WEBVTT - In-Law Laws 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:03.360 Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side, a production 0:00:03.440 --> 0:00:09.280 of iHeartRadio. Hi, y'all, I'm Julie. 0:00:09.400 --> 0:00:13.320 Hi there, I'm Brenda. Welcome to Insider's Guide to the 0:00:13.360 --> 0:00:13.920 Other Side. 0:00:14.400 --> 0:00:16.880 Now, y'all need to know that we are obsessed with 0:00:17.320 --> 0:00:20.000 everything on the other side. 0:00:20.480 --> 0:00:23.800 Yes, we are, because once you learn to navigate the energetic, 0:00:24.360 --> 0:00:27.880 or to some the invisible world, life is going to 0:00:27.920 --> 0:00:30.600 be more fun and much more serene. 0:00:31.320 --> 0:00:35.479 Uh heck, yes it can. Because let's be honest, for 0:00:35.600 --> 0:00:36.600 in earth school is hard. 0:00:36.640 --> 0:00:40.080 In fact, you taught me that let's crush Earth school together. 0:00:45.680 --> 0:00:50.479 My witchy poop, I can't count. Just everybody knows I 0:00:50.520 --> 0:00:57.040 went three one one? What the hell? So hey, my 0:00:57.200 --> 0:01:01.120 witchy poo. How are you today? 0:01:01.240 --> 0:01:01.720 How are you? 0:01:02.000 --> 0:01:02.760 I can't count? 0:01:03.160 --> 0:01:05.720 I'm fine though, not today. 0:01:06.200 --> 0:01:07.720 Not today, Satan. I can't count. 0:01:08.280 --> 0:01:11.120 I'm not not account to day. 0:01:13.760 --> 0:01:15.160 How are you? 0:01:15.560 --> 0:01:18.039 I've got I'm kind of got my doggy next to me. 0:01:18.920 --> 0:01:21.280 Can you count today? Mmm? 0:01:21.360 --> 0:01:23.000 I think countin's going okay today. 0:01:25.520 --> 0:01:27.640 Flipping things around for you, I swear to God I 0:01:27.640 --> 0:01:29.440 flipped things around more now than I have. But I 0:01:29.480 --> 0:01:31.240 just think it's lack of paying attention. 0:01:31.360 --> 0:01:33.360 Sometimes I wish I had that excuse. 0:01:33.520 --> 0:01:35.480 I know, I know it's a real thing for you. 0:01:35.560 --> 0:01:38.440 And also in my high school boyfriend John, I mean, 0:01:38.480 --> 0:01:41.399 he mixes things up, but you know he has a 0:01:41.400 --> 0:01:42.880 whole team to put them in the right order. 0:01:44.640 --> 0:01:45.360 Got to work on that. 0:01:45.680 --> 0:01:51.680 Yeah, right, Uh so, since I can't count, we're going 0:01:51.760 --> 0:01:54.800 to talk about not anything having to do with math, 0:01:55.000 --> 0:01:57.000 but what we're going to talk about, which I think, 0:01:57.480 --> 0:02:00.840 so it is actually a client a good It was 0:02:00.920 --> 0:02:05.440 a question. It was a question from a listener. It 0:02:05.520 --> 0:02:07.840 was actually surprising to me that we haven't talked about it. 0:02:07.840 --> 0:02:09.839 And that's why I love so much when people reach out, 0:02:10.320 --> 0:02:13.440 because I think that this question is one of our 0:02:13.960 --> 0:02:17.160 biggest lessons in earth school especially and obviously as we 0:02:17.200 --> 0:02:22.760 get older, which is how we engage and manage ourselves 0:02:22.800 --> 0:02:26.800 and others when it comes to our in laws. I mean, 0:02:27.360 --> 0:02:28.520 that's a tricky one. 0:02:28.600 --> 0:02:35.520 Yeah, yeah, that's a charged one too, right this, Yeah, 0:02:35.560 --> 0:02:38.080 I'm sure you have some specific Do you have specifics 0:02:38.160 --> 0:02:38.959 or is this a general? 0:02:39.120 --> 0:02:41.160 Oh no, I'll tell you the story of what she shared. 0:02:41.280 --> 0:02:43.880 But yeah, so we'll just kind of rift through this 0:02:44.000 --> 0:02:45.440 a bit, but I'm going to tell you the story. 