WEBVTT - Why is everyone getting divorced?

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<v Speaker 1>This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema coming to you from the

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<v Speaker 1>Smoking Red Hot office in Austin, Texas. It is July

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<v Speaker 1>in Texas. We are feeling it.

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<v Speaker 2>I tried to escape it. But do I regret that

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<v Speaker 2>I went on a trip to Sun Valley, Idaho without you?

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<v Speaker 2>I'm so sorry. It was so sad. I said to Chris, hey, Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>I have this idea for Sun Valley, and he goes, yes, sorry,

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<v Speaker 2>we go. Then he said it's a girl's trip.

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<v Speaker 1>Can we say who you went with?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes? Well, actually it's so. I think it's very pertinent

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<v Speaker 2>for today's podcast because I went.

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<v Speaker 1>Because we're talking about divorce and relationships and should people

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<v Speaker 1>get remarried.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my god. When he told me what this topic was,

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<v Speaker 2>I'll tell you. I've come in from this trip hot,

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<v Speaker 2>just like it is here in Austin. My flight was

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<v Speaker 2>so delayed. I was supposed to get home at eight pm.

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<v Speaker 2>I got home at three am, so I'm exhausted. But

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<v Speaker 2>when he told I'm like half delirious. And Chris is

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<v Speaker 2>telling me yesterday the topic is just divorced and like

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<v Speaker 2>whether marriages can last I said, are you trying to

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<v Speaker 2>tell me something?

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<v Speaker 1>First of all, you got home at about two thirty

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<v Speaker 1>in the morning last night and crawled into the room

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<v Speaker 1>from this late flight. I think people should take to

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<v Speaker 1>social media anytime they have a flight that works, because look, everybody,

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<v Speaker 1>ninety eight percent of the travelers today, I think everything

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<v Speaker 1>just goes wrong. So now I think the anomaly is

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<v Speaker 1>my flight was on time.

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<v Speaker 2>I like that, and I like that because it's positive.

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<v Speaker 2>I you know what, I did not like take to

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<v Speaker 2>my phone as this was going on, because.

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<v Speaker 1>I appreciate it that I was looking for it.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I just don't see the point, right, Like, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>very We've talked about this before. When travel isn't going well,

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<v Speaker 2>what can you do? I posted when we were way

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<v Speaker 2>delayed for the Kentucky Derby because it was fun because

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<v Speaker 2>we were drinking and people were getting to know each other.

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<v Speaker 2>It was positive. I don't want to just get on

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<v Speaker 2>my phone and rant about a late flight.

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<v Speaker 1>Everybody's dealing with it, right, So anyway, but yeah, you

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<v Speaker 1>came in and.

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<v Speaker 2>So here's who I visited, which is why it's relevant today.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm still very close with I'm once divorced and I'm

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<v Speaker 2>still very close with my former mother in law and

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<v Speaker 2>my former sister in law and a few friends like

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<v Speaker 2>from that time in my life, so we all stay

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<v Speaker 2>very close, and it's really funny when we all explain

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<v Speaker 2>how we know each other. I'm like, well, I used

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<v Speaker 2>to be married to her son, no longer am, but

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<v Speaker 2>she's still family. I'm just a big believer. And it

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<v Speaker 2>was a little interesting for us because we didn't have kids,

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<v Speaker 2>so it wasn't that, you know, we had this necessary

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<v Speaker 2>thing keeping us together. But I wish him all the best.

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<v Speaker 2>We ended on good terms, and what was the thing

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<v Speaker 2>for me was that I had loved his family like

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<v Speaker 2>my own, and they loved me, and that was a

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<v Speaker 2>painful thing. I didn't want to have to lose that

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<v Speaker 2>family and that love. So I believe in keeping the relation.

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<v Speaker 2>If you can build bridges, don't burn them and take

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<v Speaker 2>a girl's trip to see your former mother in law.

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<v Speaker 1>I appreciated the fact that you said that from the

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<v Speaker 1>get go in our relationship, you told me about these

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<v Speaker 1>people in your life, quickly introduced me to them. I

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<v Speaker 1>have since really fallen in love with them too, and

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<v Speaker 1>appreciate the fact that they are value ads in your

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<v Speaker 1>life and now mine, and so why would you cut

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<v Speaker 1>somebody out who is just an ad and a total

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<v Speaker 1>positive in your life? And I have We had the

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<v Speaker 1>same thinking. I still keep in touch with sister in

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<v Speaker 1>law and god kids that were on my ex wife's

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<v Speaker 1>side of the family. I still love these people. They

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<v Speaker 1>still meant a lot to me. It was twenty years

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<v Speaker 1>of my life. Why would you just cut that out now?

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<v Speaker 1>Sometimes things get toxic and you can't. Luckily we've been

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<v Speaker 1>able to. And I appreciated that about you. But the

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<v Speaker 1>main thing was bring them into my life, don't just

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<v Speaker 1>keep them to yourself.

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<v Speaker 2>Right And look, babe, again, this was a girl's trip.

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<v Speaker 2>You would have been welcomed.

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<v Speaker 1>If you need. I don't know if this is a

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<v Speaker 1>job or how this is going to work, but this

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<v Speaker 1>will be a new app if you need to hire

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<v Speaker 1>me for girls weekends. I'm great at girls' weekends, driving, discussion,

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<v Speaker 1>making drinks. I love to cook, I love to clean.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just a good soldier to have around.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my gosh, why aren't we doing this? Baby? You

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<v Speaker 2>do cameo. You do videos on cameo for people. You'll

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<v Speaker 2>say hi and happy birthday and happy anniversary and help

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<v Speaker 2>with proposals. We should add a little thing on your

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<v Speaker 2>cameo available for girls.

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<v Speaker 1>I could do bachelorette parties. I mean, I could just

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<v Speaker 1>see myself holding someone's hair at three in the morning

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<v Speaker 1>while she's puking. It's okay, honey, you're so pretty.

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<v Speaker 2>Then your dad's skills would kick in. So that's great.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, Well, yeah, you know what, and let's do

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<v Speaker 2>this as a moneymaker to get some money for the wedding.

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<v Speaker 2>If we're still getting married, are we? Is it gonna

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<v Speaker 2>be a question after today's podcast episode.

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<v Speaker 1>Right now, it's a go. So let's see if we

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<v Speaker 1>circle back to this in about twenty or thirty minutes

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<v Speaker 1>and we still say it's a go.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, So if I have this right what we wanted

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<v Speaker 2>to get into today, and I get it. There's been

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<v Speaker 2>so many celebrity divorces in the news lately, just kind

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<v Speaker 2>of feels like a rush of them.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and some people kind of rehashing their divorces, like

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<v Speaker 1>Kelly Clarkson was talking about her kids and Brad Pitt

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<v Speaker 1>and Angelina I'm still fighting, still fighting it out now

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<v Speaker 1>drama new drama on them. So there's some new breakups,

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<v Speaker 1>but then there's some old ones that are just won't

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<v Speaker 1>go away, and so it just seemed like we were

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<v Speaker 1>inundated with this and instead of just talking about bad news,

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<v Speaker 1>I kind of looked at these and thought, Okay, what

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<v Speaker 1>can we take from these? What what can we relate to?

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<v Speaker 1>What can everybody relate to in all of these?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes? And how can you make it positive? Yeah? So

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<v Speaker 2>what do you want to start with?

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<v Speaker 1>Well, I think because Kelly Clarkson obviously has been divorced

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<v Speaker 1>for a while, a couple of years now. Yeah, it's

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<v Speaker 1>from from Brandon, her husband, and so she has two

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<v Speaker 1>kids seven and nine years old, Remy and River, and

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<v Speaker 1>she said it has made her kids question love and

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<v Speaker 1>it's something she's had to deal with with. And I

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<v Speaker 1>felt so relatable to this because my kids were about

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<v Speaker 1>the same age as her kids when we got divorced,

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<v Speaker 1>and that was a.

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<v Speaker 2>Really different young like seven nine.

