WEBVTT - Unpacking The Mess After Divorce with Meghan King 0:00:12.680 --> 0:00:15.560 It's I Do Part two and it's your favorite real 0:00:15.600 --> 0:00:19.720 life single Gal Louise back on with you. I'm excited 0:00:19.720 --> 0:00:22.360 today because I've got a guest who's been on the 0:00:22.400 --> 0:00:26.600 pod before. We love her because she keeps it authentic, honest, 0:00:27.000 --> 0:00:30.840 and most importantly real. You know her from Real Housewives 0:00:31.000 --> 0:00:35.440 of OC. It's Megan King. Hi, Megan, Nice to meet you. 0:00:36.280 --> 0:00:38.200 Ky Louise, Nice to meet you as well. 0:00:38.479 --> 0:00:42.200 So let's jump in. I know you have a lot 0:00:42.240 --> 0:00:44.599 that you want to talk about today, and on this 0:00:44.720 --> 0:00:48.360 pod we talk not just about divorces and dating, but 0:00:48.440 --> 0:00:52.920 also the mess that comes after divorce. I'm divorced, so 0:00:53.040 --> 0:00:56.880 I got you from your own experience. What's it like 0:00:57.000 --> 0:00:59.960 going through the mess and also being in the pub 0:01:00.120 --> 0:01:01.280 like I at the same time. 0:01:01.960 --> 0:01:04.280 I mean, it's been almost six years for me, so 0:01:05.200 --> 0:01:08.680 I'm divorced, and I've been divorced for quite some years now. 0:01:09.560 --> 0:01:14.280 But it seems as if when you know, whenever you 0:01:14.440 --> 0:01:17.160 just one decides willingly that they're going to be a 0:01:17.200 --> 0:01:19.040 public figure, as I did when I signed up for 0:01:19.080 --> 0:01:21.600 the Real Housewives of Orange County, it doesn't go away. 0:01:21.800 --> 0:01:23.800 It's you signing a deal with the devil and you 0:01:23.920 --> 0:01:26.479 gotta handle it, you know, whatever life throws your way 0:01:26.520 --> 0:01:29.440 after that. And for me, life through divorce my way 0:01:29.520 --> 0:01:31.959 and a very public messy one. I was married to 0:01:32.000 --> 0:01:38.040 another public figure and it's it's now the press and 0:01:39.160 --> 0:01:43.200 combined with whatever celebrity I may have earned from the Housewives, 0:01:43.760 --> 0:01:49.400 has exposed me to the masses, you know, the population 0:01:50.240 --> 0:01:54.320 as a villain or you know, however my ex wants 0:01:54.360 --> 0:01:56.640 to paint me as or anyone who has anything against 0:01:56.720 --> 0:01:59.320 me and so, and this isn't just a typical story 0:01:59.360 --> 0:02:02.960 with me. It's a typical story with most people going 0:02:03.040 --> 0:02:13.200 through any sort of you know, divorce or high stakes debate, conflict, conflict. Yeah, exactly, 0:02:13.280 --> 0:02:14.200 it sucks. 0:02:14.240 --> 0:02:17.640 It really does. Do you actually think that your platform 0:02:17.840 --> 0:02:21.520 that you've built is being used against you? Oh? 0:02:21.560 --> 0:02:22.440 Yeah, I do. 0:02:23.120 --> 0:02:23.480 M M. 0:02:24.000 --> 0:02:25.480 I think that When I went in the Real Housewives 0:02:25.520 --> 0:02:29.040 Orange County, I showed my life as we do, and 0:02:29.360 --> 0:02:32.920 people fall in love with me or they or they 0:02:33.000 --> 0:02:35.360 learned to hate me through what you see on TV. 0:02:35.520 --> 0:02:37.080 So people feel like they know me. And then I 0:02:37.080 --> 0:02:39.520 extend that to my social media. I carefully cultivated my 0:02:39.560 --> 0:02:42.160 social media following on Instagram, and I showed people the 0:02:42.240 --> 0:02:45.519 real me and they do know me, and so they 0:02:45.560 --> 0:02:48.880 have strong opinions about that. Now my ex husband, or 0:02:48.960 --> 0:02:53.880 just anyone in general who's an athlete. They are known 0:02:53.960 --> 0:02:58.160 for their skill and not their personal lives, and so 0:02:59.160 --> 0:03:03.240 no one really truly cares about if you know, Joe 0:03:03.280 --> 0:03:07.120 Schmoe hockey player is getting divorced from beautiful Susie Q 