0:02:47.120 --> 0:02:53.040 So this is a young woman who came out maybe 0:02:53.400 --> 0:02:57.040 a year and a half, two years ago, and she 0:02:57.240 --> 0:03:03.160 met her girlfriend and college who came from or who 0:03:03.240 --> 0:03:11.040 comes from a highly religious family, and the parents, as 0:03:11.080 --> 0:03:16.600 you could imagine, you know, aren't terribly supportive. Question a lot. 0:03:16.680 --> 0:03:20.040 It's not exactly. They're not creating unity in all of this. 0:03:20.120 --> 0:03:23.720 They're creating more division, as you could imagine. And I 0:03:23.760 --> 0:03:27.600 think the question, you know, and part of what this 0:03:28.120 --> 0:03:32.760 wonderful young woman expressed was, you know, she goes, there's 0:03:32.800 --> 0:03:35.560 my side of the family that is really opening, is 0:03:35.600 --> 0:03:39.400 open and loving and like, you know, red rover, red rover, 0:03:39.640 --> 0:03:42.000 bring this woman on over, We're here for you kind 0:03:42.000 --> 0:03:46.920 of thing. And then there's the other side, the girlfriend's side, 0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:50.600 which is like, Nope, not happening today. 0:03:51.520 --> 0:03:56.640 So is there something specific about this woman that her 0:03:56.680 --> 0:03:58.640 family's saying no to or gay? 0:04:00.080 --> 0:04:02.720 No? Three letters? 0:04:04.520 --> 0:04:09.160 Okay, I'm sorry that was an inappropriate response. It's just 0:04:09.200 --> 0:04:10.520 not what I was expecting. 0:04:12.280 --> 0:04:17.839 No, this woman is she's lovely, she's smart, and she's stunning, 0:04:17.960 --> 0:04:21.200 and she's funny. No, she's gay. I mean it's that. 0:04:22.360 --> 0:04:24.600 I mean, this is a specific example. 0:04:24.880 --> 0:04:31.359 Okay, But the irony is what she is experiencing is 0:04:31.400 --> 0:04:34.360 they're actually rejecting about their own daughter, not about her. 0:04:35.320 --> 0:04:39.360 They're rejecting both, I think. I mean, if you're gonna 0:04:39.400 --> 0:04:40.600 reject one, you're going to reject the other. 0:04:41.000 --> 0:04:43.360 Yeah, But it doesn't sound like they're rejecting their daughter. There. 0:04:43.360 --> 0:04:45.680 Sounds like they're rejecting her daughter's beloved. 0:04:45.880 --> 0:04:51.120 Oh okay, well right, okay, that's fair, Yeah, because I. 0:04:51.200 --> 0:04:55.240 Mean, are they rejecting I think it's I. 0:04:55.200 --> 0:04:57.520 Think to a degree, yeah, I think I don't think 0:04:57.520 --> 0:05:00.440 they've shut her out of their life, but I think 0:05:00.480 --> 0:05:03.239 they are trying to convince, you know, because people parents 0:05:03.279 --> 0:05:06.200 think they have that power to you know, people are 0:05:06.279 --> 0:05:09.640 very so funny people are. You know, parents crack me 0:05:09.760 --> 0:05:12.839 up because somehow they think when they give birth, they 0:05:13.040 --> 0:05:16.120 own this human. And it's like, no, y'all, you don't. 0:05:16.640 --> 0:05:19.599 I'm going to tell you right now, that person is 0:05:19.640 --> 0:05:22.680 their own, Their soul is their own, and in some 0:05:22.760 --> 0:05:26.800 cases that soul is older than yours and you just 0:05:26.880 --> 0:05:29.360 can't accept it. But anyway, I think there's an ownership 0:05:29.360 --> 0:05:33.960 issue that's happening, and you know, I think there is, 0:05:35.800 --> 0:05:39.360 you know, and I think between them, not the parents, 0:05:39.400 --> 0:05:42.960 but the two young women, you know, I think it 0:05:42.960 --> 0:05:44.920 it's hard as well, because. 