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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John. We're the ancient

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Speaker 1: two Case storytime podcast hosts, and.

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Speaker 2: We have some ancient wisdom in the stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: If you want to hear the wisdom from two old

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Speaker 1: heads that know more than they know what to do with,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna have to wait for a quick message from

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Speaker 1: our sponsors for the next two minutes or so.

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Speaker 3: My sister tried to wear my wedding dress to our

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Speaker 3: cousin's wedding. She got uninvited.

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Speaker 4: This is like wedding dress seption, the layers, the layers.

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Speaker 3: I twenty seven female and got married last year. It

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Speaker 3: was a small, intimate ceremony with just close friends and family.

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Speaker 3: My wedding dress wasn't designer or extravagant, but I designed

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Speaker 3: it myself with the help of a local steamstress.

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Speaker 2: Oo.

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Speaker 3: It had a deep personal meeting hand embroidered blue flowers

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Speaker 3: that symbolized my late grandmother who basically raised me. Wow,

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Speaker 3: it wasn't about the price tag. It was about the thought,

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Speaker 3: the symbolism, and the love sewn into every detail. It

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Speaker 3: meant a lot. By the way, this comes from a

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Speaker 3: Dear Television twenty eight to forty four And if you

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Speaker 3: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

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Speaker 3: slash Okay storytime Supreddit. Oh, now here comes the problem.

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Speaker 3: My younger sister will call her Alissa twenty four female.

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Speaker 3: We've always had a weird, exhausting relationship. Alissa has made

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Speaker 3: a hobby out of copying me, not just a little

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Speaker 3: sister phase, like full time impersonation, clothes, haircuts, favorite bands, hobbies,

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Speaker 3: even my handwriting. At one point growing up, my mom

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Speaker 3: thought it was adorable. She just wants to be like

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Speaker 3: her big sister. Except it wasn't flattering. It was invasive

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Speaker 3: and relentless. I couldn't have a single thing for myself

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Speaker 3: without it eventually being duplicated and passed off as her

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Speaker 3: own style. To make it worse, Alissa somehow always got

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Speaker 3: praised for it. My mom would coop about how creative

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Speaker 3: she was when she copied my art projects or wore

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Speaker 3: my outfits a week later, and when I'd call it out,

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Speaker 3: I was too sensitive, Even when Alissa flirted with my

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Speaker 3: actual boyfriends while I was still with them, and my

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Speaker 3: mom said, you're overreacting, it's not that serious. Boiler alert.

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Speaker 3: Our dad cheated on our mom for years, and she

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Speaker 3: still stayed with him. So oh yeah, the bar for

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Speaker 3: respect is subterranean in this family. And just to top

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Speaker 3: it off, yes, she even tried it with my husband,

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Speaker 3: the man i'm married, before we were engaged, when we'd

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Speaker 3: been dating for a few months, Alyssa started joking with

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Speaker 3: him a lot, overly flirty, touching his arm constantly saying

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Speaker 3: things like you weren't taken, or you better treat her ridle,

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Speaker 3: I'll have to swoop in, always just barely towing the

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Speaker 3: line so she could claim it was harmless, that was weird.

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Speaker 2: Or I'll swoop in that.

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Speaker 3: Honestly, that sounds like she would swoop in and start

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Speaker 3: dating her sister.

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Speaker 2: Like yeah, I don't know, it's just strained.

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Speaker 4: Or I will like very hideous laugh, like a you

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Speaker 4: got this, like a little witchy laugh.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's weird. It's weird. Weird dude.

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Speaker 5: Uh.

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Speaker 3: He told me about it, and honestly, that should have

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Speaker 3: been the moment I cut her off completely, but my

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Speaker 3: mom convinced me to let it go again. She's just

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Speaker 3: teasing and playful. No, she's always been disrespectful and enabled.

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Speaker 3: Fast forward to this month, our cousin Rachel is getting

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Speaker 3: married and we're both bridesmaids. Everyone's excited. It's going to

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Speaker 3: be a fun weekend. About a week before the rehearsal dinner,

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Speaker 3: Alissa sends me a selfie of the dress she's planning

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Speaker 3: to wear to the dinner, all smiley and proud of herself.

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Speaker 3: I open it and for a second, kid, I'm confused.

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Speaker 3: Then my stomach drops. It's my wedding dress. I don't

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Speaker 3: mean similar vibes or a similar color. I mean it's

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Speaker 3: my exact design, same neckline, I sketched by hand, the

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Speaker 3: same embroidered blue flowers in the same pattern, placement, the

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Speaker 3: same silhouette, hemline, fabric choice. I literally worked with the

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Speaker 3: SAME's dress for months, making sure the flowers were placed

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Speaker 3: around the waist just right. And there was on her

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Speaker 3: She had found someone on Instagram and had it copied,

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Speaker 3: like it was a Pinterest dress or something, And all

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Speaker 3: she said was, isn't this so cute?

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Speaker 6: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: I been, it is cute because I'm the one that

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Speaker 3: designed it. I called her, asked her homely. At first,

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Speaker 3: what on earth was she thinking? Her answer, you're married,

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Speaker 3: you wore it. Let someone else enjoy it. It's not

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Speaker 3: that deep, Not that deep. She basically ripped off the

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Speaker 3: most meaningful piece of clothing I've ever owned, and she

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Speaker 3: wants me to be what flattered.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it'd be different if it was like a T

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Speaker 4: shirt from Target. Yeah, it's like this was like a

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Speaker 4: custom made, like worked on it for months type job.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Absolutely, Yeah, she designed. And also it's like, if

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Speaker 3: they're gonna be bride'smaids, does a bride not have like

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Speaker 3: an idea of what they should be wearing? Like, this

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Speaker 3: is not the thing that you get your owns, just

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Speaker 3: separate custom made dress. Yeah, not even like that. So

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Speaker 3: I told her flat out, if she wore that dress,

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Speaker 3: I'd tell Rachel and the whole family exactly where she

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Speaker 3: got it, and I'd show up to the rehearsal dinner

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Speaker 3: in a full length white gown with a train and veiled,

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Speaker 3: just to be extra petty. She laughed. She actually laughed

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Speaker 3: and told me I was being childish. Okay, game on,

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Speaker 3: I like where this is going and let go.

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Speaker 6: Let's go.

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Speaker 3: So I messaged Rachel privately. I showed her the screenshots

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Speaker 3: and explained everything. Made it clear that I wasn't trying

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Speaker 3: to stir up drama, but I felt disrespected and blindsided.

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Speaker 3: Rachel blessed her was livid on my behalf. She said

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Speaker 3: Alyssa had no business pulling something like that right before

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Speaker 3: someone else's wedding and told me that she'd handle it.

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Speaker 3: A day later, Alyssa was officially uninvited from the rehearsal

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Speaker 3: dinner and the pre wedding event. Queue the meltdown.

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Speaker 4: No could this be a consequence of your actions?

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Speaker 3: Is so so insane, so insane. My mom called me furious.

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Speaker 3: How can you do that to your sister? It's just

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Speaker 3: a dress. She accused me of being vindictive, said I

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Speaker 3: embarrassed the family and that I'm still holding onto my

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Speaker 3: childhood jealousy. Mind you, this is the same woman who

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Speaker 3: let Alyssa walk all over me for decades and called

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Speaker 3: it sisterly love. But here's the punter. Alissa showed up anyway.

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Speaker 3: She wasn't invited, Rachel made that clear, but she thought

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Speaker 3: that she could just show up and play the victim,

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Speaker 3: act surprised and say that there was a miscommunication. She

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Speaker 3: showed up to the rehearsal dinner wearing the knockoff version

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Speaker 3: of my dress. No shame, still smug, Rachel didn't even blink.

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Speaker 3: She pulled her aside and told her to leave. Security

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Speaker 3: wasn't needed, but Rachel made it very clear that she

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Speaker 3: wasn't welcome. Alissa stormed out and posted some passive aggressive

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Speaker 3: nonsense on Instagram about jealous women and sisters who can't

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Speaker 3: handle a little shine a stupid.

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Speaker 4: I don't know what this is, but your sister needs

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Speaker 4: to I don't know. I don't know if she needs

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Speaker 4: therapy or like like a three week long retreat in

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Speaker 4: a cave. Yeah, she like one of those darkness retreats

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Speaker 4: or whatever where you just said, like you can't see

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Speaker 4: anything for like a month. Well, and then you come

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Speaker 4: out of the cave and you're like, oh my god,

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Speaker 4: I understand everything now.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she needs to go just go backpacking across Europe

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Speaker 3: and then just find herself. Yeah, because she doesn't have

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Speaker 3: any sort of self identity and thinks it's everyone else's problem.

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Speaker 2: Literally anything but what you're doing right now.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, please literally, like please come on, come on. I

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Speaker 3: finally snapped and told my mom the truth. I'm tired

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Speaker 3: of having to make myself small just to keep the peace.

