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Speaker 1: What would you talk about on your on your podcast?

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Speaker 1: Firms represents show rolling with my homies with the homepage.

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Speaker 1: Do you remember that from Clueless? Yeah? You don't remember that.

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Speaker 1: I remember that. Okay, she died? Did not see Clueless?

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Speaker 1: She died? Yeah? The girl who's sang it in the movie? Um,

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Speaker 1: what was her name in real life? We gotta google that. Oh,

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Speaker 1: Brittany Murphy. She passed away. That's right, that was Brittany Murphy.

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Speaker 1: Are we on? Is this work? Is this a fifteen

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Speaker 1: minute Morty Show podcast? All right? Forget? I totally forgotten.

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Speaker 1: That's come of the beauty of this podcast. Sometimes we

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Speaker 1: forget that we're recording it. You're just sitting around just

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Speaker 1: jaw jacket. I'm getting my makeup done for after Elvis

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Speaker 1: and Scary is laughing at me. I'm not laughing at you.

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Speaker 1: I'm just in awe, you know what. I'm in awe.

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Speaker 1: And I feel bad because I just feel like women

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Speaker 1: go through so much in a day to get ready.

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Speaker 1: My girlfriend is the same way, and it's like she

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Speaker 1: takes an hour and I'm like, just put your hair

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Speaker 1: up or do it? You need to be more understanding

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Speaker 1: setting And I know, I know, see I already feel

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Speaker 1: myself falling into a trap. What's Danielle is having a

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Speaker 1: double problem, which, like a woman normally puts on her makeup,

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Speaker 1: they make makeup faces right where they go. But because

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Speaker 1: someone's doing the makeup four hard, she isn't timing the

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Speaker 1: faces right to the makeup. She's trying to anticipate the moves,

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Speaker 1: and she's going that it's not very attractive. It doesn't

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Speaker 1: matter anyway. So gosh. So we're back from the weekend.

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Speaker 1: I don't know about where you are, but here in

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Speaker 1: New York and on the on the East Coast, we

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Speaker 1: finally experienced a weekend that we deserve. I mean, the

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Speaker 1: highs and the sixties approaching seventy ryan and I mean

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Speaker 1: it's still cool for some people, but for us, it

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Speaker 1: was so nice, glorious. It was like you said, everybody's

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Speaker 1: has on their shorts and they're tank tups and they're

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Speaker 1: so white, and they're putting their top downs and calling yeah.

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Speaker 1: But and our toes aren't ready, like some people's toes

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Speaker 1: aren't ready signed for petticures. Guy, I know, but it

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Speaker 1: didn't matter. I didn't care who saw my nasty feet.

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Speaker 1: I just wanted to get on side. You know me,

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Speaker 1: I don't wear sandals anyway, I'm sandals kind of here

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Speaker 1: he doesn't. He looks like he's perching. Yeah. Anyway, So

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Speaker 1: we had such a beautiful weekend. We have a beautiful

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Speaker 1: day today. For several days we're gonna it changes the

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Speaker 1: way we sound. And you know, I noticed today that

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Speaker 1: our show sounded a little more perky because you know what,

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Speaker 1: there's something about this whether it it does affect us. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we're wearing like I know you have. Isn't that shirt

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Speaker 1: you have on linen? Yes, so you have a linen

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Speaker 1: shirt on. I have short sleeves on, which is not

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Speaker 1: so Yeah. I love how your shoes match your shirt. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I did that. So then if you live in Alaska

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Speaker 1: you're just depressed most of the year. Then Alaska actually

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Speaker 1: has some beautiful weather, depending on where you live. I

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Speaker 1: think in June, Alaska's in the sixties. So we're going

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Speaker 1: to Alaska soon. So I was doing some research search

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Speaker 1: and I think it's like it's not that bad. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think you're okay. But if you go to the

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Speaker 1: Pacific north west into Seattle and parts of Oregon, it

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Speaker 1: can be kind of dark and just have you ever

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Speaker 1: experienced darkness for more than twelve hours just when I

