Speaker 1: Do you remember the first song that was played at
Speaker 1: our wedding?
Speaker 2: I do. It was gold Digger, like on your West.
Speaker 1: Kashasha Show and Welcome to Tosh Show. I'm Daniel Tosh
Speaker 1: and I'm wearing a suit. But not just any suit.
Speaker 1: This was the suit that I wore on my wedding
Speaker 1: day and it still fits. Can you believe it? Oh? Yeah,
Speaker 1: double standard. There's no praise for men that stay in
Speaker 1: shape throughout their marriage. Women. Oh if they can squeeze
Speaker 1: their morphed bodies back into their dress, it's like, oh, unbelievable,
Speaker 1: But I do it. No big deal. Anyway, I'm excited, Eddie.
Speaker 1: Are you excited?
Speaker 3: I'm excited. Tell the people why you're wearing the suit.
Speaker 1: I'm wearing the suit because this is going to be
Speaker 1: the week that I interview my wife. This will be
Speaker 1: the single longest podcast episode we have ever put out. Now,
Speaker 1: how do I know it's the longest? Well, because I've
Speaker 1: lived with this woman and I have an idea that
Speaker 1: even if the conversation doesn't time out to be the longest,
Speaker 1: it will certainly feel like it. Oh okay, but I'm excited,
Speaker 1: and I know the fans are excited. You keep telling me,
Speaker 1: this is the one guest they want overwhelmingly. And it's
Speaker 1: so weird because when you meet her, you're just like,
Speaker 1: I don't get it.
Speaker 3: I don't know that's true.
Speaker 1: But no, no, no, no, she's an acquired taste.
Speaker 3: All right, let's jump to the comments. Wonder what gift
Speaker 3: Tosh will give his wife if she comes on the show.
Speaker 1: I'll give her the gift of listening to her for
Speaker 1: an hour about of boom I'm gonna give I'll tell
Speaker 1: you what I'm gonna give her. I'm gonna give her again.
Speaker 1: I'm not no spoilers here, but hey, you know it's
Speaker 1: a it's I think I knocked it out of the park.
Speaker 3: I was thinking, Tay, she had the perfect life, and
Speaker 3: then I find that his wife doesn't like sandwiches. It's
Speaker 3: like saying you don't enjoy charcuterie. It's impossible.
Speaker 1: Yeah. No, I certainly don't have the perfect life or
Speaker 1: the perfect wife. But you know what, not bad. I
Speaker 1: don't believe there is such a thing as the perfect
Speaker 1: wife unless you're married to Margot, Robbie or any of
Speaker 1: those thick bitches on Instagram. Yeah, now she doesn't like sandwiches.
Speaker 1: It is confusing and we get in fights about it constantly.
Speaker 1: Because I love a sandwich. She likes a salad, but
Speaker 1: she doesn't get excited about it, but she'll eat the salad.
Speaker 3: She got a bread issue.
Speaker 1: I mean, I find it maddening how much she hates sandwiches.
Speaker 1: But she does love charcuterie. Oh, she loves a chicutari board.
Speaker 1: This bitch will eat cheese all day and night. Just
Speaker 1: loves cheese.
Speaker 3: Are you saving your wife Carly's interview for the season finale?
Speaker 1: Ooh, that would be a good idea, But we don't
Speaker 1: do seasons. Okay, we do options, and currently we're in
Speaker 1: the middle of option two.
Speaker 3: When you interview your wife, I want you both to
Speaker 3: ask questions to each other.
Speaker 1: That is a terrible suggestion and we will not do that.
Speaker 1: Is my show. Now, if she gets a podcast, I
Speaker 1: won't go on it. Not gonna be a guest, There's
Speaker 1: no chance. And I don't want anybody accusing me of
Speaker 1: being a cradle robber, because while my wife is much younger,
Speaker 1: she is no longer young. Enjoysha. This interview is gonna
Speaker 1: be difficult because I find it hard to listen to
Speaker 1: the words coming out of my guest mouth, but the
Speaker 1: fans have demanded this. She's a poet, a television writer,
Speaker 1: and a former employee who became a potential hr night
Speaker 1: before becoming the mother of my children. It's my beautiful, charming,
Speaker 1: brilliant wife. Please welcome Missus Daniel Tosh aka Carly.
Speaker 2: Hi.
Speaker 1: Have you ever been called missus Daniel Tosh?
Speaker 2: I'll probably at our wedding now maybe not. They were
Speaker 2: speaking Italian and no one knew.
Speaker 1: What they were saying. Be honest, before you were asked
Speaker 1: to be a guest on the show, were you aware
Speaker 1: that I have a podcast?
Speaker 2: Yes, I hear you editing at all hours, different corners
Speaker 2: of the house editing.
Speaker 1: There's no editing on this show. This is just one conversation.
Speaker 1: Now you are Carly Hallam Tosh. But your maiden name
Speaker 1: was Carly Elizabeth Hallam. Yes, why did you change your name?
Speaker 2: Because I was young, you.
Speaker 1: Wouldn't have changed it.
Speaker 2: Now, I don't know. I don't know if I've become
Speaker 2: more of a feminist or if I just think what
Speaker 2: I thought then, which was like, oh, we want to
Speaker 2: have the same names like as our kids and everything
Speaker 2: like that. Maybe I feel less strongly about that now.
Speaker 2: I still kind of go between both names. I would say,
Speaker 2: it's rude. Hallam is my last name.
Speaker 1: You're telling me that just the novelty of having my
Speaker 1: last name has worn off. By the way, Hallam on
Speaker 1: paper reads like you're anti American.
Speaker 2: Yes. I did have a actually a poetry teacher in
Speaker 2: college who when she called role, she would say carly
Speaker 2: E Liz Alam like that.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you're supposed to do that voice.
Speaker 1: This is an impression, right, Well, that's what impressions are.
Speaker 1: They're they're they're cancelable, not in this administration.
Speaker 2: Let me say, wait, just say that. I felt uncomfortable
Speaker 2: when she did it, and I was like, but am
Speaker 2: I going to correct her and tell her like, no,
Speaker 2: say it way more Florida white, treashy.
Speaker 1: It's Hallam Hallam, not Hallem.
Speaker 2: Alam is not the.
Speaker 1: Way beautiful name. By the way, are you the loudest
Speaker 1: person you know?
Speaker 2: Maybe besides our children?
Speaker 1: I mean, this has got to be piercing to some
Speaker 1: of our listeners. I feel like you're purposely not trying
Speaker 1: to scream today.
Speaker 2: Well, you's haven't got me riled up yet?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean she's really loud. Dylan, you're gonna have
Speaker 1: to be quick on the on the trigger over there,
Speaker 1: get your ears blast off. Her voice really just it's
Speaker 1: piercing and it travels. I actually hesitated to interview you
Speaker 1: because I am terrified to find out the answer to
Speaker 1: some of the questions that have been written. Ah, right,
Speaker 1: here we go. Do you believe in ghost?
Speaker 2: I do not.
Speaker 1: I know you've never believed in ghost, have you No?
Speaker 1: But you used to be very spiritual.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, they did go to church. I was afraid
Speaker 2: to answer these questions.
Speaker 1: Why.
Speaker 2: I don't know, because you know my mom's listening. Your family,
Speaker 2: both of our families. Yes, many many Sundays spent in church.
Speaker 2: Not with your with your family, that youth group. We
Speaker 2: always went to church growing up. No, you didn't ce
Speaker 2: ce UCC Community Congregational United Church of Christ.
Speaker 1: You went with your friend's family that was actually religious JN.
Speaker 2: Schamaca's dad was the pastor. But my whole family went.
Speaker 1: I thought your family didn't go. Your dad's stayed.
Speaker 2: We always went.
Speaker 1: Doesn't seem like your dad says that, Nah.
Speaker 2: He was there. He doesn't have a great memory.
Speaker 1: Nope, No he doesn't. Did you know growing up that
Speaker 1: you'd never stay in Florida, maybe.
Speaker 2: Not until high school. Before that, I thought Florida was amazing.
Speaker 2: I was like full gung ho Florida. And then I
Speaker 2: remember it kind of like occurring to me that people
Speaker 2: outside of Florida didn't think Florida was as fascinating as
Speaker 2: everyone inside of Florida thought it was. Even like studying abroad,
Speaker 2: I remember people being like, where are you from? And
Speaker 2: I was like, Florida, and I sort of like waited
Speaker 2: for reaction. You thought it was cool, right, and then
Speaker 2: like the Italians on the bus would be like what Disney.
Speaker 1: When I lived in Saint Louis, Missouri, and my parents
Speaker 1: told us that we were moving to Florida, Yeah, I cried, Okay,
Speaker 1: I sobbed. As a sixth grader, I sobbed, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: they're pussies. They can't handle the cold. Like I was
Speaker 1: just like, this is miserable. I cannot believe we're having
Speaker 1: to go to Florida. That's where old people.
Speaker 2: Die when you're in it. That's not how Florida.
Speaker 1: And I loved it too, you know, until I started
Speaker 1: the allergies and all of that nonsense. So you were
Speaker 1: born in Florida, you were born in Stuart. Yes, did
Speaker 1: your father force you to go to UF? No?
Speaker 2: It was the only place I applied, the only place
Speaker 2: I wanted to go because I grew up going there,
Speaker 2: going to the games.
