1
00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:02,600
Speaker 1: What's up. Dead As Family is devou of course, as

2
00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:04,640
Speaker 1: you can see, Codeine is not with me, but she

3
00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:07,240
Speaker 1: shares the same sentiment. We want to let you guys

4
00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:09,760
Speaker 1: know that this episode of dead as podcast was filmed

5
00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:13,400
Speaker 1: and recorded prior to Kevin Samuel's untimely death and we

6
00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:16,640
Speaker 1: wanted to send our blessings and prayers to his family

7
00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:21,000
Speaker 1: and also say rest in peace to him. High value

8
00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:26,160
Speaker 1: can only be determined by the person willing to pay

9
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:31,240
Speaker 1: the calls. M m m m mmmmmm. So that means

10
00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:38,239
Speaker 1: if you have a beer budget and champagne taste, you

11
00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:48,040
Speaker 1: out of luck. Hey, I'm and we're the Ellises. You

12
00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:50,400
Speaker 1: may know us from posting funny videos with our boys

13
00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:54,960
Speaker 1: and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,

14
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:58,720
Speaker 1: I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow. And one

15
00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:01,960
Speaker 1: more important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We

16
00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:05,080
Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's

17
00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:08,680
Speaker 1: most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk

18
00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:11,000
Speaker 1: about through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead

19
00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:13,200
Speaker 1: ads is the term that we say every day. So

20
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:18,160
Speaker 1: when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth,

21
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:20,800
Speaker 1: the whole truth. And nothing but the truth. We're about

22
00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:25,360
Speaker 1: to take Pillow Talk to a whole new level. Dead

23
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:32,720
Speaker 1: ass starts right now. I'm actually going to take this

24
00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:37,760
Speaker 1: back to very recent I was out with. I'm not

25
00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:39,720
Speaker 1: trying to out anybody. Somebody can tell you who I

26
00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:41,360
Speaker 1: was out with. But there was a bunch of single

27
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:48,400
Speaker 1: people and we were all discussing what we consider to

28
00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:55,960
Speaker 1: be high value, right, And there was one man in particular,

29
00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:58,080
Speaker 1: can't say his name because y'all know him. He's a

30
00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:01,200
Speaker 1: friend of the show, and and he was talking about

31
00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:05,760
Speaker 1: what he considers a high man based on what women

32
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:10,080
Speaker 1: have told him. High value man, right, So of course

33
00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:14,359
Speaker 1: you have to make over six figures, gotta be over

34
00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:18,480
Speaker 1: six ft tall. I gotta believe in God, gotta be

35
00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:21,280
Speaker 1: good in bed, gotta have a six pack, gotta have

36
00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:24,560
Speaker 1: nice teeth, gotta be a family man. I grew up

37
00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:28,600
Speaker 1: with both your parents. And he said, that's why bitches

38
00:02:28,639 --> 00:02:34,079
Speaker 1: are single, because that nigga don't exist. I was like,

39
00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:37,840
Speaker 1: that's not true. That man might exist somewhere, it might

40
00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:44,839
Speaker 1: not be minus the six ft. So I so I'm

41
00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:48,040
Speaker 1: not but I'm not high value enough then, so for

42
00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:51,600
Speaker 1: some women I don't I don't cut it right, So

43
00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:56,400
Speaker 1: lucky you, Yes, lucky, but it's um. It was just

44
00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:58,720
Speaker 1: funny to me in this moment where we were sitting

45
00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:02,520
Speaker 1: at the table with these single women and listening to

46
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:07,040
Speaker 1: what their idea of what a high value man is,

47
00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:12,240
Speaker 1: and then we were talking about what high value woman

48
00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:15,600
Speaker 1: is and for men, it really just came down to

49
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:21,119
Speaker 1: looks and being willing to just take care of the man.

50
00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:25,760
Speaker 1: That was it. If she looks good and she takes

51
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:29,000
Speaker 1: care of me, she's a high value woman. And the

52
00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:33,360
Speaker 1: women were just flabbergasted at this. We haven't dinner. They

53
00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:35,960
Speaker 1: was just like what and they were just like all

54
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:38,400
Speaker 1: the men were kind of being like like, that's all

55
00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:41,080
Speaker 1: I really look for. There was like nothing having to

56
00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:45,120
Speaker 1: do with earning, potential, background, up bringing. We're going to

57
00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:48,400
Speaker 1: dive into this more. We're going to dive is more.

58
00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:52,840
Speaker 1: But the story in it is that women didn't know

59
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:56,600
Speaker 1: what men considered to be high value for a woman,

60
00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:58,600
Speaker 1: and men didn't know what women excided to be high

61
00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:01,120
Speaker 1: value for men. But we're all out here trying to

62
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:04,720
Speaker 1: find each other. Sounds like a clusterfuck of confusion. Ask

63
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:08,400
Speaker 1: me literally, this sound like a clusterficker of confusion. And

64
00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:11,200
Speaker 1: we we all sat there like amazed at what the

65
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:15,680
Speaker 1: other side really I thought high value was can't you

66
00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:20,000
Speaker 1: pay my bills? Can you paying my automobi telephone bills?

67
00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:26,200
Speaker 1: Thinking maybe we could chill. Don't think so you and me?

68
00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,720
Speaker 1: Do do? Do? Do? Do Do you know what that song

69
00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:32,320
Speaker 1: reminds me of? People make it seem like this whole

70
00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:35,360
Speaker 1: high value man woman things like a new thing because

71
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,400
Speaker 1: of Twitter. But in two thousand and two, bills bills,

72
00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:41,200
Speaker 1: bills came out, then no scrubs came out, then no

73
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:45,360
Speaker 1: pigeons came out. So it's like this has been an

74
00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:51,960
Speaker 1: ongoing conversation. This is nothing new, nothing, nothing new. All right,

75
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,240
Speaker 1: let's take a quick break, Yes, and then I guess

76
00:04:54,279 --> 00:04:58,320
Speaker 1: we'll get into the show. Yes, high value man and woman?

77
00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:04,760
Speaker 1: What does that look like? M So we're back story time.

78
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:07,080
Speaker 1: It's always interesting conversation. I feel like when we sit

79
00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:10,440
Speaker 1: down with our single friends, because you know, I will

80
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,600
Speaker 1: be completely honest. Deval and I both I think, at

81
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:16,039
Speaker 1: separate times in different moments, has said, Man, I wonder

82
00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:17,880
Speaker 1: what it would be like to be singles some days?

83
00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:20,000
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Because we started dating at

84
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:23,520
Speaker 1: eighteen and literally we're together for twenty years. Of course

85
00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:26,160
Speaker 1: we hit our moments of like, you know, breaks and whatnot.

86
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:33,479
Speaker 1: But UM, I do not envy the cess pool that

87
00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:37,200
Speaker 1: is dating. I mean, that's not my words. These are

88
00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:40,320
Speaker 1: words I've heard from single people, you know. Um. And

89
00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:44,320
Speaker 1: it's just I think a lot of general confusion that's

90
00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:47,440
Speaker 1: happening because it's simply put here or simply put in

91
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:51,040
Speaker 1: the conversation that we had with our friends. No one

92
00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:53,240
Speaker 1: really knows what the other person is looking for sometimes,

93
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:57,040
Speaker 1: and people are guessing for the most part. Well, shout

94
00:05:57,040 --> 00:06:01,440
Speaker 1: out because she put together this list right, high value

95
00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:03,840
Speaker 1: according to the Internet. Well let's tell them what high

96
00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:05,520
Speaker 1: value is. Because at first, when I heard the term

97
00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:08,200
Speaker 1: my value, I was putting it in a different context.

98
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,520
Speaker 1: So the term high value has gained popularity in the

99
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:15,560
Speaker 1: most recent years, UM, mostly due to influencers like Kevin

100
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:17,720
Speaker 1: Samuel's I'm sure a lot of people are familiar with

101
00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:20,839
Speaker 1: who often boiled down the term to the amount of

102
00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:23,440
Speaker 1: money and man makes and the ability for a woman

103
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:29,440
Speaker 1: to produce pretty babies. But as complex human beings with

104
00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:32,720
Speaker 1: our own unique background experiences, there has to be more

105
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:37,719
Speaker 1: that makes us valuable partners, don't you think, um, Like

106
00:06:37,839 --> 00:06:40,720
Speaker 1: I said in my sound bite, value is determined by

107
00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:44,720
Speaker 1: the person willing to pay the costs. So um, we

108
00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:47,640
Speaker 1: really can't decide what's valuable to people. We have let

109
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:51,040
Speaker 1: them decide. But like I was saying, according to the Internet,

110
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:53,440
Speaker 1: which is I say all the time, is always the

111
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:57,520
Speaker 1: loud minority because and it's gonna sound crazy, don't get

112
00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:02,080
Speaker 1: upset at me, but studies show that most of the

113
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:08,960
Speaker 1: people who consistently interact on people consistently interact on the

114
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:12,360
Speaker 1: Internet do not sit in the majority. This is typically

115
00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:15,920
Speaker 1: the minority, or the extremist. The extremists often sit on

116
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:19,720
Speaker 1: the Internet and combat with other extremists. Most people with

117
00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:23,120
Speaker 1: any idea, whether it's politics, religion, or sex or anything,

118
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:26,120
Speaker 1: there's there's always a moderate. But it seems like the

119
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,840
Speaker 1: extremists always sit on the Internet and argue with each other.

120
00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:31,480
Speaker 1: But then we look at the extremes and consider that

121
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:34,120
Speaker 1: to be the truth. And we we have the popular opinion,

122
00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:37,040
Speaker 1: the popular opinion, And we have to say that upfront

123
00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,640
Speaker 1: because we're using the Internet as a barometer because it's

124
00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:43,400
Speaker 1: will we find people opinions, and it's also just entertaining.

125
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:46,600
Speaker 1: But the Internet is not real. People, like we have

126
00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:49,240
Speaker 1: to we have to just say this. The Internet is

127
00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:52,400
Speaker 1: not a real place. Yes, it's not like we have

128
00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:55,360
Speaker 1: Earth and then we have the Internet where other people

129
00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:58,840
Speaker 1: live on the Internet. It's just it's just not real.

130
00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:01,800
Speaker 1: And you can do that if you want. But some

131
00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:04,880
Speaker 1: people do live on the Internet. Hey, but high value

132
00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:07,679
Speaker 1: according to the Internet, right, the value of something determined

133
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:10,280
Speaker 1: by what the market is willing to pay for it. Okay,

134
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:14,320
Speaker 1: six traits of a high value man. According to Mr Kevin,

135
00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:18,040
Speaker 1: Samuel's number one, making at least ten k per month

136
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:21,360
Speaker 1: that will put you in a hundred twenty dollars all right,

137
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,440
Speaker 1: has made at least ten k per month for at

138
00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:28,720
Speaker 1: least three years, so you have to be doing this.

139
00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:34,360
Speaker 1: He's also accepted by other other high value men, which

140
00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,320
Speaker 1: means it's not only about what you make. You have

141
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:39,480
Speaker 1: to be accepted by other men who make similar amounts

142
00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:43,040
Speaker 1: of money. Right to the rolling rolling in similar circles.

143
00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:46,520
Speaker 1: I guess, yes, But also I guess when it means

144
00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:48,880
Speaker 1: accepted by other high value men. You can make your

145
00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:52,360
Speaker 1: money anyway, but if the way you make your money

146
00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:55,439
Speaker 1: isn't accepted by other high value men, then it's kind

147
00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:57,240
Speaker 1: of like I can see that, you know, what I'm saying, like,

148
00:08:57,240 --> 00:09:00,280
Speaker 1: it's really a high value man as a network of

149
00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:02,240
Speaker 1: other high value men that goes what you just said,

150
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:04,600
Speaker 1: has a network, so he hangs with all the high

151
00:09:04,679 --> 00:09:07,960
Speaker 1: value man His value is visible on the internet. On

152
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:12,280
Speaker 1: the Internet. Again, that's that's crazy. Is useful to his

153
00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:15,680
Speaker 1: group of high value men. This is what's crazy. Nothing

154
00:09:15,679 --> 00:09:18,040
Speaker 1: in here has anything to do with women at all,

155
00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:21,360
Speaker 1: at all, at all. This is about how he is

156
00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:25,360
Speaker 1: fearing amongst his comrades for the most part. And I mean,

157
00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:27,240
Speaker 1: if you think about it, kind of makes sense because

158
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:28,960
Speaker 1: if we're going to rate high value men, you have

159
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:32,160
Speaker 1: to rate them against other men on the internet. At

160
00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:34,439
Speaker 1: that visible on the Internet. So it means that the

161
00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:37,720
Speaker 1: people who are posting the highlight reels of their life

162
00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:40,320
Speaker 1: on the Internet are the ones that would fall on

163
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:43,080
Speaker 1: which which to me is kind of crazy because if

164
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:44,800
Speaker 1: you don't post on the Internet, then it means you're

165
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:47,320
Speaker 1: not a high value man. Even if you do fit

166
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,920
Speaker 1: all of these things, it's not If it's not visible

167
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:53,280
Speaker 1: on internet according to this list, then it's not high value.

168
00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:56,120
Speaker 1: And then I also would think that men and women,

169
00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:57,920
Speaker 1: I mean it could go either way, would be concerned

170
00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:01,200
Speaker 1: about posting the fact or just announcing the fact that

171
00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:04,920
Speaker 1: they make over six figures, because then that in itself,

172
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,880
Speaker 1: it makes you wonder are people really even pursuing you

173
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:10,920
Speaker 1: for genuine reasons or is it because they see value

174
00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:16,080
Speaker 1: in you? Well, I mean, I mean, but the best

175
00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:18,480
Speaker 1: with dating is all about dating. Dating is all about

176
00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:21,800
Speaker 1: putting what you offer in the forefront so that you

177
00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:24,840
Speaker 1: can attract other people. Let's think about the Latin right,

178
00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:30,760
Speaker 1: lain nothing about it. Suitors when they wanted the princess's attention,

179
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,880
Speaker 1: they had to come flaunt their riches to prove that

180
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:36,199
Speaker 1: they were worthy. So, I mean, some of the things

181
00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:38,040
Speaker 1: he's coming from is not like he's pulling it out

182
00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:40,840
Speaker 1: of there. And now he's talking about Disney. That's another fantasy.

183
00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:44,960
Speaker 1: Asked world too. It is remember the way they romanticize marriages. Okay,

184
00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:47,880
Speaker 1: that's that's fine, So let's take it to real life recording.

185
00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:52,040
Speaker 1: According right, it is a man's responsibility to take a

186
00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:54,760
Speaker 1: woman out on a date. Right, it is a man's

187
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:58,240
Speaker 1: responsibility to show her the type of life she could

188
00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:01,160
Speaker 1: live if she was a part of his life, which

189
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:04,640
Speaker 1: means he has to kind of flaunce his his ability

190
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:08,240
Speaker 1: to provide. It's the same thing. I mean the same thing.

