Speaker 1: Hell. I Suck It Dating with Dengler and Dared Haven
Speaker 1: Heart Radio Podcast. Hello, everybody, welcome to help by Suck
Speaker 1: at Dating. This is like week five of quarantine. I
Speaker 1: think four or five six. I've lost track of days, weeks, months. Really,
Speaker 1: I'm Jared, joined by Dean and Tori via zoom. Dean,
Speaker 1: how you doing, Bud? Great? Jared, thanks for asking. Um, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, nothing really exchanged since last week. I wish
Speaker 1: I had a great compelling story to share. I went
Speaker 1: to the grocery store yesterday. That was my motorcycle got stolen.
Speaker 1: That's about that the hell. So did anybody find the
Speaker 1: guy because you posted the I follow a police report. No,
Speaker 1: no leads, nothing like that yet. But other than that, um,
Speaker 1: just doing some household chores. Made some benches, that's some
Speaker 1: kitchen work on the back splash, made some floating shells.
Speaker 1: You get some housework done. Get some house done. How
Speaker 1: has that been going? Housework with Kaylin? You guys are
Speaker 1: like a real married couple, uh wearing rings, you're making
Speaker 1: cabinets together, as opposed to a fake married couple. Yes. Anyways,
Speaker 1: who do we got this week? We got our great
Speaker 1: friend from Bachelor Nation Taylor Nolan, she's gonna come on
Speaker 1: and talk about sex in quarantine. We're all thinking it.
Speaker 1: She's gonna start talking about it. And we have Frankie
Speaker 1: from Too Hot to Handle who is going to come
Speaker 1: on as well, and we're gonna mails and had like
Speaker 1: the biggest it's the biggest show right now. It's a show.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be a show. It's the biggest show, isn't
Speaker 1: it like number one trending on Netflix right now? Oh?
Speaker 1: I think he'salking about this show. Well, this show is
Speaker 1: obviously the best show. It's the best podcast. This is uh,
Speaker 1: this is a show. This is a great show. So
Speaker 1: we're the host of let's talk about it with Taylor Nolan.
Speaker 1: Of course it is Taylor Nolan. Ladies and gentlemen, let's
Speaker 1: give her a round of applause. Dean, come on, now,
Speaker 1: this is quite the welcoming. Thank you, thank you. That's
Speaker 1: what we're all about here. I help my second dating Taylor.
Speaker 1: How are you? This is not your first time on
Speaker 1: this podcast? Yeah, I've been on once twice before. Um,
Speaker 1: but yeah, I'm I'm really doing well. I'm taking it
Speaker 1: day by day and focusing on what's in my immediate
Speaker 1: control and just hanging out with my plants and my
Speaker 1: cat and vibrators and books and lots of hydration. It's
Speaker 1: been good. Speaking of vibrators, let's jump right into it.
Speaker 1: You are a sex therapist, correct. I'm in training as
Speaker 1: a sex therapist, yes, And so how long is training
Speaker 1: for a sex therapist? So it'll take about two years.
Speaker 1: It's essentially getting another masters. So I have a few
Speaker 1: clients that I work with specifically around sex therapy right now,
Speaker 1: and it's been going really well. Uh, that's pretty awesome.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. What made you want to become
Speaker 1: a sex therapist? Well, when I took human sexuality and
Speaker 1: my undergrad i'mber like idolizing my professor and thinking it
Speaker 1: was so cool what she did. But I didn't want
Speaker 1: to pigeonhole myself or feel like I was trapped in
Speaker 1: one category, so I just went for my master's and
Speaker 1: overall counseling. But I mean, sex has always been a
Speaker 1: topic I light up around. I've always loved discussing it,
Speaker 1: and I think more throughout my early twenties, you know,
Speaker 1: six now, and I feel like I've gotten more in
Speaker 1: touch with my own sexuality. That's made me much more curious,
Speaker 1: both personally and professionally as to what you know, how
Speaker 1: we experience sex, how we go about sex in our
Speaker 1: dating life. Um, it's such a huge part of just
Speaker 1: being a human, So to me, it just made a
Speaker 1: lot of sense to get this extra training in it.
Speaker 1: Are you currently dating right now in the quarantine? Uh?
Speaker 1: Somewhat somewhat because I know, uh that you had a
Speaker 1: breakup last last year at some point last fall. I
Speaker 1: believe I was reading about it. Um. Yeah, And so
Speaker 1: now that we're in quarantine, I'm very curious, being a
Speaker 1: married man, what it's like being single during this time.
Speaker 1: So are you on dating apps and talking to people?
Speaker 1: So I was on one dating app and was talking
Speaker 1: to lots of people, Like pre quarantine, I feel like
Speaker 1: I was talking to like ten different people. It was
Speaker 1: a lot. Yeah, it was. It was a lot. Um.
Speaker 1: And granted all those are long distance, so it's not
Speaker 1: like I was constantly going on dates. But I was
Speaker 1: always on the phone, always having FaceTime calls. And yeah,
Speaker 1: now it's I've just gotten way more intentional about where
Speaker 1: I'm putting my emotional energy. So, um, there's really only
Speaker 1: one person now that I kind of talked to. It's
Speaker 1: the same person from September to January. Um, you I
Speaker 1: think met him Jared Ah. Does his name rhyme with
Speaker 1: H terrick death. I'm sorry I had to ask. Come on, now,
Speaker 1: come on, I had to bring it up too soon.
Speaker 1: I forgot. I just get it out of the way,
Speaker 1: Get it out of the way. Well, Taylor, because you've
Speaker 1: always talked about on your instagram's your sex cations. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: so I had it. We're not having any sex cations
Speaker 1: during all this, No, I miss I miss sex stations
Speaker 1: as sex caation is basically a vacation for sex. Um, basically,
Speaker 1: when you're long distance, I consider every visit to be
Speaker 1: a sex cation. Um. So I had a partner that
Speaker 1: I was seen from September to January pretty consistently about
Speaker 1: at least once a month. We saw each other and
Speaker 1: he's in Toronto. Um but yeah, now it's like no
Speaker 1: sex cations and not really dating anyone more, taking this
Speaker 1: time to focus on my own personal growth. And I
Speaker 1: love your openness and candidness about It's very refreshing. Thanks. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's I mean, I love having these conversations that I
Speaker 1: love talking about this stuff anyway, and I feel like
Speaker 1: so much shame around it that I'm like, if I
Speaker 1: don't care and I can just openly share, then I
Speaker 1: know it will at least help some people feel less
Speaker 1: shameful and more open and empowered to explore their own sexuality.
Speaker 1: Are you getting um uh therapy in the quarantine as well?
Speaker 1: Like virtually? Yep. Yeah. Part of why I won't be
Speaker 1: on the second half of this episode because I have
Speaker 1: a client at two thirty so yeah, yeah, yeah, just
Speaker 1: doing everything virtually with clients. Um. I've before I was
Speaker 1: only saying clients one day a week, and with everything
Speaker 1: happening in Quarantine, I've opened my schedule up a bit,
Speaker 1: so now I am working with some new clients and
Speaker 1: take in some some new cases on. So do a
Speaker 1: lot of the clients you have, are they bashful at first?
Speaker 1: Do they feel a little bit pure coming to you
Speaker 1: because of me or just because because topics that they're
Speaker 1: bringing of course the topics that they're bringing. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: it depends. Some people are super comfortable and they're just like, yeah,
Speaker 1: like I shouldn't talk about this stuff, like I'm struggling
Speaker 1: with this, and others definitely are shy. Some for some
Speaker 1: people it's their first time in therapy where we go
Speaker 1: really slow. I assure clients that, you know, the first session,
Speaker 1: the first months even doesn't have to be you telling
Speaker 1: me your entire life story. That you know, this is
Speaker 1: a relationship like any other that's gonna take time to
Speaker 1: build that trust and build that rapport and for to
Speaker 1: feel like a safe place that they can talk about
Speaker 1: these really deep, insecure, shameful things that they haven't felt
Speaker 1: comfortable to discuss outside of that space. So there's definitely
Speaker 1: parts of that and we work through it. Why do
Speaker 1: you think sex is such a taboo topic? Why do
Speaker 1: I think it's such a taboo topic? Become a part
Speaker 1: of society. Yeah, uh, not to be anti religion here,
Speaker 1: but a lot of it does also have to do
Speaker 1: with how the church has told us to view sex
Speaker 1: and view pleasure within our bodies. That is a large
Speaker 1: part of it. UM. A large part of it is
Speaker 1: also our patriarchal society, UM in terms of women's sexuality
Speaker 1: being hyper sexualized yet experiencing shame if we actually express
Speaker 1: our sexuality. UM, you know, we we received so many
Speaker 1: confusing messages around sex. Even this new show which have
Speaker 1: to handle on Netflix represents that very well, where it's
Speaker 1: this thing that we all want, but then we're also
Speaker 1: going to judge each other for and try to shame
Speaker 1: ourselves out of. Um, it's we just received so many
Speaker 1: different messages around it, and um, you know, we don't
Speaker 1: have any proper education around it when we grow up,
Speaker 1: so automatically we're left feeling like this thing that's supposed
Speaker 1: to be this end all, be all, this amazing, pleasurable
Speaker 1: experience that like if you really want to be cool
Speaker 1: and you really want to be happy, then like you
Speaker 1: gotta be having good sex. Yet if we actually ask
Speaker 1: questions about it, we talked about it, everyone gets uncomfortable
Speaker 1: because it's supposed to be this private thing that you
Speaker 1: say for marriage. That you know, our whole concept in
Speaker 1: our society around virginity, even this kind of innocent purity
Speaker 1: concept that we try so hard to instill in women. Um,
Speaker 1: there's a whole lot of reasons and who we feel
Speaker 1: stame around this. It's weird because we don't talk about it.
Speaker 1: That's such a until we're older, because it's such an
Speaker 1: uncomfortable conversation and so like, I'm not afraid to admit this.
Speaker 1: A lot of things that I learned about sex or
Speaker 1: from porn, and I don't think that's a good thing.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's a good thing at all, because well,
Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe Dean, you have a different I mean,
Speaker 1: I expect I think that as a young man, I
Speaker 1: think our first experience with sex is through watching porn.
Speaker 1: Like you know, I would imagine that most young boys
Speaker 1: get that before they are being sexually active. Um m, yeah,
Speaker 1: and that is probably breeds pretty unhealthy habits too, I
Speaker 1: think within people, and if they're unable to break that
Speaker 1: later on in life too, it's probably not the healthiest thing.
Speaker 1: But if for our listeners, then what advice would you
Speaker 1: have for them, whether they're single or in a relationship
Speaker 1: in the quarantine? Um, I guess because it's like everything
Speaker 1: is so different now where you know, if you're if
Speaker 1: you don't normally live with your signific another, now you're
Speaker 1: spending all this time with him because you're quarantine together.
Speaker 1: Or let's say you're single and then you're not having
Speaker 1: the casual sex that are able to have before. What
Speaker 1: advice would you have for the listeners, either on one
Speaker 1: side or the other. Yeah, Well, first I want to
Speaker 1: answer this discussion around porn quickly, no worries I might
Speaker 1: need you to like re ask me that question after this.
Speaker 1: But UM, I do want to touch on the porn
Speaker 1: piece because yes, it has served as our education UM
Speaker 1: and unfortunately has taught us a lot of really toxic,
Speaker 1: unhealthy UH concepts around sex and how we interact with
Speaker 1: each other. I will recommend Eric Colust. She is a
Speaker 1: ethical feminist UH in the adult film director and producer UM.
