Speaker 1: What Up? Everyone? Welcome to Cheeky's and Chill, your favorite podcast.
Speaker 1: Thank you for coming back again to listen to learn
Speaker 1: to Grow. Today's episode will be just you and I,
Speaker 1: the mic and I and I'm going to be talking
Speaker 1: about evolution. I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately,
Speaker 1: and I've realized that I've changed quite a bit and
Speaker 1: I've grown a lot, not necessarily as an artist, but
Speaker 1: as a human being. And that's what i want to
Speaker 1: talk about, because I always say this, we are evolving creatures.
Speaker 1: We are meant to change, we are meant to grow
Speaker 1: to mature, and I've realized that I've done quite a
Speaker 1: bit of it in many areas of my life, and
Speaker 1: I want to talk about these topics in different seasons,
Speaker 1: in different ages of my life. The first one is
Speaker 1: mental health. I can tell you that right now, as
Speaker 1: I'm older, in my thirties, it's been like back and
Speaker 1: forth for sure, where I feel like I'm good and
Speaker 1: then I'm not good, and then it's thirties have been beautiful,
Speaker 1: but very like I don't even know how to explain it,
Speaker 1: especially with mental health. It's something that people speak about
Speaker 1: more like we hear about it more often people are
Speaker 1: feeling a little bit more vulnerable. I guess to speak
Speaker 1: about it, which I think is a great thing. So
Speaker 1: I think that's why I've realized that my mental health,
Speaker 1: especially in like my thirties, has been more prominent. I
Speaker 1: want to say Obviously, in my teens, I didn't really
Speaker 1: think about that. I didn't really know if I was sad.
Speaker 1: I was sad and there was a reason. Now I
Speaker 1: feel like as i'm older, sometimes there's no reason and
Speaker 1: I'm just a little like sad and I have no
Speaker 1: there's nothing that necessarily triggered it. I don't know if
Speaker 1: it's hormones. I don't I have no idea, but I
Speaker 1: want to say that now I've dealt with mental health
Speaker 1: in a different way. Now I know, Okay, i'm a
Speaker 1: little sad. I'm not going to let this turn in
Speaker 1: two weeks of sadness. I'm just going to feel it.
Speaker 1: I'm going to try to figure out. I'm going to
Speaker 1: read a book, I'm going to do something that's going
Speaker 1: to make me feel better. But obviously, when my mom
Speaker 1: was here, I feel like in a way I was happier.
Speaker 1: I was more confused. I didn't know exactly where I
Speaker 1: was going to go what I wanted to accomplish in life.
Speaker 1: But I wasn't like I don't know. I guess I
Speaker 1: was oblivious to it, and I just if I was sad,
Speaker 1: there was a reason, there was something that I had,
Speaker 1: maybe an argument with my mom and I or whatever
Speaker 1: the case may be. But obviously my life changed so
Speaker 1: much after my mom passed away, and that's when I
Speaker 1: feel like I learned, oh, this is what depression is,
Speaker 1: a little bit before she passed away. But I'm grateful
Speaker 1: now that I know about therapy, that I know what
Speaker 1: makes me feel better. I know what self care is,
Speaker 1: what self love is, and it's a huge priority in
Speaker 1: my life, and that's how I deal with it. I've
Speaker 1: realized that this is just part of life and we
Speaker 1: can't escape it. There's so much going on in the
Speaker 1: world that all we can do is find tools to
Speaker 1: deal with it. And that's kind of where I'm at.
Speaker 1: That's my relationship with mental health now. But in my
Speaker 1: younger years, quite frankly, it's very different. I didn't know
Speaker 1: what it was. I didn't know what depression was, what
Speaker 1: anxiety was. Now I hear about it more. Now I
Speaker 1: can recognize it and that's how I deal with it now.
Speaker 1: But I think it's it's very important to come to
Speaker 1: terms with the fact that we are not the only ones.
Speaker 1: You're not alone in this. We all have. I think
Speaker 1: maybe even after the pandemic, that's where I feel a
Speaker 1: lot of us were uncertain about the future and anxiety
Speaker 1: kicked in and depression. But I think it's important to
Speaker 1: figure out what works for you. What maybe works for
Speaker 1: me may not work for you. Like there's some when
Speaker 1: I'm sad and I'm just like I'm gonna lay in
Speaker 1: bed and I'm gonna take a nap. I'm gonna put
Speaker 1: some sleepy music on and that makes me feel better sometimes,
Speaker 1: or I'm gonna take a bath. It's important to kind
Speaker 1: of grow and learn whatever it is that works for
Speaker 1: you. You know, healthy things though, because for a long time
Speaker 1: in my early thirties, late nine, late twenties, early thirties,
Speaker 1: I realized that I was trying to cover up my
Speaker 1: sadness with alcohol, and I was suppressing my feelings and
Speaker 1: trying to numb certain things and just get through the
Speaker 1: day or get through work. And I was drinking a lot.