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<v Speaker 1>I think my kids were a couple of years older,

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<v Speaker 1>like nine and eleven maybe, but still that innocence of

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<v Speaker 1>believing in Santa Claus and believing in mom and dad

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<v Speaker 1>and everything's just going to be okay, And now you

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<v Speaker 1>are telling them and it's hard to explain that to

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<v Speaker 1>a seven and nine year old or eleven year old,

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<v Speaker 1>Mommy and daddy are getting divorced. We still love each other,

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<v Speaker 1>we respect each other, we just don't want and so

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<v Speaker 1>it's really impossible for a young kid to really comprehend

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<v Speaker 1>and make sense of all that. I know it happened

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<v Speaker 1>for my kids. It was a very difficult conversation.

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<v Speaker 2>You've told that story that when you first said it

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<v Speaker 2>to them, basically you said the word got you two

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<v Speaker 2>said the word divorce, and they instantly started.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, Joshua, my son, understood it. He as well as

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<v Speaker 1>he could. He was a little bit older, two years

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<v Speaker 1>older than his sister. Taylor did not understand. And so

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<v Speaker 1>when Joshua got upset, she just saw her brother and

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<v Speaker 1>realized this is I don't know what this means. This

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<v Speaker 1>is bad news, and she started crying. And that is

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<v Speaker 1>a low point as a human being. I mean, I

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<v Speaker 1>think as a dad, as a parent, as a person,

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<v Speaker 1>it's the only thing your conditioned to do in this

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<v Speaker 1>life is not hurt your kids, to protect them and

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<v Speaker 1>help them. In that moment, you are blowing up their life,

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<v Speaker 1>whether it's for the better or not, and you realize

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<v Speaker 1>it is later. It's just a tough moment, you've got

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<v Speaker 1>to suck it up and do it.

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<v Speaker 2>How did you make sure maybe what Kelly's dealing with now,

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<v Speaker 2>because the kids have relationships and I think you know

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<v Speaker 2>they it's not like they certainly believe in a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of Taylor and Josh do. How did you get them

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<v Speaker 2>to a healthy place with relationships and thinking that a

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<v Speaker 2>good relationship was possible?

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<v Speaker 1>It is time, you know, you know how they say time,

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<v Speaker 1>he'll all wounds. The same goes here. Look that moment

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<v Speaker 1>and that speech to them, whatever age they're going to

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<v Speaker 1>be at the time, it's not good and it's going

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<v Speaker 1>to be bad news for them because as kids, especially

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<v Speaker 1>Kelly's kids seven and nine years old, here's what they're thinking.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm losing a mommy, I'm losing a daddy, I'm losing

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<v Speaker 1>my home, I'm losing my friends. Like their mind just.

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<v Speaker 2>Starts racing yas their stability all are.

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<v Speaker 1>And I don't mean this in a bad way. Children

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<v Speaker 1>are selfish. The world revolves around them. That's the way

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<v Speaker 1>it's supposed to be, and that's okay. That is a child.

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<v Speaker 1>When you are childlike, you're concerned with your own world,

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<v Speaker 1>and so their concern is oh my gosh, Christmas is gone.

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<v Speaker 1>Everything's gone, and so you quickly need to just show them, no, no, no,

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<v Speaker 1>Mom and Dad are still in your life. Mom and

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<v Speaker 1>Dad still love you. You. Actually, instead of one home, have two,

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<v Speaker 1>and instead of one Christmas, you have too. However, it

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<v Speaker 1>gets to them you start showing them that your world

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<v Speaker 1>that you thought was blown up is no.

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<v Speaker 2>But even though you're just saying I mean, you said time,

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<v Speaker 2>but I think you're selling yourself and you know, and

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<v Speaker 2>their mom may be a little short here, I want

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<v Speaker 2>you to get into it more because I know other

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<v Speaker 2>people who have had divorced parents and they are not

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<v Speaker 2>as healthy about relationships as Josh and Taylor are. I

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<v Speaker 2>know people whose parents got divorced and they're in their

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<v Speaker 2>thirties and they still quote don't believe in marriage. And

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<v Speaker 2>then when I hear Josh and Taylor talk, they talk

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<v Speaker 2>about getting married one day. So how did you get

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<v Speaker 2>them to that place?

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<v Speaker 1>Well, I'm thankful, and I have to give some credit

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<v Speaker 1>to my ex who we had the discussion that no

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<v Speaker 1>matter what we are going through, they didn't sign up

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<v Speaker 1>for this. The kids had nothing to do with this.

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<v Speaker 1>They didn't sign up for this crap, it's on us.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's deal with everything ourselves. Do not use the kids,

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<v Speaker 1>do not bring the kids into it. And for the

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<v Speaker 1>most part, we were able to do that. And that

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<v Speaker 1>is a godsend because when kids get involved, you're using

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<v Speaker 1>them as ponds, whether it's for money or for whatever.

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<v Speaker 1>Power that that's when things get bad and your kids know,

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<v Speaker 1>they know.

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<v Speaker 2>Do you think it's helped. I mean, she's remarried, we're engaged.

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<v Speaker 2>Do you think it helped? Because I think a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of divorce parents are afraid to date again and what

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<v Speaker 2>it will show their kids. But like, if you stay alone,

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<v Speaker 2>then in the long run, I would think that certainly

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<v Speaker 2>reinforces love isn't possible. So do you think it helped

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<v Speaker 2>that you guys dated again and are with other people?

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<v Speaker 1>For sure? And I think they hear everything you say,

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<v Speaker 1>it's here everything, and they watch you. So if you

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<v Speaker 1>are in a bad situation. I find that many divorce parents,

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<v Speaker 1>it's not one way or the other. Moms and dads

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<v Speaker 1>they start talking to their kids like their friends, like

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<v Speaker 1>they're a confidant. And these kids who you're opening up

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<v Speaker 1>to have their own world and their own feelings going on.

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<v Speaker 1>And so when you start treating your daughter or your

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<v Speaker 1>son like your best friend, and you start talking about

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<v Speaker 1>daddy or mommy, or you start talking about love or

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<v Speaker 1>trying to date and how you love sucks and your

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<v Speaker 1>heart broken. Yeah, that's going to affect them. So don't

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<v Speaker 1>treat your kids like your friend immediately after a divorce.

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<v Speaker 2>I think it's hard because adults, these parents are going

0:11:09.840 --> 0:11:12.160
<v Speaker 2>through so much. They're getting divorced, they're going through loss,

0:11:12.160 --> 0:11:14.720
<v Speaker 2>they're trying to raise kids, and it's a hard, heavy time.

0:11:15.440 --> 0:11:17.319
<v Speaker 2>But that separation is so important.

0:11:17.440 --> 0:11:19.760
<v Speaker 1>You start needing stuff back from your kids, which is

0:11:19.840 --> 0:11:23.160
<v Speaker 1>not the way it goes. You give everything to your kids,

0:11:23.160 --> 0:11:25.679
<v Speaker 1>you don't get back, and I think people start to

0:11:25.720 --> 0:11:27.520
<v Speaker 1>try to get something back from them, like hey, I

0:11:27.559 --> 0:11:29.560
<v Speaker 1>need you as a sounding board, I need you to

0:11:29.600 --> 0:11:32.600
<v Speaker 1>show me how I'm not crazy. Or you know, your

0:11:32.679 --> 0:11:35.000
<v Speaker 1>dad is the bad guy or your mom's the bad woman.

0:11:35.160 --> 0:11:38.679
<v Speaker 1>So that is a toxic, terrible thing to do to

0:11:38.720 --> 0:11:41.160
<v Speaker 1>your kids, and that inevitably will lead them down the

0:11:41.200 --> 0:11:43.920
<v Speaker 1>road to have their own relationship problems. I think it

0:11:44.120 --> 0:11:47.960
<v Speaker 1>was very important that we quickly said we believe in

0:11:48.000 --> 0:11:50.560
<v Speaker 1>love and we still love each other. There's love in

0:11:50.559 --> 0:11:54.000
<v Speaker 1>our hearts. We are still family, et cetera, exact.

0:11:54.360 --> 0:11:56.679
<v Speaker 2>What you just said. And maybe because it's been a

0:11:56.720 --> 0:11:59.480
<v Speaker 2>year since you had this conversation, but I do remember

0:11:59.480 --> 0:12:01.640
<v Speaker 2>you telling me that you said right away, we still

0:12:01.679 --> 0:12:05.160
<v Speaker 2>love each other, and that love changes, but we still

0:12:05.200 --> 0:12:06.400
<v Speaker 2>love each other. It's still there.

