1 00:00:03,279 --> 00:00:04,480 Speaker 1: Welcome to Wellness on Mass. 2 00:00:04,559 --> 00:00:07,400 Speaker 2: I'm doctor Nicole Saffire, and we have been talking all 3 00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:11,240 Speaker 2: about preparing for the Qualiday season here on Wellness un Mass. 4 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:14,080 Speaker 2: We've been talking about what we as parents can do 5 00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:17,319 Speaker 2: trying to get our kids off of digital tech, what 6 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:20,200 Speaker 2: we can be doing for ourselves in terms of preparing 7 00:00:20,239 --> 00:00:23,000 Speaker 2: for the new year physically and mentally. But one of 8 00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:25,400 Speaker 2: the things that I really wanted to kind of dive 9 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:29,600 Speaker 2: deep into is another aspect of making sure that our 10 00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:32,760 Speaker 2: kids are okay. I figured for this conversation the best 11 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,560 Speaker 2: guess is actually my best friend. 12 00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:36,400 Speaker 1: I'm going to be bringing her in just a few minutes. 13 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:39,440 Speaker 2: But it's really interesting because you know, both of us, 14 00:00:39,479 --> 00:00:42,200 Speaker 2: we have very heavy jobs. I am looking for cancer 15 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:45,600 Speaker 2: every single day. I diagnose cancer, and I see people 16 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:47,280 Speaker 2: when they have now had. 17 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:48,640 Speaker 1: A devastating diagnosis. 18 00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:52,800 Speaker 2: She is a family law attorney and she is with 19 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:55,880 Speaker 2: people during some of the most stressful times of their 20 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:59,120 Speaker 2: entire life. And so while I can talk until I'm 21 00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:01,840 Speaker 2: blue in the face all about the devastation and its 22 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:06,280 Speaker 2: toll physical health can take on an individual and a family, 23 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:09,959 Speaker 2: I wanted to bring Angela into this conversation, especially as 24 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:14,400 Speaker 2: we head into the holiday season talking about family dynamics, 25 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:17,080 Speaker 2: kids and what we as parents can be doing to 26 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:20,080 Speaker 2: supporting our kids. As we know, forty to fifty percent 27 00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:23,680 Speaker 2: of all us marriages maybe even more and in divorce 28 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:28,120 Speaker 2: and nearly half involved children. So kids are affected. Holiday 29 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:32,840 Speaker 2: season stress is high. So let's dive in Angela. I 30 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:35,400 Speaker 2: am so happy that you are joining us on wellness 31 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:36,080 Speaker 2: a Mass today. 32 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:38,280 Speaker 3: Welcome, Thank you, thanks for having me here. 33 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:41,760 Speaker 2: Okay, so give a quick little blurb. Who are you 34 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:43,399 Speaker 2: and why are you here today? 35 00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:46,080 Speaker 3: I am here because I'm one of your closest and 36 00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:48,960 Speaker 3: dearest friends. This is said. Also, I am a family 37 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:52,280 Speaker 3: law attorney in New Jersey, a practice all throughout the state, 38 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:55,200 Speaker 3: but mostly in Northern New Jersey. I've been practicing for 39 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:58,000 Speaker 3: over twenty five years, and I deal with a lot 40 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:01,600 Speaker 3: of high conflict sitting and parenting time issues. And I 41 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:03,000 Speaker 3: know you want to talk to you a little bit 42 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:06,720 Speaker 3: about children and prioritizing them during the holidays and how 43 00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:10,519 Speaker 3: hard it is for intact families, single parent households, parents 44 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:14,080 Speaker 3: going through perhaps a divorce or something else, and so 45 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:15,720 Speaker 3: I figured we could talk about it a little bit. 46 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:18,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, and you and I both have unique histories or 47 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:22,360 Speaker 2: life experiences in the sense that we both have or 48 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:25,160 Speaker 2: are single parents. I was a single parent at a 49 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:28,400 Speaker 2: very young age. I think everyone kind of knows my history. 50 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,080 Speaker 2: I had a son when I was in high school. 51 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:32,200 Speaker 2: I was eighteen years old, and I was a single 52 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:35,320 Speaker 2: parent until I met my now husband, so when I 53 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:38,680 Speaker 2: was in medical school. So I had about a decade 54 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:41,679 Speaker 2: of my life of being a single parent. And your 55 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:44,240 Speaker 2: current situation is you are also a single parent. Talk 56 00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:46,840 Speaker 2: to me a little bit about what it's like being 57 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:47,520 Speaker 2: a single parent. 58 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:50,919 Speaker 3: Well, you're taking on all the roles as a single parent. 59 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,760 Speaker 3: I mean, that's the easiest way to say it. I 60 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:56,240 Speaker 3: have an only child, and I always find remarkable with 61 00:02:56,320 --> 00:03:00,280 Speaker 3: single parents who have one, two, three kids. I have 62 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:02,560 Speaker 3: my hands full just with the one. She's just entering 63 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:05,840 Speaker 3: into her teen years, and you know, we have a 64 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:09,399 Speaker 3: lot going on every day. We are worried about, as 65 00:03:09,639 --> 00:03:14,000 Speaker 3: you know, a single parent, our single mom, meal planning, breakfast, lunch, dinner. 