WEBVTT - DELILAH DILEMMAS:  Everyone has something.

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have

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<v Speaker 1>put together some of my favorite radio moments here to

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<v Speaker 1>share with you on our daily podcast. Welcome, my friend.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm so glad that you have found us. Is this

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<v Speaker 1>your first time here and you're thinking to yourself, Gosh,

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<v Speaker 1>Delilah is so nice. Trust me, I'm not always that nice.

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<v Speaker 1>Those of you who've been listening for years you know

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<v Speaker 1>that truth. But I am here for you. I'm here

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<v Speaker 1>to talk with you. I'm here to listen to you.

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<v Speaker 1>And even though I can't always take good advice, I

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<v Speaker 1>have a lot of experience and I've made a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of mistakes, so I can give you some good advice

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<v Speaker 1>pretty much based on what not to do. Tonight's Delilah's

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<v Speaker 1>Dilemma is from Sarah, who says, I have a dilemma.

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<v Speaker 1>I am the mother of young adult children, and I

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<v Speaker 1>am a magnet for toxic, abusive men. I've been in

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<v Speaker 1>three long term relationships, each time waiting for them to

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<v Speaker 1>become better men, and they never did. My father moved

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<v Speaker 1>away when I was eight, and he went to raise

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<v Speaker 1>another woman's children and had very little contact with me

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<v Speaker 1>over the years. Now he has Alzheimer's disease has trouble

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<v Speaker 1>even remembering me, and I have been asked to go

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<v Speaker 1>take care of him. I've been in and out of

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<v Speaker 1>so many toxic relationships, each time leaving with less than

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<v Speaker 1>I came with that I'm now down to owning a

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<v Speaker 1>car and the clothes I can carry. So I'm tempted

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<v Speaker 1>to do this because part of me hopes it could

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<v Speaker 1>help me heal and at the same time get back

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<v Speaker 1>on my feet. Another part of me is afraid, and

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just going back to the first toxic man in

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<v Speaker 1>my life. What do you think, Ah, Sarah? I will

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<v Speaker 1>have my words of advice for you coming up next.

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<v Speaker 1>Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from Sarah. Sarah who has been

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<v Speaker 1>in three long terms and relationships with men who've abused her.

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<v Speaker 1>Now the first person who abused her and disappointed her

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<v Speaker 1>has Alzheimer's and it looks like family wants to dump

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<v Speaker 1>him on her, and she's thinking about going and taking

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<v Speaker 1>care of him. Sarah, how is that going to help

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<v Speaker 1>you heal at all? How is going and caring for

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<v Speaker 1>somebody who abandoned you going to help heal your heart?

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<v Speaker 1>That's like going back to pet and alligator that bit

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<v Speaker 1>your leg off. Come on, you need to forgive him.

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<v Speaker 1>You definitely need to forgive your father and let go

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<v Speaker 1>of the fact that he abandoned you and went to

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<v Speaker 1>raise somebody else's children. But you do not need to

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<v Speaker 1>put yourself in a situation where you're just going to

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<v Speaker 1>get knocked down again. How is that going to help

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<v Speaker 1>you get back on your feet. I don't know who

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<v Speaker 1>is asking this of you, but if he's not been

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<v Speaker 1>a part of your life, if he didn't raise you,

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<v Speaker 1>if he hasn't been connected to you, let the people

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<v Speaker 1>that he was connected to and has a relationship with

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<v Speaker 1>care for him. That's not your responsibility. What you need

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<v Speaker 1>to do now that you're down to a car in

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<v Speaker 1>the clothes on your back, is figure out why you're

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<v Speaker 1>broken and how to fix it. Your letter said you

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<v Speaker 1>stayed in relationship waiting for them to become better men,

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<v Speaker 1>and they never did. When somebody shows you by their

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<v Speaker 1>actions who they are, believe them, don't try to change them.

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<v Speaker 1>When somebody shows you that they don't respect you, believe

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<v Speaker 1>them and get away from him. Get the heck away

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<v Speaker 1>from them. I heard somebody say today, you can't change

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<v Speaker 1>the people around you. But you can change the people

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<v Speaker 1>that surround you. You're not going to change somebody who

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<v Speaker 1>is abusive or disrespectful, but you can change and get

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<v Speaker 1>away from them and surround yourself with healthy people. Surround

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<v Speaker 1>yourself with people who don't need drama and trauma and

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<v Speaker 1>drugs and alcohol and meth and crack and all the

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<v Speaker 1>other garbage that goes with that. But you need to

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<v Speaker 1>heal yourself. You need to heal your heart. Good luck

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<v Speaker 1>and God bless you. Tonight's Delilah's dilemma is somebody who

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<v Speaker 1>readily admits that they are an addict. They say, Hi, Delilah,

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<v Speaker 1>I listen to your station every night, and you feel

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<v Speaker 1>like a friend. I've been struggling with a heroin addiction

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<v Speaker 1>for twelve years and just recently got clean by using vivitrol,

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<v Speaker 1>a medication that helps to block the effects of opiates.

