WEBVTT - My Wife - Carly Tosh

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<v Speaker 1>Do you remember the first song that was played at

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<v Speaker 1>our wedding?

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<v Speaker 2>I do. It was gold Digger, like on your West.

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<v Speaker 1>Kashasha Show and Welcome to Tosh Show. I'm Daniel Tosh

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm wearing a suit. But not just any suit.

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<v Speaker 1>This was the suit that I wore on my wedding

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<v Speaker 1>day and it still fits. Can you believe it? Oh? Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>double standard. There's no praise for men that stay in

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<v Speaker 1>shape throughout their marriage. Women. Oh if they can squeeze

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<v Speaker 1>their morphed bodies back into their dress, it's like, oh, unbelievable,

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<v Speaker 1>But I do it. No big deal. Anyway, I'm excited, Eddie.

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<v Speaker 1>Are you excited?

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<v Speaker 3>I'm excited. Tell the people why you're wearing the suit.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm wearing the suit because this is going to be

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<v Speaker 1>the week that I interview my wife. This will be

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<v Speaker 1>the single longest podcast episode we have ever put out. Now,

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<v Speaker 1>how do I know it's the longest? Well, because I've

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<v Speaker 1>lived with this woman and I have an idea that

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<v Speaker 1>even if the conversation doesn't time out to be the longest,

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<v Speaker 1>it will certainly feel like it. Oh okay, but I'm excited,

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<v Speaker 1>and I know the fans are excited. You keep telling me,

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<v Speaker 1>this is the one guest they want overwhelmingly. And it's

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<v Speaker 1>so weird because when you meet her, you're just like,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't get it.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know that's true.

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<v Speaker 1>But no, no, no, no, she's an acquired taste.

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<v Speaker 3>All right, let's jump to the comments. Wonder what gift

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<v Speaker 3>Tosh will give his wife if she comes on the show.

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<v Speaker 1>I'll give her the gift of listening to her for

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<v Speaker 1>an hour about of boom I'm gonna give I'll tell

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<v Speaker 1>you what I'm gonna give her. I'm gonna give her again.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not no spoilers here, but hey, you know it's

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<v Speaker 1>a it's I think I knocked it out of the park.

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<v Speaker 3>I was thinking, Tay, she had the perfect life, and

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<v Speaker 3>then I find that his wife doesn't like sandwiches. It's

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<v Speaker 3>like saying you don't enjoy charcuterie. It's impossible.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. No, I certainly don't have the perfect life or

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<v Speaker 1>the perfect wife. But you know what, not bad. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't believe there is such a thing as the perfect

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<v Speaker 1>wife unless you're married to Margot, Robbie or any of

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<v Speaker 1>those thick bitches on Instagram. Yeah, now she doesn't like sandwiches.

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<v Speaker 1>It is confusing and we get in fights about it constantly.

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<v Speaker 1>Because I love a sandwich. She likes a salad, but

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<v Speaker 1>she doesn't get excited about it, but she'll eat the salad.

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<v Speaker 3>She got a bread issue.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I find it maddening how much she hates sandwiches.

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<v Speaker 1>But she does love charcuterie. Oh, she loves a chicutari board.

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<v Speaker 1>This bitch will eat cheese all day and night. Just

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<v Speaker 1>loves cheese.

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<v Speaker 3>Are you saving your wife Carly's interview for the season finale?

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<v Speaker 1>Ooh, that would be a good idea, But we don't

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<v Speaker 1>do seasons. Okay, we do options, and currently we're in

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<v Speaker 1>the middle of option two.

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<v Speaker 3>When you interview your wife, I want you both to

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<v Speaker 3>ask questions to each other.

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<v Speaker 1>That is a terrible suggestion and we will not do that.

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<v Speaker 1>Is my show. Now, if she gets a podcast, I

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<v Speaker 1>won't go on it. Not gonna be a guest, There's

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<v Speaker 1>no chance. And I don't want anybody accusing me of

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<v Speaker 1>being a cradle robber, because while my wife is much younger,

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<v Speaker 1>she is no longer young. Enjoysha. This interview is gonna

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<v Speaker 1>be difficult because I find it hard to listen to

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<v Speaker 1>the words coming out of my guest mouth, but the

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<v Speaker 1>fans have demanded this. She's a poet, a television writer,

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<v Speaker 1>and a former employee who became a potential hr night

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<v Speaker 1>before becoming the mother of my children. It's my beautiful, charming,

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<v Speaker 1>brilliant wife. Please welcome Missus Daniel Tosh aka Carly.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi.

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<v Speaker 1>Have you ever been called missus Daniel Tosh?

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<v Speaker 2>I'll probably at our wedding now maybe not. They were

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<v Speaker 2>speaking Italian and no one knew.

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<v Speaker 1>What they were saying. Be honest, before you were asked

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<v Speaker 1>to be a guest on the show, were you aware

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<v Speaker 1>that I have a podcast?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, I hear you editing at all hours, different corners

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<v Speaker 2>of the house editing.

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<v Speaker 1>There's no editing on this show. This is just one conversation.

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<v Speaker 1>Now you are Carly Hallam Tosh. But your maiden name

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<v Speaker 1>was Carly Elizabeth Hallam. Yes, why did you change your name?

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<v Speaker 2>Because I was young, you.

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<v Speaker 1>Wouldn't have changed it.

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<v Speaker 2>Now, I don't know. I don't know if I've become

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<v Speaker 2>more of a feminist or if I just think what

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<v Speaker 2>I thought then, which was like, oh, we want to

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<v Speaker 2>have the same names like as our kids and everything

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<v Speaker 2>like that. Maybe I feel less strongly about that now.

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<v Speaker 2>I still kind of go between both names. I would say,

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<v Speaker 2>it's rude. Hallam is my last name.

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<v Speaker 1>You're telling me that just the novelty of having my

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<v Speaker 1>last name has worn off. By the way, Hallam on

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<v Speaker 1>paper reads like you're anti American.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes. I did have a actually a poetry teacher in

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<v Speaker 2>college who when she called role, she would say carly

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<v Speaker 2>E Liz Alam like that.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know if you're supposed to do that voice.

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<v Speaker 1>This is an impression, right, Well, that's what impressions are.

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<v Speaker 1>They're they're they're cancelable, not in this administration.

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<v Speaker 2>Let me say, wait, just say that. I felt uncomfortable

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<v Speaker 2>when she did it, and I was like, but am

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<v Speaker 2>I going to correct her and tell her like, no,

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<v Speaker 2>say it way more Florida white, treashy.

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<v Speaker 1>It's Hallam Hallam, not Hallem.

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<v Speaker 2>Alam is not the.

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<v Speaker 1>Way beautiful name. By the way, are you the loudest

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<v Speaker 1>person you know?

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe besides our children?

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, this has got to be piercing to some

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<v Speaker 1>of our listeners. I feel like you're purposely not trying

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<v Speaker 1>to scream today.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, you's haven't got me riled up yet?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I mean she's really loud. Dylan, you're gonna have

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<v Speaker 1>to be quick on the on the trigger over there,

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<v Speaker 1>get your ears blast off. Her voice really just it's

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<v Speaker 1>piercing and it travels. I actually hesitated to interview you

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<v Speaker 1>because I am terrified to find out the answer to

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<v Speaker 1>some of the questions that have been written. Ah, right,

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<v Speaker 1>here we go. Do you believe in ghost?

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<v Speaker 2>I do not.

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<v Speaker 1>I know you've never believed in ghost, have you No?

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<v Speaker 1>But you used to be very spiritual.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, yes, they did go to church. I was afraid

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<v Speaker 2>to answer these questions.

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<v Speaker 1>Why.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know, because you know my mom's listening. Your family,

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<v Speaker 2>both of our families. Yes, many many Sundays spent in church.

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<v Speaker 2>Not with your with your family, that youth group. We

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<v Speaker 2>always went to church growing up. No, you didn't ce

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<v Speaker 2>ce UCC Community Congregational United Church of Christ.

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<v Speaker 1>You went with your friend's family that was actually religious JN.

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<v Speaker 2>Schamaca's dad was the pastor. But my whole family went.

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<v Speaker 1>I thought your family didn't go. Your dad's stayed.

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<v Speaker 2>We always went.

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<v Speaker 1>Doesn't seem like your dad says that, Nah.

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<v Speaker 2>He was there. He doesn't have a great memory.

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<v Speaker 1>Nope, No he doesn't. Did you know growing up that

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<v Speaker 1>you'd never stay in Florida, maybe.

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<v Speaker 2>Not until high school. Before that, I thought Florida was amazing.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like full gung ho Florida. And then I

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<v Speaker 2>remember it kind of like occurring to me that people

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<v Speaker 2>outside of Florida didn't think Florida was as fascinating as

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<v Speaker 2>everyone inside of Florida thought it was. Even like studying abroad,

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<v Speaker 2>I remember people being like, where are you from? And

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, Florida, and I sort of like waited

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<v Speaker 2>for reaction. You thought it was cool, right, and then

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<v Speaker 2>like the Italians on the bus would be like what Disney.

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<v Speaker 1>When I lived in Saint Louis, Missouri, and my parents

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<v Speaker 1>told us that we were moving to Florida, Yeah, I cried, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I sobbed. As a sixth grader, I sobbed, and I'm like,

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<v Speaker 1>they're pussies. They can't handle the cold. Like I was

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<v Speaker 1>just like, this is miserable. I cannot believe we're having

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<v Speaker 1>to go to Florida. That's where old people.

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<v Speaker 2>Die when you're in it. That's not how Florida.

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<v Speaker 1>And I loved it too, you know, until I started

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<v Speaker 1>the allergies and all of that nonsense. So you were

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<v Speaker 1>born in Florida, you were born in Stuart. Yes, did

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<v Speaker 1>your father force you to go to UF? No?

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<v Speaker 2>It was the only place I applied, the only place

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<v Speaker 2>I wanted to go because I grew up going there,

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<v Speaker 2>going to the games.

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<v Speaker 1>But you were the valveandpoint of your high school. Yes,

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<v Speaker 1>you don't think you could have UF is a great

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<v Speaker 1>public school. But don't you think you could have gotten

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<v Speaker 1>into like a fancy IVY League school.

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<v Speaker 2>In hindsight, Yeah, yes, probably, but I didn't even try.

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<v Speaker 2>I just wanted to go to the University of Florida.

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<v Speaker 2>I did early decision.

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<v Speaker 1>Could have your dad afforded you going to to Harvard?

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<v Speaker 2>I mean not without assistant I.

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<v Speaker 1>Think he would have made it happen. You just never

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<v Speaker 1>gave him. I bet he would have been more proud.

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<v Speaker 1>You don't think he'd have been more proud bragging about

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<v Speaker 1>Harvard than he is. Oh, look, but.

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<v Speaker 2>He likes He loves to be able to say how

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<v Speaker 2>many family members went to you.

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<v Speaker 1>I know your your youngest brother is the only one

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<v Speaker 1>that failed him. And then he's always talking about his tombstone,

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<v Speaker 1>like three out of four ain't bad. He wants to

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<v Speaker 1>write that on me. It's just the dumbest thing I've

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<v Speaker 1>ever heard now you you have a great relationship with

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<v Speaker 1>your father and mother, Yes, you? Who are you more

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<v Speaker 1>partial to?

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<v Speaker 2>I love them both?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, but you and your mother are like an unhealthy

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<v Speaker 1>I talk to my mom more every single day.

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<v Speaker 2>No, I don't talk to her every single day.

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<v Speaker 1>You talk to your mom constantly.

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<v Speaker 2>I talked to my mom often.

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<v Speaker 1>Have you ever called your father?

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<v Speaker 2>I call him from time to time.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's right, right, Who calls your father more? Me

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<v Speaker 1>or you?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah? Probably you. You might call them both more. I

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<v Speaker 2>mean we FaceTime them now, and just like right, the

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<v Speaker 2>whole family.

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<v Speaker 1>We FaceTime on my phone because I got the plus,

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<v Speaker 1>I got the bigger phoney, that's more face time. Also,

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<v Speaker 1>you you let the kids walk around with the phone.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't ever let them touch my phone. If the

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<v Speaker 1>kid touches my phone, don't touch my phone. You can't

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<v Speaker 1>stand kids touching the phone drives me nuts. Who do

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<v Speaker 1>you like more? My mom or my dad?

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<v Speaker 2>It's impossible to choose.

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<v Speaker 1>I think my dad says I love you to you

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<v Speaker 1>more than I've ever heard him say I love you

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<v Speaker 1>to me in my entire life.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, the picture you have painted of him is not

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<v Speaker 2>the dan I know.

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<v Speaker 1>Right, you met my father once he got to an

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<v Speaker 1>age where he just became an old softy and you know,

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<v Speaker 1>he's just he's just a happy, content retired man.

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<v Speaker 2>And your mom, we just send them pictures of the

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<v Speaker 2>kids and she writes back the exact same thing every time,

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<v Speaker 2>which is, thank you for sending.

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<v Speaker 1>That's not funny, but it is what she said, responds,

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<v Speaker 1>By the way, why do you bleed so much?

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<v Speaker 2>I'm disease ridden.

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<v Speaker 1>You don't wear your medical ID bracelet. When did you

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<v Speaker 1>stop wearing your medical ID bracelet?

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe high school? I had for a while, I had

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<v Speaker 2>like an embarrassing like silver chain one with like a

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<v Speaker 2>snake that was red, just so like everyone in elementary

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<v Speaker 2>and middle school would know I was weird. And then

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<v Speaker 2>in high school I found this website where they did

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<v Speaker 2>like fancy medic alert bracelets, and I ordered like a

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<v Speaker 2>beaded one, and I thought that was cool for a while,

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<v Speaker 2>cooler than the other one. But then it was just

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<v Speaker 2>like everybody always asks you about.

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<v Speaker 1>It, Well, you hate talking about it.

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<v Speaker 2>I hate talking about it.

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<v Speaker 1>But it's not that interesting, you say, it's not interesting,

0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:37.320
<v Speaker 1>but yet it consumes our life constantly.

0:11:37.760 --> 0:11:42.520
<v Speaker 2>That's fair, not because it's interesting, because it's annoying, and

0:11:42.600 --> 0:11:44.520
<v Speaker 2>it's just like a thing that's explained to people.

0:11:44.880 --> 0:11:50.040
<v Speaker 1>You have von Willebrand's disease type too severe, Yep, I

0:11:50.360 --> 0:11:52.600
<v Speaker 1>have it all on my phone for when shit goes down,

0:11:52.640 --> 0:11:56.240
<v Speaker 1>when we get the inevitable car accident, I gotta like

0:11:56.440 --> 0:12:01.080
<v Speaker 1>tell who's ever trying to save you? Like she needs humane? Yes,

0:12:01.600 --> 0:12:02.800
<v Speaker 1>how was your first period?

0:12:03.240 --> 0:12:06.080
<v Speaker 2>It was bad, very bad. My first period just kept

0:12:06.080 --> 0:12:07.160
<v Speaker 2>going forever.

0:12:07.280 --> 0:12:08.800
<v Speaker 1>And then they shut you down for the rest of

0:12:08.800 --> 0:12:09.280
<v Speaker 1>your life.

0:12:09.520 --> 0:12:12.120
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Then I started taking a couple birth control pills

0:12:12.160 --> 0:12:13.520
<v Speaker 2>a day, like three or four.

0:12:13.880 --> 0:12:15.560
<v Speaker 1>That's cool, it was really cool.

0:12:15.800 --> 0:12:17.480
<v Speaker 2>You want to be in high school taking a lot

0:12:17.520 --> 0:12:17.760
<v Speaker 2>of first.

0:12:18.120 --> 0:12:20.839
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I'll be honest, if I got wind of it,

0:12:21.120 --> 0:12:22.760
<v Speaker 1>if I was in high I would be like, that's

0:12:22.800 --> 0:12:23.400
<v Speaker 1>the girl.

0:12:23.320 --> 0:12:25.920
<v Speaker 2>That's their Yeah, she is impossible to him right now?

0:12:26.040 --> 0:12:30.480
<v Speaker 1>Right? You think that whenever I call your name, explain

0:12:30.559 --> 0:12:32.080
<v Speaker 1>to people the inflection.

