WEBVTT - Jessica Vosk: From Wall Street to Broadway 0:00:00.240 --> 0:00:02.759 Welcome back to She Pivots. I'm Jessica Vosk. 0:00:13.000 --> 0:00:16.520 Welcome back to She Pivots, the podcast where we talk 0:00:16.560 --> 0:00:19.160 with women who dare to pivot out of one career 0:00:19.520 --> 0:00:23.800 and into something new and explore how their personal lives 0:00:23.880 --> 0:00:31.720 impacts these decisions. I'm your host Emily Tish Sussman and 0:00:31.800 --> 0:00:35.239 honor the Tony Awards this year. I'm beyond excited to 0:00:35.280 --> 0:00:40.560 have on an icon in the Broadway world, Jessica Vosk. 0:00:40.640 --> 0:00:45.320 She's graced Broadway stages with performances as Alphaba and Wicked, Jenna, 0:00:45.400 --> 0:00:48.920 and Waitress, and currently stars in Hell's Kitchen. Her quick 0:00:48.920 --> 0:00:52.400 wit and crystal voice captured the hearts of theater lovers. 0:00:52.800 --> 0:00:56.360 A sharp and witty woman who loves Broadway my kind 0:00:56.400 --> 0:01:00.760 of girl, so as you can imagine, we bonded instantly 0:01:00.920 --> 0:01:03.720 when we met. I remember thinking, how have we not 0:01:03.760 --> 0:01:07.119 known each other forever? Jessica is truly one of those 0:01:07.160 --> 0:01:10.399 people who lights up every room she walks into, and 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:14.680 maybe unexpected of artists, She's practical and logical to her core, 0:01:15.480 --> 0:01:18.840 so much so that she dropped her pursuit of musical 0:01:18.920 --> 0:01:23.440 theater in college and instead went into finance, fully believing 0:01:23.560 --> 0:01:26.640 she was closing the musical chapter of her life. She 0:01:26.760 --> 0:01:29.920 worked her way up on Wall Street, but something was 0:01:30.000 --> 0:01:33.759 always gnawing at her, an itch that just wouldn't go away. 0:01:34.720 --> 0:01:38.040 In this episode, Jessica shares how she made the terrifying 0:01:38.160 --> 0:01:42.360 leap from a stable career in finance to chasing her 0:01:42.520 --> 0:01:46.280 dream on stage. But and this is the part we 0:01:46.440 --> 0:01:49.960 don't talk about enough, it didn't all click into place 0:01:50.120 --> 0:01:54.160 right away. Jessica didn't leave the finance job and land 0:01:54.200 --> 0:01:57.360 a Broadway roll the next week. In fact, there were 0:01:57.480 --> 0:02:01.040 years of struggle she had to build from the ground up. 0:02:01.560 --> 0:02:05.280 She babysat, did odd jobs, and went to every audition 0:02:05.360 --> 0:02:08.480 and networking opportunity she could. And it wasn't just the 0:02:08.520 --> 0:02:12.880 career challenges. There were personal ones too. In fact, Jessica 0:02:12.960 --> 0:02:17.120 shared something she's never talked about publicly before, a low 0:02:17.160 --> 0:02:21.040 point that now, in hindsight, has allowed her to blossom 0:02:21.080 --> 0:02:23.400 into the person and to the career she has now. 0:02:24.240 --> 0:02:27.760 Jessica opened up about her experience dealing with alcohol and 0:02:27.880 --> 0:02:31.880 ultimately her decision to go to rehab. This conversation is 0:02:32.000 --> 0:02:36.120 real and raw, but also full of laughter, because that's 0:02:36.160 --> 0:02:41.560 who Jessica is. She's honest, she's brave, and she's wildly talented, 0:02:41.720 --> 0:02:47.320 and I'm so lucky to call her a friend. Enjoy. 0:02:48.320 --> 0:02:53.080 I'm Jessica Vosk and I am a Broadway performer. But 0:02:53.120 --> 0:02:54.919 I would also say that I'm kind of a jack 0:02:55.040 --> 0:03:04.880 tress of all trades. Which trades, oh gosh, business, marketing, singing, acting. 0:03:06.240 --> 0:03:08.960 If you want me to dance, I will, but you 0:03:08.960 --> 0:03:14.800 shouldn't pay me. Teaching just entrepreneurialism, I would say. But 0:03:14.880 --> 0:03:16.640 let's go back to a little jess Yeah, so, like, 0:03:16.840 --> 0:03:18.200 what did you think you were going to be when 0:03:18.240 --> 0:03:22.240 you grow up? Oh? Man, A lawyer? A lawyer. I 0:03:22.320 --> 0:03:25.880 was pretty heavy from grade school on into criminal justice. 