Speaker 1: She has several different platforms at which she hosts her
Speaker 1: adult films. One is ex Confessions and the other is
Speaker 1: Left Cinema. UM. As a woman, porn was not something
Speaker 1: a I saw myself in. B was relatable, c always
Speaker 1: felt safe and d that never really actually looked enjoyable
Speaker 1: for the females in the films, UM, I wouldn't even
Speaker 1: call them films in your mainstream porn. But yeah, but
Speaker 1: from Erica Lust, UH, it really is cinema. It is
Speaker 1: you know, it's very relatable. You see real bodies in there.
Speaker 1: She is like docuseries around sex where you do actually
Speaker 1: see real couples, UM from all sizes, all ages. They
Speaker 1: she has transporn on there, she has pregnancy porn on
Speaker 1: their Um, it is just a fantastic resource. I highly
Speaker 1: recommend UM. I posted about it last week actually, and
Speaker 1: it sparked this whole conversation about porn being this cheating
Speaker 1: website and extrafficking and all this stuff which do does
Speaker 1: just represent and kind of mirror back to me all
Speaker 1: the issues that porn has created in our society. But Um,
Speaker 1: from lots of research, Air Collest is doing fantastic work
Speaker 1: in this space because sex workers do deserve to be
Speaker 1: paid properly. Sex workers do deserve the right to be
Speaker 1: able to do their work in a safe environment that
Speaker 1: is pleasurable and is enjoyable for them. Um. And she's
Speaker 1: really producing all of that. So I'll give that as
Speaker 1: a as a resource that is fantastic. UM. And Dean,
Speaker 1: what was your your follow up question there? What advice
Speaker 1: would you have for the people that are currently quarantined, uh,
Speaker 1: you know that are having to change their sexual habits
Speaker 1: because of everything. M hmm. Yeah. So one thing I'm
Speaker 1: finding is that Fouler either going to one extreme or
Speaker 1: the other. They're either really getting into sex and they're
Speaker 1: having a lot of sex right now, or they're masturbating
Speaker 1: a lot, or they are so stressed and paralyzed by
Speaker 1: that stress and anxiety, or are super busy, constantly connected
Speaker 1: to technology and not feeling sexual at all. Um. One
Speaker 1: piece of advice that I would definitely give during this
Speaker 1: time is to just be gentle with yourself. Uh, if
Speaker 1: you are not feeling in the mood, give yourself some compassion.
Speaker 1: Don't put that pressure on yourself because it will only
Speaker 1: make it worse. So don't put pressure on yourself. We're
Speaker 1: talking about pressure that you mentioned the Netflix show Uh
Speaker 1: Too Hot to Handle. So being a sex therapist and training,
Speaker 1: what are your thoughts about that show? Yeah, so I've
Speaker 1: actually had this week we'll have Kell's and Matthew on
Speaker 1: my podcast, and I gotta say I the show obviously
Speaker 1: was very entertaining, but I do think it's if I
Speaker 1: put on my therapist hat. Had a lot of really
Speaker 1: confusing messages around sex and wasn't super sex positive. Well,
Speaker 1: they were just sexually charged. They couldn't keep their hands
Speaker 1: off each other for money. Yes, I'm so curious to
Speaker 1: see where they found these people because they all seemed
Speaker 1: so sexually motivated, more so than anyone I've ever seen
Speaker 1: on the reality show before. Yeah, and you know, I
Speaker 1: got to say, I feel like a lot of it
Speaker 1: was exaggerated in terms of how like sexually liberated they
Speaker 1: really are, because in in the description at least that
Speaker 1: we're given, it sounds like they are having meaningless sex.
Speaker 1: Now I'm not saying casual sex, because casual sex can
Speaker 1: be meaningful, casual sex can have emotional depth to it,
Speaker 1: but it sounded like what these contestants were having pre
Speaker 1: show were these drunken hookups that basically they were forgetting
Speaker 1: the next day right or just throwing themselves out there
Speaker 1: trying to find love through sex, which isn't always. I mean,
Speaker 1: sometimes the work, sometimes it doesn't. But unfortunately, I think
Speaker 1: they were lacking a lot of intention around their sex lives.
Speaker 1: So I get that the point of the show for
Speaker 1: them was to you know, take a step back, to
Speaker 1: allow themselves to be emotionally vulnerable. I think it does
Speaker 1: reflect our hook up culture in our society, um, but
Speaker 1: it just it definitely objectified the women. It definitely seemed like,
Speaker 1: you know, oh, can we can we use our sexuality
Speaker 1: to get these guys to like spend money, um. And
Speaker 1: it wasn't the the sexual liberation quote unquote of contestants
Speaker 1: didn't necessarily feel uh overall sex positive to me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree with that. I think that it was just
Speaker 1: such a weird focus for the show to have. I'm
Speaker 1: not weird, but um and charged with sexual energy. It
Speaker 1: was just so was I mean, I thought it was
Speaker 1: a good show, is entertaining at least as far as
Speaker 1: goes um, but I can definitely see that it doesn't
Speaker 1: necessarily build the healthiest uh yeah, and especially the part
Speaker 1: where they're not even allowed to masturbate, Like so what
Speaker 1: does that have to do with their ability to have
Speaker 1: a deeper emotional connection with another person? Like, if anything,
Speaker 1: that's going to help it? And I think most of
Speaker 1: what we saw were the guys being like, what like
Speaker 1: that means we can't masturbate, we can't jerk off? What like,
Speaker 1: how are we going to survive? I've never not gone,
Speaker 1: you know, a few days without masturbating. You can really
Speaker 1: see anything from the girls around that standpoint. So I
Speaker 1: almost would have loved them to been like, you know, okay,
Speaker 1: everyone is free to masturbate, but like, you know, wait
Speaker 1: until something I don't even know even putting the pressure
Speaker 1: to like wait to have sex. It's more like when
Speaker 1: you actually have been vulnerable and you connect to that
Speaker 1: person or you're intentional about you know what you want
Speaker 1: out of that sexual experien rance with them, then go
Speaker 1: for it. But yeah, that the masturbation piece. I was like,
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm a sex therapist, but wouldn't the ability
Speaker 1: to masturbate on that show make it easier to not
Speaker 1: have sex with other people? In some ways yes, but
Speaker 1: in other ways not necessarily, because masturbation can be used
Speaker 1: to increase your sex drive. The more sex are having,
Speaker 1: the more sex you want. Huh. Interesting, Yeah, buyer beware
Speaker 1: they're on that one before you go. Um, to change
Speaker 1: the subject a little bit, we had some news in
Speaker 1: the dating world that I wanted to get your two
Speaker 1: cents on and Dean, of course your thoughts on this
Speaker 1: as well. A celebrity couple guys broke up this week,
Speaker 1: very sad Christen Cavalery and j Cutler all over ten
Speaker 1: years of marriage, all done. They're getting divorced. Uh and
Speaker 1: they have obviously their show. Uh, they have their family,
Speaker 1: their kids. I think they have three three kids. Um,
Speaker 1: so what are your what are your thoughts? Ten years
Speaker 1: of marriage no more christiancabulary and J color what are
Speaker 1: your thoughts? On a guest. Yeah, I mean, I'll just
Speaker 1: share here. I think whether it's quarantine times or not, UM,
Speaker 1: you know, it's obviously unfortunate, but also not necessarily. I mean,
Speaker 1: if they're not happy in that relationship, then good for
Speaker 1: them for making the best decision for the both of them. Uh.
Speaker 1: Divorce and separation is not always a um sad negative thing. Um,
Speaker 1: certainly you can have whatever feelings you want around it.
Speaker 1: But for them this might be a really positive step
Speaker 1: UM in their lives with each other, transitioning out of
Speaker 1: this relationship. UM. I do think quarantine is kind of
Speaker 1: putting people in a position where they're forced to really
Speaker 1: look at their lives and how they're living on a
Speaker 1: day to day basis, and what kind of energy they
Speaker 1: have in their lives and what their relationships look like.
Speaker 1: And you know, who knows, this could have been a
Speaker 1: kind of environment that pushed them to that and that
Speaker 1: brought things to light that they were avoiding or that
Speaker 1: we're kind of swept underneath the rug that now no
Speaker 1: longer could could be tolerated. UM. I'm not sure, but
Speaker 1: definitely hoping the best for both of them. Do you
Speaker 1: have any thoughts? Did they have a statement or anything.
Speaker 1: I just this is how I'm finding out about it.
Speaker 1: Like I knew coming into the episode that they were
Speaker 1: broken up, but it was the I mean, their statement
Speaker 1: is with great sadness. After ten years together, we have
Speaker 1: come to a loving conclusion to get a divorce. We
Speaker 1: have nothing but love and respect for one another and
Speaker 1: are deeply grateful for the years shared memories made and
Speaker 1: the children we are so proud of. This is just
Speaker 1: a situation of two people growing apart. We ask everyone
Speaker 1: to respect our privacy as we navigate this difficult time
Speaker 1: within our family. Well, um, have you ever watched their show?
Speaker 1: I have not, but this really gives you, I feel like,
Speaker 1: gives you the open door you and calin here we
Speaker 1: go your own show on. Eh. Yeah, that's perfect. I've
Speaker 1: never seen the show, but as a Broncho Span I
Speaker 1: had Cutler as our quarterback for probably six or seven years,
Speaker 1: and I gotta say I'm impressed that they made it
Speaker 1: ten years. I think that he's you know, he doesn't
Speaker 1: seem like he's the easiest got to get along with.
Speaker 1: He's got a short fuse, if you will, It seems
Speaker 1: like interesting. I never watched the show either, but yeah,
Speaker 1: I was never a big Jay Cutler guy for football.
Speaker 1: I don't know him personally obviously, but yeah, I'm with
Speaker 1: Taylor as well. I just wishing the best. Uh. I
Speaker 1: hope that they're making the right decision. It's always difficult, Um,
Speaker 1: you know, going through these situations with the family. I
Speaker 1: think three three, Well you have it, Um what else
Speaker 1: do you want to talk about? Well, you have Taylor
Speaker 1: because we gotta let her go in a minute. I
Speaker 1: had questions for you now we've got so deep into it.
Speaker 1: All right, So you're single right now? I have about
Speaker 1: another like ten minutes, so perfect. We'll run down some
Speaker 1: quick questions. One, So you're single right now? Would you
Speaker 1: ever consider coming back to the Bachelor franchise? Um? I
Speaker 1: don't know. I'm never someone that's like, you know, I'm
Speaker 1: going to say no right off the bat, or like
Speaker 1: try not to be close minded about things. I honestly
Speaker 1: would be very terrified to do anything in Bachelor World again. UM,
Speaker 1: I would consider it. What makes you so terrified? Well,
Speaker 1: I think answer as you will. There's no pressure here.
Speaker 1: We're just talking. Yeah, yeah, just just a friendly conversation.
Speaker 1: UM No, I mean I think it's scary just to
Speaker 1: put yourself out there in general, you know, and going
Speaker 1: on the show, you never know what's going to happen.