191
00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:11,280
Speaker 1: It's just not paying an advocate because I just I'm

192
00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:15,040
Speaker 1: just saying like, we can't say it shallow when realistically

193
00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:17,800
Speaker 1: this is what I mean. People. You know what's funny,

194
00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:20,680
Speaker 1: I don't even think that a shallow per se. I

195
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:22,800
Speaker 1: was just playing Devil's advocate because I can think of

196
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:26,440
Speaker 1: even early on when for example, in most cultures, not

197
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:30,920
Speaker 1: most some cultures, they arrange marriages. So you know that

198
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,439
Speaker 1: this family is coming with a certain amount of value,

199
00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:36,360
Speaker 1: and this family is coming with a certain amount of values.

200
00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:39,280
Speaker 1: So you want to put two children together who can

201
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:42,439
Speaker 1: maintain the value or grow the value because they are

202
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:45,880
Speaker 1: together and being a parent. Now I have an understanding

203
00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:48,360
Speaker 1: I think greater of that kind of mindset. You know,

204
00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:51,040
Speaker 1: after just working so hard for years building everything up

205
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,040
Speaker 1: as a family, you want to pay child with some

206
00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:56,760
Speaker 1: in social settings you have jack and jails for example. Right,

207
00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:59,959
Speaker 1: you want to get together with other affluent black people

208
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:03,360
Speaker 1: with your kids together, not a mingle. Hopefully they you know,

209
00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:07,040
Speaker 1: will grow together and maybe something will happen. So let

210
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:09,080
Speaker 1: me ask you a question. Listening to all of this,

211
00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:12,640
Speaker 1: do you feel like, as a woman, if you were single,

212
00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:17,760
Speaker 1: these would be the things that would you would consider

213
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:21,439
Speaker 1: a high value man. But I wouldn't necessarily be placing

214
00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:24,200
Speaker 1: him amongst other men. I think that's more of like

215
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:27,679
Speaker 1: a guy thing where you guys would be saying, Okay, well,

216
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:29,520
Speaker 1: you know he makes a certain amount of money. He

217
00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:31,120
Speaker 1: makes a certain amount of money, then we can kind

218
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:33,520
Speaker 1: of get together and potentially invest or do things together,

219
00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:36,559
Speaker 1: or you can grow your your knowledge base being around

220
00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:40,480
Speaker 1: these kind of men um. Being a woman looking at this,

221
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:43,440
Speaker 1: I think tank here a month is fair, that's what

222
00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:47,240
Speaker 1: the years that would be a fair place to start

223
00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:49,120
Speaker 1: as a woman. If I'm saying okay, I'm looking at

224
00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:51,880
Speaker 1: it for at least three years, which means he is sustainable,

225
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:55,319
Speaker 1: absolutely sustainable lifestyle with the room for growth. I mean

226
00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:59,679
Speaker 1: growth because you are expensive, I am, But it is

227
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:02,120
Speaker 1: about other high value man. I think that is important

228
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:04,840
Speaker 1: because even if you make that much money per month, right,

229
00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:07,160
Speaker 1: what if you do it in an unsavory way? Right?

230
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,040
Speaker 1: What if you sell drugs within your community? What if

231
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:13,320
Speaker 1: you're a pimp? You know what I'm saying, Like, that's

232
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:16,239
Speaker 1: you're not that's not considered high value because you're utilizing

233
00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:19,440
Speaker 1: an extorting, not extorting exploiting other people and their safety

234
00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:21,240
Speaker 1: in order for you to make money. So I think

235
00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:24,400
Speaker 1: the acceptance from other high value men means that people

236
00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:26,959
Speaker 1: respect your hustle, in your grind and how you're able

237
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:29,280
Speaker 1: to bring value. You see what I'm saying, Like, I

238
00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:31,839
Speaker 1: think that's where that that comes from. But on here

239
00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:38,599
Speaker 1: is nothing having to do with looks, uh, morals, family background, Um,

240
00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:41,720
Speaker 1: nothing is in that particular list where I know for

241
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:43,920
Speaker 1: a fact as a woman. So I was gonna ask

242
00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:46,760
Speaker 1: you what's what's missing from this? What's missing? I think

243
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:49,880
Speaker 1: looks definitely, that's the first thing. Is if people want

244
00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:51,520
Speaker 1: to call it a a shallow they can, But that's the

245
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:53,800
Speaker 1: first thing that's going to actually attract someone to someone

246
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:55,640
Speaker 1: Like I'm going to be in a room full of men,

247
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:59,080
Speaker 1: who is my eyes going to land on first? And

248
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:01,720
Speaker 1: then from there you spark conversation and then you go

249
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:09,040
Speaker 1: on definitely just play Devil's advocate. Here. There are more unattractive,

250
00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:16,199
Speaker 1: higher paid men with options for women then there are

251
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:19,880
Speaker 1: attractive men with no money. So I would I would

252
00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:23,240
Speaker 1: beg to differ that looks matter that much to women

253
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:27,440
Speaker 1: because it seems as if it don't matter what you

254
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:30,880
Speaker 1: look like if you can take care of women. That's

255
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:33,400
Speaker 1: for some women. If I'm looking at you and waking

256
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,280
Speaker 1: up to you every morning, you gotta look like this

257
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:44,920
Speaker 1: fine specimen next to stop before you get pregnant. No, no, no, no, seriously, though,

258
00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:47,760
Speaker 1: like when you when you, when you answer the question,

259
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,760
Speaker 1: I want you to try not to answer just for you,

260
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:53,520
Speaker 1: Try to answer for what, like your your friends and like,

261
00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:57,000
Speaker 1: try to think about how women are they want someone

262
00:14:57,080 --> 00:15:00,440
Speaker 1: that looks good initially at least, and are some women

263
00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:01,960
Speaker 1: who are willing to buy pass that and say you

264
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,480
Speaker 1: know what? Okay? On the scale of one to ten,

265
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:09,280
Speaker 1: he's varing around five six. However, he has an amazing personality,

266
00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:11,600
Speaker 1: was brought up the right right way, loves his mama

267
00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:15,360
Speaker 1: you could tell, takes care of his family. Um what else?

268
00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,800
Speaker 1: So where does looks fall on the list of high

269
00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:22,440
Speaker 1: value because the relative to the purchasing. So when it

270
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:26,760
Speaker 1: comes to getting married, because looks can be important for me,

271
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:29,320
Speaker 1: it seems like looks as important for dating and casually

272
00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:34,160
Speaker 1: having sex that when it comes down to marrying a man,

273
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,520
Speaker 1: it seems like women don't care as much about looks

274
00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:41,640
Speaker 1: as they care more about providing and protecting and stability.

275
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:43,600
Speaker 1: Is that fair? I mean I think that would be

276
00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:47,640
Speaker 1: fair to say, Um, for some women, UM, you would

277
00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:50,720
Speaker 1: hope that somebody that you want to marry or eventually

278
00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:53,360
Speaker 1: will marry, is somebody that you can still be attracted to, because,

279
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:55,560
Speaker 1: let's face it, even all this money and stuff aside,

280
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:57,560
Speaker 1: you're going to want somebody that you're physically attracted to.

281
00:15:57,640 --> 00:16:03,400
Speaker 1: Sex is important, you know, like that is important women? Wow? Wow,

282
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:06,240
Speaker 1: it's just I think it's important for both parties. It

283
00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:10,720
Speaker 1: is because whenever, because whenever a man says sex is important,

284
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,720
Speaker 1: women always say sex is not that important. I think

285
00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:18,760
Speaker 1: it's important in marriage. Is it agreed upon often in marriage?

286
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:22,160
Speaker 1: Not upon blasted for saying that sex is not that important.

287
00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:25,240
Speaker 1: It's not that high tone, imp Okay. So sex may

288
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:29,480
Speaker 1: fall on different levels for men versus women in marriage,

289
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:32,120
Speaker 1: but I think overall sex is important because it's always

290
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,040
Speaker 1: a topic of conversation. All right. So I like where

291
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,920
Speaker 1: this is going because now we're talking about a high

292
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:41,000
Speaker 1: value man, not in terms of Kevin Samuel's saying his

293
00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:43,160
Speaker 1: list is based on him and he's The truth is

294
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:47,640
Speaker 1: he's a heterosexual man. So if we're being honest, his

295
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:50,880
Speaker 1: ideas of what a high value man is don't doesn't

296
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:55,200
Speaker 1: matter because we're not trying to attract Kevin Samuels are

297
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,480
Speaker 1: trying to He's right, so men are trying to be

298
00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:00,720
Speaker 1: attractive to women in this case. So if this is

299
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:03,560
Speaker 1: the case, you're saying looks is of paramount importance, I

300
00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:05,359
Speaker 1: think it looks. It's definitely high up there on the

301
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,280
Speaker 1: list for sure. And then we're talking about marriage, not

302
00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:11,000
Speaker 1: just dating at this point, like deliberately, like dating deliberately

303
00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:13,600
Speaker 1: to find someone to Yeah, thinks I just feel like

304
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:16,800
Speaker 1: that's just the initial step in order to say, hey,

305
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,480
Speaker 1: what's going to intrigue me to come up to you

306
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:21,520
Speaker 1: and say, hey, hey, what's your name? It looks that's

307
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:23,240
Speaker 1: gonna be the initial thing for me. So the first

308
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:27,359
Speaker 1: thing is looks right. I'm checking out your teeth, that's breath,

309
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:31,840
Speaker 1: your fingernails, how well you're put together? Is your clothes

310
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:35,040
Speaker 1: put on properly? Did you iron? Here's another question though,

311
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:38,160
Speaker 1: when you if you were single and approaching man a man,

312
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,959
Speaker 1: are you approaching every man with the idea that this

313
00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:43,399
Speaker 1: might be my husband or it's like, let's see if

314
00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:45,679
Speaker 1: I have fun first, and then if I have fun,

315
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:48,520
Speaker 1: then this might be I think if I'm intentional and

316
00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:51,320
Speaker 1: I'm deliberate about where I am. Say I am in

317
00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:53,600
Speaker 1: the pursuit of someone to marry, then yes, I would

318
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:56,399
Speaker 1: pursue somebody with that off the bat, like, hey, you

319
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:57,919
Speaker 1: know what's going on. You have to get to know

320
00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:00,200
Speaker 1: the person first. But because we have to be heir

321
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,840
Speaker 1: to both men and women in this day and age.

322
00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:05,280
Speaker 1: Back in the day, and we're talking about way back

323
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:07,800
Speaker 1: in the day when it was all about chivalry and

324
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:11,320
Speaker 1: women weren't even in the workforce that month. Much women

325
00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:15,720
Speaker 1: dated differently, right because at the time, like say the

326
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,040
Speaker 1: fifties and sixties, when women were not in the workforce,

327
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,560
Speaker 1: when you met a man, you were meeting a man

328
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:25,280
Speaker 1: for a marriage. Now women make their own money, so

329
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:28,000
Speaker 1: even their value on how much money a man makes

330
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,159
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be as high as it once was

331
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:32,440
Speaker 1: because they can take care of themselves and a lot

332
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:35,760
Speaker 1: more women have more sexual freedom. So sometimes women aren't

333
00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:39,160
Speaker 1: even coming to the table with I'm looking for a husband.

334
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,600
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's like, yo, I may be looking for a

335
00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:44,439
Speaker 1: good time, not a long time. So I think as

336
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:46,560
Speaker 1: long as you're deliberate about and you set that intention

337
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:48,439
Speaker 1: off the bat, but not on the initial meet up.

338
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:50,080
Speaker 1: I mean I'm thinking. I'm talking about like the first

339
00:18:50,119 --> 00:18:53,160
Speaker 1: meet up, first met Yeah, it's just attraction. So it's like, great,

340
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,119
Speaker 1: let's see where this goes. But if you know in

341
00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:57,199
Speaker 1: the back of your mind that that's eventually where you

342
00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:59,960
Speaker 1: would like to land is to be married, then that's

343
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:02,720
Speaker 1: dating with what purpose? Dating with intention? That the term

344
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:04,520
Speaker 1: I hear a lot of people use. Now and then

345
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,040
Speaker 1: you have the ones that you said are just out

346
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:08,840
Speaker 1: for a good time. Okay, so you got looks right

347
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:14,719
Speaker 1: after looks, I would definitely say money money, okay, So

348
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:16,920
Speaker 1: after you have going on a couple of dates, you're

349
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:18,679
Speaker 1: going on a couple of days. The first thing you're thinking,

350
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:23,320
Speaker 1: after he's attractive is can he support my lifestyle or

351
00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:26,520
Speaker 1: could we if we were to be together? Is this

352
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:28,760
Speaker 1: type of lifestyle that I could live right? Or for me,

353
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:31,080
Speaker 1: it's more about let me see where this man's ambition is.

354
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:35,000
Speaker 1: You know, it's more. It's not just only money. Sometimes

355
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,560
Speaker 1: a lot of ambitions. So I want to see a drive,

356
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:38,880
Speaker 1: I want to see a hustle. I want to see

357
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:42,679
Speaker 1: it work because it can lead to money. However, not

358
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:45,320
Speaker 1: also talk. You know, some people talk a good game

359
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,760
Speaker 1: and they can sound super ambitious and they can sound

360
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:50,320
Speaker 1: like they have all the right ideas, and then that's

361
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:52,240
Speaker 1: that person that is waiting to get their truck and

362
00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:54,959
Speaker 1: company off the ground, and then years later nothing happens

363
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:57,479
Speaker 1: because they may have the gift of gap and they

364
00:19:57,480 --> 00:19:58,800
Speaker 1: may be able to tell you about all the things

365
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:01,200
Speaker 1: that they have in the work that may never come

366
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:04,160
Speaker 1: to fruition. So I think that it's important to decipher,

367
00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:08,359
Speaker 1: like what's the difference between someone who is actually putting

368
00:20:08,359 --> 00:20:11,440
Speaker 1: the wheels into motion to achieve these things versus someone

369
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:14,160
Speaker 1: who just has the gift of gab and can talk

370
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:17,280
Speaker 1: a good one. So his looks. Then it's to see

371
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:21,080
Speaker 1: where his financial situation is, his ambition is, Um, what's

372
00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:22,720
Speaker 1: the next? I would love to see how he is

373
00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:25,400
Speaker 1: around like his groups of friends, family. I think that's

374
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:28,320
Speaker 1: a very big telltale sign when you were talking to someone.

375
00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:34,679
Speaker 1: So his network, so yeah, also determines his value. I agree. Okay, Okay,

376
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:36,960
Speaker 1: so yeah, it has a network. I mean I guess

377
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:40,239
Speaker 1: I wouldn't necessarily say that accepted by other high value man.

