Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hey, everyone,
Speaker 1: welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about
Speaker 1: the choices we make and where they lead us. Guys.
Speaker 1: This podcast has been such a gift to me in
Speaker 1: so many ways. I feel like since I've started, I've
Speaker 1: grown so much, and I've gotten to talk to some
Speaker 1: really incredible people and share their stories with all of
Speaker 1: you and hear their choices, and We've formed this really
Speaker 1: beautiful community and I'm just loving it, and I'm having
Speaker 1: my I Choose Me live events. But I have to say,
Speaker 1: hands down, the best part about this podcast is being
Speaker 1: able to connect with you listeners on a deeper level
Speaker 1: than I ever have before. I love getting to see
Speaker 1: your comments and your feedback about episodes that we've done. Today,
Speaker 1: I want to make it all about you, So I'm
Speaker 1: going to open up the mic today and we are
Speaker 1: going to get to know some of our beautiful listeners
Speaker 1: and see if maybe I can bestow any advice or
Speaker 1: wisdom their way, maybe learn a thing or two from them.
Speaker 1: This is so fun. Okay, so let's just dive right in. Hi, Vicky,
Speaker 1: how are you.
Speaker 2: I'm fantastic talking to you how are you?
Speaker 1: This is so exciting. Let's start with you listen to
Speaker 1: the podcast obviously.
Speaker 2: Yes, I listen to both of your podcasts.
Speaker 1: Okay, good, good, And how is this one resonating with you?
Speaker 3: I really enjoy the women stuff. I'm a single mom
Speaker 3: raising a daughter, and I love the women empowerment and
Speaker 3: I love hearing that from other women. So that's always like,
Speaker 3: when I heard you're doing a podcast like that, I
Speaker 3: got very excited. And I've been listening to you pretty
Speaker 3: much every week, so yeah, but I just like the
Speaker 3: women empowerment stuff that you've been doing, just making it
Speaker 3: okay that we're doing things that in the nineties people
Speaker 3: would like shy away at us and be like, you
Speaker 3: can't say that or you can't talk about that. But
Speaker 3: it's our life and what we need to talk about,
Speaker 3: especially when you're raising young daughters.
Speaker 2: So that's what I really like about your podcast.
Speaker 1: Right, So, you're a single mom raising your daughter, and
Speaker 1: am I correct in the fact that you lost your
Speaker 1: husband in twenty twenty three?
Speaker 2: That's correct?
Speaker 1: Yes, First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 1: I mean, words do nothing for that kind of.
Speaker 2: Pain, right, No, but I appreciate it when we need.
Speaker 1: To acknowledge that you are still grieving, like you're in
Speaker 1: the thick of it right now. I'm sure, and I
Speaker 1: think it's something that it's important that you remind yourself
Speaker 1: that and allow yourself that grace to go through that
Speaker 1: all the stages of it, and you don't there's no
Speaker 1: time limit on it. Other people can do it their way.
Speaker 1: You have to do it your way. You just need
Speaker 1: to give cut yourself some slack and remember.
Speaker 3: That thank you, because it's it's not people assume after
Speaker 3: a certain time, it's just like back to normal routine.
Speaker 2: It's not that easy. How did you lose your husband
Speaker 2: by suicide?
Speaker 1: Oh, dear, so tragic?
Speaker 2: Yeah it was.
Speaker 3: It was, yes, very unexpected, no signs of anything, just
Speaker 3: some business issues with COVID and getting out of and
Speaker 3: overcoming the business issues with COVID as it was ending.
Speaker 2: And I went to work one day and I couldn't.
Speaker 2: I was texting him and calling him and he wasn't answering.
Speaker 3: And then I went home and the cops came and
Speaker 3: they let you know so, but I made my I
Speaker 3: knew the cops were on their way over, so my
Speaker 3: mom took my daughter out of the house.
Speaker 2: She was only three.
Speaker 3: I didn't want her to be there for any of that,
Speaker 3: so it was just me alone when they told me.
Speaker 2: So that was that was really terrible.
Speaker 1: Yeh, want to give you a hug.
Speaker 2: I appreciate that they when they came over.
Speaker 3: I didn't think they were telling me that. I thought
Speaker 3: they were all coming because I filed the missing persons.
Speaker 3: I didn't know that they were going to say that.
Speaker 3: So I just didn't want my daughter to see like
Speaker 3: two police officers and get scared.
Speaker 2: And she's young and whatnot.
Speaker 3: So yeah, I wasn't expecting that news, which was why
Speaker 3: I told my mom to leave. So yeah, so it'll
Speaker 3: be two years on February.
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. Well, I'm sending you so much strength
Speaker 1: and just knowing that there are people out there that
Speaker 1: believe in you that you can get through this and
Speaker 1: you can do this and you can overcome this. I'm
Speaker 1: one of those people. So I'm here with you.
Speaker 2: I have a very good I'm very fortunate. I have
Speaker 2: a very good village.
Speaker 1: That's important.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's I couldn't do without it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you asked a question about how do I make
Speaker 1: time for myself and still be a present mom. Was
Speaker 1: that your question?
Speaker 3: Yes, because being a parent and having time for your
Speaker 3: own sanity is not an easy thing. And sometimes they're
Speaker 3: just really they're really present and you just need a break.
Speaker 3: And it's not in a month from now when I
Speaker 3: can finally get like a babysitter and get time off.
Speaker 3: It's like, right in that moment, you need to break.
Speaker 3: So that's kind of where I was like asking what
Speaker 3: you did.
Speaker 1: In that moment when you're like at the verge here?
Speaker 2: Yes enough to.
Speaker 3: Hear yes, because they're like, there is no like I'm
Speaker 3: going to leave the house because I can't because I'm
Speaker 3: by myself.
Speaker 2: So what do you do?
Speaker 3: Because it's sometimes you know, when they're any age, they
Speaker 3: really can find a way under your skin.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I see your daughter's five now, right.
Speaker 2: My daughters she's in kindergarten.
Speaker 1: Yes, oh well, at least you have kindergarten and at
Speaker 1: least at least she goes to school for I don't
Speaker 1: know if she's half day full day yet, but thank
Speaker 1: god for kindergarten full day. O. Get good. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: you know, in those I can relate because there have
Speaker 1: been times when I know when my kids were little
Speaker 1: and I was raising the three little girls basically on
Speaker 1: my own because their dad would be away a lot
Speaker 1: of the time filming. He would be working out of town,
Speaker 1: and I would be there with them. And Yeah, you
Speaker 1: reach the point where your your blood starts to boil
Speaker 1: and you're like, I don't know how to handle this.
Speaker 1: I don't I don't want to lose my shit. Basically,
Speaker 1: the only thing you can do in that moment is
Speaker 1: take some deep breaths, maybe go out of the room
Speaker 1: for a minute, if you can. I know they sometimes
Speaker 1: follow you.
Speaker 2: I was gonna say I've done that before.
Speaker 3: She she'll follow and I'll be like, I just need
Speaker 3: you not to follow right now, and then she'd but
Speaker 3: you're upset, and then she keeps it going and then
Speaker 3: she gets more upset. So but yes, I the deep
Speaker 3: breathing is definitely something that is always helpful when I
Speaker 3: actually remember to do it, because, as we all know,
Speaker 3: in the heat, we're all like just flabbergasted, right, But yeah,
Speaker 3: I'm definitely walking away.
Speaker 2: Is definitely always a if you can.
Speaker 1: I always thought like when someone would give me that
Speaker 1: advice take a deep breath, I'd be like, Okay, that's
Speaker 1: really gonna help, and Obviously I'm not gonna remember to
Speaker 1: do that in the moment, like you just said. But
Speaker 1: the fact of the matter is, the more you use it,
Speaker 1: the more it becomes like something that is right there
Speaker 1: in your pocket to pull out. So it might feel
Speaker 1: foreign in the very beginning to like take a deep
Speaker 1: breath and have that moment to yourself and because you
Speaker 1: want to do something else that's a little bit seems
Speaker 1: of what like it will be more productive. But the
Speaker 1: more you try doing that in your moments of like
Speaker 1: the height of your stress, it does start to help
Speaker 1: and like it will be come your go to in
Speaker 1: those moments. And another, I mean another thing is you
Speaker 1: just said, like your daughter's old enough for you to
Speaker 1: she understands when you're upset. She understands if you're dealing
Speaker 1: with some emotions. It sounds like, yes, I think a
Speaker 1: good thing from me would have been to like explain
Speaker 1: to her, mommy's having some feelings right now, or mommy's
Speaker 1: feeling frustrated right now. I just need to have two
Speaker 1: minutes to myself and I'll be right back, you know,
Speaker 1: and just see how like communicating your needs in that
Speaker 1: moment with her affect her, Because you might be surprised.
Speaker 2: I've never done that.
Speaker 3: It's actually, yeah, that sounds like a really good idea.
Speaker 3: I've never done that. I never told her just to
Speaker 3: give me space for a minute. I usually just say
Speaker 3: like it's more of a yell and as opposed to
Speaker 3: saying it like the way you just said.
Speaker 1: It, just like calmly, try to explain it and see
Speaker 1: how that goes. Like maybe maybe it works, maybe it doesn't.
