WEBVTT - I Do, I Don’t, I DO! 0:00:15.000 --> 0:00:18.120 It's I Do Part two. I'm one of your celebrity mentors, 0:00:18.160 --> 0:00:21.000 Jen Fessler from Real Housewives of New Jersey and the 0:00:21.000 --> 0:00:24.720 podcast I co host Two Jersey Jays, and this is 0:00:24.880 --> 0:00:28.640 very exciting. You all heard me probably tell my story 0:00:28.680 --> 0:00:30.880 of how my husband Jeff and I met, got married 0:00:30.880 --> 0:00:34.080 and then took a little marriage detour and then found 0:00:34.120 --> 0:00:36.879 our way back to each other. So today I am 0:00:36.920 --> 0:00:39.600 bringing in my husband, Jeff, because we're going to chat 0:00:39.600 --> 0:00:42.479 a little bit more about the part two of it all. Hi, 0:00:42.560 --> 0:00:45.200 Jeff Fessler, Hello, how are you doing. 0:00:45.560 --> 0:00:46.320 I'm doing fine. 0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:48.800 So let me just tell our listeners that this is 0:00:48.840 --> 0:00:55.560 not necessarily your not venue of choice. No, no, So 0:00:56.080 --> 0:00:58.840 to know us both is to know that Jeff Fesler 0:00:58.920 --> 0:01:01.040 is way more of an intro than I am. And 0:01:01.080 --> 0:01:04.840 would you say that that's true. 0:01:05.760 --> 0:01:06.440 Situations? 0:01:06.520 --> 0:01:11.119 Yeah, I said, really, yes, Well, I mean right, social situations, 0:01:11.200 --> 0:01:15.840 work situations. All of a sudden, my husband becomes chatty Cathy, 0:01:15.920 --> 0:01:19.319 which has served to annoy me. So yeah, this is 0:01:19.360 --> 0:01:22.720 not really your thing, So thank you for joining me. 0:01:23.120 --> 0:01:26.120 I will tell you guys though, that being on TV 0:01:27.120 --> 0:01:31.000 and part of the Housewives of New Jersey, Jeff has 0:01:31.120 --> 0:01:34.679 enjoyed just as much, if not more than I have. 0:01:34.880 --> 0:01:36.560 No one really gets it, but right. 0:01:36.600 --> 0:01:38.640 Well, yeah, it's a little bit different than what I 0:01:38.680 --> 0:01:41.319 do on a daily basis. It is. It's very interesting. 0:01:41.440 --> 0:01:41.720 It is. 0:01:41.840 --> 0:01:45.560 Jeff's an attorney, right, right, So all right, just to 0:01:45.720 --> 0:01:48.440 kind of refresh you, guys, I'll tell you a little 0:01:48.440 --> 0:01:53.960 bit in case you haven't heard the story about our marriage, separation, reconciliation. 0:01:54.920 --> 0:01:57.920 Jeff jump in at any point if I get anything wrong, 0:01:58.160 --> 0:02:02.040 I will so. Uh, seven years into our marriage, which 0:02:02.080 --> 0:02:05.800 was so cliche, right, the seven year itch, we hit 0:02:06.280 --> 0:02:10.680 a rough patch, right, And I don't know, we were 0:02:10.680 --> 0:02:14.120 not communicating, right, We were kind of doing our own 0:02:14.160 --> 0:02:15.160 trade young children. 0:02:15.440 --> 0:02:19.080 Yes, I was working all the time. Yes, And I 0:02:19.280 --> 0:02:23.079 was with the two young children. Excuse me, you were 0:02:23.080 --> 0:02:24.080 with the two young children. 0:02:24.120 --> 0:02:25.440 Oh? I thought you said you were working with the 0:02:25.440 --> 0:02:26.280 two young children. 0:02:26.360 --> 0:02:27.640 Oh, you were with the twos. 0:02:27.639 --> 0:02:30.080 I was definitely with the two young children. And I 0:02:30.160 --> 0:02:35.080 was kind of doing this cougar thing where and there 0:02:35.080 --> 0:02:37.160 were a lot of women who I was friends with 0:02:38.480 --> 0:02:41.240 in my town, and for whatever reason, like we were 0:02:41.240 --> 0:02:44.720 always going out on Thursday nights, right, getting decked out, 0:02:45.280 --> 0:02:49.000 going out for I don't know, birthdays, but also just 0:02:49.040 --> 0:02:53.320 to go out and flirt. And I tell you all 0:02:53.360 --> 0:02:58.720 about because it's not to justify it. But there was. 0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:04.000 So there was some infidelity in our marriage. And it 0:03:04.080 --> 0:03:06.079 did actually which no one ever believes it did, start 0:03:06.120 --> 0:03:06.880 with Jeff Wessler. 