Speaker 1: Episode one nine, Money Mindset Shifts. Welcome to the Frugal
Speaker 1: Friends podcast, where you'll learn to save money, embrace simplicity, rights,
Speaker 1: and liver with your life. Here your host Jen and
Speaker 1: Jill m. Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast. My name
Speaker 1: is Jen, my name is Jill, and today we are
Speaker 1: talking about mind set, your vibrations and frequencies on the
Speaker 1: earth and what wavelength you are at. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1: We're not talking about that at all. We're talking about
Speaker 1: this psychology about your money mindset and it's parallels to
Speaker 1: what you achieve financially. Yes, the integration of your whole person,
Speaker 1: your mental health, your financial health and well being, all
Speaker 1: aspects of who you are because they're connected. And we're
Speaker 1: never going to stop talking about how connected they are. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: and we're also never going to stop talking about our sponsors,
Speaker 1: the Frugal Friends Workbook. This is still so exciting to
Speaker 1: me and I like nearly can't not sing the title.
Speaker 1: If you're starting to think about how you're going to
Speaker 1: do better with your finances in the new year, but
Speaker 1: you already know you're not going to make a complete
Speaker 1: one eighty degree life change, then check out the Frugal
Speaker 1: Friends Workbook. It is a digital workbook with six week
Speaker 1: long challenges that turn improving your finances into a game.
Speaker 1: In addition to the challenges, you'll get sixty pages of
Speaker 1: teaching and implementation guidance. And while it can be completed
Speaker 1: on your own, it is created to be done with pairs,
Speaker 1: in pairs or in small groups. And that's why every
Speaker 1: re purchase comes with two downloads. So had two Fecal
Speaker 1: Friends podcast dot com slash Workbook to learn more and
Speaker 1: use the code taco bell That's right, t A CEO
Speaker 1: B E L L all one word and get ten
Speaker 1: dollars off the regular price. Yes, and today's episode is
Speaker 1: also brought to you by childhood, Ah, that nostalgic period
Speaker 1: where you may have had to make your own bed,
Speaker 1: but you didn't have to pay bills. Your childhood wants
Speaker 1: you to know that you may be an adult, but
Speaker 1: it's still around, creeping in the crevasses of your brain,
Speaker 1: waiting until an in synct song comes on the radio
Speaker 1: or you see nineties fashion come back in style. Everything
Speaker 1: else was a dumpster fire this year. Why not fashion too?
Speaker 1: Like fashion? You may have thought you had good ideas
Speaker 1: at the time, but learned later that you were wrong.
Speaker 1: So let your childhood remind you that thoughts are flexible
Speaker 1: and you can change them at any time. Childhood, things
Speaker 1: you thought when you were seven, seventeen, or even seven
Speaker 1: may not be accurate today. Oh good word man. After that, sponsor,
Speaker 1: we can really just wrap it up. That's it, short
Speaker 1: and sweet today by you. Oh so many nuggets of
Speaker 1: goodies in there. But we'll let you all ponder it
Speaker 1: and get into these headlines. Baby. Yes, if you need
Speaker 1: to take a minute though to meditate, it's totally fine.
Speaker 1: Just hit the pause button. Yeah, we're gonna keep going
Speaker 1: with our first article from Business Insider, and it is
Speaker 1: twelve negative thoughts about money that are holding you back. Yes,
Speaker 1: so good. So we're just going to go through some
Speaker 1: of the top ones that stood out to us. I
Speaker 1: will say I kind of picked the ones that I
Speaker 1: used to tell myself and too why they stood out
Speaker 1: to me. So you're getting a little bit of both
Speaker 1: well incide into me. And then just like some of
Speaker 1: the highlights, the first one that can be a barrier
Speaker 1: to us getting out our financial goals is I don't
Speaker 1: make enough to save Uh. If you've ever told yourself.
Speaker 1: This before this article is trying to prove us all
Speaker 1: wrong by saying there is not a minimum threshold here
Speaker 1: to be able to say, you know what I can
Speaker 1: get at some savings goals. I may not make enough
Speaker 1: to put massive amounts aside, but doing the small thing
Speaker 1: and the little step ultimately to build the muscle. The
Speaker 1: goal is not to stay in a place of low income,
Speaker 1: low wage, but we still do need to practice saving
Speaker 1: and just clinging to this idea of I don't make
Speaker 1: enough to save. That's not going to go away if
Speaker 1: we don't actively work to make that thought go away,
Speaker 1: because regardless of whether or not we increase our money,
Speaker 1: we might still stay married to this thought. Absolutely. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean this was my thought too for most of
Speaker 1: my time after I graduated college. And I guess it
Speaker 1: just came from not ever having quote unquote enough but
Speaker 1: yet I always had enough money to buy Starbucks and
Speaker 1: like other little things. But I just felt like saving
Speaker 1: and paying off debt was a big thing, and it
Speaker 1: was I had never done anything big in my life,
Speaker 1: and so I thought I can't do anything big. So yeah,
Speaker 1: that was kind of where I was at on it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and all or nothing mentality which we can have in
Speaker 1: a variety of aspects of our personhood. Well, I need
Speaker 1: a three week vacation in Indonesia, and if I can't
Speaker 1: get that, then I just won't have acation, right like,
Speaker 1: and we can apply these types of things to any
Speaker 1: aspect of our lives, like, well, I need to be saving,
Speaker 1: I need to be maxing out my four oh one
Speaker 1: k and if I can't do that, then why I
Speaker 1: even have one. That's just like we can get ourselves
Speaker 1: into this trap when the reality is anything you can
Speaker 1: put away helps to secure your financial future. Absolutely, And
Speaker 1: we are big proponents of small steps, so they're not
Speaker 1: as sexy as big steps obviously, Like we all want
Speaker 1: to be the story that paid off six figures in
Speaker 1: nine months, and that story does not exist Like in
Speaker 1: the real world. You hear about these things on the
Speaker 1: internet and on social media because they are exceptions, because
Speaker 1: they are extraordinary, but they're not ordinary, and it's okay
Speaker 1: to be ordinary. It's very okay to be ordinary. Thanks Jen. Absolutely.