0:12:06.520 --> 0:12:08.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, Mommy and Daddy aren't going to live together because again,

0:12:08.640 --> 0:12:12.040
<v Speaker 1>they're you can't get too much in the weeds on this.

0:12:12.200 --> 0:12:14.920
<v Speaker 1>They are, you know Kelly Clarkson's we're seven and nine.

0:12:14.960 --> 0:12:18.199
<v Speaker 1>Mine were probably nine and eleven somewhere around there. How

0:12:18.280 --> 0:12:19.960
<v Speaker 1>deep in the weeds can you get into it with

0:12:20.000 --> 0:12:22.960
<v Speaker 1>an eleven year old? They don't have the comprehension of

0:12:23.080 --> 0:12:24.439
<v Speaker 1>love and commitment.

0:12:24.520 --> 0:12:26.079
<v Speaker 2>And so I don't know if you remember, but as

0:12:26.080 --> 0:12:29.240
<v Speaker 2>the kids got older, maybe they're teenagers, they're starting to date.

0:12:29.520 --> 0:12:32.120
<v Speaker 2>Did they ever ask you do you plan to get

0:12:32.160 --> 0:12:34.160
<v Speaker 2>married again? Dad? Do you think you'd get married again?

0:12:34.320 --> 0:12:36.920
<v Speaker 2>And if they did, what was your answer to them?

0:12:36.960 --> 0:12:38.480
<v Speaker 2>Or what do you imagine it would have been?

0:12:38.720 --> 0:12:42.600
<v Speaker 1>I ended up broaching the subject eventually. It was after

0:12:42.640 --> 0:12:44.439
<v Speaker 1>I went on a blind date. I went on a

0:12:44.520 --> 0:12:46.640
<v Speaker 1>date one night and we were talking about we knew

0:12:46.640 --> 0:12:48.200
<v Speaker 1>it wasn't going to work between us, but we had

0:12:48.200 --> 0:12:51.240
<v Speaker 1>a great conversation and I said, you know, when do

0:12:51.320 --> 0:12:54.720
<v Speaker 1>you introduce people to your kids? And I had never

0:12:54.760 --> 0:12:56.760
<v Speaker 1>introduced anybody to my kids. She said, you know what,

0:12:57.200 --> 0:13:00.000
<v Speaker 1>ask them have that conversation. At this point, they were

0:13:00.040 --> 0:13:04.120
<v Speaker 1>a few years older, and I approached the subject to say, hey, guys,

0:13:04.120 --> 0:13:06.199
<v Speaker 1>you know mommy and daddy. You know we've been divorced

0:13:06.200 --> 0:13:09.360
<v Speaker 1>for a while, and mommy's dating. You know you've met him,

0:13:09.440 --> 0:13:12.559
<v Speaker 1>and what do you think of me dating? And they said, great,

0:13:12.600 --> 0:13:16.160
<v Speaker 1>we don't want to meet everybody. The kids still saw

0:13:16.200 --> 0:13:19.120
<v Speaker 1>that I believed in love and I wanted that in

0:13:19.160 --> 0:13:21.920
<v Speaker 1>my life and I still hold that deer and important,

0:13:21.960 --> 0:13:25.000
<v Speaker 1>and I don't think the two are mutually exclusive. I

0:13:25.080 --> 0:13:28.120
<v Speaker 1>think you can get a divorce and you can believe

0:13:28.120 --> 0:13:30.800
<v Speaker 1>in love. That's what I wanted the kids to know

0:13:31.200 --> 0:13:33.280
<v Speaker 1>that I can do something that I think is best

0:13:33.320 --> 0:13:35.960
<v Speaker 1>for me and for your mom. But I also want

0:13:36.000 --> 0:13:38.560
<v Speaker 1>this in my life. I still believe in it. I

0:13:38.600 --> 0:13:42.040
<v Speaker 1>did the first time. I do now I really do.

0:13:42.200 --> 0:13:48.320
<v Speaker 1>Now done dun dun so. Speaking of doing things the

0:13:48.360 --> 0:13:52.640
<v Speaker 1>right way, another divorce that well, actually, sorry, it's not

0:13:52.679 --> 0:13:54.400
<v Speaker 1>going to be a divorce. That's kind of the beauty

0:13:54.440 --> 0:13:56.720
<v Speaker 1>of this. The former mayor of New York, build A

0:13:56.720 --> 0:14:03.280
<v Speaker 1>Blasio and his wife. They are separating. They are not

0:14:03.440 --> 0:14:06.120
<v Speaker 1>going to get divorced. They have announced that they are

0:14:06.160 --> 0:14:08.960
<v Speaker 1>going to live separately. They're going to go their separate ways.

0:14:09.160 --> 0:14:11.160
<v Speaker 1>They're going to share their real estate that they love,

0:14:11.280 --> 0:14:14.400
<v Speaker 1>and share their houses and all that good stuff. But

0:14:15.920 --> 0:14:17.640
<v Speaker 1>they're not going to be together. They're going to date

0:14:17.679 --> 0:14:18.160
<v Speaker 1>other people.

0:14:19.040 --> 0:14:21.080
<v Speaker 2>Okay, So here's what I was trying to figure out though.

0:14:21.200 --> 0:14:22.760
<v Speaker 2>Are they still living together?

0:14:23.200 --> 0:14:26.080
<v Speaker 1>Well, no, they are separating. They are not planning divorce.

0:14:26.160 --> 0:14:29.240
<v Speaker 1>They said they will date other people. There're going to

0:14:29.240 --> 0:14:31.600
<v Speaker 1>continue to share the park How I took that as

0:14:32.160 --> 0:14:36.239
<v Speaker 1>share it as in they probably have other residences.

0:14:36.400 --> 0:14:38.760
<v Speaker 2>I took they will continue to share the park Slope

0:14:38.800 --> 0:14:41.880
<v Speaker 2>townhouse where they raise their two children, now in their twenties,

0:14:42.440 --> 0:14:44.800
<v Speaker 2>that they might both still live there.

0:14:45.760 --> 0:14:48.840
<v Speaker 1>That I don't know. So I don't know, but I

0:14:48.880 --> 0:14:52.720
<v Speaker 1>do like the fact that I understand this is getting

0:14:52.760 --> 0:14:56.280
<v Speaker 1>more and more common of people separating but not getting divorced.

0:14:56.280 --> 0:14:59.960
<v Speaker 1>I was just in Scottsdale playing golf and this guy

0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:02.960
<v Speaker 1>I was playing golf with. I said, you know you married.

0:15:03.000 --> 0:15:05.600
<v Speaker 1>He says yeah, But I said but he's like, but

0:15:05.680 --> 0:15:11.200
<v Speaker 1>I have a girlfriend. I said, wow. Explain He says, well,

0:15:12.120 --> 0:15:14.480
<v Speaker 1>my wife and I don't want to get divorced. It's

0:15:14.560 --> 0:15:17.000
<v Speaker 1>just too big of a deal. There's too much to separate.

0:15:17.120 --> 0:15:21.120
<v Speaker 1>If this is economically doesn't make sense. It makes much

0:15:21.120 --> 0:15:23.640
<v Speaker 1>more sense for us just to stay married. We both understand.

0:15:23.680 --> 0:15:26.120
<v Speaker 1>We live separately. We got her a house, I have

0:15:26.160 --> 0:15:29.200
<v Speaker 1>a house. We date. We're very open with the people

0:15:29.240 --> 0:15:33.960
<v Speaker 1>were dating. My concern and my thought was if I

0:15:34.040 --> 0:15:37.800
<v Speaker 1>had done this and I came to you and we

0:15:37.880 --> 0:15:43.400
<v Speaker 1>fell in love like we did at some point, don't

0:15:43.440 --> 0:15:47.120
<v Speaker 1>you want me to be more serious about getting out

0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:50.800
<v Speaker 1>of that last relationship and committing to you. I would

0:15:50.800 --> 0:15:51.160
<v Speaker 1>want that.

