Speaker 1: Hey, it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
Speaker 1: put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
Speaker 1: share with you on our daily podcast. Welcome, my friend.
Speaker 1: I'm so glad that you have found us. Is this
Speaker 1: your first time here and you're thinking to yourself, Gosh,
Speaker 1: Delilah is so nice. Trust me, I'm not always that nice.
Speaker 1: Those of you who've been listening for years you know
Speaker 1: that truth. But I am here for you. I'm here
Speaker 1: to talk with you. I'm here to listen to you.
Speaker 1: And even though I can't always take good advice, I
Speaker 1: have a lot of experience and I've made a lot
Speaker 1: of mistakes, so I can give you some good advice
Speaker 1: pretty much based on what not to do. Tonight's Delilah's
Speaker 1: Dilemma is from Sarah, who says, I have a dilemma.
Speaker 1: I am the mother of young adult children, and I
Speaker 1: am a magnet for toxic, abusive men. I've been in
Speaker 1: three long term relationships, each time waiting for them to
Speaker 1: become better men, and they never did. My father moved
Speaker 1: away when I was eight, and he went to raise
Speaker 1: another woman's children and had very little contact with me
Speaker 1: over the years. Now he has Alzheimer's disease has trouble
Speaker 1: even remembering me, and I have been asked to go
Speaker 1: take care of him. I've been in and out of
Speaker 1: so many toxic relationships, each time leaving with less than
Speaker 1: I came with that I'm now down to owning a
Speaker 1: car and the clothes I can carry. So I'm tempted
Speaker 1: to do this because part of me hopes it could
Speaker 1: help me heal and at the same time get back
Speaker 1: on my feet. Another part of me is afraid, and
Speaker 1: I'm just going back to the first toxic man in
Speaker 1: my life. What do you think, Ah, Sarah? I will
Speaker 1: have my words of advice for you coming up next.
Speaker 1: Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from Sarah. Sarah who has been
Speaker 1: in three long terms and relationships with men who've abused her.
Speaker 1: Now the first person who abused her and disappointed her
Speaker 1: has Alzheimer's and it looks like family wants to dump
Speaker 1: him on her, and she's thinking about going and taking
Speaker 1: care of him. Sarah, how is that going to help
Speaker 1: you heal at all? How is going and caring for
Speaker 1: somebody who abandoned you going to help heal your heart?
Speaker 1: That's like going back to pet and alligator that bit
Speaker 1: your leg off. Come on, you need to forgive him.
Speaker 1: You definitely need to forgive your father and let go
Speaker 1: of the fact that he abandoned you and went to
Speaker 1: raise somebody else's children. But you do not need to
Speaker 1: put yourself in a situation where you're just going to
Speaker 1: get knocked down again. How is that going to help
Speaker 1: you get back on your feet. I don't know who
Speaker 1: is asking this of you, but if he's not been
Speaker 1: a part of your life, if he didn't raise you,
Speaker 1: if he hasn't been connected to you, let the people
Speaker 1: that he was connected to and has a relationship with
Speaker 1: care for him. That's not your responsibility. What you need
Speaker 1: to do now that you're down to a car in
Speaker 1: the clothes on your back, is figure out why you're
Speaker 1: broken and how to fix it. Your letter said you
Speaker 1: stayed in relationship waiting for them to become better men,
Speaker 1: and they never did. When somebody shows you by their
Speaker 1: actions who they are, believe them, don't try to change them.
Speaker 1: When somebody shows you that they don't respect you, believe
Speaker 1: them and get away from him. Get the heck away
Speaker 1: from them. I heard somebody say today, you can't change
Speaker 1: the people around you. But you can change the people
Speaker 1: that surround you. You're not going to change somebody who
Speaker 1: is abusive or disrespectful, but you can change and get
Speaker 1: away from them and surround yourself with healthy people. Surround
Speaker 1: yourself with people who don't need drama and trauma and
Speaker 1: drugs and alcohol and meth and crack and all the
Speaker 1: other garbage that goes with that. But you need to
Speaker 1: heal yourself. You need to heal your heart. Good luck
Speaker 1: and God bless you. Tonight's Delilah's dilemma is somebody who
Speaker 1: readily admits that they are an addict. They say, Hi, Delilah,
Speaker 1: I listen to your station every night, and you feel
Speaker 1: like a friend. I've been struggling with a heroin addiction
Speaker 1: for twelve years and just recently got clean by using vivitrol,
Speaker 1: a medication that helps to block the effects of opiates.