Speaker 1: The fourth one on this list is you think I'll
Speaker 1: never pay off my school loans? So this was me
Speaker 1: all the way. Mainly the reason was is because I
Speaker 1: didn't think I made enough, and so I would save
Speaker 1: If I made a little extra, I would save it
Speaker 1: because I had the scarcity mindset that I need this money,
Speaker 1: like something's going to happen to me, and I need
Speaker 1: to have this money. And obviously it's smart to have
Speaker 1: an emergency fund. But I was making enough to start
Speaker 1: repaying my debt. Again, it was so big, I didn't
Speaker 1: think I could do it, so I wouldn't even make
Speaker 1: small steps. And we talked about this a lot last episode,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't until we were paying it off. It
Speaker 1: wasn't until we were like five months in that I thought,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I can't pay this off. Like I
Speaker 1: didn't think we could do it when we started, and
Speaker 1: we just kept going. I just kept myself distracted. I
Speaker 1: didn't let myself think about the magnitude of it. I
Speaker 1: just kept myself distracted with making money. And that was
Speaker 1: really my method. That was honestly what I did. And
Speaker 1: by the time I looked up after I got over
Speaker 1: my shingles, we were on this path to significantly decreasing
Speaker 1: the amount of time it was going to take to
Speaker 1: pay off our debt. Yeah. The other one that stands
Speaker 1: out to me on this list is the number seven
Speaker 1: where we might think I can only make so much
Speaker 1: money in my chosen field. Bom bom bom. This has
Speaker 1: been me, and I can find myself in that trap
Speaker 1: occasionally as well. And ultimately, what this does is limits
Speaker 1: us to Okay, so if I'm not going to make
Speaker 1: much money in this field, then I'm just going to
Speaker 1: resign myself to not even hardly setting any goals. And
Speaker 1: the reality is a lot of times we'll base this
Speaker 1: off of maybe what we perceived to be the top
Speaker 1: earners in our field and think, well, that's the cap.
Speaker 1: If anything, I'll make what they make, and it's still
Speaker 1: not a ton of money, and so okay, this is
Speaker 1: just my life, and we resign ourselves to this certain
Speaker 1: kind of lifestyle, versus if we were able to shift
Speaker 1: our mindset and our expectations to be able to discover
Speaker 1: new opportunities. This article even prompts us to consider what's
Speaker 1: the biggest problem facing the industry or the field that
Speaker 1: you're in, and if you are able to be a
Speaker 1: part of that solution, my goodness, yes you will be
Speaker 1: rewarded nicely. Maybe not all of us are going to
Speaker 1: be that level of entrepreneur. But it is worth breaking
Speaker 1: out of these types of mindsets to say I don't
Speaker 1: have to limit myself there. Of well, maybe I'll only
Speaker 1: make as much as whoever I perceive to be making
Speaker 1: the most in this field. It can be a fallacy.
Speaker 1: I can only make so much of my chosen field.
Speaker 1: I definitely, as a social worker working in my field,
Speaker 1: make far more right now then I thought I could,
Speaker 1: and I'm doing things I thought I wouldn't be able
Speaker 1: to do. I get to travel internationally as a social worker.
Speaker 1: I never thought that that was a possibility working in
Speaker 1: the field. Maybe if you exited the field and you
Speaker 1: did something cool, you could travel internationally for it. But
Speaker 1: I get to do that, and it has taken a
Speaker 1: degree of creativity to make that possible. But I'm so
Speaker 1: glad that I didn't limit myself to what it means
Speaker 1: to work within the field of social work and help others.
Speaker 1: That there is not only life experiences that I'm gaining.
Speaker 1: But yes, I'm making more money than what I thought
Speaker 1: possible and not compromising what I have worked for. Regarding education,
Speaker 1: I get to apply my education to my work and
Speaker 1: it's way different than what I thought it could have
Speaker 1: been in my early twenties, and I'm grateful for that.
Speaker 1: And I share that just to say we don't have
Speaker 1: to limit ourselves just based off of like a small
Speaker 1: understanding of what we think are roles are or could be. Yes,
Speaker 1: let's all take a breath together, a collective breath if
Speaker 1: you're listening to this in your car, and sit and
Speaker 1: repeat after me. Money is easy to come by. Money
Speaker 1: is easy to make. That feels really hard for me
Speaker 1: to follow that, right, Yeah, but here's the thing. You know,
Speaker 1: it's difficult to make time. Time is difficult to make.
Speaker 1: Time is impossible to make. And when you compare it
Speaker 1: to time, money is easy to make. It is easy.
Speaker 1: And it took me a really long time. And I
Speaker 1: say that, and I'm still on the journey to actually
Speaker 1: believing that. And one of the big things that has
Speaker 1: helped me kind of believe that money is easy to
Speaker 1: make is listening to the stories of other people in
Speaker 1: my industry that are actually uber successful, so like outrageously
Speaker 1: extraordinarily successful. I don't ever want to be there, nor
Speaker 1: do I believe if I can be there, so I'm
Speaker 1: like still limiting my belief. But I listened to them
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh my god, they are there, so
Speaker 1: I can at least be here, which is a far
Speaker 1: cry from where I thought I could be. And every
Speaker 1: year when I get better, I get further and I
Speaker 1: get closer to those people who I think are extraordinary.
Speaker 1: So I highly recommend listening to podcasts and trying to
Speaker 1: find people in your field or in the field you
Speaker 1: want to be that are doing extraordinary things and that's
Speaker 1: going to help you believe that you can do it too. Yeah. Mmmm,
Speaker 1: that feels like a hard word. It's one to think about. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I believe that there are limitations, for sure. I'm not
Speaker 1: discounting the fact of some people are limited and their disadvantaged.