Speaker 1: But you were the valveandpoint of your high school. Yes,
Speaker 1: you don't think you could have UF is a great
Speaker 1: public school. But don't you think you could have gotten
Speaker 1: into like a fancy IVY League school.
Speaker 2: In hindsight, Yeah, yes, probably, but I didn't even try.
Speaker 2: I just wanted to go to the University of Florida.
Speaker 2: I did early decision.
Speaker 1: Could have your dad afforded you going to to Harvard?
Speaker 2: I mean not without assistant I.
Speaker 1: Think he would have made it happen. You just never
Speaker 1: gave him. I bet he would have been more proud.
Speaker 1: You don't think he'd have been more proud bragging about
Speaker 1: Harvard than he is. Oh, look, but.
Speaker 2: He likes He loves to be able to say how
Speaker 2: many family members went to you.
Speaker 1: I know your your youngest brother is the only one
Speaker 1: that failed him. And then he's always talking about his tombstone,
Speaker 1: like three out of four ain't bad. He wants to
Speaker 1: write that on me. It's just the dumbest thing I've
Speaker 1: ever heard now you you have a great relationship with
Speaker 1: your father and mother, Yes, you? Who are you more
Speaker 1: partial to?
Speaker 2: I love them both?
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you and your mother are like an unhealthy
Speaker 1: I talk to my mom more every single day.
Speaker 2: No, I don't talk to her every single day.
Speaker 1: You talk to your mom constantly.
Speaker 2: I talked to my mom often.
Speaker 1: Have you ever called your father?
Speaker 2: I call him from time to time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's right, right, Who calls your father more? Me
Speaker 1: or you?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Probably you. You might call them both more. I
Speaker 2: mean we FaceTime them now, and just like right, the
Speaker 2: whole family.
Speaker 1: We FaceTime on my phone because I got the plus,
Speaker 1: I got the bigger phoney, that's more face time. Also,
Speaker 1: you you let the kids walk around with the phone.
Speaker 1: I don't ever let them touch my phone. If the
Speaker 1: kid touches my phone, don't touch my phone. You can't
Speaker 1: stand kids touching the phone drives me nuts. Who do
Speaker 1: you like more? My mom or my dad?
Speaker 2: It's impossible to choose.
Speaker 1: I think my dad says I love you to you
Speaker 1: more than I've ever heard him say I love you
Speaker 1: to me in my entire life.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the picture you have painted of him is not
Speaker 2: the dan I know.
Speaker 1: Right, you met my father once he got to an
Speaker 1: age where he just became an old softy and you know,
Speaker 1: he's just he's just a happy, content retired man.
Speaker 2: And your mom, we just send them pictures of the
Speaker 2: kids and she writes back the exact same thing every time,
Speaker 2: which is, thank you for sending.
Speaker 1: That's not funny, but it is what she said, responds,
Speaker 1: By the way, why do you bleed so much?
Speaker 2: I'm disease ridden.
Speaker 1: You don't wear your medical ID bracelet. When did you
Speaker 1: stop wearing your medical ID bracelet?
Speaker 2: Maybe high school? I had for a while, I had
Speaker 2: like an embarrassing like silver chain one with like a
Speaker 2: snake that was red, just so like everyone in elementary
Speaker 2: and middle school would know I was weird. And then
Speaker 2: in high school I found this website where they did
Speaker 2: like fancy medic alert bracelets, and I ordered like a
Speaker 2: beaded one, and I thought that was cool for a while,
Speaker 2: cooler than the other one. But then it was just
Speaker 2: like everybody always asks you about.
Speaker 1: It, Well, you hate talking about it.
Speaker 2: I hate talking about it.
Speaker 1: But it's not that interesting, you say, it's not interesting,
Speaker 1: but yet it consumes our life constantly.
Speaker 2: That's fair, not because it's interesting, because it's annoying, and
Speaker 2: it's just like a thing that's explained to people.
Speaker 1: You have von Willebrand's disease type too severe, Yep, I
Speaker 1: have it all on my phone for when shit goes down,
Speaker 1: when we get the inevitable car accident, I gotta like
Speaker 1: tell who's ever trying to save you? Like she needs humane? Yes,
Speaker 1: how was your first period?
Speaker 2: It was bad, very bad. My first period just kept
Speaker 2: going forever.
Speaker 1: And then they shut you down for the rest of
Speaker 1: your life.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Then I started taking a couple birth control pills
Speaker 2: a day, like three or four.
Speaker 1: That's cool, it was really cool.
Speaker 2: You want to be in high school taking a lot
Speaker 2: of first.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'll be honest, if I got wind of it,
Speaker 1: if I was in high I would be like, that's
Speaker 1: the girl.
Speaker 2: That's their Yeah, she is impossible to him right now?
Speaker 1: Right? You think that whenever I call your name, explain
Speaker 1: to people the inflection.
Speaker 2: There's just one inflection, so it's impossible to know if
Speaker 2: you're mad at me. Also, our dog's name is Carl,
Speaker 2: so just around the house it's like Carly Carl, And
Speaker 2: like sometimes I'll come running into the room and I'll think, like,
Speaker 2: our child is like bleeding on the floor and you'll
Speaker 2: be like, did you see the last shot that Djokovic made?
Speaker 2: Like it's like just nothing important whatsoever, but like a scream.
Speaker 1: Why weren't you watching? You act like you want to
Speaker 1: watch tennis with me, but you're never paying attention. That's
Speaker 1: that's a bigger issue.
Speaker 2: Uh huh.
Speaker 1: Speaking of not wearing your medical ID bracelet, ever, you
Speaker 1: also don't wear your wedding ring.
Speaker 2: I meant to put it on. That was gonna be
Speaker 2: the last thing I did before I love the house.
Speaker 1: You have any idea how much that rain cost?
Speaker 2: Vaguely?
Speaker 1: Yeah, how about the engagement ring? You know how much
Speaker 1: that cost?
Speaker 2: Oh? I thought that's what we were talking about. I never
Speaker 2: wear the wedding ring.
Speaker 1: The wedding ring is just ice too and yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's cool. I wear that more.
Speaker 1: You never wear that. Well.
Speaker 2: I don't really double them up because I have like
Speaker 2: stubby little fingers, and when they're together, I feel like
Speaker 2: smashed and like claustrophobic.
Speaker 1: And so you're a very claustrophobic person.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like right now, I feel a little.
Speaker 1: Bit cluster Sometimes like she'll just panic and have to
Speaker 1: start like run, she has to run to her closet
Speaker 1: to take off her clothes because she's freaking out at
Speaker 1: the closure. By the way, just talking about it, I
Speaker 1: probably could induce clousteroe. Yeah, you're wearing a wet suit
Speaker 1: top today, so that's interesting. It's cute though, right, you
Speaker 1: look beautiful. Okay, tell everybody how we met, because like
Speaker 1: all great love stories, it involves a twenty something's job
Speaker 1: interview with three middle aged men. By way, I resent
Speaker 1: the jokey question because I wasn't middle aged. I was.
Speaker 1: I was thirty two. Anyway, go on, how do we meet?
Speaker 2: Okay? I went to interview at tosh point zero. At
Speaker 2: the time, I was secretly living in Florida. I was
Speaker 2: pretending like I was living in Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: Ye, but I wasn't immediately lied to us.
Speaker 2: It all started with a lie. Yes, And I went
Speaker 2: to the interview and there were two scots.
Speaker 1: You're starting to hear a voice. Now it's starting to
Speaker 1: pick up, right, We're getting it a going.
Speaker 2: I thought I was doing well in the interview, like
Speaker 2: I was trying to be whole time. Not there, no, okay,
Speaker 2: just me and two scots, and I was answering the questions.
Speaker 2: Kind of funny. And whatever blah blah blah, and then
Speaker 2: you walked in with like this dark cloud over you.
Speaker 2: You're wearing a beanie. I remember exactly your vibe. You
Speaker 2: were like just mad when you walked in the room.
Speaker 1: I'm at work, Yeah, fuck is happy at work. Wants
Speaker 1: people to be always chipper all the time. It's just
Speaker 1: annoying anyway.
Speaker 2: It's like I inconvenienced you by you coming in. So
Speaker 2: you come in and you're holding Castro and you sit
Speaker 2: down in the corner.
Speaker 1: Beautiful r. I p Castro, my wonderful dog. Oh man, Okay,
Speaker 1: I was holding Castro.
Speaker 2: Okay, Castro jumps out of your lap and like runs
Speaker 2: over and jumps into mine. But I was like in
Speaker 2: the middle of answering a question, so I didn't really
Speaker 2: like acknowledge Castro, and I just kept going and whatever.
Speaker 2: And then like, you know, a couple of sentences later.
Speaker 1: You like sentences whatever. A few words later, thirty minutes later,
Speaker 1: I said my first thing out of my mouth.
Speaker 2: Yes, this is the first time you talked.
Speaker 1: This is the first time I spoke, like, you don't
Speaker 1: like dogs? You don't like dogs, do you? Uh huh?
Speaker 2: We like that?
Speaker 1: Paz yep, Yeah, because I because because Castro was just
Speaker 1: being so sweet and she like literally like wouldn't even
Speaker 1: put a hand, like not even pettit's.
Speaker 2: Head on my interview.
