1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:03,320 Speaker 1: Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and 2 00:00:03,360 --> 00:00:16,680 Speaker 1: the Black Effects, and just like that, we're back on 3 00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:19,640 Speaker 1: the air. Welcome back to yet another Can'tfully Reckless episode 4 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,799 Speaker 1: with your girl. Just hilarious. Okay, So look, this is 5 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:26,319 Speaker 1: day number nine for me on set, and like I 6 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:29,200 Speaker 1: told y'all last week, I'm going to be helping y'all 7 00:00:29,240 --> 00:00:32,599 Speaker 1: and fixing y'all mess and between scenes. So listen, this 8 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:34,520 Speaker 1: is what I'm doing. So if my voice is hoarse 9 00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:37,120 Speaker 1: and I sound like somebody's dad, it's because I've been 10 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:40,240 Speaker 1: screaming to the top of my lungs filming this movie. 11 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:42,519 Speaker 1: By the way, the movie is called Pretty Stone and 12 00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:46,000 Speaker 1: it drops on four to twenty on VH one and 13 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:48,839 Speaker 1: TV and all that other good shit the Viacom channels, 14 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:53,640 Speaker 1: you know. Anyway, So unfortunately, we do not have voice notes. 15 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,520 Speaker 1: So I'm gonna be reading bed with me, child, because god, 16 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,320 Speaker 1: I've been reading scripts and all of that, and I know, 17 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:02,200 Speaker 1: let me stop trying to shit on y'all. I'm not 18 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:04,360 Speaker 1: trying to shit on y'all. I'm just saying I'm goddamn 19 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:07,600 Speaker 1: tired of reading well, just because y'all don't want y'all 20 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:10,800 Speaker 1: boyfriends and y'all beloved loved ones and best friends and 21 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:13,240 Speaker 1: all that shit. People that y'all falling out with, say hey, 22 00:01:13,319 --> 00:01:16,040 Speaker 1: y'all voice because they recognize all those thinking ass voices. 23 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:20,440 Speaker 1: I got to read all this non punctuality, So let's 24 00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:23,960 Speaker 1: jump straight in. Hi, Jessee. My name is Keiki. I'm 25 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,640 Speaker 1: twenty one from Detroit, and I need your help. Well, 26 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:29,600 Speaker 1: there goes anonymous. My father was shot and killed when 27 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:31,479 Speaker 1: I was three years old, so I grew up without 28 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:34,000 Speaker 1: my father and was raised by my mother. Growing up, 29 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:37,040 Speaker 1: I made bad decisions in men and some women as well, 30 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:39,720 Speaker 1: even though my mother did the best she could raising 31 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:42,600 Speaker 1: me and my brother. I'm writing you this because throughout 32 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:44,679 Speaker 1: my life I lost a lot of people in my family. 33 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:48,360 Speaker 1: A year after my father passed, I lost Grandpa, my 34 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:52,040 Speaker 1: dad's father when I was all right, you left out 35 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:54,120 Speaker 1: a word, But I guess you're trying to say when 36 00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:56,560 Speaker 1: I was young or when I was a baby. My 37 00:01:56,720 --> 00:02:01,280 Speaker 1: father's mother passed. My grandfather did remain years before I 38 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:03,920 Speaker 1: was born, and she is my bonus granny and I 39 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,760 Speaker 1: love her. By the time I turned seventeen, I lost 40 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:10,679 Speaker 1: my mentor. She was dance and choir director for years, 41 00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:13,160 Speaker 1: I never got to say goodbye. By eighteen, I lost 42 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:16,600 Speaker 1: a few of my uncles. By eighteen I lost one 43 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:20,000 Speaker 1: of my uncles. A few months after another uncle. In 44 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:24,320 Speaker 1: twenty twenty, I lost my aunt, and most recently, in 45 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:27,920 Speaker 1: April of twenty twenty one, I lost my granny, my 46 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:30,880 Speaker 1: mother's mom, with her pass And this one was really 47 00:02:30,919 --> 00:02:33,960 Speaker 1: hard to accept. She passed right before on Mother's Day 48 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:37,320 Speaker 1: and right before my twenty first birthday. What's really eating 49 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:40,400 Speaker 1: at me is that the last conversation we had, we 50 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,960 Speaker 1: argued a little. She had always been independent, but just 51 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:47,160 Speaker 1: got sick. She was no longer able to do things 52 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:50,160 Speaker 1: on her own, as simple as just drinking a glass 53 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:54,320 Speaker 1: of water or using the bathroom. The last thing she said, 54 00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:57,280 Speaker 1: basically was get out, I don't care. The next day 55 00:02:57,320 --> 00:02:59,919 Speaker 1: we placed her in the hospital because she wanted to go. 56 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:03,480 Speaker 1: That day, my mom took her in and she was talking, 57 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:05,680 Speaker 1: but by the time I got off work, she was 58 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:09,160 Speaker 1: on a ventilator and basically in a coma. Oh my god. 59 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:12,200 Speaker 1: She never woke up and passed away two weeks later. 