Speaker 1: And I don't think you have that yet. I don't
Speaker 1: think you've shifted that way. I don't think you've looked
Speaker 1: at love as self less. Hey, everybody, welcome back to
Speaker 1: the podcast. Thank you for listening. Wherever you're coming from,
Speaker 1: I appreciate you. This is one of my favorite things
Speaker 1: to do, to go through your questions and just walk
Speaker 1: through them. It takes really no preparation on my end.
Speaker 1: I'm literally just coming in here and opening up these
Speaker 1: emails and walking through them with no notes or quotes
Speaker 1: in front of me. As if we're just two friends
Speaker 1: riding in the truck and you say, hey, man, can
Speaker 1: I run something by you? And I talked through it.
Speaker 1: That means that I'm not always right, you know. I'm
Speaker 1: just giving you the best advice that I would give
Speaker 1: a friend. And sometimes it's just like a knee jerk response,
Speaker 1: right because I'm not always Sometimes I'm not always thinking
Speaker 1: it all the way through. I'm just like, hey, there's
Speaker 1: my first here's my first response, so take it as
Speaker 1: you will. The email for this is podcast at grangersmith
Speaker 1: dot com. This is a new email that used to
Speaker 1: what it used to be, so podcast at grangersmith dot com.
Speaker 1: It's a new email. Shoot me over an email and
Speaker 1: try to make it about a phone link long. If
Speaker 1: you make it too long, it gets more difficult to
Speaker 1: read on the podcast. But let's jump right into these
Speaker 1: and there is there's no rhyme or reason today to
Speaker 1: what we're going to do. Okay, first question says help
Speaker 1: subject line, and the email says, I'm fifty eight years
Speaker 1: old and no one loves me. I give and give,
Speaker 1: but no one helps me when I need it. That's
Speaker 1: the end of the email. It says sent from my iPad.
Speaker 1: So we've got an anonymous emailer here and fifty eight
Speaker 1: years old, and there's just one simple plea. It says,
Speaker 1: I give and I give, but no one helps me
Speaker 1: when I need it. No one loves me. It's so
Speaker 1: interesting if we if we if we take something so
Speaker 1: simple without knowing any context, without knowing this person, without
Speaker 1: knowing their situation or their story, or maybe what has
Speaker 1: triggered this, maybe something that has happened recently, or maybe
Speaker 1: this is something that's been going on over and over
Speaker 1: and over. It's interesting that we can take a lot
Speaker 1: from just these two sentences. Right, So, without context, without
Speaker 1: knowing this person, I would say you you think you're
Speaker 1: thinking that love requires reciprocation. Okay, you say no one
Speaker 1: loves me period. Or you could say because I give
Speaker 1: and give, but no one helps me when I need it.
Speaker 1: So you're saying to qualify someone to love you, they
Speaker 1: must help you when you need them or when you
Speaker 1: need help. Okay. It's interesting because when you say I
Speaker 1: give and give, it's almost is once again no context here,
Speaker 1: it's almost if you give and give and expect help
Speaker 1: and return. That's not strange that you expect that, right
Speaker 1: that that would be normal to think I'm paying in
Speaker 1: so that I can get paid back. But that's not love.
Speaker 1: That's what's crazy. If we think about it just from
Speaker 1: these two sentences. Love is never self searching, self desiring,
Speaker 1: self needing, self replenishing. It's always outward. It's not anything
Speaker 1: that you get back. So if you are not speaking
Speaker 1: about them, if you are loving and expecting something back,
Speaker 1: then I would question is that love? Once again no
Speaker 1: context here. So I don't know your story, but it's
Speaker 1: interesting to think of it in that way. What if
Speaker 1: you went with the mindset of hey, I'm gonna whoever
Speaker 1: this person is, Hey, brother, I'm gonna help you out.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be there for you. I'm gonna listen to you.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna i'm gonna learn your love language. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: bring you a gift. I'm gonna give you acts of service.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna give you words of affirmation. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna I'm gonna be here just to sit with you
Speaker 1: in empathy. And by the way, I don't need anything
Speaker 1: from you, nothing, nothing, I don't need. I don't need
Speaker 1: you to reciprocate any of this. I just as gratitude
Speaker 1: of my love for you. I'm just I'm just giving
Speaker 1: you this unmerited favor. This is my grace towards you. Right.
Speaker 1: I wonder if that kind of mind shift changes things,
Speaker 1: and it might not. I mean, you might just be
Speaker 1: around the wrong people. But no one is unlovable. Let's
Speaker 1: put it that way. You are not unlovable. There's no way.
Speaker 1: There's no human on this planet that is unlovable. Now,
Speaker 1: sometimes it takes that switch, that that mind switch, that shift,
Speaker 1: and I don't think you have that yet. I don't
Speaker 1: think you've shifted that way. I don't think you've looked
Speaker 1: at love as self less. I think you're looking at
Speaker 1: it as you're needing. You're needing, You're needing. I'm giving,
Speaker 1: I'm giving, Granger, I'm giving, but I'm not getting anything.
Speaker 1: I go, oh, that's not love. That's not love because
Speaker 1: it doesn't require anything in return. That's interesting, right. I
Speaker 1: hope this helps you. Just two sentences, but pretty deep here.
Speaker 1: Next question, it says grandma in law. That's the subject line.