378
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,720
Speaker 1: But yes, there's two difference. It's accepted by other high

379
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:45,240
Speaker 1: value man and then has a network, right, So yeah,

380
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,200
Speaker 1: I would have to agree with having a network of

381
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:51,560
Speaker 1: other high value men, because if you're the sixth person

382
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:55,320
Speaker 1: in a group of six millionaires, then you're going to

383
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:58,480
Speaker 1: be the next millionaire. Right. If you're the sixth person

384
00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,000
Speaker 1: in a group of bumps, then you're going to be

385
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:02,600
Speaker 1: the next month. So when you have a high network

386
00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:05,560
Speaker 1: of a network of high value men, more than likely

387
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:08,600
Speaker 1: this person can sustain being a high value person because

388
00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:12,320
Speaker 1: their network allows them to continue to grow. They're around

389
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:16,040
Speaker 1: people have like minded you know. Um, So so here's

390
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:18,400
Speaker 1: here's the thing it says, is accepted by other high

391
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:22,359
Speaker 1: value men. Right. Um, We also had this conversation because

392
00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:26,840
Speaker 1: amongst my friends who are professional, right trying to compete

393
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:32,640
Speaker 1: with scammers, drug dealers and other men who don't make

394
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:37,000
Speaker 1: their money in the quote unquote legal savory way, how

395
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:40,400
Speaker 1: does a professional man compete with those men? And that's

396
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,639
Speaker 1: where I think it comes to, is accepted by other

397
00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:46,160
Speaker 1: high value men because for example, you know, we come

398
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:49,560
Speaker 1: from Brooklyn, Flatbush Canards. Scamming is a big deal. These

399
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:51,880
Speaker 1: dudes make a lot of money. So for a lot

400
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:54,520
Speaker 1: of young women it's easier to be attracted to that

401
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:58,000
Speaker 1: type of lifestyle, and they pass over on the good

402
00:21:58,000 --> 00:21:59,320
Speaker 1: guy and the funny things. That's what I mean. The

403
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:02,280
Speaker 1: other day that said, um, a lot of you young

404
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:06,360
Speaker 1: women passed up on the good guy to be with

405
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:09,640
Speaker 1: the drug dealer, but now you're looking for a good

406
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:13,439
Speaker 1: guy to raise the drug dealers kids. And I was like,

407
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:16,840
Speaker 1: that's that's deep, you know what I'm saying. And then

408
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:22,200
Speaker 1: and that goes back to when you're looking for a man, right,

409
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:25,800
Speaker 1: his acceptance in society, not just a high value man,

410
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:29,880
Speaker 1: but in society kind of determines on you know, longevity.

411
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:32,359
Speaker 1: You know, can he sustain that lifestyle or is that

412
00:22:32,359 --> 00:22:35,720
Speaker 1: the lifestyle is going to lead to either death or prison?

413
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:38,040
Speaker 1: And I think that's where it comes from accepted by

414
00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:42,080
Speaker 1: other high value man what I'm saying, So, where is

415
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:45,760
Speaker 1: that going on the list for women? Yeah? I think

416
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:48,679
Speaker 1: that I guess, you know, kind of maybe at the

417
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:51,840
Speaker 1: same level of network, if not right below that. Yeah.

418
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:55,000
Speaker 1: That's also I think very very important, especially when you

419
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:58,720
Speaker 1: are thinking about just longevity and a relationship, because you know,

420
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:00,560
Speaker 1: of course any relationship is going to have its ebbs

421
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:02,600
Speaker 1: and flows, but if you have somebody who is at

422
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:06,000
Speaker 1: least solid and you know that once you're together, of course,

423
00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:08,520
Speaker 1: better together is what we've experienced as well too, So

424
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:10,800
Speaker 1: days when you didn't have it, I had it vice versa.

425
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:13,120
Speaker 1: So um, if I at least know that I'm rocking

426
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:16,919
Speaker 1: with somebody who I can depend on, then it's a win.

427
00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:20,440
Speaker 1: He also put here his value is visible on the Internet.

428
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:23,560
Speaker 1: I wonder if he put that based on what he's

429
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:27,480
Speaker 1: heard from women. M it's if he's made his list

430
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:31,480
Speaker 1: based on this is what women are saying. I wonder too,

431
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:33,639
Speaker 1: because in my circle of friends, I've spoken you know

432
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:37,280
Speaker 1: about random, random um interactions that my single friends have

433
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:40,600
Speaker 1: had and whatnot. So one thing that is sometimes a

434
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:43,400
Speaker 1: turn off or raises a red flag, because everyone's throwing

435
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:46,480
Speaker 1: out red flags now, is if you meet someone you

436
00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:50,560
Speaker 1: get their Instagram page and their pages private, or if

437
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:54,600
Speaker 1: you get someone and they don't have social media. It's

438
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,560
Speaker 1: almost it's almost as if to say, what do you

439
00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:00,639
Speaker 1: have to hide? Though? Why are you out on social

440
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:03,679
Speaker 1: media so no one can find you on Facebook and Instagram?

441
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:05,879
Speaker 1: It's like, do you really want to be that detached

442
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:09,240
Speaker 1: from the world from people from your past, because you

443
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:12,240
Speaker 1: know the Internet has a way of keeping you to

444
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:15,080
Speaker 1: the past. Flag. But I'm gonna be honest, that doesn't

445
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:19,280
Speaker 1: bother me. It wouldn't bother me either, but in moments, yeah,

446
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,959
Speaker 1: because it's just like there's so much value placed on

447
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:24,760
Speaker 1: this world of the internet and social media that it's

448
00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:26,600
Speaker 1: like if you don't have these things, something is wrong

449
00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:30,320
Speaker 1: with you. Some things that because what's the mystery behind

450
00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:32,840
Speaker 1: this person why they don't have a social media it's

451
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:35,760
Speaker 1: calling in conversation. So you would say that his list

452
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:38,159
Speaker 1: is pretty I would say, this is pretty accurate, and

453
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:41,320
Speaker 1: then of course adding to you would add looks. You

454
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:43,800
Speaker 1: would add looks. You would also add how they treat

455
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:46,440
Speaker 1: their family and interact with their family. And what was

456
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:47,960
Speaker 1: the other one you said? You would add, I mean,

457
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,720
Speaker 1: as I get to know the guy, it would be

458
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:55,760
Speaker 1: how he treats me, you know, full respectable yep, I

459
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:58,159
Speaker 1: mean sex if it eventually lead to that, yeah, sextually,

460
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,760
Speaker 1: because because he doesn't have sex here, which would lead

461
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,879
Speaker 1: me to believe that women don't value sex when they

462
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:05,679
Speaker 1: think about a high value man. But you're saying that

463
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:07,560
Speaker 1: that's not the kid, because, like you said, Kevin two

464
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:09,840
Speaker 1: is probably as a hetero sexual male is not interested

465
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:13,080
Speaker 1: in that. But as a woman, yes, sex is definitely important.

466
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:17,760
Speaker 1: And size there you go, So I mean and that's

467
00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:19,720
Speaker 1: but that's important that he should put that up there, right,

468
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:23,040
Speaker 1: so size matters. There you go. And I think that

469
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:28,080
Speaker 1: that's important because to be exact length and girth, because

470
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:33,960
Speaker 1: I've known a person or two who's been talking to

471
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:40,480
Speaker 1: somebody and things were going really well and and he's

472
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:45,199
Speaker 1: so nice, and you know, he may not even necessarily

473
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:48,080
Speaker 1: be attend you know, he might be a six point

474
00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:53,800
Speaker 1: five and then one thing leads to another and he's

475
00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:57,080
Speaker 1: like a three point five in the pants, and then

476
00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:59,520
Speaker 1: that in itself can be a turn off too. Well.

477
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:03,320
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna be honest and say that them. I

478
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:07,240
Speaker 1: think that is fair because we put so much pressure

479
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:09,280
Speaker 1: on women to look a certain way and to be

480
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:12,640
Speaker 1: a certain thing that if that's what you require as

481
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:14,560
Speaker 1: a woman, I think it's fair for you to ask that.

482
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:16,679
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like, I don't. To me,

483
00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:19,480
Speaker 1: I don't think anything is shallow because you have one life,

484
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:23,000
Speaker 1: and I think in life you should go for exactly

485
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:25,960
Speaker 1: what you want and you shouldn't be shamed for saying

486
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:28,400
Speaker 1: exactly what you want and what you need because it's

487
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:31,160
Speaker 1: your life. You know what I'm saying, Like, like, no,

488
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,639
Speaker 1: no one can shame you for saying this is what

489
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:36,560
Speaker 1: I want or need. Um. I do think in because

490
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:41,840
Speaker 1: of misogyny, they have taken away a woman's right to

491
00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:45,000
Speaker 1: say what she wants or need sexually, right because it's

492
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:47,000
Speaker 1: like we can't hurt the male ego. But you know

493
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 1: what happens when you do that. Women go into these

494
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:53,960
Speaker 1: relationships and become unfulfilled because their whole life they're told

495
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:55,720
Speaker 1: you can't say what you want to need from your

496
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:58,280
Speaker 1: husband or your man, and you have to just take

497
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:00,440
Speaker 1: what they give and your unful fild and then you

498
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:02,159
Speaker 1: reached that breaking point where you know, what, this is

499
00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:05,200
Speaker 1: not for me, and then women are just like men

500
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:07,040
Speaker 1: and like I'm gonna go get what I need or

501
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:10,040
Speaker 1: what I want regardless of what you think. That happens

502
00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:14,800
Speaker 1: a lot a lot of people are entering into these

503
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:17,359
Speaker 1: marriages and being like, you know, this isn't actually for me.

504
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 1: So if I'm being honest, I think women should be

505
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:22,920
Speaker 1: honest about what they want and need sexually the same

506
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:25,560
Speaker 1: way men are. This way, we can be up front

507
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:27,360
Speaker 1: and say, all right, that's what you want to need,

508
00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 1: and if I meet that, then we cool. If I'm not,

509
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:31,879
Speaker 1: then let's move on. You know what I'm saying, but

510
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:35,439
Speaker 1: we had that conversation as well too at the table,

511
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:41,159
Speaker 1: and it was interesting to hear women's perspectives on sex

512
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:42,880
Speaker 1: when it comes to that, And I think we should

513
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:45,440
Speaker 1: talk about that, because you know what tripped me out there?

514
00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:48,760
Speaker 1: There were five six traits for a high value man,

515
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:53,679
Speaker 1: but they were fifteen traits. I was like, wait a

516
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:57,800
Speaker 1: second hand, so fifteen trains. Let me tell you what

517
00:27:57,840 --> 00:27:59,840
Speaker 1: the fifteen trains for a high value women are. So

518
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:03,639
Speaker 1: I'm not sure where this list came from, doing O trouble,

519
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:09,119
Speaker 1: but this wasn't. This wasn't according to And I think

520
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:11,480
Speaker 1: the reason why he doesn't have one for high value

521
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:15,400
Speaker 1: women is because his audience is predominantly women, so he

522
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:18,320
Speaker 1: hears from women what they consider to be a high

523
00:28:18,359 --> 00:28:20,800
Speaker 1: value man. There's not a lot of men saying to

524
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:28,240
Speaker 1: him from all right, So first, she embraces femininity. She

525
00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:33,280
Speaker 1: cares about her parents. She's agreeable, she's a champion of

526
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:37,960
Speaker 1: women's causes. She's kind, only associates with high value men,

527
00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:44,640
Speaker 1: has good female friends, cares about her reputation, classy, always improved,

528
00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:50,040
Speaker 1: always improving herself, a peacemaker, a tribe builder. Embraces healthy sexuality,

529
00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:56,240
Speaker 1: not a victim saves her sexual power for one man. Wow. Wow.

530
00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 1: It just shows you how different the values are for

531
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:04,560
Speaker 1: men and women and what they put values in. It's

532
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:08,080
Speaker 1: almost like I read this and I felt like a around,

533
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,480
Speaker 1: like they were just like raising this woman onto a pedestal,

534
00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:12,640
Speaker 1: like this is exactly what every man wants. And it

535
00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:14,760
Speaker 1: may not be, it may not be. But but one

536
00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:16,480
Speaker 1: thing I did notice that when you talk about men,

537
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:18,160
Speaker 1: the first thing they talked about was money in the

538
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:22,440
Speaker 1: first two and then the third one was his acceptance

539
00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:24,560
Speaker 1: by other high value man, his network of other high

540
00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:26,720
Speaker 1: value man. It has to be visible on the internet.

541
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 1: So there's a huge emphasis on finance when it comes

542
00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:33,400
Speaker 1: to men. Sure, when it comes to women, there's an

543
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:39,040
Speaker 1: emphasis on embracing femininity, her appearance, her being agreeable, champion

544
00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:41,200
Speaker 1: in women's cause that you see, there's nothing here for

545
00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:45,920
Speaker 1: the women about making money really at all. She associates

546
00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:48,920
Speaker 1: with the high value man, but in what contexts, because

547
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:51,360
Speaker 1: I guess only associates with high value man means if

548
00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:54,720
Speaker 1: she's dating, she's only dating men of a certain caliber,

549
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:59,440
Speaker 1: which I mean as a as a man, I would

550
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:02,480
Speaker 1: definitely put value on that. You know, I remember my

551
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:06,280
Speaker 1: uncle told me, Uncle Kevin, he was always had women

552
00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:07,680
Speaker 1: around when I was growing up, and he was he

553
00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:10,120
Speaker 1: was younger, but he always told me, you don't You

554
00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:13,560
Speaker 1: don't go for the woman that's going after every guy.

555
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:18,000
Speaker 1: You go for the woman who's very selective, because if

556
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:21,680
Speaker 1: she chooses you, that means she's trying to see which

557
00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:24,280
Speaker 1: guy works for her and not just running after attention

558
00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:27,360
Speaker 1: from every guy. And he told me that from a

559
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:30,680
Speaker 1: young age, and I was just like, it makes sense,

560
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:33,560
Speaker 1: and and in my life that's typically the women that

561
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:37,440
Speaker 1: I gravitated towards. I wanted the quiet women who were

562
00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:42,120
Speaker 1: themselves business, you know who. I was like, Okay, well,

563
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:45,520
Speaker 1: she's not running from for attention from everyone. She selected

564
00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:48,320
Speaker 1: about who she gives her attention to, you know what

565
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:52,200
Speaker 1: I'm saying. So I can get that for sure too. Um,

566
00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:56,800
Speaker 1: she's agreeable, a champion of women's causes, is kind, always

567
00:30:56,800 --> 00:31:00,640
Speaker 1: seeking to improves, so a pearance is on here moving herself.

568
00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 1: So she had mass taking some sort of pride in

569
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:06,560
Speaker 1: the way that she looks um embrations healthy sexuality. I

570
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:09,680
Speaker 1: guess that looks different for different people too, because right

571
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:12,920
Speaker 1: now we're in a in a culture where I guess

572
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:17,520
Speaker 1: sexual freedom. Yeah, but you can have sexual freedom and

573
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:20,240
Speaker 1: do it in a healthy way exactly. That's why it

574
00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:24,080
Speaker 1: says embraces healthy sexuality, and I'm kind of glad that changes.

575
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:25,800
Speaker 1: But then it goes down and says she saves her

576
00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:31,360
Speaker 1: sexual power for one man, which means men are high value.

577
00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:34,440
Speaker 1: Men are looking for high value women who are seeking monogamy.

578
00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:37,520
Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying it See it seems like

579
00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 1: they are looking for a woman who wants to be

580
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:42,480
Speaker 1: with one man and not necessarily looking to be with

581
00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:44,360
Speaker 1: a bunch of different And then going back to like

582
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:46,600
Speaker 1: even just the finance part of it where it says

583
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:50,760
Speaker 1: that men are everything was pretty much based around money

584
00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:53,200
Speaker 1: and nothing here having to do with that for women.

