WEBVTT - Getting Down in Lockdown 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:04.680 Hell. I Suck It Dating with Dengler and Dared Haven 0:00:05.280 --> 0:00:13.040 Heart Radio Podcast. Hello, everybody, welcome to help by Suck 0:00:13.080 --> 0:00:16.360 at Dating. This is like week five of quarantine. I 0:00:16.400 --> 0:00:21.280 think four or five six. I've lost track of days, weeks, months. Really, 0:00:21.760 --> 0:00:25.439 I'm Jared, joined by Dean and Tori via zoom. Dean, 0:00:25.480 --> 0:00:30.560 how you doing, Bud? Great? Jared, thanks for asking. Um, Yeah, 0:00:30.600 --> 0:00:32.920 you know, nothing really exchanged since last week. I wish 0:00:32.920 --> 0:00:34.879 I had a great compelling story to share. I went 0:00:34.920 --> 0:00:38.080 to the grocery store yesterday. That was my motorcycle got stolen. 0:00:38.120 --> 0:00:41.640 That's about that the hell. So did anybody find the 0:00:41.640 --> 0:00:45.159 guy because you posted the I follow a police report. No, 0:00:45.240 --> 0:00:49.760 no leads, nothing like that yet. But other than that, um, 0:00:49.800 --> 0:00:52.440 just doing some household chores. Made some benches, that's some 0:00:53.200 --> 0:00:57.240 kitchen work on the back splash, made some floating shells. 0:00:57.360 --> 0:01:00.520 You get some housework done. Get some house done. How 0:01:00.560 --> 0:01:02.800 has that been going? Housework with Kaylin? You guys are 0:01:02.840 --> 0:01:07.399 like a real married couple, uh wearing rings, you're making 0:01:07.440 --> 0:01:14.240 cabinets together, as opposed to a fake married couple. Yes. Anyways, 0:01:14.360 --> 0:01:15.920 who do we got this week? We got our great 0:01:15.959 --> 0:01:19.840 friend from Bachelor Nation Taylor Nolan, she's gonna come on 0:01:19.920 --> 0:01:23.920 and talk about sex in quarantine. We're all thinking it. 0:01:24.240 --> 0:01:26.440 She's gonna start talking about it. And we have Frankie 0:01:26.520 --> 0:01:28.520 from Too Hot to Handle who is going to come 0:01:28.560 --> 0:01:34.120 on as well, and we're gonna mails and had like 0:01:34.160 --> 0:01:38.000 the biggest it's the biggest show right now. It's a show. 0:01:38.200 --> 0:01:41.320 It's gonna be a show. It's the biggest show, isn't 0:01:41.319 --> 0:01:43.800 it like number one trending on Netflix right now? Oh? 0:01:43.840 --> 0:01:46.600 I think he'salking about this show. Well, this show is 0:01:46.600 --> 0:01:49.720 obviously the best show. It's the best podcast. This is uh, 0:01:50.360 --> 0:01:52.880 this is a show. This is a great show. So 0:01:52.920 --> 0:01:56.640 we're the host of let's talk about it with Taylor Nolan. 0:01:56.760 --> 0:01:59.080 Of course it is Taylor Nolan. Ladies and gentlemen, let's 0:01:59.080 --> 0:02:00.760 give her a round of applause. Dean, come on, now, 0:02:02.160 --> 0:02:04.360 this is quite the welcoming. Thank you, thank you. That's 0:02:04.360 --> 0:02:06.360 what we're all about here. I help my second dating Taylor. 0:02:06.400 --> 0:02:08.160 How are you? This is not your first time on 0:02:08.200 --> 0:02:13.440 this podcast? Yeah, I've been on once twice before. Um, 0:02:13.480 --> 0:02:16.040 but yeah, I'm I'm really doing well. I'm taking it 0:02:16.120 --> 0:02:19.680 day by day and focusing on what's in my immediate 0:02:19.680 --> 0:02:21.960 control and just hanging out with my plants and my 0:02:22.080 --> 0:02:28.160 cat and vibrators and books and lots of hydration. It's 0:02:28.200 --> 0:02:30.720 been good. Speaking of vibrators, let's jump right into it. 0:02:30.760 --> 0:02:34.440 You are a sex therapist, correct. I'm in training as 0:02:34.440 --> 0:02:37.160 a sex therapist, yes, And so how long is training 0:02:37.200 --> 0:02:40.720 for a sex therapist? So it'll take about two years. 0:02:40.720 --> 0:02:43.839 It's essentially getting another masters. So I have a few 0:02:43.880 --> 0:02:46.880 clients that I work with specifically around sex therapy right now, 0:02:46.960 --> 0:02:51.280 and it's been going really well. Uh, that's pretty awesome. 