0:03:07.400 --> 0:03:07.760 It did. 0:03:08.000 --> 0:03:10.760 It did, so I mean, I don't know, Well, let 0:03:10.760 --> 0:03:12.519 me tell you the story first and I'll tell you 0:03:12.600 --> 0:03:16.320 the sort of full picture. So that happened, and that 0:03:16.360 --> 0:03:17.280 definitely happened. 0:03:17.760 --> 0:03:20.000 So let's just leave it at that. That happened, and 0:03:20.040 --> 0:03:22.520 that's it. Just keep moving on. That was not it. 0:03:23.000 --> 0:03:28.080 That was not it. So that happened, and that was 0:03:29.040 --> 0:03:35.040 obviously devastating. Sorry dude, but you know you play it. Yes, 0:03:35.120 --> 0:03:38.240 for both of us. Yes, we stayed together for a 0:03:38.240 --> 0:03:40.000 little while after it happened. 0:03:40.560 --> 0:03:42.920 Now, yeah, that's that's that's. 0:03:43.480 --> 0:03:48.200 That was definitely rough. Yes it was. And then at 0:03:48.320 --> 0:03:50.960 some point I went to Florida with the kids, not 0:03:51.000 --> 0:03:53.800 at some point over the summer that year, for the summer, 0:03:54.240 --> 0:03:57.000 and I went to go see my sister, my best friend. 0:03:57.080 --> 0:03:58.480 I was like, I'm just going to stay for the summer, 0:03:59.080 --> 0:04:05.720 got this, rented this little townhouse and put the kids 0:04:05.760 --> 0:04:09.160 in camp with some of their friends, and I just 0:04:09.280 --> 0:04:15.119 had myself a good old time. Yeah, I guess, yes, 0:04:15.200 --> 0:04:19.120 you weren't there, and I whooped it up and ended 0:04:19.200 --> 0:04:27.240 up meeting this guy, nice guy and started something. And 0:04:27.560 --> 0:04:30.320 basically Jeff came to visit that summer and I said, listen, 0:04:31.440 --> 0:04:36.320 it's over. We no, yes, remember we went to Disney 0:04:36.360 --> 0:04:37.800 which with the kids Disney and I. 0:04:37.839 --> 0:04:41.560 Was like, I think, yes, it was until December. 0:04:41.600 --> 0:04:44.240 I mean, we stayed together until December. But I remember 0:04:44.240 --> 0:04:47.599 that conversation because it was not an easy conversation anyway, 0:04:48.480 --> 0:04:52.760 So we were officially separated as of that December. Jeff 0:04:52.800 --> 0:04:56.120 moved into the city for March of I don't remember 0:04:56.120 --> 0:04:58.800 the dates. I actually think it's very sweet that you 0:04:58.839 --> 0:05:03.120 remember the exact everything. So Jeff moved out, moved into 0:05:03.120 --> 0:05:08.520 the city, and my boyfriend moved from Florida to New Jersey. 0:05:08.880 --> 0:05:10.680 Can I just say, by the way, there's a lot 0:05:10.720 --> 0:05:16.320 that went down that I regret, although you know, not 0:05:16.360 --> 0:05:20.080 necessarily believe in regrets, but I would do things very 0:05:20.279 --> 0:05:25.479 differently today. But so, my boyfriend at the time moved 0:05:25.480 --> 0:05:28.720 to New Jersey and Jeff was in the city doing 0:05:28.720 --> 0:05:30.559 his thing with his girlfriend and the kids were going 0:05:30.760 --> 0:05:36.240 back and forth. And the truth is the entire time 0:05:36.279 --> 0:05:39.400 that we were separated. It wasn't I guess what. 0:05:39.440 --> 0:05:43.720 Wait wait wait wait, you skipped. So I moved into 0:05:43.720 --> 0:05:46.799 the city and then was you know, I was working 0:05:46.800 --> 0:05:49.320 and doing whatever, and then I started going out and 0:05:49.520 --> 0:05:55.240 then found somebody. It wasn't like, what's the difference. It 0:05:55.279 --> 0:05:57.559 wasn't a person. It wasn't the person. 