60 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:15,320 Speaker 1: I never got to hear her voice again. My question 61 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,200 Speaker 1: is how do I manage all of the loss I 62 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,840 Speaker 1: have seen and been through in my life and still 63 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:24,800 Speaker 1: continue on gaining happiness for myself. PS my bad girl 64 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:27,600 Speaker 1: for calling you Jesse. I was typing too fast and 65 00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:31,840 Speaker 1: didn't realize until it was already sent. Love you, girl. 66 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:34,280 Speaker 1: I do not mind you calling me Jesse at all. 67 00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:37,600 Speaker 1: First and foremost, you are a very strong young woman. 68 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:40,520 Speaker 1: I'm glad that you sought the courage to even reach 69 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:42,480 Speaker 1: out to me and be as vulnerable as you were 70 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:45,840 Speaker 1: to share as much as you did. Losses are not easy, 71 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:49,200 Speaker 1: especially back to back to back to back losses. People 72 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:52,880 Speaker 1: have different ways of dealing with losses. I noticed that 73 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:54,680 Speaker 1: you told me about all the people that you lost, 74 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:58,120 Speaker 1: but you never told me just how you managed to 75 00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 1: deal with it or how you have coped in the 76 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:03,800 Speaker 1: past with it. You said, the hardest loss that you 77 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:07,360 Speaker 1: had to take was your grandmother, and that was so 78 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:11,880 Speaker 1: hard because you guys kind of ended not on a 79 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:13,920 Speaker 1: really bad note, but not really a good note. You 80 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:16,080 Speaker 1: guys argued a little bit. She had told you to 81 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:20,000 Speaker 1: get out. You guys had differences, and the next day 82 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:23,680 Speaker 1: she was placed in a hospital and two weeks later 83 00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:26,560 Speaker 1: died after you not even being able to hear her 84 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:29,479 Speaker 1: voice after the argument, because you were at work and 85 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:32,760 Speaker 1: didn't get off until later on that day, and she 86 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:36,520 Speaker 1: was already on the ventilator by then. I'm sorry. I'm 87 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:41,120 Speaker 1: sorry for all of your losses. However, you're still twenty one, Okay. 88 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:45,359 Speaker 1: Nothing can sue the pain, nothing can bring those loved 89 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:48,760 Speaker 1: ones back. But you, being twenty one and still at 90 00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:52,000 Speaker 1: a very young age and still having so much life 91 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:55,160 Speaker 1: to live. I think that you should take this as 92 00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:58,960 Speaker 1: a stepping stone for what has prepared you for this 93 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,120 Speaker 1: cruel world that we live in today. We do. We 94 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:02,840 Speaker 1: live in a very very cruel world. We live in 95 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:05,680 Speaker 1: a world where you can see somebody here today and 96 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:08,360 Speaker 1: gone today. You can see somebody this morning, they're gone 97 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,920 Speaker 1: this afternoon. You know, you can see somebody the night 98 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:13,159 Speaker 1: before they're gone the next day. You've gone through a 99 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:17,760 Speaker 1: lot of that. I think starting your healing process looks 100 00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:20,640 Speaker 1: like therapy. And I don't mean just fix my mess. 101 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:24,680 Speaker 1: I mean like some real, real therapy, not so much 102 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:27,600 Speaker 1: deeply rooted issues. You already know what they are. You 103 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:30,880 Speaker 1: already know the deal with your parents and your grandparents 104 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:33,920 Speaker 1: and all of the branches on your family tree. I 105 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,520 Speaker 1: think it's just the matter of you surrounding yourself with 106 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:41,440 Speaker 1: positive energy and going to healing groups like Also, I 107 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:45,040 Speaker 1: just recently gave this same advice to someone else I 108 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:48,000 Speaker 1: was helping on this podcast. I'm having a deja vu moment. 