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<v Speaker 1>It seems to be working. However, just getting off the

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<v Speaker 1>drug isn't the only battle. Like most addicts, I've isolated

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<v Speaker 1>myself for all the years I was using, and now

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<v Speaker 1>I find I don't have friends or even a support system,

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<v Speaker 1>and I feel very alone. Do you have any words

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<v Speaker 1>of advice for me? Yes, yes I do, Amy, and

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<v Speaker 1>I will share those words coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's

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<v Speaker 1>Dilemma is from Amy, who readily admit she's an addict

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<v Speaker 1>has been battling heroin addiction for twelve years. First off, Amy,

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<v Speaker 1>I want to say God bless you and thank you

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<v Speaker 1>for being courageous and brave enough to be honest. A

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<v Speaker 1>lot of people listening the minute they heard battling a

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<v Speaker 1>heroin addiction judged you because they think that that addictions

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<v Speaker 1>happen to other people. They don't understand that all of

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<v Speaker 1>us have battles and struggles, and addiction happens to so

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<v Speaker 1>many people, myself included. So first off, thank you for

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<v Speaker 1>your bravery and thank you for your honesty. Second off,

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<v Speaker 1>you say I don't have any friends or a support system,

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<v Speaker 1>and I feel very alone. If you go online and

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<v Speaker 1>look up and in a meeting, you will find one

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<v Speaker 1>Tonight in your town. If there's not one Tonight in

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<v Speaker 1>your town, there is one Tonight online. There's hundreds Tonight online,

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<v Speaker 1>and there you will find friends. More importantly, there you

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<v Speaker 1>will find support and unconditional love. You will find other

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<v Speaker 1>men and women who have battled heroin addiction. Cocaine addiction,

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<v Speaker 1>meth addiction, whatever the drug of choice is, and you

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<v Speaker 1>have one thing in common, and that is that you

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<v Speaker 1>want to get better. That you want to get better,

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<v Speaker 1>that you want your life to be better. And like

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<v Speaker 1>you said, it isn't just getting off the drugs, it's

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<v Speaker 1>learning to live a new life, a new life where

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<v Speaker 1>you open your heart, where you open your mind to

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<v Speaker 1>possibilities and opportunities, You open yourself up to love, to

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<v Speaker 1>caring about others, to being intimately connected instead of shut

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<v Speaker 1>off hiding behind your addiction. So please find your way

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<v Speaker 1>to an NA meeting and please find a sponsor. And

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<v Speaker 1>for me, the most important part of my recovery is

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<v Speaker 1>my faith, having people that encourage me and my faith.

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<v Speaker 1>That's what's made my life amazing the last what thirty

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<v Speaker 1>six years since since I hit rock bottom with my problems.

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<v Speaker 1>So please find somebody who has a strong faith that

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<v Speaker 1>you can lean on and learn from. Good luck and

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<v Speaker 1>God bless you. And again I'm so proud of you.

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<v Speaker 1>Amy Linda writes, I've been listening to your show for

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<v Speaker 1>thirteen years. Please keep up the good work. I lost

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<v Speaker 1>my husband of forty eight years very suddenly last year

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<v Speaker 1>due to lung cancer, and it's been a rough year

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<v Speaker 1>for me. Neighbors who were friendly with seem suddenly to

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<v Speaker 1>avoid me. I'm kind of shy and quiet. My husband

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<v Speaker 1>was the more outgoing of the two of us, and

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<v Speaker 1>I feel very alone. I don't understand why people behave

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<v Speaker 1>this way. I've continued to belong to a few clubs

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<v Speaker 1>to keep busy. Why do people ignore or those of

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<v Speaker 1>us who are widowed. I just don't get it. Do

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<v Speaker 1>you have any suggestions for me? I do, Linda, and

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<v Speaker 1>I will share my words coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's

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<v Speaker 1>Dilemma is from Linda, who was married for forty eight years,

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<v Speaker 1>almost half a century, and lost her husband very suddenly,

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<v Speaker 1>and now she says that people that used to be

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<v Speaker 1>friendly are ignoring her. Linda, it's not that they are

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<v Speaker 1>ignoring you, It's that they are uncomfortable setting with you

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<v Speaker 1>in the midst of your sorrow. Our culture does not

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<v Speaker 1>teach people. I was never taught this. I never learned

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<v Speaker 1>this how to set with somebody and hold space for

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<v Speaker 1>them in their grief and sorrow. We feel like we

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<v Speaker 1>have to fill up the space with words, and there

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<v Speaker 1>are no w You were loved and cared for and

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<v Speaker 1>in a relationship for almost half a century, and that

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<v Speaker 1>loss is immense, and people don't know how to just

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<v Speaker 1>sit and be with you without trying to make you happy,

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<v Speaker 1>knowing that your heart has been ripped in half. So

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<v Speaker 1>do I have any suggestions for you? Find a group,

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<v Speaker 1>a support group for widows or for people who have

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<v Speaker 1>lost loved ones. When I lost my boys, I've lost

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<v Speaker 1>two sons and my stepson, so between my husband and

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<v Speaker 1>I in a ten year period, less than that an

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<v Speaker 1>eight year period, we lost three children, and all of

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<v Speaker 1>a sudden, people got weird around us. And I found

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<v Speaker 1>a support group in my area for people who've lost children,

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<v Speaker 1>and that made all the difference in the world, having

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<v Speaker 1>a place I could go and cry and share and

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<v Speaker 1>share my feelings without making other people uncomfortable because they're

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<v Speaker 1>going through grief as well. And we helped each other.

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<v Speaker 1>Find a support group in your area or online for widows,

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<v Speaker 1>find some people or someone that is not uncomfortable with

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<v Speaker 1>your grief that can walk you down this path of sorrow.

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<v Speaker 1>And I am so sorry for your loss. God bless you.

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<v Speaker 1>I so hope you have enjoyed these radio moments as

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<v Speaker 1>much as I enjoy bringing them to you. I'll share

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<v Speaker 1>more with you each weekday on Hey It's Delilah Lo