WEBVTT - I Choose...YOU! 0:00:01.600 --> 0:00:09.680 You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hey, everyone, 0:00:10.039 --> 0:00:13.720 welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about 0:00:13.720 --> 0:00:16.639 the choices we make and where they lead us. Guys. 0:00:17.440 --> 0:00:21.080 This podcast has been such a gift to me in 0:00:21.200 --> 0:00:25.040 so many ways. I feel like since I've started, I've 0:00:25.160 --> 0:00:28.840 grown so much, and I've gotten to talk to some 0:00:28.920 --> 0:00:31.639 really incredible people and share their stories with all of 0:00:31.680 --> 0:00:35.840 you and hear their choices, and We've formed this really 0:00:35.920 --> 0:00:39.160 beautiful community and I'm just loving it, and I'm having 0:00:39.200 --> 0:00:42.520 my I Choose Me live events. But I have to say, 0:00:42.560 --> 0:00:46.360 hands down, the best part about this podcast is being 0:00:46.400 --> 0:00:51.200 able to connect with you listeners on a deeper level 0:00:51.600 --> 0:00:55.080 than I ever have before. I love getting to see 0:00:55.080 --> 0:00:59.639 your comments and your feedback about episodes that we've done. Today, 0:01:00.560 --> 0:01:03.720 I want to make it all about you, So I'm 0:01:03.760 --> 0:01:06.760 going to open up the mic today and we are 0:01:06.800 --> 0:01:09.720 going to get to know some of our beautiful listeners 0:01:09.760 --> 0:01:14.240 and see if maybe I can bestow any advice or 0:01:14.840 --> 0:01:19.440 wisdom their way, maybe learn a thing or two from them. 0:01:19.640 --> 0:01:23.520 This is so fun. Okay, so let's just dive right in. Hi, Vicky, 0:01:23.760 --> 0:01:24.280 how are you. 0:01:24.840 --> 0:01:26.720 I'm fantastic talking to you how are you? 0:01:27.200 --> 0:01:29.800 This is so exciting. Let's start with you listen to 0:01:29.840 --> 0:01:31.520 the podcast obviously. 0:01:31.560 --> 0:01:33.559 Yes, I listen to both of your podcasts. 0:01:33.680 --> 0:01:36.959 Okay, good, good, And how is this one resonating with you? 0:01:37.880 --> 0:01:41.560 I really enjoy the women stuff. I'm a single mom 0:01:41.640 --> 0:01:46.480 raising a daughter, and I love the women empowerment and 0:01:46.520 --> 0:01:48.680 I love hearing that from other women. So that's always like, 0:01:48.960 --> 0:01:51.080 when I heard you're doing a podcast like that, I 0:01:51.120 --> 0:01:53.880 got very excited. And I've been listening to you pretty 0:01:53.920 --> 0:01:55.920 much every week, so yeah, but I just like the 0:01:55.920 --> 0:01:58.000 women empowerment stuff that you've been doing, just making it 0:01:58.040 --> 0:02:02.280 okay that we're doing things that in the nineties people 0:02:02.320 --> 0:02:03.920 would like shy away at us and be like, you 0:02:03.920 --> 0:02:06.200 can't say that or you can't talk about that. But 0:02:06.280 --> 0:02:07.840 it's our life and what we need to talk about, 0:02:07.920 --> 0:02:10.040 especially when you're raising young daughters. 0:02:10.360 --> 0:02:12.040 So that's what I really like about your podcast. 0:02:12.320 --> 0:02:14.520 Right, So, you're a single mom raising your daughter, and 0:02:15.280 --> 0:02:17.720 am I correct in the fact that you lost your 0:02:17.760 --> 0:02:19.000 husband in twenty twenty three? 0:02:19.919 --> 0:02:20.600 That's correct? 0:02:20.960 --> 0:02:23.720 Yes, First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. 