Speaker 1: Call It what It Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camille Luddington,
Speaker 1: an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, Hello.
Speaker 3: Hello, Call It Crew, and welcome to another episode of
Speaker 3: Short and Sweet, Sweet.
Speaker 2: Sweet and dives straight into Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1: You all are the gift that keeps on giving. This
Speaker 1: one's all about you. I dedicate this episode to you.
Speaker 3: And by you, she means they call it cruse the
Speaker 3: Call It crew. Because this episode is titled what Jessica,
Speaker 3: Just do It. I'm gonna say it.
Speaker 1: You need to know about this episode is that there's
Speaker 1: not one of these submissions that isn't anonymous.
Speaker 3: I know, I know, and that's amazing.
Speaker 1: And that's why you're and this episode is about keeping
Speaker 1: my dirty little secrets.
Speaker 3: I'll keep you my dirty little secret. Okay, they're all anonymous, yep.
Speaker 1: Because and it's that time of the year where you
Speaker 1: can just you know, unburden yourself. You can just you know,
Speaker 1: unload the secrets or confessions. And we asked you to
Speaker 1: and you did not disappoint. I think the best way
Speaker 1: to do this is just to jump right in. There's
Speaker 1: no buffer needed.
Speaker 3: We're just going no.
Speaker 2: I'm starting off with the first one. Are you ready. Yeah.
Speaker 1: In college, I found out my boyfriend was cheating, so
Speaker 1: I collected a box of valuable things from his house,
Speaker 1: an xbox, his huge glass, long gold necklace, and video games,
Speaker 1: and I took them to Goodwill and dumped him after.
Speaker 2: He still has no idea to this day.
Speaker 3: I think that might be illegal.
Speaker 2: It's also called karma. Okay, that's what I have to
Speaker 2: say about the next one.
Speaker 3: My senior year of college, I was so hungover from
Speaker 3: a night out early the next morning I could make
Speaker 3: it to the bathroom to vomit. So I threw up
Speaker 3: in a huge planter in our dorm and it's stunk
Speaker 3: for days and I've never told a soul. I still
Speaker 3: think about it and I want to die. That's so gross.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's really gross.
Speaker 3: Oh and though honestly better in there than other places.
Speaker 2: Yeah on, like carpet where you really couldn't.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: No, it's just gross. But there's remorse, and that's.
Speaker 3: Why we're here. Hold on, We forget.
Speaker 2: A small part of you that was making good decisions.
Speaker 3: Oh my god. The next one, Oh what you know what?
Speaker 2: This happens more than I think we think.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, go read it so that they understand.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, I slept with my fifty year old
Speaker 1: female teacher and I was nineteen at the time.
Speaker 3: That's a problem.
Speaker 2: Who Yeah, but it's not illegal.
Speaker 3: It's not illegal.
Speaker 2: But so it's not like a crime. It's just a crime.
Speaker 3: It's just mess and position of power. I mean we could,
Speaker 3: we could deep down.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, no judgment. But wow, that's the secret.
Speaker 2: You're going to keep that one secret.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I killed my sister's fish while taking care of
Speaker 3: them when she was on a trip. I overfed them
Speaker 3: and then lied about it when she came home. I
Speaker 3: this is interesting to me because I heard the rumor
Speaker 3: that like fish will just eat eat, and then there's
Speaker 3: the myth or maybe fact is that their stomachs explode.
Speaker 3: Oh they can't stop eating. However, my kids, I, you know,
Speaker 3: it's like we'll feed the fish, and Lucas like I
Speaker 3: want to feed the fish. It's like, okay, just a
Speaker 3: little pinch and it's like, you know, a fistful goes in.
Speaker 3: My fish are fine. So like I'm confused, like what
Speaker 3: do you what did you give them a stake? Like
Speaker 3: I want to know if that's true.
Speaker 2: Hmm.
Speaker 3: Anyway, they're dead and nobody knows about it. They're gone.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: I call out sick to work every so often and
Speaker 1: don't tell my husband. So I gonna have dated myself
Speaker 1: at the house.
