Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth and
Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together
Speaker 1: called defect or Defector, and we're gonna have a new
Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, this very podcast which has
Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now. Avail every
Speaker 1: rust your podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right
Speaker 1: now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now. Go
Speaker 1: listen to see you by. So to be honest, I
Speaker 1: didn't know if I was going to be about this
Speaker 1: podcast life when we were first presented the opportunity for it.
Speaker 1: Dead as dead as I just didn't know full transparency
Speaker 1: me neither had no clue what podcasts were about. But
Speaker 1: if it weren't for you guys, we wouldn't be here.
Speaker 1: So we just got to thank you, dead as we
Speaker 1: love y'all. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're the Ellises. You
Speaker 1: may know us were posting funny videos with our boys
Speaker 1: and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,
Speaker 1: I make you need derby most days. Wow. Oh and
Speaker 1: one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir,
Speaker 1: we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about
Speaker 1: some of the live's most taboo topics, things most folks
Speaker 1: don't want to talk about through the lens of a
Speaker 1: millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that we
Speaker 1: say every day. Where we say dead ass, we're actually
Speaker 1: saying facts one, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing
Speaker 1: but the truth. We're about to take philow talk to
Speaker 1: a whole new level. Dead ask starts now. This story
Speaker 1: is about a young man who pretty much made me
Speaker 1: realize the impact I have on people with the things
Speaker 1: that I say and the way that I live my life.
Speaker 1: And well, I watched him grow up. I was his
Speaker 1: mentor in the gym. Um his name is Rob. His
Speaker 1: name is Rob, and I've been Rob's mentor since he
Speaker 1: was about four. Wow, we've known Rob that, Yes, we
Speaker 1: know him that long fourteen and Rob, you know it's
Speaker 1: it's him and his mom. Ever since I've known Rob
Speaker 1: has always been him and his mom here and his mom,
Speaker 1: and she's always thanked us for being, you know, great
Speaker 1: influences on Rob. And now Rob is twenty four, Rob's
Speaker 1: graduated from college. Rob is having a baby. Yes, I
Speaker 1: just found this out too. And Rob is getting engaged,
Speaker 1: is he? Yes? And It's funny because I realized the
Speaker 1: influence I had on people's life when you asked Rob
Speaker 1: about being married or being with a girl or being monogamous,
Speaker 1: and that was not in his thought process. But now
Speaker 1: he says, after seeing not only me but us, And
Speaker 1: the funny thing is, it's not just the influence I have,
Speaker 1: but you, how you rock with me, how we build together,
Speaker 1: and how he asked the two of us to sit
Speaker 1: down with him and his girlfriend about building what they
Speaker 1: want to build. And now he's on that path of
Speaker 1: trying to build something and to build a legacy for
Speaker 1: not only himself but for his family. That's when I realized, like, wow,
Speaker 1: what what we are doing collectively is really impacting the
Speaker 1: younger people. Seems like yesterday we used to rock the show.
Speaker 1: I like to track you lock the flow. So far
Speaker 1: from having on the block for dokay, Yes, they got
Speaker 1: to know that, Like no, it's what a scene to be.
Speaker 1: What can't expects what you mean to me even though
Speaker 1: you're gonna it's still a team to your family, fulfilled
Speaker 1: dreams and the future. I can't wait to see if
Speaker 1: you open up the gates for me. Reminisce. Sometimes they
Speaker 1: took my friends just right here, but it plays again.
Speaker 1: When it's real feelings, it's hard to can seal, can't
Speaker 1: imagine all the pain, give anything to hear half your breath.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm still living your life after that. Uh
Speaker 1: huh uh huh. Every move I'm dancing day, Miss y'all
Speaker 1: go back. We gonna be back in September, going to
Speaker 1: be We're going to miss shall but we'll be Hey. Oh, man,
Speaker 1: I can't believe it's gonna be over. Season one went
Speaker 1: so fast it did. Man, we're gonna miss y'all. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna miss you when we're going because kay, don't
Speaker 1: talk to me unless we come to the podcast. Well,
Speaker 1: because I got to save my breath for you. You
Speaker 1: know you should have saved your breath. Did you push
Speaker 1: your teeth this morning? Don't don't disrespect you, Do not
Speaker 1: disrespect me. All right, you can sit on the other
Speaker 1: side of the table. I think I will. Don't say
Speaker 1: no words that begin with the letter H. You're being
Speaker 1: all rude and whatnot. You know, what's it over there?
Speaker 1: Because today this is our last episode. I'm gone. We're
Speaker 1: gonna go into some listener letters, all right. So we're
Speaker 1: actually going to dedicate this show to all of our
Speaker 1: listeners and supporters. We get a ton of listener letters
Speaker 1: us all the time, and we figured, what's the best
Speaker 1: way to go out this season Season one thing to
Speaker 1: do a show dedicated to you guys, which means it's
Speaker 1: going to be just listening letters. Absolutely, it sounds good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it was. It's perfect because we do get
Speaker 1: so many listener letters in it and it's impossible to
Speaker 1: answer all of them. But we figured we pick out
Speaker 1: a couple and we just you know, give our take
Speaker 1: on it. Again. You know, we don't profess to be
Speaker 1: experts on anything, really, but we'd love to give our
Speaker 1: little two cents if it's gonna help you out. UM,
Speaker 1: So we're gonna take this episode to answer a few
Speaker 1: of them. I know. We had a ton of feedback
Speaker 1: when we posted the question about curfew and marriages. I
Speaker 1: posted on my Instagram page and people were like, what curfew?
Speaker 1: The word curfew? You know, it's sure as hell did
Speaker 1: the C word. But you know, I think the common
Speaker 1: thought and the common theme throughout the comments was that
Speaker 1: it's not technically occur few, it's communication. It's being respectful. Um.
Speaker 1: To whoever's house it is you're coming in or out of?
Speaker 1: And um, you know that makes sense because we said
Speaker 1: the same thing. Yeah, and they just they didn't use
Speaker 1: the word curfew, but they pretty much said the same example.
Speaker 1: They just don't like saying the word. And I realized
Speaker 1: it was a lot of a lot of women who
Speaker 1: were in there saying no, no, curfew is not the
Speaker 1: right choice of word. But they better not let the
Speaker 1: sun beat them home. That was the one that stood
Speaker 1: out to me. Or there was one message there ain't
Speaker 1: no curfew, but he better be in by eleven o'clock. Right.
Speaker 1: There was one message from my girl Tie David shout
Speaker 1: out to Tie. She's actually on the shy Um the show,
Speaker 1: and she and I go back to pageant days, and
Speaker 1: she was just like, I don't give him a curfew. However,
Speaker 1: I would like some food piping hot at my door
Speaker 1: by I just so happened to be hungry. I need
Speaker 1: you to bring me a meal, a whole meal. You
Speaker 1: know what's funny, A lot of the dudes didn't even
Speaker 1: say anything about the curfew thing. And a lot of
Speaker 1: dudes never even mentioned that they put their girl on
Speaker 1: the curfew. Why is it that women have to feel
Speaker 1: the need to put their men on the curry. Why
Speaker 1: are you so controlled? It's not even like it's it's
Speaker 1: just a courtesy thing. I mean you to think about it.