0:05:46.000 --> 0:05:48.400 Oh gosh, right, it's so hard, so hard. 0:05:48.600 --> 0:05:54.440 There's probably shame on one side and there's joy on 0:05:54.480 --> 0:05:57.040 this other. It's like, I can't believe I came from this, 0:05:57.160 --> 0:05:59.960 you know, there's all these things I think that happen, 0:06:00.240 --> 0:06:05.240 but it was I think part of the question was spiritually, 0:06:05.279 --> 0:06:07.680 what do we do with this? You know? How do 0:06:07.760 --> 0:06:10.240 we handle this? You know? And of course my question is, well, 0:06:10.240 --> 0:06:13.960 you signed up for it, but it's like, what do 0:06:14.000 --> 0:06:16.640 you do with it? You know, like how do you 0:06:16.880 --> 0:06:19.880 make it through the world where there is one part 0:06:19.920 --> 0:06:22.760 that one side of the family that rejects this union 0:06:22.800 --> 0:06:25.640 and the other that completely accepts it, And how do 0:06:25.680 --> 0:06:29.760 you do it? In a rise? You know, they go low, 0:06:29.880 --> 0:06:32.839 we go hi, Michelle Obama, way right? 0:06:33.800 --> 0:06:36.599 Well, I think the best you can do and just 0:06:37.000 --> 0:06:40.560 so much compassion, and let's face it, it doesn't have to 0:06:40.600 --> 0:06:43.360 be this extreme for most of us to experience a 0:06:43.440 --> 0:06:48.839 little tension with our better half's family. You know, even 0:06:49.080 --> 0:06:53.560 the most well intended can feel very invasive or constricting 0:06:54.320 --> 0:06:57.279 or judgy or inconvenient at best. 0:06:57.800 --> 0:07:01.479 You know, we're just talking about parents. We'll gonna later 0:07:01.560 --> 0:07:05.560 in this talk about even siblings. And others of the 0:07:05.640 --> 0:07:08.560 extended family, and how do you manage that. But this 0:07:08.640 --> 0:07:11.040 when it comes to the parents, and at such a 0:07:11.080 --> 0:07:13.720 young age, because they haven't gotten to that fuck your 0:07:13.800 --> 0:07:17.080 go fuck yourself stage in life, you know, there's still 0:07:17.200 --> 0:07:19.560 very much least to their parents at least not right 0:07:19.600 --> 0:07:22.400 at least not to their parents. And you know, I 0:07:22.920 --> 0:07:28.160 think that I you know, I think Susanna when it 0:07:28.200 --> 0:07:31.480 comes to this topic. You know, my mother adored that 0:07:31.520 --> 0:07:35.760 Suzanne like to the end degree. I do just find 0:07:35.760 --> 0:07:37.000 with Suzanne's family. 0:07:36.760 --> 0:07:36.920 So. 0:07:38.360 --> 0:07:41.800 You know, we didn't have that that rejection of ooh, gross, 0:07:41.880 --> 0:07:44.720 get out of here. You know, you're this, You're that 0:07:44.800 --> 0:07:47.000 there was no religion that was driving it, There was 0:07:47.040 --> 0:07:49.360 no none of that kind of stuff. So I haven't 0:07:49.440 --> 0:07:51.840 had to deal with that. And I think this is 0:07:51.880 --> 0:07:56.080 something that I've even heard of, weirdly more now than 0:07:56.120 --> 0:07:59.760 I did thirty plus years ago, because I think we're 0:07:59.760 --> 0:08:05.640 being coming there's more of a surge of extremists. I guess, yeah, 0:08:05.720 --> 0:08:08.239 it's the nicest way to say it today. 0:08:08.400 --> 0:08:12.080 Well, they've definitely had permission to be more vocal. So 0:08:12.880 --> 0:08:17.400 I think what I would say is whenever possible, and 0:08:17.440 --> 0:08:24.320 it's not always possible manage your engagement time in limited 0:08:24.560 --> 0:08:29.040 and you know, hopefully like planned directive kind of ways. 0:08:29.200 --> 0:08:34.360 So we're going to share an event, a meal, you know, 0:08:34.600 --> 0:08:38.480 so that there's something else to focus on other than 0:08:39.280 --> 0:08:44.040 just the gayness in this situation. But it could be anything, right, 0:08:44.120 --> 0:08:46.440 it could be It could be anything. It could be 0:08:46.480 --> 0:08:51.440 a racial difference, an age difference, socioeconomic difference, a political difference. Right, 0:08:51.480 --> 0:08:54.720 it could be any of those, and just ask for 0:08:55.679 --> 0:09:01.280 you know, can we have sanctuary over this time together 0:09:01.559 --> 0:09:04.480 where we're not going to just be discussing whatever it 0:09:04.520 --> 0:09:07.920 is that we agree that