WEBVTT - It’s a ‘No’ From Me, Boss

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<v Speaker 1>LinkedIn News.

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<v Speaker 2>Not even like five minutes into this conversation with him,

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<v Speaker 2>I start just pulling my eyes out, like full meant

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<v Speaker 2>to be, Like I was not okay. I was really

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<v Speaker 2>just overwhelmed and it all had come to a breaking point.

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<v Speaker 2>And I realized through the tears that I was just overworked.

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<v Speaker 2>I was saying yes to everything. I really wanted to

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<v Speaker 2>prove myself and I had too much on my plate

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<v Speaker 2>that I was gonna let things slip. And it happened.

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<v Speaker 2>From LinkedIn News and iHeart podcasts. This is Let's Talk Offline,

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<v Speaker 2>a show about what it takes to thrive in the

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<v Speaker 2>early years of your career without sacrificing your values, sanity

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<v Speaker 2>or sleep. I'm Gianna Prudenti.

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm Jamaie Jackson Gadston. You guys know a word

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<v Speaker 1>people do not like to hear, but it is extremely important. No.

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<v Speaker 1>It's really hard for a lot of us to say no,

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<v Speaker 1>because whether you are just starting out in your or

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<v Speaker 1>you've been in your job for a while but you're

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<v Speaker 1>trying to get promoted, we all have struggled with saying no.

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<v Speaker 1>Trust me, I have certainly been there. You really want

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<v Speaker 1>to make a great impression and most importantly, you want

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<v Speaker 1>people to know that they can rely on you. But honestly,

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<v Speaker 1>saying yes to everything can be super detrimental and at

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<v Speaker 1>what cost.

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<v Speaker 2>Boundaries are something all of us have, whether that's the

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<v Speaker 2>number of tasks we're willing to take on at work

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<v Speaker 2>or the conversations we're willing to participate in. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>got to protect that social battery. But where a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of us trip up is actually enforcing those boundaries. It's

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<v Speaker 2>not easy putting your foot down, especially to the boss,

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<v Speaker 2>but we're going to show you that there's so much

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<v Speaker 2>power in saying no.

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<v Speaker 1>So today, you guys, gian and I are going to

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<v Speaker 1>talk about workplace boundaries, what stops us from making them,

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<v Speaker 1>and how to communicate them with your coworkers. Gianna, boundaries

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<v Speaker 1>are super important because they just have so many benefits.

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<v Speaker 1>First of all, they help with our overall wellbeing. They

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<v Speaker 1>helped protect our mental health, maybe even our physical, emotional,

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<v Speaker 1>spiritual health, all the healths is. It also increases our

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<v Speaker 1>productivity and contributes to our own personal growth. So I'm

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<v Speaker 1>super excited to talk about this because I have a

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<v Speaker 1>lot to say. But Jianna, let's start with you. Have

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<v Speaker 1>you struggled to set boundaries for yourself.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, how much time do we have? One of my

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<v Speaker 2>earliest memories of corporate America, this beautiful world where we work,

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<v Speaker 2>was a mistake that I made, my first ever mistake,

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<v Speaker 2>which still gives me anxiety to think about. And that

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<v Speaker 2>was a result of not enforcing any boundaries. So basically

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<v Speaker 2>what happened was when I started my job at LinkedIn,

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<v Speaker 2>I desperately wanted to prove myself and I wanted to

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<v Speaker 2>build a reputation as somebody who could do multiple things,

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<v Speaker 2>like I could wear multiple hats, and I thought that's

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<v Speaker 2>how you would be rewarded, right as somebody who can

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<v Speaker 2>do a bunch of things. So I thought the more

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<v Speaker 2>I took on, the more I would be seen as

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<v Speaker 2>a high performer, and really got caught up in the

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<v Speaker 2>quantity of my work rather than the quality. And also

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<v Speaker 2>at the time, I was on a contract trying to

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<v Speaker 2>go full time, so I really was like, I will

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<v Speaker 2>do anything to get that offer and make that transition.

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<v Speaker 2>So naturally I said yes to every single task that

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<v Speaker 2>came my way, and of course the quality of my

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<v Speaker 2>work suffered, so that all came to a head when

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<v Speaker 2>this one day I made a decision, a very rash decision,

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<v Speaker 2>and it was a little bit of a cutting corner

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<v Speaker 2>to be totally transparent. I was like, I have so

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<v Speaker 2>much on my plate, so like I'm just going to

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<v Speaker 2>do this really quickly and move on. And I thought,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, this decision was going to be fine. Yeah

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<v Speaker 2>it was not. It was not.

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<v Speaker 1>It was not fine.

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<v Speaker 2>So yeah, all of a sudden, like slacks were going off,

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<v Speaker 2>like I had made this big mistake. All these like

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<v Speaker 2>higher ups were getting involved. My manager wasn't even online

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<v Speaker 2>at the time, like it was like too earlier today,

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<v Speaker 2>like it was the start of the day. So I

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<v Speaker 2>was hyperventilating, started immediately freaking out and quickly tried to resolve,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, the issue at hand. But I realized like, okay,

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<v Speaker 2>I had made this really rash decision and this was

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<v Speaker 2>a kind of mistake where like they have a post

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<v Speaker 2>mortem about it.

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<v Speaker 1>You really.

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<v Speaker 2>Really bad.

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<v Speaker 1>Can just imagine like Gianna's face on a poster guy

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<v Speaker 1>and a meeting in a boardroom in and I.

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<v Speaker 2>Wasn't even in the most mortal like I was really scared.

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<v Speaker 2>But anyway, a post mortem is like when something goes wrong,

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<v Speaker 2>you have a meeting to discuss what happened and how

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<v Speaker 2>you can you know, do better next time that I

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<v Speaker 2>didn't even know those existed. All of a sudden I

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<v Speaker 2>saw that get thrown on the calendar for other people.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, oh shoot, what did I do? So

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<v Speaker 2>I literally called my mom. I was like, I'm getting fired.

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<v Speaker 2>This is the end. But anyway, so that happened, and

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<v Speaker 2>then I had a conversation with my manager. I messaged

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<v Speaker 2>him and I was like, here's what just happened. Here's

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<v Speaker 2>how I helped resolve it, but obviously we need to talk.

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<v Speaker 2>So not even like five minutes into this conversation with him,

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<v Speaker 2>I start just pulling my eyes out, like full meant

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<v Speaker 2>to be, Like I was not okay. I was really

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<v Speaker 2>just overwhelmed and it all had come to a breaking point.

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<v Speaker 2>And in that conversation with him, I realized through the

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<v Speaker 2>tears that I was just overworked. I was saying yes

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<v Speaker 2>to everything. I really wanted to prove myself and I

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<v Speaker 2>had too much on my plate that I was gonna

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<v Speaker 2>let things slip. And it happened, right, So, yeah, that

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<v Speaker 2>was my first lesson in the importance of having boundaries.

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<v Speaker 2>But let me just say it has not gotten easier

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<v Speaker 2>saying no. It's something that I think most people struggle with,

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<v Speaker 2>especially when you're early in your career. But that was

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<v Speaker 2>my first time realizing like, Okay, I not only have

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<v Speaker 2>the power to say no, but I need to write

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<v Speaker 2>I can't be saying yes to everything.

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<v Speaker 1>HM question, though, why do you think it has not

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<v Speaker 1>gotten easier?

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like when you're starting out, there's still that

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<v Speaker 2>pressure to prove yourself, especially in certain workplaces, like I'm

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<v Speaker 2>very fortunate that nobody's like, oh, Gianna's like the young

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<v Speaker 2>person and she doesn't know how it is, and she's,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, she has to work her way up and

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<v Speaker 2>build her reputation. Everyone's very open to ideas here, which

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<v Speaker 2>I think is really refreshing. But I think in general,

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<v Speaker 2>we feel like, Okay, we're coming in. We don't have experience, right,

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<v Speaker 2>we need to show that we're able to do the job,

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<v Speaker 2>so that means like not turning things down. It almost

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<v Speaker 2>feels like you don't have permission to say no. And

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<v Speaker 2>I think once you start doing it, you feel more

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<v Speaker 2>comfortable with it. But in the beginning it feels like

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<v Speaker 2>it's not even possible, and then yes, you start doing

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<v Speaker 2>it and you get more comfortable but it's still nerve

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<v Speaker 2>wracking being like, hey, I'm not able to take this

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<v Speaker 2>on because you think like they're gonna be like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>she can't handle it, right, Like, oh, Gianna, she's so stressed,

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<v Speaker 2>she's so overwork, she can't handle it. Where really, you're

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<v Speaker 2>just protecting your mental health.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. No, everything you said makes a lot of sense.