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Speaker 3: I let Alissa copy me for years because I was

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Speaker 3: told to be the bigger person, but copying my wedding dress,

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Speaker 3: the one I designed in honor of my grandmother was

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Speaker 3: my line and she boldozed right over it. For the record,

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Speaker 3: the dress wasn't just a dress. It was one of

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Speaker 3: the only things that felt like mine in a family

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Speaker 3: that's constantly blurred the lines between sharing and stealing. I

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Speaker 3: put love, grief, and meaning into the dress. It all

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Speaker 3: honored someone who made me feel seen when no one

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Speaker 3: else in our family did. And instead of respecting that,

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Speaker 3: Alyssa treated it like an aesthetics she could lift for

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Speaker 3: an Instagram photo. So yeah, I put my foot down

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Speaker 3: for once, and now my family's acting like I'm the

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Speaker 3: a hole and that I burned the house down because

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Speaker 3: I finally lit a match. So am I the a

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Speaker 3: hole for getting her uninvited? It? There is an updates,

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Speaker 3: But what do you think, Dakota.

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Speaker 2: She got herself uninvited?

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Speaker 6: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: You mean if she would.

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Speaker 4: Have rolled up without any warning win that white dress

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Speaker 4: to the rehearsal dinner, she also would have been immediately

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Speaker 4: loaked out, regardless of if any prior conversation had happened.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely absolutely, And it's like, would anyone else not recognize

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Speaker 3: the dress that you wore for the wedding. I mean,

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Speaker 3: if they don't care about you clearly, like maybe they wouldn't,

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Speaker 3: but like, yeah, you literally.

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Speaker 2: Probably assume that you gave her your dress.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, like you just forwarded the message of something that

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Speaker 3: she sent you. And then now she's like, oh my god,

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Speaker 3: I can't believe you would tell people that, like huh, Like, guys,

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Speaker 3: there's a car crash out there and everyone comes back

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Speaker 3: and you like, that's your fault.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you cause the car crash. Yeah you did that.

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Speaker 2: Maybe see what I just I.

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Speaker 3: Just called the ambulance because you were in the car.

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Speaker 3: I didn't I didn't do anything.

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Speaker 4: Embossing, say, oh yeah, let's go on, let's good one.

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Speaker 2: All right? Where am I? All righty? Whoa the diary?

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Speaker 3: Oh?

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Speaker 6: I gotta watch Avatar last year? Better now?

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Speaker 3: Yeah that I might need to go back to that one.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, no, this is absolutely crazy. You're definitely not

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Speaker 3: the a hole. And honestly, if this is your first

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Speaker 3: time putting your foot down, this is what it looks

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Speaker 3: like you. People aren't gonna be happy about it, especially

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Speaker 3: when you haven't been doing it your whole life. It's

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Speaker 3: upsetting that they're so upset about this and they can't

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Speaker 3: understand why you are mad and like standing up to them.

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Speaker 3: But this is something that you're gonna have to be

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Speaker 3: more comfortable with if you want to learn how to

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Speaker 3: confront people more.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, yeah, I just so Oh man, sorry girl,

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Speaker 4: I can't imagine being because she's still she got uninvited.

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Speaker 4: She showed up anyway, and I bet you she was

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Speaker 4: thinking once they see how good I look.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, they'll be like, oh my god, you have to stay. Yeah, like,

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Speaker 3: oh yeah, they're just being so silly, like just being

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Speaker 3: so silly. It doesn't even matter.

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Speaker 2: Girls can't handle a little shy.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll just go. I'll walk in there and then

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Speaker 3: it'll be like I'm the main character. I'll be like,

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Speaker 3: oh my god, I can't believe I'm so this is

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Speaker 3: so unjust. They just hate how good I look. Pretty

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Speaker 3: girls always get the worst. But there is an update.

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Speaker 3: So I'll start by clearing up a few things that

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Speaker 3: people asked about in my original post. My mom and

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Speaker 3: my grandma had a good relationship, like genuinely they were

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Speaker 3: close and there wasn't any drama between them. My dad,

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Speaker 3: he's not really involved in this at the moment. He's

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Speaker 3: been away for work and hasn't said much either way.

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Speaker 3: I think it's just trying to stay out of the

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Speaker 3: line of fire until he's back. My hobby is on

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Speaker 3: my side, but chooses not to get involved. As for

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Speaker 3: my grandma, she's but yeah. She did favor me in

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Speaker 3: some ways, not in a braggy or obvious way. In public,

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Speaker 3: she always treated me and Alissa equally. If you didn't

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Speaker 3: know her well, you'd never guess. But behind closed doors

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Speaker 3: it was different. She saw the way Alissa acted, the lying,

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Speaker 3: the drama, the way she always twisted things to make

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Speaker 3: herself look like the victim. My grandma wasn't blind to it.

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Speaker 3: She never called her out directly, probably to avoid stirring

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Speaker 3: things up with my mom, but I could always tell

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Speaker 3: where she stood. She saw me, she knew what I

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Speaker 3: was dealing with, and even if she never said it

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Speaker 3: in front of anyone, I knew I had her support.

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Speaker 3: After Alisa showed up to the rehearsal dinner wearing a

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Speaker 3: cheap knockoff of my actual wedding dress, I figured she'd

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Speaker 3: feel dumb enough to back off. I was wrong. No.

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Speaker 3: The next morning, Rachel, my cousin and the bride, called

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Speaker 3: me sounding just done. Turns out, Alissa had sent her

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Speaker 3: a massive text guilt tripping her and claiming the dress

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Speaker 3: thing was just a funny misunderstanding, and she said, I

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Speaker 3: was blowing it way out of portion.

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Speaker 2: She's trying to be like, no, it's just it's blue

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Speaker 2: and black. Literally, it's not you must I'm telling you, I.

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Speaker 3: Don't know how you guys see that. I only see

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Speaker 3: blue and black. Yeah, it's crazy.

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Speaker 2: You saw white and yellow?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Why? And gold? Who are you so weird? Uh?

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Speaker 3: She accuse me of trying to turn everyone against her

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Speaker 3: because I'm jealous. Bassic, Alissa rewrite the story, make herself

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Speaker 3: the victim, and toss me under the bus for reacting

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Speaker 3: to her boundary stomping. Rachel wasn't buying any of it. Good,

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Speaker 3: let's go.

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Speaker 2: Of course she's not because it's absurd.

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Speaker 3: It's absurd, she told me point blank. Alyssa was out,

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Speaker 3: not just from the rehearsal or brunch, fully removed as

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Speaker 3: a bridesmaid done. Rachel originally just uninvited her from the

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Speaker 3: dinner and pre wedding events to avoid drama, but hadn't

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Speaker 3: officially dropped her from the bridal party. That changed after

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Speaker 3: Alyssa tried to manipulate her the next morning. Then she

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Speaker 3: said something I didn't expect. Honestly, I'd rather have you

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Speaker 3: up there doing it all than one who makes everything

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Speaker 3: a circus. Just like that, I wasn't just a bridesmaid anymore.

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Speaker 3: I stepped into Alissa's role and her placement in the lineup,

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Speaker 3: Mine her dress fittings, mine her part of the speech,

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Speaker 3: behind the scenes, help her plus one slot, all reassigned.

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Speaker 3: No tiptoeing, no sugarcoating, just straight up replacement, And honestly

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Speaker 3: it felt right. Alyssa found out from Instagram mutual friends

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Speaker 3: posted photos from a last minute bridesmaid's guests together, and

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Speaker 3: obviously she wasn't in a single one. Then came the

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Speaker 3: usual Alyssa meltdown, a passive aggressive story of her unworn dress,

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Speaker 3: with a caption like funny how people smile in your

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Speaker 3: face and steal your place.

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Speaker 7: But God sees all. I mean, okay, she's referring to herself. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 7: she's like, but God sees all.

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Speaker 3: Oh, that's just so silly, using that as like a threat.

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Speaker 3: But then it's also like, yeah, he sees what you're doing.

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Speaker 4: Girl's it's so crazy that and She's like, yeah, some

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Speaker 4: people just like steal your place.

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Speaker 6: Girl.

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Speaker 2: You've been doing that your sister forever.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, literally, Oh my goodness. I didn't respond, and neither

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Speaker 3: did Rachel and most of our mutuals radio silence. They've

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Speaker 3: seen enough. Then came the phone call from my mom,

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Speaker 3: furious again. She said I embarrassed Alissa, and then I

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Speaker 3: had plenty of time to de escalate. I reminded her, calmly, honestly,

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Speaker 3: that I didn't punt Alissa out. Rachel did. I didn't

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Speaker 3: start this. Alissa did, even though Rachel made the call.

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Speaker 3: My mom always finds a way to blame me. It's

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Speaker 3: easier for her than holding Alyssa accountable. And when she

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Speaker 3: said you didn't have to take over all her duties,

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Speaker 3: I realized I was just done. I told her I

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Speaker 3: wasn't going to keep shrinking myself just to keep everyone

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Speaker 3: else comfortable. I wasn't going to keep letting Alissa bulldozed

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Speaker 3: boundaries while I get blamed for having any.

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Speaker 2: She's responsible for her own actions.

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Speaker 4: And if OP had done literally nothing, everything that happened

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Speaker 4: would have probably happened anyway.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly exactly. But there is a little bit more

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Speaker 3: to the story. So I win no contact with Alyssa

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Speaker 3: and for now with my mom locked them on everything.