0:02:24.040 --> 0:02:24.400 Thank you. 0:02:24.720 --> 0:02:27.240 I mean, words do nothing for that kind of. 0:02:27.200 --> 0:02:31.040 Pain, right, No, but I appreciate it when we need. 0:02:31.040 --> 0:02:36.399 To acknowledge that you are still grieving, like you're in 0:02:36.440 --> 0:02:39.920 the thick of it right now. I'm sure, and I 0:02:39.919 --> 0:02:43.200 think it's something that it's important that you remind yourself 0:02:43.680 --> 0:02:48.640 that and allow yourself that grace to go through that 0:02:48.800 --> 0:02:51.400 all the stages of it, and you don't there's no 0:02:51.520 --> 0:02:54.600 time limit on it. Other people can do it their way. 0:02:54.680 --> 0:02:57.160 You have to do it your way. You just need 0:02:57.200 --> 0:02:59.560 to give cut yourself some slack and remember. 0:02:59.160 --> 0:03:01.919 That thank you, because it's it's not people assume after 0:03:01.960 --> 0:03:04.920 a certain time, it's just like back to normal routine. 0:03:04.960 --> 0:03:07.520 It's not that easy. How did you lose your husband 0:03:08.120 --> 0:03:08.799 by suicide? 0:03:09.200 --> 0:03:11.919 Oh, dear, so tragic? 0:03:13.160 --> 0:03:13.960 Yeah it was. 0:03:14.040 --> 0:03:18.680 It was, yes, very unexpected, no signs of anything, just 0:03:18.760 --> 0:03:22.280 some business issues with COVID and getting out of and 0:03:22.880 --> 0:03:25.120 overcoming the business issues with COVID as it was ending. 0:03:26.560 --> 0:03:31.280 And I went to work one day and I couldn't. 0:03:31.320 --> 0:03:33.320 I was texting him and calling him and he wasn't answering. 0:03:33.360 --> 0:03:37.560 And then I went home and the cops came and 0:03:38.600 --> 0:03:42.080 they let you know so, but I made my I 0:03:42.160 --> 0:03:43.600 knew the cops were on their way over, so my 0:03:43.720 --> 0:03:45.119 mom took my daughter out of the house. 0:03:45.120 --> 0:03:45.840 She was only three. 0:03:46.440 --> 0:03:48.720 I didn't want her to be there for any of that, 0:03:50.640 --> 0:03:52.520 so it was just me alone when they told me. 0:03:53.240 --> 0:03:55.720 So that was that was really terrible. 0:03:56.640 --> 0:03:57.720 Yeh, want to give you a hug. 0:03:58.960 --> 0:04:01.840 I appreciate that they when they came over. 0:04:01.880 --> 0:04:03.160 I didn't think they were telling me that. I thought 0:04:03.160 --> 0:04:04.960 they were all coming because I filed the missing persons. 0:04:05.040 --> 0:04:06.520 I didn't know that they were going to say that. 0:04:06.600 --> 0:04:08.520 So I just didn't want my daughter to see like 0:04:08.640 --> 0:04:10.520 two police officers and get scared. 0:04:10.280 --> 0:04:12.320 And she's young and whatnot. 0:04:12.440 --> 0:04:14.640 So yeah, I wasn't expecting that news, which was why 0:04:14.640 --> 0:04:19.160 I told my mom to leave. So yeah, so it'll 0:04:19.200 --> 0:04:20.440 be two years on February. 0:04:20.640 --> 0:04:25.400 Oh my goodness. Well, I'm sending you so much strength 0:04:26.760 --> 0:04:30.160 and just knowing that there are people out there that 0:04:30.200 --> 0:04:32.320 believe in you that you can get through this and 0:04:32.360 --> 0:04:35.719 you can do this and you can overcome this. I'm 0:04:35.720 --> 0:04:39.520 one of those people. So I'm here with you. 0:04:41.000 --> 0:04:42.560 I have a very good I'm very fortunate. I have 0:04:42.560 --> 0:04:43.440 a very good village. 0:04:44.080 --> 0:04:44.839 That's important. 0:04:45.640 --> 0:04:47.680 Yeah, it's I couldn't do without it. 0:04:47.800 --> 0:04:50.480 Yeah, you asked a question about how do I make 0:04:50.720 --> 0:04:53.440 time for myself and still be a present mom. Was 0:04:53.480 --> 0:04:54.039 that your question? 0:04:54.360 --> 0:04:59.280 Yes, because being a parent and having time for your 0:04:59.279 --> 0:05:02.839 own sanity is not an easy thing. And sometimes they're 0:05:02.880 --> 0:05:07.000 just really they're really present and you just need a break. 