Speaker 1: Three years ago, it says when my youngest son was born,
Speaker 1: my wife's grandma called me. This was after he was
Speaker 1: born nine weeks premature and was spending time in the NICU,
Speaker 1: which turned out to be a six week stay. During
Speaker 1: this time, I had to stay at home, an hour
Speaker 1: away from the hospital, to work and take care of
Speaker 1: the dog. My wife was staying with her parents and
Speaker 1: our oldest son. I had two weeks of paternity leave
Speaker 1: that I used when he was born and another one
Speaker 1: when he came. The issue arose when she called me
Speaker 1: and told me that I was not being a man
Speaker 1: and taking care of my family. She said I needed
Speaker 1: to be there for them through everything. At the time,
Speaker 1: we were not in a financial situation where I could
Speaker 1: commute that far every day and pay for someone to
Speaker 1: take care of our dog. To me, staying and working
Speaker 1: was how I had to take care of my family.
Speaker 1: They had to have a roof over their head and
Speaker 1: they were out of the hospital. When they were out
Speaker 1: of the hospital. Am I wrong for doing this? How
Speaker 1: do I forgive her for telling me that I'm not
Speaker 1: a good husband. It's been weighing on me for three
Speaker 1: years and she refuses to apologize. I see it as
Speaker 1: my job as the sole provider to provide and ensure
Speaker 1: my family's taking care of. Thanks for your time. Please
Speaker 1: keep this anonymous if you read it on your podcast. Okay,
Speaker 1: I appreciate you, ma'am. Thanks for emailing. I think I
Speaker 1: got your situation. And what's interesting is, hmm, it's interesting
Speaker 1: how these two questions so far in this episode have
Speaker 1: kind of correlated together, because you could almost say that
Speaker 1: the first question I got that said I give and
Speaker 1: give and I get nothing. It's a shorter version of
Speaker 1: what this email was, just a lot more detail and
Speaker 1: a lot longer. This is someone who is expecting something
Speaker 1: out of their love. They're expecting something and not in
Speaker 1: a not in a healthy way. Because of course, of course, listen, y'all,
Speaker 1: don't hear me wrong that when you love, there's there
Speaker 1: is an expectation that, for instance, a spouse in this case,
Speaker 1: there's an expectation that the spouse gives back and loves
Speaker 1: you back. But just because that expectation, a level of
Speaker 1: that expectation is there, doesn't mean that that's why you
Speaker 1: do it, right? Does that make sense? You love not
Speaker 1: expecting anything, but you also know that there is an
Speaker 1: expectation that you'll get it. But that's not why you love.
Speaker 1: You love out of your own grace. That would is unmerited,
Speaker 1: favored you. You have a favor on your wife. You
Speaker 1: love your wife. You you're so pleased with your wife.
Speaker 1: You want to give to your wife. When when you
Speaker 1: say your vows, you say until death do us part.
Speaker 1: You say for better or for worse, and sickness and
Speaker 1: in health, you love regardless of what you get out
Speaker 1: of it. That's true love loving your spouse in a
Speaker 1: way that, regardless of what you get out of it,
Speaker 1: how you benefit from it from her, you still give
Speaker 1: it because you love her. That's what you said in
Speaker 1: your vowels. That's what it means to say for better
Speaker 1: or for worse, you love, you give, You're not needing
Speaker 1: anything back. And what's crazy about it is when love
Speaker 1: works in that way, in that selfless way, you do
Speaker 1: get it back. That's the circle, right. It's crazy how
Speaker 1: many episodes we've done and and kind of hit on
Speaker 1: the same thing. It's crazy that of all the questions
Speaker 1: is complex as they get in all the problems. So
Speaker 1: many times it's fi by being selfless, stop worrying about yourself,
Speaker 1: stop needing things for yourself, and you go, but Granger,
Speaker 1: I don't get anything. I say, stop stop being needy,
Speaker 1: stop wanting, stop needing to have yourself filled up by them.
Speaker 1: And it's crazy. Then when you do stop needing it,
Speaker 1: you actually get it. You actually get what you originally wanted,
Speaker 1: just because you started being selfless. And she said, she said,
Speaker 1: what do you need from me? And you say, maybe
Speaker 1: I need nothing from you. I just want to get
Speaker 1: I just want to serve you. I want to be
Speaker 1: here for you. How could I be a better husband
Speaker 1: when she says you were not here for us during
Speaker 1: the pregnancy. Listen, ma'am, it doesn't matter what your story is.
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying I don't believe you, but there
Speaker 1: has to be a shred of truth to that. There
Speaker 1: has to be more than just I needed Hey, Granger,
Speaker 1: I was being a good man and I was staying
Speaker 1: at home, earning money and taking care of the dog.
Speaker 1: Now she says I wasn't there. There has to be
Speaker 1: something more, like she has to have seen something that
Speaker 1: I don't know from this email. And so when she says, look,
Speaker 1: you weren't there during the pregnancy, you weren't there during
Speaker 1: the birth, you say, instead of saying I need you,
Speaker 1: I need you to just apologize for this. I'm a
Speaker 1: good man. Instead of that, all that, stop stop that.
Speaker 1: Instead of that, you say, I want to be better
Speaker 1: for you. I don't want to make that mistake again.
