Speaker 1: Welcome, guys, welcome, welcome to my show, your show exactly
Speaker 1: amadai to girl am and you're listening to exactly amada
Speaker 1: exactment Joe Divinas, which si magrasa. Guys for joining, for supporting,
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Speaker 1: Microtura podcast and clicking on exactly a'm ada exact damente.
Speaker 2: Joe.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm toda this episode, I want to talk about
Speaker 1: something that really hits home for me because anybody that
Speaker 1: knows me knows that my mother is everything to me.
Speaker 1: My mom has been my best friend. My mother immigrated
Speaker 1: to this country by herself, so she's everything.
Speaker 2: You know that I know.
Speaker 1: I met my father, you know when I was like
Speaker 1: about I don't know, ten years old. Once then I
Speaker 1: saw him again when I was like fifteen, and then
Speaker 1: I saw him again once I was an adult. You know,
Speaker 1: he's been part of my life now as an adult,
Speaker 1: but it took some time to grow into that, and
Speaker 1: a lot of people wouldn't had forgiven him for being
Speaker 1: absent in, you know, in my life, the way that
Speaker 1: he was in every single aspect emotionally, financially and all
Speaker 1: that good stuff. But I have decided to be a
Speaker 1: bigger person and take him into my household and make
Speaker 1: him part of my family. You know, just because one
Speaker 1: of your parents wasn't a good parent, it doesn't mean
Speaker 1: that you still can't be a good son, a good
Speaker 1: daughter and show them how it's done. Mark the difference. However,
Speaker 1: accepting him in my household also comes with the responsibility
Speaker 1: of taking care of him, you know, to the good
Speaker 1: and the bad. That means, you know, through any health
Speaker 1: issues or anything like that. For example, at one point,
Speaker 1: my father had prosted cancer. I was the one that
Speaker 1: was in every doctor's appointment. I was the one that
Speaker 1: was in you know, with him in the hospital when
Speaker 1: he had surgery. I was there for him. However, back
Speaker 1: then I didn't have any children. Now I have children,
Speaker 1: and I also have my mother who also has a
Speaker 1: lot of health issues and all those things, and it
Speaker 1: is a lot, it is a lie.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: Today we're diving into the subject of taking care of
Speaker 1: our aging parents. What do we do when our parents
Speaker 1: start to fall apart, you know, meaning their health, They're tired,
Speaker 1: they no longer can do certain things like they were
Speaker 1: back in the days, even though in many occasions, in
Speaker 1: our mind we still see them with the same strength
Speaker 1: that they had when we were younger. And the truth
Speaker 1: is they're only but getting older. You know, we often
Speaker 1: face challenges of making decisions of what to do for
Speaker 1: the well being, whether it is you know, arranging their
Speaker 1: new living you know, like, you know, maybe you should
Speaker 1: go to an elderly home. Maybe you should have someone
Speaker 1: take care of them inside of your home. Maybe you
Speaker 1: should send them to you know, their native country. What
Speaker 1: do you do? And also as Latinos, we have a
Speaker 1: different way of taking care of our parents. We're big
Speaker 1: believers in, you know, keeping our family together, whether it
Speaker 1: is that your cousins and your brothers, your sisters, everybody
Speaker 1: comes together to take care of each other. The Latino community. Also,
Speaker 1: for the most part, we're one of those that we
Speaker 1: stay living with our parents to we're like forty and
Speaker 1: even after you're married, in many occasions you end up
Speaker 1: moving your you know, your wife or husband into the family,
Speaker 1: into the household. So we're accustomed to being so close
Speaker 1: with each other. What do we do? You know, we
Speaker 1: have to explore different options and consider what would be
Speaker 1: the best care possible parties socomulo mani hamel. How do
Speaker 1: you make that decision of saying, you know what, I
Speaker 1: think it's time for us to have that conversation. I
Speaker 1: no longer can take you know, care of you or
Speaker 1: you may need more attention, you may need more health
Speaker 1: attention than I can provide because on many occasions, you
Speaker 1: know a lot of us. In my case as a
Speaker 1: single parent or even as a single child, all the
Speaker 1: responsibility is put on me. How do I still move
Speaker 1: on with my career? How do I still work? How
Speaker 1: can I still become a provider? How can I be
Speaker 1: a wife to my husband eventually while still taking care
Speaker 1: of my mother and my father and my children? How
Speaker 1: do you do this? Anyways? Today I have my makeup artist,
Speaker 1: Debbie which is super weird because I would never have
Speaker 1: her come in here. But then I see she has
Speaker 1: such a great personality and she has such a great
Speaker 1: view of seeing life that I was like, I would
Speaker 1: love to discuss this with you. Debbie, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for joining me today here on exactly Amada. And
Speaker 1: I want to ask you, so what about your parents?