0:02:51.280 --> 0:02:53.200 I'm not gonna lie. What made you want to become 0:02:53.200 --> 0:02:58.120 a sex therapist? Well, when I took human sexuality and 0:02:58.639 --> 0:03:02.280 my undergrad i'mber like idolizing my professor and thinking it 0:03:02.320 --> 0:03:04.959 was so cool what she did. But I didn't want 0:03:05.000 --> 0:03:07.240 to pigeonhole myself or feel like I was trapped in 0:03:07.240 --> 0:03:09.919 one category, so I just went for my master's and 0:03:10.080 --> 0:03:13.280 overall counseling. But I mean, sex has always been a 0:03:13.280 --> 0:03:16.440 topic I light up around. I've always loved discussing it, 0:03:16.680 --> 0:03:19.639 and I think more throughout my early twenties, you know, 0:03:20.240 --> 0:03:22.640 six now, and I feel like I've gotten more in 0:03:22.639 --> 0:03:26.079 touch with my own sexuality. That's made me much more curious, 0:03:26.080 --> 0:03:30.040 both personally and professionally as to what you know, how 0:03:30.080 --> 0:03:32.680 we experience sex, how we go about sex in our 0:03:32.760 --> 0:03:36.280 dating life. Um, it's such a huge part of just 0:03:36.320 --> 0:03:38.640 being a human, So to me, it just made a 0:03:38.640 --> 0:03:40.760 lot of sense to get this extra training in it. 0:03:41.880 --> 0:03:46.120 Are you currently dating right now in the quarantine? Uh? 0:03:46.280 --> 0:03:51.920 Somewhat somewhat because I know, uh that you had a 0:03:52.280 --> 0:03:55.120 breakup last last year at some point last fall. I 0:03:55.120 --> 0:03:58.720 believe I was reading about it. Um. Yeah, And so 0:03:58.800 --> 0:04:01.520 now that we're in quarantine, I'm very curious, being a 0:04:01.560 --> 0:04:04.520 married man, what it's like being single during this time. 0:04:04.560 --> 0:04:06.440 So are you on dating apps and talking to people? 0:04:07.600 --> 0:04:11.320 So I was on one dating app and was talking 0:04:11.360 --> 0:04:14.880 to lots of people, Like pre quarantine, I feel like 0:04:14.880 --> 0:04:18.400 I was talking to like ten different people. It was 0:04:18.440 --> 0:04:25.000 a lot. Yeah, it was. It was a lot. Um. 0:04:25.080 --> 0:04:27.160 And granted all those are long distance, so it's not 0:04:27.200 --> 0:04:29.479 like I was constantly going on dates. But I was 0:04:29.520 --> 0:04:33.400 always on the phone, always having FaceTime calls. And yeah, 0:04:33.480 --> 0:04:37.479 now it's I've just gotten way more intentional about where 0:04:37.480 --> 0:04:41.839 I'm putting my emotional energy. So, um, there's really only 0:04:41.880 --> 0:04:44.160 one person now that I kind of talked to. It's 0:04:44.160 --> 0:04:47.840 the same person from September to January. Um, you I 0:04:47.880 --> 0:04:51.400 think met him Jared Ah. Does his name rhyme with 0:04:51.839 --> 0:04:57.080 H terrick death. I'm sorry I had to ask. Come on, now, 0:04:57.240 --> 0:05:00.560 come on, I had to bring it up too soon. 0:05:01.000 --> 0:05:02.320 I forgot. I just get it out of the way, 0:05:02.400 --> 0:05:04.560 Get it out of the way. Well, Taylor, because you've 0:05:04.560 --> 0:05:08.760 always talked about on your instagram's your sex cations. Yeah, yeah, 0:05:09.120 --> 0:05:11.200 so I had it. We're not having any sex cations 0:05:11.240 --> 0:05:14.760 during all this, No, I miss I miss sex stations 0:05:17.600 --> 0:05:21.799 as sex caation is basically a vacation for sex. Um, basically, 0:05:21.800 --> 0:05:24.520 when you're long distance, I consider every visit to be 0:05:24.560 --> 0:05:27.200 a sex cation. Um. So I had a partner that 0:05:27.200 --> 0:05:32.240 I was seen from September to January pretty consistently about 0:05:32.360 --> 0:05:34.200 at least once a month. We saw each other and 0:05:34.200 --> 0:05:39.120 he's in Toronto. Um but yeah, now it's like no 0:05:39.360 --> 0:05:44.680 sex cations and not really dating anyone more, taking this 0:05:44.839 --> 0:05:49.320 time to focus on my own personal growth. And I 0:05:49.400 --> 0:05:53.520 love your openness and candidness about It's very refreshing. Thanks. Yeah, 0:05:53.720 --> 0:05:57.359 it's I mean, I love having these conversations that I 0:05:57.400 --> 0:05:59.839 love talking about this stuff anyway, and I feel like 0:06:00.160 --> 0:06:02.560 so much shame around it that I'm like, if I 0:06:02.600 --> 0:06:05.039 don't care and I can just openly share, then I 0:06:05.080 --> 0:06:07.760 know it will at least help some people feel less 0:06:07.800 --> 0:06:11.599 shameful and more open and empowered to explore their own sexuality. 