1 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:13,360 Speaker 1: All right, guys, welcome back to another new episode of 2 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:16,360 Speaker 1: Couch Talks, which is the bonus episode of You Need 3 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:19,720 Speaker 1: Therapy that comes out every Wednesday, where I answer questions 4 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:23,079 Speaker 1: that you guys send into me at Catherine at you 5 00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:27,600 Speaker 1: Need Therapy podcast dot com that I then possibly maybe 6 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:31,080 Speaker 1: answer today on Wednesday on couch Talks. My name is Kat. 7 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:34,400 Speaker 1: If you're new, welcome. If you're also new, remember or 8 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:36,720 Speaker 1: this is the first time you'll be hearing this. This 9 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:40,800 Speaker 1: is not therapy. This is just a therapist talking about therapy. 10 00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:43,879 Speaker 1: And I also want to remind you guys, if you 11 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:48,280 Speaker 1: want to rate, subscribe comment at the bottom of this 12 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:50,320 Speaker 1: well you subscribe at the top, but the bottom you 13 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:53,400 Speaker 1: scroll down you can rate it in comment, leave a 14 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:55,920 Speaker 1: comment about you think. Give me some feedback. That'd be awesome. 15 00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:57,960 Speaker 1: That means a lot to me. And if you would 16 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:00,960 Speaker 1: like to follow me in the podcast on Instagram, you 17 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:04,080 Speaker 1: can do that at at cat dot de fata and 18 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:07,840 Speaker 1: at You Need Therapy Podcasts. Okay, so today I'm only 19 00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:10,440 Speaker 1: doing one question and it's actually not really a question, 20 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:14,560 Speaker 1: well what kind of is. It's from a friend of mine. 21 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:17,360 Speaker 1: She actually texted me today and I was like, oh, 22 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:19,520 Speaker 1: I'm using this for to couch talks. She texted me 23 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:22,960 Speaker 1: today a TikTok video and like I said, I would 24 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,520 Speaker 1: like to know your thoughts on this, and you know, 25 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:27,040 Speaker 1: I became very hot and heated over it. So I 26 00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:29,520 Speaker 1: thought it would be something good to talk about today 27 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:33,160 Speaker 1: because all of us have access to watching these TikTok's. Now, 28 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:34,560 Speaker 1: I'm not going to tell you which one it is 29 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:36,800 Speaker 1: and who it is because I don't think that's important, 30 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:39,240 Speaker 1: because this is more or less a theme that I 31 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:42,160 Speaker 1: think is thrown out on the Internet by let's say, 32 00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:45,520 Speaker 1: influencers or people who want to be influencers. Not that 33 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:48,440 Speaker 1: there's anything wrong with influencers, but anyway, let's just get 34 00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:51,000 Speaker 1: to it. So, like I said, my friend reached out 35 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:55,320 Speaker 1: to me and send a TikTok from someone who calls 36 00:01:55,360 --> 00:02:00,240 Speaker 1: themselves an anxious attachment coach, which, if y'all know me 37 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:03,360 Speaker 1: or maybe you can already tell this boils my blood. 38 00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:07,000 Speaker 1: And it was basically a video about him saying that 39 00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:09,880 Speaker 1: until you learn how to find self worth within yourself, 40 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:12,080 Speaker 1: you'll never be able to have the things you truly want, 41 00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:14,560 Speaker 1: and you have to work on yourself before you pay 42 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:19,280 Speaker 1: attention to those desires, the desires meaning relationships, love, all 43 00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:21,480 Speaker 1: the family, all of that. So he was basically saying, 44 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:24,800 Speaker 1: you need to find self worth within before you can 45 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:27,240 Speaker 1: have any of those things. Now, I asked my friend 46 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:30,360 Speaker 1: what she heard from this video, and she said, and 47 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:33,920 Speaker 1: she's just somebody who is very interested in attachment and 48 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,160 Speaker 1: does her own work and goes to therapy and all 49 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,920 Speaker 1: of that stuff, so she has more understanding about this 50 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:41,160 Speaker 1: kind of stuff than just a random person on the street. 