Speaker 1: Listen.
Speaker 2: I also am not a person that's like, oh you're
Speaker 2: doing I want to pet it, like I don't care.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I'm like people, this lady who's lying
Speaker 1: about where she lives. You're telling the story of the
Speaker 1: first time we met at the job of her. I
Speaker 1: could have sworn we met at Dane Cook's game night
Speaker 1: when you were eleven years old. Uh, wouldn't that be funny?
Speaker 1: By the way, you leave the interview and we have
Speaker 1: this conversation, and maybe I don't know, was it hours
Speaker 1: later or a day later that you wrote a letter
Speaker 1: to us.
Speaker 2: I wrote an email like a thank you for the interview,
Speaker 2: and then I attached an apology letter.
Speaker 1: To Castro my dog for not liking him.
Speaker 2: And I said, please pass this long. Actually found that
Speaker 2: letter the other day, Did you really?
Speaker 1: That's cute?
Speaker 2: He said, like, I liked your fur. I hope you
Speaker 2: found some things that you liked about me too. He's
Speaker 2: written like dog level.
Speaker 1: First of all, he doesn't he don't have anies, don't
Speaker 1: have furtherive hair. Yeah, I and I found I was like,
Speaker 1: I was like, this, give her the job. That's funny.
Speaker 1: I don't care if somebody doesn't like like my uh
Speaker 1: my dog. Fast forward, you were next to Castro as
Speaker 1: they were injecting poison into him. Ten years later from that.
Speaker 2: In almost of the day. Yes, and I was bowling
Speaker 2: because I loved Castro. Uh huh he was, Yeah.
Speaker 1: He was, and they killed him. He slept in your
Speaker 1: face every night of his life. Yeah, you really want
Speaker 1: my h the fans of this show to just embrace you.
Speaker 1: Tell everybody how much you hate Carl.
Speaker 2: I find him very obnoxious. I don't hate him, he's sweet,
Speaker 2: but the barking is like, it's too much for me.
Speaker 1: You were interviewing people don't know this about Tosh point Oh.
Speaker 1: The reason Tosh point Oh was create, or the reason
Speaker 1: that Comedy Central wanted the show to exist, was because
Speaker 1: they wanted their website to have a presence. They wanted
Speaker 1: to compete with Funnier Die and they were getting no traffic.
Speaker 1: So they're like they basically like the TV show was
Speaker 1: its own thing that was kind of cheap and crappy,
Speaker 1: which it was, and they're like, but we want you
Speaker 1: guys to have this blog that people actually traveled. So
Speaker 1: you were in charge of all the content in creating
Speaker 1: the blog, and you made it hugely successful.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is when blogs were big.
Speaker 1: When blogs were big. Yeah, So you were hired and
Speaker 1: you'd lied you were in Florida, and so then you
Speaker 1: quickly I was at iguanamea.
Speaker 2: What's that Benita Springs. It's a Mexican restaurant. Oh night,
Speaker 2: and they called me probably nachos. Bill Wright called. I
Speaker 2: walked outside and he was like, it was a Wednesday,
Speaker 2: and he was like, can you start tomorrow? And I
Speaker 2: was like tomorrow, I am busy, but I can start
Speaker 2: on Monday. And I was freaking out because I did
Speaker 2: not live in Los Angeles. I lived in Benita Springs.
Speaker 1: He said, hey, the money is bad, and he goes, yeah.
Speaker 2: The money is bad, but then he said it must
Speaker 2: have been seven hundred I don't know right, and you
Speaker 2: went so much money?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so green You were walked back.
Speaker 2: Inside and I was like, I got a job. I
Speaker 2: have to move to Los Angeles in the next three days.
Speaker 1: Now. The first few years that you worked there, I
Speaker 1: don't think.
Speaker 2: I ever we didn't speak.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't mix business and pleasure. Okay, that's not mine.
Speaker 2: There was one time when we were at a meeting.
Speaker 2: I was sitting on the floor and there was a
Speaker 2: poster of Julia Roberts on the floor next to me,
Speaker 2: and you went out of nowhere in the middle of
Speaker 2: the meeting. You went, you're prettier than Julia Roberts, but
Speaker 2: in like a really awkward, weird way. The first time
Speaker 2: you ever talked to me, I was like.
Speaker 1: Okay, it was just like, you know, you're looking at
Speaker 1: this movie star. There's a big, big photo of this
Speaker 1: movie star, and you were right sitting next door. I
Speaker 1: was like, looky, this like you're prettier than that movie star.
Speaker 1: But anyway, that's probably inappropriate. I probably shouldn't have said
Speaker 1: something like that, but yet you were still in a
Speaker 1: room full of dudes. And then you became a writer
Speaker 1: on the show. You wrote on the show, and then
Speaker 1: we started dating, ye all secretly, We secretly dated, and
Speaker 1: then you immediately or not immediately, but you basically just quit.
Speaker 2: What so much time passed? You fast forwarded like.
Speaker 1: A year at least a year, okay a year.
Speaker 2: I think we secretly dated for a full year, but.
Speaker 1: Then you quit. Why did you quit?
Speaker 2: Because I wanted to go write on a scripted show.
Speaker 1: And you went over to Andy Samberg's show.
Speaker 2: I did Brooklyn nine.
Speaker 1: Is what we did wrong is dating? Were we? Were
Speaker 1: we not allowed to date each other?
Speaker 2: I think no, we weren't allowed, but it was such
Speaker 2: a small office and so many people were dating. But
Speaker 2: probably mine was the worst, obviously, since you were the host.
Speaker 1: When you say we weren't allowed, what does that mean?
Speaker 2: They didn't want the They don't want it, and you're
Speaker 2: supposed to like report it to HR or something. I
Speaker 2: don't know who's supposed to report it, the people in
Speaker 2: the relationship.
Speaker 1: But then you can, but then you're then they say, okay,
Speaker 1: you to date.
Speaker 2: I'm not sure what the actual rules are, but been
Speaker 2: a lot of marriages and babies came out of that,
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 1: I forget that. I'm just in general, when people say
Speaker 1: you're not supposed to date somebody at work, I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't go out at night, so I don't get
Speaker 1: to meet somebody.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, we all spend all of our time together.
Speaker 2: That's why it's hard not to end up dating somebody.
Speaker 1: How many times have you seen me ship myself quite
Speaker 1: a few early on. On one of our first dates, Yes,
Speaker 1: one of our first dates, I had a slam on
Speaker 1: the brakes on the pch and just run down a cliff.
Speaker 1: And then I came back and like I didn't have
Speaker 1: any underwear and I didn't have a shirt anymore.
Speaker 2: And then you roll down the windows and you're like,
Speaker 2: we're not talking about it, and you like drove back home.
Speaker 1: But even before that are one of our very first dates.
Speaker 1: I said, hey, I need.
Speaker 2: That was our first date. What's that when you said
Speaker 2: that you were feeling sick? Yes, yes, that was our
Speaker 2: first date.
Speaker 1: First. Yeah, I said, I'll go, I'm feeling sick. I
Speaker 1: think we should get we should get going. And we
Speaker 1: went home and then I excused myself, went to the bathroom,
Speaker 1: and then I came back and you know, you.
Speaker 2: Like started making out with me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I go, you don't know what sick means, But.
Speaker 2: No one else says that. No one else is like,
Speaker 2: I'm feeling sick. That means I have like horrible diarrhea.
Speaker 2: I've never heard of anyone say that was way.
Speaker 1: Better than I didn't know you well enough to be
Speaker 1: like I have horrible diary. I just I just don't.
Speaker 1: I don't feel well.
Speaker 2: I don't uh huh.
Speaker 1: But then I felt fine. I was ready to go.
Speaker 2: Time somewhat recently, I went to go walk into the garage.
Speaker 1: Oh, you don't need to share that. Who is the
Speaker 1: best lover you've ever been with?
Speaker 2: You? Of course.
Speaker 1: You're the only person I've ever been with, So that's.
Speaker 2: That's so sweet.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you wish I would be a little more like,
Speaker 1: let people know just how strong our love is. Nothing
Speaker 1: you want to make out on camera? I think people
Speaker 1: would be able to tell, like our chemistry and our passion. Yeah,
Speaker 1: probably if we were to make out. Yeah, I bet
Speaker 1: you think about it. Okay, you think of it. The
Speaker 1: offers on the table, and as people of this show know,
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't like to put things on this table,
Speaker 1: but I would love to throw you up on this
Speaker 1: table in a in a fit of passion, maybe just
Speaker 1: make out with you. What is your worst quality?
Speaker 2: My worst quality?
Speaker 1: What do you think I think is your worst quality?
Speaker 2: Worst is I can think of a bunch, But to
Speaker 2: pick one that is the worst.
Speaker 1: Well, I'll give you a hint. Okay, it's physical.
Speaker 2: My posture. Yeap, that was actually going to be what
Speaker 2: I said. But then I was like, certainly there's something
Speaker 2: worse than my postum. No there's not, which is excellent.
Speaker 1: It's great right now. I've never first of all, I've
Speaker 1: never seen you, uh look so pretty with your hair,
Speaker 1: so pretty dressed up. I mean it's just so rare.
Speaker 1: Look like you wear the same love.
Speaker 2: A pair of sweatpants, the.
