1 00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:10,039 Speaker 1: What up? Everyone, Welcome to your favorite podcast, Cheeky is 2 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:13,520 Speaker 1: in Chill. I know there are a lot of podcasts 3 00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:15,920 Speaker 1: out there, so I do appreciate from the bottom of 4 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:19,040 Speaker 1: my heart that you come back each week to listen, 5 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:24,120 Speaker 1: to learn, to grow, and to glow together. And you know, 6 00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:26,079 Speaker 1: sometimes I just want to hop on the mic and 7 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:28,800 Speaker 1: talk about stuff that's bothered me for a very long time. 8 00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:31,880 Speaker 1: And this is one of those episodes in our culture. 9 00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:36,199 Speaker 1: I'm sure you've heard the saying Gayarita, there is mas bonita, 10 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:40,239 Speaker 1: or you look so much prettier when you're quiet, and 11 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:43,199 Speaker 1: it's something I've heard most of my life and it's 12 00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:46,240 Speaker 1: something I cannot with. So we're going to talk about 13 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:50,440 Speaker 1: it because it is something that I don't agree with. 14 00:00:52,159 --> 00:00:54,680 Speaker 1: So let's start off with why I wanted to talk 15 00:00:54,720 --> 00:01:01,279 Speaker 1: about this topic, GAYETI that Masonita is something I've heard 16 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:06,720 Speaker 1: quite a bit as a child, as a teenager, as 17 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:10,200 Speaker 1: a singer, and I'm sure you guys have heard it 18 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:14,479 Speaker 1: quite a bit as well. And for a long time, 19 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:17,280 Speaker 1: I didn't question it. I just lived it. I was like, okay, 20 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:21,759 Speaker 1: I stayed quiet, and I even in my household. We've 21 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:26,679 Speaker 1: talked about it here that we weren't really or me. 22 00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:31,360 Speaker 1: I wasn't really allowed to give my opinion in our 23 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:35,480 Speaker 1: household until I was a little bit older. But for 24 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:39,040 Speaker 1: a long time, it was I'm the mother, I'm the parent, 25 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:43,600 Speaker 1: and what I say goes and I get that, Yes, 26 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:47,640 Speaker 1: Mom's ruled her household, yes, but sometimes it's okay to say, 27 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:51,640 Speaker 1: but Mom, you know, this kind of hurt my feelings 28 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:56,080 Speaker 1: or this makes me feel this way. And that wasn't 29 00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:58,680 Speaker 1: really a choice in our household. So I think that's 30 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:02,040 Speaker 1: where it started. And as I got older, there were 31 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:05,360 Speaker 1: a few times in my life where I was told 32 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:10,160 Speaker 1: not to give my opinion, my unsolicited opinion, and I 33 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:14,840 Speaker 1: did that for a long time. I stayed quiet, I 34 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:18,240 Speaker 1: didn't express what I felt, and it was because I 35 00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:23,200 Speaker 1: was afraid of the disapproval or the disappointment the people pleasing. 36 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:26,160 Speaker 1: That's part of people pleasing. Again. We've talked about that 37 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:29,400 Speaker 1: a lot on the podcast, and I think it has 38 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:33,160 Speaker 1: to do with this saying it's like, wait, what do 39 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:38,000 Speaker 1: you mean I'm not allowed or I shouldn't speak my 40 00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:43,680 Speaker 1: mind because I am a young lady, and young ladies 41 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:45,800 Speaker 1: just stay quiet and just supposed to sit there and 42 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:51,440 Speaker 1: look pretty. Yeah, no, that's not happening in my life anymore. 43 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,120 Speaker 1: I am going to let you know how I feel. 44 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:57,639 Speaker 1: And even if that means disappointing a few people, that's okay, 45 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:03,960 Speaker 1: because we need to speak our truth. And for a 46 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:07,880 Speaker 1: long time it's been like this unspoken message of don't question, 47 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:11,720 Speaker 1: don't challenge, don't speak up, don't disrupt the peace. It's 48 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:15,160 Speaker 1: it's cultural guys as well. Well, yeah, because I mean 49 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:18,000 Speaker 1: it's in Spanish guy, so yes, it's it's it's like, 50 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:22,919 Speaker 1: don't don't speak your truth if something happened to you, 51 00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:26,239 Speaker 1: you know, like a huge one sexual abuse. I've heard 52 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:30,359 Speaker 1: this a lot. When a child comes to their mother 53 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:33,960 