585
00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:57,120
Speaker 1: How much is it do you think a high value

586
00:31:57,160 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 1: man is looking for a woman who is high value

587
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:08,720
Speaker 1: making money? Well, for me personally, I've never considered how

588
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:11,560
Speaker 1: much money you make or a woman made to be

589
00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:15,959
Speaker 1: a deal breaker for me. Right, Like my father always

590
00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:18,240
Speaker 1: told me, it is my responsibility of the man to

591
00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:20,320
Speaker 1: be able to provide and protect my wife. Because if

592
00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:22,520
Speaker 1: I'm going to ask a woman to have children for me,

593
00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:25,280
Speaker 1: what if she has a baby and she can't go

594
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:27,760
Speaker 1: back to work. You know what I'm saying like carrying

595
00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:29,440
Speaker 1: and my father told me is carrying a baby is

596
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:31,880
Speaker 1: the hardest thing a person in the on the world

597
00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:35,800
Speaker 1: has to do. It is unfair for a woman after

598
00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 1: having a baby to be forced to go back and

599
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:41,920
Speaker 1: split responsibilities in the household when she's had the sole

600
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:45,360
Speaker 1: responsibility of creating the life that y'all did together. And

601
00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:48,400
Speaker 1: if you think about it, that makes sense. Now for

602
00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:52,000
Speaker 1: some women that sounds misogynistic, and for some women it

603
00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:53,600
Speaker 1: sounds like, well, I don't need to be protected. I

604
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:56,360
Speaker 1: could do my own. That's fine, and if that's fine

605
00:32:56,400 --> 00:33:00,200
Speaker 1: for you, But me as a as a man that

606
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:03,560
Speaker 1: can handle all of the responsibility financially, I'm not looking

607
00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:07,360
Speaker 1: for a woman to have that in order for us

608
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:09,520
Speaker 1: to be a pair. If she does, it's not a

609
00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:12,280
Speaker 1: turn off because you make a lot of money. It

610
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:15,560
Speaker 1: wasn't a turn off. You always had career aspiration, so

611
00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:17,440
Speaker 1: it's not a turn off. But there were moments in

612
00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:19,840
Speaker 1: your life where you were just like, I kind of

613
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:21,520
Speaker 1: want to stay at home and focus on the kids,

614
00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:24,040
Speaker 1: and I was like cool. So it also wasn't a

615
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:26,400
Speaker 1: turn off when you said you didn't want to earn.

616
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:29,040
Speaker 1: So for you, it was knowing that, okay, Karina's ambitios

617
00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:31,200
Speaker 1: said she can do all the things, but she doesn't

618
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:34,800
Speaker 1: have to do all the things. A try builder, right,

619
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:38,040
Speaker 1: A try builder. When for me, when I when I

620
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:40,720
Speaker 1: saw you, it was like, this is a woman that

621
00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:44,000
Speaker 1: could help me do anything I want to do. If

622
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:46,720
Speaker 1: I needed her to earn income, she can. If I

623
00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:48,360
Speaker 1: needed her to take care of the kids, she can.

624
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:50,239
Speaker 1: When I need her to take care of me, she can.

625
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:51,960
Speaker 1: If I need her to help out with my parents,

626
00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:54,920
Speaker 1: she can. You know what I'm saying, My my brother

627
00:33:55,040 --> 00:33:57,080
Speaker 1: and sister. My brother and sister have kids. If if

628
00:33:57,120 --> 00:33:59,480
Speaker 1: I need her to help with them, she can. To me,

629
00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:01,760
Speaker 1: that will is one of the most important things in

630
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:05,240
Speaker 1: a high value woman. For me, it was she's a builder.

631
00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 1: I when I look at women, I look at your

632
00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:12,120
Speaker 1: ability to create life and nurture. Right. So it's like

633
00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:15,360
Speaker 1: anything I have, whether it's a child or an idea,

634
00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:18,719
Speaker 1: you can nurture it to its full progression, to feel

635
00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:22,880
Speaker 1: full potential and help it come to fruition. So that's interesting.

636
00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:27,120
Speaker 1: I guess conversations like this um intrigued me, and I

637
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:29,279
Speaker 1: think they mildly trigger me in a sense, because I'm

638
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:32,759
Speaker 1: raising four boys who will eventually be men, and I

639
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:35,840
Speaker 1: want to be able to have conversations like this with

640
00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:38,080
Speaker 1: them to just kind of prepare them for what they

641
00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:42,080
Speaker 1: may encounter. Now. Granted, we were on a dating scene

642
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:44,880
Speaker 1: for years, and what the dating scene will look like

643
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:47,719
Speaker 1: for them when they're of age. God only knows what

644
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:50,239
Speaker 1: that's going to look like. But you know, I would

645
00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:52,759
Speaker 1: want to hope that they would find somebody who is,

646
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:56,960
Speaker 1: you know, of equal um stock, you know, like somebody

647
00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:59,800
Speaker 1: who can elevate them as well. I would be also

648
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:03,239
Speaker 1: very interested to putting on the list of high value things.

649
00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:05,840
Speaker 1: That's particularly where my boys are looking for someone to

650
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:09,399
Speaker 1: to date eventually, if that's what they choose, I want

651
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:12,200
Speaker 1: to make sure that she has some earning potential and

652
00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:15,120
Speaker 1: that she's not somebody that will just be hanging on

653
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:17,840
Speaker 1: just to hang on because it's like, oh, he got me,

654
00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:20,279
Speaker 1: so I could just sit back and do whatever I

655
00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:23,799
Speaker 1: feel you. But, UM, I'm gonna be honest, your boys

656
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:29,040
Speaker 1: may not be looking for that. Like um. We we

657
00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:33,600
Speaker 1: have put our sons in a situation where they're not

658
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:37,040
Speaker 1: gonna have to come from the bottom like we came. Well,

659
00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:39,279
Speaker 1: that's why I'm more concerned because it's like we've worked

660
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:42,200
Speaker 1: so hard to establish that for them. So it's like

661
00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:45,160
Speaker 1: you're not about to just picked up any old body.

662
00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:49,239
Speaker 1: But but my thing is, a woman's power doesn't any

663
00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:53,360
Speaker 1: person's power doesn't always come from earning potential, right like that,

664
00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:56,359
Speaker 1: that's just not the case. Just because you can't earn

665
00:35:56,440 --> 00:36:00,399
Speaker 1: money doesn't mean you don't have value. And I say

666
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:04,000
Speaker 1: that for men and women, right, because you may have

667
00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:07,480
Speaker 1: a woman who's just she's just a killer when it

668
00:36:07,520 --> 00:36:10,360
Speaker 1: comes to creating revenue, and she may be looking at

669
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:13,239
Speaker 1: men like even if she may she makes may make

670
00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:16,600
Speaker 1: so much money. Right, take say, for example, the budget

671
00:36:16,640 --> 00:36:21,680
Speaker 1: Nesta she makes ten Tiffany, she makes ten figures a year.

672
00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:25,719
Speaker 1: I can guarantee you she probably doesn't look at um,

673
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:29,000
Speaker 1: you know, and God rest her husband's so her husband

674
00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:31,920
Speaker 1: just passed this past year. You know, prayers up to Tiffany,

675
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:35,400
Speaker 1: Elita and her husband. But if she were looking for

676
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:37,680
Speaker 1: another suitor, you know what I'm saying, She know she's

677
00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:40,320
Speaker 1: still warning she's a widow. Now, I can guarantee you

678
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:43,880
Speaker 1: she's not probably saying you have to make X amount

679
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 1: of dollars because money is not something she's looking for.

680
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:50,680
Speaker 1: She probably has so many other things in her life

681
00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:53,239
Speaker 1: that she wants or needs help with that she may

682
00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:56,200
Speaker 1: be looking for a man that could help facilitate those things,

683
00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:58,600
Speaker 1: and it may have nothing to do with revenue. Does

684
00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:03,120
Speaker 1: that make him of that's value because he doesn't do that. No,

685
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:06,680
Speaker 1: because value is only determined by the person willing to

686
00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:11,160
Speaker 1: pay pay the cost for see what I'm saying. Definitely

687
00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:15,560
Speaker 1: so to be perfectly honest, And that's that was the

688
00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:19,399
Speaker 1: whole point of my sound bite. These lists really make

689
00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:23,759
Speaker 1: no fucking sense, right because once, once you create a

690
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:27,080
Speaker 1: list like this, right for a man or a woman,

691
00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:31,520
Speaker 1: what you're then doing is conditioning people to look for

692
00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:35,279
Speaker 1: that as opposed to conditioning them to look within to say,

693
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:38,440
Speaker 1: what do I need? And what Once I figure out

694
00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:40,160
Speaker 1: what I need, what do I need? What do I

695
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:42,600
Speaker 1: have to offer this person who may have these things

696
00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:45,279
Speaker 1: on their list? On one second, I'm gonna make it

697
00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:48,560
Speaker 1: very direct to you. Right, when I retired from the NFL,

698
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:51,400
Speaker 1: I was still a high value man, still made a

699
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:53,239
Speaker 1: lot of money, but in that moment, I wasn't making

700
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:57,920
Speaker 1: any money. I needed an earner, did I not? Right?

701
00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:01,239
Speaker 1: I need it? So when that moment I needed a

702
00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:04,520
Speaker 1: woman who can generate revenue. While I was building my business,

703
00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:07,720
Speaker 1: I was in a moment of entrepreneurship. So it's funny

704
00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:10,600
Speaker 1: how all of these traits for high value women right,

705
00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:15,440
Speaker 1: don't have anything about earning potential or education, right. But

706
00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:20,040
Speaker 1: the truth of the matter is any woman who comes

707
00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:24,360
Speaker 1: to the table with earning potential and an education is

708
00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:26,960
Speaker 1: high value. Because I did also see on the internet

709
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:28,839
Speaker 1: that they were saying, so you're telling me a woman

710
00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:32,480
Speaker 1: that has an education and is earning money is not

711
00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:35,319
Speaker 1: a value to a higher earning man, or it could

712
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:37,800
Speaker 1: be intimidating to that man. And there was a debate

713
00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:39,960
Speaker 1: going on, and I was like, and I was watching,

714
00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:42,480
Speaker 1: and I was sitting there saying like absolutely not, Like

715
00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:45,640
Speaker 1: absolutely not. That's that doesn't put you lower on the

716
00:38:45,719 --> 00:38:48,319
Speaker 1: list because you're more educated. Because there's also this myth

717
00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:51,200
Speaker 1: that black women are some of the most educated people

718
00:38:51,239 --> 00:38:54,000
Speaker 1: in this country. Of all the demographics, all the races,

719
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:56,839
Speaker 1: black women have the most degrees, and that's what makes

720
00:38:56,840 --> 00:38:59,560
Speaker 1: them the least attractive because they have the most degrees,

721
00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:04,600
Speaker 1: is that their at least attractive. No, No, the myth

722
00:39:05,040 --> 00:39:07,719
Speaker 1: is automatically that they're the least attractive. That's the myth.

723
00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:12,399
Speaker 1: And then and then the answer to that is, well,

724
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:16,320
Speaker 1: they have the most degrees, they're the most intimidating to

725
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:19,880
Speaker 1: high value men because high value men don't value women

726
00:39:20,719 --> 00:39:23,480
Speaker 1: with degrees. You know what I'm saying now, They always

727
00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:25,960
Speaker 1: changed the goal post. Before it was the degrease things.

728
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:29,640
Speaker 1: It was women. Black women weren't are desirable because they

729
00:39:29,719 --> 00:39:32,560
Speaker 1: just didn't look good. Right, and then we watched how

730
00:39:32,719 --> 00:39:36,839
Speaker 1: society has just mimicked and imitated everything from a black

731
00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:39,520
Speaker 1: woman from her hips to her breast, to her lips,

732
00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:41,799
Speaker 1: to her hair. So now it's no longer that they're

733
00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:43,960
Speaker 1: not attractive. No, that's not what it is. What that

734
00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:46,080
Speaker 1: that was a lot. What we're saying now is that

735
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:49,040
Speaker 1: they're so educated because they had to carry the black

736
00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:52,719
Speaker 1: community for so long, that they're intimidating to high value men.

737
00:39:53,160 --> 00:39:54,880
Speaker 1: So if you want to get a high value man,

738
00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:57,840
Speaker 1: you should dumb yourself down and not talking about how

739
00:39:57,880 --> 00:40:00,200
Speaker 1: much money you make. That's that's what we're seeing on

740
00:40:00,239 --> 00:40:01,840
Speaker 1: the internet. And what we talked about before on the

741
00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:04,120
Speaker 1: internet is that it's not a real place. It's always

742
00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:07,920
Speaker 1: the extremists and the loud minority sharing their opinion the

743
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:09,960
Speaker 1: most and people thinking that this is what it is.

744
00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:12,880
Speaker 1: I'm telling you it's not. Because there was their percentage

745
00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:18,560
Speaker 1: to about the number of black women marrying black men. Yes,

746
00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:23,440
Speaker 1: because the the myth was that black men don't marry

747
00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:27,960
Speaker 1: black women because they're not desired. And then pulled up

748
00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:29,399
Speaker 1: the stat and this was a couple of years ago,

749
00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:33,880
Speaker 1: it was over all black men who are married are

750
00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:37,480
Speaker 1: married two black women. And then the myth was is

751
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:42,080
Speaker 1: that as black men ascend in life, they marry less

752
00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:45,560
Speaker 1: black women, which we debunked, which was false because as

753
00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:48,560
Speaker 1: black men made more than a hundred thousand dollars, which

754
00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:51,040
Speaker 1: put them in the top two percent of earners, they

755
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:53,319
Speaker 1: married black women at a higher rate. And then once

756
00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:55,160
Speaker 1: it was over two hundred thousand, which put them in

757
00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:57,200
Speaker 1: the top one percent of earners, they hired black women

758
00:40:57,239 --> 00:40:59,640
Speaker 1: at didn't even higher rate. But what they focused on

759
00:40:59,840 --> 00:41:02,440
Speaker 1: was the few that married white women and said this

760
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:06,239
Speaker 1: was the standard, right, So and and and I just

761
00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:08,160
Speaker 1: say all of this to say a lot of these

762
00:41:08,239 --> 00:41:12,480
Speaker 1: traits to me, our traits of the loud minority who

763
00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:15,279
Speaker 1: are saying what women and men need to be like

764
00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:18,279
Speaker 1: in order to find love. And I'm giving you an

765
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:22,200
Speaker 1: example of a time where it's not real, Like I

766
00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:25,640
Speaker 1: kid you not guys. When I was at my lowest

767
00:41:25,680 --> 00:41:30,520
Speaker 1: coming out in the NFL, it was like I felt

768
00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:33,239
Speaker 1: safe because I was like, you know what if I

769
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:35,320
Speaker 1: take at least four months and just focus on my

770
00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:38,640
Speaker 1: business and let K handle this aspect, even though I

771
00:41:38,719 --> 00:41:41,400
Speaker 1: was still paying all the bills and making sure everything

772
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:43,680
Speaker 1: was good because I'm still always going to be a provider.