66 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:18,360 Speaker 3: School academics. Are they on their subjects? Are they getting 67 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,240 Speaker 3: ready for all the tests and quizzes? They just had 68 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:23,160 Speaker 3: that conversation today. When they're out from school, we're home, 69 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:25,160 Speaker 3: We're taking care of them, figuring out how to manage 70 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,400 Speaker 3: our own jobs and how we're going to be away 71 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:30,240 Speaker 3: from what we're supposed to be doing right to keep 72 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:33,160 Speaker 3: paying the bills because we're also the sole provider in 73 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:36,119 Speaker 3: our single family, you know, in our sole parent household. 74 00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:38,480 Speaker 3: So it's a lot of responsibility, and I feel like, 75 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:42,680 Speaker 3: especially during the holidays, it gets compounded because then you're addressing, 76 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:44,800 Speaker 3: you know, all of the fun stuff that you want 77 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,760 Speaker 3: the kids to have, plus all the responsibilities that still 78 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:48,400 Speaker 3: didn't go away. 79 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:51,560 Speaker 2: Now do you find that, especially during the holiday season, 80 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:54,760 Speaker 2: there's extra pressure on you in the sense that you know, 81 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:57,000 Speaker 2: we talk about how, oh, well, the holiday season is 82 00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:01,120 Speaker 2: all about celebrating and togetherness, but there can come some 83 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:03,720 Speaker 2: negative emotions with it as well. I mean, there is 84 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:07,440 Speaker 2: this concept of togetherness and family, and if you don't 85 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:10,640 Speaker 2: have a traditional family unit, does this put some pressure 86 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:11,240 Speaker 2: on you as well? 87 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:16,240 Speaker 3: I think it, yeah. I mean, honestly, I do think 88 00:04:16,279 --> 00:04:19,440 Speaker 3: that it comes and goes. It's not like a constant, 89 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:23,640 Speaker 3: overarching theme of life or anything, but particularly during the holidays, 90 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,599 Speaker 3: where you want the best for your kids and you 91 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:28,520 Speaker 3: want them to have all great things and all great experiences, 92 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:31,799 Speaker 3: and then you're worried that maybe you're not doing enough, 93 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:34,600 Speaker 3: or do they feel different when they're hearing about their 94 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:38,280 Speaker 3: friends who are traveling together with brothers and sisters and 95 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:41,560 Speaker 3: cousins and moms and dads or you know, whatever the 96 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:44,920 Speaker 3: case may be, in their family unit. And like I said, 97 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:46,960 Speaker 3: I have an only child, so we have a much 98 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:50,719 Speaker 3: smaller family. It's just us. But the flip side of 99 00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:53,479 Speaker 3: that is that we're very close and she gets to 100 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:57,040 Speaker 3: have the benefit of my undivided attention all the time, 101 00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:59,320 Speaker 3: and we do a lot of fun things together. So 102 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:04,160 Speaker 3: I think as parents, particularly as single parents, we give 103 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:06,920 Speaker 3: ourselves like a guilt complex, Like we feel the guilt, 104 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:09,240 Speaker 3: and I don't know that our kids are necessarily feeling 105 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:11,720 Speaker 3: that or seeing it unless we're putting it out there 106 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:14,159 Speaker 3: that they're feeling it from us, But otherwise they really 107 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:14,640 Speaker 3: wouldn't know. 108 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:18,080 Speaker 2: From your professional standpoint, what are some of the things 109 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:21,600 Speaker 2: that you see families maybe they've gone through divorce, they're 110 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:24,440 Speaker 2: going through divorce. What are some of the worst possible 111 00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:28,280 Speaker 2: things that parents do in their own actions that impact 112 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:29,600 Speaker 2: their kids. 113 00:05:29,839 --> 00:05:32,760 Speaker 3: Talk to their kids about the divorce. So I do 114 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,200 Speaker 3: a lot of high conflict work with parents going through 115 00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:40,040 Speaker 3: highly contested customer and parenting time issues, and some of 116 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:44,279 Speaker 3: the most significant cases are those where the parents feel 117 00:05:44,279 --> 00:05:46,520 Speaker 3: like they need to tell their childs everything, no matter 118 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:48,920 Speaker 3: what they age. You're talking about five year old, a 119 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:52,239 Speaker 3: seven year old, a preteen, a teenager, and they are 120 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:56,600 Speaker 3: now in the process of their parents' conflict. And that's 121 00:05:56,640 --> 00:06:00,800 Speaker 3: so unhealthy for them emotionally, psychologically, and even physically because 122 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:04,760 Speaker 3: they're just ramifications from that. Their brains aren't even developed, really, 123 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:06,599 Speaker 3: and you can talk to that, right is the metal 124 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:09,520 Speaker 3: we have and you have right, Their brains aren't developed 125 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:12,040 Speaker 3: to process the amount of information that sometimes coming at 126 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:14,680 Speaker 3: them in the way it's coming at them. But to 127 00:06:14,839 --> 00:06:18,880 Speaker 3: have kids during the divorce process. In the divorce, that's 128 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,960 Speaker 3: the one thing that you want to try and avoid 129 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:26,320 Speaker 3: at all times. Right, keep the issues between you and 130 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:29,760 Speaker 3: your co parent, try and be as civil as you can, 131 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:33,760 Speaker 3: Try and communicate because without communicating, right, you're not going 132 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:36,480 Speaker 3: to make plans. Who has got Christmas Eve? Who has Honikah? 