Speaker 1: It's I Do Part two. I'm one of your celebrity mentors,
Speaker 1: Jen Fessler from Real Housewives of New Jersey and the
Speaker 1: podcast I co host Two Jersey Jays, and this is
Speaker 1: very exciting. You all heard me probably tell my story
Speaker 1: of how my husband Jeff and I met, got married
Speaker 1: and then took a little marriage detour and then found
Speaker 1: our way back to each other. So today I am
Speaker 1: bringing in my husband, Jeff, because we're going to chat
Speaker 1: a little bit more about the part two of it all. Hi,
Speaker 1: Jeff Fessler, Hello, how are you doing.
Speaker 2: I'm doing fine.
Speaker 1: So let me just tell our listeners that this is
Speaker 1: not necessarily your not venue of choice. No, no, So
Speaker 1: to know us both is to know that Jeff Fesler
Speaker 1: is way more of an intro than I am. And
Speaker 1: would you say that that's true.
Speaker 2: Situations?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I said, really, yes, Well, I mean right, social situations,
Speaker 1: work situations. All of a sudden, my husband becomes chatty Cathy,
Speaker 1: which has served to annoy me. So yeah, this is
Speaker 1: not really your thing, So thank you for joining me.
Speaker 1: I will tell you guys though, that being on TV
Speaker 1: and part of the Housewives of New Jersey, Jeff has
Speaker 1: enjoyed just as much, if not more than I have.
Speaker 1: No one really gets it, but right.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, it's a little bit different than what I
Speaker 2: do on a daily basis. It is. It's very interesting.
Speaker 2: It is.
Speaker 1: Jeff's an attorney, right, right, So all right, just to
Speaker 1: kind of refresh you, guys, I'll tell you a little
Speaker 1: bit in case you haven't heard the story about our marriage, separation, reconciliation.
Speaker 1: Jeff jump in at any point if I get anything wrong,
Speaker 1: I will so. Uh, seven years into our marriage, which
Speaker 1: was so cliche, right, the seven year itch, we hit
Speaker 1: a rough patch, right, And I don't know, we were
Speaker 1: not communicating, right, We were kind of doing our own
Speaker 1: trade young children.
Speaker 2: Yes, I was working all the time. Yes, And I
Speaker 2: was with the two young children. Excuse me, you were
Speaker 2: with the two young children.
Speaker 1: Oh? I thought you said you were working with the
Speaker 1: two young children.
Speaker 2: Oh, you were with the twos.
Speaker 1: I was definitely with the two young children. And I
Speaker 1: was kind of doing this cougar thing where and there
Speaker 1: were a lot of women who I was friends with
Speaker 1: in my town, and for whatever reason, like we were
Speaker 1: always going out on Thursday nights, right, getting decked out,
Speaker 1: going out for I don't know, birthdays, but also just
Speaker 1: to go out and flirt. And I tell you all
Speaker 1: about because it's not to justify it. But there was.
Speaker 1: So there was some infidelity in our marriage. And it
Speaker 1: did actually which no one ever believes it did, start
Speaker 1: with Jeff Wessler.
Speaker 2: It did.
Speaker 1: It did, so I mean, I don't know, Well, let
Speaker 1: me tell you the story first and I'll tell you
Speaker 1: the sort of full picture. So that happened, and that
Speaker 1: definitely happened.
Speaker 2: So let's just leave it at that. That happened, and
Speaker 2: that's it. Just keep moving on. That was not it.
Speaker 1: That was not it. So that happened, and that was
Speaker 1: obviously devastating. Sorry dude, but you know you play it. Yes,
Speaker 1: for both of us. Yes, we stayed together for a
Speaker 1: little while after it happened.
Speaker 2: Now, yeah, that's that's that's.
Speaker 1: That was definitely rough. Yes it was. And then at
Speaker 1: some point I went to Florida with the kids, not
Speaker 1: at some point over the summer that year, for the summer,
Speaker 1: and I went to go see my sister, my best friend.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm just going to stay for the summer,
Speaker 1: got this, rented this little townhouse and put the kids
Speaker 1: in camp with some of their friends, and I just
Speaker 1: had myself a good old time. Yeah, I guess, yes,
Speaker 1: you weren't there, and I whooped it up and ended
Speaker 1: up meeting this guy, nice guy and started something. And
Speaker 1: basically Jeff came to visit that summer and I said, listen,
Speaker 1: it's over. We no, yes, remember we went to Disney
Speaker 1: which with the kids Disney and I.
Speaker 2: Was like, I think, yes, it was until December.
Speaker 1: I mean, we stayed together until December. But I remember
Speaker 1: that conversation because it was not an easy conversation anyway,
Speaker 1: So we were officially separated as of that December. Jeff
Speaker 1: moved into the city for March of I don't remember
Speaker 1: the dates. I actually think it's very sweet that you
Speaker 1: remember the exact everything. So Jeff moved out, moved into
Speaker 1: the city, and my boyfriend moved from Florida to New Jersey.
Speaker 1: Can I just say, by the way, there's a lot
Speaker 1: that went down that I regret, although you know, not
Speaker 1: necessarily believe in regrets, but I would do things very
Speaker 1: differently today. But so, my boyfriend at the time moved
Speaker 1: to New Jersey and Jeff was in the city doing
Speaker 1: his thing with his girlfriend and the kids were going
Speaker 1: back and forth. And the truth is the entire time
Speaker 1: that we were separated. It wasn't I guess what.
