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Speaker 1: Edgie Martinez in Real Life podcast. This episode and conversation

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Speaker 1: is powered by I Do Say.

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Speaker 2: Hello Everyone, We are back.

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Speaker 1: This is another episode of Edge Martinez Irl Takeaways where

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Speaker 1: we discuss all of the takeaways, the things that stick

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Speaker 1: with us from our interview conversations, and our last one

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Speaker 1: was with Queen Alicia Keys. As we mentioned in the

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Speaker 1: episode household Name Alicia Keys. Alicia is some one of

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Speaker 1: those people that I almost take for granted in a

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Speaker 1: weird way, because I've known her since the beginning of

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Speaker 1: her career and she's always so kind of I don't

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Speaker 1: know how to explain it. She carries herself as a

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Speaker 1: regular human. Right, that's refreshing. That has to be refreshing.

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Speaker 1: She comes in like a regular human, and then you're like,

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Speaker 1: wait a minute, this is Alisha freaking Keen. Alicia Keys

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Speaker 1: is a big deal, guys, but she doesn't really carry

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Speaker 1: like she doesn't come in.

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Speaker 2: Did she come in with an entourage? No? No, No,

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Speaker 2: it's like two people, regular two people. Hey, she's very

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Speaker 2: still a very New York girl. Yeah, look what she

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Speaker 2: had on.

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Speaker 3: She had a little varsity minimal makeup, hair pulled back

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Speaker 3: like yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 1: But then she's you know, off traveling the world and

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Speaker 1: of course getting ready to start her Broadway play and

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Speaker 1: all the things she does.

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Speaker 2: But it was great to have her. She's in good spirits.

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Speaker 1: She seems to be like, I don't know, at the

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Speaker 1: point of her life where she's like assessing all the

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Speaker 1: things that are important and have maybe done some work

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Speaker 1: on herself, and she shares some of that. She did

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Speaker 1: say she was worked with a life coach at one point.

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Speaker 1: She says, she thinks she could be a life coach

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Speaker 1: at this point, but there were definitely some things that

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Speaker 1: stuck with me and have resonated with me. In this

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Speaker 1: episode number one, she talks about when she is in

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Speaker 1: her bag and the environment in which she could mostly

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Speaker 1: be in her bag. And I felt that so deeply

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Speaker 1: because all of us, I mean, I don't know me.

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Speaker 1: I shouldn't say all of us. I guess everybody's word

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Speaker 1: structure is different. If everybody has the kind of flexibility,

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Speaker 1: if you like, if you have your own business or

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Speaker 1: but I would imagine that this this idea probably could

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Speaker 1: apply to different areas. So her thing was like when

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Speaker 1: her team is strong and the people around her are

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Speaker 1: supportive and they're handling their business it makes it easier

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Speaker 1: for her to shine and thrive and be in her bag, right,

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Speaker 1: But I gotta think that's outside of business too, like

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Speaker 1: if you're just your friend group, your family group, the

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Speaker 1: people around you, like if you are supported and all

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Speaker 1: of the weight of your life is not and other

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Speaker 1: people's lives are on you. You know, moms go through

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Speaker 1: that a lot. Like moms, you know, they carrying everybody's load,

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Speaker 1: They carrying the kids load, the carrying sometimes the husband load,

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Speaker 1: and the carrying their parents load. And then how can

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Speaker 1: you possibly be the best version of yourself? And that

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Speaker 1: carries over into like work and business, like what Alicia

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Speaker 1: was talking about, how you know when her team is

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Speaker 1: not strong, she really can't be in her bag that

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Speaker 1: and I felt that because we have a small team

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Speaker 1: and sometimes if we're over when I'm overwhelmed, I for

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Speaker 1: sure can't do my best work. I absolutely If I'm working,

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Speaker 1: if I'm worried because the hair person did my hair

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Speaker 1: ridiculously and I'm messing with my hair for ten minutes

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Speaker 1: before a conversation, It's been possible for me to be

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Speaker 1: locked into what I'm about to talk about. If I'm

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Speaker 1: worried about somebody else's job. Does that make sense? Of

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Speaker 1: course it makes sense. So I love that she shared that,

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Speaker 1: and it is really true. And I guess it goes

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Speaker 1: back to what I always talk about on this podcast.

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Speaker 1: It's like, who are the people around you? Who are

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Speaker 1: the people that you surround yourself with, not just from

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Speaker 1: in a workspace, but like in an emotional space, because

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Speaker 1: that carries over to that. I'm emotional too, So I

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Speaker 1: felt that deeply. Also, I felt her clear understanding of

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Speaker 1: the word.

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Speaker 2: No word me too.

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Speaker 3: Man.