773
00:41:44,280 --> 00:41:46,960
Speaker 1: The fact that I knew my wife could handle it

774
00:41:47,560 --> 00:41:50,880
Speaker 1: if I couldn't gave me enough goal to take chances

775
00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:52,920
Speaker 1: and the level of comfort to do it while you

776
00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:55,480
Speaker 1: were doing it. Absolutely, and I took those chances, and

777
00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:58,240
Speaker 1: I reaped the benefits of those We reap the benefits

778
00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:00,160
Speaker 1: of those chances, and it was able to get to

779
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:02,239
Speaker 1: a point where now I was like, Okay, okay, you

780
00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:04,360
Speaker 1: can earn if you want to, but you don't have to.

781
00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:07,680
Speaker 1: But those first that first year of marriage, you had to.

782
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:11,719
Speaker 1: We needed insurance, right, we needed additional income just in

783
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:14,320
Speaker 1: case something felt a business. We just had a baby

784
00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:18,040
Speaker 1: and I needed an earner. Right. Here's here's quote unquote

785
00:42:18,040 --> 00:42:19,839
Speaker 1: everything they said is in the high value man. Other

786
00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:21,840
Speaker 1: than the fact that I'm about it in short of

787
00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:32,600
Speaker 1: being but talk about it baby to ba but also

788
00:42:32,719 --> 00:42:35,400
Speaker 1: to what this made me also and you saying that

789
00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:37,839
Speaker 1: made me think that you had me in a space

790
00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:41,279
Speaker 1: where I felt comfortable being able to sit back and

791
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:44,360
Speaker 1: do everything that I wanted to do for you and

792
00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:47,040
Speaker 1: for us, because I knew I wasn't with some dude

793
00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:49,040
Speaker 1: that was just some bumb mass too. That was on

794
00:42:49,160 --> 00:42:52,920
Speaker 1: to the next you know dream quote unquote that he

795
00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:55,520
Speaker 1: was trying to chase and not going to eventually bring

796
00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:57,839
Speaker 1: this to fruition. I see what you're going. So you're saying,

797
00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:00,600
Speaker 1: at that point, I wasn't making ten dollars a month,

798
00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:03,840
Speaker 1: but you could see my potential and I knew because

799
00:43:03,880 --> 00:43:06,400
Speaker 1: why we communicated about what we both were doing. We

800
00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:09,800
Speaker 1: wanted there was a vigor behind us. There was a

801
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:12,920
Speaker 1: drive that was something that was not that was tangible.

802
00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:15,680
Speaker 1: I could feel that. So although the tangible money wasn't

803
00:43:15,719 --> 00:43:17,680
Speaker 1: in the account at that point. So that's deep because

804
00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:20,000
Speaker 1: according to this, it says you're not considered the high

805
00:43:20,120 --> 00:43:22,719
Speaker 1: value man if you haven't been making tank k tim

806
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:25,560
Speaker 1: k per month for the last three years. And what

807
00:43:25,719 --> 00:43:28,080
Speaker 1: you're saying was you didn't need that, You didn't need

808
00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:31,320
Speaker 1: that validation in that moment because you saw something in

809
00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:34,520
Speaker 1: me that had more value than just me making tank

810
00:43:34,560 --> 00:43:37,600
Speaker 1: to see. Now, that's that's deep. That's deep on both sides,

811
00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:40,040
Speaker 1: because here you have a woman saying you saw something

812
00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:42,080
Speaker 1: that wasn't on this list, and here you have a

813
00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:44,160
Speaker 1: man saying that I saw something in you that wasn't

814
00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:47,279
Speaker 1: on this list that people aren't mentioning, and that's what

815
00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:50,960
Speaker 1: made us work, That's exactly. And that's the whole point

816
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:53,719
Speaker 1: of looking at these lists and saying why you can't

817
00:43:53,760 --> 00:43:56,239
Speaker 1: just create a person based on the list you see

818
00:43:56,280 --> 00:43:59,000
Speaker 1: on the internet because you don't know what you're gonna

819
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:02,960
Speaker 1: need or want that moment in life. Who this list together? Anyway?

820
00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:07,960
Speaker 1: You know what I for them. There's another thing too.

821
00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:13,400
Speaker 1: The loud minority be mostly people who are single on

822
00:44:13,480 --> 00:44:16,120
Speaker 1: the internet. So it's like, if you're in a relationship

823
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:18,200
Speaker 1: and you're trying to determine if your man or your

824
00:44:18,239 --> 00:44:20,440
Speaker 1: woman is of high value, why would you go to

825
00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:24,200
Speaker 1: the internet. If you are in a relationship or you

826
00:44:24,239 --> 00:44:26,080
Speaker 1: were married, you should not have time to be on

827
00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:30,399
Speaker 1: the internet conversing about what it is that these people

828
00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:32,840
Speaker 1: are looking for. I just I mean, but that, but

829
00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:36,799
Speaker 1: that's but no. But let's think about it though. If

830
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:40,680
Speaker 1: you're going to decide what value is, why would you

831
00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:45,960
Speaker 1: ask people who haven't been in successful relationships what they

832
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:50,359
Speaker 1: find value in Because clearly they haven't figured it out right,

833
00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:52,759
Speaker 1: So what you should do is ask people who are

834
00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:56,480
Speaker 1: in successful relationships what was the value you saw and

835
00:44:56,600 --> 00:44:59,239
Speaker 1: your woman or your man? Because that, to me, should

836
00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:02,320
Speaker 1: really be the amina. Right. We should start asking couples

837
00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:04,480
Speaker 1: who have been together for a long period of time

838
00:45:04,520 --> 00:45:07,000
Speaker 1: and have shown success in their life. I'm not talking

839
00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:09,040
Speaker 1: about the couple that just stuck together and they hate

840
00:45:09,080 --> 00:45:12,360
Speaker 1: each other. I'm talking about the couple who are continuously

841
00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:17,000
Speaker 1: working together building businesses um um, building the next generation

842
00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:20,000
Speaker 1: through their family, paying it forward. We should ask those couples,

843
00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:22,600
Speaker 1: what did you find in value in a woman? What

844
00:45:22,719 --> 00:45:24,799
Speaker 1: did you find value in a man? Because those are

845
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:28,360
Speaker 1: the people who figured it out. Asking a bunch of

846
00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:32,560
Speaker 1: single people their values for for men and women to

847
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:34,680
Speaker 1: me make no sense. Whenever I meet a couple who's

848
00:45:34,719 --> 00:45:36,480
Speaker 1: been together for a long time, you know, you'll meet

849
00:45:36,520 --> 00:45:38,400
Speaker 1: somebody's parents or something and they're like, oh, we've been

850
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:40,680
Speaker 1: together for four and something years, married for years. I

851
00:45:40,800 --> 00:45:43,439
Speaker 1: always asked them how did you make it work that long?

852
00:45:44,080 --> 00:45:46,520
Speaker 1: What did you do? You know? And I remember seeing

853
00:45:46,760 --> 00:45:50,560
Speaker 1: UM probably some Instagram video or something where they were

854
00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:53,040
Speaker 1: in a nursing home or in a hospice care center,

855
00:45:53,239 --> 00:45:55,560
Speaker 1: and they were asking these people who were pretty much

856
00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:57,800
Speaker 1: in their last days, like what was your one regret

857
00:45:57,880 --> 00:45:59,800
Speaker 1: in life? For? Like? What are the things that you

858
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:02,680
Speaker 1: issue could have changed? And I'm like, the people who

859
00:46:02,880 --> 00:46:05,120
Speaker 1: have been through the most life and the most experiences

860
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:07,560
Speaker 1: are the ones who we should be asking. Not necessarily

861
00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:11,560
Speaker 1: are pairs if that's something that we're aspiring to UM.

862
00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:13,000
Speaker 1: So when it comes to high value men and women,

863
00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:14,279
Speaker 1: there's a couple of things. I think we can also

864
00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:16,400
Speaker 1: consider some things to add in there that can probably

865
00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:19,760
Speaker 1: fall on either male or female UM. And in talking

866
00:46:19,800 --> 00:46:24,640
Speaker 1: about just mental health awareness UM, emotions and all that

867
00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:29,839
Speaker 1: emotional intelligence, it's very it's very good relationship requires great communication.

868
00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:32,080
Speaker 1: So making sure that you have somebody who is able

869
00:46:32,120 --> 00:46:35,680
Speaker 1: to express themselves, say how they feel, can just have

870
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:40,280
Speaker 1: a good conversation altogether. UM. Emotional intelligence is the basis

871
00:46:40,320 --> 00:46:43,279
Speaker 1: of communication. So self awareness. Are they aware of their

872
00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:48,239
Speaker 1: own emotions, their drives, their personality and passions? UM, self management,

873
00:46:48,560 --> 00:46:52,600
Speaker 1: differing pleasures, staying power, grit, which is something that definitely

874
00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:56,040
Speaker 1: saw on you. UM Social awareness, so are they aware

875
00:46:56,040 --> 00:47:00,279
Speaker 1: of other people's emotions, emotions and social dynamics UM and

876
00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:05,200
Speaker 1: relationship management. So that's building in managing positive relationships and

877
00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:06,880
Speaker 1: that could not just be with you with people around

878
00:47:06,920 --> 00:47:10,359
Speaker 1: them well automatically. I'm noticing two different things. First first

879
00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:16,440
Speaker 1: and foremost, the first list was very superficial, and I

880
00:47:16,560 --> 00:47:19,200
Speaker 1: think in a way it has to be because when

881
00:47:19,200 --> 00:47:20,840
Speaker 1: you're thinking about what you're looking for, you don't know

882
00:47:20,920 --> 00:47:24,080
Speaker 1: these people yet, so it's like we we also have

883
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:28,120
Speaker 1: to be fair to the list. That's because if we're

884
00:47:28,160 --> 00:47:30,520
Speaker 1: talking about high value based on what we are aspiring

885
00:47:30,600 --> 00:47:34,400
Speaker 1: to see you, you can't really say I know this

886
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:36,640
Speaker 1: person has this. It's like, well based on what I

887
00:47:36,719 --> 00:47:39,960
Speaker 1: see surface level. So not for nothing, I may probably

888
00:47:40,160 --> 00:47:43,960
Speaker 1: get some slack for this because I'm gonna applaud Kevin Samuels,

889
00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:45,960
Speaker 1: and also the other person wrote this list is because

890
00:47:46,280 --> 00:47:50,360
Speaker 1: what it has done is it's it has exposed people's

891
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:52,720
Speaker 1: flaws and what they're looking for in a life partner.

892
00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:59,120
Speaker 1: You know if it's flawed and how your approach is

893
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:03,279
Speaker 1: social for someone based on what people have said is

894
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:06,080
Speaker 1: brings value to them, and I think that he has

895
00:48:06,160 --> 00:48:09,920
Speaker 1: exposed that not only for women but also for men. Right,

896
00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:13,280
Speaker 1: if you're going into situations with a very shallow, surface

897
00:48:13,400 --> 00:48:15,960
Speaker 1: level viewpoint of what you want in a man or

898
00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:18,840
Speaker 1: a woman, you're not going to ever find any real value.

899
00:48:19,560 --> 00:48:21,680
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. If you look at these

900
00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:25,040
Speaker 1: lists here, and everything on the list is just surface, right,

901
00:48:25,080 --> 00:48:27,400
Speaker 1: and all of these people check these boxes based on

902
00:48:27,520 --> 00:48:30,719
Speaker 1: the surface. When you get into a relationship, now you're

903
00:48:30,719 --> 00:48:33,759
Speaker 1: struggling because this person checks all my boxes of what

904
00:48:33,840 --> 00:48:35,640
Speaker 1: I thought would be a high value person, and I

905
00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:39,000
Speaker 1: should be in love. But they don't have emotional intelligence,

906
00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:42,200
Speaker 1: they don't have social awareness, they're not empathetic. Then you're like,

907
00:48:42,280 --> 00:48:45,040
Speaker 1: wait a minute, I found everything, but now I'm not happy.

908
00:48:45,640 --> 00:48:47,360
Speaker 1: So then you go to the next version of that

909
00:48:47,800 --> 00:48:51,359
Speaker 1: and you repeat the cycle of surface level, surface level,

910
00:48:51,400 --> 00:48:54,759
Speaker 1: surface level, you get your heartbroken and you realize, like, dang,

911
00:48:54,960 --> 00:48:59,200
Speaker 1: what's flawed is my approach to looking for love is flawed?

912
00:48:59,280 --> 00:49:01,000
Speaker 1: And that's where that's why I said we have to

913
00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:04,799
Speaker 1: we have to applaud Kevin Samuels and the other person

914
00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:08,200
Speaker 1: that that wrote this list because they've exposed the fact

915
00:49:08,239 --> 00:49:11,000
Speaker 1: that those looking for love have a flawed approach. Yeah,

916
00:49:11,120 --> 00:49:13,759
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, I diagree with the flawed approach part.

917
00:49:13,880 --> 00:49:15,279
Speaker 1: And that's in turn why I said to it, like

918
00:49:15,400 --> 00:49:16,920
Speaker 1: if I walk into a room and the first thing

919
00:49:17,000 --> 00:49:19,239
Speaker 1: that is going to be the thing that attracts me

920
00:49:19,320 --> 00:49:21,399
Speaker 1: to somebody as looks, so people might say that that's

921
00:49:21,400 --> 00:49:24,440
Speaker 1: shallow or that's flaw flawed approach is looking for that first.

922
00:49:24,719 --> 00:49:26,480
Speaker 1: But I have to also be honest to what matters

923
00:49:26,560 --> 00:49:32,040
Speaker 1: on my list. Yeah somebody else? Um so also um

924
00:49:32,440 --> 00:49:34,800
Speaker 1: piggybacking off of the emotional tone just part that we

925
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:38,080
Speaker 1: spoke about just now. Purpose. When a person has a

926
00:49:38,120 --> 00:49:41,279
Speaker 1: purpose they had, they are driven to create the life

927
00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:44,800
Speaker 1: that they want without relying on another person to create

928
00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:48,160
Speaker 1: it for them. Ambition. I saw that in Devoal's eyes

929
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:51,160
Speaker 1: when I had when I met you with our first

930
00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:53,880
Speaker 1: date actual say we were eighteen, and the way you

931
00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:56,759
Speaker 1: spoke about your conviction for the things that you wanted

932
00:49:56,800 --> 00:49:58,480
Speaker 1: to achieve in life, and I was like, wow, he

933
00:49:58,760 --> 00:50:01,160
Speaker 1: really has shipped figured out and it was inspiring to me.

934
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:02,400
Speaker 1: I was like, Wow, this is the money that I

935
00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:05,080
Speaker 1: feel like I could really just like vibe with because

936
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:06,920
Speaker 1: he's about something you know how many times do you

937
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:09,880
Speaker 1: meet somebody and you're just having a conversation. You're like somebody,

938
00:50:10,200 --> 00:50:12,240
Speaker 1: somebody calling me real quick and tell me there's an emergency.