Speaker 1: You never know who else is going to be there,
Speaker 1: you never know what kind of situation you're going to
Speaker 1: find yourself in. You never know what's going to be
Speaker 1: shown and what's not going to be shown. So it
Speaker 1: would definitely be a risk to go back on. It
Speaker 1: might be worth it, it it might not be would probably
Speaker 1: be like a last minute, like well, fuck it decision
Speaker 1: if I did do it. I think that's how we
Speaker 1: all make the decision, isn't it. As soon as we
Speaker 1: signed the contract, we're like yep. That's how going on
Speaker 1: Paradise was the first time for me. I was like, well,
Speaker 1: it can't get much worse than it already was, so
Speaker 1: might as well try. No, I mean, you were fine
Speaker 1: X went back on the show, So now it's kind
Speaker 1: of your opportunity to you know, yeah, maybe maybe I
Speaker 1: don't know that door is at least openly available to
Speaker 1: be opened. I guess that's it's not crapt. It's there,
Speaker 1: but it's not what it's It's just a quick twist
Speaker 1: the knobs. All you gotta do. Well, you were back
Speaker 1: on Paradise with Christina on there as well. Right, My
Speaker 1: thing is like, if I go on, they're probably going
Speaker 1: to be like plant seed here he is um might
Speaker 1: be liked. Had you been on that season of Paradise,
Speaker 1: this most recent one, it would have basically been season
Speaker 1: four all over again. Yeah, did they ask you basically
Speaker 1: I was in a relationship. Yeah, that's right, that's right,
Speaker 1: that's right. Yeah, well that's obviously a good reason not
Speaker 1: to go. I mean, I probably still could have gone on,
Speaker 1: but unfortunately not everybody abides by those decisions, those rules,
Speaker 1: but goes on Netflix like Too Hot to Handle in
Speaker 1: Love is Blind? Would you do show it that? Or
Speaker 1: see see? Both of those shows are like so void
Speaker 1: of sexuality that I like, if I was in the Pods,
Speaker 1: I would be like wanting to have like a dirty
Speaker 1: talk session and I would for sure be talking about
Speaker 1: sex and what their preferences are if we If I
Speaker 1: was on Too Hot to Handle, I for sure would
Speaker 1: have been like, wait, but no, I want to be
Speaker 1: able to masturbate if I want to, and like I
Speaker 1: want to know how it feels to kiss you, and like,
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess I would just spend three thousand
Speaker 1: dollars on it, but it the I'm not immediately interested
Speaker 1: just based on the concepts of those shows, you know,
Speaker 1: I would definitely want to show that is a lot
Speaker 1: more sex positive, but I also understand, like it's reality
Speaker 1: TV and sometimes we exaggerate things, and yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: know that. I think there's like great people that go
Speaker 1: on both shows, but I don't know that either one
Speaker 1: of those shows would be for me. Um, Well, who
Speaker 1: are going? I was gonna say, I feel like you're
Speaker 1: kind of, uh, in a minority group of the Bachelor
Speaker 1: of franchise at least just with uh, your ability to
Speaker 1: think like that, don't you sort of with your whole
Speaker 1: with like your sex positive approach to things. I feel
Speaker 1: like is uh, it's just unique in that sense within vachelination. Um,
Speaker 1: I guess, I guess I'm not. I don't. I mean
Speaker 1: I feel like I don't the people that I fall
Speaker 1: and like you're the only one that's talking about it,
Speaker 1: which I think is a great thing. I think it's
Speaker 1: good to have some representative station in that in that arena.
Speaker 1: I second that. Yeah, I think it's it's funny because
Speaker 1: you know, when you look at the franchise, like we
Speaker 1: talk about Colton being a virgin, and I think Becca
Speaker 1: so it was also a virgin, right, Like we talked
Speaker 1: about the virginity piece and Madison, right, we talked about
Speaker 1: the virginity so much. We talked about like the marriage
Speaker 1: and all that, But like, where are the conversations around
Speaker 1: sex and like the the importance of that and how
Speaker 1: we show up there and having a healthy relationship with
Speaker 1: sex within a relationship. Um, I definitely do think the
Speaker 1: representation of that shown on the show is lacking. I
Speaker 1: think I'm sure people have these conversations and whatnot, you
Speaker 1: know from the show that are like in their day
Speaker 1: to day life. But yeah, I feel like I'm the
Speaker 1: only person that's like selling vibrators on Instagram. So when
Speaker 1: do you think it's appropriate to When would you advocate
Speaker 1: someone having sex with someone they're interested in? Uh, first date, uh,
Speaker 1: second date? Whenever they think it's appropriate, Yeah, whenever they
Speaker 1: feel like it, When they feel like it's the right
Speaker 1: time for them, when they feel like they have enthusiastic consent,
Speaker 1: when they are like I want to do this, not
Speaker 1: like I can, I can maybe do that, Like I
Speaker 1: encourage and I hope that people have sex when they
Speaker 1: want to have sex. So what would you tell people
Speaker 1: who go on a first date with someone are really
Speaker 1: sexually attracted to them and like, man, I really want
Speaker 1: to have sex with this person right now, and they
Speaker 1: both feel the same way, should they wait or just
Speaker 1: go for it? I think they should talk about that.
Speaker 1: I've been on many dates where the first day I'll
Speaker 1: talk about it and I'll be like, I want to
Speaker 1: have sex sex with you, and and we'll talk through
Speaker 1: that and I'll be like, yeah, I want to have
Speaker 1: sex with you, but I don't want to have sex
Speaker 1: with tonight, but like I definitely feel like I want
Speaker 1: to have sex with you. Um, So I think that
Speaker 1: they should have a conversation about it if they both
Speaker 1: feel like if there, if they are clear with each
Speaker 1: other about what it is that they're looking for, right
Speaker 1: Like if this is a say, a tender day, and
Speaker 1: you're just like I just really want to be ravaged tonight.
Speaker 1: I just want to go all out and just have
Speaker 1: fun sexual experience and then I want to go back
Speaker 1: home to my cat and like watch Netflix and like
Speaker 1: chill by myself. Then communicate that and like go for it.
Speaker 1: I've got a question, all right, I've seen what love
Speaker 1: is blind. Remember that I can't remember their names. But
Speaker 1: the point of contention in their relations chip it was
Speaker 1: in the resort phase his sexual history was putting to
Speaker 1: question or something like that, and they broke up because
Speaker 1: Carlton and Diamond, what are your takes on that? Like,
Speaker 1: if you're meeting someone new and then because in my opinion,
Speaker 1: the sexual history should be kind of irrelevant to the
Speaker 1: sexual future, right, But I could see why someone would
Speaker 1: get upset about it. But what's your take, honest, because
Speaker 1: that's like, that's a unique situation to like, yeah, so
Speaker 1: there's so much to dissect from that relationship. First, I
Speaker 1: think she was very valid in feeling like he intentionally
Speaker 1: hid something from her. Uh. The point of the experiment
Speaker 1: before getting engaged was to you know, whether I agree
Speaker 1: with this or not, to fully put everything out there
Speaker 1: on the table, to fully be yourself and then engage
Speaker 1: to this person. And from her perspective, she felt like
Speaker 1: he had kept it from her and dropped it as
Speaker 1: a bomb to now be like, well, you're with me.
Speaker 1: I was worried you wouldn't want to be with me
Speaker 1: if you knew this. Now I'm telling you because you're
Speaker 1: already with me, from his perspective, very understandable. You know,
Speaker 1: not only is it's societally shamed upon men who are bisexual,
Speaker 1: but especially black men. To have that representation on reality
Speaker 1: TV and just in our society in general is very
Speaker 1: rare um and carries a lot of shame with it.
Speaker 1: So understandable that he would have that fear of telling her. Uh.
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily think that you need to disclose your
Speaker 1: entire sexual history to a partner before you have sex
Speaker 1: with them. Um. I do think that, you know, doing
Speaker 1: your own processing around whatever shame you are carrying sexually
Speaker 1: is important and I think if that person is so
Speaker 1: when you feel safe enough to have sex with, then
Speaker 1: hopefully you feel safe enough to have a conversation with
Speaker 1: them about where you're at within your sexuality. Um. You
Speaker 1: don't owe that person necessarily that whole history, right, but
Speaker 1: if there are big trigger points for you where you
Speaker 1: do feel shame, you know, then I think that is
Speaker 1: important to be open to that. I think he was
Speaker 1: still in the midst of, you know, battling shame around
Speaker 1: being bisexual, that he wasn't able to show up and
Speaker 1: be fully authentic with her because he wasn't accepting himself.
Speaker 1: Um So, yeah, I could keep going on all that,
Speaker 1: But so do you think that in relationships, Let's say
Speaker 1: you know you're in a committment monogamous relationship. You don't
Speaker 1: think it's important to with to share every sexual encounter
Speaker 1: your partner or whatever, but like just just the ones
Speaker 1: that you feel like you need to for the importance
Speaker 1: of it all. Like, so, I think if there's if
Speaker 1: there's like a specific sexual experience that you have struggled with,
Speaker 1: having shame with with with your body, with how you
Speaker 1: interact sexually, that that is likely going to come up
Speaker 1: within your intimate relationship. Right. So hopefully if this is
Speaker 1: a partner that you're in a long term, committed monogamous
Speaker 1: relationship with, hopefully that's something that you can share with
Speaker 1: them to have an honest conversation about so that they
Speaker 1: better understand where you're coming out sexually and so that
Speaker 1: you can show up fully where you're at. UM and
Speaker 1: also have that support too, because that's important. We could
Speaker 1: all use some support. Um. So, I do think that
Speaker 1: having those healthy open conversations around sex that include things
Speaker 1: like what turns you on, what doesn't turn you on, um,
Speaker 1: what you enjoyed from your past sexual experiences. You know,
Speaker 1: what things you enjoyed doing in in the past can
Speaker 1: be helpful to communicate to your partner. Um. You know,
Speaker 1: it's very dependent upon whatever their relationship is. But I
Speaker 1: think overall we would all be better off if we
Speaker 1: do encourage and increase the amount of these conversations around
Speaker 1: sex with our partners in an honest and vulnerable way.
Speaker 1: It's only going to lead to better sex, exactly. We're
Speaker 1: all striving that, or it's gonna be like, oh, this
Speaker 1: actually isn't a person that I connect with, and this
Speaker 1: isn't a person that I feel safe being sexually vulnerable with.
Speaker 1: And that's okay too, because there will be someone else.
Speaker 1: Well let me, I know you gotta go. Let me
Speaker 1: just ask you one quick question and then we'll we'll
Speaker 1: end the session. When you said that, do you think
Speaker 1: sex can get better with someone? Because I've heard that
Speaker 1: a lot with people who are really into someone and
Speaker 1: they have sex with them and it's just really not
Speaker 1: that good, and they're like, but I'm really happy with
Speaker 1: this person, but I just physically we're having troubles. Do
Speaker 1: you think that that's something you can actively work on
Speaker 1: to get better. So it's very dependent. But yes, um,
Speaker 1: I think definitely the first step in that is communication. Right,
Speaker 1: you've been having sex with this person. How much are
Speaker 1: you actually talking during sex? How much with you talking
Speaker 1: before sex? And how much are you talking after sex? Um?
Speaker 1: How well do you know your partner sexually? Um? There's
Speaker 1: a lot of work that definitely can be done within
Speaker 1: a relationship around sex. But then there are definitely those
Speaker 1: situations where there's just not that sexual compatibility there, and
Speaker 1: that is where you know, you do a lot of
Speaker 1: work and you look at what the relationship is, what
Speaker 1: it's fulfilling for you. You know, perhaps there's opportunities to
Speaker 1: transition the format of the relationship. UM. So there's lots
Speaker 1: of ways to work around it. I don't think you know,
Speaker 1: if you're struggling sexually with your partner that that means
Speaker 1: that you're doomed and that you need to break up
Speaker 1: of them immediately because you're never going to have better
Speaker 1: sex with them. I don't. I don't stand by that narrative. All.
Speaker 1: That's a nice little positive way to end it. Taylor Nolan,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us on help I
Speaker 1: Second Dating. You are, of course you have your own podcast,
Speaker 1: which is called Let's Talk About It with Taylor Nolan.
Speaker 1: What Days? The new episodes come out Thursday's new episodes Thursdays,
Speaker 1: So everybody watch out for a brand new episode this
Speaker 1: Thursday with Taylor Nolan Let's Talk About It? And of
Speaker 1: course you can follow. Uh your Instagram is at tay Mocha. Yep, perfect,
Speaker 1: Does everybody go follow Taylor? Taylor, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: You get You're gonna have to come on the podcast
Speaker 1: because I feel like we can talk for hours. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know. I was like, I feel like we're in
Speaker 1: a great conversation today. I was like, I feel like
Speaker 1: we could, like the three of us go back and
Speaker 1: forth on all these topics. Thanks, thanks for having me.