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Speaker 1: I felt that even though she didn't seem the way

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Speaker 1: she said it was a little kookie, like we didn't

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Speaker 1: even know. She was like sometimes it's yes me and

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Speaker 1: that maybe. But what she said, if you really listen

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Speaker 1: to it, I didn't think it was all that kookie.

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Speaker 3: I think I think what she was trying, what made

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Speaker 3: a kookie was because when we're thinking about whether or

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Speaker 3: not we want to do something, we try to make

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Speaker 3: up reasons and excuses to make something work when we really,

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Speaker 3: at first instinct the answer was no. So that's why

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Speaker 3: she went in that little rant. We could play play

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Speaker 3: the clip, play the clip.

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Speaker 4: I have learned to also trust my gut and I

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Speaker 4: know what yes feels like. I know what yes feels like.

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Speaker 4: I'm very clear about what yes, and I know how

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Speaker 4: it feels when it's a maybe, and I know what

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Speaker 4: it feels like when it's like, it's not really a no,

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Speaker 4: but I think that it's going to make a few

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Speaker 4: people happy, so I make it turn into it yes

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Speaker 4: because I think that it's going to be nice for

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Speaker 4: those people. But it's not a yes, it's no.

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Speaker 2: It wasn't a yes, it was a maybe.

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Speaker 4: And so if it's not a yes, then it's a no.

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Speaker 2: No that is really good. Why do we do that?

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Speaker 1: Why why do we say it's a maybe because it

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Speaker 1: would be nice for other people? Well, we do that

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Speaker 1: because we care about people, and sometimes it feels good

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Speaker 1: to do things for other people. Yes, if you have

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Speaker 1: the bandwidth, if you have it to give. What happens

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Speaker 1: is if you don't have it to give and you're exhausted,

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Speaker 1: and then you do things to make other people happy,

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Speaker 1: then who's on the floor tired exhausted?

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Speaker 2: It's you.

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Speaker 1: You're on the floor and the person you try to

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Speaker 1: be happy is happy, frolicking all over the place, and

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Speaker 1: you're the one who's on the floor exhausted. We all

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Speaker 1: do that. We all do that, especially people pleasers. People pleasers.

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Speaker 1: You know who I'm talking to. You're listening to this,

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Speaker 1: then you're one.

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Speaker 2: You know what.

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Speaker 1: I don't think I'm much of a people pleaser, but

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Speaker 1: I don't see it. You No, No, But I do

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Speaker 1: have guilt. Yeah, Sometimes I feel like somebody deserves something,

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Speaker 1: or if I really want to but can't, then I

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Speaker 1: feel bad. I feel like, Okay, yes, God, this would

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Speaker 1: have been we should did that.

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Speaker 2: That's true.

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Speaker 1: I will have guilt. I give myself guilt. I'm getting

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Speaker 1: better at it though, I'm getting better at I. If

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Speaker 1: I have it to give, I give it. But if

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Speaker 1: I don't have it to give, then the answer is no.

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Speaker 1: The answer is I don't have it to give, so no,

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Speaker 1: and just being mindful of that. But for people who

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Speaker 1: are people pleasers, this is especially important for you because

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Speaker 1: you just got to be in touch with when a

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Speaker 1: no is a no, and it's okay to be a no.

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Speaker 1: It's a no, it's not maybe, it's not an if.

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Speaker 3: To know to know normally the first instinct, whatever that

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Speaker 3: initial reaction is, is normally the right.

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Speaker 1: That is one thing I do. I do try to

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Speaker 1: listen to that to that gut because whenever you go

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Speaker 1: against it, it's never right.

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Speaker 2: You always know that.

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Speaker 1: And she says that she learned that after doing like

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Speaker 1: working herself and really learning how to communicate better, because

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Speaker 1: she does say that she had a problem like being

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Speaker 1: in touch with her real feelings and her real emotions

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Speaker 1: because she's been actually such a people pleaser or she

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Speaker 1: wanted to know, like everything she did was like do

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Speaker 1: you like it?

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Speaker 2: Do you like it? Do you like it? How do

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Speaker 2: you feel about this?

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Speaker 1: She always looked for people's opinions and people's you know,

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Speaker 1: how everyone else felt about something. And she just recently

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Speaker 1: has been doing work and learned how to open up

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Speaker 1: and get in touch with her own feelings, which then

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Speaker 1: translates into your relationship, because if you're in a relationship

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Speaker 1: with somebody and they're hurting your feelings and you don't

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Speaker 1: know how to tell somebody that they're hurting your feelings

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Speaker 1: in a healthy kind of way, that is not good

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Speaker 1: in a relationship. So she says actually been helpful in

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Speaker 1: her relationship to be able to be in touch with

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Speaker 1: her emotions and fully communicate them, and she did a

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Speaker 1: lot of work in that space. So I thought that

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Speaker 1: was really interesting.