Speaker 1: But if you say that you can take yourself just
Speaker 1: a step further, Like you don't have to even believe
Speaker 1: that you can make as much as Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg,
Speaker 1: all the marks. You don't have to believe you're going
Speaker 1: to be Mark, but you can believe that you can
Speaker 1: be better than what you believed you could be. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think ultimately, as which where do you want to
Speaker 1: land in? What you're saying to yourself, do we want
Speaker 1: to land in these places that are holding us back?
Speaker 1: To say I'm never going to make more money. This
Speaker 1: is always going to be my life. I can't ever
Speaker 1: do anything better. Like do we want to choose to
Speaker 1: stay there with what we tell ourselves as our narrative
Speaker 1: to ourselves or is it more advantageous to say, hey,
Speaker 1: I have a skill set, I have something to offer.
Speaker 1: My time is valuable, the work that I do for
Speaker 1: others is valuable, and there is potential for me to
Speaker 1: earn more, to gain more knowledge, to be better next
Speaker 1: year than I was this year, not just financially but
Speaker 1: as a person and in my character. I think that
Speaker 1: growth mindset is always going to be more helpful, more beneficial,
Speaker 1: and advantageous to us than than a stagnant mindset one
Speaker 1: that might want to keep us stuck. Yeah, we only
Speaker 1: have the perspective in which our surroundings typically allow us.
Speaker 1: And so to have a growth mindset, you just need
Speaker 1: to step back a little bit and look at where
Speaker 1: you're at, look at where other people are at, and
Speaker 1: have that create your own outsider perspective. I mean, if
Speaker 1: you think about it, like you to get paid, you
Speaker 1: just have to show up at a place or on
Speaker 1: your computer and like log into something or something that's
Speaker 1: not super difficult. So like money is easy to come by,
Speaker 1: We're not saying like millions of dollars it's easy to
Speaker 1: come by, But getting a job been making a wage, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's very possible, especially with the help of a community,
Speaker 1: a supportive community. It's interesting because the pendulum can swing
Speaker 1: on the other side. And I want to point out
Speaker 1: number ten on this list is mindset of money. Isn't
Speaker 1: that important that we could either put so much weight
Speaker 1: on money and forget all these other aspects of our
Speaker 1: lives and our personhood, or we could swing the other
Speaker 1: way and just be like, well, who needs money, you know,
Speaker 1: like it's only a tool or a resource, which it is,
Speaker 1: or money can corrupt people, or money is often very bad,
Speaker 1: so I would rather just avoid it and take on
Speaker 1: maybe a poverty mindset. And I think, again, this is
Speaker 1: where that radical middle that you've heard us talk about
Speaker 1: in this podcast is so helpful that we could go
Speaker 1: to either direction either play same way, too much weight
Speaker 1: on money or not enough weight on it, and to
Speaker 1: recognize we do need it as a tool, and there's
Speaker 1: a race course. It is something that can help us
Speaker 1: become more healthy. It is something that can create freedom.
Speaker 1: It is something that can assist others in their journey
Speaker 1: within life. It is something that we can be generous with.
Speaker 1: So it's not necessarily avoid money. It's corrupt, But maybe
Speaker 1: how do I want to use the tool of money
Speaker 1: as a force of good in the world. Yes? Absolutely.
Speaker 1: Number six also resonated with me. I'll never make as
Speaker 1: much money as so and so. So it says comparison
Speaker 1: is the death of joy. I guess Mark Twain said
Speaker 1: that another mark, all these marks, we should have a
Speaker 1: mark of the week. Oh, don't ruin it for Bill.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I in my business I have frequently said that,
Speaker 1: and so I mentioned. Something that helped me was listening
Speaker 1: to people that are making like outrageous amounts of money
Speaker 1: in my field. And so at first my mind's that
Speaker 1: was I will never be like that. I don't have
Speaker 1: that business mind. I don't know how to do that.
Speaker 1: I don't even want to do that. That seems like
Speaker 1: a lot of work, YadA YadA. And so it has
Speaker 1: gradually over time shifted to, hey, I have spent a
Speaker 1: few years in this industry, and if they can do it,
Speaker 1: why can't I do half of that or a quarter
Speaker 1: of that or whatever. And why can't I be a
Speaker 1: little bit better than what I thought I could. Like
Speaker 1: these mindset shift things, it's all a journey. You have
Speaker 1: to get more experience to realize that you are capable
Speaker 1: of more. But yeah, that was definitely one that I
Speaker 1: had for sure and still do at times. Or the
Speaker 1: last one on this list, number twelve is I've made
Speaker 1: too many money mistakes to ever recover. Oh, this is
Speaker 1: a devastating one and does speak to a great deal
Speaker 1: of some hardship and probably some downcasteness in the financial landscape.
Speaker 1: If this is a mindset that's being adopted. But the
Speaker 1: reality is is no, if you're still living and breathing,
Speaker 1: taking in oxygen, then you're not too far deep to
Speaker 1: recover from your money mistakes. We can always do a
Speaker 1: little bit better the next day and the next day
Speaker 1: and the next day. I think this is a place
Speaker 1: of hopelessness, and that is devastating to feel like there
Speaker 1: is no hope, but to recognize this is a mindset
Speaker 1: that's happening that can be shifted. This is a story
Speaker 1: that we are telling ourselves that we can choose to
Speaker 1: not tell ourselves that. No, I don't think it's true
Speaker 1: that any one of us can reach a place of
Speaker 1: too many money mistakes will never recover. Yes, that perpetuates
Speaker 1: that cycle. That's what that mindset does. And I think
Speaker 1: of so many other things in life too, that may
Speaker 1: in relationships or in jobs that you want to go for.