Speaker 1: Do you live with your parents or your grandparents? You know,
Speaker 1: how did your mother your father deal with your grandparents
Speaker 1: or they still live. How has it been for you?
Speaker 2: First of all, I'm super excited to be here currently.
Speaker 2: I'm not eve with my mom currently, but I know
Speaker 2: my grandfather he had cancer as well, unfortunately, and when
Speaker 2: he was debilitating in front of us, it was so
Speaker 2: hard for us. He understand, and we're also from the
Speaker 2: Islands as well. My mom took him back to his
Speaker 2: native home, which is Haiti, and you know over there
Speaker 2: is different. You know, he had like three helpers to
Speaker 2: help him, maids and everything like that, so it was
Speaker 2: easy process for him and for us as well. So
Speaker 2: I remember every month we would go for like three
Speaker 2: to four days to go and see my grandfather because
Speaker 2: in my opinion, I wouldn't put my parents in a
Speaker 2: nursing home here because I used to be a CNA
Speaker 2: like years ago, and I remember one of the DNA
Speaker 2: certified nursing assistant. I remember when I was doing my internship,
Speaker 2: one of the CNAs was throwing water at one of
Speaker 2: the patients and I was like, you know what, I
Speaker 2: promise Yamara the next day I wouldn't go back to
Speaker 2: that nursing home.
Speaker 1: And I thought about it. I was like, what if
Speaker 1: it was me?
Speaker 2: What if it was my parents, what if it was
Speaker 2: my grandparents?
Speaker 1: Right, well, in my case, I mean, I've never been
Speaker 1: through a situation like that. However, I can only but
Speaker 1: imagine how it would feel to believe that you're making
Speaker 1: the right decision of putting your parents, you know, into
Speaker 1: an elderly home. You never really know, like there's no
Speaker 1: way of knowing if this nurse is going to be
Speaker 1: good or she's gonna be malicious, because in many occasions,
Speaker 1: in front of the family members, they're very courteous and caring,
Speaker 1: and the moment that you know the family members leave,
Speaker 1: they mistreat them. But at some point you have to
Speaker 1: trust someone, right.
Speaker 2: Yes, you have no choice but to trust someone because
Speaker 2: especially here when you live in the United states.
Speaker 1: We work.
Speaker 2: We have to work to make a living, right m hm,
Speaker 2: So we have to trust someone. I think in my case,
Speaker 2: I'll probably set up cameras in to view the person.
Speaker 1: It's hard for me.
Speaker 2: I don't know what I would do in that case,
Speaker 2: but I know I'll put cam in my home for sure.
Speaker 1: Cameras are good obviously, so that you can know what's
Speaker 1: going on. Also, the thought of our parents aging, you know,
Speaker 1: in the comfort of being home, you know, with their
Speaker 1: grandkids and all those things. I know that that can
Speaker 1: to me. I would feel like it would make them
Speaker 1: live longer because it gives them hope. And I know
Speaker 1: that in many occasions. For example, I know that my
Speaker 1: kids can be very stressful and annoying in the aspect
Speaker 1: of they wake up at night and they're screaming, and
Speaker 1: they want milk, and they want their diapers change, and
Speaker 1: it's just a lot. But I also see the happiness
Speaker 1: and the joy that my mother and my father get from,
Speaker 1: you know, seeing my daughters grow up and learning how
Speaker 1: to talk and how to walk. All those experiences are
Speaker 1: moments that you know, make them happy, and I enjoy that. However,
Speaker 1: my mother has given me a lot of health scare.