51 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:44,040 Speaker 1: But what is scary about this is anybody can watch 52 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:46,440 Speaker 1: this TikTok and it's shown to tons of people, so 53 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:48,560 Speaker 1: it's shown to people that have less of an idea 54 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:51,040 Speaker 1: of what all this stuff is than she does. Um, 55 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:52,679 Speaker 1: and this is what she got from it, she said. 56 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:54,760 Speaker 1: My gut reaction was that you have to be a 57 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:59,120 Speaker 1: hundred percent happy alone before you find someone, or you 58 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:02,320 Speaker 1: will turn pretend to partners off. So again, this man 59 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:06,160 Speaker 1: calls himself a self worth coach for anxious attachment styles, 60 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:08,880 Speaker 1: and I looked up his credentials because that's what I do, 61 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:11,000 Speaker 1: because I'm like, if you're gonna be out here throwing 62 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:14,280 Speaker 1: this stuff out, which I learned by going to graduate 63 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:17,800 Speaker 1: school and studying it with professional people who study it. 64 00:03:17,919 --> 00:03:20,240 Speaker 1: There's tons of content out there. Anybody can learn about 65 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,600 Speaker 1: attachment style from a book these days to an extent. 66 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,600 Speaker 1: To an extent here that part, and so I was like, Okay, 67 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:26,959 Speaker 1: I want to know where this guy is getting his 68 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:30,079 Speaker 1: stuff before I make any assumption. And he has a 69 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:33,280 Speaker 1: Bachelor of Science and something and then maybe psychology. And 70 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:37,160 Speaker 1: then it says he has an honorary PhD from the 71 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:41,040 Speaker 1: School of Life, meaning like he has a it was 72 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:43,560 Speaker 1: a joke, like of an honorary PhD from like Living 73 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:46,280 Speaker 1: my Life. So basically he's just saying that because he's 74 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:49,280 Speaker 1: lived life, he can say these things and become a 75 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:50,760 Speaker 1: coach and tell you what to do with your life, 76 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,840 Speaker 1: which not how it's done, ladies and gentlemen. And that 77 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:57,280 Speaker 1: is why I love people like Aubrey Henderson so much, 78 00:03:57,920 --> 00:03:59,840 Speaker 1: um who's been on the show multiple times, because she 79 00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:03,400 Speaker 1: is a self worth coach. However, she stays in her 80 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:07,400 Speaker 1: lane and also has a lot of education about what 81 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,400 Speaker 1: she's doing, and she's not just saying like, oh, I 82 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:10,800 Speaker 1: lived a life, so I can tell you what to do. 83 00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:12,840 Speaker 1: She's like, oh, I studied this and so this is 84 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:14,280 Speaker 1: what I'm doing, and this is what I'm good at. 85 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:15,960 Speaker 1: I love Aubrey if you don't know who that is. 86 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:19,320 Speaker 1: She did two episodes with us, one on befriending your 87 00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:22,440 Speaker 1: inner critic and one on breaking up with people pleasing 88 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,680 Speaker 1: and She's awesome. She also has her own podcast called 89 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:29,119 Speaker 1: Ask Aubrey Anyhow. This basically is what I'm talking about 90 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:31,720 Speaker 1: when I say we need to be very careful with 91 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:34,839 Speaker 1: who and what we turn to on the Internet. And 92 00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:36,400 Speaker 1: I've kind of gone on like I want to call 93 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:38,360 Speaker 1: them rants, but maybe they could be rants. I've talked 94 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:40,760 Speaker 1: about this before of how it can be very scary 95 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:43,920 Speaker 1: that anybody can just go out here these days and 96 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,680 Speaker 1: say I'm going to tell you how to get this 97 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:48,280 Speaker 1: and how to do this and how to live your 98 00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:51,280 Speaker 1: life best. And it comes from a place of them 99 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:54,479 