0:12:32.640 --> 0:12:35.200
<v Speaker 2>There's just one inflection, so it's impossible to know if

0:12:35.240 --> 0:12:37.920
<v Speaker 2>you're mad at me. Also, our dog's name is Carl,

0:12:38.000 --> 0:12:41.200
<v Speaker 2>so just around the house it's like Carly Carl, And

0:12:41.280 --> 0:12:43.600
<v Speaker 2>like sometimes I'll come running into the room and I'll think, like,

0:12:43.760 --> 0:12:46.400
<v Speaker 2>our child is like bleeding on the floor and you'll

0:12:46.440 --> 0:12:49.320
<v Speaker 2>be like, did you see the last shot that Djokovic made?

0:12:49.360 --> 0:12:52.640
<v Speaker 2>Like it's like just nothing important whatsoever, but like a scream.

0:12:52.400 --> 0:12:54.839
<v Speaker 1>Why weren't you watching? You act like you want to

0:12:54.880 --> 0:12:57.240
<v Speaker 1>watch tennis with me, but you're never paying attention. That's

0:12:57.400 --> 0:12:58.480
<v Speaker 1>that's a bigger issue.

0:12:58.600 --> 0:12:58.960
<v Speaker 2>Uh huh.

0:12:59.000 --> 0:13:02.240
<v Speaker 1>Speaking of not wearing your medical ID bracelet, ever, you

0:13:02.280 --> 0:13:03.520
<v Speaker 1>also don't wear your wedding ring.

0:13:05.040 --> 0:13:07.000
<v Speaker 2>I meant to put it on. That was gonna be

0:13:07.000 --> 0:13:08.559
<v Speaker 2>the last thing I did before I love the house.

0:13:08.760 --> 0:13:10.480
<v Speaker 1>You have any idea how much that rain cost?

0:13:10.920 --> 0:13:11.280
<v Speaker 2>Vaguely?

0:13:11.640 --> 0:13:13.880
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, how about the engagement ring? You know how much

0:13:13.920 --> 0:13:14.319
<v Speaker 1>that cost?

0:13:14.600 --> 0:13:16.760
<v Speaker 2>Oh? I thought that's what we were talking about. I never

0:13:16.800 --> 0:13:17.600
<v Speaker 2>wear the wedding ring.

0:13:20.440 --> 0:13:23.160
<v Speaker 1>The wedding ring is just ice too and yeah.

0:13:23.080 --> 0:13:25.800
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's cool. I wear that more.

0:13:27.080 --> 0:13:28.839
<v Speaker 1>You never wear that. Well.

0:13:28.840 --> 0:13:30.400
<v Speaker 2>I don't really double them up because I have like

0:13:30.440 --> 0:13:32.840
<v Speaker 2>stubby little fingers, and when they're together, I feel like

0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:34.440
<v Speaker 2>smashed and like claustrophobic.

0:13:34.480 --> 0:13:36.600
<v Speaker 1>And so you're a very claustrophobic person.

0:13:36.679 --> 0:13:38.079
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, like right now, I feel a little.

0:13:37.880 --> 0:13:41.280
<v Speaker 1>Bit cluster Sometimes like she'll just panic and have to

0:13:41.320 --> 0:13:44.880
<v Speaker 1>start like run, she has to run to her closet

0:13:45.200 --> 0:13:48.199
<v Speaker 1>to take off her clothes because she's freaking out at

0:13:48.200 --> 0:13:50.640
<v Speaker 1>the closure. By the way, just talking about it, I

0:13:50.800 --> 0:13:53.720
<v Speaker 1>probably could induce clousteroe. Yeah, you're wearing a wet suit

0:13:53.760 --> 0:13:56.240
<v Speaker 1>top today, so that's interesting. It's cute though, right, you

0:13:56.240 --> 0:14:00.760
<v Speaker 1>look beautiful. Okay, tell everybody how we met, because like

0:14:00.840 --> 0:14:04.400
<v Speaker 1>all great love stories, it involves a twenty something's job

0:14:04.400 --> 0:14:07.800
<v Speaker 1>interview with three middle aged men. By way, I resent

0:14:07.880 --> 0:14:11.400
<v Speaker 1>the jokey question because I wasn't middle aged. I was.

0:14:11.559 --> 0:14:15.080
<v Speaker 1>I was thirty two. Anyway, go on, how do we meet?

0:14:15.360 --> 0:14:18.679
<v Speaker 2>Okay? I went to interview at tosh point zero. At

0:14:18.679 --> 0:14:21.000
<v Speaker 2>the time, I was secretly living in Florida. I was

0:14:21.040 --> 0:14:22.920
<v Speaker 2>pretending like I was living in Los Angeles.

0:14:23.000 --> 0:14:25.000
<v Speaker 1>Ye, but I wasn't immediately lied to us.

0:14:25.080 --> 0:14:28.200
<v Speaker 2>It all started with a lie. Yes, And I went

0:14:28.240 --> 0:14:31.040
<v Speaker 2>to the interview and there were two scots.

0:14:31.320 --> 0:14:33.000
<v Speaker 1>You're starting to hear a voice. Now it's starting to

0:14:33.000 --> 0:14:35.360
<v Speaker 1>pick up, right, We're getting it a going.

0:14:35.760 --> 0:14:38.280
<v Speaker 2>I thought I was doing well in the interview, like

0:14:38.360 --> 0:14:41.480
<v Speaker 2>I was trying to be whole time. Not there, no, okay,

0:14:41.560 --> 0:14:45.080
<v Speaker 2>just me and two scots, and I was answering the questions.

0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:47.640
<v Speaker 2>Kind of funny. And whatever blah blah blah, and then

0:14:47.680 --> 0:14:51.280
<v Speaker 2>you walked in with like this dark cloud over you.

0:14:51.280 --> 0:14:53.960
<v Speaker 2>You're wearing a beanie. I remember exactly your vibe. You

0:14:54.000 --> 0:14:56.200
<v Speaker 2>were like just mad when you walked in the room.

0:14:56.640 --> 0:15:00.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm at work, Yeah, fuck is happy at work. Wants

0:15:00.280 --> 0:15:02.200
<v Speaker 1>people to be always chipper all the time. It's just

0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:03.280
<v Speaker 1>annoying anyway.

0:15:03.600 --> 0:15:06.120
<v Speaker 2>It's like I inconvenienced you by you coming in. So

0:15:06.120 --> 0:15:08.200
<v Speaker 2>you come in and you're holding Castro and you sit

0:15:08.280 --> 0:15:09.000
<v Speaker 2>down in the corner.

0:15:09.040 --> 0:15:12.800
<v Speaker 1>Beautiful r. I p Castro, my wonderful dog. Oh man, Okay,

0:15:12.880 --> 0:15:13.960
<v Speaker 1>I was holding Castro.

0:15:14.080 --> 0:15:16.560
<v Speaker 2>Okay, Castro jumps out of your lap and like runs

0:15:16.560 --> 0:15:18.200
<v Speaker 2>over and jumps into mine. But I was like in

0:15:18.240 --> 0:15:21.040
<v Speaker 2>the middle of answering a question, so I didn't really

0:15:21.080 --> 0:15:24.360
<v Speaker 2>like acknowledge Castro, and I just kept going and whatever.

0:15:24.800 --> 0:15:27.080
<v Speaker 2>And then like, you know, a couple of sentences later.

0:15:27.160 --> 0:15:30.240
<v Speaker 1>You like sentences whatever. A few words later, thirty minutes later,

0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:33.160
<v Speaker 1>I said my first thing out of my mouth.

0:15:33.320 --> 0:15:34.840
<v Speaker 2>Yes, this is the first time you talked.

0:15:34.880 --> 0:15:37.560
<v Speaker 1>This is the first time I spoke, like, you don't

0:15:37.600 --> 0:15:40.080
<v Speaker 1>like dogs? You don't like dogs, do you? Uh huh?

0:15:40.080 --> 0:15:40.560
<v Speaker 2>We like that?

0:15:40.600 --> 0:15:44.880
<v Speaker 1>Paz yep, Yeah, because I because because Castro was just

0:15:44.880 --> 0:15:48.440
<v Speaker 1>being so sweet and she like literally like wouldn't even

0:15:48.480 --> 0:15:51.200
<v Speaker 1>put a hand, like not even pettit's.

0:15:50.840 --> 0:15:52.280
<v Speaker 2>Head on my interview.

0:15:53.320 --> 0:15:53.600
<v Speaker 1>Listen.

0:15:53.760 --> 0:15:55.240
<v Speaker 2>I also am not a person that's like, oh you're

0:15:55.280 --> 0:15:57.160
<v Speaker 2>doing I want to pet it, like I don't care.

0:15:57.360 --> 0:16:01.200
<v Speaker 1>And I'm like, I'm like people, this lady who's lying

0:16:01.520 --> 0:16:05.720
<v Speaker 1>about where she lives. You're telling the story of the

0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:07.640
<v Speaker 1>first time we met at the job of her. I

0:16:08.040 --> 0:16:10.720
<v Speaker 1>could have sworn we met at Dane Cook's game night

0:16:10.760 --> 0:16:18.360
<v Speaker 1>when you were eleven years old. Uh, wouldn't that be funny?

0:16:18.200 --> 0:16:20.880
<v Speaker 1>By the way, you leave the interview and we have

0:16:21.000 --> 0:16:24.840
<v Speaker 1>this conversation, and maybe I don't know, was it hours

0:16:24.920 --> 0:16:27.720
<v Speaker 1>later or a day later that you wrote a letter

0:16:27.760 --> 0:16:28.080
<v Speaker 1>to us.

0:16:28.120 --> 0:16:30.320
<v Speaker 2>I wrote an email like a thank you for the interview,

0:16:30.480 --> 0:16:32.880
<v Speaker 2>and then I attached an apology letter.

0:16:32.720 --> 0:16:35.320
<v Speaker 1>To Castro my dog for not liking him.

0:16:35.200 --> 0:16:37.920
<v Speaker 2>And I said, please pass this long. Actually found that

0:16:38.040 --> 0:16:39.600
<v Speaker 2>letter the other day, Did you really?

0:16:40.360 --> 0:16:40.960
<v Speaker 1>That's cute?

0:16:41.160 --> 0:16:43.360
<v Speaker 2>He said, like, I liked your fur. I hope you

0:16:43.360 --> 0:16:45.880
<v Speaker 2>found some things that you liked about me too. He's

0:16:45.920 --> 0:16:47.160
<v Speaker 2>written like dog level.

0:16:47.280 --> 0:16:49.920
<v Speaker 1>First of all, he doesn't he don't have anies, don't

0:16:49.920 --> 0:16:53.080
<v Speaker 1>have furtherive hair. Yeah, I and I found I was like,

0:16:53.120 --> 0:16:56.000
<v Speaker 1>I was like, this, give her the job. That's funny.

0:16:56.320 --> 0:16:58.520
<v Speaker 1>I don't care if somebody doesn't like like my uh

0:16:59.120 --> 0:17:03.960
<v Speaker 1>my dog. Fast forward, you were next to Castro as

0:17:04.040 --> 0:17:07.240
<v Speaker 1>they were injecting poison into him. Ten years later from that.

0:17:07.240 --> 0:17:10.000
<v Speaker 2>In almost of the day. Yes, and I was bowling

0:17:10.080 --> 0:17:12.640
<v Speaker 2>because I loved Castro. Uh huh he was, Yeah.

0:17:12.400 --> 0:17:15.080
<v Speaker 1>He was, and they killed him. He slept in your

0:17:15.080 --> 0:17:17.720
<v Speaker 1>face every night of his life. Yeah, you really want

0:17:17.760 --> 0:17:22.800
<v Speaker 1>my h the fans of this show to just embrace you.

0:17:23.200 --> 0:17:26.600
<v Speaker 1>Tell everybody how much you hate Carl.

0:17:27.520 --> 0:17:32.159
<v Speaker 2>I find him very obnoxious. I don't hate him, he's sweet,

0:17:32.280 --> 0:17:34.600
<v Speaker 2>but the barking is like, it's too much for me.

0:17:35.320 --> 0:17:38.480
<v Speaker 1>You were interviewing people don't know this about Tosh point Oh.

0:17:38.680 --> 0:17:42.040
<v Speaker 1>The reason Tosh point Oh was create, or the reason

0:17:42.040 --> 0:17:46.280
<v Speaker 1>that Comedy Central wanted the show to exist, was because

0:17:46.320 --> 0:17:49.680
<v Speaker 1>they wanted their website to have a presence. They wanted

0:17:49.720 --> 0:17:52.760
<v Speaker 1>to compete with Funnier Die and they were getting no traffic.

0:17:53.080 --> 0:17:56.280
<v Speaker 1>So they're like they basically like the TV show was

0:17:56.320 --> 0:17:58.400
<v Speaker 1>its own thing that was kind of cheap and crappy,

0:17:58.920 --> 0:18:01.320
<v Speaker 1>which it was, and they're like, but we want you

0:18:01.400 --> 0:18:04.560
<v Speaker 1>guys to have this blog that people actually traveled. So

0:18:04.640 --> 0:18:07.520
<v Speaker 1>you were in charge of all the content in creating

0:18:07.560 --> 0:18:10.360
<v Speaker 1>the blog, and you made it hugely successful.

0:18:10.440 --> 0:18:12.440
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, this is when blogs were big.

0:18:12.240 --> 0:18:15.159
<v Speaker 1>When blogs were big. Yeah, So you were hired and

0:18:15.200 --> 0:18:18.119
<v Speaker 1>you'd lied you were in Florida, and so then you

0:18:18.200 --> 0:18:20.000
<v Speaker 1>quickly I was at iguanamea.

0:18:20.400 --> 0:18:23.280
<v Speaker 2>What's that Benita Springs. It's a Mexican restaurant. Oh night,

0:18:23.320 --> 0:18:27.479
<v Speaker 2>and they called me probably nachos. Bill Wright called. I

0:18:27.520 --> 0:18:30.080
<v Speaker 2>walked outside and he was like, it was a Wednesday,

0:18:30.200 --> 0:18:32.359
<v Speaker 2>and he was like, can you start tomorrow? And I

0:18:32.400 --> 0:18:35.960
<v Speaker 2>was like tomorrow, I am busy, but I can start

0:18:35.960 --> 0:18:39.040
<v Speaker 2>on Monday. And I was freaking out because I did

0:18:39.040 --> 0:18:41.359
<v Speaker 2>not live in Los Angeles. I lived in Benita Springs.

0:18:41.400 --> 0:18:43.639
<v Speaker 1>He said, hey, the money is bad, and he goes, yeah.

0:18:43.520 --> 0:18:45.160
<v Speaker 2>The money is bad, but then he said it must

0:18:45.160 --> 0:18:46.800
<v Speaker 2>have been seven hundred I don't know right, and you

0:18:46.880 --> 0:18:49.560
<v Speaker 2>went so much money?

0:18:49.680 --> 0:18:52.639
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, so green You were walked back.

0:18:52.480 --> 0:18:54.199
<v Speaker 2>Inside and I was like, I got a job. I

0:18:54.240 --> 0:18:56.680
<v Speaker 2>have to move to Los Angeles in the next three days.

0:18:56.960 --> 0:18:59.080
<v Speaker 1>Now. The first few years that you worked there, I

0:18:59.080 --> 0:18:59.560
<v Speaker 1>don't think.

0:18:59.480 --> 0:19:01.159
<v Speaker 2>I ever we didn't speak.

0:19:01.320 --> 0:19:06.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I don't mix business and pleasure. Okay, that's not mine.

0:19:06.280 --> 0:19:08.080
<v Speaker 2>There was one time when we were at a meeting.

0:19:08.520 --> 0:19:10.280
<v Speaker 2>I was sitting on the floor and there was a

0:19:10.320 --> 0:19:12.399
<v Speaker 2>poster of Julia Roberts on the floor next to me,

0:19:13.000 --> 0:19:14.760
<v Speaker 2>and you went out of nowhere in the middle of

0:19:14.760 --> 0:19:17.919
<v Speaker 2>the meeting. You went, you're prettier than Julia Roberts, but

0:19:18.000 --> 0:19:22.760
<v Speaker 2>in like a really awkward, weird way. The first time

0:19:22.760 --> 0:19:23.960
<v Speaker 2>you ever talked to me, I was like.

0:19:24.040 --> 0:19:26.719
<v Speaker 1>Okay, it was just like, you know, you're looking at

0:19:26.720 --> 0:19:29.520
<v Speaker 1>this movie star. There's a big, big photo of this

0:19:29.600 --> 0:19:32.639
<v Speaker 1>movie star, and you were right sitting next door. I

0:19:32.720 --> 0:19:35.200
<v Speaker 1>was like, looky, this like you're prettier than that movie star.