0:03:07.320 --> 0:03:09.720 because nobody knows Susie C And nobody really cares about 0:03:09.800 --> 0:03:11.799 Joe Shmo's personal life. They care about how many goals 0:03:11.840 --> 0:03:15.880 he's scoring in the Stanley Cup. So unfortunately, in my situation, 0:03:17.040 --> 0:03:20.959 you have, you know, two people with platforms. But I 0:03:21.040 --> 0:03:23.440 think my platform is the one where people, well, I know, 0:03:23.520 --> 0:03:25.160 my platform is the one there are people care about 0:03:25.200 --> 0:03:27.200 my personal life. They like to watch the mess they 0:03:27.240 --> 0:03:31.480 like to watch that train wreck and my and because 0:03:31.520 --> 0:03:34.080 I have that, it's like anybody who wants to paint 0:03:34.080 --> 0:03:36.920 me in any sort of light can push that narrative 0:03:36.960 --> 0:03:39.280 out to the press, and I'm the one that has 0:03:39.360 --> 0:03:42.320 to deal with the fallout, not the baseball fans, not 0:03:42.520 --> 0:03:44.160 the one who put it there. It's me. 0:03:45.520 --> 0:03:48.800 It's actually really really painful. I live in Los Angeles. 0:03:48.880 --> 0:03:51.760 I see all the time in the entertainment world as well, 0:03:51.880 --> 0:03:54.680 and you know there's usually one person. A lot of 0:03:54.680 --> 0:03:57.720 times it's us that is kind of like odd man out, 0:03:57.880 --> 0:04:01.800 pushed out, and it's it's very painful. I can speak 0:04:01.840 --> 0:04:04.720 to that. Do you think that there's any way at 0:04:04.760 --> 0:04:09.680 this point for you to course correct the damage now 0:04:09.720 --> 0:04:12.520 that it's been done, or do you come to a 0:04:12.560 --> 0:04:15.040 point where it's I'm just not even to try to 0:04:15.080 --> 0:04:17.720 prove myself. I know who I am the people in 0:04:17.760 --> 0:04:20.200 my life that know me authentically, and I'm not going 0:04:20.279 --> 0:04:22.920 to sit here and try to like convince those people. 0:04:23.080 --> 0:04:26.400 Otherwise it's become entertainment for them, right, It's fodder for 0:04:26.440 --> 0:04:29.680 them because they're boring and they need to get a life. Okay, yes, 0:04:30.040 --> 0:04:31.960 So where do you sit on it? Do you feel 0:04:32.040 --> 0:04:34.680 compelled to try to clean it up? Or are you 0:04:34.760 --> 0:04:35.839 just like, eh, whatever. 0:04:36.720 --> 0:04:39.480 I think it's a combination of all of that. Yes, 0:04:39.520 --> 0:04:41.000 of course, the people who know me are going to 0:04:41.080 --> 0:04:42.840 know who I am, who the real me is, and 0:04:42.839 --> 0:04:44.479 they're going to support me no matter what. Or they're 0:04:44.480 --> 0:04:46.000 going to come to me with the true story and 0:04:46.040 --> 0:04:48.000 then that's that. Right, I'll tied up in a nice 0:04:48.000 --> 0:04:51.400 little bow. But that doesn't mean that the Court of 0:04:51.400 --> 0:04:54.720 public opinion has has heard that or believes that, and 0:04:54.760 --> 0:04:57.320 that is very important for me. I'm a real turn now. 0:04:57.440 --> 0:05:01.080 I have shifted my life for Jet Deory from being 0:05:01.120 --> 0:05:04.560 a public figure to really focusing on being a midbost mom, 0:05:04.839 --> 0:05:09.640 single mom. You've started a new career that in the 0:05:09.680 --> 0:05:12.200 middle of life. I mean, that's a daunting thing to do. 0:05:12.640 --> 0:05:15.920 So I'm kind of straddling this world where I'm like, Okay, 0:05:16.880 --> 0:05:19.280 I do need to defend myself a little bit in 0:05:19.360 --> 0:05:23.200 order to control the narrative, to control my reputation so 0:05:23.240 --> 0:05:24.880 that I can continue to get sales. 0:05:25.200 --> 0:05:27.000 Well, that's what I was going to ask you. I'm 0:05:27.040 --> 0:05:31.200 a realtor too. Has it impacted your business or no? 0:05:31.320 --> 0:05:33.480 Because of all the sexy real estate shows and there 0:05:33.480 --> 0:05:37.000 are a lot of people that like having the celebrity 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:39.400 also as part of their representative. 