Speaker 1: And that's not healthy either. So just make sure they're
Speaker 1: healthy things, you know, learned healthy stuff. Okay, Oh my
Speaker 1: relationship with my mom, Okay, how have I evolved in
Speaker 1: that area? Well, Well, for a very long time. When
Speaker 1: I was, you know, a child, teenager, I was very
Speaker 1: I guess you could say, afraid of my mom. I
Speaker 1: never wanted to disappoint her. I was afraid to be
Speaker 1: myself completely. I felt like I couldn't because she was
Speaker 1: like the queen of my world, and I never wanted
Speaker 1: to show her the real me because I didn't know
Speaker 1: if she would like me. So I was for a
Speaker 1: long time trying to be everything she needed me to be.
Speaker 1: And so when I could be myself around my friends
Speaker 1: or people, I did feel I guess more comfortable around
Speaker 1: I remember her telling me, you know you're fake. But
Speaker 1: it wasn't that. I was just more. I was just afraid,
Speaker 1: and that came with my people pleasing, with seeking her approval,
Speaker 1: and I never really had the chance to show her
Speaker 1: who I really am. I don't think I was able
Speaker 1: to step into my own power until after she was gone,
Speaker 1: and that makes me a little sad because I think
Speaker 1: when I moved out that same year my mom passed away,
Speaker 1: we were able to have a mother daughter relationship, but
Speaker 1: for my entire life, it was if it wasn't for
Speaker 1: the kids, my siblings, it was for one of our businesses,
Speaker 1: and there was always business with my mom. So I
Speaker 1: had a very short period of time where we can
Speaker 1: actually go to lunch and go get our nails done.
Speaker 1: I want to say, like maybe four months, five months,
Speaker 1: five months of my entire life guys to experience that
Speaker 1: mother daughter relationship. And I'm not gonna lie, it was
Speaker 1: a little awkward. I'm like, oh, I'm at lunch with
Speaker 1: my mom and we're gonna go get our nails. And
Speaker 1: it was like we didn't even know what to talk about,
Speaker 1: because you know, she really wanted me to spread my
Speaker 1: wings and I didn't know anything else other than taking
Speaker 1: care of her and my siblings. So it was very awkward,
Speaker 1: but it was very nice to kind of step back
Speaker 1: and be like, oh, I can talk to my mom
Speaker 1: about things, you know. And now, obviously as I've gotten
Speaker 1: older and i'm you know, in my career and stuff,
Speaker 1: I am more considerate, I guess, more compassionate of her
Speaker 1: feelings and how she was and not necessarily be so
Speaker 1: like critique her so much because now I know what
Speaker 1: it is to be a woman and to be in
Speaker 1: this industry and to feel the pressure that I'm sure
Speaker 1: she felt, which made her the woman and the mother
Speaker 1: that she was because she was a single mother. So
Speaker 1: now it's different now. Instead of being upset at her,
Speaker 1: I'm more of like, I understand you, mom. It comes
Speaker 1: with age, It comes with going through your own experiences
Speaker 1: through therapy where you just completely let all of your
Speaker 1: feelings and you're able to have someone with an unbiased
Speaker 1: opinion step in and let you and help you see
Speaker 1: things like from another angle. And it took a while,
Speaker 1: because again I've told you guys so much here on
Speaker 1: the podcast. I was very upset with my mom for
Speaker 1: a long time with how things were left and I
Speaker 1: was left to clean up the mess and try to
Speaker 1: figure it out. But all that stuff, everything that happened,
Speaker 1: really like kicked things into gear for me where I was.
Speaker 1: I had to step into my own power and protect
Speaker 1: myself when I would always look for my mom to
Speaker 1: protect me, you know. And it's been it's been a
Speaker 1: hell of a ride, guys. These past twelve years have
Speaker 1: been insane, and I've grown so much, and now more
Speaker 1: than anything, I'm like I had the perfect mom, Like
Speaker 1: I had the perfect mom for the type of child
Speaker 1: I was, for the type of teenager I was, for
Speaker 1: the woman I am today, and I needed to be.