Speaker 1: wanting to be an expert, or them wanting to be 100 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:57,760 Speaker 1: seen as an expert, or them just wanting to be 101 00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:01,400 Speaker 1: an influencer in that area. Without them doing the work 102 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:05,600 Speaker 1: that makes them credible, they're not credible sources. Literally, it's 103 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:08,600 Speaker 1: like Wikipedia, Like we all went to Wikipedia. I think 104 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:10,760 Speaker 1: I mentioned this last weekend the podcast. I remember doing 105 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:14,200 Speaker 1: research papers and turning on or going on in Wikipedia 106 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:16,599 Speaker 1: to do my research and then learning like, oh, anybody 107 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:19,440 Speaker 1: can go on here and type anything not a credible source. 108 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:23,599 Speaker 1: Same thing with TikTok, Instagram, anything on the internet. Anybody 109 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:27,040 Speaker 1: can have a website, anybody can say anything. But we 110 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:29,720 Speaker 1: need to be very careful with who we're turning into 111 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:32,840 Speaker 1: and we should be checking their their credentials. Most of 112 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:34,600 Speaker 1: us don't do that. I did that for you in 113 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:37,240 Speaker 1: this case. But one of the things is attachment has 114 00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:39,480 Speaker 1: become a trendy thing and the self help and self 115 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:43,000 Speaker 1: development world, and I feel like the influencer type people 116 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:46,360 Speaker 1: are taking advantage of that because it's it's like clickbait. 117 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:49,560 Speaker 1: You cannot coach someone. Please please hear me when I 118 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:53,279 Speaker 1: says you cannot coach someone too healthier anxious attachment style 119 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:56,520 Speaker 1: by just like being a coach. These kinds of videos 120 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:59,200 Speaker 1: actually make me sick because I think they prey on 121 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,600 Speaker 1: people who truly want to live their life to the 122 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:04,880 Speaker 1: fullest and like really find healing and find love and 123 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:06,800 Speaker 1: all the things that they want out of life. They 124 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,599 Speaker 1: prey on those people, and as a professional, I have 125 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:13,640 Speaker 1: a responsibility to share true information and not click bait, 126 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:17,760 Speaker 1: and also only share enough. I don't share information that 127 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:20,680 Speaker 1: I believe needs to be shared within a safe therapeutic environment. 128 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:23,360 Speaker 1: If you notice, like through the podcast, you can't heal 129 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:27,000 Speaker 1: your attachment style by listening to my Attachment episode. What 130 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,000 Speaker 1: you can do is you can become aware of this stuff. 131 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:32,280 Speaker 1: And I think that's with any of the podcast. I've 132 00:06:32,279 --> 00:06:34,039 Speaker 1: talked about this all the time. But my hope in 133 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:37,559 Speaker 1: it is to make this stuff easier to talk about 134 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:39,760 Speaker 1: and to open up our eyes and to show us 135 00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:42,440 Speaker 1: where we might need to lean in and do some work. 136 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:45,120 Speaker 1: But I'm not doing therapy through That's why I have 137 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:47,480 Speaker 1: to put a disclaimer on the beginning of every episode. 138 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:50,000 Speaker 1: I'm not doing therapy through this and even some of 139 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,760 Speaker 1: my funny videos I put on Instagram. I'm not telling 140 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:54,480 Speaker 1: you what to do with your life or how to 141 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:57,599 Speaker 1: heal yourself. I'm just like explaining something, maybe through a 142 00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:59,600 Speaker 1: funny way or maybe through a serious way, where you 143 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,120 Speaker 1: might be aware and open up to the fact there 144 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:04,479 Speaker 1: might be something you want to explore or have a 145 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:08,280 Speaker 1: conversation about. Anyway. So I asked my friend to tell 146 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:10,920 Speaker 1: me more about how this video was somewhat harmful and 147 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:13,240 Speaker 1: frustrating to her, and this is what she told me. 148 00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:15,840 Speaker 1: She said, I feel like people like him and other 149 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:18,640 Speaker 1: people on social media make it sound like you won't 150 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 1: get what you want until you're completely healed and whole. 