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Speaker 3: Not to stir up drama. I'm just tired. I want peace.

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Speaker 3: Since that decision, things have been quiet, the bridal parties relax,

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Speaker 3: Rachel's happy, and no more walking on eggshells, and no

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Speaker 3: more waiting for Alyssa to pull another stunt. For once,

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Speaker 3: I'm not stepping aside. I'm standing right where I belong.

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Speaker 3: I didn't steal her spots.

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Speaker 6: She gave it up.

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Speaker 3: I just finally stopped pretending that that was my fault.

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Speaker 3: And honestly, I think my grandma would have been proud,

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Speaker 3: not just of the dress, but that I finally stood

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Speaker 3: up for myself.

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Speaker 6: My husband suggested an open marriage, so I'm leaving him.

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Speaker 3: We're staying way open over.

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Speaker 6: My husband twenty eight male, and I twenty nine female,

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Speaker 6: have been together for nine years, married for seven. We

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Speaker 6: got not so classic shotgun wedding to give ourselves better

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Speaker 6: chances of receiving custody of his half sister, ten female,

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Speaker 6: when their moms suddenly passed away.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 6: No, despite only being twenty and twenty one years old,

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Speaker 6: we did receive full legal custody over her absent father.

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Speaker 6: This information is super relevant to the current situation, but

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Speaker 6: it really sets the tone of our relationship with the

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Speaker 6: sacrifices we made together and the things we each had

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Speaker 6: to give up personally to raise this beautiful little girl.

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Speaker 6: By the way, this comes from huntybum and if you

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Speaker 6: want to smit your own stories, go to the r slash. Okay,

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Speaker 6: storytime severed it so we don't have any children together,

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Speaker 6: but his sister is now seventeen and moved in with

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Speaker 6: an older, more financially privileged aunt last year. Over the

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Speaker 6: past year of this new found alone time, I feel

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Speaker 6: like we have flourished each personally and as a couple.

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Speaker 6: We never fight, arguments are rare, and we are pretty

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Speaker 6: good at coming to understandings and apologizing when necessary. It

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Speaker 6: seems like they're probably around like twenty eight now. Yeah,

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Speaker 6: basically I feel we have a pretty healthy relationship. We

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Speaker 6: each do live things for each other. I receive flowers

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Speaker 6: no less than ten times a year, that's not that

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Speaker 6: many times. We go on little vacations together and are

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Speaker 6: generally really good. I guess a bit of the spark

336
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:14,399
Speaker 6: was sputtering out for a while, but I feel like

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Speaker 6: that's normal for relationship as long as ours. Fast forward

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Speaker 6: to this past October. My husband seems like he's been depressed,

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Speaker 6: which is normal for this time of year because of

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Speaker 6: the timing of losing both his mom and dad in

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Speaker 6: different years around the same time. Oof, the holidays are

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Speaker 6: tough for him, so I get it and try to

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Speaker 6: be there for him. I take his mental health very seriously.

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Speaker 6: He sits me down to have a serious conversation and

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Speaker 6: starts it by saying he wants to open up our relationship.

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Speaker 6: I felt my heart dropped to my stomach, but stayed

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Speaker 6: silent and let him talk. He doesn't go into why,

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Speaker 6: just jumps right into rules and explains how he wants

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Speaker 6: me to find someone first before he starts looking for

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Speaker 6: someone himself. When I ask him why, he couldn't explain

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Speaker 6: it and fumbled his words. I asked him if he

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Speaker 6: already had someone in mind for himself, and of course

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Speaker 6: he denied it. I couldn't help it. I definitely blew up.

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Speaker 6: I was totally blindsided by this proposal. I slept on

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Speaker 6: the couch after my outburst, and he didn't even try

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Speaker 6: to come after me to explain anything, which kind of

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Speaker 6: made me feel worse. I had never felt so unwanted

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Speaker 6: in my life than in that moment. I have never

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00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,840
Speaker 6: given the impression that I was the kind of girl

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Speaker 6: to be open to an open relationship. I will never

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Speaker 6: judge anyone for wanting to live that kind of life,

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Speaker 6: but it's just not for me. He went to work

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Speaker 6: the next day, but I had the day off and

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Speaker 6: really thought about my situation. After crying for hours, I

365
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:37,640
Speaker 6: came to the realization that this was the end of

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Speaker 6: our marriage. Wow, and how much of the relationship have

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Speaker 6: they been married for?

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Speaker 3: I do not remember? Okay either way, Yeah, to go

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Speaker 3: from I feel like it's been a long time.

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Speaker 6: I do think at twenty and twenty one, we're raising

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Speaker 6: a ten year old. So I think that really affects,

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Speaker 6: you know, your relationship because it can either break closer.

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Speaker 6: But also they were really young, so it's right.

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Speaker 3: I mean, like she said, they both made a lot

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Speaker 3: of sacrifices and compromises to do that, and so maybe

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Speaker 3: it's like at a certain point, it's just like nothing

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00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:09,760
Speaker 3: else you can do.

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00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,800
Speaker 6: Yeah, you know, even suggesting an open marriage was a

379
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:15,520
Speaker 6: deal breaker for me. I realized while he was still

380
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:17,520
Speaker 6: at work. I moved all of his stuff out of

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00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:21,040
Speaker 6: our bedroom into his sister's old room technically a spare room. Now,

382
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Speaker 6: he comes home from work ready to talk it out.

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00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:26,040
Speaker 6: After talking through more of why he wants this, I've

384
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:30,040
Speaker 6: come to realize several things. He's way spicier than he

385
00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:33,119
Speaker 6: lets on and is disappointed with our bedroom life. He

386
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,480
Speaker 6: knows I'm not on the same level and doesn't want

387
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,760
Speaker 6: to push me past my boundaries to try things he

388
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:39,960
Speaker 6: knows I won't like. When I asked how he knows

389
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:42,600
Speaker 6: I won't like to try these new things, he explains

390
00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:45,680
Speaker 6: there are an escalation of things he already knows I'm

391
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:49,480
Speaker 6: not down for, but won't go into specifics. He's like, uh,

392
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Speaker 6: I can't talk to you about that, So I'm gonna

393
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Speaker 6: go into the thing I definitely know is gonna make

394
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,119
Speaker 6: you want to break up with me instead.

395
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Speaker 3: Yeah, what I am not following this man's lot.

396
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,600
Speaker 5: I don't Well, maybe he just wants to like, you know,

397
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,480
Speaker 5: you put on jelly, he puts on peanut butter, and

398
00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:07,000
Speaker 5: you both put on your feet and you guys just

399
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,679
Speaker 5: intertwine your toes. You know. Maybe that's just something somebody

400
00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:14,560
Speaker 5: not him, not, but I you know, change the things

401
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:16,000
Speaker 5: in the dynamic of relationship if you.

402
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:19,280
Speaker 6: Ask that, He also is unhappy without infrequently we have

403
00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:22,040
Speaker 6: spicy sleep but has never really put in the effort

404
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:25,040
Speaker 6: to change anything regarding it, just complained over and over

405
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,320
Speaker 6: and expected me to just be ready to do the

406
00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:29,560
Speaker 6: deed any minute of the day. He feels we have

407
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:32,639
Speaker 6: nothing in common now that his sister is gone. For context,

408
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:35,080
Speaker 6: he is more of the outdoorsy type. Whereas I like

409
00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:37,520
Speaker 6: to stay inside and read or play video games, I

410
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:39,680
Speaker 6: do venture out once in a while to do things

411
00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:42,640
Speaker 6: he likes together and do genuinely enjoy them myself when

412
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,320
Speaker 6: I go kayaking and skiing. I do understand that it

413
00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:47,600
Speaker 6: isn't as often as he would like, though, because we

414
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:49,800
Speaker 6: got married so young, there are a lot of things

415
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:52,840
Speaker 6: neither of us really got to experience or try, mostly

416
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,400
Speaker 6: spicy stuff. He is mourning the loss of his young

417
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:58,800
Speaker 6: twenties and never getting to sleep around and explore his

418
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:01,879
Speaker 6: spicy hobbies. Part of the rules, he explained, was that

419
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:04,760
Speaker 6: we wouldn't technically be sleeping around with whoever we wanted.

420
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Speaker 6: He called it an open marriage, but described it more

421
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:08,800
Speaker 6: as polyamory.

422
00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:12,359
Speaker 3: Those are different things where we would each have a

423
00:21:12,359 --> 00:21:14,439
Speaker 3: boyfriend or girlfriend of our own that we went on

424
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:17,080
Speaker 3: dates and did things together with someone we were each

425
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:19,960
Speaker 3: allowed to love and be with spicily. So this is

426
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Speaker 3: a very different offer that he's putting on the table.

427
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Speaker 6: I don't know o Pe, but I gather she won't

428
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Speaker 6: be into this.

429
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Speaker 3: Yeah, if she doesn't want to herself be spicy with

430
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:34,679
Speaker 3: anyone else and she doesn't want her husband to be

431
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:37,880
Speaker 3: spicy with anyone else, I really doubt that she would

432
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,920
Speaker 3: be okay with that and emotions and volt.

