WEBVTT - #214 You Can't Love with Expectations 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:01.840 And I don't think you have that yet. I don't 0:00:01.880 --> 0:00:03.920 think you've shifted that way. I don't think you've looked 0:00:03.920 --> 0:00:18.159 at love as self less. Hey, everybody, welcome back to 0:00:18.200 --> 0:00:21.520 the podcast. Thank you for listening. Wherever you're coming from, 0:00:21.920 --> 0:00:24.040 I appreciate you. This is one of my favorite things 0:00:24.079 --> 0:00:27.479 to do, to go through your questions and just walk 0:00:27.520 --> 0:00:30.120 through them. It takes really no preparation on my end. 0:00:30.320 --> 0:00:34.520 I'm literally just coming in here and opening up these 0:00:34.560 --> 0:00:38.519 emails and walking through them with no notes or quotes 0:00:38.520 --> 0:00:41.040 in front of me. As if we're just two friends 0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:43.559 riding in the truck and you say, hey, man, can 0:00:43.600 --> 0:00:46.640 I run something by you? And I talked through it. 0:00:46.680 --> 0:00:49.720 That means that I'm not always right, you know. I'm 0:00:49.800 --> 0:00:52.800 just giving you the best advice that I would give 0:00:52.840 --> 0:00:57.360 a friend. And sometimes it's just like a knee jerk response, 0:00:57.440 --> 0:01:02.000 right because I'm not always Sometimes I'm not always thinking 0:01:02.040 --> 0:01:03.560 it all the way through. I'm just like, hey, there's 0:01:03.600 --> 0:01:05.759 my first here's my first response, so take it as 0:01:05.760 --> 0:01:10.800 you will. The email for this is podcast at grangersmith 0:01:10.840 --> 0:01:13.560 dot com. This is a new email that used to 0:01:13.840 --> 0:01:16.960 what it used to be, so podcast at grangersmith dot com. 0:01:16.959 --> 0:01:19.600 It's a new email. Shoot me over an email and 0:01:20.319 --> 0:01:23.920 try to make it about a phone link long. If 0:01:23.920 --> 0:01:26.160 you make it too long, it gets more difficult to 0:01:26.200 --> 0:01:29.760 read on the podcast. But let's jump right into these 0:01:30.360 --> 0:01:33.600 and there is there's no rhyme or reason today to 0:01:33.640 --> 0:01:38.680 what we're going to do. Okay, first question says help 0:01:38.760 --> 0:01:41.960 subject line, and the email says, I'm fifty eight years 0:01:41.959 --> 0:01:45.679 old and no one loves me. I give and give, 0:01:45.800 --> 0:01:49.200 but no one helps me when I need it. That's 0:01:49.200 --> 0:01:51.880 the end of the email. It says sent from my iPad. 0:01:52.720 --> 0:01:57.680 So we've got an anonymous emailer here and fifty eight 0:01:57.720 --> 0:02:01.520 years old, and there's just one simple plea. It says, 0:02:02.320 --> 0:02:05.400 I give and I give, but no one helps me 0:02:05.600 --> 0:02:10.720 when I need it. No one loves me. It's so 0:02:10.760 --> 0:02:14.360 interesting if we if we if we take something so 0:02:14.560 --> 0:02:18.880 simple without knowing any context, without knowing this person, without 0:02:19.520 --> 0:02:22.280 knowing their situation or their story, or maybe what has 0:02:22.320 --> 0:02:25.680 triggered this, maybe something that has happened recently, or maybe 0:02:25.680 --> 0:02:28.440 this is something that's been going on over and over 0:02:28.520 --> 0:02:33.160 and over. It's interesting that we can take a lot 0:02:33.240 --> 0:02:38.760 from just these two sentences. Right, So, without context, without 0:02:38.800 --> 0:02:46.720 knowing this person, I would say you you think you're 0:02:46.720 --> 0:02:58.320 thinking that love requires reciprocation. Okay, you say no one 0:02:58.360 --> 0:03:02.600 loves me period. Or you could say because I give 0:03:02.800 --> 0:03:05.720 and give, but no one helps me when I need it. 0:03:06.919 --> 0:03:10.880 So you're saying to qualify someone to love you, they 0:03:10.960 --> 0:03:14.880 must help you when you need them or when you 0:03:14.919 --> 0:03:21.480 need help. Okay. It's interesting because when you say I 0:03:21.520 --> 