: Good interior designers will tell you spend the most time
Speaker 3: on your couch in your bed, So make good choices.
Speaker 3: I think, I actually, I will say I think. Also
Speaker 3: what could go away with proposals entirely for me is
Speaker 3: the getting down on one kny thing. I don't need it.
Speaker 3: It feels weird. I mean, I loved our moment, but
Speaker 3: I'm but I but our moment would have been just
Speaker 3: as good if.
Speaker 1: I was sitting there next to you. Sure, yeah, why are.
Speaker 2: We still doing that? What does that even mean?
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's got to go back again. It's got to go
Speaker 1: back to the knighthood.
Speaker 3: And the do you know what's more romantic than getting
Speaker 3: down on one knee? You looking me right in the eyes. Yeah, Like,
Speaker 3: I'm very excited for our vows because we're going to
Speaker 3: be standing there together, looking right at each other, having
Speaker 3: that moment, looking each other right in the eyes and
Speaker 3: declaring our love to me.
Speaker 2: That is so romantic. The getting down on one knee thing,
Speaker 2: It's there's nothing like. I don't know. I'm just saying
Speaker 2: I don't think it's needed. It's not needed.
Speaker 3: I also when it comes to proposals, I support it.
Speaker 3: I say women get to propose, and why not. I
Speaker 3: don't know I feel about engagement rings.
Speaker 1: What do you mean.
Speaker 2: I mean, I love my ring.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I think people have gotten to the point
Speaker 3: they are spending so much money on engagement rings, going
Speaker 3: into debt for them at the end of the And
Speaker 3: you're right about the social media thing. So much of
Speaker 3: it is people want to post on Instagram.
Speaker 2: Here's the ring. Here it is.
Speaker 3: I don't think it's good when the ring you're trying
Speaker 3: to buy isn't reflective of the financial life you can
Speaker 3: really live. Yeah, it's it's I don't know, Am I wrong?
Speaker 2: Has it always been this way? Has it gotten worse?
Speaker 1: No? There was that pressure the first time I went,
Speaker 1: but I just I had no financial means, and I
Speaker 1: am a very I've always as you know, I'm very
Speaker 1: fiscally responsible and I live within my means. I've always
Speaker 1: done that, and I think that's an important, the most
Speaker 1: important lesson I could ever give financially. Live within your means.
Speaker 1: Don't keep up with the jones is. You don't know
Speaker 1: what's going on in someone else's life and how mortgage
Speaker 1: they are to the hilt in debt and all that.
Speaker 1: So just live your life and live below your means.
Speaker 1: When you can put your head down on your pillow
Speaker 1: at night and close your eyes and rest peacefully because
Speaker 1: you know you don't have that. Just live within your means.
Speaker 1: And I think the ring is another big aspect of
Speaker 1: that by which you can buy. Yeah, well, wedding, don't
Speaker 1: over extend yourself on a wedding, on a propose, on
Speaker 1: any of that wedding culture.
Speaker 2: Period's gone crazy. I don't mean to get like negative.
Speaker 2: I don't want to go on a run is.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's negative. I think it's just smart.
Speaker 3: Well, that's part of the reason why I didn't want
Speaker 3: to have a wedding planner. I am so excited for
Speaker 3: our wedding. Yeah, I I want to throw a great party.
Speaker 3: But we've had friends and I've seen how I think
Speaker 3: when you have a wedding planner, like they're an artist
Speaker 3: to some extent, right, Yeah, they want your wedding is
Speaker 3: going to be part of their portfolio.
Speaker 2: So they of course.
Speaker 3: Want you to spend as much money as possible. They
Speaker 3: want to, you know, make it big and blow it out,
Speaker 3: and they're going to tell you need this, and you
Speaker 3: need that. And everything to do with weddings is so overpriced.
Speaker 3: It's like a built in wedding fee. Think about a
Speaker 3: dress you get for like a party or even you know,
Speaker 3: you and I go to events, versus what you spend
Speaker 3: on a wedding dress. The wedding dresses are just jacked
Speaker 3: up price wise, they are every things jacked up.
Speaker 2: So that was part of the.
Speaker 3: Reason why I didn't want to have a wedding planner.
Speaker 3: I didn't want the wedding to get so annoying.
Speaker 1: We know, I don't care how much you talk to
Speaker 1: somebody else, a stranger. We know what's important to us.
Speaker 1: We know where we do want to spend more money,
Speaker 1: and it may not be the same for you. You may
Speaker 1: be obsessed with flowers, and you want the whole thing
Speaker 1: to look like a botanical garden. That's great, that's you,
Speaker 1: that's not Lauren and I. So it's like, what's important
Speaker 1: to you? Where do you want that money spent? And
Speaker 1: so I think when we have planned this wedding together,
Speaker 1: it allows us to do that.
Speaker 3: Okay, let me circle back to the proposal thing, because
Speaker 3: I just thought of another way to like, I'm when
Speaker 3: we do these podcasts, I'm always trying to crack you
Speaker 3: and see if you're if I really know how you feel,
Speaker 3: or if you're really being honest. Your son, Josh, yes,
Speaker 3: it'll likely get married. How would you feel if you
Speaker 3: if he called you and said, my girlfriend proposed to
Speaker 3: me and we're engaged on fine?
Speaker 2: I know I actually would love it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I actually were too cool, Dad, I got that engaged.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you did? What would you do? She proposed
Speaker 1: to me? I'm like, that's awesome.
Speaker 2: You know what's great about it?
Speaker 1: Me and Ty. By the way, my daughter Taylor, if
Speaker 1: she's the one that proposes to her husband, I'd be
Speaker 1: so happy for her.
Speaker 3: I think with Josh, I would feel like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: I'm so glad you're with a woman who loves you
Speaker 3: that much.
Speaker 1: Yea.
Speaker 2: And if Taylor proposed, I would say, hey, I love.
Speaker 3: What an independent, strong woman you are for taking your
Speaker 3: love into your own hands.
Speaker 1: So our takeaway for this playbook shake.
Speaker 2: It up, play by your own rules.
Speaker 1: We'd shake it up. Yeah, like there are no rules anymore.
Speaker 1: Go do you? Obviously these things were born out of
Speaker 1: ancient traditions that we no longer uphold. We're not living
Speaker 1: that way in free society anymore, So be free, shake
Speaker 1: it up. If you love somebody, take that leap of faith. Man, woman, whatever,
Speaker 1: go be happy. I've always said, if it floats your boat,
Speaker 1: if it makes you happy and it's a direction you
Speaker 1: want to go and you're not hurting anybody else, God
Speaker 1: bless you. Go do that. We're going to do it
Speaker 1: all over again. And Lauren's gonna propose to me.
Speaker 2: Why not.
Speaker 1: Thank you for tuning in so appreciate you. Take care
Speaker 1: of yourself, take care of each other, and we'll talk
Speaker 1: again next time because we have a lot more to
Speaker 1: talk about. Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at
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Speaker 1: us a review and leave us five stars. I'll talk
Speaker 1: to you next time,