151 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,640 Speaker 1: I just don't buy it, and it's frustrating because the 152 00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:25,880 Speaker 1: work never ends. They make it seem like you won't 153 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,600 Speaker 1: get your desires until you've done X y Z. Sure 154 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:31,680 Speaker 1: it helps when you're healthy and have worked through your ship, 155 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:34,160 Speaker 1: or at least you're aware that it's there, But the 156 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:37,320 Speaker 1: idea that all these things will happen once you're is 157 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:39,240 Speaker 1: bullshit to me. The reason I read that is because 158 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:42,280 Speaker 1: she said it so perfectly. The work is never really done, 159 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:46,440 Speaker 1: like we should be continuously working on ourselves, evolving, finding 160 00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:49,120 Speaker 1: new things about ourselves. Every little relationship is going to 161 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:51,240 Speaker 1: affect us, so we have to be aware of those 162 00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:54,640 Speaker 1: things at all times. Like the work is never really done. Now, 163 00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:57,280 Speaker 1: are we in the deepest, darkest pit all the time? No? 164 00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:00,000 Speaker 1: But I'm a therapist who I talk about I still 165 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:02,560 Speaker 1: go to therapy because my work's never done, and I'll 166 00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:04,560 Speaker 1: take breaks, but my work is truly never going to 167 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:07,600 Speaker 1: be done. I want to always continue to learn about myself. 168 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:10,320 Speaker 1: And so if I were to say or take the 169 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:13,280 Speaker 1: message that like I have a hundred percent be okay 170 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:16,360 Speaker 1: with myself a hundred percent until I start looking for 171 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:18,880 Speaker 1: a partner or whatever, I would never find one and 172 00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:21,000 Speaker 1: I would never start looking for one. It's just not 173 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,760 Speaker 1: that's not true. And I do want to make sure 174 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:25,800 Speaker 1: that you guys know that that, Like I don't even 175 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:27,800 Speaker 1: know what that is. A hundred percent healed and like 176 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:30,239 Speaker 1: pent love yourself, Like I don't know what that means. 177 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:32,199 Speaker 1: Like I say this to my clients all the time. 178 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:34,920 Speaker 1: Anybody who tells you that they're not insecure about anything 179 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,640 Speaker 1: is lying to you. Anybody who tells you that they're 180 00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:40,280 Speaker 1: a hundred percent confident in everything they do and they 181 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,800 Speaker 1: don't care at all what people think of them, they're 182 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:47,120 Speaker 1: lying to you or they're lying to themselves. So that's 183 00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,800 Speaker 1: not possible. And it is true that you can work 184 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:52,200 Speaker 1: on yourself and be on a healthy relationship at the 185 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:55,160 Speaker 1: same time. Now does it help if you have already 186 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,920 Speaker 1: walked through some of the healing processes you need to 187 00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:01,360 Speaker 1: walk through a hundred percent, because if you're like heavy 188 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:04,880 Speaker 1: and you're anxious or heavy in your avoidant attachment, you're 189 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:08,560 Speaker 1: going to attract the level of health long term that 190 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:11,360 Speaker 1: you are at So it is somewhat true that we 191 00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:13,840 Speaker 1: have to do some work before we find a long 192 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:16,320 Speaker 1: term partner that would be someone we can have a 193 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:19,520 Speaker 1: healthy relationship with. But it's super confusing to tell someone 194 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:22,000 Speaker 1: they have to hundred percent develop a hundred percent self 195 