we are in different camps 0:09:08.400 --> 0:09:10.640 and we're not going to bring it up because for 0:09:10.679 --> 0:09:12.200 the sake of the family, we want to be able 0:09:12.240 --> 0:09:17.920 to be together and spend time together because it's hard 0:09:17.960 --> 0:09:25.920 to detest someone up close totally usually and it happens, 0:09:26.520 --> 0:09:30.360 you're right, you're right, you're right, but you're you're you're 0:09:30.400 --> 0:09:32.280 a thousand percent when. 0:09:33.840 --> 0:09:36.400 Yes, because when you face That's why social media can 0:09:36.440 --> 0:09:40.640 be so destructive for people, is because the anonymity of 0:09:40.880 --> 0:09:43.760 sitting behind a computer or a phone, you can shoot 0:09:43.760 --> 0:09:46.240 your mouth off like crazy and you're not having to 0:09:46.280 --> 0:09:48.720 face that person. It is a very very different thing. 0:09:48.800 --> 0:09:52.000 And here's the thing there's maybe it's about rule setting, 0:09:52.160 --> 0:09:55.160 and which I don't think families do like the extended 0:09:55.200 --> 0:09:58.160 families do, is kind of set some rules. I mean, 0:09:58.160 --> 0:10:00.000 you don't have to say it so abruptly as I said, 0:10:00.080 --> 0:10:04.520 some rules. But that's some boundaries maybe about why I 0:10:04.559 --> 0:10:07.560 think what you're saying, because the alternative is either you 0:10:07.640 --> 0:10:09.760 set them and you live by them, or you're not 0:10:09.800 --> 0:10:13.040 going to see us, and that is the worst alternative 0:10:13.080 --> 0:10:14.440 for all parties involved. 0:10:14.800 --> 0:10:17.160 And I do think you want to be very specific 0:10:17.360 --> 0:10:21.559 ahead of time, event by event, whether it's a celebration 0:10:21.720 --> 0:10:25.120 or an obligation or something. But this just says, can 0:10:25.160 --> 0:10:29.160 I ask that we we can spend time together, we 0:10:29.200 --> 0:10:31.760 can share a meal, and we're not going to bring 0:10:31.800 --> 0:10:36.120 this up during this time and if you know that, 0:10:37.120 --> 0:10:39.760 if we can't agree to that, then there's no reason 0:10:39.840 --> 0:10:42.920 for us to gather. That's all I would say. There's 0:10:42.920 --> 0:10:44.760 no reason to do it right, There's just no there's 0:10:44.760 --> 0:10:47.480 no upside. I'm trying to set everybody up for success. 0:10:47.800 --> 0:10:50.239 I'm trying to create a place for us to engage 0:10:50.360 --> 0:10:52.520 and get to know each other a little bit just 0:10:52.559 --> 0:10:54.600 by being next to each other. We don't even have 0:10:54.679 --> 0:10:56.240 to You don't even have to speak to me if 0:10:56.240 --> 0:10:59.679 you're not comfortable, right, right, But these these out of 0:10:59.679 --> 0:11:00.680 the rules of engagement. 0:11:00.880 --> 0:11:04.760 Yeah, And then the really weird magical thing happens is 0:11:04.800 --> 0:11:09.480 that once you let that happen, the the one party 0:11:09.520 --> 0:11:11.439 will actually look at the others that they were human 0:11:11.559 --> 0:11:14.120 just like them. Because that's what happens. 0:11:14.640 --> 0:11:16.480 And it can take a minute, it can take a 0:11:16.520 --> 0:11:20.280 few take you. Yeah, is you have to be willing 0:11:20.320 --> 0:11:22.960 to play the long game in these and when someone 0:11:23.000 --> 0:11:27.720 does go low, you just excuse yourself and say thank 0:11:27.720 --> 0:11:32.040 you for making it clear, like that's the only that's 0:11:32.080 --> 0:11:34.280 the only thing to utter. Thank you for making it clear. 0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:36.920 You are so much nicer than I am, because my 0:11:37.559 --> 0:11:41.560 comment always back is to say it again. I'm such 0:11:41.600 --> 0:11:45.319 a confrontational person. It's like, say it again and then 0:11:45.360 --> 0:11:48.320 they don't. But you're correct. 