0:03:26.520 --> 0:03:29.359 Any class, any ap class that I could possibly take 0:03:29.400 --> 0:03:33.760 that had to do with debate, or again crime and 0:03:33.960 --> 0:03:37.080 justice where we got to visit prisons or have you know, 0:03:37.400 --> 0:03:41.400 very in depth conversations and debates about current trials happening 0:03:41.440 --> 0:03:43.000 at the time was my bread and butter. 0:03:43.800 --> 0:03:47.640 Did you have a performer? You clearly have a performer gene, 0:03:47.640 --> 0:03:49.680 but liked were you one of those little kids who 0:03:49.760 --> 0:03:53.119 is like just looking to perform all the time? Yeah? 0:03:53.200 --> 0:03:56.480 I was. I got bitten by the singing bug maybe 0:03:56.520 --> 0:03:59.360 at like three years old. My dad had a band 0:03:59.440 --> 0:04:01.880 when he was young, before he left that life and 0:04:01.920 --> 0:04:06.280 went into pharmaceuticals. He was a singer, had like a 0:04:06.280 --> 0:04:09.880 Crosby Stills, Nash Young kind of band, very harmonic, and 0:04:09.960 --> 0:04:11.760 so I used to sing with him in the living 0:04:11.800 --> 0:04:14.960 room when I was three, And so from that point on, 0:04:15.600 --> 0:04:19.920 I did as many community theater things as I could. 0:04:20.160 --> 0:04:25.000 I auditioned for all the school shows. I loved it all. 0:04:25.080 --> 0:04:27.599 I would sit in my room for hours just singing 0:04:28.200 --> 0:04:32.159 along to the cassette tips of my favorite Broadway shows 0:04:32.360 --> 0:04:35.719 and my favorite singers. I mean it was I think 0:04:35.960 --> 0:04:38.200 I was trying and tell people I feel music so 0:04:38.680 --> 0:04:42.279 physically in my body that it's hard to explain. 0:04:43.360 --> 0:04:45.800 If you had this performer bug in you and you 0:04:45.960 --> 0:04:50.039 were doing the community theaters and the shows, why didn't 0:04:50.080 --> 0:04:53.040 you think of that as your future as your career? 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:54.599 You know what I At first? 0:04:54.680 --> 0:04:57.880 I did. At first, I did after the lawyer thing. 0:04:57.920 --> 0:05:00.240 I mean, I remember my mom got a call from 0:05:00.240 --> 0:05:01.920 one of my grade school teachers and they were like, 0:05:02.400 --> 0:05:09.400 Jess is really phenomenal with law and considered really pushing 0:05:09.400 --> 0:05:11.560 her to do something like that. And then I got 0:05:11.640 --> 0:05:15.440 really into high school plays and musicals and choir and 0:05:15.480 --> 0:05:20.640 all that stuff, and I did think at that point, Okay, 0:05:21.160 --> 0:05:23.040 is this possible? Can I do this for a living? 0:05:24.120 --> 0:05:27.359 You know, Broadway is such a feels so very far off. 0:05:27.440 --> 0:05:30.240 It feels i'd go see Broadway shows. I you know, 0:05:30.440 --> 0:05:32.360 was the kid that stayed at the stage door fingers 0:05:32.400 --> 0:05:35.400 crossed Kodak camera. Am I going to meet the Broadway stars? 0:05:35.440 --> 0:05:38.000 What is it like? Oh my god, wigs, makeup? 0:05:38.279 --> 0:05:38.520 You know. 0:05:38.839 --> 0:05:43.680 It seemed so otherworldly and not attainable. And yet by 0:05:43.720 --> 0:05:46.000 the time I became a senior in high school, I 0:05:46.040 --> 0:05:51.360 thought that I would eventually become a Broadway performer. And 0:05:51.440 --> 0:05:55.159 I did get into a school for musical theater, and 0:05:55.200 --> 0:05:59.560 so I did go for a semester to a musical 0:05:59.560 --> 0:06:03.039 theater program. But while I was there, I just was 0:06:03.120 --> 0:06:06.839 kind of disenchanted, I guess, and it wasn't for me. 0:06:07.000 --> 0:06:10.279 So I quickly was like, well, shit, if this isn't 0:06:10.320 --> 0:06:13.080 for me, then maybe am I not supposed to be 0:06:13.160 --> 0:06:18.599 doing this thing? So then I pivoted and disenchanted by what. 0:06:19.440 --> 0:06:20.560 You know, it was one of the It was a 0:06:20.600 --> 0:06:25.840 private program, and I kind of had this mentality of 0:06:25.880 --> 0:06:27.560 why am I not just going in auditioning? 