0:03:24.880 give and give, it's almost is once again no context here, 0:03:25.280 --> 0:03:29.400 it's almost if you give and give and expect help 0:03:29.440 --> 0:03:33.520 and return. That's not strange that you expect that, right 0:03:33.560 --> 0:03:37.200 that that would be normal to think I'm paying in 0:03:37.280 --> 0:03:40.560 so that I can get paid back. But that's not love. 0:03:43.000 --> 0:03:45.840 That's what's crazy. If we think about it just from 0:03:45.840 --> 0:03:56.240 these two sentences. Love is never self searching, self desiring, 0:03:56.440 --> 0:04:03.720 self needing, self replenishing. It's always outward. It's not anything 0:04:03.760 --> 0:04:08.160 that you get back. So if you are not speaking 0:04:08.200 --> 0:04:13.960 about them, if you are loving and expecting something back, 0:04:15.520 --> 0:04:19.640 then I would question is that love? Once again no 0:04:19.720 --> 0:04:21.880 context here. So I don't know your story, but it's 0:04:21.960 --> 0:04:24.520 interesting to think of it in that way. What if 0:04:24.560 --> 0:04:28.720 you went with the mindset of hey, I'm gonna whoever 0:04:28.760 --> 0:04:30.920 this person is, Hey, brother, I'm gonna help you out. 0:04:32.120 --> 0:04:34.320 I'm gonna be there for you. I'm gonna listen to you. 0:04:35.320 --> 0:04:38.080 I'm gonna i'm gonna learn your love language. I'm gonna 0:04:38.120 --> 0:04:42.359 bring you a gift. I'm gonna give you acts of service. 0:04:42.600 --> 0:04:44.800 I'm gonna I'm gonna give you words of affirmation. I'm 0:04:44.839 --> 0:04:47.000 gonna I'm gonna be here just to sit with you 0:04:47.040 --> 0:04:49.960 in empathy. And by the way, I don't need anything 0:04:49.960 --> 0:04:55.080 from you, nothing, nothing, I don't need. I don't need 0:04:55.120 --> 0:05:00.720 you to reciprocate any of this. I just as gratitude 0:05:00.800 --> 0:05:03.120 of my love for you. I'm just I'm just giving 0:05:03.160 --> 0:05:08.120 you this unmerited favor. This is my grace towards you. Right. 0:05:09.880 --> 0:05:13.960 I wonder if that kind of mind shift changes things, 0:05:15.320 --> 0:05:16.919 and it might not. I mean, you might just be 0:05:17.120 --> 0:05:22.400 around the wrong people. But no one is unlovable. Let's 0:05:22.400 --> 0:05:26.520 put it that way. You are not unlovable. There's no way. 0:05:26.800 --> 0:05:31.200 There's no human on this planet that is unlovable. Now, 0:05:31.240 --> 0:05:35.640 sometimes it takes that switch, that that mind switch, that shift, 0:05:36.720 --> 0:05:38.159 and I don't think you have that yet. I don't 0:05:38.400 --> 0:05:40.480 think you've shifted that way. I don't think you've looked 0:05:40.480 --> 0:05:44.000 at love as self less. I think you're looking at 0:05:44.040 --> 0:05:47.000 it as you're needing. You're needing, You're needing. I'm giving, 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:49.919 I'm giving, Granger, I'm giving, but I'm not getting anything. 0:05:50.440 --> 0:05:55.919 I go, oh, that's not love. That's not love because 0:05:56.320 --> 0:06:01.480 it doesn't require anything in return. That's interesting, right. I 0:06:01.480 --> 0:06:05.000 hope this helps you. Just two sentences, but pretty deep here. 0:06:10.560 --> 0:06:15.920 Next question, it says grandma in law. That's the subject line. 0:06:16.000 --> 0:06:19.479 Three years ago, it says when my youngest son was born, 0:06:20.360 --> 0:06:24.279 my wife's grandma called me. This was after he was 0:06:24.320 --> 0:06:28.600 born nine weeks premature and was spending time in the NICU, 0:06:28.720 --> 0:06:31.120 which turned out to be a six week stay. During 0:06:31.160 --> 0:06:33.600 this time, I had to stay at home, an hour 0:06:33.640 --> 0:06:35.400 away from the hospital, to work and take care of 0:06:35.440 --> 0:06:38.159 the dog. My wife was staying with her parents and 0:06:38.200 --> 0:06:41.400 our oldest son. I had two weeks of paternity leave 0:06:42.080 --> 0:06:44.800 that I used when he was born and another one 0:06:44.800 --> 0:06:47.760 when he came. The issue arose when she called me 0:06:48.080 --> 0:06:49.960 and told me that I was not being a man 0:06:50.320 --> 0:06:53.159 and taking care of my family. She said I needed 0:06:53.160 --> 0:06:56.679 to be there for them through everything. At the time, 0:06:56.960 --> 0:06:59.320 we were not in a financial situation where I could 0:06:59.360 --> 0:07:02.159 commute that far every day and pay for someone to 0:07:02.200 --> 0:07:05.680 take care of our dog. To me, staying and working 0:07:06.200 --> 0:07:08.440 was how I had to take care of my family. 