0:19:35.520 --> 0:19:38.400
<v Speaker 1>But anyway, that's probably inappropriate. I probably shouldn't have said

0:19:38.400 --> 0:19:41.000
<v Speaker 1>something like that, but yet you were still in a

0:19:41.080 --> 0:19:43.560
<v Speaker 1>room full of dudes. And then you became a writer

0:19:43.640 --> 0:19:45.760
<v Speaker 1>on the show. You wrote on the show, and then

0:19:46.200 --> 0:19:51.000
<v Speaker 1>we started dating, ye all secretly, We secretly dated, and

0:19:51.000 --> 0:19:54.680
<v Speaker 1>then you immediately or not immediately, but you basically just quit.

0:19:55.119 --> 0:19:57.680
<v Speaker 2>What so much time passed? You fast forwarded like.

0:19:57.800 --> 0:20:00.400
<v Speaker 1>A year at least a year, okay a year.

0:20:00.480 --> 0:20:02.800
<v Speaker 2>I think we secretly dated for a full year, but.

0:20:02.720 --> 0:20:04.960
<v Speaker 1>Then you quit. Why did you quit?

0:20:05.240 --> 0:20:07.720
<v Speaker 2>Because I wanted to go write on a scripted show.

0:20:07.680 --> 0:20:09.840
<v Speaker 1>And you went over to Andy Samberg's show.

0:20:09.880 --> 0:20:11.760
<v Speaker 2>I did Brooklyn nine.

0:20:12.520 --> 0:20:15.920
<v Speaker 1>Is what we did wrong is dating? Were we? Were

0:20:15.920 --> 0:20:17.320
<v Speaker 1>we not allowed to date each other?

0:20:17.480 --> 0:20:19.359
<v Speaker 2>I think no, we weren't allowed, but it was such

0:20:19.400 --> 0:20:22.760
<v Speaker 2>a small office and so many people were dating. But

0:20:22.880 --> 0:20:26.679
<v Speaker 2>probably mine was the worst, obviously, since you were the host.

0:20:26.800 --> 0:20:28.880
<v Speaker 1>When you say we weren't allowed, what does that mean?

0:20:29.400 --> 0:20:32.560
<v Speaker 2>They didn't want the They don't want it, and you're

0:20:32.600 --> 0:20:34.320
<v Speaker 2>supposed to like report it to HR or something. I

0:20:34.359 --> 0:20:36.480
<v Speaker 2>don't know who's supposed to report it, the people in

0:20:36.520 --> 0:20:37.240
<v Speaker 2>the relationship.

0:20:37.880 --> 0:20:40.320
<v Speaker 1>But then you can, but then you're then they say, okay,

0:20:41.040 --> 0:20:41.680
<v Speaker 1>you to date.

0:20:41.800 --> 0:20:44.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm not sure what the actual rules are, but been

0:20:44.560 --> 0:20:47.160
<v Speaker 2>a lot of marriages and babies came out of that,

0:20:47.640 --> 0:20:47.960
<v Speaker 2>you know.

0:20:48.600 --> 0:20:50.560
<v Speaker 1>I forget that. I'm just in general, when people say

0:20:50.560 --> 0:20:52.840
<v Speaker 1>you're not supposed to date somebody at work, I'm like, well,

0:20:52.880 --> 0:20:54.920
<v Speaker 1>I don't go out at night, so I don't get

0:20:54.920 --> 0:20:55.760
<v Speaker 1>to meet somebody.

0:20:56.040 --> 0:20:58.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I know, we all spend all of our time together.

0:20:58.359 --> 0:21:00.399
<v Speaker 2>That's why it's hard not to end up dating somebody.

0:21:00.480 --> 0:21:05.200
<v Speaker 1>How many times have you seen me ship myself quite

0:21:05.200 --> 0:21:09.639
<v Speaker 1>a few early on. On one of our first dates, Yes,

0:21:10.080 --> 0:21:12.720
<v Speaker 1>one of our first dates, I had a slam on

0:21:12.760 --> 0:21:15.760
<v Speaker 1>the brakes on the pch and just run down a cliff.

0:21:16.359 --> 0:21:19.359
<v Speaker 1>And then I came back and like I didn't have

0:21:19.400 --> 0:21:21.320
<v Speaker 1>any underwear and I didn't have a shirt anymore.

0:21:21.720 --> 0:21:23.679
<v Speaker 2>And then you roll down the windows and you're like,

0:21:23.680 --> 0:21:26.200
<v Speaker 2>we're not talking about it, and you like drove back home.

0:21:26.640 --> 0:21:30.080
<v Speaker 1>But even before that are one of our very first dates.

0:21:30.440 --> 0:21:31.320
<v Speaker 1>I said, hey, I need.

0:21:31.400 --> 0:21:33.560
<v Speaker 2>That was our first date. What's that when you said

0:21:33.600 --> 0:21:36.040
<v Speaker 2>that you were feeling sick? Yes, yes, that was our

0:21:36.040 --> 0:21:36.480
<v Speaker 2>first date.

0:21:36.560 --> 0:21:40.680
<v Speaker 1>First. Yeah, I said, I'll go, I'm feeling sick. I

0:21:40.720 --> 0:21:43.200
<v Speaker 1>think we should get we should get going. And we

0:21:43.240 --> 0:21:46.600
<v Speaker 1>went home and then I excused myself, went to the bathroom,

0:21:46.600 --> 0:21:48.280
<v Speaker 1>and then I came back and you know, you.

0:21:48.359 --> 0:21:49.280
<v Speaker 2>Like started making out with me.

0:21:50.800 --> 0:21:53.399
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and I go, you don't know what sick means, But.

0:21:53.280 --> 0:21:55.040
<v Speaker 2>No one else says that. No one else is like,

0:21:55.080 --> 0:21:57.680
<v Speaker 2>I'm feeling sick. That means I have like horrible diarrhea.

0:21:57.720 --> 0:22:00.120
<v Speaker 2>I've never heard of anyone say that was way.

0:22:00.080 --> 0:22:01.840
<v Speaker 1>Better than I didn't know you well enough to be

0:22:01.880 --> 0:22:04.440
<v Speaker 1>like I have horrible diary. I just I just don't.

0:22:04.800 --> 0:22:05.480
<v Speaker 1>I don't feel well.

0:22:05.480 --> 0:22:06.280
<v Speaker 2>I don't uh huh.

0:22:06.480 --> 0:22:08.440
<v Speaker 1>But then I felt fine. I was ready to go.

0:22:08.400 --> 0:22:11.919
<v Speaker 2>Time somewhat recently, I went to go walk into the garage.

0:22:12.000 --> 0:22:15.720
<v Speaker 1>Oh, you don't need to share that. Who is the

0:22:15.760 --> 0:22:17.200
<v Speaker 1>best lover you've ever been with?

0:22:18.280 --> 0:22:19.159
<v Speaker 2>You? Of course.

0:22:21.040 --> 0:22:24.000
<v Speaker 1>You're the only person I've ever been with, So that's.

0:22:23.920 --> 0:22:24.600
<v Speaker 2>That's so sweet.

0:22:24.760 --> 0:22:26.840
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you wish I would be a little more like,

0:22:26.920 --> 0:22:29.920
<v Speaker 1>let people know just how strong our love is. Nothing

0:22:30.000 --> 0:22:33.399
<v Speaker 1>you want to make out on camera? I think people

0:22:33.440 --> 0:22:37.359
<v Speaker 1>would be able to tell, like our chemistry and our passion. Yeah,

0:22:37.400 --> 0:22:40.880
<v Speaker 1>probably if we were to make out. Yeah, I bet

0:22:40.960 --> 0:22:44.439
<v Speaker 1>you think about it. Okay, you think of it. The

0:22:44.520 --> 0:22:47.320
<v Speaker 1>offers on the table, and as people of this show know,

0:22:47.480 --> 0:22:49.719
<v Speaker 1>I don't. I don't like to put things on this table,

0:22:50.160 --> 0:22:53.119
<v Speaker 1>but I would love to throw you up on this

0:22:53.240 --> 0:22:57.199
<v Speaker 1>table in a in a fit of passion, maybe just

0:22:57.240 --> 0:23:01.360
<v Speaker 1>make out with you. What is your worst quality?

0:23:01.640 --> 0:23:02.439
<v Speaker 2>My worst quality?

0:23:02.480 --> 0:23:04.600
<v Speaker 1>What do you think I think is your worst quality?

0:23:05.680 --> 0:23:11.080
<v Speaker 2>Worst is I can think of a bunch, But to

0:23:11.119 --> 0:23:13.000
<v Speaker 2>pick one that is the worst.

0:23:12.720 --> 0:23:15.040
<v Speaker 1>Well, I'll give you a hint. Okay, it's physical.

0:23:15.640 --> 0:23:17.760
<v Speaker 2>My posture. Yeap, that was actually going to be what

0:23:17.800 --> 0:23:19.440
<v Speaker 2>I said. But then I was like, certainly there's something

0:23:19.440 --> 0:23:21.800
<v Speaker 2>worse than my postum. No there's not, which is excellent.

0:23:22.000 --> 0:23:24.680
<v Speaker 1>It's great right now. I've never first of all, I've

0:23:24.720 --> 0:23:28.360
<v Speaker 1>never seen you, uh look so pretty with your hair,

0:23:28.480 --> 0:23:31.240
<v Speaker 1>so pretty dressed up. I mean it's just so rare.

0:23:31.920 --> 0:23:35.120
<v Speaker 1>Look like you wear the same love.

0:23:35.040 --> 0:23:36.400
<v Speaker 2>A pair of sweatpants, the.

0:23:36.400 --> 0:23:40.040
<v Speaker 1>Grossest sweatpants, every day of your life. And then you

0:23:40.119 --> 0:23:43.040
<v Speaker 1>force me I have to. Like a lot of relationships,

0:23:43.040 --> 0:23:45.480
<v Speaker 1>it's like we have once a month, we have date night.

0:23:45.560 --> 0:23:47.639
<v Speaker 1>Some couples do it once a week. Now here's what

0:23:47.680 --> 0:23:49.920
<v Speaker 1>I do. I wait until the end of the year,

0:23:50.200 --> 0:23:52.760
<v Speaker 1>at about you know, December, and I'm like, oh, hey,

0:23:52.760 --> 0:23:54.040
<v Speaker 1>we need to go out twelve times.

0:23:56.160 --> 0:23:56.320
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:23:56.359 --> 0:23:57.879
<v Speaker 2>The once a month thing hasn't really worked.

0:23:58.000 --> 0:23:59.800
<v Speaker 1>No, I didn't. I don't, I don't, I don't don't

0:23:59.800 --> 0:24:01.919
<v Speaker 1>put don't shackle me.

0:24:02.760 --> 0:24:04.640
<v Speaker 2>I just want you to want to take me out,

0:24:04.800 --> 0:24:07.960
<v Speaker 2>you know, without the the once a month thing.

0:24:08.119 --> 0:24:10.280
<v Speaker 1>Do you guys? Do you guys date you have date night?

0:24:11.119 --> 0:24:12.960
<v Speaker 3>Well, like a specific you.

0:24:12.960 --> 0:24:14.760
<v Speaker 1>Don't have it. You don't. Eddie Head doesn't have a

0:24:14.840 --> 0:24:17.439
<v Speaker 1>date night? You you too, Dylan, you've been married for

0:24:17.480 --> 0:24:19.560
<v Speaker 1>six minutes. You already have a fucking you're forced to

0:24:19.600 --> 0:24:20.399
<v Speaker 1>go on date nights?

0:24:20.760 --> 0:24:21.600
<v Speaker 3>Not forced?

0:24:22.080 --> 0:24:24.080
<v Speaker 2>Oh not romantic?

0:24:24.240 --> 0:24:26.880
<v Speaker 1>Geez okay, but so do you do it once a week,

0:24:27.680 --> 0:24:30.720
<v Speaker 1>two times a month? You don't have kids? Fuck off? Yes,

0:24:32.640 --> 0:24:34.680
<v Speaker 1>I mean I like to go out with you. Don't

0:24:34.680 --> 0:24:36.639
<v Speaker 1>get me wrong. It's fun. I had to go to

0:24:36.720 --> 0:24:37.280
<v Speaker 1>a restaurant.

0:24:37.320 --> 0:24:38.440
<v Speaker 2>Do you make it sound like a chore.

0:24:39.240 --> 0:24:40.879
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. It's just well, once you say I

0:24:40.920 --> 0:24:43.320
<v Speaker 1>have to do it, it's like the dentist. It's like, oh,

0:24:43.359 --> 0:24:46.120
<v Speaker 1>every six months, I have to do this. Your posture

0:24:46.160 --> 0:24:51.760
<v Speaker 1>is your worst quality, and then and then not physical,

0:24:51.840 --> 0:24:55.080
<v Speaker 1>your voice, and then your name.

0:24:55.560 --> 0:24:57.040
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, you don't like the name of Carly.

0:24:57.880 --> 0:25:01.320
<v Speaker 1>Yeah I never I was like Carly.

0:25:01.640 --> 0:25:04.280
<v Speaker 2>Well, I think you think my siblings names are cool,

0:25:04.320 --> 0:25:04.760
<v Speaker 2>and her.

0:25:05.480 --> 0:25:10.800
<v Speaker 1>Siblings all have cool names A Taylor, Chase, Jordan, Carly

0:25:11.080 --> 0:25:13.040
<v Speaker 1>if you were, if you were to give me that

0:25:13.160 --> 0:25:16.879
<v Speaker 1>seems like the example question on the SATs.

0:25:16.520 --> 0:25:17.400
<v Speaker 2>Which one doesn't belong?

0:25:17.440 --> 0:25:21.239
<v Speaker 1>Which one of these names is batshit stupid? I mean,

0:25:21.280 --> 0:25:23.479
<v Speaker 1>I'm not saying Daniel's a good name. All those all

0:25:23.520 --> 0:25:25.720
<v Speaker 1>though its biblical? Is Carly biblical?

0:25:26.080 --> 0:25:27.719
<v Speaker 2>I believe I'm named after Carly Simon.

0:25:28.000 --> 0:25:31.560
<v Speaker 1>Oh, it's kind of cool. I didn't know that. Do

0:25:31.560 --> 0:25:33.280
<v Speaker 1>you remember when we were first started dating. At the

0:25:33.359 --> 0:25:35.080
<v Speaker 1>end of meals what I used to do to gross

0:25:35.119 --> 0:25:35.400
<v Speaker 1>you out?

0:25:35.680 --> 0:25:37.800
<v Speaker 2>Put your hand into the food and then just like

0:25:38.280 --> 0:25:39.360
<v Speaker 2>I used to make it in your mouth.

0:25:39.400 --> 0:25:41.040
<v Speaker 1>I used to just put my hands all in the

0:25:41.080 --> 0:25:42.240
<v Speaker 1>food like when I was finished.

0:25:42.280 --> 0:25:44.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and you would do that like around my family.

0:25:47.000 --> 0:25:50.280
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's such a funny bit. I have stopped doing it.

0:25:50.400 --> 0:25:52.280
<v Speaker 1>I gotta bring the bit back now that I've children.

0:25:52.359 --> 0:25:54.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, honestly, they would lose their mind.

0:25:54.840 --> 0:25:56.680
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, So the end of meals, like we would be

0:25:56.720 --> 0:25:58.560
<v Speaker 1>at a restaurant and are you finished with that? And

0:25:58.600 --> 0:26:01.920
<v Speaker 1>she'd be like yeah, and like, let's I can't. Let's

0:26:01.920 --> 0:26:04.520
<v Speaker 1>say she had shrimp and grits. I would just take

0:26:04.560 --> 0:26:06.080
<v Speaker 1>my hands and put them in the grits and just

0:26:06.080 --> 0:26:09.280
<v Speaker 1>start going like this and just sit and keep talking

0:26:09.320 --> 0:26:11.600
<v Speaker 1>to her and she would just be like, what in

0:26:11.640 --> 0:26:15.359
<v Speaker 1>the h is happening? Oh? It was fun times. That

0:26:15.440 --> 0:26:16.000
<v Speaker 1>was a good bit.

0:26:16.560 --> 0:26:18.520
<v Speaker 2>Do you remember when we were at Chilata we ordered

0:26:18.560 --> 0:26:19.600
<v Speaker 2>the golden bags.

0:26:19.320 --> 0:26:22.280
<v Speaker 1>By the way, rip Chilatta burned down in the last fire.

0:26:22.760 --> 0:26:24.879
<v Speaker 1>It was a tie place that We used to go to.

0:26:25.000 --> 0:26:27.360
<v Speaker 2>A little beach shack. Very cute, very cute.