0:11:48.960 --> 0:11:51.440 You just want to make it You want to remind 0:11:51.480 --> 0:11:55.320 them what the agreement was by saying by affirming what 0:11:55.360 --> 0:11:59.040 they've done, not by pointing to the agreement that was broken, 0:11:59.440 --> 0:12:03.240 because that's implied. Oh, thank you for making your position clear. 0:12:04.080 --> 0:12:05.320 We'll take our exit now. 0:12:07.559 --> 0:12:09.160 And you can keep the check. 0:12:12.200 --> 0:12:14.960 But without fire. Without just like, this is agreement, this 0:12:15.040 --> 0:12:17.000 is a natural law, this is what This is the 0:12:17.080 --> 0:12:23.560 complete natural conclusion to this type of behavior, right, So 0:12:23.880 --> 0:12:27.440 just keep it simple. But the other thing is to remember, 0:12:27.960 --> 0:12:30.480 you know, when I do spear messages, I always talk about, 0:12:30.880 --> 0:12:35.760 you know, when people get divorced, energetically, we're still together, right, 0:12:35.880 --> 0:12:38.920 They're still connected on the other side. Right, There's there's 0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:43.240 a soul component that's always there and always activated among 0:12:43.240 --> 0:12:47.280 the souls, and so the same is true for in laws, 0:12:47.800 --> 0:12:50.400 like these souls that you're like, I don't have anything 0:12:50.400 --> 0:12:51.679 to do with these people. My life would be so 0:12:51.720 --> 0:12:55.280 much easier without them, right, It's all something that you've 0:12:55.320 --> 0:12:57.679 agreed to on a soul level. So you're like, oh 0:12:57.679 --> 0:13:00.240 my god, these are my people. For the love of God, 0:13:00.280 --> 0:13:05.920 I have no idea why or how what am I 0:13:06.000 --> 0:13:06.600 to do with this? 0:13:07.240 --> 0:13:08.400 What that hell was? 0:13:08.400 --> 0:13:14.160 I think you momentary lapse of judgment or whatever. But 0:13:14.280 --> 0:13:19.120 because of that, you want to remind yourself that you're 0:13:19.120 --> 0:13:22.080 not a victim. You're not a victim here. You are 0:13:22.120 --> 0:13:24.640 a co participant, You are a co creator. And so 0:13:24.760 --> 0:13:28.920 you giggle and you have compassion for yourself and you 0:13:29.000 --> 0:13:32.760 just like graciously move forward. As much as possible, and 0:13:32.800 --> 0:13:36.360 that's why limited engagement can be very strategic and very 0:13:36.400 --> 0:13:41.120 beneficial for all parties. Yeah. Yeah, we have a three 0:13:41.120 --> 0:13:42.200 hour limit and we're out. 0:13:43.000 --> 0:13:48.360 That seems really long to me, but yeah, it. 0:13:48.440 --> 0:13:51.079 Just depends if you can do ninety minutes more power too. 0:13:51.120 --> 0:13:55.640 Yeah, and that would be going to an animated film, 0:13:55.840 --> 0:13:59.280 So you sit and not have sucked anybody. And they're 0:13:59.320 --> 0:14:01.600 usually ninety min it's one hundred minutes long, so you're 0:14:01.640 --> 0:14:03.920 good to go. Okay, on that note, we'll be right 0:14:04.000 --> 0:14:06.920 back and let's talk about some sibling things which I 0:14:06.960 --> 0:14:07.880 think will be interesting. 0:14:12.920 --> 0:14:13.720 I'd welcome back. 0:14:14.960 --> 0:14:18.720 Hey, that was hilarious because I just eight seconds ago 0:14:18.760 --> 0:14:20.800 said do you want to bring us back? Or do 0:14:20.880 --> 0:14:22.840 you want me to bring us back? And Brandon within 0:14:22.880 --> 0:14:24.160 a second and welcome back. 0:14:25.360 --> 0:14:26.880 There was no counting involved. 0:14:26.960 --> 0:14:29.880 There was none, There was no poof, there was no nothing. 