433
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,000
Speaker 6: No, no, he goes, no, no, no, you don't understand.

434
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:47,359
Speaker 6: We wouldn't just be having spicy we'd also have emotional

435
00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:50,720
Speaker 6: attachments to these people. What do you think of that?

436
00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:53,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, this just makes.

437
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:55,720
Speaker 5: Me think that he was born in the wrong country,

438
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:56,320
Speaker 5: you think.

439
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:59,200
Speaker 6: I think he was just in the wrong relationship and

440
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:02,960
Speaker 6: emotional was pivotal for him, which broke my heart to pieces.

441
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:04,920
Speaker 6: During our talk, I told him I would never be

442
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:06,960
Speaker 6: able to look at him the same, I would never

443
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,080
Speaker 6: be enough for him, and he was basically trying to

444
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:11,480
Speaker 6: get a pass for guilt free cheating in my eyes.

445
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:13,560
Speaker 6: I told him it sounded like he wanted to be

446
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:17,639
Speaker 6: with someone else without ever leaving the comfort of his marriage. Yeah.

447
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:21,720
Speaker 6: I mean he literally told you, guys have nothing in common. Yeah,

448
00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:24,240
Speaker 6: that feels like maybe you should break up. Knowing he

449
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:26,880
Speaker 6: could date around and not worry if those relationships would

450
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,159
Speaker 6: fail because he could just come home to me. He

451
00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:33,080
Speaker 6: tried denying these things, saying, you wanted to explore himself spicily,

452
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:35,399
Speaker 6: but didn't want to lose me in the process. He

453
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:37,800
Speaker 6: tried getting me to agree to marriage counseling to talk

454
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:41,119
Speaker 6: about the open marriage concept. I told him just proposing

455
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,800
Speaker 6: an open marriage was grounds for divorce for me, and

456
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:45,960
Speaker 6: I wasn't willing to go to a counselor for them

457
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:47,919
Speaker 6: to gang up on me to try to bully me

458
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:50,480
Speaker 6: into it. I know in reality that never would have happened,

459
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:53,080
Speaker 6: but emotions were high in that moment because I told

460
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:54,960
Speaker 6: him I could never see him the same and how

461
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,640
Speaker 6: badly this crushed any self confidence I may have had.

462
00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:00,199
Speaker 6: He doubled down. He said, if we go back to

463
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:03,200
Speaker 6: a relationship and pretend this never happened, then he would

464
00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:05,639
Speaker 6: end up cheating on me. For him, it was open

465
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:10,120
Speaker 6: marriage or nothing. Well, I'm really liking option number two Sharks.

466
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:13,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, honestly, He's like, well, I mean, you're not okay

467
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:16,160
Speaker 3: with that. I'm going to just sleep with people anyway, So.

468
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:19,600
Speaker 6: It's either open marriage or bust. And she went, well,

469
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:20,840
Speaker 6: this is pretty easy for me.

470
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like cool, and then he busted.

471
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:27,639
Speaker 6: M hm, yikes, I chose nothing. Divorce papers were filed

472
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:31,040
Speaker 6: exactly one week later. He was very hurt angry that

473
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:33,159
Speaker 6: I could jump right to divorce and punt him out

474
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:35,800
Speaker 6: of our bedrooms so fast. But I refuse to be

475
00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:38,200
Speaker 6: a second choice or have to fight for his attention.

476
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:40,960
Speaker 6: I can't believe he's okay with the idea of another

477
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:43,399
Speaker 6: person being inside of me. He is willing to just

478
00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:46,560
Speaker 6: give me up to explore his options. I can't believe

479
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,040
Speaker 6: I wasted so much of my time with him, helping

480
00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:52,679
Speaker 6: him heal his family and raise his sister. I feel

481
00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:56,879
Speaker 6: completely used advice. Did I overreact? Should I have waited

482
00:23:56,920 --> 00:23:59,440
Speaker 6: longer before filing for divorce? Should I have just gone

483
00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:02,840
Speaker 6: to marriage or was my gut instinct correct about the

484
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:05,480
Speaker 6: marriage being over? I still love and care about him,

485
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:08,600
Speaker 6: but my brain is screaming to be logical. We still

486
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:10,720
Speaker 6: live together while we're trying to figure out how to

487
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:14,240
Speaker 6: split everything. But now he's being super toxic and petty

488
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:17,639
Speaker 6: saying hurtful things and then begging for personal details about

489
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:19,560
Speaker 6: my life. I need to get out of this house.

490
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:22,400
Speaker 6: How do I cope with these complicated feelings? And there

491
00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:24,919
Speaker 6: is an update? But Angie, what do you think? I mean?

492
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:27,280
Speaker 3: I think she's doing a good thing by divorce.

493
00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:29,680
Speaker 6: I agree, I agree that instincts.

494
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, it really is the kind of thing like, obviously

495
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 3: this is a really complicated breakup, but it kind of

496
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:37,320
Speaker 3: seems like you still have to go through the same

497
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:40,720
Speaker 3: motions of a regular breakup. Yeah, just like, focus on yourself,

498
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:45,560
Speaker 3: focus on your career and your hobbies, and eventually it'll

499
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:48,560
Speaker 3: just fade. Just keep yourself busy. That's always my go to.

500
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:49,320
Speaker 3: I agree.

501
00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:51,680
Speaker 6: I think you guys were a little bit like trauma

502
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:55,600
Speaker 6: bonded when you started taking care of his sister. Yeah,

503
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:58,280
Speaker 6: and I think right now it's like, Okay, we've come

504
00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:02,800
Speaker 6: to the natural conclusion of the relationship. Yeah, he doesn't

505
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:05,359
Speaker 6: quite know how to let go, but he does want

506
00:25:05,359 --> 00:25:07,239
Speaker 6: to let go, and so do you now, right, so

507
00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:10,800
Speaker 6: let him let him leave. Yep, Go find yourself exactly,

508
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:13,520
Speaker 6: Go live your late twenties exactly.

509
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:14,520
Speaker 3: Update.

510
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:18,040
Speaker 6: As for the update, where do I even start? It

511
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:21,440
Speaker 6: has officially been over the required ninety days since initially

512
00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:24,679
Speaker 6: filing for divorce before it can be deemed official. I

513
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:27,639
Speaker 6: am going to the courthouse tomorrow to file the remaining paperwork.

514
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:31,359
Speaker 6: We had an easy, uncontested divorce. We agreed on pretty

515
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:33,280
Speaker 6: much everything, and he didn't even give me a hard

516
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:35,720
Speaker 6: time about taking our two cats that are quite attached

517
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:39,080
Speaker 6: to me. He was always this spare human. I bought

518
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:41,560
Speaker 6: a small home for myself and said two cats and

519
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:44,080
Speaker 6: moved a few days ago. I've been pressed. You bought

520
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:44,480
Speaker 6: a home.

521
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:47,919
Speaker 3: Yeah, dang, twenty eighth dang, look at you go.

522
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:50,600
Speaker 6: I won't lie. This whole process was very tough for

523
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:54,440
Speaker 6: me emotionally. It was especially hard considering he was constantly

524
00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:57,240
Speaker 6: hot and then cold. He would jump from name calling

525
00:25:57,240 --> 00:25:59,520
Speaker 6: and trying to control who came over to our house,

526
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:01,840
Speaker 6: defining reasons to call me on the phone all day,

527
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:04,159
Speaker 6: and joking around with me like nothing was wrong. I

528
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:06,800
Speaker 6: feel like I have emotional whiplash from the last three

529
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:08,760
Speaker 6: months of living with him while looking for a new

530
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:10,920
Speaker 6: place to live. At one point, he came home to

531
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:12,879
Speaker 6: see me eating a meal I just cooked during a

532
00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:15,560
Speaker 6: break from packing. It was pretty disorganized, but I was

533
00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:17,800
Speaker 6: in the middle of doing multiple things at the same time.

534
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:20,159
Speaker 6: He saw the mess and started yelling at me for

535
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:24,240
Speaker 6: it and throwing my things around the kitchen. Damn what.

536
00:26:25,119 --> 00:26:28,640
Speaker 6: Another day, he texted me asking me why wasn't interested

537
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:30,840
Speaker 6: in where he had been spending his days off, and

538
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 6: later sheepishly asking if he would drop the open marriage

539
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:36,320
Speaker 6: to demand would I even consider trying again?

540
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:39,880
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh. Did this man just wants to hope

541
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:41,919
Speaker 3: he to make all the decisions for him, but he

542
00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:45,959
Speaker 3: knows exactly what he wants. He's just like, ah, So like, listen,

543
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,960
Speaker 3: I got rejected alive when I when I tried to

544
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:52,480
Speaker 3: hit on these girls. So like if just like put

545
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:55,439
Speaker 3: it out there, like if in another world, I like

546
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:58,320
Speaker 3: stopped the open marriage, Like would you want me back?

547
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:00,720
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna like let go of and before you

548
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:03,640
Speaker 3: lay me in, but uh, but would.

