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Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth and

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Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together

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Speaker 1: called defect or Defector, and we're gonna have a new

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Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, this very podcast which has

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Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now. Avail every

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Speaker 1: rust your podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right

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Speaker 1: now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now. Go

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Speaker 1: listen to see you by. So to be honest, I

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Speaker 1: didn't know if I was going to be about this

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Speaker 1: podcast life when we were first presented the opportunity for it.

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Speaker 1: Dead as dead as I just didn't know full transparency

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Speaker 1: me neither had no clue what podcasts were about. But

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Speaker 1: if it weren't for you guys, we wouldn't be here.

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Speaker 1: So we just got to thank you, dead as we

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Speaker 1: love y'all. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're the Ellises. You

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Speaker 1: may know us were posting funny videos with our boys

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Speaker 1: and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,

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Speaker 1: I make you need derby most days. Wow. Oh and

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Speaker 1: one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir,

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Speaker 1: we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about

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Speaker 1: some of the live's most taboo topics, things most folks

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Speaker 1: don't want to talk about through the lens of a

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Speaker 1: millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that we

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Speaker 1: say every day. Where we say dead ass, we're actually

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Speaker 1: saying facts one, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing

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Speaker 1: but the truth. We're about to take philow talk to

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Speaker 1: a whole new level. Dead ask starts now. This story

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Speaker 1: is about a young man who pretty much made me

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Speaker 1: realize the impact I have on people with the things

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Speaker 1: that I say and the way that I live my life.

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Speaker 1: And well, I watched him grow up. I was his

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Speaker 1: mentor in the gym. Um his name is Rob. His

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Speaker 1: name is Rob, and I've been Rob's mentor since he

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Speaker 1: was about four. Wow, we've known Rob that, Yes, we

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Speaker 1: know him that long fourteen and Rob, you know it's

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Speaker 1: it's him and his mom. Ever since I've known Rob

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Speaker 1: has always been him and his mom here and his mom,

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Speaker 1: and she's always thanked us for being, you know, great

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Speaker 1: influences on Rob. And now Rob is twenty four, Rob's

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Speaker 1: graduated from college. Rob is having a baby. Yes, I

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Speaker 1: just found this out too. And Rob is getting engaged,

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Speaker 1: is he? Yes? And It's funny because I realized the

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Speaker 1: influence I had on people's life when you asked Rob

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Speaker 1: about being married or being with a girl or being monogamous,

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Speaker 1: and that was not in his thought process. But now

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Speaker 1: he says, after seeing not only me but us, And

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Speaker 1: the funny thing is, it's not just the influence I have,

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Speaker 1: but you, how you rock with me, how we build together,

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Speaker 1: and how he asked the two of us to sit

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Speaker 1: down with him and his girlfriend about building what they

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Speaker 1: want to build. And now he's on that path of

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Speaker 1: trying to build something and to build a legacy for

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Speaker 1: not only himself but for his family. That's when I realized, like, wow,

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Speaker 1: what what we are doing collectively is really impacting the

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Speaker 1: younger people. Seems like yesterday we used to rock the show.

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Speaker 1: I like to track you lock the flow. So far

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Speaker 1: from having on the block for dokay, Yes, they got

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Speaker 1: to know that, Like no, it's what a scene to be.

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Speaker 1: What can't expects what you mean to me even though

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Speaker 1: you're gonna it's still a team to your family, fulfilled

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Speaker 1: dreams and the future. I can't wait to see if

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Speaker 1: you open up the gates for me. Reminisce. Sometimes they

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Speaker 1: took my friends just right here, but it plays again.

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Speaker 1: When it's real feelings, it's hard to can seal, can't

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Speaker 1: imagine all the pain, give anything to hear half your breath.

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Speaker 1: You know, I'm still living your life after that. Uh

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Speaker 1: huh uh huh. Every move I'm dancing day, Miss y'all

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Speaker 1: go back. We gonna be back in September, going to

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Speaker 1: be We're going to miss shall but we'll be Hey. Oh, man,

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Speaker 1: I can't believe it's gonna be over. Season one went

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Speaker 1: so fast it did. Man, we're gonna miss y'all. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna miss you when we're going because kay, don't

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Speaker 1: talk to me unless we come to the podcast. Well,

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Speaker 1: because I got to save my breath for you. You

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Speaker 1: know you should have saved your breath. Did you push

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Speaker 1: your teeth this morning? Don't don't disrespect you, Do not

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Speaker 1: disrespect me. All right, you can sit on the other

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Speaker 1: side of the table. I think I will. Don't say

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Speaker 1: no words that begin with the letter H. You're being

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Speaker 1: all rude and whatnot. You know, what's it over there?

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Speaker 1: Because today this is our last episode. I'm gone. We're

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Speaker 1: gonna go into some listener letters, all right. So we're

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Speaker 1: actually going to dedicate this show to all of our

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Speaker 1: listeners and supporters. We get a ton of listener letters

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Speaker 1: us all the time, and we figured, what's the best

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Speaker 1: way to go out this season Season one thing to

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Speaker 1: do a show dedicated to you guys, which means it's

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Speaker 1: going to be just listening letters. Absolutely, it sounds good. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think it was. It's perfect because we do get

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Speaker 1: so many listener letters in it and it's impossible to

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Speaker 1: answer all of them. But we figured we pick out

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Speaker 1: a couple and we just you know, give our take

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Speaker 1: on it. Again. You know, we don't profess to be

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Speaker 1: experts on anything, really, but we'd love to give our

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Speaker 1: little two cents if it's gonna help you out. UM,

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Speaker 1: So we're gonna take this episode to answer a few

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Speaker 1: of them. I know. We had a ton of feedback

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Speaker 1: when we posted the question about curfew and marriages. I

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Speaker 1: posted on my Instagram page and people were like, what curfew?

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Speaker 1: The word curfew? You know, it's sure as hell did

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Speaker 1: the C word. But you know, I think the common

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Speaker 1: thought and the common theme throughout the comments was that

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Speaker 1: it's not technically occur few, it's communication. It's being respectful. Um.

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Speaker 1: To whoever's house it is you're coming in or out of?

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Speaker 1: And um, you know that makes sense because we said

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Speaker 1: the same thing. Yeah, and they just they didn't use

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Speaker 1: the word curfew, but they pretty much said the same example.

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Speaker 1: They just don't like saying the word. And I realized

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Speaker 1: it was a lot of a lot of women who

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Speaker 1: were in there saying no, no, curfew is not the

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Speaker 1: right choice of word. But they better not let the

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Speaker 1: sun beat them home. That was the one that stood

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Speaker 1: out to me. Or there was one message there ain't

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Speaker 1: no curfew, but he better be in by eleven o'clock. Right.

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Speaker 1: There was one message from my girl Tie David shout

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Speaker 1: out to Tie. She's actually on the shy Um the show,

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Speaker 1: and she and I go back to pageant days, and

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Speaker 1: she was just like, I don't give him a curfew. However,

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Speaker 1: I would like some food piping hot at my door

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Speaker 1: by I just so happened to be hungry. I need

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Speaker 1: you to bring me a meal, a whole meal. You

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Speaker 1: know what's funny, A lot of the dudes didn't even

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Speaker 1: say anything about the curfew thing. And a lot of

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Speaker 1: dudes never even mentioned that they put their girl on

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Speaker 1: the curfew. Why is it that women have to feel

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Speaker 1: the need to put their men on the curry. Why

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Speaker 1: are you so controlled? It's not even like it's it's

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Speaker 1: just a courtesy thing. I mean you to think about it.

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Speaker 1: I mean, if you're out, all right, you're out in

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Speaker 1: a about, just shoot a text message to check in.

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Speaker 1: Another thing that set out to me where women saying

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Speaker 1: they're fearful, particularly black women, fearful of their men being

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Speaker 1: out past a certain hour and potentially being harassed pulled

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Speaker 1: over by cops. With the current climate in in in

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Speaker 1: America and all that it was a safety thing. It

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Speaker 1: can be a safety thing. That was a great excuse there.

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Speaker 1: That was a great excuse to so we we don't

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Speaker 1: we're not entired to be worried about you. So what

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Speaker 1: time does she come home? No, because you don't communicate

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Speaker 1: well when you're out. We've already discussed that you're bringing

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Speaker 1: up old stuff. To bring up old stuff. But what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying is is that we need to have the

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Speaker 1: same energies. Okay, if you're worried about me, how about

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Speaker 1: you let me worry about you. Okay, So there's a

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Speaker 1: mutual worrying about that happens, which I think is fair.