0:15:52.480 --> 0:15:55.120
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean I think that it's well, first of all,

0:15:55.120 --> 0:15:57.160
<v Speaker 2>I think it's maybe an age thing and a life

0:15:57.200 --> 0:16:00.000
<v Speaker 2>place thing, like I remember meeting. I think it was

0:16:00.000 --> 0:16:01.760
<v Speaker 2>that's an aesthetian I met one time and she was

0:16:01.800 --> 0:16:04.160
<v Speaker 2>just telling me about her life, and she said, I

0:16:04.200 --> 0:16:06.360
<v Speaker 2>think it was a massage therapist. And she said her

0:16:06.400 --> 0:16:10.000
<v Speaker 2>and her ex were split up but not divorced, and

0:16:10.040 --> 0:16:12.760
<v Speaker 2>they still live together. And she said they had a

0:16:12.840 --> 0:16:15.040
<v Speaker 2>nine year old son, so it was to kind of

0:16:15.120 --> 0:16:17.600
<v Speaker 2>keep things stable for their son, and it was an

0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:20.320
<v Speaker 2>economics thing, like she's like, we can't really afford to

0:16:20.320 --> 0:16:22.360
<v Speaker 2>have two households, and I think that's a very growing

0:16:22.400 --> 0:16:25.120
<v Speaker 2>problem for people now. So I understand that, and it's

0:16:25.120 --> 0:16:27.400
<v Speaker 2>great for their kid. But she also said, well, the

0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:29.320
<v Speaker 2>only problem is it's been a couple years of this.

0:16:29.360 --> 0:16:31.560
<v Speaker 2>It's been okay. But she said, now I do want

0:16:31.560 --> 0:16:33.520
<v Speaker 2>to date again, and I do think that's going to

0:16:33.520 --> 0:16:37.320
<v Speaker 2>be an issue. I think for Mayor Deblasio and his wife,

0:16:37.920 --> 0:16:40.320
<v Speaker 2>maybe they've just been married so long and kind of

0:16:40.400 --> 0:16:43.880
<v Speaker 2>have slowly grown apart for so older. The kids are

0:16:43.880 --> 0:16:46.040
<v Speaker 2>in their twenties, I think they can handle dating other

0:16:46.120 --> 0:16:48.080
<v Speaker 2>people and be a bit more at peace with that.

0:16:48.200 --> 0:16:50.520
<v Speaker 2>But I think if the relationships a newer breakup and

0:16:50.600 --> 0:16:52.600
<v Speaker 2>you're younger and your kids are younger, it might not

0:16:52.680 --> 0:16:58.520
<v Speaker 2>be so easy. I definitely huh.

0:16:58.600 --> 0:17:02.960
<v Speaker 1>I found it healthy, but I found it problematic just

0:17:03.080 --> 0:17:05.480
<v Speaker 1>in my own again, relating it to my own life

0:17:05.520 --> 0:17:08.880
<v Speaker 1>and dating and maybe if you're in your upper sixties seventies,

0:17:08.920 --> 0:17:10.440
<v Speaker 1>you just know you're not going to get married again,

0:17:10.480 --> 0:17:13.720
<v Speaker 1>but you can't rule that out. You can't rule out

0:17:13.800 --> 0:17:16.560
<v Speaker 1>falling in love, finding that special someone, and look, you

0:17:16.560 --> 0:17:18.719
<v Speaker 1>can jump off that bridge when you get there and

0:17:18.800 --> 0:17:20.879
<v Speaker 1>deal with it. But I could just imagine sitting down

0:17:21.280 --> 0:17:24.760
<v Speaker 1>and you having that conversation with me of Okay, we're

0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:27.040
<v Speaker 1>really serious about this. I've said I love you, and

0:17:27.920 --> 0:17:30.600
<v Speaker 1>you're like, okay. So here's the thing. My husband and

0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:36.040
<v Speaker 1>I aren't getting a divorce economically, so that becomes problematic.

0:17:36.800 --> 0:17:39.280
<v Speaker 1>It puts a wall up at some point, we can

0:17:39.320 --> 0:17:41.320
<v Speaker 1>only go so far. We have a glass ceiling in

0:17:41.359 --> 0:17:42.119
<v Speaker 1>our relationship.

0:17:42.160 --> 0:17:45.239
<v Speaker 2>Now I agree with you. I think there's you're going

0:17:45.280 --> 0:17:47.280
<v Speaker 2>to reach a certain point where it's okay, well, like

0:17:47.640 --> 0:17:51.960
<v Speaker 2>am I your emergency contact right? And you start to

0:17:52.040 --> 0:17:55.359
<v Speaker 2>feel a little weird. It starts to feel a little painful.

0:17:55.440 --> 0:17:57.679
<v Speaker 2>You don't want your new partner to feel hurt by it,

0:17:57.960 --> 0:17:59.639
<v Speaker 2>And I do think it would get to that point.

0:18:00.040 --> 0:18:02.120
<v Speaker 2>I mean, actually now I'm remembering, and I kind of forgot.

0:18:02.920 --> 0:18:05.719
<v Speaker 2>I didn't. I wasn't when I was getting a divorce.

0:18:06.400 --> 0:18:10.320
<v Speaker 2>We just like weren't too stressed about the paperwork. So

0:18:11.480 --> 0:18:13.920
<v Speaker 2>there were a couple months there, I mean several months

0:18:14.000 --> 0:18:17.359
<v Speaker 2>we were completely fully separated, but we just hadn't like

0:18:17.640 --> 0:18:21.600
<v Speaker 2>signed the documents. Yeah, And it was nothing other than

0:18:21.760 --> 0:18:25.679
<v Speaker 2>just we were totally peacefully separated and broken up. But

0:18:26.480 --> 0:18:28.679
<v Speaker 2>I don't know. It's a document. That is what's a

0:18:28.680 --> 0:18:30.360
<v Speaker 2>little silly about marriage. At the end of the day.

0:18:30.400 --> 0:18:34.000
<v Speaker 2>Sometimes the vows matter to me, the commitment matters to me,

0:18:34.119 --> 0:18:36.160
<v Speaker 2>But then there's that piece of paper where it's like

0:18:36.480 --> 0:18:38.480
<v Speaker 2>which is the same as you know, you probably sign

0:18:38.560 --> 0:18:40.120
<v Speaker 2>more to buy a house than you do to get married.

0:18:40.240 --> 0:18:40.760
<v Speaker 2>It's way more.

0:18:41.160 --> 0:18:44.400
<v Speaker 1>But when you get unmarried divorced, that's when you got

0:18:44.400 --> 0:18:48.280
<v Speaker 1>to then go back and try and unwint everything. You

0:18:48.320 --> 0:18:50.879
<v Speaker 1>brought up something interesting with the Deblasia thing about sharing

0:18:50.880 --> 0:18:53.679
<v Speaker 1>a house, and this is something I found when.

0:18:53.760 --> 0:18:56.040
<v Speaker 2>This was interesting to me. If they're living together still

0:18:56.040 --> 0:18:57.000
<v Speaker 2>in data, that's it.

0:18:57.240 --> 0:19:00.600
<v Speaker 1>When I was going through my divorce figuring out what

0:19:00.640 --> 0:19:02.320
<v Speaker 1>I was going to do with the kids, it was

0:19:02.359 --> 0:19:06.120
<v Speaker 1>brought up to me by I think a therapist had mentioned, well,

0:19:06.400 --> 0:19:09.080
<v Speaker 1>are you going to have the kids go back and forth?

0:19:09.200 --> 0:19:11.560
<v Speaker 1>Or are you guys going back and forth? I said,

0:19:11.720 --> 0:19:13.800
<v Speaker 1>I don't understand. She said, well, what a lot of

0:19:13.840 --> 0:19:16.600
<v Speaker 1>parents are doing is the mom and the dad will

0:19:16.600 --> 0:19:19.240
<v Speaker 1>have another place to live, but they the kids will

0:19:19.280 --> 0:19:22.400
<v Speaker 1>stay at the central home, the home that you've had

0:19:22.800 --> 0:19:24.240
<v Speaker 1>the parents come in and out.