Speaker 1: and says, my uncle touched me inappropriately. It's like, oh 54 00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:36,480 Speaker 1: my gosh, okay, well don't say anything, because it's like 55 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:38,800 Speaker 1: it's going to bring shame to the family. Like just 56 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:43,400 Speaker 1: stay quiet. And what happens to that child. She stays quiet, 57 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:49,800 Speaker 1: she grows up and becomes a very sad woman, and 58 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:53,760 Speaker 1: so many different things are happening because she has been 59 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:57,600 Speaker 1: taught to suppress and has been forced to suppress her 60 00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:01,840 Speaker 1: feelings because you're gonna bring shame to the family if 61 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:05,840 Speaker 1: we say this about your uncle. What I don't agree 62 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:09,520 Speaker 1: with that. I am so grateful that my mother believed 63 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:12,720 Speaker 1: me and did not question me. Was like, okay, I 64 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:15,680 Speaker 1: have your back with this situation that happened to you 65 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,680 Speaker 1: with your dad, But it was never let me protect 66 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:21,839 Speaker 1: your dad, let me protect the family name. Like that's 67 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:25,760 Speaker 1: just so wrong. And what that does to a human 68 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:32,240 Speaker 1: being is sometimes irreparable. And it's a cultural thing of 69 00:04:32,279 --> 00:04:38,520 Speaker 1: like respect your elders. You cannot tell you're a wiliita 70 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:41,719 Speaker 1: anything or your uncle because they're older. It's like, but wait, 71 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:45,520 Speaker 1: And that happened in my family when I got a 72 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:47,599 Speaker 1: little older and I started kind of stepping into my 73 00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:53,080 Speaker 1: own and I started disagreeing even with my mom. She 74 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:56,520 Speaker 1: didn't like it or they didn't like it. But I 75 00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,960 Speaker 1: was like, I'm not being mean, I'm just not agreeing 76 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:02,599 Speaker 1: with you, Like I don't agree with those actions. I 77 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:05,800 Speaker 1: don't like when you speak to me this way because 78 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:10,240 Speaker 1: it makes me feel sad. And it was more of like, 79 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:12,560 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, she has lip and she thinks she's 80 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:17,200 Speaker 1: better and no, I'm just speaking my truth and what 81 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:20,640 Speaker 1: is so wrong with that? And that is something that 82 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:23,279 Speaker 1: we have been taught, especially in our culture. Guys, I 83 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:25,560 Speaker 1: don't know if it happens in other cultures. I'm not 84 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:29,240 Speaker 1: exactly sure, but I know for sure that's what we 85 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:36,280 Speaker 1: have been taught. And the amount of damaged it caused 86 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:42,000 Speaker 1: me personally to stay quiet for so long. The confusion 87 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:47,400 Speaker 1: it caused within not only mentally but emotionally, it was crazy. 88 00:05:48,279 --> 00:05:52,200 Speaker 1: And I'm still undoing some of that damage because I 89 00:05:52,279 --> 00:05:59,560 Speaker 1: did feel like scared to talk. And that's why on 90 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:04,279 Speaker 1: this podcas, I'm always telling you, guys have these uncomfortable conversations. 91 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:09,520 Speaker 1: I know, confrontation is uncomfortable, but having these conversations guys 92 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:14,479 Speaker 1: are life changing. Another saying that is very true that 93 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:19,800 Speaker 1: I agree with. Yes, talk, They're uncomfortable, but they're necessary 94 00:06:19,839 --> 00:06:22,640 Speaker 1: conversations speaking your truth. I always say, if you can't, 95 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:25,840 Speaker 1: if you don't feel the strength, or you don't feel 96 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:28,960 Speaker 1: you know, the courage at this moment to speak to 97 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:32,360 Speaker 1: someone in person, write them a letter, but let that out, 98 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:45,120 Speaker 1: let it out, and you're gonna feel relieved. And I 99 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:53,480 Speaker 1: also feel that this is connected to machismo, because men 100 00:06:53,960 --> 00:07:00,440 Speaker 1: were taught to be dominant, to lead, to speak, to 101 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:03,280 Speaker 1: be the ones that decide, to be the ones that provide, 102 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:08,200 Speaker 1: and women were taught to just adapt, to stay silent, 103 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:13,080 Speaker 1: to endure, and even I think this also takes off 104 00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:16,320 Speaker 1: some pressure from men, because for a long time, men 105 