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Speaker 1: One funny comment that I liked was someone said, my

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Speaker 1: mama said, ain't nothing open at night but legs. It's

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Speaker 1: oh god, so stupid. This is funny thing. Women always

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Speaker 1: think that if your man is out late, he's out

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Speaker 1: doing something he's not supposed to. You could do whatever

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Speaker 1: you want throughout the day too. Don't stop nothing because

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Speaker 1: because she can get done during the day, absolutely breaks,

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Speaker 1: morning breaks. You see what I'm saying, Like, that's a

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Speaker 1: whole another show my thing. And we talked about this

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Speaker 1: too with the curfew thing. In New York, the culture

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Speaker 1: is different. Clubs don't even get popping until one thirty

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Speaker 1: two o'clock. So how would you even ask a dude

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Speaker 1: to be home that early if the club don't even

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Speaker 1: get popping night, Because we might have left home at

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Speaker 1: twelve thirty one to get in time exactly for the

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Speaker 1: party to be popping. And then you're rolling in around

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Speaker 1: like four or siving in And then what happens when

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Speaker 1: this day like savings time, the song comes up earlier

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Speaker 1: sometimes delayed sunrise and whatnot. Then you gotta get all technical.

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Speaker 1: In New York, it gets dark at what you do

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Speaker 1: at that point is then you calculate what time the

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Speaker 1: club closes to where they might stop to get something

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Speaker 1: to eat, and at what time they should be pulling

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Speaker 1: up here. You know what I mean. I'm just saying,

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Speaker 1: just call me Dora the Explorer. You are expect to

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Speaker 1: gadget all of that, all right. So let's get into

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Speaker 1: these listener letters, because we had quite a few, but

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Speaker 1: we're gonna try to just you know, go through and see.

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Speaker 1: So I'll read the first one out loud. Man, You'll

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Speaker 1: be sending some stories, but at least it gives us context,

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Speaker 1: that's all right. The first one is what can I

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Speaker 1: do and how can I go about gaining my boyfriend's

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Speaker 1: trust back. I've recently found out that he had trust

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Speaker 1: issues before we even started dating, but with that I've

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Speaker 1: added to his trust issues with different scenarios and situations.

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Speaker 1: But the most recent was having sex with someone from

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Speaker 1: the gym that we go to together. I've apologized numerous times,

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Speaker 1: and I get that I'm sorry does not do much.

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Speaker 1: I've even tried explaining why I do what I do,

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Speaker 1: which doesn't seem to make sense once spoken out loud,

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Speaker 1: heckling her. I don't know what makes me interested in

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Speaker 1: other people for a quote unquote moment, because it isn't

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Speaker 1: a reoccurring situation. It's usually a one and done thing

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Speaker 1: for me. I need help with getting my man back.

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Speaker 1: Exclamation point sis, You've got a couple of oxymorons going

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Speaker 1: up and going on up in here. First of all,

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Speaker 1: she said it's a one and done thing for me,

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Speaker 1: But then again you said to add to it his

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Speaker 1: trust issues with different scenarios and situations. There's there's there's plural,

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Speaker 1: so there's essays on that. No, because because it's one

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Speaker 1: and done with that person, but she's been interested in

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Speaker 1: different people. I mean, maybe monogamy is just not for her.

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Speaker 1: I was just about to say that cut this man

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Speaker 1: loose and set him free. And you already knew he

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Speaker 1: had trust issues beforehand before you started dating, and now

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Speaker 1: you're just adding to it. And you're just compiling on

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Speaker 1: this already somewhat broken man who has issues with trust.

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Speaker 1: You're now compiling on that. Or she can look into

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Speaker 1: having an open relationship if right, or if she's open

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Speaker 1: to letting him be with other women, because she clearly

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Speaker 1: wants to be with other men once in a while,

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Speaker 1: so maybe that might work for them, right, Because it's

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Speaker 1: not a moment for you, sis. You said you're interested

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Speaker 1: in people for a moment, from for a moment, Like

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Speaker 1: maybe she wants to have sench with that guy for

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Speaker 1: a moment, but she's not interested in continuing the relationship.

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Speaker 1: And this is my thing. We're so conditioned to only

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Speaker 1: exist in relationships one way that may not be healthy

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Speaker 1: for them. They need to find a way for them

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Speaker 1: to exist together. Now here's another thing. He keeps coming back,

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Speaker 1: So clearly he has some sort of love for her

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Speaker 1: because he could easily choose to leave, but he doesn't.

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Speaker 1: So maybe they could find a way where they could

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Speaker 1: coexist in this relationship. As long as they're honest with

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Speaker 1: each other, that's the thing. And it seems like she's

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Speaker 1: being honest. And that's that's why I feel kind of

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Speaker 1: bad for her, because she is being honest and people

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Speaker 1: are going to clown her, you know what I'm saying. Oh,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't sound doesn't seem to make sense when it

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Speaker 1: leaves my mouth. If that's how you feel, that's how

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Speaker 1: you feel. It doesn't matter if it makes sense to

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Speaker 1: everybody else, because she could essentially be having these one

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Speaker 1: and done relationships if she knows that there's not going

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Speaker 1: to be any kind of future keeping in touch, you know,

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Speaker 1: furthering of these relationships. She can technically go do her

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Speaker 1: thing and then keep it pushing. She doesn't have to

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Speaker 1: sencessarily be honest about it, right she She doesn't have

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Speaker 1: to be honest about it. Right she tells him, and

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Speaker 1: she tells him, or unless he finds out. But either way,

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Speaker 1: even when when he finds out, he tells. She says

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Speaker 1: how she feels like you you have to respect someone

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Speaker 1: who's going to live in their truth, whether you agree

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Speaker 1: or disagree with what their truth is. If they're willing

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Speaker 1: to own it, you gotta respect it. She seems to

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Speaker 1: want to take take control too, of her sexual freedom,

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Speaker 1: which is perfectly fine as well too. I mean, there

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Speaker 1: there is the double standard for men and women, but

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Speaker 1: there are a lot more women that wanted to take

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Speaker 1: control of their sexuality. Go ahead and give them the

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Speaker 1: lack of give them the lack and key. UK, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to give you analogy lack and key analogy, and

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Speaker 1: I'm not go ahead. My analogy don't make sense. Y'all

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Speaker 1: could tell the that if this analogy makes sense, so

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Speaker 1: let me let me preference this by saying this. Okay,

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Speaker 1: we discussed all the time about the greatness of being

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Speaker 1: a woman, and I applaud women all the implow women

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Speaker 1: all the time, giving birth, reproductive organs. How women are

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Speaker 1: the vessels of life. We talk about this, right, so

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Speaker 1: their bodies should be treated as such. Right, And then

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Speaker 1: when I say this, all the women like, yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: you understand. But then whenever I say the lock and

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Speaker 1: key analogy, they get mad. You can't have it both ways,

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Speaker 1: all right. If you're gonna applaud that, then then here's

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Speaker 1: them lock and key analogy. If in life women are

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Speaker 1: the locks and men are the keys, because the keys

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Speaker 1: open a lock, right, you want to lock up was

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Speaker 1: down there? This is sacred. You lock it up. Right.

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Speaker 1: If you are a key that opens up many locks,

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Speaker 1: you are what a masterpiece? Right, Your master pie is

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Speaker 1: a great thing. You're master key. But if you are

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Speaker 1: a lock that opens up for a bunch of different keys,

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Speaker 1: you just a shitty lock. Every time I think it,

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Speaker 1: Think about it. If you if you had a lock

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Speaker 1: that everybody could open up, they lock with their key,

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Speaker 1: ain't work ship, right, But there's still your lock. So

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Speaker 1: you appreciate the fact that you even have a lot

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Speaker 1: to begin with. Yeah, but what I'm saying is is

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Speaker 1: when we talk about the double state standard women, women

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Speaker 1: can't be upset when they say when when women say, well,

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Speaker 1: we are the vessels of life and we are greater

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Speaker 1: than men because we do this. If that's the case,

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Speaker 1: and that's the standard you have for yourself and women,

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Speaker 1: you should keep that same standard when it comes to

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Speaker 1: spreading your greatness to everybody. Now, if you choose that

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Speaker 1: you don't want to be nobody's vessel to create life

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Speaker 1: and you want to have sex with multiple people, own

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Speaker 1: that it is what it is and there's nothing wrong

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Speaker 1: with that, that's what you want to do. You gotta

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Speaker 1: be honest. You have to and say that that's what

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Speaker 1: I want. You see what I'm saying. No, I completely

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Speaker 1: get that. I just don't know how she's gonna get

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Speaker 1: her man back because it seems like she's asking for help.

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Speaker 1: And I can imagine for him, especially because she had

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Speaker 1: sex with somebody that's in the gym that they both

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Speaker 1: go to. As a man, he's gonna have to now

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Speaker 1: look at this guy or you know, the guy's gonna

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Speaker 1: know that. You know, it's tough because the guy's gonna know,

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Speaker 1: like I definitely had sex with this woman and her

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Speaker 1: man be coming to the gym like key opens your lot.