0:05:07.760 --> 0:05:09.560 And it's not in a month from now when I 0:05:09.560 --> 0:05:11.600 can finally get like a babysitter and get time off. 0:05:11.640 --> 0:05:13.520 It's like, right in that moment, you need to break. 0:05:14.080 --> 0:05:17.040 So that's kind of where I was like asking what 0:05:17.040 --> 0:05:17.680 you did. 0:05:17.560 --> 0:05:20.000 In that moment when you're like at the verge here? 0:05:20.560 --> 0:05:21.760 Yes enough to. 0:05:21.720 --> 0:05:25.360 Hear yes, because they're like, there is no like I'm 0:05:25.400 --> 0:05:27.440 going to leave the house because I can't because I'm 0:05:27.440 --> 0:05:28.000 by myself. 0:05:28.400 --> 0:05:29.120 So what do you do? 0:05:29.400 --> 0:05:33.240 Because it's sometimes you know, when they're any age, they 0:05:33.279 --> 0:05:34.760 really can find a way under your skin. 0:05:35.080 --> 0:05:37.599 Oh yeah, I see your daughter's five now, right. 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:38.800 My daughters she's in kindergarten. 0:05:38.880 --> 0:05:41.440 Yes, oh well, at least you have kindergarten and at 0:05:41.520 --> 0:05:44.320 least at least she goes to school for I don't 0:05:44.360 --> 0:05:47.560 know if she's half day full day yet, but thank 0:05:47.600 --> 0:05:53.320 god for kindergarten full day. O. Get good. Yeah, I 0:05:53.600 --> 0:05:56.479 you know, in those I can relate because there have 0:05:56.480 --> 0:05:58.600 been times when I know when my kids were little 0:05:58.640 --> 0:06:02.880 and I was raising the three little girls basically on 0:06:02.920 --> 0:06:05.120 my own because their dad would be away a lot 0:06:05.160 --> 0:06:08.640 of the time filming. He would be working out of town, 0:06:08.800 --> 0:06:11.520 and I would be there with them. And Yeah, you 0:06:11.640 --> 0:06:15.559 reach the point where your your blood starts to boil 0:06:15.600 --> 0:06:18.400 and you're like, I don't know how to handle this. 0:06:18.600 --> 0:06:21.760 I don't I don't want to lose my shit. Basically, 0:06:24.600 --> 0:06:26.440 the only thing you can do in that moment is 0:06:26.520 --> 0:06:30.680 take some deep breaths, maybe go out of the room 0:06:30.760 --> 0:06:34.039 for a minute, if you can. I know they sometimes 0:06:34.040 --> 0:06:34.520 follow you. 0:06:35.600 --> 0:06:37.240 I was gonna say I've done that before. 0:06:39.080 --> 0:06:41.800 She she'll follow and I'll be like, I just need 0:06:41.800 --> 0:06:43.479 you not to follow right now, and then she'd but 0:06:43.520 --> 0:06:46.880 you're upset, and then she keeps it going and then 0:06:46.920 --> 0:06:49.279 she gets more upset. So but yes, I the deep 0:06:49.279 --> 0:06:52.000 breathing is definitely something that is always helpful when I 0:06:52.000 --> 0:06:54.880 actually remember to do it, because, as we all know, 0:06:54.920 --> 0:06:59.480 in the heat, we're all like just flabbergasted, right, But yeah, 0:06:59.480 --> 0:07:00.560 I'm definitely walking away. 0:07:00.600 --> 0:07:02.320 Is definitely always a if you can. 0:07:03.080 --> 0:07:05.520 I always thought like when someone would give me that 0:07:05.520 --> 0:07:07.800 advice take a deep breath, I'd be like, Okay, that's 0:07:07.839 --> 0:07:10.680 really gonna help, and Obviously I'm not gonna remember to 0:07:10.680 --> 0:07:12.160 do that in the moment, like you just said. But 0:07:12.240 --> 0:07:14.560 the fact of the matter is, the more you use it, 0:07:14.800 --> 0:07:17.720 the more it becomes like something that is right there 0:07:17.760 --> 0:07:19.840 in your pocket to pull out. So it might feel 0:07:19.880 --> 0:07:23.200 foreign in the very beginning to like take a deep 0:07:23.240 --> 0:07:26.720 breath and have that moment to yourself and because you 0:07:26.760 --> 0:07:29.240 want to do something else that's a little bit