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Speaker 1: passed out after drinking. I went to Iceland several years ago,

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Speaker 1: and it is the weirdest thing because you're you're in

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Speaker 1: darkness for twenty three hours out of the day. And

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Speaker 1: I went there over Christmas, and I remember going out

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Speaker 1: at night and partying until, like I thought, it was

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Speaker 1: like two or three in the morning, and then somebody

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Speaker 1: looks at they're watching it's seven thirty in the morning. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you just don't know. And so I don't understand why

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Speaker 1: people would live in a place where it's always dark. Well,

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Speaker 1: that's where they're from. Who've I read that you really

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Speaker 1: can become more depressed and you stay depressed in the

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Speaker 1: dark too much. Well, you know, look, I think a

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Speaker 1: better way of looking at that could be if you

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Speaker 1: suffer from depression, that environment could be really bad for you.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't I'm not I don't have depression.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, anyway, but why don't they move? I mean, okay,

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Speaker 1: so every time there's an earthquake in San Francisco, Well,

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Speaker 1: why don't you people just move? It's their home. Why

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Speaker 1: don't leave New York? I say it all the time.

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Speaker 1: I love New York, but I would like to live

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Speaker 1: half of my year in Florida when it's nice weather,

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Speaker 1: and come back in the summertime and spend summers in

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Speaker 1: New York. Question, say, so, when our hurricane slams up

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Speaker 1: against your life and all of your your friends homes

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Speaker 1: are blown away, why don't you just move? And I

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Speaker 1: might move again. It's your home, that's true, it's your home.

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Speaker 1: My Actually, my son was asking me this weekend, Mom,

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Speaker 1: when they give a tsunami warning, how come some people

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Speaker 1: decide not to go? And my answer was they don't

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Speaker 1: want to leave their homes. They want to stay, I said,

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Speaker 1: and they want to chance it. And he's like, I

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Speaker 1: don't get it. There they might die, I said, I know,

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Speaker 1: But you know, do you guys remember the legendary comedian

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Speaker 1: Sam Kinison. Of course, one of his first routines that

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Speaker 1: put him on the map was he talked about when

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Speaker 1: they do these documentaries on villages and Middle East and Africa,

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Speaker 1: places where there's no food and its people starving, and

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Speaker 1: he says, I don't understand. Why don't you just tell

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Speaker 1: them go where the food is? Like, tell him no

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Speaker 1: food here? You can't grow crops here. Just go where

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Speaker 1: the food is. That was his simple answer. It isn't

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Speaker 1: that simple. You can't, like, you can't just leave and say, well,

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Speaker 1: there's a lot of fast food places in America. I'll

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Speaker 1: go there. There's not the means to move. It seems

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Speaker 1: like a simple fix where the food is. There's nothing

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Speaker 1: simple about it, right, I mean, look, you know, living

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Speaker 1: in New York City, and I had this discussion again

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Speaker 1: last night at dinner with some friends. New York City

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Speaker 1: grinds you down. And I've been feeling that more now

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Speaker 1: lately than ever before in my thirties something years here

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Speaker 1: in New York City. And uh, I'm telling me, well,

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Speaker 1: why don't you just move? Well, guess what I'm thinking

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Speaker 1: about it? Are you gonna? I don't know where you

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Speaker 1: want to go? Where I'm going to Iceland? People there

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Speaker 1: are beautiful too. Okay, So I have this news flash

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Speaker 1: I want to share with you. Brody finally taped up

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Speaker 1: his ripped sofa and I want to get about I

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Speaker 1: want to talk about this on the Big show. Okay, So,

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Speaker 1: if you have a ripped sofa, like a leather sofa

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Speaker 1: that has a big RiPP in it, know, you could

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Speaker 1: either leave it or you can put tape on it.