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<v Speaker 1>And I think that when I think about my life,

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of the things that you said are reflected

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<v Speaker 1>in that. First of all, the idea that you can't

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<v Speaker 1>even say no. So when I was thinking about setting

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<v Speaker 1>boundaries for myself, I often go back to the first

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<v Speaker 1>memory of what my life in corporate America was gonna

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<v Speaker 1>look like, and that was me being a young child

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<v Speaker 1>and my mother telling me, you are black, you are

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<v Speaker 1>a woman, and you might be curvy when you grow up. Okay.

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<v Speaker 1>I was a little skinny girl when I was younger

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<v Speaker 1>because I was playing athletics. But baby, I got hips now, Okay.

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<v Speaker 1>She was like, you are going to show up in

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<v Speaker 1>the world and just by the natural order of who

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<v Speaker 1>you are, you will have to work two, three, four

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<v Speaker 1>times harder than other counterparts of yours. And that stuck

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<v Speaker 1>with me because I think from that moment on every

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<v Speaker 1>time I got into a work situation, whether it was creative,

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<v Speaker 1>whether it was me touring with the dance companies, or

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<v Speaker 1>coming to college, or even the jobs I took after school,

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<v Speaker 1>I always knew Jamay does not get the privilege of

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<v Speaker 1>doing the bare minimum. And it's a sad reality that unfortunately,

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of professionals of color in particular or marginalized

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<v Speaker 1>communities have to face. But I went into every situation knowing,

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<v Speaker 1>you work as hard as you have to because you

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<v Speaker 1>have to prove to people that you deserve to be here,

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<v Speaker 1>because unfortunately, there are just gonna be people who look

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<v Speaker 1>at you and don't believe that you belong here. I mean, heck,

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<v Speaker 1>I've been doing this now for however many years, and

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<v Speaker 1>I still get certain side eyes when people find out

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<v Speaker 1>that I work in tech, because what a girl with

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<v Speaker 1>blonde hair and big lashes and long nails can't be here,

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<v Speaker 1>you know what I mean? There is still a stigma

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<v Speaker 1>around people who look like me, So it kind of

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<v Speaker 1>becomes a thing where I have to show up not

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<v Speaker 1>just because of me, but because the next little black

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<v Speaker 1>girl who you want to hire as your intern, You're

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<v Speaker 1>gonna be like oh, if I had a bad experience

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<v Speaker 1>with Ja May, I don't want to do it. It's

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<v Speaker 1>sad that we have to have these conversations, but it's true.

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<v Speaker 1>And the reason why I'm laying all of this out

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<v Speaker 1>there is because I know that there is someone listening

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<v Speaker 1>who is like, yeah, I have to sometimes feel the

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<v Speaker 1>weight of the world on my shoulders, even though that

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<v Speaker 1>is not fair. The reason why that's important for us

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<v Speaker 1>to discuss is because I had no work boundaries. As

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<v Speaker 1>a result, I can't say no to the boss because

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<v Speaker 1>if I say no, like you said, she or here

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<v Speaker 1>is gonna think, oh, she can't do it, or see

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<v Speaker 1>this is why we shouldn't have hired her, or see

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<v Speaker 1>this is why we can't promote her. You saying no

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<v Speaker 1>feels so scary because you think what is on the

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<v Speaker 1>other side of that no. And throughout my career I

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<v Speaker 1>always worked multiple jobs where I just did not have

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<v Speaker 1>a work life boundary. There was no such things as

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<v Speaker 1>a work life balance. Like balance was not in my

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<v Speaker 1>curriculum of knowledge throughout my twenties, and so it wasn't

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<v Speaker 1>until I got older, and I would say older, like

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<v Speaker 1>into like my late twenties, where all of the long

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<v Speaker 1>nights in the early mornings had started to take a

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<v Speaker 1>toll on me physically. I got really, really sick my

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<v Speaker 1>senior year in college. That put me on a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of medications that, honestly, even ten plus years later, where

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<v Speaker 1>you are still solving for with doctors. And I say

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<v Speaker 1>that because stress will do so much to your body.

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<v Speaker 1>And I often think had I established stronger work boundaries

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<v Speaker 1>earlier in my career, how much would I have saved

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<v Speaker 1>myself the heartache of the stress later. So this is

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<v Speaker 1>why this conversation is really important to me, because now

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<v Speaker 1>is the time for you to set the boundary and

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<v Speaker 1>to hold yourself to it, but more importantly, hold others

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<v Speaker 1>to it. Because one thing I have learned is that

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<v Speaker 1>people will test that boundary. They will dip their toe

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<v Speaker 1>in that pool to see if it is a kiddie

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<v Speaker 1>pool or if it is a deep tank for a shark.

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<v Speaker 1>And the thing is the only person who can purn

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<v Speaker 1>c meate that boundary is you. So if other people

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<v Speaker 1>are violating that boundary, it's because you're not enforcing it enough.

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<v Speaker 2>So we know boundaries at work are important, But what

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<v Speaker 2>kind of boundaries can we set and how do we

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<v Speaker 2>go about doing that.

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<v Speaker 1>That's next.

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<v Speaker 2>After the break, we're back and talking even more about boundaries,

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<v Speaker 2>which can be so hard to set, especially when you're

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<v Speaker 2>just starting out, whether you're a new grad or you're

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<v Speaker 2>changing jobs. Early on, you feel this need just to

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<v Speaker 2>prove yourself to everyone, so you take on more and

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<v Speaker 2>more responsibilities and sometimes it just comes to a head,

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<v Speaker 2>like it did in my situation. But setting boundaries at work,

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<v Speaker 2>it's not even important. It is absolutely crucial, it.

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<v Speaker 1>Is super crucial. It is the most crucialists of the crucialsts.

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<v Speaker 1>So I want us to bring in our listener question

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<v Speaker 1>for the week. This is Dear Work Bestie, where we

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<v Speaker 1>answer the questions that you all send us. This week's

0:12:06.880 --> 0:12:10.360
<v Speaker 1>question comes from Carly in New Jersey, who asks.

0:12:11.120 --> 0:12:13.120
<v Speaker 3>So, I've been at my new job a little over

0:12:13.160 --> 0:12:16.680
<v Speaker 3>a year, and when I left my old job, I

0:12:16.720 --> 0:12:19.440
<v Speaker 3>made a goal for myself that when I started this

0:12:19.480 --> 0:12:23.280
<v Speaker 3>new position, I was going to start setting more boundaries

0:12:23.320 --> 0:12:26.360
<v Speaker 3>for myself to create a better work life balance. But

0:12:26.440 --> 0:12:30.839
<v Speaker 3>I'm still struggling with saying no when I don't have

0:12:30.880 --> 0:12:33.840
<v Speaker 3>the bandwidth and I don't have the capacity to take

0:12:33.880 --> 0:12:37.960
<v Speaker 3>on any more deliverables. How do you decide when something

0:12:38.040 --> 0:12:40.840
<v Speaker 3>is worth saying no to, and how do you professionally

0:12:40.880 --> 0:12:41.760
<v Speaker 3>communicate that.