0:05:57.600 --> 0:06:00.640 Oh no, oh god, right, No it wasn't. Yes, no, 0:06:00.720 --> 0:06:04.120 it definitely wasn't that person. That's a whole other crazy, 0:06:04.200 --> 0:06:07.800 that's a whole right. Yes, so, yes, exactly, that's true. 0:06:07.960 --> 0:06:10.600 But I will say that the whole time Jeff never 0:06:10.640 --> 0:06:16.880 wanted to get separated. No, and so you know, it wasn't. 0:06:16.920 --> 0:06:18.560 I don't think it was typical and that like you 0:06:18.560 --> 0:06:20.760 look at the p K and or read of it. 0:06:20.800 --> 0:06:25.159 All right, well, yeah, you watched Beverly Hills and the 0:06:25.160 --> 0:06:27.000 way that they're starting to go after each other. We 0:06:27.120 --> 0:06:27.760 just never had that. 0:06:28.520 --> 0:06:29.599 Uh. 0:06:29.680 --> 0:06:32.440 We didn't really even get into the money, right. We 0:06:32.560 --> 0:06:34.320 just didn't like when we were like getting we were 0:06:34.320 --> 0:06:35.840 going to get divorced, and it wasn't like this. 0:06:36.320 --> 0:06:38.200 Well I do remember one thing. 0:06:38.200 --> 0:06:40.599 Oh god, is we did you know what enough of you? 0:06:40.640 --> 0:06:44.360 On this point? We did go to a mediator, right, 0:06:45.760 --> 0:06:47.680 And it was the only time we went I think 0:06:48.160 --> 0:06:52.440 no more than once I went to a mediator and 0:06:52.480 --> 0:06:56.240 then you were like, basically, well, this is what I 0:06:56.440 --> 0:06:59.360 want this and then she said, well you have to 0:06:59.440 --> 0:07:02.960 leave something for him fifty fifty me. 0:07:03.600 --> 0:07:07.760 Wait what, Oh, that's true, that's true for him. I 0:07:07.800 --> 0:07:08.720 hate that. You remember that? 0:07:08.800 --> 0:07:10.320 Yes, I blocked remember that. 0:07:10.400 --> 0:07:12.800 Yeah, so I guess apparently I was being very piggish 0:07:12.840 --> 0:07:14.640 about it. But you know, you're scared when you're in 0:07:14.640 --> 0:07:18.400 the middle of that. As you can imagine, it's very scary, 0:07:18.560 --> 0:07:23.480 very scary to not have worked for you know, seven years, 0:07:23.520 --> 0:07:27.280 although I did work part time and not know, you know, 0:07:27.320 --> 0:07:30.560 how the future will pan out, and. 0:07:31.080 --> 0:07:35.640 And other than gop ones, it's a great weight loss. 0:07:35.280 --> 0:07:40.520 Oh, Jeff, very very skinny, couldn't eat. Yeah, I remember 0:07:40.560 --> 0:07:43.120 feeling so badly about that, but you were actually happy 0:07:43.160 --> 0:07:46.760 about that part. But we just like we never thought. 0:07:46.880 --> 0:07:48.760 I remember once, like the kids were in the car 0:07:48.840 --> 0:07:51.200 and they called me to complain about him. I don't 0:07:51.200 --> 0:07:52.920 know where you guys were going, but Rachel called and 0:07:52.960 --> 0:07:55.280 she was like, Daddy's doing this or whatever, and I'm like, honey, 0:07:55.520 --> 0:07:58.000 you got there. You do have the wrong number. You 0:07:58.040 --> 0:08:01.240 think that you're going to complain about Jeff Bessler to 0:08:01.280 --> 0:08:07.320 me the world's greatest father. So you know, there was 0:08:07.880 --> 0:08:12.120 never really this horrible animosity, even with the cheating and 0:08:12.840 --> 0:08:13.560 whatever else. 0:08:13.360 --> 0:08:16.480 Has gone down, there was something underlying there was we. 0:08:16.440 --> 0:08:20.680 Were sad, Yes, we were just both so sad, and 0:08:22.280 --> 0:08:26.960 so we would whatever talk on the phone, and I 0:08:26.960 --> 0:08:29.600 would tell my boyfriend at the time, like I'm going 0:08:29.640 --> 0:08:34.520 to mediation, and I would meet Jeff at Chili's and like, 0:08:34.559 --> 0:08:38.080 I'm thinking, I'm cheating on my boyfriend with my husband 0:08:37.640 --> 0:08:41.600 on the border. You're