Speaker 1: Grossest sweatpants, every day of your life. And then you
Speaker 1: force me I have to. Like a lot of relationships,
Speaker 1: it's like we have once a month, we have date night.
Speaker 1: Some couples do it once a week. Now here's what
Speaker 1: I do. I wait until the end of the year,
Speaker 1: at about you know, December, and I'm like, oh, hey,
Speaker 1: we need to go out twelve times.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: The once a month thing hasn't really worked.
Speaker 1: No, I didn't. I don't, I don't, I don't don't
Speaker 1: put don't shackle me.
Speaker 2: I just want you to want to take me out,
Speaker 2: you know, without the the once a month thing.
Speaker 1: Do you guys? Do you guys date you have date night?
Speaker 3: Well, like a specific you.
Speaker 1: Don't have it. You don't. Eddie Head doesn't have a
Speaker 1: date night? You you too, Dylan, you've been married for
Speaker 1: six minutes. You already have a fucking you're forced to
Speaker 1: go on date nights?
Speaker 3: Not forced?
Speaker 2: Oh not romantic?
Speaker 1: Geez okay, but so do you do it once a week,
Speaker 1: two times a month? You don't have kids? Fuck off? Yes,
Speaker 1: I mean I like to go out with you. Don't
Speaker 1: get me wrong. It's fun. I had to go to
Speaker 1: a restaurant.
Speaker 2: Do you make it sound like a chore.
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's just well, once you say I
Speaker 1: have to do it, it's like the dentist. It's like, oh,
Speaker 1: every six months, I have to do this. Your posture
Speaker 1: is your worst quality, and then and then not physical,
Speaker 1: your voice, and then your name.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you don't like the name of Carly.
Speaker 1: Yeah I never I was like Carly.
Speaker 2: Well, I think you think my siblings names are cool,
Speaker 2: and her.
Speaker 1: Siblings all have cool names A Taylor, Chase, Jordan, Carly
Speaker 1: if you were, if you were to give me that
Speaker 1: seems like the example question on the SATs.
Speaker 2: Which one doesn't belong?
Speaker 1: Which one of these names is batshit stupid? I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm not saying Daniel's a good name. All those all
Speaker 1: though its biblical? Is Carly biblical?
Speaker 2: I believe I'm named after Carly Simon.
Speaker 1: Oh, it's kind of cool. I didn't know that. Do
Speaker 1: you remember when we were first started dating. At the
Speaker 1: end of meals what I used to do to gross
Speaker 1: you out?
Speaker 2: Put your hand into the food and then just like
Speaker 2: I used to make it in your mouth.
Speaker 1: I used to just put my hands all in the
Speaker 1: food like when I was finished.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you would do that like around my family.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's such a funny bit. I have stopped doing it.
Speaker 1: I gotta bring the bit back now that I've children.
Speaker 2: Yeah, honestly, they would lose their mind.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So the end of meals, like we would be
Speaker 1: at a restaurant and are you finished with that? And
Speaker 1: she'd be like yeah, and like, let's I can't. Let's
Speaker 1: say she had shrimp and grits. I would just take
Speaker 1: my hands and put them in the grits and just
Speaker 1: start going like this and just sit and keep talking
Speaker 1: to her and she would just be like, what in
Speaker 1: the h is happening? Oh? It was fun times. That
Speaker 1: was a good bit.
Speaker 2: Do you remember when we were at Chilata we ordered
Speaker 2: the golden bags.
Speaker 1: By the way, rip Chilatta burned down in the last fire.
Speaker 1: It was a tie place that We used to go to.
Speaker 2: A little beach shack. Very cute, very cute.
Speaker 1: I hope they rebuild it. Anyway, what were you saying
Speaker 1: about it?
Speaker 2: We ordered these appetizers called golden bags, and they were
Speaker 2: like a little fried bag that looked like kind of
Speaker 2: like a knapsack, and you stuck a toothpick in one
Speaker 2: and you stuck it with your shoulder and you were like,
Speaker 2: I'm waiting for my ride. And I was like, I
Speaker 2: have to marry this weirdo, Like what's happening.
Speaker 1: I had a little bindle.
Speaker 2: It was like the dumbest thing I've ever seen anyone
Speaker 2: do a.
Speaker 1: Little with my little tie bit. Appreciate, I appreciate you
Speaker 1: remember that, But those things look so.
Speaker 2: Stupid, look like little napsecks.
Speaker 1: Yeah. You remember when we first started dating and you
Speaker 1: asked me, I was doing some of your laundry, like, hey,
Speaker 1: don't don't dry that one shirt, And I sent you
Speaker 1: a photo and I had taken all my fingernail and
Speaker 1: toenail clippings and wrote I love you on the shirt
Speaker 1: as I was making sure that I didn't dry it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you were definitely the strangest person I've ever dated.
Speaker 1: No, it was romantic. I got that. Still, how long
Speaker 1: have we been married?
Speaker 2: Nine years? This will be nine years.
Speaker 1: I think that's good that you and I are together
Speaker 1: because we never people like how long have you've been married?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I have no idea, and like that's
Speaker 1: not something that would ever upset you that I have
Speaker 1: no idea because I know that you barely know.
Speaker 2: I think the other day I said the date wrong.
Speaker 1: It's the seventeenth seventeenth.
Speaker 2: Yeah, of age of the sixteenth seventeen anniversary.
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, I know when I know when it was, oh,
Speaker 1: such a magical day. Do you know about the bet Eddie.
Speaker 2: And I made, Yeah, that you would have fewer than
Speaker 2: twenty people.
Speaker 1: Okay, So when Eddie and I were very young, we
Speaker 1: made this bet. He's like, there's no I said, I
Speaker 1: go when I get married on because Eddie had two weddings,
Speaker 1: he had one on the East Coast and one in Vegas.
Speaker 1: And I said, when I get married, there's no way
Speaker 1: I'm going to have more than twenty people. And he's like,
Speaker 1: all right, I'll take that action, and he bet me
Speaker 1: five grand. Right, it was five grand. It was a
Speaker 1: lot of money even back then for us. This is
Speaker 1: way before, way before I ever had a show or
Speaker 1: anything like that. Anyway, fast forward to us. We were
Speaker 1: engaged and I said to you, hey, if you could
Speaker 1: get married anywhere in the world but we only had
Speaker 1: like a dozen people, would that offset it? And you
Speaker 1: were like, yep, if we can do it Italy and
Speaker 1: I was like, boom chi ching a good move.
Speaker 2: Visions or so. I was sure your motivation.
Speaker 1: No, it wasn't. To be honest, I forgot about the bet.
Speaker 2: No, you did not. I remember this conversation like right
Speaker 2: after that. I think we talked about a castle in
Speaker 2: Ireland or something, and then yeah, they started looking at
Speaker 2: villas in Italy. And then you immediately told me that,
Speaker 2: like it had to be fewer than twenty people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't. I mean, I don't think that's a
Speaker 1: bad move. Guys, I had to make sure Eddie lost.
Speaker 1: Anybody you would have wanted to leave off the invite list, Nope,
Speaker 1: anybody you'd like to add.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean Sam wasn't there, which is battling.
Speaker 1: Pete's wife, Yeah wasn't there. Well, listen, you had to
Speaker 1: make some tough choices and it was fun watching you
Speaker 1: make them. I didn't need to bring my brother or
Speaker 1: my sisters. Yeah, yeah, I mean you nixed all my family.
Speaker 2: No, that's not true.
Speaker 1: My mom and dad. That's the only ones that got
Speaker 1: to come, by the way, just because you got to
Speaker 1: come to the wedding too, you didn't actually get to
Speaker 1: come to the wedding itself. Yes, then there was a
Speaker 1: smaller group of the ser of the fifteen or sixteen
Speaker 1: people that actually watched, just exchange valves.
Speaker 2: I got in trouble for that from.
Speaker 1: Who who didn't get to who of your party?
Speaker 2: I think people were like taken aback.
Speaker 1: I used to be a monster because in the beginning
Speaker 1: Carley would like she would just let me do some
Speaker 1: of my crazy stuff, and now now she just runs
Speaker 1: the house. Do you remember the first song that was
Speaker 1: played at our wedding?
Speaker 2: I do. It was gold Digger, like on your West.
Speaker 2: I thought that DJ it was fucking with.
Speaker 1: Me the Nazi, the Nazi Kanye West. Yes, song was
Speaker 1: the first song on our wedding was gold Digger? And
Speaker 1: what was your what was your thought?
Speaker 2: I mean I thought that the DJ was kind of
Speaker 2: like fucking with me, Like it felt like he was
Speaker 2: making like a statement about what he thought was going on.
Speaker 1: Did he play the whole song.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I mean it's a good song. So we
Speaker 2: were all like dancing to it and this is like
Speaker 2: pre Nazi, you know, so we all had fun. But
Speaker 2: the whole time I was like, why would this be
Speaker 2: your pick as the very first at our wedding? Like,
Speaker 2: I mean, this is after like slow dance, but the
Speaker 2: first like dance song. Was like, so, like, did you
Speaker 2: pick the.
Speaker 1: Song for the well?
Speaker 2: I think I just said like American pop music or something.
Speaker 1: Now, had you not married me, who would have been
Speaker 1: your second pick at the office for you to have
Speaker 1: a long term relationship Eddie? Eddie was married.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's why I went for you.