Speaker 2: Wait wait wait wait, you skipped. So I moved into
Speaker 2: the city and then was you know, I was working
Speaker 2: and doing whatever, and then I started going out and
Speaker 2: then found somebody. It wasn't like, what's the difference. It
Speaker 2: wasn't a person. It wasn't the person.
Speaker 1: Oh no, oh god, right, No it wasn't. Yes, no,
Speaker 1: it definitely wasn't that person. That's a whole other crazy,
Speaker 1: that's a whole right. Yes, so, yes, exactly, that's true.
Speaker 1: But I will say that the whole time Jeff never
Speaker 1: wanted to get separated. No, and so you know, it wasn't.
Speaker 1: I don't think it was typical and that like you
Speaker 1: look at the p K and or read of it.
Speaker 1: All right, well, yeah, you watched Beverly Hills and the
Speaker 1: way that they're starting to go after each other. We
Speaker 1: just never had that.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: We didn't really even get into the money, right. We
Speaker 1: just didn't like when we were like getting we were
Speaker 1: going to get divorced, and it wasn't like this.
Speaker 2: Well I do remember one thing.
Speaker 1: Oh god, is we did you know what enough of you?
Speaker 2: On this point? We did go to a mediator, right,
Speaker 2: And it was the only time we went I think
Speaker 2: no more than once I went to a mediator and
Speaker 2: then you were like, basically, well, this is what I
Speaker 2: want this and then she said, well you have to
Speaker 2: leave something for him fifty fifty me.
Speaker 1: Wait what, Oh, that's true, that's true for him. I
Speaker 1: hate that. You remember that?
Speaker 2: Yes, I blocked remember that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I guess apparently I was being very piggish
Speaker 1: about it. But you know, you're scared when you're in
Speaker 1: the middle of that. As you can imagine, it's very scary,
Speaker 1: very scary to not have worked for you know, seven years,
Speaker 1: although I did work part time and not know, you know,
Speaker 1: how the future will pan out, and.
Speaker 2: And other than gop ones, it's a great weight loss.
Speaker 1: Oh, Jeff, very very skinny, couldn't eat. Yeah, I remember
Speaker 1: feeling so badly about that, but you were actually happy
Speaker 1: about that part. But we just like we never thought.
Speaker 1: I remember once, like the kids were in the car
Speaker 1: and they called me to complain about him. I don't
Speaker 1: know where you guys were going, but Rachel called and
Speaker 1: she was like, Daddy's doing this or whatever, and I'm like, honey,
Speaker 1: you got there. You do have the wrong number. You
Speaker 1: think that you're going to complain about Jeff Bessler to
Speaker 1: me the world's greatest father. So you know, there was
Speaker 1: never really this horrible animosity, even with the cheating and
Speaker 1: whatever else.
Speaker 2: Has gone down, there was something underlying there was we.
Speaker 1: Were sad, Yes, we were just both so sad, and
Speaker 1: so we would whatever talk on the phone, and I
Speaker 1: would tell my boyfriend at the time, like I'm going
Speaker 1: to mediation, and I would meet Jeff at Chili's and like,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking, I'm cheating on my boyfriend with my husband
Speaker 1: on the border. You're right, wasn't there one time, Childias
Speaker 1: when we met we saw Leon. No, it wasn't let's
Speaker 1: not fight when we saw Leon at the time anyway,
Speaker 1: doesn't Friday Okay, Yes, it was TGI Fridays anyway, So
Speaker 1: you know, and the guy I was seeing was very
Speaker 1: invested in the relationship and we were serious, and you know,
Speaker 1: he was very good to me, and Jeff and his
Speaker 1: girlfriend were maybe not that serious. I don't know, but
Speaker 1: it just wasn't right. Like I just didn't want to
Speaker 1: ever pull the plug, and I knew that Jeff didn't,
Speaker 1: and my entire family, by the way, I will tell
Speaker 1: you this. They all sided with Jeff, which was totally
Speaker 1: Jeff was never closer to my mother than during this time.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1: They all supported him. Everybody, everybody pretty much everywhere our friends.
Speaker 1: Why is that? Why do you think that was?
Speaker 2: I'm me or you? That's very likable. Oh I'm not
Speaker 2: at that point, Maybe you weren't.
Speaker 1: Okay, they all I think that they all also they
Speaker 1: I guess they knew how badly you wanted to get
Speaker 1: back together. So I would say long story short, but
Speaker 1: this is turning out to be long story long. We
Speaker 1: are on a boat going to Martha's vineyard Nantucket. We
Speaker 1: were meeting Jeanine. The kids were with her. Do you
Speaker 1: remember this. Yeah, we're on the ferry and I don't
Speaker 1: know why we were together, because we weren't at that
Speaker 1: point back together. But you said something to me. You're like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, you don't understand what like what we're
Speaker 1: doing now is such something like is so such a shame?