Speaker 1: I mean, if you're out, all right, you're out in
Speaker 1: a about, just shoot a text message to check in.
Speaker 1: Another thing that set out to me where women saying
Speaker 1: they're fearful, particularly black women, fearful of their men being
Speaker 1: out past a certain hour and potentially being harassed pulled
Speaker 1: over by cops. With the current climate in in in
Speaker 1: America and all that it was a safety thing. It
Speaker 1: can be a safety thing. That was a great excuse there.
Speaker 1: That was a great excuse to so we we don't
Speaker 1: we're not entired to be worried about you. So what
Speaker 1: time does she come home? No, because you don't communicate
Speaker 1: well when you're out. We've already discussed that you're bringing
Speaker 1: up old stuff. To bring up old stuff. But what
Speaker 1: I'm saying is is that we need to have the
Speaker 1: same energies. Okay, if you're worried about me, how about
Speaker 1: you let me worry about you. Okay, So there's a
Speaker 1: mutual worrying about that happens, which I think is fair.
Speaker 1: One funny comment that I liked was someone said, my
Speaker 1: mama said, ain't nothing open at night but legs. It's
Speaker 1: oh god, so stupid. This is funny thing. Women always
Speaker 1: think that if your man is out late, he's out
Speaker 1: doing something he's not supposed to. You could do whatever
Speaker 1: you want throughout the day too. Don't stop nothing because
Speaker 1: because she can get done during the day, absolutely breaks,
Speaker 1: morning breaks. You see what I'm saying, Like, that's a
Speaker 1: whole another show my thing. And we talked about this
Speaker 1: too with the curfew thing. In New York, the culture
Speaker 1: is different. Clubs don't even get popping until one thirty
Speaker 1: two o'clock. So how would you even ask a dude
Speaker 1: to be home that early if the club don't even
Speaker 1: get popping night, Because we might have left home at
Speaker 1: twelve thirty one to get in time exactly for the
Speaker 1: party to be popping. And then you're rolling in around
Speaker 1: like four or siving in And then what happens when
Speaker 1: this day like savings time, the song comes up earlier
Speaker 1: sometimes delayed sunrise and whatnot. Then you gotta get all technical.
Speaker 1: In New York, it gets dark at what you do
Speaker 1: at that point is then you calculate what time the
Speaker 1: club closes to where they might stop to get something
Speaker 1: to eat, and at what time they should be pulling
Speaker 1: up here. You know what I mean. I'm just saying,
Speaker 1: just call me Dora the Explorer. You are expect to
Speaker 1: gadget all of that, all right. So let's get into
Speaker 1: these listener letters, because we had quite a few, but
Speaker 1: we're gonna try to just you know, go through and see.
Speaker 1: So I'll read the first one out loud. Man, You'll
Speaker 1: be sending some stories, but at least it gives us context,
Speaker 1: that's all right. The first one is what can I
Speaker 1: do and how can I go about gaining my boyfriend's
Speaker 1: trust back. I've recently found out that he had trust
Speaker 1: issues before we even started dating, but with that I've
Speaker 1: added to his trust issues with different scenarios and situations.
Speaker 1: But the most recent was having sex with someone from
Speaker 1: the gym that we go to together. I've apologized numerous times,
Speaker 1: and I get that I'm sorry does not do much.
Speaker 1: I've even tried explaining why I do what I do,
Speaker 1: which doesn't seem to make sense once spoken out loud,
Speaker 1: heckling her. I don't know what makes me interested in
Speaker 1: other people for a quote unquote moment, because it isn't
Speaker 1: a reoccurring situation. It's usually a one and done thing
Speaker 1: for me. I need help with getting my man back.
Speaker 1: Exclamation point sis, You've got a couple of oxymorons going
Speaker 1: up and going on up in here. First of all,
Speaker 1: she said it's a one and done thing for me,
Speaker 1: But then again you said to add to it his
Speaker 1: trust issues with different scenarios and situations. There's there's there's plural,
Speaker 1: so there's essays on that. No, because because it's one
Speaker 1: and done with that person, but she's been interested in
Speaker 1: different people. I mean, maybe monogamy is just not for her.
Speaker 1: I was just about to say that cut this man
Speaker 1: loose and set him free. And you already knew he
Speaker 1: had trust issues beforehand before you started dating, and now
Speaker 1: you're just adding to it. And you're just compiling on
Speaker 1: this already somewhat broken man who has issues with trust.
Speaker 1: You're now compiling on that. Or she can look into
Speaker 1: having an open relationship if right, or if she's open
Speaker 1: to letting him be with other women, because she clearly
Speaker 1: wants to be with other men once in a while,
Speaker 1: so maybe that might work for them, right, Because it's
Speaker 1: not a moment for you, sis. You said you're interested
Speaker 1: in people for a moment, from for a moment, Like
Speaker 1: maybe she wants to have sench with that guy for
Speaker 1: a moment, but she's not interested in continuing the relationship.
Speaker 1: And this is my thing. We're so conditioned to only
Speaker 1: exist in relationships one way that may not be healthy
Speaker 1: for them. They need to find a way for them
Speaker 1: to exist together. Now here's another thing. He keeps coming back,
Speaker 1: So clearly he has some sort of love for her
Speaker 1: because he could easily choose to leave, but he doesn't.
Speaker 1: So maybe they could find a way where they could
Speaker 1: coexist in this relationship. As long as they're honest with
Speaker 1: each other, that's the thing. And it seems like she's
Speaker 1: being honest. And that's that's why I feel kind of
Speaker 1: bad for her, because she is being honest and people
Speaker 1: are going to clown her, you know what I'm saying. Oh,
Speaker 1: it doesn't sound doesn't seem to make sense when it
Speaker 1: leaves my mouth. If that's how you feel, that's how
Speaker 1: you feel. It doesn't matter if it makes sense to
Speaker 1: everybody else, because she could essentially be having these one
Speaker 1: and done relationships if she knows that there's not going
Speaker 1: to be any kind of future keeping in touch, you know,
Speaker 1: furthering of these relationships. She can technically go do her
Speaker 1: thing and then keep it pushing. She doesn't have to
Speaker 1: sencessarily be honest about it, right she She doesn't have
Speaker 1: to be honest about it. Right she tells him, and
Speaker 1: she tells him, or unless he finds out. But either way,
Speaker 1: even when when he finds out, he tells. She says
Speaker 1: how she feels like you you have to respect someone
Speaker 1: who's going to live in their truth, whether you agree
Speaker 1: or disagree with what their truth is. If they're willing
Speaker 1: to own it, you gotta respect it. She seems to
Speaker 1: want to take take control too, of her sexual freedom,
Speaker 1: which is perfectly fine as well too. I mean, there
Speaker 1: there is the double standard for men and women, but
Speaker 1: there are a lot more women that wanted to take
Speaker 1: control of their sexuality. Go ahead and give them the
Speaker 1: lack of give them the lack and key. UK, I'm
Speaker 1: going to give you analogy lack and key analogy, and
Speaker 1: I'm not go ahead. My analogy don't make sense. Y'all
Speaker 1: could tell the that if this analogy makes sense, so
Speaker 1: let me let me preference this by saying this. Okay,
Speaker 1: we discussed all the time about the greatness of being
Speaker 1: a woman, and I applaud women all the implow women
Speaker 1: all the time, giving birth, reproductive organs. How women are
Speaker 1: the vessels of life. We talk about this, right, so
Speaker 1: their bodies should be treated as such. Right, And then
Speaker 1: when I say this, all the women like, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: you understand. But then whenever I say the lock and
Speaker 1: key analogy, they get mad. You can't have it both ways,
Speaker 1: all right. If you're gonna applaud that, then then here's
Speaker 1: them lock and key analogy. If in life women are
Speaker 1: the locks and men are the keys, because the keys
Speaker 1: open a lock, right, you want to lock up was
Speaker 1: down there? This is sacred. You lock it up. Right.