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Speaker 1: That's not a lock of shitty according to the valve.

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Speaker 1: But this is my thing too because women say this.

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Speaker 1: Women say this all the time to men. If you're

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Speaker 1: gonna do dirt, don't do dirt when you sleep. They

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Speaker 1: don't do it. Don't do dirt there because women often

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Speaker 1: say to men all the time, I don't want to

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Speaker 1: look at the chick that you have sex with. So

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Speaker 1: even if she is going to make those decisions, why

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Speaker 1: not just make those decisions elsewhere? You see what I'm saying, Like,

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Speaker 1: I think she just needs to be honest. And the

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Speaker 1: thing is, being honest to that person is the hardest thing,

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Speaker 1: mainly because you just don't want to hurt their feelings.

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Speaker 1: But it's your bu and it's his life as well.

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Speaker 1: And in honesty, you then give the person a choice.

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Speaker 1: I always say that you give the person choice, don't

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Speaker 1: take his choice away from him, since let him decide.

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Speaker 1: I this is where he wants to be and something

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Speaker 1: that he can tolerate, that he can put up with.

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Speaker 1: If he can't, you may just have to let that go.

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Speaker 1: Let's go question number two. What's another woman? You want

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Speaker 1: to read it because it's another woman? Because we're back

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Speaker 1: back and forth. Okay, I'm a thirty year old woman

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Speaker 1: who has been married for almost four years. My husband

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Speaker 1: and I have been together for eleven years overall, and

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Speaker 1: we have three kids together. Sounds familiar. My husband has

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Speaker 1: known for some time that I am bi curious, even

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Speaker 1: though I would never admit it. Well, last year, I

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Speaker 1: finally started to feel more comfortable with my sexuality and

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Speaker 1: I told him that I wanted to explore. Initially, we

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Speaker 1: were just going to have a three son, but I

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Speaker 1: didn't want that. I didn't want I didn't think that

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Speaker 1: I shouldn't introduce another woman into our bedroom without being

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Speaker 1: sure that I was holy into women and not just

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Speaker 1: a fantasy of being being with a woman. So I

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Speaker 1: explained to him that I want to explore on my

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Speaker 1: own first. He was fine with it until I actually

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Speaker 1: started talking to different women and I actually linked up

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Speaker 1: with the one woman a few weeks ago. Nothing sexual

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Speaker 1: happened between us, but we're definitely interested in one another.

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Speaker 1: I'm starting to sense a little jealousy from him as

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Speaker 1: of late, and he just flat out told me. He

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Speaker 1: isn't sure about all this anymore. I don't think he

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Speaker 1: actually expected me to find someone, especially considering how shy

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Speaker 1: I can be. At first he was all for it,

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Speaker 1: but now he's having reservations. What are your thoughts on this?

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Speaker 1: Should I have experimented when I was younger before we

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Speaker 1: got married? Should I just let all this go? Ah?

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Speaker 1: He is me and I am him, not in exactly.

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Speaker 1: I'm not curious, true, you're not, but just he's gonna

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Speaker 1: throw that out there, gonna look at the rumor. She started. Alright,

345
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Speaker 1: curious guys, but we can definitely definitely to this feeling

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Speaker 1: of we've been together a long time, and I'll give

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Speaker 1: you out the situation really quickly. We have a kind

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Speaker 1: of almost parallel situation that had heard years ago. We've

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Speaker 1: been together a long time. After we got married, we

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Speaker 1: were going through a lot of issues. We were talking

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Speaker 1: about getting separated. The issue was that at the time

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Speaker 1: we both we had Jackson, and neither one of us

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Speaker 1: wanted to agree to live outside of having Jackson. So

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Speaker 1: we decided that we were going to try to live

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Speaker 1: together but separate. We weren't being we weren't intimate, So

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Speaker 1: I was like Okay, So if we're not gonna have

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Speaker 1: sex and we're supposed to be separated, my you know,

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Speaker 1: what what can I do? And She's like, if I

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Speaker 1: do whatever you want? So I was like, no, Conine, listen,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask you seriously, don't don't just say it.

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Speaker 1: So we had a discussion and she was like, listen,

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Speaker 1: do what you gotta do, because you know, we made

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Speaker 1: this decision. Boom. So I'm like, all right, fine, started

364
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Speaker 1: talking to a young lady. Nothing sexual happening. Codeine found

365
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Speaker 1: out lost her damn mind, lost my entire minds and

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Speaker 1: her exact words, and it was is it was literally

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Speaker 1: like devalue and the heat of arguments. We're arguing about

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Speaker 1: the same thing over and over again. We can't come

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Speaker 1: to any resolve. We're trying to coexist in the household

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Speaker 1: where both of us were unhappy in that moment. And

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Speaker 1: I was just like, Devout, whatever, do whatever you gotta do,

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Speaker 1: Do whatever you gotta do, not thinking that this negro

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Speaker 1: was about to pick up and start talking to somebody

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Speaker 1: and having conversations. And for me, I know the kind

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Speaker 1: of person Devot is and I'm like, he's not just

376
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Speaker 1: gonna go out there and do the whole one and

377
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Speaker 1: done things like Homegirl and the first thing he wanted

378
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Speaker 1: to know you, they're potentially be an emotional connection that happens,

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Speaker 1: and I just could not risk that all. So I said,

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Speaker 1: you know what, I completely backtracked. Right now. I am

381
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Speaker 1: not about that. Like I told you, I'm a when

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Speaker 1: I'm ready, but I was not ready for that. And

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Speaker 1: this is what's crazy to me. It's like when you

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Speaker 1: try to be honest with someone and you tell them

385
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Speaker 1: how you feel and they say what they think you

386
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Speaker 1: want to hear, and then you try to move forward

387
00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:57,480
Speaker 1: and then they don't really say how they feel about it,

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Speaker 1: and you find out after you've already moved forward. Then

389
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:02,520
Speaker 1: you feel like that unfair to you, because I felt

390
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Speaker 1: like I could have just tried to do it on

391
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Speaker 1: my own and been quiet, but now me being honest

392
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,800
Speaker 1: and being open and actually not hiding anything because we

393
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:11,640
Speaker 1: had agreed that we were going to try to separate,

394
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:15,120
Speaker 1: and now this is happening, you you want to take

395
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Speaker 1: it back. I feel like it wasn't fair to me.

396
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:19,800
Speaker 1: So with all of that being said, I feel like,

397
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Speaker 1: rather than say what you think he wants to hear,

398
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Speaker 1: you gotta tell him exactly how you feel, which I

399
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:31,320
Speaker 1: think she did, but he probably thought again she said

400
00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:33,400
Speaker 1: she shy, so maybe he didn't think. He's like, yeah,

401
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,119
Speaker 1: she may find somebody, but she may not. But she

402
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:38,359
Speaker 1: actually did find somebody who she was attracted to and

403
00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:40,560
Speaker 1: connected with. Yeah, but but then she also says, you know,

404
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Speaker 1: should I have experiments in when I was younger or

405
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Speaker 1: should I just let all this go? Like I think

406
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Speaker 1: it's I don't think it's fair to just say let

407
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Speaker 1: it all go. You still have your whole entire life

408
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:52,879
Speaker 1: you try to live. That can build resentment. You know

409
00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:55,280
Speaker 1: you're gonna feel unfulfilled, and then you're gonna start look

410
00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:57,240
Speaker 1: at the other person like I'm doing all this for you.

411
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Speaker 1: What are you doing to fill that gap that I'm feeling?

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Speaker 1: Because clearly she's missing something. Well, she didn't mention also

413
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:04,760
Speaker 1: to put the potential for having a threesome. So maybe

414
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:07,360
Speaker 1: now that you've met somebody that you like and there's

415
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,040
Speaker 1: a possibility that you may want to take it a

416
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:11,400
Speaker 1: step further with this person. It seems as if maybe

417
00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:13,520
Speaker 1: he was okay with the three sum or he was

418
00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:15,880
Speaker 1: open to it, So maybe introduce him to her now

419
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,000
Speaker 1: and the three of you sit down together, see if

420
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,440
Speaker 1: there's a connection there, and if the threesome life works

421
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:22,040
Speaker 1: for y'all, then it may be a thing. Because you

422
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:23,840
Speaker 1: said you weren't sure about the three some because you

423
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,040
Speaker 1: wanted to be sure that you were holy into women.