0:06:11.800 --> 0:06:16.360 Are you getting um uh therapy in the quarantine as well? 0:06:16.400 --> 0:06:20.039 Like virtually? Yep. Yeah. Part of why I won't be 0:06:20.040 --> 0:06:21.640 on the second half of this episode because I have 0:06:21.640 --> 0:06:25.599 a client at two thirty so yeah, yeah, yeah, just 0:06:25.640 --> 0:06:30.320 doing everything virtually with clients. Um. I've before I was 0:06:30.360 --> 0:06:32.880 only saying clients one day a week, and with everything 0:06:32.920 --> 0:06:36.440 happening in Quarantine, I've opened my schedule up a bit, 0:06:36.520 --> 0:06:39.320 so now I am working with some new clients and 0:06:39.520 --> 0:06:42.919 take in some some new cases on. So do a 0:06:42.920 --> 0:06:46.919 lot of the clients you have, are they bashful at first? 0:06:47.920 --> 0:06:49.960 Do they feel a little bit pure coming to you 0:06:52.240 --> 0:06:56.520 because of me or just because because topics that they're 0:06:56.560 --> 0:07:00.760 bringing of course the topics that they're bringing. Yeah, so 0:07:01.200 --> 0:07:05.120 it depends. Some people are super comfortable and they're just like, yeah, 0:07:05.120 --> 0:07:07.400 like I shouldn't talk about this stuff, like I'm struggling 0:07:07.480 --> 0:07:11.320 with this, and others definitely are shy. Some for some 0:07:11.360 --> 0:07:13.440 people it's their first time in therapy where we go 0:07:13.560 --> 0:07:17.040 really slow. I assure clients that, you know, the first session, 0:07:17.400 --> 0:07:20.800 the first months even doesn't have to be you telling 0:07:20.840 --> 0:07:23.400 me your entire life story. That you know, this is 0:07:23.440 --> 0:07:26.240 a relationship like any other that's gonna take time to 0:07:26.360 --> 0:07:29.360 build that trust and build that rapport and for to 0:07:29.360 --> 0:07:31.440 feel like a safe place that they can talk about 0:07:31.480 --> 0:07:36.520 these really deep, insecure, shameful things that they haven't felt 0:07:36.520 --> 0:07:40.120 comfortable to discuss outside of that space. So there's definitely 0:07:40.280 --> 0:07:42.840 parts of that and we work through it. Why do 0:07:42.880 --> 0:07:46.640 you think sex is such a taboo topic? Why do 0:07:46.680 --> 0:07:49.400 I think it's such a taboo topic? Become a part 0:07:49.440 --> 0:07:57.200 of society. Yeah, uh, not to be anti religion here, 0:07:57.480 --> 0:07:59.840 but a lot of it does also have to do 0:08:00.480 --> 0:08:04.280 with how the church has told us to view sex 0:08:04.320 --> 0:08:07.239 and view pleasure within our bodies. That is a large 0:08:07.240 --> 0:08:10.040 part of it. UM. A large part of it is 0:08:10.400 --> 0:08:15.920 also our patriarchal society, UM in terms of women's sexuality 0:08:16.080 --> 0:08:21.280 being hyper sexualized yet experiencing shame if we actually express 0:08:21.320 --> 0:08:26.080 our sexuality. UM, you know, we we received so many 0:08:26.600 --> 0:08:29.960 confusing messages around sex. Even this new show which have 0:08:30.120 --> 0:08:33.839 to handle on Netflix represents that very well, where it's 0:08:33.880 --> 0:08:36.480 this thing that we all want, but then we're also 0:08:36.520 --> 0:08:39.440 going to judge each other for and try to shame 0:08:39.640 --> 0:08:44.200 ourselves out of. Um, it's we just received so many 0:08:44.200 --> 0:08:48.280 different messages around it, and um, you know, we don't 0:08:48.320 --> 0:08:50.760 have any proper education around it when we grow up, 0:08:50.800 --> 0:08:54.880 so automatically we're left feeling like this thing that's supposed 0:08:54.880 --> 0:08:57.160 to be this end all, be all, this amazing, pleasurable 0:08:57.160 --> 0:08:59.560 experience that like if you really want to be