0:05:40.080 --> 0:05:43.479 People don't want their Sotheby's agent, their high end me 0:05:43.680 --> 0:05:49.600 Sothibe's agent to be this, you know, selling sunset girl. 0:05:49.760 --> 0:05:49.839 No. 0:05:50.320 --> 0:05:53.320 I live in country club, high end Saint Louis, Missouri. 0:05:53.360 --> 0:05:56.040 I'm in the middle of the country. It's very Southern 0:05:56.160 --> 0:06:01.080 traditional and it on one hand, and it's great because 0:06:01.120 --> 0:06:03.720 we protect one another in our community. And our individuals. 0:06:03.720 --> 0:06:05.560 On the other hand, it's a small big town, so 0:06:05.600 --> 0:06:09.440 everybody knows everything, and word travels fast, and so if 0:06:09.440 --> 0:06:11.559 that word is true or not true, it doesn't matter. 0:06:11.800 --> 0:06:14.120 Everybody's going to know, going to hear about it. And yes, 0:06:14.160 --> 0:06:17.120 it has effect of my business because I have had 0:06:18.040 --> 0:06:21.200 quote unquote haters call my brokerage to try to get 0:06:21.240 --> 0:06:24.640 me fired and tried to get me kicked off of 0:06:24.680 --> 0:06:27.240 a real estate team I was on. And then yesterday 0:06:27.640 --> 0:06:29.600 as an article and US Weekly came out, I had 0:06:29.640 --> 0:06:32.160 to meet with my broker to explain the real story. 0:06:32.640 --> 0:06:36.080 And you know what, gratefully and I'm so grateful my 0:06:36.200 --> 0:06:39.280 actions have spoken louder than my words over the last year, 0:06:39.320 --> 0:06:42.200 thank God, because my broker says she wouldn't even open 0:06:42.240 --> 0:06:45.800 the article. She has seen her yes, and that speaks 0:06:45.800 --> 0:06:46.280 for itself. 0:06:46.320 --> 0:06:49.920 So exactly empowered you and you had proven yourself to her. 0:06:50.320 --> 0:06:53.280 Yep, yep, yep. So that felt That feels really good. 0:06:53.279 --> 0:06:57.000 But that takes time. That takes to build that trust 0:06:57.040 --> 0:06:59.600 and to show people who you truly are. You can't 0:06:59.640 --> 0:07:02.160 just tell. That takes time, and so this has been 0:07:02.200 --> 0:07:05.640 a huge lesson in the arena of patients for me. 0:07:05.839 --> 0:07:08.640 Because I cannot fix the way people think about me, 0:07:09.200 --> 0:07:12.480 and other than saying something, if they're not going to 0:07:12.520 --> 0:07:15.040 believe me it, I just have to show them over time. 0:07:15.400 --> 0:07:17.800 And that is a very freaking humbling experience. 0:07:18.200 --> 0:07:21.200 It is because you have to. So you're living your 0:07:21.240 --> 0:07:24.560 life authentically and true to who you are right at 0:07:24.560 --> 0:07:28.120 the same time, still obviously posting on social media to 0:07:28.160 --> 0:07:32.440 create that and continue that and get clients and show 0:07:32.480 --> 0:07:35.400 them that you know how to handle their biggest investments, right, 0:07:35.800 --> 0:07:38.080 which is a big deal, and being discreet because we 0:07:38.160 --> 0:07:42.480 know everybody's finances. So it's like kind of a big jumble. 0:07:42.560 --> 0:07:45.520 And it's almost like, do you, as you're continuing to 0:07:45.680 --> 0:07:49.120 curate a bunch of different avenues in your life, do 0:07:49.240 --> 0:07:54.440 you feel that you worry that certain things can come 0:07:54.480 --> 0:07:57.280 back to bite you that maybe you didn't think about 0:07:57.360 --> 0:07:57.840 as much? 0:07:57.880 --> 0:08:00.880 Then Oh, my gosh, absolutely, yeah, yes, yes, yes, I 0:08:00.880 --> 0:08:03.840 think this is a very like time honored story. Right. 