Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: Right before Mitt Romney's acceptance speech, conventioneers are going to,
Speaker 2: as always be exposed, I mean treated to a brief
Speaker 2: biographical film about the nominee.
Speaker 3: Now you may not have seen it.
Speaker 2: Luckily we have received in advanced copy of said film,
Speaker 2: and as a public service, we would like to show
Speaker 2: you Mitt Romney's biographical film shown at the convention.
Speaker 1: This year. The American people face a choice between a
Speaker 1: self made business mountain.
Speaker 4: I know how extraordinarily difficult it is to build something
Speaker 4: from nothing.
Speaker 1: And a radical collectivist who says things like.
Speaker 5: If you've got a business that you didn't build that,
Speaker 5: and I was not born in this country and I.
Speaker 1: Am a leader of al Qaida. This is a story
Speaker 1: of Mitt Romney, a human being who built out. George W.
Speaker 1: Romney was a wealth auto executive and future Michigan governor,
Speaker 1: but being born his son was anything but luck. Willard
Speaker 1: Mitt Romney won the coveted position only by outcompeting thousands
Speaker 1: of less motivated sperm and though when he was a
Speaker 1: teenager the Romney family was for a time forced to
Speaker 1: take shelter in public housing, young Mitt refused on principle
Speaker 1: to take taxpayer money for his schooling, instead convincing a
Speaker 1: local businessman to invest in his future. And then Vietnam,
Speaker 1: Romney volunteered to serve in France a Mormon missionary, bravely
Speaker 1: fighting the French people's love of wine. It was a quagmire.
Speaker 1: Sometimes at night he feels he's still there.
Speaker 3: Boncheur jam Miss Romney.
Speaker 1: Backstate side, the handsome, connected young man lucked the odds
Speaker 1: gaining admission to Harvard, refusing on principle to pay for
Speaker 1: school with taxpayer money, but instead with his own hard
Speaker 1: earned stock given to him by a local businessman. Her
Speaker 1: name was Anne Davies, and the moment Mitt saw her,
Speaker 1: he knew he was totally going to build. That she
Speaker 1: was female, the ideal gender for a wife. They wed
Speaker 1: according to human custom, and then merging their private sectors,
Speaker 1: produced five male offspring tag Craig, Blig, Marble, and Flapjack.
Speaker 1: Armed only with Ivy League business and law degrees and
Speaker 1: the rolodex of a local businessman, met Romney trailblazed his
Speaker 1: way to a pioneering New Boston firm, where he learned
Speaker 1: how to secrete money. From there, it was a series
Speaker 1: of personal triumphs from single handedly saving the two thousand
Speaker 1: and two Salt Lake Olympics to electing himself governor of Massachusets.
Speaker 1: Much there was still one thing left for Mitt Romney
Speaker 1: to build a presidency. As the elite East Coast Harvard
Speaker 1: educated creator of Romney Care started to run in the
Speaker 1: most conservative Republican field in history, Romney realized the terrible truth.
Speaker 4: I'm someone who is moderate and that my views are progressive.
Speaker 6: I will preserve and protect a woman's right to choose.
Speaker 6: We also should keep weapons of unusual lethality from being
Speaker 6: on the street.
Speaker 1: He had built himself the wrong way. It would take
Speaker 1: a monumental feat of self reconstruction seven years.
Speaker 3: I'm firmly pro life.
Speaker 1: One hundred and twenty two billion dollars.
Speaker 6: I don't happen to believe that America needs new gun laws, round.
Speaker 1: The clock operations across fourteen time zones.
Speaker 4: Until finally I was a severely conservative Republican governor.
Speaker 1: Romney had done it. Oh by self, Nick Rumneyitch, Oh
Speaker 1: my self, Nick Romney. He's a human being, and he
Speaker 1: built batch.
Speaker 3: As you've just seen earlier.
Speaker 2: Last night, Mitt Romney won big in Florida, cementing his
Speaker 2: front runner status and today is onto the morning shows
Speaker 2: for a quick little victory lap.
Speaker 4: By the way, I'm in this race because I care
Speaker 4: about Americans. I'm not concerned about the very poor. We
Speaker 4: have a safety net there. If it's needs a repair,
Speaker 4: I'll fix it. I'm not concerned about the very rich.