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Speaker 2: What else? What does some takeaways from you young Brittany.

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Speaker 3: Oh, well, elaborating on that, like she used to keep

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Speaker 3: all the emotions that she had bottled up inside, and

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Speaker 3: then she realized that she would start having resentment and anger,

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Speaker 3: and then she wouldn't really she thought that she was

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Speaker 3: things roll off for her back, but in actuality, something

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Speaker 3: would pop up and it would trigger her and she'd

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Speaker 3: be like, wait, I guess I cared more than I

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Speaker 3: thought I did.

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Speaker 2: That's usually the case, gop me dinner. Sorry, That usually is.

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Speaker 1: The case when we bury things, two things happen. Number One,

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Speaker 1: things will pop up. You didn't even realize you were

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Speaker 1: angry at because you've been burying, burying, burying. And also

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Speaker 1: what she I think also was trying to explain that burying, burying,

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Speaker 1: burying feelings and you know, things going on with you.

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Speaker 1: Eventually you don't know yourself anymore. Eventually you're like, how

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Speaker 1: do I feel? If you don't learn how to properly

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Speaker 1: you know, voice and express your emotions, you can get lost.

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Speaker 1: And I think that's kind of what she was explaining,

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Speaker 1: which was super honest and well.

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Speaker 3: She used an example of her and Swiss about how

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Speaker 3: something happens and she feels uncomfortable in the moment. She

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Speaker 3: might not talk about it right then that night, but

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Speaker 3: she'll go back bring it back. I loved how she

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Speaker 3: said it too, because it sounded like so healthy.

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Speaker 5: It sounded like a sounded like a very sophisticated way

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Speaker 5: to argue, but not argue, but just kind of get

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Speaker 5: your point across and hopefully have your partner hear you

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Speaker 5: play that.

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Speaker 4: Clip, someone says something to me and my stomach goes, well,

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Speaker 4: I don't like that, yeah, and something I'm like, oh.

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Speaker 2: Whatever the way they said that like that? That didn't

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Speaker 2: feel right for me?

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Speaker 4: What did that mean? Why would they have said it

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Speaker 4: like that? Why did it feel like they referenced back

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Speaker 4: something old that we already settled, but it came back

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Speaker 4: whatever it might be. Now in that moment, maybe I

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Speaker 4: don't bring it up, but if I have felt that

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Speaker 4: that that zing, then I make it a point to

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Speaker 4: come back to that and I will say, hey, can

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Speaker 4: I can I talk with you? You know, we were

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Speaker 4: talking the other day and you said and it just

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Speaker 4: felt like you were like coming at me and it

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Speaker 4: didn't feel right, and I just wanted to ask you, like,

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Speaker 4: what did you mean because maybe I read it wrong.

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Speaker 4: I don't want to take it out of context. What

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Speaker 4: what made you say say that? And then they can

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Speaker 4: have a place to speak to me about it. But

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Speaker 4: I found in the past I would just hold it,

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Speaker 4: feel it and then you know, create potential resentment or whatever. Whatever.

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Speaker 1: I'm for sure that for sure is gonna come up

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Speaker 1: for me, like I'm gonna think about that when something's

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Speaker 1: bothering me with somebody wait, come back around. Hey, you

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Speaker 1: know that time when you said that it hurts my feelings.

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Speaker 2: So she's so sweet. How she should I don't know

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Speaker 2: that I have that in me, but it is to

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Speaker 2: aspire to.

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Speaker 3: She uses that same method too when she we talk

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Speaker 3: about her kids, her two boys, and how she also

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Speaker 3: kind of uses that same tactic when talking to them.

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Speaker 2: There's this cute clip that we played in the interview.

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Speaker 3: You should check it out of Genesis telling his mom

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Speaker 3: put yeah.

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Speaker 2: To put her pooves a relationship with her son. Is

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Speaker 2: so cute.

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Speaker 3: But you know, Alicia has this new play that she's doing,

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Speaker 3: and I guess she had been taking a lot of

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Speaker 3: time I'm out to work on the play and he

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Speaker 3: kind of threw a fit.

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Speaker 2: You remember this no, Yeah, he threw a friend and

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Speaker 2: he was like, Mom, you're.

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Speaker 1: Not spending time with Yeah, yeah, your stupid play. Why

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Speaker 1: why are you over there with your stupid play? And

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Speaker 1: she was like, hey, I don't call yourself stupid. It

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Speaker 1: was like telling about what kind of parents.

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Speaker 3: She yes, and she and she She's like, you know, mom,

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Speaker 3: really I can really care about this. I spent a

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Speaker 3: lot of time on it, like wrote, instead of another

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Speaker 3: parent might scold like, how dare you talk.

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Speaker 2: To your mom?