0:08:03.880 --> 0:08:06.280 Everybody kind of has their story, especially if you've been 0:08:06.320 --> 0:08:08.679 in the public eye. And my days in the public 0:08:08.760 --> 0:08:10.480 eye started when I was thirty years old. I'm now 0:08:10.520 --> 0:08:13.720 forty almost forty one, and so yeah, I did stupid 0:08:13.800 --> 0:08:16.360 stuff when I was thirty that I wouldn't have done today, 0:08:16.480 --> 0:08:19.520 or maybe or I should say, in the throes of 0:08:19.840 --> 0:08:23.760 a contentious divorce that was well unfolding in the public eye. 0:08:23.800 --> 0:08:25.760 At the same time, I found out that my baby 0:08:25.760 --> 0:08:29.720 had cerebral palsy and COVID hit. So yeah, I'm gonna 0:08:29.800 --> 0:08:34.400 I think that it's suffice to say that one would 0:08:34.440 --> 0:08:37.920 probably make some decisions that they might not during a 0:08:37.960 --> 0:08:38.559 time like that. 0:08:38.800 --> 0:08:40.960 Do you feel like people give you grace on that 0:08:41.280 --> 0:08:41.520 or no? 0:08:41.960 --> 0:08:43.440 I don't know. I think I was in such a 0:08:43.440 --> 0:08:46.120 tornado at the time I couldn't see my way out 0:08:46.120 --> 0:08:51.280 of it. Now, looking back, I think that people meaning that, 0:08:51.320 --> 0:08:53.720 like the fans who don't are people who don't know me. 0:08:54.160 --> 0:08:56.240 No, there was no grace. She's crazy. 0:08:56.320 --> 0:08:59.080 She's like, oh look at her spiraling, she's so pathetic 0:08:59.160 --> 0:09:01.600 or sad or drama she married him for the money, 0:09:01.679 --> 0:09:03.439 or she got this coming, whatever it is they want 0:09:03.480 --> 0:09:09.160 to say. But now I think it's it's like they 0:09:09.160 --> 0:09:11.800 can watch me and I either continue down whatever path 0:09:11.840 --> 0:09:15.480 that was, which was using the media to really try 0:09:15.480 --> 0:09:17.640 to vilify my ex husband at the time because I 0:09:17.640 --> 0:09:20.280 didn't know which way was up, and I regret doing that. 0:09:20.400 --> 0:09:23.680 I think it was messy and tacky, and I'm upset 0:09:23.720 --> 0:09:27.319 that I made those choices because now my children are 0:09:27.320 --> 0:09:29.600 going to see that one day, or they could if 0:09:29.640 --> 0:09:32.520 they want to search it. I will be honest with them. 0:09:32.640 --> 0:09:34.440 I knew at the time that they would see it 0:09:34.480 --> 0:09:36.600 one day, but I thought, you know, this is true, 0:09:36.679 --> 0:09:39.120 This is all true, and I'm gonna be able to 0:09:39.120 --> 0:09:40.760 have a strong relationship with my kids where I can 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:43.520 explain that to them. Now, even with that clarity, I 0:09:43.559 --> 0:09:46.840 still regret it. But all I can do is change 0:09:46.880 --> 0:09:50.600 my approach going forward. But it doesn't really matter if 0:09:50.800 --> 0:09:52.839 all of it's in the past, it still comes back 0:09:52.880 --> 0:09:55.120 to haunt me. And that's just you know, the bed 0:09:55.120 --> 0:09:56.480 that I made, and no I'm laying in it. 0:09:56.920 --> 0:09:59.120 But here's the good news. As somebody who's been divorced 0:09:59.320 --> 0:10:04.000 longer than you and who's older than you is you're human. 0:10:05.200 --> 0:10:08.480 Lots of people go through very messy divorces that people 0:10:08.640 --> 0:10:10.360 love to tune into it, and I hear it all 0:10:10.400 --> 0:10:12.480 the time. So and so it is with the pickleball coach, 0:10:12.520 --> 0:10:15.640 this personette, whatever, they move on to their own step. 0:10:15.640 --> 0:10:17.600 At the end of the day, they're focused on themselves 0:10:17.679 --> 0:10:19.920 and other stories that's right. Come up, and you're right 0:10:19.960 --> 0:10:22.160 because you will have the relationship with your children. And 0:10:22.280 --> 0:10:25.480 you say, guys, it's painful getting divorced, and I hope 0:10:25.520 --> 0:10:27.000 that never happens to you. And we're all doing the 0:10:27.000 --> 0:10:29.520 best we can. But I love you with my entire heart, 0:10:29.559 --> 0:10:33.720 and I'm here and they'll be fine. Kids are resilient, period, right. 