Speaker 1: Shanda is a is a Jewish word for it. But
Speaker 1: because our we can be so good and we can
Speaker 1: have the best life. Yeah, and that just I don't know,
Speaker 1: it resonated with me and so soon after that, I
Speaker 1: just got to the point where I was like, I
Speaker 1: just want I just want my life back.
Speaker 2: Well, it happened when we were the Jamaica.
Speaker 1: Wow. I went on vacation with my boyfriend to Saint Bart's,
Speaker 1: the most glorious, you know, island in the world, and
Speaker 1: Jeff's with the kids to Jamaica, like beaches Jamaica, and
Speaker 1: I just wanted to be in Jamaica. Yeah, my husband
Speaker 1: and my kids. I feel bad about it, because again,
Speaker 1: my boyfriend was a very nice guy, but it you know,
Speaker 1: he's right now, so that's okay. Anyway, So we got
Speaker 1: back together.
Speaker 2: We did. We did summer two thousand and ten.
Speaker 1: We were separated for how long, like you heard of
Speaker 1: a year and a half? Yeah, yeah, so you know,
Speaker 1: things definitely have changed in our marriage. We got back
Speaker 1: together and we immediately moved out of our house to
Speaker 1: another house in the same town that we live in.
Speaker 1: We just wanted to kind of move on. The kids,
Speaker 1: I will say, we told them all their way at
Speaker 1: Sleepway Camp at visiting day and they were so happy.
Speaker 1: One thing I never predicted because I come from a
Speaker 1: family of lots and lots of divorce. So my parents
Speaker 1: have been divorced, not just from each other, but more
Speaker 1: than once. And so I don't know why I thought
Speaker 1: they got divorced when I was three, and I didn't
Speaker 1: predict how I would feel in terms of the kids
Speaker 1: and their sadness, because for me, I guess I thought
Speaker 1: I had just died. I don't maybe I just didn't remember.
Speaker 1: But I don't remember ever being sad about it. It
Speaker 1: was just my way of life, you know. And the
Speaker 1: kids were so sad, and that was certainly that was
Speaker 1: the hardest part watching them miss their dad, and it
Speaker 1: broke my heart. And I'm sure anybody who's been divorced,
Speaker 1: you know, feels that, of course. But I remember telling
Speaker 1: them that we're getting back together on visiting day and
Speaker 1: promising them that it would never happen again. Right, I
Speaker 1: remember that, and then we left when they got home, right.
Speaker 1: I don't know if that was the best time.
Speaker 2: We do a best house.
Speaker 1: They got home, Yes, they got home to a new house.
Speaker 1: I don't know if that was the healthiest way to
Speaker 1: handle it, but we did the best we could buy
Speaker 1: a new house. No, just like, okay, we're getting back together, Okay,
Speaker 1: go back to soccer and theater and we'll see you
Speaker 1: in three weeks. Wow, it did work out, thankfully, it
Speaker 1: did work out. So anyway, that was our journey. So
Speaker 1: but let's talk about it what it's like now. So
Speaker 1: what would you say has been the biggest change. I mean,
Speaker 1: we've been back together for quite some time, we've married
Speaker 1: twenty five years. But what do you think is different
Speaker 1: than those initial seven.
Speaker 2: We definitely communicate better. And I said that the other day,
Speaker 2: but you laughed at me because, oh, come on.
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's it. I don't know what
Speaker 1: we can do. I mean, I don't even know if
Speaker 1: that means I don't remember the first seven years? Do
Speaker 1: we not communicate? I mean I guess we were just
Speaker 1: so busy doing our own thing.
Speaker 2: Yes it was working, I mean yes, I mean having
Speaker 2: the kids in the house and young at that age,
Speaker 2: but we.
Speaker 1: Still had the kids in the house.
Speaker 2: Not now. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I so you think it was communicating. I feel like
Speaker 1: it was just gratitude. The thing is, it was like
Speaker 1: getting my best friend.
Speaker 2: Back, and it's yeah, it's like it's like I still
Speaker 2: think about it.
Speaker 1: You do, sure you'd never ever say that to me.
Speaker 1: It tooks podcast for you to say that's me think.
Speaker 2: About it and you're like, you're relieved that you haven't
Speaker 2: then go through with that.
Speaker 1: Well the time, that's a nice thing to say. I
Speaker 1: do think about it too, and I think that the
Speaker 1: people that love us think about it because they're always
Speaker 1: you know, my aunt is always like, you made the
Speaker 1: best choice.
Speaker 2: Ever through hell when you came out the others.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know a lot of married couples we always
Speaker 1: hear saying that you know, you have to date your
Speaker 1: spouse and there has to you have to put aside.
Speaker 1: I guess some time, I don't know, once a week
Speaker 1: to go out on a date. And people always ask me,
Speaker 1: like how we got back together and why is it different?
Speaker 1: And I mean I don't think that we do that
Speaker 1: what date, date night? No, I don't things that were there. No,
Speaker 1: I mean we have like well.
Speaker 2: Now Fridays and Saturdays maybe now we'll go out, but
Speaker 2: during the week no, but.
Speaker 1: It's not even but it's not like a plan data
Speaker 1: and plus we're empty nesters, yes, so that's different. But
Speaker 1: we never did that. We never had like an official
Speaker 1: date night. And the truth is we if we felt
Speaker 1: like going out, the night's forced kind of you think
Speaker 1: people swear by it. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I mean we do it.