Speaker 1: But I know also too for me in my moments
Speaker 1: of when my girls were little and I was dealing
Speaker 1: with so much and feeling frustrated at the same time.
Speaker 1: In the moment, my emotions are my feelings, I might
Speaker 1: project them onto my kids or whatever I'm dealing with
Speaker 1: in that moment exacerbates just the littlest thing. Like my
Speaker 1: daughter when she was little. At that age, she had
Speaker 1: to have her socks on a very specific way, and
Speaker 1: if her socks were crooked in the slightest she would
Speaker 1: freak out and have a whole thing. So I did
Speaker 1: whatever I could to get the socks on right first
Speaker 1: of all, Noah, of.
Speaker 3: Course, anything to avoid the freak out. In the morning
Speaker 3: before school.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, but I think I had to remember
Speaker 1: to not project my stuff onto the kids, and that's
Speaker 1: really really hard to do, especially when you're doing it
Speaker 1: alone in.
Speaker 3: The morning when you're getting ready for school and work.
Speaker 3: They're like, you know, at a snail's pace, and when
Speaker 3: you're trying to get them to go a little faster,
Speaker 3: then that's like my daughter this morning actually was like,
Speaker 3: my sock's on and right, it feels funny. I'm like,
Speaker 3: just move it, and she was like, no, it still
Speaker 3: feels funny. I'm like, okay, come help you with the
Speaker 3: suck and she's like, no, you didn't do it right.
Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, so can you try. I'm going back
Speaker 2: and forth about her sock, ironically enough, like two or
Speaker 2: three minutes, and then finally.
Speaker 3: I must have moved it just a rend inch and
Speaker 3: she's like, okay, my sock's son.
Speaker 4: Good now.
Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, great, let's go. But it was like
Speaker 2: this the most random I was. I didn't do anything different, like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they have no idea what they're doing to our
Speaker 1: nervous system. In those moments, I can so relate. My
Speaker 1: daughter Fiona was the same way, and I would have
Speaker 1: to do some major deep breathing with her just to
Speaker 1: get through those moments and not lose it. And sometimes
Speaker 1: I just actually walked away. I had to walk away.
Speaker 1: If it was about something as trivial as a zock
Speaker 1: not being on right, I would say, you know what,
Speaker 1: I'll be in the car when you figure it out.
Speaker 1: You can join me, or I'll be in the other room.
Speaker 1: You let me know when you're ready to go, and
Speaker 1: just remove yourself from it. You know they're safe, you
Speaker 1: know that it's not going to be you know the
Speaker 1: bad's going to happen, so you can walk away. But
Speaker 1: it's just removing yourself from it and letting them figure
Speaker 1: it out, because they need to learn to self regulate
Speaker 1: like that. In those moments where they are having those
Speaker 1: panics and freak outs, there's nothing you can usually do.
Speaker 1: It's usually something they need to do for themselves and
Speaker 1: something they need to learn to do for themselves. Yeah.
Speaker 2: No, one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: And you know, I really think that just you remembering
Speaker 1: to take care of yourself and have some alone time
Speaker 1: and self care in place is really helps you to
Speaker 1: show up effectively and be your best mom in every
Speaker 1: moment and specifically those moments.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm a big TV person. That's like my most
Speaker 3: relaxing thing to do. And my husband used to say
Speaker 3: to my daughter, if she's watching nine O two and oh,
Speaker 3: you can't talk to her, even though she's seen them
Speaker 3: seven thousand times.
Speaker 2: And so my daughter now says, do you still watch
Speaker 2: nine O two and oh?
Speaker 3: I'm like, I can't believe you remember Daddy making those
Speaker 3: nine two and oh jokes at me because I've seen
Speaker 3: every episode twelve thousand times. And so now like I
Speaker 3: will put on NINEO two and O sometimes, and sometimes
Speaker 3: I'll put on like other shows, and I'm like, have
Speaker 3: all my series and I'm watching. When I tell her, like,
Speaker 3: just go in your room and play, and I can,
Speaker 3: like watch TV for even twenty minutes alone for some
Speaker 3: reason calms me and like brings me back to normal
Speaker 3: more than anything else in the world. I don't know
Speaker 3: what it is about television shows and getting lost in
Speaker 3: it or what the deal is, but I just feel
Speaker 3: so much, so much better, definitely.
Speaker 1: I mean that's the beauty of TV. I think the
Speaker 1: way it helps some people just sort of escape whatever's
Speaker 1: going on in their world and just really focus in
Speaker 1: on what they're watching and their characters that they love
Speaker 1: so much. And that's great. That you've pinpointed it that
Speaker 1: that's your thing, oh.
Speaker 3: One hundred percent, like all the like anytime, yes, and
Speaker 3: if it's you know, like I have like got my
Speaker 3: go tos and then I have like the stuff. I
Speaker 3: haven't actually watched it because I actually read something where
Speaker 3: they said like if you get anxious about something, there's
Speaker 3: very it's something very comforting about watching a show you've
Speaker 3: seen twelve thousand times, so like Friends or a Big
Speaker 3: Bang Theory.
Speaker 1: You know, yeah, oh yeah, one hundred percent.
Speaker 3: So it's always like an interesting it's always interesting just
Speaker 3: to be like it's still entertaining me, but I know
Speaker 3: exactly what's gonna happen.
Speaker 1: It's like comfort food, you know, like sometimes you just
Speaker 1: need to give it to yourself. But I just think,
Speaker 1: you know, like little things like just start with when
Speaker 1: you're at home and you know you're in those moments,
Speaker 1: give yourself five minutes of reprieve. You know, even five
Speaker 1: minutes can help set reset your nervous system and just
Speaker 1: get you back to a base where you can show
Speaker 1: up and be there as an effective and authentic, loving
Speaker 1: mom that I see that you clearly are. Thank you,
Speaker 1: But I just think that you and you said you
Speaker 1: have a foundation of people around you that support you.
Speaker 3: And yeah, I have my mom, sisters, a lot of
Speaker 3: unbelievably close friends that are really somewhat far away, but
Speaker 3: there's still very very supportive and very helpful, and it
Speaker 3: keeps me sane.
Speaker 1: Yeah, being able to reach out to them when you
Speaker 1: just need a little break, when you need some advice
Speaker 1: or need somebody to just cheer you on or pick
Speaker 1: you up. It's so important. So you're doing great, thank you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think you're doing great. And then, you know what,
Speaker 1: every day is a new day. Even if you suck
Speaker 1: at being great one day, or if you if you're
Speaker 1: not your best, you don't show up your best. You
Speaker 1: know one day it's okay, give yourself a break and
Speaker 1: know that in the morning it's a new opportunity to
Speaker 1: put your best foot forward and try again. You know,
Speaker 1: it's all we can do, just keep trying.
Speaker 2: Yeah, No, you're absolutely right.
Speaker 1: I love that. Well, thank you very listening to the
Speaker 1: podcast and find support in me, I hope, or watch
Speaker 1: the old show. Whatever I do, I do, can do
Speaker 1: I do.
Speaker 3: I work forty five minutes away from my daughter Grose
Speaker 3: to school, so on my car rides there to and
Speaker 3: from I put on that's like my podcast time, which
Speaker 3: is also extremely helpful. It's like a television, so it's
Speaker 3: just like just me and my podcast. I have like
Speaker 3: my whole eye, like an order. I watch them in
Speaker 3: every week.
Speaker 2: It's a whole thing.
Speaker 1: Okay, good, I'm so glad to be on your your roster.
Speaker 2: You're you're on my roster twice.
Speaker 1: He is so nice talking to you. I want to
Speaker 1: ask you a question. What was your last I choose me.
Speaker 2: Moment finding time to do your podcast.
Speaker 1: To come talk to me.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I was so excited, like, no matter what's happening, I'm
Speaker 3: going to do Jenny Garth's podcast.
Speaker 2: This is the coolest thing ever.
Speaker 1: And you're right now.
Speaker 2: Besides that, I'm at work.
Speaker 3: Yes, my boss knew. I'm actually in her office. She
Speaker 3: was like, oh my god, that's so cool. So yes,
Speaker 3: like I was like, not messing around with doing your podcast.
Speaker 1: We'll tell your boss, I said, thank you.
Speaker 2: I'm sure she'll listen.
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening, and thank you for for course
Speaker 1: seeing you.
Speaker 3: Thank you and thank you for everything you're doing. I
Speaker 3: see you all the stuff you're doing, the women's lunches
Speaker 3: you're having, and I choose me. It's really, really, really
Speaker 3: helpful to all women just to hear it all the
Speaker 3: way around, because you are not Your platform is much
Speaker 3: different than let's say mine.
Speaker 2: What really is a great thing the way you're're sing
Speaker 2: and I really appreciate it.
Speaker 1: I'm so glad. Thank you. That means so much to me.
Speaker 2: Have a great day you too, Rendy.
Speaker 6: Hi, Hi, how are you.
Speaker 1: I'm good. It's so nice to meet you.
Speaker 5: You too.