Speaker 4: They're doing just fine.
Speaker 3: That got that got.
Speaker 2: Zechab got? Did you just suggest that you don't need
Speaker 2: to care about the very rich because they're fine, but
Speaker 2: also equivalently the very poor because they're okay too, Because
Speaker 2: you know, the reason the net is.
Speaker 3: There is there not okay.
Speaker 2: It's it's like a doctor going you know, I'm not
Speaker 2: concerned about the very healthy because they're doing fun or
Speaker 2: the very sick because you know morphine.
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. But you know, maybe I
Speaker 3: heard it wrong. I could I heard it wrong?
Speaker 2: You know, obviously, do that sound weird to anybody else?
Speaker 2: You just said I'm not concerned about the very poor
Speaker 2: because they have a safety net, and I think there
Speaker 2: are lots of very poor Americans who are struggling who
Speaker 2: would say that sounds odd? Can you explain that TV
Speaker 2: newsperson just heard what candidate said and then.
Speaker 1: Stopped him and made him splain himself.
Speaker 2: By like a flower blooming in the desert. Quick, someone
Speaker 2: dig that up and get it away from CNN before
Speaker 2: one of their giant holographic monitors falls and crushes it.
Speaker 4: Well, you had to finish the sentence, say Solodad. I said,
Speaker 4: I'm not concerned about the very poor that have a
Speaker 4: safety in it. But if it has holes in it,
Speaker 4: I will repair them.
Speaker 3: Right, But it's still a net. And here's the thing
Speaker 3: about being in a net. Being in a net is bad.
Speaker 2: Whether you're a butterfly or a fish, or a Trappeese
Speaker 2: artist or a poor person. If you're in a net,
Speaker 2: something has gone terribly, terribly wrong. Well, you know what,
Speaker 2: I'm sure Romnie gets a chance to clarify his statements,
Speaker 2: he'll in no way reinforce his aristocratic, patrician master of
Speaker 2: the universe ishness.
Speaker 3: The challenge.
Speaker 4: Right now, we will hear for the Demo Democrat Party
Speaker 4: the plight of the poor. And there's no question it's
Speaker 4: not good being poor.
Speaker 2: And they've got to play tennis on public courts, ride
Speaker 2: rental ponies when their butler's tucked them inute night. I
Speaker 2: can only imagine the thread count on their Linens. My
Speaker 2: point is we don't need to be concerned about it.
Speaker 2: For more on Mitt Romney's apparent conflation of the very
Speaker 2: rich and very poor as constituencies on Needing of attention,
Speaker 2: we're joined by Jason Jones and John Oliver.
Speaker 1: Alright, we're gonna.
Speaker 2: Start here, Team very Poor. We're gonna start with you.
Speaker 2: Oh oh nice, try there, Stewart.
Speaker 7: Okay, well, we're not gonna play your little class warfare experiment.
Speaker 8: Yeah, We're not gonna let you divide us.
Speaker 3: I'm not trying to divide you.
Speaker 2: But you both represent the two most extreme socioeconomic groups
Speaker 2: in this country.
Speaker 7: No, don't try to pit the one percent against the
Speaker 7: equivalent one percent.
Speaker 2: Actually, I think your numbers might be off. It's your
Speaker 2: one percent, but this is actually larger. Very poor is
Speaker 2: like seven percent, poverty is like fifteen.
Speaker 7: No, no, no, where exactly the same.
Speaker 8: We're two peas in a pod bugs in my bed.
Speaker 8: I say potato, and I say, do you actually have
Speaker 8: a potito? Because I could eat the hell out of
Speaker 8: a potito right now. I am massively hungry.
Speaker 2: So both of you are okay with Governor Romney saying
Speaker 2: that each of these constituties can be ignored because they're
Speaker 2: doing Okay.
Speaker 7: Absolutely yes, I mean I could take all my massive
Speaker 7: real estate holdings and defer the taxes through ten thirty
Speaker 7: one exchanges and minimize my IRS exposure through my Cayman
Speaker 7: Island subsidiaries and an almost sarcastic amount of trusts.
Speaker 3: So I don't worry about me. I'm John Well.
Speaker 8: I received twelve dollars per day from the government, so
Speaker 8: no worries about me. Pretty comfortable safety.