Speaker 1: If you are a key that opens up many locks,
Speaker 1: you are what a masterpiece? Right, Your master pie is
Speaker 1: a great thing. You're master key. But if you are
Speaker 1: a lock that opens up for a bunch of different keys,
Speaker 1: you just a shitty lock. Every time I think it,
Speaker 1: Think about it. If you if you had a lock
Speaker 1: that everybody could open up, they lock with their key,
Speaker 1: ain't work ship, right, But there's still your lock. So
Speaker 1: you appreciate the fact that you even have a lot
Speaker 1: to begin with. Yeah, but what I'm saying is is
Speaker 1: when we talk about the double state standard women, women
Speaker 1: can't be upset when they say when when women say, well,
Speaker 1: we are the vessels of life and we are greater
Speaker 1: than men because we do this. If that's the case,
Speaker 1: and that's the standard you have for yourself and women,
Speaker 1: you should keep that same standard when it comes to
Speaker 1: spreading your greatness to everybody. Now, if you choose that
Speaker 1: you don't want to be nobody's vessel to create life
Speaker 1: and you want to have sex with multiple people, own
Speaker 1: that it is what it is and there's nothing wrong
Speaker 1: with that, that's what you want to do. You gotta
Speaker 1: be honest. You have to and say that that's what
Speaker 1: I want. You see what I'm saying. No, I completely
Speaker 1: get that. I just don't know how she's gonna get
Speaker 1: her man back because it seems like she's asking for help.
Speaker 1: And I can imagine for him, especially because she had
Speaker 1: sex with somebody that's in the gym that they both
Speaker 1: go to. As a man, he's gonna have to now
Speaker 1: look at this guy or you know, the guy's gonna
Speaker 1: know that. You know, it's tough because the guy's gonna know,
Speaker 1: like I definitely had sex with this woman and her
Speaker 1: man be coming to the gym like key opens your lot.
Speaker 1: That's not a lock of shitty according to the valve.
Speaker 1: But this is my thing too because women say this.
Speaker 1: Women say this all the time to men. If you're
Speaker 1: gonna do dirt, don't do dirt when you sleep. They
Speaker 1: don't do it. Don't do dirt there because women often
Speaker 1: say to men all the time, I don't want to
Speaker 1: look at the chick that you have sex with. So
Speaker 1: even if she is going to make those decisions, why
Speaker 1: not just make those decisions elsewhere? You see what I'm saying, Like,
Speaker 1: I think she just needs to be honest. And the
Speaker 1: thing is, being honest to that person is the hardest thing,
Speaker 1: mainly because you just don't want to hurt their feelings.
Speaker 1: But it's your bu and it's his life as well.
Speaker 1: And in honesty, you then give the person a choice.
Speaker 1: I always say that you give the person choice, don't
Speaker 1: take his choice away from him, since let him decide.
Speaker 1: I this is where he wants to be and something
Speaker 1: that he can tolerate, that he can put up with.
Speaker 1: If he can't, you may just have to let that go.
Speaker 1: Let's go question number two. What's another woman? You want
Speaker 1: to read it because it's another woman? Because we're back
Speaker 1: back and forth. Okay, I'm a thirty year old woman
Speaker 1: who has been married for almost four years. My husband
Speaker 1: and I have been together for eleven years overall, and
Speaker 1: we have three kids together. Sounds familiar. My husband has
Speaker 1: known for some time that I am bi curious, even
Speaker 1: though I would never admit it. Well, last year, I
Speaker 1: finally started to feel more comfortable with my sexuality and
Speaker 1: I told him that I wanted to explore. Initially, we
Speaker 1: were just going to have a three son, but I
Speaker 1: didn't want that. I didn't want I didn't think that
Speaker 1: I shouldn't introduce another woman into our bedroom without being
Speaker 1: sure that I was holy into women and not just
Speaker 1: a fantasy of being being with a woman. So I
Speaker 1: explained to him that I want to explore on my
Speaker 1: own first. He was fine with it until I actually
Speaker 1: started talking to different women and I actually linked up
Speaker 1: with the one woman a few weeks ago. Nothing sexual
Speaker 1: happened between us, but we're definitely interested in one another.
Speaker 1: I'm starting to sense a little jealousy from him as
Speaker 1: of late, and he just flat out told me. He
Speaker 1: isn't sure about all this anymore. I don't think he
Speaker 1: actually expected me to find someone, especially considering how shy
Speaker 1: I can be. At first he was all for it,
Speaker 1: but now he's having reservations. What are your thoughts on this?
Speaker 1: Should I have experimented when I was younger before we
Speaker 1: got married? Should I just let all this go? Ah?
Speaker 1: He is me and I am him, not in exactly.
Speaker 1: I'm not curious, true, you're not, but just he's gonna
Speaker 1: throw that out there, gonna look at the rumor. She started. Alright,
Speaker 1: curious guys, but we can definitely definitely to this feeling
Speaker 1: of we've been together a long time, and I'll give
Speaker 1: you out the situation really quickly. We have a kind
Speaker 1: of almost parallel situation that had heard years ago. We've
Speaker 1: been together a long time. After we got married, we
Speaker 1: were going through a lot of issues. We were talking
Speaker 1: about getting separated. The issue was that at the time
Speaker 1: we both we had Jackson, and neither one of us
Speaker 1: wanted to agree to live outside of having Jackson. So
Speaker 1: we decided that we were going to try to live
Speaker 1: together but separate. We weren't being we weren't intimate, So
Speaker 1: I was like Okay, So if we're not gonna have
Speaker 1: sex and we're supposed to be separated, my you know,
Speaker 1: what what can I do? And She's like, if I
Speaker 1: do whatever you want? So I was like, no, Conine, listen,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask you seriously, don't don't just say it.