939
00:50:12,280 --> 00:50:15,759
Speaker 1: So I could did from this conversation to tell you

940
00:50:15,920 --> 00:50:20,000
Speaker 1: as a man, a woman with purpose is just as

941
00:50:20,080 --> 00:50:22,440
Speaker 1: high value. Because we sat down and talk about our

942
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:25,680
Speaker 1: dreams together. You were, you were fight, you became r A,

943
00:50:26,040 --> 00:50:28,200
Speaker 1: then r you want r A of the year, a

944
00:50:28,400 --> 00:50:30,920
Speaker 1: D A D of the year, r D r D

945
00:50:31,080 --> 00:50:33,239
Speaker 1: of the year, you were going on internships, you were,

946
00:50:33,560 --> 00:50:37,240
Speaker 1: you graduated magnaicum Loudy to me, it was purpose. Everything

947
00:50:37,280 --> 00:50:41,680
Speaker 1: you did was purpose driven. So as a man, as

948
00:50:41,760 --> 00:50:43,080
Speaker 1: much as we say or we want a woman with

949
00:50:43,160 --> 00:50:45,600
Speaker 1: feminine energy, yes we do. But you don't want to

950
00:50:45,719 --> 00:50:48,040
Speaker 1: roll over, a pushover. You don't want to pet you

951
00:50:48,080 --> 00:50:51,879
Speaker 1: don't want someone you have to tell staying here, train.

952
00:50:52,880 --> 00:50:55,160
Speaker 1: You want someone who's gonna move through life with purpose

953
00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:58,080
Speaker 1: the same way. So I don't think that purpose is

954
00:50:58,160 --> 00:51:01,520
Speaker 1: just for a man, or it's for both, like both

955
00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:04,040
Speaker 1: people have to have because that purpose also sometimes doesn't

956
00:51:04,040 --> 00:51:08,000
Speaker 1: even necessarily translate to something that's lucrative financially. It could

957
00:51:08,040 --> 00:51:11,840
Speaker 1: just be somebody who's so um driven in their purpose

958
00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:13,800
Speaker 1: to exist and just be full of life and be

959
00:51:13,920 --> 00:51:17,959
Speaker 1: happy with whatever they're doing. It itself is attractive because

960
00:51:17,960 --> 00:51:20,000
Speaker 1: that person may not be making all the money, but

961
00:51:20,120 --> 00:51:22,719
Speaker 1: their energy there or what they bring to fulfill you

962
00:51:23,880 --> 00:51:26,600
Speaker 1: can that's what I'm looking for. Priceless that could be

963
00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:28,279
Speaker 1: what I'm looking at. Maybe what you need in that

964
00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:31,800
Speaker 1: moment for sure self care that includes hygiene. Yes, like

965
00:51:31,840 --> 00:51:35,280
Speaker 1: I said, fingernails, I'm looking at all of them habits

966
00:51:35,360 --> 00:51:38,000
Speaker 1: that promote good physical and mental health. You can have

967
00:51:38,160 --> 00:51:40,479
Speaker 1: all the money in the world, but if you don't

968
00:51:40,520 --> 00:51:43,960
Speaker 1: take care of yourself, baby, how will you live long

969
00:51:44,040 --> 00:51:46,880
Speaker 1: enough to spend it working out together? Taking care of

970
00:51:46,960 --> 00:51:52,120
Speaker 1: self Self esteem defined as confidence that one's own worth

971
00:51:52,239 --> 00:51:57,800
Speaker 1: or abilities, or confidence in that Self esteem is important

972
00:51:57,800 --> 00:51:59,719
Speaker 1: for men and women right because if you have a

973
00:51:59,760 --> 00:52:02,200
Speaker 1: cool and quote high value man with low self esteem,

974
00:52:02,480 --> 00:52:04,960
Speaker 1: you know what he's gonna do. Project that entire self

975
00:52:05,080 --> 00:52:08,040
Speaker 1: is low self esteem onto whatever woman or women he's

976
00:52:08,120 --> 00:52:11,080
Speaker 1: dating in that moment and constantly make you feel less

977
00:52:11,120 --> 00:52:13,880
Speaker 1: than because his self esteem isn't high enough. The same thing,

978
00:52:13,960 --> 00:52:16,040
Speaker 1: if you're dating a woman that's supposed to be high

979
00:52:16,120 --> 00:52:19,279
Speaker 1: value and she has a low self esteem. Her insecurities

980
00:52:19,320 --> 00:52:21,200
Speaker 1: are going to drag you down as a man. And

981
00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:25,520
Speaker 1: what are we not responsible for in a relationship exactly

982
00:52:25,640 --> 00:52:29,080
Speaker 1: someone else's happiness. You can't. Oh, that's true. You're not

983
00:52:29,160 --> 00:52:32,680
Speaker 1: responsible for someone else's insecurities. You're not. That's them problem,

984
00:52:32,800 --> 00:52:39,040
Speaker 1: not problem. Individual is important and individual subjective evaluation of

985
00:52:39,120 --> 00:52:41,920
Speaker 1: their own birth. Only you can do that for yourself.

986
00:52:42,239 --> 00:52:45,120
Speaker 1: The belief that you're worthy of love, respect and all

987
00:52:45,239 --> 00:52:47,680
Speaker 1: good things don't have to wait for you to make

988
00:52:47,680 --> 00:52:51,120
Speaker 1: a certain amount of money, all right. And to round

989
00:52:51,160 --> 00:52:53,960
Speaker 1: out the list that we have here, um, secure attachment,

990
00:52:54,040 --> 00:52:56,239
Speaker 1: So a person who's not afraid to love and be

991
00:52:56,400 --> 00:52:59,440
Speaker 1: loved um, and does not tie another person's position in

992
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:01,880
Speaker 1: their life to the self worth. A person with a

993
00:53:01,960 --> 00:53:05,880
Speaker 1: secure attachment style can set boundaries for themselves and respect

994
00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:09,480
Speaker 1: their partners boundaries. They're honest, uplifting and can stand up

995
00:53:09,520 --> 00:53:12,839
Speaker 1: for themselves, right um. And then balance. A person who

996
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:16,160
Speaker 1: has and values balance knows when to take the lead

997
00:53:16,239 --> 00:53:18,000
Speaker 1: and when to be led. We're talking about this in

998
00:53:18,080 --> 00:53:19,680
Speaker 1: the former podcast too, And I mean we don't have

999
00:53:19,760 --> 00:53:21,279
Speaker 1: to say all of these, but this last one I

1000
00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:26,520
Speaker 1: think is perfect impeccable with their word what they say

1001
00:53:26,560 --> 00:53:28,920
Speaker 1: they're going to do they do. I think that's important

1002
00:53:29,840 --> 00:53:31,960
Speaker 1: to me. I think that's the most the most importance

1003
00:53:32,400 --> 00:53:35,600
Speaker 1: of all of them. Being impeccable with your word, you know,

1004
00:53:35,719 --> 00:53:37,839
Speaker 1: saying Okay, I want to do this and I'm going

1005
00:53:37,960 --> 00:53:40,120
Speaker 1: to do this and doing it. Doing it means a

1006
00:53:40,200 --> 00:53:42,640
Speaker 1: lot of life. That to me is a huge value.

1007
00:53:43,200 --> 00:53:45,239
Speaker 1: And if you notice, all of these values are not

1008
00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:48,160
Speaker 1: surface level. These are all values that you can only

1009
00:53:48,360 --> 00:53:51,800
Speaker 1: find when you finally get to know someone. Yeah, I

1010
00:53:51,840 --> 00:53:54,440
Speaker 1: mean there's levels to this for sure, for sure, but

1011
00:53:54,520 --> 00:53:57,640
Speaker 1: that also shows you that you can't peg someone a

1012
00:53:57,719 --> 00:54:00,279
Speaker 1: high value or low value based on what you see

1013
00:54:01,640 --> 00:54:04,400
Speaker 1: on the internet. You know what I'm saying. So so realistically,

1014
00:54:04,480 --> 00:54:08,759
Speaker 1: it's impossible to decipher without getting to know someone if

1015
00:54:08,800 --> 00:54:11,719
Speaker 1: they are high value or low value person. With that

1016
00:54:11,800 --> 00:54:13,239
Speaker 1: being said, that means you have to take time to

1017
00:54:13,280 --> 00:54:16,279
Speaker 1: get to know people. It doesn't happen, Nope. You gotta

1018
00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:19,879
Speaker 1: grow and last one, growth growth focus. So a person

1019
00:54:19,960 --> 00:54:22,200
Speaker 1: who is always open to growth and expansion, because nobody

1020
00:54:22,239 --> 00:54:24,279
Speaker 1: wants to be stagnant in life. I would hope not.

1021
00:54:24,600 --> 00:54:27,360
Speaker 1: I've seen people fall apart because one person is growing

1022
00:54:27,400 --> 00:54:31,120
Speaker 1: continuously and the other person is complacent, all right. I

1023
00:54:31,200 --> 00:54:33,480
Speaker 1: think we got in a couple good points and then

1024
00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:36,759
Speaker 1: tidbits and stuff like that. Um, you guys can further

1025
00:54:36,880 --> 00:54:39,960
Speaker 1: the conversation, but our I G page. I'm sure we'll

1026
00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:42,880
Speaker 1: be posting about this topic for sure. We'd love to

1027
00:54:42,960 --> 00:54:44,439
Speaker 1: hear from you all, but we're gonna take a quick

1028
00:54:44,440 --> 00:54:46,080
Speaker 1: break because we still want to hear more from y'all,

1029
00:54:46,360 --> 00:54:48,719
Speaker 1: of course with listener letters. So we're gonna get into

1030
00:54:48,760 --> 00:55:00,520
Speaker 1: someem ads and we will be right back, all right

1031
00:55:00,600 --> 00:55:03,879
Speaker 1: back with listener letters. Let's jump in. Hey, conneta deval,

1032
00:55:03,960 --> 00:55:06,839
Speaker 1: I need some advice. I left a very toxic five

1033
00:55:06,920 --> 00:55:10,040
Speaker 1: year relationship in twenty About nine months later, I met

1034
00:55:10,040 --> 00:55:12,440
Speaker 1: a guy and we hit it off. We're dating for

1035
00:55:12,480 --> 00:55:14,640
Speaker 1: about nine months, and he recently broke up with me

1036
00:55:14,760 --> 00:55:17,759
Speaker 1: because he said I disturb his peace and that I'm damaged.

1037
00:55:18,400 --> 00:55:21,759
Speaker 1: M hm. I feel as though throughout the relationship he

1038
00:55:21,840 --> 00:55:24,640
Speaker 1: picked me apart about what I needed to change about myself,

1039
00:55:24,840 --> 00:55:28,239
Speaker 1: whereas I really brought up his issues for the sake

1040
00:55:28,320 --> 00:55:31,960
Speaker 1: of me being understanding of his circumstances. I kept asking

1041
00:55:32,040 --> 00:55:36,680
Speaker 1: him to be patient with me. I have deep rooted trauma, childhood, sexual, etcetera.

1042
00:55:37,280 --> 00:55:39,440
Speaker 1: Something he was very aware of and claimed that he

1043
00:55:39,440 --> 00:55:41,719
Speaker 1: would always be there for me to work through it.

1044
00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:47,680
Speaker 1: I'm in therapy and working on unlearning unhealthy communication styles

1045
00:55:47,840 --> 00:55:51,080
Speaker 1: and behaviors. One minute he's telling me he's so proud

1046
00:55:51,120 --> 00:55:53,440
Speaker 1: of me for my progress. The second I mess up,

1047
00:55:54,040 --> 00:55:57,480
Speaker 1: it's as if I've never showed any effort. It's very

1048
00:55:57,560 --> 00:56:00,720
Speaker 1: discouraging and honestly threw me off of my healing journey

1049
00:56:01,000 --> 00:56:05,080
Speaker 1: during our relationship. As in therapy, I've learned to have

1050
00:56:05,440 --> 00:56:07,800
Speaker 1: grace for myself, but in this relationship there was no

1051
00:56:07,960 --> 00:56:10,880
Speaker 1: room for that. I was literally full of anxiety, is

1052
00:56:10,920 --> 00:56:13,360
Speaker 1: scared to make mistakes. I'm stuck between feeling guilty for

1053
00:56:13,440 --> 00:56:16,840
Speaker 1: disturbing someone's peace and having grace for myself. I asked

1054
00:56:16,920 --> 00:56:18,879
Speaker 1: him if we could talk about it in person, because

1055
00:56:18,920 --> 00:56:21,799
Speaker 1: I believe sometimes a transparent heart to heart can fix

1056
00:56:21,840 --> 00:56:24,800
Speaker 1: a lot, but he refused. Please help me wrap my

1057
00:56:24,880 --> 00:56:27,439
Speaker 1: mind around us. I know that self love comes first,

1058
00:56:27,520 --> 00:56:29,600
Speaker 1: but am I wrong for wanting someone to love me

1059
00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:34,000
Speaker 1: through the difficult stages of my healing journey, especially if

1060
00:56:34,040 --> 00:56:36,680
Speaker 1: I'm making an active effort to be a better human

1061
00:56:36,760 --> 00:56:39,880
Speaker 1: and not sit in my trauma. Love you, guys, I

1062
00:56:39,960 --> 00:56:43,040
Speaker 1: would just give you a hug. I want to give

1063
00:56:43,080 --> 00:56:46,080
Speaker 1: you a hug. You know what's hard for me to

1064
00:56:46,120 --> 00:56:50,919
Speaker 1: watch people who go through therapy therapy is other people.

1065
00:56:52,840 --> 00:56:55,040
Speaker 1: You know. You know, someone go to one therapy session

1066
00:56:55,080 --> 00:56:56,600
Speaker 1: and they come out and start telling me everybody to

1067
00:56:56,719 --> 00:57:00,800
Speaker 1: know about Like you went to a session, now you

1068
00:57:00,920 --> 00:57:03,440
Speaker 1: know what everybody else is dealing with. It sounds to

1069
00:57:03,560 --> 00:57:06,919
Speaker 1: me like he's going to therapy and now he's trying

1070
00:57:06,960 --> 00:57:10,719
Speaker 1: to diagnose her with the therapy sessions he's been through.

1071
00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:13,200
Speaker 1: But I will also have to say this right being honest,

1072
00:57:14,239 --> 00:57:17,240
Speaker 1: he she says that one minute he's saying, you know,

1073
00:57:17,600 --> 00:57:19,800
Speaker 1: good job on the progress, he's proud of her, but

1074
00:57:19,880 --> 00:57:22,360
Speaker 1: then the next minute he's pointing out something wrong. Just

1075
00:57:22,480 --> 00:57:24,640
Speaker 1: because someone points out something wrong doesn't mean that it's

1076
00:57:24,680 --> 00:57:27,600
Speaker 1: completely obliterated all the progress you've made. Like Kadina and

1077
00:57:27,600 --> 00:57:30,920
Speaker 1: I have had this issue. I could compliment kadin ten

1078
00:57:31,040 --> 00:57:33,280
Speaker 1: days in a row about something if on the eleventh

1079
00:57:33,360 --> 00:57:34,840
Speaker 1: day I said I don't like this, then she says,

1080
00:57:34,840 --> 00:57:38,840
Speaker 1: I don't ever do anything right. That's it feels like that.