Speaker 3: That's great, that's a good one. Good for you. That shouldn't.
Speaker 3: That doesn't even need to be anonymous. You should be
Speaker 3: proud of that. I would have put my name on that, Okay, couldn't.
Speaker 3: I'm in year what? Yes, I'm in year thirteen and
Speaker 3: I hooked up with my biology teacher on a night
Speaker 3: out recently.
Speaker 2: What is year thirteen? It's not like you're like a
Speaker 2: year past being a senior.
Speaker 3: I think you're still in high school. I think this
Speaker 3: is England is year thirteen? I got a check on this.
Speaker 3: Hang on, now, I'm gonna do a.
Speaker 2: I wonder where they ran into their biology teacher on
Speaker 2: a night out.
Speaker 3: That's what I was thinking. Huh And does an arrest
Speaker 3: need to be made? Questions?
Speaker 2: So I don't know, Okay, okay.
Speaker 1: I lied to my best friend once about something major
Speaker 1: and it ended with her trying to fight a person
Speaker 1: that had nothing to do with it.
Speaker 3: That would be hor had to stand by. I would
Speaker 3: feel deep, deep, deep guilt about that one. Sorry, well,
Speaker 3: see you're anonymous. So oh yeah, tricky tricky to My
Speaker 3: mom's best friend had a three year affair with my uncle.
Speaker 3: It continued even when my aunt got pregnant. I caught
Speaker 3: them once, but haven't said anything.
Speaker 2: Okay, you know what.
Speaker 3: I know that these are supposed to be salacious and
Speaker 3: I I'm on board with it being, you know, naughty,
Speaker 3: but this.
Speaker 2: Is really this isn't making me sad.
Speaker 3: Moment I do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 3: That was not good.
Speaker 2: Okay, although I have to say, I do have to
Speaker 2: say it.
Speaker 1: Never behooves you to be the one that tells anyone, right,
Speaker 1: it's the message killed the messenger.
Speaker 2: It's not like you're going to do anything good.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna tell you what. That's true.
Speaker 2: I know that's true because they.
Speaker 3: Happens, they stay together, but they never want to see
Speaker 3: you again because you were the one that said it.
Speaker 3: Maybe it's an anonymous letter.
Speaker 2: Of like I've thought about that.
Speaker 3: Sally's having a little.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wanted to uncle Bob. Yeah, yeah, I wanted
Speaker 2: to do that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's an I think it's anonymous letter time.
Speaker 2: Yep, yep, okay, uh, this is you Okay.
Speaker 1: A close friend of mine befriended this wretched girl, and
Speaker 1: they threw a huge New Year's Eve party at a
Speaker 1: hotel and I wasn't invited. So I called the police
Speaker 1: and tattled on them, and the party ended and they
Speaker 1: had to pay a fine. I'm weirdly okay with that one.
Speaker 3: We support that absolve you of this crime.
Speaker 2: Now we support that one.
Speaker 3: Okay. The son of our CEO was forced on me
Speaker 3: to be an intern on my team. I came back
Speaker 3: from a meeting to him watching porn at his cubicle.
Speaker 3: I was so shocked. I just never said a word
Speaker 3: because it was so awkward. Ooh, I would have said
Speaker 3: a word about that, and.
Speaker 1: You would have hell, yeah, But it would have had
Speaker 1: to be an anonymous letter. You're not marching into your
Speaker 1: CEO and saying, hey, your nephew Bob.
Speaker 3: You know't call it HR. You would have said, yeah,
Speaker 3: I would have checked on Bob. Bob's been, Bob's at
Speaker 3: the cubicle. Cubicle four, check on him right now, right now,
Speaker 3: look at that search history. Okay.
Speaker 1: I'm a nurse and while working on the I'm a
Speaker 1: nurse and while working in the ICU, I had gas and.
Speaker 3: Did you know that I was gonna have to be
Speaker 3: this one because.