0:07:09.360 --> 0:07:12.120 They had to have a roof over their head and 0:07:12.480 --> 0:07:14.400 they were out of the hospital. When they were out 0:07:14.400 --> 0:07:16.560 of the hospital. Am I wrong for doing this? How 0:07:16.560 --> 0:07:18.240 do I forgive her for telling me that I'm not 0:07:18.280 --> 0:07:21.160 a good husband. It's been weighing on me for three 0:07:21.320 --> 0:07:24.920 years and she refuses to apologize. I see it as 0:07:24.960 --> 0:07:28.239 my job as the sole provider to provide and ensure 0:07:28.320 --> 0:07:30.560 my family's taking care of. Thanks for your time. Please 0:07:30.640 --> 0:07:34.160 keep this anonymous if you read it on your podcast. Okay, 0:07:34.320 --> 0:07:36.560 I appreciate you, ma'am. Thanks for emailing. I think I 0:07:36.600 --> 0:07:43.160 got your situation. And what's interesting is, hmm, it's interesting 0:07:43.160 --> 0:07:45.840 how these two questions so far in this episode have 0:07:46.160 --> 0:07:49.600 kind of correlated together, because you could almost say that 0:07:49.640 --> 0:07:53.840 the first question I got that said I give and 0:07:53.880 --> 0:07:58.880 give and I get nothing. It's a shorter version of 0:07:58.920 --> 0:08:02.080 what this email was, just a lot more detail and 0:08:02.120 --> 0:08:07.880 a lot longer. This is someone who is expecting something 0:08:08.320 --> 0:08:11.880 out of their love. They're expecting something and not in 0:08:11.920 --> 0:08:15.160 a not in a healthy way. Because of course, of course, listen, y'all, 0:08:15.320 --> 0:08:18.760 don't hear me wrong that when you love, there's there 0:08:18.800 --> 0:08:22.520 is an expectation that, for instance, a spouse in this case, 0:08:22.720 --> 0:08:26.160 there's an expectation that the spouse gives back and loves 0:08:26.200 --> 0:08:30.280 you back. But just because that expectation, a level of 0:08:30.320 --> 0:08:34.400 that expectation is there, doesn't mean that that's why you 0:08:34.520 --> 0:08:37.959 do it, right? Does that make sense? You love not 0:08:38.040 --> 0:08:41.640 expecting anything, but you also know that there is an 0:08:41.679 --> 0:08:44.560 expectation that you'll get it. But that's not why you love. 0:08:44.840 --> 0:08:48.600 You love out of your own grace. That would is unmerited, 0:08:48.880 --> 0:08:51.200 favored you. You have a favor on your wife. You 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:54.040 love your wife. You you're so pleased with your wife. 0:08:54.400 --> 0:08:56.679 You want to give to your wife. When when you 0:08:56.720 --> 0:08:59.560 say your vows, you say until death do us part. 0:08:59.640 --> 0:09:05.200 You say for better or for worse, and sickness and 0:09:05.280 --> 0:09:10.720 in health, you love regardless of what you get out 0:09:10.720 --> 0:09:14.400 of it. That's true love loving your spouse in a 0:09:14.440 --> 0:09:18.319 way that, regardless of what you get out of it, 0:09:19.320 --> 0:09:23.760 how you benefit from it from her, you still give 0:09:23.800 --> 0:09:26.360 it because you love her. That's what you said in 0:09:26.360 --> 0:09:28.439 your vowels. That's what it means to say for better 0:09:28.559 --> 0:09:34.280 or for worse, you love, you give, You're not needing 0:09:34.320 --> 0:09:38.080 anything back. And what's crazy about it is when love 0:09:38.480 --> 0:09:43.120 works in that way, in that selfless way, you do 0:09:43.200 --> 0:09:48.120 get it back. That's the circle, right. It's