Speaker 1: It looks like you're at your place of work. I am, Yes,
Speaker 1: it's in the middle of the workday. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for taking time out to talk to me. What's
Speaker 1: your question?
Speaker 7: Okay?
Speaker 8: So I listened to your podcast on Jenny's Journals and
Speaker 8: you talked about incident with your daughter. She was upset,
Speaker 8: calling you narsis, and so you talked about being able
Speaker 8: to just let your kids fill their emotions and vent
Speaker 8: without taking it personally.
Speaker 2: I want to know how you do that.
Speaker 1: Oof. It's hard because we are moms. We give them
Speaker 1: everything we have and then they just trample on it,
Speaker 1: scrunch it up and throw it back at us like
Speaker 1: a bod Sometimes, you know, we live for those moments
Speaker 1: when we get the snuggles and I love yous and
Speaker 1: the thank yous, yeah, but we can't control how often
Speaker 1: those come. And I found myself just having to really
Speaker 1: forget that they were ever going to come, just to
Speaker 1: you know, to be able to give unconditionally and be
Speaker 1: that mom that that consistent even when they're a little shitheads,
Speaker 1: we consistently love them no matter what, like unconditionally. And
Speaker 1: I think it's so important that we adopt that mindset
Speaker 1: because it's really important to give our children that safe
Speaker 1: place to vent where they know they're not going to
Speaker 1: be judged, and it really gives them that opportunity to
Speaker 1: to process all the emotions that they're feeling, because there's
Speaker 1: so much being thrown at young people today and I
Speaker 1: don't myself know how they handle it as well as
Speaker 1: they do most of the time. And I'm you know,
Speaker 1: like I sit there and look at them and think, Wow,
Speaker 1: you're amazing that you're getting through all of this. But
Speaker 1: it's really important to remind them that it's okay to vent,
Speaker 1: it's okay to let it all out sometimes. And I
Speaker 1: always say to my girls, listen, listen, I'd rather you
Speaker 1: you know, come home and treat me badly or you know,
Speaker 1: disrespect me than going out there and doing it to
Speaker 1: your peers or your teachers or people that you work with,
Speaker 1: or whatever their circumstances are. Because I'm I'm always going
Speaker 1: to love you no matter what, and I think when
Speaker 1: they know you're always going to love them no matter
Speaker 1: what and not judge them, because I've seen the damage
Speaker 1: it can do when a parent judges somebody for having
Speaker 1: their feelings, and the damage that I see that that
Speaker 1: does makes me just want to be more of a
Speaker 1: sounding board for them, you know, just be more loving
Speaker 1: and unconditional and understanding when they have to have those
Speaker 1: eruptions because they have to let it out, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's a book called The Four Agreements. Have you heard
Speaker 1: of it? I? No, it's called the Four Agreements. It's
Speaker 1: a tiny little book. I'm fully blanking on the author
Speaker 1: and I can't see that far to see the title
Speaker 1: of it, but it's right up there on my bookshelf.
Speaker 1: That is a book that was the foundation for me
Speaker 1: to really stop taking not just stuff from my kids personally,
Speaker 1: but anything personally in life, because that's so damaging to
Speaker 1: be to walk around and take everything personally when nothing
Speaker 1: actually needs to be taken personally, everybody's doing their own thing,
Speaker 1: nobody's thinking about how it's going to affect you. So
Speaker 1: I think that reading the Four Agreements was a huge
Speaker 1: stuff for me. And that's one of the agreements, and
Speaker 1: it is take nothing personally, okay, So that might help.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I'll look into that.
Speaker 8: Thank you.
Speaker 1: Another thing that I always said to my girls. This
Speaker 1: is another little thing that I did when they were
Speaker 1: in their deepest, darkest moments of despair or their biggest feelings,
Speaker 1: you know, like I would just sit and listen and
Speaker 1: not interrupt and just continue to listen even when there
Speaker 1: was silence. I wouldn't say anything. I would just sit
Speaker 1: there until they keep talking, and then when it was
Speaker 1: all out, I would say, you know what, I really
Speaker 1: wish I had a magic wand that I could wave
Speaker 1: and fix all of this for you. But I don't.
Speaker 1: And I think in me acknowledging that even I wish
Speaker 1: I could fix everything, but I can't help them to
Speaker 1: sort of self regulate and realize, oh okay, even my
Speaker 1: mom can't do anything about what's happening in this moment.
Speaker 1: But everything's going to be okay because I still feel loved. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So that would be what I would do with my
Speaker 1: you know what I've done in my life with my girls.
Speaker 1: And you know, you have to be like like a
Speaker 1: duck or like teflon and just let roll right off
Speaker 1: of you because they love you so much. They just
Speaker 1: have so much else going on and they got to
Speaker 1: get it out. And if it's got to get out,
Speaker 1: I'd rather it come to me first so they can
Speaker 1: feel that support and that love, because if they vent
Speaker 1: on other people, it's not going to feel the same
Speaker 1: for them.
Speaker 9: Right.
Speaker 7: Yeah, great view point, Thank you.
Speaker 1: I appreciate that, But go cry. I mean sometimes it hurts.
Speaker 1: They hurt your feelings, their soul crushers, they suck it
Speaker 1: out of you, like all the things. Being a mom
Speaker 1: is so hard on top of being a human, you know,
Speaker 1: and you're just figuring it out just like they are.
Speaker 1: We're all figuring our lives out as we go. And
Speaker 1: oftentimes I'll say to my kids, like I done, I've
Speaker 1: never done this before. I've never been right here in
Speaker 1: this moment before. So I don't have all the answers
Speaker 1: and I don't know the right thing to say, but
Speaker 1: I know that I love you, and I know that
Speaker 1: everything is going to be okay because we're together and
Speaker 1: we have each other.
Speaker 4: I appreciate that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you got it. I hope that helps.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 7: I appreciate it really.
Speaker 1: Thank you for being on.
Speaker 8: Yeah, most definitely thank you for allowing me this opportunity.
Speaker 1: But wait, wait, wait, I have to ask you. Oh yeah, Brindy,
Speaker 1: what was your last I choose me moment?
Speaker 8: So, as a mom of five and a full time employee,
Speaker 8: my choose me moment was going back to school full
Speaker 8: time on top of all that fun stuff. So yes,
Speaker 8: I will be starting on Chico State next next semester January,
Speaker 8: start my bachelor's and social work.
Speaker 1: Amazing. How do you find time? Wow?
Speaker 7: I really don't. I just figure it out, just do it.
Speaker 1: You're right, Yeah, I love that. You know what, You're
Speaker 1: not afraid. That's what it takes to succeed, you know
Speaker 1: in life, is to find out what you want to
Speaker 1: do and do it and don't let all the little,
Speaker 1: you know, obstacles keep you from doing it. Amazing. You're
Speaker 1: such a great role model for your kids. Thank you,
Speaker 1: Thank you, You're welcome. I love you. Have a great day,
Speaker 1: all right, thanks bye?
Speaker 6: Hello?
Speaker 1: How are you, Patricia?
Speaker 7: I'm good? How are you.
Speaker 1: I'm so good. You're calling in from Redlands, California.
Speaker 7: I am, but I'm actually caretaking for my sister who's
Speaker 7: having spinal surgery right now. So I'm actually in Arizona.
Speaker 7: But okay, that's where I do reside as in Redlands.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, that's a you're a very good sister, first
Speaker 1: of all, very.
Speaker 7: Nice with the territory of being an RN. You know,
Speaker 7: I'm happy to do it.
Speaker 1: Oh, that would be nice to have a sister that's
Speaker 1: an r N. I see that. I see that. What's
Speaker 1: your question?
Speaker 7: Yeah, thank you so much. So I was asking is
Speaker 7: how is a woman? Have you been able to temper
Speaker 7: between being vulnerable and strong? What things would you say?
Speaker 7: Can you pull out of your tool belt that you know,
Speaker 7: keep you grounded, give you joy?
Speaker 1: Well, I think that in order to even have access
Speaker 1: to tools in your tool belt, or you know, even
Speaker 1: the capacity to be able to be strong and or vulnerable,
Speaker 1: you need to start by practicing self care. You know,
Speaker 1: you need to start with yourself. You need to prioritize
Speaker 1: the activities and the things in your life that nourish you,
Speaker 1: that nourish your mind and your body, like exercise and
Speaker 1: healthy eating, getting enough sleep, you know, really remembering to
Speaker 1: take care of yourself will inevitably make you this strong
Speaker 1: platform where you can be anything you want to be. Really,
Speaker 1: and if you want to be strong and vulnerable at
Speaker 1: the same time, a lot of people might think that
Speaker 1: those two things don't co exist together, but the fact is,
Speaker 1: you know, being strong is a sign of being vulnerable.
Speaker 1: You have to be vulnerable in order to be strong,
Speaker 1: and vulnerability is often thought of as a weakness, I think,
Speaker 1: especially in women. You know, vulnerability kind of got a
Speaker 1: bad rap a long time ago, when actual really being
Speaker 1: vulnerable is just about letting people get to know the
Speaker 1: real you and not covering stuff up.
Speaker 6: You know.
Speaker 7: Yeah, authenticity for sure.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, when you are who you are, people can see
Speaker 1: it and smell it and feel it a mile away.