549
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 6: You want me back? This is the start suggest the

550
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:08,800
Speaker 6: open marriage, Opie says. Even suggesting an open marriage, his

551
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:11,040
Speaker 6: grounds for divorce from me yea, and he goes is

552
00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:14,399
Speaker 6: open marriage or nothing? She goes nothing. He goes, Okay,

553
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:16,760
Speaker 6: what if I took it back? She goes, did you

554
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:20,080
Speaker 6: not listen to the any of Yeah? Of course, I

555
00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:23,080
Speaker 6: told him we were way past that, considering the multiple

556
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:25,719
Speaker 6: times he promised he would cheat on me if we

557
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:29,480
Speaker 6: didn't open the marriage. Yeah, yeah, like what. Also, I

558
00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:31,960
Speaker 6: did get STD tested and came back clean. It's a

559
00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:34,520
Speaker 6: whistle good. I don't think he was already cheating, but

560
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:38,080
Speaker 6: he is dang embarrassed about this whole thing. He wants

561
00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:40,119
Speaker 6: me to tell people he cheated on me when they

562
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:42,760
Speaker 6: ask why we're getting a divorce, instead of telling the

563
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:43,560
Speaker 6: truth of the matter.

564
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:47,000
Speaker 3: What that's so great? Sure?

565
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:49,920
Speaker 6: Can you just don't don't tell anyone that I wanted

566
00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:50,800
Speaker 6: the open marriage.

567
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:54,520
Speaker 3: Just cheated, Don't.

568
00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:56,359
Speaker 6: Tell him that you weren't. He was made aware in

569
00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:59,320
Speaker 6: advance that after I moved and the divorce was finalized,

570
00:27:59,359 --> 00:28:01,760
Speaker 6: I would be going no contact. I did all the

571
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:05,520
Speaker 6: legwork to make this happen, including getting all divorce paperwork

572
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:08,560
Speaker 6: and twenty twenty three taxes filed, separating all bills and

573
00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:11,600
Speaker 6: bank accounts, hiding the address to my new home, blocked

574
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:14,000
Speaker 6: him on all social media, and I will even be

575
00:28:14,119 --> 00:28:17,320
Speaker 6: changing my phone number once everything is finalized. Honestly good

576
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:21,000
Speaker 6: on Nope, he feels that me going no contact is vindictive,

577
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:23,159
Speaker 6: no matter what he has said and done to hurt me.

578
00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:25,000
Speaker 6: I still have a lot of love for this man.

579
00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:28,120
Speaker 6: He doesn't deserve it, I know, but that is exactly

580
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:30,280
Speaker 6: why I need to go no contact. It's for my

581
00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:33,600
Speaker 6: own piece and to maintain some semblance of self respect.

582
00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:35,440
Speaker 6: I can't tell him that because I don't want to

583
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:38,240
Speaker 6: give him or myself, to be honest, any false hope

584
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:40,560
Speaker 6: that we could work things out. I have no plans

585
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:43,120
Speaker 6: to be with anyone else in the near or distant future.

586
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:45,800
Speaker 6: I just want to work on building my confidence and

587
00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:49,360
Speaker 6: get in a healthier mindset. I haven't gotten to counseling yet,

588
00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 6: Like many have suggested, I was in survival mode for

589
00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:54,680
Speaker 6: the last three months so I could get out of

590
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:57,480
Speaker 6: that hellish situation. Now that I'm in my new house

591
00:28:57,520 --> 00:28:59,920
Speaker 6: and getting unpacked, I'm sure I'll be able to relax

592
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:02,600
Speaker 6: enough to start feeling better soon, and if I don't,

593
00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:06,280
Speaker 6: I have every intention of seeking professional help. I have

594
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:09,440
Speaker 6: a huge support network between friends and family. Our shared

595
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:11,320
Speaker 6: friends were all on my side as well. Not that

596
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:13,680
Speaker 6: there is a true right or wrong in a situation

597
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:16,280
Speaker 6: like this, but one of his best friends telling him

598
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:19,680
Speaker 6: this was the biggest mistake of his life was incredibly

599
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:22,640
Speaker 6: validating the only thing I regret for my relationship with

600
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:25,040
Speaker 6: him is staying as long as I did, despite all

601
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 6: the red flags I ignored throughout the years. I went

602
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:30,200
Speaker 6: into detail on some of them in the comments, And

603
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:33,479
Speaker 6: there's a little bit left to this story, any final thoughts.

604
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:37,280
Speaker 3: She's girl bosting it up over here. Really, She's like, okay, bye,

605
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:41,160
Speaker 3: changing my address, change my phone, over changing whatever, all

606
00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 3: this kind of stuff late, and then everyone else is like, yeah,

607
00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:47,240
Speaker 3: you really dropped the ball on this one. And she's like, yeah,

608
00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:50,480
Speaker 3: I freaking know. And he's like, oh, my cheated.

609
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:54,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, this little whiny baby man over here.

610
00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:56,640
Speaker 3: My gosh, as if cheating is any better than this,

611
00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:58,640
Speaker 3: Like please, it's just so stupid.

612
00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:00,560
Speaker 6: I don't even know why he would. I want people

613
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:03,320
Speaker 6: to know that. Yeah, he's so embarrassed about his request.

614
00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:05,960
Speaker 6: It seems like he really can't stand by what he's

615
00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:07,160
Speaker 6: asking for, right.

616
00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:10,360
Speaker 3: Or it also could say too that like he just

617
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:13,680
Speaker 3: doesn't even think cheating is a big deal. Maybe that yeah, yeah, yeah.

618
00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:15,760
Speaker 6: My take on it is that he's just so ashamed

619
00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:19,360
Speaker 6: about like kind of so much in his life because

620
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:22,520
Speaker 6: he couldn't talk to her about the spicy desire stuff yeah,

621
00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:24,160
Speaker 6: like he was too ashamed to talk about that, and

622
00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:25,800
Speaker 6: then it brings up the open marriage, and now he's

623
00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:28,560
Speaker 6: too ashamed for anyone to know that. So he's like, oh,

624
00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:32,720
Speaker 6: just told me you did exhausting, were bosting, but there's

625
00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:35,240
Speaker 6: a little bit left. Ope, you're doing great, keep it up.

626
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:37,400
Speaker 6: All I know is that I'm feeling a mix of

627
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:40,280
Speaker 6: relief and grief. I just need time to allow myself

628
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:42,680
Speaker 6: to heal. Out of our many conversations, he told me

629
00:30:42,720 --> 00:30:45,640
Speaker 6: that ninety nine percent of open marriages fail because they

630
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:48,520
Speaker 6: were open for failing marriages, and it's since we have

631
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:51,560
Speaker 6: a great relationship, we would have been fine. I tried

632
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:53,760
Speaker 6: explaining to him that I learned from some of you

633
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:57,880
Speaker 6: guys that what he suggested was not an open marriage

634
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:01,040
Speaker 6: but a parallel polyamory, and it was the most difficult

635
00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:03,880
Speaker 6: form of polyamory to achieve. He didn't care, and it

636
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:06,040
Speaker 6: was only focused on convincing me to work it out

637
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:08,080
Speaker 6: with him. For me, there is nothing to work out.

638
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:10,360
Speaker 6: He wants to be with someone else and to fall

639
00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:12,600
Speaker 6: in love again, So I'm giving him the freedom to

640
00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:15,480
Speaker 6: do that, but gracefully stepping back. As many have said,

641
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:17,840
Speaker 6: you don't get out of your cake and eat it too.

642
00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:19,760
Speaker 6: There isn't much more to say on the matter. I

643
00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:21,240
Speaker 6: said I was leaving and I didn't.

644
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:23,600
Speaker 1: Hey, it's sam og Hos. We're get back to these

645
00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:26,200
Speaker 1: delectable stories. But here's three minutes of ads from our

646
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:27,520
Speaker 1: sponsors to help support the show.

647
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:32,480
Speaker 3: I demanded an apology from my husband after eighteen years

648
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:36,360
Speaker 3: of him blaming me. It's your turn for some context.

649
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:39,040
Speaker 3: I forty four female, and my husband forty five maile

650
00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:42,120
Speaker 3: have been together for eighteen years, together for nine, married

651
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:44,760
Speaker 3: for nine. I moved from Houston and we met in

652
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:46,880
Speaker 3: two thousand and seven and decided we'd get a place

653
00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:49,040
Speaker 3: together in two thousand and eight. We stayed in San

654
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:51,960
Speaker 3: Antonio and grew life there, but he always wanted to

655
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:54,480
Speaker 3: live somewhere else. By the way, this comes from that

656
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:57,719
Speaker 3: h town lady on the Charlotte Dover YouTube's I read it,

657
00:31:57,840 --> 00:31:59,360
Speaker 3: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

658
00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:01,560
Speaker 3: to the r slash Okay story time separate it. So

659
00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:04,320
Speaker 3: we tried multiple times to get a place in Houston,

660
00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:06,720
Speaker 3: but every time we went there, something would happen or

661
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:09,560
Speaker 3: fall through from going to an apartment and them giving

662
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:12,000
Speaker 3: us a different price to me catching the flu from

663
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:14,719
Speaker 3: walking in the rain to get to an apartment, and

664
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:18,520
Speaker 3: then us getting turned down just one after another man

665
00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:21,360
Speaker 3: after our last attempt to move there, we decided to

666
00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:24,360
Speaker 3: cut our losses. But even before that is when the

667
00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:28,120
Speaker 3: blaming began. For eighteen years, I've had to hear him

668
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:30,600
Speaker 3: from time to time and blame me for wanting to

669
00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:33,560
Speaker 3: stay in San Antonio. You wanted to stay here, You

670
00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:35,240
Speaker 3: wanted to be here, blah blah.