0:12:42.920 --> 0:12:45.680
<v Speaker 2>I love that Carly started this new job with the

0:12:45.720 --> 0:12:49.000
<v Speaker 2>goal of setting better boundaries, because I think the first

0:12:49.000 --> 0:12:51.960
<v Speaker 2>step is recognizing that's something you need to address. And

0:12:52.000 --> 0:12:54.400
<v Speaker 2>she mentions deliverables, which I just want to clarify in

0:12:54.440 --> 0:12:57.560
<v Speaker 2>case you're not familiar with the term. A deliverable is

0:12:57.600 --> 0:13:00.520
<v Speaker 2>something that you're handing in or providing, maybe to your

0:13:00.520 --> 0:13:03.560
<v Speaker 2>manager or team. So a deliverable could be like a

0:13:03.600 --> 0:13:05.920
<v Speaker 2>slide deck, which is basically a fancy term for like

0:13:05.960 --> 0:13:07.640
<v Speaker 2>a power point presentation.

0:13:07.400 --> 0:13:10.760
<v Speaker 1>A report, right presentation, Yeah, just something that you actually

0:13:10.760 --> 0:13:12.320
<v Speaker 1>have to turn in, right, Yeah.

0:13:12.440 --> 0:13:14.720
<v Speaker 2>I think that's so important is first understanding what can

0:13:14.800 --> 0:13:18.200
<v Speaker 2>I even set a boundary around. And I think it's

0:13:18.280 --> 0:13:22.480
<v Speaker 2>also really important to understand the effects of taking on

0:13:22.559 --> 0:13:25.200
<v Speaker 2>too much, which in Carly's situation, she's saying, you know,

0:13:25.240 --> 0:13:27.840
<v Speaker 2>I don't have the bandwidth and capacity to take on

0:13:27.920 --> 0:13:31.280
<v Speaker 2>more deliverables. And you know, I remember this conversation I

0:13:31.320 --> 0:13:34.880
<v Speaker 2>once had with an organizational psychologist for a newsletter article

0:13:34.920 --> 0:13:38.959
<v Speaker 2>I was writing, and she was sharing the negative effects

0:13:38.960 --> 0:13:42.400
<v Speaker 2>of overworking, which I think so many of us experience

0:13:42.520 --> 0:13:46.400
<v Speaker 2>and don't even recognize while it's happening, And she said,

0:13:46.640 --> 0:13:50.440
<v Speaker 2>you know, it's trouble concentrating, poor quality of sleep, You're

0:13:50.480 --> 0:13:54.000
<v Speaker 2>more irritable, you have less patience, you have headaches, and

0:13:54.040 --> 0:13:58.880
<v Speaker 2>all these symptoms then impact our performance. And I totally

0:13:58.960 --> 0:14:01.520
<v Speaker 2>relate to this because at one point where I was

0:14:01.600 --> 0:14:04.120
<v Speaker 2>really stressed at work, I had a lot on my plate.

0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:06.440
<v Speaker 2>I remember I would I talk to my mom every day.

0:14:06.480 --> 0:14:09.400
<v Speaker 2>I love you, Mom, and she would call me and

0:14:09.440 --> 0:14:11.559
<v Speaker 2>I would be so irritable on the phone and I

0:14:11.600 --> 0:14:13.679
<v Speaker 2>would always have to text her after and be like, hey,

0:14:13.679 --> 0:14:15.880
<v Speaker 2>I'm so sorry, like it was just a busy day,

0:14:15.880 --> 0:14:17.840
<v Speaker 2>and I really like probably shouldn't have taken the phone

0:14:17.840 --> 0:14:21.160
<v Speaker 2>call because I was just like so mentally tapped out.

0:14:21.480 --> 0:14:25.040
<v Speaker 2>So it actually impacts your personal life. Oh absolutely, That's

0:14:25.080 --> 0:14:29.440
<v Speaker 2>the reason why these boundaries are so important. I'm wondering,

0:14:29.480 --> 0:14:32.760
<v Speaker 2>from your own experience, what kind of boundaries have you sat? Like,

0:14:32.760 --> 0:14:33.840
<v Speaker 2>what's even possible?

0:14:34.080 --> 0:14:34.400
<v Speaker 3>Ooh?

0:14:34.440 --> 0:14:37.240
<v Speaker 1>I love this because everyone's situation is so different, right,

0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:42.080
<v Speaker 1>So I like to think of boundaries well, one as expectations, Right,

0:14:42.160 --> 0:14:46.160
<v Speaker 1>what are people's expectations of how you're going to show up?

0:14:46.440 --> 0:14:48.560
<v Speaker 1>So I really want everyone to first of all, remember

0:14:48.600 --> 0:14:51.040
<v Speaker 1>that there are different types of boundaries that you can enforce.

0:14:51.320 --> 0:14:53.800
<v Speaker 1>So I like to break this down into two different

0:14:53.880 --> 0:14:56.880
<v Speaker 1>big buckets. The first one is physical, and yes I

0:14:56.920 --> 0:15:02.320
<v Speaker 1>am actually speaking both physically, like back up, get why

0:15:02.320 --> 0:15:04.600
<v Speaker 1>are you so close to me? Like you are? Okay?

0:15:04.600 --> 0:15:08.800
<v Speaker 1>To enforce that hand holding, touching, you know, high fiving, hugging.

0:15:09.200 --> 0:15:10.960
<v Speaker 1>You know, some people like to greet people in the

0:15:11.000 --> 0:15:13.280
<v Speaker 1>morning with a hug. Some people don't want to be

0:15:13.320 --> 0:15:16.120
<v Speaker 1>touched and maybe you don't want to be touched hers.

0:15:16.160 --> 0:15:19.280
<v Speaker 1>Just so I know, it really depends on the day.

0:15:19.520 --> 0:15:23.240
<v Speaker 1>You'll see it in my eyes what I'm feeling. But

0:15:23.640 --> 0:15:25.720
<v Speaker 1>like you know, there's the physical. But also when I

0:15:25.720 --> 0:15:30.080
<v Speaker 1>say physical, I mean other technical things of the job.

0:15:30.240 --> 0:15:33.960
<v Speaker 1>So for instance, sometimes you can determine what your hours

0:15:34.000 --> 0:15:36.280
<v Speaker 1>are working, right, maybe you are a nine to five

0:15:36.400 --> 0:15:38.880
<v Speaker 1>corporate baddy, maybe you might be a ten to six.

0:15:38.960 --> 0:15:41.400
<v Speaker 1>Maybe you might you know, be taking a class in

0:15:41.440 --> 0:15:42.800
<v Speaker 1>the middle of the day so you make up those

0:15:42.800 --> 0:15:45.280
<v Speaker 1>hours later on. Those are conversations that you would want

0:15:45.320 --> 0:15:48.040
<v Speaker 1>to have with your manager. Another thing that I think

0:15:48.120 --> 0:15:51.240
<v Speaker 1>is really important are things like calendars. Right, I am

0:15:51.280 --> 0:15:53.160
<v Speaker 1>a girl, it has to be on the calendar, A

0:15:53.240 --> 0:15:55.800
<v Speaker 1>minimum of twenty four hours in advance. If you throw

0:15:55.840 --> 0:15:58.920
<v Speaker 1>something on my unless it's like an emergency, please do

0:15:59.000 --> 0:16:01.240
<v Speaker 1>not do same day things on my calendar, because by

0:16:01.280 --> 0:16:03.920
<v Speaker 1>then I have already mapped out my day and I

0:16:03.960 --> 0:16:06.480
<v Speaker 1>already know how my day is gonna flow, and throwing

0:16:06.520 --> 0:16:10.320
<v Speaker 1>on a fifteen twenty thirty minute out of nowhere, first

0:16:10.360 --> 0:16:12.000
<v Speaker 1>of all, can be varying anxiety inducing.

0:16:12.080 --> 0:16:12.240
<v Speaker 3>Right.