Speaker 1: I'm grateful and instead of being upset and pointing fingers
Speaker 1: at her, I'm like, you know what, she was just
Speaker 1: out there doing her best, and I did live a
Speaker 1: long time. Even while she was here, I was kind
Speaker 1: of mad. I was like, dude, why why am I
Speaker 1: the oldest? Why do I have to be so responsible?
Speaker 1: Why do I have to do this? And now I'm like,
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you so much that everything that I
Speaker 1: went through and how tough she was with me, and
Speaker 1: the lessons that she taught me, even till the very
Speaker 1: last day where we weren't speaking, it was her still
Speaker 1: teaching me to be the woman I need to be
Speaker 1: without her even knowing. Like, it's like the craziest thing,
Speaker 1: and it takes a lot of healing guys to get
Speaker 1: to that point. Because I could sit here and be like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, this happened to me and I could
Speaker 1: be sad and like, yes, I was very sad for
Speaker 1: a long time, but I wanted to step out of
Speaker 1: that and I wanted to grow out of it, and
Speaker 1: all I can do is just thank God and thank
Speaker 1: my mom. And I wouldn't change anything, as crazy as
Speaker 1: it sounds, because of so many things that I've been
Speaker 1: through and how hard things were when she left, I'm
Speaker 1: grateful because it really put this fire within me to
Speaker 1: just want to be my best self, to make changes,
Speaker 1: to be different. And yeah, it's crazy to think about.
Speaker 1: I mean, we don't have enough time to get into
Speaker 1: all the details, but that's my relationship and how I
Speaker 1: have evolved. Thinking of just the relationship of my mom,
Speaker 1: or with my mom, should I say so? Not us
Speaker 1: crying now? My relationship with my dad. Ooh, that one's
Speaker 1: a little tough because I didn't spend a lot of
Speaker 1: time with my dad. I think my dad was out
Speaker 1: of my life when I was twelve for ten years.
Speaker 1: It was on the run, and all I really remember
Speaker 1: is him being a pretty good dad. You know, it's
Speaker 1: weird because I should be quote unquote, I should have
Speaker 1: been more upset with my dad because of what he
Speaker 1: did because he sexually molested me, right, But I never
Speaker 1: really was, and that's weird, especially when it happened. I
Speaker 1: don't know if it's trauma. I don't know, but I
Speaker 1: really was never upset with my dad. I was always
Speaker 1: more mad at my mom. And then that change, or
Speaker 1: my mom passed away, then I suddenly became very upset
Speaker 1: at my dad because he wanted to kind of step
Speaker 1: in and say, hey, I'm here. And I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: why now now that my mom's not here, you think
Speaker 1: you could take advantage and manipulate us, That's what I thought,
Speaker 1: not knowing that he was like, Hey, I just feel
Speaker 1: bad I wasn't a present father. Your mother's no longer here.
Speaker 1: I feel like I need to at least let you
Speaker 1: know I'm here for you and you're seeings and it
Speaker 1: hurts me that you guys are going through this. And
Speaker 1: I didn't see it that way. I just became very angry,
Speaker 1: like I wanted like I was like, no, don't get
Speaker 1: near me. I was. I'm telling you, I was so upset.
Speaker 1: Twenty thirteen was the I was just upset at the world.
Speaker 1: And the crazy thing is I forgave my dad a
Speaker 1: long time ago. He didn't ask for forgiveness until just recently,
Speaker 1: but I had already forgiven him. And I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think the relationship with my dad is just it's
Speaker 1: just weird. I don't know where it is now. I
Speaker 1: do feel better because he asked me for forgiveness, because
Speaker 1: we are on talking terms. We're cordial with one another.
Speaker 1: And I'm very proud of myself for that because I
Speaker 1: never held a grudge and I have my mom. I
Speaker 1: owe my mom that because my mom was a very
Speaker 1: forgiving woman and she taught me that to forgive. And
Speaker 1: I think that's why. Like, she never told me to
Speaker 1: hate my dad. You know. She always said, when you
Speaker 1: guys are older, and when the time is right, I
Speaker 1: will take you. I will take you to go see
Speaker 1: your dad. She would tell Jackie that a lot of Jackie,
Speaker 1: my sister, would cry a lot for him. But anyways,
Speaker 1: I don't know that with my dad. It's like I
Speaker 1: still have yet to figure out what's going to happen
Speaker 1: from here on out. Now that we he apologized, now
Speaker 1: that he recognized what he did, I don't know if
Speaker 1: I necessarily want a relationship or need a relationship with him,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I still have yet to figure that out.
Speaker 1: So I have to get back to you guys on that.