671
00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:37,719
Speaker 6: Dude, if you don't want to be here, no one's

672
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:38,400
Speaker 6: keeping you.

673
00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:42,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, like we had to make this decision together. Somebode

674
00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:45,200
Speaker 3: can leave. It doesn't matter whose idea was first. Now

675
00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:47,840
Speaker 3: on my end, I left Houston to change my scene

676
00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:50,560
Speaker 3: and because it was starting to get quite expensive there,

677
00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:53,120
Speaker 3: That's why I moved. And he knew this but still

678
00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:55,880
Speaker 3: wanted to live there. Now comes twenty twenty five and

679
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:58,240
Speaker 3: we finally made enough money to move and he wanted

680
00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:00,760
Speaker 3: to move closer to my family and Iowa or two

681
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:03,360
Speaker 3: family in Iowa. So I agree to the move because

682
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:06,600
Speaker 3: I've never stayed outside of Texas, so this move would

683
00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:10,480
Speaker 3: be great for us. Right, you would think we make

684
00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:13,400
Speaker 3: the arrangements, set up everything we need to move, and

685
00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:16,040
Speaker 3: roll out to Iowa. When we get here, we move

686
00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:18,160
Speaker 3: into our apartment, which is great, but after a few

687
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:20,960
Speaker 3: days of staying here, he starts to get frustrated because

688
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,239
Speaker 3: he's trying to find a job but it's coming up

689
00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:26,240
Speaker 3: kind of short. He automatically starts saying that we should

690
00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:28,440
Speaker 3: have stayed in San Antonio because of this, and that

691
00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:30,680
Speaker 3: more than once I came out and told him that

692
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:33,000
Speaker 3: now that the grass isn't as green as he thought

693
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:35,600
Speaker 3: it was on the other side, he should apologize for

694
00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:38,240
Speaker 3: blaming me all those years for not i'ming sorry.

695
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:41,600
Speaker 6: They get to Texas and he goes, oh, yeah, we

696
00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:47,000
Speaker 6: should have stayed in San Antonio. Yeh. She goes, I'm sorry.

697
00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:52,040
Speaker 3: What Yeah, well, faiss me off. Yeah. Honestly he went

698
00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:55,440
Speaker 3: off on me, still pointing the finger of blame, and

699
00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:58,200
Speaker 3: I still didn't get an apology. After that, I got

700
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:02,000
Speaker 3: quiet and pissed off, and he knew it. He tried

701
00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:04,160
Speaker 3: to ask me questions about what's going on with our

702
00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:06,440
Speaker 3: daughter as far as important stuff, and I answered in

703
00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:09,600
Speaker 3: my angry tone and he knew heft up. Now I'm

704
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:12,359
Speaker 3: sitting here and typing this out, still fuming, while he's

705
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:14,799
Speaker 3: walking around trying to figure out where my head is at.

706
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:18,000
Speaker 3: I answered, in my angry Riley, what do you think

707
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:19,520
Speaker 3: her angry tone is.

708
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:20,480
Speaker 5: My angry tone yours?

709
00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:22,279
Speaker 3: What do you think os is?

710
00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:30,160
Speaker 5: Oh, he's probably like five three Yeah, the voice I know,

711
00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:33,600
Speaker 5: the taller you are, the deeper your voice goes okay

712
00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:36,400
Speaker 5: and your torso. So she's probably like you keep right

713
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:39,879
Speaker 5: here right now, probably something like that, and.

714
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:42,319
Speaker 6: He hears and he goes.

715
00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:45,640
Speaker 3: She means I can't hear what she's saying.

716
00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:47,000
Speaker 5: Because elephants give scared of mice.

717
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:51,000
Speaker 3: You know, Sure, am I overreacting here? Or is my

718
00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 3: frustration justified? And there are some comments? But what do

719
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:57,160
Speaker 3: you think, Sophia absolutely justify?

720
00:34:57,120 --> 00:34:57,200
Speaker 4: Ye?

721
00:34:57,480 --> 00:34:59,000
Speaker 6: Are there good parts of your marriage?

722
00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:01,000
Speaker 3: That's what I want to know, great question.

723
00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:02,520
Speaker 6: As what I don't want to We only know about

724
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:05,640
Speaker 6: the He always blames you for things, and that's not great.

725
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:08,920
Speaker 3: It's not good. We don't like especially when it's like,

726
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:12,320
Speaker 3: you know, obviously you're not to blame for either of them.

727
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:16,000
Speaker 3: You are both making these decisions together. He is well

728
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:18,960
Speaker 3: aware of the reasons why you're making these decisions. It's

729
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:21,960
Speaker 3: not like op is just like ah, just like pulling

730
00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:24,600
Speaker 3: his ear over to the different states like you are

731
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:27,399
Speaker 3: making these decisions together, and then when it doesn't work out,

732
00:35:27,480 --> 00:35:30,319
Speaker 3: he just doesn't have the emotional maturity to soothe his

733
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:33,160
Speaker 3: own emotions, so he's just pointing fingers to everyone around him.

734
00:35:33,239 --> 00:35:36,160
Speaker 6: Literally, this man never learned how to self souve.

735
00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:39,279
Speaker 3: But there are some comments coming. Number one says. All

736
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 3: I'm hearing from here is my husband feels the need

737
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:44,239
Speaker 3: to blame someone for the constant anger he has with

738
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:47,120
Speaker 3: himself that he didn't make more effort to move, and

739
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:49,720
Speaker 3: now he's not happy with his choice, and he's trying

740
00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:52,040
Speaker 3: to blame me too. On a serious note, it's been

741
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:54,799
Speaker 3: eighteen years and over that time, one of two things

742
00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:57,080
Speaker 3: should have happened. Either you both should have made more

743
00:35:57,120 --> 00:35:59,000
Speaker 3: of an effort to move, or he should have just

744
00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:01,960
Speaker 3: let it go, because honestly, it's a questionable hill to

745
00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:04,520
Speaker 3: pass away. On that said, I don't like that he's

746
00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:08,000
Speaker 3: pointing finger just at you. It's not like you orchestrated

747
00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:11,120
Speaker 3: all those rejections the first time around. And I definitely

748
00:36:11,239 --> 00:36:13,360
Speaker 3: don't see how it's your fault that you guys should

749
00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:16,760
Speaker 3: have stayed in San Antonio. It feels like he's enjoying

750
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:19,400
Speaker 3: the sense of control he has over you by constantly

751
00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:22,280
Speaker 3: blaming you. And let's face it, he has that control.

752
00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:25,160
Speaker 3: You've let him blame you for eighteen years. If it

753
00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:26,960
Speaker 3: was me, I would have told him to get over

754
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:30,480
Speaker 3: it after max a couple of weeks, and I would

755
00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:33,640
Speaker 3: have expected an apology. Then it's not your fault. Also,

756
00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:37,400
Speaker 3: user better than a grudge holding gremlin. Common number two says,

757
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:40,360
Speaker 3: if the moving or not moving and him blaming you

758
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:43,120
Speaker 3: for it is the only frustration between you two, use

759
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:45,680
Speaker 3: this moment to force him to talk things through like adults,

760
00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:48,960
Speaker 3: and do not let go before this is resolved. If

761
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:50,960
Speaker 3: you guys can't figure it out between the two of

762
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:53,560
Speaker 3: you and a bottle of wine and some geese, find

763
00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:55,920
Speaker 3: a form of meditation like couples counseling.

764
00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:58,240
Speaker 6: Yeah, if you can't figure it out over a bottle

765
00:36:58,239 --> 00:37:00,840
Speaker 6: of wine and cheese, yeah, he's not going to be

766
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:04,759
Speaker 6: figured out right, Because if you don't shut this down now,

767
00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:07,200
Speaker 6: once and for all, this being your life from now

768
00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:09,480
Speaker 6: on or divorce are your only options.

769
00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:12,279
Speaker 3: Since he finally realized he's screwed up, tell him you're

770
00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:16,240
Speaker 3: done with the useless, crappy communication with blame. He stops now,

771
00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:18,880
Speaker 3: he starts telling you what his issues are and starts

772
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:22,439
Speaker 3: taking accountability and realizes stuff sometimes works out a certain way.

773
00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:26,160
Speaker 3: You are not a freaking fairy godmother. Random things happening

774
00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:29,719
Speaker 3: are not your responsibility, nor are they your fault. You're

775
00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:34,280
Speaker 3: done being his emotional one doing bag for the random shizzle.