133 00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:39,400 Speaker 3: Are they overlapping? Not this year but other years you 134 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,400 Speaker 3: have Christmas and a honka falling on the same year. 135 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:43,760 Speaker 3: Some parents fight about who wants Christmas Eve, who wants 136 00:06:43,839 --> 00:06:46,080 Speaker 3: Christmas day. Who wants New Year's Eve? Who wants New 137 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:49,240 Speaker 3: Year's Day? You don't want that conflict to have your 138 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:51,880 Speaker 3: child or your children feel that. You just want them 139 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:54,479 Speaker 3: to enjoy the experience and enjoy the holiday knowing that 140 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:56,640 Speaker 3: they have the love and support of both of their parents. 141 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,280 Speaker 1: Well, I mean, at the end of the day, it's 142 00:06:58,279 --> 00:06:58,839 Speaker 1: like parents. 143 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:01,560 Speaker 2: Kids don't need perfect parents, but they need parents who 144 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:04,280 Speaker 2: can keep their crap together and be responsible. 145 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:04,880 Speaker 3: Absolutely. 146 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:06,400 Speaker 2: One of the things that I talk about with the 147 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:08,680 Speaker 2: parents in the whole digital tech and the phone and 148 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:11,640 Speaker 2: the social media, I'm like, listen, lead by example, you 149 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:14,040 Speaker 2: want your kids off social media, but that you're sitting 150 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:18,800 Speaker 2: there scrolling like on your phone doing whatever. So especially 151 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:22,120 Speaker 2: if you're trying to emulate for your kids a healthy 152 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:25,560 Speaker 2: place mentally, if you're in this conflict and you're involving 153 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:28,640 Speaker 2: the kids in it, like going keep it together, guys. 154 00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:30,760 Speaker 3: Right, And it's hard. I mean, going through a divorce 155 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:34,280 Speaker 3: is one of the most emotional psychological things you're going 156 00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:37,040 Speaker 3: to deal with in your life. Right. It's you thought 157 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,960 Speaker 3: that you had one vision of how your life was 158 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,520 Speaker 3: going to be and all of a sudden it's upended 159 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:44,440 Speaker 3: and it's completely different. As a parent and as an attorney, 160 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,800 Speaker 3: I can relate to what a parent is going through 161 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:49,680 Speaker 3: in that worst process, but you have to have the 162 00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:51,960 Speaker 3: self discipline to keep it together for your kids. 163 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:55,120 Speaker 2: Absolutely, some stats that I pulled for this interview er 164 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:59,120 Speaker 2: visits for pediatric mental health crises increase about thirty percent 165 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:03,040 Speaker 2: during the hall season wo and children exposed to high 166 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:07,119 Speaker 2: parental conflict, parents that are fighting two to three higher 167 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:10,840 Speaker 2: risk of having depression. And even that, you know, we 168 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:13,320 Speaker 2: talk about depression, and some people kind of blow off 169 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:14,480 Speaker 2: mental illnesses up. 170 00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:17,080 Speaker 1: They're just sad or oh, they're just bored or whatever 171 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:17,360 Speaker 1: it is. 172 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:20,120 Speaker 2: But no, these are actual physiological changes that are happening 173 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,360 Speaker 2: inside of a kid. You know, a kid who is 174 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:25,480 Speaker 2: stressed out from the tension with their parents or the 175 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:29,520 Speaker 2: fighting or the guilt that kids, you know, take on themselves, 176 00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:32,040 Speaker 2: like well, now my mom's by herself because I'm a 177 00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:34,040 Speaker 2: scheduled f be with my dad or vice versa. Is 178 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:37,560 Speaker 2: actually raises their cortisol levels. And we've talked about high 179 00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:42,079 Speaker 2: cortisol levels in the body increases inflammation, increases the risk 180 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:46,560 Speaker 2: for autoimmune disease, cardiovascular disease, certain cancers, and dementia down 181 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:51,360 Speaker 2: the road. So you as a parent being in this conflict, 182 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:54,040 Speaker 2: exposing your kids to this conflict and not keeping your 183 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:58,120 Speaker 2: crap together, especially over the holiday season, you are exposing 184 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:00,800 Speaker 2: your child not just to the short term effects of 185 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:04,600 Speaker 2: themselves feeling anxious, depressed, and all the things that come 186 00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:09,000 Speaker 2: with mental illness, but potentially downstream consequences that will affect 187 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:10,160 Speaker 2: their physical health. 