Speaker 7: Nets, twinsies. You know what's funny is I have a
Speaker 7: net too, that's more like a golden parachute.
Speaker 3: Well, same, I gear.
Speaker 7: Sorry, our life experiences are incredibly similar.
Speaker 8: We both love to fish, that's true.
Speaker 7: Last week I went fishing form marlin down in Key West.
Speaker 8: Yeah, and just yesterday I was under a bridge in
Speaker 8: the East River trying to augment my protein intake. I
Speaker 8: caught a boot and a used condoms delicious.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 7: We both like baseball, yes, coach sports.
Speaker 8: We both love modern family.
Speaker 7: Yeah, who doesn't, and we're taxed at the same rate.
Speaker 8: Yep, Wait, what how is that possible?
Speaker 7: You have no idea how much money it costs to
Speaker 7: get that kind of stuff through.
Speaker 2: He is right there, to be fair, right, but you
Speaker 2: see no difference, then in your circumstance, you don't.
Speaker 7: See You can't divide us with your class warfare.
Speaker 3: Start.
Speaker 1: I am Rich.
Speaker 8: And I am Paul.
Speaker 9: When we go home, we both walk through front doors.
Speaker 9: Mine is solid, mahgony, I don't really have a door.
Speaker 7: It's true, it's a beaded curtain.
Speaker 9: I am Paul and I am rich ChIL like Pogra.
Speaker 8: I don't know walthtis.
Speaker 9: So please don't be concerned about us.
Speaker 3: Because we're both.
Speaker 8: Except for me, I'm not okay.
Speaker 2: Okay, Let's begin to night with the presidency. I think
Speaker 2: if there's one thing everyone can agree on in the
Speaker 2: entire country, it's that Barack Obama is.
Speaker 4: The worst president we've had in my lifetime.
Speaker 2: He's the worst president, the absolute worst president, the worst
Speaker 2: president in history exactly. Barack Obama is objectively, arithmetically the
Speaker 2: worst president in history.
Speaker 3: And that includes our.
Speaker 2: Thirtieth president, Calvin Coolio. Remember then, when America had descended
Speaker 2: into a bit of a gangster's paradise. Anyway, Obama's places
Speaker 2: the worst president history explains why he is getting so crushed.
Speaker 2: President Obama is leading Romney nationally by five points among
Speaker 2: likely voters.
Speaker 3: With support crushed with support.
Speaker 2: Well, Romney's inability to trounce history's worst president was all
Speaker 2: scheduled to change this week with a very announced campaign reboot, which,
Speaker 2: as you know, involves mister Romney taking a paper clip
Speaker 2: and putting it into a a whole.
Speaker 3: I don't want to talk about.
Speaker 2: It brings back memories of when I used to have
Speaker 2: to reboot rough men at the Genius bar Hi. Unfortunately,
Speaker 2: Rodney's reboot was thrown off just a tad.
Speaker 10: There are of the people who have vold for the
Speaker 10: president who are tatters van bar who believe that that
Speaker 10: they're victims, who believe that they are entitled to healthcare,
Speaker 10: to move the.
Speaker 2: House, entitled to food, Magicine.
Speaker 1: Rooves.
Speaker 2: That's the Republican candidate for the presidency, seemingly characterizing a
Speaker 2: broad swath of Americans, which would include veterans, the elderly,
Speaker 2: the working poor, and much of the middle class, as
Speaker 2: a bunch of lazy free loaders. It touched off a
Speaker 2: firestorm everywhere, but nowhere more acutely than at romney campaign headquarters,
Speaker 2: where it triggered something I like to call chaos on
Speaker 2: Bullshit Mountain. That said exploding bullshit dust you've all heard
Speaker 2: so much about.
Speaker 3: In the forty eight hours.
Speaker 2: It's the Romney video first gained wide exposure. Turd containment
Speaker 2: crews have been working overtime on Bullshit Mountain.
Speaker 11: Keep in mind it was posted by a left wing website,
Speaker 11: mother Mother Jones.
Speaker 1: By the way, put this tape.
Speaker 3: Out Mother Jones, the magazine No One.