crazy how 0:09:48.160 --> 0:09:51.880 many episodes we've done and and kind of hit on 0:09:51.920 --> 0:09:55.040 the same thing. It's crazy that of all the questions 0:09:55.160 --> 0:09:58.800 is complex as they get in all the problems. So 0:09:58.840 --> 0:10:05.120 many times it's fi by being selfless, stop worrying about yourself, 0:10:05.280 --> 0:10:08.560 stop needing things for yourself, and you go, but Granger, 0:10:08.640 --> 0:10:12.040 I don't get anything. I say, stop stop being needy, 0:10:12.120 --> 0:10:16.480 stop wanting, stop needing to have yourself filled up by them. 0:10:16.720 --> 0:10:20.480 And it's crazy. Then when you do stop needing it, 0:10:21.280 --> 0:10:26.160 you actually get it. You actually get what you originally wanted, 0:10:26.840 --> 0:10:31.280 just because you started being selfless. And she said, she said, 0:10:31.440 --> 0:10:33.720 what do you need from me? And you say, maybe 0:10:33.840 --> 0:10:36.520 I need nothing from you. I just want to get 0:10:36.520 --> 0:10:38.360 I just want to serve you. I want to be 0:10:38.400 --> 0:10:41.280 here for you. How could I be a better husband 0:10:41.400 --> 0:10:44.160 when she says you were not here for us during 0:10:44.160 --> 0:10:49.640 the pregnancy. Listen, ma'am, it doesn't matter what your story is. 0:10:49.760 --> 0:10:52.200 And I'm not saying I don't believe you, but there 0:10:52.280 --> 0:10:55.360 has to be a shred of truth to that. There 0:10:55.360 --> 0:10:58.240 has to be more than just I needed Hey, Granger, 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:00.480 I was being a good man and I was staying 0:11:00.520 --> 0:11:02.360 at home, earning money and taking care of the dog. 0:11:02.600 --> 0:11:05.640 Now she says I wasn't there. There has to be 0:11:05.760 --> 0:11:09.520 something more, like she has to have seen something that 0:11:09.559 --> 0:11:13.280 I don't know from this email. And so when she says, look, 0:11:13.920 --> 0:11:16.199 you weren't there during the pregnancy, you weren't there during 0:11:16.240 --> 0:11:21.240 the birth, you say, instead of saying I need you, 0:11:21.720 --> 0:11:25.160 I need you to just apologize for this. I'm a 0:11:25.200 --> 0:11:28.000 good man. Instead of that, all that, stop stop that. 0:11:28.120 --> 0:11:33.079 Instead of that, you say, I want to be better 0:11:33.120 --> 0:11:37.160 for you. I don't want to make that mistake again. 0:11:38.800 --> 0:11:42.120 I want to be a better husband. This whole taking 0:11:42.160 --> 0:11:44.720 care of the dog thing, it was wrong, and in 0:11:44.760 --> 0:11:46.640 your mind you might be thinking I thought it was right, 0:11:47.160 --> 0:11:49.040 and you can even say that, look, I thought that 0:11:49.160 --> 0:11:51.600 was her right move at the time, but I know 0:11:51.800 --> 0:11:55.400 now because of how you're reacting to it, that's not 0:11:55.440 --> 0:11:58.760 what you wanted and what I want because I love you, 0:11:59.360 --> 0:12:02.840 what I want to do what you want right. My 0:12:03.000 --> 0:12:08.160 desire is your desire. So tell me, baby, what is it. 0:12:08.160 --> 0:12:13.200 It's crazy If you take that approach, I guarantee you 0:12:13.280 --> 0:12:16.040 things will start turning around. Maybe not right at the beginning, 0:12:16.720 --> 0:12:20.040 but slowly you start breaking down those walls with that. 0:12:21.720 --> 0:12:24.400 She says, let's look at your email again, and said 0:12:24.720 --> 0:12:27.120 it's been this is your words. It's been weighing on 0:12:27.200 --> 0:12:30.360 me for three years. And she refuses to apologize. You 0:12:30.400 --> 0:12:33.640 see how self serving that is. You see how self 0:12:33.679 --> 0:12:38.720 seeking that is. There's nothing self less about it. You say, 0:12:38.840 --> 0:12:40.800 how do I forgive her for telling me that I'm 0:12:40.840 --> 0:12:42.920 not a good husband. It's been weighing on me for 0:12:42.960 --> 0:12:45.560 three years? And she refuses. Dude, I get that this 0:12:45.640 --> 0:12:48.719 is hard, and I'm not here on this podcast to 0:12:48.760 --> 0:12:52.000 like coddle you. I'm not here to say, buddy, man, 0:12:52.080 --> 0:12:55.280 that sucks. Man. She must be she must be a 0:12:55.320 --> 0:12:58.760 bad woman. Man. You deserve bad bro, You're working hard, 0:12:58.840 --> 0:13:00.560 you deserve You want me to say that I'm not. 0:13:00.880 --> 0:13:02.800 That's not what this Maybe there's an there's probably another 0:13:02.840 --> 0:13:06.080 podcast that does that. But on this podcast, I'm gonna 0:13:06.080 --> 0:13:09.880 say stop it, man, that sounds self serving. Flip it around. 