109 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:51,760 Speaker 1: Very vividly I spoke on this. There are healing groups 110 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:54,760 Speaker 1: and support groups at churches, and if you're non religious, 111 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:59,080 Speaker 1: there are different support groups that are non religious that 112 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:03,839 Speaker 1: you can actually participate, and they have them weekly. Sometimes 113 00:06:03,839 --> 00:06:08,000 Speaker 1: people need them more than once a week. People need 114 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:12,440 Speaker 1: them daily until they're able to kind of grasp what 115 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:15,520 Speaker 1: that healing looks like, that self healing looks like, and 116 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:18,520 Speaker 1: then you need these groups less and less. Like I said, 117 00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:22,360 Speaker 1: surround yourself with positivity, things that make you happy. There 118 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:25,400 Speaker 1: has to be something that makes you happy and all 119 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,279 Speaker 1: this turmoil and through all of these losses that you've 120 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:31,640 Speaker 1: encountered in your younger years in life up until now, 121 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:35,360 Speaker 1: there has to be something that you know makes you happy. 122 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:38,680 Speaker 1: And you have to have a happy place to go to, 123 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 1: even if there is something in particular that doesn't make 124 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:43,880 Speaker 1: you happy. That has to be some place that brings 125 00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:48,840 Speaker 1: you good memories happiness to look forward to. Something like that. 126 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:52,120 Speaker 1: Are you dating, do you have many friends. Are you 127 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,719 Speaker 1: satisfied with the job that you have. Do you have 128 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:57,280 Speaker 1: a pet? Do you have an emotional support dog? Do 129 00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:59,919 Speaker 1: you You know because I have one. When I was 130 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:04,280 Speaker 1: going through not being able to juggle being a full 131 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:07,880 Speaker 1: time mom and a full time entertainer because my son 132 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:11,040 Speaker 1: was in school and I was on the road a lot, 133 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:14,280 Speaker 1: I got a dog. I used to take my dog, Baine, 134 00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:17,120 Speaker 1: who's a French bulldog. By the way, and it's going 135 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:19,840 Speaker 1: on three years old. March thirty first is his birthday. 136 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:22,760 Speaker 1: And don't play with my dog. He's in aries. I 137 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:25,920 Speaker 1: bought him, and he bought so much joy to my life. 138 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:30,120 Speaker 1: He actually helped me cope with being alone and away 139 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:33,800 Speaker 1: from my son, my biological son, you know, because I 140 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:36,440 Speaker 1: say my dog is my son as well. They're very 141 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:39,000 Speaker 1: good for emotional support. They're very good for when you 142 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,440 Speaker 1: do feel lonely. They're good for breakups, they're good for losses. 143 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:45,080 Speaker 1: They're good for filling that void. And they never leave you. 144 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:48,400 Speaker 1: They never turn on you. I can't speak for every 145 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:51,160 Speaker 1: breed of dog, but I know that your French yet 146 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:54,280 Speaker 1: will not because mine hasn't. And this is not my 147 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:58,880 Speaker 1: first Frenchie. I've had two but there are multiple outlets 148 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:02,480 Speaker 1: that will help you. You with where you are in 149 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:04,600 Speaker 1: your life right now and how you feel like there 150 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:07,360 Speaker 1: can never be happiness and how it seems like it's 151 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:11,720 Speaker 1: never ending misery for you. There are different outlets, So 152 00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:14,760 Speaker 1: I just I want you to take into account that 153 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,400 Speaker 1: there is help, but I want you to go lay 154 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:21,640 Speaker 1: on an actual couch, an actual therapist couch, and get 