188 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's true. I mean I don't see it in 189 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:14,720 Speaker 3: the physical context, but I definitely see it in the 190 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:19,360 Speaker 3: emotional and psychological context because parents are then coming to me. 191 00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:21,480 Speaker 3: The clients are coming to me talking about what's going 192 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:23,920 Speaker 3: on with their kids at home and how one child's 193 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:28,160 Speaker 3: reacted to something, and the anxiety and depression are definitely 194 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:30,360 Speaker 3: I feel like at an all time high in the 195 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:33,199 Speaker 3: divorce process itself, but particularly during the holidays, because I 196 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:35,120 Speaker 3: have that guild all of a sudden, you know, you're 197 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:36,480 Speaker 3: trying to explain to them, They're going to have a 198 00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:39,200 Speaker 3: great time at Grandma Jane's house, but you're going to 199 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:42,959 Speaker 3: Grandma Jane's house whose dad's you know, mom, And you're 200 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,640 Speaker 3: gonna be with your paternal side of the family, And 201 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:47,120 Speaker 3: don't worry about me and Mom, I'll just you know, 202 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:50,200 Speaker 3: be with some other maybe my best friend or maybe 203 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:52,559 Speaker 3: a cousin or a different relative, and kids see that 204 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:55,360 Speaker 3: and they feel it, right because especially in those first 205 00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:59,080 Speaker 3: couple of years where it's different, a lot of times 206 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:01,680 Speaker 3: they don't like change, right, They wanted to stay the same. 207 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:07,319 Speaker 2: I don't like change personally, I don't even but yeah, 208 00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:11,120 Speaker 2: I definitely think kids you will see their anxiety level rise. 209 00:10:11,559 --> 00:10:14,640 Speaker 3: And our children are smart, they know and they feed 210 00:10:14,679 --> 00:10:16,520 Speaker 3: off of their parents, so they feed off of you. 211 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:19,240 Speaker 3: So if you're anxious and you're presenting something to them 212 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:21,480 Speaker 3: in an anxious way, they're going to pick up on that. 213 00:10:21,559 --> 00:10:23,320 Speaker 3: So the best thing you can do is really just 214 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:26,880 Speaker 3: stay positive and whatever the news is that you're delivering. Right, 215 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:28,920 Speaker 3: this is how we're going to share the holiday this year. 216 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,000 Speaker 3: You're going to stay with me for Christmas Eve, You're 217 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,520 Speaker 3: going to go with data on Christmas Day. Everybody's going 218 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,680 Speaker 3: to have a great time. This is what I'm thinking. 219 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:38,320 Speaker 3: Or maybe bring in a new tradition. I always like 220 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,600 Speaker 3: to give that as an example, like, you know what, 221 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:42,800 Speaker 3: the holiday is going to be different this year, but 222 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:44,600 Speaker 3: we're going to have a new tradition and we're going 223 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:47,600 Speaker 3: to whatever it is, go for a train ride or 224 00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:48,280 Speaker 3: go go. 225 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:50,000 Speaker 1: For a train and ride well out. 226 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:51,679 Speaker 3: Here work with well. No, I don't mean a train 227 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:53,880 Speaker 3: ride to see Santa in my head and what came out. 228 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:57,440 Speaker 3: We're two different things, like they Especially where we live 229 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:01,000 Speaker 3: in our area, there are you know, visits with Sanzo 230 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:03,440 Speaker 3: where you have canty for the younger kids. Maybe for 231 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,760 Speaker 3: the older kids it's something different. Maybe you go see 232 00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:07,840 Speaker 3: the rock hats in New York, sitting like right like, 233 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,680 Speaker 3: or go for tea or something. 234 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:12,559 Speaker 2: These are all things that we text each other we 235 00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:14,520 Speaker 2: should be doing, but if we just find time. 236 00:11:14,559 --> 00:11:17,040 Speaker 1: You don't have time, you're listening to Wellness and mass. 237 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:22,480 Speaker 1: We'll be right back with more. The way that I 238 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:24,240 Speaker 1: see it, though, is fake it till you. 239 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:25,080 Speaker 3: Make it okay. 240 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:28,080 Speaker 2: You need to put on a strong crin in front 241 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:31,480 Speaker 2: of your kids. Honestly, sometimes I feel overwhelmed with work, 242 00:11:31,559 --> 00:11:34,679 Speaker 2: with the house stuffy, we have renovations going on. 243 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,800 Speaker 3: But you need to fake it for your kid's sake. 244 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:40,480 Speaker 2: If you need to get your kids off to whether 245 00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:43,319 Speaker 2: they're going with another parent, if you're going through a divorce, 246 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,800 Speaker 2: or if you're still just at home. When you are 247 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,319 Speaker 2: with your kids, you need to put on that brae face, 248 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:53,760 Speaker 2: cry in your pillow, alone, alone, screen, call your friend, bent, 249 00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:57,520 Speaker 2: whatever you need to do, journal, pray, exercise, whatever you 250 00:11:57,559 --> 00:11:59,760 Speaker 2: need to do, But do not pass that stress onto 251 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:03,680 Speaker 2: your kids because their brains, their body are not equipped 252 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:05,640 Speaker 2: to handle these stress emotions. 253 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:08,440 Speaker 1: And when we're talking about the whole Make America Healthy. 254 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:11,720 Speaker 2: Again movement, it starts out in childhood, and the stresses 255 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:14,120 Speaker 2: they're exposed to in childhood will stay with them. 256 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:14,600 Speaker 3: You know. 257 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:18,520 Speaker 2: It leads to overeating, leads to metabolic disorder, and all 258 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:21,040 Speaker 2: of these negative things. And so we as the parent, 259 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:22,760 Speaker 2: we have to put an end to it if we 260 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,480 Speaker 2: want to actually get our kids to a healthier place 261 00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:26,640 Speaker 2: physically and mentally. 