seems 0:07:29.240 --> 0:07:31.440 of what like it will be more productive. But the 0:07:31.440 --> 0:07:34.200 more you try doing that in your moments of like 0:07:34.600 --> 0:07:38.280 the height of your stress, it does start to help 0:07:38.440 --> 0:07:42.560 and like it will be come your go to in 0:07:42.600 --> 0:07:47.880 those moments. And another, I mean another thing is you 0:07:47.960 --> 0:07:51.000 just said, like your daughter's old enough for you to 0:07:51.800 --> 0:07:55.400 she understands when you're upset. She understands if you're dealing 0:07:55.440 --> 0:07:58.880 with some emotions. It sounds like, yes, I think a 0:07:58.960 --> 0:08:03.520 good thing from me would have been to like explain 0:08:03.600 --> 0:08:07.200 to her, mommy's having some feelings right now, or mommy's 0:08:07.200 --> 0:08:10.320 feeling frustrated right now. I just need to have two 0:08:10.360 --> 0:08:13.440 minutes to myself and I'll be right back, you know, 0:08:13.480 --> 0:08:17.960 and just see how like communicating your needs in that 0:08:18.040 --> 0:08:22.080 moment with her affect her, Because you might be surprised. 0:08:22.680 --> 0:08:23.280 I've never done that. 0:08:23.320 --> 0:08:25.600 It's actually, yeah, that sounds like a really good idea. 0:08:25.600 --> 0:08:28.160 I've never done that. I never told her just to 0:08:28.200 --> 0:08:29.880 give me space for a minute. I usually just say 0:08:29.920 --> 0:08:33.040 like it's more of a yell and as opposed to 0:08:33.040 --> 0:08:34.600 saying it like the way you just said. 0:08:34.400 --> 0:08:37.840 It, just like calmly, try to explain it and see 0:08:37.840 --> 0:08:40.520 how that goes. Like maybe maybe it works, maybe it doesn't. 0:08:40.559 --> 0:08:43.559 But I know also too for me in my moments 0:08:43.559 --> 0:08:46.120 of when my girls were little and I was dealing 0:08:46.120 --> 0:08:49.520 with so much and feeling frustrated at the same time. 0:08:49.600 --> 0:08:54.520 In the moment, my emotions are my feelings, I might 0:08:55.000 --> 0:08:59.640 project them onto my kids or whatever I'm dealing with 0:08:59.640 --> 0:09:03.560 in that moment exacerbates just the littlest thing. Like my 0:09:03.679 --> 0:09:06.199 daughter when she was little. At that age, she had 0:09:06.200 --> 0:09:08.960 to have her socks on a very specific way, and 0:09:09.000 --> 0:09:12.280 if her socks were crooked in the slightest she would 0:09:12.280 --> 0:09:14.839 freak out and have a whole thing. So I did 0:09:14.840 --> 0:09:16.680 whatever I could to get the socks on right first 0:09:16.720 --> 0:09:18.079 of all, Noah, of. 0:09:18.040 --> 0:09:20.160 Course, anything to avoid the freak out. In the morning 0:09:20.400 --> 0:09:21.040 before school. 0:09:21.360 --> 0:09:26.000 Oh yeah, yeah, but I think I had to remember 0:09:26.160 --> 0:09:30.240 to not project my stuff onto the kids, and that's 0:09:30.440 --> 0:09:33.320 really really hard to do, especially when you're doing it 0:09:33.360 --> 0:09:34.120 alone in. 0:09:34.080 --> 0:09:36.120 The morning when you're getting ready for school and work. 0:09:36.800 --> 0:09:40.160 They're like, you know, at a snail's pace, and when 0:09:40.160 --> 0:09:41.920 you're trying to get them to go a little faster, 0:09:42.840 --> 0:09:45.200 then that's like my daughter this morning actually was like, 0:09:45.360 --> 0:09:47.080 my sock's on and right, it feels funny. I'm like, 0:09:47.160 --> 0:09:48.960 just move it, and she was like, no, it still 0:09:48.960 --> 0:09:51.520 feels funny. I'm like, okay, come help you with the 0:09:51.559 --> 0:09:53.040 suck and she's like, no, you didn't do it right. 