Speaker 1: I enjoyed it. Stay safe, Yeah you too. All right,
Speaker 1: welcome back to help. I second dating with a very
Speaker 1: special guest who was joining us via zoom right now.
Speaker 1: You know her from Too Hot to Handle, Francesca. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much, a k. Frankie. Yeah, hi guys, yeah,
Speaker 1: what do you what do you prefer Francesca or Frankie? Um?
Speaker 1: I guess Francesca is like the more well known name
Speaker 1: your puppies. So oh, if only Pappy could speak. But
Speaker 1: because I always I always called you Francesca on the show,
Speaker 1: so I didn't know that Frankie was even a nickname
Speaker 1: until we saw like one time someone called you Frankie. Yeah,
Speaker 1: close friends call me Frankie and then nice. And so
Speaker 1: you are zooming in from where exactly? Vancouver? Um okay,
Speaker 1: so that's where you're like quarantining. Then that's where you
Speaker 1: live right right now? Right doesn't your doesn't your boyfriend
Speaker 1: live in Los Angeles? He's in l A right now? Yeah, Harry.
Speaker 1: The thing with two out to handle that I was
Speaker 1: that I wish we saw more of, was the ending
Speaker 1: because it just kind of ended really quick. And I
Speaker 1: saw you guys talking about your what you're gonna do
Speaker 1: with your you know who moves where kind of thing,
Speaker 1: and sounds like you wanted him to come to Canada.
Speaker 1: So he came to visit and he liked it, but
Speaker 1: he wasn't really a fan of my friends. They didn't
Speaker 1: really get along, so he decided he was going to
Speaker 1: move to l A instead, And right when he moved
Speaker 1: to l A, we broke up for a bit. So
Speaker 1: we got back together and I was planning to move
Speaker 1: literally right before quarantine, and then quarantine happened, so it's
Speaker 1: everything's been put on hold. What do you mean even't
Speaker 1: like your friends? She's just like not a fan of
Speaker 1: my friends. I heard that, but I also heard him
Speaker 1: say that, like she got rid of them? Did you
Speaker 1: just stop being friends with them? I did? Yeah, over
Speaker 1: the friends. That's like completely the opposite of what Destiny's
Speaker 1: child like. They weren't like long term friends, like I
Speaker 1: was friends with him for like a year, and I
Speaker 1: don't know if they were my real friends that they
Speaker 1: wouldn't be like yelling at my boyfriend. So they were
Speaker 1: yelling at him. A good situation. But it's okay because
Speaker 1: I'm not friends with him anymore. So I supposed to
Speaker 1: be super nice. I thought all Canadians were supposed to
Speaker 1: be super nice. I can move there yelling. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean not this specific Canadian. She's very nice. But did
Speaker 1: I have anything to do with when you guys took
Speaker 1: that break? Because you guys, so the show stopped filming
Speaker 1: about a year a year ago, right, yeah, it was
Speaker 1: a year ago, and then you and Harry, you guys
Speaker 1: took a few months off. If I heard correctly, was
Speaker 1: it did the friends have some issues with what happened
Speaker 1: in between, like when you guys were broken up, so
Speaker 1: the friends, Um, the issue with the friends started before
Speaker 1: the break, and it was also another reasons why we
Speaker 1: needed the break because they were just like toxic and
Speaker 1: not really good for the relationship. So before we got
Speaker 1: back together is when I cut the friends. Gotcha and
Speaker 1: now the friends out of the picture entirely nice, smart,
Speaker 1: It's good, a good choice I think in this case, UM, okay, cool.
Speaker 1: So for the listeners, obviously we kind of filled them
Speaker 1: in already. You know, you went on too hot to
Speaker 1: handle and you have become an overnight creaking sensation. I
Speaker 1: was just saying, I can't believe you're three million followers
Speaker 1: on Instagram three million today. Yeah, hey, congratulations, that's freaking awesome.
Speaker 1: I'm very jealous. It's funny too, because we were talking
Speaker 1: about Jared and I were saying, and like the first
Speaker 1: episode or something, you said that Instagram was your job
Speaker 1: and you've been killing it or something, and Jared was like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm sure she's killing it even harder now. Well, my
Speaker 1: question is how excited are you right now because that
Speaker 1: you didn't need the money because you're baking it in
Speaker 1: from Instagram, which is awesome. Yeah, it's exciting, but it
Speaker 1: doesn't really feel it's Honestly, it's not as satisfying as
Speaker 1: you think. Like the verification, everyone was like yeah, and
Speaker 1: I was like, like, that's gonna sounds so stuck up.
Speaker 1: But it's just not as satisfying as you would think.
Speaker 1: I don't know why. I think it's because I would
Speaker 1: rather like be with Harry and be experiencing this with him,
Speaker 1: and because I'm here and he's there and we're like
Speaker 1: having this crazy life stuff happening, but we're a part
Speaker 1: just like not as fun not being with him. No,
Speaker 1: well that's really sweet. I think that's a good sign. Yeah,
Speaker 1: do you guys have plans to see each other? Because
Speaker 1: I guess it must be challenging not being with your
Speaker 1: boyfriend during the quarantine, right, Yeah, so we have Obviously,
Speaker 1: when quarantine's up is when I'm gonna just like move
Speaker 1: in with him. So that's right now. Nice, It seems
Speaker 1: like the better choice than going to Canada. Canada is great?
Speaker 1: What hell? I mean? That disrespected Canada. But you know
Speaker 1: you guys are you guys are huge celebrities now basically,
Speaker 1: so you gotta be in l A for that right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: reality TV? But um, hey, I have a question, why
Speaker 1: did you decide to go on the show? Um? The
Speaker 1: production actually reached out to me on Instagram and was like,
Speaker 1: we think you'd be great on this reality show. It's
Speaker 1: on Netflix, like la la la. So I was like,
Speaker 1: might as well, Like that sounds fun. So I just
Speaker 1: kind of went for it. And I didn't really know
Speaker 1: the premise, Like it could have been a show like
Speaker 1: you guys were on, or it could have been like Survivor,
Speaker 1: Like I really didn't know. So I was just like
Speaker 1: taking a leap of faith. Like I was single, so
Speaker 1: I was like, might as well, you know what you
Speaker 1: was a dating show, but you didn't kind of know
Speaker 1: all of the rules going into out. I didn't know
Speaker 1: before I got to Mexico. I didn't really know it
Speaker 1: was a dating show. I just kind of knew I
Speaker 1: had to be single and that it was going to
Speaker 1: be in the sun. So it could have been like
Speaker 1: literally anything like Influencer Island or like anything. I really
Speaker 1: didn't know. But before filming, like before we got onto
Speaker 1: the retreat, we had a few days in Mexico in
Speaker 1: the hotel room to just like kind of Chell, and
Speaker 1: that's when we signed papers. And then I saw untitled
Speaker 1: dating show on the on like the contracts, So then
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, dating Chelle, here we go. Ah
Speaker 1: And then how long were you guys on there at
Speaker 1: the resort for We're filming for a month? Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: Because I feel like it just flew by when I
Speaker 1: was watching, I gues because I probably binge it all
Speaker 1: on in a day. That's kind of happens best, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of stuff that happened that wasn't showing,
Speaker 1: Like I think it should have been more than eight episodes,
Speaker 1: But I mean, who knows if there's gonna be a reunion,
Speaker 1: who knows they're they're gonna be what do you what
Speaker 1: do you wish they had shown that they didn't have
Speaker 1: time to put in. There was some challenges and some
Speaker 1: like fun stuff that happened, and a little bit more
Speaker 1: drama that would have kind of made more sense if
Speaker 1: it was added into the reason that things were happening.
Speaker 1: It kind of would have explained it more to the
Speaker 1: viewers why things were happening in certain ways. But they
Speaker 1: can do you do you wish they showed more of
Speaker 1: Harry's personality because to a lot of people, like of
Speaker 1: the time, he kind of sucked, which is sad, Oh
Speaker 1: my god, really not a bad way, but like he
Speaker 1: for the he lied to you right off the bat,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, And so like, do you
Speaker 1: wish that they showed more Obviously you see, you know,
Speaker 1: we saw a really soft side of him when you
Speaker 1: went on the date with I think it was Corey. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you know we saw how upset he was and
Speaker 1: how much he really cared for you in that moment.
Speaker 1: And do you wish they kind of showed more of
Speaker 1: that about him? Um? Yeah, Like he was doing sweet
Speaker 1: things throughout the month, like he would put like snacks
Speaker 1: in my locker, He would always make sure my bikinis
Speaker 1: were out to dry. He would leave me towels, like
Speaker 1: he would make sure my shampoo was always there because
Speaker 1: the girls would shower and everything to get moved. So
Speaker 1: he was just very very considerate. But obviously, like they
Speaker 1: didn't show any of that, but he definitely I feel
Speaker 1: like me, Haley and him, we're shown in positive and
Speaker 1: negative lights, but everyone else was shown in like a
Speaker 1: very positive lights. So we definitely got the brunt of
Speaker 1: the drama. But I mean, but I like that if
Speaker 1: it's also gave you them on screen time, So I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: and it just shows that you're per and you have
Speaker 1: both good and and and you're flawed in some areas,
Speaker 1: which is awesome. Are you still close friends with a
Speaker 1: lot of the cast members? I was, I'm friends with Haley,
Speaker 1: I was fat friends with most of them. But there's
Speaker 1: there was some drama that happened this morning that I
Speaker 1: was like, I unfollowed Chloe, what's the dramas happened? So
Speaker 1: I don't even know if I have to talk about this.
Speaker 1: There was a video that we had to film with
Speaker 1: Lana the Cone asking us questions and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: So we were asked, okay, so who do you want
Speaker 1: to be quarantine with? And what was your favorite moment filming?
Speaker 1: Her answers that she posted on her Instagram today where
Speaker 1: I would want to be quarantined with Harry and my
Speaker 1: favorite moment was kissing Harry. So all right, you the
Speaker 1: entire month of filming, we were there for a month.
Speaker 1: You're gonna tell me. You're going to tell the world
Speaker 1: that your favorite moment out of this entire month, I
Speaker 1: was kissing my boyfriend. I got we were friends. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't say that. Imagine if Kells was like, oh, my
Speaker 1: favorite moment was the shower scene, you know, he would
Speaker 1: never say that. So I was just like and she
Speaker 1: was like, baby, you okay, And I'm like, Mmmm, that's
Speaker 1: not like we filmed this like a week ago. It's
Speaker 1: not like we filmed this like after filming. That would
Speaker 1: make more sense. But we filmed this question like a
Speaker 1: week ago. So she willingly decided that that was her
Speaker 1: answer after knowing me and Harry have been together for
Speaker 1: like a year. So, yeah, I have a question, Um,
Speaker 1: you and Haley kissed right? Yeah? Did you do? You?
Speaker 1: You know, you're just a really close friends. I when
Speaker 1: I was watching it, I got the impression that Haley
Speaker 1: had a crush on you. Yeah, is there any truth
Speaker 1: to that? You think? I don't. I didn't know that
Speaker 1: she was saying in her reel at the beginning that
Speaker 1: she was into girls. I had no idea. So I
Speaker 1: don't think it was like like a like a romantic love.
Speaker 1: I think it was more like she had my back
Speaker 1: and she was like, you know, just like my sibling
Speaker 1: in the house. I don't think if there is anything
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know. I haven't really spoken her
Speaker 1: about it. I haven't been like, so you got a
Speaker 1: crush on that's weird. Um, but that's not weird because
Speaker 1: obviously Harry is your boyfriend and then Haley be your
Speaker 1: best friend from the Showthers. No like weirdness because you
Speaker 1: kissed her with him, you know what I mean. He's
Speaker 1: not He's yeah, he's not weird with stuff like that. Um, okay, cool.