Speaker 1: But I have a lot of peace in my heart
Speaker 1: when it comes to him. I don't judge him. I'm
Speaker 1: no one to judge. I'm like, God, that is that's
Speaker 1: what you gotta do, you know. But now I feel
Speaker 1: it feels nice to have peace with both my parents,
Speaker 1: with my mom and my dad. And I think just
Speaker 1: having that, even if they're not physically with me and
Speaker 1: in my life every day, just finding peace within myself
Speaker 1: to have peace with them and step back and try
Speaker 1: to put myself in their shoes has helped me heal
Speaker 1: so much. So it feels so nice to have peace
Speaker 1: with my mother and with my father. It's like the
Speaker 1: best gift that I've I don't know. This year has
Speaker 1: been a tough year, but it also has given me
Speaker 1: so many gifts, and I'm that's one of them that
Speaker 1: I'm like, finally, finally, I'm like, I could rest in
Speaker 1: knowing that I didn't have the most horrible parents. You know,
Speaker 1: they were, you know, my dad just I don't know.
Speaker 1: I can't speak for my dad. I don't know. That's
Speaker 1: a hard one. But anyways, have peace, so that that's good,
Speaker 1: that's evil, that's evolving and growing and maturing and not
Speaker 1: holding resentment with either one of them. Oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: it's so liberating. So liberating. Okay, so this is a
Speaker 1: good one. Relationship with food, oh m G. That has
Speaker 1: definitely been a topic of conversation since I was very young.
Speaker 1: I think I noticed that I had an issue with food.
Speaker 1: My relationship with food, I must have been around I
Speaker 1: don't know, ten years old, maybe when I started gaining
Speaker 1: weight and realizing that I didn't look like all the
Speaker 1: rest of the little girls at school. You know, they
Speaker 1: were thin and I was always thick. I could literally
Speaker 1: wear my mom's clothes at that age. At ten, I
Speaker 1: would share clothes with my mom, and I think it
Speaker 1: had to do Now through therapy, I've realized that the
Speaker 1: relationship with food has been because I think since the
Speaker 1: sexual abuse, you know, and it made me feel good.
Speaker 1: Food made me feel good and I would forget about
Speaker 1: everything because food was just delicious. I didn't realize that until, like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, a few years ago. But also I
Speaker 1: had a lot of issues with constipation, still deal with that.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys understand me. But it
Speaker 1: also has to do with me holding things in for
Speaker 1: so long, which is why I love my podcast so much,
Speaker 1: because I'm able to just speak about everything and anything
Speaker 1: but for a long time I didn't. I kept in
Speaker 1: a lot of things, and that also affected my relationship
Speaker 1: with food. But now I could tell you, as I've
Speaker 1: gotten older, I used to just feel like, oh, I
Speaker 1: can eat whatever I want, and you know, I'm young
Speaker 1: and it's not going to affect me. That was my
Speaker 1: thinking in my twenties, even my early thirties. Now I
Speaker 1: can tell you that I've realized that I can eat
Speaker 1: anything that I want. It's all in moderation, in portions,
Speaker 1: and also picking things that are going to fuel my
Speaker 1: body instead of making me feel good temporarily. And that
Speaker 1: took a long time to really say this is a lifestyle.
Speaker 1: I was all about diets for so long. But that
Speaker 1: also came from my mom. I think my mom suffered
Speaker 1: with her weight, and you know, and that's her obviously
Speaker 1: story to tell, and I you know, but I know
Speaker 1: that my mom had this dark cloud over her all
Speaker 1: the time that you know, I need to lose weight
Speaker 1: and my kids can't be big, and she I think
Speaker 1: we all have this relationship with food because in our
Speaker 1: household we felt so limited for so long. It was
Speaker 1: you know, imagine being an eleven year old kid and
Speaker 1: all you can drink is non fat milk. I couldn't
Speaker 1: even have two percent, Like it was like a thing.
Speaker 1: And so we would sneak food. I would sneak food
Speaker 1: my stepdad, Johnny and Jenica's dad. He would go to
Speaker 1: the story. He's like, I'm gonna go pup gas. Do
Speaker 1: you want something because he knew my mom didn't let
Speaker 1: us have treats. So he would bring me a brownie
Speaker 1: or he would bring me chips and I would hide them.
Speaker 1: I was like a closet eater because my mom was
Speaker 1: I don't want my kids to be fat because I
Speaker 1: suffered with that and I don't want them to suffer.