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Speaker 1: Either way you look like a slob. But it's expensive

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Speaker 1: to get a sofa, so kind of torn. The problem

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Speaker 1: is we bought these things fifteen years ago when my

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Speaker 1: wife was pregnant and she wanted recliner couches so she

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Speaker 1: could have her pregnant comfort. But now I'm still like

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Speaker 1: the pregnant guy and I want the comfort to put

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Speaker 1: my feet up, but the couches are shot and we

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Speaker 1: can't agree on couches. She wants something like fabric and

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Speaker 1: you know, fancy, and I want leather and comfortable. So

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Speaker 1: because we can't agree for like seven years now, the

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Speaker 1: couches are getting worn out. So my my question her

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Speaker 1: was what's worse the whole we're living with in the

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Speaker 1: couch or if I tape it? She just well, if

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Speaker 1: you tape it, it shows you knew there was a

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Speaker 1: hole and you cared enough to fix it. But if

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Speaker 1: you look, you can't just say your friends come over

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Speaker 1: and go, oh, that just happened. It looks like you're prepared.

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Speaker 1: So I went and with brown tape that matched the couches,

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Speaker 1: and I taped it off and and so that you

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Speaker 1: know it matched the couch. So I went out. I

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Speaker 1: came home. She had ripped the tape up and put

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Speaker 1: silver duct tape there. She said, it's not gonna look

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Speaker 1: like we tried. If you want to have tape, it's

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Speaker 1: gonna look like we don't care and we're making a

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Speaker 1: joke out of it. You're totally overthinking all of this.

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Speaker 1: I mean, the only solution is to buy another couch.

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Speaker 1: The solution is we have no company. We have not

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Speaker 1: had people over the house because because of the because

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Speaker 1: there's holes in the couch that make it look like

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Speaker 1: you gotta buy you gotta buy a new couch. We

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Speaker 1: can't agree. I said, how about I get a black

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Speaker 1: leather couch and put it on my side of the

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Speaker 1: living room because we have an L shape right and

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Speaker 1: our couches right now are L shaped like and I

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Speaker 1: need agree angle. We're matching couches. That said, you get

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Speaker 1: fabric that like this, whatever, We're not having two couches

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Speaker 1: that I'm not putting a recliner couch and a regular couch.

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Speaker 1: They have to match would be the same. No, so

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Speaker 1: we have we were not buying couches, and so she says,

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Speaker 1: leave the hole, And I say, but if I patch

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Speaker 1: you to look like I tried, that's what I don't want.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to look like we tried. Can you

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Speaker 1: write Brodie Melissa, that's your wife's name on a thing

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Speaker 1: and then put it in a hat. Come it's the

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Speaker 1: first name one out and that's the person who the side,

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Speaker 1: which then one of us will be miserable. And then

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Speaker 1: now we're at the stage where she says, you know what,

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Speaker 1: I don't care what you buy, buy whatever you want.

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Speaker 1: You know, she doesn't mean that, you know, I will

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Speaker 1: pay for whatever. My mom and dad did this yesterday

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Speaker 1: was trying to go out to dinner. So we were

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Speaker 1: at a game and my mom goes, what do you

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Speaker 1: want to do for dinner? My dad goes, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: what do you want to do? And she says, I

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Speaker 1: don't know. I can do hot dogs or a restaurant.

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Speaker 1: So my dad goes, okay, you decides if my mom goes,

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Speaker 1: all right, hot dogs and my dad goes really exactly,

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Speaker 1: And this is my thing. You know, this is one

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Speaker 1: of my biggest complaints against friends, family, whatever. Don't ask

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Speaker 1: me a question if you don't want the answer. If

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Speaker 1: you have the answer, give me the answer. Don't ask

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Speaker 1: me make decisions because hours ago, Hey, what do you want?