262 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:30,200 Speaker 3: Absolutely, you as a parent or the backbone, no matter what, 263 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:33,439 Speaker 3: and you lead by example and your kids will follow. 264 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:36,440 Speaker 3: And you're absolutely right with everything you're saying about how 265 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:39,320 Speaker 3: it starts at home, right to make your kids physically 266 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:42,280 Speaker 3: and emotionally healthy. Yeah, yeah, I agree. 267 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:46,319 Speaker 2: And you know the good news is the majority, I mean, 268 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:47,520 Speaker 2: you know better than I do. 269 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:52,000 Speaker 1: Overwhelmingly kids do okay after divorce. Divorce doesn't necessarily mean 270 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:52,800 Speaker 1: the end of the world. 271 00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:54,320 Speaker 3: Absolutely, divorce is common. 272 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:57,520 Speaker 2: There are very legitimate reasons for people to consider divorce. 273 00:12:57,600 --> 00:13:00,760 Speaker 2: Do I think people get divorce more than necessary? 274 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:02,959 Speaker 3: I do. That is just a personal opinion. 275 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:05,960 Speaker 2: I think some people go through their little midlife crisis, 276 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:07,520 Speaker 2: they need a little bit extra attention. 277 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:10,199 Speaker 1: They are not really good at communicating with their spouses. 278 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:10,760 Speaker 3: Do I think that. 279 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:12,760 Speaker 1: People should work on their marriages a little bit more, Yes, 280 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:15,679 Speaker 1: I do. Yes, I do. That's a personal opinion. 281 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:19,400 Speaker 3: I think we've got a comfortable with divorce, where perhaps 282 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:22,400 Speaker 3: a few decades ago it was more taboo, and now 283 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:25,480 Speaker 3: that it's I don't want to call divorce mainstream because 284 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:26,320 Speaker 3: that seems the. 285 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:28,000 Speaker 1: Cool thing to do, but it's not right. 286 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:30,839 Speaker 3: That's the goal is not to be divorced. You want 287 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:32,680 Speaker 3: to stay married forever with the person you love, and 288 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:35,440 Speaker 3: you have all these great things about raising a family together. 289 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:38,640 Speaker 3: But yeah, I do think that we need to work 290 00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:41,080 Speaker 3: on our marriages. But there are many cases where people 291 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,440 Speaker 3: do end up in divorce, and that's okay too, right. 292 00:13:43,559 --> 00:13:45,600 Speaker 3: I mean, there are a lot of legitimate reasons and 293 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,079 Speaker 3: I see it every day, but the focus always needs 294 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,240 Speaker 3: to remain on your kids. Yeah. 295 00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:51,800 Speaker 2: I think what happens to a lot of people are 296 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,440 Speaker 2: they're so focused and caught up in their selves during 297 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:56,680 Speaker 2: their divorce that they're like, all these things that I'm 298 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:57,319 Speaker 2: going to get to do. 299 00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,559 Speaker 3: But at the end of the day, you decided to. 300 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:01,960 Speaker 2: Have children, bring children into this world, and you need 301 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:05,320 Speaker 2: to still remain in the back seat because it's your 302 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:07,920 Speaker 2: kids are now the most important thing. The good news is, 303 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:10,240 Speaker 2: you know, the majority of kids are going to be 304 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:13,880 Speaker 2: just fine even with divorce, as long as you know 305 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:17,000 Speaker 2: they already want, they already feel like, they internalize their 306 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:18,000 Speaker 2: parental emotions. 307 00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:21,800 Speaker 1: They have that fear of abandonment, yes, and pressure to 308 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:24,040 Speaker 1: choose sides, and sometimes they're angry. 309 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:27,000 Speaker 3: I mean so and I really see it. Posts COVID 310 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:30,360 Speaker 3: the amount of children in divorce that are getting mental 311 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:33,040 Speaker 3: health services, which is fine. They're in therapy. Everybody you 312 00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:36,120 Speaker 3: know has the ability to take the kids and have 313 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:38,880 Speaker 3: them in therapy for anxiety, depression, whatever the case may be. 314 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:41,840 Speaker 3: Kids need time to process, and they need to process 315 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,480 Speaker 3: in a healthy way, and sometimes especially if that's hard 316 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:47,000 Speaker 3: as a parent, right, make sure that they're seeing a 317 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:50,320 Speaker 3: professional that can help them to get through those moments 318 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,880 Speaker 3: and then they'll move on from it because the kids 319 00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:55,720 Speaker 3: are resilient, you know. After the divorce, it's really getting 320 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:59,560 Speaker 3: through that change, because everything is to step towards a 321 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:02,600 Speaker 3: brighter future for them and making sure that their best 322 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:05,040 Speaker 3: interests are that you're priority, right. I mean that's why 323 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:07,000 Speaker 3: I really tell clients all the time. As long as 324 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:10,680 Speaker 3: you are parent focused and your children are the priority, 325 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:12,480 Speaker 3: this is going to end up. Okay. 326 00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:14,120 Speaker 1: Can I ask you a question that you can plead 327 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:15,320 Speaker 1: the fifth too? And I won't be a friend of 328 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:16,240 Speaker 1: coul silly friends? 