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00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:29,679
Speaker 1: If you are, then maybe he wants the ability to

425
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:31,640
Speaker 1: come in now. And that's the crazy thing, right, because

426
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:33,480
Speaker 1: you are now sit here and try to give advice. Right,

427
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:36,600
Speaker 1: but you it's not easy to just invite another woman

428
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:39,639
Speaker 1: and to have a threesome. No you mean it's a guy. No,

429
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:43,639
Speaker 1: as a woman, like, it's not easy. She said she

430
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:45,280
Speaker 1: wanted to meet other women, but she didn't want to

431
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:47,600
Speaker 1: bring it into her marriage first, right, So my thing

432
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:48,960
Speaker 1: is she wants to do what she wants to do

433
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,840
Speaker 1: for her and not think about her husband. Right. Well,

434
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,439
Speaker 1: I guess it wasn't clear here. Yeah, but what she

435
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,479
Speaker 1: said initially we were going to have a threesome, So

436
00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:00,719
Speaker 1: maybe he was that she put the bosh on it

437
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:03,160
Speaker 1: because she wanted to make sure she was into somebody. Right,

438
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:05,520
Speaker 1: So now you're into somebody. Why didn't she introduce the

439
00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:07,600
Speaker 1: three something because maybe it's not easy to try to

440
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:11,080
Speaker 1: share that with someone, right, I'm not saying it is.

441
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:13,480
Speaker 1: I'm just saying maybe the next step would be, now

442
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:15,800
Speaker 1: that she's found someone and he's feeling a little bit jealous,

443
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:18,080
Speaker 1: maybe it's just a time thing. Maybe he's just like, well, damn,

444
00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:20,119
Speaker 1: you want to spend time with home girl getting to

445
00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:22,280
Speaker 1: know her. Maybe he feel may feel like it's a

446
00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:23,560
Speaker 1: time thing where he's just like, or now I have

447
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,440
Speaker 1: to split time with this woman you may potentially want

448
00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:28,560
Speaker 1: to be um in bed with. Maybe now's the time

449
00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:30,960
Speaker 1: to bring him in to make him feel included. It's

450
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:34,480
Speaker 1: just it's it's very difficult, especially with this type of

451
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:38,320
Speaker 1: relationship because because she is very curious, if she's interested

452
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:40,200
Speaker 1: in women, there's nothing that her husband can do to

453
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:42,520
Speaker 1: fulfill that gap. You know, I'm saying there's a void

454
00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:45,240
Speaker 1: there that he's never going to be able to fill. Right.

455
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:47,399
Speaker 1: And if you're sitting here questioning like whether you should have,

456
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:49,560
Speaker 1: you know, experiment when you when you're younger, like you're

457
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:53,000
Speaker 1: not younger anymore, since scenario should could have what is

458
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:54,560
Speaker 1: at this point you just have to kind of see

459
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:56,359
Speaker 1: what it is moving forward. She should she should see

460
00:22:56,359 --> 00:22:58,439
Speaker 1: somebody to see like why didn't she explore when she

461
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,399
Speaker 1: was younger clearly, probably because she feel like she was

462
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:02,520
Speaker 1: doing something wrong. She wanted to live the type of

463
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:05,480
Speaker 1: life that she probably feels other people wanted live, which

464
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,440
Speaker 1: which is a message to younger people. If you feel

465
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:12,119
Speaker 1: a certain way about something, discontinue trying to live the

466
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:14,440
Speaker 1: way you think other people want you to live. Absolutely,

467
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:18,600
Speaker 1: live the way you want to live first, and then

468
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:21,160
Speaker 1: if you meet somebody and you want to share your

469
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:23,439
Speaker 1: life with that person, then it's an easy way. And

470
00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:25,880
Speaker 1: then it's easier to align on those things that we're

471
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:29,560
Speaker 1: interested in together than trying to conform to what it

472
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,399
Speaker 1: is you think that person wants you to be or

473
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:33,080
Speaker 1: likes for you to be, or would want you to

474
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:37,200
Speaker 1: be right, And that's that's not not not easy. It's

475
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:39,680
Speaker 1: not easy. I mean, you are right in saying that,

476
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:41,560
Speaker 1: you know it may not be easy for her to

477
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:44,159
Speaker 1: now introduce this to her husband and say, hey, this

478
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,800
Speaker 1: is what I found that conversation. But but that conversation

479
00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 1: is so difficult. You know, even even you are not

480
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:52,359
Speaker 1: being together since we were eighteen when we were talking

481
00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:55,680
Speaker 1: about separating and things weren't the greatest, but then even

482
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:58,320
Speaker 1: me thinking about telling you, like, well, we're not together,

483
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:01,359
Speaker 1: and I'm still only and I'm gonna have sex, and

484
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,080
Speaker 1: we're not gonna have sex. I'm gonna have That's not

485
00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:04,840
Speaker 1: the easy conversation for me to have with you, right,

486
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:06,200
Speaker 1: nor was it something for me to be able to

487
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:09,040
Speaker 1: stomach either. And I'm just like, damn, I how am

488
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:10,359
Speaker 1: I not gonna be? Like? I know, there's gonna be

489
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:13,439
Speaker 1: avoid now? So do we continue to just have angry

490
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 1: sex because we have to have, you know? And but

491
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:17,480
Speaker 1: at that point we just also too were over each

492
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:19,240
Speaker 1: other for that moment in time. I mean, there's there's

493
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:21,960
Speaker 1: there's you know, that's how the tide shifts and relationships.

494
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,159
Speaker 1: Nothing is always good at one point. You know, we

495
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:27,240
Speaker 1: have to find ways to compromise. Um, but sometimes some

496
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:30,000
Speaker 1: things are just not compromisable. And this is how we

497
00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:33,560
Speaker 1: got through those moments. Um. Kadina and I had some

498
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:36,760
Speaker 1: real hard conversations and we were honest about the things

499
00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:39,760
Speaker 1: we both needed in our relationships. Hearing some of the

500
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:42,160
Speaker 1: things she needed hurt me. Hearing some of the things

501
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:44,280
Speaker 1: I needed, I know, hurt her. But at least it

502
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,240
Speaker 1: gave both of us an option to say, you know what,

503
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:49,760
Speaker 1: if this marriage is valuable enough to both of us

504
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:53,000
Speaker 1: let's work on it right, And we made a decision

505
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:56,600
Speaker 1: that we were going to work on it together without

506
00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:58,399
Speaker 1: other people. We were going to try to work on

507
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:01,439
Speaker 1: it internally. And that's been working for us, you know,

508
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:05,840
Speaker 1: it's been working for us. So this was what six

509
00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:10,160
Speaker 1: years ago? It was about six years ago, five years ago, No, yeah,

510
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:13,880
Speaker 1: six seven, six seven almost. Jackson was like maybe a year,

511
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:17,200
Speaker 1: year and a half. Yeah, it was a while ago.

512
00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:21,880
Speaker 1: But it's like, for me, I just realized that there's

513
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:25,440
Speaker 1: so much more in a marriage than just sex. That's

514
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:28,560
Speaker 1: that I literally was just thinking the same thing with her. Course,

515
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:30,800
Speaker 1: crazy have so many questions revolve around it, and that's

516
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:32,760
Speaker 1: like the deciding factor of whether they move forward or

517
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:34,840
Speaker 1: not because sex takes up and consumes so much of

518
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:37,240
Speaker 1: people when it comes to relationships, But it really is

519
00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:40,000
Speaker 1: just a it's a segment of a marriage, a marriage

520
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:41,960
Speaker 1: because marriage has so much other things. But what happens

521
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:44,320
Speaker 1: is no one wants to openly talk about sex and

522
00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:46,840
Speaker 1: the issues with sex within a marriage. So there's so

523
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:48,840
Speaker 1: many people who are married who are going through issues

524
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:51,760
Speaker 1: with sex who don't have anyone they can openly discuss

525
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:53,960
Speaker 1: it with because it's so taboo. I mean, we've had

526
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:55,879
Speaker 1: our conversations about sex too. I know some people have

527
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:58,360
Speaker 1: been like, oh devous, so immature for what he said

528
00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:00,560
Speaker 1: about being you know, with the sex talk that we

529
00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:03,439
Speaker 1: recently had on one of our past episodes, you know,

530
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:06,320
Speaker 1: and they take you being honest from a male's perspective

531
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,000
Speaker 1: as being immature. But it's funny. Did I get tons

532
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,160
Speaker 1: of tons of d ms for men that are just like, bro,

533
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:13,240
Speaker 1: I'm so glad you said it. I'm so glad you

534
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,520
Speaker 1: said it. Meanwhile, I was getting comments and dams from

535
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:18,200
Speaker 1: women like so immature for saying what he said about

536
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:20,480
Speaker 1: sex and how men feel about it. And it's not

537
00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:22,920
Speaker 1: an immaturity thing. He's being honest. You can't bash him

538
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:26,200
Speaker 1: for being honest. At the same time, it's the same

539
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:28,200
Speaker 1: thing for women because men say to me all the time,

540
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:30,400
Speaker 1: chicks just don't get it right because we're not the same.