0:19:24.400 --> 0:19:26.600
<v Speaker 2>So you got to have three places of residence amongst

0:19:26.640 --> 0:19:28.760
<v Speaker 2>the two or three, you had to have three in

0:19:28.800 --> 0:19:31.240
<v Speaker 2>that case, or the mom and dad switch places and

0:19:31.280 --> 0:19:33.760
<v Speaker 2>they go to their other apartment or house or wait

0:19:33.840 --> 0:19:35.720
<v Speaker 2>and they alternate sharing the same house. So you would

0:19:35.760 --> 0:19:37.480
<v Speaker 2>go back seat of two houses, one where the kids

0:19:37.520 --> 0:19:39.440
<v Speaker 2>there or three, yes, and then mom and dad would

0:19:39.440 --> 0:19:41.640
<v Speaker 2>take turns being in the second house if they're only there,

0:19:41.760 --> 0:19:42.040
<v Speaker 2>so the.

0:19:42.000 --> 0:19:46.480
<v Speaker 1>Kids keep their bedroom, they stay. Everything's normal. I think

0:19:46.560 --> 0:19:49.199
<v Speaker 1>that is. And look if it's working for you, and

0:19:49.240 --> 0:19:51.240
<v Speaker 1>I know there's people doing that, and maybe look reach

0:19:51.280 --> 0:19:54.320
<v Speaker 1>out to us and our messages and comments below. If

0:19:54.359 --> 0:19:57.159
<v Speaker 1>you are doing this, I would find it fascinating to

0:19:57.200 --> 0:19:59.119
<v Speaker 1>talk to somebody of how this works.

0:19:59.280 --> 0:20:01.480
<v Speaker 2>If you have an money to do three residents is

0:20:01.520 --> 0:20:04.280
<v Speaker 2>I think that sounds great. The kids can stay stable,

0:20:04.320 --> 0:20:06.359
<v Speaker 2>they don't have to pack their bags every week. But

0:20:06.440 --> 0:20:08.480
<v Speaker 2>if you only have the money to have too, let's

0:20:08.480 --> 0:20:10.919
<v Speaker 2>think about this. The kids are at one house and

0:20:10.960 --> 0:20:13.240
<v Speaker 2>then mom and dad take turns in the other house.

0:20:13.320 --> 0:20:16.120
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so you're going because you really are taking turns

0:20:17.200 --> 0:20:20.000
<v Speaker 1>back and you're like, do they wash the sheet? Different bedrooms?

0:20:20.040 --> 0:20:21.760
<v Speaker 1>We need at least a two bedroom in the other.

0:20:21.640 --> 0:20:24.840
<v Speaker 2>House help in the drawer. There their toothpaste. That's a

0:20:24.840 --> 0:20:25.360
<v Speaker 2>little dark.

0:20:25.480 --> 0:20:27.679
<v Speaker 1>It would be dark, but it happens. And it was

0:20:27.720 --> 0:20:29.560
<v Speaker 1>something that was brought up to me, and we didn't

0:20:29.600 --> 0:20:32.119
<v Speaker 1>do that. We did the shared fifty to fifty. But

0:20:32.680 --> 0:20:36.000
<v Speaker 1>I just found it how healthy you need that relationship

0:20:36.040 --> 0:20:38.639
<v Speaker 1>to be to pull that off, and so to blase

0:20:38.680 --> 0:20:40.320
<v Speaker 1>you at the end of the day was an example

0:20:40.359 --> 0:20:42.800
<v Speaker 1>of how divorce is being done right.

0:20:43.119 --> 0:20:45.480
<v Speaker 2>And I love that it's evolving. I do think we

0:20:45.600 --> 0:20:48.760
<v Speaker 2>as a society are evolving more and judging less and

0:20:48.800 --> 0:20:51.359
<v Speaker 2>being more open to Like, to me, the health of

0:20:51.400 --> 0:20:54.560
<v Speaker 2>the family and everybody being in a happy place is

0:20:54.560 --> 0:20:57.320
<v Speaker 2>what's most important, right, So how do you get there?

0:20:57.800 --> 0:21:00.399
<v Speaker 2>And again, build bridges, don't burn them. It doesn't have

0:21:00.560 --> 0:21:05.480
<v Speaker 2>to be a messy split. I do think the dating

0:21:06.119 --> 0:21:08.080
<v Speaker 2>if you were still living with your ex would be hard,

0:21:09.000 --> 0:21:10.840
<v Speaker 2>And as I sit here thinking about it now, I'm

0:21:10.880 --> 0:21:13.680
<v Speaker 2>really thinking, like, say, when you and I had started dating,

0:21:14.520 --> 0:21:17.760
<v Speaker 2>you were still married, I think that would have actually,

0:21:17.960 --> 0:21:19.800
<v Speaker 2>as progressive as I'm trying to sound, I think it

0:21:19.800 --> 0:21:21.520
<v Speaker 2>would have been like a little bit of a red

0:21:21.560 --> 0:21:24.760
<v Speaker 2>flag to me in the beginning, actually, because you'd been

0:21:24.760 --> 0:21:28.000
<v Speaker 2>married so long, like, maybe tell me if I'm Wrongry.

0:21:27.640 --> 0:21:30.639
<v Speaker 1>Are you that line? Are you still? Who is really over?

0:21:31.000 --> 0:21:33.000
<v Speaker 2>That's what I would have to wonder, because I think

0:21:33.000 --> 0:21:34.680
<v Speaker 2>if someone had only been married a couple of years

0:21:34.720 --> 0:21:36.840
<v Speaker 2>and they were like, we split up, it didn't work out.

0:21:36.920 --> 0:21:38.800
<v Speaker 2>But if it was this long marriage and there were

0:21:38.800 --> 0:21:41.640
<v Speaker 2>still kids involved, I would wonder, Okay, but but why

0:21:41.800 --> 0:21:44.760
<v Speaker 2>haven't you got divorced? Are there still feelings there? And

0:21:44.760 --> 0:21:45.439
<v Speaker 2>that would scare me.

0:21:57.640 --> 0:22:02.600
<v Speaker 1>Divorces are evolving, some are dissolving, some just will not

0:22:02.720 --> 0:22:08.040
<v Speaker 1>move forward. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, they have been

0:22:08.040 --> 0:22:09.760
<v Speaker 1>getting divorced for over seven years now.

0:22:09.800 --> 0:22:11.280
<v Speaker 2>I got to tell you I'm judging them at this

0:22:11.359 --> 0:22:14.760
<v Speaker 2>point because the latest is a filing that's come to light.

0:22:14.800 --> 0:22:18.439
<v Speaker 2>Where was it? Her side called him a petulant child.

0:22:18.840 --> 0:22:23.399
<v Speaker 1>It's about Chateau Mervol the vas by the way, and

0:22:23.440 --> 0:22:25.880
<v Speaker 1>so they bought this together in two thousand and eight,

0:22:26.400 --> 0:22:30.320
<v Speaker 1>and her people are saying that he has been engaged

0:22:30.400 --> 0:22:33.560
<v Speaker 1>in a vindictive campaign to dominate and loot the wine

0:22:33.600 --> 0:22:36.119
<v Speaker 1>business that the couple had built and owned together. And

0:22:36.160 --> 0:22:39.960
<v Speaker 1>as Lauren just said, Pitt, this is her side speaking.

0:22:40.000 --> 0:22:43.760
<v Speaker 1>Pitt has acted like a petulant child, refusing to treat Nouvelle,

0:22:43.800 --> 0:22:46.959
<v Speaker 1>which is Jolie's camp, as an equal partner in the business.

0:22:47.320 --> 0:22:51.840
<v Speaker 1>So this is just a you know what, measuring contest

0:22:51.920 --> 0:22:52.639
<v Speaker 1>between the two of them.

0:22:52.840 --> 0:22:55.760
<v Speaker 2>This is a he said, She said, mud slinging. I

0:22:55.800 --> 0:22:58.440
<v Speaker 2>don't even as someone who you know. And it's hard

0:22:58.440 --> 0:23:02.280
<v Speaker 2>for celebrities because we're hearing about all this news in

0:23:02.320 --> 0:23:04.560
<v Speaker 2>the public and then you know, people will say, are

0:23:04.560 --> 0:23:07.280
<v Speaker 2>you team Brad or team Angelina? And eventually you become

0:23:07.359 --> 0:23:10.080
<v Speaker 2>team No. One because so much he said, she said,

0:23:10.080 --> 0:23:11.359
<v Speaker 2>and I don't know what the truth is.