Speaker 1: I've had to call the ambulance in many occasions, and
Speaker 1: when I've had to call them, I've thought to myself,
Speaker 1: how am I supposed to manage or handle this?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: How do I go about this? Because I can't do everything.
Speaker 1: I can be the financial provider, I can't be the
Speaker 1: emotional provider for everyone. And it's not me being selfish?
Speaker 1: But is it me being selfish to want to keep
Speaker 1: them in my household knowing that I can't provide them
Speaker 1: the help that they need. Or is it selfish of
Speaker 1: me to think about myself and my children first and
Speaker 1: then decide to put my mother or my father in
Speaker 1: the care of someone else.
Speaker 2: As for me, my dream was to get a big
Speaker 2: home right and build a mother in law suite in
Speaker 2: the back like how you have in your back.
Speaker 1: That's a dream that we would all love to have,
Speaker 1: but financially, the truth is that a lot of us
Speaker 1: may not never have the possibility of having a big
Speaker 1: home where you have a guest house, but you get
Speaker 1: both of your parents, And what about if your parents
Speaker 1: don't get along like my mother can't stand my father
Speaker 1: at all. But because of the circumstances of life, they
Speaker 1: have been forced to have to live together. My mom
Speaker 1: makes sure to remind him all the reasons why she
Speaker 1: can't stand him every other day. It's like a bittersweet situation.
Speaker 1: But you know, they figured out how to live together,
Speaker 1: and thanks to that, I am able to help both
Speaker 1: of them. I don't know. I just feel like it's
Speaker 1: such a hard decision to make, and also just I
Speaker 1: think it's realistically we have to talk about it. I
Speaker 1: also think this is a very taboo issue. You know,
Speaker 1: we don't want to talk about death. We don't want
Speaker 1: to talk about getting older, as if that's not gonna happen.
Speaker 1: Eventually all of us are gonna get older. Have you
Speaker 1: planned those things out? I mean, I'm talking about from
Speaker 1: the funeral service to the graveyard, to what you want
Speaker 1: to wear, to how you want it done. If I
Speaker 1: get sick. You know I don't want this, I want
Speaker 1: it this way. Have you spoken to your health insurance?
Speaker 1: Have you separated money for that? Are you even thinking
Speaker 1: of that day? Are you gonna Are you thinking of,
Speaker 1: oh well, oh you know, God forbid? If I die, well,
Speaker 1: then you just deal with it. What about if your
Speaker 1: children are not prepared financially to deal with that, then
Speaker 1: you see a lot of people that end up doing
Speaker 1: godfunding accounts, which anybody can go through a financial situation.
Speaker 1: I get that part, But why as a family aren't
Speaker 1: we having these conversations on what the hell to do?
Speaker 1: We don't be knowing what to do.
Speaker 2: The thing is, I think a lot of people are
Speaker 2: oblivious and they're scared of to have that conversation. It's
Speaker 2: ironic because last week I literally had that conversation with
Speaker 2: my mom. So I had to actually go and get
Speaker 2: a burial plan for her. Yes, we had a burial plan.
Speaker 2: Like you know, listen, I'm a makeup artist. Yes I
Speaker 2: make money, but not as much that I want to make.
Speaker 2: You understand what I mean. But now we have a
Speaker 2: family plan. So what I did was I have a
Speaker 2: burial plot for me, my mom, and my daughter. Oh okay, okay,
Speaker 2: So what inspired you to do that? And how did
Speaker 2: you go about it? Like did you do your research?
Speaker 1: You ask somebody?
Speaker 2: Four months ago we had that passed away and it
Speaker 2: was horrible. Nobody had money, he was not prepared. Okay,
Speaker 2: he didn't have insurance. Oh god, yeah, okay, So it
Speaker 2: was like a battle.
Speaker 1: The parent like all our family was like, oh I
Speaker 1: gave this much. I gave this much. Oh he was there,
Speaker 1: he was making money. Why didn't he prepared?
Speaker 2: So I don't want to go through that.
Speaker 1: I get it.