541
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:32,760
Speaker 1: So men are always gonna feel like chicks don't get it.

542
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:34,720
Speaker 1: Chicks are always gonna feel like men immature. But then

543
00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:37,119
Speaker 1: we're always going to try and coexist within a monogamous

544
00:26:37,119 --> 00:26:43,040
Speaker 1: relationships the same. It's not possible, So accept the honestly,

545
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:45,439
Speaker 1: I'm happy for you says for being honest with your husband.

546
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:49,040
Speaker 1: Maybe see if the next step will be if he's

547
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:51,400
Speaker 1: willing to be introduced to this woman who you're now

548
00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:54,159
Speaker 1: interested in, and see if that's a possibility for you

549
00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:56,760
Speaker 1: to include him. If y'all can include him, and y'all

550
00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:59,280
Speaker 1: can make it work, more power to y'all. That works

551
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:01,879
Speaker 1: for you, doesn't work for you. But if you guys

552
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:08,000
Speaker 1: are happy and you're honeste can lose. All right, We're

553
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,520
Speaker 1: gonna take a quick break. More listener letters coming up

554
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:19,639
Speaker 1: after we get into some a stay tuned. This for

555
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:24,600
Speaker 1: the record, there it is a win for the ages.

556
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:30,439
Speaker 1: Tiger Woods is one of our most inspiring sports icons.

557
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:34,560
Speaker 1: In his story, it comes with many chapters. I am

558
00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:39,880
Speaker 1: deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior, but here

559
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:47,720
Speaker 1: it is the return to glory. This is All American,

560
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:51,720
Speaker 1: a new series from Stitcher hosted by me Jordan Bell.

561
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:55,159
Speaker 1: You realize Tiger Woods doesn't know who he is in

562
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:59,639
Speaker 1: the history of Gaul, no question in my mind, and

563
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:03,280
Speaker 1: this reason. With the help of journalist Albert Chen, we're

564
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:07,119
Speaker 1: asking what if the story of Tiger Woods that the

565
00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:12,240
Speaker 1: media has been telling, what if it's been completely wrong?

566
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:16,639
Speaker 1: All American Tiger is out now listen and Stitcher, Apple Podcasts,

567
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:23,479
Speaker 1: or your favorite podcast app, and we're back into more

568
00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:25,920
Speaker 1: lists on letters. Um, this is a good one. I

569
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:28,280
Speaker 1: go ahead and read it. So. I've been with my

570
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:30,480
Speaker 1: girlfriend for close to a year and a half and

571
00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:32,400
Speaker 1: we've been in love with each other from the beginning,

572
00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:35,600
Speaker 1: and I continue to fall in love with her. I've

573
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:37,679
Speaker 1: never cheated on her, and I know I never will.

574
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:41,320
Speaker 1: But she is my first girlfriend, and I still find

575
00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:44,040
Speaker 1: myself being curious about other women out there and having

576
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:47,640
Speaker 1: other relationships. I'm actively trying to get my ship together

577
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:51,360
Speaker 1: and my finances together, while on the other hand, I

578
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:54,800
Speaker 1: feel like she isn't and still depends on her father

579
00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:56,760
Speaker 1: for a lot, even though I still feel like I

580
00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 1: need her, I find myself questioning if she's who I

581
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:02,480
Speaker 1: for a life partner and teammate to build for a

582
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:06,160
Speaker 1: better future. My question is should I explore my options

583
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:09,680
Speaker 1: and build different relationships before committing to one person, or

584
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:12,640
Speaker 1: continue to build with her while we're young, hoping that

585
00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:18,120
Speaker 1: eventually she'll start taking the future more serious. Wow, this

586
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:20,000
Speaker 1: is a very mature question for him to ask, which

587
00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:22,040
Speaker 1: is great. I assume that he's a younger guy. It

588
00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:24,680
Speaker 1: sounds like he's probably in his early twenties. Yeah, yeah,

589
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 1: And I think we can definitely relate to this again

590
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:30,480
Speaker 1: because it's literally us all over again, being together from

591
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:33,760
Speaker 1: eighteen and nineteen years old. Here we are in our thirties. Um,

592
00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:37,800
Speaker 1: and I strut with the same thing. If I wanted

593
00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:39,760
Speaker 1: to stay committed all of this time, or if I

594
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:42,720
Speaker 1: wanted to explore and and feeling like am I making

595
00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:44,720
Speaker 1: a mistake? My mom telling me that we were being

596
00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:48,200
Speaker 1: too serious, your parents saying that you were being too serious.

597
00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:50,560
Speaker 1: You need to focus on your career. This is something

598
00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:52,840
Speaker 1: that happens when you're young. So do you want to

599
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:55,239
Speaker 1: you want to answer? I mean, we can both give

600
00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:58,320
Speaker 1: our perspective. Um. Well, first off, kudos to you for

601
00:29:58,360 --> 00:30:01,480
Speaker 1: even forcing and thinking about this, because sometimes you get

602
00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:04,240
Speaker 1: so engulfed and so involved in the relationship that you're

603
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:07,480
Speaker 1: in that you don't necessarily think about our plans for

604
00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:09,680
Speaker 1: the future. And I think it's mature of you to say,

605
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:12,000
Speaker 1: you know what, she's been my first girlfriend, and yeah,

606
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,880
Speaker 1: we're super in love in this moment, but there's a

607
00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:18,400
Speaker 1: possibility that she may not be the one, or we

608
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:21,120
Speaker 1: may have to go through this together, or we may

609
00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:23,800
Speaker 1: not be able to. I will say that trying to

610
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:28,480
Speaker 1: grow together at a young age and stay together is

611
00:30:28,520 --> 00:30:33,680
Speaker 1: extremely difficult, extremely difficult. We are the first hand account

612
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:37,400
Speaker 1: of trying to coexist in a relationship together because you

613
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:39,880
Speaker 1: know that the love is so deep rooted, but at

614
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:42,760
Speaker 1: the same time, it's trying to find yourself as an individual.

615
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:45,960
Speaker 1: Like she's leaving on her father and her family being

616
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 1: able to get away from that. You know, she may

617
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:51,040
Speaker 1: not have even reached that level of you know, thought

618
00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:53,080
Speaker 1: or maturity in herself to say I need to now

619
00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:55,800
Speaker 1: get away from my family and work on myself as

620
00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:58,920
Speaker 1: an individual. Um, it's it's I think Deval and I

621
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:02,560
Speaker 1: are really an anomaly in that because we were able

622
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:06,520
Speaker 1: to communicate through every phase of our relationship and we

623
00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:10,040
Speaker 1: were able to, um, really just see what it is

624
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:14,200
Speaker 1: that we wanted separately. But that did not happen at first. No,

625
00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:16,280
Speaker 1: I mean, none of that happens at first. And I

626
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:18,640
Speaker 1: think some of the things that he mentioned was her

627
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:22,360
Speaker 1: qualities that she lacks. Right, if you guys are young,

628
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:24,480
Speaker 1: majority of the people you're gonna meet at this point

629
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:27,000
Speaker 1: in life are gonna lack those same qualities depending on

630
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:29,080
Speaker 1: how old you are. Not a lot of people have

631
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:33,280
Speaker 1: that type of foresight and and financial foresight. But um,

632
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:37,560
Speaker 1: for me, I learned that the person Codeine is now

633
00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:40,400
Speaker 1: as a wife was not that person at eighteen. I'm

634
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:44,440
Speaker 1: not the same person at eighteen. And if people looked

635
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:46,160
Speaker 1: at this was funny is that people look at me

636
00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:49,560
Speaker 1: now and say, oh, man, you know Codein You know what?

637
00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:51,200
Speaker 1: What was the prayer? That's all I see it? Yes,

638
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:54,240
Speaker 1: that give us the prayer you used to get the VL.

