WEBVTT - The Golden Years, Caring for Aging Parents 0:00:02.200 --> 0:00:05.920 Welcome, guys, welcome, welcome to my show, your show exactly 0:00:05.960 --> 0:00:10.360 amadai to girl am and you're listening to exactly amada 0:00:10.400 --> 0:00:16.200 exactment Joe Divinas, which si magrasa. Guys for joining, for supporting, 0:00:16.239 --> 0:00:17.759 and by the way, don't forget that this is a 0:00:17.800 --> 0:00:20.360 production of iHeart. Thank you so much for tuning in 0:00:20.800 --> 0:00:23.000 and as usual, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast 0:00:23.079 --> 0:00:26.800 on your favorite platform and of course rados and give 0:00:26.920 --> 0:00:31.240 us those five stars. Leave your review because I love 0:00:31.320 --> 0:00:33.000 to go in there and just check out your comments. 0:00:33.000 --> 0:00:35.599 If you're enjoying the podcast, what you would like to hear, 0:00:35.720 --> 0:00:38.639 what would like to see? All that good stuff. So anyways, 0:00:38.800 --> 0:00:41.600 head over to the YouTube channel and right there you 0:00:41.640 --> 0:00:44.080 could watch or listen to the podcast by searching for 0:00:44.680 --> 0:00:49.599 Microtura podcast and clicking on exactly a'm ada exact damente. 0:00:49.880 --> 0:00:50.160 Joe. 0:00:50.880 --> 0:00:54.240 Well, I'm toda this episode, I want to talk about 0:00:54.280 --> 0:00:57.280 something that really hits home for me because anybody that 0:00:57.400 --> 0:00:59.640 knows me knows that my mother is everything to me. 0:01:00.280 --> 0:01:03.560 My mom has been my best friend. My mother immigrated 0:01:03.600 --> 0:01:06.240 to this country by herself, so she's everything. 0:01:06.800 --> 0:01:07.440 You know that I know. 0:01:08.040 --> 0:01:09.800 I met my father, you know when I was like 0:01:09.840 --> 0:01:13.280 about I don't know, ten years old. Once then I 0:01:13.319 --> 0:01:16.800 saw him again when I was like fifteen, and then 0:01:16.840 --> 0:01:19.120 I saw him again once I was an adult. You know, 0:01:19.400 --> 0:01:21.679 he's been part of my life now as an adult, 0:01:21.760 --> 0:01:23.960 but it took some time to grow into that, and 0:01:24.280 --> 0:01:27.400 a lot of people wouldn't had forgiven him for being 0:01:27.480 --> 0:01:29.920 absent in, you know, in my life, the way that 0:01:30.000 --> 0:01:33.440 he was in every single aspect emotionally, financially and all 0:01:33.480 --> 0:01:36.400 that good stuff. But I have decided to be a 0:01:36.480 --> 0:01:39.880 bigger person and take him into my household and make 0:01:39.959 --> 0:01:43.160 him part of my family. You know, just because one 0:01:43.200 --> 0:01:45.360 of your parents wasn't a good parent, it doesn't mean 0:01:45.400 --> 0:01:47.720 that you still can't be a good son, a good 0:01:47.840 --> 0:01:52.200 daughter and show them how it's done. Mark the difference. However, 0:01:52.800 --> 0:01:56.400 accepting him in my household also comes with the responsibility 0:01:57.040 --> 0:01:59.680 of taking care of him, you know, to the good 0:01:59.720 --> 0:02:02.640 and the bad. That means, you know, through any health 0:02:02.720 --> 0:02:04.840 issues or anything like that. For example, at one point, 0:02:04.920 --> 0:02:08.280 my father had prosted cancer. I was the one that 0:02:08.440 --> 0:02:10.919 was in every doctor's appointment. I was the one that 0:02:11.080 --> 0:02:12.680 was in you know, with him in the hospital when 0:02:12.720 --> 0:02:16.079 he had surgery. I was there for him. However, back 0:02:16.160 --> 0:02:19.000 then I didn't have any children. Now I have children, 0:02:19.360 --> 0:02:21.440 and I also have my mother who also has a 0:02:21.480 --> 0:02:24.799 lot of health issues and all those things, and it 0:02:24.960 --> 0:02:26.480 is a lot, it is a lie. 0:02:26.560 --> 0:02:26.679 You know. 0:02:26.800 --> 0:02:29.919 Today we're diving into the subject