Speaker 1: But without her knowing, it like backfired because we were
Speaker 1: doing it. Like at school, I would go across the
Speaker 1: street and have chili chesec because I know I wouldn't
Speaker 1: be able to have that around my mom. So I
Speaker 1: was like hiding. And now that I speak to my siblings,
Speaker 1: they also would do the same thing. Jackie too. She
Speaker 1: would wake up in the middle of the night, she said,
Speaker 1: and she would eat, you know, and sneak her food.
Speaker 1: And I don't I'm not mad at my mom because again,
Speaker 1: she had her own things that she was dealing with
Speaker 1: with her childhood as far as food goes. But as
Speaker 1: I've gotten older, I took that word diet out out
Speaker 1: of my vocabulary. I don't use oh, I'm on a diet. No,
Speaker 1: I'll do fasts, you know, a lot. But as me like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna diet on, I wanted to do all the
Speaker 1: diets in the world. I wanted that fast magical pill
Speaker 1: that was gonna make me lose weight real quick. And
Speaker 1: I wanted everything so quickly, so fast. And that's kind
Speaker 1: of the world that we live in anyways, Like we
Speaker 1: all want that quick fix, and I've learned that it's longevity.
Speaker 1: It's a choice. I can either have steak with vegetables
Speaker 1: or I can have steak with macaroni and cheese and
Speaker 1: mashed potatoes. And I'm like, no, I'll taste it because
Speaker 1: I don't want to deprive myself, because depriving myself as
Speaker 1: a child didn't work, get it backfired, And now I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'll have a little bit of everything. But in reality,
Speaker 1: I want to feel good. I'm fueling my body. My
Speaker 1: body needs nutrients, not just I want to feel good
Speaker 1: right now. It's really making that choice and knowing that
Speaker 1: it's a lifestyle, and that took a long time. Ticket
Speaker 1: to that point and serve myself a little bit, because
Speaker 1: even when I was on a diet, I would eat
Speaker 1: a lot of the good stuff and that's not good either.
Speaker 1: Another thing I need. Before I didn't want to weigh myself.
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, I'm not weighing myself. The scale is
Speaker 1: not my freaking friend. Now I'm like, the scale is
Speaker 1: my friend. The scale wants to tell me. It's all numbers.
Speaker 1: Numbers don't lie to you. If I'm not eating well,
Speaker 1: if I'm not taking care of myself, it's going to
Speaker 1: show on the scale. And that's just the truth of it.
Speaker 1: When before I would just I don't want to think
Speaker 1: about it. Now I have a healthier relationship with the
Speaker 1: scale as well. I'm like, okay, once a week, I'm
Speaker 1: a visit your ass a little scale because I want
Speaker 1: to keep myself in check. You know. But it's a lifestyle.
Speaker 1: It went from diet to lifestyle and it's really it's
Speaker 1: changed my life. And don't be afraid to indulge here
Speaker 1: and there, Like Monday through Friday, I'm gonna eat as
Speaker 1: healthy as I possibly can because I want to feel
Speaker 1: good because it's a lifestyle. But on Saturday and Sunday,
Speaker 1: I'm going to give myself. You know, I want to
Speaker 1: have a little pizza and I'm gonna have three slices.
Speaker 1: I'll have one. You know, it's all just in moderation, guys.
Speaker 1: The next one is marriage. Okay, my relationship with a marriage.
Speaker 1: For a long time, I didn't never wanted to get married.
Speaker 1: I had this negative idea of marriage and how it
Speaker 1: just didn't work and how husbands cheated on their wives.
Speaker 1: I saw it in my family, almost all my family,
Speaker 1: and it made me very scared. The relationships my mom's
Speaker 1: relationships didn't work. And for a long time, I feel
Speaker 1: like I never was that girl. Was that like, oh
Speaker 1: I want to get married and I dreamt about my
Speaker 1: wedding and the wedding dress. I was never that girl.
Speaker 1: And then then I got married the first time, and
Speaker 1: I thought that I was ready. I wanted to be ready.
Speaker 1: I just and I ignored a lot of red flags.
Speaker 1: So I can't blame that person completely. There's things that
Speaker 1: I take full responsibility for. But after that relationship and
Speaker 1: how it ended, I really was like, you know, what,
Speaker 1: marriage is just not for me. It's just not for me.