cool 0:08:59.760 --> 0:09:01.400 and you really want to be happy, then like you 0:09:01.520 --> 0:09:04.800 gotta be having good sex. Yet if we actually ask 0:09:04.880 --> 0:09:07.520 questions about it, we talked about it, everyone gets uncomfortable 0:09:07.559 --> 0:09:09.640 because it's supposed to be this private thing that you 0:09:09.720 --> 0:09:13.360 say for marriage. That you know, our whole concept in 0:09:13.400 --> 0:09:17.720 our society around virginity, even this kind of innocent purity 0:09:17.760 --> 0:09:22.120 concept that we try so hard to instill in women. Um, 0:09:22.160 --> 0:09:24.600 there's a whole lot of reasons and who we feel 0:09:24.640 --> 0:09:27.800 stame around this. It's weird because we don't talk about it. 0:09:27.800 --> 0:09:30.200 That's such a until we're older, because it's such an 0:09:30.240 --> 0:09:34.720 uncomfortable conversation and so like, I'm not afraid to admit this. 0:09:34.760 --> 0:09:36.480 A lot of things that I learned about sex or 0:09:36.520 --> 0:09:39.080 from porn, and I don't think that's a good thing. 0:09:39.200 --> 0:09:42.640 I don't think that's a good thing at all, because well, 0:09:42.679 --> 0:09:46.640 I don't know, maybe Dean, you have a different I mean, 0:09:46.640 --> 0:09:49.280 I expect I think that as a young man, I 0:09:49.280 --> 0:09:53.840 think our first experience with sex is through watching porn. 0:09:54.040 --> 0:09:56.679 Like you know, I would imagine that most young boys 0:09:56.840 --> 0:10:02.240 get that before they are being sexually active. Um m, yeah, 0:10:02.280 --> 0:10:04.840 and that is probably breeds pretty unhealthy habits too, I 0:10:04.840 --> 0:10:07.400 think within people, and if they're unable to break that 0:10:07.480 --> 0:10:09.360 later on in life too, it's probably not the healthiest thing. 0:10:09.400 --> 0:10:12.200 But if for our listeners, then what advice would you 0:10:12.240 --> 0:10:15.440 have for them, whether they're single or in a relationship 0:10:15.480 --> 0:10:19.800 in the quarantine? Um, I guess because it's like everything 0:10:19.880 --> 0:10:23.080 is so different now where you know, if you're if 0:10:23.120 --> 0:10:25.200 you don't normally live with your signific another, now you're 0:10:25.200 --> 0:10:27.040 spending all this time with him because you're quarantine together. 0:10:27.120 --> 0:10:29.160 Or let's say you're single and then you're not having 0:10:29.200 --> 0:10:31.480 the casual sex that are able to have before. What 0:10:31.559 --> 0:10:33.800 advice would you have for the listeners, either on one 0:10:33.800 --> 0:10:38.240 side or the other. Yeah, Well, first I want to 0:10:38.280 --> 0:10:44.160 answer this discussion around porn quickly, no worries I might 0:10:44.200 --> 0:10:46.320 need you to like re ask me that question after this. 0:10:46.480 --> 0:10:48.240 But UM, I do want to touch on the porn 0:10:48.240 --> 0:10:51.920 piece because yes, it has served as our education UM 0:10:52.000 --> 0:10:54.640 and unfortunately has taught us a lot of really toxic, 0:10:54.800 --> 0:10:58.920 unhealthy UH concepts around sex and how we interact with 0:10:58.960 --> 0:11:03.800 each other. I will recommend Eric Colust. She is a 0:11:04.360 --> 0:11:10.280 ethical feminist UH in the adult film director and producer UM. 0:11:10.360 --> 0:11:14.240 She has several different platforms at which she hosts her 0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:16.959 adult films. One is ex Confessions and the other is 0:11:17.040 --> 0:11:21.200 Left Cinema. UM. As a woman, porn was not something 0:11:21.320 --> 0:11:25.120 a I saw myself in. B was relatable, c always 0:11:25.120 --> 0:11:29.160 felt safe and d that never really actually looked enjoyable 0:11:29.320 --> 0:11:32.880 for the females in the films, UM, I wouldn't even 0:11:32.920 --> 0:11:38.680 call them films in your mainstream porn. But yeah, but 0:11:38.840 --> 0:11:42.280 from Erica Lust, UH, it really is cinema. It is 0:11:43.280 --> 0:11:47.199 you know, it's very relatable. You see real bodies in there. 