of taking care of 0:02:30.200 --> 0:02:33.440 our aging parents. What do we do when our parents 0:02:33.760 --> 0:02:37.600 start to fall apart, you know, meaning their health, They're tired, 0:02:37.639 --> 0:02:39.360 they no longer can do certain things like they were 0:02:39.400 --> 0:02:41.720 back in the days, even though in many occasions, in 0:02:41.919 --> 0:02:45.359 our mind we still see them with the same strength 0:02:45.960 --> 0:02:48.200 that they had when we were younger. And the truth 0:02:48.360 --> 0:02:51.240 is they're only but getting older. You know, we often 0:02:51.320 --> 0:02:54.679 face challenges of making decisions of what to do for 0:02:54.800 --> 0:02:57.520 the well being, whether it is you know, arranging their 0:02:57.720 --> 0:03:00.880 new living you know, like, you know, maybe you should 0:03:00.919 --> 0:03:03.080 go to an elderly home. Maybe you should have someone 0:03:03.160 --> 0:03:06.000 take care of them inside of your home. Maybe you 0:03:06.040 --> 0:03:09.000 should send them to you know, their native country. What 0:03:09.240 --> 0:03:11.880 do you do? And also as Latinos, we have a 0:03:12.000 --> 0:03:15.160 different way of taking care of our parents. We're big 0:03:15.200 --> 0:03:18.359 believers in, you know, keeping our family together, whether it 0:03:18.440 --> 0:03:21.240 is that your cousins and your brothers, your sisters, everybody 0:03:21.280 --> 0:03:25.080 comes together to take care of each other. The Latino community. Also, 0:03:25.120 --> 0:03:26.959 for the most part, we're one of those that we 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:29.600 stay living with our parents to we're like forty and 0:03:29.720 --> 0:03:32.520 even after you're married, in many occasions you end up 0:03:32.560 --> 0:03:36.480 moving your you know, your wife or husband into the family, 0:03:36.600 --> 0:03:40.360 into the household. So we're accustomed to being so close 0:03:40.480 --> 0:03:43.040 with each other. What do we do? You know, we 0:03:43.160 --> 0:03:46.760 have to explore different options and consider what would be 0:03:46.840 --> 0:03:51.560 the best care possible parties socomulo mani hamel. How do 0:03:51.640 --> 0:03:53.920 you make that decision of saying, you know what, I 0:03:54.040 --> 0:03:57.000 think it's time for us to have that conversation. I 0:03:57.160 --> 0:04:00.240 no longer can take you know, care of you or 0:04:00.280 --> 0:04:02.680 you may need more attention, you may need more health 0:04:02.720 --> 0:04:05.120 attention than I can provide because on many occasions, you 0:04:05.200 --> 0:04:07.320 know a lot of us. In my case as a 0:04:07.360 --> 0:04:10.760 single parent or even as a single child, all the 0:04:10.840 --> 0:04:14.680 responsibility is put on me. How do I still move 0:04:14.760 --> 0:04:17.040 on with my career? How do I still work? How 0:04:17.080 --> 0:04:19.640 can I still become a provider? How can I be 0:04:19.920 --> 0:04:22.960 a wife to my husband eventually while still taking care 0:04:23.000 --> 0:04:27.279 of my mother and my father and my children? How 0:04:27.400 --> 0:04:31.520 do you do this? Anyways? Today I have my makeup artist, 0:04:31.640 --> 0:04:34.280 Debbie which is super weird because I would never have 0:04:34.440 --> 0:04:36.000 her come in here. But then I see she has 0:04:36.040 --> 0:04:39.240 such a great personality and she has such a great 0:04:39.360 --> 0:04:41.360 view of seeing life that I was like, I would 0:04:41.400 --> 0:04:43.480 love to discuss this with you. Debbie, thank you so 0:04:43.600 --> 0:04:46.120 much for joining me today here on exactly Amada. And 0:04:46.800 --> 0:04:49.200 I want to ask you, so what about your parents? 0:04:49.279 --> 0:04:52.040 Do you live with your parents or your grandparents? You know, 0:04:52.120 --> 0:04:54.520 how did your mother your father deal with your grandparents 0:04:54.640 --> 0:04:56.360 or they still live. How has it been for you? 0:04:56.920 --> 0:04:59.440 First of all, I'm super excited to be here currently. 