0:06:27.640 --> 0:06:27.800 Right? 0:06:27.839 --> 0:06:30.640 Now in New York for stuff. Not that I thought 0:06:30.680 --> 0:06:32.800 I was better than anybody else, That's not at all 0:06:32.839 --> 0:06:37.000 what I thought. But I also knew that it was 0:06:37.560 --> 0:06:41.839 a lot of money to go there, and you know, 0:06:41.880 --> 0:06:44.479 I also knew that not everybody in the program was 0:06:45.279 --> 0:06:48.839 going to make it, and I didn't know why the 0:06:48.880 --> 0:06:51.280 teachers were acting like everybody was going to just immediately 0:06:51.320 --> 0:06:54.599 get to Broadway once those four years were done. And 0:06:54.640 --> 0:06:57.520 then after those four years, if you don't get to Broadway, 0:06:57.600 --> 0:07:00.760 you're saddled with what the tons of debt? And then 0:07:00.800 --> 0:07:04.080 what right you're in a program where you're singing, acting, 0:07:04.120 --> 0:07:06.360 and dancing all day long, But then what's the other 0:07:06.600 --> 0:07:10.360 You're not getting any other skill that is being presented 0:07:10.400 --> 0:07:15.440 in these programs. So I left, and you know, my 0:07:15.520 --> 0:07:18.040 parents said, Okay, well you aren't not going to school, 0:07:18.440 --> 0:07:22.960 so pick another school in state so it's nice and 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:27.800 financially sound, and I chowed a different major. And that 0:07:27.960 --> 0:07:30.360 was really that I didn't I kind of didn't look 0:07:30.400 --> 0:07:32.800 back as far as musical theater was concerned. 0:07:34.280 --> 0:07:38.680 Jessica moved on and started a communications investor relations program. 0:07:39.280 --> 0:07:41.840 But the nail in the coffin was really when she 0:07:41.920 --> 0:07:44.760 auditioned for American Idol. 0:07:45.560 --> 0:07:49.200 I decided, I believe you know I again, I have 0:07:49.240 --> 0:07:51.560 to think about it was early, very early on. I 0:07:51.560 --> 0:07:53.920 think it must have been really right after I left 0:07:54.200 --> 0:07:58.920 music theater school and I was in college, because I 0:07:59.600 --> 0:08:01.240 think about the boyfriend that I was with, So it 0:08:01.280 --> 0:08:05.560 was early on. Iimatt and I auditioned for America. I 0:08:05.560 --> 0:08:07.400 had very early on in the season and it was 0:08:07.440 --> 0:08:12.880 a held at Giant Stadium in New Jersey and thousands 0:08:12.960 --> 0:08:15.040 of people showed up. It was like maybe two the 0:08:15.160 --> 0:08:17.840 season after Kelly Clarkson, or two seasons after Kelly Clarkson, 0:08:17.840 --> 0:08:21.360 so it's like the Jam and no social media, nothing 0:08:21.400 --> 0:08:25.160 like that, nothing, nothing existed. Yet you show up, you 0:08:26.000 --> 0:08:30.160 get a number the audition for the executive producers. I 0:08:30.200 --> 0:08:32.240 made it through. I have to go back into a 0:08:32.240 --> 0:08:34.520 holding room. I have to sign a stack of papers 0:08:34.920 --> 0:08:38.959 of course, giving your entire life away should you make 0:08:39.000 --> 0:08:40.680 it onto the show, but you don't care at the 0:08:40.679 --> 0:08:44.920 time because it's American Idol. And I then made it 0:08:44.960 --> 0:08:48.480 through to the producers. After the producers, I made it 0:08:48.520 --> 0:08:51.920 through again to the judges. So now we're like the 0:08:51.960 --> 0:08:54.520 amount of time that passes in between these auditions is 0:08:54.520 --> 0:08:56.800 about a year. So they take a polaroid of view 0:08:57.120 --> 0:08:59.360 in the outfit that you're in on the first time 0:08:59.520 --> 0:09:02.320 for content annuity, to make sure that you have it 0:09:02.400 --> 0:09:05.480 for the judges because it looks like they're filming everything 0:09:05.760 --> 0:09:09.160 at the same time. So then I showed up at 0:09:09.200 --> 0:09:13.640 Chelsea Pears, which is where the third and final audition 0:09:14.360 --> 0:09:18.720 was for Simon, Paula and Randy and Ryan Seacrest was 0:09:18.720 --> 0:09:20.520 there and you were allowed to bite your family. So 0:09:20.760 --> 0:09:24.360 my family drove all the way out from Pennsylvania. My 0:09:24.600 --> 0:09:27.120 boyfriend came and they all wait on one side of 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:29.199 the room and you and everybody else, all the other 0:09:29.200 --> 0:09:31.760 contestants are on the other side of the room, and 0:09:32.360 --> 0:09:35.840 it was wild. The celebrity judges did not show up 0:09:35.840 --> 0:09:38.599 for twelve hours. We were stuck in there for twelve hours. 0:09:38.880 --> 0:09:41.439 They did the thing where they came around and sort 0:09:41.480 --> 0:09:43.800 of interview you on camera. The producers come around and 0:09:44.040 --> 0:09:45.880 one producer who took a liking to me and said, 0:09:45.880 --> 0:09:47.600 you know, is there anything in your life like have 0:09:47.640 --> 0:09:51.000 you ever been a meth addict? Have you ever been homeless? 0:09:51.320 --> 0:09:55.040 Have you ever gotten pregnant? Do you have a kid somewhere? 0:09:55.440 --> 0:09:58.840 And I just I was pretty boring, and I went in. 0:09:59.240 --> 0:10:02.600 Finally the judge showed up. They asked all of us 0:10:03.120 --> 0:10:06.040 to come back. Actually, they said, the judges are really tired. 0:10:06.760 --> 0:10:08.480 They just got here. They don't want to do this 0:10:08.559 --> 0:10:10.280 and be on camera, but we're leaving it up to 0:10:10.280 --> 0:10:12.160 you if you want to audition or not. And all 0:10:12.240 --> 0:10:14.679 of us were like, our families are here, we've been 0:10:14.679 --> 0:10:17.000 here for twelve hours, we're auditioning. Well, none of us 0:10:17.000 --> 0:10:19.720 made it through, and they were they were in shitty moods. 0:10:19.840 --> 0:10:22.760 Let's not let's not lie. But I got in. I 0:10:22.760 --> 0:10:28.280 sank alone by heart, and Simon said I was desperate, 0:10:29.120 --> 0:10:32.440 and I was like, just don't do anything on camera 0:10:32.520 --> 0:10:34.280 because it's going to make it on TV if you 0:10:34.360 --> 0:10:36.800 do something crazy on camera. Don't do anything on camera. 0:10:36.880 --> 0:10:39.360 And Ryan Seacrest has an earpiece in and they all 0:10:39.360 --> 0:10:41.160 have earpieces, and so you leave the room and the 0:10:41.200 --> 0:10:42.880 camera follows you all the way out to the car, 0:10:42.920 --> 0:10:46.120 and I just was tunnel vision again, very eyes to 0:10:46.200 --> 0:10:50.000 the floor, don't say anything. And I remember we got 0:10:50.040 --> 0:10:53.040 on the train, my boyfriend and I back to Montclair, 0:10:53.120 --> 0:10:54.920 New Jersey, where I was living at the time, because 0:10:54.920 --> 0:10:57.960 that's where I was going to college and I was 0:10:58.240 --> 0:11:02.559 a mess. I was so embarrassed. I ad a hamburger 0:11:03.320 --> 0:11:07.400 at the local pub and it was mostly just embarrassment 0:11:07.600 --> 0:11:10.640 and probably a little bit of anger, but that was 0:11:10.679 --> 0:11:13.400 a core memory. And yes, for me, it was like, Okay, 0:11:13.520 --> 0:11:17.240 I'm done. I am yeah, Nail and Coffin. I don't 0:11:17.240 --> 0:11:19.000 need to do this. I shouldn't be doing this. I 0:11:19.040 --> 0:11:22.480 don't know why I thought I could do this. I'm done. 0:11:23.000 --> 0:11:25.240 So is that what took you in that direction? Like, 0:11:25.320 --> 0:11:28.840 is that you know why finance? Why corporate America in 0:11:28.880 --> 0:11:31.560 the first place that you were like, this feels this 0:11:31.600 --> 0:11:33.760 feels secure, this feels safe, and that was what you 0:11:33.800 --> 0:11:36.600 were aiming for at that point, Yeah. 0:11:36.520 --> 0:11:39.800 It was, it was it was how to Honestly, it 0:11:39.840 --> 0:11:42.199 was mostly me thinking about what would make my parents proud. 