0:11:47.240 --> 0:11:50.040 She is like docuseries around sex where you do actually 0:11:50.080 --> 0:11:53.920 see real couples, UM from all sizes, all ages. They 0:11:53.960 --> 0:11:56.720 she has transporn on there, she has pregnancy porn on 0:11:56.760 --> 0:12:00.840 their Um, it is just a fantastic resource. I highly 0:12:00.880 --> 0:12:05.520 recommend UM. I posted about it last week actually, and 0:12:05.520 --> 0:12:09.000 it sparked this whole conversation about porn being this cheating 0:12:09.280 --> 0:12:13.760 website and extrafficking and all this stuff which do does 0:12:13.840 --> 0:12:16.880 just represent and kind of mirror back to me all 0:12:16.960 --> 0:12:20.880 the issues that porn has created in our society. But Um, 0:12:20.920 --> 0:12:24.760 from lots of research, Air Collest is doing fantastic work 0:12:24.800 --> 0:12:27.920 in this space because sex workers do deserve to be 0:12:27.960 --> 0:12:31.400 paid properly. Sex workers do deserve the right to be 0:12:31.440 --> 0:12:33.880 able to do their work in a safe environment that 0:12:34.040 --> 0:12:37.120 is pleasurable and is enjoyable for them. Um. And she's 0:12:37.120 --> 0:12:39.880 really producing all of that. So I'll give that as 0:12:39.920 --> 0:12:45.000 a as a resource that is fantastic. UM. And Dean, 0:12:45.120 --> 0:12:48.480 what was your your follow up question there? What advice 0:12:48.480 --> 0:12:51.959 would you have for the people that are currently quarantined, uh, 0:12:52.080 --> 0:12:55.160 you know that are having to change their sexual habits 0:12:55.200 --> 0:12:59.319 because of everything. M hmm. Yeah. So one thing I'm 0:12:59.320 --> 0:13:02.080 finding is that Fouler either going to one extreme or 0:13:02.120 --> 0:13:06.360 the other. They're either really getting into sex and they're 0:13:06.400 --> 0:13:08.800 having a lot of sex right now, or they're masturbating 0:13:08.840 --> 0:13:12.439 a lot, or they are so stressed and paralyzed by 0:13:12.440 --> 0:13:16.679 that stress and anxiety, or are super busy, constantly connected 0:13:16.720 --> 0:13:22.200 to technology and not feeling sexual at all. Um. One 0:13:22.559 --> 0:13:24.880 piece of advice that I would definitely give during this 0:13:24.960 --> 0:13:28.760 time is to just be gentle with yourself. Uh, if 0:13:28.800 --> 0:13:32.600 you are not feeling in the mood, give yourself some compassion. 0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:35.480 Don't put that pressure on yourself because it will only 0:13:36.360 --> 0:13:39.480 make it worse. So don't put pressure on yourself. We're 0:13:39.520 --> 0:13:43.120 talking about pressure that you mentioned the Netflix show Uh 0:13:43.240 --> 0:13:46.720 Too Hot to Handle. So being a sex therapist and training, 0:13:46.760 --> 0:13:50.520 what are your thoughts about that show? Yeah, so I've 0:13:50.559 --> 0:13:53.920 actually had this week we'll have Kell's and Matthew on 0:13:54.000 --> 0:13:58.319 my podcast, and I gotta say I the show obviously 0:13:58.360 --> 0:14:02.240 was very entertaining, but I do think it's if I 0:14:02.240 --> 0:14:04.319 put on my therapist hat. Had a lot of really 0:14:04.360 --> 0:14:08.920 confusing messages around sex and wasn't super sex positive. Well, 0:14:08.920 --> 0:14:10.840 they were just sexually charged. They couldn't keep their hands 0:14:10.840 --> 0:14:16.040 off each other for money. Yes, I'm so curious to 0:14:16.080 --> 0:14:18.439 see where they found these people because they all seemed 0:14:18.559 --> 0:14:22.000 so sexually motivated, more so than anyone I've ever seen 0:14:22.000 --> 0:14:25.120 on the reality show before. Yeah, and you know, I 0:14:25.160 --> 0:14:26.760 got to say, I feel like a lot of it 0:14:26.920 --> 0:14:31.080 was exaggerated in terms of how like sexually liberated they 0:14:31.120 --> 0:14:35.120 really are, because in in the description at least that 0:14:35.120 --> 0:14:38.720 we're given, it sounds like they are having meaningless sex. 0:14:38.760 --> 0:14:42.800 Now I'm not saying casual sex, because casual sex can 0:14:42.840 --> 0:14:46.280 be meaningful, casual sex can have emotional depth to it, 0:14:46.680 --> 0:14:49.880 but it sounded like what these contestants were having pre 0:14:50.000 --> 0:14:54.240 show were these drunken hookups that basically they were forgetting 0:14:54.280 --> 0:14:57.400 the next day right or just throwing themselves out there 0:14:57.440 --> 0:15:02.720 trying to find love through sex, which isn't always. I mean, 0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:06.680 sometimes the work, sometimes it doesn't. But unfortunately, I think 0:15:06.680 --> 0:15:10.480 they were lacking a lot of intention around their sex lives. 