0:04:59.520 --> 0:05:02.280 I'm not eve with my mom currently, but I know 0:05:02.400 --> 0:05:07.520 my grandfather he had cancer as well, unfortunately, and when 0:05:07.560 --> 0:05:09.880 he was debilitating in front of us, it was so 0:05:10.040 --> 0:05:13.360 hard for us. He understand, and we're also from the 0:05:13.440 --> 0:05:15.960 Islands as well. My mom took him back to his 0:05:16.200 --> 0:05:19.200 native home, which is Haiti, and you know over there 0:05:19.360 --> 0:05:22.240 is different. You know, he had like three helpers to 0:05:22.360 --> 0:05:25.280 help him, maids and everything like that, so it was 0:05:25.760 --> 0:05:30.080 easy process for him and for us as well. So 0:05:30.200 --> 0:05:32.920 I remember every month we would go for like three 0:05:33.000 --> 0:05:35.800 to four days to go and see my grandfather because 0:05:36.800 --> 0:05:40.360 in my opinion, I wouldn't put my parents in a 0:05:40.480 --> 0:05:43.960 nursing home here because I used to be a CNA 0:05:44.279 --> 0:05:47.520 like years ago, and I remember one of the DNA 0:05:48.120 --> 0:05:51.520 certified nursing assistant. I remember when I was doing my internship, 0:05:51.880 --> 0:05:54.920 one of the CNAs was throwing water at one of 0:05:55.000 --> 0:05:57.920 the patients and I was like, you know what, I 0:05:58.080 --> 0:06:01.760 promise Yamara the next day I wouldn't go back to 0:06:01.839 --> 0:06:02.480 that nursing home. 0:06:02.640 --> 0:06:04.080 And I thought about it. I was like, what if 0:06:04.120 --> 0:06:04.440 it was me? 0:06:04.600 --> 0:06:06.400 What if it was my parents, what if it was 0:06:06.440 --> 0:06:07.200 my grandparents? 0:06:07.720 --> 0:06:11.000 Right, well, in my case, I mean, I've never been 0:06:11.040 --> 0:06:14.200 through a situation like that. However, I can only but 0:06:14.320 --> 0:06:17.440 imagine how it would feel to believe that you're making 0:06:17.520 --> 0:06:21.080 the right decision of putting your parents, you know, into 0:06:21.160 --> 0:06:24.120 an elderly home. You never really know, like there's no 0:06:24.279 --> 0:06:26.520 way of knowing if this nurse is going to be 0:06:26.680 --> 0:06:30.039 good or she's gonna be malicious, because in many occasions, 0:06:30.080 --> 0:06:34.040 in front of the family members, they're very courteous and caring, 0:06:34.120 --> 0:06:36.520 and the moment that you know the family members leave, 0:06:37.040 --> 0:06:39.640 they mistreat them. But at some point you have to 0:06:39.720 --> 0:06:40.800 trust someone, right. 0:06:41.000 --> 0:06:43.599 Yes, you have no choice but to trust someone because 0:06:43.720 --> 0:06:45.839 especially here when you live in the United states. 0:06:46.160 --> 0:06:46.600 We work. 0:06:47.000 --> 0:06:49.040 We have to work to make a living, right m hm, 0:06:49.240 --> 0:06:52.920 So we have to trust someone. I think in my case, 0:06:52.960 --> 0:06:55.800 I'll probably set up cameras in to view the person. 0:06:56.040 --> 0:06:56.760 It's hard for me. 0:06:57.440 --> 0:06:59.120 I don't know what I would do in that case, 0:06:59.160 --> 0:07:01.080 but I know I'll put cam in my home for sure. 0:07:01.360 --> 0:07:03.800 Cameras are good obviously, so that you can know what's 0:07:03.880 --> 0:07:06.960 going on. Also, the thought of our parents aging, you know, 0:07:07.279 --> 0:07:10.480 in the comfort of being home, you know, with their 0:07:10.520 --> 0:07:13.040 grandkids and all those things. I know that that can 0:07:13.640 --> 0:07:15.080 to me. I would feel like it would make them 0:07:15.160 --> 0:07:16.960 live longer because it gives them hope. And I know 0:07:17.080 --> 0:07:19.040 that in many occasions. For example, I know that my 0:07:19.160 --> 0:07:22.160 kids