0:26:27.359 --> 0:26:29.600
<v Speaker 1>I hope they rebuild it. Anyway, what were you saying

0:26:29.600 --> 0:26:30.000
<v Speaker 1>about it?

0:26:30.200 --> 0:26:32.560
<v Speaker 2>We ordered these appetizers called golden bags, and they were

0:26:32.560 --> 0:26:34.679
<v Speaker 2>like a little fried bag that looked like kind of

0:26:34.680 --> 0:26:37.320
<v Speaker 2>like a knapsack, and you stuck a toothpick in one

0:26:37.440 --> 0:26:39.200
<v Speaker 2>and you stuck it with your shoulder and you were like,

0:26:39.200 --> 0:26:41.919
<v Speaker 2>I'm waiting for my ride. And I was like, I

0:26:42.000 --> 0:26:44.680
<v Speaker 2>have to marry this weirdo, Like what's happening.

0:26:45.160 --> 0:26:46.040
<v Speaker 1>I had a little bindle.

0:26:46.280 --> 0:26:48.680
<v Speaker 2>It was like the dumbest thing I've ever seen anyone

0:26:48.760 --> 0:26:49.639
<v Speaker 2>do a.

0:26:49.600 --> 0:26:56.159
<v Speaker 1>Little with my little tie bit. Appreciate, I appreciate you

0:26:56.200 --> 0:26:59.400
<v Speaker 1>remember that, But those things look so.

0:26:59.240 --> 0:27:01.119
<v Speaker 2>Stupid, look like little napsecks.

0:27:01.280 --> 0:27:03.480
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. You remember when we first started dating and you

0:27:03.880 --> 0:27:07.320
<v Speaker 1>asked me, I was doing some of your laundry, like, hey,

0:27:07.400 --> 0:27:10.399
<v Speaker 1>don't don't dry that one shirt, And I sent you

0:27:10.440 --> 0:27:13.359
<v Speaker 1>a photo and I had taken all my fingernail and

0:27:13.400 --> 0:27:16.679
<v Speaker 1>toenail clippings and wrote I love you on the shirt

0:27:17.600 --> 0:27:19.919
<v Speaker 1>as I was making sure that I didn't dry it.

0:27:20.240 --> 0:27:22.639
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you were definitely the strangest person I've ever dated.

0:27:22.960 --> 0:27:26.360
<v Speaker 1>No, it was romantic. I got that. Still, how long

0:27:26.359 --> 0:27:27.159
<v Speaker 1>have we been married?

0:27:28.400 --> 0:27:30.719
<v Speaker 2>Nine years? This will be nine years.

0:27:31.000 --> 0:27:32.600
<v Speaker 1>I think that's good that you and I are together

0:27:32.640 --> 0:27:36.000
<v Speaker 1>because we never people like how long have you've been married?

0:27:36.000 --> 0:27:38.400
<v Speaker 1>And I'm like, I have no idea, and like that's

0:27:38.440 --> 0:27:40.320
<v Speaker 1>not something that would ever upset you that I have

0:27:40.400 --> 0:27:42.359
<v Speaker 1>no idea because I know that you barely know.

0:27:43.200 --> 0:27:44.800
<v Speaker 2>I think the other day I said the date wrong.

0:27:45.200 --> 0:27:46.600
<v Speaker 1>It's the seventeenth seventeenth.

0:27:46.720 --> 0:27:49.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, of age of the sixteenth seventeen anniversary.

0:27:49.680 --> 0:27:53.000
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, right, I know when I know when it was, oh,

0:27:53.080 --> 0:27:56.000
<v Speaker 1>such a magical day. Do you know about the bet Eddie.

0:27:55.800 --> 0:27:58.560
<v Speaker 2>And I made, Yeah, that you would have fewer than

0:27:58.880 --> 0:27:59.520
<v Speaker 2>twenty people.

0:28:00.040 --> 0:28:03.120
<v Speaker 1>Okay, So when Eddie and I were very young, we

0:28:03.160 --> 0:28:05.440
<v Speaker 1>made this bet. He's like, there's no I said, I

0:28:05.520 --> 0:28:08.400
<v Speaker 1>go when I get married on because Eddie had two weddings,

0:28:08.440 --> 0:28:10.640
<v Speaker 1>he had one on the East Coast and one in Vegas.

0:28:10.760 --> 0:28:14.560
<v Speaker 1>And I said, when I get married, there's no way

0:28:14.720 --> 0:28:17.159
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to have more than twenty people. And he's like,

0:28:17.359 --> 0:28:20.679
<v Speaker 1>all right, I'll take that action, and he bet me

0:28:20.720 --> 0:28:22.960
<v Speaker 1>five grand. Right, it was five grand. It was a

0:28:23.000 --> 0:28:25.240
<v Speaker 1>lot of money even back then for us. This is

0:28:25.400 --> 0:28:28.800
<v Speaker 1>way before, way before I ever had a show or

0:28:28.800 --> 0:28:32.680
<v Speaker 1>anything like that. Anyway, fast forward to us. We were

0:28:32.720 --> 0:28:38.880
<v Speaker 1>engaged and I said to you, hey, if you could

0:28:38.880 --> 0:28:43.520
<v Speaker 1>get married anywhere in the world but we only had

0:28:43.840 --> 0:28:48.400
<v Speaker 1>like a dozen people, would that offset it? And you

0:28:48.440 --> 0:28:52.560
<v Speaker 1>were like, yep, if we can do it Italy and

0:28:52.600 --> 0:28:56.720
<v Speaker 1>I was like, boom chi ching a good move.

0:28:57.640 --> 0:29:00.720
<v Speaker 2>Visions or so. I was sure your motivation.

0:29:00.880 --> 0:29:03.560
<v Speaker 1>No, it wasn't. To be honest, I forgot about the bet.

0:29:03.800 --> 0:29:06.640
<v Speaker 2>No, you did not. I remember this conversation like right

0:29:06.680 --> 0:29:08.840
<v Speaker 2>after that. I think we talked about a castle in

0:29:08.880 --> 0:29:11.920
<v Speaker 2>Ireland or something, and then yeah, they started looking at

0:29:11.960 --> 0:29:14.800
<v Speaker 2>villas in Italy. And then you immediately told me that,

0:29:14.920 --> 0:29:16.840
<v Speaker 2>like it had to be fewer than twenty people.

0:29:17.160 --> 0:29:19.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I don't. I mean, I don't think that's a

0:29:19.560 --> 0:29:22.160
<v Speaker 1>bad move. Guys, I had to make sure Eddie lost.

0:29:22.560 --> 0:29:30.280
<v Speaker 1>Anybody you would have wanted to leave off the invite list, Nope,

0:29:30.880 --> 0:29:32.480
<v Speaker 1>anybody you'd like to add.

0:29:32.600 --> 0:29:36.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean Sam wasn't there, which is battling.

0:29:36.080 --> 0:29:39.760
<v Speaker 1>Pete's wife, Yeah wasn't there. Well, listen, you had to

0:29:39.760 --> 0:29:41.920
<v Speaker 1>make some tough choices and it was fun watching you

0:29:41.960 --> 0:29:44.000
<v Speaker 1>make them. I didn't need to bring my brother or

0:29:44.040 --> 0:29:47.600
<v Speaker 1>my sisters. Yeah, yeah, I mean you nixed all my family.

0:29:47.920 --> 0:29:48.960
<v Speaker 2>No, that's not true.

0:29:49.160 --> 0:29:50.680
<v Speaker 1>My mom and dad. That's the only ones that got

0:29:50.720 --> 0:29:52.520
<v Speaker 1>to come, by the way, just because you got to

0:29:52.520 --> 0:29:54.920
<v Speaker 1>come to the wedding too, you didn't actually get to

0:29:54.960 --> 0:29:57.960
<v Speaker 1>come to the wedding itself. Yes, then there was a

0:29:58.000 --> 0:30:01.360
<v Speaker 1>smaller group of the ser of the fifteen or sixteen

0:30:01.360 --> 0:30:04.400
<v Speaker 1>people that actually watched, just exchange valves.

0:30:04.480 --> 0:30:06.400
<v Speaker 2>I got in trouble for that from.

0:30:06.320 --> 0:30:10.640
<v Speaker 1>Who who didn't get to who of your party?

0:30:11.320 --> 0:30:14.120
<v Speaker 2>I think people were like taken aback.

0:30:14.520 --> 0:30:17.560
<v Speaker 1>I used to be a monster because in the beginning

0:30:17.880 --> 0:30:20.160
<v Speaker 1>Carley would like she would just let me do some

0:30:20.200 --> 0:30:23.320
<v Speaker 1>of my crazy stuff, and now now she just runs

0:30:23.360 --> 0:30:27.200
<v Speaker 1>the house. Do you remember the first song that was

0:30:27.200 --> 0:30:28.120
<v Speaker 1>played at our wedding?

0:30:28.320 --> 0:30:31.880
<v Speaker 2>I do. It was gold Digger, like on your West.

0:30:32.640 --> 0:30:34.760
<v Speaker 2>I thought that DJ it was fucking with.

0:30:34.640 --> 0:30:38.840
<v Speaker 1>Me the Nazi, the Nazi Kanye West. Yes, song was

0:30:38.880 --> 0:30:41.239
<v Speaker 1>the first song on our wedding was gold Digger? And

0:30:41.280 --> 0:30:42.680
<v Speaker 1>what was your what was your thought?

0:30:43.040 --> 0:30:44.600
<v Speaker 2>I mean I thought that the DJ was kind of

0:30:44.640 --> 0:30:46.320
<v Speaker 2>like fucking with me, Like it felt like he was

0:30:46.320 --> 0:30:49.280
<v Speaker 2>making like a statement about what he thought was going on.

0:30:49.600 --> 0:30:50.760
<v Speaker 1>Did he play the whole song.

0:30:50.960 --> 0:30:52.680
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but I mean it's a good song. So we

0:30:52.720 --> 0:30:53.920
<v Speaker 2>were all like dancing to it and this is like

0:30:54.000 --> 0:30:56.560
<v Speaker 2>pre Nazi, you know, so we all had fun. But

0:30:56.560 --> 0:30:58.480
<v Speaker 2>the whole time I was like, why would this be

0:30:58.600 --> 0:31:01.720
<v Speaker 2>your pick as the very first at our wedding? Like,

0:31:02.040 --> 0:31:04.080
<v Speaker 2>I mean, this is after like slow dance, but the

0:31:04.080 --> 0:31:07.240
<v Speaker 2>first like dance song. Was like, so, like, did you

0:31:07.280 --> 0:31:07.640
<v Speaker 2>pick the.

0:31:07.720 --> 0:31:08.960
<v Speaker 1>Song for the well?

0:31:09.000 --> 0:31:13.680
<v Speaker 2>I think I just said like American pop music or something.

0:31:13.840 --> 0:31:16.480
<v Speaker 1>Now, had you not married me, who would have been

0:31:16.520 --> 0:31:21.240
<v Speaker 1>your second pick at the office for you to have

0:31:21.280 --> 0:31:24.320
<v Speaker 1>a long term relationship Eddie? Eddie was married.

0:31:24.520 --> 0:31:26.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's why I went for you.

0:31:26.280 --> 0:31:29.480
<v Speaker 1>You would have broke up his marriage. You think you

0:31:29.520 --> 0:31:33.960
<v Speaker 1>could have infiltrated? Interesting talk about the time Lena Dunham

0:31:34.000 --> 0:31:34.800
<v Speaker 1>made you cry?

0:31:35.480 --> 0:31:37.080
<v Speaker 2>The time Lena Dunham made me cry?

0:31:37.240 --> 0:31:40.120
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? Do you remember this? I don't know, Okay, then

0:31:40.160 --> 0:31:44.480
<v Speaker 1>I'll tell the story. Lena Dunham was on Watch What

0:31:44.600 --> 0:31:47.880
<v Speaker 1>Happens Live or whatever, the Bravo show and she was

0:31:47.920 --> 0:31:53.560
<v Speaker 1>asked who the most misogynistic person in Hollywood? Is something

0:31:53.600 --> 0:31:58.720
<v Speaker 1>to that effect, right, and then she like, you know

0:31:58.880 --> 0:32:01.640
<v Speaker 1>kind of was I don't know what she said exactly,

0:32:01.800 --> 0:32:05.640
<v Speaker 1>but at one point she was like, Daniel Tosh, not

0:32:05.720 --> 0:32:10.840
<v Speaker 1>a Harvey Weinstein who's in jail for it. She said me. Now,

0:32:11.080 --> 0:32:15.920
<v Speaker 1>the reason that she said me yes was because there

0:32:16.080 --> 0:32:19.160
<v Speaker 1>was a joke on our show around the time that

0:32:19.200 --> 0:32:23.239
<v Speaker 1>this came out that made fun of her boobs or

0:32:23.280 --> 0:32:26.280
<v Speaker 1>something like that. And this is what I want to

0:32:26.280 --> 0:32:29.000
<v Speaker 1>bring up. You were crying because you're like, how do

0:32:29.000 --> 0:32:30.680
<v Speaker 1>you think it makes me feel to know that I'm

0:32:30.760 --> 0:32:36.600
<v Speaker 1>dating somebody that thinks you're the most misogynistic person in Hollywood?

0:32:37.080 --> 0:32:39.280
<v Speaker 1>And I was laughing. I was like, well, I'm not

0:32:39.320 --> 0:32:42.520
<v Speaker 1>the most misogynistic person in Hollywood. The guy that's in

0:32:42.640 --> 0:32:46.760
<v Speaker 1>jail for raping people. That that guy has to be worse. Right.

0:32:47.280 --> 0:32:50.720
<v Speaker 1>The point that I want to I didn't watch Girls,

0:32:51.200 --> 0:32:54.160
<v Speaker 1>you loved that show. You wrote the joke.

0:32:54.240 --> 0:32:54.880
<v Speaker 2>I wrote the joke.

0:32:55.160 --> 0:32:58.040
<v Speaker 1>You wrote the joke that made her say and I

0:32:58.200 --> 0:33:01.320
<v Speaker 1>just say the joke. So the point is, you're the

0:33:01.360 --> 0:33:06.200
<v Speaker 1>most misogynistic man in Hollywood, according to Lena Dunham, who,

0:33:06.240 --> 0:33:08.040
<v Speaker 1>by the way, didn't she write a book and well

0:33:08.040 --> 0:33:11.640
<v Speaker 1>in they're a chapter about her molesting her sister or something. Yeah, yeah, Well,

0:33:11.720 --> 0:33:14.080
<v Speaker 1>so anyway, I don't know why you got upset by that?

0:33:14.440 --> 0:33:15.640
<v Speaker 1>Am I misogynistic?

0:33:15.880 --> 0:33:19.440
<v Speaker 2>No? No, I think she would be interested to know that,

0:33:19.520 --> 0:33:21.040
<v Speaker 2>Like your whole team is women.

0:33:21.440 --> 0:33:23.280
<v Speaker 1>I don't think she'd be interested in anything about me,

0:33:23.760 --> 0:33:26.840
<v Speaker 1>but I wish the best and I've never watched girls.

0:33:27.080 --> 0:33:28.680
<v Speaker 1>Let's go back to your career for a second. You've

0:33:28.720 --> 0:33:32.240
<v Speaker 1>always written for male comedians. Yeah, because you're not You're

0:33:32.240 --> 0:33:36.600
<v Speaker 1>not like, you're not a guy one of the guys.

0:33:36.680 --> 0:33:39.560
<v Speaker 1>You know. They always think that, like comedy writers like

0:33:39.640 --> 0:33:42.320
<v Speaker 1>oh yeah, or you know, like the hot chicks. She's like,

0:33:42.680 --> 0:33:46.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm never I can't be friends with girls. That's not you. No, no,

0:33:46.080 --> 0:33:49.160
<v Speaker 1>you're not. All you have is just tons and tons

0:33:49.240 --> 0:33:53.680
<v Speaker 1>of girl friends. But yet you write comedy for like dudes.

0:33:54.120 --> 0:33:54.800
<v Speaker 1>That's interesting.

0:33:54.840 --> 0:33:56.360
<v Speaker 2>I just that was my trajectory.

0:33:56.720 --> 0:33:59.360
<v Speaker 1>Are you saying that you that wouldn't be your your

0:33:59.400 --> 0:34:01.240
<v Speaker 1>specialty could branch out.