329 00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:20,280 Speaker 2: Do you think too many parents are putting their kids 330 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:24,360 Speaker 2: into therapy as a means of I don't want to 331 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:27,040 Speaker 2: say laziness, but I will say laziness on the parent's part, 332 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,560 Speaker 2: meaning parents don't want to put in the work to 333 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:32,760 Speaker 2: actually sit down and have these conversations and really feel 334 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:34,920 Speaker 2: the feels with their kids, and they would rather just 335 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:38,560 Speaker 2: send them to a therapist, even though therapists obviously is 336 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:40,920 Speaker 2: trained professional they know exactly what to do, what to 337 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:43,000 Speaker 2: talk about in these moments. But is it a little 338 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:45,320 Speaker 2: bit of a cop out to the parent saying you 339 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:47,440 Speaker 2: are not focusing and you are not working with your 340 00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:50,200 Speaker 2: child on the emotions and making sure there's some stability. 341 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:53,040 Speaker 3: Okay, so that's a great question. I won't plead the fifth, 342 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:56,440 Speaker 3: I'll answer. I think for me, I see it as 343 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,800 Speaker 3: more fear based. I get what you're saying that it 344 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:00,600 Speaker 3: could be a cop out. I feel that parents have 345 00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:03,120 Speaker 3: so much information and sometimes they don't want to screw 346 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:05,120 Speaker 3: up their kid because like you're just going to go 347 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:07,000 Speaker 3: with therapy and let a professional figure it out because 348 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,320 Speaker 3: I don't have the tools to do this, which I 349 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:13,680 Speaker 3: think is an okay answer to recognize what your own 350 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:17,200 Speaker 3: limits are, right, Like, if you are having a problem 351 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:20,880 Speaker 3: processing what's happening right and now somehow you have to 352 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,480 Speaker 3: be the sole person that your child is talking to. 353 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:26,800 Speaker 3: That's not always a good thing. It's okay to have 354 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:30,560 Speaker 3: a professional who's trained and could meet a child at 355 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:33,480 Speaker 3: their level right to talk about those issues and give 356 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:35,840 Speaker 3: them techniques to process what's going on. That doesn't mean 357 00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:37,760 Speaker 3: I don't think that what you're saying happens. I do 358 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:41,120 Speaker 3: think that that happens as well, But in my professional experience, 359 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:43,760 Speaker 3: I don't see that as often as it's coming either 360 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,560 Speaker 3: from fear like hands off, I don't know what to 361 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,680 Speaker 3: do here, or just an acknowledgment or a self awareness, 362 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:51,960 Speaker 3: which I think is a really healthy response that I 363 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,600 Speaker 3: don't have the tools to get you through this the 364 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:56,800 Speaker 3: best way, and because I want the best for you, 365 00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:59,120 Speaker 3: I'm going to bring the mental health people in and 366 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,400 Speaker 3: you know, get you on a path. 367 00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:04,360 Speaker 2: Okay, I mean fair enough, you know, I think that 368 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:07,280 Speaker 2: kind of what we're both saying is focusing on the 369 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,960 Speaker 2: child and making sure that they're okay and really making 370 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:12,960 Speaker 2: sure that their emotions are regulated. There aren't the ups 371 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:15,920 Speaker 2: and the downs, especially heading into the holidays. It's better 372 00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:18,320 Speaker 2: to be a little bit more even keel. That's probably 373 00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:21,680 Speaker 2: one of the best predictors of how well they're going 374 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:24,440 Speaker 2: to do, not just in the short term during their 375 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:27,400 Speaker 2: childhood life, but as they go on and what their 376 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,360 Speaker 2: understanding of relationships are. 377 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:34,000 Speaker 3: Yeah. Absolutely, I mean that's part of raising a child. 378 00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:37,640 Speaker 3: You want them to have and see healthy relationships. Right. 