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:26,479 Speaker 1: worth from a dent within themselves before they find relationships, 196 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:29,960 Speaker 1: because we are relational human beings who need relationships, and 197 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:32,880 Speaker 1: we're created to be in relationships, and we actually heal 198 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:38,319 Speaker 1: our attachment through relationships now from not always romantic relationships, 199 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:41,600 Speaker 1: but through relationships. We heal through people, and that's why 200 00:09:41,679 --> 00:09:46,320 Speaker 1: therapy works. You're healing by creating the relationship that's safe 201 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:49,720 Speaker 1: and trusting and all the things. You know. This is 202 00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:53,079 Speaker 1: maybe one of the most frustrating parts of this because again, 203 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:56,280 Speaker 1: we heal attachment wounds through secure attachment figures. You can't 204 00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:59,960 Speaker 1: heal in a vacuum. You can't. You cannot. Now again, 205 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,640 Speaker 1: do I think we need to heal our trauma through 206 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:04,280 Speaker 1: significant other No, that's not what I'm saying. And I 207 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:06,480 Speaker 1: don't have enough time today to talk about this a 208 00:10:06,559 --> 00:10:08,800 Speaker 1: hundred percent and say everything I want to say. But 209 00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:11,400 Speaker 1: I think my main point I want to make today 210 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:14,280 Speaker 1: is be careful with who and what you look and 211 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:17,880 Speaker 1: turned to especially online for some of this stuff. This 212 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:20,880 Speaker 1: kind of comes off the Rachel Hollis drama from the 213 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:22,960 Speaker 1: last couple of weeks too, And I don't know if 214 00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:24,640 Speaker 1: you're familiar with it, but if you're not, you should 215 00:10:24,679 --> 00:10:27,280 Speaker 1: listen to be there in fives deep dive because that 216 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:29,800 Speaker 1: will explain it all. And this is not a space 217 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,640 Speaker 1: where I'm going to bash her. But people did praise 218 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:35,280 Speaker 1: her and worshiped her, and some still do for years. 219 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:38,800 Speaker 1: And finally she's admitting that she isn't an expert. She 220 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:41,400 Speaker 1: did this apology on her podcast that one of my 221 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,679 Speaker 1: friends had me listen to because she knows that I 222 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,640 Speaker 1: was like pretty frustrated with some of the things that 223 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:47,640 Speaker 1: Rachel Hollis has said and down in the past when 224 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:50,560 Speaker 1: it comes to mental health. And in this apology she 225 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:53,920 Speaker 1: basically said that she isn't an expert and that she 226 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:57,320 Speaker 1: stumbled into people thinking that she's an expert. And I 227 00:10:57,360 --> 00:10:59,800 Speaker 1: don't buy this because when you write a book telling 228 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:02,800 Speaker 1: people what to do and doing it in a very yelly, 229 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:07,360 Speaker 1: preachy way, and you create conferences that basically promise people 230 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,960 Speaker 1: that you're going to help them find the true light 231 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:12,760 Speaker 1: forced way into living their best life. You kind of 232 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,320 Speaker 1: send a message that you think you're an expert. So 233 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:18,880 Speaker 1: that's confusing to me. And so I mentioned that because 234 00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:21,920 Speaker 1: even somebody as big as her is out there, and 235 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:24,520 Speaker 1: we flocked to that stuff. And I think we've flocked 236 00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:26,760 Speaker 1: to that stuff because some of us so badly we 237 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:30,280 Speaker 1: do want those relationships. We want someone to tell us 238 00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:32,520 Speaker 1: how to get the things that we deserve in life 239 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:34,640 Speaker 1: and that are put on our hearts. And you know, 240 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:36,360 Speaker 1: I think what makes me so sick about this is 241 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,320 Speaker 1: because it becomes like when I say I said earlier, 242 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,719 Speaker 1: people prey upon those of us out there who are 243 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:46,080 Speaker 1: looking for that. They're essentially making money off of you, right, 244 00:11:46,559 --> 00:11:49,400 Speaker 1: They're seeing a need and they're making money off of 245 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:52,839 Speaker 1: your insecurities and your wants and you being vulnerable. And 246 00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:56,240 Speaker 1: I don't like that. And the truth is, experts and 247 00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:59,120 Speaker 1: mental health don't tell you what to do, and they 248 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:02,040 Speaker 1: don't tell you ex actually what you're doing and how 249 00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:05,400 Speaker 1: you're doing it, and they don't just tell you everything. 