Speaker 1: No, I know what date night? Yeah me, yeah, well
Speaker 1: it was forced. Yeah, we're all connecting. I don't actually,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I never and the other pieces that
Speaker 1: like we would get we get to Saturday night and
Speaker 1: half the time, and Jeff is like always excited to
Speaker 1: go out and be social because he doesn't get to
Speaker 1: during the week and he's just work, work, work, and
Speaker 1: I'm just all I want to do on Saturday night
Speaker 1: is sit on the couch, which is always what I
Speaker 1: want to do every day, sit on the couch and
Speaker 1: watch a movie and lay in the bed. So that's okay.
Speaker 1: So I'm not, by the way, I'm not advocating for
Speaker 1: any of this. We're just telling you what works for us.
Speaker 1: So I don't know if you're thinking of a separation
Speaker 1: or you're in the middle of one. So, you know,
Speaker 1: half the time we make plans and then I feel guilty
Speaker 1: because I just don't want to go out right, Yes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we we'll make plans and then at like you know,
Speaker 2: four or five o'clock, like, yeah, I don't feel like going.
Speaker 1: I know, and I do feel badly about that. There's
Speaker 1: that song though by is it Luke Hombs, Yes, Luke Combs.
Speaker 1: What is it called?
Speaker 2: Beautiful? Beautiful crazy?
Speaker 1: Yes, beautiful crazy. I think that it describes me perfectly,
Speaker 1: not the beautiful part.
Speaker 2: The Dutch, the coffee and the whole time.
Speaker 1: Yes, coffee every morning, wine at night. Anyway, I digress.
Speaker 1: So I don't know that we do date night. But
Speaker 1: the thing is and also and so Jeff works from home,
Speaker 1: maybe Fridays, maybe he's occasionally more than that. So during
Speaker 1: the week he's up and like a robot every day
Speaker 1: since the day I met him, five thirty. Boom up,
Speaker 1: take the shower, do the push ups, get dressed, go
Speaker 1: to work, comes home late, usually around what eight o'clock,
Speaker 1: comes up stairs, says Hi, goes back downstairs, back to
Speaker 1: the office. So I'm always in bed. That's something else
Speaker 1: but watching TV and eating or whatever it is I'm doing.
Speaker 1: So it's not like we're on top of each other
Speaker 1: all week. Talk a couple times during the day on
Speaker 1: the phone. I don't know that that's good or bad.
Speaker 1: It's just us. It works, It just does, right. Yes,
Speaker 1: I don't know why it works, but we don't. We're
Speaker 1: not on top of each other all week and even
Speaker 1: when you're home working, like we've we come out, we
Speaker 1: see each other, back to the office, back to the bedroom.
Speaker 2: Maybe that separation works if we work together like all day.
Speaker 1: If we were together, no, I kill you, right, that
Speaker 1: wouldn't work. Yeah, that would definitely. No, it wouldn't work.
Speaker 1: We have fun during COVID, I think for stough that's
Speaker 1: very true. Yes, yeah, I don't know. I mean that's
Speaker 1: and then on the weekends we go out, we don't.
Speaker 1: I never feel like. One thing that I love about
Speaker 1: you is that I never feel pressed to do anything,
Speaker 1: Like You're so easy. Growing up, I all I wanted
Speaker 1: to do was like lay in the bed and read books.
Speaker 1: And I remember my mom would get so frustrated with me,
Speaker 1: and I always had this feeling that I was so lazy.
Speaker 1: But you just don't seem to care. You never shave me.
Speaker 1: I eat in the bed, you don't care.
Speaker 2: I crumbs get on my side of the bed. I
Speaker 2: do care, you know.
Speaker 1: That's I don't know. We don't pressure each other. I
Speaker 1: feel like we don't. It's very just kind of like accepting.
Speaker 1: And then when something happens during the day, so either
Speaker 1: I'm rushing downstairs to the office, to tell you about it,
Speaker 1: or you're rushing upstairs to tell me about it. It could
Speaker 1: be anything. It could be something about the kids. It
Speaker 1: could be something about work. It could be something about
Speaker 1: the housewives. Now Jeff is like a reality show aficionado,
Speaker 1: which is just weird. Okay, you one hundred percent stop it,
Speaker 1: just stop. Really anyway, a couple Okay, he like he's
Speaker 1: into the Bachelor, he watches anymore. Anyway, We're not on
Speaker 1: top of each other, but we're always kind of connecting,
Speaker 1: checking in and we laugh a lot. Like we make
Speaker 1: fun of each other a lot. Jeff and I we
Speaker 1: have this shtick where and people are always I don't know,
Speaker 1: I think it's nice. People are like taken aback by it.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm talking about? No, yes, you do.
Speaker 1: We give each other all the time. Let me give
Speaker 1: each like what make fun of each other. Okay, simmer
Speaker 1: down like that, like I don't know, like people that
Speaker 1: he walks in the room, I'm like, oh, hello, Jeffrey,
Speaker 1: and then he'll he just makes fun of me constantly.
Speaker 1: He'll come up to the bedroom and he'll like tuck
Speaker 1: me in, like like press it around there, just to
Speaker 1: make fun. We make fun of each other a lot.