0:16:12.600 --> 0:16:16.320
<v Speaker 1>So you also can control your calendar and enforcing how

0:16:16.400 --> 0:16:18.720
<v Speaker 1>people work with that, keeping it up to date, and

0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:21.800
<v Speaker 1>making sure that people put it on the calendar. Another

0:16:21.800 --> 0:16:24.280
<v Speaker 1>thing that I think is really important, especially now that

0:16:24.360 --> 0:16:27.240
<v Speaker 1>a lot of people are working remotely, is camera on

0:16:27.360 --> 0:16:30.560
<v Speaker 1>and off. Baby, Like if there there might be a

0:16:30.640 --> 0:16:32.160
<v Speaker 1>day of the week you just don't want to have

0:16:32.200 --> 0:16:34.600
<v Speaker 1>your camera on, you know, or maybe after a certain

0:16:34.640 --> 0:16:36.600
<v Speaker 1>time or before a certain time. So those are a

0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:39.280
<v Speaker 1>couple of examples of physical boundaries, right, But then you

0:16:39.320 --> 0:16:41.600
<v Speaker 1>also have mental boundaries, and I think these are the

0:16:41.640 --> 0:16:43.920
<v Speaker 1>ones that people really think about when we talk about

0:16:44.000 --> 0:16:47.360
<v Speaker 1>enforcing them. These are different things like choosing not to

0:16:47.400 --> 0:16:50.760
<v Speaker 1>be part of certain discussions. Right. It can be as

0:16:51.160 --> 0:16:55.000
<v Speaker 1>lighthearted as not wanting to gossip about fellow people in

0:16:55.040 --> 0:16:57.320
<v Speaker 1>the office and you don't want to be involved in

0:16:57.360 --> 0:17:02.120
<v Speaker 1>that all the way to the most hearty conversations that

0:17:02.200 --> 0:17:05.920
<v Speaker 1>talk about race. You know, I will never forget when

0:17:06.280 --> 0:17:08.480
<v Speaker 1>I was working in media a couple of years ago

0:17:08.560 --> 0:17:12.440
<v Speaker 1>when George Floyd was murdered and a lot of people

0:17:12.880 --> 0:17:16.160
<v Speaker 1>wanted to have a lot of discussions on email and

0:17:16.240 --> 0:17:19.359
<v Speaker 1>slack and make it and bring what was happening in

0:17:19.400 --> 0:17:23.080
<v Speaker 1>our personal lives to work, and I said, there has

0:17:23.119 --> 0:17:25.199
<v Speaker 1>to be an escape for me because I feel this

0:17:25.400 --> 0:17:27.840
<v Speaker 1>very very deeply. So no, I do not want to

0:17:27.880 --> 0:17:29.879
<v Speaker 1>be added to the slack thread. No, I am not

0:17:29.880 --> 0:17:32.440
<v Speaker 1>about to educate other people on what books they need

0:17:32.480 --> 0:17:35.120
<v Speaker 1>to read to learn more about the black experience. I

0:17:35.200 --> 0:17:38.080
<v Speaker 1>had a right then to step away from that discussion,

0:17:38.160 --> 0:17:40.480
<v Speaker 1>and you have the right to to step away from

0:17:40.520 --> 0:17:43.240
<v Speaker 1>certain discussions that trigger you that you don't feel comfortable with.

0:17:43.440 --> 0:17:45.920
<v Speaker 1>And here's the thing that I want to emphasize. It

0:17:45.960 --> 0:17:48.959
<v Speaker 1>does not matter why you say no to that. You

0:17:49.000 --> 0:17:51.600
<v Speaker 1>do not have to justify nor explain to people. It

0:17:51.640 --> 0:17:53.159
<v Speaker 1>could just be something that you just really don't want

0:17:53.200 --> 0:17:54.119
<v Speaker 1>to be a part of it. I don't want to

0:17:54.119 --> 0:17:56.800
<v Speaker 1>be part of this mess, you know, So you are

0:17:56.840 --> 0:18:00.760
<v Speaker 1>okay to say no other things, is like understanding what

0:18:00.800 --> 0:18:05.600
<v Speaker 1>your own capabilities are. There are sometimes, Gianna, where the

0:18:05.640 --> 0:18:10.959
<v Speaker 1>anxiety wins for me and Sam, the anxiety wins, And

0:18:11.040 --> 0:18:12.960
<v Speaker 1>those are the days I have to have a real

0:18:13.040 --> 0:18:16.160
<v Speaker 1>heart tart conversation with my manager or with my team

0:18:16.560 --> 0:18:18.520
<v Speaker 1>or with the people who I'm working on projects with,

0:18:18.600 --> 0:18:21.000
<v Speaker 1>and I'm just being like, look, guys, I'm not operating

0:18:21.440 --> 0:18:24.080
<v Speaker 1>at one hundred today. This is what I can give.

0:18:24.920 --> 0:18:27.520
<v Speaker 1>How can we pivot and navigate? And those are conversations

0:18:27.520 --> 0:18:29.800
<v Speaker 1>that you have to have, right And so I definitely

0:18:29.880 --> 0:18:32.919
<v Speaker 1>think that when we think about boundaries, think about the

0:18:32.960 --> 0:18:35.840
<v Speaker 1>physical boundaries that you would want to enforce, but really

0:18:35.880 --> 0:18:38.440
<v Speaker 1>take a step and think about those mental boundaries.

0:18:39.000 --> 0:18:41.239
<v Speaker 2>But then, of course it comes to communicating it. And

0:18:41.280 --> 0:18:44.600
<v Speaker 2>you mentioned this before, when it comes to having that

0:18:44.640 --> 0:18:47.320
<v Speaker 2>conversation with your manager. And when I was speaking to

0:18:47.359 --> 0:18:51.639
<v Speaker 2>this organizational psychologist, she said to me, Jianna, no is

0:18:51.640 --> 0:18:53.800
<v Speaker 2>a complete sentence, and I was like, You're so right

0:18:53.840 --> 0:18:58.600
<v Speaker 2>about that. But in the workplace where there are power dynamics,

0:18:58.720 --> 0:19:01.320
<v Speaker 2>especially when you're early in your career, I think giving

0:19:01.440 --> 0:19:03.640
<v Speaker 2>context can be really helpful and I think it makes

0:19:03.680 --> 0:19:08.000
<v Speaker 2>you feel more comfortable saying no. Ultimately, though, and she

0:19:08.119 --> 0:19:10.800
<v Speaker 2>mentioned this, it comes down to the psychological safety you

0:19:10.840 --> 0:19:13.399
<v Speaker 2>feel with your colleagues or your manager. So do you

0:19:13.440 --> 0:19:17.560
<v Speaker 2>feel comfortable sharing with your new manager that you're overloaded?

0:19:18.320 --> 0:19:21.040
<v Speaker 2>Let's say you did that was my experience, you know,

0:19:21.240 --> 0:19:23.560
<v Speaker 2>when I made that early mistake at work.

0:19:24.040 --> 0:19:24.639
<v Speaker 1>You can say.

0:19:24.520 --> 0:19:27.280
<v Speaker 2>Something like, Hey, I'm trying to maintain the quality of

0:19:27.320 --> 0:19:31.320
<v Speaker 2>my work. Here's what I've done to already organize myself. Together,

0:19:31.440 --> 0:19:34.200
<v Speaker 2>can we decide the best way to handle my workload?

0:19:34.600 --> 0:19:37.120
<v Speaker 2>If this new task you're giving me is a top priority,

0:19:37.560 --> 0:19:41.200
<v Speaker 2>you are able to then prioritize your tasks and come

0:19:41.240 --> 0:19:44.720
<v Speaker 2>together to make a plan moving forward. The reality is,

0:19:44.760 --> 0:19:48.440
<v Speaker 2>though everyone might not feel comfortable with their manager or

0:19:48.560 --> 0:19:50.879
<v Speaker 2>might think, you know, I can't say no to this person.

0:19:51.040 --> 0:19:53.920
<v Speaker 2>So I think it can be helpful in those situations

0:19:54.000 --> 0:19:56.800
<v Speaker 2>to find allies. Right, So you and I are working

0:19:56.840 --> 0:19:59.800
<v Speaker 2>on a podcast right now together. Let's say I'm totally

0:20:00.200 --> 0:20:02.919
<v Speaker 2>work with something outside of this, and we have a task,

0:20:03.119 --> 0:20:05.760
<v Speaker 2>we have a deadline for the podcast. Maybe I come

0:20:05.760 --> 0:20:07.320
<v Speaker 2>to you and I'm like, hey, Jamay, can I pass

0:20:07.359 --> 0:20:08.600
<v Speaker 2>this off to you? I know I said I would

0:20:08.600 --> 0:20:10.959
<v Speaker 2>do it, but I'm just totally overworked right now, and

0:20:11.000 --> 0:20:13.800
<v Speaker 2>you're like, oh, gee, totally got you. I'll take it.