0:15:10.760 --> 0:15:12.880 So I get that the point of the show for 0:15:12.920 --> 0:15:16.920 them was to you know, take a step back, to 0:15:17.000 --> 0:15:20.080 allow themselves to be emotionally vulnerable. I think it does 0:15:20.160 --> 0:15:24.000 reflect our hook up culture in our society, um, but 0:15:24.960 --> 0:15:30.720 it just it definitely objectified the women. It definitely seemed like, 0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:33.320 you know, oh, can we can we use our sexuality 0:15:33.360 --> 0:15:36.400 to get these guys to like spend money, um. And 0:15:36.440 --> 0:15:41.920 it wasn't the the sexual liberation quote unquote of contestants 0:15:41.960 --> 0:15:48.280 didn't necessarily feel uh overall sex positive to me. Yeah, 0:15:48.320 --> 0:15:50.320 I agree with that. I think that it was just 0:15:50.320 --> 0:15:52.040 such a weird focus for the show to have. I'm 0:15:52.040 --> 0:15:59.360 not weird, but um and charged with sexual energy. It 0:15:59.440 --> 0:16:00.880 was just so was I mean, I thought it was 0:16:00.920 --> 0:16:04.160 a good show, is entertaining at least as far as 0:16:03.840 --> 0:16:06.360 goes um, but I can definitely see that it doesn't 0:16:06.360 --> 0:16:13.360 necessarily build the healthiest uh yeah, and especially the part 0:16:13.400 --> 0:16:17.280 where they're not even allowed to masturbate, Like so what 0:16:17.320 --> 0:16:19.000 does that have to do with their ability to have 0:16:19.040 --> 0:16:22.160 a deeper emotional connection with another person? Like, if anything, 0:16:22.200 --> 0:16:26.040 that's going to help it? And I think most of 0:16:26.040 --> 0:16:29.240 what we saw were the guys being like, what like 0:16:29.360 --> 0:16:31.880 that means we can't masturbate, we can't jerk off? What like, 0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:34.360 how are we going to survive? I've never not gone, 0:16:34.800 --> 0:16:37.520 you know, a few days without masturbating. You can really 0:16:37.560 --> 0:16:40.000 see anything from the girls around that standpoint. So I 0:16:40.040 --> 0:16:43.240 almost would have loved them to been like, you know, okay, 0:16:43.320 --> 0:16:47.040 everyone is free to masturbate, but like, you know, wait 0:16:47.120 --> 0:16:50.560 until something I don't even know even putting the pressure 0:16:50.600 --> 0:16:53.240 to like wait to have sex. It's more like when 0:16:53.280 --> 0:16:55.520 you actually have been vulnerable and you connect to that 0:16:55.560 --> 0:16:58.960 person or you're intentional about you know what you want 0:16:58.960 --> 0:17:00.800 out of that sexual experien rance with them, then go 0:17:01.000 --> 0:17:05.159 for it. But yeah, that the masturbation piece. I was like, 0:17:06.440 --> 0:17:09.320 I mean, I'm a sex therapist, but wouldn't the ability 0:17:09.400 --> 0:17:11.679 to masturbate on that show make it easier to not 0:17:11.760 --> 0:17:16.640 have sex with other people? In some ways yes, but 0:17:16.720 --> 0:17:19.760 in other ways not necessarily, because masturbation can be used 0:17:19.800 --> 0:17:22.120 to increase your sex drive. The more sex are having, 0:17:22.200 --> 0:17:28.800 the more sex you want. Huh. Interesting, Yeah, buyer beware 0:17:28.840 --> 0:17:33.720 they're on that one before you go. Um, to change 0:17:33.720 --> 0:17:36.399 the subject a little bit, we had some news in 0:17:36.440 --> 0:17:37.919 the dating world that I wanted to get your two 0:17:37.960 --> 0:17:40.359 cents on and Dean, of course