Speaker 1: I can think of so many other times where I've
Speaker 1: seen people think that that I've fallen too many times,
Speaker 1: it's not worth getting back up. And I think, if
Speaker 1: you've seen any movies, it's that last time that you
Speaker 1: get back up, that's the time they make a movie
Speaker 1: about it. It's like they don't make movies about somebody
Speaker 1: who fell down eighteen times and then never got back up,
Speaker 1: Like they make movies about people who fell eighteen times
Speaker 1: and got up the nineteenth and succeeded. So all that
Speaker 1: to say they may not make a movie about you.
Speaker 1: Just press on until it finally happens. Yeah, keep doing it.
Speaker 1: And So the last one on this list that I
Speaker 1: wanted to mention was number eleven, but I wanted to
Speaker 1: change it slightly. So on here it says you think
Speaker 1: I'm not checking my credit card balance because I don't
Speaker 1: want to know, So I switched that to I'm not
Speaker 1: checking my budget because I don't want to know. I
Speaker 1: am a horrible budget or naturally, my business is called
Speaker 1: modern frugality because I prefer to just not spend money
Speaker 1: versus budgeting to spend it. I don't love tracking everything
Speaker 1: and planning to that detail. So there are definitely times
Speaker 1: where I would make a budget and still even now
Speaker 1: make a budget, and then I'll make one purchase that
Speaker 1: I didn't plan on, and then I'm like, I'm just
Speaker 1: not going to check the budget. I'm just not going
Speaker 1: to spend anything, or I just keep spending more often
Speaker 1: now it's like I'm just not going to spend anything
Speaker 1: else because I don't want to look at my budget.
Speaker 1: It's a weird phenomenon that like I don't want to
Speaker 1: look at it as if that's going to make it
Speaker 1: not true or as if that's going to help and
Speaker 1: making anything better. But we do this. I can't quite
Speaker 1: explain why, but we do. It's weird. I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's still like all of these things are EBB and
Speaker 1: flow in my head. Some days I do good, other
Speaker 1: days I fall back into it, and it's because they
Speaker 1: have been ingrained in me since childhood, so it's hard
Speaker 1: to change how I look about money, and I've already
Speaker 1: changed so much, I have come so far in the
Speaker 1: past five years, and I have to give myself some grace.
Speaker 1: And you should give yourself some grace to like you're
Speaker 1: already making like changes that are leaps and bounds from
Speaker 1: what you were. So when you can't be perfect, have
Speaker 1: grace for yourself. I like what you're pointing out, Jen
Speaker 1: about the hand our sponsor thank you childhood, the way
Speaker 1: that some of these thinking patterns are so ingrained in
Speaker 1: us and sometimes we don't even realize it or even
Speaker 1: realize that it's a mindset that needs shifting or mindset
Speaker 1: that is holding us back from any given goal. But
Speaker 1: this is where so much of our behaviors start, is
Speaker 1: in our minds and in our thought processes. And if
Speaker 1: we can rain that in, we do have the potential
Speaker 1: of changing our behaviors, which can relate to actually meeting
Speaker 1: financial goals. I want to also just to bring this
Speaker 1: a bit to the mental health level, of the clinical
Speaker 1: level while we're talking about here with these mindsets are
Speaker 1: cognitive distortions, like that's the clinical term for what we're describing,
Speaker 1: and we all have them. There's a lot of them.
Speaker 1: I want to just give a brief rundown of some
Speaker 1: really common cognitive distortions. We've talked about them. Like what
Speaker 1: we've just described in this article is examples of some
Speaker 1: cognitive distortions, but the actual language for it, just so
Speaker 1: that you can be more prepared and have some tools
Speaker 1: in your tool belt identify what it is that's happening
Speaker 1: for you inside your mind. So one of a cognitive
Speaker 1: distortion is filtering, where we might magnify negative details and
Speaker 1: derail or completely ignore all the positive things that are
Speaker 1: happening in our lives. We kind of filter it in
Speaker 1: this way. That's something that we can do related to
Speaker 1: our finances. Another cognitive distortion is polarized thinking, or what
Speaker 1: we might describe as black and white. It's it's either
Speaker 1: this or it's that, it's all or it's nothing, kind
Speaker 1: of like what we were talking about before, like either
Speaker 1: I can save a bunch of money or I can
Speaker 1: at also might as well not do it. That's a
Speaker 1: cognitive distortion. You may have seen this cognitive distortion in
Speaker 1: October a lot. Oh gosh, yes, we all fall victim
Speaker 1: to some of these, maybe all of these any given moment.
Speaker 1: Another one is over generalization. To reach a conclusion based
Speaker 1: on a single incident or one piece of evidence and
Speaker 1: just completely over generalize. Another is to quickly jump to
Speaker 1: conclusions based on a few facts. Another cognitive distortion is
Speaker 1: to catastrophize any given circumstance of imagining that this is
Speaker 1: just a massive tragedy that is happening, when really it
Speaker 1: might not be as major as we're making it out
Speaker 1: to be. Fallacy of fairness, blaming shoulds or labeling so
Speaker 1: many right. And so if you're more interested in this,
Speaker 1: certainly it's something that you can look up. I'll link
Speaker 1: an article in our show notes to just laying out
Speaker 1: a good deal of common cognitive distortions. And this is
Speaker 1: something that a therapist, a counselor could help you to
Speaker 1: identify in your life. Whether it's related to finances or not,
Speaker 1: but cognitive distortions can be found in our financial lives,
Speaker 1: and we've just given a bunch of examples of them.
Speaker 1: And the goal is not to remain in these cognitive distortions,
Speaker 1: to identify them and move out of them so that
Speaker 1: your life can be aimed at well being and financial
Speaker 1: freedom and getting at the goals that you want to
Speaker 1: get at. It oftentimes starts in our mind. And if
Speaker 1: we're able to recognize where these things are happening, change
Speaker 1: some of our mindsets, change our perspectives, change the narrative
Speaker 1: that's happening, we will do much better in our actual behaviors.