0:20:13.880 --> 0:20:16.000
<v Speaker 2>So then I could go to my manager and be like, hey,

0:20:16.040 --> 0:20:18.919
<v Speaker 2>for that project I'm working on with Jamay, she mentioned

0:20:18.960 --> 0:20:21.439
<v Speaker 2>she has the bandwidth to actually take on that task,

0:20:21.840 --> 0:20:23.920
<v Speaker 2>so I'm going to pass, you know, some of those

0:20:24.040 --> 0:20:26.600
<v Speaker 2>duties off to her so I can prioritize what you're

0:20:26.600 --> 0:20:29.359
<v Speaker 2>now giving me. Right, So you're coming in already with

0:20:29.440 --> 0:20:32.480
<v Speaker 2>an action plan and being like they can say you know, okay,

0:20:32.520 --> 0:20:34.760
<v Speaker 2>that sounds great, or you can end that with like,

0:20:34.800 --> 0:20:36.600
<v Speaker 2>what do you think about this? Right, so they could

0:20:36.600 --> 0:20:39.520
<v Speaker 2>be like, oh, that sounds great, or you know, maybe

0:20:39.520 --> 0:20:41.840
<v Speaker 2>we could do X, Y and Z. But it opens

0:20:41.880 --> 0:20:44.800
<v Speaker 2>that conversation with somebody who you might not feel comfortable

0:20:44.880 --> 0:20:48.240
<v Speaker 2>having that conversation with in the first place. But ultimately,

0:20:48.240 --> 0:20:50.879
<v Speaker 2>it's about, you know, identifying what is the must have

0:20:51.040 --> 0:20:53.240
<v Speaker 2>work I need to get done and what is the

0:20:53.400 --> 0:20:55.560
<v Speaker 2>nice to have stuff that I can maybe move further

0:20:55.640 --> 0:20:58.280
<v Speaker 2>down my to do list. And this is literally why

0:20:58.880 --> 0:21:02.080
<v Speaker 2>I started using Google doc with my to do list,

0:21:02.119 --> 0:21:05.440
<v Speaker 2>so I could physically move around my tasks into later

0:21:05.520 --> 0:21:08.200
<v Speaker 2>in the week. Because my physical planner, like I love

0:21:08.240 --> 0:21:10.080
<v Speaker 2>to write down I have like a thousand notebooks was

0:21:10.119 --> 0:21:12.520
<v Speaker 2>getting so messy for me scribbling out things I didn't

0:21:12.560 --> 0:21:15.600
<v Speaker 2>get to But now because it's digital, I get to

0:21:15.640 --> 0:21:17.920
<v Speaker 2>just move things around and it's so beautiful and organized.

0:21:17.920 --> 0:21:21.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna need a copy yea with template with.

0:21:21.040 --> 0:21:24.000
<v Speaker 2>Little like checkboxes that cross it out. Oh, it's so satisfying.

0:21:24.680 --> 0:21:27.000
<v Speaker 2>But you have to build a boundary system that has

0:21:27.080 --> 0:21:28.000
<v Speaker 2>some flex in it.

0:21:28.200 --> 0:21:31.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. And I really love the verbiage that you provided

0:21:31.680 --> 0:21:35.879
<v Speaker 1>that people can use, mostly because I think for a

0:21:35.920 --> 0:21:40.800
<v Speaker 1>lot of people, when we say no, we're terrified about

0:21:40.840 --> 0:21:44.359
<v Speaker 1>the assumption that we just cannot physically do it, like

0:21:44.400 --> 0:21:48.080
<v Speaker 1>that there's something incompetent about us that is the reason

0:21:48.080 --> 0:21:51.959
<v Speaker 1>why we are not able to achieve whatever. And that

0:21:52.000 --> 0:21:54.119
<v Speaker 1>can be very terrifying when you're trying to talk to

0:21:54.160 --> 0:21:56.360
<v Speaker 1>a manager because you don't want them to get that

0:21:56.480 --> 0:21:59.879
<v Speaker 1>as the perception of you. So I like the verbage

0:21:59.920 --> 0:22:03.600
<v Speaker 1>you use because it's actually saying, invite your manager to

0:22:03.600 --> 0:22:06.280
<v Speaker 1>be a partner with you in this. And then lastly,

0:22:06.920 --> 0:22:09.879
<v Speaker 1>I think it's really important here for you to be

0:22:10.080 --> 0:22:14.119
<v Speaker 1>compassionate towards yourself. Right, you got to give yourself grease

0:22:14.240 --> 0:22:17.879
<v Speaker 1>because you are going to beat yourself up trying to

0:22:18.000 --> 0:22:21.600
<v Speaker 1>live up to this unrealistic standard of work excellence that

0:22:21.640 --> 0:22:24.000
<v Speaker 1>you have in your mind. And I get it. You

0:22:24.040 --> 0:22:26.560
<v Speaker 1>are starting out in your career. You are just starting out.

0:22:26.560 --> 0:22:29.600
<v Speaker 1>You really want to prove yourself. But baby, I promise you,

0:22:29.680 --> 0:22:33.160
<v Speaker 1>in five ten years, you will not care that one

0:22:33.280 --> 0:22:36.080
<v Speaker 1>extra assignment that you stayed up all night working on

0:22:36.840 --> 0:22:39.760
<v Speaker 1>is not gonna get you the promotion more than likely not.

0:22:40.359 --> 0:22:42.880
<v Speaker 1>And I guarantee you when you are in your late

0:22:42.920 --> 0:22:44.960
<v Speaker 1>twenties early thirties, you were gonna look back. You're not

0:22:44.960 --> 0:22:47.240
<v Speaker 1>even gonna remember all the stuff that you did. So

0:22:47.400 --> 0:22:49.359
<v Speaker 1>I always like to say, like, is this going to

0:22:49.440 --> 0:22:52.040
<v Speaker 1>matter in a year from now? The reality is most

0:22:52.040 --> 0:22:56.080
<v Speaker 1>things don't. So set the boundary. Stand for a minute

0:22:56.520 --> 0:22:58.440
<v Speaker 1>and be compassionate towards yourself.

0:22:58.680 --> 0:22:59.440
<v Speaker 2>I love that.

0:23:03.280 --> 0:23:05.800
<v Speaker 1>We're gonna take a short break. We've still got a

0:23:05.920 --> 0:23:08.960
<v Speaker 1>lot more to say about boundaries. And also we're gonna

0:23:08.960 --> 0:23:11.680
<v Speaker 1>talk about why you should maybe think twice about wearing

0:23:11.680 --> 0:23:24.200
<v Speaker 1>white shorts in the office. That's next. Okay, guys, So

0:23:24.600 --> 0:23:28.040
<v Speaker 1>you guys have heard us talk to Carly about her situation.

0:23:28.160 --> 0:23:32.840
<v Speaker 1>But hopefully you all are walking away with actionable, tangible

0:23:33.040 --> 0:23:37.199
<v Speaker 1>feelings about how to enforce your boundaries. A couple of

0:23:37.200 --> 0:23:39.919
<v Speaker 1>things that I am taking away from this conversation is

0:23:39.960 --> 0:23:44.760
<v Speaker 1>that as hard as boundaries are, they are absolutely necessary.