639
00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:58,000
Speaker 1: I was like I had to pray to say okay,

640
00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:00,520
Speaker 1: there was no prayer to him. God asked me the

641
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:02,160
Speaker 1: same thing, like, yo, you or your wife, you're doing

642
00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:04,200
Speaker 1: your thing. Man, she seems like you know X Y Z,

643
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:06,880
Speaker 1: And I'm just like yo. If you knew Cadine from

644
00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:09,959
Speaker 1: eighteen to you wouldn't be saying the same thing. If

645
00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:13,120
Speaker 1: y'all knew me from eighteen to five, you would probably

646
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:18,280
Speaker 1: be like, so this and that. When you're at that

647
00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:20,200
Speaker 1: point in your life, if you're with somebody who you

648
00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:21,960
Speaker 1: think is going to be worth it to stick with,

649
00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:25,640
Speaker 1: I would say stick with him because the foundation that

650
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:29,840
Speaker 1: we've built from those early years until our thirties has

651
00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:32,320
Speaker 1: been what keeps us to That's like the major glue

652
00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:35,240
Speaker 1: of what keeps us together now? Is it easy? No,

653
00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:37,080
Speaker 1: it's not easy, you know what I'm saying. And there

654
00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:39,040
Speaker 1: were times when we took breaks or we felt like

655
00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:42,600
Speaker 1: we needed to go, uh, possibly explore, and we always

656
00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:46,320
Speaker 1: found ourselves right back here together. But there was always

657
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:49,160
Speaker 1: a conversation first, like I think we need to go

658
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 1: our separate ways, and it was never a oh, I

659
00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:53,320
Speaker 1: want to take a break because I want to talk

660
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 1: to dudes and do x y Z and just you know,

661
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:57,920
Speaker 1: it was really like, Okay, things aren't working right now

662
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:00,680
Speaker 1: in this space. Maybe I just need to for myself.

663
00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:03,760
Speaker 1: And then that being honest, we were able to then

664
00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:07,120
Speaker 1: go take our time, even if it was just talking

665
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:09,640
Speaker 1: to other people, having conversations with other people, Like I

666
00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:12,840
Speaker 1: would tell him, don't not do that. Have conversations with people.

667
00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:15,440
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with that. But in turn that would

668
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:17,960
Speaker 1: let you notice, say, you know what, I've had conversations

669
00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:19,840
Speaker 1: with x y Z. I've been in a couple of dates.

670
00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:23,360
Speaker 1: No one compares to the greatness that I've found in

671
00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:25,560
Speaker 1: this woman. And that's how you realize it. So sometimes

672
00:33:25,560 --> 00:33:28,000
Speaker 1: those break periods can be healthy as long as it's

673
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:31,720
Speaker 1: not abused and it's communicated about. And also, because you're

674
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:33,720
Speaker 1: going to break, you don't have to announce your break

675
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:36,920
Speaker 1: like in this social media era, it's like the minute

676
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:38,800
Speaker 1: two people are going through something, it's like they have

677
00:33:38,840 --> 00:33:41,240
Speaker 1: to announce to the social media world that they're going

678
00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:46,000
Speaker 1: or even to you don't have to tell anybody. If

679
00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:48,720
Speaker 1: you to decide that this is something y'all want to

680
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,080
Speaker 1: do because it may be healthy for you, you do

681
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:53,520
Speaker 1: it on your own terms. You keep it quiet, you

682
00:33:53,680 --> 00:33:56,239
Speaker 1: move that way, and then you get back together. One

683
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:58,960
Speaker 1: of the greatest things I've learned from my uncle Kevin

684
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:03,760
Speaker 1: right was is no one your friends family should know

685
00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:07,120
Speaker 1: who you're sleeping with, even in her in a relationship

686
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:10,160
Speaker 1: or not. Because I remember in college, some of your

687
00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:14,000
Speaker 1: greatest haters are the people who are closest to you. Right,

688
00:34:14,200 --> 00:34:16,080
Speaker 1: Some of the people who do not want to see

689
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:19,239
Speaker 1: you succeed or be happy are the people closest to you.

690
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:22,240
Speaker 1: And it has nothing to do with you. Misery loves company.

691
00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:24,520
Speaker 1: They may be going through something in their own life

692
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:28,120
Speaker 1: where they're not feeling great about who they are, where

693
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:30,000
Speaker 1: they are in their space, and to see other people

694
00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:33,799
Speaker 1: be happy may bother them with Knina and I had

695
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:36,440
Speaker 1: a friend a couple of years ago, right when we

696
00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:39,319
Speaker 1: started doing the social media thing. She can't. She wasn't

697
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:41,560
Speaker 1: really a friend, she was an acquaintance. She she texts

698
00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:44,960
Speaker 1: Canein randomly and said, I'm sorry I've been so distant,

699
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:47,040
Speaker 1: but me and my husband were going through some things

700
00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:50,319
Speaker 1: and seeing you and the val be happy really hurt

701
00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:52,880
Speaker 1: me because I was going through stuff in my marriage

702
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:55,680
Speaker 1: and I couldn't really be around it. Canina was like, damn,

703
00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:57,920
Speaker 1: should I feel away? And I was like, no, at

704
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:01,280
Speaker 1: least she's being honest and telling you that distanced herself

705
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:05,480
Speaker 1: from us because she couldn't she couldn't take being around

706
00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:07,840
Speaker 1: us being so happy at the point. But then that

707
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:10,600
Speaker 1: also shows you that sometimes when people are going through

708
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:12,799
Speaker 1: things something you did have nothing to do with you

709
00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:16,839
Speaker 1: with them. So don't share everything with everybody. Absolutely I

710
00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:18,799
Speaker 1: agree with that too, but I mean, you know, to

711
00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:20,920
Speaker 1: to answer his question, I think if it sounds like

712
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:23,080
Speaker 1: you're young, Brol, I think you should go out there

713
00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:25,120
Speaker 1: and you should meet people. Ain't no shame and just

714
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:28,600
Speaker 1: going out there developing relationships and friendships with people. You

715
00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:30,879
Speaker 1: have to kind of be out there and know what

716
00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:36,000
Speaker 1: you want, but be open to meet people too. Yeah,

717
00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:37,719
Speaker 1: and I mean you should be able to vocalize that

718
00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:39,480
Speaker 1: to her now, you know, to go ahead and say

719
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:41,760
Speaker 1: what it is, tell her that you know you're super

720
00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:43,400
Speaker 1: in love with her. It's been a year and a half,

721
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:46,080
Speaker 1: you know. But at the same time too, you're you're young,

722
00:35:46,120 --> 00:35:47,799
Speaker 1: and you want to be able to go out there

723
00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:52,480
Speaker 1: and you know, but just know that, I know how

724
00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:55,279
Speaker 1: men are about their women. You say, now, I want

725
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:56,720
Speaker 1: to take a break, So I think I want to explore.

726
00:35:56,760 --> 00:35:59,719
Speaker 1: She may explore someone that may knock her socks off,

727
00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 1: and she may fall in love, and now you've lost

728
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:05,799
Speaker 1: what you think might have been the perfect person for you.

729
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:10,040
Speaker 1: So understand there are risks that are associated with you

730
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:12,880
Speaker 1: wanting to explore. And it may not only be that

731
00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:16,000
Speaker 1: you find somebody, but she may find somebody. You see

732
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:18,840
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So yeah, people will tell you explore,

733
00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:20,879
Speaker 1: do this, do this, and then there are a lot

734
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:25,200
Speaker 1: of people who probably explored and now alone and they're

735
00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:27,320
Speaker 1: talking about the one that got away, That one that

736
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:29,880
Speaker 1: got away is so real. Or it could just be like,

737
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:31,960
Speaker 1: you know what, she's made space now to be happy

738
00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:34,239
Speaker 1: in her circumstance, whatever that is. If it's not with you,

739
00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:37,319
Speaker 1: and you will now find your circumstance that will make

740
00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:41,320
Speaker 1: you happy. Imagine that though she finds, she finds space

741
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:44,520
Speaker 1: in her circumstances, which means she just want to be alone.

742
00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:47,720
Speaker 1: And then she starts to grow in her being alone

743
00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:51,400
Speaker 1: and now she becomes everything that he wants. But she

744
00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:55,880
Speaker 1: just wants to be alone as opposed to growing with somebody.

745
00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:58,359
Speaker 1: And that's but that's the true value in a relationship.

746
00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:01,400
Speaker 1: You deal with someone short hummings because you want to

747
00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:04,200
Speaker 1: grow together a bigger picture, bigger purpose. That's how That's

748
00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:05,520
Speaker 1: how I would do it. That's how I did it

749
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:09,000
Speaker 1: with because wasn't always this perfect. She was a pain

750
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:10,960
Speaker 1: in the ass. She was masking me. She had a

751
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,400
Speaker 1: big ass head. And like I said, I had the

752
00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:16,520
Speaker 1: foresight to see you growing into yours. She was selfish?

753
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:20,319
Speaker 1: What else? What else? Well? Damn well? That being said?

754
00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:22,760
Speaker 1: Why do you stick around? Then? Because I could see

755
00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:28,400
Speaker 1: and foresee your greatness before me? You see that? How

756
00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:31,160
Speaker 1: wrong that I'm a poet. I don't even know it. Right,

757
00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:33,920
Speaker 1: there's a follow up to that. Right, I should have

758
00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:36,680
Speaker 1: said something, I mean a rhyme, but it happened. Sometimes

759
00:37:36,719 --> 00:37:39,239
Speaker 1: there you go, there you go there you go. All right, brother,

760
00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:42,440
Speaker 1: good luck to you. Um, but yeah, it sounds like

761
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:45,200
Speaker 1: you're young. Go out there and have some fun, dude.