Speaker 1: Good word. Well that's it, folks. That's all for today
Speaker 1: hashtag childhood. But we can go over this other article
Speaker 1: it may be helpful. It's from Psychology Today and it's
Speaker 1: four steps to release limiting beliefs learned from child hood
Speaker 1: or some of these cognitive distortions that you may have
Speaker 1: from childhood. So I really liked short, succinct processes, and
Speaker 1: I love that this one's four steps strategic and can
Speaker 1: help you, like leaps and bounds, become better financially. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what this is is it's laying out a therapeutic technique
Speaker 1: and intervention that can be done on your own. If
Speaker 1: you're recognizing that you're having a lot of difficulty doing
Speaker 1: this on your own, then maybe getting a buddy to
Speaker 1: help you or seeing a counselor or a therapist. They
Speaker 1: can absolutely help you through this process. And it's related
Speaker 1: to what we've talked about in the past of thoughts
Speaker 1: influence our feelings influence our behaviors. It goes in that cycle,
Speaker 1: and so if we can catch it at the thought level,
Speaker 1: we can then help to influence our own feelings and
Speaker 1: our behaviors out of that. And yes, this is absolutely
Speaker 1: a prince pap that we can apply to our financial lives.
Speaker 1: So step one is to write it down. What is
Speaker 1: this article chooses the term limiting belief? We could say
Speaker 1: cognitive distortion, we could say internal narrative. Pick your wording
Speaker 1: and verbiage doesn't matter. It's all the same concept. What
Speaker 1: is it? What is the phrase that's going through your
Speaker 1: mind that is keeping you from being able to get
Speaker 1: at some of these goals that you have for yourself,
Speaker 1: or what's holding you back? Again, we gave a lot
Speaker 1: of examples in that first article of I'll never make
Speaker 1: enough money, money is bad. You name it. What is
Speaker 1: it that you're telling yourself about money and write it down? Yes,
Speaker 1: and step two is to acknowledge that these are beliefs,
Speaker 1: not truths. They say this is the hardest step, and
Speaker 1: even like a common quote is, people will rest on.
Speaker 1: But my limitations are real. So here's the place where
Speaker 1: choice comes in. Which are you more interested in defending
Speaker 1: your limitations to the death, or achieving your goals and desires.
Speaker 1: There's a quote from an author and here she says,
Speaker 1: when we argue for our limitations, we get to keep them,
Speaker 1: so you choose. I read another article that had a
Speaker 1: similar force step process, and on this one it said
Speaker 1: kind of like given to your beliefs or acknowledge your
Speaker 1: beliefs and be like if you say you're not good enough,
Speaker 1: then say, okay, I believe I'm not good enough and
Speaker 1: speak that out, but define that it is a belief
Speaker 1: and not the truth and acknowledge that. So but I
Speaker 1: like this one a lot. When we argue for our limitations,
Speaker 1: we get to check them. Yeah, and where do you
Speaker 1: want to spend the majority of your time, energy and
Speaker 1: attention on proving that you'll never do better? Or shifting
Speaker 1: the mindset and see if something else is possible for you?
Speaker 1: I like step three. I like the way that they
Speaker 1: word it. It says, try on a different belief. I
Speaker 1: love this word picture of trying it on. I think
Speaker 1: it helps with step to the initial cringe factor of
Speaker 1: step two, where every part of us wants to be like, no,
Speaker 1: this is real and I don't want to let go
Speaker 1: of this because in some weird way it feels protective.
Speaker 1: But to say, try it on, because you can always
Speaker 1: take it off, see what it looks like, get into
Speaker 1: the fitting room if it's open, if it's not COVID,
Speaker 1: it's pants, and you try them on, one leg at
Speaker 1: a time. Yes, exactly. I just love this idea that
Speaker 1: that you could try it. Just try it. What's it
Speaker 1: makes it so much less scary, so much more freedom
Speaker 1: and choice in that process. And so what it's saying is,
Speaker 1: let's figure out what we might be able to replace
Speaker 1: this with. Rather than saying I'll never be able to
Speaker 1: make as much money as so. So what if we
Speaker 1: said I might be able to make x amount of money.
Speaker 1: What if we took away the comparison with even another
Speaker 1: person and just said I think that I'd be able
Speaker 1: to increase my salary by fifteen percent next year, Right, Like,
Speaker 1: if we just try on a different attitude or narrative
Speaker 1: for ourselves, or repeated a certain goal, try it on,
Speaker 1: see what happens in your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors as
Speaker 1: a result of that. Yeah, you don't even have to
Speaker 1: give it a number or value if you don't want
Speaker 1: to just being like, I will increase my income every
Speaker 1: year and whatever that is. If you do it, you've succeeded,
Speaker 1: you know. They give an example of my financial difficulties
Speaker 1: in the past have taught me so much that I'm
Speaker 1: fully prepared to handle them now. Who That feels powerful,
Speaker 1: And it's such a different approach from I'm too far
Speaker 1: gone to ever come back from the financial decisions I've made. Yeah,
Speaker 1: my starting line is so far behind everyone else's that
Speaker 1: it doesn't even make sense, Like I'll never get to
Speaker 1: where they are. It doesn't make sense to try. Now
Speaker 1: that I've been in an unhealthy relationship, I've learned what
Speaker 1: to look for and a happy, loving partner. M M yeah,
Speaker 1: powerful stuff. Yeah, I love it. So try on your
Speaker 1: different belief and then step four is take different action.