Speaker 1: It seems to be working. However, just getting off the
Speaker 1: drug isn't the only battle. Like most addicts, I've isolated
Speaker 1: myself for all the years I was using, and now
Speaker 1: I find I don't have friends or even a support system,
Speaker 1: and I feel very alone. Do you have any words
Speaker 1: of advice for me? Yes, yes I do, Amy, and
Speaker 1: I will share those words coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's
Speaker 1: Dilemma is from Amy, who readily admit she's an addict
Speaker 1: has been battling heroin addiction for twelve years. First off, Amy,
Speaker 1: I want to say God bless you and thank you
Speaker 1: for being courageous and brave enough to be honest. A
Speaker 1: lot of people listening the minute they heard battling a
Speaker 1: heroin addiction judged you because they think that that addictions
Speaker 1: happen to other people. They don't understand that all of
Speaker 1: us have battles and struggles, and addiction happens to so
Speaker 1: many people, myself included. So first off, thank you for
Speaker 1: your bravery and thank you for your honesty. Second off,
Speaker 1: you say I don't have any friends or a support system,
Speaker 1: and I feel very alone. If you go online and
Speaker 1: look up and in a meeting, you will find one
Speaker 1: Tonight in your town. If there's not one Tonight in
Speaker 1: your town, there is one Tonight online. There's hundreds Tonight online,
Speaker 1: and there you will find friends. More importantly, there you
Speaker 1: will find support and unconditional love. You will find other
Speaker 1: men and women who have battled heroin addiction. Cocaine addiction,
Speaker 1: meth addiction, whatever the drug of choice is, and you
Speaker 1: have one thing in common, and that is that you
Speaker 1: want to get better. That you want to get better,
Speaker 1: that you want your life to be better. And like
Speaker 1: you said, it isn't just getting off the drugs, it's
Speaker 1: learning to live a new life, a new life where
Speaker 1: you open your heart, where you open your mind to
Speaker 1: possibilities and opportunities, You open yourself up to love, to
Speaker 1: caring about others, to being intimately connected instead of shut
Speaker 1: off hiding behind your addiction. So please find your way
Speaker 1: to an NA meeting and please find a sponsor. And
Speaker 1: for me, the most important part of my recovery is
Speaker 1: my faith, having people that encourage me and my faith.
Speaker 1: That's what's made my life amazing the last what thirty
Speaker 1: six years since since I hit rock bottom with my problems.
Speaker 1: So please find somebody who has a strong faith that
Speaker 1: you can lean on and learn from. Good luck and
Speaker 1: God bless you. And again I'm so proud of you.
Speaker 1: Amy Linda writes, I've been listening to your show for
Speaker 1: thirteen years. Please keep up the good work. I lost
Speaker 1: my husband of forty eight years very suddenly last year
Speaker 1: due to lung cancer, and it's been a rough year
Speaker 1: for me. Neighbors who were friendly with seem suddenly to
Speaker 1: avoid me. I'm kind of shy and quiet. My husband
Speaker 1: was the more outgoing of the two of us, and
Speaker 1: I feel very alone. I don't understand why people behave
Speaker 1: this way. I've continued to belong to a few clubs
Speaker 1: to keep busy. Why do people ignore or those of
Speaker 1: us who are widowed. I just don't get it. Do
Speaker 1: you have any suggestions for me? I do, Linda, and
Speaker 1: I will share my words coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's
Speaker 1: Dilemma is from Linda, who was married for forty eight years,
Speaker 1: almost half a century, and lost her husband very suddenly,
Speaker 1: and now she says that people that used to be
Speaker 1: friendly are ignoring her. Linda, it's not that they are
Speaker 1: ignoring you, It's that they are uncomfortable setting with you
Speaker 1: in the midst of your sorrow. Our culture does not
Speaker 1: teach people. I was never taught this. I never learned
Speaker 1: this how to set with somebody and hold space for
Speaker 1: them in their grief and sorrow. We feel like we
Speaker 1: have to fill up the space with words, and there
Speaker 1: are no w You were loved and cared for and
Speaker 1: in a relationship for almost half a century, and that
Speaker 1: loss is immense, and people don't know how to just
Speaker 1: sit and be with you without trying to make you happy,
Speaker 1: knowing that your heart has been ripped in half. So
Speaker 1: do I have any suggestions for you? Find a group,
Speaker 1: a support group for widows or for people who have
Speaker 1: lost loved ones. When I lost my boys, I've lost
Speaker 1: two sons and my stepson, so between my husband and
Speaker 1: I in a ten year period, less than that an
Speaker 1: eight year period, we lost three children, and all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, people got weird around us. And I found
Speaker 1: a support group in my area for people who've lost children,
Speaker 1: and that made all the difference in the world, having
Speaker 1: a place I could go and cry and share and
Speaker 1: share my feelings without making other people uncomfortable because they're
Speaker 1: going through grief as well. And we helped each other.
Speaker 1: Find a support group in your area or online for widows,
Speaker 1: find some people or someone that is not uncomfortable with
Speaker 1: your grief that can walk you down this path of sorrow.
Speaker 1: And I am so sorry for your loss. God bless you.
Speaker 1: I so hope you have enjoyed these radio moments as
Speaker 1: much as I enjoy bringing them to you. I'll share
Speaker 1: more with you each weekday on Hey It's Delilah Lo