Speaker 1: So we had a discussion and she was like, listen,
Speaker 1: do what you gotta do, because you know, we made
Speaker 1: this decision. Boom. So I'm like, all right, fine, started
Speaker 1: talking to a young lady. Nothing sexual happening. Codeine found
Speaker 1: out lost her damn mind, lost my entire minds and
Speaker 1: her exact words, and it was is it was literally
Speaker 1: like devalue and the heat of arguments. We're arguing about
Speaker 1: the same thing over and over again. We can't come
Speaker 1: to any resolve. We're trying to coexist in the household
Speaker 1: where both of us were unhappy in that moment. And
Speaker 1: I was just like, Devout, whatever, do whatever you gotta do,
Speaker 1: Do whatever you gotta do, not thinking that this negro
Speaker 1: was about to pick up and start talking to somebody
Speaker 1: and having conversations. And for me, I know the kind
Speaker 1: of person Devot is and I'm like, he's not just
Speaker 1: gonna go out there and do the whole one and
Speaker 1: done things like Homegirl and the first thing he wanted
Speaker 1: to know you, they're potentially be an emotional connection that happens,
Speaker 1: and I just could not risk that all. So I said,
Speaker 1: you know what, I completely backtracked. Right now. I am
Speaker 1: not about that. Like I told you, I'm a when
Speaker 1: I'm ready, but I was not ready for that. And
Speaker 1: this is what's crazy to me. It's like when you
Speaker 1: try to be honest with someone and you tell them
Speaker 1: how you feel and they say what they think you
Speaker 1: want to hear, and then you try to move forward
Speaker 1: and then they don't really say how they feel about it,
Speaker 1: and you find out after you've already moved forward. Then
Speaker 1: you feel like that unfair to you, because I felt
Speaker 1: like I could have just tried to do it on
Speaker 1: my own and been quiet, but now me being honest
Speaker 1: and being open and actually not hiding anything because we
Speaker 1: had agreed that we were going to try to separate,
Speaker 1: and now this is happening, you you want to take
Speaker 1: it back. I feel like it wasn't fair to me.
Speaker 1: So with all of that being said, I feel like,
Speaker 1: rather than say what you think he wants to hear,
Speaker 1: you gotta tell him exactly how you feel, which I
Speaker 1: think she did, but he probably thought again she said
Speaker 1: she shy, so maybe he didn't think. He's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: she may find somebody, but she may not. But she
Speaker 1: actually did find somebody who she was attracted to and
Speaker 1: connected with. Yeah, but but then she also says, you know,
Speaker 1: should I have experiments in when I was younger or
Speaker 1: should I just let all this go? Like I think
Speaker 1: it's I don't think it's fair to just say let
Speaker 1: it all go. You still have your whole entire life
Speaker 1: you try to live. That can build resentment. You know
Speaker 1: you're gonna feel unfulfilled, and then you're gonna start look
Speaker 1: at the other person like I'm doing all this for you.
Speaker 1: What are you doing to fill that gap that I'm feeling?
Speaker 1: Because clearly she's missing something. Well, she didn't mention also
Speaker 1: to put the potential for having a threesome. So maybe
Speaker 1: now that you've met somebody that you like and there's
Speaker 1: a possibility that you may want to take it a
Speaker 1: step further with this person. It seems as if maybe
Speaker 1: he was okay with the three sum or he was
Speaker 1: open to it, So maybe introduce him to her now
Speaker 1: and the three of you sit down together, see if
Speaker 1: there's a connection there, and if the threesome life works
Speaker 1: for y'all, then it may be a thing. Because you
Speaker 1: said you weren't sure about the three some because you
Speaker 1: wanted to be sure that you were holy into women.
Speaker 1: If you are, then maybe he wants the ability to
Speaker 1: come in now. And that's the crazy thing, right, because
Speaker 1: you are now sit here and try to give advice. Right,
Speaker 1: but you it's not easy to just invite another woman
Speaker 1: and to have a threesome. No you mean it's a guy. No,
Speaker 1: as a woman, like, it's not easy. She said she
Speaker 1: wanted to meet other women, but she didn't want to
Speaker 1: bring it into her marriage first, right, So my thing
Speaker 1: is she wants to do what she wants to do
Speaker 1: for her and not think about her husband. Right. Well,
Speaker 1: I guess it wasn't clear here. Yeah, but what she
Speaker 1: said initially we were going to have a threesome, So
Speaker 1: maybe he was that she put the bosh on it
Speaker 1: because she wanted to make sure she was into somebody. Right,
Speaker 1: So now you're into somebody. Why didn't she introduce the
Speaker 1: three something because maybe it's not easy to try to
Speaker 1: share that with someone, right, I'm not saying it is.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying maybe the next step would be, now
Speaker 1: that she's found someone and he's feeling a little bit jealous,
Speaker 1: maybe it's just a time thing. Maybe he's just like, well, damn,
Speaker 1: you want to spend time with home girl getting to
Speaker 1: know her. Maybe he feel may feel like it's a
Speaker 1: time thing where he's just like, or now I have
Speaker 1: to split time with this woman you may potentially want
Speaker 1: to be um in bed with. Maybe now's the time
Speaker 1: to bring him in to make him feel included. It's
Speaker 1: just it's it's very difficult, especially with this type of
Speaker 1: relationship because because she is very curious, if she's interested
Speaker 1: in women, there's nothing that her husband can do to
Speaker 1: fulfill that gap. You know, I'm saying there's a void
Speaker 1: there that he's never going to be able to fill. Right.
Speaker 1: And if you're sitting here questioning like whether you should have,
Speaker 1: you know, experiment when you when you're younger, like you're
Speaker 1: not younger anymore, since scenario should could have what is
Speaker 1: at this point you just have to kind of see
Speaker 1: what it is moving forward. She should she should see
Speaker 1: somebody to see like why didn't she explore when she
Speaker 1: was younger clearly, probably because she feel like she was
Speaker 1: doing something wrong. She wanted to live the type of
Speaker 1: life that she probably feels other people wanted live, which
Speaker 1: which is a message to younger people. If you feel
Speaker 1: a certain way about something, discontinue trying to live the
Speaker 1: way you think other people want you to live. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: live the way you want to live first, and then
Speaker 1: if you meet somebody and you want to share your
Speaker 1: life with that person, then it's an easy way. And
Speaker 1: then it's easier to align on those things that we're
Speaker 1: interested in together than trying to conform to what it
Speaker 1: is you think that person wants you to be or
Speaker 1: likes for you to be, or would want you to
Speaker 1: be right, And that's that's not not not easy. It's
Speaker 1: not easy. I mean, you are right in saying that,
Speaker 1: you know it may not be easy for her to
Speaker 1: now introduce this to her husband and say, hey, this
Speaker 1: is what I found that conversation. But but that conversation
Speaker 1: is so difficult. You know, even even you are not
Speaker 1: being together since we were eighteen when we were talking
Speaker 1: about separating and things weren't the greatest, but then even
Speaker 1: me thinking about telling you, like, well, we're not together,
Speaker 1: and I'm still only and I'm gonna have sex, and
Speaker 1: we're not gonna have sex. I'm gonna have That's not
Speaker 1: the easy conversation for me to have with you, right,
Speaker 1: nor was it something for me to be able to
Speaker 1: stomach either. And I'm just like, damn, I how am
Speaker 1: I not gonna be? Like? I know, there's gonna be
Speaker 1: avoid now? So do we continue to just have angry
Speaker 1: sex because we have to have, you know? And but
Speaker 1: at that point we just also too were over each
Speaker 1: other for that moment in time. I mean, there's there's
Speaker 1: there's you know, that's how the tide shifts and relationships.