right, wasn't there one time, Childias 0:08:41.600 --> 0:08:45.560 when we met we saw Leon. No, it wasn't let's 0:08:45.600 --> 0:08:48.640 not fight when we saw Leon at the time anyway, 0:08:48.720 --> 0:08:54.760 doesn't Friday Okay, Yes, it was TGI Fridays anyway, So 0:08:56.280 --> 0:08:59.000 you know, and the guy I was seeing was very 0:08:59.040 --> 0:09:03.960 invested in the relationship and we were serious, and you know, 0:09:04.040 --> 0:09:06.000 he was very good to me, and Jeff and his 0:09:06.040 --> 0:09:08.760 girlfriend were maybe not that serious. I don't know, but 0:09:09.000 --> 0:09:11.720 it just wasn't right. Like I just didn't want to 0:09:11.720 --> 0:09:14.280 ever pull the plug, and I knew that Jeff didn't, 0:09:14.559 --> 0:09:16.360 and my entire family, by the way, I will tell 0:09:16.400 --> 0:09:19.040 you this. They all sided with Jeff, which was totally 0:09:19.280 --> 0:09:21.520 Jeff was never closer to my mother than during this time. 0:09:21.600 --> 0:09:24.560 No, no, no, yeah, absolutely. 0:09:23.880 --> 0:09:29.640 They all supported him. Everybody, everybody pretty much everywhere our friends. 0:09:29.640 --> 0:09:31.040 Why is that? Why do you think that was? 0:09:32.400 --> 0:09:38.920 I'm me or you? That's very likable. Oh I'm not 0:09:39.200 --> 0:09:40.720 at that point, Maybe you weren't. 0:09:41.080 --> 0:09:43.800 Okay, they all I think that they all also they 0:09:44.080 --> 0:09:46.520 I guess they knew how badly you wanted to get 0:09:46.520 --> 0:09:49.840 back together. So I would say long story short, but 0:09:49.840 --> 0:09:52.840 this is turning out to be long story long. We 0:09:52.880 --> 0:09:57.880 are on a boat going to Martha's vineyard Nantucket. We 0:09:57.880 --> 0:10:00.120 were meeting Jeanine. The kids were with her. Do you 0:10:00.120 --> 0:10:02.760 remember this. Yeah, we're on the ferry and I don't 0:10:02.760 --> 0:10:04.360 know why we were together, because we weren't at that 0:10:04.400 --> 0:10:07.200 point back together. But you said something to me. You're like, 0:10:08.080 --> 0:10:12.240 I don't know, you don't understand what like what we're 0:10:12.280 --> 0:10:18.440 doing now is such something like is so such a shame? 0:10:18.760 --> 0:10:20.880 Shanda is a is a Jewish word for it. But 0:10:22.240 --> 0:10:24.520 because our we can be so good and we can 0:10:24.559 --> 0:10:27.480 have the best life. Yeah, and that just I don't know, 0:10:27.520 --> 0:10:31.720 it resonated with me and so soon after that, I 0:10:31.800 --> 0:10:33.440 just got to the point where I was like, I 0:10:33.559 --> 0:10:35.640 just want I just want my life back. 0:10:36.320 --> 0:10:38.720 Well, it happened when we were the Jamaica. 0:10:39.480 --> 0:10:43.160 Wow. I went on vacation with my boyfriend to Saint Bart's, 0:10:43.200 --> 0:10:46.760 the most glorious, you know, island in the world, and 0:10:46.880 --> 0:10:49.960 Jeff's with the kids to Jamaica, like beaches Jamaica, and 0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:54.120 I just wanted to be in Jamaica. Yeah, my husband 0:10:54.120 --> 0:10:56.679 and my kids. I feel bad about it, because again, 0:10:56.720 --> 0:10:59.600 my boyfriend was a very nice guy, but it you know, 0:10:59.720 --> 0:11:04.920 he's right now, so that's okay. Anyway, So we got 0:11:04.960 --> 0:11:05.559 back together. 0:11:06.840 --> 0:11:14.720 We did. We did summer two thousand and ten. 0:11:14.760 --> 0:11:16.400 We were separated for how long, like you heard of 0:11:17.600 --> 0:11:22.160 a year and a half? Yeah, yeah, so you know, 0:11:23.240 --> 0:11:26.360 things definitely have changed in our marriage. We got back 0:11:26.360 --> 0:11:28.240 together and we immediately moved out of our house to 0:11:28.280 --> 0:11:30.520 another house in the same town that we live in. 0:11:30.960 --> 0:11:33.480 We just wanted to kind of move on. The kids, 0:11:33.480 --> 0:11:35.720 I will say, we told them all their way at 0:11:35.760 --> 0:11:40.120 Sleepway Camp at visiting day and they were so happy. 