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Speaker 1: It's the same argument we all have, what do you

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Speaker 1: want for dinner? I'll go I don't know. He'll say,

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Speaker 1: we'll pick something. All right, let's go to Odeon. Now

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Speaker 1: I don't want to go there. Okay, let's go to

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Speaker 1: uh no. No. I'm like, well, then do you figure

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Speaker 1: it out? But if you don't ask me, if you

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Speaker 1: don't want to know the answer. This weekend, Melissa said,

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm you know what, I can't think? Just you

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Speaker 1: pick up dinner. I said, I'll get Indian. She said,

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Speaker 1: why would I want Indian? Maybe maybe they just want

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Speaker 1: ideas and options, So you could just sit there, just

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Speaker 1: like Elvis, for instance. They're big boys and girls. They

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Speaker 1: can figure it out right. But in your case with Alex,

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Speaker 1: you could just rattle off ten restaurants and then you're

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Speaker 1: just narrowing it down for him, and then it he'll

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Speaker 1: pick the one that he wants to go of those tens, no,

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Speaker 1: just pick one. Sometimes you want someone to make the decision.

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Speaker 1: You want someone to say, this is what we're doing, right.

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Speaker 1: But see, I I like to make everyone happy. So

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Speaker 1: when I asked the question, and I get uh, I

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Speaker 1: don't care or I don't know. You you choose. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'm giving you an option. We can either do this,

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Speaker 1: go to a baseball game or stay home. I could

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Speaker 1: do either or well which one exactly? And and if

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Speaker 1: if someone says I don't want to go to the game,

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Speaker 1: I'm cool with that. I understand and I could live

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Speaker 1: with it. But if you put it on me and

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Speaker 1: then go, I don't want to go after that, I

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Speaker 1: think sometimes we just say things just to hear ourselves.

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Speaker 1: Talk for fifteen minutes every day and we do the

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Speaker 1: so you don't want to piss the person off though

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Speaker 1: and say the wrong thing. So you're trying to get

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Speaker 1: get it right. No, No, if you ask me, you're

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Speaker 1: giving me the license to make the decision. See what

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Speaker 1: I've started to do is I just say it's a surprise,

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Speaker 1: no matter what we're doing, and say, hey, we're gonna

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Speaker 1: go eat. Where are we going? It's a surprise, so

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Speaker 1: that when we get there, I hate that, I'm excited,

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Speaker 1: And even if she's disappointed, she has to pretend she

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Speaker 1: likes it. Because I put so much thought and effort

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Speaker 1: into a young relationship. I'm telling you it's been working

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Speaker 1: for a surprise. We're going to the same place. Here's

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Speaker 1: another another favorite restaurant. A conversation of mine. You go

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Speaker 1: to a restaurant you really want to go to, and

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Speaker 1: they say, well, it's an hour. Wait, all right, well

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Speaker 1: let's go down the street to whatever. Well, by the

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Speaker 1: time we get into the car and drive, it's gonna

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Speaker 1: be an hour, and you know they're gonna call us early.

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Speaker 1: Let's just stay here away for this. No, let's go.

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Speaker 1: So we go to the next restaurant. It's a thirty

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Speaker 1: minute wait, well the one we go back to the

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Speaker 1: other restaurant, did you put our name in? No? But

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Speaker 1: by the time we go back to any restaurants come

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Speaker 1: into the thirty minutes. Why don't you just wait, We'll

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Speaker 1: go to the bar, have a drink. There was an

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Speaker 1: hour wait at Olive Garden. No, my god, two hours.

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Speaker 1: Have you ever stolen a reservation or something that was

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Speaker 1: somebody else's name. I've seen someone do that, but I've

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Speaker 1: never done that because I stole it. I gotta shake

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Speaker 1: at shake check. This weekend, they kept calling herman frog

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Speaker 1: frog cookies and cream but no, but no, so Herman

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Speaker 1: for it. No, I didn't they were Herman. You shake

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Speaker 1: Herman so because it was already paid for. So at

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Speaker 1: some point Herman wasn't answering my daughter Herman. Then you

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Speaker 1: took it because Herman wasn't there. Well, they were going

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Speaker 1: to throw it out. They said, we'll just throw it

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Speaker 1: out here Herman. Okay, so you knew it was at

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Speaker 1: the very end of herman life. Right. But I've taken

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Speaker 1: because I've taken reservations at Outpack. If Jimmy doesn't answer

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Speaker 1: by the third time, I'm Jimmy because Jimmy's not coming. Said,

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Speaker 1: they won't call Jimmy against you and check your idea

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Speaker 1: with you. I totally see there's no there's nothing wrong

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Speaker 1: with what you're doing the restaurant with Alex. You did

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Speaker 1: jump ahead of other people, though, so that we're there

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Speaker 1: before you. Jimmy Party three doesn't show up, we'll move

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Speaker 1: to Margaret. Party of three. We'll see you jumped in

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Speaker 1: front of You're always negative. I think of the waitress,

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Speaker 1: so now has a nice customer to take care of customer.