0:34:01.720 --> 0:34:04.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm trying to branch out. I could branch out,

0:34:04.760 --> 0:34:08.240
<v Speaker 2>but I think Yeah, people saw my resume and thought like, oh,

0:34:08.480 --> 0:34:11.400
<v Speaker 2>she can write this type of joke, but you can

0:34:11.480 --> 0:34:12.239
<v Speaker 2>at certain jobs.

0:34:12.320 --> 0:34:15.239
<v Speaker 1>Yes, you're writing a script now that's inspired by the

0:34:15.320 --> 0:34:17.520
<v Speaker 1>relationship between you me and your sister.

0:34:17.960 --> 0:34:18.240
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:34:18.280 --> 0:34:21.000
<v Speaker 1>Are you going to have to soften that. Like, if

0:34:21.360 --> 0:34:23.239
<v Speaker 1>if somebody right now were to be like, we're going

0:34:23.320 --> 0:34:26.000
<v Speaker 1>to buy this script, Carly, and it's going to be

0:34:26.080 --> 0:34:28.560
<v Speaker 1>on the air tomorrow, would you have to have a

0:34:28.640 --> 0:34:30.719
<v Speaker 1>sit down with your sister to be like, okay, we

0:34:30.760 --> 0:34:31.279
<v Speaker 1>need to talk.

0:34:32.480 --> 0:34:37.560
<v Speaker 2>These are fictional characters. One of them vaguely resembles you,

0:34:38.400 --> 0:34:42.040
<v Speaker 2>one me, and one my sister, but they are not us.

0:34:42.280 --> 0:34:44.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm not upset by any of the portrayals of me,

0:34:44.680 --> 0:34:44.960
<v Speaker 1>am I.

0:34:45.320 --> 0:34:48.960
<v Speaker 2>Everyone is right and everyone is wrong. That's you know, brother,

0:34:49.280 --> 0:34:49.800
<v Speaker 2>It's great.

0:34:50.320 --> 0:34:53.520
<v Speaker 1>Who should who? Who would be a perfect cast to

0:34:53.560 --> 0:34:55.200
<v Speaker 1>play my role? Well?

0:34:55.239 --> 0:34:57.040
<v Speaker 2>I was trying to pitch Dave Franco the other day.

0:34:57.160 --> 0:35:01.000
<v Speaker 1>Dave Franco, Yeah, is that a good get?

0:35:01.400 --> 0:35:01.880
<v Speaker 3>I think so.

0:35:02.200 --> 0:35:02.919
<v Speaker 1>I think so too.

0:35:03.000 --> 0:35:04.040
<v Speaker 3>You must be the hero.

0:35:06.840 --> 0:35:09.600
<v Speaker 1>He wrote for Cedric the Entertainer too. Now, I wanted

0:35:09.640 --> 0:35:11.719
<v Speaker 1>to play f Mary kill with the people that you've

0:35:11.760 --> 0:35:15.239
<v Speaker 1>worked for, Andy Samberg, Cedric the Entertainer, myself. We know

0:35:15.800 --> 0:35:18.600
<v Speaker 1>that you married me, So which one of the other

0:35:18.640 --> 0:35:20.319
<v Speaker 1>two do you want to make sweet love to?

0:35:21.080 --> 0:35:22.440
<v Speaker 2>Cedric's a cool guy like him?

0:35:22.560 --> 0:35:27.120
<v Speaker 1>Okay, so Cedric? It is that means Andy gets the acts? Ye,

0:35:27.760 --> 0:35:31.640
<v Speaker 1>Speaking of acts, nobody ever wants to fucking hear their

0:35:31.719 --> 0:35:37.920
<v Speaker 1>wife tell them about their dreams. It's just nonsense. Okay,

0:35:38.239 --> 0:35:44.160
<v Speaker 1>my wife has the most psychotic nightmares, Like she dreams

0:35:44.200 --> 0:35:46.520
<v Speaker 1>all the time. I had to take an axe and

0:35:46.560 --> 0:35:47.680
<v Speaker 1>split a guy's head open.

0:35:47.640 --> 0:35:50.359
<v Speaker 2>It is only when I'm pregnant. No, mo, when I'm

0:35:50.360 --> 0:35:51.680
<v Speaker 2>pregnant mostly, O get.

0:35:51.600 --> 0:35:54.480
<v Speaker 1>Fine, mostly when you're pregnant. But but regardless, you have

0:35:55.200 --> 0:35:59.840
<v Speaker 1>serial killer dreams where you do horrible violent things to people. Yeah,

0:36:00.040 --> 0:36:02.480
<v Speaker 1>I've never even cracked open a book to see if

0:36:02.480 --> 0:36:03.360
<v Speaker 1>that means something.

0:36:03.440 --> 0:36:05.440
<v Speaker 2>I think that's why Stacey gave me the Book of Dreams.

0:36:05.600 --> 0:36:08.400
<v Speaker 2>She was haunted by the dream I told her what

0:36:08.480 --> 0:36:09.000
<v Speaker 2>kind of dreams?

0:36:09.000 --> 0:36:12.240
<v Speaker 1>I mean, honestly, how often do you have those? Those murders?

0:36:12.360 --> 0:36:14.560
<v Speaker 2>No? Really, when I'm pregnant, though, I would always be

0:36:14.680 --> 0:36:17.120
<v Speaker 2>like running from someone, but I would have like a

0:36:17.120 --> 0:36:19.800
<v Speaker 2>weapon and then I would have to like kill someone

0:36:19.800 --> 0:36:21.480
<v Speaker 2>in my dream. It happened a.

0:36:21.480 --> 0:36:23.320
<v Speaker 1>Lot, yeah, but like not it just kill them, like

0:36:23.440 --> 0:36:25.680
<v Speaker 1>kill them in a violent, violent way. I would always

0:36:25.760 --> 0:36:27.600
<v Speaker 1>ask like will you wake up before you do it

0:36:27.640 --> 0:36:29.960
<v Speaker 1>and say no, no, no, I'm just chopping their head over,

0:36:30.640 --> 0:36:36.600
<v Speaker 1>and I'm just like disgusting. Yeah, speaking of things that

0:36:37.120 --> 0:36:40.759
<v Speaker 1>disgusted me about you that you do. When you were

0:36:40.760 --> 0:36:44.640
<v Speaker 1>talking about taking birth control, the way you take a pill.

0:36:45.280 --> 0:36:45.800
<v Speaker 2>It's deep.

0:36:46.560 --> 0:36:49.000
<v Speaker 1>I don't get it. If some people you know, like

0:36:49.160 --> 0:36:52.040
<v Speaker 1>like like, oh, I don't take pills very well, but

0:36:52.120 --> 0:36:54.520
<v Speaker 1>for her it doesn't. By the way, it's not just pills.

0:36:54.560 --> 0:36:56.719
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to all point. She has to take the

0:36:56.800 --> 0:36:59.959
<v Speaker 1>pill and place it in the back of her throat,

0:37:00.560 --> 0:37:04.719
<v Speaker 1>like she literally like if this goes like this and see,

0:37:04.719 --> 0:37:06.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, what are you doing?

0:37:07.200 --> 0:37:08.680
<v Speaker 2>Well? Stop watching me take the pills.

0:37:08.760 --> 0:37:11.399
<v Speaker 1>Okay, but okay, So here's the thing. That's how you

0:37:11.440 --> 0:37:14.280
<v Speaker 1>eat too. Whenever you're eating like finger food and breaking

0:37:14.280 --> 0:37:16.400
<v Speaker 1>a piece off, you don't ever just you don't like

0:37:16.600 --> 0:37:19.399
<v Speaker 1>pop popcorn into your mouth. You place it.

0:37:20.000 --> 0:37:21.960
<v Speaker 2>I think I would miss. I'm just gonna make sure

0:37:22.000 --> 0:37:22.600
<v Speaker 2>it gets in there.

0:37:23.880 --> 0:37:27.040
<v Speaker 1>It makes no sense. You're a big wine drinker. You

0:37:27.080 --> 0:37:29.720
<v Speaker 1>love wine. You're constantly drinking wine.

0:37:29.719 --> 0:37:31.560
<v Speaker 2>I'm not sure that's would you.

0:37:31.520 --> 0:37:34.080
<v Speaker 1>Be happier with me if I drank happier?

0:37:35.160 --> 0:37:38.080
<v Speaker 2>No, but I think it would be fun maybe to

0:37:38.239 --> 0:37:40.359
<v Speaker 2>like share a bottle of wine from time to time.

0:37:40.400 --> 0:37:43.319
<v Speaker 2>That's why I like push a drink over to you, like, hey,

0:37:43.960 --> 0:37:45.759
<v Speaker 2>like the night that I wore this, I think you

0:37:45.840 --> 0:37:48.319
<v Speaker 2>drank a cocktail that was cute and then how much

0:37:48.360 --> 0:37:51.840
<v Speaker 2>diarheated again later and then all night long on my birthday.

0:37:52.320 --> 0:37:53.400
<v Speaker 2>But you were in the bathroom.

0:37:54.719 --> 0:37:55.560
<v Speaker 1>She was dead asleep.

0:37:55.600 --> 0:37:56.480
<v Speaker 2>I had know what was happening.

0:37:56.480 --> 0:37:59.919
<v Speaker 1>Itn't didn't matter. The emmodium wore off around two.

0:38:00.040 --> 0:38:05.480
<v Speaker 2>I am the tequila didn't help the AVR Seafood tower,

0:38:06.160 --> 0:38:06.320
<v Speaker 2>it was.

0:38:06.480 --> 0:38:09.600
<v Speaker 1>It was a big night here. Let's let's do this.

0:38:10.239 --> 0:38:12.600
<v Speaker 1>We're gonna play a little game here, the newlywed game.

0:38:13.600 --> 0:38:13.960
<v Speaker 2>Mm hmm.

0:38:14.080 --> 0:38:18.400
<v Speaker 1>Okay, what celebrity do people think you look like?

0:38:18.840 --> 0:38:20.120
<v Speaker 2>Am I supposed to say it out loud?

0:38:20.360 --> 0:38:22.480
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I mean you're not the newlybed game. You're supposed

0:38:22.480 --> 0:38:24.320
<v Speaker 1>to write it down, but I didn't have two boards.

0:38:24.400 --> 0:38:30.360
<v Speaker 2>Okay, Rachel McAdams, that's who you think I look like,

0:38:31.880 --> 0:38:35.200
<v Speaker 2>only because of my very small breast.

0:38:35.520 --> 0:38:39.120
<v Speaker 1>Okay, Rachel McAdam. And you really really went for it there.

0:38:39.560 --> 0:38:41.200
<v Speaker 2>I used to be told that all the time, and

0:38:41.280 --> 0:38:44.120
<v Speaker 2>now I'm not, sadly ever told that.

0:38:44.960 --> 0:38:47.680
<v Speaker 1>What is my biggest pet peeve about you?

0:38:48.160 --> 0:38:52.440
<v Speaker 2>When you're in my car that I put the that

0:38:52.520 --> 0:38:54.640
<v Speaker 2>I either put this down or leave it down. This

0:38:54.719 --> 0:38:57.919
<v Speaker 2>bitch always leaves her visor down. Yeah, it is still

0:38:57.920 --> 0:38:59.680
<v Speaker 2>in my eyes. We're not the same height, so you

0:38:59.719 --> 0:39:01.919
<v Speaker 2>can't see what I can talk about when my eyes.

0:39:02.080 --> 0:39:05.000
<v Speaker 1>When I turned down a different road, you.

0:39:04.880 --> 0:39:06.840
<v Speaker 2>Give me like five seconds to put it back up.

0:39:06.840 --> 0:39:08.680
<v Speaker 2>It's not like on my mind like, well we turned

0:39:08.680 --> 0:39:09.280
<v Speaker 2>I better bloop.

0:39:09.600 --> 0:39:13.480
<v Speaker 1>I don't think i'm six four, Like, are you realize

0:39:13.480 --> 0:39:14.359
<v Speaker 1>that our site lender?

0:39:14.600 --> 0:39:16.200
<v Speaker 2>When I look at you, like the dad, that's like,

0:39:16.239 --> 0:39:17.960
<v Speaker 2>turn the light off in the back. I can't see.

0:39:18.000 --> 0:39:20.600
<v Speaker 2>It's like, bitch, you can still see, Like it's fine.

0:39:20.680 --> 0:39:22.680
<v Speaker 1>Do I let my kids put the light on in

0:39:22.719 --> 0:39:26.400
<v Speaker 1>the bus, But so I put it on a dim set. No,

0:39:26.520 --> 0:39:27.640
<v Speaker 1>that's a blind spot for me.

0:39:27.640 --> 0:39:29.439
<v Speaker 2>When I look at the I don't think so. There's

0:39:29.440 --> 0:39:30.760
<v Speaker 2>all kinds of cameras on the car.

0:39:30.920 --> 0:39:33.120
<v Speaker 1>That's true. What's my nickname for you?

0:39:34.239 --> 0:39:34.759
<v Speaker 2>A car car?

0:39:35.160 --> 0:39:37.200
<v Speaker 1>Oh? That's right, it was. I wouldn't think I was

0:39:37.200 --> 0:39:40.520
<v Speaker 1>gonna say, bitch. I forgot. We used to call you

0:39:40.560 --> 0:39:43.760
<v Speaker 1>tunic car. We called you Tuna car car at work.

0:39:44.080 --> 0:39:47.040
<v Speaker 2>We I think it's just you, no one else, Well,

0:39:47.080 --> 0:39:47.800
<v Speaker 2>maybe Joe Borden.

0:39:47.840 --> 0:39:50.719
<v Speaker 1>I kept saying it was a fancy, fancy tuna. It's

0:39:50.760 --> 0:39:51.400
<v Speaker 1>a compliment.

0:39:51.600 --> 0:39:53.480
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I don't think a woman wants to call it tuna.

0:39:53.840 --> 0:39:59.839
<v Speaker 1>Tuna car Car was not a bad nickname. It's so bad.

0:40:01.200 --> 0:40:03.279
<v Speaker 2>Can't pick your own nicknames? We just happened to you.

0:40:03.440 --> 0:40:06.000
<v Speaker 1>God's bullshit. You tried to pick your own nick when

0:40:06.000 --> 0:40:08.080
<v Speaker 1>you were a kid, Yeah, you try. She tried to

0:40:08.080 --> 0:40:09.879
<v Speaker 1>get people in her school to call her sweet and low.

0:40:10.000 --> 0:40:13.400
<v Speaker 2>This is true. I was sort of like shopping.

0:40:13.000 --> 0:40:15.279
<v Speaker 1>It around because there was a girl that came in.

0:40:15.520 --> 0:40:17.680
<v Speaker 2>There was like an older girl who came to like

0:40:17.840 --> 0:40:20.160
<v Speaker 2>volunteer at like my fourth grade class or whatever, and

0:40:20.200 --> 0:40:22.239
<v Speaker 2>she was like, my name is whatever, but everybody calls

0:40:22.239 --> 0:40:23.839
<v Speaker 2>me sweet and low, and I was like, oh my god,

0:40:23.920 --> 0:40:26.520
<v Speaker 2>that's the coolest nickname I've ever heard. So then I

0:40:26.560 --> 0:40:27.960
<v Speaker 2>was kind of like trying to ask people to start

0:40:28.000 --> 0:40:30.080
<v Speaker 2>calling me sweten low because it's very small, way smaller

0:40:30.120 --> 0:40:30.799
<v Speaker 2>than everyone around.

0:40:30.840 --> 0:40:32.760
<v Speaker 1>Okay, what grade did you skip?

0:40:33.160 --> 0:40:33.560
<v Speaker 2>Second?

0:40:33.880 --> 0:40:37.040
<v Speaker 1>You skipped second grade because you were so smart, so smart,

0:40:37.400 --> 0:40:40.959
<v Speaker 1>Your geography skills are questionable at best. Yeah, I'll give

0:40:41.040 --> 0:40:45.160
<v Speaker 1>you fifteen hundred dollars right now if you can point

0:40:45.520 --> 0:40:49.120
<v Speaker 1>in the direction of Florida okay.

0:40:49.000 --> 0:40:54.920
<v Speaker 2>Wait, so we're in California again.

0:40:55.200 --> 0:40:55.520
<v Speaker 1>This is.

0:40:56.960 --> 0:41:00.399
<v Speaker 2>That's north over there? Right?

0:41:00.960 --> 0:41:03.320
<v Speaker 1>No, oh, you're not even closed.

0:41:03.520 --> 0:41:04.879
<v Speaker 2>Where is Florida? Point to it?

0:41:05.239 --> 0:41:06.040
<v Speaker 1>Florida's there?