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:21,120 Speaker 1: los sombres run. It's another saying why not, Like you 106 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:24,080 Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like men have feelings too, and 107 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:27,000 Speaker 1: they should be able to cry and let it out 108 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,840 Speaker 1: and express their feelings. Men for a long time were 109 00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:32,520 Speaker 1: taught to like, no, mare, I don't feel anything. I 110 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:34,680 Speaker 1: don't cry, I just keep on going. I don't go 111 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:37,480 Speaker 1: to the doctor. Like that's another thing, Like I'm not 112 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,200 Speaker 1: gonna go to the doctor, like for what I'm a 113 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:42,520 Speaker 1: man like dude. No that I mean, I think that's 114 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:46,200 Speaker 1: so toxic. Like and even like a woman having to 115 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:50,760 Speaker 1: just put up with everything her husband does because it's 116 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:54,360 Speaker 1: going to bring shame to the family if I leave him. 117 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,360 Speaker 1: Because I need to stand by my partner no matter what, 118 00:07:57,520 --> 00:08:00,119 Speaker 1: even if he disrespects me, even if he hits me, 119 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:03,520 Speaker 1: even if he cheats on me and doesn't give me 120 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:06,720 Speaker 1: any love. What kind of life is that? That's toxic loyalty. 121 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:10,120 Speaker 1: We've talked about toxic loyalty. All this has to do 122 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,800 Speaker 1: with the way that we were raised and culturally raised. 123 00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:17,320 Speaker 1: So I also feel like it affects men like that 124 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:21,120 Speaker 1: machismo stuff is like that needs to also just go 125 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:24,640 Speaker 1: out the window a little bit because it also causes 126 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:28,680 Speaker 1: a lot of damage to men of like how we 127 00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:31,720 Speaker 1: are supposed to or not me because I'm not a man, right, 128 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,800 Speaker 1: but like how men are supposed to act. It's a 129 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:39,640 Speaker 1: lot of pressure and there's nothing more freeing than crying. 130 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:43,160 Speaker 1: Like you know, like crying is I say it all 131 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:45,280 Speaker 1: the time, guys, but I feel like I repeat myself 132 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:46,960 Speaker 1: so much on the podcast. But whatever it is, what 133 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,400 Speaker 1: it is, this is these are things that I truly 134 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:53,360 Speaker 1: believe in that like crying does help you release tension 135 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:57,000 Speaker 1: and it keeps you from getting diseases in your body 136 00:08:57,040 --> 00:09:00,880 Speaker 1: because if you are not like releasing that. And that's 137 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:05,160 Speaker 1: why I truly believe that now people have longer lives 138 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:08,760 Speaker 1: because we're learning this and we're normalizing speaking about these 139 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:15,120 Speaker 1: things and unlearning a lot of the things that come 140 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:18,720 Speaker 1: from generations before us, and a lot of them, I 141 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:22,320 Speaker 1: feel we're more sick. I think it has to do 142 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:24,640 Speaker 1: a lot with like not releasing and not speaking up 143 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:28,800 Speaker 1: and speaking your truth, because all of that stays stagnant, 144 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:32,520 Speaker 1: stagnant energy in your body, and it becomes disease, it 145 00:09:32,559 --> 00:09:36,120 Speaker 1: becomes illnesses. It just it is what it is. It 146 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:39,520 Speaker 1: is real. I truly believe in that research you guys, 147 00:09:39,559 --> 00:09:41,840 Speaker 1: and you will see. So I think this is why 148 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:45,079 Speaker 1: we need to have these uncomfortable conversations and speak our 149 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:49,080 Speaker 1: mind because it will help us and liberate us from 150 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:56,040 Speaker 1: mental imprisonment, from emotional stagnation in so many different ways. 151 00:09:56,640 --> 00:10:00,640 Speaker 1: So it's not just about women, but also men have 152 00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:03,360 Speaker 1: been taught to be ka yaditos in other ways or 153 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:05,920 Speaker 1: no yr is and all that is just it's not 154 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:08,960 Speaker 1: something that I feel that we need to carry on 155 00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:13,520 Speaker 1: to the next generations. It does not serve our highest good. 156 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:18,640 Speaker 1: And call me whatever you want, call me problematica, call 157 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:23,080 Speaker 1: me the fisis, call me whatever you want. But I 158 