Speaker 1: You would have broke up his marriage. You think you
Speaker 1: could have infiltrated? Interesting talk about the time Lena Dunham
Speaker 1: made you cry?
Speaker 2: The time Lena Dunham made me cry?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Do you remember this? I don't know, Okay, then
Speaker 1: I'll tell the story. Lena Dunham was on Watch What
Speaker 1: Happens Live or whatever, the Bravo show and she was
Speaker 1: asked who the most misogynistic person in Hollywood? Is something
Speaker 1: to that effect, right, and then she like, you know
Speaker 1: kind of was I don't know what she said exactly,
Speaker 1: but at one point she was like, Daniel Tosh, not
Speaker 1: a Harvey Weinstein who's in jail for it. She said me. Now,
Speaker 1: the reason that she said me yes was because there
Speaker 1: was a joke on our show around the time that
Speaker 1: this came out that made fun of her boobs or
Speaker 1: something like that. And this is what I want to
Speaker 1: bring up. You were crying because you're like, how do
Speaker 1: you think it makes me feel to know that I'm
Speaker 1: dating somebody that thinks you're the most misogynistic person in Hollywood?
Speaker 1: And I was laughing. I was like, well, I'm not
Speaker 1: the most misogynistic person in Hollywood. The guy that's in
Speaker 1: jail for raping people. That that guy has to be worse. Right.
Speaker 1: The point that I want to I didn't watch Girls,
Speaker 1: you loved that show. You wrote the joke.
Speaker 2: I wrote the joke.
Speaker 1: You wrote the joke that made her say and I
Speaker 1: just say the joke. So the point is, you're the
Speaker 1: most misogynistic man in Hollywood, according to Lena Dunham, who,
Speaker 1: by the way, didn't she write a book and well
Speaker 1: in they're a chapter about her molesting her sister or something. Yeah, yeah, Well,
Speaker 1: so anyway, I don't know why you got upset by that?
Speaker 1: Am I misogynistic?
Speaker 2: No? No, I think she would be interested to know that,
Speaker 2: Like your whole team is women.
Speaker 1: I don't think she'd be interested in anything about me,
Speaker 1: but I wish the best and I've never watched girls.
Speaker 1: Let's go back to your career for a second. You've
Speaker 1: always written for male comedians. Yeah, because you're not You're
Speaker 1: not like, you're not a guy one of the guys.
Speaker 1: You know. They always think that, like comedy writers like
Speaker 1: oh yeah, or you know, like the hot chicks. She's like,
Speaker 1: I'm never I can't be friends with girls. That's not you. No, no,
Speaker 1: you're not. All you have is just tons and tons
Speaker 1: of girl friends. But yet you write comedy for like dudes.
Speaker 1: That's interesting.
Speaker 2: I just that was my trajectory.
Speaker 1: Are you saying that you that wouldn't be your your
Speaker 1: specialty could branch out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm trying to branch out. I could branch out,
Speaker 2: but I think Yeah, people saw my resume and thought like, oh,
Speaker 2: she can write this type of joke, but you can
Speaker 2: at certain jobs.
Speaker 1: Yes, you're writing a script now that's inspired by the
Speaker 1: relationship between you me and your sister.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Are you going to have to soften that. Like, if
Speaker 1: if somebody right now were to be like, we're going
Speaker 1: to buy this script, Carly, and it's going to be
Speaker 1: on the air tomorrow, would you have to have a
Speaker 1: sit down with your sister to be like, okay, we
Speaker 1: need to talk.
Speaker 2: These are fictional characters. One of them vaguely resembles you,
Speaker 2: one me, and one my sister, but they are not us.
Speaker 1: I'm not upset by any of the portrayals of me,
Speaker 1: am I.
Speaker 2: Everyone is right and everyone is wrong. That's you know, brother,
Speaker 2: It's great.
Speaker 1: Who should who? Who would be a perfect cast to
Speaker 1: play my role? Well?
Speaker 2: I was trying to pitch Dave Franco the other day.
Speaker 1: Dave Franco, Yeah, is that a good get?
Speaker 3: I think so.
Speaker 1: I think so too.
Speaker 3: You must be the hero.
Speaker 1: He wrote for Cedric the Entertainer too. Now, I wanted
Speaker 1: to play f Mary kill with the people that you've
Speaker 1: worked for, Andy Samberg, Cedric the Entertainer, myself. We know
Speaker 1: that you married me, So which one of the other
Speaker 1: two do you want to make sweet love to?
Speaker 2: Cedric's a cool guy like him?
Speaker 1: Okay, so Cedric? It is that means Andy gets the acts? Ye,
Speaker 1: Speaking of acts, nobody ever wants to fucking hear their
Speaker 1: wife tell them about their dreams. It's just nonsense. Okay,
Speaker 1: my wife has the most psychotic nightmares, Like she dreams
Speaker 1: all the time. I had to take an axe and
Speaker 1: split a guy's head open.
Speaker 2: It is only when I'm pregnant. No, mo, when I'm
Speaker 2: pregnant mostly, O get.
Speaker 1: Fine, mostly when you're pregnant. But but regardless, you have
Speaker 1: serial killer dreams where you do horrible violent things to people. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've never even cracked open a book to see if
Speaker 1: that means something.
Speaker 2: I think that's why Stacey gave me the Book of Dreams.
Speaker 2: She was haunted by the dream I told her what
Speaker 2: kind of dreams?
Speaker 1: I mean, honestly, how often do you have those? Those murders?
Speaker 2: No? Really, when I'm pregnant, though, I would always be
Speaker 2: like running from someone, but I would have like a
Speaker 2: weapon and then I would have to like kill someone
Speaker 2: in my dream. It happened a.
Speaker 1: Lot, yeah, but like not it just kill them, like
Speaker 1: kill them in a violent, violent way. I would always
Speaker 1: ask like will you wake up before you do it
Speaker 1: and say no, no, no, I'm just chopping their head over,
Speaker 1: and I'm just like disgusting. Yeah, speaking of things that
Speaker 1: disgusted me about you that you do. When you were
Speaker 1: talking about taking birth control, the way you take a pill.
Speaker 2: It's deep.
Speaker 1: I don't get it. If some people you know, like
Speaker 1: like like, oh, I don't take pills very well, but
Speaker 1: for her it doesn't. By the way, it's not just pills.
Speaker 1: I'm going to all point. She has to take the
Speaker 1: pill and place it in the back of her throat,
Speaker 1: like she literally like if this goes like this and see,
Speaker 1: I'm like, what are you doing?
Speaker 2: Well? Stop watching me take the pills.
Speaker 1: Okay, but okay, So here's the thing. That's how you
Speaker 1: eat too. Whenever you're eating like finger food and breaking
Speaker 1: a piece off, you don't ever just you don't like
Speaker 1: pop popcorn into your mouth. You place it.
Speaker 2: I think I would miss. I'm just gonna make sure
Speaker 2: it gets in there.
Speaker 1: It makes no sense. You're a big wine drinker. You
Speaker 1: love wine. You're constantly drinking wine.
Speaker 2: I'm not sure that's would you.
Speaker 1: Be happier with me if I drank happier?
Speaker 2: No, but I think it would be fun maybe to
Speaker 2: like share a bottle of wine from time to time.
Speaker 2: That's why I like push a drink over to you, like, hey,
Speaker 2: like the night that I wore this, I think you
Speaker 2: drank a cocktail that was cute and then how much
Speaker 2: diarheated again later and then all night long on my birthday.
Speaker 2: But you were in the bathroom.
Speaker 1: She was dead asleep.
Speaker 2: I had know what was happening.
Speaker 1: Itn't didn't matter. The emmodium wore off around two.
Speaker 2: I am the tequila didn't help the AVR Seafood tower,
Speaker 2: it was.
Speaker 1: It was a big night here. Let's let's do this.
Speaker 1: We're gonna play a little game here, the newlywed game.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: Okay, what celebrity do people think you look like?
Speaker 2: Am I supposed to say it out loud?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean you're not the newlybed game. You're supposed
Speaker 1: to write it down, but I didn't have two boards.
Speaker 2: Okay, Rachel McAdams, that's who you think I look like,
Speaker 2: only because of my very small breast.
Speaker 1: Okay, Rachel McAdam. And you really really went for it there.
Speaker 2: I used to be told that all the time, and
Speaker 2: now I'm not, sadly ever told that.
Speaker 1: What is my biggest pet peeve about you?
Speaker 2: When you're in my car that I put the that
Speaker 2: I either put this down or leave it down. This
Speaker 2: bitch always leaves her visor down. Yeah, it is still
Speaker 2: in my eyes. We're not the same height, so you
Speaker 2: can't see what I can talk about when my eyes.
Speaker 1: When I turned down a different road, you.
Speaker 2: Give me like five seconds to put it back up.
Speaker 2: It's not like on my mind like, well we turned
Speaker 2: I better bloop.
Speaker 1: I don't think i'm six four, Like, are you realize
Speaker 1: that our site lender?
Speaker 2: When I look at you, like the dad, that's like,
Speaker 2: turn the light off in the back. I can't see.
Speaker 2: It's like, bitch, you can still see, Like it's fine.
Speaker 1: Do I let my kids put the light on in
Speaker 1: the bus, But so I put it on a dim set. No,
Speaker 1: that's a blind spot for me.