0:23:11.480 --> 0:23:15.639
<v Speaker 1>I get it over over for you.

0:23:15.800 --> 0:23:17.600
<v Speaker 2>Imagine the millions.

0:23:17.680 --> 0:23:19.600
<v Speaker 1>I said the same thing. I was thinking the same

0:23:19.640 --> 0:23:23.000
<v Speaker 1>thing on lawyers. I wrote down here legal fees. What

0:23:23.080 --> 0:23:27.960
<v Speaker 1>are the legal fees? And how I wonder how in

0:23:28.040 --> 0:23:30.959
<v Speaker 1>touch Angelina and Brad are. I know they have so

0:23:31.200 --> 0:23:34.280
<v Speaker 1>many people in their camp, if they have any idea

0:23:34.320 --> 0:23:36.359
<v Speaker 1>how much they've spent or at this point are they

0:23:36.440 --> 0:23:39.080
<v Speaker 1>so bitter? Which is so funny because it's so anti

0:23:39.160 --> 0:23:40.960
<v Speaker 1>mister and missus Smith. When they hooked up in the

0:23:40.960 --> 0:23:43.200
<v Speaker 1>first place, which was just this raw.

0:23:44.600 --> 0:23:47.479
<v Speaker 2>Chemistry. Watch that man, which by the way, I remember

0:23:47.520 --> 0:23:49.040
<v Speaker 2>he was with Jennit No if if.

0:23:48.960 --> 0:23:52.280
<v Speaker 1>You're Jennifer Aniston, I still can't watch that film because

0:23:52.320 --> 0:23:53.479
<v Speaker 1>you just I mean it is.

0:23:53.760 --> 0:23:56.080
<v Speaker 2>And I still feel bad for her because her life

0:23:56.119 --> 0:23:59.280
<v Speaker 2>since they split has been like very much defined through

0:23:59.280 --> 0:24:01.440
<v Speaker 2>no choice of her by this split. But regardless, we

0:24:01.480 --> 0:24:02.600
<v Speaker 2>can't get into all this but.

0:24:03.119 --> 0:24:06.880
<v Speaker 1>The legal fees, and I just how toxic this has

0:24:06.960 --> 0:24:07.280
<v Speaker 1>to be.

0:24:07.600 --> 0:24:10.840
<v Speaker 2>Knowing some of the look in Hollywood. It's a very

0:24:10.880 --> 0:24:15.240
<v Speaker 2>small group of attorneys who do major divorces, Like you

0:24:16.040 --> 0:24:18.600
<v Speaker 2>know the names that are thrown around. Laura Wasser's a

0:24:18.600 --> 0:24:22.399
<v Speaker 2>big one. They represent you know the Kardashians or Jennifer Garner,

0:24:23.359 --> 0:24:26.840
<v Speaker 2>you know Angelina Juliet's. There's just a few attorneys. I

0:24:26.960 --> 0:24:30.359
<v Speaker 2>know how much those attorneys cost. You do too, Yeah, Yes,

0:24:30.560 --> 0:24:33.880
<v Speaker 2>I knew someone who went through a divorce, a split

0:24:34.160 --> 0:24:37.360
<v Speaker 2>situation that was only like two years, and I think

0:24:37.400 --> 0:24:40.000
<v Speaker 2>something like five million dollars or more in legal fees

0:24:40.040 --> 0:24:43.399
<v Speaker 2>were spent. There is so much money and one piece

0:24:43.440 --> 0:24:45.520
<v Speaker 2>of advice I think you and I both give to

0:24:45.680 --> 0:24:49.000
<v Speaker 2>anybody who's getting divorced, whether their kids are involved or not.

0:24:49.119 --> 0:24:50.720
<v Speaker 2>But I was just telling this to a friend of

0:24:50.760 --> 0:24:54.000
<v Speaker 2>mine the other day who's getting divorced. If you can

0:24:54.119 --> 0:24:59.320
<v Speaker 2>avoid using attorneys, avoid it because all you are doing

0:24:59.440 --> 0:25:02.320
<v Speaker 2>is spending money that could be going to your life

0:25:02.440 --> 0:25:04.360
<v Speaker 2>or more importantly to your kids one day.

0:25:04.440 --> 0:25:07.040
<v Speaker 1>Try and do it yourself if you can, before you

0:25:07.119 --> 0:25:11.400
<v Speaker 1>go into mediation. Go to mediation to legally. You can

0:25:11.440 --> 0:25:14.560
<v Speaker 1>do that without lawyers. You could each have a lawyer

0:25:14.560 --> 0:25:16.520
<v Speaker 1>on the side, but if you can do it without,

0:25:16.640 --> 0:25:19.919
<v Speaker 1>it is a very inexpensive way. And the thing is

0:25:19.960 --> 0:25:22.560
<v Speaker 1>how many people know the economics in their house and

0:25:22.920 --> 0:25:26.760
<v Speaker 1>know the accounting of what's actually there. That's where it

0:25:26.760 --> 0:25:30.399
<v Speaker 1>gets sticky. But this Brad and Angelina thing, please please

0:25:30.520 --> 0:25:34.640
<v Speaker 1>let it go. Another divorce. That's actually it's very peaceful,

0:25:34.720 --> 0:25:37.199
<v Speaker 1>very amicable, but it brought something else. And look, we

0:25:37.280 --> 0:25:39.040
<v Speaker 1>believe in marriage for all. Here at the most dramatic

0:25:39.080 --> 0:25:43.920
<v Speaker 1>podcast ever, Billy Porter and Adam Smith divorces for everybody

0:25:43.960 --> 0:25:48.200
<v Speaker 1>as well. After six years they have gotten a divorce.

0:25:48.840 --> 0:25:51.000
<v Speaker 2>Well, I think what you liked about the headline was

0:25:51.359 --> 0:25:54.280
<v Speaker 2>the spin which the headline was after more than half

0:25:54.280 --> 0:25:57.359
<v Speaker 2>a decade together, so we were like six years six years.

0:25:57.440 --> 0:25:59.240
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, they really made it seem like they've been together

0:25:59.320 --> 0:26:01.720
<v Speaker 1>for quite some time. But I don't know Billy Porter.

0:26:01.760 --> 0:26:04.240
<v Speaker 1>I don't know Adam Smith, but what I took from

0:26:04.280 --> 0:26:06.360
<v Speaker 1>it was this, And when I was reading about them,

0:26:06.359 --> 0:26:08.879
<v Speaker 1>I didn't know anything about their relationship. They met No. Nine,

0:26:09.520 --> 0:26:13.320
<v Speaker 1>they dated for a year, they broke up. Five years

0:26:13.400 --> 0:26:17.239
<v Speaker 1>later they ran it back again. Oh interesting, Then they

0:26:17.280 --> 0:26:19.600
<v Speaker 1>got married, like six months later, they got engaged and

0:26:19.640 --> 0:26:22.960
<v Speaker 1>then got married. So what struck me in this whole

0:26:23.000 --> 0:26:26.080
<v Speaker 1>thing was running it back.

0:26:26.080 --> 0:26:30.439
<v Speaker 2>There, the unicorn relationship that you always say is almost

0:26:30.480 --> 0:26:33.119
<v Speaker 2>impossible to find that they got back together and it worked.

0:26:33.119 --> 0:26:33.399
<v Speaker 1>Did it?

0:26:33.840 --> 0:26:34.000
<v Speaker 2>Oh?

0:26:34.040 --> 0:26:36.800
<v Speaker 1>Well, I mean that's that's that was my point of Look,

0:26:36.960 --> 0:26:41.040
<v Speaker 1>six years is a very successful run, I guess, and

0:26:41.359 --> 0:26:43.359
<v Speaker 1>this has been very very clean in the press and

0:26:43.400 --> 0:26:45.720
<v Speaker 1>amicable and all that stuff. I just took it as

0:26:46.080 --> 0:26:48.560
<v Speaker 1>very interesting of does it ever work when you go

0:26:48.720 --> 0:26:52.040
<v Speaker 1>back and you know they met, they obviously had some chemistry,

0:26:52.080 --> 0:26:53.879
<v Speaker 1>but then they parted ways for a reason.