Speaker 1: You know that we do.
Speaker 2: Why you lie, that's what you're talking about.
Speaker 1: Yes, well as opposed to what I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't say you're short and you do.
Speaker 2: I do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, my daughter is dating someone who is on he's
Speaker 1: not short, like you're short on the shorter side. So
Speaker 1: I'm constantly like a pant of Jeff being like, why
Speaker 1: would you date a short guy? Like what, why aren't
Speaker 1: you looking for someone tall and dashing? And I mean
Speaker 1: except no, apparently not. Well he's very cute, yeah, her boyfriend,
Speaker 1: but anyway, and he's not I don't God forbid, there listening.
Speaker 1: He's not short. He's taller than Jack, but he's not tall.
Speaker 1: My one requirement when I was dating back in the day,
Speaker 1: uh maybe it was fixing me up on a blind date.
Speaker 1: I would be like, he doesn't have to be extraordinarily well, well,
Speaker 1: it doesn't to be wealthy, es to be ambitious. He
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be the life of the party. He
Speaker 1: just has to be tall. Well, here you go, miss
Speaker 1: down all those my thought. You're very ambitious. Yes I am, okay, yes,
Speaker 1: So I don't know. Do you think that the separation
Speaker 1: saved our marriage? Like would you do it again?
Speaker 2: Could I go through that again? Knowing what I know now?
Speaker 1: No? But yeah it was hell? But do you think
Speaker 1: we would be like like you said, you still think
Speaker 1: about it. I still think about it. There's so much
Speaker 1: gratitude for it.
Speaker 2: Not I wouldn't say it's gratitude. I would say it's
Speaker 2: it's it's it helped, it helped the relationship. I mean,
Speaker 2: would it Maybe maybe this would have happened later Maybe
Speaker 2: this would have happened later on and we wouldn't have
Speaker 2: been able to go through with it. I don't know
Speaker 2: what you're talking about. I don't know. I don't know that.
Speaker 1: I am not. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, and
Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to experience it again.
Speaker 2: Said, would go through it again?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: No, I would.
Speaker 1: I'm saying if it was a choice between going through
Speaker 1: it or not going through it, because I think our
Speaker 1: marriage wouldn't have changed, Like, we wouldn't have had this
Speaker 1: attitude necessarily.
Speaker 2: That's correct, right, So.
Speaker 1: We're grateful to have gone through it. Okay, anyway, moving Yes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that's I don't know about that.
Speaker 1: I know you don't Sometimes I say to him, I
Speaker 1: don't know how you get through your days. He can't
Speaker 1: connect the dots. I can't except in work. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't again. I wouldn't want to go through it again.
Speaker 1: But I think that it did change everything. And you, guys,
Speaker 1: I don't know whoever's listening. They say that you get
Speaker 1: divorced and not for everybody, but when nothing else matters,
Speaker 1: like you just can't. You don't care about the money.
Speaker 1: You know, you think to yourself, I don't want to
Speaker 1: set this example for my kids.
Speaker 2: Or you go into the marriage and you know it's
Speaker 2: not going to work. Plenty of people have that happen. Say, well,
Speaker 2: you go into a marriage and you know it's not
Speaker 2: going to work.
Speaker 1: Who goes into a marriage and knows it's not going
Speaker 1: to Learney like who? I know?
Speaker 2: Other people like who saying but I know it.
Speaker 1: Happened well at our back at our So Jeff was
Speaker 1: I was thirty one when we got married. Yeah, Jeff
Speaker 1: was thirty six, right, and so we were both dying
Speaker 1: to get married. I was like my biological clock was ticking,
Speaker 1: like I wanted to get knocked up before we walk
Speaker 1: down the aisle, just so I could trap him. I
Speaker 1: didn't want to backen out right, right? We did. Four
Speaker 1: months later we were pregnant, right right. But listen, I'm
Speaker 1: not advocating for separation or divorce, but I think it's
Speaker 1: not just for us, for the kids. I'm so grateful
Speaker 1: that we found our way back. There's something to be
Speaker 1: said for having being together for all of these years,
Speaker 1: especially I guess when it comes to the kids, right.
Speaker 2: We had the Well, there's other right, there's other celebrity
Speaker 2: couples who done the same thing that we got separated,
Speaker 2: got separated and came back.
Speaker 1: We're not just FYI, We're not really a celebrity couple,
Speaker 1: as much as you like to tell yourself that.
Speaker 2: Other celebrity there's there's other examples of this out there.
Speaker 1: So, for instance, Ben Stiller and his wife, I love them,
Speaker 1: right right, they separated and got back together. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know the details of it. Who else as it?
Speaker 2: J Lo and Ben?
Speaker 1: Yes, but that's not a great example. Thank you, Heather.
Speaker 1: I appreciate that, but we're not aspiring to that.
Speaker 2: And I don't know.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's not easy. I got tons of phone
Speaker 1: calls from women in my town after we got back together,
Speaker 1: and women that I did not know and saying Hi,
Speaker 1: my name is Jane Doe. Your daughter was in preschool
Speaker 1: with my daughter. I'm really sorry to bother you, but
Speaker 1: do you think we can talk? I'm considering the divorce
Speaker 1: or separation and.