Speaker 2: When I look at the I don't think so. There's
Speaker 2: all kinds of cameras on the car.
Speaker 1: That's true. What's my nickname for you?
Speaker 2: A car car?
Speaker 1: Oh? That's right, it was. I wouldn't think I was
Speaker 1: gonna say, bitch. I forgot. We used to call you
Speaker 1: tunic car. We called you Tuna car car at work.
Speaker 2: We I think it's just you, no one else, Well,
Speaker 2: maybe Joe Borden.
Speaker 1: I kept saying it was a fancy, fancy tuna. It's
Speaker 1: a compliment.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think a woman wants to call it tuna.
Speaker 1: Tuna car Car was not a bad nickname. It's so bad.
Speaker 2: Can't pick your own nicknames? We just happened to you.
Speaker 1: God's bullshit. You tried to pick your own nick when
Speaker 1: you were a kid, Yeah, you try. She tried to
Speaker 1: get people in her school to call her sweet and low.
Speaker 2: This is true. I was sort of like shopping.
Speaker 1: It around because there was a girl that came in.
Speaker 2: There was like an older girl who came to like
Speaker 2: volunteer at like my fourth grade class or whatever, and
Speaker 2: she was like, my name is whatever, but everybody calls
Speaker 2: me sweet and low, and I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: that's the coolest nickname I've ever heard. So then I
Speaker 2: was kind of like trying to ask people to start
Speaker 2: calling me sweten low because it's very small, way smaller
Speaker 2: than everyone around.
Speaker 1: Okay, what grade did you skip?
Speaker 2: Second?
Speaker 1: You skipped second grade because you were so smart, so smart,
Speaker 1: Your geography skills are questionable at best. Yeah, I'll give
Speaker 1: you fifteen hundred dollars right now if you can point
Speaker 1: in the direction of Florida okay.
Speaker 2: Wait, so we're in California again.
Speaker 1: This is.
Speaker 2: That's north over there? Right?
Speaker 1: No, oh, you're not even closed.
Speaker 2: Where is Florida? Point to it?
Speaker 1: Florida's there?
Speaker 3: What?
Speaker 2: No, it's not.
Speaker 1: Okay. Everybody that's on the show gets a gift, you know,
Speaker 1: the drill. But I was like, how am I going
Speaker 1: to get her something that we have? Because it's like,
Speaker 1: am I going to just bring in her gross sweatpants
Speaker 1: and say here, continue to wear these horrible things? But
Speaker 1: we still did it. Okay, I still got you something interesting.
Speaker 2: There you go steels like a book.
Speaker 1: Don't ruin it by guessing.
Speaker 2: Bound bound in leather.
Speaker 1: I always joked about doing this. I was like, you
Speaker 1: know what, I'm going to do it. So what does
Speaker 1: it say?
Speaker 2: The prenup?
Speaker 1: The prenup? It's our prenup. I did that nice paper?
Speaker 1: Do you remember looking at that thing? Did you ever
Speaker 1: actually read our prenup?
Speaker 2: My attorney made me like read some of it, and
Speaker 2: she really thought I wasn't taking it seriously.
Speaker 1: You weren't. Yeah, I got away with murder in there.
Speaker 1: Let me see this prett enough, I haven't seen this money.
Speaker 2: We can put it with the photo albums.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be great. I thought we'd put on our
Speaker 1: coffee table. Look at that. That's legit. Every page has
Speaker 1: our initials. We had initial every page. Oh man, so
Speaker 1: many things are in here. That's beautiful. I'm sign this too.
Speaker 2: What's your name, Harley hallam.
Speaker 1: Ah, No it's not not according to this bad boy.
Speaker 1: Here you go, Thank you.
Speaker 2: This is very sweet.
Speaker 1: Shut it off my desk. You want me to rip
Speaker 1: that book up right now and void it? The whole thing?
Speaker 1: Do you think it's it would hold up still?
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know how that works. She
Speaker 2: seemed very concerned that certain things were in there.
Speaker 1: Lawyer said said, and I quote, I cannot in good
Speaker 1: faith have you signed this?
Speaker 2: Yes? And she told me that I will become accustomed
Speaker 2: to a certain lifestyle and that if we got divorced,
Speaker 2: I would need a certain amount of money mm hmm,
Speaker 2: or like I wouldn't be able to live.
Speaker 1: My business may have forced me. They're like, you have
Speaker 1: all our clients have to do prenups and you can
Speaker 1: just put it on her. I guess technically. I said, yeah,
Speaker 1: but I'm not going to do it. But I was like,
Speaker 1: I'll do it. Whatever. Do most of your friends have prenups.
Speaker 1: They do. Yeah, is the biggest reason you don't want
Speaker 1: to divorce me because you're scared who our children would
Speaker 1: pick in court.
Speaker 2: I mean they are very partial to you.
Speaker 1: Why do you think that is? And I'm who's the
Speaker 1: strict one? Yeah, you I'm the strict one.
Speaker 2: No. It's confusing because like our daughter will be like, Daddy,
Speaker 2: don't leave me. That's the new thing that she says, Daddy,
Speaker 2: don't leave me, Daddy, don't leave me. But you'll have
Speaker 2: just like yelled at her about something and then like, Daddy,
Speaker 2: don't leave me. And I'm like, I'm standing right here,
Speaker 2: like I will hug you and like pet your hair.
Speaker 1: You obviously don't know how manipulation works.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: And the thing is I don't go anywhere.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I literally I went to work one day last week.
Speaker 2: It was a very big deal in the house.
Speaker 1: I mean I had all day. I work after she's asleep,
Speaker 1: and then I come here during.
Speaker 2: Nap time Vegas. You were in Vegas.
Speaker 1: I was gone for eight hours.
Speaker 2: And she told me that Daddy went to work, Daddy
Speaker 2: come home. Mommy can sit in chair until Daddy come home.
Speaker 1: When's the last time you went to one of my
Speaker 1: comedy shows.
Speaker 2: I caught the tail end of it. I was in
Speaker 2: Vegas a couple months ago.
Speaker 1: All right, does it live rent free in your mind
Speaker 1: that our son wanted to marry me instead of you?
Speaker 2: I mean I thought it was very sweet, but yeah,
Speaker 2: there was no He wasn't like waffleg or anything.
Speaker 1: Who do you think our daughter wants to marry?
Speaker 2: Probably you?
Speaker 1: Why don't we have a nanny?
Speaker 2: Some combination of my fomo on missing out on our
Speaker 2: our children's lives and your refusal to trust anyone.
Speaker 1: You yell at me constantly, but this is why we
Speaker 1: have to have somebody to watch our kids.
Speaker 2: But we don't.
Speaker 1: I know. So do you think when you get older
Speaker 1: you're gonna be like? Ah? My one regret. I wish
Speaker 1: we would have had a nanny so we could have
Speaker 1: spent less time with our children.
Speaker 2: I mean, I think that's probably an oversimplification of the matter,
Speaker 2: but I thought it was a.
Speaker 1: Good point on my side. What were the runner up
Speaker 1: names for both of our children?
Speaker 2: Our son? For a while, we were thinking of otis
Speaker 2: one hundred percent? Hold on, you were texting everyone his
Speaker 2: name or otis his name? Or Otis to like the
Speaker 2: runner up name, and then that was not the runner up.
Speaker 2: You liked the name Rigsby, which is just like a
Speaker 2: combination of letters. It's not a name, and I never
Speaker 2: liked that name, but that was his alias alias at
Speaker 2: the hospital. At the hospital, Otis was the name that
Speaker 2: we actually thought about naming him that we ask people
Speaker 2: which one they like? Tractor, Yeah, we didn't have that book.
Speaker 1: Then everyone's knows familiar with I was familiar with that
Speaker 1: I read.
Speaker 2: And then our daughter's name was maybe going to be Indigo,
Speaker 2: which I now find very funny because I think it
Speaker 2: would be really weird if her name was Indigo. But
Speaker 2: I did. I had already purchased letters for her nursery
Speaker 2: that said Indy, and I had to give them away.
Speaker 1: Who named both of our children?
Speaker 2: You certainly named our daughter, oh man. You were like
Speaker 2: very aggressive about calling my stomach that, and so I
Speaker 2: eventually was like, I guess that's her name.
Speaker 1: No, that's not even true, because you had our daughter
Speaker 1: and for like two days in the hospital she still
Speaker 1: was a name. And the night nurses we started polling nurses. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and the one girl, I'd love for you to do
Speaker 1: an accent for her. She had opinions, Yeah, our kids
Speaker 1: go to public school. Did you want our kids to
Speaker 1: go to private school?
Speaker 2: I went to public school. I'm not against public school.
Speaker 2: But once I had started like looking into private schools,
Speaker 2: I got very excited by them because I love school
Speaker 2: and they're so nice.
Speaker 1: You're such a nerd. You've you've always been a nerd,
Speaker 1: and you still are a nerd. Like you and a
Speaker 1: lot of people say they're nerds, but like you feel
Speaker 1: like it's.
Speaker 2: Sad that one day you're just like and now I'm
Speaker 2: done learning, Like it's.
Speaker 1: The dumbest thing I've ever heard. You were obsessed with
Speaker 1: Broadway and musicals, yes, and now you're forcing our son
Speaker 1: to have your same passion.