250 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:08,800 Speaker 1: They empower you to figure it out. We put up 251 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:10,920 Speaker 1: a mirror in front of you, We present back to 252 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,720 Speaker 1: you what you're presenting to us. So you can see 253 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:15,280 Speaker 1: it clearly. I had a client today at that asked me, 254 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:17,760 Speaker 1: when am I finally going to just tell her the 255 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:20,080 Speaker 1: answers to the questions that I'm asking her. She said, 256 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:21,920 Speaker 1: I know you know the answer, so why don't you 257 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:23,120 Speaker 1: just tell me? What? Are you just going to tell 258 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:25,560 Speaker 1: me the answer to these things? And I said, I'm 259 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:28,200 Speaker 1: never going to And you know why, she said, I know, 260 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,080 Speaker 1: I know. I said, well, I'm going to say it 261 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:33,199 Speaker 1: out loud because one day I want you to not 262 00:12:33,679 --> 00:12:36,120 Speaker 1: need me anymore. And the more I tell you what 263 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:39,120 Speaker 1: to do, the more you think I know about you 264 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:42,000 Speaker 1: and your life than you do. And I'm not the 265 00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:43,680 Speaker 1: expert in your life. I don't want to be the 266 00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:45,920 Speaker 1: expert in your life. I just know how to guide 267 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:49,160 Speaker 1: someone to become the experts in their lives. And I 268 00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:52,640 Speaker 1: think that's the big difference between somebody who is a 269 00:12:52,679 --> 00:12:56,040 Speaker 1: trusted source of some of this stuff is I don't 270 00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:58,480 Speaker 1: want people to rely on me. I want people to 271 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:01,160 Speaker 1: listen to this podcast and then go do their own stuff. 272 00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:03,560 Speaker 1: I don't want them to think that I am like 273 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,960 Speaker 1: the god of finding what they want in their lives. 274 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:10,560 Speaker 1: When clients tell me, like You've changed my life or 275 00:13:10,559 --> 00:13:12,840 Speaker 1: you do this, I always say, no, you did, you did. 276 00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:14,880 Speaker 1: I just was sitting next to you when you did it. 277 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:17,839 Speaker 1: And that is my hope in all of us finding 278 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,080 Speaker 1: healing is that we realize that we are the experts 279 00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:22,360 Speaker 1: that can be the people that change our lives, not 280 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:26,520 Speaker 1: a TikTok person. And again, I'm not bashing influencers. I 281 00:13:26,559 --> 00:13:30,120 Speaker 1: watched TikTok clearly, I had the whole TikTok drama a 282 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:33,200 Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago. I'm not bashing them. I'm just saying, 283 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:36,400 Speaker 1: be careful who and what you turn to to find 284 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:39,720 Speaker 1: what you need, because sadly, not everybody out there has 285 00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:41,920 Speaker 1: the best of intentions. Take what you see on the 286 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:44,680 Speaker 1: internet with a grain of salt. Cool. Okay. I hope 287 00:13:44,679 --> 00:13:46,160 Speaker 1: you guys are having the week or the day you 288 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:49,800 Speaker 1: need to have, And if you have any questions or feedback, again, 289 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:53,319 Speaker 1: you can always message me. Email me at Catherine at 290 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:57,240 Speaker 1: you Need Therapy podcast dot com. I love getting your emails. 291 00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:59,079 Speaker 1: I read them all. I don't respond to them all, 292 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:01,559 Speaker 1: but I read them all and I appreciate you guys. 293 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,080 Speaker 1: I will talk to you on Monday.