Speaker 7: Reads Earn word the Jimmy Carter's grandson might have played
Speaker 7: an instrumental role in getting this video.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, your campaign got blown up by Jimmy
Speaker 2: Carter's grandson.
Speaker 3: Oh the habitat for humanity.
Speaker 2: So word one from Bullshit Mountain is well, yeah, he
Speaker 2: said it, but you only found out about it because
Speaker 2: if people that we don't like.
Speaker 3: What's word two?
Speaker 7: With the way he said it, it was not the
Speaker 7: best way of saying something like this, and it was
Speaker 7: he confused a lot of things.
Speaker 3: He messed up in.
Speaker 7: That it's not the great, the most ideal language to
Speaker 7: be eavesdropped on.
Speaker 6: I think criticizing them was saying that the American dreams
Speaker 6: should be open to everybody.
Speaker 2: You're looking and hearing the cynical, condescending, plutocratic words he
Speaker 2: was saying, not the aspirational, optimistic message he in retrospect
Speaker 2: should have been meaning.
Speaker 3: It's like Romney jazz. It's the words you don't hear.
Speaker 2: That's the so in artful words from a dubious source.
Speaker 2: This is really just inartful words from a dubious source.
Speaker 11: Oh and one other thing, this is factually accurate what
Speaker 11: Romney is saying.
Speaker 3: If I'm Govin Romney, I run with this all day long.
Speaker 1: It was the truth.
Speaker 11: He's a boss who says the truth, but the truth
Speaker 11: often hurts.
Speaker 12: I think this will be seen as a win for Romney.
Speaker 2: Let me, let me, let me sum up the message
Speaker 2: from Bullshit Mountain if I may. This inartfully stated dirty
Speaker 2: liberal smear is a truthful expression of Mitt Romney's political
Speaker 2: philosoph and it is a winner.
Speaker 3: Let me tell you something.
Speaker 2: You don't summit bullshit Mountain unless you know your way
Speaker 2: around to turn or two.
Speaker 3: House. You know.
Speaker 2: Last night, the presidential campaign headed to Hofstra University, where
Speaker 2: the candidates debated before a diverse town hall crowd of
Speaker 2: Long Islanders, ranging from Italian guys, two other Italian guys,
Speaker 2: to a Jewish guy and his mom. Such diversity in
Speaker 2: Long Island. The first question somehow ended up on the
Speaker 2: auto industry rescue.
Speaker 6: And I know he keeps saying you wanted to take
Speaker 6: Detroit bankrupt. Well, the President took Detroit bankrupt, you took
Speaker 6: General Motors bankrupts, you took christ for bankrupt. That was
Speaker 6: precisely what I recommended and ultimately what happened.
Speaker 2: Okay, In fact, Obama's publicly financed Detroit auto industry managed
Speaker 2: bankrupcy is not precisely what Romney recommended. Romney precisely recommended
Speaker 2: private credit, which at the time was to be precise
Speaker 2: non existent, meaning unders planning towards bankruptcy would have been
Speaker 2: unmanaged and quite permanent. So the big question would be
Speaker 2: which version of Barack Obama would respond the first debates
Speaker 2: Sleepy Time McGillicuddy or pretty.
Speaker 1: Talk Jones Candy.
Speaker 5: What Governor Romney said just isn't true.
Speaker 1: It's a love It's yes.
Speaker 2: President Barack Obama decided to attend this debate and the
Speaker 2: two candidates could finally have a truthful, substantive discussion about
Speaker 2: how much.
Speaker 3: They hate each other.
Speaker 5: Governor, we have actually produced more oil.
Speaker 6: No, no, how much did you cut licenses at permits on
Speaker 6: feed land in federal waters, we could actually make production
Speaker 6: and production on private on government is down. Production on
Speaker 6: government land of oil is down fourteen percent and production
Speaker 6: just nine percent.
Speaker 3: You'll get your chance in a moment.
Speaker 6: I'm still speaking, And the answer is, I don't believe
Speaker 6: people think that's the case, because that wasn't a question.
Speaker 3: I believe you meant to add mother.
Speaker 6: Wasn't the.
Speaker 3: Romney was shar said that the Eve Andrew Blooders.
Speaker 6: He said that by now we'd have unemployment at five
Speaker 6: point four percent. The difference between where it is in
Speaker 6: five point four percent is nine million Americans without work.
