1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:05,120 Speaker 1: Hey, guys, welcome to Tommy Talk. This is a weekly 2 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:07,600 Speaker 1: series that is part of my I've Never Said This 3 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:10,400 Speaker 1: Before podcast where I am talking about all things that 4 00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:14,240 Speaker 1: I've never really publicly talked about before. And today's topic 5 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:18,880 Speaker 1: is what almost ten years of marriage has taught me. 6 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:21,159 Speaker 1: I can't believe I'm even saying that out loud, that 7 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:24,960 Speaker 1: I've been almost that I've been married for almost ten years. 8 00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:27,240 Speaker 1: I'm stumbling on my words because I still can't believe it. 9 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:29,520 Speaker 1: I feel like we just got married in so many ways. 10 00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:34,080 Speaker 1: But April twenty twenty six will be ten years married. 11 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:37,400 Speaker 1: So we've been together for ten years, married for nine 12 00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:39,559 Speaker 1: and a half, I guess, or nine and three quarters, 13 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:43,920 Speaker 1: but April will be ten years. So ten years married. Man, 14 00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:47,320 Speaker 1: I wish you could see me because I'm smiling so 15 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:52,200 Speaker 1: hard right now because I just feel like I got 16 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:55,240 Speaker 1: so lucky to have the husband that I have, truly, 17 00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:57,480 Speaker 1: and all right, I'm gonna stop being gushy and let's 18 00:00:57,480 --> 00:00:59,680 Speaker 1: get to some interesting things because you're probably like, oh 19 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,920 Speaker 1: my god, I'm rolling my eyes, but I'm hopeless romantic. 20 00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:04,520 Speaker 1: What do you want? But what ten years a marriage 21 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:09,040 Speaker 1: has taught me? Gosh, you know, and this is raw, 22 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:11,000 Speaker 1: this is off the cup. I'm not reading off notes. 23 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:13,440 Speaker 1: I'm not I didn't prepare things. The point of these 24 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:16,440 Speaker 1: Tommy talks. It's me, a mic, put the camera on, 25 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:18,520 Speaker 1: put the mic on, and let's go. So it is 26 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:23,039 Speaker 1: totally unplanned and unscripted, which is kind of fun. But 27 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:26,240 Speaker 1: the first thing I want to say about being married 28 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:32,839 Speaker 1: for almost ten years that I have learned is God, 29 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:36,120 Speaker 1: I've learned so much. I've learned so much about our 30 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:39,320 Speaker 1: relationship together, and I've learned so much about me, and 31 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:41,040 Speaker 1: I've learned so much about what it means to be 32 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:43,319 Speaker 1: a good partner. I guess the first thing that I've 33 00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:47,080 Speaker 1: learned in almost ten years of marriage is that you 34 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:51,720 Speaker 1: can never stop respecting each other. If you lose respect 35 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:55,040 Speaker 1: for one another, I truly believe that's when a lot 36 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:58,920 Speaker 1: of problems begin. And respect in the sense of I 37 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:02,520 Speaker 1: look at my husband and I respect him so much 38 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:05,480 Speaker 1: as a man, as a human, as the good person 39 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:08,600 Speaker 1: that he is. I'm in awe of that person, and 40 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:10,720 Speaker 1: I have so much respect for that person, of the 41 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:12,920 Speaker 1: brother he is, of the son that he is, of 42 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,960 Speaker 1: the spouse that he is, of a friend that he is. 43 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,280 Speaker 1: He has got the biggest heart in the world. And 44 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:19,160 Speaker 1: I look at him and I'm like, oh my god, 45 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:20,919 Speaker 1: I have so much respect for you. I have so 46 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:24,560 Speaker 1: much respect for you professionally as well, because he puts 47 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:27,160 Speaker 1: his whole heart into his work. He treats everybody with kindness. 