0:11:40.160 --> 0:11:42.720 One thing I never predicted because I come from a 0:11:42.720 --> 0:11:46.400 family of lots and lots of divorce. So my parents 0:11:46.400 --> 0:11:48.880 have been divorced, not just from each other, but more 0:11:48.920 --> 0:11:54.160 than once. And so I don't know why I thought 0:11:54.400 --> 0:11:56.280 they got divorced when I was three, and I didn't 0:11:56.280 --> 0:11:59.680 predict how I would feel in terms of the kids 0:11:59.800 --> 0:12:03.560 and their sadness, because for me, I guess I thought 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:05.920 I had just died. I don't maybe I just didn't remember. 0:12:06.040 --> 0:12:08.520 But I don't remember ever being sad about it. It 0:12:08.559 --> 0:12:10.840 was just my way of life, you know. And the 0:12:10.920 --> 0:12:12.880 kids were so sad, and that was certainly that was 0:12:12.920 --> 0:12:16.160 the hardest part watching them miss their dad, and it 0:12:16.240 --> 0:12:21.120 broke my heart. And I'm sure anybody who's been divorced, 0:12:21.600 --> 0:12:24.480 you know, feels that, of course. But I remember telling 0:12:24.480 --> 0:12:26.360 them that we're getting back together on visiting day and 0:12:27.280 --> 0:12:30.600 promising them that it would never happen again. Right, I 0:12:30.640 --> 0:12:35.640 remember that, and then we left when they got home, right. 0:12:35.760 --> 0:12:36.920 I don't know if that was the best time. 0:12:37.040 --> 0:12:37.880 We do a best house. 0:12:38.040 --> 0:12:40.200 They got home, Yes, they got home to a new house. 0:12:40.600 --> 0:12:42.000 I don't know if that was the healthiest way to 0:12:42.040 --> 0:12:44.480 handle it, but we did the best we could buy 0:12:44.559 --> 0:12:48.280 a new house. No, just like, okay, we're getting back together, Okay, 0:12:48.400 --> 0:12:51.880 go back to soccer and theater and we'll see you 0:12:51.880 --> 0:12:55.600 in three weeks. Wow, it did work out, thankfully, it 0:12:55.640 --> 0:13:01.360 did work out. So anyway, that was our journey. So 0:13:02.120 --> 0:13:03.880 but let's talk about it what it's like now. So 0:13:04.679 --> 0:13:08.439 what would you say has been the biggest change. I mean, 0:13:08.440 --> 0:13:10.640 we've been back together for quite some time, we've married 0:13:10.679 --> 0:13:12.440 twenty five years. But what do you think is different 0:13:12.480 --> 0:13:14.120 than those initial seven. 0:13:14.360 --> 0:13:19.280 We definitely communicate better. And I said that the other day, 0:13:19.320 --> 0:13:22.319 but you laughed at me because, oh, come on. 0:13:22.559 --> 0:13:23.840 I don't know if that's it. I don't know what 0:13:23.840 --> 0:13:25.440 we can do. I mean, I don't even know if 0:13:25.480 --> 0:13:28.360 that means I don't remember the first seven years? Do 0:13:28.480 --> 0:13:29.880 we not communicate? I mean I guess we were just 0:13:29.920 --> 0:13:31.120 so busy doing our own thing. 0:13:32.120 --> 0:13:37.400 Yes it was working, I mean yes, I mean having 0:13:37.440 --> 0:13:39.840 the kids in the house and young at that age, 0:13:39.880 --> 0:13:40.160 but we. 0:13:40.160 --> 0:13:41.240 Still had the kids in the house. 0:13:42.120 --> 0:13:43.160 Not now. I don't know. 0:13:43.200 --> 0:13:45.120 I so you think it was communicating. I feel like 0:13:45.120 --> 0:13:48.560 it was just gratitude. The thing is, it was like 0:13:48.559 --> 0:13:49.719 getting my best friend. 