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:25,679 Speaker 1: did that for two long guys, where I was just like, oh, 159 00:10:25,679 --> 00:10:28,560 Speaker 1: I'm just you know, I got to that's not lady like. 160 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:30,960 Speaker 1: Speaking my mind isn't lady like. I just have to 161 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:35,640 Speaker 1: like sit here and just you know, take it. No, 162 00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:39,560 Speaker 1: I'm not. I can't do that anymore, guys. Like if 163 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:43,400 Speaker 1: I were to tell you the confusion and the emotional 164 00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:47,080 Speaker 1: turmoil I went through during those years, and how much 165 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:52,439 Speaker 1: I would cry myself to sleep because I wasn't able 166 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:55,240 Speaker 1: to speak my truth or speak like just tell, like 167 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:59,600 Speaker 1: give my opinion. Oh, it was so draining. It was like, 168 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:03,000 Speaker 1: oh my gosh. Now I'm like, well I don't agree 169 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:06,720 Speaker 1: with that. I think that's not cool. And if you 170 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:08,439 Speaker 1: get mad at me, well, oh well that's your problem, 171 00:11:08,559 --> 00:11:11,080 Speaker 1: not mine. Sort of thing. You got to be mean. 172 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:22,040 Speaker 1: But and another thing that sparked the idea or the 173 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:25,640 Speaker 1: desire to talk about this episode was an episode that 174 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:29,640 Speaker 1: I had with my best friend Judy, Judy Seberta, and 175 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:32,880 Speaker 1: it really got me thinking about all the things that 176 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:39,520 Speaker 1: women keep silent because of fear of being seen differently 177 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:44,120 Speaker 1: or bringing shame to the family, shame to the last name. 178 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,560 Speaker 1: That's a huge thing. It's like this pride of like 179 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:48,280 Speaker 1: this is our last name, and we have to have 180 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:50,520 Speaker 1: a boy, even having children. It was like, I only 181 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:52,079 Speaker 1: want a boy because he's the one that's going to 182 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:55,040 Speaker 1: carry on the family legacy and all this stuff, and 183 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:59,880 Speaker 1: women would feel ashamed for having girls, and even like cultures, 184 00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,720 Speaker 1: like in Asian cultures. I can't speak to much about 185 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:04,040 Speaker 1: that because obviously I'm not Asian, but I've heard something 186 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:06,440 Speaker 1: like that where it's like girls are seen as like 187 00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:10,199 Speaker 1: less than men or boys when they're born. Like, that's 188 00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:15,000 Speaker 1: fucking crazy to me. Anyway, going back to Judy, it 189 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:16,600 Speaker 1: made me think of all these of just all the 190 00:12:16,679 --> 00:12:19,599 Speaker 1: things that women keep silent. And my friend, if you 191 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:21,920 Speaker 1: haven't heard that episode, go listen to it. But my 192 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:25,360 Speaker 1: friend was talking about how she just stayed in this 193 00:12:25,559 --> 00:12:29,839 Speaker 1: very toxic relationship because she had seen her parents stay 194 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:34,280 Speaker 1: together and whatever it is that her parents went through 195 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:38,800 Speaker 1: the mom and dirt it and they made it through 196 00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:42,800 Speaker 1: and now they're happy, and that's great. But we have 197 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:47,079 Speaker 1: choices now, you know. Like I would always tell my grandma, 198 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:53,080 Speaker 1: I admire women like you, I wouldn't be able to 199 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:56,640 Speaker 1: do it. And I think that is what's changing, and 200 00:12:56,679 --> 00:13:00,000 Speaker 1: that's what's changing in my friend where she's starting to realize. Wait, 201 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:02,600 Speaker 1: she kind of woke up and said, oh my gosh, 202 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:05,560 Speaker 1: like I wasn't living my life. I was living the 203 00:13:05,679 --> 00:13:09,719 Speaker 1: life that I thought my parents expected from me. And 204 00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:13,600 Speaker 1: the amount of sadness and depression that was building up 205 00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:16,080 Speaker 1: in her and what she's still undoing till this day 206 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:19,160 Speaker 1: is crazy. And I see and I speak to her 207 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:22,200 Speaker 1: all the time, and I admire her because she was 208 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:24,760 Speaker 1: really trying to do it for her kids. Stayed in 209 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:27,160 Speaker 1: the relationship for her children because that's what she saw 210 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:29,480 Speaker 1: her parents do and they got through the hard times, 211 