155 00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:25,000 Speaker 1: through this because you definitely can check back in with me. 156 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:26,800 Speaker 1: I want to make sure you're fine. I want to 157 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:28,680 Speaker 1: make sure you're okay. You know, I love to do 158 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:31,440 Speaker 1: the check ins okay, And by you being so young, 159 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:33,560 Speaker 1: I think you're going to figure it out. I really do. 160 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,840 Speaker 1: I see a lot for you. Tell me a lot 161 00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:38,600 Speaker 1: more or a little bit more about yourself, about your 162 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,280 Speaker 1: social life and are you an introvert like I want 163 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,920 Speaker 1: to learn more about you other than just your losses 164 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:46,760 Speaker 1: that you've been through, you know, the loss of your 165 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:50,880 Speaker 1: loved ones. There are so many other things I bet 166 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:53,080 Speaker 1: that you can tell me. There is so much more 167 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,360 Speaker 1: to you. I know it is, so check back in 168 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:56,680 Speaker 1: and let me know it's a lot of things you 169 00:08:56,679 --> 00:08:59,240 Speaker 1: didn't tell me, because I want to know exactly how 170 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,400 Speaker 1: I can help you. You gave me quite a bit, 171 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:03,760 Speaker 1: but it's not enough of you. You didn't tell me 172 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:07,880 Speaker 1: about yourself. Gave me a lot about the family tree. 173 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:11,640 Speaker 1: So check back in with me, baby girl. If you 174 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:14,120 Speaker 1: love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll 175 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:18,680 Speaker 1: be right back and moving on. Okay, we have a 176 00:09:18,679 --> 00:09:21,079 Speaker 1: guy this time. Then he did not send a voice 177 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:24,319 Speaker 1: note in, so I'll be reading his story. Here we go. 178 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:28,280 Speaker 1: If one was interested, how would one go about being 179 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:32,280 Speaker 1: your friend with benefits only sexual benefits, nothing more. Ask 180 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:35,839 Speaker 1: me for a friend. Get the fucker off of here. Shit, 181 00:09:36,559 --> 00:09:38,880 Speaker 1: I'm trying to help people. You trying to bust a nut. 182 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:44,680 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, sir, Look it's going on. Hey Jazz, I 183 00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:46,680 Speaker 1: really don't know where to start, but I will say. 184 00:09:46,679 --> 00:09:49,400 Speaker 1: I'm a twenty seven year old mother. I have two girls. 185 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,800 Speaker 1: The oldest is ten and the youngest is six. My 186 00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:55,120 Speaker 1: kids no longer live with me. My aunt did an 187 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:58,480 Speaker 1: emergency custody order on me back in twenty seventeen while 188 00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:02,200 Speaker 1: I was at work Walmart. But before that, I let 189 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:05,080 Speaker 1: her know that my last child, dad kept popping up 190 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:07,440 Speaker 1: to my crib at all times of the night, accusing 191 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,080 Speaker 1: me of laying up because I never answered the phone 192 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:13,920 Speaker 1: when he was calling at two thirty am three o'clock am, 193 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,880 Speaker 1: so he'd pop up. Growing up, I was taking from 194 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:19,160 Speaker 1: my mom at three months from her sisters who had 195 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,600 Speaker 1: three boys of their own. But the aunt I was 196 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:25,120 Speaker 1: with first she had two boys and one girl. My 197 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,760 Speaker 1: mom had two boys then me. I never really got 198 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:30,040 Speaker 1: the time to be around my mom, so I really 199 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:32,640 Speaker 1: don't know her like that, and she died when I 200 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:36,880 Speaker 1: was ten. I was literally getting passed from both aunts 201 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:39,480 Speaker 1: back and forth. The one who has my kids now 202 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:43,000 Speaker 1: have kids that are mentally not there, and one of 203 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:45,240 Speaker 1: them has to be at least thirty six. He works 204 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,520 Speaker 1: for when Dixie and the other got to be at 205 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:51,080 Speaker 1: least thirty. He plays games and works at Walmart. The 206 00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:53,600 Speaker 1: youngest is in the military, and he witnessed his older 207 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:56,120 Speaker 1: brother