379 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:39,800 Speaker 3: That's why I always say it's not such a bad 380 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,920 Speaker 3: thing if people are getting divorced, right, because you rather 381 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:45,120 Speaker 3: raise your children to see what healthy love looks like, right, 382 00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:50,080 Speaker 3: and keeping that as your focus with them, There's not 383 00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:52,920 Speaker 3: going to be a bad outcome. They're going to be okay. Yeah. Yeah. 384 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:55,399 Speaker 1: Do you have any twenty twenty six aspirations goals? What 385 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:56,800 Speaker 1: are you looking for in twenty twenty six? 386 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,639 Speaker 3: Wow? That's a loaded question in question, what am I 387 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:02,760 Speaker 3: looking We're in twenty twenty six a happy and healthy 388 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:07,000 Speaker 3: family and friends. I'm looking to get a little bit 389 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:10,159 Speaker 3: more structure over my own time so and I can 390 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:12,360 Speaker 3: do some of the things that we complain, for example, 391 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:15,639 Speaker 3: that we never get to do. And I have some 392 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:19,240 Speaker 3: fitness goals, and I loved your podcast a couple of 393 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:21,159 Speaker 3: weeks ago about trying to do it in December and 394 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:25,480 Speaker 3: taking ten days. I'm not there yet at my ten days. 395 00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,480 Speaker 1: It's twenty days in twenty but that's okay, we can 396 00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:28,080 Speaker 1: start with ten. 397 00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:31,560 Speaker 3: Oh no, no, I can't do twenty days point. But 398 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,119 Speaker 3: I was trying to just get the ten days in December, 399 00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,520 Speaker 3: and I'm almost there, but I'm not there yet. But 400 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:39,720 Speaker 3: that was a great change in mindset, Like get it 401 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:42,119 Speaker 3: done in December, so you're not first going into the 402 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:45,080 Speaker 3: new year already feeling exhausted about all these goals that 403 00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:49,520 Speaker 3: you have planned for your you know, physical wellbeing. I 404 00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:49,920 Speaker 3: like that. 405 00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:52,239 Speaker 2: I like that I'm trying to be forward thinking right 406 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:54,639 Speaker 2: now in December. That's why we're having this conversation. I 407 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:58,680 Speaker 2: want people to start out twenty twenty six as. 408 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,280 Speaker 1: Strong and healthy as they are so that we hit 409 00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:01,000 Speaker 1: the ground running. 410 00:19:01,359 --> 00:19:01,520 Speaker 3: You know. 411 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:03,480 Speaker 2: My takeaway here just to kind of recap the last 412 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:06,320 Speaker 2: couple of weeks. Are parents, you need to do your 413 00:19:06,359 --> 00:19:09,680 Speaker 2: best at staying emotionally and physically strong for your kids. 414 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,800 Speaker 2: Get rid of some of this digital tech. You can 415 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:14,520 Speaker 2: still join me in. I'm not on a social media ban. 416 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:17,639 Speaker 2: I haven't stopped being on social media. I'm still you know, 417 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:20,439 Speaker 2: posting my TV segments and posting the podcast. But if 418 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:22,520 Speaker 2: you see me, I'm not interacting with people as much. 419 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,760 Speaker 2: You know why, because I'm really trying to decrease the 420 00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:26,800 Speaker 2: amount of time I pick up that phone and I 421 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:30,320 Speaker 2: click because every time I do that, it's hitting the 422 00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:33,240 Speaker 2: dopamine in my brain. And I don't want my phone 423 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:37,439 Speaker 2: to release my feel good hormones. I want exercise, seeing 424 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:40,920 Speaker 2: my kids, my dogs, my chickens, my friends. That's where 425 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,840 Speaker 2: I want my dopamine from. Those are healthy sources of dopamine, 426 00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:47,360 Speaker 2: not my phone. And the less I do, my kids 427 00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:49,800 Speaker 2: are seeing that. And as we head into the holiday, 428 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,960 Speaker 2: a lot of people have non traditional families. 429 00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:54,000 Speaker 1: I think one of the biggest things you heard. 430 00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:57,400 Speaker 2: Angela say it don't trash talk the other parent. 431 00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:59,120 Speaker 1: And I'm not just talking about. 432 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,600 Speaker 2: People who are divorced by the way, married people were 433 00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:05,000 Speaker 2: probably some of the worst at that. Okay, I absolutely 434 00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:06,720 Speaker 2: you know one thing I say to my kids all 435 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:08,920 Speaker 2: the time. You know where you get that from, right, 436 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:10,159 Speaker 2: And it's not me. 437 00:20:10,359 --> 00:20:11,879 Speaker 1: That's probably not the right thing to do. 438 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,960 Speaker 2: She'd probably tell me I shouldn't do that, but we 439 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,040 Speaker 2: all know it's true. You know, no legal talk in 440 00:20:16,119 --> 00:20:17,800 Speaker 2: front of the kids. Don't talk about some of the 441 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:21,280 Speaker 2: conflict stuff at work, stuff, whatever's happening. Maybe you just 442 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:25,240 Speaker 2: don't have those conversations. I like open conversations with my kids, 443 00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:28,240 Speaker 2: but maybe I'm a little too open. My oldest son 444 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:30,320 Speaker 2: said to me, you know that I would talk about 445 00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:33,920 Speaker 2: cancer as though it's like running to the store. And 446 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,119 Speaker 2: he's right, but that's because that's my daily life and 447 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:37,840 Speaker 2: you have to kind of think about what you're bringing 448 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:38,680 Speaker 2: into your home and. 449 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:40,960 Speaker 3: How that impacts. Yeah. 450 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:45,399 Speaker 2: And lastly, no guilt based emotional dumping. No woe is 451 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:48,240 Speaker 2: me this holiday season to the kids. 452 00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:51,760 Speaker 3: Absolutely not. And also I think that sometimes like right now, 453 00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:54,720 Speaker 3: just as a single