00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:31,559 Speaker 1: and she was like, I got to stick this through, 212 00:13:31,679 --> 00:13:36,320 Speaker 1: like maybe in twenty years we'll be happy. I'm sorry, 213 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:39,480 Speaker 1: I can't do that. Like I'm not obviously talking bad 214 00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:41,280 Speaker 1: about my friend, because I understand her, but I'm just saying, 215 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:45,920 Speaker 1: like Lacente Dantis Las Mohuerez anthis the women before us 216 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:51,800 Speaker 1: admire them so much because my grandma was with my 217 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:54,720 Speaker 1: grandpa and the only man she ever had since she 218 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:59,560 Speaker 1: was fifteen until she was like sixty something. She's seventy. 219 00:13:59,679 --> 00:14:02,960 Speaker 1: I don't know, you know, six I think now or eight. Anyway, 220 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:04,880 Speaker 1: the point is that she stayed with my grandpa for 221 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:11,640 Speaker 1: years for her children, and she helped him build his 222 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:16,000 Speaker 1: business and was there every single day. I watched it. 223 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:19,560 Speaker 1: That business was not what it is today or what 224 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:22,720 Speaker 1: it was because of my grandpa. It was because of 225 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:26,760 Speaker 1: my grandma. And she fucking stock it out like he 226 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:31,640 Speaker 1: was unfaithful. He was abusive at one point with her 227 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:36,200 Speaker 1: verbally and physically. She took it. She's like, I have 228 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,200 Speaker 1: to stay here because this is for my children. I 229 00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:40,960 Speaker 1: have six children, and this is what it is. And 230 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:44,440 Speaker 1: that's what she was like basically taught, you know. And 231 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:47,920 Speaker 1: the only thing that made her leave was she told 232 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,280 Speaker 1: them you could do anything, I'll stick it out I'm 233 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:52,600 Speaker 1: your writer, or die, but if you have a child 234 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,600 Speaker 1: outside of the marriage, I'm done. And that happened. And 235 00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:58,800 Speaker 1: that's when she said I'm done. But that didn't happen 236 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:03,080 Speaker 1: until I don't know how many years of marriage, forty 237 00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:06,200 Speaker 1: fifty years after all of that, now she's a seventy 238 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:10,400 Speaker 1: something year old woman and she says she's happy being alone, 239 00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:13,720 Speaker 1: but like I would want her to be hugged at 240 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:18,600 Speaker 1: night and have a companion and not feel alone. Her 241 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:23,280 Speaker 1: children have grown up, they all have families of their own, 242 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:27,920 Speaker 1: and that's something that I'm like, damn like I WHOA. 243 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:34,440 Speaker 1: I respect it. It's admirable. But like, guys, she stayed 244 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:38,200 Speaker 1: quiet for so long and endured this pain by herself 245 00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:40,360 Speaker 1: and probably put on a happy face for her children 246 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:44,120 Speaker 1: or probably subconsciously took it out on her children because 247 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:49,480 Speaker 1: her husband wasn't treating her well. Like and I almost 248 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:52,040 Speaker 1: went down that road, guys, I almost stayed in my 249 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,880 Speaker 1: first marriage after not like I was not happy, like 250 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:58,280 Speaker 1: not even the day of my wedding. Maybe a little bit, 251 00:15:58,320 --> 00:15:59,720 Speaker 1: but like I just not even the day of my 252 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:01,280 Speaker 1: wedd was I happy. I was like, oh my god, 253 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:02,680 Speaker 1: I'm making such a mistake. But I'm gonna do it 254 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:03,920 Speaker 1: because I already said I was going to do it, 255 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:06,040 Speaker 1: and because the world is like I already said it, 256 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:08,160 Speaker 1: and like blah blah blah blah, and my family's expecting it, 257 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:12,920 Speaker 1: like all everything because of everyone else. And I almost 258 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:15,080 Speaker 1: stayed in that relationship because I was like, well, I 259 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:18,720 Speaker 1: don't want to be like my mom. You know, here 260 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:20,800 Speaker 1: we go again. I don't want to be like my 261 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:22,960 Speaker 1: mom in the sense of, you know, I want to 262 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:26,320 Speaker 1: have a stable relationship and I know it's not going 263 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:30,280 Speaker 1: to be easy, but like, oh, it could always be worse. 