776
00:37:34,400 --> 00:37:36,680
Speaker 3: Don't get too hung up on that apology until you've

777
00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:41,359
Speaker 3: actually talked like adults, because if he apologizes now, it's

778
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:44,160
Speaker 3: going to be the excuse to rug sweep and you'll

779
00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:47,480
Speaker 3: be back here with a nothing's changed or things escalated

780
00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:50,439
Speaker 3: update before the week is out, not the a hole

781
00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:52,160
Speaker 3: and there is an update.

782
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:59,400
Speaker 6: Those comments, yeah, those I mean, I mean they're not wrong. No,

783
00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:01,600
Speaker 6: they're not wrong. I think you have to have a

784
00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:06,440
Speaker 6: actual conversation with your husband of nine years relationship eighteen

785
00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:09,239
Speaker 6: You guys have been in a relationship for ages. If

786
00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:11,920
Speaker 6: this is the only thing that I have a conversation

787
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:13,560
Speaker 6: about it and sit him down and say, hey, I

788
00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:16,919
Speaker 6: really don't appreciate how much you're blaming me for things

789
00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:19,840
Speaker 6: that are outside of my control. Yeah, yeah, and you

790
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:22,680
Speaker 6: need to find a way to emotionally regulate and not

791
00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:25,879
Speaker 6: put things that you're unhappy with on me.

792
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:30,120
Speaker 3: Right right, Yeah, And fault and if he just apologizes

793
00:38:30,239 --> 00:38:31,920
Speaker 3: like that. One comment said, like, don't put too much

794
00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:33,840
Speaker 3: emphasis on that, because you have to actually see the

795
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:37,600
Speaker 3: actions improve. After that, I agreed, but there is an update.

796
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:41,520
Speaker 3: So I thought that this frustration of mine would drag on,

797
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:44,080
Speaker 3: but I came to a head yesterday. But first, let

798
00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:46,040
Speaker 3: me put a few things straight to some people. My

799
00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:48,440
Speaker 3: husband loves me very much and he will do anything

800
00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:50,399
Speaker 3: to make sure I'm happy, and he knows that if

801
00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:52,479
Speaker 3: he pokes me the wrong way, I will poke back

802
00:38:52,719 --> 00:38:55,240
Speaker 3: with a vengeance, which is why I have an update.

803
00:38:55,560 --> 00:38:58,200
Speaker 3: Second to the person that said that we're too old

804
00:38:58,239 --> 00:39:00,800
Speaker 3: to make a foolish choice to move out with out jobs,

805
00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:02,759
Speaker 3: I take it that you forgot what the title of

806
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:05,520
Speaker 3: this post says. This post is about a matter between

807
00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:07,600
Speaker 3: me and my husband. But if you want to be nosy,

808
00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:10,040
Speaker 3: I do have a job. I got mine transferred out

809
00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:12,360
Speaker 3: of state because I work from home, and my husband

810
00:39:12,360 --> 00:39:14,680
Speaker 3: did have one lined up, but it fell through, taking

811
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:17,799
Speaker 3: him back to square one. Hes him getting frustrated. Our

812
00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:21,000
Speaker 3: finances are tight, but we're not drowning. So unless you're

813
00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:23,400
Speaker 3: going to volunteer as tribute to help with our finances,

814
00:39:23,719 --> 00:39:26,640
Speaker 3: which of course will be a hard no. Then stick

815
00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:30,960
Speaker 3: to the title of what's being discussed. Okay, okay, all right,

816
00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 3: now on to the updates. After I read all of

817
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:36,800
Speaker 3: the posts, I had to admit that the gas lighting

818
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:39,680
Speaker 3: was there in plain sight. But after our discussion, I

819
00:39:39,719 --> 00:39:43,000
Speaker 3: went silent, coldly silent, and I start to clean, which

820
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:45,400
Speaker 3: is a habit when I get pissed off. And if

821
00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:48,359
Speaker 3: anyone knows me, my cold silence is more than enough

822
00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:50,640
Speaker 3: to leave you with frostbite if I talk to you

823
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:53,759
Speaker 3: on the regular. When he saw and felt this, he

824
00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:57,440
Speaker 3: knew he left up. Now for a bit of background context.

825
00:39:57,480 --> 00:39:59,919
Speaker 3: I'm not an argumentative person. I will speak my fast

826
00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:02,880
Speaker 3: of peace. If I see that what I'm saying is

827
00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:05,640
Speaker 3: not getting through to you, then I will shut it down.

828
00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:08,319
Speaker 3: I'll let you think you won and say nothing else

829
00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:10,880
Speaker 3: to you afterwards. I don't have the time or temperament

830
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:13,000
Speaker 3: because I know how bad my anger can get, and

831
00:40:13,040 --> 00:40:15,080
Speaker 3: I'm not trying to go to jail. The day comes

832
00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:19,959
Speaker 3: around and something happens and he starts acting extra appreciative. Now,

833
00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:22,360
Speaker 3: when it comes to my husband, he will apologize, but

834
00:40:22,480 --> 00:40:24,960
Speaker 3: in the form of doing things for me, me saying

835
00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:27,840
Speaker 3: is this your way of apologizing? And he'll say in

836
00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:31,480
Speaker 3: a sad voice, Yeah, that's my bad, which is fine

837
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:34,320
Speaker 3: with me. I'm not too proud. That's so funny.

838
00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:36,560
Speaker 6: Is this your way of apologizing?

839
00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:42,399
Speaker 3: Yeah, but what he did that led up to the

840
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:44,960
Speaker 3: my bad to get back on my good side was

841
00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:48,359
Speaker 3: an eyebrow raiser. I told him that my leg's hurt,

842
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:50,400
Speaker 3: and he laid me down and massaged them as well

843
00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:52,799
Speaker 3: as my lower back. It seems like you guys.

844
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:56,480
Speaker 6: Have a good marriage other than this one communication issue.

845
00:40:57,080 --> 00:41:02,200
Speaker 3: I mean, are you basing that just off of the massage,

846
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:09,600
Speaker 3: Like I guess he watched over our daughter so that

847
00:41:09,719 --> 00:41:11,719
Speaker 3: you have kids while I was working as far as

848
00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:14,160
Speaker 3: feeding her and sending her to the potty, which he

849
00:41:14,239 --> 00:41:17,239
Speaker 3: does sometimes anyway. And instead of giving me flowers, he

850
00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:19,600
Speaker 3: gave me tacos, which he knows I love, and he

851
00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:20,400
Speaker 3: watched the cars.

852
00:41:20,440 --> 00:41:23,120
Speaker 6: See that's what I like to see. I love flowers,

853
00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:25,400
Speaker 6: but I also like when a person knows their partner.

854
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:26,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, like I could.

855
00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:28,440
Speaker 6: Get you flowers or I could feed you, and.

856
00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:32,279
Speaker 3: Then ye're angry, which honestly is maybe even better for

857
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:35,680
Speaker 3: this situation. I agree. Yeah, you get a nice, thoughtful

858
00:41:35,719 --> 00:41:38,640
Speaker 3: gift and you get fed. Yeah. That sounds nice, but

859
00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:40,960
Speaker 3: there is a little bit more. We did talk a

860
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:43,360
Speaker 3: bit about what he did, and we came together to

861
00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:46,480
Speaker 3: straighten out the issue, so no more blaming. I felt

862
00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:48,600
Speaker 3: that he really meant it. We're a couple that has

863
00:41:48,680 --> 00:41:51,960
Speaker 3: only fought three now four times in eighteen years we've

864
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:54,640
Speaker 3: been together, so leaving him is not an option. We

865
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:57,080
Speaker 3: both know that with all marriages there will be ups,

866
00:41:57,120 --> 00:42:00,239
Speaker 3: downs and issues that will test any marriage, and as

867
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:02,160
Speaker 3: long as we know we can work them out together,

868
00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:05,479
Speaker 3: no one but God can separate us. Oh. In one

869
00:42:05,600 --> 00:42:08,880
Speaker 3: final note, I know that Midwest winter hits harder than

870
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:11,840
Speaker 3: southern winter, and when I get to that bridge of frost,

871
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:14,560
Speaker 3: I will deal with it. Now, does anyone know where

872
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:16,719
Speaker 3: I can buy a really good coat in Iowa? I

873
00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:22,640
Speaker 3: love y'all. My wife is financially unreliable and it's affecting

874
00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:23,400
Speaker 3: our marriage.

875
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:24,919
Speaker 2: Happy wife, but unhappy life.

876
00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:29,320
Speaker 3: Unfortunately, I was never very outgoing, kind of a late bloomer,

877
00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:31,520
Speaker 3: and ended up marrying the first person I really dated.

878
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:34,160
Speaker 3: We met after I was laid off from a dot

879
00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:37,000
Speaker 3: com job at burning through my savings and feeling pretty

880
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:39,360
Speaker 3: down at the time. She was five years younger than me,

881
00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:42,240
Speaker 3: came from a small town and a low income family

882
00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:44,319
Speaker 3: and was going away to school. She was smart and

883
00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:46,839
Speaker 3: seemed mature for her age. By the way, this comes

884
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:49,200
Speaker 3: from one two three, It's me three two one, and

885
00:42:49,239 --> 00:42:50,719
Speaker 3: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

886
00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:53,080
Speaker 3: the r slash Okay story time separate it. We started

887
00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:55,959
Speaker 3: off in a long distance relationship and she eventually moved

888
00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:58,000
Speaker 3: in with me, probably too early, and it may have

889
00:42:58,040 --> 00:43:01,440
Speaker 3: been an emotionally codependent relationship. We got stable jobs and

890
00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:05,840
Speaker 3: bought a house, although it was with an adjustable rate mortgage.