0:13:49.480 --> 0:13:55.600 Back, and it's yeah, it's like it's like I still 0:13:55.600 --> 0:13:56.320 think about it. 0:13:56.480 --> 0:13:59.200 You do, sure you'd never ever say that to me. 0:13:59.360 --> 0:14:03.000 It tooks podcast for you to say that's me think. 0:14:02.880 --> 0:14:05.480 About it and you're like, you're relieved that you haven't 0:14:05.559 --> 0:14:06.520 then go through with that. 0:14:07.400 --> 0:14:09.520 Well the time, that's a nice thing to say. I 0:14:09.600 --> 0:14:11.960 do think about it too, and I think that the 0:14:11.960 --> 0:14:13.920 people that love us think about it because they're always 0:14:13.960 --> 0:14:17.360 you know, my aunt is always like, you made the 0:14:17.360 --> 0:14:18.480 best choice. 0:14:18.200 --> 0:14:20.080 Ever through hell when you came out the others. 0:14:20.360 --> 0:14:32.800 Yeah, I know a lot of married couples we always 0:14:32.840 --> 0:14:34.800 hear saying that you know, you have to date your 0:14:34.840 --> 0:14:36.880 spouse and there has to you have to put aside. 0:14:36.920 --> 0:14:39.160 I guess some time, I don't know, once a week 0:14:39.240 --> 0:14:41.040 to go out on a date. And people always ask me, 0:14:41.120 --> 0:14:43.120 like how we got back together and why is it different? 0:14:43.200 --> 0:14:47.600 And I mean I don't think that we do that 0:14:48.360 --> 0:14:53.240 what date, date night? No, I don't things that were there. No, 0:14:53.440 --> 0:14:54.840 I mean we have like well. 0:14:54.720 --> 0:14:57.920 Now Fridays and Saturdays maybe now we'll go out, but 0:14:58.080 --> 0:14:59.520 during the week no, but. 0:14:59.480 --> 0:15:01.320 It's not even but it's not like a plan data 0:15:01.440 --> 0:15:05.440 and plus we're empty nesters, yes, so that's different. But 0:15:05.520 --> 0:15:07.280 we never did that. We never had like an official 0:15:07.360 --> 0:15:11.400 date night. And the truth is we if we felt 0:15:11.440 --> 0:15:13.840 like going out, the night's forced kind of you think 0:15:14.680 --> 0:15:17.240 people swear by it. I don't know. 0:15:17.400 --> 0:15:19.920 I mean we do it. 0:15:19.960 --> 0:15:22.400 No, I know what date night? Yeah me, yeah, well 0:15:22.440 --> 0:15:26.800 it was forced. Yeah, we're all connecting. I don't actually, 0:15:27.840 --> 0:15:29.600 I don't know. I never and the other pieces that 0:15:29.720 --> 0:15:33.000 like we would get we get to Saturday night and 0:15:33.040 --> 0:15:35.560 half the time, and Jeff is like always excited to 0:15:35.600 --> 0:15:37.840 go out and be social because he doesn't get to 0:15:38.040 --> 0:15:39.760 during the week and he's just work, work, work, and 0:15:40.280 --> 0:15:41.960 I'm just all I want to do on Saturday night 0:15:42.160 --> 0:15:44.080 is sit on the couch, which is always what I 0:15:44.120 --> 0:15:46.400 want to do every day, sit on the couch and 0:15:47.240 --> 0:15:50.080 watch a movie and lay in the bed. So that's okay. 0:15:50.120 --> 0:15:53.520 So I'm not, by the way, I'm not advocating for 0:15:53.680 --> 0:15:56.000 any of this. We're just telling you what works for us. 0:15:56.200 --> 0:15:59.760 So I don't know if you're thinking of a separation 0:16:00.320 --> 0:16:05.000 or you're in the middle of one. So, you know, 0:16:05.160 --> 0:16:07.880 half the time we make plans and then I feel guilty 0:16:07.880 --> 0:16:11.360 because I just don't want to go out right, Yes. 0:16:12.200 --> 0:16:14.520 Yeah, we we'll make plans and then at like you know, 0:16:14.600 --> 0:16:17.320 four or five o'clock, like, yeah, I don't feel like going. 0:16:17.360 --> 0:16:19.280 I know, and I do feel badly about that. There's 0:16:19.320 --> 0:16:22.640 that song though by is it Luke Hombs, Yes, Luke Combs. 0:16:22.840 --> 0:16:23.640 What is it called? 0:16:24.720 --> 0:16:26.360 Beautiful? Beautiful crazy? 