Speaker 1: Nothing is always good at one point. You know, we
Speaker 1: have to find ways to compromise. Um, but sometimes some
Speaker 1: things are just not compromisable. And this is how we
Speaker 1: got through those moments. Um. Kadina and I had some
Speaker 1: real hard conversations and we were honest about the things
Speaker 1: we both needed in our relationships. Hearing some of the
Speaker 1: things she needed hurt me. Hearing some of the things
Speaker 1: I needed, I know, hurt her. But at least it
Speaker 1: gave both of us an option to say, you know what,
Speaker 1: if this marriage is valuable enough to both of us
Speaker 1: let's work on it right, And we made a decision
Speaker 1: that we were going to work on it together without
Speaker 1: other people. We were going to try to work on
Speaker 1: it internally. And that's been working for us, you know,
Speaker 1: it's been working for us. So this was what six
Speaker 1: years ago? It was about six years ago, five years ago, No, yeah,
Speaker 1: six seven, six seven almost. Jackson was like maybe a year,
Speaker 1: year and a half. Yeah, it was a while ago.
Speaker 1: But it's like, for me, I just realized that there's
Speaker 1: so much more in a marriage than just sex. That's
Speaker 1: that I literally was just thinking the same thing with her. Course,
Speaker 1: crazy have so many questions revolve around it, and that's
Speaker 1: like the deciding factor of whether they move forward or
Speaker 1: not because sex takes up and consumes so much of
Speaker 1: people when it comes to relationships, But it really is
Speaker 1: just a it's a segment of a marriage, a marriage
Speaker 1: because marriage has so much other things. But what happens
Speaker 1: is no one wants to openly talk about sex and
Speaker 1: the issues with sex within a marriage. So there's so
Speaker 1: many people who are married who are going through issues
Speaker 1: with sex who don't have anyone they can openly discuss
Speaker 1: it with because it's so taboo. I mean, we've had
Speaker 1: our conversations about sex too. I know some people have
Speaker 1: been like, oh devous, so immature for what he said
Speaker 1: about being you know, with the sex talk that we
Speaker 1: recently had on one of our past episodes, you know,
Speaker 1: and they take you being honest from a male's perspective
Speaker 1: as being immature. But it's funny. Did I get tons
Speaker 1: of tons of d ms for men that are just like, bro,
Speaker 1: I'm so glad you said it. I'm so glad you
Speaker 1: said it. Meanwhile, I was getting comments and dams from
Speaker 1: women like so immature for saying what he said about
Speaker 1: sex and how men feel about it. And it's not
Speaker 1: an immaturity thing. He's being honest. You can't bash him
Speaker 1: for being honest. At the same time, it's the same
Speaker 1: thing for women because men say to me all the time,
Speaker 1: chicks just don't get it right because we're not the same.
Speaker 1: So men are always gonna feel like chicks don't get it.
Speaker 1: Chicks are always gonna feel like men immature. But then
Speaker 1: we're always going to try and coexist within a monogamous
Speaker 1: relationships the same. It's not possible, So accept the honestly,
Speaker 1: I'm happy for you says for being honest with your husband.
Speaker 1: Maybe see if the next step will be if he's
Speaker 1: willing to be introduced to this woman who you're now
Speaker 1: interested in, and see if that's a possibility for you
Speaker 1: to include him. If y'all can include him, and y'all
Speaker 1: can make it work, more power to y'all. That works
Speaker 1: for you, doesn't work for you. But if you guys
Speaker 1: are happy and you're honeste can lose. All right, We're
Speaker 1: gonna take a quick break. More listener letters coming up
Speaker 1: after we get into some a stay tuned. This for
Speaker 1: the record, there it is a win for the ages.
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Speaker 1: All American Tiger is out now listen and Stitcher, Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 1: or your favorite podcast app, and we're back into more
Speaker 1: lists on letters. Um, this is a good one. I
Speaker 1: go ahead and read it. So. I've been with my
Speaker 1: girlfriend for close to a year and a half and
Speaker 1: we've been in love with each other from the beginning,
Speaker 1: and I continue to fall in love with her. I've
Speaker 1: never cheated on her, and I know I never will.
Speaker 1: But she is my first girlfriend, and I still find
Speaker 1: myself being curious about other women out there and having
Speaker 1: other relationships. I'm actively trying to get my ship together
Speaker 1: and my finances together, while on the other hand, I
Speaker 1: feel like she isn't and still depends on her father
Speaker 1: for a lot, even though I still feel like I
Speaker 1: need her, I find myself questioning if she's who I
Speaker 1: for a life partner and teammate to build for a
Speaker 1: better future. My question is should I explore my options
Speaker 1: and build different relationships before committing to one person, or
Speaker 1: continue to build with her while we're young, hoping that
Speaker 1: eventually she'll start taking the future more serious. Wow, this
Speaker 1: is a very mature question for him to ask, which
Speaker 1: is great. I assume that he's a younger guy. It
Speaker 1: sounds like he's probably in his early twenties. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: And I think we can definitely relate to this again
Speaker 1: because it's literally us all over again, being together from
Speaker 1: eighteen and nineteen years old. Here we are in our thirties. Um,
Speaker 1: and I strut with the same thing. If I wanted
Speaker 1: to stay committed all of this time, or if I
Speaker 1: wanted to explore and and feeling like am I making
Speaker 1: a mistake? My mom telling me that we were being
Speaker 1: too serious, your parents saying that you were being too serious.
Speaker 1: You need to focus on your career. This is something
Speaker 1: that happens when you're young. So do you want to
Speaker 1: you want to answer? I mean, we can both give
Speaker 1: our perspective. Um. Well, first off, kudos to you for
Speaker 1: even forcing and thinking about this, because sometimes you get
Speaker 1: so engulfed and so involved in the relationship that you're
Speaker 1: in that you don't necessarily think about our plans for
Speaker 1: the future. And I think it's mature of you to say,
Speaker 1: you know what, she's been my first girlfriend, and yeah,
Speaker 1: we're super in love in this moment, but there's a
Speaker 1: possibility that she may not be the one, or we
Speaker 1: may have to go through this together, or we may
Speaker 1: not be able to. I will say that trying to
Speaker 1: grow together at a young age and stay together is
Speaker 1: extremely difficult, extremely difficult. We are the first hand account
Speaker 1: of trying to coexist in a relationship together because you
Speaker 1: know that the love is so deep rooted, but at
Speaker 1: the same time, it's trying to find yourself as an individual.