Speaker 7: Yeah, And I've I've learned when you talk people up,
Speaker 7: not being phony or fake, but when you can genuinely
Speaker 7: celebrate with somebody else's when and not find any joy
Speaker 7: in cutting people down. It just I don't know, there's
Speaker 7: just there's just something good about being able to talk
Speaker 7: someone up or to compliment somebody, finding something in them,
Speaker 7: the good of.
Speaker 1: Someone you know, Yeah, I love that I love that.
Speaker 1: I remember that point in my life as I, you know,
Speaker 1: grew up. I don't even know how old I was,
Speaker 1: but I decided I don't want to go about people anymore.
Speaker 1: I don't want to talk badly about anyone anymore because
Speaker 1: it doesn't feel good, and I'm sure it wouldn't feel
Speaker 1: good to them.
Speaker 7: Yeah, and really you're reciprocating that joy of giving something.
Speaker 1: Nice, you know, treating people the way you would want
Speaker 1: to be treated.
Speaker 3: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. I think that comes down to
Speaker 1: just being an active listener too. I think listening to
Speaker 1: other people is a great place to focus, you know,
Speaker 1: a lot of your energy, because that's like the foundation
Speaker 1: of being able to give of yourself to others is
Speaker 1: to fully understand where they're coming from or what they're
Speaker 1: feeling in any given moment.
Speaker 7: Yeah, the gift of active listening, it really you can
Speaker 7: pick up a lot in that without even saying a word.
Speaker 7: And being still and being present is a verb, it's
Speaker 7: it's in action, and you can very much engage with
Speaker 7: eye contact and leaning in and a touch without a word.
Speaker 7: Sometimes that has more effect.
Speaker 9: M h.
Speaker 1: I mean, you know all the tricks already being an rn.
Speaker 1: It sounds like you are used to comforting people, comforting others,
Speaker 1: taking care of other people. Are you able to turn
Speaker 1: that in on yourself?
Speaker 7: Very much? I've been able to, you know, even caretaking
Speaker 7: for my sister now, you know, it's it's been a
Speaker 7: discipline to still I'm getting out and doing the walk
Speaker 7: in the morning before she wakes.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 7: Yeah, getting that sunshine with my doggie. You know, I
Speaker 7: don't have to be strong all the time for her
Speaker 7: without me being like, without me reciprocating something. You know,
Speaker 7: I have to fill my tank. So you know, it's
Speaker 7: it's really about I have to give from overflow. So
Speaker 7: if it means going for that walk, if it means
Speaker 7: finding time to have my devotions, you know, even this
Speaker 7: right now, you know this is a little escape, but
Speaker 7: it's a joy and it's you know, with my favorite actress,
Speaker 7: you know who I was brought up with, and you
Speaker 7: know I love it, and so it's a joy. And
Speaker 7: you know that's a joy that I'll share with her
Speaker 7: when I go back to her.
Speaker 1: So you know, I am happy to be something that
Speaker 1: fills your cup. It sounds that you are doing all
Speaker 1: the right things in life because you have a feeling.
Speaker 1: I get this just general feeling of peace and love
Speaker 1: from you, and confidence, like an inner quiet, beautiful confidence
Speaker 1: and not boastful, like I just feel like you're the
Speaker 1: real deal. So I think we can all learn a
Speaker 1: lot from you.
Speaker 7: It's life is fragile, and people are fragile. I've really
Speaker 7: learned that. And and I want to do some medical
Speaker 7: missionary work next year. And so you do have to
Speaker 7: be authentic, but you always have to feel your tank
Speaker 7: and you can't give without you having the abundance in
Speaker 7: your heart, you know, you having the joy. It's I
Speaker 7: don't do well being phony or fake, and and I
Speaker 7: want to be able to see people get better. But
Speaker 7: but I want to do it being present and and
Speaker 7: and I have to use all my senses, my eyes, ears,
Speaker 7: you know, listening without even them saying a word, listening
Speaker 7: to their respirations, so, you know, being at one hundred percent.
Speaker 7: I have to make sure that I'm on point with
Speaker 7: me having my own private time and you know, I
Speaker 7: mean just enjoying the shower a little longer, you know,
Speaker 7: really enjoying that hot cup of tea with the honey
Speaker 7: and all of those essential things. And you know, exercisiness
Speaker 7: is vital. So yeah, it's it's it's a gift. It's
Speaker 7: a gift that God has given me. But it's also
Speaker 7: a gift to share. And then when people get better.
Speaker 7: You know, that's a good one too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, your work there is done. I love that you
Speaker 1: feel so grateful too, Like I feel like a lot
Speaker 1: of foundation for you, taking care of you is being
Speaker 1: grateful for like you said, that hot cup of tea
Speaker 1: or that longer shower.
Speaker 7: You know, I just took a picture on the side
Speaker 7: and I'm doing a grateful you know, every day on
Speaker 7: my you know, Instagram.
Speaker 4: And Facebook and so love, love, love.
Speaker 7: My Instagram post tomorrow is going to be like a
Speaker 7: grateful day number twenty one of being on I made
Speaker 7: the list, you know. Amazing those little things, you know,
Speaker 7: they matter, They.
Speaker 1: Matter, I think just like you know, having conversations with
Speaker 1: like minded people, people that have the same priorities as
Speaker 1: you do, I think that's real. That also can be
Speaker 1: a form of self care. So I'm so happy to be.
Speaker 7: Align myself with I've I've learned in my fifties. Now
Speaker 7: do you aligning yourself with people that run the same
Speaker 7: race as you do? You know, with joy and passion
Speaker 7: and motivation, and you know, being being health minded. You know,
Speaker 7: if not faster, you know, but yeah, and also people
Speaker 7: that are willing to come alongside you and and maybe
Speaker 7: slow down in order to pick up the pace with them.
Speaker 7: You know. No, a good leader is good without them
Speaker 7: knowing how to be a mm hmm part of the group.
Speaker 1: So I think that you touched on two really important things.
Speaker 1: One is surrounding yourself with like minded people, but also
Speaker 1: somebody that's even better than you. Like, like my best
Speaker 1: friend Adele is the best person I know, and I
Speaker 1: try to be like more like adel Like on a
Speaker 1: daily basis, I think to myself, what would Adele do
Speaker 1: in this moment. And just also in business, just surrounding
Speaker 1: yourself with people that are more accomplished than you or
Speaker 1: more have more experience than you, and just keeping yourself
Speaker 1: around people that are bringing you up and not pulling
Speaker 1: you down. And I know, as I when I entered
Speaker 1: my fifties, that was sort of a time for me
Speaker 1: to clean house a little bit and really assess those
Speaker 1: relationships that weren't checking off all the boxes. I had
Speaker 1: quite a number of relationships that were checking off some
Speaker 1: of the boxes, sure, boxes like the positivity and the
Speaker 1: gratitude and then just just that leading with love and kindness,
Speaker 1: those moments, those boxes, I really those are so important
Speaker 1: to me in the people that I surround myself with,
Speaker 1: and I think.
Speaker 7: That you know sometimes I just I just touched upon
Speaker 7: this the other day about you know, looking at the
Speaker 7: fall behind me. There's sometimes different seasons for certain people,
Speaker 7: and we don't realize when sometimes those friendships like they've
Speaker 7: overstayed their visit and whether you have grown beyond that friendship,
Speaker 7: whether you know, you're two people are in different places
Speaker 7: in life and it's almost like you want to stay
Speaker 7: just to preserve it. But it's almost it's almost like
Speaker 7: square peg round hole, like it's not working like it
Speaker 7: did before, and it's and it's okay to let things go,
Speaker 7: but you know, if it's meant to be, it'll come back.
Speaker 1: Absolutely. I Mean, it's really hard to let go of
Speaker 1: friendships because you know, friendships take a lot of nurturing,
Speaker 1: a lot of energy and oftentimes a lot of time,
Speaker 1: you know, years, time spent, and it's really really hard
Speaker 1: to let things go. And yeah, I've had to do
Speaker 1: that in my life a number of times, and just
Speaker 1: go ahead and go through the grieving process with that too,
Speaker 1: because when you do decide that a friendship has reached,
Speaker 1: you know, it's life expectancy for you. It's hard to
Speaker 1: make that decision and to give yourself some credit and
Speaker 1: grace and love and support in making that tough decision,
Speaker 1: because it's not easy.
Speaker 7: Boy, bring princess grace. That's a tough one.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's all we need though it's a little great.
Speaker 7: Yes, if we've received it, we definitely should share it
Speaker 7: with ourselves and others.
Speaker 1: I have to ask you, Patricia, before I let you go,
Speaker 1: what was your last I Choose me moment?
Speaker 10: The last I choose me moment was, Yeah, reacheen out
Speaker 10: to someone who has been wanting to speak with me,
Speaker 10: and so I decided that I'm going to be open
Speaker 10: to choosing love.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm so excited right now. I can
Speaker 1: I'm so. I can tell the way you're talking that
Speaker 1: this is uncharted territory and you're feeling a little vulnerable,
Speaker 1: and I love it for you.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's it's definitely you know, these are different times,
Speaker 7: and yeah, so being able to be use wisdom with
Speaker 7: that without letting your heart get who carried away. And
Speaker 7: but I but I also don't want to be living
Speaker 7: in hesitation. And I do want I do want to
Speaker 7: share love as well as receive it, you know, because
Speaker 7: that's what we're made for a partnership. And so yeah.