Speaker 1: I want to be a better husband. This whole taking
Speaker 1: care of the dog thing, it was wrong, and in
Speaker 1: your mind you might be thinking I thought it was right,
Speaker 1: and you can even say that, look, I thought that
Speaker 1: was her right move at the time, but I know
Speaker 1: now because of how you're reacting to it, that's not
Speaker 1: what you wanted and what I want because I love you,
Speaker 1: what I want to do what you want right. My
Speaker 1: desire is your desire. So tell me, baby, what is it.
Speaker 1: It's crazy If you take that approach, I guarantee you
Speaker 1: things will start turning around. Maybe not right at the beginning,
Speaker 1: but slowly you start breaking down those walls with that.
Speaker 1: She says, let's look at your email again, and said
Speaker 1: it's been this is your words. It's been weighing on
Speaker 1: me for three years. And she refuses to apologize. You
Speaker 1: see how self serving that is. You see how self
Speaker 1: seeking that is. There's nothing self less about it. You say,
Speaker 1: how do I forgive her for telling me that I'm
Speaker 1: not a good husband. It's been weighing on me for
Speaker 1: three years? And she refuses. Dude, I get that this
Speaker 1: is hard, and I'm not here on this podcast to
Speaker 1: like coddle you. I'm not here to say, buddy, man,
Speaker 1: that sucks. Man. She must be she must be a
Speaker 1: bad woman. Man. You deserve bad bro, You're working hard,
Speaker 1: you deserve You want me to say that I'm not.
Speaker 1: That's not what this Maybe there's an there's probably another
Speaker 1: podcast that does that. But on this podcast, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: say stop it, man, that sounds self serving. Flip it around.
Speaker 1: Even though your mind says no or your heart says no,
Speaker 1: you go in and go. Baby. I want to tell
Speaker 1: you something. Could I sit down with you? This has
Speaker 1: been three years now, I've been carrying around this burden.
Speaker 1: I've been carrying this around because three years ago, when
Speaker 1: we had this baby, you said I wasn't there for
Speaker 1: you said I wasn't a good husband. And I've been
Speaker 1: carrying because that, because that hurt me, because I want
Speaker 1: to please you, because I want to be a good husband.
Speaker 1: I've been carrying that around. And Baby, I don't I
Speaker 1: don't need. I don't need an apology. That's not what
Speaker 1: I'm asking for. I don't need an attitude adjustment from you.
Speaker 1: I'm not asking for that, certainly. What I want is
Speaker 1: I want to know, right here today, how I could
Speaker 1: turn this around. And I know, Baby, I know it
Speaker 1: takes a long time to earn it, and I know
Speaker 1: I know trust is earned, and I got to build
Speaker 1: this up and I'm ready to begin. That's the first step.
Speaker 1: I'm here to learn. I'm here to know what you need,
Speaker 1: how I could serve you as a husband. Have Do
Speaker 1: I do that? But do you try that? You try
Speaker 1: that and see what happens. A sponsor of this podcast
Speaker 1: today is Shopify, and we've been using Shopify at ee
Speaker 1: Apparel at EEE dot com, at grangersmith dot com, for
Speaker 1: a long time, as long as I could remember, at
Speaker 1: least ten years. I don't remember when we first signed
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Speaker 1: no matter what stage that you're in Shopify dot com
Speaker 1: slash granger. Next question, here it says, well, the subject
Speaker 1: line says bullying, but then I don't think that's what
Speaker 1: the email says at all. The email says, Hey, Granger,
Speaker 1: how do I know if the career I am in
Speaker 1: is right? Is the right career for me? I don't
Speaker 1: know why the subject line says bullying, but that's what
Speaker 1: it says. The email literally says, how do I know
Speaker 1: if the career I'm in is the right career for me?
Speaker 1: That's it. This is the episode of the short the
Speaker 1: one liners. Okay, so once again here we go. No context,
Speaker 1: that's okay. I don't need context. That's not what this
Speaker 1: is about. I'm not like, hey, give me all the
Speaker 1: details you can. That wouldn't work. So I'm going by
Speaker 1: just what I know, which is you're having doubts about
Speaker 1: your career. Okay, going by just that how do I
Speaker 1: know if the career I'm in is right for me?
Speaker 1: It's I'd say, you make a list and you get
Speaker 1: you get some details down one. Are you paying the bills? Okay?
Speaker 1: Are you not paying the bills? Is it not enough
Speaker 1: to pay the bills? I don't think it's the right
Speaker 1: career for you. Done? Are you just getting by? You're
Speaker 1: barely paying the bills? Okay? Then you say, okay, do
Speaker 1: I love it? Do I absolutely passionately love it? Let
Speaker 1: me say nah, I don't. Okay, then it's not the
Speaker 1: right career for you. If it's barely paying the bills,
Speaker 1: just barely, and you don't love it, it's not the
Speaker 1: right career for you. So then we move on. We go, okay,
Speaker 1: now you're you're not only paying the bills, but you're
Speaker 1: making a little extra. And then I say do you
Speaker 1: absolutely love it? And you go, no, I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't think I do. I just I just I'm getting by,
Speaker 1: Like it's okay, it pays the bills and get a
Speaker 1: little extra and that's it. Then I say, okay, let's
Speaker 1: not trash this, but this is a good holding career.
Speaker 1: This is a good career that we just kind of
Speaker 1: wrap up and we just do we do out of
Speaker 1: loyal because this is this is what we're supposed to do.