Speaker 2: That's why we had That's why we had an executive decision. Me,
Speaker 2: my brother, my older brother, and my daughter A street.
Speaker 2: We had a conversation. We had a meeting with like, listen,
Speaker 2: this is what we're going to do.
Speaker 1: This is what we're going to do. This is what
Speaker 1: I say contribute, and this is what he can contribute.
Speaker 1: You understand what I mean.
Speaker 2: So that's what we have to do because it's very
Speaker 2: expensive right now when people pass away.
Speaker 1: Unfortunately, it's like a party. Yeah, you have to have
Speaker 1: what is it what is it awake.
Speaker 2: Or something like that. You have to rent somewhere, you
Speaker 2: have to provide it's full and then it turns into
Speaker 2: there's a part of me show, whether it turns into
Speaker 2: a fashion show, whether it turns into a birthday party event.
Speaker 1: Because now you're in the middle of hurting, and I
Speaker 1: know that we're going a little bit off topic, but
Speaker 1: all of this comes into the part of taking care
Speaker 1: of our parents, taking care of our siblings, taking care
Speaker 1: of our household, but specifically our parents, because a lot
Speaker 1: of our parents come in my case, you know, as
Speaker 1: a Latina, you know, the Caribbean mentality is, let's not
Speaker 1: talk about the elderly. You know, let's not talk about
Speaker 1: getting sick, because then we're going to attract it. Or
Speaker 1: let's not talk about, you know, dying, because then you're
Speaker 1: going to attract it. No, let's attraction. Let's talk about it.
Speaker 1: So if God forbids something were to happen, we know
Speaker 1: where we stand. We've created a plan, a plan of emergency, right,
Speaker 1: whether it is that you have your health insurance, whether
Speaker 1: it is that you've created a trust for all your properties.
Speaker 1: There's been so many occasions where people pass away then
Speaker 1: you find out once they sold the house that behind
Speaker 1: you know, behind a tile or behind the air vent,
Speaker 1: this person that's where they had their little mini safe,
Speaker 1: where they had hundreds or thousands of dollars saved. Because
Speaker 1: that's the old school mentality which I respect, of keeping cash,
Speaker 1: paid some work. So all these little details matter. And
Speaker 1: going back to taking care of our parents. I know
Speaker 1: someone who also figured out a way to the system.
Speaker 1: Guys pay attention to this. She found out that if
Speaker 1: she were to take care of her parents, the government
Speaker 1: would provide government assistant and she could also charge. So
Speaker 1: she actually figured a way of taking a course that
Speaker 1: didn't even take that long, and she was able to
Speaker 1: become a caregiver for her parents and at the same way,
Speaker 1: she was making money. So I kind of evened it out.
Speaker 1: It's like, I don't have to sacrifice not being with
Speaker 1: my parents. I don't have to sacrifice paying additional money
Speaker 1: to put them somewhere where they can have someone take
Speaker 1: care of them. I can actually go to school, take
Speaker 1: a little course, give my licensings or whatever it is
Speaker 1: that I need, and I could be a caregiver to
Speaker 1: my own parents and get paid individually for both. So
Speaker 1: I also think that there's ways of going about things.
Speaker 1: Just don't think about it like ask questions. There's many
Speaker 1: ways that you can financially still make it happen. And
Speaker 1: there also is a lot of government assistant that we
Speaker 1: may not know. And I also think that minorities in
Speaker 1: the Latino community as well, we don't like to ask
Speaker 1: for help. We don't like people to know that we're going,
Speaker 1: you know, and it's through troubles. It's embarrassing to us
Speaker 1: all types of things when realistically there's a lot of campaigns, foundations,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of organizations and things like that that
Speaker 1: are willing to help and assist.
Speaker 2: There is a lot of organizations and assistance, but we
Speaker 2: need to know there's a lot of people now talking
Speaker 2: about it.
Speaker 1: We need to know about these organizations.
Speaker 2: Who do we talk to?
Speaker 1: Where do we find the information? And also too, there's
Speaker 1: a lot of people.
Speaker 2: Well, I was fortunate that I have a brother, and
Speaker 2: you know, i'm here, I'm able to get a burial
Speaker 2: plan from my mom, right, But what about the other
Speaker 2: people that's less fortunate than me?