0:09:53.120 --> 0:09:55.559 I'm like, okay, so can you try. I'm going back 0:09:55.559 --> 0:09:58.800 and forth about her sock, ironically enough, like two or 0:09:58.840 --> 0:10:00.200 three minutes, and then finally. 0:10:00.160 --> 0:10:03.040 I must have moved it just a rend inch and 0:10:03.080 --> 0:10:04.000 she's like, okay, my sock's son. 0:10:04.040 --> 0:10:04.280 Good now. 0:10:04.320 --> 0:10:06.720 I'm like, okay, great, let's go. But it was like 0:10:06.760 --> 0:10:10.400 this the most random I was. I didn't do anything different, like. 0:10:10.400 --> 0:10:12.679 Yeah, they have no idea what they're doing to our 0:10:12.720 --> 0:10:16.560 nervous system. In those moments, I can so relate. My 0:10:16.640 --> 0:10:19.120 daughter Fiona was the same way, and I would have 0:10:19.200 --> 0:10:22.520 to do some major deep breathing with her just to 0:10:22.559 --> 0:10:26.400 get through those moments and not lose it. And sometimes 0:10:26.440 --> 0:10:29.079 I just actually walked away. I had to walk away. 0:10:29.200 --> 0:10:32.240 If it was about something as trivial as a zock 0:10:32.400 --> 0:10:35.280 not being on right, I would say, you know what, 0:10:35.800 --> 0:10:37.800 I'll be in the car when you figure it out. 0:10:37.840 --> 0:10:39.920 You can join me, or I'll be in the other room. 0:10:40.280 --> 0:10:42.440 You let me know when you're ready to go, and 0:10:42.600 --> 0:10:45.120 just remove yourself from it. You know they're safe, you 0:10:45.160 --> 0:10:47.040 know that it's not going to be you know the 0:10:47.080 --> 0:10:49.520 bad's going to happen, so you can walk away. But 0:10:49.559 --> 0:10:52.000 it's just removing yourself from it and letting them figure 0:10:52.040 --> 0:10:54.320 it out, because they need to learn to self regulate 0:10:54.400 --> 0:10:57.040 like that. In those moments where they are having those 0:10:57.080 --> 0:11:00.920 panics and freak outs, there's nothing you can usually do. 0:11:01.040 --> 0:11:03.640 It's usually something they need to do for themselves and 0:11:03.679 --> 0:11:06.520 something they need to learn to do for themselves. Yeah. 0:11:06.760 --> 0:11:07.640 No, one hundred percent. 0:11:07.800 --> 0:11:12.000 And you know, I really think that just you remembering 0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:14.960 to take care of yourself and have some alone time 0:11:15.000 --> 0:11:19.440 and self care in place is really helps you to 0:11:19.480 --> 0:11:23.880 show up effectively and be your best mom in every 0:11:23.920 --> 0:11:26.000 moment and specifically those moments. 0:11:26.080 --> 0:11:28.800 Yeah, I'm a big TV person. That's like my most 0:11:28.840 --> 0:11:31.360 relaxing thing to do. And my husband used to say 0:11:31.360 --> 0:11:33.760 to my daughter, if she's watching nine O two and oh, 0:11:33.960 --> 0:11:36.400 you can't talk to her, even though she's seen them 0:11:36.440 --> 0:11:37.880 seven thousand times. 0:11:38.440 --> 0:11:40.160 And so my daughter now says, do you still watch 0:11:40.240 --> 0:11:40.760 nine O two and oh? 0:11:40.800 --> 0:11:42.640 I'm like, I can't believe you remember Daddy making those 0:11:42.720 --> 0:11:44.280 nine two and oh jokes at me because I've seen 0:11:44.320 --> 0:11:48.880 every episode twelve thousand times. And so now like I 0:11:48.960 --> 0:11:50.720 will put on NINEO two and O sometimes, and sometimes 0:11:50.760 --> 0:11:52.240 I'll put on like other shows, and I'm like, have 0:11:52.280 --> 0:11:54.600 all my series and I'm watching. When I tell her, like, 0:11:54.720 --> 0:11:56.600 just go in your room and play, and I can, 0:11:56.640 --> 0:11:59.520 like watch TV for even twenty minutes alone for some 0:11:59.559 --> 0:12:02.800 reason calms me and like brings me back to normal 0:12:03.400 --> 0:12:04.960 more than anything else in the world. I don't know 0:12:04.960 --> 0:12:07.480 what it is about television shows and getting lost in 0:12:07.520 --> 0:12:09.640 it or what the deal is, but I just feel 0:12:09.679 --> 0:12:12.880 so much, so much better, definitely. 