264 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,520 Speaker 1: You know, we think that too. And it's like, wait, 265 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,480 Speaker 1: you got to really listen to that intuition and like 266 00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:37,520 Speaker 1: really think and like do things if you want to 267 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:39,880 Speaker 1: stay in that relationship, because you want to stay in 268 00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:41,520 Speaker 1: it for your kids, and like, you know, okay, I 269 00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:43,320 Speaker 1: have an exit plan. As soon as they turn eighteen, 270 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:46,400 Speaker 1: I'm leaving, no matter what. That's your prerogative. Whatever it is, 271 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,200 Speaker 1: it you want to do. But I just feel like 272 00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:59,880 Speaker 1: we have to like honor our own happiness and honor 273 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:03,200 Speaker 1: our life because it's ours and it was given to us, 274 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:06,600 Speaker 1: and we have to honor and respect that and get 275 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:11,359 Speaker 1: out of situations that don't do that. I'm glad I 276 00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:16,320 Speaker 1: got out of that first marriage because I'm experiencing something 277 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:21,480 Speaker 1: so beautiful. It's not perfect, but I knew that there 278 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:24,679 Speaker 1: is no such thing as a perfect person or a 279 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:29,480 Speaker 1: perfect marriage or relationship. Again, this is not an episode 280 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:31,560 Speaker 1: to tell you leave your husband and whatever. That's not 281 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:33,520 Speaker 1: what it is. I'm just saying, like, I don't know 282 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:36,000 Speaker 1: how it turned into this from like Bonitetonia, but I 283 00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:38,080 Speaker 1: think it all goes together and it makes sense. So 284 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:44,720 Speaker 1: that's why. But AnyWho, guys, the point is that there 285 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:49,280 Speaker 1: is a lot of power in your voice women speaking 286 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:54,520 Speaker 1: to you women. Okay, men too, but there's a lot 287 00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:58,040 Speaker 1: of power in our voice. There's a lot that we 288 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:02,119 Speaker 1: have to offer in this world, and we just need 289 00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:07,480 Speaker 1: to feel comfortable enough to speak our truth, to say 290 00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:10,520 Speaker 1: what we believe in, to stand firm on that, to 291 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:16,359 Speaker 1: not tolerate disrespect, to not tolerate being mistreated. That's not 292 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,600 Speaker 1: a life for anyone and to do things on your 293 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:24,439 Speaker 1: own terms because that's what you want, not because people 294 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:30,159 Speaker 1: expect it from you or that's what you should do. Really, 295 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:35,200 Speaker 1: ask yourself, am I happy? Does this bring me peace? 296 00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:40,000 Speaker 1: Don't stay quiet out of fear. It's the worst thing 297 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:44,239 Speaker 1: that we could do, staying quiet out of fear. I 298 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:50,280 Speaker 1: know that it's a lot easier said than done, but 299 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,960 Speaker 1: once you start practicing it, it gets easier and easier, 300 00:18:55,600 --> 00:19:01,520 Speaker 1: and especially because you start feeling just so, you so 301 00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:07,080 Speaker 1: free and that's where the real power is, guys, feeling 302 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:12,320 Speaker 1: free to be yourself in every sense of the phrase, 303 00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:17,600 Speaker 1: and don't let anyone stop you from speaking your mind 304 00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:22,440 Speaker 1: being and staying quiet doesn't make you more beautiful. Being 305 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:27,919 Speaker 1: whole does. So I'll leave it with that, thank you 306 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:32,520 Speaker 1: guys for listening. I am very grateful for you, and 307 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:35,520 Speaker 1: I will catch you on the next episode of your 308 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,919 Speaker 1: favorite podcast, cheek is In Chill Say It with Me 309 00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:44,800 Speaker 1: Cheeks and Chill Love You. This is a production of 310 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:49,000 Speaker 1: iHeartRadio and the Michael Dura podcast Network. Follow us on 311 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:52,400 Speaker 1: Instagram at Michael Doura Podcasts, then follow me Cheeky's That's 312 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:55,440 Speaker 1: c h I q U I s for more podcasts. 313 00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:59,520 Speaker 1: From iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever 314 00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:08,439 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite podcast. MHM