can be very stressful and annoying in the aspect 0:07:22.240 --> 0:07:24.560 of they wake up at night and they're screaming, and 0:07:24.680 --> 0:07:26.600 they want milk, and they want their diapers change, and 0:07:26.680 --> 0:07:29.640 it's just a lot. But I also see the happiness 0:07:29.680 --> 0:07:33.080 and the joy that my mother and my father get from, 0:07:33.680 --> 0:07:36.480 you know, seeing my daughters grow up and learning how 0:07:36.520 --> 0:07:39.560 to talk and how to walk. All those experiences are 0:07:39.720 --> 0:07:43.800 moments that you know, make them happy, and I enjoy that. However, 0:07:44.520 --> 0:07:46.239 my mother has given me a lot of health scare. 0:07:46.520 --> 0:07:49.280 I've had to call the ambulance in many occasions, and 0:07:49.480 --> 0:07:52.000 when I've had to call them, I've thought to myself, 0:07:52.320 --> 0:07:54.520 how am I supposed to manage or handle this? 0:07:54.840 --> 0:07:54.880 Like? 0:07:55.320 --> 0:07:59.960 How do I go about this? Because I can't do everything. 0:08:00.400 --> 0:08:04.280 I can be the financial provider, I can't be the 0:08:04.560 --> 0:08:08.240 emotional provider for everyone. And it's not me being selfish? 0:08:08.400 --> 0:08:11.080 But is it me being selfish to want to keep 0:08:11.280 --> 0:08:14.040 them in my household knowing that I can't provide them 0:08:14.120 --> 0:08:16.960 the help that they need. Or is it selfish of 0:08:17.080 --> 0:08:22.000 me to think about myself and my children first and 0:08:22.200 --> 0:08:24.960 then decide to put my mother or my father in 0:08:25.040 --> 0:08:26.040 the care of someone else. 0:08:34.800 --> 0:08:38.240 As for me, my dream was to get a big 0:08:38.320 --> 0:08:41.360 home right and build a mother in law suite in 0:08:41.400 --> 0:08:42.960 the back like how you have in your back. 0:08:43.120 --> 0:08:45.120 That's a dream that we would all love to have, 0:08:45.280 --> 0:08:47.600 but financially, the truth is that a lot of us 0:08:47.760 --> 0:08:50.120 may not never have the possibility of having a big 0:08:50.160 --> 0:08:52.240 home where you have a guest house, but you get 0:08:52.320 --> 0:08:53.959 both of your parents, And what about if your parents 0:08:54.000 --> 0:08:57.200 don't get along like my mother can't stand my father 0:08:57.520 --> 0:09:01.559 at all. But because of the circumstances of life, they 0:09:01.600 --> 0:09:04.800 have been forced to have to live together. My mom 0:09:04.920 --> 0:09:06.880 makes sure to remind him all the reasons why she 0:09:07.000 --> 0:09:10.920 can't stand him every other day. It's like a bittersweet situation. 0:09:11.200 --> 0:09:14.920 But you know, they figured out how to live together, 0:09:15.480 --> 0:09:18.440 and thanks to that, I am able to help both 0:09:18.520 --> 0:09:20.079 of them. I don't know. I just feel like it's 0:09:20.120 --> 0:09:22.599 such a hard decision to make, and also just I 0:09:22.640 --> 0:09:25.760 think it's realistically we have to talk about it. I 0:09:25.800 --> 0:09:28.679 also think this is a very taboo issue. You know, 0:09:29.200 --> 0:09:31.600 we don't want to talk about death. We don't want 0:09:31.600 --> 0:09:34.200 to talk about getting older, as if that's not gonna happen. 0:09:34.720 --> 0:09:38.240 Eventually all of us are gonna get older. Have you 0:09:38.480 --> 0:09:41.000 planned those things out? I mean, I'm talking about from 0:09:41.080 --> 0:09:44.719 the funeral service to the graveyard, to what you want 0:09:44.760 --> 0:09:47.400 to wear, to how you want it done. If I 0:09:47.520 --> 0:09:50.720 get sick. You know I don't want this, I want 0:09:50.800 --> 0:09:53.480 it this way. Have you spoken to your health insurance? 