0:12:12.920 --> 0:12:15.000 I mean that's the beauty of TV. I think the 0:12:15.040 --> 0:12:18.559 way it helps some people just sort of escape whatever's 0:12:18.640 --> 0:12:21.240 going on in their world and just really focus in 0:12:21.320 --> 0:12:24.520 on what they're watching and their characters that they love 0:12:24.600 --> 0:12:28.120 so much. And that's great. That you've pinpointed it that 0:12:28.120 --> 0:12:29.640 that's your thing, oh. 0:12:29.880 --> 0:12:33.520 One hundred percent, like all the like anytime, yes, and 0:12:34.480 --> 0:12:36.320 if it's you know, like I have like got my 0:12:36.400 --> 0:12:37.920 go tos and then I have like the stuff. I 0:12:37.960 --> 0:12:41.120 haven't actually watched it because I actually read something where 0:12:41.120 --> 0:12:43.240 they said like if you get anxious about something, there's 0:12:43.320 --> 0:12:45.719 very it's something very comforting about watching a show you've 0:12:45.760 --> 0:12:50.079 seen twelve thousand times, so like Friends or a Big 0:12:50.120 --> 0:12:50.600 Bang Theory. 0:12:50.640 --> 0:12:52.959 You know, yeah, oh yeah, one hundred percent. 0:12:53.240 --> 0:12:56.200 So it's always like an interesting it's always interesting just 0:12:56.200 --> 0:12:58.520 to be like it's still entertaining me, but I know 0:12:58.600 --> 0:12:59.520 exactly what's gonna happen. 0:13:00.600 --> 0:13:04.080 It's like comfort food, you know, like sometimes you just 0:13:04.160 --> 0:13:07.360 need to give it to yourself. But I just think, 0:13:07.400 --> 0:13:09.960 you know, like little things like just start with when 0:13:09.960 --> 0:13:12.440 you're at home and you know you're in those moments, 0:13:12.480 --> 0:13:15.280 give yourself five minutes of reprieve. You know, even five 0:13:15.320 --> 0:13:18.679 minutes can help set reset your nervous system and just 0:13:18.880 --> 0:13:21.760 get you back to a base where you can show 0:13:21.840 --> 0:13:27.160 up and be there as an effective and authentic, loving 0:13:27.200 --> 0:13:30.040 mom that I see that you clearly are. Thank you, 0:13:30.800 --> 0:13:34.000 But I just think that you and you said you 0:13:34.080 --> 0:13:37.480 have a foundation of people around you that support you. 0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:43.000 And yeah, I have my mom, sisters, a lot of 0:13:43.280 --> 0:13:48.280 unbelievably close friends that are really somewhat far away, but 0:13:48.360 --> 0:13:50.840 there's still very very supportive and very helpful, and it 0:13:50.920 --> 0:13:52.240 keeps me sane. 0:13:53.440 --> 0:13:56.160 Yeah, being able to reach out to them when you 0:13:56.200 --> 0:13:58.800 just need a little break, when you need some advice 0:13:58.920 --> 0:14:01.400 or need somebody to just cheer you on or pick 0:14:01.440 --> 0:14:06.520 you up. It's so important. So you're doing great, thank you. Yeah, 0:14:06.559 --> 0:14:09.200 I think you're doing great. And then, you know what, 0:14:09.480 --> 0:14:12.240 every day is a new day. Even if you suck 0:14:13.720 --> 0:14:15.920 at being great one day, or if you if you're 0:14:16.000 --> 0:14:18.000 not your best, you don't show up your best. You 0:14:18.040 --> 0:14:22.040 know one day it's okay, give yourself a break and 0:14:22.160 --> 0:14:26.680 know that in the morning it's a new opportunity to 0:14:26.720 --> 0:14:29.240 put your best foot forward and try again. You know, 0:14:29.280 --> 0:14:31.280 it's all we can do, just keep trying. 