0:11:42.240 --> 0:11:44.880 I guess I was also really embarrassed that they had 0:11:44.920 --> 0:11:48.720 to be there for the American Idol thing. And you know, 0:11:49.160 --> 0:11:52.840 a career path. My parents did practical things. You know, 0:11:52.920 --> 0:11:56.800 my parents both have artistic qualities. My mom actually was 0:11:56.840 --> 0:12:00.480 an artist, a graphic designer. She sketched and painted. But 0:12:00.520 --> 0:12:03.600 then when in real estate, my father had a fantastic band, 0:12:03.640 --> 0:12:06.320 he could sing, he went into pharmaceuticals, like it was 0:12:06.400 --> 0:12:10.760 the typical boomer trajectory. And so I think there was 0:12:10.800 --> 0:12:12.240 a part of me too that was like, I can't 0:12:12.600 --> 0:12:15.120 believe that I went through something like that in front 0:12:15.160 --> 0:12:18.440 of my parents, and I'm never going to I'm never 0:12:18.520 --> 0:12:20.120 going to allow them to see something like that again. 0:12:20.679 --> 0:12:22.520 And that's the first time I'm saying this out loud. 0:12:22.600 --> 0:12:25.920 That's interesting, But it sounds like that was like what 0:12:26.000 --> 0:12:27.760 you saw, like you were following the path of what 0:12:27.800 --> 0:12:30.600 you saw, Like, yes, you can love art, but it's 0:12:30.600 --> 0:12:34.600 not what you do. What you do is practical, exactly. 0:12:35.960 --> 0:12:40.280 And practical she was. She left any dreams of theater behind, 0:12:40.640 --> 0:12:44.480 putting one hundred percent into this new corporate path. Jessica 0:12:44.559 --> 0:12:48.480 finished early, graduated with honors, and found a job in finance. 0:12:49.559 --> 0:12:53.720 I rose the ranks pretty fast at that job. So 0:12:53.840 --> 0:12:57.400 for me, I worked a lot with clean energy clients. 0:12:57.720 --> 0:13:00.480 So I had, you know, an area of clean energy, 0:13:00.679 --> 0:13:03.960 wind energy. I had an area of corporate real estate, 0:13:04.000 --> 0:13:05.720 and then I had a personal finance area. So I 0:13:05.760 --> 0:13:08.160 sort of like worked in these three areas with clients, 0:13:08.440 --> 0:13:10.719 and I would travel most of the day to day 0:13:10.880 --> 0:13:13.880 was like in the office. A lot of earnings calls, 0:13:13.880 --> 0:13:16.960 a lot of hopping on calls with executives talking about 0:13:17.160 --> 0:13:21.880 damage control, if something stock wise happened that we had 0:13:21.920 --> 0:13:23.400 to talk to the press about. There was a lot 0:13:23.400 --> 0:13:28.840 of liaising between press and sea level suite, and then 0:13:28.840 --> 0:13:31.040 there was a ton of like three days of the week, 0:13:31.120 --> 0:13:33.880 I'd be in Texas doing something for this wind energy client, 0:13:33.920 --> 0:13:35.400 or I would have to fly out to San Francisco 0:13:35.440 --> 0:13:38.600 and do something for this personal finance company and be 0:13:38.679 --> 0:13:41.520 with them. So it was a lot of back and 0:13:41.600 --> 0:13:44.720 forth and taught me a lot about if I'm going 0:13:44.720 --> 0:13:46.360 to a lunch, it's either going to be with a client, 0:13:46.440 --> 0:13:48.000 or it's going to be with one of the head 0:13:48.000 --> 0:13:50.280 requorters of the FT or the Wall Street Journal and 0:13:50.480 --> 0:13:54.560 sitting with them to place a story or to make 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:56.640 sure a story doesn't get placed store to you know, 0:13:57.480 --> 0:14:00.760 it's that kind of again, jack of all trades, ability 0:14:00.800 --> 0:14:05.959 to be that chameleon within the job. So