doing weird shit when I was younger, like catching 208 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:59,880 Speaker 1: him sniffing my panties by the washing machine to peek 209 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,319 Speaker 1: through the cracks in the bathroom door when we were 210 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:04,960 Speaker 1: in a trailer at the time. Then when I was 211 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:08,319 Speaker 1: with the other aunt and we came down to visit them, 212 00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:10,559 Speaker 1: me and my girl cousin would get in trouble for 213 00:11:10,679 --> 00:11:13,679 Speaker 1: laughing too loud, so our aunt would make us come 214 00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:16,960 Speaker 1: in the living room. We'd fall asleep eventually, but every 215 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,960 Speaker 1: time we woke up her oldest son he'd be in 216 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:24,439 Speaker 1: between us. So after my kids got taken, I moved 217 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:27,800 Speaker 1: back and with the aunt that took me at three months. 218 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:31,120 Speaker 1: She'd let anyone crash at her spot. I had good 219 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,840 Speaker 1: days just as well as terrible ones. The aunt with 220 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,320 Speaker 1: my kids would come by to visit her sister, so 221 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,560 Speaker 1: I'd get to spend five minutes with the kids because 222 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,320 Speaker 1: she didn't stay long. And every time the kids see me, 223 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:45,400 Speaker 1: they come running calling me mommy, but my aunt be 224 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:49,160 Speaker 1: rolling her eyes. This the same lady died ten times 225 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:52,880 Speaker 1: from a heart attack in six goddamn and came back 226 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:56,079 Speaker 1: to life acting like a Christian. But she once told 227 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:57,920 Speaker 1: me I was going to be good for nothing but 228 00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:00,400 Speaker 1: laying on my back, and she said she was going 229 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:03,400 Speaker 1: to haunt me if she was to ever die, which 230 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:06,439 Speaker 1: I felt like she's already dead because I have custody 231 00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:10,200 Speaker 1: orders saying to get my kids on Mother's Day all 232 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:13,559 Speaker 1: major holidays. Last time I tried, which was about two 233 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:16,480 Speaker 1: weeks ago, I show up to our house. She had 234 00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:19,680 Speaker 1: church music playing. I sat at her table, opened my 235 00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:23,000 Speaker 1: folder with my court documents and a calendar to discuss 236 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:26,440 Speaker 1: the days. This lady just started yelling and telling the girls, 237 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:28,240 Speaker 1: tell your mama, you don't want to be with her, 238 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:31,320 Speaker 1: and they started crying. So I kissed my oldest and 239 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:33,920 Speaker 1: told her, Mama, finna leave. I don't got time for 240 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,880 Speaker 1: your auntie drama. Me and my girlfriend of three years 241 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:40,120 Speaker 1: moved to Florida in June of twenty twenty two, which 242 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:43,520 Speaker 1: is an hour away. They're in Alabama. It's like this 243 00:12:43,559 --> 00:12:46,200 Speaker 1: woman didn't expect me to come for my children, and 244 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:50,240 Speaker 1: it's wild she's brainwashing them with mother in their right 245 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:52,760 Speaker 1: mind once their little girl's living on a couch with them, 246 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,800 Speaker 1: when God knows who's walking in and out all times 247 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:58,520 Speaker 1: of the night. It was times my car would break 248 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:01,000 Speaker 1: down and nobody would help me to get work done 249 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:03,320 Speaker 1: on it, and not even the ones living with me 250 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,880 Speaker 1: at the time because they were too busy or too sleepy. 251 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,120 Speaker 1: Then again I got in some mess back in twenty seventeen, 252 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:13,199 Speaker 1: so I asked my aunt would she get the kids 253 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:15,920 Speaker 1: because I didn't want neither dad having them because a 254 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,600 Speaker 1: lot was going on. Even though my case didn't come 255 00:13:18,679 --> 00:13:22,680 Speaker 1: up until mid twenty twenty two. I'm in the process 256 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:25,600 Speaker 1: of handling that now with a lawyer because I have 257 00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:28,360 Speaker 1: court next month, so I'm gonna work on the custody 258 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:31,600 Speaker 1: case right away when I get my chips straight. I've 259 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:34,679 Speaker 1: been at this hotel job for six months. I put 260 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:37,880 Speaker 1: a petition in stating she's not going by the court's order, 261 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:40,200 Speaker 1: she's not allowing me to see my children, and I 262 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,200 Speaker 1: feel like to take it a step even further to 263 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,760 Speaker 1: help my fight. I want to bring up her child 264 00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:48,480 Speaker 1: touching me so bad, because honestly, I don't feel comfortable 265 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:50,880 Speaker 1: with my girls living there. What do you think about 266 00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:54,480 Speaker 1: my mess? This is generational curse that needs to be broken. 