Speaker 1: So on the last night or whatever night it was,
Speaker 1: you and Harry went into a room and you weren't
Speaker 1: allowed to touch each other, and you shocked the world
Speaker 1: by actually not touching each other. But I we need
Speaker 1: to know what happened in the room. Then we saw
Speaker 1: you guys like goofing around a bunch, So just walk
Speaker 1: us through that night to the best of your ability.
Speaker 1: So we knew going into it that if we started
Speaker 1: to have like romantic, deep the heartfelt conversations, that there
Speaker 1: probably would have been some money lost because we just
Speaker 1: get lost in the moment. So we kept it as
Speaker 1: like fun as we could, Like we were just like
Speaker 1: running around playing hide and seek, like I hid myself
Speaker 1: in a drawer. He was under the bed, like he
Speaker 1: was swimming in the bathtub for like half an hour,
Speaker 1: and I was like, what are you doing? And we
Speaker 1: just kept it very very very light hearted. Like there
Speaker 1: were sex toys that we were like whipping each other with,
Speaker 1: and I guess they showed him like kind of moaning
Speaker 1: at the end, but I think I was just like
Speaker 1: whipping him with sex toys or like I was like naked.
Speaker 1: We were just like having fun with it basically. So
Speaker 1: I just pooping around the entire night, mooving around. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there was nothing that wasn't shown in that scene. Was
Speaker 1: it hard to like to like abstain because obviously, so
Speaker 1: Jared and I being on the Bachelor, like you can
Speaker 1: just make out basically as much as you want. There's
Speaker 1: like like encourage you to go to these rooms to
Speaker 1: be like intimate with each other. Was it challenging to, uh,
Speaker 1: like abstain the entire time? I mean, obviously you could.
Speaker 1: You broke the rules a lot. Yeah. I think the
Speaker 1: the hardest part about that night was not being selfish
Speaker 1: and be like, Okay, like let's not do this, but
Speaker 1: we're not not doing this for us, We're doing this
Speaker 1: for the group. So we did it so we could
Speaker 1: prove to the group, like, Okay, well we won the
Speaker 1: money back, so everything we did was justified basically, So
Speaker 1: it was more of like an aha moment because realistically,
Speaker 1: if we wanted to lose the money and say everyone else,
Speaker 1: we could have. But that was more of like on
Speaker 1: the show was over too, so you had the you
Speaker 1: had have very much time. You want now to do
Speaker 1: whatever you wanted to do in there. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: well not now because we're not in the same country.
Speaker 1: But what what did you spend your winnings on? Um?
Speaker 1: I don't I haven't really spent them yet. Like I
Speaker 1: started a clothing brand, so that I guess contributed, But
Speaker 1: I think Harry and I are just going to use
Speaker 1: it to go on a trip to Paris or something.
Speaker 1: Clothing line what is it? Pardon what plus clothing line?
Speaker 1: It's called fair Abul the label like nice little bikinis. Yes,
Speaker 1: and you said you're going to use the money to
Speaker 1: go on vacation Yeah with Harry, for sure? Nice, very nice.
Speaker 1: Do you guys know where you're going Paris? I think fancy.
Speaker 1: It's like a honeymoon of must The show is over.
Speaker 1: You guys are now publicly up public relationship, you guys, Yeah,
Speaker 1: gotta hide. You had to hide it for a year.
Speaker 1: Bachelor couples they have to hide it for two months,
Speaker 1: and that's hard enough. Yeah, tell us about how easier
Speaker 1: difficult it was to hide the relationship. I think it
Speaker 1: was easier because we don't have like the same follower base,
Speaker 1: Like mine was like America and his was like Australia.
Speaker 1: So when we were posting stuff like we're posting in
Speaker 1: the same cars when with kangaroos the same day, no
Speaker 1: one could really put two and two together because our
Speaker 1: fan bases were completely opposite. But other than that, it
Speaker 1: was actually easy because we could post doing this, like
Speaker 1: we could post on the same day, like eating the
Speaker 1: same meal. We just dag each other, so and now
Speaker 1: you can and then but it was like only a
Speaker 1: week after the show had to wait a week, So
Speaker 1: that was like the hardest week because we're like, all
Speaker 1: we wanted to do was post about it, but obviously
Speaker 1: we couldn't, so everyone was like, are you guys still together?
Speaker 1: Are you guys still together? And we just we're finally
Speaker 1: able to reveal it. So my Instagram is just like
Speaker 1: all him right now, it's right and you can finally
Speaker 1: start going in the photo album and start posting a
Speaker 1: cute pictures that you want to go. Yeah, we have
Speaker 1: so many photos it's just insane. So you guys are
Speaker 1: moving to l A together. Is he planning on getting
Speaker 1: a green card or anything? Because I know that working
Speaker 1: on it right now extraneous what you need one as well? Um,
Speaker 1: I think my plan would be because I can stay
Speaker 1: there for six months at a time, so I would
Speaker 1: just go and then like I would go back and
Speaker 1: forth in Canada because I visit my family like once
Speaker 1: every few months anyway, So I wouldn't like live there.
Speaker 1: I would just be like visiting and then if I
Speaker 1: need to apply for a visa to work on Instagram.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure how that exactly works. But what I
Speaker 1: see here that you guys got matching tattoos? What they
Speaker 1: What are the tattoos? Lightning bolt? Yeah, a lightning bolt.
Speaker 1: I think during the Yoni Challenge, I do a bunch
Speaker 1: of lightning bolts all over my cat depiction of my vagina,
Speaker 1: So that it kind of started with that, and then
Speaker 1: the whole show. There was like a cloud of negativity
Speaker 1: around us and everything we are doing, so we just
Speaker 1: tried to stay positive and focused on like all the
Speaker 1: good that was happening. So it's kind of just like
Speaker 1: our positivity gun just to like remind ourselves, like, no
Speaker 1: matter what happens, just like stay positive. And he has
Speaker 1: the same tattoo in the same place. Do you guys
Speaker 1: have other tattoos? Uh? Yeah, we have other tattoos, but
Speaker 1: not not for each other, right right right. I was
Speaker 1: gonna say, just because if you only had one tattoo
Speaker 1: and that was the only one, that would be a
Speaker 1: lot more well not a lot more meaningful. But he
Speaker 1: he literally covered his hand in tattoos. Now there's like
Speaker 1: knuckle tats, there's a tat he here, there's a tat here,
Speaker 1: Like he covered his hand. I was like, it's the
Speaker 1: most meaningful now, so full influencer. Now you can do
Speaker 1: whatever he wants. I guess. I guess. So when um
Speaker 1: end of February, beginning of March, so right right right,
Speaker 1: So I saw him and then I flew to Ontario
Speaker 1: to see my family for a bit. And then when
Speaker 1: I was in Ontario visiting my family is when all
Speaker 1: this Corona stuff happened. So I was debating on just
Speaker 1: flying to l A really quick and getting stuck there
Speaker 1: and being quarantined there. But then justin Trudeau, our Prime minister,
Speaker 1: was like, oh, healthcare, like if your Canadian come home,
Speaker 1: come home. So I was like, okay, Like I don't
Speaker 1: want to get Corona in l A and then be
Speaker 1: stuck at a hospital. Totally makes sense health care. So
Speaker 1: I just decided to come home. And so what's uh
Speaker 1: I mean? Obviously you said you guys are going to
Speaker 1: go to Paris. But in the relationship, in the scheme
Speaker 1: of the relationship, especially being from the Bachelor, we always
Speaker 1: talk about engagements, right, Is there ever going to be
Speaker 1: an engagement between you and Harry? Think? Yeah, like we have.
Speaker 1: I'll show you, guys, Harry said on an interview with
Speaker 1: one of our friends, Lauren Zimo, he's ready to get
Speaker 1: married to you. He wants to marry you. He knows this.
Speaker 1: This is our shared folder. Ignore the other. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you can see, uh for the listeners out there,
Speaker 1: she has a shared folder. It's a ring like yeah, there,
Speaker 1: we have one called wedding rings and it's like of
Speaker 1: like just engagement rings that I like. So he sends
Speaker 1: you guys are sending each other engagement rings? Yeah, but
Speaker 1: he is really young, so we just kind of have
Speaker 1: to take it, you know, day by day, like you're
Speaker 1: like two, he's twenty three. Next month, if you guys
Speaker 1: have a reunion show, it's going to go down at
Speaker 1: the reunion show, that's my guess. Yeah, I hope. Are
Speaker 1: you guys planning to have a reunion show before everything happened? Um? Yeah,
Speaker 1: so there was gonna be when we're all gonna fly in,
Speaker 1: But now with quarantine, I think if there were to
Speaker 1: be one, it would be similar to um, like Tiger King.
Speaker 1: I don't know if anyone watched that. I didn't watch it,
Speaker 1: but there's a reunion for Tiger King. Yeah, it was
Speaker 1: like a zoom call or something. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: didn't watch, but apparently it was like with all. Apparently
Speaker 1: it's juicy but interestedly similar on Netflix of a zoom.
Speaker 1: I don't know. It'll be interesting to see how it works.
Speaker 1: What's it like dating someone who's a little bit younger
Speaker 1: than you? I feel like he keeps me young. I
Speaker 1: don't know. It's a definitely a different dynamic because we
Speaker 1: don't think the same at all. Like I'm definitely more grounded,
Speaker 1: I'm more calm, Like I'm just and kind of I
Speaker 1: have a puppy now, so I'm in like mom mode,
Speaker 1: and he's kind of in like he's very excited about
Speaker 1: certain things and stuff like that. But he tells me
Speaker 1: that he's ready to like settle down. I don't know
Speaker 1: if we're just gonna have to wait and see, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. It's like hard because he's so young,
Speaker 1: but especially what you talked about it on the podcast.
Speaker 1: A lot is living in l A. There's a lot
Speaker 1: different than living in because you're in Montreal, Vancouver, Vancouver. Well,
Speaker 1: Vancouver's big city, but you know, l A is just
Speaker 1: like there's not going on all the times. There's a
Speaker 1: lot to do. There's a lot of sparkly things, you know,
Speaker 1: sparkly thing. Are you guys both in l A? Yes,
Speaker 1: you're married? Both of you are married? Right or no? Yeah, Dean,
Speaker 1: are we both married? Of course? You live with your
Speaker 1: girlfriend though, right? Yes, my girlfriend's apartment now yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: good job. But for he wears a wedding ring, Dean,
Speaker 1: show her your left hand, uh this one? Oh, the
Speaker 1: one day you don't wear the band? You know, that's
Speaker 1: so cute. Harry and I were promised wearings for like
Speaker 1: the longest time. On our wedding finger. Yeah, Jared, that's
Speaker 1: all it is, is a promise ring. Man. All right, Well,
Speaker 1: the reason I'm bringing this on Francesco Dean has been
Speaker 1: telling us for the past six months earlier that he's
Speaker 1: married and I can't tell joking or not. Oh I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I've been telling you that we've been married. You're the
Speaker 1: one that has always just assuming things. You're the one
Speaker 1: who says you're married. Maybe I don't know, maybe you're right,
Speaker 1: but wait to the Francesca. And here we were wearing
Speaker 1: promise rings though, Yeah, zooming in on the fingers and
Speaker 1: be like, oh, did they get married? Did they get married?
Speaker 1: But yeah, they were just like little promise rings that
Speaker 1: we had. Um and what was the purpose of the
Speaker 1: promise ring? Just just show that you, guys, what's the
Speaker 1: purpose of any promise ring? Yeah? Why do you have
Speaker 1: a promise ring? You promised to marry that person? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I like rings ring guy. Yeah. It was basically just
Speaker 1: because we're like long distance, so it was just like
Speaker 1: a little like token of our love. What have you
Speaker 1: learned about? What have you learned about being in a
Speaker 1: long distance relationship? Actually, this is like my fourth long
Speaker 1: distance relationship crazy. I'm just like, I don't know why.