0:13:10.080 --> 0:13:12.600 Even though your mind says no or your heart says no, 0:13:13.000 --> 0:13:16.319 you go in and go. Baby. I want to tell 0:13:16.360 --> 0:13:19.360 you something. Could I sit down with you? This has 0:13:19.400 --> 0:13:22.560 been three years now, I've been carrying around this burden. 0:13:22.920 --> 0:13:25.719 I've been carrying this around because three years ago, when 0:13:25.760 --> 0:13:28.440 we had this baby, you said I wasn't there for 0:13:28.559 --> 0:13:30.600 you said I wasn't a good husband. And I've been 0:13:30.640 --> 0:13:33.880 carrying because that, because that hurt me, because I want 0:13:33.920 --> 0:13:36.480 to please you, because I want to be a good husband. 0:13:37.520 --> 0:13:40.040 I've been carrying that around. And Baby, I don't I 0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:42.320 don't need. I don't need an apology. That's not what 0:13:42.360 --> 0:13:45.320 I'm asking for. I don't need an attitude adjustment from you. 0:13:45.400 --> 0:13:48.760 I'm not asking for that, certainly. What I want is 0:13:48.800 --> 0:13:50.920 I want to know, right here today, how I could 0:13:50.960 --> 0:13:53.880 turn this around. And I know, Baby, I know it 0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:56.000 takes a long time to earn it, and I know 0:13:56.120 --> 0:13:58.040 I know trust is earned, and I got to build 0:13:58.120 --> 0:14:00.960 this up and I'm ready to begin. That's the first step. 0:14:01.600 --> 0:14:04.880 I'm here to learn. I'm here to know what you need, 0:14:04.920 --> 0:14:06.720 how I could serve you as a husband. Have Do 0:14:06.800 --> 0:14:12.440 I do that? But do you try that? You try 0:14:12.480 --> 0:14:14.600 that and see what happens. A sponsor of this podcast 0:14:14.600 --> 0:14:18.040 today is Shopify, and we've been using Shopify at ee 0:14:18.040 --> 0:14:22.440 Apparel at EEE dot com, at grangersmith dot com, for 0:14:22.520 --> 0:14:24.680 a long time, as long as I could remember, at 0:14:24.760 --> 0:14:27.320 least ten years. I don't remember when we first signed 0:14:27.360 --> 0:14:30.360 on with them. But if you want to grow your business, 0:14:30.360 --> 0:14:33.440 your e commerce business, listen. This is what we've done 0:14:33.480 --> 0:14:37.040 with Ye Apparel since it started in twenty eleven, and 0:14:37.120 --> 0:14:39.960 since grangersmith dot com started before that and we were 0:14:40.000 --> 0:14:42.080 trying to sell t shirts on there. I guess you 0:14:42.080 --> 0:14:44.560 could say, if you have bought something from Ye Apparel 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:47.960 or grangersmith dot Com in the last decade and a half, 0:14:48.360 --> 0:14:51.440 you went through Shopify. That's our merchant. Shopify is the 0:14:51.480 --> 0:14:55.640 global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage 0:14:55.680 --> 0:14:58.840 of your business, big or small, from the launch your 0:14:58.880 --> 0:15:03.200 own online show to the first real life store stage, 0:15:03.480 --> 0:15:05.240 all the way to the did we just hit a 0:15:05.240 --> 0:15:08.040 million orders stage? Yeah. Shopify is there to help you 0:15:08.120 --> 0:15:10.520 grow through all of that. It doesn't matter if you're 0:15:10.560 --> 0:15:14.600 selling scented soap or if you're selling camo hoodies like 0:15:14.640 --> 0:15:18.080 we do at Iege Apparel. Shopify helps you sell everywhere, 