Speaker 1: We need to get out, we need to work with
Speaker 1: our hands, and we need to make a living. We
Speaker 1: need to pay the bills, put a little bit in
Speaker 1: the bank, which is what this career is doing. You
Speaker 1: don't love it, that's okay, but you could hold on
Speaker 1: to it. You could hold on to it and right
Speaker 1: now now you could start taking a few maybe classes,
Speaker 1: maybe going to that that that tech school a little bit.
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe you're getting that CDL you're working on. Maybe
Speaker 1: you're working on a pilot's license down here at the
Speaker 1: local airport. You're you're trying some new things. You're interning
Speaker 1: somewhere maybe at night, right, so you're trying a couple
Speaker 1: other things. You're building your skill set. I've heard it
Speaker 1: said like you need all the tools you can get.
Speaker 1: You still got to get out of the cave and
Speaker 1: go make your kill, but you need to start collecting
Speaker 1: your tools. And your tools are what you know in
Speaker 1: your mind. Right And that's that's your CDL, that's your
Speaker 1: Police Academy degree, that's your fire school, that's your tech school.
Speaker 1: That's undergrad college. Maybe that is uh, that's that's all
Speaker 1: these things that you're building, tools that are giving you options.
Speaker 1: Welding school, plumbing school, there's giving you options to grow
Speaker 1: and go. Man. You know what, you know what I've
Speaker 1: always wanted to do, Granger. I've always wanted to go
Speaker 1: to Alaska and fly floatplanes for hunters. Get contracts, take
Speaker 1: them out here, take them out, drop them off, go
Speaker 1: get this hunter. I mean, I know that, Granger, I
Speaker 1: know that's a crazy dream, but I've always wanted to
Speaker 1: do that. I say, okay, we'll go down to your
Speaker 1: local airport here and start pilot's license to start your lessons.
Speaker 1: If you can't afford it, just do a little bit.
Speaker 1: You're making a little extra with this job, right, so
Speaker 1: you're building something towards that. Let's move on to the
Speaker 1: next scenario. You're making a lot of money, a lot
Speaker 1: of money at this job, and you don't like it.
Speaker 1: You hate it, you hate it. I say, if you're
Speaker 1: making a lot of money and you've you've been able
Speaker 1: to put a little bit aside, then jump out of it.
Speaker 1: Live on what you have. If you have three months
Speaker 1: worth of income put aside and you hate this job,
Speaker 1: it's tearing you apart mentally, physically, emotionally. You're drained. Now.
Speaker 1: You're in a place where you might not be good
Speaker 1: for the next job or the next interview. You're certainly
Speaker 1: not good to be taken any of these tech school
Speaker 1: classes because you just you're so drained because you hate
Speaker 1: the job. Now, I say, get out. It's not their
Speaker 1: right career for you. Get out right now, and let's
Speaker 1: live on that nest egg a little bit. You got
Speaker 1: three months to jump into something else. Maybe you jump
Speaker 1: into another job that's like equal pay to your bills,
Speaker 1: and you're just kind of in this holding pattern, you
Speaker 1: see what I mean. So what I'm doing, I don't
Speaker 1: have any notes in front of me, and I've never
Speaker 1: thought about this kind of specific scenario. But all I'm
Speaker 1: trying to get you to do in this podcast right
Speaker 1: now is think through it, logically, think through scenarios, write
Speaker 1: things down. It's gonna be about passion for it, love
Speaker 1: for and are you paying the bills? Okay? Is there
Speaker 1: someone at your job you absolutely hate? You hate your boss.
Speaker 1: You can't even stand to see his face. It just
Speaker 1: brings you down. You got a little extra cash, get out,
Speaker 1: you don't have extra cash, suck it up. Be looking
Speaker 1: for something else in the meantime. Right. So, I'm not
Speaker 1: telling you yes or no, because I don't even know
Speaker 1: through the context. But what I am telling you is,
Speaker 1: use some logic, use some ration. People, that's all we
Speaker 1: gotta do. Use our minds and start unpacking this. Right
Speaker 1: Get off of Instagram, get off of TikTok. Right now.
Speaker 1: You don't have time to play PS five. Right now,
Speaker 1: we've got to work on this thing. We got to
Speaker 1: get our pen and paper and work this out. Next question,
Speaker 1: subject Clin says, help my dad believe? Hey Granger, my
Speaker 1: name is Caleb. I'm eighteen years old. My parents are
Speaker 1: both believers, and I've been in church my whole life.
Speaker 1: My question is how do I help my dad believe
Speaker 1: in heaven? When he says, how does a rapist or
Speaker 1: murder or death row get saved in the death chair
Speaker 1: and we as Christians have to try to live a
Speaker 1: perfect life to get to heaven. Also, how do I
Speaker 1: honor my dad but also try to tell him when
Speaker 1: he is wrong about religion? Okay, all right, Caleb, so
Speaker 1: let me kind of help let me unpack this for myself.
Speaker 1: Eighteen you say, my parents are both believers. But that's
Speaker 1: then going against what's happening in the email. So it
Speaker 1: sounds like your dad is not a believer. Right, So
Speaker 1: we'll start there. I mean literally, your subject CLIENTE says,
Speaker 1: helped my dad believe, and then the next line is
Speaker 1: my parents are both believers. That's not okay, So in
Speaker 1: your mind you got to know dad's not. Dad's not.