0:16:26.480 --> 0:16:29.000 Yes, beautiful crazy. I think that it describes me perfectly, 0:16:29.080 --> 0:16:30.320 not the beautiful part. 0:16:30.280 --> 0:16:31.880 The Dutch, the coffee and the whole time. 0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:35.760 Yes, coffee every morning, wine at night. Anyway, I digress. 0:16:36.240 --> 0:16:37.800 So I don't know that we do date night. But 0:16:37.840 --> 0:16:42.440 the thing is and also and so Jeff works from home, 0:16:43.360 --> 0:16:48.240 maybe Fridays, maybe he's occasionally more than that. So during 0:16:48.280 --> 0:16:50.840 the week he's up and like a robot every day 0:16:51.040 --> 0:16:53.320 since the day I met him, five thirty. Boom up, 0:16:53.480 --> 0:16:55.760 take the shower, do the push ups, get dressed, go 0:16:55.840 --> 0:16:58.640 to work, comes home late, usually around what eight o'clock, 0:16:59.560 --> 0:17:03.240 comes up stairs, says Hi, goes back downstairs, back to 0:17:03.280 --> 0:17:07.640 the office. So I'm always in bed. That's something else 0:17:07.840 --> 0:17:11.120 but watching TV and eating or whatever it is I'm doing. 0:17:11.160 --> 0:17:12.600 So it's not like we're on top of each other 0:17:12.640 --> 0:17:14.960 all week. Talk a couple times during the day on 0:17:15.000 --> 0:17:18.440 the phone. I don't know that that's good or bad. 0:17:18.480 --> 0:17:22.119 It's just us. It works, It just does, right. Yes, 0:17:22.680 --> 0:17:24.880 I don't know why it works, but we don't. We're 0:17:24.920 --> 0:17:26.400 not on top of each other all week and even 0:17:26.400 --> 0:17:30.680 when you're home working, like we've we come out, we 0:17:30.720 --> 0:17:33.400 see each other, back to the office, back to the bedroom. 0:17:34.480 --> 0:17:38.440 Maybe that separation works if we work together like all day. 0:17:38.520 --> 0:17:40.760 If we were together, no, I kill you, right, that 0:17:40.800 --> 0:17:43.360 wouldn't work. Yeah, that would definitely. No, it wouldn't work. 0:17:43.359 --> 0:17:47.560 We have fun during COVID, I think for stough that's 0:17:47.680 --> 0:17:50.440 very true. Yes, yeah, I don't know. I mean that's 0:17:50.600 --> 0:17:53.280 and then on the weekends we go out, we don't. 0:17:53.640 --> 0:17:56.320 I never feel like. One thing that I love about 0:17:56.320 --> 0:17:59.919 you is that I never feel pressed to do anything, 0:18:00.280 --> 0:18:05.400 Like You're so easy. Growing up, I all I wanted 0:18:05.440 --> 0:18:08.320 to do was like lay in the bed and read books. 0:18:08.400 --> 0:18:11.560 And I remember my mom would get so frustrated with me, 0:18:12.520 --> 0:18:15.880 and I always had this feeling that I was so lazy. 0:18:15.960 --> 0:18:18.879 But you just don't seem to care. You never shave me. 0:18:19.600 --> 0:18:20.960 I eat in the bed, you don't care. 0:18:21.320 --> 0:18:25.159 I crumbs get on my side of the bed. I 0:18:25.160 --> 0:18:27.080 do care, you know. 0:18:27.280 --> 0:18:30.240 That's I don't know. We don't pressure each other. I 0:18:30.320 --> 0:18:33.440 feel like we don't. It's very just kind of like accepting. 0:18:33.520 --> 0:18:38.280 And then when something happens during the day, so either 0:18:38.320 --> 0:18:41.480 I'm rushing downstairs to the office, to tell you about it, 0:18:41.640 --> 0:18:44.120 or you're rushing upstairs to tell me about it. It could 0:18:44.119 --> 0:18:45.840 be anything. It could be something about the kids. It 0:18:45.840 --> 0:18:47.640 could be something about work. It could be something about 0:18:47.640 --> 0:18:52.960 the housewives. Now Jeff is like a reality show aficionado, 0:18:53.760 --> 0:18:58.200 which is just weird. Okay, you one hundred percent stop it, 0:18:58.320 --> 0:19:03.760 just stop. Really anyway, a couple Okay, he like he's 0:19:03.800 --> 0:19:08.320 into the Bachelor, he watches anymore. Anyway, We're