0:09:53.679 --> 0:09:56.640 Have you separated money for that? Are you even thinking 0:09:56.760 --> 0:09:59.400 of that day? Are you gonna Are you thinking of, 0:09:59.600 --> 0:10:01.719 oh well, oh you know, God forbid? If I die, well, 0:10:01.760 --> 0:10:03.480 then you just deal with it. What about if your 0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:06.959 children are not prepared financially to deal with that, then 0:10:07.000 --> 0:10:08.559 you see a lot of people that end up doing 0:10:08.600 --> 0:10:12.080 godfunding accounts, which anybody can go through a financial situation. 0:10:12.360 --> 0:10:15.960 I get that part, But why as a family aren't 0:10:15.960 --> 0:10:18.559 we having these conversations on what the hell to do? 0:10:19.160 --> 0:10:20.319 We don't be knowing what to do. 0:10:21.000 --> 0:10:22.800 The thing is, I think a lot of people are 0:10:22.920 --> 0:10:26.559 oblivious and they're scared of to have that conversation. It's 0:10:26.679 --> 0:10:30.000 ironic because last week I literally had that conversation with 0:10:30.120 --> 0:10:32.679 my mom. So I had to actually go and get 0:10:32.760 --> 0:10:36.600 a burial plan for her. Yes, we had a burial plan. 0:10:36.800 --> 0:10:39.920 Like you know, listen, I'm a makeup artist. Yes I 0:10:40.080 --> 0:10:43.280 make money, but not as much that I want to make. 0:10:43.400 --> 0:10:45.559 You understand what I mean. But now we have a 0:10:45.679 --> 0:10:48.040 family plan. So what I did was I have a 0:10:48.160 --> 0:10:52.439 burial plot for me, my mom, and my daughter. Oh okay, okay, 0:10:52.520 --> 0:10:54.880 So what inspired you to do that? And how did 0:10:54.920 --> 0:10:56.720 you go about it? Like did you do your research? 0:10:56.840 --> 0:10:57.679 You ask somebody? 0:10:58.600 --> 0:11:01.120 Four months ago we had that passed away and it 0:11:01.280 --> 0:11:05.720 was horrible. Nobody had money, he was not prepared. Okay, 0:11:05.840 --> 0:11:10.040 he didn't have insurance. Oh god, yeah, okay, So it 0:11:10.240 --> 0:11:11.360 was like a battle. 0:11:11.920 --> 0:11:14.319 The parent like all our family was like, oh I 0:11:14.400 --> 0:11:16.760 gave this much. I gave this much. Oh he was there, 0:11:16.800 --> 0:11:18.560 he was making money. Why didn't he prepared? 0:11:18.800 --> 0:11:20.120 So I don't want to go through that. 0:11:20.520 --> 0:11:20.959 I get it. 0:11:21.160 --> 0:11:24.160 That's why we had That's why we had an executive decision. Me, 0:11:24.720 --> 0:11:28.040 my brother, my older brother, and my daughter A street. 0:11:28.120 --> 0:11:30.400 We had a conversation. We had a meeting with like, listen, 0:11:30.559 --> 0:11:31.520 this is what we're going to do. 0:11:31.640 --> 0:11:33.160 This is what we're going to do. This is what 0:11:33.320 --> 0:11:36.360 I say contribute, and this is what he can contribute. 0:11:36.360 --> 0:11:37.200 You understand what I mean. 0:11:37.280 --> 0:11:39.559 So that's what we have to do because it's very 0:11:39.640 --> 0:11:42.000 expensive right now when people pass away. 0:11:42.200 --> 0:11:45.360 Unfortunately, it's like a party. Yeah, you have to have 0:11:45.559 --> 0:11:47.640 what is it what is it awake. 0:11:47.440 --> 0:11:49.520 Or something like that. You have to rent somewhere, you 0:11:49.679 --> 0:11:52.600 have to provide it's full and then it turns into 0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:55.600 there's a part of me show, whether it turns into 0:11:55.679 --> 0:11:59.160 a fashion show, whether it turns into a birthday party event. 