267 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,760 Speaker 1: My grandmother caught Alzheimer's an O four, and the aunt 268 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:01,080 Speaker 1: that I was with at first all left me with her. 269 00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:04,160 Speaker 1: We had a big household which belonged to my grandmother. 270 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:08,480 Speaker 1: My aunt just took over, moved my kids four hours away, 271 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:11,120 Speaker 1: and she never came to see her mom when she 272 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:13,560 Speaker 1: was sick because she was too busy taking care of 273 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:17,480 Speaker 1: somebody else's mom. I literally had to feed my grandmother meds, 274 00:14:17,559 --> 00:14:20,320 Speaker 1: bathe her, feed her. Most of the time she would 275 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,280 Speaker 1: spit the meds out. One night, a man knocked on 276 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:26,880 Speaker 1: the door saying he see our grandmother walking toward the cemetery. 277 00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,440 Speaker 1: We lived on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere. 278 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:32,600 Speaker 1: It took an hour to get to a store, plus 279 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:35,920 Speaker 1: I was barely in school. I had asthma bed so 280 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,520 Speaker 1: I was either in the hospital or home with my grandmother. 281 00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,640 Speaker 1: As soon as my mom died, she was living with 282 00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:43,640 Speaker 1: the aunt that has my kids now, her sister. I 283 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:46,680 Speaker 1: moved in months after that because I kept getting in trouble. 284 00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:49,520 Speaker 1: Me and my younger cousin was fighting too much, so 285 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:52,720 Speaker 1: I said I wanted to leave, and once spring break came, 286 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:55,520 Speaker 1: I left. I get with the aunt that has my 287 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:58,200 Speaker 1: kids now, and she's never there. She's out in the 288 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:00,680 Speaker 1: streets coming home, falling on the floor, drunk as hell, 289 00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:03,960 Speaker 1: and all kinds of stuff. She went Christian and really 290 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:05,920 Speaker 1: got worse. If you ask me, all she does is 291 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,640 Speaker 1: mumble under her breath. It's weird. I could go on 292 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:13,200 Speaker 1: and on. Girl you have. She's always saying I'm on drugs, 293 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:15,760 Speaker 1: and she labels it badly. All I do is smoke weed. 294 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:18,680 Speaker 1: She calls it dope. But I don't smoke dope because 295 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:21,400 Speaker 1: I know I'm gonna have to pay clean for my babies, 296 00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:26,280 Speaker 1: so whenever the time comes, I'll be good. Okay. So, honey, child, 297 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:29,880 Speaker 1: you were ever reware, and I still don't even know 298 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:33,880 Speaker 1: exactly what your question is as to how I can 299 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:36,680 Speaker 1: help you. So I'm just going to try to assist 300 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:41,800 Speaker 1: you as best as I know how after reading that long, 301 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:43,960 Speaker 1: long story. Hold up, hold up, I know this shit 302 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:46,200 Speaker 1: getting good, But listen to just a couple seconds of 303 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:50,120 Speaker 1: a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. So obviously, 304 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:52,840 Speaker 1: there are family issues, just like my girl in the 305 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:56,840 Speaker 1: first story, there are family issues there, and these scene 306 00:15:57,560 --> 00:16:01,680 Speaker 1: a bit worse because it's like your family is not 307 00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:05,640 Speaker 1: even a damn family like your aunts and your cousins, 308 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:08,440 Speaker 1: and you know, you being touched, and then you having 309 00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:12,760 Speaker 1: to deal with the fact that this very same house 310 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,760 Speaker 1: that you grew up in and you were touched, and 311 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:18,040 Speaker 1: your kids are under the care of those same people. 