Speaker 1: I just date people in different cities. Don't so you're
Speaker 1: pro Yeah, I think it just keeps communication lines open
Speaker 1: and FaceTime as much as you can and just talk
Speaker 1: all the time about the good things the bad things,
Speaker 1: like don't keep anything bottled in and don't ignore the
Speaker 1: person if you're upset. Because how many facetimes per day
Speaker 1: do you guys have? Every Oh my gosh, yeah, that
Speaker 1: sounds exha If I'm in the shower, I'll FaceTime. I'll
Speaker 1: just keep the FaceTime there and then I'll be on
Speaker 1: FaceTime I doing my makeup and FaceTime WHI I'm cooking,
Speaker 1: like FaceTime while I'm walking my dog. Like literally, it's
Speaker 1: kind of like this is That's exactly why I can
Speaker 1: never do long distance. Uh. There was a time Calin
Speaker 1: was in Bali and she FaceTime and I was like, okay, well,
Speaker 1: is there any point that you need to make in
Speaker 1: the phone call? And there was just like to talk
Speaker 1: and I was like, okay, well, I don't like I
Speaker 1: don't like Facebook. That's why I can ever do long distance.
Speaker 1: I guess it is really hard. It is really hard,
Speaker 1: especially not knowing like the end date when this is
Speaker 1: going to be all over and we can move in
Speaker 1: together hard. But we don't really have a choice right now.
Speaker 1: So it's not like like do so like see you
Speaker 1: after quarantine. You know what I mean, you mentioned this earlier,
Speaker 1: but you guys are moving in together and not seengte
Speaker 1: this like you're not just gonna move to l N
Speaker 1: lives separately, but you're gonna live. Yeah, it's like, you
Speaker 1: guys are back on the show. You're on the show
Speaker 1: you couldn't touch each other, and now the show aired,
Speaker 1: you guys are in quarantine and you can't touch each other.
Speaker 1: It's like the opposite. The temptation isn't even there though,
Speaker 1: because they're so far away from each other. Yeah. Well
Speaker 1: I'm sure there's you know, ways to keep the relationships
Speaker 1: spicy even if you're not in the same room together. Yeah,
Speaker 1: a lot of us a lot of news ago, you know,
Speaker 1: was everybody as sexually charged as it came off on
Speaker 1: the show, Because it seems like everybody, you know, like
Speaker 1: within five minutes of finding out that you're not supposed
Speaker 1: to have sex, they're like, oh my god, i I'm
Speaker 1: gonna lose it. Yeah. I think production did really good
Speaker 1: job of casting everyone. Like all of our questions were
Speaker 1: related to sex, like how often do you have sex?
Speaker 1: Like do you like what night stands? Like? What are
Speaker 1: your past relationships? Like do you have commitment issues? Like?
Speaker 1: Everyone put was put in that house for a reason,
Speaker 1: so they are They all all were really sexed up,
Speaker 1: but a lot of them, the majority of them didn't
Speaker 1: like each other, like the girls running into the guys
Speaker 1: and vice versa. So that's why they didn't have a
Speaker 1: hard time not losing money because they just like there
Speaker 1: was no temptation. Yeah, you know what I mean. It
Speaker 1: seemed like that. It seemed like there was only a
Speaker 1: couple of people that were like actually interested in other people. Yeah. Um,
Speaker 1: even the guy that you went on a date with
Speaker 1: the account and I can't remember his name, but he
Speaker 1: didn't even try to make a connection with anyone. I
Speaker 1: feel like you're saying that everyone. A lot of people
Speaker 1: were like that. Yeah mm, so why do you think that,
Speaker 1: I don't know, amazing because they knew the sex wasn't there,
Speaker 1: so they were like there was no point. I'm not sure.
Speaker 1: Do you think any of the cast members have had
Speaker 1: sex with each other after the filming? Definitely definitely. Oh
Speaker 1: can you say which one. Um, well, we're in Mexico
Speaker 1: together for a bit, and I'm assuming no Rhondo and
Speaker 1: tront didn't even in Mexico. Sorry. Yeah, we had like
Speaker 1: a few days and we all went clubbing and all
Speaker 1: this stuff in Mexico after without the cameras and stuff
Speaker 1: like that. And I don't even think that Rhonda and
Speaker 1: Trant did anything. Maybe they didn't, they must have, I'm
Speaker 1: not sure, but I think Corey and Chloe they all
Speaker 1: live in the same area, so I think there was
Speaker 1: a little razzle dazzle there. Um, Madison lives in the
Speaker 1: same city as Matt, so maybe they, Like I know,
Speaker 1: there was definitely some hanky panky going on. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: it's a little bit different when you're not about to
Speaker 1: lose not on camera, and it's not on camera. It's
Speaker 1: a big Was it weird for you and Harry watching
Speaker 1: it back knowing it was on camera? Um, I'm just
Speaker 1: really glad that they didn't show anything from that night.
Speaker 1: It was very very aloof like you couldn't all you
Speaker 1: could tell. The only reason you could tell that we
Speaker 1: had sex was because I said it. So the shower
Speaker 1: scene was more cringe for me with Kels. We word, Um,
Speaker 1: did you guys watch the show together when it came out?
Speaker 1: I know. My question was how difficult was it to
Speaker 1: rewatch the show without each other? It was hard, but
Speaker 1: we just before it came out, like I just messaged
Speaker 1: him and I was like, no matter what happens, Um,
Speaker 1: you can't get grumpy with me. I can't get grumpy
Speaker 1: with you. It was a year ago. We can't take
Speaker 1: anything personally because we are where we are now. So
Speaker 1: it was difficult because I couldn't just like hug him
Speaker 1: and we were just like texting every like few like
Speaker 1: half an hour everisode. I was like, okay, all good.
Speaker 1: I was like, hey, all good, Okay, we're good, and
Speaker 1: we were just the first day I watched, I just
Speaker 1: got drunk. I was like, yeah, it's a lot different
Speaker 1: than Bachelor, because you guys obviously were on Netflix, where
Speaker 1: everybody could just watch all the season one day. We're Bachelor.
Speaker 1: It's you know, episode weekly. Yes, you have to prepare
Speaker 1: exact like it's okay, like this Monday, Okay, this happened,
Speaker 1: and that happened. And I'm sure you guys the same thing.
Speaker 1: You talked to a producer and producers like, okay, this,
Speaker 1: this is gonna be shown. That's going to be shown. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so yeah, that's got to be crazy because then you
Speaker 1: never know when it's gonna you know, when technically could
Speaker 1: hit the fan. You know. Well that's not funny, but
Speaker 1: more ironical. I guess that you guys were on a
Speaker 1: show that was so centered around sex, and now you
Speaker 1: and Harry might not ever have sex with anyone else
Speaker 1: for the rest of your lives. I'm okay with that.
Speaker 1: That's a good thing. Yeah, that's that's easy for me.
Speaker 1: Do you think that, um, the fact that you guys
Speaker 1: weren't supposed to you know, you couldn't have sex on
Speaker 1: the show made you and Harry connect more kind of
Speaker 1: like I don't know how to articulate it best, but
Speaker 1: like you know, you want what you can't have type thing.
Speaker 1: Do you think that had any factor? I think what
Speaker 1: connected us the most was, Yeah, just all the conversations
Speaker 1: we were able to have without our cell phones and
Speaker 1: being there for a month, Like yeah we did we did,
Speaker 1: um have sex, but we were there for an entire
Speaker 1: month and we were only able to kick I think
Speaker 1: we only kissed like three times and then got a
Speaker 1: little down and dirty like once or twice. So it
Speaker 1: did make us strong. And also everything that happened, so
Speaker 1: the date with Kels, the kiss with Chloe, the date
Speaker 1: with Corey, kiss with Haley, like everything made us really
Speaker 1: really strong. To the foundation that we built on the
Speaker 1: show was just with like just later, did that make
Speaker 1: it easier harder for you when you got back into
Speaker 1: the real world? You think it was extremely hard. That's
Speaker 1: why we broke up originally, because it was we went
Speaker 1: from being at the hip every day all day to
Speaker 1: not having that. So it was just like very emotional.
Speaker 1: We just didn't know what to do and we're like, Okaye,
Speaker 1: how long after you guys left did you break up?
Speaker 1: And then how long were you broken up? Four? We
Speaker 1: broke up for like three so the show filmed and
Speaker 1: then he came to see me, I came to see
Speaker 1: when to see him, and we already get there for
Speaker 1: like three months. We broke up at the end of summertime,
Speaker 1: and then we were broken up until like New Year's
Speaker 1: is when we started talking again. Do you think that
Speaker 1: made your relationship stronger? Definitely, because I was able to
Speaker 1: date other people and so was he and we realized
Speaker 1: that that's just not what we wanted, and it makes
Speaker 1: us like not take anything we have now for granted,
Speaker 1: I do think that being in a relationship after the
Speaker 1: show is a lot better situation to be into, like
Speaker 1: because everyone that's seen the show and all every three
Speaker 1: million Instagram followers want to see you with Harry and
Speaker 1: his with you, so it thinks everything a little bit.
Speaker 1: That's a little more pressure, I think, Yeah, pressure, yeah,
Speaker 1: because like if I we get into a foight, it's like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, Like it's just it's a lot more
Speaker 1: pressure to keep the relationship happy, I think. But just
Speaker 1: wait for it. There's gonna come a week where you
Speaker 1: just like forget to post about Harry, and then there's
Speaker 1: gonna be people like, oh my god, they must have
Speaker 1: broken up. They haven't posted to each other. Like that's
Speaker 1: where the pressure comes from. You're like Jesus, like that's right. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're in this, like you know exactly what this is
Speaker 1: like because you guys have lived in But it's also
Speaker 1: really fun because, like Dean said, you also have so
Speaker 1: many people who were just rooting for the relationship and
Speaker 1: it h it's it's really endearing. Yeah, it's something I'll
Speaker 1: never take for granted. UM, So besides the clothing label,
Speaker 1: what else are you working on? Um? That's basically it
Speaker 1: right now because with the show out, there's a lot
Speaker 1: of stuff to do with like brand collapse and the
Speaker 1: merch and the swim and the interviews and Netflix and
Speaker 1: reunion stuff and like all of this crazy stuff that
Speaker 1: we're asked to do every single day. So I've just
Speaker 1: been like, I haven't even had a good time to breathe,
Speaker 1: you know, it's just been like crazy crazy. Did you
Speaker 1: think it was going to get this crazy? I didn't
Speaker 1: think that I was going to grow three million followers
Speaker 1: in like a week. That's definitely was not what I
Speaker 1: was thinking was gonna happen. I thought maybe like a
Speaker 1: million tops. And I thought it was gonna be the villain.
Speaker 1: I was prepared that everyone's gonna eat me. I'm like,
Speaker 1: all right, I'm the villain. It's fine. I can handle this.
Speaker 1: Come at me like you're fine. It's it's like you said,
Speaker 1: like this show like like with people like you and Harry,
Speaker 1: and they show more fast to your personality. The audience
Speaker 1: gets connect more with you because just like us, it's like,
Speaker 1: oh wow, they they're not perfect, neither am I this
Speaker 1: is cool. I like this person. Mhm um, well, Francesca,
Speaker 1: thank you for joining us. We appreciate it. Busy Gallley,
Speaker 1: even though you're quarantined up in where if you come
Speaker 1: on Vancouver. This guy and his Montreal has got Montreal
Speaker 1: in the mine. Francesca. Also, I have to say, was Montreal.