Speaker 3: That's going to leave the mark.
Speaker 2: But for every point Rodney made, the President made more.
Speaker 5: Governor Romney was poor an assault weapons ban before he
Speaker 5: was against it. Governor Romney doesn't have a five point plan.
Speaker 3: He has a one point plan.
Speaker 5: The math doesn't add up. I don't look at my pension.
Speaker 5: It's not as big as yours. Governor, you're the last
Speaker 5: person who's gonna get tough on China.
Speaker 2: The last person who's gonna get tough on Jia is
Speaker 2: that guy Romney.
Speaker 3: I mean, for God's sakes.
Speaker 2: Romney was assembled at Apple's Fox confactory in Beijing. I mean,
Speaker 2: that's why he's so well desired.
Speaker 1: Romney.
Speaker 3: Also, Rommy had some other issues.
Speaker 6: I don't believe that beacrats in Washington should tell someone
Speaker 6: whether they can use contraceptors or not.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you should tell that to your disembodied voice that
Speaker 2: supported the Blunt Amendment, which does limit choice.
Speaker 11: And of course I support the Blunt Amendment. I bet
Speaker 11: you're talking about some state law that prevented people from
Speaker 11: getting contraceptions. So I talked about contraceptors and so forth.
Speaker 11: So I already miss understod the question.
Speaker 2: Yeah, by the way, for those of you, let's say
Speaker 2: in your dorm rooms right now, filling a large tube
Speaker 2: with water or carving an apple whose ears may have
Speaker 2: perked up at the mention of a Blunt Amendment, it
Speaker 2: has nothing to do with that.
Speaker 3: And Romney had some odd moments.
Speaker 2: Like when describing his efforts as governor to recruit more
Speaker 2: women for cabinet positions.
Speaker 6: I went to a number of women's groups and said,
Speaker 6: can you help us find folks? And they brought us
Speaker 6: all binders full of women.
Speaker 3: A couple of things.
Speaker 2: Well, and the women's group was called mask Gap, and
Speaker 2: they approached Governor Romney, not the other way around.
Speaker 3: And two, my guess is they did not refer to.
Speaker 2: What they presented as whole binders full of women, but
Speaker 2: perhaps referred to it as a well organized collection of
Speaker 2: qualified resumes. But hey, binder of women, book Abroad's note
Speaker 2: book of nipples.
Speaker 3: Whatever, whatever, But of course meant Romney. They still had
Speaker 3: an ace in the whole.
Speaker 2: The Obama administration is confused handling at the consul of
Speaker 2: attack in Libya killed four Americans.
Speaker 6: It was a terrorist attack, and it took a long
Speaker 6: time for that to be told to the American people.
Speaker 6: Whether there was some misleading or instead whether we just
Speaker 6: didn't know what happened. I think you have to ask
Speaker 6: yourself why didn't we know? Five days later, when the
Speaker 6: Ambassador to the United Nations went on TV to say
Speaker 6: that this was a demonstration, how could we have not known?
Speaker 2: Boom, mister President, you just walked into a midstorm.
Speaker 5: The day after the attack, Governor I stood in the
Speaker 5: Rose Garden and I told the American people in the
Speaker 5: world that we were going to find out exactly what happened,
Speaker 5: that this was an act of terror. And I also
Speaker 5: said that we're going to hunt down those who committed this.
Speaker 2: Crime forceful remind people that killing terrorists is kind of
Speaker 2: your thing, but still does not fully explain the colossal,
Speaker 2: confusion fueled cups that were ben Ghazi. As long as
Speaker 2: Romney doesn't inexplicably walk into some weird, nitpicky semantic trap
Speaker 2: that hadn't even really been set.
Speaker 6: I think it's interesting the President just said something, which
Speaker 6: is that on the day after the attack, he went
Speaker 6: the Rose Garden and said that this was an active terror.
Speaker 3: Oh boy, that's what I said.
Speaker 6: You said in the Rose Garden the day after the attack.
Speaker 6: It was an active terror. It was not a spontaneous demonstration.
Speaker 6: Is that what you're saying.
Speaker 1: Please perceive government.
Speaker 3: As your first clue.