Speaker 1: Let me see what your dad is arguing here, help
Speaker 1: my dad believe in heaven? When he says this is
Speaker 1: his argument, how does a rapist or murderer on death
Speaker 1: row get saved in the death chair and we as
Speaker 1: Christians have to try to live a perfect life to
Speaker 1: get to heaven. I don't understand either one of those scenarios.
Speaker 1: First of all, what do you mean murder gets saved
Speaker 1: in the death chair? And also what do you mean
Speaker 1: Christians have to live a perfect life? I don't understand Christians.
Speaker 1: Let's start there, because I don't understand the death row thing.
Speaker 1: Maybe you're talking about like some miraculous you know, pastor
Speaker 1: goes and preaches the Gospel and he gets saved. Maybe
Speaker 1: that's what I don't know. I don't know. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: leave that alone. But the Christians, we do not. This
Speaker 1: is okay, we can't. I should say that we can't
Speaker 1: live a perfect life. Just stop right there, much less
Speaker 1: do that in order to get to heaven. We can't.
Speaker 1: This is what I would do. I'm gonna make this
Speaker 1: as easy as possible for everyone listening, and for you, Caleb.
Speaker 1: You're gonna go to your dad, and this is good
Speaker 1: for you too. It's not just good for your dad.
Speaker 1: It's great for you. You're gonna go to You're gonna pull
Speaker 1: out your Bible and you go, Dad, I want to
Speaker 1: read some stuff together, right, And so you're gonna pull
Speaker 1: up the Book of Romans. Oh man, that's good, it's good.
Speaker 1: The Book of Romans will not only change your dad's life,
Speaker 1: it'll change yours and whoever's listening right now. Literally, the
Speaker 1: Book of Romans saved my brother Parker. The Book of
Speaker 1: Romans is famous also for saving amongst millions of others,
Speaker 1: but also Martin Luther, which is the beginning of the Reformation.
Speaker 1: So the Book of Romans, if you go there and
Speaker 1: just start at the beginning, and so if you go
Speaker 1: to chapter one, verse sixteen, right, it's gonna say I'm
Speaker 1: not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power
Speaker 1: of God for salvation for everyone who believes. And then
Speaker 1: it's gonna say something crazy after that. And I want
Speaker 1: you to take that with your dad, and when you
Speaker 1: walk through verse seventeen, which is the verse literally the
Speaker 1: verse that saved Martin Luther once he finally understood it,
Speaker 1: because it says, I don't want to give it away,
Speaker 1: because I want you to explore this with your dad.
Speaker 1: I think it would be I think it would be
Speaker 1: an incredible, an incredible journey to walk slowly through it,
Speaker 1: not fast, not read it. You read it through once
Speaker 1: and you go, I don't get it. Walk through every
Speaker 1: word of it. And I want you to go through
Speaker 1: the first three chapters that way, and if you want
Speaker 1: to keep going, But the first three chapters it's going
Speaker 1: to say basically this, it's gonna say you cannot do it.
Speaker 1: You cannot live a perfect life. But a perfect life
Speaker 1: from you is required for heaven. That's kind of what
Speaker 1: your dad's saying. Only a righteous person is required. Only
Speaker 1: a righteous person can get into heaven. That's what it's
Speaker 1: going to say in chapter one. But here's the thing.
Speaker 1: You can't be righteous. It's gonna say that right there, right,
Speaker 1: So let me say this another way. God demands from
Speaker 1: you righteousness, but you are a sinner and you're too
Speaker 1: far gone to give him what he demands. Because he's
Speaker 1: a holy God. He demands from you, as a holy God, righteousness, right,
Speaker 1: which is what you're saying, a perfect life. We'll use
Speaker 1: those two things as the same. God. A holy God
Speaker 1: demands from you righteousness, but you are too far gone
Speaker 1: to give it to him. So the gospel is God
Speaker 1: devises a plan at the cost of his son's life,
Speaker 1: his only son, to go to the cross and to die,
Speaker 1: the only one that's righteous, the only one that lived
Speaker 1: a perfect life, Jesus goes to the cross and dies
Speaker 1: as a substitute for you, and whoever believes then gets
Speaker 1: credited that righteousness back to him. So God demands, a
Speaker 1: holy God demands righteousness from you. You can't give it,
Speaker 1: and in his mercy he gives you the righteousness that
Speaker 1: he demands back to himself so that he could reconcile
Speaker 1: you to himself. These are not my words, This is
Speaker 1: not a theory, This is not something I just made up.
Speaker 1: This is the Book of Romans. Check it out. Walk
Speaker 1: through it with your dad. So if anyone wants to
Speaker 1: get a hold of me. You're listening to the podcast
Speaker 1: right now, and you think, Man, I would love for
Speaker 1: Granger to shoot me a text or send me a
Speaker 1: video message on something else, on some other subject, maybe
Speaker 1: a little pick me up. Maybe I wish Granger would
Speaker 1: give me a happy birthday wish. Or my brother's a
Speaker 1: huge fan he could use a happy birthday. Maybe with
Speaker 1: the holidays coming up, you're thinking, what do I get
Speaker 1: my kid? What do I get my nephew? What do
Speaker 1: I get my brother or my wife? What do I
Speaker 1: What kind of present do I get them? They already
Speaker 1: have what they need. Well, how about a gift of
Speaker 1: cameo And what that is is you got a cameo
Speaker 1: dot com slash Granger Smith and you could find me
Speaker 1: on there and you just say, hey, Granger, I want
Speaker 1: you to send a message to my wife and just
Speaker 1: say happy birthday or Merry Christmas, whatever you want me
Speaker 1: to say. It's right there in the app in the form.