1081
00:57:38,920 --> 00:57:41,080
Speaker 1: But that's that's not fair to yourself and it's not

1082
00:57:41,200 --> 00:57:43,560
Speaker 1: fair to me. If I say to you ten days

1083
00:57:43,600 --> 00:57:45,320
Speaker 1: in a row that I like your progress, I love

1084
00:57:45,360 --> 00:57:46,800
Speaker 1: what you're doing, I love with you, and I say, hey, baby,

1085
00:57:46,880 --> 00:57:49,120
Speaker 1: messed up here. You can't then the gate the fact

1086
00:57:49,160 --> 00:57:52,520
Speaker 1: that for ten days I was a positive reinforcement. It's just, hey,

1087
00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:54,920
Speaker 1: nobody's perfect, and I'm just trying to point out to

1088
00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:57,280
Speaker 1: you in that moment, in real time, that you might

1089
00:57:57,360 --> 00:57:59,160
Speaker 1: have done something that might have hurt me or could

1090
00:57:59,160 --> 00:58:01,440
Speaker 1: possibly hurt yourself, and you might want to fix it

1091
00:58:01,520 --> 00:58:03,720
Speaker 1: before it becomes a habit. And I think for a

1092
00:58:03,800 --> 00:58:06,400
Speaker 1: lot of people who aren't used to that level of criticism,

1093
00:58:06,760 --> 00:58:09,320
Speaker 1: it can feel daunting. You know. Um I tell K

1094
00:58:09,480 --> 00:58:11,040
Speaker 1: all the time. I do this to myself. I wake

1095
00:58:11,120 --> 00:58:13,720
Speaker 1: up every morning and I think, I guess this is

1096
00:58:13,800 --> 00:58:16,200
Speaker 1: my form of meditation. I go over all of my

1097
00:58:16,320 --> 00:58:18,800
Speaker 1: interactions yesterday from the day prior, and I say, dank,

1098
00:58:19,040 --> 00:58:21,000
Speaker 1: how could I have done that better? Did I do

1099
00:58:21,160 --> 00:58:23,320
Speaker 1: something wrong? Whether it's with my kids, whether it's with her,

1100
00:58:23,720 --> 00:58:25,919
Speaker 1: whether it's with co workers. It's like, did I say

1101
00:58:25,960 --> 00:58:28,080
Speaker 1: something that could have been seen as damaging? Could have

1102
00:58:28,200 --> 00:58:31,320
Speaker 1: done this better? And I don't think that that's me

1103
00:58:31,560 --> 00:58:34,360
Speaker 1: nitpicking it myself. It's me constantly trying to be better,

1104
00:58:35,040 --> 00:58:37,120
Speaker 1: and um, I do also realize that I project that

1105
00:58:37,200 --> 00:58:39,840
Speaker 1: on people, you know, because even Jackson has so many times,

1106
00:58:39,880 --> 00:58:41,720
Speaker 1: you know, I feel like I can't do anything right,

1107
00:58:42,600 --> 00:58:44,760
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I don't. I don't want you to

1108
00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:48,240
Speaker 1: feel as if I'm nitpicking, But if I see something

1109
00:58:48,320 --> 00:58:50,440
Speaker 1: that can be a detriment to you or all of us,

1110
00:58:50,520 --> 00:58:52,800
Speaker 1: I gotta say something in that moment, because if I

1111
00:58:52,880 --> 00:58:55,480
Speaker 1: don't say something and it happens again and again and again,

1112
00:58:55,840 --> 00:58:57,640
Speaker 1: when I finally say something, and you're gonna be like, well,

1113
00:58:57,640 --> 00:59:00,200
Speaker 1: why don't you say something the first time? Just hard.

1114
00:59:00,320 --> 00:59:02,200
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's hard to deal with, particularly as at a

1115
00:59:02,240 --> 00:59:04,200
Speaker 1: ten year old. So sometimes, because I know as an adult,

1116
00:59:04,320 --> 00:59:06,600
Speaker 1: sometimes when you do do that to me, for example,

1117
00:59:06,960 --> 00:59:08,840
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm ready to crumble, Like damn, I

1118
00:59:08,840 --> 00:59:11,720
Speaker 1: feel so inadequate in this moment. But you're saying, hey,

1119
00:59:11,880 --> 00:59:14,960
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to be proactive, not preactive. So yeah,

1120
00:59:14,960 --> 00:59:16,760
Speaker 1: I get how he can see that, and it can

1121
00:59:16,800 --> 00:59:18,040
Speaker 1: be a lot for like a ten year old, But

1122
00:59:18,120 --> 00:59:21,520
Speaker 1: in her circumstance here, I feel badly because she's like

1123
00:59:21,560 --> 00:59:23,520
Speaker 1: she wants somebody who to just love on her while

1124
00:59:23,600 --> 00:59:25,960
Speaker 1: she's going through the things that she's going through. But

1125
00:59:26,160 --> 00:59:28,320
Speaker 1: some people also too, probably just don't want to sign

1126
00:59:28,400 --> 00:59:30,080
Speaker 1: up for that, or they think that that's what they

1127
00:59:30,080 --> 00:59:32,400
Speaker 1: can sign up for and they can manage it. I mean,

1128
00:59:32,560 --> 00:59:35,360
Speaker 1: I feel like it's better for him to have walked away,

1129
00:59:35,760 --> 00:59:41,120
Speaker 1: absolutely than to have stuck around and said he it's

1130
00:59:41,120 --> 00:59:45,160
Speaker 1: just yeah, it's and it's probably hard. He did himself

1131
00:59:45,200 --> 00:59:47,280
Speaker 1: a favor, and he did her a favorite. He would

1132
00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:49,840
Speaker 1: have been wrong for and and not for nothing. It

1133
00:59:49,880 --> 00:59:52,880
Speaker 1: seemed as if he does have her best interest at

1134
00:59:52,920 --> 00:59:56,160
Speaker 1: heart because he did choose to walk away, because he

1135
00:59:56,240 --> 00:59:58,800
Speaker 1: could have stayed there and dragged this out, knowing that

1136
00:59:58,880 --> 01:00:01,160
Speaker 1: it's never gonna work, and not giving her an opportunity

1137
01:00:01,240 --> 01:00:04,320
Speaker 1: to meet someone who can value her enough to work

1138
01:00:04,400 --> 01:00:07,720
Speaker 1: with her through these hard times. You know, one thing

1139
01:00:07,800 --> 01:00:09,560
Speaker 1: I've learned in life is that when someone shows you

1140
01:00:09,640 --> 01:00:13,520
Speaker 1: who they are, believe them the first time. Right he

1141
01:00:13,680 --> 01:00:16,640
Speaker 1: says he wants to walk away, my there are billions

1142
01:00:16,680 --> 01:00:19,320
Speaker 1: of people in the world. There is someone there who

1143
01:00:19,480 --> 01:00:21,920
Speaker 1: was willing and able to love you the way you

1144
01:00:22,040 --> 01:00:23,640
Speaker 1: want to be loved. You don't have to beg or

1145
01:00:23,760 --> 01:00:26,880
Speaker 1: ask for that person. Right. It might have seemed nice

1146
01:00:26,920 --> 01:00:29,240
Speaker 1: in the moment, especially coming out of a five year

1147
01:00:29,320 --> 01:00:32,480
Speaker 1: toxic relationship, and you figure two in that was like

1148
01:00:32,520 --> 01:00:35,960
Speaker 1: probably round about pandemic time. To everybody was dealing with

1149
01:00:36,040 --> 01:00:38,040
Speaker 1: a lot of things. Yeah, dealing with a lot of issues.

1150
01:00:38,400 --> 01:00:41,520
Speaker 1: And you know, as my wise wise grandmother once said,

1151
01:00:42,240 --> 01:00:46,240
Speaker 1: every him stick a bush. I'm not sure if I

1152
01:00:46,280 --> 01:00:51,320
Speaker 1: can translate. I actually I can't translate. Every every and

1153
01:00:51,400 --> 01:00:56,160
Speaker 1: I'm talking about the gardening tool has its stick in

1154
01:00:56,320 --> 01:01:00,520
Speaker 1: the bush, meaning you will find your person. I'm shaking

1155
01:01:00,960 --> 01:01:03,520
Speaker 1: right now. You will find your person. You can't find

1156
01:01:03,560 --> 01:01:07,240
Speaker 1: a better Grandma Brian said, every i'ving stick, and you

1157
01:01:07,280 --> 01:01:12,040
Speaker 1: will find your stick in the bush right now. What

1158
01:01:12,120 --> 01:01:14,880
Speaker 1: you're telling people all holes gonna be stuck in bushes

1159
01:01:15,040 --> 01:01:18,120
Speaker 1: at some point for somebody's gonna be the whole holder

1160
01:01:18,240 --> 01:01:22,000
Speaker 1: and somebody gonna be the stick. So okay, that's a

1161
01:01:23,400 --> 01:01:28,840
Speaker 1: that's a great analogy, Ellis. But there's somebody for everybody.

1162
01:01:29,560 --> 01:01:32,000
Speaker 1: Get it. It's my very body. It's a fish full

1163
01:01:32,080 --> 01:01:35,520
Speaker 1: of full of fee full of fish. Don't touch my

1164
01:01:35,640 --> 01:01:40,120
Speaker 1: fucking fish. It's my fish. Thank you, Oh my gosh,

1165
01:01:40,240 --> 01:01:43,400
Speaker 1: my wife crazy. I have no idea. And number two,

1166
01:01:43,600 --> 01:01:45,440
Speaker 1: number two, first off, shout out to you both for

1167
01:01:45,520 --> 01:01:47,760
Speaker 1: making big things happen as a couple and always striving

1168
01:01:47,800 --> 01:01:50,960
Speaker 1: for more hashtag couple goals. We received that, although we

1169
01:01:51,120 --> 01:01:54,800
Speaker 1: hate the term couple goals, we received that. My boyfriend

1170
01:01:54,800 --> 01:01:56,600
Speaker 1: and I have been dated for two point five years.

1171
01:01:56,640 --> 01:01:59,200
Speaker 1: He's thirty six and I'm thirty. I'm a very outgoing,

1172
01:01:59,320 --> 01:02:02,080
Speaker 1: energetic pro sin and most times on the goal he's

1173
01:02:02,080 --> 01:02:05,640
Speaker 1: the total opposite. He's such a home body and frequently

1174
01:02:05,760 --> 01:02:09,120
Speaker 1: just wants to chill. The difference has been conflicting over

1175
01:02:09,200 --> 01:02:12,200
Speaker 1: these couple of years, but I've taken it upon myself

1176
01:02:12,240 --> 01:02:15,600
Speaker 1: to appreciate how his different style has positively contributed to

1177
01:02:15,680 --> 01:02:18,960
Speaker 1: the relationship. We started dating in almost three years. We

1178
01:02:19,120 --> 01:02:22,520
Speaker 1: started dating in almost three months in COVID happened, so

1179
01:02:22,640 --> 01:02:25,040
Speaker 1: more than half of our relationship happened during quarantine. That's

1180
01:02:25,080 --> 01:02:28,000
Speaker 1: tough for anybody. We are just now starting a normal

1181
01:02:28,120 --> 01:02:32,959
Speaker 1: quote unquote life and experiencing real life situations as a couple.

1182
01:02:33,040 --> 01:02:37,280
Speaker 1: He just returned to the workforce after being unemployed during COVID. Congratulations,

1183
01:02:37,560 --> 01:02:39,880
Speaker 1: But he's so unhappy at his job every day. It's

1184
01:02:39,920 --> 01:02:42,440
Speaker 1: a different complaint, and in my attempt to be a

1185
01:02:42,440 --> 01:02:44,960
Speaker 1: supportive girlfriend, I just listened. But it's also taking a

1186
01:02:45,040 --> 01:02:47,560
Speaker 1: toll on me. I would describe him as a dreamer.

1187
01:02:47,960 --> 01:02:50,160
Speaker 1: He has big dreams of owning multiple businesses, but I

1188
01:02:50,280 --> 01:02:52,600
Speaker 1: really see the tenacities what you just talked about, Okay

1189
01:02:53,240 --> 01:02:55,200
Speaker 1: that I think it takes to accomplish this. I hate

1190
01:02:55,200 --> 01:02:57,000
Speaker 1: to sound just mental, but at thirty six, I can't

1191
01:02:57,080 --> 01:02:59,960
Speaker 1: understand what went wrong. We don't live together, nor have chill.

1192
01:03:00,320 --> 01:03:04,200
Speaker 1: I stay Accounty apart about an hour and a half drive, Jesus,

1193
01:03:05,280 --> 01:03:07,560
Speaker 1: although I do enjoy my independence. We have talked about

1194
01:03:07,600 --> 01:03:10,160
Speaker 1: moving in and the future together, but are currently working

1195
01:03:10,240 --> 01:03:13,000
Speaker 1: on aligning our finances to get to that point, and

1196
01:03:13,120 --> 01:03:15,640
Speaker 1: living apart has brought its own issues. We are both

1197
01:03:15,760 --> 01:03:19,160
Speaker 1: terrible communicators in our own way. He'll go m I

1198
01:03:19,240 --> 01:03:21,240
Speaker 1: A on me for hours and simply brush it off

1199
01:03:21,320 --> 01:03:23,880
Speaker 1: with I had my phone on dn D because of work,

1200
01:03:24,040 --> 01:03:27,360
Speaker 1: or I fell asleep, et cetera. I'm terrible like expressing

1201
01:03:27,400 --> 01:03:31,000
Speaker 1: my emotions so many times, um, I've had to just

1202
01:03:31,200 --> 01:03:33,920
Speaker 1: go with it, but exist with that ikey feeling in

1203
01:03:34,000 --> 01:03:36,480
Speaker 1: my stomach. We all hate that. I've grown to love him,

1204
01:03:36,520 --> 01:03:39,560
Speaker 1: but constantly have doubts this will work out forever. I've

1205
01:03:39,600 --> 01:03:42,280
Speaker 1: been in a toxic relationship before, so It definitely left

1206
01:03:42,360 --> 01:03:44,760
Speaker 1: me with some damage, but I'm hopeful this time around

1207
01:03:44,840 --> 01:03:51,640
Speaker 1: it's different. Should I stick around to find out the plot?

1208
01:03:51,720 --> 01:03:53,280
Speaker 1: Think is? I had to scroll back up because I

1209
01:03:53,320 --> 01:03:56,520
Speaker 1: was like, how long? So where we are getting? So

1210
01:03:56,680 --> 01:03:58,439
Speaker 1: two and a half years? Okay? That was my question.