pair, right with the holidays and 454 00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:56,600 Speaker 3: we're talking about all the stress of everything. So I 455 00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:59,119 Speaker 3: will now carve out like thirty minutes before I go 456 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:01,600 Speaker 3: to bed at night to make a list of all 457 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:03,080 Speaker 3: the things that I didn't do today that. 458 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:04,920 Speaker 1: I'm not on your phone. You're not on your phone 459 00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:06,639 Speaker 1: thirty minutes before I am writing this. 460 00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:10,040 Speaker 3: In my old school, I have colored pens and sticky 461 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:11,960 Speaker 3: notes and all different colors. I have a rainbow of 462 00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:14,840 Speaker 3: sticky notes, and I just make notes to myself yes, 463 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:16,399 Speaker 3: and I like to do it. I actually find this 464 00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:19,399 Speaker 3: cathartic to write it down and stev typing, because at 465 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:21,000 Speaker 3: the end of the day, I don't want to be 466 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:22,919 Speaker 3: on my phone. I don't want to look at a screen. 467 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,680 Speaker 3: You know, our jobs all day we're looking at screens, 468 00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:27,960 Speaker 3: we're talking to people, but a lot of it is 469 00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:29,879 Speaker 3: computer having a phone having and I don't want to 470 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:31,679 Speaker 3: be on tech. Do you I actually have like an 471 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:33,320 Speaker 3: aversion at night to tech. I don't want to be 472 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:33,680 Speaker 3: on it. 473 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:35,600 Speaker 2: Do you know why I like the writing the list 474 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:38,280 Speaker 2: before bed. I've talked about this before, is because if 475 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:40,280 Speaker 2: we lay in bed and we have so many things 476 00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:43,040 Speaker 2: happening still in our brain, it's really hard for us 477 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,959 Speaker 2: to have to sleep. But if you actually physically remove 478 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,840 Speaker 2: them from your brain by writing it down, you're now 479 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,399 Speaker 2: allowing your brain to just unplug and say, and now 480 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:52,040 Speaker 2: it's time for bed. 481 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,280 Speaker 3: One hundred percent is that physical act of getting it 482 00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:56,919 Speaker 3: out of your brain and writing it down. So I 483 00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:00,320 Speaker 3: especially doing on the holidays, but really my whole life 484 00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:03,640 Speaker 3: every day, making lists atnight and then I try aim 485 00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:06,080 Speaker 3: you know, best intentions for the next day, but hopefully 486 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:08,160 Speaker 3: within the week. But it does make me feel better. 487 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:09,919 Speaker 3: I feel like a release of Okay, at least I'm 488 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,080 Speaker 3: organized when I wake up in the morning, I know 489 00:22:12,119 --> 00:22:14,640 Speaker 3: what the priorities are and what needs to get knocked 490 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:15,119 Speaker 3: out first. 491 00:22:15,359 --> 00:22:15,880 Speaker 1: I like it. 492 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:19,040 Speaker 2: Angelas Kafiri, family law attorney in New Jersey. You can 493 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:21,440 Speaker 2: see her on Fox and Friends occasionally. She does a 494 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:23,600 Speaker 2: lot of parent panels. Where else can people find you? 495 00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:28,199 Speaker 3: People can find me on Instagram and social I'm on 496 00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:29,000 Speaker 3: Instagram and. 497 00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:30,000 Speaker 1: What's your law firm? 498 00:22:30,119 --> 00:22:33,119 Speaker 3: My law firm is Jacobs Burger out in MORRISTOWNEW Jersey, 499 00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:36,000 Speaker 3: So Jacobsburger dot com. You can find me there and 500 00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:38,480 Speaker 3: my emails there. If anybody who has any questions or. 501 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:40,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, I hope you don't need a divorce, but if 502 00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:43,720 Speaker 2: you do need a divorce, she's actually pretty insightful and 503 00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:44,600 Speaker 2: actually you know what she is. 504 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:45,639 Speaker 1: She's not just about divorce. 505 00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:48,119 Speaker 2: She talks to people about parenting and what's right for 506 00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:51,560 Speaker 2: the family. Absolutely, she actually is a therapist in her own. 507 00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:54,080 Speaker 3: Self without a license. 508 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:57,119 Speaker 2: All right, guys, thanks so much for listening to Wellness 509 00:22:57,119 --> 00:22:59,800 Speaker 2: on MASS. I'm doctor Nicole Saffire. If you can hold 510 00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:02,080 Speaker 2: it together for the next three weeks few weeks for 511 00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:05,040 Speaker 2: your kids, it's the best thing possible get yourselves and 512 00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:08,520 Speaker 2: your families through the holiday season. It really is a 513 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:11,960 Speaker 2: time of being together, being grateful. Physical and mental health 514 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,000 Speaker 2: are incredibly important, but it all. 515 00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:15,040 Speaker 1: Starts with you, the parent. 516 00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:17,640 Speaker 2: So however you're doing, that's how your kids are doing, 517 00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:20,159 Speaker 2: and let's do everything we can to keep our kids healthy. 518 00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:23,680 Speaker 2: Thanks for listening to Wellness on MASS on iHeartRadio or 519 00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:25,960 Speaker 2: wherever you get your podcasts, and I'll see you next time.