0:10:33.440 --> 0:10:35.559 And I just want to be authentic for them and 0:10:35.679 --> 0:10:38.240 say when I screw up, but yes, And I think 0:10:38.240 --> 0:10:41.319 we all kind of embrace those short sales or short 0:10:41.440 --> 0:10:44.760 news cycles and hope that you know, everything blows over 0:10:44.800 --> 0:10:46.839 and always does. It just takes a couple of days. 0:10:46.880 --> 0:10:50.080 But when stuff hits mainstream media like US Weekly, and 0:10:50.120 --> 0:10:52.359 it just it gets out of the blogs into the mainstream, 0:10:52.400 --> 0:10:54.160 that's when it starts to bother me. Because you're not 0:10:54.200 --> 0:10:56.200 just dealing with the people in their basements with their 0:10:56.200 --> 0:10:57.280 hand on their pants. 0:10:57.280 --> 0:10:58.640 Typing on Reddit all day long. 0:10:58.880 --> 0:11:01.439 These are professionals who are going to browse through headlines 0:11:01.760 --> 0:11:03.880 and they're going to see that US Weekly headlines. So 0:11:03.920 --> 0:11:06.520 that's when it really kind of starts to hit a 0:11:06.559 --> 0:11:07.440 little closer to home. 0:11:07.800 --> 0:11:10.520 I totally understand. Do you have people close to you 0:11:11.120 --> 0:11:14.600 that you feel support you that have gone through similar situations, 0:11:14.679 --> 0:11:17.640 Like if somebody else has walked your path, it feels 0:11:17.640 --> 0:11:19.920 like a safer kind of space that you feel supportive 0:11:19.960 --> 0:11:22.000 worre you know, instead of somebody who doesn't get it 0:11:22.040 --> 0:11:23.960 and you're like, you just don't get it, Like, do 0:11:24.040 --> 0:11:26.440 you feel like you've seen other people in these very 0:11:26.480 --> 0:11:29.480 similar toxic kind of situations. 0:11:29.679 --> 0:11:32.280 I mean, I think my own personal situation is so 0:11:32.360 --> 0:11:34.800 highly unique because of my exposure on the Housewives, being 0:11:34.840 --> 0:11:37.640 married to a professional athlete, and then the other you know, 0:11:38.520 --> 0:11:41.520 minutia that comes with the rest of my story. But 0:11:42.800 --> 0:11:46.520 I think that fame, and that's kind of the platform 0:11:46.520 --> 0:11:50.520 that I'm speaking to right now. I think that fame, money, 0:11:51.640 --> 0:11:56.120 influence good looks. I think that there's currency to all 0:11:56.160 --> 0:12:00.040 of those things as well. And so because of that 0:12:00.440 --> 0:12:03.920 and the perception of you know that, like fame is 0:12:03.960 --> 0:12:07.040 this elite person or money makes someone elite or whatever 0:12:07.120 --> 0:12:10.679 it is, how we perceive, you know, this currency that 0:12:10.720 --> 0:12:13.040 someone has a lot of. It's like we want to 0:12:13.040 --> 0:12:18.080 watch what it looks like to take them down. And so, yeah, 0:12:18.080 --> 0:12:23.640 I might not have the the like direct comparison to me, 0:12:23.800 --> 0:12:26.840 but I do have friends who have you know, a 0:12:26.880 --> 0:12:29.280 lot of money that people are trying to get to 0:12:29.480 --> 0:12:32.160 or take them down or create rumors about them or 0:12:32.280 --> 0:12:35.320 friends who you know are in politics or whatever. And 0:12:35.360 --> 0:12:38.680 so I think that we need to think about this issue, 0:12:38.720 --> 0:12:41.000 not even just you know, being a celebrity, but it's 0:12:41.080 --> 0:12:44.800 like sticking it to the proverbial man. And I represent 0:12:45.240 --> 0:12:48.920 as a celebrity some sort of proverbial man that people 0:12:49.080 --> 0:12:52.280 like to see fall on their on their knees, and 0:12:53.080 --> 0:12:57.560 because it kind of helps our simpletons feel better about themselves. 