48 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:29,760 Speaker 1: He does his work without getting involved in the bs 49 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:33,040 Speaker 1: of you know what work can bring you, right, he 50 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:37,200 Speaker 1: just does his job, does it well, and treats everybody 51 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:40,040 Speaker 1: so beautifully, and I just have I have so much 52 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:42,040 Speaker 1: respect for him. And I think when you remind yourself 53 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:45,639 Speaker 1: of that, even in the difficulties of life, with what 54 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:48,560 Speaker 1: life throws your way, and you sometimes tend to be 55 00:02:48,639 --> 00:02:51,440 Speaker 1: maybe short or take something out on whoever you're with, right, 56 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:53,880 Speaker 1: that's human nature because that's the person closest to you. 57 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,600 Speaker 1: I think when you just remember, wow, like this is 58 00:02:56,639 --> 00:02:58,720 Speaker 1: someone I so admire and so respect, and you never 59 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:01,359 Speaker 1: lose that sense of all about the person you're with, 60 00:03:01,919 --> 00:03:04,720 Speaker 1: it really sets you up for a beautiful life and 61 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:08,960 Speaker 1: prevents you from fighting and bickering and you know, dogging 62 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,480 Speaker 1: each other or putting each other down. Like I don't 63 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:13,240 Speaker 1: know about you, but there are certain people who I 64 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:16,480 Speaker 1: see that with in relationships, and it's hard to be 65 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:19,120 Speaker 1: around that because I just I respect to one with 66 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:21,920 Speaker 1: so much. I would never treat somebody like that. So 67 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:25,960 Speaker 1: I think having that respect finding and reminding yourself of 68 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,160 Speaker 1: why you respect that person so much is a really 69 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:31,920 Speaker 1: crucial part of any long term relationship because it's just 70 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:35,680 Speaker 1: it matters, It really really matters. Something that I think 71 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:40,360 Speaker 1: is also important is making time for adventure with one another. 72 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:44,440 Speaker 1: So you want to make memories that last a lifetime. 73 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,080 Speaker 1: And I think you've probably have heard the phrase you 74 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:47,920 Speaker 1: keep dating who you're with, and I hate that phrase. 75 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:49,120 Speaker 1: I don't know, I just feel like, what does that 76 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:51,360 Speaker 1: even mean? Like, Okay, go on a dinner date. Great, 77 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:54,360 Speaker 1: But more than that, I think it's making time for adventure. 78 00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:57,880 Speaker 1: So maybe it is a trip, maybe it's travel, but 79 00:03:57,920 --> 00:03:59,640 Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be a travel. It can be 80 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,320 Speaker 1: something even where you live. It could be trying a 81 00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:06,040 Speaker 1: new experience out near your house, going for that hike 82 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:08,200 Speaker 1: that you've wanted to go to for two years that 83 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:11,480 Speaker 1: you've been putting off and you know because you're too busy, 84 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,600 Speaker 1: or trying a new restaurant, or trying a new type 85 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:17,159 Speaker 1: of cuisine to cook together with a great playlist that 86 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:20,120 Speaker 1: you put on I mean, it's I guess, purposefully making 87 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:22,920 Speaker 1: moments with who you're with, and no matter how big 88 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:25,440 Speaker 1: or small they may be, it's just choosing to make 89 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:28,560 Speaker 1: these memories and moments together. And that's something that I'm 90 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,440 Speaker 1: really proud of with G and I because we do that. 91 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:34,960 Speaker 1: We do that, we like to do things that are special. 92 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,279 Speaker 1: I'll never forget during COVID, I hate, you know, I 93 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:41,040 Speaker 1: hate bringing up that word, but I'll never forget. We 94 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:46,080 Speaker 1: were stuck and we were celebrating our proposal versary, which 95 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:49,000 Speaker 1: highly recommends celebrating. Why not, we all need to celebrate 96 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,240 Speaker 1: more and more in life. It's a crazy world out there. 97 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 1: And I turned our kitchen and dining room into a 98 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:56,400 Speaker 1: Parisian cafe, right, And I went on Amazon and I 99 00:04:56,480 --> 00:05:01,920 Speaker 1: ordered balloons and a Paris tablecloth and candles and Paris 100 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:04,120 Speaker 1: confetti and just kind of decked it all out and 101 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:06,480 Speaker 1: found a Parisian playlist and we had a beautiful dinner. 102 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:09,240 Speaker 1: I mean, it's creating moments and experiences like that that 103 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:12,320 Speaker 1: I think keep things really exciting and fresh and show 104 00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:15,040 Speaker 1: that you love each other, right, You just love each 105 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:16,640 Speaker 1: other and you want to do for each other, which 106 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,799 Speaker 1: is another thing never stop doing for your spouse, however 107 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:21,800 Speaker 1: big or small. That may be. Little tokens of appreciation 108 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,880 Speaker 1: go a really, really long way. I also have learned 109 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:27,680 Speaker 1: in ten years it's really important to surround yourself with 110 