312 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:20,960 Speaker 1: You know. So I can only imagine what you're going through, 313 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:24,680 Speaker 1: how it's making you feel as a parent. You feel helpless, 314 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:27,800 Speaker 1: you feel useless, You probably feel like you can't even 315 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:30,360 Speaker 1: help your children. And the fact that you did mention 316 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:32,840 Speaker 1: there at the end that you know you need your 317 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:35,640 Speaker 1: pe to be clean, your urine to be clean. I'm 318 00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:39,080 Speaker 1: assuming your own probation, supervised, that is, and I don't 319 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:42,000 Speaker 1: know what your charges are. I don't care. You just 320 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,600 Speaker 1: need to get your children. You need to get yourself 321 00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:46,040 Speaker 1: together so you can get your children, because it's some 322 00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:48,320 Speaker 1: things going on with you as well. I'm not going 323 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:53,040 Speaker 1: to sit here and blame every single thing on your family. 324 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:56,160 Speaker 1: I'm not blaming anything on you either, because now what 325 00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:59,280 Speaker 1: is blaming anyone going to do for anything right now? 326 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,640 Speaker 1: But there are issues that you have as well. There's 327 00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:04,560 Speaker 1: trouble that I can tell that you are in and 328 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,600 Speaker 1: out of, not just that one time in twenty seventeen. 329 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:12,040 Speaker 1: There is a demons your fighting there are there seems 330 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:14,280 Speaker 1: like a dark cloud over your head wherever you go. 331 00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:17,560 Speaker 1: I need for you to get yourself together and get 332 00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:22,760 Speaker 1: your children. Your aunt seems to love your babies, but 333 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:27,280 Speaker 1: don't really have the best interest for you. I feel 334 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,479 Speaker 1: like she may be bitter and fed up with you. 335 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:33,440 Speaker 1: I think whatever you have done in the past, maybe 336 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:38,320 Speaker 1: in her eyes, you haven't taken life serious. You could 337 00:17:38,359 --> 00:17:40,720 Speaker 1: have done more as a mother in her eyes. I 338 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,880 Speaker 1: feel like so she's kind of bitter toward you. She 339 00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:46,320 Speaker 1: kind of maybe feels like you didn't do enough to 340 00:17:46,359 --> 00:17:49,760 Speaker 1: get your children, you know, and a lot of people 341 00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:52,760 Speaker 1: that take on other family members' children, they kind of 342 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:56,800 Speaker 1: start resenting whoever the biological parent is because I'm over 343 00:17:56,840 --> 00:18:00,760 Speaker 1: here taking care of your child, your child in a 344 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,399 Speaker 1: lot of cases, not just one, it's children, multiple children 345 00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:05,760 Speaker 1: being taken care of by a family member, and you 346 00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:07,600 Speaker 1: out here just still on drugs. So you out here, 347 00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:09,400 Speaker 1: just still doing what you're doing. You're just out here 348 00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:12,240 Speaker 1: in the fucking streets, and shit, you're not even making 349 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:15,760 Speaker 1: an effort to better yourself. So you can show me 350 00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:18,320 Speaker 1: that you at least are trying to get on your 351 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:21,600 Speaker 1: fucking feet within a timely fashion. Like you know, time 352 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:24,400 Speaker 1: is fucking ticking, and kids grow up. They don't get younger, 353 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:28,359 Speaker 1: they only get older. So you know, I know a 354 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,800 Speaker 1: part of your aunt is like, look, I raise my children, 355 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:33,440 Speaker 1: whether they're good boys or not, good boys, bad boys, 356 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:36,639 Speaker 1: good children. Whatever I raise my children, I'm doing you 357 00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:39,919 Speaker 1: a favor, the due diligence of what a family should 358 00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:43,000 Speaker 1: be at all times, because it takes a village, and 359 00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:45,520 Speaker 1: she is head of your village because she has your 360 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:48,480 Speaker 1: children and has had your children for a while now. 361 00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:51,680 Speaker 1: That's coming from her side. From your side. You need 362 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:53,359 Speaker 1: to get your children because you don't want them to 363 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,720 Speaker 1: go through the same thing you went through. No, you 364 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:58,280 Speaker 1: weren't brutally raped and all that, but you were touched 365 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:01,159 Speaker 1: and it could have gone that way. Your cousins smelling 366 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:03,919 Speaker 1: your panties and all that shit. And they're now older. 