Speaker 2: It's working. I don't know if I'm forcing it. He's
Speaker 2: he's all about it.
Speaker 1: And you guys are right now. We're the household's really
Speaker 1: big into Wicked. But you, as much as you love
Speaker 1: musicals and brought it, have the worst singing voice. Yes,
Speaker 1: possibly in the world. I can't sing at all, but
Speaker 1: together the.
Speaker 2: Two of us, it's pretty bad.
Speaker 1: It's so bad. And now our son thinks he is,
Speaker 1: he thinks he's really good. There's no way, we've created
Speaker 1: a good singer.
Speaker 2: No, I don't think so. By the way, seeing piano lessons,
Speaker 2: and he told me the other day like that he's
Speaker 2: okay at piano, but what he's really good at is
Speaker 2: singing when he's playing the piano. And then last night
Speaker 2: he was walking around singing Rewrite the Stars. Oh it
Speaker 2: sounded like when I sing.
Speaker 1: I Love the Greatest Showman. People at home think, oh,
Speaker 1: you're just teasing your wife. She's she probably doesn't sing
Speaker 1: the bag sing sing that Uh that big note in
Speaker 1: Wicked that people do where you're supposed to let it, Dylan,
Speaker 1: get ready, there's a note that is it's at the end,
Speaker 1: at the end of just like covering let me hear?
Speaker 2: Okay, like.
Speaker 1: Like that, it's just how'd that feel? Dylan Loud? Yeah,
Speaker 1: what physical thing would you change about me?
Speaker 2: Do your bowels count as physical?
Speaker 1: No, that's enterds.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna give you long hair and put it in
Speaker 2: a bun.
Speaker 1: Do you hate it that I've been going bald for
Speaker 1: the past twenty years?
Speaker 2: I don't hate it. I'm not sure how I'll feel
Speaker 2: if you because, like somewhat recently, you're like, I'm just
Speaker 2: gonna shave my head, and I was like, whoa, let's
Speaker 2: talk about that. I am just your decision.
Speaker 1: Pete and Eddie are sitting right over there. You just
Speaker 1: make it sound like.
Speaker 2: That's who they are. I know, you with hair on.
Speaker 3: What are you saying?
Speaker 1: Just the of ball? They're just bald man. That's who
Speaker 1: you are.
Speaker 2: That's who you are. But it'd be cute if you
Speaker 2: were like surfer boy, you know, bun hair.
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm fifty years old.
Speaker 2: That's okay in this town.
Speaker 1: I'm not fifty yet. Oh I can't wait to be fifty.
Speaker 2: What do you want to do for your birthday?
Speaker 1: She always, she always wants to plan for my birthday,
Speaker 1: and I don't let her.
Speaker 2: This is a very annoying thing. Yeah, right, because then
Speaker 2: it's just going to be your birthday and it's going
Speaker 2: to feel like I didn't do anything for you except
Speaker 2: I've been trying to like make something happen. And then
Speaker 2: I'll like throw ideas out of you and you're like, no,
Speaker 2: I was horrible. It's my birthday, that's right, But then
Speaker 2: we can't just can't just be your fiftieth birthday and
Speaker 2: like we're all just like sitting around like oh we
Speaker 2: meet tacos.
Speaker 1: I'm meeting tacos. I'm gonna be eat in the taco.
Speaker 3: I'll help your plan it.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Eddie. You want to make another bet, you
Speaker 1: want to go double or nothing? We will be.
Speaker 2: Planning a birthday, even if it's just a dinner or something.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think anything special is going to happen.
Speaker 1: I'll let you know, though. I got some ideas.
Speaker 2: Because like, it's fun to surprise people, but not you
Speaker 2: make it like, oh, you've really inconvenienced me by like
Speaker 2: surprising you with something.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I don't want to be stressed out weird.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be stressed out of that.
Speaker 2: Wouldn't surprise you with something you wouldn't like, Like, I
Speaker 2: know you barely.
Speaker 1: You think you know me. You don't know me. What's
Speaker 1: my favorite color?
Speaker 2: Aqua?
Speaker 1: Wait? One of her friends texting me, Hey, what's Carly's
Speaker 1: favorite color? And I just wrote, fuck off. Favorite color
Speaker 1: will be six.
Speaker 2: She's trying to buy me a necklace, a very cute
Speaker 2: necklace that had like little beads on it, and they
Speaker 2: had a bunch of color options and.
Speaker 1: I but I was just like, I don't know what
Speaker 1: her favorite color. I think it's black.
Speaker 2: He said gray, and then she was like, not gray.
Speaker 2: And then you said like light black or something like that,
Speaker 2: and she was like like pink or purple white whatever.
Speaker 1: You also accuse me in public two things of eating my.
Speaker 2: Words, but then also saying things way too loud, right, and.
Speaker 1: Then when I talk about people in public, she first
Speaker 1: of all, she says, I eat my words because you
Speaker 1: know how basketball players after games, when the two stars
Speaker 1: come talk to each other, Eddie, they have to go
Speaker 1: like this so that you don't see what they're saying. Well,
Speaker 1: when I'm out in public, I'm aware sometimes that people
Speaker 1: are listening. So I do a thing where I kind
Speaker 1: of just start to Jeff dunnam it and.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't do.
Speaker 1: A lot of moving, It's like and anyways. So but
Speaker 1: then counter to that.
Speaker 2: Nonsense, it's fascinating that someone would do both of these things.
Speaker 1: When there's somebody that I want to talk about or
Speaker 1: get infuriated by in public. She's like, they can flat
Speaker 1: out hear you so.
Speaker 2: Loud, so loud you'll say what you have to say
Speaker 2: like so that they hear you. So I don't know
Speaker 2: how you decide in that moment, if you're going to
Speaker 2: swallow the words you're about to say or shout them,
Speaker 2: I feel.
Speaker 1: Like some people need to hear it.
Speaker 2: I'm constantly telling you that you're talking too loud, and everyone.
Speaker 1: I'm constantly telling you you're talking too loud.
Speaker 2: Well, there we go.
Speaker 1: You don't wear a wedding ring, that's true. I just
Speaker 1: thought of another physical thing about you that that no, oh,
Speaker 1: everybody has moles, and she has some moles. Sometimes I'll
Speaker 1: be honest with that, like, oh, this mole looks like
Speaker 1: it's turning a little black. You should have it checked out,
Speaker 1: just so that they cut it off. I get that
Speaker 1: that's probably wrong. That's is that gaslighting. I still don't
Speaker 1: know what gaslighting is. But the issue you have a
Speaker 1: few moles, much like Rachel McAdams. Doesn't she have a big, old,
Speaker 1: huge mole. Anyway, you have someone on your back and
Speaker 1: you like your back aggressively scratched with your nails like
Speaker 1: she's like, scratch, I try, and then I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: hitting the moles.
Speaker 2: I got those ones, the compromising ones, remo.
Speaker 1: Now they're still there's still one there that sometimes I
Speaker 1: clip and it just gives me the Willies because I
Speaker 1: was on TV. I get invited to things that I
Speaker 1: never want to go to, even though I assume you
Speaker 1: would love to get dressed up and be fancy. Is
Speaker 1: that one of the things that you would change about me?
Speaker 2: Yeah, not just like the things you would be invited to,
Speaker 2: but just like your willingness to do stuff. There's like
Speaker 2: things I would if I were to change something, I
Speaker 2: would want you to accept invitations to things and like
Speaker 2: want to do stuff.
Speaker 1: But was there gonna be about at the end of
Speaker 1: that or no?
Speaker 2: Nope? No, That's why I have to bring our child
Speaker 2: to the Broadway shows with me because you won't go.
Speaker 1: But you don't do stuff, But you have no problem
Speaker 1: using the name to make sure that we get better
Speaker 1: seats at things, free tickets, et cetera. When't you try
Speaker 1: that with Halam? See what kind of doors that opens?
Speaker 1: What do you think I think is your best quality?
Speaker 2: My butt and my sense of humor?
Speaker 1: Oh man, you got the order right?
Speaker 2: And how good of a mom I am?
Speaker 1: The three You're a great mother, But you know like
Speaker 1: I And maybe it's the whole uh, the Trump world
Speaker 1: that we live in now where everybody's like where you
Speaker 1: state these you're the greatest. This the biggest people anybody
Speaker 1: says I I have, She's the greatest mother. I'm like,
Speaker 1: you're an amazing mother. But there's probably no way you're
Speaker 1: the greatest tomorrow.
Speaker 2: Probably not. That'd be crazy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's absurd, but you're Yeah, you do a bang
Speaker 1: up job. Thanks, You're an amazing mother. I think that's
Speaker 1: the reason. You know, people always talk about marriages work.
Speaker 1: I mean, for nine years, I've put no effort into this. Oh,
Speaker 1: just so you know, Okay, I'm being honest, I haven't.
Speaker 1: It hasn't been working. It's been fun, loved every minute
Speaker 1: of it. It's not like, oh we had we had
Speaker 1: to get through that trying time. But I think you know,
Speaker 1: I was content to not get married. But but then
Speaker 1: when I met you, I was like, oh, I'll get
Speaker 1: married to this person. It wasn't scary at all. And
Speaker 1: the same with you having children. I can have kids
Speaker 1: with this lady because no matter what I do to
Speaker 1: screw the kids up, she's gonna shill off. Set it. Now,
Speaker 1: if you died, oh that would that would be the
Speaker 1: worst part about you dying is not the grief, but
Speaker 1: just knowing that, like I got to replace you quickly,
Speaker 1: so the kids have somebody you know, not as good figure.