0:11:59.280 --> 0:12:01.800 Because now you're in the middle of hurting, and I 0:12:01.880 --> 0:12:03.400 know that we're going a little bit off topic, but 0:12:03.440 --> 0:12:05.880 all of this comes into the part of taking care 0:12:06.000 --> 0:12:08.800 of our parents, taking care of our siblings, taking care 0:12:08.840 --> 0:12:12.000 of our household, but specifically our parents, because a lot 0:12:12.040 --> 0:12:13.840 of our parents come in my case, you know, as 0:12:13.880 --> 0:12:17.240 a Latina, you know, the Caribbean mentality is, let's not 0:12:17.280 --> 0:12:19.120 talk about the elderly. You know, let's not talk about 0:12:19.120 --> 0:12:21.439 getting sick, because then we're going to attract it. Or 0:12:21.480 --> 0:12:24.000 let's not talk about, you know, dying, because then you're 0:12:24.000 --> 0:12:26.880 going to attract it. No, let's attraction. Let's talk about it. 0:12:27.040 --> 0:12:29.559 So if God forbids something were to happen, we know 0:12:29.720 --> 0:12:34.199 where we stand. We've created a plan, a plan of emergency, right, 0:12:34.559 --> 0:12:36.720 whether it is that you have your health insurance, whether 0:12:36.760 --> 0:12:39.760 it is that you've created a trust for all your properties. 0:12:39.960 --> 0:12:42.960 There's been so many occasions where people pass away then 0:12:43.040 --> 0:12:45.840 you find out once they sold the house that behind 0:12:46.120 --> 0:12:50.120 you know, behind a tile or behind the air vent, 0:12:50.600 --> 0:12:53.120 this person that's where they had their little mini safe, 0:12:53.520 --> 0:12:56.400 where they had hundreds or thousands of dollars saved. Because 0:12:56.440 --> 0:12:59.480 that's the old school mentality which I respect, of keeping cash, 0:13:00.080 --> 0:13:03.079 paid some work. So all these little details matter. And 0:13:03.200 --> 0:13:06.400 going back to taking care of our parents. I know 0:13:06.600 --> 0:13:10.120 someone who also figured out a way to the system. 0:13:10.200 --> 0:13:13.880 Guys pay attention to this. She found out that if 0:13:14.000 --> 0:13:17.840 she were to take care of her parents, the government 0:13:17.960 --> 0:13:21.880 would provide government assistant and she could also charge. So 0:13:22.720 --> 0:13:24.880 she actually figured a way of taking a course that 0:13:24.960 --> 0:13:27.880 didn't even take that long, and she was able to 0:13:27.920 --> 0:13:31.800 become a caregiver for her parents and at the same way, 0:13:32.320 --> 0:13:35.600 she was making money. So I kind of evened it out. 0:13:35.640 --> 0:13:38.719 It's like, I don't have to sacrifice not being with 0:13:38.920 --> 0:13:42.600 my parents. I don't have to sacrifice paying additional money 0:13:43.200 --> 0:13:45.959 to put them somewhere where they can have someone take 0:13:46.000 --> 0:13:49.120 care of them. I can actually go to school, take 0:13:49.120 --> 0:13:52.319 a little course, give my licensings or whatever it is 0:13:52.400 --> 0:13:54.920 that I need, and I could be a caregiver to 0:13:55.040 --> 0:13:57.880 my own parents and get paid individually for both. So 0:13:58.480 --> 0:14:01.720 I also think that there's ways of going about things. 0:14:02.040 --> 0:14:06.280 Just don't think about it like ask questions. There's many 0:14:06.360 --> 0:14:09.439 ways that you can financially still make it happen. And 0:14:09.520 --> 0:14:12.880 there also is a lot of government assistant that we 0:14:13.120 --> 0:14:15.319 may not know. And I also think that minorities in 0:14:15.320 --> 0:14:18.720 the Latino community as well, we don't like to ask 0:14:18.760 --> 0:14:21.080 for help. We don't like people to know that we're going, 0:14:21.400 --> 0:14:24.160 you know, and it's through troubles. It's embarrassing to us 0:14:24.680 --> 0:14:30.320 all types of things when realistically there's a lot of campaigns, foundations, 0:14:30.400 --> 0:14:33.080 there's a lot of organizations and things like that that 0:14:33.160 --> 0:14:34.360 are willing to help and assist. 0:14:40.400 --> 0:14:43.960 There is a lot of organizations and assistance, but we 0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:46.880 need to know there's a lot of people now talking 0:14:46.920 --> 0:14:47.280 about it. 0:14:47.400 --> 0:14:49.320 We need to know about these organizations. 