I rose 0:14:06.040 --> 0:14:07.920 Arin's pretty fast at that job. It was it was 0:14:07.960 --> 0:14:09.720 the type of thing where we were working with enough 0:14:10.280 --> 0:14:14.480 sea level executives and doing enough pitches where it felt 0:14:14.679 --> 0:14:17.440 like I was the person to be in the room 0:14:17.559 --> 0:14:21.560 because I was really good at volleying and improving and 0:14:21.640 --> 0:14:25.720 kind of now I would call it auditioning or walking 0:14:25.720 --> 0:14:28.800 into a room or being you know that type of 0:14:28.840 --> 0:14:30.960 person where you can throw me anything and I'll be 0:14:31.040 --> 0:14:34.960 able to come back with something. So it was kind 0:14:34.960 --> 0:14:38.120 of fun for me at the time. But nobody, nobody 0:14:38.160 --> 0:14:41.120 there knew that I could sing, or that I was 0:14:41.880 --> 0:14:43.800 a theater girly under wraps. 0:14:44.400 --> 0:14:46.880 But really you were pulling from your theater background to 0:14:46.920 --> 0:14:51.000 be successful in investor relations and in business. Yes, yes, 0:14:51.120 --> 0:14:53.520 so I didn't know that, right, but I love that, 0:14:53.640 --> 0:14:56.600 Like already the seeds are planted. It's like a little foreshadowing. 0:14:57.000 --> 0:14:59.640 It totally was Oh I love that. Okay, So I 0:14:59.680 --> 0:15:02.160 think a lot about what success looks like at different 0:15:02.200 --> 0:15:05.160 points in our lives. What do you think success was 0:15:05.240 --> 0:15:06.840 for you at that point? 0:15:07.240 --> 0:15:11.000 Money, health, insurance, the ability to say, like, I have 0:15:11.040 --> 0:15:15.240 a job that I'm locked into, I work with all 0:15:15.280 --> 0:15:19.880 of these great large companies that are you know, foreign 0:15:19.920 --> 0:15:22.320 companies going public on the US market. Look at all 0:15:22.360 --> 0:15:25.480 of my jargon. I'm very very smart. I think that 0:15:25.640 --> 0:15:28.440 was success to me at the time. It wasn't necessarily happiness. 0:15:29.400 --> 0:15:32.560 So it was a really interesting thing because it became 0:15:33.280 --> 0:15:35.480 you know, how do I become the best at this 0:15:36.000 --> 0:15:40.200 at this but I also didn't love it, so at 0:15:40.200 --> 0:15:42.920 the time, I didn't realize that what I thought of 0:15:43.000 --> 0:15:46.400 as success was actually hindering me. 0:15:47.160 --> 0:15:49.480 Well, you've shared that when you were working in finance 0:15:49.520 --> 0:15:52.760 you started having panic attacks. What do you think drove 0:15:52.800 --> 0:15:55.440 those and did those change how you were thinking about 0:15:55.440 --> 0:15:57.120 your career? Yeah? 0:15:57.200 --> 0:15:59.760 I mean when I was in this place of giving 0:15:59.760 --> 0:16:02.760 pits every day or doing client pitches in a boardroom, 0:16:02.880 --> 0:16:07.760 or I would be so stressed out and I couldn't 0:16:07.840 --> 0:16:11.360 understand why. And I was on all these different time 0:16:11.440 --> 0:16:15.160 zones because when the market opens in Portugal, it's the 0:16:15.160 --> 0:16:19.120 middle of the night here, but then you know, I 0:16:19.160 --> 0:16:21.400 still have to keep up with San Francisco and that's 0:16:21.440 --> 0:16:24.240 three hours behind. It was not I didn't have a 0:16:24.240 --> 0:16:26.480 body clock, and I didn't again, I was in my twenties. 0:16:27.000 --> 0:16:29.920 I was burning the candle at both ends with this job. 0:16:30.720 --> 0:16:35.240 And then I think what happened with my subconscious knowing 0:16:35.600 --> 0:16:38.600 that I wasn't doing the thing that I loved, and 0:16:38.680 --> 0:16:43.400 I wasn't experiencing any art, and I wasn't going to 0:16:43.440 --> 0:16:47.480 any therapy or talking to anybody or confiding in anybody. 