Speaker 1: You think you would remarry?
Speaker 2: No, I wouldn't marry.
Speaker 1: You don't think you'd ever remarried?
Speaker 2: Don't think so?
Speaker 1: Huh? What if I went today?
Speaker 2: I mean i'd probably you're only be in relationships but
Speaker 2: rarely getting married. I'm not forty, so you wouldn't remarry.
Speaker 1: I know I wouldn't remarry, but I'm I'm old as dirt,
Speaker 1: so who cares. I remember one time, when I was
Speaker 1: really young, I was hosting the love Line. Did you
Speaker 1: ever listen to the love Line when you were a kid?
Speaker 2: I mean, I know what it is, but no, not really. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was filling in for Adam Carolla. What a weird
Speaker 1: trajectory our careers. It's like what you and Doctor Drew,
Speaker 1: Me and doctor Drew. But doctor Drew was telling me like,
Speaker 1: when you get into like the right relationship, you can
Speaker 1: stay sexually attracted, you know, for forever. And I just
Speaker 1: remember looking at him going bullshit. I was like, that's
Speaker 1: that's got it.
Speaker 2: Now. Do you feel like you could be attracted to
Speaker 2: me when I'm seventy?
Speaker 1: I don't know about seventy, I don't know about seventy,
Speaker 1: I guess, but I'll be ninety.
Speaker 2: You're not twenty years older than me, No.
Speaker 1: I think. So do you say that we're together for
Speaker 1: nine years or do you put our whole dating?
Speaker 2: I would do the whole thing.
Speaker 1: Probably we're like at fifteen years. Oh, we've made it
Speaker 1: this far. Do you think that this won't age well?
Speaker 1: And when when we have some big split up? People
Speaker 1: are going to.
Speaker 2: Like see like the job Ston Baldoni Blake Lively footage
Speaker 2: where everyone's watching it to see like, you know, what
Speaker 2: were they really thinking?
Speaker 1: Whose side are you on in that one?
Speaker 2: Ah? It's messy. No one looks good.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm always against the victim. Blame them. If I
Speaker 1: have to pick sides, I blame the victim. That's what
Speaker 1: I've learned. Oh no, don't let Lena hear that. I
Speaker 1: asked this of your father and we joked about it.
Speaker 1: But I'll ask it of you. Who do you think
Speaker 1: between the two of us loves the other person more?
Speaker 1: Do you think you love me more? Do you think
Speaker 1: I love you more?
Speaker 2: I think you love me more? Or you just are
Speaker 2: better at showing love maybe than I am.
Speaker 1: It's the first part of that. What are you saved
Speaker 1: as on my phone.
Speaker 2: Best idea ever, best idea ever.
Speaker 1: That's why I typed that in when we were like
Speaker 1: working together, like here we go, Oh, my wife, my husband.
Speaker 1: Do you like when people say my wife? That even
Speaker 1: seems like like a little bit of possession? Do I
Speaker 1: introduce you as my wife? Ever? This is my wife, Carly? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I say that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that doesn't bother me. That's normal.
Speaker 1: That's normal. I didn't know. I don't know the rules, man,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to follow the rules. All right, Carly, thank
Speaker 1: you for being on the podcast. Now get over here
Speaker 1: and give me a big old smooch.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, well so quick, Okay.
Speaker 1: There's no passion in this, there's no She just laughs
Speaker 1: at me. This is guys ry again. Yeah okay, psha,
Speaker 1: oh man, I want to thank Carly for being on
Speaker 1: the show that we edited out about forty eight seconds
Speaker 1: of just hot, steamy love, I mean, good grief. Once
Speaker 1: her lips hit my lips, you can't stop me. I'm
Speaker 1: going the distance. Oh sorry, guys, that's pornography what they watched. Yeah, Carl,
Speaker 1: he's seen it a million times. But these guys, they
Speaker 1: were like, holy cow, the sparks were flun I'm surprised
Speaker 1: this table, which I'll be honest with you right now,
Speaker 1: reeks to high heaven. But good to know that it
Speaker 1: can hold such chicanery. That's passion. Oh man, Well, I
Speaker 1: thank Carly for being on the show. What a trooper
Speaker 1: pretending to be my wife, so that people at home
Speaker 1: can be like, I thought he was gay, but he's not.
Speaker 1: He has a wife, a dumb sheep. It'd be neat
Speaker 1: if we got divorced, like within a week. Anyway, we're
Speaker 1: doing great. By the way, we had some tragedy in
Speaker 1: our family recently. I feel like I should share it. Ava,
Speaker 1: our little dog, our senior dog, was almost fifteen years old.
Speaker 1: She passed away. Do you say she passed away when
Speaker 1: you have them put down or do you say you
Speaker 1: have them put down? I still say passed away because
Speaker 1: it sounds she's dead. And I had to explain that
Speaker 1: to my kids, and that's not fun. My son made
Speaker 1: me a beautiful card. Yeah, and he drew a photo
Speaker 1: of Ava underfoot because Carly was always stomping on her accidentally.
Speaker 1: Of course that's not how she went, right, But I
Speaker 1: felt like the card was like, look, you don't have
Speaker 1: to worry about this anymore because Carl would always be
Speaker 1: so nasty about it. Anyway, she passed away. Not the
Speaker 1: worst experience, you know, it was definitely time. I was
Speaker 1: probably a year past the time. She'd been you know,
Speaker 1: pretty rough for a few years. And we did it
Speaker 1: and it was sad and I held her and and
Speaker 1: that's it. You don't pain free. I hope someday that
Speaker 1: somebody can do that to me. I got you good,
Speaker 1: That's what I want. I want Eddie to put me
Speaker 1: down at some point.
Speaker 3: Deal goes both ways.
Speaker 1: Sure, I'll put you down tonight. I feel fine right now.
Speaker 1: You want to do it.
Speaker 3: Now, you want to do it, and you feel better
Speaker 3: this week than I did last week.
Speaker 1: I kept waiting for her to be like, oh, I
Speaker 1: also wanted to know what's the latest someone has pulled
Speaker 1: out of not doing it because he gives him the
Speaker 1: first needle to like basically sedatum. And then I should
Speaker 1: have just like he's like, okay, I'll give you ten
Speaker 1: minutes in here before I come back. I should have
Speaker 1: just left and just let her have a great sleep.
Speaker 1: No I didn't. It was you know, and people always like, oh,
Speaker 1: what's better? My other her brother was Castro. He went
Speaker 1: really quick. Cancer just walloped him. And and now, I'll
Speaker 1: be honest with you, that was so much better. It
Speaker 1: hit harder. Yeah, but two years of a dog struggling
Speaker 1: is too long. You know, you have a bandit. You
Speaker 1: want to you want to rip a band aid off quick.
Speaker 1: Imagine trying to slowly pull a band aid off for
Speaker 1: two years. That's that'd be impossible. You have to go
Speaker 1: so slow to time that out. No way, Anyway, I'm
Speaker 1: missed her. I don't get to replace her, though, right, Carl,
Speaker 1: Because as soon as I came home, what did I
Speaker 1: come home to after putting Nava down? I came home
Speaker 1: to you and potato. Just shoving the water bowl over
Speaker 1: doesn't matter, all right, Let's get to some plugs, tossshowsstore
Speaker 1: dot com, buy some merch, get some hats. Whatever. Eddie's tour,
Speaker 1: My tour comes, see me do stand up? Come to Minneapolis.
Speaker 1: Where else am I gonna be? Omaha, Kansas City, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Chicago, Illinois,
Speaker 1: New York, New Jersey. Oh, and don't forget Philly. I'm
Speaker 1: going to Philly, the Lisbon of the East Coast of America.
Speaker 1: Got to look forward to Philly. Philly crowds are the best,
Speaker 1: all right. It's signed for the free plug. Hit the
Speaker 1: free plug music. Ah, that was Ava's favorite song. There's
Speaker 1: a word for that. When everything reminds you of something?
Speaker 1: Is it lonely? This week's free plug is for the
Speaker 1: measles vaccine. Head to your doctor's officer, local health clinic
Speaker 1: and get a shot to help prevent the spread of
Speaker 1: a virus that was previously eradicated to the United States
Speaker 1: twenty five years ago. Now you might be asking yourself,
Speaker 1: but Daniel, can we really trust scientists? Yeah, yeah you can. Well,
Speaker 1: now you might be thinking, but Daniel, my body's a
Speaker 1: temple and I only put natural. You shut the fuck up, hippie,
Speaker 1: get the jab. You don't know shit about. Fuck. You're
Speaker 1: gonna get your kids, entire class infected. But wait, there's more.
Speaker 1: If you act right now, not only to get the
Speaker 1: measles vaccine, but we're thrown in mumps and rebella. That's
Speaker 1: three viral vaccines for the price of one or none.
Speaker 1: If you have any insurance whatsoever, even the real shitty ones,
Speaker 1: they'll cover it. That's the MMR vaccine. Tell them that
Speaker 1: dipshit RFK junior sent you see you next week.