0:15:18.160 --> 0:15:21.120 from their all in one e commerce platform all the 0:15:21.160 --> 0:15:24.800 way to their in person pos system. Wherever and whatever 0:15:24.840 --> 0:15:28.200 you're selling, Shopify has got you covered. Shopify helps you 0:15:28.480 --> 0:15:32.600 turn browsers into buyers with the internet's best converting check 0:15:32.640 --> 0:15:36.160 out thirty six percent better on average compared to other 0:15:36.280 --> 0:15:39.600 leading commerce platforms. You could sell more too, with less 0:15:39.680 --> 0:15:43.800 effort thanks to the Shopify magic, your AI powered all Star. 0:15:44.160 --> 0:15:46.800 You know, we just launched a brand new grangersmith dot com. 0:15:46.800 --> 0:15:49.360 We got a completely new facelift that we haven't done 0:15:49.360 --> 0:15:51.440 that in a long long time. And when we were 0:15:51.480 --> 0:15:53.680 looking for an e commerce platform, It's like, why would 0:15:53.720 --> 0:15:57.640 we go to anyone else but Shopify. They have been 0:15:57.680 --> 0:16:00.240 there since the beginning. They have been the platform we 0:16:00.360 --> 0:16:02.400 used in the very beginning when Amber and I were 0:16:02.400 --> 0:16:05.560 selling t shirts out of our kitchen cabinet all the 0:16:05.560 --> 0:16:08.760 way down to the ee farm. So of course Shopify 0:16:08.920 --> 0:16:11.720 continues to be our choice, just like it powers ten 0:16:11.760 --> 0:16:15.200 percent of all e commerce in the entire United States, 0:16:15.400 --> 0:16:19.560 and Shopify is the global force behind all birds. Rothys 0:16:19.560 --> 0:16:23.200 and Brooklyn and millions of other entrepreneurs of every single 0:16:23.280 --> 0:16:25.680 size across one hundred and seventy five country said, this 0:16:25.800 --> 0:16:28.960 is you. You're thinking about going into e commerce, check in 0:16:28.960 --> 0:16:32.160 to Spotify plus Spotify as award winning help is there 0:16:32.200 --> 0:16:35.480 to support you in every bit of your success, every 0:16:35.480 --> 0:16:37.680 step of the way. If you have any questions. They 0:16:37.720 --> 0:16:41.960 are there for you because businesses that grow grow with Shopify. 0:16:42.320 --> 0:16:44.800 Sign up for a one dollar per month trial period 0:16:44.840 --> 0:16:48.280 at shopify dot com slash granger all lowercase. Go to 0:16:48.360 --> 0:16:52.000 shopify dot com slash granger right now to grow your business, 0:16:52.040 --> 0:16:55.800 no matter what stage that you're in Shopify dot com 0:16:55.800 --> 0:17:03.480 slash granger. Next question, here it says, well, the subject 0:17:03.520 --> 0:17:07.159 line says bullying, but then I don't think that's what 0:17:07.200 --> 0:17:09.400 the email says at all. The email says, Hey, Granger, 0:17:09.720 --> 0:17:11.720 how do I know if the career I am in 0:17:11.960 --> 0:17:15.520 is right? Is the right career for me? I don't 0:17:15.560 --> 0:17:18.399 know why the subject line says bullying, but that's what 0:17:18.520 --> 0:17:21.439 it says. The email literally says, how do I know 0:17:21.480 --> 0:17:24.280 if the career I'm in is the right career for me? 0:17:24.400 --> 0:17:26.919 That's it. This is the episode of the short the 0:17:27.000 --> 0:17:32.160 one liners. Okay, so once again here we go. No context, 0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:34.119 that's okay. I don't need context. That's not what this 0:17:34.160 --> 0:17:35.639 is about. I'm not like, hey, give me all the 0:17:35.680 --> 0:17:39.680 details you can. That wouldn't work. So I'm going by 0:17:40.640 --> 0:17:44.960 just what I know, which is you're having doubts about 0:17:44.960 --> 0:17:50.280 your career. Okay, going by just that how do I 0:17:50.359 --> 0:17:52.240 know if the career I'm in is right for me? 0:17:52.320 --> 0:17:54.600 It's I'd say, you make a list and you get 0:17:54.720 --> 0:18:00.679 you get some details down one. Are you paying the bills? Okay? 0:18:00.840 --> 0:18:03.400 Are you not paying the bills? Is it not enough 0:18:03.400 --> 0:18:05.280 to