WEBVTT - How Do You Make People Feel?

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<v Speaker 1>You found your way here to waking up with Ryan.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm so glad that you pushed play. This is the

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<v Speaker 1>place you and I come to wake up together. So

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<v Speaker 1>let's take a deep breath and begin Good morning, my love.

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<v Speaker 1>I want to start with a quote from Maya Angelou.

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<v Speaker 1>I've learned that people will forget what you said, people

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<v Speaker 1>will forget what you did, but people will never forget

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<v Speaker 1>how you made them feel. So let's talk about how

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<v Speaker 1>most people want to feel, or how all people want

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<v Speaker 1>to feel. People want to feel loved, and how people

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<v Speaker 1>feel loved. Truly loved is when they feel safe to

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<v Speaker 1>be themselves in your presence, when they feel seen for

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<v Speaker 1>exactly who they are, right like they feel seen with

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<v Speaker 1>all their parts.

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<v Speaker 2>Rather than feeling like they need.

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<v Speaker 1>To be a certain kind of way in order to

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<v Speaker 1>be pleasing to you in order to be loved by you.

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<v Speaker 1>Right you feel that way too, You know what that

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<v Speaker 1>feels like. There are people in your life where I hope,

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<v Speaker 1>I hope there are people, even just one person in

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<v Speaker 1>your life, with whom when you're around them, you feel

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<v Speaker 1>like you're just able to be all of yourself. And

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't that feel like love? To be seen with all

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<v Speaker 1>your parts. And then there's people in your life where

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<v Speaker 1>you go into this kind of strategy of who you

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<v Speaker 1>kind of what are the parts of you that need

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<v Speaker 1>to be kind of tucked away or hidden not exposed,

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<v Speaker 1>and what are the parts of you that are that

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<v Speaker 1>you're able to share, to be loved, to be in

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<v Speaker 1>relationship with this person. Another way of saying this is

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<v Speaker 1>people feel loved when they're not judged. When we help

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<v Speaker 1>people feel that, they get to be exactly as they

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<v Speaker 1>are without needing to change anything about themselves. That is

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<v Speaker 1>how we make people feel loved. And remember this quote

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<v Speaker 1>by my Angelou. I've learned that people will forget what

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<v Speaker 1>you said, they'll forget what you did, but they will

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<v Speaker 1>never forget how you made them feel. And so your legacy,

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<v Speaker 1>they impact is not really about what you achieve, what

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<v Speaker 1>you did, the words you said. Your legacy, your impact

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<v Speaker 1>on your family, on your friends, on your community, on

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<v Speaker 1>your colleagues, on the world at large, is how you

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<v Speaker 1>make people feel, how people feel inside themselves when they're

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<v Speaker 1>in your presence.

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<v Speaker 2>So how do you do that?

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<v Speaker 1>How do you make someone feel or help someone?

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<v Speaker 2>You can't make somebody feel anything.

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<v Speaker 1>How do you support others to feel how they most

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<v Speaker 1>want to feel, which is loved, safe, seen, and supported,

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<v Speaker 1>comes from one thing, which is.

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<v Speaker 2>You being so.

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<v Speaker 1>Deeply seated in yourself. When you're deeply seated in the

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<v Speaker 1>comfort and in the safety, and in the love the

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<v Speaker 1>warmth of yourself, people relax, their anxieties relax. They feel

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<v Speaker 1>that safety to be themselves. They feel a kind of

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<v Speaker 1>permission to stop pretending and to be authentically themselves, which

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<v Speaker 1>is what everyone craves being. And so what matters most

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<v Speaker 1>to have the most impact on how people feel around

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<v Speaker 1>you is how you feel inside yourself, and how you

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<v Speaker 1>are going to feel the most grounded and safe and

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<v Speaker 1>present inside yourself is by you no longer needing to

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<v Speaker 1>pretend to yourself, You dropping the control of hiding certain

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<v Speaker 1>aspects from yourself, or judging or shaming certain things, pains, wounds, memories,

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<v Speaker 1>judgments that you carry about yourself and instead loving them,

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<v Speaker 1>letting them be here. You being that safe space that

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<v Speaker 1>we just talked about you being for other people, but

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<v Speaker 1>being that space for yourself, so that you feel safe

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<v Speaker 1>to allow all the parts of you to be here.

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<v Speaker 1>And when shame arises or judgment arises, the thought I

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<v Speaker 1>shouldn't be this way.

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<v Speaker 2>I shouldn't feel this. I wish this was different.

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<v Speaker 1>Removing that arrow, that judgment, and instead just presencing yourself

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<v Speaker 1>to whatever is here. Just like that roomy poem the

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<v Speaker 1>guest house, there's all these arrivals, all these guests come.

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<v Speaker 2>Your job is to be.

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<v Speaker 1>The host, the loving host who stands at the door

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<v Speaker 1>and welcomes them all in in the same way you

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<v Speaker 1>would do for someone.

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<v Speaker 2>Else who you love. We just often forget to do

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<v Speaker 2>that for ourselves. So here we go.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's have a short little practice together. So taking a

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<v Speaker 1>few deep breaths, gently closing the eyes, if you can,

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<v Speaker 1>remembering that how you and I and people most want

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<v Speaker 1>to feel is based on the feeling of having the

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<v Speaker 1>permission to be ourselves exactly as we are, the permission

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<v Speaker 1>to be whatever is authentic, to express whatever is here.

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<v Speaker 1>And so.

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<v Speaker 2>Sitting here, we start with ourself.

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<v Speaker 1>As you say to yourself, repeating after me, I let

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<v Speaker 1>myself be exactly as I am. Let's take a breath,

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<v Speaker 1>I let myself be exactly as I am. Again, I

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<v Speaker 1>let myself be exactly as I am, no longer a

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<v Speaker 1>need to change or fix, dropping the thought that I

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<v Speaker 1>will be lovable when I reach some goal and replacing

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<v Speaker 1>it with I let myself be exactly as I am.

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<v Speaker 1>Take a breath, and now bringing to mind a person

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<v Speaker 1>who you care for, but you notice there's certain things

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<v Speaker 1>about them that you just have a hard time with.

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<v Speaker 1>Notice how you hold expectation for them to change, and

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<v Speaker 1>instead see them in your mind's eye as you say

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<v Speaker 1>to yourself, I let them be exactly as they are.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's take a breath, I let them be exactly as

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<v Speaker 1>they are. Repeat that with me one more time. I

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<v Speaker 1>let them be exactly as they are. Take a breath,

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<v Speaker 1>holding and recognizing that their imperfections, their anxieties, their shortcomings,

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<v Speaker 1>their short fuses, their explosions of emotions, that's a part

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<v Speaker 1>of them and it's perfect, and that you can love

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<v Speaker 1>them as they are. Let's take a deep breath, letting

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<v Speaker 1>it go, noticing what has softened, and when you're ready,

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<v Speaker 1>blinking your eyes open.

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<v Speaker 2>I love you exactly as you are.

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<v Speaker 1>Because I've given myself the permission to love me exactly

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<v Speaker 1>as I am loving you from right here, Hi, I

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<v Speaker 1>hope you're feeling even just a little bit more prepared

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<v Speaker 1>to take on the day. But before you go, i'd

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<v Speaker 1>love to hear from you, and you can send me

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<v Speaker 1>a voice note by going to my website Waking Up with.

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<v Speaker 2>Ryan dot com.

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<v Speaker 1>Scroll down to the section that says send Ryan a

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