Speaker 1: Like she's leaving on her father and her family being
Speaker 1: able to get away from that. You know, she may
Speaker 1: not have even reached that level of you know, thought
Speaker 1: or maturity in herself to say I need to now
Speaker 1: get away from my family and work on myself as
Speaker 1: an individual. Um, it's it's I think Deval and I
Speaker 1: are really an anomaly in that because we were able
Speaker 1: to communicate through every phase of our relationship and we
Speaker 1: were able to, um, really just see what it is
Speaker 1: that we wanted separately. But that did not happen at first. No,
Speaker 1: I mean, none of that happens at first. And I
Speaker 1: think some of the things that he mentioned was her
Speaker 1: qualities that she lacks. Right, if you guys are young,
Speaker 1: majority of the people you're gonna meet at this point
Speaker 1: in life are gonna lack those same qualities depending on
Speaker 1: how old you are. Not a lot of people have
Speaker 1: that type of foresight and and financial foresight. But um,
Speaker 1: for me, I learned that the person Codeine is now
Speaker 1: as a wife was not that person at eighteen. I'm
Speaker 1: not the same person at eighteen. And if people looked
Speaker 1: at this was funny is that people look at me
Speaker 1: now and say, oh, man, you know Codein You know what?
Speaker 1: What was the prayer? That's all I see it? Yes,
Speaker 1: that give us the prayer you used to get the VL.
Speaker 1: I was like I had to pray to say okay,
Speaker 1: there was no prayer to him. God asked me the
Speaker 1: same thing, like, yo, you or your wife, you're doing
Speaker 1: your thing. Man, she seems like you know X Y Z,
Speaker 1: And I'm just like yo. If you knew Cadine from
Speaker 1: eighteen to you wouldn't be saying the same thing. If
Speaker 1: y'all knew me from eighteen to five, you would probably
Speaker 1: be like, so this and that. When you're at that
Speaker 1: point in your life, if you're with somebody who you
Speaker 1: think is going to be worth it to stick with,
Speaker 1: I would say stick with him because the foundation that
Speaker 1: we've built from those early years until our thirties has
Speaker 1: been what keeps us to That's like the major glue
Speaker 1: of what keeps us together now? Is it easy? No,
Speaker 1: it's not easy, you know what I'm saying. And there
Speaker 1: were times when we took breaks or we felt like
Speaker 1: we needed to go, uh, possibly explore, and we always
Speaker 1: found ourselves right back here together. But there was always
Speaker 1: a conversation first, like I think we need to go
Speaker 1: our separate ways, and it was never a oh, I
Speaker 1: want to take a break because I want to talk
Speaker 1: to dudes and do x y Z and just you know,
Speaker 1: it was really like, Okay, things aren't working right now
Speaker 1: in this space. Maybe I just need to for myself.
Speaker 1: And then that being honest, we were able to then
Speaker 1: go take our time, even if it was just talking
Speaker 1: to other people, having conversations with other people, Like I
Speaker 1: would tell him, don't not do that. Have conversations with people.
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with that. But in turn that would
Speaker 1: let you notice, say, you know what, I've had conversations
Speaker 1: with x y Z. I've been in a couple of dates.
Speaker 1: No one compares to the greatness that I've found in
Speaker 1: this woman. And that's how you realize it. So sometimes
Speaker 1: those break periods can be healthy as long as it's
Speaker 1: not abused and it's communicated about. And also, because you're
Speaker 1: going to break, you don't have to announce your break
Speaker 1: like in this social media era, it's like the minute
Speaker 1: two people are going through something, it's like they have
Speaker 1: to announce to the social media world that they're going
Speaker 1: or even to you don't have to tell anybody. If
Speaker 1: you to decide that this is something y'all want to
Speaker 1: do because it may be healthy for you, you do
Speaker 1: it on your own terms. You keep it quiet, you
Speaker 1: move that way, and then you get back together. One
Speaker 1: of the greatest things I've learned from my uncle Kevin
Speaker 1: right was is no one your friends family should know
Speaker 1: who you're sleeping with, even in her in a relationship
Speaker 1: or not. Because I remember in college, some of your
Speaker 1: greatest haters are the people who are closest to you. Right,
Speaker 1: Some of the people who do not want to see
Speaker 1: you succeed or be happy are the people closest to you.
Speaker 1: And it has nothing to do with you. Misery loves company.
Speaker 1: They may be going through something in their own life
Speaker 1: where they're not feeling great about who they are, where
Speaker 1: they are in their space, and to see other people
Speaker 1: be happy may bother them with Knina and I had
Speaker 1: a friend a couple of years ago, right when we
Speaker 1: started doing the social media thing. She can't. She wasn't
Speaker 1: really a friend, she was an acquaintance. She she texts
Speaker 1: Canein randomly and said, I'm sorry I've been so distant,
Speaker 1: but me and my husband were going through some things
Speaker 1: and seeing you and the val be happy really hurt
Speaker 1: me because I was going through stuff in my marriage
Speaker 1: and I couldn't really be around it. Canina was like, damn,
Speaker 1: should I feel away? And I was like, no, at
Speaker 1: least she's being honest and telling you that distanced herself
Speaker 1: from us because she couldn't she couldn't take being around
Speaker 1: us being so happy at the point. But then that
Speaker 1: also shows you that sometimes when people are going through
Speaker 1: things something you did have nothing to do with you
Speaker 1: with them. So don't share everything with everybody. Absolutely I
Speaker 1: agree with that too, but I mean, you know, to
Speaker 1: to answer his question, I think if it sounds like
Speaker 1: you're young, Brol, I think you should go out there
Speaker 1: and you should meet people. Ain't no shame and just
Speaker 1: going out there developing relationships and friendships with people. You
Speaker 1: have to kind of be out there and know what
Speaker 1: you want, but be open to meet people too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I mean you should be able to vocalize that
Speaker 1: to her now, you know, to go ahead and say
Speaker 1: what it is, tell her that you know you're super
Speaker 1: in love with her. It's been a year and a half,
Speaker 1: you know. But at the same time too, you're you're young,
Speaker 1: and you want to be able to go out there
Speaker 1: and you know, but just know that, I know how
Speaker 1: men are about their women. You say, now, I want
Speaker 1: to take a break, So I think I want to explore.
Speaker 1: She may explore someone that may knock her socks off,
Speaker 1: and she may fall in love, and now you've lost
Speaker 1: what you think might have been the perfect person for you.