Speaker 1: That's why I am associating our former co host. She's
Speaker 1: very sweet. Um but anyway, also now, Vanessa, Francesca, my
Speaker 1: wife also says that you are the prettiest girl in
Speaker 1: the world. According to her, A thank you that the best.
Speaker 1: I watched both of your seasons. Actually, oh, thank you
Speaker 1: when you and Harry moved to l A. Please, we'd
Speaker 1: love to grab you. Let's hang out that yeah? All right.
Speaker 1: For listeners, be sure to check her out on Instagram.
Speaker 1: You can get her to three point one million followers.
Speaker 1: Or check out her clothing label. It's Farrago the label. Right,
Speaker 1: you can join us. We appreciate it. Thank you. Congratulations
Speaker 1: by reality stars more than just like us. Oh you
Speaker 1: missed her, you've missed Francesca. Yeah, we recorded it. I
Speaker 1: told I said she Well, she knows who you are.
Speaker 1: She loves you, She she wants us all to go
Speaker 1: on a triple date. Yeah, when her and Harry moved
Speaker 1: to l A. She's a Bachelor fan. Yes, I now,
Speaker 1: she's a very big She said she's a fan of
Speaker 1: Ashley because I said, my wife thinks that you're the
Speaker 1: prettiest girl in the world. And she's like, well, tell Ashley,
Speaker 1: I love her. And she's like, I watched you know,
Speaker 1: your season. I know, so cool. Huh good bye. Uh.
Speaker 1: Francesco was amazing. She's the sweetest thing. I'm very happy
Speaker 1: for her Harry. I hope they work out moving to
Speaker 1: l A. I just that's a that's a tall task.
Speaker 1: But I hope everything works out for I think it
Speaker 1: will be just fine. I think so too, especially they're
Speaker 1: already looking at rings. Damn. I guess they've been dating
Speaker 1: for a while now. Though, when you think about it,
Speaker 1: the show stopped airing or stopped filming less summer. How's
Speaker 1: your teeth, Dean? Dean is showing me his teeth for
Speaker 1: some reason, as Yeah, that makes my teeth look so white.
Speaker 1: It's mind blowing. Yeah, they look great, they look really white. Congratulations. Um. Anyways,
Speaker 1: let's take a quick break and we can jump into
Speaker 1: some emails. Okay, so we're gonna jump into some emails.
Speaker 1: We have one from anonymous of the title is do
Speaker 1: I tell my Ex? She says, my X and I
Speaker 1: have been broken up for over a month now. Post breakup,
Speaker 1: I was still sleeping with him. While we were still
Speaker 1: seeing each other. We promised we wouldn't see other people
Speaker 1: during that time period. He told me he didn't want
Speaker 1: to be friends with benefits anymore because he wanted to
Speaker 1: move on. That same night, I began to snapchat another person.
Speaker 1: Before and after our friends with benefits phase, my ex
Speaker 1: would constantly accuse me of seeing or talking to other people,
Speaker 1: but I would tell him no, I wasn't. After he
Speaker 1: told me to move on, he still proceeded to accuse
Speaker 1: me of talking to other people, and I still said
Speaker 1: no because that person I snapchatted for an hour was
Speaker 1: no longer in contact with me. But we recently started
Speaker 1: to be on good terms with each other and he
Speaker 1: wants to start being friends with benefits again but does
Speaker 1: not want to date. My friends are telling me that
Speaker 1: because I treated him so badly, I should not tell
Speaker 1: him and I do not owe him anything. Should I
Speaker 1: tell him? I snapchatted another person for a little this
Speaker 1: is weird. So this guy says that he doesn't he's
Speaker 1: the one who says he doesn't want to be friends
Speaker 1: with benefit anymore. Right, Yeah, he told me he didn't
Speaker 1: want to be friends with benefits anymore, but now he
Speaker 1: wants to be friends with benefits again. But then he's
Speaker 1: getting piste off that she's talking to other people, right
Speaker 1: because she needs benefits, you know, and he wants to
Speaker 1: be friends with benefits again. So if he got jealous
Speaker 1: but then he says he doesn't want a date or
Speaker 1: he just wants to be friends with benefits, I think
Speaker 1: this dude needs to go see Taylor Nolan and really
Speaker 1: figure out his ship. I think this guy, uh, I
Speaker 1: think this guy needs to be cut out of your
Speaker 1: life for good. Probably if he's gonna if he can't
Speaker 1: be a friend because he gets jealous of the people
Speaker 1: you talk to, and the only way he wants you
Speaker 1: in your life his life is by friends with benefits,
Speaker 1: then just get it, I would say. Scared of the guy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, dude, relationships when you break up, We've talked
Speaker 1: about this a million times. They can get so messy,
Speaker 1: especially if you're sleeping with that person after you break
Speaker 1: up yeah, I'm sure you guys have had that experience.
Speaker 1: I'm sure we've all had that experience where you just
Speaker 1: it's comforting, right, you go back to your comfort, comforting
Speaker 1: little spot and you continue sleeping with someone that you
Speaker 1: broke up with, and you both feel like shit about it.
Speaker 1: You know. It's that awkwardness where like you you sleep
Speaker 1: together and it's like, Okay, are we bad together? Are
Speaker 1: we just friends with benefits? Are we seeing other people?
Speaker 1: Are we sleeping with other people? Do we need to
Speaker 1: talk about this? It's just a whole cavalcade of mess. Really,
Speaker 1: you have like a blanket statement to make the best
Speaker 1: sleeping with an ex just don't do it all together.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say don't do it. You know, it's funny.
Speaker 1: This is off topic, But I was thinking about our
Speaker 1: conversation either last week or two weeks ago, but the
Speaker 1: text and next thing like how it was like USA
Speaker 1: today or whatever wrote that you should text your ex
Speaker 1: what you've always wanted to say, And I said, no,
Speaker 1: kind are we thinking it? No? Not me personally, but
Speaker 1: I was thinking about our conversation, and I was thinking
Speaker 1: about my ex, and then I also was thinking about
Speaker 1: the pandemic that was happening, and something happened to her
Speaker 1: family member that I was close to at the time.
Speaker 1: It's just like, should I reach out and just be like, Hey,
Speaker 1: I just hope everything's okay. I hope you're doing well.
Speaker 1: I don't want to think that, you know, just because
Speaker 1: you know I'm married and you moved on. We both
Speaker 1: moved on that we shouldn't. I don't know. I guess
Speaker 1: I had new perspective on it when I thought about,
Speaker 1: you know, the consequence of of of of of of
Speaker 1: dying one day. You know, No, my am I weird
Speaker 1: for thinking this way. I guess I don't really understand exactly.
Speaker 1: So you're saying, because of the definitive nature of death,
Speaker 1: well you're a considering texting an X. Well, what I
Speaker 1: mean by that is, I think when we were talking
Speaker 1: about it the other week, I was more of like,
Speaker 1: why would you text an X? You guys are ridiculous.
Speaker 1: It's so it's going to open up a can of worms.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be terrible, it's gonna end badly. But then
Speaker 1: I thought about what would happen if I reached out
Speaker 1: too late, so to speak, like, I know, this is
Speaker 1: really morbid way of thinking, and this kind of gives
Speaker 1: you an insight into my psyche and why. Actually it's
Speaker 1: very frustrated by me sometimes because I've always a pessimist
Speaker 1: and I always think the worst thing is going to happen.
Speaker 1: But like, if something tragic happened and I was almost
Speaker 1: I just felt like too late, kind of like I
Speaker 1: should have reached out earlier. Does that make sense? So
Speaker 1: then I thought about it in those terms, and I
Speaker 1: was like, should we be able to reach out and
Speaker 1: be like, hey, I just want you to know that
Speaker 1: I hope you're doing well. I'm happy you're happy, and
Speaker 1: that's it. How would you feel if actually texted the
Speaker 1: next That's the thing I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 1: This is this is the problem with being Yeah, well
Speaker 1: as humans, we were, you know, we deal with conflict
Speaker 1: and jealousy and emotions and and nostalgia, and so you
Speaker 1: try to like, you know, make the best decision possible
Speaker 1: by just like narrowing, you know, you know, making your
Speaker 1: path through all these different thoughts. Uh. And that's the thing,
Speaker 1: Like I put myself in Ashley's shoes, and I'm like, man,
Speaker 1: how would Ashley feel if I texted the next How
Speaker 1: would I feel if Ashley texting the next just to say, like,
Speaker 1: if you're doing well, can I jump in? Tory, you
Speaker 1: never have to ask to jump and you just jump in.
Speaker 1: You're a part of this podcast, Well thank you. But Dean,
Speaker 1: you are close to all of your ex as. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't say all. I would say a large majority, like
Speaker 1: you could still pick up the phone and talk to
Speaker 1: them and have and you I don't think you would
Speaker 1: think it's necessarily weird, But how do you how do
Speaker 1: you navigate that being in a relationship now, because like
Speaker 1: your Colorado friends is what comes to my brain. M Well,
Speaker 1: for the record, I would never pick up the phone
Speaker 1: and call someone because I hate talking on the phone. Um, FaceTime,
Speaker 1: you could do a call. I would never FaceTime any
Speaker 1: anyone either. I ignore every FaceTime I ever get. I
Speaker 1: hate talking on the phone and it's getting worse and
Speaker 1: worse too. Um. But to your point, it's funny that
Speaker 1: Jared even brings up this topic because I texted an
Speaker 1: next actually after that podcast. Uh, she's that She said,
Speaker 1: she's a nurse. I just text her. I said, hey,
Speaker 1: thanks for being a nurse during these you know, insane times.
Speaker 1: And that was basically it. Uh, there's not really much
Speaker 1: more to the story to add to that, But well,
Speaker 1: did you tell Klin before? In? No? I I guess
Speaker 1: I never thought too, but I guess I could. I
Speaker 1: don't know. To see. That's where I like, if you
Speaker 1: text the next should you tell your significate on the
Speaker 1: first even though there's no malicious intent with your text,
Speaker 1: you're literally like, for you, you literally just texted the
Speaker 1: next because she's a nurse and you wanted to say
Speaker 1: thank you for all the heroque stuff you're doing right now, right,
Speaker 1: But should you have asked Calin or should you tell Calin?
Speaker 1: Be like, hey, just as f y, I this is
Speaker 1: what I did. Because does it make it more of
Speaker 1: a situation if you tell Kalin? I think I think yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think that that kind of makes
Speaker 1: it a little fishy. I don't know. You're right, it's weird.
Speaker 1: It's weird. Is there an answer? It doesn't sound like
Speaker 1: there is. It sounds like it's different shades of just uncertainty. Uh.
Speaker 1: I've been kind of thinking about, weirdly my high school
Speaker 1: X in this time, and I don't know why, because
Speaker 1: he was terrible, like he cheated on me with my
Speaker 1: best friend, but fast forward because I was sixteen. Then
Speaker 1: fast forward till now. He has dated other people far
Speaker 1: in between, but is now pregnant with the girl from
Speaker 1: high school that he cheated on me with your best friend, Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm assuming ex best friend. Yes, And for some weird reason,
Speaker 1: I'm like so irritated by it, and I don't know why.
Speaker 1: Could be kind of me being competitive, of being like damn,
Speaker 1: like she got the boy. But at the same time,
Speaker 1: I hate that I'm thinking that, and like I'm still
Speaker 1: weirdly hurt by it, and I think isolation is kind
Speaker 1: of making me feel it more. But I've been like
Speaker 1: so tempted to weirdly reach out, but I can't because
Speaker 1: there's no direction for me to take that, like graph
Speaker 1: on the baby, because I don't want to. What would
Speaker 1: you say exactly? Like I don't know I would say,
Speaker 1: but I'm so irritated, Like she posted a video. I
Speaker 1: don't know why I still follow her. She posted a
Speaker 1: video baby room, and I was like, I don't want
Speaker 1: that to be me because basically he Al was proposed
Speaker 1: to me when I was sixteen. He had the whole
Speaker 1: thing planned, but cheated on me two days before my birthday,
Speaker 1: what the proposal is supposed to happen. I can understand
Speaker 1: why you'd be a little agitated by this entire situation.