0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:50.960 Who do we talk to? 0:14:51.240 --> 0:14:55.160 Where do we find the information? And also too, there's 0:14:55.160 --> 0:14:55.720 a lot of people. 0:14:55.800 --> 0:14:58.080 Well, I was fortunate that I have a brother, and 0:14:58.680 --> 0:15:02.320 you know, i'm here, I'm able to get a burial 0:15:02.400 --> 0:15:04.480 plan from my mom, right, But what about the other 0:15:04.600 --> 0:15:06.720 people that's less fortunate than me? 0:15:06.920 --> 0:15:09.160 Yes, how do they go about doing that? 0:15:09.360 --> 0:15:14.000 Because it's a topic of conversation, it's very important, and 0:15:14.120 --> 0:15:16.520 I'm happy that we're talking about that for real. 0:15:16.840 --> 0:15:18.560 No, I get it, And the same way that I 0:15:18.720 --> 0:15:21.840 wanted to also point out in many occasions, if you 0:15:22.120 --> 0:15:25.360 are and I don't know because as a mother now, 0:15:25.480 --> 0:15:28.120 I can only but imagine if you are a mother 0:15:28.600 --> 0:15:31.720 or a father and you've dedicated your time, your efforts, 0:15:31.760 --> 0:15:35.680 your life into raising your children, sacrificing your youth, your body, 0:15:35.880 --> 0:15:38.440 your mental you're all types of things. You're sleep, all 0:15:38.480 --> 0:15:41.360 types of things. You'll go out and work. You make 0:15:41.400 --> 0:15:43.600 sure that your kids have the best education possible, that 0:15:43.640 --> 0:15:45.920 they're dressed, that they're never hungry. You go through the 0:15:46.000 --> 0:15:50.280 whole process and then you get sick or then you 0:15:50.480 --> 0:15:53.440 get older and they're like, well, now you're in the 0:15:53.480 --> 0:15:55.960 way of my life, so I have to get rid 0:15:56.000 --> 0:15:58.720 of you or put you somewhere, or like I'll see 0:15:58.720 --> 0:16:01.200 you in the weekends if that maybe I'm busy on 0:16:01.280 --> 0:16:04.920 the weekends or how Because let's also not think just 0:16:04.960 --> 0:16:07.880 about ourselves. But on the other side, how would you 0:16:08.160 --> 0:16:11.880 feel if your child, after all the sacrifices you've done 0:16:11.920 --> 0:16:17.120 for them, later on, sees you as if you know right, 0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:20.360 like you know, I love you and everything, but I 0:16:20.560 --> 0:16:24.480 just need to live my life. Wow. What do you 0:16:24.600 --> 0:16:26.920 do then, as a parent and also as a child, 0:16:27.440 --> 0:16:30.200 as the mother, as the daughter or the son of 0:16:30.240 --> 0:16:32.320 your mother and your father, how would you feel like 0:16:32.440 --> 0:16:35.520 also put yourself in that mindset, I would say, go 0:16:35.680 --> 0:16:38.160 as hard as you can to do every single thing 0:16:38.240 --> 0:16:41.960 you can possibly think of to be there for your parents, 0:16:42.160 --> 0:16:44.760 because I always say, would your parents do that to you? 0:16:45.320 --> 0:16:49.440 Would your parents put you away because they needed to 0:16:49.480 --> 0:16:51.320 live their life? And I know that the love that 0:16:51.440 --> 0:16:53.400 your mother and your father have for you is different 0:16:53.400 --> 0:16:55.320 than the one that you may have for your parents, 0:16:55.640 --> 0:16:57.560 because it's just different, like you came out of them 0:16:57.680 --> 0:16:59.640 manly your mother. But you know what I'm saying, Like 0:17:00.040 --> 0:17:02.640 your mother, no matter how much of a bit she 0:17:02.800 --> 0:17:06.280 may be at times, she loves you right like you. 0:17:06.720 --> 0:17:10.160 She gave birth to you. To think of the hurt 0:17:10.240 --> 0:17:12.200 and the pain. Even if they say yes, don't worry, 0:17:12.320 --> 0:17:14.359 you can take me, because a lot of them feel 0:17:14.760 --> 0:17:16.840 My mom's been that person where she's like if for 0:17:16.920 --> 0:17:19.560 any other to wear a reason. Eventually you feel that 0:17:19.720 --> 