Speaker 1: So this is really scary, but you have to act
Speaker 1: as if your new belief is true. In other words,
Speaker 1: you really are the kind of woman menadoor, or if
Speaker 1: you really were, how would you act at parties? Or
Speaker 1: money really is easy to come by, so how would
Speaker 1: you act when you're looking for side hustles? Try acting
Speaker 1: out what you would do if your new belief was
Speaker 1: actually true. So you don't even have to believe it's
Speaker 1: true yet. And part of this starts to come naturally
Speaker 1: as we train our thoughts, as we stop ourselves. Once
Speaker 1: we have named and identified what the limiting belief is
Speaker 1: or the cognitive distortion is, we are better equipped to
Speaker 1: be able to identify it when it happens, and then
Speaker 1: to train ourselves when that goes through our mind to
Speaker 1: replace it with a different narrative, the one that you're
Speaker 1: trying on. And as you continue to do that, it
Speaker 1: will just start to shift your actions. There will come
Speaker 1: a point where you don't have to actively focus on
Speaker 1: changing your behavior if you're able to catch it at
Speaker 1: the thought level, kind of like fake it till you
Speaker 1: make it, but not as yucky as that sounds, because
Speaker 1: you're not faking anything. You're just trying something new. And
Speaker 1: you're getting bigger pants, like if you're a kid, not
Speaker 1: if you're like a full grown woman, but you're getting
Speaker 1: bigger pants that you want to fit into, and you're
Speaker 1: wearing them with a belt at first until you're old
Speaker 1: enough to really fit into them. But you're getting the
Speaker 1: bigger pants because you're a child and not a full
Speaker 1: grown woman. I'm sorry, but on those big bands until
Speaker 1: you don't need a belt anymore. I'm not going to
Speaker 1: do it with small pants like you're trying to lose weight,
Speaker 1: because that's a negative body image that I don't want
Speaker 1: to perpetuate. You're my favorite counselor, Jen, You're my favorite
Speaker 1: count and these are coming at you for free, like
Speaker 1: sessions by Jill coming at you for free. So I
Speaker 1: hope that gave you kind of a strategy that you
Speaker 1: can go home tonight, sit down, write down some limiting beliefs,
Speaker 1: and acknowledge them. Figure out what to replace them with.
Speaker 1: Because just like a habit, like if you want to
Speaker 1: build a new positive habit or break ache a bad habit,
Speaker 1: you need both. They're not mutually exclusive. So in order
Speaker 1: to break one, you need to replace it with a
Speaker 1: positive one. So just like this, if you want to
Speaker 1: build a positive mindset, you need to replace the negative one.
Speaker 1: So do that and fake it till you make it.
Speaker 1: Put on your big girl pants until you grow into them,
Speaker 1: and where until you grow into them. I don't know
Speaker 1: why my voice changed there. I don't know who I am. Oh,
Speaker 1: you know what, you can save us from the big pants.
Speaker 1: That's right, It's time for the best minute of your
Speaker 1: entire week. Maybe a baby was born in his name
Speaker 1: Amos William. Maybe you've paid off your mortgage, maybe your
Speaker 1: car died and you're happy to not have to pay
Speaker 1: that bill anymore. That's bill, Bill, Bill Clinton. This is
Speaker 1: the bill of the week. Hi, Jen and Jail. My
Speaker 1: name is Allison, and my bill of the week is
Speaker 1: not a specific bill, but a group of bills that
Speaker 1: I call non routine expenses. These are bills that I
Speaker 1: pay once or a few times per year, such as
Speaker 1: oil changes, annual subscriptions like Amazon haircuts, ten class passes
Speaker 1: for yoga, vet appointments for my cat, etcetera. I would
Speaker 1: make what I thought were these amazing comprehensive budgets and
Speaker 1: excel and then feel like I could never stick to
Speaker 1: them because they would end up overspending in so many categories.
Speaker 1: So a couple of years ago I made a spreadsheet
Speaker 1: outlining and categorizing these non routine expenses that occur over
Speaker 1: the year, and it totaled over four thousand dollars of
Speaker 1: my annual spending that I was not accounting for properly
Speaker 1: in my budget. I now have a few categories from
Speaker 1: my non routine expenses that I've figured out the annual
Speaker 1: total for and divided by twelve. I save those monthly
Speaker 1: amounts each month, so when one of the bills comes
Speaker 1: to I already have that money allocated. I have a
Speaker 1: lot more control over my budget now, and it isn't
Speaker 1: as stressful when these bills come due. Allison so smart. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's it. That's how you do it. That is how
Speaker 1: you do it. I like the way that you've gone
Speaker 1: about this. I think sometimes people can just say, here's
Speaker 1: a target amount of money to say for emergencies, quote unquote,
Speaker 1: But what you're describing isn't an emergency. We wouldn't want
Speaker 1: to go into an emergency fund for that. It's the
Speaker 1: non routine expense, but still just an expense to plan for.
Speaker 1: And just the methodical way that you've looked at your budget,
Speaker 1: looked at what that spending has been, and then accounted
Speaker 1: for that throughout the year. I love it. What a
Speaker 1: great tip. Yes, I have a budget in course, and
Speaker 1: that's exactly what I teach in it because it does
Speaker 1: save you so much mental anguish from thinking that you
Speaker 1: are busting your budget every month, but really it's because
Speaker 1: you need this extra fund between a miscellaneous fund and
Speaker 1: an emergency fund for all of these. So way to
Speaker 1: go figuring that out, Allison. And if you figured out
Speaker 1: something fun that's Bill related, please please send it to
Speaker 1: us for Girlfriends Podcast dot com slash Bill and leave
Speaker 1: us yell bail. And now it's time for the lining round,
Speaker 1: the lightning round. Gotta get the last word in. Today
Speaker 1: we're talking about our limiting beliefs and how we overcame
Speaker 1: Slash are working on them. I like what you wrote here,
Speaker 1: Jill in the outline, very comprehensive, short and sweet. Oh man.