Speaker 1: You're happy for him, obviously, but at the same time,
Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, this is the girl that he cheated
Speaker 1: on me with. I was kind of hoping that they
Speaker 1: would just start hating each other and break up and
Speaker 1: go their separate ways, And now they're having a baby.
Speaker 1: You're not You're not a horrible person for being a
Speaker 1: little annoyed by it. I just hate that feeling that
Speaker 1: like somebody still has that over you in like some
Speaker 1: weird way. Why are you laughing? I just think it's
Speaker 1: so funny that that could be you with a husband
Speaker 1: and kids on the way. If I stuck around Grass Valley,
Speaker 1: I would have four kids by Now. That's the thing is,
Speaker 1: you don't want that, So why would you be envious
Speaker 1: of something that disdrought by something that you don't even want.
Speaker 1: I don't know. If you guys, everythink about the first
Speaker 1: person you ever dated or had a real like boyfriend
Speaker 1: girlfriend relationship with, They kind of always hold a special
Speaker 1: part of your life. Yes, she ruined my life. She
Speaker 1: ruined me. That's that's why is this actually a real story. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean I talked about it at length on the
Speaker 1: podcast before. She just cheated on me a lot. It's
Speaker 1: led to some healthy habits. I'm sure you know your
Speaker 1: boyfriend as a high school or sixteen cheated on you
Speaker 1: with your best friend. Whether you're willing to admit it
Speaker 1: or not, whether you can pinpointed or not, I bet
Speaker 1: you there's still some lingering issues that you have because
Speaker 1: of that. I hate to admit it, but I think
Speaker 1: you're right. Yeah, it weirdly like makes me emotional. You guys, Like,
Speaker 1: why am I tearing up right now? Like I don't
Speaker 1: know what's going on. I'm like literally getting tear yat
Speaker 1: and I think that like I'm just like really struggling
Speaker 1: with the fact of like being in isolation, and like
Speaker 1: it's just it's like that weird situation of like you
Speaker 1: never really did anything in high school to deserve that
Speaker 1: pain and then you guys, I don't know why I'm crying.
Speaker 1: I think I need to get out of no. But
Speaker 1: and then like and then like he, I know they're
Speaker 1: not necessarily happy, and I don't want to say that
Speaker 1: they're not, but like he clearly has underlining issues. And
Speaker 1: I'm sure she does too, you know, I mean, I
Speaker 1: knew her really well, but like it's just weird where
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, like what did I do to deserve that?
Speaker 1: The age of sixteen? And you have to grow up
Speaker 1: so fast in those positions, you know what I mean? Well,
Speaker 1: I think the thing about being that age two. I
Speaker 1: feel like you can correct me if you guys think
Speaker 1: I'm wrong on this, but I feel like the way
Speaker 1: that you love someone when you're sixteen is so much
Speaker 1: more like passionate and fiery than you're able to later on.
Speaker 1: Like it's just a different feeling. It's a different love,
Speaker 1: and so you lack perspective, which means you're more passionate
Speaker 1: about that person totally right, right right, because you don't
Speaker 1: know as much. And so you're like you like, yeah,
Speaker 1: when I think back to how I felt when I
Speaker 1: was cheated on when I was six sixteen as well,
Speaker 1: it was like my whole body was like exploding, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. And then later on in life
Speaker 1: when I got cheated on, it was like less of
Speaker 1: a big deal, but still a big deal, and you know,
Speaker 1: things just you have more of a world outside of
Speaker 1: your relationship I think is what it becomes, but you
Speaker 1: still like hold on to a lot of the things
Speaker 1: that you learned from those first relationships. So I think
Speaker 1: it's okay that you feel a little disgruntled about it.
Speaker 1: You're crying, letting it out. I hate tears. But it
Speaker 1: was weird, like hearing the conversation from the last podcast,
Speaker 1: and sure a lot of our listeners are thinking the
Speaker 1: same thing. It's just like being a self isolation, you
Speaker 1: really like have time to think about all of your
Speaker 1: past relationship have zero distractions. So yeah, and mm hmm, definitely.
Speaker 1: And I could definitely tell you that I grew up
Speaker 1: in a smaller town and so it felt like a
Speaker 1: bigger deal than what it is now. And I know that,
Speaker 1: but I think that I still carry a lot of
Speaker 1: that like her and pain of like am I even
Speaker 1: like worthy to be in a relationship with anyone, because clearly,
Speaker 1: if that's how somebody loved me in the past, like
Speaker 1: that's kind of like what It's just when it's like
Speaker 1: such a young age too, it's like you can't even
Speaker 1: really like let those fars feel. You just became more
Speaker 1: of like you had to push through and act like
Speaker 1: everything's fine, because at that young age, you're like, it's
Speaker 1: kind of a maturity thing. You're not really evaluating his
Speaker 1: brain versus yours, or his penis versus and horny nous,
Speaker 1: you know versus other penises. Yeah, we get it. I
Speaker 1: mean from I think Jared and I from small towns too,
Speaker 1: And it's always funny to like think about those places
Speaker 1: because a lot of people from those towns, you know,
Speaker 1: they graduate high school, they either stay in the town,
Speaker 1: go to college. A lot of people after graduating college
Speaker 1: go back to that town and just kind of continue
Speaker 1: on the same things that either their parents were doing
Speaker 1: or whatever they were doing before they left. Uh. And
Speaker 1: that's great. If that's what makes you happy, that's fantastic.
Speaker 1: That's not personally something that I would be interested. And
Speaker 1: it doesn't seem like either of you guys are either. Obviously,
Speaker 1: you know, you moved to Los Angeles and you're doing
Speaker 1: all these things. Um, it's just it's kind of hard.
Speaker 1: It's like apples to oranges, you know, you can't really
Speaker 1: compare those types of things. Is it a funny? Little Tori?
Speaker 1: Because you have this such emotional attachment to this guy
Speaker 1: that you dated in high school because of what happened,
Speaker 1: But picture yourself with him now, Yes, would you really
Speaker 1: even want to be with him? No? And that's why
Speaker 1: I can't tell if it's me being like competitive with
Speaker 1: the fact that like she got the boy now or no,
Speaker 1: I agree because I was thinking about this too. You know.
Speaker 1: It's it's like, well, you know, you think about like
Speaker 1: that first person that you loved and had so many
Speaker 1: memories with, and you know it's still brings back like
Speaker 1: pain and love and all these different things that you
Speaker 1: experienced together. But then in the present moment, I think about,
Speaker 1: you know, the person I am now being with the
Speaker 1: person they are now, Like it would never work. I
Speaker 1: don't even know if i'd want that relationship, And so
Speaker 1: why am I so why am I so impacted when
Speaker 1: I think back upon what we had when I know
Speaker 1: it wouldn't be the same right now. I think. What's
Speaker 1: also really hard, though, is that we've moved to a
Speaker 1: city that's very um like wasteful kind of with relationships
Speaker 1: or human connection, and so it's like sometimes I come
Speaker 1: I'm conflicted where I'm like I almost would rather be
Speaker 1: in more of an isolated place and maybe a little
Speaker 1: unhealth like that's like a little unhealthy, but still be
Speaker 1: with someone because then we move to l A where
Speaker 1: there's so much so there's like so many options unless uh,
Speaker 1: I don't I don't know, really know how to. I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm hitting that point with like living in
Speaker 1: l A where I'm not ready to settle down, but
Speaker 1: I'm almost like frightened on the fact that there's not
Speaker 1: even like someone out there that I could settle down
Speaker 1: with because but back in a smaller town there were
Speaker 1: a lot are options, but they weren't maybe as healthy.
Speaker 1: I don't know if by making sense, but it's like
Speaker 1: it was with l A. And then it's like what
Speaker 1: now you know, it's like that's not necessarily better or
Speaker 1: if anything, it's kind of harder to make a human connection. Well,
Speaker 1: it's sometimes it's just easier to make a choice when
Speaker 1: you have less options in front of you. You go
Speaker 1: to like a uh what are those things called it? Corral? Uh,
Speaker 1: the corral, bufe, grand kraal, golden kraal. If you go
Speaker 1: to a golden I was like, where's he going with? This?
Speaker 1: Was like crane barrel. You got a million options in
Speaker 1: front of you in terms of what you can eat.
Speaker 1: It's almost harder to make a decision and you kind
Speaker 1: of want to try everything. I mean, do what really
Speaker 1: need to look at the menu? If you have a
Speaker 1: menu of like three items, it's just so much easier
Speaker 1: to choose and get content with your choice. It's kind
Speaker 1: of like this is a weird analogy, but it's kind
Speaker 1: of like TV. Like how many times do you go
Speaker 1: on Netflix and you spend more time trying to choose
Speaker 1: an option than actually watching a movie or documentary TV show.
Speaker 1: It's just because there's so much and it's similar to
Speaker 1: dating now. We're we're exposed to so many pole, whether
Speaker 1: it be dating apps or cities or you know, computers
Speaker 1: and technology, social media, that you just there's so many
Speaker 1: options that you're like, well this person is that, but
Speaker 1: they're this person is actually better at this, But then
Speaker 1: that person has that, which I like too, and it's
Speaker 1: just so confusing and convoluted. Will you let us know
Speaker 1: if you end up texting him? Well, there's no way
Speaker 1: because after I respect their boundaries and the fact that
Speaker 1: I mean they're not married, but that they're having a
Speaker 1: kid together, and I do wish them the best obviously,
Speaker 1: and I want that kid to grow up in a
Speaker 1: healthy atmosphere. But he's not. He's not a great guy
Speaker 1: like at all, So how will they end up getting pregnant?
Speaker 1: I know it's very murky. Um. I'm not going to
Speaker 1: speak on maybe how murky it got, but I think
Speaker 1: that there definitely was some cheating, um, and that they
Speaker 1: kind of always fall back to each other. And then
Speaker 1: I think that this, and my assumption is that this
Speaker 1: is a way that she was able to tie him down,
Speaker 1: because nobody's been really able to tie him down. So
Speaker 1: I again, and I don't know, and I honestly genuinely
Speaker 1: believe that baby is going to grow up with I
Speaker 1: know his parents are amazing. I know she has a
Speaker 1: great dad um and family, but so I need to
Speaker 1: respect that. But there is just in the back of
Speaker 1: my head that I'm like, oh, like I hate that
Speaker 1: that still lingers in my head sometimes that I'm like,
Speaker 1: she literally got him, and like I didn't even get
Speaker 1: the chance to be like I don't want to be
Speaker 1: with you or whatever, you know, but it's it's it
Speaker 1: is what it is. I mean, it sucks now and
Speaker 1: I feel for you, but it won't last forever once
Speaker 1: this quarantine ends and you start act, you know, seeing
Speaker 1: other people and distracting yourself and working and going back
Speaker 1: to your normal life. Those feelings will subside. It's just
Speaker 1: tough everybody's going through right now. You're in quarantine. You've
Speaker 1: got nothing else to do but except just think about things.
Speaker 1: We're all we're all going a little a little crazier
Speaker 1: day by day. Um. We we're gonna answer another email,
Speaker 1: but I don't think we have time for that because
Speaker 1: this has been a long episode. So I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: go ahead and sign off, Tori hopefully if you better.
Speaker 1: Thank you, yeah, um, thank thank you to Taylor Nolan
Speaker 1: and Frankie from Too Hot to Handle for joining us today.
Speaker 1: Be sure to check Taylor's podcast out and all that
Speaker 1: good stuff, but be sure to tune in next week
Speaker 1: as well, because maybe we'll just suck a little bit less.
Speaker 1: Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to podcast