0:41:06.719 --> 0:41:06.799
<v Speaker 3>What?

0:41:07.280 --> 0:41:07.839
<v Speaker 2>No, it's not.

0:41:08.040 --> 0:41:12.080
<v Speaker 1>Okay. Everybody that's on the show gets a gift, you know,

0:41:12.120 --> 0:41:14.799
<v Speaker 1>the drill. But I was like, how am I going

0:41:14.880 --> 0:41:16.880
<v Speaker 1>to get her something that we have? Because it's like,

0:41:16.920 --> 0:41:18.600
<v Speaker 1>am I going to just bring in her gross sweatpants

0:41:18.640 --> 0:41:22.120
<v Speaker 1>and say here, continue to wear these horrible things? But

0:41:23.280 --> 0:41:26.440
<v Speaker 1>we still did it. Okay, I still got you something interesting.

0:41:26.480 --> 0:41:28.560
<v Speaker 2>There you go steels like a book.

0:41:29.880 --> 0:41:31.440
<v Speaker 1>Don't ruin it by guessing.

0:41:38.760 --> 0:41:40.600
<v Speaker 2>Bound bound in leather.

0:41:40.880 --> 0:41:42.840
<v Speaker 1>I always joked about doing this. I was like, you

0:41:42.880 --> 0:41:44.480
<v Speaker 1>know what, I'm going to do it. So what does

0:41:44.520 --> 0:41:44.879
<v Speaker 1>it say?

0:41:45.080 --> 0:41:45.640
<v Speaker 2>The prenup?

0:41:45.719 --> 0:41:50.000
<v Speaker 1>The prenup? It's our prenup. I did that nice paper?

0:41:51.400 --> 0:41:52.960
<v Speaker 1>Do you remember looking at that thing? Did you ever

0:41:53.000 --> 0:41:54.080
<v Speaker 1>actually read our prenup?

0:41:54.560 --> 0:41:57.960
<v Speaker 2>My attorney made me like read some of it, and

0:41:58.600 --> 0:42:00.520
<v Speaker 2>she really thought I wasn't taking it seriously.

0:42:00.880 --> 0:42:03.640
<v Speaker 1>You weren't. Yeah, I got away with murder in there.

0:42:04.680 --> 0:42:07.160
<v Speaker 1>Let me see this prett enough, I haven't seen this money.

0:42:07.840 --> 0:42:09.160
<v Speaker 2>We can put it with the photo albums.

0:42:09.400 --> 0:42:10.880
<v Speaker 1>It's gonna be great. I thought we'd put on our

0:42:10.880 --> 0:42:18.800
<v Speaker 1>coffee table. Look at that. That's legit. Every page has

0:42:18.960 --> 0:42:23.319
<v Speaker 1>our initials. We had initial every page. Oh man, so

0:42:23.520 --> 0:42:27.279
<v Speaker 1>many things are in here. That's beautiful. I'm sign this too.

0:42:32.000 --> 0:42:36.160
<v Speaker 2>What's your name, Harley hallam.

0:42:35.160 --> 0:42:38.239
<v Speaker 1>Ah, No it's not not according to this bad boy.

0:42:38.680 --> 0:42:40.440
<v Speaker 1>Here you go, Thank you.

0:42:40.560 --> 0:42:41.720
<v Speaker 2>This is very sweet.

0:42:41.760 --> 0:42:43.799
<v Speaker 1>Shut it off my desk. You want me to rip

0:42:43.840 --> 0:42:45.879
<v Speaker 1>that book up right now and void it? The whole thing?

0:42:46.719 --> 0:42:49.320
<v Speaker 1>Do you think it's it would hold up still?

0:42:49.920 --> 0:42:51.880
<v Speaker 2>I don't know. I don't know how that works. She

0:42:51.920 --> 0:42:55.000
<v Speaker 2>seemed very concerned that certain things were in there.

0:42:55.400 --> 0:42:59.600
<v Speaker 1>Lawyer said said, and I quote, I cannot in good

0:42:59.640 --> 0:43:00.840
<v Speaker 1>faith have you signed this?

0:43:01.120 --> 0:43:05.520
<v Speaker 2>Yes? And she told me that I will become accustomed

0:43:05.560 --> 0:43:09.200
<v Speaker 2>to a certain lifestyle and that if we got divorced,

0:43:09.680 --> 0:43:12.799
<v Speaker 2>I would need a certain amount of money mm hmm,

0:43:13.280 --> 0:43:14.600
<v Speaker 2>or like I wouldn't be able to live.

0:43:15.080 --> 0:43:17.239
<v Speaker 1>My business may have forced me. They're like, you have

0:43:17.640 --> 0:43:20.200
<v Speaker 1>all our clients have to do prenups and you can

0:43:20.280 --> 0:43:22.560
<v Speaker 1>just put it on her. I guess technically. I said, yeah,

0:43:22.560 --> 0:43:24.160
<v Speaker 1>but I'm not going to do it. But I was like,

0:43:24.440 --> 0:43:27.360
<v Speaker 1>I'll do it. Whatever. Do most of your friends have prenups.

0:43:27.680 --> 0:43:31.040
<v Speaker 1>They do. Yeah, is the biggest reason you don't want

0:43:31.040 --> 0:43:34.759
<v Speaker 1>to divorce me because you're scared who our children would

0:43:34.800 --> 0:43:36.320
<v Speaker 1>pick in court.

0:43:36.680 --> 0:43:38.360
<v Speaker 2>I mean they are very partial to you.

0:43:39.120 --> 0:43:41.040
<v Speaker 1>Why do you think that is? And I'm who's the

0:43:41.080 --> 0:43:43.879
<v Speaker 1>strict one? Yeah, you I'm the strict one.

0:43:43.920 --> 0:43:47.480
<v Speaker 2>No. It's confusing because like our daughter will be like, Daddy,

0:43:47.520 --> 0:43:49.760
<v Speaker 2>don't leave me. That's the new thing that she says, Daddy,

0:43:49.800 --> 0:43:51.960
<v Speaker 2>don't leave me, Daddy, don't leave me. But you'll have

0:43:52.160 --> 0:43:55.200
<v Speaker 2>just like yelled at her about something and then like, Daddy,

0:43:55.200 --> 0:43:57.400
<v Speaker 2>don't leave me. And I'm like, I'm standing right here,

0:43:57.520 --> 0:43:59.959
<v Speaker 2>like I will hug you and like pet your hair.

0:44:00.560 --> 0:44:02.840
<v Speaker 1>You obviously don't know how manipulation works.

0:44:02.960 --> 0:44:05.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I don't know.

0:44:05.120 --> 0:44:06.719
<v Speaker 1>And the thing is I don't go anywhere.

0:44:06.920 --> 0:44:10.040
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I literally I went to work one day last week.

0:44:10.080 --> 0:44:11.440
<v Speaker 2>It was a very big deal in the house.

0:44:11.800 --> 0:44:14.880
<v Speaker 1>I mean I had all day. I work after she's asleep,

0:44:15.360 --> 0:44:17.680
<v Speaker 1>and then I come here during.

0:44:17.520 --> 0:44:20.520
<v Speaker 2>Nap time Vegas. You were in Vegas.

0:44:20.560 --> 0:44:23.200
<v Speaker 1>I was gone for eight hours.

0:44:22.800 --> 0:44:25.680
<v Speaker 2>And she told me that Daddy went to work, Daddy

0:44:25.719 --> 0:44:28.560
<v Speaker 2>come home. Mommy can sit in chair until Daddy come home.

0:44:28.680 --> 0:44:30.040
<v Speaker 1>When's the last time you went to one of my

0:44:30.080 --> 0:44:31.080
<v Speaker 1>comedy shows.

0:44:31.320 --> 0:44:35.000
<v Speaker 2>I caught the tail end of it. I was in

0:44:35.120 --> 0:44:36.520
<v Speaker 2>Vegas a couple months ago.

0:44:36.680 --> 0:44:39.680
<v Speaker 1>All right, does it live rent free in your mind

0:44:39.719 --> 0:44:41.799
<v Speaker 1>that our son wanted to marry me instead of you?

0:44:43.440 --> 0:44:45.919
<v Speaker 2>I mean I thought it was very sweet, but yeah,

0:44:45.920 --> 0:44:48.440
<v Speaker 2>there was no He wasn't like waffleg or anything.

0:44:51.320 --> 0:44:53.080
<v Speaker 1>Who do you think our daughter wants to marry?

0:44:53.360 --> 0:44:53.920
<v Speaker 2>Probably you?

0:44:54.960 --> 0:44:56.200
<v Speaker 1>Why don't we have a nanny?

0:44:56.520 --> 0:45:00.000
<v Speaker 2>Some combination of my fomo on missing out on our

0:45:00.000 --> 0:45:03.120
<v Speaker 2>our children's lives and your refusal to trust anyone.

0:45:03.480 --> 0:45:06.239
<v Speaker 1>You yell at me constantly, but this is why we

0:45:06.360 --> 0:45:08.480
<v Speaker 1>have to have somebody to watch our kids.

0:45:08.680 --> 0:45:09.280
<v Speaker 2>But we don't.

0:45:09.440 --> 0:45:12.200
<v Speaker 1>I know. So do you think when you get older

0:45:12.239 --> 0:45:15.480
<v Speaker 1>you're gonna be like? Ah? My one regret. I wish

0:45:15.480 --> 0:45:17.480
<v Speaker 1>we would have had a nanny so we could have

0:45:17.520 --> 0:45:19.120
<v Speaker 1>spent less time with our children.

0:45:19.480 --> 0:45:23.560
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I think that's probably an oversimplification of the matter,

0:45:23.640 --> 0:45:25.160
<v Speaker 2>but I thought it was a.

0:45:25.120 --> 0:45:27.840
<v Speaker 1>Good point on my side. What were the runner up

0:45:27.920 --> 0:45:29.320
<v Speaker 1>names for both of our children?

0:45:29.560 --> 0:45:32.360
<v Speaker 2>Our son? For a while, we were thinking of otis

0:45:33.440 --> 0:45:36.680
<v Speaker 2>one hundred percent? Hold on, you were texting everyone his

0:45:36.760 --> 0:45:41.360
<v Speaker 2>name or otis his name? Or Otis to like the

0:45:41.440 --> 0:45:43.839
<v Speaker 2>runner up name, and then that was not the runner up.

0:45:43.920 --> 0:45:45.799
<v Speaker 2>You liked the name Rigsby, which is just like a

0:45:45.800 --> 0:45:48.879
<v Speaker 2>combination of letters. It's not a name, and I never

0:45:49.080 --> 0:45:52.120
<v Speaker 2>liked that name, but that was his alias alias at

0:45:52.120 --> 0:45:54.840
<v Speaker 2>the hospital. At the hospital, Otis was the name that

0:45:54.880 --> 0:45:57.319
<v Speaker 2>we actually thought about naming him that we ask people

0:45:57.360 --> 0:46:00.439
<v Speaker 2>which one they like? Tractor, Yeah, we didn't have that book.

0:46:00.440 --> 0:46:04.480
<v Speaker 1>Then everyone's knows familiar with I was familiar with that

0:46:04.719 --> 0:46:05.240
<v Speaker 1>I read.

0:46:05.640 --> 0:46:07.560
<v Speaker 2>And then our daughter's name was maybe going to be Indigo,

0:46:07.600 --> 0:46:09.480
<v Speaker 2>which I now find very funny because I think it

0:46:09.480 --> 0:46:11.400
<v Speaker 2>would be really weird if her name was Indigo. But

0:46:11.440 --> 0:46:14.120
<v Speaker 2>I did. I had already purchased letters for her nursery

0:46:14.160 --> 0:46:15.839
<v Speaker 2>that said Indy, and I had to give them away.

0:46:16.440 --> 0:46:17.880
<v Speaker 1>Who named both of our children?

0:46:18.400 --> 0:46:21.200
<v Speaker 2>You certainly named our daughter, oh man. You were like

0:46:21.320 --> 0:46:23.759
<v Speaker 2>very aggressive about calling my stomach that, and so I

0:46:23.800 --> 0:46:25.759
<v Speaker 2>eventually was like, I guess that's her name.

0:46:27.800 --> 0:46:31.040
<v Speaker 1>No, that's not even true, because you had our daughter

0:46:31.239 --> 0:46:33.439
<v Speaker 1>and for like two days in the hospital she still

0:46:33.520 --> 0:46:38.840
<v Speaker 1>was a name. And the night nurses we started polling nurses. Yeah,

0:46:38.880 --> 0:46:40.640
<v Speaker 1>and the one girl, I'd love for you to do

0:46:40.640 --> 0:46:48.120
<v Speaker 1>an accent for her. She had opinions, Yeah, our kids

0:46:48.160 --> 0:46:49.960
<v Speaker 1>go to public school. Did you want our kids to

0:46:50.000 --> 0:46:50.960
<v Speaker 1>go to private school?

0:46:51.280 --> 0:46:53.920
<v Speaker 2>I went to public school. I'm not against public school.

0:46:54.000 --> 0:46:57.240
<v Speaker 2>But once I had started like looking into private schools,

0:46:57.320 --> 0:47:00.200
<v Speaker 2>I got very excited by them because I love school

0:47:00.400 --> 0:47:01.520
<v Speaker 2>and they're so nice.

0:47:01.719 --> 0:47:04.680
<v Speaker 1>You're such a nerd. You've you've always been a nerd,

0:47:04.719 --> 0:47:07.440
<v Speaker 1>and you still are a nerd. Like you and a

0:47:07.440 --> 0:47:10.200
<v Speaker 1>lot of people say they're nerds, but like you feel

0:47:10.280 --> 0:47:10.760
<v Speaker 1>like it's.

0:47:10.560 --> 0:47:12.160
<v Speaker 2>Sad that one day you're just like and now I'm

0:47:12.160 --> 0:47:14.200
<v Speaker 2>done learning, Like it's.

0:47:14.120 --> 0:47:18.200
<v Speaker 1>The dumbest thing I've ever heard. You were obsessed with

0:47:18.400 --> 0:47:22.279
<v Speaker 1>Broadway and musicals, yes, and now you're forcing our son

0:47:22.719 --> 0:47:24.120
<v Speaker 1>to have your same passion.

0:47:24.480 --> 0:47:26.880
<v Speaker 2>It's working. I don't know if I'm forcing it. He's

0:47:27.120 --> 0:47:28.000
<v Speaker 2>he's all about it.

0:47:28.040 --> 0:47:30.600
<v Speaker 1>And you guys are right now. We're the household's really

0:47:30.600 --> 0:47:34.319
<v Speaker 1>big into Wicked. But you, as much as you love

0:47:34.440 --> 0:47:38.000
<v Speaker 1>musicals and brought it, have the worst singing voice. Yes,

0:47:38.120 --> 0:47:40.880
<v Speaker 1>possibly in the world. I can't sing at all, but

0:47:41.000 --> 0:47:41.719
<v Speaker 1>together the.

0:47:41.760 --> 0:47:43.680
<v Speaker 2>Two of us, it's pretty bad.

0:47:43.760 --> 0:47:46.000
<v Speaker 1>It's so bad. And now our son thinks he is,

0:47:46.200 --> 0:47:49.640
<v Speaker 1>he thinks he's really good. There's no way, we've created

0:47:49.640 --> 0:47:50.160
<v Speaker 1>a good singer.

0:47:50.239 --> 0:47:53.320
<v Speaker 2>No, I don't think so. By the way, seeing piano lessons,

0:47:53.400 --> 0:47:55.200
<v Speaker 2>and he told me the other day like that he's

0:47:55.239 --> 0:47:57.719
<v Speaker 2>okay at piano, but what he's really good at is

0:47:57.760 --> 0:48:01.799
<v Speaker 2>singing when he's playing the piano. And then last night

0:48:01.840 --> 0:48:05.000
<v Speaker 2>he was walking around singing Rewrite the Stars. Oh it

0:48:05.040 --> 0:48:06.000
<v Speaker 2>sounded like when I sing.

0:48:05.960 --> 0:48:08.399
<v Speaker 1>I Love the Greatest Showman. People at home think, oh,

0:48:08.400 --> 0:48:11.000
<v Speaker 1>you're just teasing your wife. She's she probably doesn't sing

0:48:11.000 --> 0:48:15.000
<v Speaker 1>the bag sing sing that Uh that big note in

0:48:15.080 --> 0:48:17.560
<v Speaker 1>Wicked that people do where you're supposed to let it, Dylan,

0:48:17.640 --> 0:48:21.319
<v Speaker 1>get ready, there's a note that is it's at the end,

0:48:21.520 --> 0:48:23.600
<v Speaker 1>at the end of just like covering let me hear?