Speaker 1: I'm so excited. This sounds like a whole new chapter
Speaker 1: for you that you're just kind of cracking open the
Speaker 1: pages too. And it starts with that, with being open.
Speaker 1: That's that's all you gotta do for right now, is
Speaker 1: just be open.
Speaker 7: Yes.
Speaker 1: One thing I always would when I would start to
Speaker 1: get involved or like my mind would get ahead of
Speaker 1: reality or my heart would get ahead of reality, I
Speaker 1: would just remind myself we'll see, we'll see how a
Speaker 1: therapist tell me to just keep that in mind. Like
Speaker 1: when you think about that person, just think, oh, we'll
Speaker 1: see never know.
Speaker 7: Yeah, you know, it's it's it's uh, it's it is.
Speaker 7: It's uncharted territory, but it's it's good. It's all good,
Speaker 7: and and I'm I'm looking forward.
Speaker 1: And this person is extremely lucky. You're an amazing human.
Speaker 1: It's awesome. Thank you for sharing yourself.
Speaker 7: With us likewise likewise, and thank you for sharing your
Speaker 7: gift of just you know you you've taken just such
Speaker 7: so many different levels of who you are in life,
Speaker 7: and and just this platform is really a great way
Speaker 7: for people to see who you are. But but you're
Speaker 7: also it's just you're always evolving. I love that. I
Speaker 7: love that in people because you just see different sides,
Speaker 7: and you know, it's been a joy and it's been
Speaker 7: fun to just see your you know, different ways that
Speaker 7: you know you're contributing and you know, the world is
Speaker 7: a lucky place to have you girls.
Speaker 1: Oh you got to keep on trucking. That's what I say.
Speaker 1: Thank you for Trisia, Good luck on your new adventure.
Speaker 7: Thank you, take care.
Speaker 1: Why Hi, Sarah, how are you?
Speaker 4: I'm good? Thank you?
Speaker 6: How are you?
Speaker 1: I'm great? I'm better now to be talking to you.
Speaker 1: This is so much fun.
Speaker 6: Yeah, this is exciting getting to see.
Speaker 1: The people that listen to the pod and yeah, absolutely good.
Speaker 1: What's your question? What do you want to talk about?
Speaker 6: Yeah, so my question was really around your decision to
Speaker 6: make your hair perplacement surgery public. So what was that
Speaker 6: tipping point for you on how much to keep private?
Speaker 6: And when is it an appropriate time to share? And
Speaker 6: when is that value in sharing?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I held on to that secret for a while because
Speaker 1: I had to think it through, I had to really
Speaker 1: be yeah sure that I wanted to share something so
Speaker 1: deeply personal. I think the tipping point for me is
Speaker 1: always I just have to go back to being myself
Speaker 1: because and being honest. And I think that when we
Speaker 1: are authentic and honest about who we are and what
Speaker 1: we're going through in our lives, there's this beautiful sympotico
Speaker 1: like kismity relationship that you form with people that you
Speaker 1: don't even know, but that people that can you come
Speaker 1: in contact with. However, however that happens, people feel that
Speaker 1: and it resonates and it's like a reciprocal thing. So
Speaker 1: for me, it was just about sharing all of who
Speaker 1: I am with people so that they can really be
Speaker 1: all of who they are with the people in their
Speaker 1: lives and just sort of like reinforcing the fact that
Speaker 1: it's okay to be authentic, it's okay to be flawed,
Speaker 1: it's okay to have things on our bodies that are
Speaker 1: different and breaking down, and you know, all our how
Speaker 1: aging affects all of us. We're all the same. And
Speaker 1: just because you know, maybe you saw me on TV
Speaker 1: in the nineties, and maybe you've grown up watching me
Speaker 1: or whatever, you think I'm a famous la la la whatever.
Speaker 1: We're all the same, and I think that that is
Speaker 1: always just what I want out of anything I do
Speaker 1: in life, is to just have that mutual like connection.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, you know, and I appreciate it so much
Speaker 6: because totally different scale and like life application. But you know,
Speaker 6: I have a job and I run a large team,
Speaker 6: and so running that team and having those connections with
Speaker 6: people that work for me and work with me, and
Speaker 6: finding that balance on where I'm comfortable sharing and I
Speaker 6: want to be authentic, but where I'm going to draw
Speaker 6: the line and kind of protect just my personal information
Speaker 6: is something I think a lot of us wrestle with
Speaker 6: just in different aspects and avenues of everyday life.
Speaker 2: So that was really.
Speaker 1: I think definitely, like especially women in business, women in leadership,
Speaker 1: we think we have to be perfect, We think we
Speaker 1: have to be perfect, we have to be up these
Speaker 1: unrealistic standards that everybody needs to look up to. But
Speaker 1: I find more often than not, when I'm authentic and
Speaker 1: when I am my true self flaws and all the
Speaker 1: people that work for me and with me and around
Speaker 1: me feel that more of an authentic connection and then
Speaker 1: are somehow invested more in whatever the work is that
Speaker 1: we're doing together.
Speaker 9: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So it makes them connect on even a deeper level
Speaker 1: when they know who they're working with and for you know,
Speaker 1: they develop a different kind of passion. But I can
Speaker 1: totally relate and hear you and think there have been
Speaker 1: a lot of times in my life where if I
Speaker 1: have an employee, people say, don't get too close to
Speaker 1: your employee, don't be friends with them. You're the boss.
Speaker 1: Remember that. I know I'm the boss, like I'm you know,
Speaker 1: I don't need to be reminded. I don't need them
Speaker 1: to know that. They know that too. But I think
Speaker 1: when you connect with people on that real level, on
Speaker 1: that level that we're all the same We're all going
Speaker 1: through the same shit. Yeah, and it's okay to talk
Speaker 1: about it with one another if we need support or
Speaker 1: if we just want to share with something, you know,
Speaker 1: it's okay. Like it doesn't make you not a strong leader.
Speaker 6: Right right, No, I appreciate it. I think that's that's
Speaker 6: really valuable input and insight to have. Yeah, So thank you,
Speaker 6: You're so welcome.
Speaker 1: Sierra. What was aast I choose me moment?
Speaker 6: I don't have enough.
Speaker 2: I choose me moments, that's right.
Speaker 1: That a lot, It's okay.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, So you know, working mom to teenagers, life
Speaker 6: is busy. So I've been trying to just do simple
Speaker 6: things like on the weekend, get a manicure, even if
Speaker 6: it makes me late for a basketball game or so,
Speaker 6: I'm just kind of focused on the little things. I
Speaker 6: think one of the things I said to myself is
Speaker 6: I'm going to take more intentional time in the morning
Speaker 6: to be kind to myself. Because we have to be perfect,
Speaker 6: we have to be super mom, we have to be
Speaker 6: you know, the best employee ever and all the things,
Speaker 6: and so I'm hard on myself. I push myself hard,
Speaker 6: I drive hard, and so I think I think just
Speaker 6: giving myself more peace, especially as I start the day
Speaker 6: with that like intentionality, will actually help me get through,
Speaker 6: you know, the rest of the year. And because I
Speaker 6: kind of do things in sprints, right like finish lines.
Speaker 1: But me too, like let me get through this and
Speaker 1: then I'll get through that, and then I'll get through
Speaker 1: that yep, yep.
Speaker 6: And I just I don't know, a little bit more manageable.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like that's kind of like compartmentalizing our like our
Speaker 1: to dos, you know, but you're right, we need to
Speaker 1: start with that foundation of like self care and self
Speaker 1: love in order to be able to handle all those
Speaker 1: things right, right.
Speaker 6: And then I think it's also important as a parent
Speaker 6: to be modeling that right, to show my kids that
Speaker 6: I care about myself and I take care of myself
Speaker 6: and I matter, and that I you know, I won't
Speaker 6: run myself into the ground because I don't want them
Speaker 6: to so.
Speaker 1: And and you want to be there for them. And
Speaker 1: if you run yourself into the ground, who's going to
Speaker 1: be the mom?
Speaker 7: Right?
Speaker 9: Right?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think there's so much more writing on the
Speaker 1: importance of self care and self love than we ever
Speaker 1: thought before. And I'm so happy that it's like coming
Speaker 1: to the forefront of people's minds finally. Yeah. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think reach the point. Yeah, we've reached the point where
Speaker 1: we acknowledge like, oh my god, this is unsustainable. Like
Speaker 1: what this life that I'm trying to fool people, this
Speaker 1: Instagram life that I'm trying to show everybody is so
Speaker 1: unrealistic and it's wearing me thin.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Yeah, well, and I think people see, you know, even
Speaker 6: I would do funny things with the back to school pictures, right,
Speaker 6: I would post two side by side, the one for insta,
Speaker 6: which is like the kids standing there smiling, looking a
Speaker 6: little happy, and then the one that was the first
Speaker 6: one on the reel where they're like pulling at each
Speaker 6: other and their's signs flying everywhere. Because people do just
Speaker 6: appreciate that this, you know, this picture perfect, it doesn't exist,
Speaker 6: and putting it out there as a standard for each
Speaker 6: other is it's not helpful.