0:26:54.000 --> 0:26:55.960
<v Speaker 2>Oh so you're really you're actually proving your point.

0:26:56.240 --> 0:26:58.920
<v Speaker 1>They parted ways for a reason, then they got back together.

0:26:59.520 --> 0:27:02.240
<v Speaker 1>Was that because it was comfortable, It's something they knew.

0:27:03.119 --> 0:27:05.640
<v Speaker 1>And then they got married, and then you realize there

0:27:05.680 --> 0:27:07.440
<v Speaker 1>was a reason we weren't together in the first world.

0:27:07.560 --> 0:27:11.600
<v Speaker 2>Oh, gosh, you've proven it yourself right again. I can't

0:27:11.720 --> 0:27:12.320
<v Speaker 2>argue with that.

0:27:12.400 --> 0:27:13.760
<v Speaker 1>Billy Porter proved it for us.

0:27:14.200 --> 0:27:16.359
<v Speaker 2>I have interviewed him on carpets many times, and he

0:27:16.400 --> 0:27:21.000
<v Speaker 2>has always got that one of the most charismatic theatrical

0:27:21.280 --> 0:27:24.160
<v Speaker 2>interviews I've ever done. Like he delivers in an interview,

0:27:24.240 --> 0:27:26.080
<v Speaker 2>he is interesting things to say. He makes it fun.

0:27:26.119 --> 0:27:28.520
<v Speaker 2>I just always looked forward to interviewing him so much

0:27:28.800 --> 0:27:31.160
<v Speaker 2>interesting we now that I think about it, I don't

0:27:31.200 --> 0:27:33.200
<v Speaker 2>think I ever interviewed him with his husband. He was

0:27:33.280 --> 0:27:34.359
<v Speaker 2>usually solo on carpet.

0:27:34.400 --> 0:27:36.680
<v Speaker 1>They did appear, you know, they appeared on several carpets

0:27:36.680 --> 0:27:41.359
<v Speaker 1>together and did some appearances. They weren't crazy out in

0:27:41.359 --> 0:27:43.200
<v Speaker 1>the public eye, but they were from time to time.

0:27:43.280 --> 0:27:45.480
<v Speaker 2>All right, Well, now that we've brought up some headlines

0:27:45.520 --> 0:27:49.560
<v Speaker 2>and almost given different examples for our hypotheses here in

0:27:49.600 --> 0:27:52.640
<v Speaker 2>this research paper of a podcast on whether we will

0:27:52.680 --> 0:27:55.280
<v Speaker 2>still be getting married, I want to go to a

0:27:55.320 --> 0:27:58.840
<v Speaker 2>couple of the questions that our wonderful producer Kendall posed

0:27:58.880 --> 0:28:01.160
<v Speaker 2>for us. She sent us a down of the headlines

0:28:01.200 --> 0:28:03.240
<v Speaker 2>to go over, and at the top she kind of

0:28:03.240 --> 0:28:05.840
<v Speaker 2>posed some questions, Kendall, I think you might be playing

0:28:05.960 --> 0:28:10.520
<v Speaker 2>therapist here. One of them that she gave us was, well,

0:28:10.560 --> 0:28:13.240
<v Speaker 2>c H and LZ, you have both gone through a divorce.

0:28:13.760 --> 0:28:16.159
<v Speaker 2>Why is it important to the two of you to

0:28:16.240 --> 0:28:22.120
<v Speaker 2>get married again? Okay, I'll tell I'll go first, because actually,

0:28:22.680 --> 0:28:26.520
<v Speaker 2>something you said on the podcast, on another podcast episode

0:28:26.840 --> 0:28:30.680
<v Speaker 2>very much affected me and really made me think about it. Well,

0:28:30.760 --> 0:28:33.679
<v Speaker 2>I think I I just felt like it was so

0:28:34.040 --> 0:28:37.200
<v Speaker 2>natural for us like to get married. It really wasn't

0:28:37.200 --> 0:28:38.840
<v Speaker 2>a question. I think we both knew for a couple

0:28:38.880 --> 0:28:42.560
<v Speaker 2>of years this is the person and that was great.

0:28:43.720 --> 0:28:47.360
<v Speaker 2>But that being said, what's the difference between just naturally

0:28:47.440 --> 0:28:53.400
<v Speaker 2>progressing versus really finding marriage meaningful? And actually, it was

0:28:53.440 --> 0:28:56.760
<v Speaker 2>an episode of the podcast where you said, well, I

0:28:56.800 --> 0:28:59.120
<v Speaker 2>wanted to make those vows to you and it is

0:28:59.280 --> 0:29:02.800
<v Speaker 2>religious to me on some level. That totally stuck with

0:29:02.920 --> 0:29:06.520
<v Speaker 2>me and changed my mind and I realized, oh, kind

0:29:06.560 --> 0:29:14.000
<v Speaker 2>of for the first time, I really want to I

0:29:14.000 --> 0:29:16.320
<v Speaker 2>don't care where we get married, when, how whatever, but

0:29:16.680 --> 0:29:19.200
<v Speaker 2>the most important thing, and it's part of me maturing

0:29:19.960 --> 0:29:23.760
<v Speaker 2>is making those vows. And it really hit me. So

0:29:24.120 --> 0:29:25.200
<v Speaker 2>you made that difference for me.

0:29:25.520 --> 0:29:28.720
<v Speaker 1>I love to kind of add on and piggyback on

0:29:28.760 --> 0:29:32.040
<v Speaker 1>what you're saying. What I loved about our relationship is

0:29:32.080 --> 0:29:35.680
<v Speaker 1>that it was completely organic and it did just grow

0:29:35.720 --> 0:29:38.240
<v Speaker 1>on its own, and it got to places where we

0:29:38.480 --> 0:29:41.600
<v Speaker 1>met at the same time with the same thought of

0:29:42.360 --> 0:29:45.960
<v Speaker 1>let's be public about our relationship, let's tell everybody we're dating,

0:29:46.400 --> 0:29:48.560
<v Speaker 1>and then we kind of got to this point in

0:29:48.640 --> 0:29:52.200
<v Speaker 1>our relationship, at least I did, where I don't want

0:29:52.240 --> 0:29:55.160
<v Speaker 1>to just call her my girlfriend or my partner. I'm

0:29:55.200 --> 0:29:58.200
<v Speaker 1>not cool enough for life partner, so it just felt

0:29:58.200 --> 0:30:00.320
<v Speaker 1>like I wanted to take that next step. So what

0:30:00.400 --> 0:30:03.800
<v Speaker 1>I loved is that I felt like our love grew

0:30:04.560 --> 0:30:08.840
<v Speaker 1>not out of necessity, because it wasn't about having kids,

0:30:09.360 --> 0:30:14.560
<v Speaker 1>it wasn't about anything financial. It was just love and

0:30:14.600 --> 0:30:17.960
<v Speaker 1>it was just this amazing friendship and this love affair

0:30:18.040 --> 0:30:21.360
<v Speaker 1>that grew. And that's what I've enjoyed the most is

0:30:21.400 --> 0:30:24.600
<v Speaker 1>that you kind of no strings attached. I guess, for

0:30:24.720 --> 0:30:29.960
<v Speaker 1>lack of a more romantic term of we only do things.

0:30:30.040 --> 0:30:32.080
<v Speaker 1>I have only done things because I want to.

0:30:32.720 --> 0:30:34.760
<v Speaker 2>Like, it didn't feel like, oh, I should be getting

0:30:34.760 --> 0:30:36.480
<v Speaker 2>married now because I'm in a page, or oh it's

0:30:36.480 --> 0:30:37.280
<v Speaker 2>time to have kids.

0:30:37.520 --> 0:30:41.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm fifty one, now I should get married, you know,

0:30:41.200 --> 0:30:44.640
<v Speaker 1>I did that, and I had had children, and you

0:30:44.640 --> 0:30:48.480
<v Speaker 1>know we both have been down that aisle before, so

0:30:48.520 --> 0:30:51.479
<v Speaker 1>it just it allowed us to breathe and allowed our

0:30:51.520 --> 0:30:54.120
<v Speaker 1>relationship to just find its way. And then yeah, when

0:30:54.120 --> 0:30:56.320
<v Speaker 1>it becomes important to me to take that step, and

0:30:56.360 --> 0:30:58.120
<v Speaker 1>you mentioned all the way back to the kids of

0:30:58.480 --> 0:31:01.320
<v Speaker 1>I want them to see. I want our love to

0:31:01.320 --> 0:31:04.760
<v Speaker 1>be a shining example. It doesn't mean it's perfect, it

0:31:04.800 --> 0:31:09.240
<v Speaker 1>doesn't even guarantee that it works, but it means that

0:31:09.400 --> 0:31:10.640
<v Speaker 1>much to us now.