0:12:57.559 --> 0:13:00.160 But it's like the person who's driving and the you know, 0:13:00.200 --> 0:13:03.079 there's a car accident, everybody slows down to look. I mean, 0:13:03.120 --> 0:13:06.880 it's like it's sad that people want. People are envious, 0:13:06.960 --> 0:13:11.080 people are unhappy inherently right now, right, and people want 0:13:11.080 --> 0:13:14.160 to see beautiful, rich, successful people that were at the 0:13:14.160 --> 0:13:17.280 top of their game fall right, and also kind of 0:13:17.320 --> 0:13:20.360 normalizes their own experiences too. So yeah, it's it's like 0:13:20.440 --> 0:13:21.640 super super painful. 0:13:21.920 --> 0:13:26.200 I also think, Louise, that this is kind of like 0:13:26.280 --> 0:13:29.680 the modern day version of gladiators, like back in the 0:13:29.760 --> 0:13:33.520 Roman times, where it's just all these spectators gather around 0:13:33.520 --> 0:13:35.880 to watch a blood bath. It's not about what's fair 0:13:36.520 --> 0:13:38.680 or how they got there in the first place. It's 0:13:38.679 --> 0:13:40.920 not even that they even you don't even know if 0:13:40.920 --> 0:13:42.600 they want to be there. Like I think there are 0:13:42.640 --> 0:13:45.200 mostly like bad guys that were just like plucked out 0:13:45.200 --> 0:13:48.720 for people's entertainment. But I'm one of those gladiators right now. 0:13:48.840 --> 0:13:51.400 I'm just in a different arena and I never asked 0:13:51.440 --> 0:13:54.200 to be that gladiator. Somebody pulled me in there, and 0:13:54.240 --> 0:13:58.040 now I'm a spectacle and it does not matter how 0:13:58.080 --> 0:14:00.559 I get out of it, because it's not the truth 0:14:00.600 --> 0:14:03.280 that matters. It's the narrative that matters, and that's what 0:14:03.320 --> 0:14:04.880 the court of opinion will decide. 0:14:05.080 --> 0:14:07.120 And you have to You're going to continue to negate 0:14:07.160 --> 0:14:10.360 that narrative by people like your broker who supported you 0:14:10.600 --> 0:14:12.960 and didn't you know, read the article and subscribe to it. 0:14:13.000 --> 0:14:14.959 You're gonna do great work with your clients, and you're 0:14:14.960 --> 0:14:17.960 gonna build your people around you that you can trust, 0:14:17.960 --> 0:14:18.679 that know you, and. 0:14:18.600 --> 0:14:21.200 Then yeah, that's all you can do. I mean, it's 0:14:21.240 --> 0:14:24.000 difficult to not get angry in the in the meantime, 0:14:24.040 --> 0:14:26.840 you know, when you're building up that trust, like once again, 0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:29.840 back to the virtue of patients. It's been a huge challenge, 0:14:29.880 --> 0:14:32.200 but that's all that it is. And I told my 0:14:32.320 --> 0:14:35.640 kids that, you know, because as my children, my four 0:14:35.680 --> 0:14:39.040 sweet children, are products of this very contentious divorce between 0:14:39.080 --> 0:14:43.160 their parents. Sometimes they'll hear different things from different sides, 0:14:43.560 --> 0:14:47.360 and they'll say, well, somebody, you know, basically somebody's line. 0:14:47.400 --> 0:14:49.680 And I'll say to my children, listen, I'm telling you 0:14:49.720 --> 0:14:52.440 the truth, but there is no way that you can 0:14:52.520 --> 0:14:56.720 know that unless until time happens. So you're gonna so 0:14:56.760 --> 0:14:58.720 I'm gonna help you with this, and I'm gonna say, 0:14:58.760 --> 0:14:59.920 all right, this is what I said. 0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:02.200 Now let's wait till it happens. Blah blah, you know. 0:15:02.560 --> 0:15:04.880 And so I'm trying to teach them like that trust 0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:06.960 is built up over time, which is a sad lesson 0:15:07.000 --> 0:15:07.960 for seven and eight year. 0:15:07.800 --> 0:15:10.160 Old kids because they should always trust their parents. 0:15:10.440 --> 0:15:13.200 Do they go back and forth even lead to both houses? 