0:17:22.480 I am disturbing your future, your peace of what you 0:17:22.640 --> 0:17:24.920 have to do in life, and you have to put 0:17:25.000 --> 0:17:28.680 me somewhere. That's not what I will want, but I 0:17:28.800 --> 0:17:30.640 want I want to see you do well in life. 0:17:30.680 --> 0:17:32.720 So you go ahead and you do that. To even 0:17:32.880 --> 0:17:35.880 think in that way, that's a whole sacrifice a mother 0:17:35.920 --> 0:17:40.600 would be willing to do for their kid. So if 0:17:40.680 --> 0:17:42.760 you have a chance to not do that, I would say, 0:17:43.040 --> 0:17:45.760 figure it out, bro, don't don't just feel like that's 0:17:45.840 --> 0:17:48.960 your first option to just boom, get get rid of them. 0:17:49.119 --> 0:17:51.320 And damn, that's a tough one. I don't even know. 0:17:51.359 --> 0:17:53.760 Because my mother used to work in an elderly home. 0:17:53.800 --> 0:17:55.280 But she used to be a cook. Not to mention 0:17:55.440 --> 0:17:58.240 these are huge business. They make a lot of money 0:17:58.280 --> 0:18:00.520 out of insurance company and all chips, you know, health 0:18:00.560 --> 0:18:02.600 insurance and all this stuff. So yes, you know she 0:18:02.760 --> 0:18:05.760 was working there, and I will never forget. There was 0:18:05.800 --> 0:18:09.320 this one lady once that she was dropped off there 0:18:09.359 --> 0:18:12.439 by her daughter, and I guess mentally she wasn't there 0:18:12.480 --> 0:18:16.560 one hundred percent. And every time a nurse or anybody 0:18:16.560 --> 0:18:18.760 will walk through the door, she would be like, is 0:18:18.840 --> 0:18:21.000 my daughter here? Yet? Oh, my god, is my daughter here? 0:18:21.200 --> 0:18:23.720 Every single day she would be like, my daughter is 0:18:23.760 --> 0:18:26.280 coming back for me? Right, my daughter's coming back for me. 0:18:26.840 --> 0:18:29.320 But she was like, mentally not there one hundred percent, 0:18:29.880 --> 0:18:31.880 and she would just be like, is my then my daughter? Call? 0:18:32.000 --> 0:18:34.720 Is my daughter coming? Like all the time. I can 0:18:34.960 --> 0:18:38.119 only but imagine the pain that lady had to have 0:18:38.520 --> 0:18:41.359 all those days and months. And then, to be honest, 0:18:41.600 --> 0:18:44.920 her daughter actually never really came back. She felt she 0:18:45.080 --> 0:18:47.879 was doing her part by paying for the service and 0:18:48.040 --> 0:18:50.399 leaving her there, and then that was it. And in 0:18:50.480 --> 0:18:54.080 many occasions, we also have to remember that it's not 0:18:54.440 --> 0:18:59.080 just the financial parts the attention, it's the love is 0:18:59.119 --> 0:19:02.359 the being there. Being supportive is the love and attention 0:19:02.680 --> 0:19:05.600 of a hug, of a kiss of you know, it's 0:19:05.680 --> 0:19:07.320 not the same when somebody else gives it to you 0:19:07.440 --> 0:19:10.320 then when your own family is there to give it 0:19:10.400 --> 0:19:10.560 to you. 0:19:18.800 --> 0:19:22.680 I think a lot of people these days now they're desensitized. Okay, 0:19:23.000 --> 0:19:24.480 they are desensitive. 0:19:24.040 --> 0:19:27.080 To talk about it, no seriously, because it's crazy. 0:19:27.200 --> 0:19:31.960 Because I worked in special needs department for twelve years, Omara, okay, 0:19:32.119 --> 0:19:35.280 and I will never forget this. A dad and his 0:19:35.480 --> 0:19:39.040 daughter was special needs. The mom left them, she couldn't 0:19:39.040 --> 0:19:41.840 take it, and he would come with his daughter. I 0:19:41.960 --> 0:19:43.840 was like, how's your wife and everything? You know what 0:19:43.920 --> 0:19:47.240 I mean because I develop a relationship with my patients 0:19:47.320 --> 0:19:49.960 and the parents as well. And he was like, you know, 0:19:50.240 --> 0:19:53.000 my wife left me when our daughter was three years old. 0:19:53.200 --> 0:19:55.040