0:31:11.280 --> 0:31:14.880
<v Speaker 2>Kendall also asked, well, do you think a marriage can last?

0:31:15.400 --> 0:31:17.080
<v Speaker 2>Can it last thirty or more years?

0:31:17.720 --> 0:31:17.800
<v Speaker 1>No?

0:31:18.360 --> 0:31:22.600
<v Speaker 2>Oh, my gosh, no, I think of course. And that

0:31:22.800 --> 0:31:27.360
<v Speaker 2>is an important positive thing to note here. As much

0:31:27.360 --> 0:31:30.960
<v Speaker 2>as celebrity breakups make headlines because people love drama, we

0:31:31.000 --> 0:31:34.640
<v Speaker 2>all do, but I look at the people in our life,

0:31:34.680 --> 0:31:39.440
<v Speaker 2>our friends, for example. We know so many couples who've

0:31:39.440 --> 0:31:41.840
<v Speaker 2>been together for decades, and one of my favorite things

0:31:41.840 --> 0:31:44.920
<v Speaker 2>to see with our friends is that there's still affection there.

0:31:45.360 --> 0:31:47.360
<v Speaker 2>We know couples who've been together so long and they

0:31:47.400 --> 0:31:50.160
<v Speaker 2>still hold hands, or we see them kiss each other

0:31:50.200 --> 0:31:52.760
<v Speaker 2>and do sweet things for each other and still are

0:31:52.880 --> 0:31:55.920
<v Speaker 2>dating and still are affectionate and obsessed with each other

0:31:56.000 --> 0:31:58.920
<v Speaker 2>in that way, and I think it's important for your

0:31:58.960 --> 0:32:02.160
<v Speaker 2>relationship to surround yourself with couples who set that example to.

0:32:02.400 --> 0:32:05.360
<v Speaker 1>You were the same the people around you. I totally

0:32:05.400 --> 0:32:05.960
<v Speaker 1>believe in that.

0:32:06.120 --> 0:32:08.320
<v Speaker 2>And they're celebrity couples. We still believe in. Tom Hanks

0:32:08.360 --> 0:32:11.360
<v Speaker 2>and Rita Wilson, still going strong, still speaking highly of

0:32:11.400 --> 0:32:18.160
<v Speaker 2>each other, Oprah and Stedman, Nicole and Nicole and keithy Oh,

0:32:18.160 --> 0:32:19.080
<v Speaker 2>they're so cute together.

0:32:19.160 --> 0:32:21.720
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, they are on a red carpet. They are. They

0:32:21.720 --> 0:32:22.880
<v Speaker 1>have that chemistry in that matter.

0:32:22.960 --> 0:32:24.560
<v Speaker 2>By the way, you know, there have been some Bachelor

0:32:24.600 --> 0:32:28.000
<v Speaker 2>couple divorces, but like gosh, Sean and Catherine, I mean,

0:32:28.080 --> 0:32:30.400
<v Speaker 2>still the gold standard out there, Adam.

0:32:30.120 --> 0:32:34.080
<v Speaker 1>And Raven and Tristan Ryan, and there are many many

0:32:35.160 --> 0:32:38.760
<v Speaker 1>Bachelor what Ari and Lauren, Ashley and Jared. Yeah, Ashley,

0:32:39.240 --> 0:32:43.440
<v Speaker 1>I mean talk about the great comeback story of all time,

0:32:43.880 --> 0:32:45.400
<v Speaker 1>someone who manifested love.

0:32:45.560 --> 0:32:48.240
<v Speaker 2>Okay, wait, did they run it back? No, they just

0:32:48.240 --> 0:32:49.920
<v Speaker 2>took forever to find it and.

0:32:49.880 --> 0:32:52.800
<v Speaker 1>She was running the whole time. It just she was

0:32:52.880 --> 0:32:55.760
<v Speaker 1>running it down. I think. By the way, I still

0:32:56.240 --> 0:32:58.320
<v Speaker 1>I have not booked this yet, but Ashley and Jared

0:32:58.360 --> 0:33:00.440
<v Speaker 1>are going to be on the show soon, if not

0:33:00.520 --> 0:33:02.720
<v Speaker 1>at least Ashley, I really want to sit down and

0:33:02.720 --> 0:33:05.520
<v Speaker 1>talk to her. I adore her, having spent just much

0:33:05.520 --> 0:33:10.360
<v Speaker 1>more time with her lately. But yes, I'm still ninety

0:33:10.440 --> 0:33:12.440
<v Speaker 1>nine point nine percent sure we're getting married.

0:33:12.640 --> 0:33:16.240
<v Speaker 2>Oh good, Yeah, I'm like ninety nine point one.

0:33:16.360 --> 0:33:20.479
<v Speaker 1>I'll take it. I'll take it. That's good enough. And look,

0:33:20.800 --> 0:33:23.040
<v Speaker 1>the reason we wanted to do this was not a

0:33:23.080 --> 0:33:26.120
<v Speaker 1>show about divorce. It's really a show about love. This

0:33:26.200 --> 0:33:28.360
<v Speaker 1>show is always about love, and it's not It wasn't

0:33:28.400 --> 0:33:32.600
<v Speaker 1>about trying to dig up some old, you know, tabloid stories.

0:33:32.760 --> 0:33:36.280
<v Speaker 1>It was how can we gain some perspective and relate

0:33:36.320 --> 0:33:39.680
<v Speaker 1>to all these because we all do you know these?

0:33:40.840 --> 0:33:43.120
<v Speaker 1>It happened to me. You end up on a magazine

0:33:43.240 --> 0:33:45.640
<v Speaker 1>with a rip down the page, you know, the proverbial

0:33:45.760 --> 0:33:48.600
<v Speaker 1>rip between you and your partner. I say, you haven't

0:33:48.600 --> 0:33:51.160
<v Speaker 1>lived in Hollywood until you have the breakup photo on

0:33:51.160 --> 0:33:54.479
<v Speaker 1>one of the magazines. And that's what people know you for.

0:33:54.600 --> 0:33:56.680
<v Speaker 1>It's what they see, and it's just these are real

0:33:56.760 --> 0:33:59.320
<v Speaker 1>human beings going through real stuff, and it's Kelly Clarkson

0:33:59.360 --> 0:34:02.080
<v Speaker 1>trying to make sure her kids still feel loved and

0:34:02.160 --> 0:34:04.640
<v Speaker 1>learn about love and it's doing things the right way

0:34:04.720 --> 0:34:06.560
<v Speaker 1>if you can. And so hopefully you've taken a little

0:34:06.560 --> 0:34:10.080
<v Speaker 1>something away from today and I appreciate you being here.

0:34:10.280 --> 0:34:13.160
<v Speaker 1>As always. All the love in the world to each

0:34:13.320 --> 0:34:17.000
<v Speaker 1>and every one of you, especially my beautiful fiance Elzi,

0:34:17.440 --> 0:34:20.120
<v Speaker 1>who I really want to marry more than ever. We'll

0:34:20.120 --> 0:34:20.919
<v Speaker 1>talk to you next time.

0:34:21.000 --> 0:34:22.840
<v Speaker 2>Don't make me cry, I'm emotional, I'm.

0:34:22.680 --> 0:34:25.480
<v Speaker 1>Tired because we have a lot more to talk about.

0:34:25.800 --> 0:34:28.359
<v Speaker 1>Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the most

0:34:28.440 --> 0:34:30.960
<v Speaker 1>dramatic pod ever and make sure to write us a

0:34:30.960 --> 0:34:33.640
<v Speaker 1>review and leave us five stars. I'll talk to you

0:34:33.680 --> 0:34:34.120
<v Speaker 1>next time.