0:15:13.680 --> 0:15:16.320 No, it's not no, it's not even no, it's. 0:15:16.160 --> 0:15:19.720 Not even okay, God, Yeah, well, I guess let's talk 0:15:19.800 --> 0:15:23.200 about what happens when you're in a contentious divorce and 0:15:23.240 --> 0:15:25.960 then there's new partners, because that brings a whole other 0:15:26.720 --> 0:15:28.160 kind of animal to it. 0:15:28.400 --> 0:15:32.120 I never knew what it would be, what it was 0:15:32.240 --> 0:15:36.280 like without a new partner, because I think it was 0:15:36.360 --> 0:15:40.840 like I think we'd been maybe split up, like two months, 0:15:40.960 --> 0:15:42.120 maybe less. 0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:43.400 I think it might have been less. 0:15:43.640 --> 0:15:46.400 It was okay, we split up the end of October 0:15:46.680 --> 0:15:50.160 twenty nineteen, and before twenty twenty hit he was living 0:15:50.240 --> 0:15:51.000 with his current. 0:15:50.800 --> 0:15:52.120 Well it's over it's overlap. 0:15:52.880 --> 0:15:53.840 Yeah, it's overlap. 0:15:54.040 --> 0:15:57.720 It's overlap, which makes it really hard then for the 0:15:57.880 --> 0:15:59.920 ex wife and the new woman to be on this 0:16:00.040 --> 0:16:00.720 same page. 0:16:00.840 --> 0:16:04.760 Right, I don't have a relationship with with his new wife, 0:16:04.800 --> 0:16:08.600 so that I don't know. I mean, I think it 0:16:08.640 --> 0:16:10.280 would be better for the kids if we did, but 0:16:11.200 --> 0:16:13.720 it's it could be worse. I suppose it. 0:16:14.000 --> 0:16:16.080 Well, the problem is that the kids are still young, right, 0:16:16.120 --> 0:16:18.160 So if there was the ability where everybody could be 0:16:18.240 --> 0:16:20.560 some sort of you know, modern family that can you know, 0:16:20.760 --> 0:16:23.120 do holidays together and trips and you know, sit at 0:16:23.120 --> 0:16:24.280 parent teacher conference is great. 0:16:24.360 --> 0:16:24.800 Yeah. 0:16:24.880 --> 0:16:27.840 Do you feel that you don't have to answer this 0:16:27.960 --> 0:16:31.560 like who's the puppeteer in that relationship? Like who's who's 0:16:31.640 --> 0:16:35.280 perpetuating the drama that exists now between like you and 0:16:35.360 --> 0:16:36.880 her that's making it this way. 0:16:37.000 --> 0:16:39.160 I don't think there is drama between us I don't 0:16:39.200 --> 0:16:41.360 talk to her. I don't like, I don't know, Like, 0:16:41.520 --> 0:16:44.400 I don't think there is any there's nothing there, there's 0:16:44.440 --> 0:16:49.600 no relationship. It's like it's basically like I see a 0:16:49.640 --> 0:16:51.840 picture and she's a ghost, you know, it's to me 0:16:52.000 --> 0:16:54.800 kind of idea. I like. I like the role that 0:16:54.840 --> 0:16:59.400 she plays because she provides consistency for my children. She 0:16:59.520 --> 0:17:02.400 sounds like she's calm for the most part as far 0:17:02.440 --> 0:17:06.280 as like what my children say to me, and they 0:17:06.359 --> 0:17:09.840 like her, So I don't have any problem with her, 0:17:10.000 --> 0:17:13.320 Like any issues that she would have with me are 0:17:14.000 --> 0:17:18.200 secondary information. They're not you know, she hasn't derived her 0:17:18.240 --> 0:17:22.320 opinions about me directly from my relation our relationship. They're 0:17:22.359 --> 0:17:25.200 all third party opinions that she's taking a talk yeah yeah, 0:17:25.240 --> 0:17:28.920 pillow talk. So I don't but I don't know her 0:17:29.040 --> 0:17:34.280 and I don't try to know her. It's she's whatever 0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:37.560 to me, except that my kids like her, so that's fine, 0:17:38.000 --> 0:17:38.680 and she's not good. 0:17:38.800 --> 0:17:41.439 So what I what I appreciate from you, Megan, is 0:17:41.680 --> 0:17:44.399 you actually seem super neutral on it, right, which is 0:17:44.440 --> 0:17:48.040 really the best kind of place to be. So maybe 0:17:48.240 --> 0:17:50.560 do you think that there could be a world or 0:17:50.600 --> 0:17:54.560 what would it take for the situation between the two 0:17:54.600 --> 0:17:57.080 of you to be more comfortable. 