1211
01:03:58,600 --> 01:04:00,920
Speaker 1: Can't nobody tell you if you should stick? Like you know,

1212
01:04:01,640 --> 01:04:03,919
Speaker 1: I'm kind of different with this one. I think both

1213
01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:06,120
Speaker 1: of you have to put the work and necessary to

1214
01:04:06,240 --> 01:04:09,240
Speaker 1: make it work. And if you know you're terrible communicators,

1215
01:04:09,440 --> 01:04:12,240
Speaker 1: you'll both know that. Then that's something that you may

1216
01:04:12,320 --> 01:04:14,000
Speaker 1: have to If you think it's worth it, you gotta

1217
01:04:14,040 --> 01:04:17,720
Speaker 1: work on it. Maybe if two and a half years in,

1218
01:04:17,800 --> 01:04:19,560
Speaker 1: if you see that there's really potential here and y'all

1219
01:04:19,600 --> 01:04:21,640
Speaker 1: love each other like that, maybe seek therapy to see

1220
01:04:21,680 --> 01:04:24,280
Speaker 1: how you can better communicate with each other because your

1221
01:04:24,280 --> 01:04:27,480
Speaker 1: styles may be different. I don't know, but does he

1222
01:04:27,560 --> 01:04:29,919
Speaker 1: look like you're forever? Man? Is that how you feel?

1223
01:04:30,600 --> 01:04:33,600
Speaker 1: Their relationship sounds like every relationship they've been together two

1224
01:04:33,600 --> 01:04:36,720
Speaker 1: and a half years. They don't communicate properly, They have

1225
01:04:36,840 --> 01:04:42,600
Speaker 1: different lifestyles. One is more ambitious than the other. Like, yeah,

1226
01:04:42,840 --> 01:04:44,920
Speaker 1: do you love this person? Yes? Or no? If you

1227
01:04:45,000 --> 01:04:48,000
Speaker 1: do love this person. You have to be of service.

1228
01:04:48,160 --> 01:04:49,960
Speaker 1: We talked about this all the time, be of service

1229
01:04:50,040 --> 01:04:51,960
Speaker 1: to helping them become a better person. And are you

1230
01:04:52,040 --> 01:04:54,960
Speaker 1: willing to work? And that's it, like it's all. It's

1231
01:04:55,280 --> 01:04:57,280
Speaker 1: it's nice to say, like, oh, love is easy, and

1232
01:04:57,600 --> 01:05:00,680
Speaker 1: relationships shouldn't require work, and they should be easy seeing seamless,

1233
01:05:00,840 --> 01:05:03,840
Speaker 1: know the fun. They ain't. They require work. And if

1234
01:05:03,880 --> 01:05:05,560
Speaker 1: you feel like putting in the work to make this work,

1235
01:05:05,640 --> 01:05:08,280
Speaker 1: then make it work. If you don't, you don't, that's

1236
01:05:08,280 --> 01:05:10,200
Speaker 1: the key. You just gotta want to do it, want

1237
01:05:10,280 --> 01:05:13,280
Speaker 1: to make the choice every day. Yes, And and that's

1238
01:05:13,320 --> 01:05:16,000
Speaker 1: that's ultimately what people don't want to hear. Should I

1239
01:05:16,000 --> 01:05:18,680
Speaker 1: should I should not? Listen listen. We can't tell you

1240
01:05:18,760 --> 01:05:21,840
Speaker 1: what you should do. What we can say is in

1241
01:05:21,960 --> 01:05:29,400
Speaker 1: our relationship, I want to be married. I want to

1242
01:05:29,560 --> 01:05:34,560
Speaker 1: be with this woman. I want to be monogamous, so

1243
01:05:34,720 --> 01:05:38,520
Speaker 1: I take the necessary steps to create a safe space

1244
01:05:38,600 --> 01:05:41,800
Speaker 1: for both of us for for that, Like there's there's

1245
01:05:41,800 --> 01:05:45,920
Speaker 1: no magic potion, there was, there was no prayer, there

1246
01:05:46,120 --> 01:05:49,400
Speaker 1: was no I just want that because to be honest,

1247
01:05:49,480 --> 01:05:50,880
Speaker 1: this let me to let me break it down real

1248
01:05:50,960 --> 01:05:54,920
Speaker 1: quick for you, the way you explained your boyfriend and

1249
01:05:55,000 --> 01:05:57,640
Speaker 1: your in yourself in the beginning is very similar to

1250
01:05:57,720 --> 01:06:01,440
Speaker 1: me and devou. He's thirty six, I'm thirty. Clearly I'm

1251
01:06:01,560 --> 01:06:08,240
Speaker 1: thirty and he's he's outgoing and energetic. I am the opposite.

1252
01:06:08,320 --> 01:06:10,439
Speaker 1: I actually like to be inside. I'm actually a little

1253
01:06:10,440 --> 01:06:13,760
Speaker 1: bit more of an introvert introvert um. These are all things.

1254
01:06:13,880 --> 01:06:17,360
Speaker 1: Our communication styles are very different, extremely different. So we

1255
01:06:17,480 --> 01:06:20,000
Speaker 1: are really no different thing, y'all, except we want to

1256
01:06:20,040 --> 01:06:21,600
Speaker 1: be here because if we didn't want to be here,

1257
01:06:21,680 --> 01:06:24,720
Speaker 1: we probably would have definitely would have been broken up

1258
01:06:24,720 --> 01:06:27,120
Speaker 1: a long time ago, and we both want to be here.

1259
01:06:27,680 --> 01:06:29,480
Speaker 1: If I wanted to be here and she didn't, I

1260
01:06:29,520 --> 01:06:31,280
Speaker 1: would have been chasing. It would have become it would

1261
01:06:31,280 --> 01:06:34,080
Speaker 1: become exhausting. If she wanted to be here and I didn't.

1262
01:06:34,560 --> 01:06:36,640
Speaker 1: That's really what it is. You have to find someone

1263
01:06:36,720 --> 01:06:40,520
Speaker 1: who has just as invested in the relationship working is you. Period.

1264
01:06:40,680 --> 01:06:43,400
Speaker 1: There's no timetable that can tell you want to figure

1265
01:06:43,440 --> 01:06:45,600
Speaker 1: out to stop, There's no list that can tell you

1266
01:06:45,600 --> 01:06:47,760
Speaker 1: if this person is the right one. It's just the

1267
01:06:47,920 --> 01:06:50,160
Speaker 1: want to, like do you want to do this? And

1268
01:06:50,280 --> 01:06:52,200
Speaker 1: if you notice that that person wants to do it,

1269
01:06:52,560 --> 01:06:55,360
Speaker 1: then let's do it. It's it's really that simple, like

1270
01:06:55,880 --> 01:06:59,480
Speaker 1: nobody else can tell you. You know, that's it. You

1271
01:06:59,560 --> 01:07:02,520
Speaker 1: know that's it, and that's it. That's all we got

1272
01:07:02,560 --> 01:07:05,360
Speaker 1: for y'all today. If you'd like to be featured on

1273
01:07:05,400 --> 01:07:08,120
Speaker 1: the list the letter, email us at dead Advice at

1274
01:07:08,160 --> 01:07:13,760
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Triple Let's sayer from y'all. That's that's

1275
01:07:13,840 --> 01:07:15,640
Speaker 1: D E A D A S S A D V

1276
01:07:15,880 --> 01:07:19,800
Speaker 1: I C E at gmail dot com. Moment of Truth

1277
01:07:19,960 --> 01:07:25,920
Speaker 1: time how high value? We're talking high value men and women?

1278
01:07:26,400 --> 01:07:30,760
Speaker 1: The list of things. Um, I really just feel like

1279
01:07:31,080 --> 01:07:35,800
Speaker 1: the definition or the term high value is relative to

1280
01:07:35,920 --> 01:07:39,240
Speaker 1: what you're in the market her. If you want certain things,

1281
01:07:39,360 --> 01:07:41,040
Speaker 1: these are the things that you're going to be looking for.

1282
01:07:42,080 --> 01:07:45,000
Speaker 1: Just be honest about what those things are. I think

1283
01:07:45,040 --> 01:07:46,720
Speaker 1: that saves people a lot of the headache and the

1284
01:07:46,800 --> 01:07:51,240
Speaker 1: work and the the time that we're taking investing into

1285
01:07:51,320 --> 01:07:56,040
Speaker 1: these interactions that can potentially go nowhere. If you want

1286
01:07:56,080 --> 01:07:58,960
Speaker 1: to be in it for a good time, not a

1287
01:07:59,040 --> 01:08:02,600
Speaker 1: long time, let us know, or let them know us.

1288
01:08:02,640 --> 01:08:05,200
Speaker 1: Don't tell me, let them know. If you're looking and

1289
01:08:05,280 --> 01:08:08,080
Speaker 1: you're dating with the intention to eventually find a life partner,

1290
01:08:08,680 --> 01:08:13,280
Speaker 1: let that be clear and then put yourself accordingly in

1291
01:08:13,400 --> 01:08:18,639
Speaker 1: those circles the networks. So I have a a couple

1292
01:08:18,720 --> 01:08:20,840
Speaker 1: of moments of truth. The first one goes back to

1293
01:08:20,840 --> 01:08:24,520
Speaker 1: the very beginning. The value of a person is determined

1294
01:08:24,680 --> 01:08:28,800
Speaker 1: by the person willing to pay the costs. That's number one, right.

1295
01:08:29,479 --> 01:08:33,760
Speaker 1: Number two, you can't be upset at Kevin Samuel's or

1296
01:08:33,920 --> 01:08:38,920
Speaker 1: anyone else who is showing you what people are saying

1297
01:08:39,640 --> 01:08:44,320
Speaker 1: they want. In the opposite sex, right, don't don't kill

1298
01:08:44,360 --> 01:08:47,439
Speaker 1: a messenger. You may you may not like the way

1299
01:08:47,479 --> 01:08:51,040
Speaker 1: he delivers his message, but he's getting his information from

1300
01:08:51,080 --> 01:08:54,400
Speaker 1: the Internet, and that leads me to number three. People

1301
01:08:54,400 --> 01:08:56,479
Speaker 1: are clearly seeking it to people. People are seeking it.

1302
01:08:57,040 --> 01:08:59,439
Speaker 1: But it leads me to number three. The Internet is

1303
01:08:59,520 --> 01:09:02,839
Speaker 1: not a real a place. Right. Just because the Internet

1304
01:09:02,960 --> 01:09:06,519
Speaker 1: says this is what value is or high value doesn't

1305
01:09:06,600 --> 01:09:11,280
Speaker 1: mean that that's true. Because the vast majority of people

1306
01:09:11,800 --> 01:09:15,519
Speaker 1: discussing stuff on the Internet often live in extremes. Right.

1307
01:09:15,600 --> 01:09:18,839
Speaker 1: The Internet has showed us that the extremists are always

1308
01:09:18,920 --> 01:09:21,639
Speaker 1: the loudest, and the people who exist in the middle,

1309
01:09:21,760 --> 01:09:25,479
Speaker 1: which are the majority, very rarely have a voice. So

1310
01:09:25,560 --> 01:09:27,560
Speaker 1: don't get stuck on the on the Internet trying to

1311
01:09:27,640 --> 01:09:30,400
Speaker 1: figure out that. And the last thing I want to

1312
01:09:30,479 --> 01:09:32,839
Speaker 1: say in all of this is, if you're really seeking

1313
01:09:33,360 --> 01:09:36,640
Speaker 1: what high value is, because you're looking for someone to

1314
01:09:36,680 --> 01:09:39,360
Speaker 1: spend the rest of your life with, the best people

1315
01:09:39,439 --> 01:09:42,879
Speaker 1: to ask are people who have successfully done what you're achieving.

1316
01:09:44,680 --> 01:09:48,000
Speaker 1: So if you're if you're interested in what a high

1317
01:09:48,160 --> 01:09:51,720
Speaker 1: value man looks like as a woman, how about you

1318
01:09:51,960 --> 01:09:54,680
Speaker 1: ask a high value woman who's been married to a

1319
01:09:54,760 --> 01:09:58,160
Speaker 1: high value man for a long period of time, as

1320
01:09:58,200 --> 01:10:01,240
Speaker 1: opposed to going to the internet to have single people

1321
01:10:01,320 --> 01:10:04,320
Speaker 1: who haven't found what they're looking for tell you what

1322
01:10:04,520 --> 01:10:08,320
Speaker 1: their version of high value is. Find a couple that

1323
01:10:08,560 --> 01:10:11,960
Speaker 1: you feel have put values in the right place right

1324
01:10:12,040 --> 01:10:14,519
Speaker 1: because we've already proven today that value is not only

1325
01:10:14,840 --> 01:10:18,320
Speaker 1: there are dedicated to finances. There's a lot of other

1326
01:10:18,400 --> 01:10:21,479
Speaker 1: things that are dedicated to value. So find a couple.

1327
01:10:21,760 --> 01:10:24,599
Speaker 1: If you're seeking to be in a monogamous relationship. Another

1328
01:10:24,640 --> 01:10:27,599
Speaker 1: thing is everybody's not seeking to be in a monogamous relationship,

1329
01:10:27,640 --> 01:10:31,240
Speaker 1: and that's okay. But if you are, find that couple

1330
01:10:31,400 --> 01:10:33,759
Speaker 1: and ask that couple what would the things you valued

1331
01:10:33,840 --> 01:10:37,840
Speaker 1: in your partner, and then say to yourself, are those

1332
01:10:37,840 --> 01:10:40,519
Speaker 1: are things that I'm willing to be number one if

1333
01:10:40,560 --> 01:10:43,040
Speaker 1: I want to be of high value and am I

1334
01:10:43,240 --> 01:10:45,479
Speaker 1: seeking the same thing? And that's really how you can

1335
01:10:45,520 --> 01:10:48,519
Speaker 1: find what possessing. Find that couple. Just don't call us

1336
01:10:48,760 --> 01:10:52,040
Speaker 1: because we're tired of talking to you. I'm not actually

1337
01:10:52,160 --> 01:10:56,880
Speaker 1: I'm not. I like talking about butterfly outgoing introversial. Only

1338
01:10:56,960 --> 01:11:00,479
Speaker 1: want to talk to nobody, she'd be saying, anybody sending

1339
01:11:00,520 --> 01:11:06,400
Speaker 1: the kids away. I don't want to talk and you

1340
01:11:06,720 --> 01:11:10,680
Speaker 1: occasionally everybody else. You'll be talking to my babies. N

1341
01:11:10,800 --> 01:11:16,679
Speaker 1: D said, you'd be talking to my babies all the time.

1342
01:11:18,920 --> 01:11:28,080
Speaker 1: No pause forget. We'll be sure to find us on

1343
01:11:28,200 --> 01:11:31,360
Speaker 1: social media at dead as to podcast I Am Devout

1344
01:11:31,720 --> 01:11:35,320
Speaker 1: and Cadena I Am. And if you're listening on Apple podcasts,

1345
01:11:35,400 --> 01:11:40,080
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, please review, please and subscribe. Tell

1346
01:11:40,080 --> 01:11:45,719
Speaker 1: a friend all that Dead dead Ass is a production

1347
01:11:45,760 --> 01:11:48,360
Speaker 1: of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by

1348
01:11:48,400 --> 01:11:51,840
Speaker 1: the Nora Pinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social

1349
01:11:51,880 --> 01:11:54,320
Speaker 1: media at dead as to Podcasts and never miss a

1350
01:11:54,400 --> 01:12:02,480
Speaker 1: Thing as Prison