Speaker 2: You should write a book.
Speaker 1: Well, maybe I'll do a podcast. Why do you write
Speaker 1: a book? You write a book, You write a book. So,
Speaker 1: I I think that divorce is brutal, and I think
Speaker 1: if you think that there's a shot, there is really
Speaker 1: something to be said or staying together and it's not perfect.
Speaker 1: So let me just say that. People ask all the time,
Speaker 1: you know, what is it like? Now? Are you hanging
Speaker 1: from the chandeliers?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: You know? We didn't start, we didn't get back together,
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden we're having sex three times
Speaker 1: a day and jetting off to exotic locay. Oh, we
Speaker 1: travel a lot together. Yes, that's one of our things.
Speaker 2: We did jet off of Vietnam.
Speaker 1: We did recently jet off to Vietnam for our twenty
Speaker 1: fifth anniversary. I would highly recommend Vietnam any much anyway,
Speaker 1: But I mean it didn't change like that.
Speaker 2: I think that.
Speaker 1: But I think if you can make it work and
Speaker 1: think that there is still a chance, I would recommend it.
Speaker 2: I mean yeah, but I mean there's people who should
Speaker 2: be divorced, of course, and they know it. Yes, of
Speaker 2: course you know this wouldn't work for them, But if
Speaker 2: there's still a chance, there's still a possibility you should.
Speaker 1: I have friends, I have friends who got divorced, and
Speaker 1: I look at it and I think you were going
Speaker 1: through very similar things that we were. And I do
Speaker 1: think to myself that they probably regret it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they probably do, right, We admit.
Speaker 1: It, and don't think that we're telling anyone what to do.
Speaker 1: We're not experts on anything, but well Jeff is an
Speaker 1: expert some things, so my more things than you. I
Speaker 1: don't know that anyway, But we're not experts on this.
Speaker 1: So again, I would just say, it's been.
Speaker 2: My life.
Speaker 1: I can't imagine my life if we had gotten divorced.
Speaker 1: And I am so proud of us. I agree, yeah too,
Speaker 1: that's nice and we have our stuff. That's like, it's
Speaker 1: not like our relationship change so dramatically. I think we
Speaker 1: got just grateful, like we were always best friends.
Speaker 2: What it is, it's grateful for each other's.
Speaker 1: I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud that you're
Speaker 1: my husband. I'm proud that we are have been together
Speaker 1: this long. I respect you so much, like I don't.
Speaker 1: I feel very lucky to have you for so many reasons.
Speaker 1: And stop picking your nails. And that's not one of
Speaker 1: the reasons, but I definitely think about that all the time.
Speaker 1: And I'm proud of how smart you are. I'm proud
Speaker 1: of how hard you work. I'm the most proud of
Speaker 1: the kind of father you are. Okay, now it's your turn,
Speaker 1: jump in.
Speaker 2: We're not proud you've got this wonderful job with real houseworks.
Speaker 2: You are you are and it's great podcast. And no,
Speaker 2: I'm actually proud of your achievement, what you've done well.
Speaker 2: I appreciate that.
Speaker 1: Also, Like we're so used to each other, so when
Speaker 1: we travel, for instance, we have the same rhythm, like, yeah.
Speaker 2: We probably couldn't travel with other people.
Speaker 1: Our friends travel and they travel in groups sometimes and
Speaker 1: we've said no, okay he said no, more than I have.
Speaker 1: But yeah, we travel. We have the same rhythm. Like
Speaker 1: we know we both of us. We get up in
Speaker 1: the morning. There's only a certain amount of sight seeing
Speaker 1: that we do. We're very centered around our meals. It's
Speaker 1: all about breakfast, lunch and dinner. Where are we eating them?
Speaker 1: What's where? When?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: Yes, I mean we sight see, but I don't like
Speaker 1: to make me crazy.
Speaker 2: And everything out, everything out, and we hit those.
Speaker 1: Spots and he has to push me sometimes like I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: I cannot do one more museum right or whatever, one
Speaker 1: more landmark right?
Speaker 2: And if you don't want to go, and then I'll
Speaker 2: go by myself. Yes, and that's fine.
Speaker 1: It's not always fine.
Speaker 2: And then I'll come back and I'll tell you about
Speaker 2: anybody like, oh, we're in Paris.
Speaker 1: Then you wanted to go to what do you call it?
Speaker 2: What Paris?
Speaker 1: You wanted to go to? We were in Paris?
Speaker 2: Oh Normandy, Normandy?
Speaker 1: Sorry, and I was reading it. We're suposed get up
Speaker 1: at five o'clock in the morning and go to Normandy.
Speaker 1: It was the last thing I felt like doing. I'm
Speaker 1: not really it was.
Speaker 2: Yeah. We literally flew in, got there early in the
Speaker 2: morning to Paris, fell asleep for the entire day, and
Speaker 2: then that night couldn't sleep. Nope, and at five am
Speaker 2: we really I forget it.