Speaker 1: I want to have a different boyfriend every year, because
Speaker 1: the first year of every relationship is the best. It's
Speaker 1: the first Valentine's, the first birthday, everything, The first was
Speaker 1: just so exciting, Like I love that feeling of being
Speaker 1: courted of when that guy is just trying to do
Speaker 1: everything to impress you. I love that. So that's why
Speaker 1: after that, I was like, I want a different boyfriend
Speaker 1: every year because that's it. I'm not gonna give my
Speaker 1: heart to anyone. Until I started saying, Okay, in reality,
Speaker 1: I want to be in a relationship. Being single is
Speaker 1: just has never really been for me because I like
Speaker 1: that partnership, that companionship I want to do. I want
Speaker 1: to go to the grocery store with that one person,
Speaker 1: like I do better in relationships. So when I realized that,
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, this is unrealistic. Like I don't want
Speaker 1: like three thousand freaking notches under my belt. That's not
Speaker 1: cute either. So I'm like, okay, what am I gonna do?
Speaker 1: So I went to therapy and I I stopped looking
Speaker 1: outside of myself, and what does that mean? I'm like,
Speaker 1: I want to heal myself. I want to be better
Speaker 1: for Jane. I want to be happy. I want to
Speaker 1: have a healthy relationship. I want to be what I
Speaker 1: need to be in a relationship, but for myself and
Speaker 1: I just in the past, I would look at everyone
Speaker 1: else except Jane. I thought I was doing everything right
Speaker 1: until I realized that I was imperfect. And I think
Speaker 1: once I started looking within and saying what can I change?
Speaker 1: How can I be better? What do I really want
Speaker 1: in a relationship? What don't I want to keep repeating
Speaker 1: the patterns, it all changed and I had to get
Speaker 1: to the point where I was like, I'm okay with
Speaker 1: being alone, with being by myself, but I don't want to.
Speaker 1: But if I have to, I will be. And when
Speaker 1: I spent time with myself with Janey, I healed a lot.
Speaker 1: I learned a lot, I heard a lot. I just
Speaker 1: all that outside noise. I was like, Okay, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to focus on what he's doing and what he
Speaker 1: didn't do and how he hurt me. It is what
Speaker 1: it is. What can I learn from that pain? What
Speaker 1: can I learn from that relationship? And then everything kind
Speaker 1: of change in the thought of marriage. Then it became well, yeah,
Speaker 1: I believe in love, not every man is the same.
Speaker 1: I'm not the same. You know, we all change. That's
Speaker 1: what this whole podcast is about, is evolution. And I
Speaker 1: started opening up to Yeah, I'm down to get married again.
Speaker 1: If it happens for me, cool, I would love it.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be like no, I'm never going
Speaker 1: to get married, like I'm blocking. I could be blocking
Speaker 1: myself from something wonderful. And then I met my now husband,
Speaker 1: and I'm glad that I went through that process, that
Speaker 1: I took that time to heal, that I took that
Speaker 1: time to spend with myself, because little did I know
Speaker 1: that there was another person that was doing the same
Speaker 1: thing and he had also gone through a lot of things.
Speaker 1: So when we came together, we were ready to be
Speaker 1: completely honest. We put our cards on the table. We
Speaker 1: didn't want to repeat the same patterns. And I think
Speaker 1: because I was finally changing and I made the changes
Speaker 1: and I wanted to be the reflection of what I
Speaker 1: wanted to attract, That's when things changed, because I feel
Speaker 1: like I found my person where he's been through his
Speaker 1: share of shit. I've been through my share shit, and
Speaker 1: I felt safe again to love and to say, Okay,
Speaker 1: marriage can work. It could work. You guys, I think
Speaker 1: we have this thing of like marriage is hard. I'm
Speaker 1: not saying that it's easy, but it doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be as hard as society makes it or as hard
Speaker 1: as maybe you grow up watching like I did. I
Speaker 1: was like, damn if that marriages don't work, and if
Speaker 1: they do their cheating on their wives or a vice versa,
Speaker 1: Like I had this all these stuff and I'm like, wait,
Speaker 1: wait a second, I'm gonna e RaSE that all of it.
Speaker 1: And there's a white canvas and I have the choice
Speaker 1: to paint whatever freaking picture I want to paint. Like
Speaker 1: I have the choice, I need them. I need to
Speaker 1: also be willing to make changes in my life to
Speaker 1: make this relationship work, this marriage, when before it was
Speaker 1: like it's my world and you live in it. Like
Speaker 1: that doesn't work for anything or anyone, especially if you're
Speaker 1: in a marriage. My whole mentality, my whole emotional like
Speaker 1: reaction to marriage all changed. But because I was ready
Speaker 1: to say I I want this, okay. So another one forgiveness.