762
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:49,160
Speaker 1: All right. And our last question, because you guys have

763
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:51,040
Speaker 1: such in depth questions that we could talk about for

764
00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:53,239
Speaker 1: so long. Um. So, I just turned twenty four and

765
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 1: for a few years I've been getting a lot of

766
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:57,920
Speaker 1: questions about when I'm going to be in a relationship

767
00:37:58,040 --> 00:38:00,960
Speaker 1: or why I'm not in one. I feel constant pressure

768
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:03,239
Speaker 1: from my parents and friends, and it's starting to make

769
00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:06,200
Speaker 1: me feel like something is wrong with me. The thing is,

770
00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:08,600
Speaker 1: even though I graduated a three months ago with my

771
00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:10,719
Speaker 1: b A, I just prefer to stay focused on my

772
00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 1: career right now. I don't even know where to start

773
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:16,640
Speaker 1: with dating and relationships, most especially because I've never been

774
00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:19,240
Speaker 1: in a serious relationship or even been on a date.

775
00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:22,120
Speaker 1: If push comes to shove, how do I shoot my shot?

776
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:24,520
Speaker 1: And how do I deal with the pressure of being

777
00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:28,600
Speaker 1: in a relationship? Wow, twenty four years on, I have

778
00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:31,080
Speaker 1: been on a date. So you were really in the

779
00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:35,480
Speaker 1: social media age? And how to communicate on more? Everything

780
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:37,960
Speaker 1: is d M or they watch people from Afar. They

781
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:40,839
Speaker 1: don't speak, they don't talk right, And I think it's

782
00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:44,480
Speaker 1: kind of it's tough if he does, if he wants to,

783
00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:46,720
Speaker 1: if he aspires to be in a relationship, well, they

784
00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:48,319
Speaker 1: don't say it's a man or a woman, So I'm

785
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:50,239
Speaker 1: not even sure if it's a male or female. True,

786
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:54,399
Speaker 1: if he or she aspires to be in a relationship,

787
00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:56,880
Speaker 1: the fact that at twenty four you've never been on

788
00:38:56,920 --> 00:39:00,680
Speaker 1: a date, that is kind of alarming to a family. Right,

789
00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:02,680
Speaker 1: But if if he or she doesn't inspire to be

790
00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:05,640
Speaker 1: in a relationship, then focus on your career. Right, exactly

791
00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:07,680
Speaker 1: happen when it happens. It's funny. My mom would have

792
00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:09,480
Speaker 1: loved you because my mom was just like, focus on

793
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:12,000
Speaker 1: your career, focus on your career. And that's twenty four.

794
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:13,560
Speaker 1: If I hadn't spoken to a guy, she'd be like,

795
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:16,560
Speaker 1: oh my goodness, this is great. Um. But you're right.

796
00:39:16,719 --> 00:39:18,880
Speaker 1: We are in a social media age where it's it's awkward.

797
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:22,359
Speaker 1: Having a conversation with somebody is very weird, and it's

798
00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:24,520
Speaker 1: not commonplace anymore for you to just walk into a

799
00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:27,239
Speaker 1: rum or, into an establishment and maybe strike strip a

800
00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:30,480
Speaker 1: conversation with someone next to you or in the same room. Um.

801
00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:31,879
Speaker 1: So I don't know if it's for lack of that,

802
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:34,759
Speaker 1: or if you're just genuinely just not interested. Um. But

803
00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:37,360
Speaker 1: either way, the constant pressure from family and friends are

804
00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:39,400
Speaker 1: always going to be there. And we've spoken before about

805
00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:42,680
Speaker 1: these societal norms that people place on everyone that's not

806
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:46,040
Speaker 1: so normal anymore. You know, the aspiration to be in

807
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:48,400
Speaker 1: a relationship, or to be married, or to have children.

808
00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:50,799
Speaker 1: We've talked about how that's affected us. You know, this

809
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:54,520
Speaker 1: timeline of when things should happen. I think it's all

810
00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:57,719
Speaker 1: shifted now. It was shifted now. I mean there's no

811
00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:00,600
Speaker 1: timeline for children anymore. They're women having children way later

812
00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:02,600
Speaker 1: in life because they want to focus on their career.

813
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 1: You know, there's so many different ways to deal with it. Um,

814
00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:07,520
Speaker 1: So tell you say, I'm the girl off your back, yo,

815
00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:11,000
Speaker 1: Like you'll get off my back. I'm good over here,

816
00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:13,879
Speaker 1: I'm stacking these chips. I'm getting my career together. I'm

817
00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:15,960
Speaker 1: getting focused. Because whether you're a man or a woman,

818
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:18,400
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. You may want to get your finances

819
00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:19,759
Speaker 1: in order. You want to make sure that you are

820
00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:22,040
Speaker 1: an individual and you have figured out what it is

821
00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:24,120
Speaker 1: that you want. You know, we've spoken about the flip

822
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:26,160
Speaker 1: side of that. You know, you can know what you

823
00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:27,680
Speaker 1: want and be happy with who you are and then

824
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:29,680
Speaker 1: find somebody who meets that. But let me ask a question,

825
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:32,719
Speaker 1: as a society, are we changing too much? Because I

826
00:40:32,719 --> 00:40:34,799
Speaker 1: remember when we were growing up, right there were there

827
00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 1: were always TV shows and movies and maybe because I

828
00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:40,400
Speaker 1: haven't watched any kids movies, but it was always about

829
00:40:40,719 --> 00:40:43,120
Speaker 1: you know, the guy and a girl, you know, becoming,

830
00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:45,400
Speaker 1: you know, becoming when there's always a love story somewhere.

831
00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:49,000
Speaker 1: I feel like now there are no more love stories.

832
00:40:49,239 --> 00:40:52,360
Speaker 1: It's all about this self stories. Yeah, I did this

833
00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:54,920
Speaker 1: by myself. I'm worried about me. I'm focused on my

834
00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:57,920
Speaker 1: star players. So many shows about millennials are just like

835
00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:01,759
Speaker 1: about the dating scene and the turmoil. There's really like

836
00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:03,600
Speaker 1: there may be a lot of stories in they're here

837
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:06,399
Speaker 1: and there inter intertwined in it, but it's a lot

838
00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:08,040
Speaker 1: of just like how am I gonna get mine and

839
00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:09,759
Speaker 1: how am I gonna figure myself out? And there are

840
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:12,520
Speaker 1: all these different storylines within these shows. But but also

841
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:15,520
Speaker 1: though the underlying agenda and a lot of these things are,

842
00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:18,760
Speaker 1: is that the same for every community? Because every community

843
00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:20,960
Speaker 1: isn't that way. If you look at the millennial, the

844
00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:24,000
Speaker 1: millennial stories were black millennial stories. It is about the

845
00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:25,920
Speaker 1: self and doing this on your own. But is that

846
00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:30,440
Speaker 1: is that the same in every community? Not because some

847
00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:34,480
Speaker 1: communities still value marriage, and still value family, and still

848
00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:37,919
Speaker 1: value the passing down of heirlooms. You see what I'm saying.

849
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:41,839
Speaker 1: So is there an agenda to eliminate that need or

850
00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:44,960
Speaker 1: want for families as a way to kind of disconstruct

851
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:47,080
Speaker 1: the black family? I wonder that because when I look

852
00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:49,480
Speaker 1: at all of these TV shows and I see so

853
00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:53,040
Speaker 1: many black millennial TV shows, there are no black millennial

854
00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:57,640
Speaker 1: family TV shows. Why not? Why not? I mean, somebody

855
00:41:57,680 --> 00:41:59,480
Speaker 1: should just pick us up to start one. That's what

856
00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:02,640
Speaker 1: we've been saying it. Let's talk about the family unit.

857
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:06,239
Speaker 1: But but I mean, but seriously though, that's thought about that.

858
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:09,000
Speaker 1: We are teaching how with kids now to be focused

859
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:11,480
Speaker 1: on you and yourself and your career. But how can

860
00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:14,080
Speaker 1: we grow as families in the community if we're not

861
00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:16,240
Speaker 1: teaching each other how to communicate with each other? Who's

862
00:42:16,239 --> 00:42:18,160
Speaker 1: pushing these agendas? That's what she makes you think. It

863
00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:21,480
Speaker 1: makes you think about it the deeper question. The deeper question,

864
00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:24,080
Speaker 1: young man, when it comes to shooting your shot, go

865
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:26,120
Speaker 1: ahead and shoot your shot. If your person is socially

866
00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:27,600
Speaker 1: awkward and feel like you maybe don't want to go

867
00:42:27,640 --> 00:42:30,120
Speaker 1: out there and talk to people. There's dating apps. Now,

868
00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:32,239
Speaker 1: maybe you could shoot your your shot through a dating app.