0:16:47.560 --> 0:16:51.800 Is that stress is a silent killer. It really does kill. 0:16:52.320 --> 0:16:57.120 In my experience, it manifested itself through sweating and my 0:16:57.240 --> 0:16:59.840 heart rate going through the roof and feeling like I 0:16:59.880 --> 0:17:02.400 was going to die. But I couldn't understand what that was. 0:17:02.520 --> 0:17:04.320 I didn't know what anxiety was. I didn't know what 0:17:04.320 --> 0:17:07.560 panic attacks were. I sort of just thought, like, gosh, 0:17:07.600 --> 0:17:10.040 am I getting nervous for these meetings. I don't understand 0:17:10.200 --> 0:17:13.880 why I would be so every single day too, You're 0:17:13.880 --> 0:17:16.679 going out to lunches, and in order to quell the anxiety, 0:17:16.720 --> 0:17:20.080 you're having like three glasses of wine with lunch, and 0:17:20.119 --> 0:17:22.000 then you're doing the same thing at dinner. So that 0:17:22.080 --> 0:17:25.200 became a whole other you know, well, in order to 0:17:25.200 --> 0:17:27.000 get rid of my anxiety, I've got to have a drink. 0:17:27.400 --> 0:17:29.680 And so it kind of was this hand in hand thing. 0:17:29.720 --> 0:17:33.760 It was very very slippery slope at that point in 0:17:33.760 --> 0:17:36.919 my life. Did that make you think that you were 0:17:36.920 --> 0:17:38.160 eventually going to leave? 0:17:38.240 --> 0:17:38.320 Like? 0:17:38.400 --> 0:17:39.320 Was that a pivot point? 0:17:39.359 --> 0:17:40.919 Where is that what we call sort of like the 0:17:40.960 --> 0:17:44.160 intervening life event where we start to think about what's 0:17:44.200 --> 0:17:45.919 making us happy at that point or not making us 0:17:45.960 --> 0:17:47.680 happy and precipitates the change. 0:17:48.280 --> 0:17:51.080 Yeah, I mean, I think there was. It was a 0:17:51.280 --> 0:17:56.600 very night light sprinkling of what's going on here, but 0:17:56.720 --> 0:18:00.119 not really understanding how to figure that out. And I 0:18:00.160 --> 0:18:05.280 mean my pivot moment, my true pivot moment, was when 0:18:05.680 --> 0:18:09.040 kind of the universe stepped in and I was sitting 0:18:09.080 --> 0:18:11.919 in my office. At this point, I was promoted to 0:18:12.000 --> 0:18:16.600 my own office, so I had people underneath me, and 0:18:16.640 --> 0:18:19.000 I had been sitting in my office and I again 0:18:19.320 --> 0:18:24.200 totally sort of checked out, disassociating, knocked something over, saw 0:18:24.240 --> 0:18:26.720 a note that fell out of a folder. I don't 0:18:26.720 --> 0:18:29.879 know where or how this happened from my grandmother that 0:18:30.000 --> 0:18:32.080 said I wish you all the luck in the world 0:18:32.160 --> 0:18:34.639 that she wrote to me, like after a theater show 0:18:34.720 --> 0:18:37.639 or something. And that's when I was like, I gotta go. 0:18:38.040 --> 0:18:41.200 I have to go. I don't know how. I don't 0:18:41.320 --> 0:18:45.920 literally know how to go. But that kicked off the 0:18:46.080 --> 0:18:49.720 pivot of the next six months of how to make 0:18:49.760 --> 0:18:50.480 the transition. 0:18:52.000 --> 0:18:55.480 When we come back, Jessica walks us through the mechanics 0:18:55.520 --> 0:18:59.879 of her calculated but nevertheless scary pivot out of her 0:18:59.880 --> 0:19:01.520 stable job in finance. 0:19:10.680 --> 0:19:13.840 I have to go. I don't know how. I don't 0:19:13.960 --> 0:19:18.320 literally know how to go. But that kicked off the 0:19:18.520 --> 0:19:22.160 pivot of the next six months of how to make 0:19:22.200 --> 0:19:28.480 the transition. I had concepts of like, Okay, I need 0:19:28.520 --> 0:19:31.840 to leave this job. So what I want to do 0:19:32.040 --> 0:19:35.040 is I want to sing. I want to be back 0:19:35.560 --> 0:19:38.919 in that life. Okay, how am I going to do that? 0:19:39.960 --> 0:19:40.240 Well? 0:19:40.920 --> 0:19:44.040 I had kind of met a couple of people within 0:19:44.119 --> 0:19:45.880 the business. I had been going to this open mic 0:19:46.000 --> 0:19:49.639 night every Monday night after work was over. I'd have 0:19:49.680 --> 0:19:52.720 to wait till eleven pm every Monday night to try 0:19:52.720 --> 0:19:55.080 and get hurt on this open mic night. And I 0:19:55.119 --> 0:19:57.439 met people through that, and I thought, Okay, I've got 0:19:57.480 --> 0:19:59.919 a network here and figure out how to get in 0:20:00.600 --> 0:20:02.720 like the right room. How am I supposed to audition? 