Speaker 1: I kind of talked about it a little bit with
Speaker 1: like my whole my dad, that whole situation. Forgiveness has
Speaker 1: been something that has been so easy for me to
Speaker 1: be honest to just I forgive and I have forgotten
Speaker 1: to a fault. Because sometimes some people say, keep a
Speaker 1: note of of what people have done to you, because
Speaker 1: that way doesn't continue to happen. I have not. I
Speaker 1: haven't kept like a record of it. I had to
Speaker 1: start doing that with, you know, in one of my relationships,
Speaker 1: because I'm like, wait, I can't forget everything that this
Speaker 1: person has done, because then it's I just go back
Speaker 1: into the same cycle, you know. But now I can
Speaker 1: tell you now, right now, forgiveness. I think forgiveness is important.
Speaker 1: I think I always tell you guys, it's a gift
Speaker 1: for yourself, not necessarily for the other person, even if
Speaker 1: they never ask for forgiveness. I think it is import
Speaker 1: weren't for you to forgive and just not hold that resentment.
Speaker 1: Now I've learned to forgive and not necessarily need you
Speaker 1: in my life, when before it was I didn't have boundaries.
Speaker 1: It was I forgive you and then you come back,
Speaker 1: and it's like and I still struggle with it a
Speaker 1: little bit with certain people in my life that I
Speaker 1: have done some pretty messed up things and I still
Speaker 1: allow them, and I get burned. So I'm still working
Speaker 1: through that, for sure, But now I've learned to put
Speaker 1: a hard boundary where I'm like, wait a second, if
Speaker 1: you're not making me feel good at work or in
Speaker 1: my home, you're not coming into my home. You're not
Speaker 1: going to be around my work environment because I need
Speaker 1: to feel good, you know. But forgiveness, I think is
Speaker 1: definitely something that we should all practice and not hold
Speaker 1: that resentment in that baggage because it does no good
Speaker 1: for you. It actually causes illness and depression and so
Speaker 1: many bad things when you're holding onto things and not
Speaker 1: willing to forgive people. If you want to be forgiven,
Speaker 1: then you must be willing to forgive. And I have
Speaker 1: a whole book on that. You guys, go ahead and
Speaker 1: read it. Forgiveness in English, better going in Spanish, but
Speaker 1: I speak about it more in depth. But I feel
Speaker 1: like my forgiveness, if I've evolved in any way, it's
Speaker 1: it's just boundaries. Boundaries are so healthy. Being able to
Speaker 1: say no and putting limits to things into certain situations.
Speaker 1: It gives you so much power and protects your inner peace.
Speaker 1: Like our inner piece is our responsibility. So what are
Speaker 1: you going to do? What? Walls not bad walls, but
Speaker 1: healthy walls are you going to put up to not
Speaker 1: continue to go through that? And I was just letting
Speaker 1: people just step all over me because I was a
Speaker 1: people pleaser, because I wanted to make people happy. I
Speaker 1: wanted their approval. I wanted people to like me. When
Speaker 1: I stop people like when, I was like, I don't
Speaker 1: care if you like me or not. I like myself. Dude,
Speaker 1: I'm a older woman. But I don't know how I
Speaker 1: went from that to forgiveness, but forgiveness important. Okay, So
Speaker 1: the very last one you guys is finances. Ooh girl, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna make it quick because I know this has
Speaker 1: been a long episode. But finances. For a long time,
Speaker 1: I was under my mom's wing. I worked for my mother.
Speaker 1: I had all of the control of my mom's money.
Speaker 1: I was paying the bills. I was very good at that,
Speaker 1: always very good at paying bills and making sure that
Speaker 1: everything was paid on time. But then I just also
Speaker 1: had the liberty of just okay, have my mom's credit card.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna like I was a spoiled little brad.
Speaker 1: I guess if you want to call it that, I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna swipe the card because and it wasn't always
Speaker 1: like that, because of course we went through really tough times.
Speaker 1: There were times where we didn't have a lot to
Speaker 1: eat and we didn't have the luxuries that we had.
Speaker 1: When my mom got more famous and more successful, should
Speaker 1: I say so, that was different. But when we did
Speaker 1: and I had the liberty of using my mom's card,
Speaker 1: I abused it. I abused it. I didn't understand the
Speaker 1: value of money. I didn't understand how important it is
Speaker 1: to take care of it, how important it is to invest,
Speaker 1: even to save for a rainy day, you know. And
Speaker 1: again I wasn't using my money, I was using my mom's,
Speaker 1: so it was just easier. And that was one of
Speaker 1: the biggest lessons for me was when my mom said, boom,
Speaker 1: you're not working for me anymore. You're not taking care
Speaker 1: of the kids. I want to take control of my household.