pay the bills? I don't think it's the right 0:18:05.280 --> 0:18:09.479 career for you. Done? Are you just getting by? You're 0:18:09.520 --> 0:18:14.159 barely paying the bills? Okay? Then you say, okay, do 0:18:14.240 --> 0:18:18.679 I love it? Do I absolutely passionately love it? Let 0:18:18.720 --> 0:18:22.399 me say nah, I don't. Okay, then it's not the 0:18:22.480 --> 0:18:24.600 right career for you. If it's barely paying the bills, 0:18:24.880 --> 0:18:27.200 just barely, and you don't love it, it's not the 0:18:27.280 --> 0:18:30.399 right career for you. So then we move on. We go, okay, 0:18:30.640 --> 0:18:33.480 now you're you're not only paying the bills, but you're 0:18:33.480 --> 0:18:37.480 making a little extra. And then I say do you 0:18:37.640 --> 0:18:42.919 absolutely love it? And you go, no, I don't. I 0:18:42.920 --> 0:18:46.800 don't think I do. I just I just I'm getting by, 0:18:47.119 --> 0:18:49.119 Like it's okay, it pays the bills and get a 0:18:49.119 --> 0:18:52.000 little extra and that's it. Then I say, okay, let's 0:18:52.040 --> 0:18:55.080 not trash this, but this is a good holding career. 0:18:55.240 --> 0:18:56.800 This is a good career that we just kind of 0:18:56.840 --> 0:18:59.680 wrap up and we just do we do out of 0:18:59.720 --> 0:19:04.080 loyal because this is this is what we're supposed to do. 0:19:04.119 --> 0:19:05.639 We need to get out, we need to work with 0:19:05.680 --> 0:19:07.800 our hands, and we need to make a living. We 0:19:07.800 --> 0:19:09.560 need to pay the bills, put a little bit in 0:19:09.560 --> 0:19:11.240 the bank, which is what this career is doing. You 0:19:11.280 --> 0:19:13.840 don't love it, that's okay, but you could hold on 0:19:13.920 --> 0:19:16.800 to it. You could hold on to it and right 0:19:16.840 --> 0:19:19.960 now now you could start taking a few maybe classes, 0:19:20.040 --> 0:19:23.160 maybe going to that that that tech school a little bit. 0:19:23.880 --> 0:19:27.160 Maybe maybe you're getting that CDL you're working on. Maybe 0:19:27.200 --> 0:19:29.199 you're working on a pilot's license down here at the 0:19:29.200 --> 0:19:34.760 local airport. You're you're trying some new things. You're interning 0:19:34.800 --> 0:19:38.359 somewhere maybe at night, right, so you're trying a couple 0:19:38.400 --> 0:19:41.320 other things. You're building your skill set. I've heard it 0:19:41.320 --> 0:19:44.480 said like you need all the tools you can get. 0:19:45.560 --> 0:19:46.840 You still got to get out of the cave and 0:19:46.880 --> 0:19:48.880 go make your kill, but you need to start collecting 0:19:48.920 --> 0:19:51.560 your tools. And your tools are what you know in 0:19:51.600 --> 0:19:55.199 your mind. Right And that's that's your CDL, that's your 0:19:55.200 --> 0:19:59.399 Police Academy degree, that's your fire school, that's your tech school. 0:19:59.640 --> 0:20:04.480 That's undergrad college. Maybe that is uh, that's that's all 0:20:04.520 --> 0:20:07.879 these things that you're building, tools that are giving you options. 0:20:08.240 --> 0:20:13.240 Welding school, plumbing school, there's giving you options to grow 0:20:13.520 --> 0:20:15.480 and go. Man. You know what, you know what I've 0:20:15.520 --> 0:20:19.560 always wanted to do, Granger. I've always wanted to go 0:20:19.640 --> 0:20:25.480 to Alaska and fly floatplanes for hunters. Get contracts, take 0:20:25.480 --> 0:20:27.800 them out here, take them out, drop them off, go 0:20:27.880 --> 0:20:29.800 get this hunter. I mean, I know that, Granger, I 0:20:29.800 --> 0:20:31.359 know that's a crazy dream, but I've always wanted to 0:20:31.400 --> 0:20:33.879 do that. I say, okay, we'll go down to your 0:20:33.880 --> 0:20:38.360 local airport here and start pilot's license to start your lessons. 