0:20:02.800 --> 0:20:05.639 I don't have an agent. I called my parents. I 0:20:05.680 --> 0:20:09.440 was like, okay, I'm leaving this job, and they were 0:20:09.440 --> 0:20:18.399 like no, no, no, reverse. So they were pretty scared nervous. Again, 0:20:18.480 --> 0:20:20.880 like my father in an interview a couple of years 0:20:20.880 --> 0:20:23.600 ago said to ABC or something like I thought this 0:20:23.760 --> 0:20:26.359 was like the worst decision she's ever made. So no, 0:20:26.600 --> 0:20:28.920 I didn't have a plan. I just knew I had 0:20:28.960 --> 0:20:31.399 to get laid off because that was the only way 0:20:31.400 --> 0:20:34.200 I can collect unemployment. I knew that that if I quit, 0:20:34.800 --> 0:20:37.680 I couldn't collect unemployment. If I quit, I wouldn't get severance, 0:20:38.160 --> 0:20:40.760 you know, all of that kind of like stuff about 0:20:40.760 --> 0:20:44.000 how to. And in the interim I decided to put 0:20:44.040 --> 0:20:48.560 together a concert and do a concert and invite all 0:20:48.560 --> 0:20:50.600 the finance people to come see it at the Lori 0:20:50.680 --> 0:20:53.480 beachmanth Theater on forty second Street between nine and ten 0:20:54.119 --> 0:20:58.160 in the basement, and make everybody come see it. As 0:20:58.160 --> 0:20:59.960 am I like, this is what I want to do 0:21:00.720 --> 0:21:03.480 than while I was still at the job. I don't 0:21:03.520 --> 0:21:05.400 know what I was thinking, but I did it. And 0:21:06.440 --> 0:21:13.720 subsequently the market crashed in O eight and I skillfully 0:21:13.760 --> 0:21:19.560 got laid off. So what happened is the chirp, chirp 0:21:19.640 --> 0:21:23.840 chatter of the real estate crash happening, the big banks 0:21:24.040 --> 0:21:28.800 going under, etc. Was around the office. I knew we 0:21:28.800 --> 0:21:32.639 would either get acquired by a London company or you know, 0:21:32.800 --> 0:21:35.760 in order for us to stay afloat with our clientele. 0:21:36.400 --> 0:21:38.639 So I was like, Okay, how do I do this. 0:21:39.160 --> 0:21:42.200 I go into the HR office and I was like, hey, guys, 0:21:42.520 --> 0:21:47.960 pleasure listen. I was just wondering if you were looking 0:21:47.960 --> 0:21:52.640 for anybody to volunteer to be laid off because I 0:21:52.680 --> 0:21:56.080 will do that. And they were like, you just got promoted, 0:21:56.520 --> 0:22:01.200 and I said, oh, well, I'm just saying that if 0:22:01.600 --> 0:22:02.879 you were looking for it, and they were like, this 0:22:02.920 --> 0:22:05.560 conversation never happened. I think one of the girls who 0:22:05.600 --> 0:22:07.359 I was close with had a chat with my boss 0:22:07.720 --> 0:22:09.720 and I got an email from him saying a couple 0:22:09.760 --> 0:22:11.240 of weeks later saying, hey, can I see you in 0:22:11.240 --> 0:22:13.240 my office? And I think anybody else who got this 0:22:13.359 --> 0:22:16.800 email in life would probably be like fuck no no. 0:22:17.480 --> 0:22:21.959 I was like, yes, this is it, God like it was. 0:22:22.320 --> 0:22:24.560 It was that moment for me. I remember going in there, 0:22:24.760 --> 0:22:28.639 sitting down, you know, totally faking the O you know, 0:22:28.680 --> 0:22:32.320 I can't believe and get it laid off, and of 0:22:32.359 --> 0:22:34.800 course he probably faked it too, and everybody thought I 0:22:34.840 --> 0:22:37.600 was nuts. Everyone thought I was nuts, said I would 0:22:37.600 --> 0:22:41.000 get a certain amount of severance, YadA, YadA, YadA. I left. 0:22:41.320 --> 0:22:44.800