Speaker 1: My limiting belief is I'm poor. That's it. I just
Speaker 1: have held on too tight fisted lee this idea that
Speaker 1: I'm poor for a long time, or to be replaced
Speaker 1: with maybe I don't have money. Maybe that would be
Speaker 1: like another version of that. And part of that was
Speaker 1: based in aspects of my childhood experience where we didn't
Speaker 1: have money at various points growing up, and I was
Speaker 1: accustomed to that. It's part of what has fed a
Speaker 1: frugal mentality for me is I'm I'm used to not
Speaker 1: having money in my early years of marriage in college. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I didn't have money in college, got married, didn't have
Speaker 1: much money, and I just kind of continue to hold
Speaker 1: onto that belief and almost allowed it to define who
Speaker 1: I was. I really did, And this is even hard
Speaker 1: to admit and say. I think there were aspects of
Speaker 1: pride that I took in how middle money I had
Speaker 1: and was still living and almost used it as this
Speaker 1: thing to like talk about and prove myself in a
Speaker 1: weird way of how little money I had and how
Speaker 1: much more money other people had than me, and how
Speaker 1: savvy and resourceful I had to be because I was
Speaker 1: so quote unquote poor. And I don't have like a
Speaker 1: timing on the exact pivot point of this, but I
Speaker 1: do remember at some point just feeling quite convicted in
Speaker 1: myself for holding onto this idea of I'm poor, you
Speaker 1: know what. I think it was in college and studying
Speaker 1: social work and in realizing what poverty actually meant, and
Speaker 1: while my finances showed me that I was below the
Speaker 1: poverty line, in life and relationships and support network, I
Speaker 1: was not poor. I was actually quite wealthy, and even
Speaker 1: recognizing the privilege that I had that, Okay, even though
Speaker 1: I'm below the poverty line, and maybe there are days
Speaker 1: when I'm like, what's for dinner? What are we gonna do?
Speaker 1: I knew that I would never find myself in a
Speaker 1: position where I am literally sleeping on the streets, because
Speaker 1: we were in positions of having family and friends who
Speaker 1: love us, who would always take us in, and to me,
Speaker 1: being poor would be not having that right like that,
Speaker 1: to me is truly finding yourself in a poverty situation
Speaker 1: where you don't have access to those resources. And I
Speaker 1: felt convicted, like I can't claim this, this is not
Speaker 1: mine to say that I am struggling with this aspect
Speaker 1: of life, Like I need to stop saying this because
Speaker 1: it's not true. Maybe I don't make a lot of money,
Speaker 1: but I'm not poor. I'm wealthy in many many ways,
Speaker 1: and and me claiming this is also leading to discontentment
Speaker 1: and in some ways some entitlement in different aspects of
Speaker 1: my life. So I just really felt as though I
Speaker 1: need to stop saying this. Even if I don't make
Speaker 1: a lot of money, I cannot keep claiming that I'm
Speaker 1: poor I don't have money, And so I did. I
Speaker 1: stopped saying it just because I felt like so bad
Speaker 1: about saying it, like the realities that other people are
Speaker 1: living in and I don't know if I can fully
Speaker 1: place it on this or not. But throughout life I
Speaker 1: have started to make more money and now I genuinely
Speaker 1: cannot say I don't even make below the poverty line.
Speaker 1: I make well above the poverty line now, just financially speaking.
Speaker 1: And I would say my mindset and perspective has to
Speaker 1: be a part of that, not allowing myself to say,
Speaker 1: all right, I'm a social worker, I'm just forever and
Speaker 1: always going to make below the poverty line, but to
Speaker 1: say no, it's possible to make enough to live off
Speaker 1: of as a social worker. I don't have to become
Speaker 1: some business tycoon to make a lot of money. I
Speaker 1: can make a livable wage. I started saying that, and
Speaker 1: I think there was some other social workers who kind
Speaker 1: of challenged me in that, like, don't keep saying like, oh,
Speaker 1: we make nothing social workers, we make nothing. No, you
Speaker 1: make something. You do make something, and you agree to
Speaker 1: what you make, and you can make it livable. So
Speaker 1: start saying that, and I did, and it is becoming
Speaker 1: more and more livable for me. I love that, Yes,
Speaker 1: And that's so healthy to realize, like poverty is not
Speaker 1: just the amount of money that you have. There are
Speaker 1: a lot of other things that go with it, and
Speaker 1: I love that. I feel I feel similarly about when
Speaker 1: I see those memes that are like seven thousand dollars
Speaker 1: in my savings account, two dollars in my checking account,
Speaker 1: me I'm broke, You're not broke. You're making a cognizant
Speaker 1: decision to not spend elsewhere. You're not broke. That's a
Speaker 1: bad mindset to have, So mine is similar. It's a
Speaker 1: scarcity mindset, which I feel like would be in parallel
Speaker 1: even when I was in debt, Like I think I
Speaker 1: had seven thousand dollars in saving and probably two d
Speaker 1: and checking, and I said that, I said, I'm broke.
Speaker 1: I can't afford specifically too broke to pay off debt,
Speaker 1: like I could still afford my Starbucks and all those
Speaker 1: little things. Because when I was growing up, we could
Speaker 1: never afford family vacations or home upgrades or cars or
Speaker 1: anything big. If it was big, we couldn't afford it.
Speaker 1: But if it was little like candles and so been
Speaker 1: planners and all this stuff toys, we could afford it.
Speaker 1: So that has been something that has stuck with me.
Speaker 1: So now that I own my own business, I feel
Speaker 1: the same way, like I can afford small things, but
Speaker 1: I can't afford big things that would make the business
Speaker 1: run more efficiently or would grow the business. And it's untrue.
Speaker 1: It's wildly untrue, because I see the bank account and
Speaker 1: the money is there, but I can't part with it.
Speaker 1: So it's the same mindset I had six seven years ago.