Speaker 1: It's super easy. I get that notification on my phone,
Speaker 1: I take it, do the selfie cam and then send
Speaker 1: it right back to you. Super easy. Cameo dot Com
Speaker 1: slash Grangersmith. That's c ame eo dot com, or you
Speaker 1: can look for me on the cameo app granger Smith.
Speaker 1: Next question. The subject line here says please read on
Speaker 1: the podcast. By the way, these are random, That's not
Speaker 1: the reason I'm reading it, just to say. The email says,
Speaker 1: Hey Granger, I'm Jackson. I am fifteen. There is a
Speaker 1: girl at my church who I like very much, and
Speaker 1: she liked me too, and we talked for like four
Speaker 1: or five months. She's fourteen, by the way. At youth group,
Speaker 1: she took me aside but still in front of everybody,
Speaker 1: and said that she would rather be friends than in
Speaker 1: a relationship. Now I'm not allowed to have a girlfriend
Speaker 1: until I'm sixteen, but she is. I believe there is
Speaker 1: something to do with another boy. I believe that this
Speaker 1: is I think you meant to say this has something
Speaker 1: to do with another boy at school. I know how
Speaker 1: you feel about relationships at such a young age, and
Speaker 1: I wish that I didn't get into this one. My
Speaker 1: parents were okay with me talking to her as long
Speaker 1: as we didn't have a title on their relationship. My
Speaker 1: only problem is I still really like her, and I
Speaker 1: don't know how I'm going to handle seeing her every
Speaker 1: Sunday and Wednesday. I already go to the gym quite
Speaker 1: often with a buddy and my brother, plus take kickboxing
Speaker 1: classes and kung and I'm homeschooled, so I wake up
Speaker 1: early and I usually get done with school by noon
Speaker 1: or a little later. But I need advice on how
Speaker 1: to get over her quicker. Yes, I have no social
Speaker 1: media or anything like that. Thanks for recommending the McShane plan.
Speaker 1: It's really helped strengthen my relationship with Godee. Love you man, Jackson.
Speaker 1: I like to see moo. Thanks Thanks buddy fifteen years old.
Speaker 1: It's always so impressive that a fifteen year old is
Speaker 1: listening to a very adult podcast. I should say, you know,
Speaker 1: we're talking about a lot of very adult issues on here,
Speaker 1: and dude, it's just really encouraging. It's really encouraging that
Speaker 1: that there are fifteen year olds that are looking for
Speaker 1: deeper things, right, So thank you Jackson. And I think
Speaker 1: that's also a testament to homeschooling. I think that's that.
Speaker 1: I think that's a great thing because I think there's
Speaker 1: a correlation between a homeschooled kid that's listening to this podcast.
Speaker 1: I think there's something there, and we can discuss that
Speaker 1: another time maybe, But you've got a good old fashioned
Speaker 1: girl problem, Jackson. That's what's going on here. And I
Speaker 1: love how you said this. You said I need advice
Speaker 1: on how to get over her quicker? Right. I mean
Speaker 1: that's a great way to say it, because what you're
Speaker 1: saying is by that sentence, you're saying, listen, I know
Speaker 1: I need to get over her, and I know I will.
Speaker 1: I just need to speed it up because this is
Speaker 1: not working out. This isn't very fun right now. Right.
Speaker 1: It's like saying I've got the flu and doctor, hey, doc,
Speaker 1: how do I get over this quicker? And he says
Speaker 1: it's going to take about eight days? And you go,
Speaker 1: what could I do to make it three? Because I
Speaker 1: don't like the flu? That's what you're saying, and it's
Speaker 1: a great thing. A couple other things I like. I
Speaker 1: would like this email, by the way, if you kise
Speaker 1: you can't tell. The other thing I like is how
Speaker 1: you say this. You say, I know how you feel
Speaker 1: about relationships at such a young age, and I wish
Speaker 1: I didn't get into this one. And then you go
Speaker 1: on to say, my only problem is I still really
Speaker 1: like her. There's something so real and raw about that.
Speaker 1: Because when I say, hey, look on this podcast, I'm
Speaker 1: not advocating young teenage relationships, I wish that. Let's see,
Speaker 1: I didn't really get into relationships until about fifteen about
Speaker 1: your age, Jackson, and I look back and I go, man,
Speaker 1: my parents discouraged it, but I wish they said no.
Speaker 1: I don't know how that would have turned out. This
Speaker 1: is all just you know, this is all in hindsight
Speaker 1: looking back, because let me say it this way, Jackson,
Speaker 1: I wish I hadn't at all. I wish I hadn't.
Speaker 1: And what I like about what you're saying is the
Speaker 1: vulnerability of you saying I still just like her. And
Speaker 1: so what I'm meant to say is, as though I
Speaker 1: don't advocate young teenage relationships, I'm also not naive enough
Speaker 1: to say you also shouldn't like a girl, because that's
Speaker 1: something I can't tell you. That's something that's just going
Speaker 1: to happen because you're a boy and you're gonna naturally
Speaker 1: be attracted ever so often to just the right one.