0:14:29.920 --> 0:14:32.120 There was no three one one a. 0:14:32.160 --> 0:14:34.880 While it's a non counting day. 0:14:35.600 --> 0:14:40.920 Okay, So another interesting story. And maybe this should have 0:14:40.920 --> 0:14:42.680 been called extended family, but we're going to keep it 0:14:42.680 --> 0:14:47.720 in law loss is uh I I had forgotten this 0:14:47.840 --> 0:14:52.200 is before we were even talking about the first section 0:14:52.760 --> 0:14:56.320 was there's a friend who you know that just found 0:14:56.320 --> 0:14:58.640 out that she has a half sister with a different 0:14:58.680 --> 0:15:05.160 colored birthday suit. And and it has been interesting because 0:15:05.160 --> 0:15:09.040 it is a it's a she's this now sister is younger, 0:15:10.680 --> 0:15:16.760 and uh, it's she came from obviously another father and 0:15:16.920 --> 0:15:23.760 was adopted. The adopted family not happy about it. This 0:15:23.840 --> 0:15:26.760 other the other part of the family. There's sketchiness that. 0:15:26.800 --> 0:15:30.280 Then there's open arms. You know, there's a little racism 0:15:30.440 --> 0:15:34.160 that exists in one side. But you know what part 0:15:34.160 --> 0:15:36.440 of the plan like this was in this was there 0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:37.720 was no accident. 0:15:37.360 --> 0:15:39.200 Here, there are no accidents. 0:15:39.240 --> 0:15:42.800 It was lessons all around. And what my friend found 0:15:43.120 --> 0:15:47.440 is that this young woman is so incredibly like her. 0:15:47.480 --> 0:15:48.120 It's insane. 0:15:48.960 --> 0:15:50.800 Is that fun and magical? 0:15:50.840 --> 0:15:55.080 I think, yeah, And like has you know kids, And 0:15:55.240 --> 0:15:59.040 some of the naming is weird just because of they 0:15:59.080 --> 0:16:02.560 have names that they've both love and that made no sense, 0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:06.240 you know. So there's like magical arts like that, right, 0:16:06.320 --> 0:16:07.800 that that can actually happen. 0:16:07.920 --> 0:16:11.440 But DNA is crazy, Like that spiritual component of the 0:16:11.480 --> 0:16:13.800 DNA is just crazy, right, It's so fun. 0:16:14.600 --> 0:16:17.800 Wow, it's totally wild. And so when it comes to 0:16:20.000 --> 0:16:24.360 I find this interesting with my in laws from the 0:16:24.400 --> 0:16:27.240 siblings standpoint, So we'll just keep on the siblings track 0:16:27.320 --> 0:16:33.080 for a minute. Is you know, people want to believe 0:16:33.680 --> 0:16:39.280 because you're related, you should be the same. So let's 0:16:39.280 --> 0:16:40.160 just put it out there. 0:16:40.960 --> 0:16:42.640 People are so delusional. 0:16:43.000 --> 0:16:45.200 It's it's right. 0:16:45.160 --> 0:16:48.000 It's like, open your eyes. Is this true? 0:16:48.200 --> 0:16:51.080 I know, of course not even with my own brother, 0:16:51.360 --> 0:16:53.960 who was just here a number of weeks ago. I 0:16:54.000 --> 0:16:57.760 love him. We are we look alike, we are completely 0:16:57.760 --> 0:17:00.640 different inside. He is like lives in this practical plane 0:17:00.920 --> 0:17:03.920 and I'm like, fuck practicality, How does it feel? What 0:17:03.960 --> 0:17:06.400 does the energy feel? You know? We are like completely 0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:09.879 different human beings raised in the same house. There's principles 0:17:09.920 --> 0:17:12.760 that we share, but we're different creatures because we came 0:17:12.800 --> 0:17:15.880 here for different reasons. And it's funny because I see 0:17:15.920 --> 0:17:20.640 that also with my in laws and who like within 0:17:20.680 --> 0:17:25.480 the family Suzanne connects with and doesn't connect with, and 0:17:25.480 --> 0:17:29.199 and some is our step right, because that happens as 0:17:29.240 --> 0:17:34.960 well right blended families. Her joke is apparently there's an 0:17:35.000 --> 0:17:37.760 old show in something like with six you get a groll. 