0:14:31.600 --> 0:14:33.240 Yeah, No, you're absolutely right. 0:14:35.000 --> 0:14:37.040 I love that. Well, thank you very listening to the 0:14:37.080 --> 0:14:40.120 podcast and find support in me, I hope, or watch 0:14:40.160 --> 0:14:42.200 the old show. Whatever I do, I do, can do 0:14:42.560 --> 0:14:42.880 I do. 0:14:43.600 --> 0:14:45.560 I work forty five minutes away from my daughter Grose 0:14:45.600 --> 0:14:47.880 to school, so on my car rides there to and 0:14:47.920 --> 0:14:50.040 from I put on that's like my podcast time, which 0:14:50.040 --> 0:14:53.200 is also extremely helpful. It's like a television, so it's 0:14:53.240 --> 0:14:54.880 just like just me and my podcast. I have like 0:14:54.920 --> 0:14:56.480 my whole eye, like an order. I watch them in 0:14:56.560 --> 0:14:57.000 every week. 0:14:57.040 --> 0:14:57.680 It's a whole thing. 0:14:58.040 --> 0:15:00.480 Okay, good, I'm so glad to be on your your roster. 0:15:01.120 --> 0:15:02.480 You're you're on my roster twice. 0:15:04.280 --> 0:15:07.280 He is so nice talking to you. I want to 0:15:07.320 --> 0:15:09.640 ask you a question. What was your last I choose me. 0:15:09.680 --> 0:15:16.000 Moment finding time to do your podcast. 0:15:17.360 --> 0:15:18.160 To come talk to me. 0:15:18.880 --> 0:15:19.080 Yeah. 0:15:19.160 --> 0:15:21.360 I was so excited, like, no matter what's happening, I'm 0:15:21.400 --> 0:15:22.960 going to do Jenny Garth's podcast. 0:15:23.040 --> 0:15:24.200 This is the coolest thing ever. 0:15:25.680 --> 0:15:26.720 And you're right now. 0:15:26.760 --> 0:15:28.320 Besides that, I'm at work. 0:15:28.400 --> 0:15:30.160 Yes, my boss knew. I'm actually in her office. She 0:15:30.280 --> 0:15:32.960 was like, oh my god, that's so cool. So yes, 0:15:33.280 --> 0:15:36.080 like I was like, not messing around with doing your podcast. 0:15:36.240 --> 0:15:37.800 We'll tell your boss, I said, thank you. 0:15:38.560 --> 0:15:39.840 I'm sure she'll listen. 0:15:41.720 --> 0:15:44.440 Thank you for listening, and thank you for for course 0:15:44.480 --> 0:15:45.000 seeing you. 0:15:45.920 --> 0:15:47.720 Thank you and thank you for everything you're doing. I 0:15:47.760 --> 0:15:49.480 see you all the stuff you're doing, the women's lunches 0:15:49.480 --> 0:15:52.640 you're having, and I choose me. It's really, really, really 0:15:52.680 --> 0:15:55.040 helpful to all women just to hear it all the 0:15:55.080 --> 0:15:58.400 way around, because you are not Your platform is much 0:15:58.400 --> 0:15:59.640 different than let's say mine. 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:02.520 What really is a great thing the way you're're sing 0:16:02.560 --> 0:16:03.480 and I really appreciate it. 0:16:03.640 --> 0:16:05.920 I'm so glad. Thank you. That means so much to me. 0:16:07.000 --> 0:16:16.920 Have a great day you too, Rendy. 0:16:17.160 --> 0:16:18.760 Hi, Hi, how are you. 0:16:19.080 --> 0:16:21.160 I'm good. It's so nice to meet you. 0:16:21.160 --> 0:16:21.520 You too. 0:16:22.120 --> 0:16:25.160 It looks like you're at your place of work. I am, Yes, 0:16:25.800 --> 0:16:27.400 it's in the middle of the workday. Thank you so 0:16:27.480 --> 0:16:30.440 much for taking time out to talk to me. What's 0:16:30.480 --> 0:16:31.000 your question? 0:16:31.680 --> 0:16:32.040 Okay? 0:16:32.120 --> 0:16:35.920 So I listened to your podcast on Jenny's Journals and 0:16:36.000 --> 0:16:39.960 you talked about incident with your daughter. She was upset, 0:16:40.040 --> 0:16:43.400 calling you narsis, and so you talked about being able 0:16:43.440 --> 0:16:45.720 to just let your kids fill their emotions and vent 0:16:45.760 --> 0:16:47.080 without taking it personally. 