Speaker 1: So understand there are risks that are associated with you
Speaker 1: wanting to explore. And it may not only be that
Speaker 1: you find somebody, but she may find somebody. You see
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So yeah, people will tell you explore,
Speaker 1: do this, do this, and then there are a lot
Speaker 1: of people who probably explored and now alone and they're
Speaker 1: talking about the one that got away, That one that
Speaker 1: got away is so real. Or it could just be like,
Speaker 1: you know what, she's made space now to be happy
Speaker 1: in her circumstance, whatever that is. If it's not with you,
Speaker 1: and you will now find your circumstance that will make
Speaker 1: you happy. Imagine that though she finds, she finds space
Speaker 1: in her circumstances, which means she just want to be alone.
Speaker 1: And then she starts to grow in her being alone
Speaker 1: and now she becomes everything that he wants. But she
Speaker 1: just wants to be alone as opposed to growing with somebody.
Speaker 1: And that's but that's the true value in a relationship.
Speaker 1: You deal with someone short hummings because you want to
Speaker 1: grow together a bigger picture, bigger purpose. That's how That's
Speaker 1: how I would do it. That's how I did it
Speaker 1: with because wasn't always this perfect. She was a pain
Speaker 1: in the ass. She was masking me. She had a
Speaker 1: big ass head. And like I said, I had the
Speaker 1: foresight to see you growing into yours. She was selfish?
Speaker 1: What else? What else? Well? Damn well? That being said?
Speaker 1: Why do you stick around? Then? Because I could see
Speaker 1: and foresee your greatness before me? You see that? How
Speaker 1: wrong that I'm a poet. I don't even know it. Right,
Speaker 1: there's a follow up to that. Right, I should have
Speaker 1: said something, I mean a rhyme, but it happened. Sometimes
Speaker 1: there you go, there you go there you go. All right, brother,
Speaker 1: good luck to you. Um, but yeah, it sounds like
Speaker 1: you're young. Go out there and have some fun, dude.
Speaker 1: All right. And our last question, because you guys have
Speaker 1: such in depth questions that we could talk about for
Speaker 1: so long. Um. So, I just turned twenty four and
Speaker 1: for a few years I've been getting a lot of
Speaker 1: questions about when I'm going to be in a relationship
Speaker 1: or why I'm not in one. I feel constant pressure
Speaker 1: from my parents and friends, and it's starting to make
Speaker 1: me feel like something is wrong with me. The thing is,
Speaker 1: even though I graduated a three months ago with my
Speaker 1: b A, I just prefer to stay focused on my
Speaker 1: career right now. I don't even know where to start
Speaker 1: with dating and relationships, most especially because I've never been
Speaker 1: in a serious relationship or even been on a date.
Speaker 1: If push comes to shove, how do I shoot my shot?
Speaker 1: And how do I deal with the pressure of being
Speaker 1: in a relationship? Wow, twenty four years on, I have
Speaker 1: been on a date. So you were really in the
Speaker 1: social media age? And how to communicate on more? Everything
Speaker 1: is d M or they watch people from Afar. They
Speaker 1: don't speak, they don't talk right, And I think it's
Speaker 1: kind of it's tough if he does, if he wants to,
Speaker 1: if he aspires to be in a relationship, well, they
Speaker 1: don't say it's a man or a woman, So I'm
Speaker 1: not even sure if it's a male or female. True,
Speaker 1: if he or she aspires to be in a relationship,
Speaker 1: the fact that at twenty four you've never been on
Speaker 1: a date, that is kind of alarming to a family. Right,
Speaker 1: But if if he or she doesn't inspire to be
Speaker 1: in a relationship, then focus on your career. Right, exactly
Speaker 1: happen when it happens. It's funny. My mom would have
Speaker 1: loved you because my mom was just like, focus on
Speaker 1: your career, focus on your career. And that's twenty four.
Speaker 1: If I hadn't spoken to a guy, she'd be like,
Speaker 1: oh my goodness, this is great. Um. But you're right.
Speaker 1: We are in a social media age where it's it's awkward.
Speaker 1: Having a conversation with somebody is very weird, and it's
Speaker 1: not commonplace anymore for you to just walk into a
Speaker 1: rum or, into an establishment and maybe strike strip a
Speaker 1: conversation with someone next to you or in the same room. Um.
Speaker 1: So I don't know if it's for lack of that,
Speaker 1: or if you're just genuinely just not interested. Um. But
Speaker 1: either way, the constant pressure from family and friends are
Speaker 1: always going to be there. And we've spoken before about
Speaker 1: these societal norms that people place on everyone that's not
Speaker 1: so normal anymore. You know, the aspiration to be in
Speaker 1: a relationship, or to be married, or to have children.
Speaker 1: We've talked about how that's affected us. You know, this
Speaker 1: timeline of when things should happen. I think it's all
Speaker 1: shifted now. It was shifted now. I mean there's no
Speaker 1: timeline for children anymore. They're women having children way later
Speaker 1: in life because they want to focus on their career.
Speaker 1: You know, there's so many different ways to deal with it. Um,
Speaker 1: So tell you say, I'm the girl off your back, yo,
Speaker 1: Like you'll get off my back. I'm good over here,
Speaker 1: I'm stacking these chips. I'm getting my career together. I'm
Speaker 1: getting focused. Because whether you're a man or a woman,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. You may want to get your finances
Speaker 1: in order. You want to make sure that you are
Speaker 1: an individual and you have figured out what it is
Speaker 1: that you want. You know, we've spoken about the flip
Speaker 1: side of that. You know, you can know what you
Speaker 1: want and be happy with who you are and then
Speaker 1: find somebody who meets that. But let me ask a question,
Speaker 1: as a society, are we changing too much? Because I
Speaker 1: remember when we were growing up, right there were there
Speaker 1: were always TV shows and movies and maybe because I
Speaker 1: haven't watched any kids movies, but it was always about
Speaker 1: you know, the guy and a girl, you know, becoming,
Speaker 1: you know, becoming when there's always a love story somewhere.
Speaker 1: I feel like now there are no more love stories.
Speaker 1: It's all about this self stories. Yeah, I did this
Speaker 1: by myself. I'm worried about me. I'm focused on my
Speaker 1: star players. So many shows about millennials are just like
Speaker 1: about the dating scene and the turmoil. There's really like
Speaker 1: there may be a lot of stories in they're here
Speaker 1: and there inter intertwined in it, but it's a lot
Speaker 1: of just like how am I gonna get mine and
Speaker 1: how am I gonna figure myself out? And there are
Speaker 1: all these different storylines within these shows. But but also
Speaker 1: though the underlying agenda and a lot of these things are,
Speaker 1: is that the same for every community? Because every community
Speaker 1: isn't that way. If you look at the millennial, the
Speaker 1: millennial stories were black millennial stories. It is about the
Speaker 1: self and doing this on your own. But is that
Speaker 1: is that the same in every community? Not because some
Speaker 1: communities still value marriage, and still value family, and still
Speaker 1: value the passing down of heirlooms. You see what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So is there an agenda to eliminate that need or
Speaker 1: want for families as a way to kind of disconstruct
Speaker 1: the black family? I wonder that because when I look
Speaker 1: at all of these TV shows and I see so
Speaker 1: many black millennial TV shows, there are no black millennial
Speaker 1: family TV shows. Why not? Why not? I mean, somebody
Speaker 1: should just pick us up to start one. That's what
Speaker 1: we've been saying it. Let's talk about the family unit.