0:17:37.920 --> 0:17:41.720 I don't know. It's she a little than me, and 0:17:42.920 --> 0:17:45.640 if it were family ties, I would understand the reference. 0:17:45.760 --> 0:17:52.720 Or cheers so or even Roseanne. But but it's interesting 0:17:52.920 --> 0:17:58.560 when you see these people that that the connections happen, 0:17:58.840 --> 0:18:01.719 and there's actually relatives of hers that you know, I 0:18:01.880 --> 0:18:05.280 like a lot. Actually it even those in laws. And 0:18:05.320 --> 0:18:07.280 it's like, oh, I'm so glad we all chose this 0:18:07.320 --> 0:18:10.119 because you're kind of cool and awesome. But it's so 0:18:10.160 --> 0:18:12.840 it's just a weird like it's a melting pot, right, 0:18:12.880 --> 0:18:15.640 It's just this, it's a micro melting pot. We all 0:18:15.640 --> 0:18:19.520 connect where we connect, and and and if you don't. 0:18:21.680 --> 0:18:26.080 I will also say people are differently oriented. Some people 0:18:26.560 --> 0:18:29.640 are great just connecting with people one on one, and 0:18:29.680 --> 0:18:33.399 some people won't connect with you unless they know where 0:18:33.480 --> 0:18:38.800 you rank in the hierarchy, like what's your what's your status? Right, 0:18:39.680 --> 0:18:41.800 and and I'm more of a one on one kind 0:18:41.800 --> 0:18:45.640 of person, so I oftentimes I'm not aware of how 0:18:45.680 --> 0:18:49.080 someone ranks in, you know, the whatever hierarchy they're in, 0:18:49.680 --> 0:18:53.239 and I'm not really interested, right, so so it kind 0:18:53.240 --> 0:18:56.960 of gets lost on me. But it's it's really interesting 0:18:57.000 --> 0:18:59.720 where people like they will you can just see them 0:18:59.720 --> 0:19:02.560 scan who's a more important person to talk to? 0:19:04.200 --> 0:19:05.520 Oh my god, you're so right? 0:19:06.280 --> 0:19:09.640 Yeah? Yeah, And people are just so sometimes in these 0:19:09.680 --> 0:19:12.560 situations where it can feel like collectively, oh my god, 0:19:12.600 --> 0:19:16.679 this family, I don't vibe to these siblings, I have 0:19:16.720 --> 0:19:18.800 nothing to grab on to. Where we don't share the 0:19:18.840 --> 0:19:22.000 same background, it feels like we don't share the same 0:19:22.080 --> 0:19:25.360 values as opposed to I just want to go meet 0:19:25.400 --> 0:19:28.000 this one person. I'm just going to engage with this one. 0:19:28.080 --> 0:19:30.600 I'm going to have a ten minute conversation or three 0:19:30.680 --> 0:19:34.880 minute conversation with this one. Individual is sometimes a helpful 0:19:35.080 --> 0:19:37.560 mindset to get you through. I'm going to have a 0:19:37.600 --> 0:19:41.000 series of very short engagements. I'm going to address each 0:19:41.040 --> 0:19:44.000 individual as an individual, because if I take them on collectively, 0:19:44.040 --> 0:19:45.119 I will lose my mind. 0:19:45.640 --> 0:19:47.560 And then the alternative that I have had to pull 0:19:47.560 --> 0:19:50.760 out a few times is if all us fails connect 0:19:50.760 --> 0:19:52.600 with a family pet. 0:19:54.720 --> 0:19:59.320 Because they don't care, I guess, yeah, that is awesome 0:20:00.080 --> 0:20:00.520 for real. 0:20:01.080 --> 0:20:04.760 That is the mechanism. But so you know, bring your 0:20:04.800 --> 0:20:09.000 own I do that too, ye b y o s 0:20:09.119 --> 0:20:13.480 bring your own Soukie. And because she's a fabulous distraction 0:20:13.640 --> 0:20:17.320 and people love her and so she like really brings 0:20:17.520 --> 0:20:18.760 the level down. 0:20:19.440 --> 0:20:22.240 And it's a mutual place to connect to. 0:20:23.119 --> 0:20:26.800 And again she brings it down yeah, so you know, 0:20:27.359 --> 0:20:29.480 so dealing. You know, we've kind of talked a little 0:20:29.520 --> 0:20:32.240 bit about this from