Speaker 1: It's not, no, it's awful. Its just that thing that
Speaker 1: makes us compare our lives to other people, like take over. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like a disease almost in your brain. It just
Speaker 1: consumes you when you start scrolling.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 1: So starting with the little things is the perfect way
Speaker 1: to like enter into that world of choosing yourself and
Speaker 1: feeling comfortable choosing yourself. Yeah, because you can feel a
Speaker 1: little uncomfy sometimes, for sure. I'm so happy that you're
Speaker 1: doing that and for your parents. You're doing great, Sarah,
Speaker 1: keep it up. I love it, Thank you, appreciate it.
Speaker 7: You Vet.
Speaker 1: Hi, Melissa, Hi, how are you good?
Speaker 7: How are you?
Speaker 1: I'm so happy to talk to you.
Speaker 4: I'm so happy to talk to you.
Speaker 1: Okay, So you're forty nine. You're from Marion, Iowa, Iowa. Yes,
Speaker 1: and I love it Yes, Midwestern Okay.
Speaker 4: And western absolutely. And I am the baby of the
Speaker 4: family like you. So yep, very similar, very similar.
Speaker 1: Yes cool, that's so cool.
Speaker 9: What is your question?
Speaker 1: What do you want to talk about?
Speaker 9: Oh?
Speaker 4: Lots, but we'll just start with one. I just wanted
Speaker 4: to know, like I really started.
Speaker 11: Obviously, I've followed you since I've been fifteen, so watching
Speaker 11: in Beverly Hills nine two want to know? So I
Speaker 11: just I just have started following you, and I choose
Speaker 11: me podcasts and everything that you've talked about has been
Speaker 11: such an inspiration. And I turned forty nine, and really, Jenny,
Speaker 11: I woke up and I was like, who am I
Speaker 11: as a person?
Speaker 6: Right?
Speaker 11: Like how like like I.
Speaker 4: Hit that early.
Speaker 11: I know you talked about it like you know, hitting
Speaker 11: closer to fifty And I was like, I'm forty nine
Speaker 11: and you know I am going through I had a
Speaker 11: couple relationship changes in my life and I was looking
Speaker 11: at who am I?
Speaker 4: Like where do I want to be?
Speaker 11: And so I just kind of wanted to like pick
Speaker 11: your brain and have the opportunity to talk to you
Speaker 11: about like how do you You've reinvented yourself so many
Speaker 11: times in your life and such an inspiration and you've
Speaker 11: truly stayed true to who you are as a person,
Speaker 11: and I love that, and I just want to know, like,
Speaker 11: how how have you done that? And how have you
Speaker 11: been so successful in everything that you've done?
Speaker 1: Oh, that's good questions, good questions as it's tricky.
Speaker 6: It is.
Speaker 1: Life is a roller coaster. They are ups and they're downs,
Speaker 1: and we all go through it, you know. I think
Speaker 1: for me, acknowledging that there are ups and downs is
Speaker 1: really comforting because I never try to hold myself up
Speaker 1: to some unrealistic every day is a perfect sunny day,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I allow myself to have my moments that
Speaker 1: I need to just sort of recoil and maybe hide
Speaker 1: and lick my wounds and you know, heel myself before
Speaker 1: I peek back out into the world. I mean, reinventing
Speaker 1: yourself is it doesn't mean a racing or discarding your
Speaker 1: past or who you truly are. It's it's taking the
Speaker 1: core of who you are and breathing fresh life into it,
Speaker 1: you know. So for me that just means that looks
Speaker 1: like getting really quiet sometimes with myself. But yeah, I
Speaker 1: think it's just giving myself that space to get quiet
Speaker 1: and think about who am I? Where do I come from?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: What are my morals? Like on a core level? What
Speaker 1: am I? What do I stand for in life? What
Speaker 1: do I want to be remembered? How do I want
Speaker 1: to be remembered by the people that truly know me
Speaker 1: and love me? Yeah?
Speaker 11: Yeah, how do you like make sure that you practice
Speaker 11: grace and you give yourself grace and choose kindness even
Speaker 11: in those moments of weakness that I just feel like, Yeah,
Speaker 11: it's just so yeah, like you're such an inspiration in
Speaker 11: that level of everything that you've even been vulnerable and
Speaker 11: shared about your opportunities and things that have happened, And
Speaker 11: I'm so blessed. I work hard, like I said, I
Speaker 11: have those Midwestern values, but you know sometimes it's just like, yeah,
Speaker 11: it's hard.
Speaker 4: It's hard. There's no one to answer you a question.
Speaker 1: Do you feel like you're failing somehow when you have
Speaker 1: these moments of like who am I? And what am
Speaker 1: I doing? And what do I want?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 11: Yeah, Like I just feel like I'm so hard on
Speaker 11: myself about like I've been, I like said, I've worked
Speaker 11: very hard my whole entire life. I have an amazing career.
Speaker 11: I'm really really happy. I just am like empty nesting,
Speaker 11: you know, the kids are gone. It's like one of
Speaker 11: those things of like now you're like, Okay, you know
Speaker 11: who am I? Who's my husband? What does this look like?
Speaker 11: And you know that next chapter of like.
Speaker 4: All of those things that are just so amazing.
Speaker 11: And I just think that I'm just struggling with like
Speaker 11: how do I stay true to who I am as
Speaker 11: a person and then make sure that I'm taking care
Speaker 11: of those around me still?
Speaker 4: And it's just yeah, so it's just it's such a yeah.
Speaker 11: I think it's like that forty nine age where I'm
Speaker 11: just like, I don't know, it just seems so weird.
Speaker 11: Like I didn't bother me when I hit thirty, didn't
Speaker 11: bother me when I hit forty.
Speaker 1: And all of a sudden, forty that's differently.
Speaker 8: Older.
Speaker 1: You get everything hits differently, And that's the beauty of
Speaker 1: it all is because there's so much evolution that happens
Speaker 1: in your late forties, in your fifties, your early fifties,
Speaker 1: your mid fifties or late fifties, Like it is the
Speaker 1: most enormous growth period, I think in our lives because
Speaker 1: we're here for we're watching it, we understand it, like
Speaker 1: we can appreciate all that's happening. But I think for me,
Speaker 1: when I was at that stage, I had to really
Speaker 1: create a vision for what I wanted in my future.
Speaker 1: Because you know who you are, alist like you, you
Speaker 1: know who you are. It's not about you like who
Speaker 1: am I. You know who you are if you get
Speaker 1: quiet and you sit with yourself and you remember what's
Speaker 1: important to you, you know, and so it's about what's
Speaker 1: next more and creating that sort of vision for what
Speaker 1: you want, what you want your life to look at like,
Speaker 1: and you have to visualize it. You have to Like
Speaker 1: for me, I made you know, a vision board and
Speaker 1: hung it up in my office where I see it
Speaker 1: all the time. Things that are important to me, phrases,
Speaker 1: you know, quotes, things that resonate for me and what
Speaker 1: I want for my future. And just having that visual
Speaker 1: for me helped me to reinforce it on a daily basis.
Speaker 1: And so it just sort of seeps into like what
Speaker 1: you do and how you do it every day because
Speaker 1: you're working towards something. Yes, it feels like when you're
Speaker 1: at that stage, that empty nest or stage, like all
Speaker 1: the good stuff's over and like, oh my gosh, there
Speaker 1: was all these years spent getting to write here and
Speaker 1: now right here becomes like your kids their lives, like
Speaker 1: they fly, and then you're like left.
Speaker 4: Like that in a nest exactly exactly.
Speaker 1: But it's not an empty nest. It's the most full
Speaker 1: nest you've ever had because you have all these tools
Speaker 1: now and all this confidence in yourself that you know
Speaker 1: you can get whatever you want life. You just have
Speaker 1: to really define it.
Speaker 9: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And that takes time, that takes patience, that takes
Speaker 1: you know, being realistic and just really defining it I
Speaker 1: think is really really important. And then reminding yourself of
Speaker 1: it every day does what I'm focusing on. It does
Speaker 1: where I'm putting my energy meet up with what it
Speaker 1: is that I want for my next chapter. And say
Speaker 1: you want to completely reinvent yourself, do something that you've
Speaker 1: never done before, put that on your vision board and
Speaker 1: break it down like how do I what steps do
Speaker 1: I need to take to get to that?
Speaker 4: Exactly? Yeah, no, and before.
Speaker 1: You know what, you'll get there and then you'll be
Speaker 1: asking yourself the same.
Speaker 4: Question, what can I do next? What can I do next?