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:31,240 Speaker 1: people who inspire you and lift you, because you are 111 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:33,680 Speaker 1: the company you keep, and you want people to be 112 00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:38,359 Speaker 1: champions of your relationship. And if you're truly close to 113 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:41,240 Speaker 1: somebody and have a best friend or multiple best friends, 114 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:44,560 Speaker 1: you want them to be your cheerleaders. And I think 115 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:49,680 Speaker 1: that unfortunately in life, sometimes people can have a hard 116 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:52,320 Speaker 1: time being happy for other people. And it's weird to 117 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:55,800 Speaker 1: even say that, because I'm genuinely so happy for everyone 118 00:05:55,839 --> 00:05:57,839 Speaker 1: in my life, and I pray for everybody in my 119 00:05:57,880 --> 00:05:59,719 Speaker 1: life every single day. When I do. My prayer is 120 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:02,880 Speaker 1: that they find their ultimate source of happiness, whatever that 121 00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:05,080 Speaker 1: means to them, because I genuinely want the people in 122 00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:07,320 Speaker 1: my life to feel that, and I think most people do. 123 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:11,440 Speaker 1: But there's sometimes will come someone come around. There will 124 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:13,480 Speaker 1: be someone I should say, who comes around. See I'm 125 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:15,240 Speaker 1: not filtering or editing list. I told you I might 126 00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:17,920 Speaker 1: stumble here or there, but this is real time. There 127 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:22,520 Speaker 1: might be somebody who comes around who doesn't always want 128 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:26,039 Speaker 1: your true happiness for yourself. And maybe it's because they're 129 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:29,040 Speaker 1: going through a tough time or they're having a harder 130 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,039 Speaker 1: time finding a partner. And I don't judge that. It's 131 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:33,599 Speaker 1: life's hard, man, I don't judge that. But if it's 132 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:36,360 Speaker 1: not making you feel good, or it's this energy around 133 00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:38,800 Speaker 1: you that kind of feels like it's not really for 134 00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:43,080 Speaker 1: your relationship, take note of that and maybe choose to 135 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:45,920 Speaker 1: hang out with people that do make you feel better 136 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:49,200 Speaker 1: or do want to see you. Guys thrive because like 137 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:54,160 Speaker 1: minded couples I think can really help one another champion 138 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:55,880 Speaker 1: the love you all feel. I think it's a really 139 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:59,960 Speaker 1: important thing to have in your life for sure. Something 140 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:03,720 Speaker 1: else that ten years of marriage has taught me is 141 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:06,880 Speaker 1: you have to you have to be aware of your faults. Look, 142 00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:10,200 Speaker 1: we're not perfect. We are not perfect. And as an 143 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:14,520 Speaker 1: Italian from Jersey who's a little stubborn, sometimes I know 144 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:19,640 Speaker 1: that I can be a little stubborn and I've learned 145 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:21,800 Speaker 1: that about myself in ten years. And what I will 146 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:23,600 Speaker 1: say is I feel really lucky that you and I, 147 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:26,120 Speaker 1: like we never fight. And I know that's probably annoying 148 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:29,000 Speaker 1: for you to hear, so I'm sorry but we don't 149 00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:31,320 Speaker 1: because we both come from what I said in the beginning, 150 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:34,440 Speaker 1: a place of such respect. So if there is a disagreement, 151 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,800 Speaker 1: we talk it out and it lasts for all of 152 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:39,520 Speaker 1: four minutes. And granted we don't have kids and all 153 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,360 Speaker 1: my parents out there shout out to you because I 154 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:44,480 Speaker 1: know that adds a beautiful element into your relationship but 155 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:47,559 Speaker 1: also can cause some stress in a relationship in terms 156 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:50,280 Speaker 1: of different parenting styles or different tactics. So I can't 157 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:52,600 Speaker 1: even touch that. So let me say like you all 158 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:55,000 Speaker 1: are superheroes, because that is a different thing to navigate 159 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:58,160 Speaker 1: in a relationship, So you know that might help. I 160 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:01,360 Speaker 1: don't know, but I always want to be real about 161 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:04,120 Speaker 1: everything here. But yeah, we tend to just kind of 162 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:07,840 Speaker 1: talk something out if we have a disagreement and breeze 163 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:10,760 Speaker 1: past it. I think one of the most detrimental things 164 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:15,240 Speaker 1: you can do is go to bed angry or have 165 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:18,160 Speaker 1: somebody sleep on the couch. I was with somebody who 166 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,360 Speaker 1: that was the norm when we would kind of argue 167 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:23,360 Speaker 1: it was not a great relationship. In my twenties, we've 168 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:24,880 Speaker 1: never had that. You and I have never done that. 169 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,960 Speaker 1: We've never walked out on each other. We've never had 170 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:30,200 Speaker 1: separate rooms at night because we just can talk through 171 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:32,600 Speaker 1: whatever it is we're going through. Because we respect each other, 172 00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:35,640 Speaker 1: even if we don't initially agree, we don't get to 173 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:39,920 Speaker 1: that point of, you know, name calling or screaming or 174 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:42,720 Speaker 1: cursing at each other. Like It's a very civil way 175 00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:46,319 Speaker 1: to move through life. I don't judge anybody in how 176 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:50,200 Speaker 1: you operate your disagreements. Please hear me when I say that, 177 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:54,560 Speaker 1: But if you can work on communicating in a way 178 00:08:54,559 --> 00:08:57,240 Speaker 1: that doesn't totally disparage or put down who you're with, 179 00:08:57,320 --> 00:09:00,440 Speaker 1: I think it tremendously helps you your relationship, not even 180 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,440 Speaker 1: in the moment, but in the future because you do 181 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:06,080 Speaker 1: come from such a place of respect. So there's a 182 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:08,040 Speaker 1: lot of things I've learned. I don't want to make 183 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:11,200 Speaker 1: this four hours, but I think at the bottom line 184 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:13,760 Speaker 1: for me is as a gay guy growing up in 185 00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:19,040 Speaker 1: a very small town in a conservative state, I never 186 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:25,480 Speaker 1: thought that I could find love or I deserved love 187 00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:28,720 Speaker 1: because I had people around me quite often making it 188 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:35,040 Speaker 1: seem like I didn't deserve it, which sucked. And never 189 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:38,199 Speaker 1: I never thought marriage was something I wanted because I 190 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:40,040 Speaker 1: think at the core of myself, I never thought I 191 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:42,680 Speaker 1: deserved it, so I really treasure what I have, and 192 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:45,280 Speaker 1: I think that's also something I come into this relationship 193 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:47,400 Speaker 1: with is I know that I was given this right 194 00:09:47,559 --> 00:09:51,200 Speaker 1: when marriage became legal, and I don't take that lightly. 195 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:54,800 Speaker 1: So I have such respect for the institution of marriage. 196 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:59,079 Speaker 1: I really do that. I want to do the best 197 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:01,640 Speaker 1: I can with it, and I know that might sound 198 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:03,760 Speaker 1: silly or stupid, but I think that's also a really 199 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:07,600 Speaker 1: refreshing way to go through a relationship. So even if 200 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,920 Speaker 1: you can't relate to that, I think the institution is 201 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:12,319 Speaker 1: very sacred and we're lucky that we get the chance 202 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:15,360 Speaker 1: to commit to somebody fully and be married to somebody 203 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:19,480 Speaker 1: in the way that we do. So I also never 204 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:21,400 Speaker 1: forget about that piece of it. All Right, I am 205 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:24,520 Speaker 1: such a sap. I'm like, are you guys sick of me? 206 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,240 Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I love love. I'm a sap for love. 207 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:32,640 Speaker 1: I feel like I'm just so in love. Okay, I'm done. 208 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:35,120 Speaker 1: I'm closing the mic because I'm literally gagging at myself. 209 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:38,960 Speaker 1: I love you all. Here's to love and to keep 210 00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:43,480 Speaker 1: being an amazing spouse in your marriages, relationships, partnerships, all 211 00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:45,760 Speaker 1: of the above. Okay, I'm gonna go like roll around 212 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:47,240 Speaker 1: in some roses because I feel like I just did 213 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:52,160 Speaker 1: a romance, novel, narration or something by you. I've Never 214 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:56,040 Speaker 1: Said This Before is hosted by Me Tommy Didario. This 215 00:10:56,240 --> 00:11:00,400 Speaker 1: podcast is executive produced by Andrew Piglisi at Iheartrate and 216 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:04,880 Speaker 1: by Me Tommy, with editing by Joshua Colaudney. I've Never 217 00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:07,319 Speaker 1: Said This Before is part of the Elvis dur Rampac