not on 0:19:08.400 --> 0:19:11.359 top of each other, but we're always kind of connecting, 0:19:11.480 --> 0:19:16.960 checking in and we laugh a lot. Like we make 0:19:17.000 --> 0:19:18.560 fun of each other a lot. Jeff and I we 0:19:18.640 --> 0:19:21.639 have this shtick where and people are always I don't know, 0:19:21.800 --> 0:19:23.880 I think it's nice. People are like taken aback by it. 0:19:24.160 --> 0:19:26.800 You know what I'm talking about? No, yes, you do. 0:19:28.200 --> 0:19:31.800 We give each other all the time. Let me give 0:19:31.800 --> 0:19:36.159 each like what make fun of each other. Okay, simmer 0:19:36.200 --> 0:19:41.800 down like that, like I don't know, like people that 0:19:41.880 --> 0:19:45.520 he walks in the room, I'm like, oh, hello, Jeffrey, 0:19:46.200 --> 0:19:48.880 and then he'll he just makes fun of me constantly. 0:19:49.200 --> 0:19:51.880 He'll come up to the bedroom and he'll like tuck 0:19:51.960 --> 0:19:54.679 me in, like like press it around there, just to 0:19:54.720 --> 0:19:56.480 make fun. We make fun of each other a lot. 0:19:56.520 --> 0:19:57.399 You know that we do. 0:19:57.440 --> 0:19:59.440 Why you lie, that's what you're talking about. 0:19:59.520 --> 0:20:01.440 Yes, well as opposed to what I don't know. I 0:20:01.440 --> 0:20:04.679 don't say you're short and you do. 0:20:05.040 --> 0:20:05.400 I do. 0:20:06.040 --> 0:20:10.360 Yeah, my daughter is dating someone who is on he's 0:20:10.359 --> 0:20:13.119 not short, like you're short on the shorter side. So 0:20:13.119 --> 0:20:15.240 I'm constantly like a pant of Jeff being like, why 0:20:15.720 --> 0:20:19.680 would you date a short guy? Like what, why aren't 0:20:19.720 --> 0:20:23.040 you looking for someone tall and dashing? And I mean 0:20:23.160 --> 0:20:27.320 except no, apparently not. Well he's very cute, yeah, her boyfriend, 0:20:27.359 --> 0:20:30.000 but anyway, and he's not I don't God forbid, there listening. 0:20:30.040 --> 0:20:32.480 He's not short. He's taller than Jack, but he's not tall. 0:20:32.840 --> 0:20:35.240 My one requirement when I was dating back in the day, 0:20:35.760 --> 0:20:37.640 uh maybe it was fixing me up on a blind date. 0:20:37.680 --> 0:20:42.520 I would be like, he doesn't have to be extraordinarily well, well, 0:20:42.520 --> 0:20:44.399 it doesn't to be wealthy, es to be ambitious. He 0:20:44.440 --> 0:20:47.560 doesn't have to be the life of the party. He 0:20:47.720 --> 0:20:51.880 just has to be tall. Well, here you go, miss 0:20:51.920 --> 0:20:58.600 down all those my thought. You're very ambitious. Yes I am, okay, yes, 0:20:59.880 --> 0:21:02.440 So I don't know. Do you think that the separation 0:21:02.800 --> 0:21:05.720 saved our marriage? Like would you do it again? 0:21:06.480 --> 0:21:09.399 Could I go through that again? Knowing what I know now? 0:21:10.280 --> 0:21:15.840 No? But yeah it was hell? But do you think 0:21:15.840 --> 0:21:17.760 we would be like like you said, you still think 0:21:17.800 --> 0:21:19.520 about it. I still think about it. There's so much 0:21:19.520 --> 0:21:20.400 gratitude for it. 0:21:21.320 --> 0:21:24.640 Not I wouldn't say it's gratitude. I would say it's 0:21:24.760 --> 0:21:30.320 it's it's it helped, it helped the relationship. I mean, 0:21:30.359 --> 0:21:36.680 would it Maybe maybe this would have happened later Maybe 0:21:36.680 --> 0:21:40.119 this would have happened later on and we wouldn't have 0:21:40.119 --> 0:21:41.520 been able to go through with it. I don't know 0:21:41.520 --> 0:21:43.600 what you're talking about. I don't know. I don't know that. 0:21:43.760 --> 0:21:46.760 I am not. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, and 0:21:46.800 --> 0:21:48.960 I wouldn't want to experience it again. 0:21:48.920 --> 0:21:50.080