Speaker 1: When you see a girl and she talks a certain way,
Speaker 1: and she walks a certain way, and she smiles at
Speaker 1: you a certain way and you just go, oh man,
Speaker 1: Granger said, don't get in a relationship. But I really
Speaker 1: like her. You know, look, I'm not telling you that
Speaker 1: you can't. I'm just saying, make sure your foot is
Speaker 1: always on that break Jackson. Make sure you go oh man, okay, okay.
Speaker 1: I really like her. But I could put boundaries on
Speaker 1: this at the beginning. The further you go in these
Speaker 1: kind of relationships, harder and harder and harder, it gets
Speaker 1: to actually make any kind of boundary at all. But
Speaker 1: at the very beginning, when you haven't gotten close to her,
Speaker 1: you don't even know her middle name yet, you can
Speaker 1: go We're gonna hang out in groups, even though I
Speaker 1: don't want to. I want to be one on one.
Speaker 1: We're gonna hang out in groups. And I'm going to
Speaker 1: put limits on my phone conversations. I don't know what
Speaker 1: kids do these days. Text Probably we're gonna put limits
Speaker 1: on the texting if that's what's going to go down.
Speaker 1: And I would encourage all parents listening to always monitor
Speaker 1: everything that happens on a phone. Nothing happens privately for
Speaker 1: a kid. A kid that's living in the household of
Speaker 1: parents does not and has not earned privacy right to
Speaker 1: that extent. To the extent that they're talking to a
Speaker 1: boy on a phone, they don't get to do stuff
Speaker 1: like that. They get to have freedom on a leash.
Speaker 1: Their freedom is tethered to the to mom and dad monitoring,
Speaker 1: mind nitoring everything that goes down. That's just the way
Speaker 1: it needs to be. Now, you can so long. At
Speaker 1: the very beginning, it's like you're leading them and they're
Speaker 1: behind you. But then as they become a teenager, you're
Speaker 1: starting to walk next to them. I'm talking to parents,
Speaker 1: so you're walking side by side. But it's not until
Speaker 1: they hit that eighteen nineteen twenty when they could start
Speaker 1: taking the lead and you go, good, go out do
Speaker 1: your thing. I heard a great thing. Some friends said
Speaker 1: that when they hit a certain age, is like seventeen eighteen,
Speaker 1: the parents said, look, you could You have to ask us.
Speaker 1: You have to ask mom and dad whatever it is
Speaker 1: you want to do. If we both say yes, then
Speaker 1: you absolutely can do it. If we both say no,
Speaker 1: then you can't do it. If one of us says
Speaker 1: yes and one of us says no, you decide. But
Speaker 1: just so you know, if you do it, you got
Speaker 1: to live knowing that one of your parents didn't want
Speaker 1: you to right. So that's when you're walking side by
Speaker 1: side in this relationship. It's like, look, i'm gonna give
Speaker 1: you the reins a little bit. You're gonna you're gonna
Speaker 1: ride this horse a little bit on your own, but
Speaker 1: just so you know you fall off, we're not here
Speaker 1: to catch you. It's so interesting now that talk to
Speaker 1: Jackson and you're in this and I'm talking to you.
Speaker 1: Your question, really, after all that is how do I
Speaker 1: get over her a little quicker? I'm worried about Sundays
Speaker 1: and Wednesdays seeing her, Right, Well, I'm not gonna tell
Speaker 1: you that. It's not gonna be hard if you really
Speaker 1: like this girl. But I think you're doing the right
Speaker 1: thing to walk away. So avoid social media, I'm sure
Speaker 1: you do. You told me that, you told me that,
Speaker 1: And avoid any kind of phone interaction. I'm sure you do.
Speaker 1: I think you told me that too. And then when
Speaker 1: you see her on Sundays and Wednesdays, it's gonna just slowly,
Speaker 1: slowly fizzle out. And if you're worried about it, and
Speaker 1: you're worried that she's talking another guy and she's maybe
Speaker 1: manipulative like fourteen year old girls. Are you know that? Buddy?
Speaker 1: If you're worried about that, then also physically remove yourself
Speaker 1: from the situation. You're not going to always be able
Speaker 1: to avoid her. But if she's in a little click
Speaker 1: and you're walking up, don't get into that little click.
Speaker 1: Just keep on going, Keep on going, Jackson. You're doing
Speaker 1: the right thing, buddy. Thank you for emailing and thank
Speaker 1: you for listening. Next question, subject line says where to
Speaker 1: begin again? Hey, Grangeer. My name is Matt Kimball. I
Speaker 1: am a Christian and I have been a believer in
Speaker 1: Christ my entire life. Although I have strayed many times.
Speaker 1: I'm entering a season where I have felt closer to
Speaker 1: God more than I've ever felt. I have graduated to
Speaker 1: daily readings, nightly podcast, and constant prayer. I have a
Speaker 1: desire to feel His pool and continue this journey, keeping
Speaker 1: this as short as possible. We recently lost my father,
Speaker 1: who was the sweetest, toughest, most godly man I've ever known.
Speaker 1: I recently found his spare time pocket Bible, which he
Speaker 1: highlighted many scriptures in scribbled many notes and folded pages.