Speaker 1: It's my kryptonite and I can't talk about it without laughing.
Speaker 3: On ut. This one was meant for you.
Speaker 2: Thank Yeah, just do it, okay.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: I'm a nurse and while working in the ICU, I
Speaker 1: had gas and blamed my farts on the intubated pation.
Speaker 3: That is funny and terrible all the same time.
Speaker 1: Also, there's something so radically with like someone laying there
Speaker 1: intimated but the farts just going out.
Speaker 3: Yet, Oh my god, talking.
Speaker 1: About someone who is intimating, because I want to know
Speaker 1: if they're okay now okay.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, yes, imagine if they die, You've like
Speaker 3: spread around about them not laughing, my god to call
Speaker 3: it crew are just they're in fine form today? Oh lord.
Speaker 3: I slept with my boss, befriended his wife, and tutored
Speaker 3: his daughter. Not my finest moment. I love the how
Speaker 3: it's considered just a moment.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a serious of moments.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Anonymous, I can say this pretty.
Speaker 3: I'm not changing, however, does No, I'm not judging.
Speaker 2: I'm calling it what it is.
Speaker 3: What is it? A little hand? The marks of cradle?
Speaker 2: It's not good.
Speaker 3: Do you don't it's not great. It's not a great.
Speaker 2: Look. No, it's not.
Speaker 1: She I don't know if I why, I don't know why.
Speaker 1: I think it's whatever. I know this is not your
Speaker 1: finest moment. Glad you noticed.
Speaker 3: No, no, I mean you're not putting that on your resume,
Speaker 3: are you? No? No?
Speaker 2: No, no, Okay.
Speaker 1: In COVID, when we all had to work from home,
Speaker 1: I was one of those people who made a fake
Speaker 1: background photo of my home office and took my meetings
Speaker 1: even though I wasn't in the country. We had a
Speaker 1: strict must be home policy. And I said that I
Speaker 1: never got caught.
Speaker 3: That's so smart.
Speaker 2: Yeah, naughty. She's like, oh my god, that beaches of
Speaker 2: Costa Rica.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's amazing. I love it. Okay, this
Speaker 3: is fine. I'm okay with this next one. Actually, I
Speaker 3: licked all the powdered sugar off a box of donuts
Speaker 3: and put them back in the box and watched my
Speaker 3: brothers eat them all. Fine with it, support it, Okay,
Speaker 3: that's what you get for beingdon brother. It is gross, though,
Speaker 3: it's gross.
Speaker 1: Do you remember a long time ago, wasn't there something
Speaker 1: around Ariana Grande licking donuts?
Speaker 2: Right? She got in trouble for that. It was on camera.
Speaker 3: She but she went into a.
Speaker 2: Dunkin Donuts or something and she licked some donuts. She
Speaker 2: was she was anonymous.
Speaker 3: Then you know what, she's not doing that on the
Speaker 3: Wicked Tour.
Speaker 2: No, she is not doing that.
Speaker 1: No, oh man, No, she's really funny. By the way,
Speaker 1: on SNL she's been like hosting and she's really funny.
Speaker 2: And she doesn't your favorite. She does Jennifer Coolidge. She
Speaker 2: has an impression.
Speaker 3: Person's great impression. It's amazed.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: No, she's very funny.
Speaker 1: Okay, this was years ago, but it's still a secret
Speaker 1: between my friends and I to this day. My mom
Speaker 1: and dad got divorced when I was sixteen, and just
Speaker 1: a few months after the divorce, my younger sister told
Speaker 1: me she had suspicions that my dad was cheating on
Speaker 1: his new girlfriend, who had just moved in with him
Speaker 1: after one month of dating. Our single family friend mentioned
Speaker 1: she saw my dad on a dating app. So, being
Speaker 1: the board seventeen year olds, we were my friend and
Speaker 1: I put her on art detective hats and made a
Speaker 1: fake dating profile. No surprise here, but we found him
Speaker 1: with an hour of searching, and he messaged our account
Speaker 1: within twenty minutes and asked to go on a date
Speaker 1: and for our number. We made sure to ask if
Speaker 1: he was in a relationship and he said no, I'm single.