0:23:45.320 --> 0:23:48.160
<v Speaker 1>And the beautiful thing about a boundary is that you

0:23:48.200 --> 0:23:50.960
<v Speaker 1>can determine today what your boundary is, and it can

0:23:51.040 --> 0:23:54.720
<v Speaker 1>shift and pivot and move, and it's flexible and you

0:23:54.920 --> 0:23:58.600
<v Speaker 1>always have the right to change that boundary. Another thing

0:23:58.640 --> 0:24:00.720
<v Speaker 1>that I think is really important is that it's okay

0:24:00.760 --> 0:24:03.959
<v Speaker 1>to start small, right Like your work boundary doesn't have

0:24:04.000 --> 0:24:06.640
<v Speaker 1>to be this big ginormous thing, like I'm only gonna

0:24:06.640 --> 0:24:08.600
<v Speaker 1>work here and I need a trailer and a diva,

0:24:08.680 --> 0:24:11.119
<v Speaker 1>and like you don't have to do all that. You

0:24:11.119 --> 0:24:14.080
<v Speaker 1>can start even something as small as just like when

0:24:14.119 --> 0:24:18.280
<v Speaker 1>you're gonna respond to emails or navigating when deadlines are

0:24:18.320 --> 0:24:20.359
<v Speaker 1>going to hit, or what you need to do during

0:24:20.359 --> 0:24:22.760
<v Speaker 1>your day. And the beautiful thing about a boundaries that

0:24:22.800 --> 0:24:24.600
<v Speaker 1>it doesn't just apply to your work life. You can

0:24:24.640 --> 0:24:26.440
<v Speaker 1>do it with family, you can do it with friends.

0:24:26.800 --> 0:24:29.560
<v Speaker 1>I encourage you to do it with them and practice

0:24:29.600 --> 0:24:31.760
<v Speaker 1>with people who you love. Gianna, what do you think?

0:24:31.840 --> 0:24:34.720
<v Speaker 2>I love that. I love that you mentioned small boundaries

0:24:34.760 --> 0:24:37.360
<v Speaker 2>to start. I think that's so important. A few things

0:24:37.440 --> 0:24:40.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm taking away are from what you said, which is

0:24:40.359 --> 0:24:42.520
<v Speaker 2>the more upfront you are about your boundaries and the

0:24:42.600 --> 0:24:45.399
<v Speaker 2>earlier on you set them, the better off you'll be

0:24:45.440 --> 0:24:48.440
<v Speaker 2>in the long run, because your career is long. It's

0:24:48.440 --> 0:24:51.160
<v Speaker 2>a long time, so you will truly burn out multiple

0:24:51.200 --> 0:24:54.199
<v Speaker 2>times if you don't set those boundaries. I think what

0:24:54.359 --> 0:24:59.120
<v Speaker 2>I'm still learning, which I'm hoping to improve, is when

0:24:59.200 --> 0:25:02.040
<v Speaker 2>you set a boundary, you gotta stick to it for yourself.

0:25:02.080 --> 0:25:03.600
<v Speaker 2>Like I have a lot of flex in my own

0:25:03.640 --> 0:25:05.800
<v Speaker 2>boundaries now, and you were saying, you know, when you

0:25:05.880 --> 0:25:09.520
<v Speaker 2>set them, enforce them and communicate them. So I think

0:25:09.520 --> 0:25:11.560
<v Speaker 2>that's something I'm taking away is that you have the

0:25:11.640 --> 0:25:14.440
<v Speaker 2>power one to say no, but also to enforce those

0:25:14.480 --> 0:25:16.159
<v Speaker 2>boundaries after the fact.

0:25:16.320 --> 0:25:18.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and I hate to be that person, but I'm

0:25:18.640 --> 0:25:22.400
<v Speaker 1>gonna be honest with you all besties, people will try

0:25:22.400 --> 0:25:26.439
<v Speaker 1>to play you, and it's just human nature, but people

0:25:26.480 --> 0:25:29.120
<v Speaker 1>will try to play you. So if you have a boundary,

0:25:29.280 --> 0:25:31.640
<v Speaker 1>Let's say your boundary is I don't respond to emails

0:25:31.720 --> 0:25:34.400
<v Speaker 1>after five pm. Someone is gonna send you that six

0:25:34.440 --> 0:25:38.200
<v Speaker 1>pm email and if you respond, you have just showed them.

0:25:38.720 --> 0:25:41.760
<v Speaker 1>Oh I will actually respond, So now your boundary is

0:25:41.800 --> 0:25:43.919
<v Speaker 1>not enforceable. So the day that you really need it

0:25:43.960 --> 0:25:46.960
<v Speaker 1>to be five, nobody is gonna respect you. You gotta

0:25:46.960 --> 0:25:50.520
<v Speaker 1>have respect in these streets, stand up, talk, straightening it back.

0:25:50.680 --> 0:25:51.879
<v Speaker 1>That's me, Yeah, that's me.

0:25:52.000 --> 0:25:55.440
<v Speaker 2>But I'm working on it, I promise. Okay, jam I

0:25:55.440 --> 0:25:58.000
<v Speaker 2>think it's time we switch it up. Oh, we are

0:25:58.040 --> 0:26:00.600
<v Speaker 2>going to move into our next segment, which is called

0:26:00.840 --> 0:26:04.480
<v Speaker 2>miss Understood the assignment. This is where we talk about

0:26:04.520 --> 0:26:07.840
<v Speaker 2>some of our biggest work fails, through all of them,

0:26:08.520 --> 0:26:12.320
<v Speaker 2>from those embarrassing cringe moments to our most humbling moments

0:26:12.400 --> 0:26:16.399
<v Speaker 2>at work, and what we've learned from those experiences. Jamay,

0:26:16.560 --> 0:26:18.240
<v Speaker 2>I think you've got a story for us this week.

0:26:18.400 --> 0:26:21.960
<v Speaker 1>Oh, I absolutely do. I'm ready, and honestly, the story

0:26:22.040 --> 0:26:25.399
<v Speaker 1>is top of mind because it is warm right now,

0:26:25.720 --> 0:26:29.359
<v Speaker 1>and it's hot. It is hot, hot, hot, and I

0:26:29.400 --> 0:26:31.280
<v Speaker 1>have been outside and I've been seeing a lot of

0:26:31.320 --> 0:26:34.560
<v Speaker 1>people and really nice summer outfits, and it reminded me

0:26:34.600 --> 0:26:37.720
<v Speaker 1>of the trauma that I faced. So let me tell you,

0:26:37.800 --> 0:26:40.440
<v Speaker 1>Giana of the time, Jamay war White.

0:26:40.160 --> 0:26:42.399
<v Speaker 2>Short no office.

0:26:43.560 --> 0:26:48.240
<v Speaker 1>So years ago I started working on a fashion magazine,

0:26:48.240 --> 0:26:50.359
<v Speaker 1>which makes it all the worse. Right like this, is

0:26:50.400 --> 0:26:54.520
<v Speaker 1>like a high profile women's lifestyle magazine still in its

0:26:54.640 --> 0:26:58.000
<v Speaker 1>very print and digital era. I was working in the

0:26:58.040 --> 0:27:01.960
<v Speaker 1>fashion department and so I remember wearing this outfit to work.

0:27:02.520 --> 0:27:05.200
<v Speaker 1>I was probably like on my it was like week

0:27:05.280 --> 0:27:08.240
<v Speaker 1>one and a half, right, so like long enough that

0:27:08.320 --> 0:27:10.880
<v Speaker 1>the girls knew who I was, but not long enough

0:27:10.920 --> 0:27:13.119
<v Speaker 1>that they knew I was to that girl, you know

0:27:13.160 --> 0:27:15.720
<v Speaker 1>what I mean. So I wore this blue and white

0:27:15.720 --> 0:27:20.959
<v Speaker 1>striped shirt and these white linen shorts. I thought I

0:27:21.119 --> 0:27:23.480
<v Speaker 1>was the cutest thing since slice bread Baby. Okay, the

0:27:23.520 --> 0:27:26.919
<v Speaker 1>waist he probably were okay, yeah, the booty was sitting

0:27:27.040 --> 0:27:30.359
<v Speaker 1>like everything was good. Okay. So we were at lunch

0:27:30.480 --> 0:27:33.639
<v Speaker 1>and essentially there was like a outdoor area because it

0:27:33.800 --> 0:27:36.080
<v Speaker 1>sat over the what is the Hudson that you can

0:27:36.080 --> 0:27:38.240
<v Speaker 1>see across and look to Jersey. I don't know you're

0:27:38.240 --> 0:27:40.760
<v Speaker 1>a Jersey in Yeah, yeah, because the Hudson.