Speaker 2: When you feel you're about to spring what you Governor
Speaker 2: Romney think is the checkmate moment of the debate, and
Speaker 2: your debate opponent says to you, please.
Speaker 8: Perceive hold on, are you trying to open that door?
Speaker 3: Allow me to open it, the door that you appear
Speaker 3: to want to walk through.
Speaker 2: But when your opponent does that, you might want to
Speaker 2: take a breath and wonder if I'll Wiley Coyote and
Speaker 2: the road runner. That door your opponent is pointing to
Speaker 2: is merely paint on a rock.
Speaker 1: He's perceived government.
Speaker 6: I want to make sure we get that for the record,
Speaker 6: because it took the president fourteen days before he called
Speaker 6: the attack in Benghazzi an active terror.
Speaker 13: Get the transfer he did, in fact, sir, so let
Speaker 13: me let me call it an actor.
Speaker 3: He did call it an active terror.
Speaker 7: It did as well.
Speaker 3: Can you say it a little louder?
Speaker 1: Can it?
Speaker 3: Can you say it a little aloud?
Speaker 12: It?
Speaker 3: Now just the ladies? Can the ladies say it? Can
Speaker 3: I get a please?
Speaker 2: Governor Romney approceed. It was that kind of night for Romney.
Speaker 2: The evidence of Obama's victory and resurgence was everywhere post debate.
Speaker 2: MSNBC no longer seemed suicidal, CNN of course, looked to
Speaker 2: be shooting a virtual dick in a box video.
Speaker 3: And of course Fox News well.
Speaker 6: And the questions, because there were eleven of them, six
Speaker 6: were clearly pro Obama.
Speaker 7: They were softballs topics that we haven't heard much about.
Speaker 4: Three extra minutes for Obama. Moderators in these debates should
Speaker 4: be part of the furniture.
Speaker 8: Did she assist to the president.
Speaker 12: Midsentence to fact check them through the president of Lifeline.
Speaker 1: It's the worst debate moderation. What the heck is that about?
Speaker 2: No, No, no, don't help them.
Speaker 3: Just let them cry themselves to sleep. It's the only
Speaker 3: way they'll learn.
Speaker 12: In the immediate aftermath of Ruth Betaginsbug's death, Mitch McConnell,
Speaker 12: Senate Majority leader and failed attempt at baking bread, has
Speaker 12: announced that he would allow President Trump to nominate her replacements,
Speaker 12: even though he had blocked Barack Obama from appointing Merrick
Speaker 12: Garland during an election year. But Democrats still held a
Speaker 12: shred of hope that they could persuade four moderate GOP
Speaker 12: senators to show some integrity and stick to their principles,
Speaker 12: and that hope lost it almost a full day and
Speaker 12: a half, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell secured GOP votes
Speaker 12: to move ahead with a replacement for the late Supreme
Speaker 12: Court Justice Utah.
Speaker 13: Senator Mitt Romney coming forward in the last ninety minutes
Speaker 13: to say that he will vote in a statement saying quote,
Speaker 13: I intend to follow the constitution and precedent in considering
Speaker 13: the President's nominee. If the nominee reaches the Senate floor,
Speaker 13: I intend to vote based upon their qualifications.
Speaker 12: Yes, my friends, even Mitt Romney, the dad you ask
Speaker 12: when you are other Republican dad say no, is going
Speaker 12: along with Mitch McConnell's plan. And I know some people
Speaker 12: were holding out hope that he would refuse to help
Speaker 12: the Republicans push through before the election. But for some reason,
Speaker 12: peop always forget that Mitt Romney is still a conservative
Speaker 12: senator from one of the most conservative states. People like
Speaker 12: like Romney came into the Senate with a pussy hat on,
Speaker 12: but no, he's only moderate in comparison to Sinnimon Hitler
Speaker 12: and getting a lasting majority on the Supreme Court is
Speaker 12: what Romney and other Republicans have been dreaming about for
Speaker 12: fifty years. On his bedroom war growing up, Romney had
Speaker 12: a post off Superman, a dancing horse, and an empty
Speaker 12: Supreme Court seat. Now, with Romney's decision, it means that
Speaker 12: McConnell now has the votes he needs to fill this
Speaker 12: vacant seat. Today was the final day in the impeachment
Speaker 12: trial of Donald Jumbaliar Trump, and no big surprise, he
Speaker 12: was acquitted by the Republican run Senates, which was.