367 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,479 Speaker 1: This was when they were younger. Only god knows what 368 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:09,240 Speaker 1: the hell they are into now if they're still that way. 369 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:11,479 Speaker 1: Not saying that, but I'm only going off of what 370 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:14,159 Speaker 1: you told me when I'm in her thirties and the 371 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:16,960 Speaker 1: other one in the late twenties or what have you. Whatever, 372 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:20,640 Speaker 1: you need to get your children, get yourself together, get 373 00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:24,199 Speaker 1: a job. I'm talking about, go through the courts, do 374 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:27,560 Speaker 1: it the right way. Don't fight your aunt. Don't try 375 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,480 Speaker 1: to reason with her. Don't. She's so angry and so 376 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:34,040 Speaker 1: bitter and so pissed off with you right now. You know, 377 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:37,040 Speaker 1: especially how you said the meeting when you went to go. 378 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:39,840 Speaker 1: You know, when she brought the kids over to the 379 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,560 Speaker 1: house for five minutes and she's telling the kids to 380 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:44,919 Speaker 1: tell your mother, y'all don't want to go with her 381 00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:47,919 Speaker 1: and all that, and you know, your kids are only 382 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:51,159 Speaker 1: getting older. They're going to start seeing this and developing 383 00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:55,800 Speaker 1: their own rendition of what family is in their minds, 384 00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:59,119 Speaker 1: and it cannot be this. So you have to do 385 00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,240 Speaker 1: what you have to do. Put on your big girl panties, 386 00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:04,359 Speaker 1: get yourself together, go get your children, check back in 387 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:07,040 Speaker 1: all right, And if you haven't heard it in a while, 388 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,479 Speaker 1: I don't know you, but I love you. And just 389 00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:11,480 Speaker 1: like that, we're gonna end this episode. We had two 390 00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:16,119 Speaker 1: very painfully emotional stories, Oh my God, or should I 391 00:20:16,119 --> 00:20:19,760 Speaker 1: say emotionally painful stories. I'm over here and between sets 392 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:22,320 Speaker 1: about the damn cry Jesus. Both of these women have 393 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:27,040 Speaker 1: gone through traumatic stress, a great deal of trauma and 394 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:30,560 Speaker 1: their families, and I'm praying for both of them, and 395 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:33,080 Speaker 1: y'all should do the same. Make sure you tune into 396 00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:35,960 Speaker 1: co parenting therapy with Rome and just that's me a 397 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:39,320 Speaker 1: little baby daddy, as we're sitting down with other parents 398 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:42,280 Speaker 1: who are trying to create healthy environments for their children 399 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:45,760 Speaker 1: to grow up and to raise them amicably, move forward 400 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:49,800 Speaker 1: amicably without trying to be together, So that lives on YouTube, 401 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:52,879 Speaker 1: that it's taken the place right now of reckless discussions 402 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:56,320 Speaker 1: while we work on revamping season two, which is still coming. 403 00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:58,800 Speaker 1: Y'all listen the works. Iron't leave y'all hanging house of 404 00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:02,360 Speaker 1: jewels coming. Make sure you tune into Carefully Reckless each 405 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:04,000 Speaker 1: and every Wednesday on your way to work in the 406 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,400 Speaker 1: mornings and the evenings wherever you get your podcasts at. 407 00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:47,800 Speaker 1: And then my deepest pan voice, please see you next week. 408 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:24,080 Speaker 1: Can't Fully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The 409 00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:28,600 Speaker 1: Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, 410 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:32,040 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.