0:16:47.880 --> 0:16:49.200 I want to know how you do that. 0:16:49.640 --> 0:16:55.760 Oof. It's hard because we are moms. We give them 0:16:55.880 --> 0:17:00.960 everything we have and then they just trample on it, 0:17:01.280 --> 0:17:03.400 scrunch it up and throw it back at us like 0:17:03.520 --> 0:17:07.159 a bod Sometimes, you know, we live for those moments 0:17:07.160 --> 0:17:09.240 when we get the snuggles and I love yous and 0:17:09.280 --> 0:17:13.040 the thank yous, yeah, but we can't control how often 0:17:13.040 --> 0:17:18.200 those come. And I found myself just having to really 0:17:18.480 --> 0:17:22.280 forget that they were ever going to come, just to 0:17:22.640 --> 0:17:25.879 you know, to be able to give unconditionally and be 0:17:26.000 --> 0:17:31.440 that mom that that consistent even when they're a little shitheads, 0:17:32.000 --> 0:17:36.679 we consistently love them no matter what, like unconditionally. And 0:17:36.720 --> 0:17:41.720 I think it's so important that we adopt that mindset 0:17:41.760 --> 0:17:44.200 because it's really important to give our children that safe 0:17:44.240 --> 0:17:46.840 place to vent where they know they're not going to 0:17:46.880 --> 0:17:50.240 be judged, and it really gives them that opportunity to 0:17:50.240 --> 0:17:54.320 to process all the emotions that they're feeling, because there's 0:17:54.600 --> 0:17:58.000 so much being thrown at young people today and I 0:17:58.040 --> 0:18:01.240 don't myself know how they handle it as well as 0:18:01.240 --> 0:18:04.439 they do most of the time. And I'm you know, 0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:06.760 like I sit there and look at them and think, Wow, 0:18:07.280 --> 0:18:10.600 you're amazing that you're getting through all of this. But 0:18:10.640 --> 0:18:13.280 it's really important to remind them that it's okay to vent, 0:18:13.359 --> 0:18:15.399 it's okay to let it all out sometimes. And I 0:18:15.400 --> 0:18:18.719 always say to my girls, listen, listen, I'd rather you 0:18:18.720 --> 0:18:22.199 you know, come home and treat me badly or you know, 0:18:22.359 --> 0:18:25.560 disrespect me than going out there and doing it to 0:18:25.760 --> 0:18:28.400 your peers or your teachers or people that you work with, 0:18:28.480 --> 0:18:32.280 or whatever their circumstances are. Because I'm I'm always going 0:18:32.320 --> 0:18:34.640 to love you no matter what, and I think when 0:18:34.640 --> 0:18:37.919 they know you're always going to love them no matter 0:18:37.960 --> 0:18:41.880 what and not judge them, because I've seen the damage 0:18:41.880 --> 0:18:45.960 it can do when a parent judges somebody for having 0:18:45.960 --> 0:18:50.800 their feelings, and the damage that I see that that 0:18:50.920 --> 0:18:54.679 does makes me just want to be more of a 0:18:54.720 --> 0:18:58.000 sounding board for them, you know, just be more loving 0:18:58.040 --> 0:19:00.720 and unconditional and understanding when they have to have those 0:19:00.840 --> 0:19:04.879 eruptions because they have to let it out, you know. Yeah, 0:19:04.960 --> 0:19:07.040 there's a book called The Four Agreements. Have you heard 0:19:07.040 --> 0:19:11.040 of it? I? No, it's called the Four Agreements. It's 0:19:11.040 --> 0:19:14.399 a tiny little book. I'm fully blanking on the author 0:19:14.440 --> 0:19:16.919 and I can't see that far to see the title 0:19:16.960 --> 0:19:19.080 of it, but it's right up there on my bookshelf. 0:19:19.880 --> 0:19:22.080 That is a book that was the foundation for me 0:19:22.280 --> 0:19:26.399 to really stop taking not just stuff from my kids personally, 0:19:26.440 --> 0:19:31.520 but anything personally in life, because that's so damaging to 0:19:31.560 --> 0:19:34.240