your thoughts on this 0:17:40.400 --> 0:17:44.120 as well. A celebrity couple guys broke up this week, 0:17:44.240 --> 0:17:47.600 very sad Christen Cavalery and j Cutler all over ten 0:17:47.680 --> 0:17:51.840 years of marriage, all done. They're getting divorced. Uh and 0:17:51.880 --> 0:17:56.639 they have obviously their show. Uh, they have their family, 0:17:56.680 --> 0:18:01.639 their kids. I think they have three three kids. Um, 0:18:01.720 --> 0:18:03.560 so what are your what are your thoughts? Ten years 0:18:03.560 --> 0:18:06.359 of marriage no more christiancabulary and J color what are 0:18:06.359 --> 0:18:10.760 your thoughts? On a guest. Yeah, I mean, I'll just 0:18:10.840 --> 0:18:15.959 share here. I think whether it's quarantine times or not, UM, 0:18:16.000 --> 0:18:21.000 you know, it's obviously unfortunate, but also not necessarily. I mean, 0:18:21.080 --> 0:18:23.639 if they're not happy in that relationship, then good for 0:18:23.680 --> 0:18:26.720 them for making the best decision for the both of them. Uh. 0:18:26.920 --> 0:18:32.880 Divorce and separation is not always a um sad negative thing. Um, 0:18:32.920 --> 0:18:34.840 certainly you can have whatever feelings you want around it. 0:18:34.880 --> 0:18:37.000 But for them this might be a really positive step 0:18:37.359 --> 0:18:40.119 UM in their lives with each other, transitioning out of 0:18:40.160 --> 0:18:45.639 this relationship. UM. I do think quarantine is kind of 0:18:45.640 --> 0:18:48.280 putting people in a position where they're forced to really 0:18:48.320 --> 0:18:50.159 look at their lives and how they're living on a 0:18:50.240 --> 0:18:52.199 day to day basis, and what kind of energy they 0:18:52.240 --> 0:18:54.480 have in their lives and what their relationships look like. 0:18:54.600 --> 0:18:57.960 And you know, who knows, this could have been a 0:18:58.040 --> 0:19:01.320 kind of environment that pushed them to that and that 0:19:01.520 --> 0:19:03.879 brought things to light that they were avoiding or that 0:19:04.400 --> 0:19:06.320 we're kind of swept underneath the rug that now no 0:19:06.440 --> 0:19:10.720 longer could could be tolerated. UM. I'm not sure, but 0:19:10.800 --> 0:19:13.560 definitely hoping the best for both of them. Do you 0:19:13.680 --> 0:19:16.359 have any thoughts? Did they have a statement or anything. 0:19:16.400 --> 0:19:19.000 I just this is how I'm finding out about it. 0:19:19.040 --> 0:19:21.160 Like I knew coming into the episode that they were 0:19:21.160 --> 0:19:24.439 broken up, but it was the I mean, their statement 0:19:24.520 --> 0:19:26.600 is with great sadness. After ten years together, we have 0:19:26.680 --> 0:19:28.800 come to a loving conclusion to get a divorce. We 0:19:28.800 --> 0:19:30.560 have nothing but love and respect for one another and 0:19:30.600 --> 0:19:33.480 are deeply grateful for the years shared memories made and 0:19:33.520 --> 0:19:35.679 the children we are so proud of. This is just 0:19:35.720 --> 0:19:38.320 a situation of two people growing apart. We ask everyone 0:19:38.359 --> 0:19:40.680 to respect our privacy as we navigate this difficult time 0:19:40.680 --> 0:19:43.960 within our family. Well, um, have you ever watched their show? 0:19:44.280 --> 0:19:46.639 I have not, but this really gives you, I feel like, 0:19:46.720 --> 0:19:48.560 gives you the open door you and calin here we 0:19:48.560 --> 0:19:54.600 go your own show on. Eh. Yeah, that's perfect. I've 0:19:54.600 --> 0:19:56.600 never seen the show, but as a Broncho Span I 0:19:56.600 --> 0:20:00.240 had Cutler as our quarterback for probably six or seven years, 0:20:00.280 --> 0:20:02.200 and I gotta say I'm impressed that they made it 0:20:02.280 --> 0:20:04.760 ten years. I think that he's you know, he doesn't 0:20:04.760 --> 0:20:06.600 seem like he's the easiest got to get along with. 0:20:06.640 --> 0:20:08.679 He's got a short fuse, if you will, It seems 0:20:08.720 --> 0:20:12.240 like interesting. I never watched the show either, but yeah, 0:20:12.280 --> 0:20:14.120 I was never a big Jay Cutler guy for football. 