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Speaker 1: I definitely come from that time. Yeah, we don't ever

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Speaker 1: talk to me in our household. It's definitely don't talk

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Speaker 1: to me like that. It's also like you don't pay

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Speaker 1: no bills in this house. Yep, you gonna pay the bills.

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Speaker 1: I gotta go to work. That's what it is. But

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Speaker 1: she's like, hey, this is important to mommy.

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Speaker 3: And explaining right, yeah, And then he ended up watching

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Speaker 3: him play and.

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Speaker 1: Having opinions and being into it, and yeah, I saw

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Speaker 1: him that night.

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Speaker 2: He loved it. I was the other night he saw it.

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Speaker 2: He was definitely.

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Speaker 1: He was definitely having a good time and like in

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Speaker 1: awe of the whole thing, which was really cute to see.

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Speaker 1: She also talks about how she had like a moment

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Speaker 1: of breakdown in front of her son in the car,

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Speaker 1: kind of like Kelly rowlandmember Kelly Rowland had a similar story.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I love when people are that honest, because sometimes in

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Speaker 1: those moments where you're like crying in front of your

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Speaker 1: child because you're just exhausted emotionally, sometimes you could think

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Speaker 1: you're crazy.

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Speaker 2: Really, yes, some people could feel like natural to cry.

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Speaker 1: It is, we know that, but like, I don't think

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Speaker 1: that every person who has a moment where they're like, well,

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Speaker 1: they're not in control of themselves and how they feel

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Speaker 1: and they're just crying. You can't even really explain why

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Speaker 1: you're crying, you're just releasing. Yes, that you could feel

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Speaker 1: a little like am I losing my mind? And sometimes

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Speaker 1: when you hear like an Alicia Keys or Kelly Rowland

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Speaker 1: talk about yeah, oh just the other day I was

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Speaker 1: boohooing in the car because I was overwhelmed, it makes

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Speaker 1: you feel like, oh, maybe last Thursday that wasn't so

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Speaker 1: nuts of me. I haven't had one of a good

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Speaker 1: one of those on a while, but I think I

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Speaker 1: would enjoy it. I think if that could come for me,

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Speaker 1: I would actually enjoy that, Like Oh, this is freeing,

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Speaker 1: but I love when people share that deeply.

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Speaker 2: So, yeah, we had a good time with Alicia Keys.

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Speaker 1: Her play is amazing, by the way, if you get

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Speaker 1: a chance to check it out, just went to Broadway.

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Speaker 1: It's like loosely based around her life. We do talk

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Speaker 1: about that in the episode. We also talk about the

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Speaker 1: diary coming on anniversary anniversary. Yeah, and she's just in

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Speaker 1: a good place. She's she worked really hard to be

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Speaker 1: where she is. She's like, you know, by the way,

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Speaker 1: we didn't even talk about this, but if you watch

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Speaker 1: this episode, you'll see she goes into deeply like how

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Speaker 1: she resolved her issues with her father, not even necessarily resolved,

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Speaker 1: just moved forward.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, she said she.

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Speaker 1: Kind of met him where he was and I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I thought that was super interesting. And you know, she

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Speaker 1: talks about her mom and doing this play for her

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Speaker 1: mom and just kind of like the evolution of her

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Speaker 1: family and her family dynamic. And then also the holidays

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Speaker 1: are here, so she talked about how her family does

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Speaker 1: the holidays, which one of those I for sure I'm

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Speaker 1: taking away and bite it, you know, I love to

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Speaker 1: bite something off the podcast.

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Speaker 2: That's what in real life is all about bite everything

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Speaker 2: you can. If we like it, we take it. That's it.

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Speaker 2: We like it. Jay Balbin said happy on a one

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Speaker 2: to ten. We took it. It's ours. Alicia Key said.

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Speaker 1: On the holidays, they do a grab bag secret Sanna,

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Speaker 1: but all the gifts have to be handmade.

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Speaker 2: I took it. I took it. I'm doing that this year.

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Speaker 2: You gotta let us know how that goes well.

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Speaker 1: In the next episode and the next Tech Takeaway episode,

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Speaker 1: we'll go through how that went. But I'm trying that

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Speaker 1: this year.

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Speaker 2: Guys. We'll see. My family is not.

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Speaker 6: That cooperative about it, but neither is the leak. Just

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Speaker 6: apparently you're not that cooperative. But I'm really gonna give

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Speaker 6: it a try and see how this goes. So yeah,

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Speaker 6: we'll be back soon in the new episode. But if

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Speaker 6: you haven't seen the Aliicia Keys interview, you can now.

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Speaker 6: It's on my YouTube page, and please subscribe and share

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Speaker 6: with a friends and we'll check you out on the

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Speaker 6: next Edge Martinez Iral Takeaway.

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Speaker 2: Bye, guys,