Speaker 1: Yep, Well you were like forget it because I have
Speaker 1: to say you were going to go I was going
Speaker 1: to go. I would have complained the entire time, but
Speaker 1: I was going to There's one time that we were
Speaker 1: in Charleston, and we loved Charleston. We ended up buying
Speaker 1: a house there that we unfortunately recently just sold. But anyway,
Speaker 1: we're in Charleston and Jeff wanted to do a historical
Speaker 1: tour of the city. And it was hot out and
Speaker 1: we got a tour guide and for whatever reason, I
Speaker 1: was getting mosquito bites and he was so into it,
Speaker 1: and they were walking. Him and our tour guide were
Speaker 1: walking ahead of me, and every time he turned around,
Speaker 1: I like shot in the bird.
Speaker 2: Every time.
Speaker 1: Every time.
Speaker 2: I was so furious. I was very angry, I know,
Speaker 2: but it was very interesting for Jeff. So I don't care.
Speaker 1: I know she didn't, yes, but like that's part of it.
Speaker 1: He does laugh at me, we do. I mean we
Speaker 1: laugh at each other.
Speaker 2: Yes, we laugh at each other, especially when I trip
Speaker 2: and you know.
Speaker 1: When he falls, I die.
Speaker 2: That's it.
Speaker 1: There's nothing better than when he trips and falls. It
Speaker 1: doesn't happen that often, but when it does, I love it.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Soon I'll be like, you know, in like what
Speaker 2: eighteen years, I'll be eighty. I'm a trip and fall
Speaker 2: break my head and she'll be there laughing. It's good.
Speaker 1: No, no, I won't Beau. Then I'll have to take
Speaker 1: care of you. Also, this is interesting. I think like
Speaker 1: Jeff's parents were together until they both are very very
Speaker 1: unfortunately and sadly passed. But I don't think a man
Speaker 1: ever loved a woman as much as Max Spessler loved
Speaker 1: Philis Spessler. I mean, he was the best example of
Speaker 1: a father and a husband. And there are certain things
Speaker 1: that he always did that I with phyllis that I
Speaker 1: my mother in law that I admired, like he always
Speaker 1: always kissed her on the lips hello and goodbye, and
Speaker 1: every morning with the my bad breath and the whole thing.
Speaker 1: I kiss you goodbye every morning every morning. That's silly,
Speaker 1: but like for some reason it's like a thing. He
Speaker 1: always brings me coffee when he's home, when I'm home
Speaker 1: and when we're wake this morning at the hotel, Like
Speaker 1: it's just he goes and gets the coffee every time
Speaker 1: and every morning that he's home, and we sit in bed,
Speaker 1: especially on the weekends Sunday, we watch Saturday Night Live
Speaker 1: and we watch the news Saturdays and Sundays, even Fridays,
Speaker 1: you bring.
Speaker 2: Me up the path because we can't watch it on
Speaker 2: Saturday night because I'm sleeping. Well at five o'clock and
Speaker 2: we're having plans, you cancel them. And then we went
Speaker 2: up to bed and went to sleep and we missed everything.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I sleep a lot, Yes, I can't help it.
Speaker 2: You do sleep a lot.
Speaker 1: I do, and he sleeps not at all. Yeah, what
Speaker 1: do you think that you're gonna I'm gonna ask you
Speaker 1: this question and you're just gonna give me an annoying answer.
Speaker 1: But what do you think the what? What are the
Speaker 1: keys to having a long lasting marriage. You're gonna say communication,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna.
Speaker 2: Throw up a little. I don't know. I mean, do
Speaker 2: we fight.
Speaker 1: If we fight, we we don't make sure we're wake
Speaker 1: up before we go to bed.
Speaker 2: No, No, I don't care holding grudge all the time
Speaker 2: all the time, yes, which I don't like.
Speaker 1: Well, I don't know that I'm going to be able
Speaker 1: to change that at fifty six years old. Now you
Speaker 1: get upset, we go to sleep angry.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but then I go to sleep and then you
Speaker 2: wake up and you're like it did like nothing around, And.
Speaker 1: I do apologizeologize.
Speaker 2: It's not true.
Speaker 1: You give me that face. Sometimes he does this thing
Speaker 1: and the kids make fun of to her.
Speaker 2: He's like believed that morning depends, and you're like, and
Speaker 2: I'll remind you, oh yeah.
Speaker 1: And sometimes well that's also when I'm drinking at night,
Speaker 1: I've had too much wine and we get into a
Speaker 1: fight and then I'm like, yeah, I was a bitch
Speaker 1: last night, or alternatively, I am mad that's not true
Speaker 1: in the morning if I But I do try to
Speaker 1: take accountability, so do you.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: That's a key, except that it's never him saying Brick
Speaker 1: and Jeffrey and everyone thinks he's a saint.
Speaker 2: I am.
Speaker 1: I have to say that's annoying. You are not a saint.
Speaker 1: We have very different views when it comes to money.
Speaker 1: I believe in spending it. He believes in not spending it.
Speaker 1: And that's definitely been a challenge in our marriage, challenge.
Speaker 1: It continues to be a challenge. The good news is,
Speaker 1: I mean I always I worked. I worked as a recruiter.
Speaker 1: Then I started a business, and I certainly didn't make
Speaker 1: money off of f major but well now I sort
Speaker 1: of am no, Okay, Well, anyway, I have the bus
Speaker 1: sales doesn't Jeffrey, it's not a cut cover, okay, shot
Speaker 1: f major dot com. That's there were just a lot
Speaker 1: of costs. But you were very supportive. But yeah, it
Speaker 1: always worked though. But yes, now I'm making some money
Speaker 1: and so I feel no obligation to save a dime.