0:48:23.800 --> 0:48:24.480
<v Speaker 2>Okay, like.

0:48:28.360 --> 0:48:34.280
<v Speaker 1>Like that, it's just how'd that feel? Dylan Loud? Yeah,

0:48:34.920 --> 0:48:36.840
<v Speaker 1>what physical thing would you change about me?

0:48:38.160 --> 0:48:39.880
<v Speaker 2>Do your bowels count as physical?

0:48:40.120 --> 0:48:41.720
<v Speaker 1>No, that's enterds.

0:48:43.520 --> 0:48:45.080
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna give you long hair and put it in

0:48:45.080 --> 0:48:45.439
<v Speaker 2>a bun.

0:48:45.920 --> 0:48:48.279
<v Speaker 1>Do you hate it that I've been going bald for

0:48:48.320 --> 0:48:49.520
<v Speaker 1>the past twenty years?

0:48:49.920 --> 0:48:52.840
<v Speaker 2>I don't hate it. I'm not sure how I'll feel

0:48:52.920 --> 0:48:55.160
<v Speaker 2>if you because, like somewhat recently, you're like, I'm just

0:48:55.200 --> 0:48:57.319
<v Speaker 2>gonna shave my head, and I was like, whoa, let's

0:48:57.320 --> 0:49:02.360
<v Speaker 2>talk about that. I am just your decision.

0:49:02.960 --> 0:49:05.279
<v Speaker 1>Pete and Eddie are sitting right over there. You just

0:49:05.440 --> 0:49:06.279
<v Speaker 1>make it sound like.

0:49:06.239 --> 0:49:09.520
<v Speaker 2>That's who they are. I know, you with hair on.

0:49:09.560 --> 0:49:10.120
<v Speaker 3>What are you saying?

0:49:11.320 --> 0:49:15.200
<v Speaker 1>Just the of ball? They're just bald man. That's who

0:49:15.239 --> 0:49:15.680
<v Speaker 1>you are.

0:49:15.960 --> 0:49:18.160
<v Speaker 2>That's who you are. But it'd be cute if you

0:49:18.200 --> 0:49:20.799
<v Speaker 2>were like surfer boy, you know, bun hair.

0:49:21.120 --> 0:49:22.759
<v Speaker 1>I'm not. I'm fifty years old.

0:49:23.080 --> 0:49:24.120
<v Speaker 2>That's okay in this town.

0:49:24.480 --> 0:49:27.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm not fifty yet. Oh I can't wait to be fifty.

0:49:27.200 --> 0:49:28.480
<v Speaker 2>What do you want to do for your birthday?

0:49:28.719 --> 0:49:31.480
<v Speaker 1>She always, she always wants to plan for my birthday,

0:49:31.480 --> 0:49:32.359
<v Speaker 1>and I don't let her.

0:49:32.800 --> 0:49:35.640
<v Speaker 2>This is a very annoying thing. Yeah, right, because then

0:49:35.680 --> 0:49:37.440
<v Speaker 2>it's just going to be your birthday and it's going

0:49:37.520 --> 0:49:39.800
<v Speaker 2>to feel like I didn't do anything for you except

0:49:39.840 --> 0:49:42.560
<v Speaker 2>I've been trying to like make something happen. And then

0:49:42.560 --> 0:49:44.560
<v Speaker 2>I'll like throw ideas out of you and you're like, no,

0:49:45.000 --> 0:49:47.440
<v Speaker 2>I was horrible. It's my birthday, that's right, But then

0:49:47.480 --> 0:49:49.440
<v Speaker 2>we can't just can't just be your fiftieth birthday and

0:49:49.480 --> 0:49:51.960
<v Speaker 2>like we're all just like sitting around like oh we

0:49:52.040 --> 0:49:52.840
<v Speaker 2>meet tacos.

0:49:53.520 --> 0:49:56.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm meeting tacos. I'm gonna be eat in the taco.

0:50:00.000 --> 0:50:00.839
<v Speaker 3>I'll help your plan it.

0:50:00.920 --> 0:50:03.680
<v Speaker 1>Thank you, Eddie. You want to make another bet, you

0:50:03.719 --> 0:50:06.600
<v Speaker 1>want to go double or nothing? We will be.

0:50:06.560 --> 0:50:09.600
<v Speaker 2>Planning a birthday, even if it's just a dinner or something.

0:50:10.040 --> 0:50:12.080
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I don't think anything special is going to happen.

0:50:12.520 --> 0:50:15.160
<v Speaker 1>I'll let you know, though. I got some ideas.

0:50:15.040 --> 0:50:17.920
<v Speaker 2>Because like, it's fun to surprise people, but not you

0:50:17.960 --> 0:50:20.640
<v Speaker 2>make it like, oh, you've really inconvenienced me by like

0:50:20.680 --> 0:50:21.960
<v Speaker 2>surprising you with something.

0:50:22.719 --> 0:50:24.359
<v Speaker 1>Well, yeah, I don't want to be stressed out weird.

0:50:24.440 --> 0:50:25.400
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to be stressed out of that.

0:50:25.520 --> 0:50:27.400
<v Speaker 2>Wouldn't surprise you with something you wouldn't like, Like, I

0:50:27.480 --> 0:50:28.960
<v Speaker 2>know you barely.

0:50:29.960 --> 0:50:32.759
<v Speaker 1>You think you know me. You don't know me. What's

0:50:32.800 --> 0:50:33.600
<v Speaker 1>my favorite color?

0:50:35.239 --> 0:50:35.640
<v Speaker 2>Aqua?

0:50:36.440 --> 0:50:39.960
<v Speaker 1>Wait? One of her friends texting me, Hey, what's Carly's

0:50:39.960 --> 0:50:44.279
<v Speaker 1>favorite color? And I just wrote, fuck off. Favorite color

0:50:44.320 --> 0:50:45.040
<v Speaker 1>will be six.

0:50:45.320 --> 0:50:47.600
<v Speaker 2>She's trying to buy me a necklace, a very cute

0:50:47.600 --> 0:50:49.480
<v Speaker 2>necklace that had like little beads on it, and they

0:50:49.480 --> 0:50:51.279
<v Speaker 2>had a bunch of color options and.

0:50:51.200 --> 0:50:52.799
<v Speaker 1>I but I was just like, I don't know what

0:50:52.800 --> 0:50:54.320
<v Speaker 1>her favorite color. I think it's black.

0:50:54.719 --> 0:50:56.680
<v Speaker 2>He said gray, and then she was like, not gray.

0:50:56.719 --> 0:50:59.359
<v Speaker 2>And then you said like light black or something like that,

0:51:00.320 --> 0:51:03.080
<v Speaker 2>and she was like like pink or purple white whatever.

0:51:03.440 --> 0:51:08.160
<v Speaker 1>You also accuse me in public two things of eating my.

0:51:08.160 --> 0:51:11.560
<v Speaker 2>Words, but then also saying things way too loud, right, and.

0:51:11.600 --> 0:51:14.439
<v Speaker 1>Then when I talk about people in public, she first

0:51:14.440 --> 0:51:16.840
<v Speaker 1>of all, she says, I eat my words because you

0:51:16.880 --> 0:51:22.040
<v Speaker 1>know how basketball players after games, when the two stars

0:51:22.120 --> 0:51:24.520
<v Speaker 1>come talk to each other, Eddie, they have to go

0:51:24.640 --> 0:51:27.920
<v Speaker 1>like this so that you don't see what they're saying. Well,

0:51:28.040 --> 0:51:31.640
<v Speaker 1>when I'm out in public, I'm aware sometimes that people

0:51:31.680 --> 0:51:34.520
<v Speaker 1>are listening. So I do a thing where I kind

0:51:34.520 --> 0:51:36.640
<v Speaker 1>of just start to Jeff dunnam it and.

0:51:36.520 --> 0:51:39.600
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I don't do.

0:51:39.560 --> 0:51:42.440
<v Speaker 1>A lot of moving, It's like and anyways. So but

0:51:42.480 --> 0:51:44.520
<v Speaker 1>then counter to that.

0:51:44.560 --> 0:51:48.080
<v Speaker 2>Nonsense, it's fascinating that someone would do both of these things.

0:51:48.280 --> 0:51:50.640
<v Speaker 1>When there's somebody that I want to talk about or

0:51:50.680 --> 0:51:54.840
<v Speaker 1>get infuriated by in public. She's like, they can flat

0:51:54.840 --> 0:51:55.759
<v Speaker 1>out hear you so.

0:51:55.840 --> 0:51:58.080
<v Speaker 2>Loud, so loud you'll say what you have to say

0:51:58.160 --> 0:52:00.319
<v Speaker 2>like so that they hear you. So I don't know

0:52:00.360 --> 0:52:02.239
<v Speaker 2>how you decide in that moment, if you're going to

0:52:02.280 --> 0:52:04.520
<v Speaker 2>swallow the words you're about to say or shout them,

0:52:04.640 --> 0:52:05.160
<v Speaker 2>I feel.

0:52:04.920 --> 0:52:06.360
<v Speaker 1>Like some people need to hear it.

0:52:06.880 --> 0:52:10.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm constantly telling you that you're talking too loud, and everyone.

0:52:10.400 --> 0:52:12.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm constantly telling you you're talking too loud.

0:52:12.320 --> 0:52:13.640
<v Speaker 2>Well, there we go.

0:52:14.040 --> 0:52:16.640
<v Speaker 1>You don't wear a wedding ring, that's true. I just

0:52:16.640 --> 0:52:21.560
<v Speaker 1>thought of another physical thing about you that that no, oh,

0:52:21.640 --> 0:52:25.440
<v Speaker 1>everybody has moles, and she has some moles. Sometimes I'll

0:52:25.480 --> 0:52:28.080
<v Speaker 1>be honest with that, like, oh, this mole looks like

0:52:28.160 --> 0:52:30.279
<v Speaker 1>it's turning a little black. You should have it checked out,

0:52:30.280 --> 0:52:32.359
<v Speaker 1>just so that they cut it off. I get that

0:52:32.360 --> 0:52:35.120
<v Speaker 1>that's probably wrong. That's is that gaslighting. I still don't

0:52:35.120 --> 0:52:40.520
<v Speaker 1>know what gaslighting is. But the issue you have a

0:52:40.560 --> 0:52:44.799
<v Speaker 1>few moles, much like Rachel McAdams. Doesn't she have a big, old,

0:52:44.880 --> 0:52:47.799
<v Speaker 1>huge mole. Anyway, you have someone on your back and

0:52:47.920 --> 0:52:53.239
<v Speaker 1>you like your back aggressively scratched with your nails like

0:52:53.360 --> 0:52:55.359
<v Speaker 1>she's like, scratch, I try, and then I'm like, I'm

0:52:55.440 --> 0:52:56.400
<v Speaker 1>hitting the moles.

0:52:56.480 --> 0:52:58.839
<v Speaker 2>I got those ones, the compromising ones, remo.

0:52:59.000 --> 0:53:02.000
<v Speaker 1>Now they're still there's still one there that sometimes I

0:53:02.000 --> 0:53:04.839
<v Speaker 1>clip and it just gives me the Willies because I

0:53:04.920 --> 0:53:07.160
<v Speaker 1>was on TV. I get invited to things that I

0:53:07.239 --> 0:53:09.160
<v Speaker 1>never want to go to, even though I assume you

0:53:09.200 --> 0:53:12.000
<v Speaker 1>would love to get dressed up and be fancy. Is

0:53:12.360 --> 0:53:14.120
<v Speaker 1>that one of the things that you would change about me?

0:53:14.360 --> 0:53:16.840
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, not just like the things you would be invited to,

0:53:16.920 --> 0:53:20.279
<v Speaker 2>but just like your willingness to do stuff. There's like

0:53:20.719 --> 0:53:24.560
<v Speaker 2>things I would if I were to change something, I

0:53:24.640 --> 0:53:27.759
<v Speaker 2>would want you to accept invitations to things and like

0:53:27.840 --> 0:53:28.800
<v Speaker 2>want to do stuff.

0:53:29.239 --> 0:53:33.200
<v Speaker 1>But was there gonna be about at the end of

0:53:33.239 --> 0:53:34.000
<v Speaker 1>that or no?

0:53:34.000 --> 0:53:37.240
<v Speaker 2>Nope? No, That's why I have to bring our child

0:53:37.400 --> 0:53:39.600
<v Speaker 2>to the Broadway shows with me because you won't go.

0:53:39.840 --> 0:53:42.400
<v Speaker 1>But you don't do stuff, But you have no problem

0:53:43.040 --> 0:53:45.880
<v Speaker 1>using the name to make sure that we get better

0:53:45.920 --> 0:53:51.200
<v Speaker 1>seats at things, free tickets, et cetera. When't you try

0:53:51.239 --> 0:53:54.720
<v Speaker 1>that with Halam? See what kind of doors that opens?

0:53:55.560 --> 0:53:58.440
<v Speaker 1>What do you think I think is your best quality?

0:54:00.120 --> 0:54:02.520
<v Speaker 2>My butt and my sense of humor?

0:54:02.840 --> 0:54:05.719
<v Speaker 1>Oh man, you got the order right?

0:54:05.920 --> 0:54:08.759
<v Speaker 2>And how good of a mom I am?

0:54:09.960 --> 0:54:12.960
<v Speaker 1>The three You're a great mother, But you know like

0:54:13.000 --> 0:54:16.920
<v Speaker 1>I And maybe it's the whole uh, the Trump world

0:54:16.960 --> 0:54:18.920
<v Speaker 1>that we live in now where everybody's like where you

0:54:18.960 --> 0:54:23.960
<v Speaker 1>state these you're the greatest. This the biggest people anybody

0:54:24.000 --> 0:54:28.000
<v Speaker 1>says I I have, She's the greatest mother. I'm like,

0:54:28.280 --> 0:54:30.759
<v Speaker 1>you're an amazing mother. But there's probably no way you're

0:54:30.800 --> 0:54:31.720
<v Speaker 1>the greatest tomorrow.

0:54:31.760 --> 0:54:32.800
<v Speaker 2>Probably not. That'd be crazy.

0:54:32.880 --> 0:54:35.640
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that's absurd, but you're Yeah, you do a bang

0:54:35.719 --> 0:54:39.240
<v Speaker 1>up job. Thanks, You're an amazing mother. I think that's

0:54:39.280 --> 0:54:42.480
<v Speaker 1>the reason. You know, people always talk about marriages work.

0:54:43.600 --> 0:54:47.839
<v Speaker 1>I mean, for nine years, I've put no effort into this. Oh,

0:54:48.120 --> 0:54:51.359
<v Speaker 1>just so you know, Okay, I'm being honest, I haven't.

0:54:51.520 --> 0:54:54.759
<v Speaker 1>It hasn't been working. It's been fun, loved every minute

0:54:54.800 --> 0:54:57.239
<v Speaker 1>of it. It's not like, oh we had we had

0:54:57.280 --> 0:55:00.880
<v Speaker 1>to get through that trying time. But I think you know,

0:55:00.960 --> 0:55:05.239
<v Speaker 1>I was content to not get married. But but then

0:55:05.280 --> 0:55:06.719
<v Speaker 1>when I met you, I was like, oh, I'll get

0:55:06.719 --> 0:55:09.919
<v Speaker 1>married to this person. It wasn't scary at all. And

0:55:10.200 --> 0:55:13.120
<v Speaker 1>the same with you having children. I can have kids

0:55:13.160 --> 0:55:16.759
<v Speaker 1>with this lady because no matter what I do to

0:55:16.760 --> 0:55:20.239
<v Speaker 1>screw the kids up, she's gonna shill off. Set it. Now,

0:55:20.280 --> 0:55:24.000
<v Speaker 1>if you died, oh that would that would be the

0:55:24.040 --> 0:55:27.040
<v Speaker 1>worst part about you dying is not the grief, but

0:55:27.200 --> 0:55:30.600
<v Speaker 1>just knowing that, like I got to replace you quickly,

0:55:32.040 --> 0:55:36.120
<v Speaker 1>so the kids have somebody you know, not as good figure.

0:55:36.440 --> 0:55:38.239
<v Speaker 1>You think you would remarry?

0:55:38.440 --> 0:55:39.479
<v Speaker 2>No, I wouldn't marry.

0:55:39.560 --> 0:55:40.520
<v Speaker 1>You don't think you'd ever remarried?