like holiday episodes, but we don't 0:20:32.280 --> 0:20:34.480 just see family in the holidays, and there's like the 0:20:34.560 --> 0:20:37.080 ongoing I think that's really great advice about the three 0:20:37.080 --> 0:20:40.400 minutes where I desperately, you know, try to do because 0:20:40.400 --> 0:20:43.080 I'm a little on the bold side, is I try. 0:20:43.240 --> 0:20:45.560 My goal is don't trigger anybody. Don't trigger anybody. Don't 0:20:45.560 --> 0:20:49.080 trigger anybody. And I say I have to say it 0:20:49.119 --> 0:20:51.720 over and over and over again because some of them 0:20:51.720 --> 0:20:52.800 I just kind of can't help. 0:20:52.840 --> 0:20:56.480 It's fun for you. That's just fun when you're like, hey, 0:20:56.480 --> 0:20:58.040 I'm going to throw this hot potato and then see 0:20:58.080 --> 0:20:58.800 what happens. 0:20:58.840 --> 0:20:59.800 So much fun for me. 0:21:01.600 --> 0:21:03.720 You love that, it is so much fun. 0:21:04.119 --> 0:21:07.240 Yeah, don't let me recount the story of questioning the 0:21:07.280 --> 0:21:12.400 Bible to a relative. So that's a whole other thing, 0:21:12.960 --> 0:21:17.560 like now who wrote it? So, yeah, that was real fun. 0:21:18.280 --> 0:21:20.480 That was not a good holiday. That was Thanksgiving. I 0:21:20.480 --> 0:21:24.600 think when you're uh, so trigger, do trigger, bring the dog. 0:21:25.680 --> 0:21:27.760 But but it's just a really like would you say, 0:21:27.760 --> 0:21:31.480 it's like we all decided this together, and even even 0:21:31.560 --> 0:21:34.800 those like because the funny thing is I like a 0:21:34.800 --> 0:21:38.320 lot of the ones that married into like Suzanne Sibbling, 0:21:38.880 --> 0:21:42.199 and I'm like, oh, I love him. Yeah, And then 0:21:42.400 --> 0:21:46.239 like it even Sue even cop Suey Cop Suwey is like, 0:21:47.320 --> 0:21:50.280 I mean, she's from a bloodline who she is distant, 0:21:50.480 --> 0:21:55.400 doesn't even blood related to Natalie. That's her set. That's 0:21:55.440 --> 0:21:58.920 I mean Bob who's her dad is is Suzanne's step brother? 0:22:00.960 --> 0:22:03.560 Oh gosh, okay, yeah right, there's not even. 0:22:03.640 --> 0:22:05.920 And it's like and all I say is, thank you, 0:22:06.200 --> 0:22:08.240 thank you God for giving me Sue. 0:22:09.119 --> 0:22:09.880 I just need one. 0:22:10.000 --> 0:22:14.879 I just need one, just one, you know. But that 0:22:15.160 --> 0:22:17.480 part of the joy of it is because because like 0:22:17.520 --> 0:22:20.040 you said, if you can go like it's like speed dating, 0:22:20.080 --> 0:22:22.880 go do your three minutes, go figure the stuff out, 0:22:22.920 --> 0:22:24.360 and then you'll figure out who you want to spend 0:22:24.400 --> 0:22:27.359 time with and be and be you know, kind enough. 0:22:27.920 --> 0:22:30.680 You know, don't just be present, actually just being present. 0:22:30.920 --> 0:22:33.479 People like to talk about themselves. Just be present, right, 0:22:33.520 --> 0:22:38.680 And you know, there's also this greater awareness that says, 0:22:39.000 --> 0:22:42.280 this person is a valid person, even if I don't 0:22:42.280 --> 0:22:48.680 really understand them, but I can maybe learn something in this. Sometimes, yeah, 0:22:48.840 --> 0:22:50.399 sometimes you just have to survive. 0:22:52.040 --> 0:22:52.640 Bring the dog. 0:22:56.119 --> 0:22:58.760 I do love bringing lou because then I always have 0:22:58.800 --> 0:23:01.000 an excuse to go walk it. Oh again, take lului. 0:23:01.680 --> 0:23:03.879 Same? Did we not pre did we not pregame that? 0:23:03.960 --> 0:23:07.040 Because I do the same thing. It seems like we 0:23:07.119 --> 0:23:10.040 must have pregamed it. Maybe in the airal plane, because 0:23:10.080 --> 0:23:12.240 that's exactly. It's like, oh, I got to go take 0:23:12.280 --> 0:23:14.879