Speaker 3: Never in doubt.
Speaker 12: Don't boot vote impeachments. It was known like everyone knew
Speaker 12: where this was going. This was like a movie where
Speaker 12: you can guess what was gonna happen without even watching it,
Speaker 12: you know, like Titanic. Okay, it's a ship that's gonna
Speaker 12: sink or Sophie's choice. Some lady has to decide which
Speaker 12: dude she's gonna bone. I get it, I get it,
Speaker 12: so with outcome, never in doubts. The only real drama
Speaker 12: today was whether any Republicans would dare vote against Donald Trump.
Speaker 12: And it turns out there was one man with binders
Speaker 12: full of courage.
Speaker 1: Republicans.
Speaker 5: Senator bit Romney emotionally announced on the Senate floor that
Speaker 5: he will break ranks and vote to convict and remove
Speaker 5: President Trump.
Speaker 6: The president asked a foreign government to investigate his political rival.
Speaker 6: The President's purpose was personal and political. Accordingly, the President
Speaker 6: is guilty of an appalling abuse of public trust. With
Speaker 6: my vote, I will tell my children and their children
Speaker 6: that I did my duty to the best of my ability,
Speaker 6: believing that my expected it of me.
Speaker 3: That is shocking.
Speaker 10: That is.
Speaker 3: Shocking.
Speaker 12: Who would have thought that the most badass Republican in
Speaker 12: the Senate would end up being a Mormon dude named Mitz.
Speaker 3: And I gotta say, Mitz, you proved everyone wrong.
Speaker 12: The haters said you were as radical as a glass
Speaker 12: of skim milk, but they were wrong. Mit your whole milk,
Speaker 12: my man. That's why whole milk fan. And by the way,
Speaker 12: I like how Mit said that he voted this ray
Speaker 12: so that he could tell his children he did the
Speaker 12: right thing, because that's such a white people thing to say, right. No,
Speaker 12: white people love explaining themselves to their children. I couldn't
Speaker 12: look my son in the eye if I didn't do
Speaker 12: the right thing. Black parents don't give a shit like
Speaker 12: black parents are.
Speaker 1: Just like, boy, you better not look me in the eye.
Speaker 3: I made you.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do whatever I'm gonna do.
Speaker 14: Last night was the State of the Union, Washington, DC's
Speaker 14: biggest non org event of the year, and I'm going
Speaker 14: to be honest, I have never watched the State of
Speaker 14: the Union before because I have a life, so I
Speaker 14: wasn't looking forward to it. But I'm glad I tuned
Speaker 14: in because it wasn't nearly as boring as I thought.
Speaker 2: It would be.
Speaker 14: In fact, it's apparently got a bit of a UFC
Speaker 14: slash Junior high cafeteria vibe. Now, even before the speech started,
Speaker 14: things started getting rowdy.
Speaker 3: There were some tense moments that last night.
Speaker 7: Stated the Union Address, cameras captured a heated exchange between
Speaker 7: battled Congressman George Santos and Senator Mitt Romney.
Speaker 9: One lip reader posted this account of how the exchange
Speaker 9: went down.
Speaker 1: You who ought to be embarrassed? Yeash? Sure?
Speaker 3: Who ought to be embarrassed?
Speaker 4: Student?
Speaker 3: I'm well, he are you?
Speaker 8: You ought to be embarrassed?
Speaker 7: That's your opinion.
Speaker 14: I would like to go on the record tonight and
Speaker 14: say that I am sexually attracted to Mitt Romney. It's
Speaker 14: not the first time, and it won't be the last time.
Speaker 14: I don't even care that he's a Republican or a Mormon.
Speaker 14: In fact, since he's a Mormon, he'll be open to
Speaker 14: another wife. And if not, he's a Republican, so he'll
Speaker 14: be open to having an affair problem. Solid And yeah,
Speaker 14: what Rodney said doesn't sound too harsh, But remember it's
Speaker 14: Mitt Romney. You want to be embarrassed? Son is the
Speaker 14: Mormon equivalent of suck my friend, you pussy ass witch.
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Speaker 12: searching The Daily Show.
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