0:55:40.560 --> 0:55:41.000
<v Speaker 2>Don't think so?

0:55:42.040 --> 0:55:43.680
<v Speaker 1>Huh? What if I went today?

0:55:44.280 --> 0:55:47.239
<v Speaker 2>I mean i'd probably you're only be in relationships but

0:55:47.520 --> 0:55:52.800
<v Speaker 2>rarely getting married. I'm not forty, so you wouldn't remarry.

0:55:53.080 --> 0:55:56.480
<v Speaker 1>I know I wouldn't remarry, but I'm I'm old as dirt,

0:55:56.560 --> 0:56:00.279
<v Speaker 1>so who cares. I remember one time, when I was

0:56:00.400 --> 0:56:02.960
<v Speaker 1>really young, I was hosting the love Line. Did you

0:56:03.040 --> 0:56:04.640
<v Speaker 1>ever listen to the love Line when you were a kid?

0:56:04.920 --> 0:56:06.839
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I know what it is, but no, not really. Yeah.

0:56:06.880 --> 0:56:10.440
<v Speaker 1>I was filling in for Adam Carolla. What a weird

0:56:11.040 --> 0:56:14.680
<v Speaker 1>trajectory our careers. It's like what you and Doctor Drew,

0:56:14.800 --> 0:56:18.279
<v Speaker 1>Me and doctor Drew. But doctor Drew was telling me like,

0:56:19.160 --> 0:56:22.319
<v Speaker 1>when you get into like the right relationship, you can

0:56:22.400 --> 0:56:27.440
<v Speaker 1>stay sexually attracted, you know, for forever. And I just

0:56:27.480 --> 0:56:31.320
<v Speaker 1>remember looking at him going bullshit. I was like, that's

0:56:31.360 --> 0:56:31.960
<v Speaker 1>that's got it.

0:56:32.080 --> 0:56:33.840
<v Speaker 2>Now. Do you feel like you could be attracted to

0:56:33.880 --> 0:56:35.400
<v Speaker 2>me when I'm seventy?

0:56:36.280 --> 0:56:39.080
<v Speaker 1>I don't know about seventy, I don't know about seventy,

0:56:39.160 --> 0:56:40.400
<v Speaker 1>I guess, but I'll be ninety.

0:56:41.120 --> 0:56:43.480
<v Speaker 2>You're not twenty years older than me, No.

0:56:43.920 --> 0:56:46.120
<v Speaker 1>I think. So do you say that we're together for

0:56:46.200 --> 0:56:47.800
<v Speaker 1>nine years or do you put our whole dating?

0:56:48.120 --> 0:56:48.960
<v Speaker 2>I would do the whole thing.

0:56:49.040 --> 0:56:52.080
<v Speaker 1>Probably we're like at fifteen years. Oh, we've made it

0:56:52.080 --> 0:56:54.640
<v Speaker 1>this far. Do you think that this won't age well?

0:56:54.920 --> 0:56:57.759
<v Speaker 1>And when when we have some big split up? People

0:56:57.800 --> 0:56:58.160
<v Speaker 1>are going to.

0:56:58.200 --> 0:57:02.280
<v Speaker 2>Like see like the job Ston Baldoni Blake Lively footage

0:57:02.280 --> 0:57:04.800
<v Speaker 2>where everyone's watching it to see like, you know, what

0:57:04.920 --> 0:57:05.720
<v Speaker 2>were they really thinking?

0:57:05.760 --> 0:57:07.120
<v Speaker 1>Whose side are you on in that one?

0:57:07.440 --> 0:57:10.200
<v Speaker 2>Ah? It's messy. No one looks good.

0:57:10.480 --> 0:57:17.200
<v Speaker 1>Well, I'm always against the victim. Blame them. If I

0:57:17.240 --> 0:57:20.840
<v Speaker 1>have to pick sides, I blame the victim. That's what

0:57:20.880 --> 0:57:25.080
<v Speaker 1>I've learned. Oh no, don't let Lena hear that. I

0:57:25.120 --> 0:57:27.560
<v Speaker 1>asked this of your father and we joked about it.

0:57:28.040 --> 0:57:31.120
<v Speaker 1>But I'll ask it of you. Who do you think

0:57:31.200 --> 0:57:34.800
<v Speaker 1>between the two of us loves the other person more?

0:57:35.280 --> 0:57:36.720
<v Speaker 1>Do you think you love me more? Do you think

0:57:36.760 --> 0:57:37.520
<v Speaker 1>I love you more?

0:57:38.280 --> 0:57:42.480
<v Speaker 2>I think you love me more? Or you just are

0:57:42.560 --> 0:57:44.600
<v Speaker 2>better at showing love maybe than I am.

0:57:45.320 --> 0:57:48.400
<v Speaker 1>It's the first part of that. What are you saved

0:57:48.440 --> 0:57:49.520
<v Speaker 1>as on my phone.

0:57:49.720 --> 0:57:51.840
<v Speaker 2>Best idea ever, best idea ever.

0:57:52.600 --> 0:57:55.040
<v Speaker 1>That's why I typed that in when we were like

0:57:56.080 --> 0:58:03.280
<v Speaker 1>working together, like here we go, Oh, my wife, my husband.

0:58:03.880 --> 0:58:06.240
<v Speaker 1>Do you like when people say my wife? That even

0:58:06.280 --> 0:58:08.720
<v Speaker 1>seems like like a little bit of possession? Do I

0:58:08.760 --> 0:58:12.040
<v Speaker 1>introduce you as my wife? Ever? This is my wife, Carly? Yeah,

0:58:12.120 --> 0:58:12.600
<v Speaker 1>I say that.

0:58:12.680 --> 0:58:14.760
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that doesn't bother me. That's normal.

0:58:15.040 --> 0:58:17.480
<v Speaker 1>That's normal. I didn't know. I don't know the rules, man,

0:58:17.480 --> 0:58:20.720
<v Speaker 1>I'm trying to follow the rules. All right, Carly, thank

0:58:20.760 --> 0:58:23.120
<v Speaker 1>you for being on the podcast. Now get over here

0:58:23.240 --> 0:58:24.480
<v Speaker 1>and give me a big old smooch.

0:58:25.480 --> 0:58:30.480
<v Speaker 2>Oh okay, well so quick, Okay.

0:58:31.400 --> 0:58:36.440
<v Speaker 1>There's no passion in this, there's no She just laughs

0:58:36.480 --> 0:58:47.840
<v Speaker 1>at me. This is guys ry again. Yeah okay, psha,

0:58:49.800 --> 0:58:52.920
<v Speaker 1>oh man, I want to thank Carly for being on

0:58:52.960 --> 0:58:56.680
<v Speaker 1>the show that we edited out about forty eight seconds

0:58:57.200 --> 0:59:02.320
<v Speaker 1>of just hot, steamy love, I mean, good grief. Once

0:59:02.400 --> 0:59:05.800
<v Speaker 1>her lips hit my lips, you can't stop me. I'm

0:59:05.840 --> 0:59:14.160
<v Speaker 1>going the distance. Oh sorry, guys, that's pornography what they watched. Yeah, Carl,

0:59:14.200 --> 0:59:18.880
<v Speaker 1>he's seen it a million times. But these guys, they

0:59:18.920 --> 0:59:23.040
<v Speaker 1>were like, holy cow, the sparks were flun I'm surprised

0:59:23.120 --> 0:59:25.440
<v Speaker 1>this table, which I'll be honest with you right now,

0:59:25.640 --> 0:59:30.440
<v Speaker 1>reeks to high heaven. But good to know that it

0:59:30.520 --> 0:59:38.480
<v Speaker 1>can hold such chicanery. That's passion. Oh man, Well, I

0:59:38.640 --> 0:59:41.240
<v Speaker 1>thank Carly for being on the show. What a trooper

0:59:41.840 --> 0:59:45.240
<v Speaker 1>pretending to be my wife, so that people at home

0:59:45.680 --> 0:59:48.280
<v Speaker 1>can be like, I thought he was gay, but he's not.

0:59:48.480 --> 0:59:53.320
<v Speaker 1>He has a wife, a dumb sheep. It'd be neat

0:59:53.360 --> 0:59:57.040
<v Speaker 1>if we got divorced, like within a week. Anyway, we're

0:59:57.080 --> 1:00:01.000
<v Speaker 1>doing great. By the way, we had some tragedy in

1:00:01.040 --> 1:00:05.360
<v Speaker 1>our family recently. I feel like I should share it. Ava,

1:00:05.840 --> 1:00:08.919
<v Speaker 1>our little dog, our senior dog, was almost fifteen years old.

1:00:09.440 --> 1:00:13.320
<v Speaker 1>She passed away. Do you say she passed away when

1:00:13.400 --> 1:00:15.920
<v Speaker 1>you have them put down or do you say you

1:00:15.960 --> 1:00:19.320
<v Speaker 1>have them put down? I still say passed away because

1:00:19.320 --> 1:00:21.680
<v Speaker 1>it sounds she's dead. And I had to explain that

1:00:21.720 --> 1:00:25.120
<v Speaker 1>to my kids, and that's not fun. My son made

1:00:25.120 --> 1:00:27.760
<v Speaker 1>me a beautiful card. Yeah, and he drew a photo

1:00:28.000 --> 1:00:33.720
<v Speaker 1>of Ava underfoot because Carly was always stomping on her accidentally.

1:00:33.760 --> 1:00:38.560
<v Speaker 1>Of course that's not how she went, right, But I

1:00:38.560 --> 1:00:40.600
<v Speaker 1>felt like the card was like, look, you don't have

1:00:40.640 --> 1:00:43.480
<v Speaker 1>to worry about this anymore because Carl would always be

1:00:43.520 --> 1:00:48.840
<v Speaker 1>so nasty about it. Anyway, she passed away. Not the

1:00:48.920 --> 1:00:54.160
<v Speaker 1>worst experience, you know, it was definitely time. I was

1:00:54.200 --> 1:00:57.000
<v Speaker 1>probably a year past the time. She'd been you know,

1:00:57.440 --> 1:00:59.800
<v Speaker 1>pretty rough for a few years. And we did it

1:00:59.880 --> 1:01:03.600
<v Speaker 1>and it was sad and I held her and and

1:01:04.320 --> 1:01:07.400
<v Speaker 1>that's it. You don't pain free. I hope someday that

1:01:07.440 --> 1:01:10.919
<v Speaker 1>somebody can do that to me. I got you good,

1:01:13.000 --> 1:01:14.920
<v Speaker 1>That's what I want. I want Eddie to put me

1:01:14.960 --> 1:01:16.080
<v Speaker 1>down at some point.

1:01:17.280 --> 1:01:18.320
<v Speaker 3>Deal goes both ways.

1:01:18.640 --> 1:01:21.760
<v Speaker 1>Sure, I'll put you down tonight. I feel fine right now.

1:01:22.160 --> 1:01:22.840
<v Speaker 1>You want to do it.

1:01:22.920 --> 1:01:24.439
<v Speaker 3>Now, you want to do it, and you feel better

1:01:24.480 --> 1:01:25.720
<v Speaker 3>this week than I did last week.

1:01:28.200 --> 1:01:30.440
<v Speaker 1>I kept waiting for her to be like, oh, I

1:01:30.480 --> 1:01:33.760
<v Speaker 1>also wanted to know what's the latest someone has pulled

1:01:33.760 --> 1:01:36.440
<v Speaker 1>out of not doing it because he gives him the

1:01:36.480 --> 1:01:39.280
<v Speaker 1>first needle to like basically sedatum. And then I should

1:01:39.280 --> 1:01:40.680
<v Speaker 1>have just like he's like, okay, I'll give you ten

1:01:40.720 --> 1:01:43.000
<v Speaker 1>minutes in here before I come back. I should have

1:01:43.040 --> 1:01:46.480
<v Speaker 1>just left and just let her have a great sleep.

1:01:47.840 --> 1:01:50.680
<v Speaker 1>No I didn't. It was you know, and people always like, oh,

1:01:51.440 --> 1:01:55.480
<v Speaker 1>what's better? My other her brother was Castro. He went

1:01:55.600 --> 1:01:59.120
<v Speaker 1>really quick. Cancer just walloped him. And and now, I'll

1:01:59.160 --> 1:02:02.720
<v Speaker 1>be honest with you, that was so much better. It

1:02:02.960 --> 1:02:08.040
<v Speaker 1>hit harder. Yeah, but two years of a dog struggling

1:02:08.120 --> 1:02:10.880
<v Speaker 1>is too long. You know, you have a bandit. You

1:02:10.920 --> 1:02:12.760
<v Speaker 1>want to you want to rip a band aid off quick.

1:02:13.040 --> 1:02:15.600
<v Speaker 1>Imagine trying to slowly pull a band aid off for

1:02:15.680 --> 1:02:19.840
<v Speaker 1>two years. That's that'd be impossible. You have to go

1:02:19.880 --> 1:02:24.960
<v Speaker 1>so slow to time that out. No way, Anyway, I'm

1:02:24.960 --> 1:02:28.120
<v Speaker 1>missed her. I don't get to replace her, though, right, Carl,

1:02:28.560 --> 1:02:30.560
<v Speaker 1>Because as soon as I came home, what did I

1:02:30.560 --> 1:02:33.760
<v Speaker 1>come home to after putting Nava down? I came home

1:02:33.760 --> 1:02:36.600
<v Speaker 1>to you and potato. Just shoving the water bowl over

1:02:38.640 --> 1:02:41.880
<v Speaker 1>doesn't matter, all right, Let's get to some plugs, tossshowsstore

1:02:41.920 --> 1:02:46.640
<v Speaker 1>dot com, buy some merch, get some hats. Whatever. Eddie's tour,

1:02:47.680 --> 1:02:50.800
<v Speaker 1>My tour comes, see me do stand up? Come to Minneapolis.

1:02:51.400 --> 1:02:59.760
<v Speaker 1>Where else am I gonna be? Omaha, Kansas City, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Chicago, Illinois,

1:03:00.200 --> 1:03:05.600
<v Speaker 1>New York, New Jersey. Oh, and don't forget Philly. I'm

1:03:05.600 --> 1:03:09.880
<v Speaker 1>going to Philly, the Lisbon of the East Coast of America.

1:03:11.640 --> 1:03:14.440
<v Speaker 1>Got to look forward to Philly. Philly crowds are the best,

1:03:15.360 --> 1:03:17.120
<v Speaker 1>all right. It's signed for the free plug. Hit the

1:03:17.120 --> 1:03:25.800
<v Speaker 1>free plug music. Ah, that was Ava's favorite song. There's

1:03:25.800 --> 1:03:27.960
<v Speaker 1>a word for that. When everything reminds you of something?

1:03:30.240 --> 1:03:34.440
<v Speaker 1>Is it lonely? This week's free plug is for the

1:03:34.680 --> 1:03:38.840
<v Speaker 1>measles vaccine. Head to your doctor's officer, local health clinic

1:03:39.000 --> 1:03:40.960
<v Speaker 1>and get a shot to help prevent the spread of

1:03:41.000 --> 1:03:43.680
<v Speaker 1>a virus that was previously eradicated to the United States

1:03:43.680 --> 1:03:46.560
<v Speaker 1>twenty five years ago. Now you might be asking yourself,

1:03:46.600 --> 1:03:52.040
<v Speaker 1>but Daniel, can we really trust scientists? Yeah, yeah you can. Well,

1:03:52.160 --> 1:03:54.520
<v Speaker 1>now you might be thinking, but Daniel, my body's a

1:03:54.560 --> 1:03:57.840
<v Speaker 1>temple and I only put natural. You shut the fuck up, hippie,

1:03:58.760 --> 1:04:03.360
<v Speaker 1>get the jab. You don't know shit about. Fuck. You're

1:04:03.360 --> 1:04:06.880
<v Speaker 1>gonna get your kids, entire class infected. But wait, there's more.

1:04:07.280 --> 1:04:09.520
<v Speaker 1>If you act right now, not only to get the

1:04:09.520 --> 1:04:13.280
<v Speaker 1>measles vaccine, but we're thrown in mumps and rebella. That's

1:04:13.400 --> 1:04:16.360
<v Speaker 1>three viral vaccines for the price of one or none.

1:04:16.400 --> 1:04:19.640
<v Speaker 1>If you have any insurance whatsoever, even the real shitty ones,

1:04:19.920 --> 1:04:24.320
<v Speaker 1>they'll cover it. That's the MMR vaccine. Tell them that

1:04:24.400 --> 1:04:27.720
<v Speaker 1>dipshit RFK junior sent you see you next week.