869
00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:35,360
Speaker 1: I don't know why not. Nothing like good old fashioned

870
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:38,960
Speaker 1: walking in the bar. And we agree because we're those

871
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:40,480
Speaker 1: kind of people. Were outgoing and where you can go

872
00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:43,760
Speaker 1: and shoot a conversation with people. That doesn't work for everybody, encouragees.

873
00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:45,400
Speaker 1: So what's gonna happen when you get in a relationship

874
00:42:45,400 --> 00:42:47,520
Speaker 1: and you'll have an issue? Wanna send an email? No,

875
00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:49,479
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that. It's just about breaking the ice

876
00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:52,839
Speaker 1: with meeting someone. You know, he or she said, how

877
00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:54,399
Speaker 1: do you shoot your shot? But I say, you gotta

878
00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:56,400
Speaker 1: condition yourself and learn. And I know it's different for

879
00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:58,640
Speaker 1: you because you're a young woman. Most of the time,

880
00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:00,480
Speaker 1: young women wait for men to come in and shoot

881
00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:06,240
Speaker 1: their shot. Well now me says, I was like swooping

882
00:43:06,719 --> 00:43:10,319
Speaker 1: right now. But that's that's what was dope about it.

883
00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:13,279
Speaker 1: I was like, curry, listen, I would I would tell

884
00:43:13,320 --> 00:43:14,719
Speaker 1: you the best way to shoot your shot is to

885
00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:18,319
Speaker 1: walk up to someone and say I think that you're attractive. Hi,

886
00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:21,200
Speaker 1: my name is that? Would you like to grab a drink.

887
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:25,640
Speaker 1: There you go, simple as that, simple as that simple

888
00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:28,919
Speaker 1: look at you made it all easy. Our worst case

889
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:30,880
Speaker 1: near called a vow and Devaia will like put a

890
00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:32,279
Speaker 1: little thing in your ear and he'll tell you what

891
00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:34,200
Speaker 1: to say. You go with stuff like that, you go with,

892
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:39,200
Speaker 1: you go with ice breaking alright, So, thank you all

893
00:43:39,239 --> 00:43:41,439
Speaker 1: so much for the listener letters, for continuing to write

894
00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:44,160
Speaker 1: into us. We try to get to as many as possible,

895
00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:47,000
Speaker 1: but don't stop. Keep them coming. We'll definitely go through

896
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:48,720
Speaker 1: some old ones too, and if we get some good questions,

897
00:43:48,719 --> 00:43:50,640
Speaker 1: will be sure to speak about it. And if you

898
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:52,800
Speaker 1: want to be featured as one of our listener letters,

899
00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:56,839
Speaker 1: email us at dead Ass Advice at gmail dot com.

900
00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:59,840
Speaker 1: That's d A D A S S A d V

901
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:07,319
Speaker 1: I see at gmail dot com. Yes it is. I

902
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:11,080
Speaker 1: can't believe it went so fast and we enjoyed every

903
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:14,440
Speaker 1: single minute of it. So you know again, guys, thank

904
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:16,239
Speaker 1: you all so much for all of the engagement that

905
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:19,440
Speaker 1: we've had on social media on Instagram, for people tagging

906
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:22,279
Speaker 1: us in stories. It's been amazing. So what is your

907
00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:27,360
Speaker 1: final moment of truth of the season. Moment of truth

908
00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:31,040
Speaker 1: for the season. Wow, I would say, my moment of

909
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:36,920
Speaker 1: truth is speaking my truth and how important that is

910
00:44:37,520 --> 00:44:40,680
Speaker 1: and not just for me as a form of venting

911
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:43,759
Speaker 1: or a form of quote unquote therapy for us, but

912
00:44:43,920 --> 00:44:48,040
Speaker 1: just not knowing the power and sharing your story and

913
00:44:48,080 --> 00:44:50,359
Speaker 1: how people can relate to that, and how people can

914
00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:53,880
Speaker 1: engage with you, and how it creates a normalcy around

915
00:44:53,920 --> 00:44:57,200
Speaker 1: quote unquote problems that you have when you realize and

916
00:44:57,239 --> 00:44:59,880
Speaker 1: you know, you know what's this, bro, you are not

917
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:02,160
Speaker 1: the only one. And I think there needs to be

918
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:04,560
Speaker 1: more of that. There needs to be more dialogue about

919
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:07,719
Speaker 1: different situations that were once taboo or people don't like

920
00:45:07,800 --> 00:45:10,279
Speaker 1: to speak about. Thank you all for giving me this

921
00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:13,440
Speaker 1: platform to be able to share my stories and my

922
00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:15,840
Speaker 1: feelings and my thoughts as well as you know, de

923
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:18,719
Speaker 1: val In ours together as a couple, but also as individuals,

924
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:21,919
Speaker 1: because sometimes there were scenarios that it wasn't necessarily women

925
00:45:21,960 --> 00:45:23,799
Speaker 1: agreeing with me. There were men that agreed with me.

926
00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:26,880
Speaker 1: But in my truth, I'm able to speak about the

927
00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:30,160
Speaker 1: way I feel, um the things that affect me, how

928
00:45:30,239 --> 00:45:34,560
Speaker 1: I view certain things, and then in turn people listeners realize,

929
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:37,040
Speaker 1: you know what Cadean's going through it, vot is going

930
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:40,360
Speaker 1: through it. Everyone's going through it and the relatability. It

931
00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:44,480
Speaker 1: makes you feel like you are normal and it happens

932
00:45:44,480 --> 00:45:47,399
Speaker 1: in it's life. So thank you all for that. Yes,

933
00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:51,040
Speaker 1: maybe you are normal. I'm normal when I'm ready, I'm normal.

934
00:45:51,160 --> 00:45:55,440
Speaker 1: Is normal ish? Well, my my moment of truth is

935
00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:58,440
Speaker 1: very simple as thank you, thank you. I love you guys,

936
00:45:58,960 --> 00:46:02,880
Speaker 1: I appreciate you. Um Going out on this journey to

937
00:46:02,880 --> 00:46:06,239
Speaker 1: to share our truth is nerve racking because you hope

938
00:46:06,239 --> 00:46:09,560
Speaker 1: that it will be accepted. And one thing, like Codein said,

939
00:46:10,239 --> 00:46:14,360
Speaker 1: you guys made us feel very normal. Getting the text,

940
00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:17,040
Speaker 1: getting the emails, getting the d M saying hey, we're

941
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:19,680
Speaker 1: going through the same thing. It was therapy for us.

942
00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:22,239
Speaker 1: I know you guys feel like we may help you,

943
00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:25,680
Speaker 1: but you guys help us. You help us so much.

944
00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:30,440
Speaker 1: We appreciate incredibly. We thank you, and we're gonna keep

945
00:46:30,480 --> 00:46:35,280
Speaker 1: it going dead as Dead. So that's it for season

946
00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:37,560
Speaker 1: one of Dead asks We'd love you, We thank you, guys,

947
00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:39,879
Speaker 1: and be sure to follow us on social media because

948
00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:42,720
Speaker 1: we'll be back for season two. That's I am Devout

949
00:46:43,280 --> 00:46:47,160
Speaker 1: and Cadein I am on Instagram. Remember, listeners, this is

950
00:46:47,160 --> 00:46:49,080
Speaker 1: the last episode of the season, so we gotta take

951
00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:51,640
Speaker 1: a break, spend some time with our family and those

952
00:46:51,640 --> 00:46:53,919
Speaker 1: three whole boys who are just waiting for us at home,

953
00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:56,799
Speaker 1: keep making money, moves, etcetera, all that good stuff. But

954
00:46:56,840 --> 00:46:59,919
Speaker 1: we will be back in September with new episodes, new gut,

955
00:47:00,440 --> 00:47:04,719
Speaker 1: new topics, dead as and if you're listening on Apple podcasts,

956
00:47:04,760 --> 00:47:06,960
Speaker 1: be shore to rate review because we love to hear

957
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:09,520
Speaker 1: your feedback, what you like and what we can improve on.

958
00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:12,120
Speaker 1: And don't forget to hit that subscribe button. That way

959
00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:15,759
Speaker 1: when we do, a new episode will automatically download to

960
00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:28,839
Speaker 1: your phone. We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth.

961
00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:30,960
Speaker 1: We have a podcast going on right now as part

962
00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:34,319
Speaker 1: of the stitchen netwhere called Abstraction that's available everywhere. Get

963
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:38,480
Speaker 1: the podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right now

964
00:47:38,520 --> 00:47:40,960
Speaker 1: to the Distraction right now, it's out. Do it please,