Speaker 1: It's very difficult because I was very territorial of my siblings,
Speaker 1: of my mother, of our things. But in reality it
Speaker 1: was in hours it was my mom's. And then I
Speaker 1: was forced by the world and by universe, by the
Speaker 1: universe to go out and make my own money. And
Speaker 1: that's when I realized, oh shit, I gotta I have
Speaker 1: to save. I have to not only save, I have
Speaker 1: to not spend on ridiculous things. And now I ask myself, Okay,
Speaker 1: there are still times. This is something that I'm still like,
Speaker 1: I think when I was overworked and I was very
Speaker 1: stressed out. It's so easy now you guys to just
Speaker 1: swipe and you don't see it, like it's like literally
Speaker 1: your phone just has to look at you and ooh
Speaker 1: they charge you. And I found myself doing that like
Speaker 1: maybe a month ago, a month and a half ago,
Speaker 1: where I was just like, oh, I was just getting
Speaker 1: a bunch of packages and I'm like, Jenney, stop. But
Speaker 1: now I recognize it. I had to get to the
Speaker 1: point where I'm like, okay, is this a luxury or
Speaker 1: a necessity? My bills I'm very responsible that is always
Speaker 1: being paid, but instead of like the money that I
Speaker 1: have extra, I have to invest it and save a
Speaker 1: little bit of it because you never know what can
Speaker 1: happen tomorrow, but not just spend it on things that
Speaker 1: I don't need, like I was just spending I think
Speaker 1: for a long time to fill a void, a hole
Speaker 1: that I had, and in reality it's just stuff and
Speaker 1: quite frankly, like I was buying so much that I
Speaker 1: didn't even have the time. I wasn't going anywhere enough
Speaker 1: to use everything I was buying, you know, and it
Speaker 1: was just there collecting dust. And now I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: better with also paying it forward and cleaning out the
Speaker 1: closet and you know, like not keeping things just to
Speaker 1: keep them. But I think now more than anything, my finances,
Speaker 1: my business ventures, all of that, all of that is
Speaker 1: very different. Now. I know what it is to earn
Speaker 1: my own money. I know what it is to not
Speaker 1: have any to feel like, oh my gosh, if I
Speaker 1: don't do something, if I don't work and do something quickly,
Speaker 1: I don't know how I'm gonna pay my rent next month.
Speaker 1: I've gone through all of that. But it's also they've
Speaker 1: been lessons because I've overspent, because I haven't been a
Speaker 1: good stewart. A good stewart means like taking care of
Speaker 1: what God has given you, you know, And all of
Speaker 1: that I can tell you now that I know the value,
Speaker 1: that I know the importance of it, that I know
Speaker 1: what it's important to invest, still have to ask myself
Speaker 1: keep you know. And this is the advice to you guys,
Speaker 1: Like sometimes it's just easy to just selle, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: buy this, like no, like, sometimes it's good to like
Speaker 1: go back to basics and cut back on things you
Speaker 1: don't necessarily like need everything that everyone has. And it
Speaker 1: took me a long time to get there. I'm like,
Speaker 1: it doesn't make me a better person or more attractive
Speaker 1: or cooler to have all the trendy shit like no, like,
Speaker 1: that's not what's important. And for a long time I
Speaker 1: did that. I did it to impress people, to make
Speaker 1: myself look better, you know, on another level, and it's
Speaker 1: it's ridiculous, Like now it's silly. Now I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: I want a building, now, I want to invest in
Speaker 1: my businesses. Now, I you know, I want to do all.
Speaker 1: I have so many ideas, so many things that I
Speaker 1: want to do. Now it's not about buying that materialistic
Speaker 1: thing that's going to give me, you know, instant gratification.
Speaker 1: I'm thinking long term. I'm thinking my future. So anyways, guys,
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed this episode. Thank you so much
Speaker 1: for listening, And like always, I hope that through my
Speaker 1: vulnerability and my transparency, you guys can learn and grow
Speaker 1: and mature and hopefully I can help you also prevent
Speaker 1: from making certain mistakes and errors that I have. But
Speaker 1: you always know you can come back to Cheeky's and
Speaker 1: Chill and you'll always find an honest place and a
Speaker 1: place where you can be yourself completely like I can
Speaker 1: be with you. Guys, So thank you so much, and
Speaker 1: I love you, and I'll see you on the next
Speaker 1: episode of Cheeki's and Chill. This is a production of
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio and Mike wa podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram
Speaker 1: at mike Utura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's c
Speaker 1: h i q u y s. For more podcasts from iHeart,
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