Speaker 1: Yes, how do they go about doing that?
Speaker 2: Because it's a topic of conversation, it's very important, and
Speaker 2: I'm happy that we're talking about that for real.
Speaker 1: No, I get it, And the same way that I
Speaker 1: wanted to also point out in many occasions, if you
Speaker 1: are and I don't know because as a mother now,
Speaker 1: I can only but imagine if you are a mother
Speaker 1: or a father and you've dedicated your time, your efforts,
Speaker 1: your life into raising your children, sacrificing your youth, your body,
Speaker 1: your mental you're all types of things. You're sleep, all
Speaker 1: types of things. You'll go out and work. You make
Speaker 1: sure that your kids have the best education possible, that
Speaker 1: they're dressed, that they're never hungry. You go through the
Speaker 1: whole process and then you get sick or then you
Speaker 1: get older and they're like, well, now you're in the
Speaker 1: way of my life, so I have to get rid
Speaker 1: of you or put you somewhere, or like I'll see
Speaker 1: you in the weekends if that maybe I'm busy on
Speaker 1: the weekends or how Because let's also not think just
Speaker 1: about ourselves. But on the other side, how would you
Speaker 1: feel if your child, after all the sacrifices you've done
Speaker 1: for them, later on, sees you as if you know right,
Speaker 1: like you know, I love you and everything, but I
Speaker 1: just need to live my life. Wow. What do you
Speaker 1: do then, as a parent and also as a child,
Speaker 1: as the mother, as the daughter or the son of
Speaker 1: your mother and your father, how would you feel like
Speaker 1: also put yourself in that mindset, I would say, go
Speaker 1: as hard as you can to do every single thing
Speaker 1: you can possibly think of to be there for your parents,
Speaker 1: because I always say, would your parents do that to you?
Speaker 1: Would your parents put you away because they needed to
Speaker 1: live their life? And I know that the love that
Speaker 1: your mother and your father have for you is different
Speaker 1: than the one that you may have for your parents,
Speaker 1: because it's just different, like you came out of them
Speaker 1: manly your mother. But you know what I'm saying, Like
Speaker 1: your mother, no matter how much of a bit she
Speaker 1: may be at times, she loves you right like you.
Speaker 1: She gave birth to you. To think of the hurt
Speaker 1: and the pain. Even if they say yes, don't worry,
Speaker 1: you can take me, because a lot of them feel
Speaker 1: My mom's been that person where she's like if for
Speaker 1: any other to wear a reason. Eventually you feel that
Speaker 1: I am disturbing your future, your peace of what you
Speaker 1: have to do in life, and you have to put
Speaker 1: me somewhere. That's not what I will want, but I
Speaker 1: want I want to see you do well in life.
Speaker 1: So you go ahead and you do that. To even
Speaker 1: think in that way, that's a whole sacrifice a mother
Speaker 1: would be willing to do for their kid. So if
Speaker 1: you have a chance to not do that, I would say,
Speaker 1: figure it out, bro, don't don't just feel like that's
Speaker 1: your first option to just boom, get get rid of them.
Speaker 1: And damn, that's a tough one. I don't even know.
Speaker 1: Because my mother used to work in an elderly home.
Speaker 1: But she used to be a cook. Not to mention
Speaker 1: these are huge business. They make a lot of money
Speaker 1: out of insurance company and all chips, you know, health
Speaker 1: insurance and all this stuff. So yes, you know she
Speaker 1: was working there, and I will never forget. There was
Speaker 1: this one lady once that she was dropped off there
Speaker 1: by her daughter, and I guess mentally she wasn't there
Speaker 1: one hundred percent. And every time a nurse or anybody
Speaker 1: will walk through the door, she would be like, is
Speaker 1: my daughter here? Yet? Oh, my god, is my daughter here?
Speaker 1: Every single day she would be like, my daughter is
Speaker 1: coming back for me? Right, my daughter's coming back for me.
Speaker 1: But she was like, mentally not there one hundred percent,
Speaker 1: and she would just be like, is my then my daughter? Call?