Speaker 11: It is like you always want to reinvent yourself and
Speaker 11: think bigger and challenge yourself and grow, like you never
Speaker 11: want to be stagnant regardless of whatever it is. Right,
Speaker 11: choose kind, choose grace and all of those things. And
Speaker 11: I feel like I give that more to people than
Speaker 11: I give it to myself. And it's like it's it
Speaker 11: is so it's yeah, yeah, but you're right, like, just
Speaker 11: see that vision I have in my future. I know
Speaker 11: who I am as a person. I will always stay
Speaker 11: true to myself. I've always said I need to be
Speaker 11: okay with me and need to be able to look
Speaker 11: at myself in the mirror and be okay with who
Speaker 11: I see back right, And I'm not saying every day
Speaker 11: I you know, but I live and learn and I
Speaker 11: make mistakes. And I've gotten myself into therapy in the
Speaker 11: last six months, which is you know, a big thing, right,
Speaker 11: It's huge amazing therapists and she's awesome. We just talk
Speaker 11: through things of scenarios and how I'm feeling about certain topics,
Speaker 11: and it is you just like you're so it's as
Speaker 11: a woman, you're so like have so much pressure of
Speaker 11: being successful and you know, and who you are and
Speaker 11: how you're providing for your family and all of these
Speaker 11: things and who you're contributing and like, yeah, like just
Speaker 11: all of those things and working out and being social,
Speaker 11: all all the things, all things we expect.
Speaker 1: So much from ourselves, yes, when actually we just there's
Speaker 1: nothing to expect, Like we just wake up and be
Speaker 1: nice and be positive and listen to others and put
Speaker 1: other people's feelings first, and everything else will fall into place.
Speaker 11: Absolutely, No, it makes sense. It makes sense, and it's
Speaker 11: just it is. It's just like, so thank you for
Speaker 11: being such an inspiration. And I love to listen to
Speaker 11: your podcasts and every version and.
Speaker 4: I love how raw and vulnerable you are and just.
Speaker 11: Yeah, you're an amazing, amazing you know, just someone to
Speaker 11: look up to and admire.
Speaker 4: So yeah, and you've been there too.
Speaker 1: You're doing it too. You know, you're setting such a
Speaker 1: beautiful example for your friends, your family, your kids, what
Speaker 1: you know, anybody that's watching you. Let me ask you this,
Speaker 1: do you ever look in the mirror and say I
Speaker 1: love you?
Speaker 4: No, I haven't in a long time.
Speaker 1: Oh that was huge for me, Like that's something sounds
Speaker 1: so corny and silly and also so like why would
Speaker 1: I do that? Yeah, but if you stop, if you
Speaker 1: see your reflection in the mirror, and you stop, and
Speaker 1: you can give yourself a moment five seconds and look
Speaker 1: into your own eyes and say I love you.
Speaker 4: Makes sense.
Speaker 1: There's like this connection that you get with yourself and
Speaker 1: this acceptance that you get for yourself no matter what.
Speaker 1: And sometimes you can look in the mirror and say,
Speaker 1: oh my god, you're such an asshole. Just you were
Speaker 1: just such an asshole. But you know what, I still
Speaker 1: love you. Oh my god, you really messed up just
Speaker 1: two minutes ago out there in the kitchen when you
Speaker 1: screamed at him. But I still love you. And everything's
Speaker 1: gonna be okay.
Speaker 4: That is so perfect.
Speaker 11: That is everything, absolutely, And I think that's where somewhere
Speaker 11: along the way I lost myself and I don't know,
Speaker 11: and I like, I don't know what that looks like,
Speaker 11: and I don't know if I love myself anymore. So
Speaker 11: then I feel like, you know, when you just sometimes
Speaker 11: you feel nun like you're just going through the motions
Speaker 11: and you're just kind of here, and it's like I
Speaker 11: can't I don't love myself enough to love someone else
Speaker 11: and I can't give because I can't receive and I
Speaker 11: don't feel it right. And I think that's ultimately kind
Speaker 11: of where I've been at like the last like six
Speaker 11: months or so.
Speaker 4: And it like said, and I woke up and I'm like,
Speaker 4: I'm forty nine.
Speaker 11: I'm like and all of a sudden, I'm like, I
Speaker 11: want accomplish this and I want to do this and
Speaker 11: I want to do and I'm like and I'm like,
Speaker 11: what am I doing? Like why all of a sudden
Speaker 11: am I feeling this pressure and like needing to be
Speaker 11: this person? And it just yeah, and I think I
Speaker 11: was I'm like.
Speaker 4: I'm chubby, and I'm like with my clothes fit all
Speaker 4: of those things.
Speaker 11: Like I said, we're so hard. Yeah, yeah, and it's
Speaker 11: it's so hard. It's so hard.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I want you to do that, Okay. I
Speaker 1: want you to start practicing that every day every day.
Speaker 1: If it's the first thing in the morning, last thing
Speaker 1: at night, if you do it multiple times a day, great,
Speaker 1: live yourself in the mirror and say I love you,
Speaker 1: and you can it can be as quick is that,
Speaker 1: or you can stay with yourself as long as you
Speaker 1: feel like you need to and it's gonna feel weird,
Speaker 1: it's going to feel uncomfortable. You're going to want to
Speaker 1: look away, you're not going to want to do it.
Speaker 1: But when you look at yourself in the mirror and
Speaker 1: you love yourself and you say I love you, and
Speaker 1: you tell yourself, I know this has been hard. I
Speaker 1: know you're going through hard stuff right now. I know
Speaker 1: you want a lot of things. I know you feel
Speaker 1: confused right now. But I've got you and I'm here
Speaker 1: for you, and everything is going to be okay. You're
Speaker 1: gonna get goosebumps when you connect with yourself on that level,
Speaker 1: and then you're going to have like this feeling like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I can't wait to get back to
Speaker 1: the mirror and talk to myself.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 11: Yeah, yeah, it's so true, right, like to see that
Speaker 11: person and yeah, and to love myself back.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's really what I need.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love you, Oh my god, I love you.
Speaker 1: You're doing so good.
Speaker 4: I love you too. Like I'm serious. If you're ever
Speaker 4: in Iowa, give me a call.
Speaker 6: Let's tell you.
Speaker 4: If you come home to Illinois. I don't know how nice.
Speaker 1: Sister will not give up her time with me. I'm
Speaker 1: pretty sure.
Speaker 4: About that fair.
Speaker 1: Well, let's wait, wait, what was your last I choose
Speaker 1: me moment?
Speaker 4: I am working on that a work in progress. Okay
Speaker 4: about we maybe check.
Speaker 11: Back in in six months and see what that when
Speaker 11: I'm a closer to it it can be.
Speaker 1: You have to start small. You have to start with
Speaker 1: little things like you know what, I'm going to choose
Speaker 1: to put on some lipstick today because it makes me
Speaker 1: feel better. Or I'm going to choose to go to
Speaker 1: bed a little bit early today and give myself a
Speaker 1: little extra sleep. I'm going to you know, it's little things.
Speaker 1: And every time you do something little for yourself, acknowledge it.
Speaker 1: Say hey, look look at me. I'm choosing myself right now.
Speaker 1: And it feels good.
Speaker 11: Absolutely, And I feel like if you do choose yourself,
Speaker 11: then that puts yourself and you choose you, and that
Speaker 11: makes everyone else better because then it just as a
Speaker 11: natural progression that it comes after, right, and then you
Speaker 11: can be there for the ones that you love. But
Speaker 11: if you don't take care of yourself, then you can't
Speaker 11: be there for the ones that you love.
Speaker 1: It's very true words of wisdom. Thank you, no, thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you.
Speaker 4: I appreciate it.
Speaker 11: This has been awesome, such an amazing experience, and I
Speaker 11: can't thank you enough. And I look forward to continue
Speaker 11: watching you foster and grow and yes do all the
Speaker 11: amazing things that you're.
Speaker 1: Doing you too. Yeah, thank you, thank you, take care,
Speaker 1: have a great day.
Speaker 4: Yes you too, Thank you.
Speaker 7: Bye bye.
Speaker 1: Hi Marcia, Hi, how are you? I'm so good. So
Speaker 1: nice to meet you.
Speaker 9: Nice to meet you too.
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to the pod. Yeah, tell me
Speaker 1: what do you want to talk about today? How can
Speaker 1: I help you?
Speaker 5: I was just wondering, you know, because my mom has
Speaker 5: Alzheimer's and I'm her caregiver.
Speaker 9: How I could make Ie me moments for myself.
Speaker 1: That's a very You are in a in quite a position,
Speaker 1: you know, giving so much to someone who needs so much.
Speaker 1: I can relate. I have, you know, taken care of
Speaker 1: my parents at different points in my life too, and
Speaker 1: it's a lot. Yeah, it's really challenging. You have to
Speaker 1: have so much patience and so much peace inside of
Speaker 1: you in order to be able to take some care
Speaker 1: of somebody like that on that level. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: you need to need to start, I know, because it
Speaker 1: probably takes up a lot of your day, a lot
Speaker 1: of your time. Thinking of how you can better take
Speaker 1: care of somebody, How can you can prep how you
Speaker 1: can meet their needs? You just need to take carve
Speaker 1: out those how can I take care of myself when
Speaker 1: I Because it is true, they say, with the oxygen
Speaker 1: mask on yourself before putting the oxygen mask on others.