Speaker 1: But but I mean, but seriously though, that's thought about that.
Speaker 1: We are teaching how with kids now to be focused
Speaker 1: on you and yourself and your career. But how can
Speaker 1: we grow as families in the community if we're not
Speaker 1: teaching each other how to communicate with each other? Who's
Speaker 1: pushing these agendas? That's what she makes you think. It
Speaker 1: makes you think about it the deeper question. The deeper question,
Speaker 1: young man, when it comes to shooting your shot, go
Speaker 1: ahead and shoot your shot. If your person is socially
Speaker 1: awkward and feel like you maybe don't want to go
Speaker 1: out there and talk to people. There's dating apps. Now,
Speaker 1: maybe you could shoot your your shot through a dating app.
Speaker 1: I don't know why not. Nothing like good old fashioned
Speaker 1: walking in the bar. And we agree because we're those
Speaker 1: kind of people. Were outgoing and where you can go
Speaker 1: and shoot a conversation with people. That doesn't work for everybody, encouragees.
Speaker 1: So what's gonna happen when you get in a relationship
Speaker 1: and you'll have an issue? Wanna send an email? No,
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that. It's just about breaking the ice
Speaker 1: with meeting someone. You know, he or she said, how
Speaker 1: do you shoot your shot? But I say, you gotta
Speaker 1: condition yourself and learn. And I know it's different for
Speaker 1: you because you're a young woman. Most of the time,
Speaker 1: young women wait for men to come in and shoot
Speaker 1: their shot. Well now me says, I was like swooping
Speaker 1: right now. But that's that's what was dope about it.
Speaker 1: I was like, curry, listen, I would I would tell
Speaker 1: you the best way to shoot your shot is to
Speaker 1: walk up to someone and say I think that you're attractive. Hi,
Speaker 1: my name is that? Would you like to grab a drink.
Speaker 1: There you go, simple as that, simple as that simple
Speaker 1: look at you made it all easy. Our worst case
Speaker 1: near called a vow and Devaia will like put a
Speaker 1: little thing in your ear and he'll tell you what
Speaker 1: to say. You go with stuff like that, you go with,
Speaker 1: you go with ice breaking alright, So, thank you all
Speaker 1: so much for the listener letters, for continuing to write
Speaker 1: into us. We try to get to as many as possible,
Speaker 1: but don't stop. Keep them coming. We'll definitely go through
Speaker 1: some old ones too, and if we get some good questions,
Speaker 1: will be sure to speak about it. And if you
Speaker 1: want to be featured as one of our listener letters,
Speaker 1: email us at dead Ass Advice at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: That's d A D A S S A d V
Speaker 1: I see at gmail dot com. Yes it is. I
Speaker 1: can't believe it went so fast and we enjoyed every
Speaker 1: single minute of it. So you know again, guys, thank
Speaker 1: you all so much for all of the engagement that
Speaker 1: we've had on social media on Instagram, for people tagging
Speaker 1: us in stories. It's been amazing. So what is your
Speaker 1: final moment of truth of the season. Moment of truth
Speaker 1: for the season. Wow, I would say, my moment of
Speaker 1: truth is speaking my truth and how important that is
Speaker 1: and not just for me as a form of venting
Speaker 1: or a form of quote unquote therapy for us, but
Speaker 1: just not knowing the power and sharing your story and
Speaker 1: how people can relate to that, and how people can
Speaker 1: engage with you, and how it creates a normalcy around
Speaker 1: quote unquote problems that you have when you realize and
Speaker 1: you know, you know what's this, bro, you are not
Speaker 1: the only one. And I think there needs to be
Speaker 1: more of that. There needs to be more dialogue about
Speaker 1: different situations that were once taboo or people don't like
Speaker 1: to speak about. Thank you all for giving me this
Speaker 1: platform to be able to share my stories and my
Speaker 1: feelings and my thoughts as well as you know, de
Speaker 1: val In ours together as a couple, but also as individuals,
Speaker 1: because sometimes there were scenarios that it wasn't necessarily women
Speaker 1: agreeing with me. There were men that agreed with me.
Speaker 1: But in my truth, I'm able to speak about the
Speaker 1: way I feel, um the things that affect me, how
Speaker 1: I view certain things, and then in turn people listeners realize,
Speaker 1: you know what Cadean's going through it, vot is going
Speaker 1: through it. Everyone's going through it and the relatability. It
Speaker 1: makes you feel like you are normal and it happens
Speaker 1: in it's life. So thank you all for that. Yes,
Speaker 1: maybe you are normal. I'm normal when I'm ready, I'm normal.
Speaker 1: Is normal ish? Well, my my moment of truth is
Speaker 1: very simple as thank you, thank you. I love you guys,
Speaker 1: I appreciate you. Um Going out on this journey to
Speaker 1: to share our truth is nerve racking because you hope
Speaker 1: that it will be accepted. And one thing, like Codein said,
Speaker 1: you guys made us feel very normal. Getting the text,
Speaker 1: getting the emails, getting the d M saying hey, we're
Speaker 1: going through the same thing. It was therapy for us.
Speaker 1: I know you guys feel like we may help you,
Speaker 1: but you guys help us. You help us so much.
Speaker 1: We appreciate incredibly. We thank you, and we're gonna keep
Speaker 1: it going dead as Dead. So that's it for season
Speaker 1: one of Dead asks We'd love you, We thank you, guys,
Speaker 1: and be sure to follow us on social media because
Speaker 1: we'll be back for season two. That's I am Devout
Speaker 1: and Cadein I am on Instagram. Remember, listeners, this is
Speaker 1: the last episode of the season, so we gotta take
Speaker 1: a break, spend some time with our family and those
Speaker 1: three whole boys who are just waiting for us at home,
Speaker 1: keep making money, moves, etcetera, all that good stuff. But
Speaker 1: we will be back in September with new episodes, new gut,
Speaker 1: new topics, dead as and if you're listening on Apple podcasts,
Speaker 1: be shore to rate review because we love to hear
Speaker 1: your feedback, what you like and what we can improve on.
Speaker 1: And don't forget to hit that subscribe button. That way
Speaker 1: when we do, a new episode will automatically download to
Speaker 1: your phone. We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth.
Speaker 1: We have a podcast going on right now as part
Speaker 1: of the stitchen netwhere called Abstraction that's available everywhere. Get
Speaker 1: the podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right now
Speaker 1: to the Distraction right now, it's out. Do it please,