Speaker 2: Right, all the glam, the dresses and all that.
Speaker 1: But I'm like, what do you want from me? You
Speaker 1: want me to do this.
Speaker 2: I have to do it right, that's your excuse that
Speaker 2: that's why you're doing it, because you get dresses every time,
Speaker 2: Thank you, an outfit, thank you, thank you. It's like
Speaker 2: there's there's rooms with clot with.
Speaker 1: There is we have a couple of rooms. I have
Speaker 1: of those things. Yeah, it's crazy, but I'm also I
Speaker 1: can also spend on very stupid things. But jeff is
Speaker 1: such a saver, so he balanced to their out. It
Speaker 1: was up to me, I would have bankrupted us by now.
Speaker 1: So we recently discussed on this potter. It's been not weak.
Speaker 1: It's been recently discussed on this pot that there is
Speaker 1: this topic of being sleep divorced, right, where like couples
Speaker 1: who sleep in separate bedrooms have get along better, have
Speaker 1: stronger marriages.
Speaker 2: What do you think of that, maybe because it's separation.
Speaker 2: Maybe because that's why I go to work. That's why
Speaker 2: I'm at work all day.
Speaker 1: You're not why you go to work.
Speaker 2: No, it's not why I go to work, but because
Speaker 2: of it.
Speaker 1: But I'm talking about would you be interested in sleeping?
Speaker 1: Would you be interested in sleeping in separate bedrooms?
Speaker 2: Me? Neither.
Speaker 1: I don't know. People love that, I mean, but we also,
Speaker 1: I don't know. You stay on your side. I stay
Speaker 1: on my side. I do sometimes in the middle of
Speaker 1: the night, get worked up thinking that he might be dead,
Speaker 1: and so I kick him sometimes hard.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's something to wake up. That's that's make sure
Speaker 2: he's breathing. Or like it's hard enough to go to
Speaker 2: sleep than in the middle night to get sleep wake up.
Speaker 2: It's like, okay, now I tried.
Speaker 1: I tried to do it too hard, But yeah, I
Speaker 1: get nervous or I tend to like be wake up
Speaker 1: because I've just riddled with anxiety. So I could feasibly
Speaker 1: wake up screaming at some point some nightmare that happens. Yes,
Speaker 1: that happens, but I still wouldn't want to sleep in
Speaker 1: a different room. Also, when he when you travel, I
Speaker 1: hate when you travel and I have to sleep alone
Speaker 1: at night. I don't know why, because you are a
Speaker 1: very you're a strong man. But if somebody breaks in,
Speaker 1: I don't see you being able to fight. I don't
Speaker 1: want to insult you, but we have to castle, yes,
Speaker 1: but like I can't. So I get so nervous when
Speaker 1: you travel. I hate it. Okay, I don't like sleeping alone.
Speaker 2: That's why. That's why there's an alarm whatever.
Speaker 1: But so I don't know. You guys, this is you know,
Speaker 1: this is our story. I I always get people that
Speaker 1: are just love to hear it because maybe it's encouraging
Speaker 1: and I think it's it's interesting. It doesn't happen every day. No,
Speaker 1: I mean I do part two. This whole podcast is
Speaker 1: about the second time around, and this is our sort
Speaker 1: of our second time around.
Speaker 2: The second time around.
Speaker 1: It is a second break. There was a break, well
Speaker 1: that's the second time around. Okay, I mean you know, but.
Speaker 2: You did it differently the second time around.
Speaker 1: We did maybe, Yeah, I think it's all it was
Speaker 1: just gratitude.
Speaker 2: Yes, it's gratitude for what you have and a realization
Speaker 2: of what you have. Yes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, man, we also again the best friend thing. I
Speaker 1: think that's personally more than anything else, is that I
Speaker 1: like you. I don't I love you, but I really
Speaker 1: like you, and I don't like anybody else the way
Speaker 1: I like you like. I am not my friend. I
Speaker 1: have really close friends, so I can be my complete
Speaker 1: self with but not in the same way we are.
Speaker 1: We just I just enjoy you. Not always. Sometimes I
Speaker 1: can't stand you, but for the most part. I mean
Speaker 1: that's the heart that I think is the strongest.
Speaker 2: I think that is the strongest.
Speaker 1: Yes, anyway, you guys, that's us. That's all the time
Speaker 1: we have. But this is us. We love each other
Speaker 1: and we love you.
Speaker 2: Guys.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 1: This is a big date night, first date night we've
Speaker 1: had in well, you've.
Speaker 2: Been to a workshows. I've never been to one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'd never taken you before. No, you owe me big, right, Okay,
Speaker 1: here's the date night.
Speaker 2: All right?
Speaker 1: So, are you thinking about getting back together with your
Speaker 1: ex or reconciling after a separation and need some advice?
Speaker 1: Call us or email us, follow us on socials. All
Speaker 1: the information will be in the show notes. Make sure
Speaker 1: to rate and review the podcast please, I do Part
Speaker 1: two an iHeart podcast where falling in love is the
Speaker 1: main objective.