0:27:40.840 --> 0:27:41.000
<v Speaker 3>Right.

0:27:41.280 --> 0:27:43.119
<v Speaker 1>So I went and got my lunch and then I

0:27:43.160 --> 0:27:46.959
<v Speaker 1>went and sat outside, and outside seating was like wood.

0:27:47.440 --> 0:27:50.879
<v Speaker 1>So I sat down and I immediately felt something wet

0:27:51.440 --> 0:27:53.840
<v Speaker 1>underneath me. So I stood up and I looked, and

0:27:53.880 --> 0:27:55.840
<v Speaker 1>I didn't see anything. So I was like, okay, that's

0:27:55.920 --> 0:27:58.919
<v Speaker 1>kind of weird. Maybe you know, I just imagined it

0:27:58.920 --> 0:27:59.400
<v Speaker 1>in my head.

0:27:59.480 --> 0:28:00.520
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:28:00.760 --> 0:28:03.200
<v Speaker 1>Go Throughout the rest of the day, I'm walking the hallways,

0:28:03.280 --> 0:28:06.439
<v Speaker 1>I'm switching. I'm feeling like fraying fine up in here, okay,

0:28:07.359 --> 0:28:09.800
<v Speaker 1>And people are like looking at me, and I'm like, yeah,

0:28:09.840 --> 0:28:11.840
<v Speaker 1>because I'm that girl. I'm that girl. I'm that girl.

0:28:11.960 --> 0:28:16.520
<v Speaker 1>Sleigh slay Sleigh like vote vote vote, Gianna. It was

0:28:16.560 --> 0:28:19.040
<v Speaker 1>the end of the day. Oh, it was like after

0:28:19.160 --> 0:28:21.439
<v Speaker 1>six pm, and I was like, okay, I gotta go

0:28:21.440 --> 0:28:23.159
<v Speaker 1>to the bathroom. For whatever reason that day, I just,

0:28:23.160 --> 0:28:24.879
<v Speaker 1>oh my God, to use the bathroom. I don't know,

0:28:25.000 --> 0:28:27.800
<v Speaker 1>I don't know what was going on. I went to

0:28:27.840 --> 0:28:31.000
<v Speaker 1>the bathroom and I did like last looks. As I

0:28:31.040 --> 0:28:35.080
<v Speaker 1>was leaving out, I turned around and on the back

0:28:35.200 --> 0:28:41.320
<v Speaker 1>of these white linen shorts was a reddish brown liquid

0:28:41.440 --> 0:28:45.400
<v Speaker 1>stain that made it look like period blood. I don't

0:28:45.440 --> 0:28:47.680
<v Speaker 1>know what I sat on in the wood. I don't

0:28:47.720 --> 0:28:49.920
<v Speaker 1>know if it was the water in the wood combined

0:28:49.920 --> 0:28:52.040
<v Speaker 1>and made like a wood baby, cor, I don't know

0:28:52.080 --> 0:28:52.880
<v Speaker 1>what it was.

0:28:53.760 --> 0:28:55.520
<v Speaker 2>How did you not see that when he stood up,

0:28:56.720 --> 0:28:58.880
<v Speaker 2>there's nothing on the bend. There was nothing on the

0:28:58.880 --> 0:29:03.920
<v Speaker 2>pen they played you. I was traumatized and guys, Oh my.

0:29:03.880 --> 0:29:10.320
<v Speaker 1>God, I'm emotional, guys, because it was summertime, so I

0:29:10.360 --> 0:29:13.720
<v Speaker 1>don't have a jacket or a sweater or anything to

0:29:13.760 --> 0:29:16.600
<v Speaker 1>put around me. I am just here in my white

0:29:16.640 --> 0:29:23.000
<v Speaker 1>shorts at a fashion magazine with what looks like period blood.

0:29:23.120 --> 0:29:25.560
<v Speaker 1>And oh god, I was so trying to have a question.

0:29:25.720 --> 0:29:27.680
<v Speaker 2>Have you ever worn white shorts?

0:29:27.960 --> 0:29:31.800
<v Speaker 1>Never? Never? And anyone who wears them, I look at

0:29:31.840 --> 0:29:34.680
<v Speaker 1>you with contempt in my heart. I am so sorry.

0:29:34.920 --> 0:29:39.200
<v Speaker 1>I can't wear white anything anymore. I just like white shirts,

0:29:39.280 --> 0:29:42.760
<v Speaker 1>white pants, the only thing white sneakers, that is it?

0:29:42.960 --> 0:29:46.400
<v Speaker 1>Anything else? I am too traumatized by it. It Oh

0:29:46.440 --> 0:29:50.000
<v Speaker 1>my gosh. But okay, I think what hurt me the worst,

0:29:50.080 --> 0:29:52.400
<v Speaker 1>because obviously I want to give you guys a lesson

0:29:52.440 --> 0:29:55.320
<v Speaker 1>here in my lesson can't be don't wear white shirts.

0:29:55.560 --> 0:29:58.560
<v Speaker 1>I can't be that petty. But what hurt me the

0:29:58.640 --> 0:30:03.960
<v Speaker 1>worst was that there were a lot of women right

0:30:04.160 --> 0:30:06.680
<v Speaker 1>on the floor working there, whether it was the fashion

0:30:06.720 --> 0:30:10.200
<v Speaker 1>director or the interns or the editors, and not a

0:30:10.280 --> 0:30:13.840
<v Speaker 1>single person just pulled me aside and said, hey, check

0:30:13.840 --> 0:30:17.320
<v Speaker 1>your shorts. And I have been in situations where I've

0:30:17.320 --> 0:30:19.680
<v Speaker 1>looked out for other women because you know, it's naturally,

0:30:19.720 --> 0:30:21.880
<v Speaker 1>you know, it's natural, you know, and they're always.

0:30:21.720 --> 0:30:23.280
<v Speaker 2>So grateful, and no one's like, why are you looking

0:30:23.320 --> 0:30:23.520
<v Speaker 2>at me?

0:30:23.680 --> 0:30:23.880
<v Speaker 3>Right?

0:30:24.000 --> 0:30:25.840
<v Speaker 1>No one's being like, oh well, no, let me rock,

0:30:26.040 --> 0:30:30.040
<v Speaker 1>Like no, that way right, you know, a fashion statement

0:30:30.200 --> 0:30:33.960
<v Speaker 1>like no please, Like I was so hurt that nobody

0:30:34.000 --> 0:30:37.880
<v Speaker 1>looked out for me. And then naturally I had to

0:30:37.920 --> 0:30:39.840
<v Speaker 1>do the walk of shame home because I had to

0:30:39.920 --> 0:30:42.280
<v Speaker 1>ride the train home because I was going back to Brooklyn.