Speaker 3: I need to know more. Where did this go? Do
Speaker 3: you tell Daddy Dues that you've been on the app
Speaker 3: and you trapped him?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Woow? I mean who is to be trusted? I mean,
Speaker 3: I don't know. I can't see my sister and I
Speaker 3: doing something like this. I support this one. I mean
Speaker 3: I think it's dark humor, but it's humor. This is
Speaker 3: why I love the crew, because they're just willing to
Speaker 3: tell us even if it's, like, you know what, this
Speaker 3: makes me kind of look crazy, and they still, yeah,
Speaker 3: they give it. They give us the goods. Okay. When
Speaker 3: I first got married to my now husband, happy birthday
Speaker 3: card arrived at the house from his ex girlfriend. I
Speaker 3: threw it in the trash and never told him. I
Speaker 3: am fam with that. I finally except I think it
Speaker 3: might be illegal?
Speaker 2: Yeah right, whatever?
Speaker 3: The mail open someone else's mail? Ye, So how does
Speaker 3: she know it's from my girlfriend ex girlfriend? Well, there's
Speaker 3: a return to address, no returning address. You put your
Speaker 3: name and return address on things yeah, that's okay. If
Speaker 3: it gets accidentally, you know, a little coffee spilled on it,
Speaker 3: and then you throw it away set fire to could
Speaker 3: be illegal. Tho, I'll look it up.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 3: You know how if you shop at Nordstrom his rack,
Speaker 3: you can accumulate points and discounts. I still use my
Speaker 3: ex's number email and whenever I go, I take his
Speaker 3: ten to twenty dollars discount based off his purchases and
Speaker 3: use them for myself.
Speaker 2: Smart smart person.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: Okay, So whether that was naughty or nice, it's a
Speaker 1: lot of not.
Speaker 3: There's a lot Listen, we're learning to call it crew.
Speaker 3: There's a lot of people on Santa's Naughty List this year.
Speaker 3: I know it's okay, we've all been, but hopefully this
Speaker 3: has unburdened you and and our calling out what it
Speaker 3: is has made you hope for a brighter, less criminal future.
Speaker 2: And we're we're happy to be a part of that
Speaker 2: process for you. So that's really I got for you, and.
Speaker 3: I with you. It cracks me use with you, it
Speaker 3: cracks me up. It's okay, we're all on the naughty List.
Speaker 3: We're all gonnah gosh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, And uh
Speaker 3: but I think that we keep saying this. I think
Speaker 3: we need to hear more. Yeah, I mean it's a gift.
Speaker 3: I keep saying this.
Speaker 2: It really is the gift that keeps on giving.
Speaker 3: For New Years, we need people to unburden themselves more.
Speaker 3: I think right before this, yes, New Year's resolution.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I get great pleasure in because it and these
Speaker 1: were all anonymous. I get great pleasure in imagining. I
Speaker 1: have an active imagination people who listen to this podcast,
Speaker 1: like on a run or you know, sitting by the
Speaker 1: ocean or on their commute to work or whatever, all
Speaker 1: of a sudden hearing us read their submission.
Speaker 3: Yeah, being like, yeah, yeah, it's me, it's happening.
Speaker 2: I used to do that.
Speaker 1: I used to actually, I used to call it a
Speaker 1: kiss FM in Los Angeles where Ryan Seacrest lives, and
Speaker 1: I would I would just hope to be have my
Speaker 1: voice on the radio. Really Yeah, you'd have a call
Speaker 1: in or you would like, yeah, there'd be contest contest
Speaker 1: to win something, or you'd call in with an embarrassing
Speaker 1: story or you know that kind of thing. And yeah,
Speaker 1: I definitely did that, Leo with me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that. Sure, thank you guys for being
Speaker 3: so funny, the best, the best.
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's call it the end the episode