Speaker 1: Is my daughter coming? Like all the time. I can
Speaker 1: only but imagine the pain that lady had to have
Speaker 1: all those days and months. And then, to be honest,
Speaker 1: her daughter actually never really came back. She felt she
Speaker 1: was doing her part by paying for the service and
Speaker 1: leaving her there, and then that was it. And in
Speaker 1: many occasions, we also have to remember that it's not
Speaker 1: just the financial parts the attention, it's the love is
Speaker 1: the being there. Being supportive is the love and attention
Speaker 1: of a hug, of a kiss of you know, it's
Speaker 1: not the same when somebody else gives it to you
Speaker 1: then when your own family is there to give it
Speaker 1: to you.
Speaker 2: I think a lot of people these days now they're desensitized. Okay,
Speaker 2: they are desensitive.
Speaker 1: To talk about it, no seriously, because it's crazy.
Speaker 2: Because I worked in special needs department for twelve years, Omara, okay,
Speaker 2: and I will never forget this. A dad and his
Speaker 2: daughter was special needs. The mom left them, she couldn't
Speaker 2: take it, and he would come with his daughter. I
Speaker 2: was like, how's your wife and everything? You know what
Speaker 2: I mean because I develop a relationship with my patients
Speaker 2: and the parents as well. And he was like, you know,
Speaker 2: my wife left me when our daughter was three years old.
Speaker 2: So he's been taking care of his daughter and she
Speaker 2: was seven. She was seventeen at the time. Wow, and
Speaker 2: he did everything. Some people, unfortunately, they're selfish, they don't
Speaker 2: have the and some people also not even selfish, they
Speaker 2: don't have the mental capacity to be able to deal
Speaker 2: with certain things. You understand what I mean that a
Speaker 2: lot of people can't.
Speaker 1: But you know what, let's also talk about this. For example,
Speaker 1: the choice to invite our parents into our homes is
Speaker 1: also a deep thought. You know, it's something that you
Speaker 1: have to discuss. Even let's say you're married, you have
Speaker 1: a relationship, you have your own household, your parents may
Speaker 1: not live with you. But now to make the decision
Speaker 1: as a couple, as your own individual family, to say,
Speaker 1: my mother, whether it's a grandmother or the father or
Speaker 1: the grandfather of your children, my mother, my father is
Speaker 1: going through a situation. As a family, the family decision
Speaker 1: should be we need to provide assistant help and have
Speaker 1: them come into our household. That's another conversation that can
Speaker 1: get very very difficult, you know, because it may not
Speaker 1: just be yours. What about it it's the grand you know,
Speaker 1: the father or the mother of your significant other, you know,
Speaker 1: your husband or your wife's mother or father. Now you
Speaker 1: have to bring them into your household. Moving in your
Speaker 1: parents into your household in order to take care of
Speaker 1: them and provide for them because they need of you,
Speaker 1: they need your assistant can be very challenging. You know,
Speaker 1: you can also create precious moments together as a family,
Speaker 1: as a household, and I think that that can also
Speaker 1: bring a lot of balance, right, I mean as a
Speaker 1: way of also honoring your parents, But it can bring
Speaker 1: a lot of balance in the aspect of maybe this
Speaker 1: person may be able to help you with your kids
Speaker 1: while you're at work, right, or maybe they can because
Speaker 1: they need help themselves. It's a lot to think about.
Speaker 1: It's a lot, but at least you have them with you.
Speaker 1: I also think and know, like I said before, my
Speaker 1: daughters have brought a lot of you know, joy to
Speaker 1: my parents' spirit, and I think it's important to also
Speaker 1: create a space where they can thrive and you know,
Speaker 1: share laughters and tears and you know, cherish moments together
Speaker 1: as a family, as a household. And I continue to
Speaker 1: say family because I feel that we have disconnected ourselves
Speaker 1: from our family values. So someone with familiar no so
Speaker 1: someone that amilia. Family shouldn't just come together when it's
Speaker 1: time for barbecue, cookouts, for funerals, for birthday parties. It
Speaker 1: shouldn't be like that. When your family needs of you,
Speaker 1: This is the moment to prove that you are really family.