0:20:38.880 --> 0:20:40.960 If you can't afford it, just do a little bit. 0:20:41.240 --> 0:20:42.919 You're making a little extra with this job, right, so 0:20:43.119 --> 0:20:46.720 you're building something towards that. Let's move on to the 0:20:46.720 --> 0:20:50.960 next scenario. You're making a lot of money, a lot 0:20:50.960 --> 0:20:53.679 of money at this job, and you don't like it. 0:20:53.720 --> 0:20:57.640 You hate it, you hate it. I say, if you're 0:20:57.680 --> 0:21:00.000 making a lot of money and you've you've been able 0:21:00.200 --> 0:21:03.399 to put a little bit aside, then jump out of it. 0:21:04.320 --> 0:21:06.439 Live on what you have. If you have three months 0:21:06.480 --> 0:21:10.680 worth of income put aside and you hate this job, 0:21:10.960 --> 0:21:16.160 it's tearing you apart mentally, physically, emotionally. You're drained. Now. 0:21:16.160 --> 0:21:18.200 You're in a place where you might not be good 0:21:18.240 --> 0:21:20.159 for the next job or the next interview. You're certainly 0:21:20.160 --> 0:21:22.520 not good to be taken any of these tech school 0:21:22.600 --> 0:21:25.240 classes because you just you're so drained because you hate 0:21:25.240 --> 0:21:26.679 the job. Now, I say, get out. It's not their 0:21:26.720 --> 0:21:29.400 right career for you. Get out right now, and let's 0:21:29.440 --> 0:21:31.520 live on that nest egg a little bit. You got 0:21:31.520 --> 0:21:33.920 three months to jump into something else. Maybe you jump 0:21:33.960 --> 0:21:37.040 into another job that's like equal pay to your bills, 0:21:37.640 --> 0:21:40.080 and you're just kind of in this holding pattern, you 0:21:40.119 --> 0:21:43.520 see what I mean. So what I'm doing, I don't 0:21:43.560 --> 0:21:45.640 have any notes in front of me, and I've never 0:21:45.680 --> 0:21:48.760 thought about this kind of specific scenario. But all I'm 0:21:48.800 --> 0:21:50.880 trying to get you to do in this podcast right 0:21:50.880 --> 0:21:56.240 now is think through it, logically, think through scenarios, write 0:21:56.280 --> 0:21:59.680 things down. It's gonna be about passion for it, love 0:21:59.720 --> 0:22:03.840 for and are you paying the bills? Okay? Is there 0:22:03.880 --> 0:22:07.080 someone at your job you absolutely hate? You hate your boss. 0:22:07.320 --> 0:22:09.520 You can't even stand to see his face. It just 0:22:09.560 --> 0:22:13.280 brings you down. You got a little extra cash, get out, 0:22:13.800 --> 0:22:16.480 you don't have extra cash, suck it up. Be looking 0:22:16.480 --> 0:22:20.040 for something else in the meantime. Right. So, I'm not 0:22:20.119 --> 0:22:22.439 telling you yes or no, because I don't even know 0:22:22.600 --> 0:22:24.560 through the context. But what I am telling you is, 0:22:25.080 --> 0:22:28.280 use some logic, use some ration. People, that's all we 0:22:28.320 --> 0:22:33.160 gotta do. Use our minds and start unpacking this. Right 0:22:34.440 --> 0:22:36.920 Get off of Instagram, get off of TikTok. Right now. 0:22:37.440 --> 0:22:39.840 You don't have time to play PS five. Right now, 0:22:41.119 --> 0:22:43.280 we've got to work on this thing. We got to 0:22:43.320 --> 0:22:50.520 get our pen and paper and work this out. Next question, 0:22:51.240 --> 0:22:55.440 subject Clin says, help my dad believe? Hey Granger, my 0:22:55.560 --> 0:22:58.199 name is Caleb. I'm eighteen years old. My parents are 0:22:58.200 --> 0:23:01.440 both believers, and I've been in church my whole life. 0:23:01.880 --> 0:23:04.200 My question is how do I help my dad believe 0:23:04.359 --> 0:23:07.439 in heaven? When he says, how does a rapist or 0:23:07.520 --> 0:23:10.600 murder or death row get saved in the death chair 0:23:11.680 --> 0:23:16.399 and we as Christians have to try to live a 0:23:16.440 --> 0:23:19.800 perfect life to get to heaven. Also, how do I 0:23:19.840 --> 0:23:21.640 honor my dad but also try to tell him when 0:23:21.640 --> 0:23:25.840 he is wrong about religion? Okay, all right, Caleb, so 0:23:26.040 --> 0:23:28.880 let me kind of help let me unpack this for myself. 0:23:29.760 --> 0:23:34.760 Eighteen you say, my parents are both believers. But that's 0:23:34.800 --> 0:23:40.439 then going against what's happening in the email. So it 0:23:40.480 --> 0:23:45.520