0:17:57.119 --> 0:17:59.720 I guess between my ex and myself and. 0:17:59.640 --> 0:18:02.159 Like any even that, like after a contentious divorce, like 0:18:02.280 --> 0:18:04.679 is it time is like what is it? What do 0:18:04.720 --> 0:18:08.919 you think can eventually bring people back to you know, 0:18:09.080 --> 0:18:11.479 kind of a calm place where you just say, like, 0:18:11.680 --> 0:18:14.040 you're a dad, I'm the mom. These are Look, here's 0:18:14.040 --> 0:18:17.080 the thing with divorce people. You can get remarried. He 0:18:17.119 --> 0:18:19.120 can be remarried. Those three kids belong to the two 0:18:19.119 --> 0:18:19.320 of you. 0:18:19.720 --> 0:18:34.320 Yeah, okay, do you think you seem like a girl's 0:18:34.359 --> 0:18:37.840 girl to me in the conversation of talking to Right, 0:18:38.560 --> 0:18:44.640 So it's important for women to support women, period, Okay, Right, So. 0:18:45.359 --> 0:18:47.960 It seems that a lot of times this is not 0:18:48.119 --> 0:18:51.600 the case. I've personally experienced this with people with my 0:18:51.640 --> 0:18:55.119 own friends, and it's like a heartbreak. Yes, why do 0:18:55.160 --> 0:19:00.399 you think it's important for women to support women? Would 0:19:00.400 --> 0:19:01.560 that create. 0:19:01.840 --> 0:19:07.280 I think that I think that, like basically, our culture 0:19:07.480 --> 0:19:12.160 has groomed us to think that the way that women 0:19:12.240 --> 0:19:16.040 communicate is negative or caddy or bad because women are 0:19:16.040 --> 0:19:19.520 emotional and they talk about what's going on more small 0:19:19.560 --> 0:19:22.960 talk than you know, broad talk like men would stereotypically 0:19:22.960 --> 0:19:26.040 be classified as I don't think there's anything wrong with that. 0:19:26.160 --> 0:19:28.760 I think that water cooler conversation is some of the 0:19:28.800 --> 0:19:32.479 most important conversations in order to keep our communities safe 0:19:32.920 --> 0:19:35.879 and and like families, you know, up to date and knowledgeable. 0:19:36.359 --> 0:19:41.159 So having said that, fast forward, you know, past your 0:19:41.240 --> 0:19:43.920 water cooler days, and here we are today and we 0:19:44.640 --> 0:19:46.919 are trying we try to say, like, you know, gossip 0:19:47.040 --> 0:19:50.000 is bad, let's reframe that. Like if we can reframe 0:19:50.080 --> 0:19:52.919 gossip as being good, as being women helping one another, 0:19:53.359 --> 0:19:55.840 then we could be so much more powerful as a sex. 0:19:56.359 --> 0:20:00.040 And I think that you know, we're as women, we 0:20:00.080 --> 0:20:03.359 are more emotional, but we're all so much more peaceful. 0:20:04.040 --> 0:20:07.280 And I think we just want to love everyone more, 0:20:07.320 --> 0:20:09.919 so we feel more attached to any sort of you know, 0:20:09.960 --> 0:20:13.960 emotionally charged situation. So it can divide us in a 0:20:13.960 --> 0:20:17.760 lot of ways, but generally speaking, I think we're all 0:20:17.800 --> 0:20:20.960 talking about the same thing, and we're all the generally 0:20:21.000 --> 0:20:24.399 the underdog in the situation. Don't even get me started 0:20:24.400 --> 0:20:25.400 on family court with. 0:20:25.320 --> 0:20:28.800 That, you know, what's a good idea? Actually, just like 0:20:28.920 --> 0:20:33.560 there's life coaches, or there should be a divorce coach. 0:20:33.840 --> 0:20:35.840 I think there are Oh well. 0:20:35.680 --> 0:20:38.880 It's like there's rush, you know, somebody's going through rush. 0:20:38.359 --> 0:20:43.520 Like a divorce coach should almost be in contentious situations, 0:20:43.680 --> 0:20:48.360