0:30:42.600 --> 0:30:45.040
<v Speaker 1>And here I am in these pants that I am

0:30:45.160 --> 0:30:47.840
<v Speaker 1>just terrified that everyone in the world is seeing. So

0:30:48.040 --> 0:30:52.080
<v Speaker 1>a couple of lessons here, like in truth once now

0:30:52.080 --> 0:30:55.960
<v Speaker 1>that my blood is kind of cooling down, a couple

0:30:56.040 --> 0:30:57.959
<v Speaker 1>of lessons here is, First of all, if you were

0:30:58.000 --> 0:31:01.960
<v Speaker 1>the person who sees something say something, you don't know

0:31:02.120 --> 0:31:04.360
<v Speaker 1>what's going on. And I know, sometimes like we have

0:31:04.480 --> 0:31:09.120
<v Speaker 1>bystander mentality, which is a really scary thing, right where

0:31:09.120 --> 0:31:11.640
<v Speaker 1>we see things and we don't say things, but you

0:31:11.720 --> 0:31:14.280
<v Speaker 1>really don't know how. Maybe someone just doesn't have the

0:31:14.320 --> 0:31:16.760
<v Speaker 1>awareness or in a situation like mine, it was just

0:31:16.800 --> 0:31:21.320
<v Speaker 1>a genuine accident, just an evil fate of the gods

0:31:21.400 --> 0:31:24.080
<v Speaker 1>that just did this to me. But like, either way, sorry,

0:31:24.160 --> 0:31:28.120
<v Speaker 1>getting off my eyes twitching again, like just say something right,

0:31:28.160 --> 0:31:31.880
<v Speaker 1>because you really will help someone out. Also, a lesson

0:31:31.920 --> 0:31:36.080
<v Speaker 1>that I learned then is to always carry something with you,

0:31:36.280 --> 0:31:39.280
<v Speaker 1>whether either that or be within close proximity to a

0:31:39.320 --> 0:31:41.040
<v Speaker 1>store that you can go out and run out and

0:31:41.040 --> 0:31:42.960
<v Speaker 1>buy something. I mean, at that time, I didn't have

0:31:43.000 --> 0:31:45.400
<v Speaker 1>the funds to do it, so I would definitely say

0:31:45.600 --> 0:31:49.440
<v Speaker 1>carrying a blazer or a jacket, a card again, something

0:31:49.440 --> 0:31:51.360
<v Speaker 1>that you can wrap around your waist in case you

0:31:51.400 --> 0:31:53.960
<v Speaker 1>have an accident down there. I know people are gonna

0:31:53.960 --> 0:31:56.240
<v Speaker 1>think this is controversial, but I really do believe in

0:31:56.280 --> 0:32:00.240
<v Speaker 1>also bringing extra undergarments and storing them somewhere because you

0:32:00.480 --> 0:32:04.040
<v Speaker 1>just never know, Like we never know what's going to happen,

0:32:04.240 --> 0:32:06.200
<v Speaker 1>but you always want to have something in case you

0:32:06.280 --> 0:32:09.600
<v Speaker 1>have to pivot or navigate. Imagine if I had to

0:32:09.640 --> 0:32:11.480
<v Speaker 1>report to the CEO that day I had to do

0:32:11.520 --> 0:32:12.200
<v Speaker 1>a presentation.

0:32:12.400 --> 0:32:17.920
<v Speaker 2>Gianna, No, I can't. If you haven't been there already,

0:32:18.280 --> 0:32:20.160
<v Speaker 2>it probably will happen at some point. I was there

0:32:20.200 --> 0:32:21.960
<v Speaker 2>a few weeks ago, running out on my lunch hour

0:32:22.000 --> 0:32:26.280
<v Speaker 2>to the nearest store to buy something, like its naturally happens,

0:32:25.320 --> 0:32:26.720
<v Speaker 2>it's it's it's.

0:32:26.640 --> 0:32:30.280
<v Speaker 1>Natural and it happens. And I mean, obviously I felt

0:32:30.280 --> 0:32:32.080
<v Speaker 1>a lot of shame in that moment, which you know

0:32:32.120 --> 0:32:34.120
<v Speaker 1>I should not have. But I mean, naturally, it's it's

0:32:34.760 --> 0:32:37.240
<v Speaker 1>normal to feel guilty. But what I will say is

0:32:37.280 --> 0:32:39.680
<v Speaker 1>that if you all plan in advance, don't be like

0:32:39.800 --> 0:32:42.920
<v Speaker 1>you may. If you want to wear white or any

0:32:42.920 --> 0:32:45.360
<v Speaker 1>other color in the office, just make sure you always

0:32:45.360 --> 0:32:49.400
<v Speaker 1>have a backup outfit. Okay, I certainly misunderstood the assignment.

0:32:49.520 --> 0:32:52.480
<v Speaker 2>Thank you for reliving that trauma. I know that was hard.

0:32:52.520 --> 0:32:53.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to talk to my therapist now.

0:32:57.720 --> 0:32:59.680
<v Speaker 2>All right, guys, that's all from us to speak. Thanks

0:32:59.680 --> 0:33:00.600
<v Speaker 2>so much. Thank for listening.

0:33:00.760 --> 0:33:03.760
<v Speaker 1>Yes, thank you. And look, you guys are listening to us,

0:33:03.760 --> 0:33:06.440
<v Speaker 1>which clearly means that you like me and Gianna. So

0:33:06.480 --> 0:33:08.800
<v Speaker 1>we might as well make this thing official. Okay, make

0:33:08.840 --> 0:33:11.440
<v Speaker 1>sure that you give us a five star rating and

0:33:11.480 --> 0:33:14.720
<v Speaker 1>review wherever you are listening to this podcast, but also

0:33:14.880 --> 0:33:17.400
<v Speaker 1>don't forget to follow the podcast so that you don't

0:33:17.400 --> 0:33:18.840
<v Speaker 1>miss a future episode.

0:33:19.240 --> 0:33:21.600
<v Speaker 2>And don't forget we also have a newsletter that you

0:33:21.600 --> 0:33:24.920
<v Speaker 2>can subscribe to for even more content, all those exclusive

0:33:25.000 --> 0:33:27.320
<v Speaker 2>behind the scenes cuts. You can find the link to

0:33:27.320 --> 0:33:30.000
<v Speaker 2>that in the show description and on my LinkedIn profile.

0:33:30.240 --> 0:33:33.160
<v Speaker 2>It's called you Guessed it, Let's Talk Offline.

0:33:32.880 --> 0:33:34.840
<v Speaker 1>And while you're on LinkedIn, you might as well go

0:33:34.920 --> 0:33:37.920
<v Speaker 1>on and get connected with me and g and send

0:33:38.000 --> 0:33:40.480
<v Speaker 1>us your question. We want to hear them, the burning,

0:33:40.600 --> 0:33:44.800
<v Speaker 1>the itchy, the weird stream I mean, oh goay, my

0:33:44.920 --> 0:33:48.200
<v Speaker 1>itch depending on. But we'll see information on how you

0:33:48.240 --> 0:33:50.720
<v Speaker 1>can do that is in the show description. Listen to me.

0:33:51.000 --> 0:33:53.200
<v Speaker 1>It is in the show description. Because y'all gonna be like,

0:33:53.400 --> 0:33:56.200
<v Speaker 1>we couldn't find you. Look in the show description.

0:33:57.040 --> 0:33:59.680
<v Speaker 2>All right, we'll see you back here next week. Remember

0:33:59.840 --> 0:34:02.640
<v Speaker 2>we have always got your back, so if something comes

0:34:02.720 --> 0:34:06.720
<v Speaker 2>up in the meantime, Let's Talk offline. I'm Gianna Prudenti.

0:34:06.800 --> 0:34:09.560
<v Speaker 1>And I'm Jamaie Jackson Gadsden, Stay driving.

0:34:13.920 --> 0:34:16.400
<v Speaker 2>Let's Talk Offline is a production of LinkedIn News and

0:34:16.440 --> 0:34:19.839
<v Speaker 2>iHeart Podcasts. The show is produced by Western Sound. Our

0:34:19.880 --> 0:34:23.160
<v Speaker 2>producer is Sabrina Fang. The show is edited by Savannah Wright.

0:34:23.280 --> 0:34:27.080
<v Speaker 2>Our associate producer is Sarah Dilley. Alex mckinness is our engineer,

0:34:27.320 --> 0:34:29.400
<v Speaker 2>and Ben Adair is the executive producer.

0:34:29.800 --> 0:34:33.760
<v Speaker 1>Executive producers at iHeart Podcasts are Katrina Norvel and Nikki

0:34:33.800 --> 0:34:37.800
<v Speaker 1>Etore We got support from LinkedIn's Jesse Humple, Sarah Storm,

0:34:38.000 --> 0:34:41.880
<v Speaker 1>and Ayana Angel. Maya Pope Chappelle is director of Content,

0:34:42.400 --> 0:34:45.440
<v Speaker 1>Dave Pond is head of news Production, Courtney Cook is

0:34:45.520 --> 0:34:48.880
<v Speaker 1>Head of Original Programming, and Dan Roth is the editor

0:34:48.920 --> 0:34:49.840
<v Speaker 1>in chief of LinkedIn.