Speaker 1: It rears it's head in a different form. So all
Speaker 1: that to say, like the money mindsets that you struggle with,
Speaker 1: even if you get over one aspect of it, it
Speaker 1: can come back in different ways. And that's how it
Speaker 1: comes back for me. Yeah, and that's why this is
Speaker 1: a journey of frugality and learning ourselves and one another
Speaker 1: in this process. And it's okay, like we're never going
Speaker 1: to fully arrive anywhere, and yeah, we'll hit some of
Speaker 1: these difficulties in different ways at different points than this.
Speaker 1: But I think recognizing as you're saying, this is what
Speaker 1: it is up here, it is. It took on a
Speaker 1: little bit of a different aid, but it's the same thing.
Speaker 1: And you know what, Jen, You've conquered it before and
Speaker 1: you can conquer it again. I believe that. And then
Speaker 1: I come to this thing trying to not just spend
Speaker 1: money for the sake of it to overcome this mindset
Speaker 1: and then I have the okay, so what is the
Speaker 1: most efficient way? But that stretches me to learn more
Speaker 1: and that's healthy too. That's my story. So good love
Speaker 1: to hear in our Frugal Friends community group on Facebook.
Speaker 1: If you're in it. If you're not, come join us,
Speaker 1: but tell us about some of your limiting beliefs or
Speaker 1: things that you kind of tell yourself and maybe how
Speaker 1: you've overcome them, how you are currently overcoming them, or
Speaker 1: if you just feel stuck, like all right, I know
Speaker 1: that this is what I'm thinking about. How do I
Speaker 1: move past it? Reach out and let's chat there. Thanks
Speaker 1: everyone so much for listening. We want to thank you
Speaker 1: for your kinder views on iTunes and Stitcher like this
Speaker 1: one comes from Alberton. One oh one says love this
Speaker 1: happens to be five stars, short and sweet, They say,
Speaker 1: so glad I found this podcast such great information. Currently
Speaker 1: binge listening. I love a good binge. I love a binge.
Speaker 1: They are my favorite. We've got plenty of episodes on
Speaker 1: so many oh my gosh, hundre and thirty nine. When
Speaker 1: did we find the time to do that? Little by
Speaker 1: little step by step, step by steps. So we also
Speaker 1: want to thank our friends who share these episodes on
Speaker 1: social media. So when you share the latest episode in
Speaker 1: tag us on Facebook or Instagram, we're gonna add you
Speaker 1: to our monthly drawing. For every five tags and reviews
Speaker 1: week get each month, we give away a copy of
Speaker 1: the Wonderful Fantastic Frugal Friends workbook. Keep leaving us reviews
Speaker 1: on iTunes and Stitcher, send us a screenshot of that
Speaker 1: review to Frugal Friends podcast at gmail dot com that
Speaker 1: also enters you into the drawing. Also tag us on
Speaker 1: social and just keep hanging out with us Frugal Friends
Speaker 1: podcast dot com. Slash slatten to my d m s
Speaker 1: like come in, come on, Let's overcome our negative money mindsets,
Speaker 1: in our limiting beliefs together to get at this frugal lifestyle. Man,
Speaker 1: see you next week. Frugal Friends is produced, edited and
Speaker 1: mixed by Eric Siria. Well it is December eighteen. This
Speaker 1: episode comes out on December eight and you know what
Speaker 1: that means. Christmas is coming. Yes, I'm excited for our
Speaker 1: Christmas episode. Yes, I don't know who's going to listen
Speaker 1: to us on Christmas Day, but it will be an
Speaker 1: honor to ever chooses to let us join their family festivities.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, what are you most looking forward to?
Speaker 1: A week of Christmas being with my nephews and niece.
Speaker 1: I have not ever been with, like shared actual Christmas
Speaker 1: Day with my sister and her husband and my niece
Speaker 1: and nephews. I've always seen them around the holiday, but
Speaker 1: never actually on Christmas Day. So this feels like an
Speaker 1: absolute treat that I am so looking forward to. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's awesome. What about you? So every Christmas Eve we
Speaker 1: go to Travis's dad's side of the family and they
Speaker 1: do a game. It's like it's like a white Elephant
Speaker 1: gift exchange, but Grandma buys all the gifts and they're
Speaker 1: like dollar store things, and everybody has their thing and
Speaker 1: you get to do like three rounds of it because
Speaker 1: it's such cheap stuff. Everyone has their thing that Grandma
Speaker 1: knows that they like, and so people are fighting over
Speaker 1: their faces. So like for Travis's two uncles, it's these socks,
Speaker 1: high ankle socks. They fight over them, not that they
Speaker 1: could ever go to the dollar store and get them themselves, right,
Speaker 1: It's just so funny to watch. And then there's candy
Speaker 1: and so the kids are not allowed to play. This
Speaker 1: is an adult and like once you are able to play,
Speaker 1: like you've ascended into adulthood. So like some of the
Speaker 1: teenagers are playing, and oh my gosh. Mine has always
Speaker 1: been hand soap, and I feel like it's going to
Speaker 1: get more competitive here for the hand soap. This is
Speaker 1: my thing. This has always been my thing. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna just go in there and be like, hey, I've
Speaker 1: been in this family for six years now, and you know,
Speaker 1: hand soap has always been the thing, just because it's up,
Speaker 1: don't cough it up, handed out with the rubber gloves. Yes,
Speaker 1: So I look forward to that game every year. It
Speaker 1: is very fun. So, yeah, that's what I'm looking forward to.
Speaker 1: Hopefully getting some hand soap. Amazing. You know what if
Speaker 1: you don't get hands, so I'll give you some hands.
Speaker 1: So it's the principle. Actually I bought hand soap this
Speaker 1: year for the first time, probably in my married life.
Speaker 1: I had to buy hands so because all the Christmas
Speaker 1: is you get enough hand soap. Yeah, oh yeah, so
Speaker 1: I don't actually need the hand soap, but it's the principle.
Speaker 1: This year, Well, I hope you come in with a win.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I'll let you know, we'll stay tuned. I'll
Speaker 1: let you know by