Speaker 1: And in many occasions you could be sick, but just
Speaker 1: having that laughter, that joy, having music around, having you know,
Speaker 1: someone comb your hair and give you a hug and
Speaker 1: give you a nice compliment. All those little things can
Speaker 1: truly affect the way that you feel, even health wise.
Speaker 1: You know, there's people that have been able to live
Speaker 1: a longer life because they've been able to be around love,
Speaker 1: be around people that actually care for them and are
Speaker 1: there for them. Oh no, no, this yeah, seem one
Speaker 1: can say like this because I am not necessarily one
Speaker 1: hundred percent in it. I do have two elderly you know,
Speaker 1: parents who both have a lot of health issues, who
Speaker 1: both are consistently in the hospital every so often, while
Speaker 1: also having two babies. You know what I'm saying, There
Speaker 1: are fifteen months and it's a lot of responsibility. And
Speaker 1: in my case, I am the mother and father of
Speaker 1: my mother and my father, and I am the mother
Speaker 1: and father of my kids, and I'm still out here
Speaker 1: working and it's a lot of my plate. So thank
Speaker 1: god I've been able to financially stay afloat and live
Speaker 1: a different lifestyle. But for those I can't, I wonder
Speaker 1: how do they make the decision of not you guys
Speaker 1: to go, but I can't do it? You know, how
Speaker 1: do I go about it? And how can I also
Speaker 1: put you in the right place? For you, not the cheapest,
Speaker 1: because that's another thing where you're talking about someone that's
Speaker 1: going to be taking care of your family. The same
Speaker 1: way that you would do research, you know about putting
Speaker 1: your kids on a daycare center that you want to
Speaker 1: make sure that your kids is good, the same effort
Speaker 1: you should put into figuring out what nurses this. How
Speaker 1: long have you been in the business. You know, what
Speaker 1: food are they feeding you? Are they giving you your
Speaker 1: meds on time? All those things are necessary. And I
Speaker 1: know that there's a lot of you know, work and
Speaker 1: it's a lot of weight on your shoulders, but you
Speaker 1: got to make it happen.
Speaker 2: You do have to make it happen. That's where the
Speaker 2: home health agencies come in and be very cognizant of
Speaker 2: your surroundings and the home health agency that you pick,
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 1: Look at the ratings, look at new reviews and things
Speaker 1: like that.
Speaker 2: Visit the facilities, speak to the nurses. You know, do
Speaker 2: your homework, do your background. Like you said, it's the
Speaker 2: same thing just like you do research for your children.
Speaker 2: So it's very important you remember they're human beings and.
Speaker 1: Not only just thinking about human beings. I mean, now
Speaker 1: once your parents gets sick or once your parents no
Speaker 1: longer can do for themselves the way that you know
Speaker 1: you wish that they could if you were to put
Speaker 1: them in these centers. I don't know. I feel like
Speaker 1: if I had my mother God forbid, or my father
Speaker 1: and a center where they can provide and help for them,
Speaker 1: I would literally check them like I would do my kids.
Speaker 1: Your back, I'm gonna check your butt, I'm gonna check
Speaker 1: your legs, I'm gonna check your chest, in your arms,
Speaker 1: is there any bruises, any scratches, bed sores? And many occasions.
Speaker 1: We also have to remember that there's a lot of
Speaker 1: older people that don't even remember you at a certain
Speaker 1: you know, Alzheimer's okay, they don't remember you and dementia,
Speaker 1: and it's hard for them to even speak to you
Speaker 1: and tell you. Look, they're doing this to me, this
Speaker 1: happened to me. They may not be able to move,
Speaker 1: they may they may be scared to even tell you
Speaker 1: because they've been threatened. There's so many things to it
Speaker 1: that you really gotta talk it through and think it
Speaker 1: out and figure out what's the best decision. All I'm
Speaker 1: gonna say is pray to God, ask God to enlighten
Speaker 1: you ask God to provide the answer to guide your steps.