Speaker 1: I'm finding myself reading more of my old man's words
Speaker 1: as opposed to taking in the word of God. I
Speaker 1: just love reading the verses and quotes that my old
Speaker 1: man lived by. But I feel the need for more.
Speaker 1: I feel like my focus needs to change. Where do
Speaker 1: you think I should continue this journey? Thank you, brother,
Speaker 1: I'm very pleased to have gotten to know you and
Speaker 1: your family in my walk with God. Thanks for the email, brother,
Speaker 1: And it's interesting and I think it's a good question.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry about the loss of your father. Unfortunately, I
Speaker 1: know that loss, not to your extent because I didn't
Speaker 1: know your dad, but I do know my extent of
Speaker 1: losing my dad. I love to my dad, I still do.
Speaker 1: I think about them often and to me, this is
Speaker 1: a great email, and it's it's super easy fix. I
Speaker 1: love when it's an easy one I read. And this
Speaker 1: was mentioned on a couple questions ago. I read the
Speaker 1: McShane plan. This is a Bible reading plan. There's many
Speaker 1: of them. This is just the one I prefer, and
Speaker 1: I think I think it's a great, really great plan.
Speaker 1: I love it. I believe this is my third or
Speaker 1: fourth year on it. But what it does, the McShane plan,
Speaker 1: it gets you through the Old Testament, once in a year,
Speaker 1: the New Testament and the Psalms twice in a year,
Speaker 1: so you're reading about four chapters a day. I do
Speaker 1: this in the morning. This is just my routine. I
Speaker 1: get up in the morning. First thing I'm gonna do
Speaker 1: is brush my teeth, make some coffee, settle in before
Speaker 1: most most of the time before anyone else is up
Speaker 1: in the house, and I'm gonna read my McShane plan,
Speaker 1: and I do it on an iPad because that just
Speaker 1: ends up working out pretty well because in the McShane plan,
Speaker 1: first of all, it's dark in my house and the
Speaker 1: iPad lights up. Uh. And second of all, I could
Speaker 1: just see it better and it loads up the mcshamee
Speaker 1: plan instantly for me. So it picks up where I
Speaker 1: left off and I hit I hit start on my
Speaker 1: new day, and after I read one chapter, I hit next, next, next, finish,
Speaker 1: and it logs it and it's ready for the next day.
Speaker 1: It's gonna que me up again. So I just really
Speaker 1: like that. That's been my rhythm, and it also allows
Speaker 1: me to switch. I switched translations every year, so I'm
Speaker 1: not ever reading the same same same translation, and I
Speaker 1: see new things saying the same thing. But I'm seeing
Speaker 1: new words and new seeing seeing things in a new light.
Speaker 1: So what I'm now, I'm speaking to you, and Matt,
Speaker 1: I would I would add something like that to your
Speaker 1: morning like, that's your mourning devotional, your personal reading. That's
Speaker 1: you're feeding time. That's your nourishment time. You and God,
Speaker 1: God is nourishing you through his ever living, breathing word
Speaker 1: of God. He's he's he's speaking to you. He's ministering
Speaker 1: to you through his word sharper than any two edges
Speaker 1: sore piercing the heart. Okay, so that is that's your
Speaker 1: morning time, whatever Bible reading plan minds the McShane. And
Speaker 1: then what I would do if I were you, this
Speaker 1: suggestion at night I would make. I would carve out
Speaker 1: some time at night before bed, when your heart is
Speaker 1: tender and you're a little bit tired and you're winding down.
Speaker 1: I pull out your dad's Bible. Then go to your
Speaker 1: go to your dad's Bible and look for those highlighted things,
Speaker 1: look for those words, look for those little notes in
Speaker 1: the margin and the things that are underlined, and think
Speaker 1: about your dad and think about how he's saved and
Speaker 1: how he's he's got he is in a place right
Speaker 1: now with with our Lord, right, and it'll help you
Speaker 1: reflect on the kindness of God, the mercy of God,
Speaker 1: the fact that God allows broken sinners, he allows them
Speaker 1: a righteousness that then can reconcile them to Him. Right.
Speaker 1: So you're kind of you're kind of thinking through all this,
Speaker 1: and you're thinking about Dad, and you're thinking about the
Speaker 1: good father that he was, and you miss him a
Speaker 1: little bit, and there's his words and and he's with
Speaker 1: our Lord. And then you're also not thinking, man, I
Speaker 1: need I need to be nourished myself because but you
Speaker 1: don't think that because you got it this morning, right.
Speaker 1: You got it this morning with your cup of coffee.
Speaker 1: That's my that's my thought on this. Use your evening's
Speaker 1: times with Dad. And I think you're right in thinking
Speaker 1: I don't want to only read Dad's words. I think
Speaker 1: you're right in thinking that as well. So, Buddy, I
Speaker 1: appreciate the email. Thank you for listening to the podcast.
Speaker 1: All of y'all, thank you for listening to the podcast,
Speaker 1: And if you have a question for me, email podcast
Speaker 1: at grangersmith dot com. That is podcast at grangersmith dot com.
Speaker 1: We'll see y'all next Monday. Thanks for joining me on
Speaker 1: the Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You
Speaker 1: could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
Speaker 1: If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that
Speaker 1: little like button and notification spell so that you never
Speaker 1: miss anytime I upload a video. YII