Speaker 1: When you're on the plane, you know, you have to
Speaker 1: remember how important it is to take care of yourself,
Speaker 1: even just a little bit. The littlest things can help you. Know,
Speaker 1: it's really important to eat well. Yeah, if we eat
Speaker 1: just junk and filler food, food that's not helping us
Speaker 1: or benefiting us in any way, that's going to catch
Speaker 1: up to you, and you're not gonna feel good and
Speaker 1: then you're not going to be in a good mood.
Speaker 1: You're not gonna be in good spirits, and you're not
Speaker 1: gonna be able to take care of somebody.
Speaker 9: Right.
Speaker 1: If you're getting make sure you're getting enough sleep, Like
Speaker 1: look at your schedule and decide, like how many hours
Speaker 1: am I sleeping a night? Right, and ask yourself, is
Speaker 1: do I feel refreshed when I wake up? If not,
Speaker 1: maybe I'm not getting enough sleep. Maybe I'm getting too
Speaker 1: much sleep. You really need to sort of look at
Speaker 1: it and define how much sleep you personally need. For me,
Speaker 1: I have to have six hours of sleep. If I
Speaker 1: get more than eight hours, it's like a reverse effect.
Speaker 1: I'm cranky and puffy and I don't feel good and
Speaker 1: I am like ugh. But if I get like six
Speaker 1: or seven hours, that's my golden ticket right there. So
Speaker 1: it's just, you know, as much focused as you put
Speaker 1: on taking care of someone else, you have to turn
Speaker 1: it back and start taking care of yourself little by
Speaker 1: a little, even if it doesn't feel right or it
Speaker 1: feels selfish. You got a car about that time, Like,
Speaker 1: what is it that you do in your life that
Speaker 1: where you are taking care of yourself? What do you
Speaker 1: do for self care?
Speaker 5: So usually during the day, because I have two computers,
Speaker 5: so I have one down here and then one in
Speaker 5: my room, and so I usually like game a lot during.
Speaker 9: The days and stuff.
Speaker 5: And then like we just recently had to have my
Speaker 5: brother in law bring her bed downstairs to put in
Speaker 5: the back room because I didn't want her to do
Speaker 5: the steps anymore because she was starting to fall a lot,
Speaker 5: and I was like worried about her falling down the steps,
Speaker 5: and I was worried about how that was going to go,
Speaker 5: because my routine with her would be to take her up,
Speaker 5: put her in bed, and then just go in my
Speaker 5: room and chill out midnight like until the morning. So
Speaker 5: now the routine is I still put her to bed
Speaker 5: at the same time, but we would do it down
Speaker 5: here and then I go up in my room for
Speaker 5: a little bit and then I come back down and
Speaker 5: sleep on the couch because I don't hard to be
Speaker 5: alone down here. So like that's really and you know,
Speaker 5: I have like little trips that I take sometimes my sister.
Speaker 1: Will you get help with others?
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's it's me and my sister, with the help
Speaker 5: of our our aunts, my mom's sisters. But it's mostly
Speaker 5: me and my sister because my dad passed away twelve
Speaker 5: years ago, so it's only my sister and I.
Speaker 9: So my sister's yeah, so my.
Speaker 1: Sister does on your shoulders, the.
Speaker 9: Grocery running and stuff like that for me.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, that's really important that you have. I'm so
Speaker 1: happy for you that you have a sister, that you
Speaker 1: have those aunts that you can if you need a break,
Speaker 1: you gotta take it. Yeah, you know, and you know
Speaker 1: I know that you love gaming and that's super. That's great.
Speaker 1: But what you know, what does like going outside for you?
Speaker 1: Does that feel good at all? Like when you go
Speaker 1: out in nature when you.
Speaker 5: Like yeah time, yeah, I when it's what I can
Speaker 5: I uh, I'll take my sister's kids and we'll go
Speaker 5: outside and play or some clinical for a walk.
Speaker 9: It's getting colder here now, so that's harder to do.
Speaker 1: You're in Pennsylvania.
Speaker 9: Yeah, so and we're getting a snowstorm this like tonight.
Speaker 6: So I was just.
Speaker 1: There, Martin, I was just there. Yeah, and it was
Speaker 1: beautiful weather.
Speaker 5: I know.
Speaker 9: It's bipolar. I mean you.
Speaker 1: It's just about carving out those little moments and then
Speaker 1: remembering that that's not selfish. That is vital to your
Speaker 1: health and you being able to take care of your mom.
Speaker 5: Right, Yeah, I have a my sister and I are
Speaker 5: going to Seattle to see my best friend Monday's like
Speaker 5: in like two weeks.
Speaker 9: And she actually knew your daughter, by the way, my best.
Speaker 1: Friend it oh cool.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so yeah, we're going to do that and then
Speaker 5: my aunts are going to keep her keep my mom.
Speaker 5: And then we just went to the Heiress tour on Friday. Hey,
Speaker 5: so my we went with her one sister and then
Speaker 5: the other sister kept my mom, so we all three
Speaker 5: went and had fun.
Speaker 1: Amazing. How much fun did you have at that show?
Speaker 9: It was so much fun.
Speaker 1: It was so much fun. Oh it was like I'm
Speaker 1: a girl and I'm free. Yeah, so much fun.
Speaker 9: So good.
Speaker 1: I feel like you're taking pretty good care of yourself.
Speaker 1: I feel like you have a good grasp on doing
Speaker 1: little things here and there for yourself and trying to
Speaker 1: keep your balance right. Yeah, you just need to make
Speaker 1: you know, make it a priority and make sure every
Speaker 1: day that you're checking off that box of taking care
Speaker 1: of yourself.
Speaker 9: Right.
Speaker 1: I'm proud of you.
Speaker 9: I think you Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1: Okay, So, aside from going to the Aras tour, aside
Speaker 1: from going to visit your best friend, what do you think,
Speaker 1: even if it's something little, what would you say your
Speaker 1: last I choose me moment.
Speaker 5: Was probably going over and visiting my cousin, just being
Speaker 5: by myself because she has a daughter that's my niece's age.
Speaker 5: So my niece likes to come with me when I go,
Speaker 5: but I left her here, so I went and just
Speaker 5: on out on my cousin for a little bit.
Speaker 9: You have, I would say that was probably it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love it. That's good. I'm proud of you.
Speaker 1: You're doing great.
Speaker 9: Thank you.
Speaker 1: And you're an amazing person for taking care of your mom.
Speaker 9: Thank you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's rough, I know, I know it's hard. I
Speaker 1: know it's hard. I know, but that's what we do.
Speaker 1: We do hard things sometimes.
Speaker 9: Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1: Well I'm with you. I'm here supporting you from AFAR.
Speaker 9: Thank you.
Speaker 1: Okay, that was so great getting to connect with and
Speaker 1: talk with some of you listeners. Seriously cannot say enough
Speaker 1: about how much you guys mean to me and I
Speaker 1: love hearing from you. It really touches me and it
Speaker 1: makes me feel really good and connected, and that's what
Speaker 1: it's all about. And I hope to see you come
Speaker 1: out to my I Choose Me Live event we're having
Speaker 1: on Saturday, January eleventh. If you are able to, I
Speaker 1: hope you are able to grab your tickets. I really
Speaker 1: cannot wait to see you all in person and share
Speaker 1: all the exciting things we have in store for the
Speaker 1: best day ever. We're going to make some memories together
Speaker 1: and we're going to learn a lot about ourselves and
Speaker 1: about each other, and it's going to be super cool.
Speaker 1: So get your tickets and I'll see you there January eleventh.
Speaker 1: As we continue to choose ourselves each week, I want
Speaker 1: to remind you about something so simple. It's a choice
Speaker 1: that we can make that a lot of us forget
Speaker 1: to do all day long, and that is to drink water. Okay,
Speaker 1: I know, very simple, but seriously, when was the last
Speaker 1: time you had some water? Right now? Go fill up
Speaker 1: a big glass or fill up your jug. I don't
Speaker 1: know about you. I have a water bottle that goes
Speaker 1: everywhere I go. I call it my emotional support water
Speaker 1: bottle because if I leave the house without it, I'm
Speaker 1: seriously like, oh no, where's my water bottle? What if
Speaker 1: I get thirsty on the way to the store. I
Speaker 1: have to have it wherever I go. So this is
Speaker 1: your reminder to not forget to hydrate your body, and
Speaker 1: I challenge you this week to keep hydration as a focus.
Speaker 1: We all tend to let go, you know, eat whatever.
Speaker 1: Our routines kind of fall apart with the food and
Speaker 1: the sweets and the drinks and the schedules. But don't
Speaker 1: forget drink some water. That's all I have to say
Speaker 1: about that. Thanks for listening to ichoose me. You can
Speaker 1: check out all of our social links in our show notes,
Speaker 1: have you left a review of the podcast, because if
Speaker 1: you haven't, I want to hear what you think. I
Speaker 1: love your communication, I love your support, and I love
Speaker 1: your critiques. I am here for it. I want to learn.
Speaker 1: It's so easy, and I love getting to hear from you.
Speaker 1: So make sure to use the hashtag I Choose me,
Speaker 1: and I'll be right here next week. I hope you
Speaker 1: choose to be here too,