Speaker 1: I'm a big person in prayer, you know, ask for
Speaker 1: guidance because sometimes you may not feel that you know
Speaker 1: you're making the right decision. I hope that this conversation
Speaker 1: inspires you to want to go home and have a
Speaker 1: conversation with your parents about if God forbid something were
Speaker 1: to happen to you, how would you want me to
Speaker 1: handle it. What would you like me to do for you?
Speaker 1: What would make you more comfortable? Do you mind? Can
Speaker 1: we have a conversation about doing a testament, all those things,
Speaker 1: you know, getting an attorney, all these things need to
Speaker 1: be spoken about. I know it's a really hard decision
Speaker 1: to make. Debbie. I want to thank you so much
Speaker 1: for joining me today because I know that at one
Speaker 1: point you also worked as a nurse and you were
Speaker 1: able to see and be in the same space of
Speaker 1: seeing how they're taken care of. And I know that
Speaker 1: there's a lot of great elderly homes. There's a lot
Speaker 1: of great nurses out there that really, you know, take
Speaker 1: their job seriously and they make their patience, you know,
Speaker 1: their families, and I respect that and for all of
Speaker 1: those that are out there right now, going to school
Speaker 1: to you know, be a caregiver. You know those that
Speaker 1: are currently doing it. I personally want to thank you.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for being the best that you
Speaker 1: can be, for taking time out of your day, out
Speaker 1: of your life, out of your career to be that
Speaker 1: helping hand to a family that needs guys, guidence to
Speaker 1: a person who needs assistance. Thank you so much. All
Speaker 1: I'm going to say is, if you could take anything home,
Speaker 1: pray on it, do your research, talk as a family.
Speaker 1: As a family, have that conversation now. Don't wait till
Speaker 1: it's too late. Have that conversation now where you guys
Speaker 1: figure out what would be the steps to take, whether
Speaker 1: it is from funeral services, whether it is finding a
Speaker 1: good caregiver, finding out someone that you know, what would
Speaker 1: be the plan financially? Can we start separating some money
Speaker 1: for in a case of an emergency. Can we start
Speaker 1: figuring out, you know, whether it is that I may
Speaker 1: get sick. If I get sick, what do you guys
Speaker 1: do then? You know, do we have health insurance and
Speaker 1: you haven't had health insurance. That's something that's extremely important
Speaker 1: that you guys should really look into now and There's
Speaker 1: a lot of assistance out there as well. There is
Speaker 1: always somebody out there that has good intentions and that
Speaker 1: is willing to be a helping hand when you don't
Speaker 1: know what to do in these occasions. Because I personally
Speaker 1: don't know what to do, I know it's a really
Speaker 1: tough conversation. I feel that at one point, very soon,
Speaker 1: I'm going to have to have that conversation with my
Speaker 1: mother and my father on what am I going to do?
Speaker 1: How am I going to provide assistance for you? Are
Speaker 1: you guys going to stay here? Does my father want
Speaker 1: to go back to the Dominican Republic and have his
Speaker 1: family take care of him because it's maybe cheaper out there.
Speaker 1: This is so tough. If you're going through a similar experiences,
Speaker 1: or if you've gone through anything like this in the past,
Speaker 1: feel free to hit me up, give me some comments,
Speaker 1: let me read it, tell me where to go, how
Speaker 1: do I search it?
Speaker 2: What do I do?
Speaker 1: This is such a tough, tough topic, but I'm glad
Speaker 1: that we're talking about it. I'm hoping I am able
Speaker 1: to inspire or motivate any of you guys to start
Speaker 1: this conversation today and not wait till it's too late,
Speaker 1: and I want to thank you guys so much for
Speaker 1: being part of Exactly Amada. Once again, I am so
Speaker 1: grateful to every single one of you. Thank you for
Speaker 1: all the love and support, for the reviews and the subscription.
Speaker 1: Thank you so so much. Make sure to find me
Speaker 1: on YouTube. Catch my show by searching for my Quick
Speaker 1: with a podcast on YouTube and clicking on exactly Amada.
Speaker 1: Follow me also on Instagram at Amara lanegra a l
Speaker 1: n Amada La nigra a l N. And remember that
Speaker 1: this has been a production of Ihearts micro Buddha Podcast Network.
Speaker 1: This has been exactly a Mada