0:20:14.160 --> 0:20:17.639 I don't know him personally obviously, but yeah, I'm with 0:20:17.680 --> 0:20:19.879 Taylor as well. I just wishing the best. Uh. I 0:20:19.920 --> 0:20:23.800 hope that they're making the right decision. It's always difficult, Um, 0:20:23.840 --> 0:20:26.320 you know, going through these situations with the family. I 0:20:26.359 --> 0:20:30.679 think three three, Well you have it, Um what else 0:20:30.720 --> 0:20:31.920 do you want to talk about? Well, you have Taylor 0:20:31.920 --> 0:20:34.720 because we gotta let her go in a minute. I 0:20:34.800 --> 0:20:37.400 had questions for you now we've got so deep into it. 0:20:37.480 --> 0:20:39.600 All right, So you're single right now? I have about 0:20:39.640 --> 0:20:44.040 another like ten minutes, so perfect. We'll run down some 0:20:44.119 --> 0:20:46.560 quick questions. One, So you're single right now? Would you 0:20:46.600 --> 0:20:54.399 ever consider coming back to the Bachelor franchise? Um? I 0:20:54.440 --> 0:20:57.800 don't know. I'm never someone that's like, you know, I'm 0:20:57.800 --> 0:20:59.560 going to say no right off the bat, or like 0:20:59.800 --> 0:21:03.080 try not to be close minded about things. I honestly 0:21:03.080 --> 0:21:07.880 would be very terrified to do anything in Bachelor World again. UM, 0:21:07.960 --> 0:21:13.080 I would consider it. What makes you so terrified? Well, 0:21:13.119 --> 0:21:16.120 I think answer as you will. There's no pressure here. 0:21:16.119 --> 0:21:20.720 We're just talking. Yeah, yeah, just just a friendly conversation. 0:21:21.400 --> 0:21:23.600 UM No, I mean I think it's scary just to 0:21:23.640 --> 0:21:25.680 put yourself out there in general, you know, and going 0:21:25.680 --> 0:21:27.760 on the show, you never know what's going to happen. 0:21:27.800 --> 0:21:29.720 You never know who else is going to be there, 0:21:29.760 --> 0:21:32.320 you never know what kind of situation you're going to 0:21:32.400 --> 0:21:34.359 find yourself in. You never know what's going to be 0:21:34.359 --> 0:21:36.800 shown and what's not going to be shown. So it 0:21:37.280 --> 0:21:40.080 would definitely be a risk to go back on. It 0:21:40.160 --> 0:21:43.280 might be worth it, it it might not be would probably 0:21:43.280 --> 0:21:45.760 be like a last minute, like well, fuck it decision 0:21:45.800 --> 0:21:48.280 if I did do it. I think that's how we 0:21:48.320 --> 0:21:50.000 all make the decision, isn't it. As soon as we 0:21:50.040 --> 0:21:53.760 signed the contract, we're like yep. That's how going on 0:21:53.760 --> 0:21:55.480 Paradise was the first time for me. I was like, well, 0:21:55.800 --> 0:21:57.639 it can't get much worse than it already was, so 0:21:57.840 --> 0:22:00.600 might as well try. No, I mean, you were fine 0:22:00.800 --> 0:22:02.239 X went back on the show, So now it's kind 0:22:02.240 --> 0:22:08.119 of your opportunity to you know, yeah, maybe maybe I 0:22:08.160 --> 0:22:13.040 don't know that door is at least openly available to 0:22:13.040 --> 0:22:16.880 be opened. I guess that's it's not crapt. It's there, 0:22:16.920 --> 0:22:18.840 but it's not what it's It's just a quick twist 0:22:18.840 --> 0:22:21.960 the knobs. All you gotta do. Well, you were back 0:22:22.040 --> 0:22:25.600 on Paradise with Christina on there as well. Right, My 0:22:25.720 --> 0:22:28.480 thing is like, if I go on, they're probably going 0:22:28.520 --> 0:22:32.760 to be like plant seed here he is um might 0:22:32.840 --> 0:22:36.800 be liked. Had you been on that season of Paradise, 0:22:36.880 --> 0:22:39.520 this most recent one, it would have basically been season 0:22:39.520 --> 0:22:42.720 four all over again. Yeah, did they ask you basically 0:22:43.760 --> 0:22:46.080 I was in a relationship. Yeah, that's right, that's right, 0:22:46.160 --> 0:22:48.960 that's right. Yeah, well that's obviously a good reason not 0:22:49.040 --> 0:22:51.119 to go. I mean, I probably still could have gone on, 0:22:51.160 --> 0:22:54.600 but unfortunately not everybody abides by those decisions, those rules, 0:22:54.640 --> 0:22:58.800