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Speaker 1: She's never gonna wait wait on Jimmy ever. Again, you're

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Speaker 1: the worst customer ever. I don't blame you. I was

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Speaker 1: reading this weekend and one of my food magazines about

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Speaker 1: uh restaurant etiquette, and I thought of you a lot,

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Speaker 1: because when you go to a restaurant, the chef typically

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Speaker 1: wants you to eat what they send you because they

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Speaker 1: create things whatever. But at the same time, they want

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Speaker 1: you to be happy, so they'll they're they're flexible to

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Speaker 1: a certain degree. When you go to the restaurant, you

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Speaker 1: really always sort of have a list of rules. I

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Speaker 1: mean you have. Oh yeah, if you listen, you went

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Speaker 1: to a restaurant, you his order as is and you're, okay,

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Speaker 1: it's rare. I don't think ever, it's very rare. We

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Speaker 1: went to a place in our town I remember, never forget.

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Speaker 1: It's called Mulberry Street Cafe. And we went in and

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Speaker 1: it was something they had with like it was scallions

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Speaker 1: on top and some and like maybe let's say asparagus,

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Speaker 1: and I wanted the mashed potatoes. And I said, hey,

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Speaker 1: instant the asparagus. Can I get mesh potatoes? No substitutions.

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Speaker 1: Never went back place. When out of business, I threw

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Speaker 1: a party because they don't they don't agree. They're not amendable,

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Speaker 1: amenable to the to the customer, and if you're not

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Speaker 1: amenable and you're gonna play that and listen, this wasn't

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Speaker 1: like a five star restaurant. This was a place on

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Speaker 1: the street that was the star. We don't make substitutions.

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Speaker 1: What they should have done and said, well, it comes

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Speaker 1: with asparagus, but if you'd like to add mashed potatoes.

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Speaker 1: We we loved and I would have paid extra for

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Speaker 1: the potential. That's the thing they should have said that.

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Speaker 1: I said that, up charged me, up charged me all

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Speaker 1: day long. I want to substitute this and that and that,

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Speaker 1: and it gets back to my argument. I even gave

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Speaker 1: this on the show one day. There's a restaurant behind

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Speaker 1: the station called Petrarca. It's an Italian place. I'll never

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Speaker 1: go to that pump ever again because of the way

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Speaker 1: a waiter treated me. We went in. The pasta special

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Speaker 1: that day was some whatever spaghetti with you know, some

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Speaker 1: kind of sauce. The sauce sounded good to me, but

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Speaker 1: I didn't want the spaghetti. I wanted a different pasta.

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Speaker 1: I said, what would you mind if they substitute a

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Speaker 1: different pasta had he said, well, no, the chef has

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Speaker 1: a certain amount of these ready to go, and so

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Speaker 1: it's all kind of measured up whatever. He said, no,

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Speaker 1: we can't. That's why we called it a special. And

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Speaker 1: he said it to me like that. I said, check,

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Speaker 1: we had a glass of wine. I paid for it.

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Speaker 1: He said, we know where you going? I said, I said,

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Speaker 1: you were really rude, how you talk to me. I'm

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Speaker 1: never going to come back to this. That guy probably

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Speaker 1: doesn't even work there anymore, but I'm never gonna go

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Speaker 1: back to that restaurant. You have bar Buddha, them going

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Speaker 1: like me and just have the spaghetti restaurant etiquette. We

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Speaker 1: should get more into this because restaurant is something we

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Speaker 1: all have in common. Right minute, morning, Joel