891
00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:08,719
Speaker 3: I was reluctant about. When the housing bubble burst, things

892
00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:11,480
Speaker 3: got worse financially. She gave me a marriage ultimatum, and

893
00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:13,759
Speaker 3: even though I was ready, it felt rushed, so there

894
00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:16,760
Speaker 3: wasn't a romantic proposal. Looking back, we should have eloped,

895
00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:18,920
Speaker 3: but instead we had a wedding that left us with

896
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:21,520
Speaker 3: debt due to poor communication. Oh wow, you don't want

897
00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:22,520
Speaker 3: to be in debt from your wedding.

898
00:43:22,719 --> 00:43:24,560
Speaker 8: Well, the ultimatum is giving me the ick.

899
00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:27,239
Speaker 3: She still blames me for it, even though she was

900
00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:29,480
Speaker 3: the one who did most of the planning and ordering.

901
00:43:29,719 --> 00:43:32,560
Speaker 3: We had our first child. Even though things were already

902
00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:36,040
Speaker 3: tight financially, we refinanced the house, but the payments ended

903
00:43:36,120 --> 00:43:39,480
Speaker 3: up being too high, which led to more credit card debt.

904
00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:42,800
Speaker 3: After having our second child, which was an expensive home birth,

905
00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:45,800
Speaker 3: money was still too tight and we ended up doing

906
00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:48,799
Speaker 3: a short sale. Now we rent for my parents. Can't

907
00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:51,600
Speaker 3: afford to pay our credit card bills. Our CPA actually

908
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:54,360
Speaker 3: advised us not to pay. In our situation, we have

909
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:58,120
Speaker 3: no savings and bare least straight by despite having a

910
00:43:58,160 --> 00:44:01,280
Speaker 3: decent combined income. My wife is well read on topics

911
00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:06,000
Speaker 3: that interest her. Driven anti vaccine, anti microwave, pro all organic,

912
00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:09,880
Speaker 3: and into holistic health. She's training to be a health coach,

913
00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:13,879
Speaker 3: got involved in a few MLMs and spends a lot

914
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:19,800
Speaker 3: of money on her businesses, travel events and marketing health products, chiropracture, visits, yoga,

915
00:44:19,960 --> 00:44:23,040
Speaker 3: massage and more. She does have a good job, stable

916
00:44:23,120 --> 00:44:25,600
Speaker 3: day job, but she also has student loans will need

917
00:44:25,640 --> 00:44:29,000
Speaker 3: to start paying soon. Recently she started working for a

918
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:32,080
Speaker 3: political party, which isn't my party. Had even talked about

919
00:44:32,160 --> 00:44:34,919
Speaker 3: moving to DC and at the same time it really

920
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:37,560
Speaker 3: wants to be able to homeschool our kids, though she's

921
00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:41,120
Speaker 3: frequently out late or working and then sleeping when she's home.

922
00:44:41,239 --> 00:44:43,560
Speaker 3: I'm now making less than her with my day job,

923
00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:45,600
Speaker 3: but I take on side work and I handle most

924
00:44:45,600 --> 00:44:49,719
Speaker 3: of the childcare and housework, laundry, dishes, garbage cleaning, yard work,

925
00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:52,399
Speaker 3: basically everything. I try to budget, though it ends up

926
00:44:52,480 --> 00:44:56,360
Speaker 3: just being tracking spending since she won't stick to any budget.

927
00:44:56,440 --> 00:44:58,880
Speaker 3: I don't have any hobbies and no real friends, little

928
00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:02,720
Speaker 3: to no free time buy anything for myself, not even clothes.

929
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:05,800
Speaker 3: Our kids are still quite young, smart, and in private

930
00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:09,480
Speaker 3: school or care which costs almost the same as public

931
00:45:09,520 --> 00:45:12,120
Speaker 3: school with aftercare. They mean everything to me. But the

932
00:45:12,160 --> 00:45:14,879
Speaker 3: recent changes with my wife and her schedule and availability

933
00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:18,120
Speaker 3: have definitely affected that. There has been some trouble at school,

934
00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:20,480
Speaker 3: but she blames it on the school's rules. I have

935
00:45:20,520 --> 00:45:22,920
Speaker 3: a big problem with her spending habits, and she has

936
00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:25,600
Speaker 3: an issue with what she sees as an obsession with

937
00:45:25,760 --> 00:45:29,640
Speaker 3: not having enough money, probably some self help or MLM

938
00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:32,799
Speaker 3: nonsense that she read or heard. What MLM stands for

939
00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:37,360
Speaker 3: Multi level marketing. It's a pyramids Yeah great.

940
00:45:37,480 --> 00:45:40,880
Speaker 6: When I was younger, the only MLM I was thinking

941
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:42,480
Speaker 6: about was on fanfic.

942
00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:46,839
Speaker 8: So I know that Avon technically my mom used to

943
00:45:46,840 --> 00:45:50,040
Speaker 8: work for Avon. Yeah, so like it's like the hey

944
00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:52,239
Speaker 8: if you refer people, you'll move up what's here, and

945
00:45:52,239 --> 00:45:54,960
Speaker 8: then they'll pay to you. It's like, literally, it's it's a.

946
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:58,360
Speaker 3: Pre I was doing, like he was selling knives.

947
00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:01,360
Speaker 6: It was k.

948
00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:05,479
Speaker 8: One. The cook wear was a really big one from

949
00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:11,360
Speaker 8: like the mid tens. Yeah, someone said it in the chat.

950
00:46:11,440 --> 00:46:13,200
Speaker 8: I think it was Kim Fines, like this bro's strolling

951
00:46:13,239 --> 00:46:14,200
Speaker 8: through life backwards.

952
00:46:14,680 --> 00:46:17,040
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, it sounds like it's worse.

953
00:46:17,239 --> 00:46:18,799
Speaker 8: It's just snowballing.

954
00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:22,120
Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean like I'm hoping and assuming that there's

955
00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:24,520
Speaker 3: good things to the relationship, because right now it's just

956
00:46:24,560 --> 00:46:27,720
Speaker 3: like an outpour of like all these bad red flags.

957
00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:30,040
Speaker 8: There has to be something that's worth it. I don't

958
00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:33,239
Speaker 8: know if it's staying together because the kid. Maybe they're

959
00:46:33,239 --> 00:46:35,600
Speaker 8: staying together because it's convenient and they've been with each

960
00:46:35,600 --> 00:46:37,799
Speaker 8: other for so long they don't feel comfortable like.

961
00:46:37,800 --> 00:46:38,399
Speaker 2: Being a part.

962
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:43,359
Speaker 8: Yeah, but it doesn't seem like there's any upward trajectory

963
00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:45,400
Speaker 8: for them, at least right now in the story.

964
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:49,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, hopefully things can get better, but I don't know.

965
00:46:49,680 --> 00:46:53,480
Speaker 3: She's finding herself and I'm adverse to change. It's a

966
00:46:53,480 --> 00:46:55,879
Speaker 3: problem for me and I don't see myself turning around

967
00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:58,560
Speaker 3: and encouraging her when it means spending all our money

968
00:46:58,560 --> 00:47:00,880
Speaker 3: on the things mentioned above. She says she's working on

969
00:47:00,920 --> 00:47:04,040
Speaker 3: her spending temper, etc. And I think, or in hope,

970
00:47:04,239 --> 00:47:07,840
Speaker 3: that we're done with her buying omeopathics. She buys books

971
00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:11,279
Speaker 3: and learns about anything and everything that interests her, so

972
00:47:11,360 --> 00:47:14,080
Speaker 3: it can be impossible to argue or reason with her

973
00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:16,840
Speaker 3: about things that I disagree with. Her Facebook posts have

974
00:47:16,920 --> 00:47:19,680
Speaker 3: included quotes about those who try to discourage you only

975
00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:22,600
Speaker 3: prove you're doing the right thing. She is close to

976
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:24,959
Speaker 3: quitting her stable job to work in politics full time

977
00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:28,080
Speaker 3: with similar salary after putting thirty percent aside her taxes,

978
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:31,200
Speaker 3: but no benefits mine will cover, and she still wants

979
00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:34,960
Speaker 3: to do health coaching. These are not guaranteed stable career paths,

980
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 3: but she's banking on the potential to make much more.

981
00:47:37,880 --> 00:47:40,239
Speaker 3: She's hoping that this will help us dig ourselves out

982
00:47:40,239 --> 00:47:42,840
Speaker 3: of debt, but has only spent more in pursuit of

983
00:47:42,880 --> 00:47:45,400
Speaker 3: these goals. She also says that she'll be able to

984
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:48,160
Speaker 3: spend more time with the family, but has mentioned travel,

985
00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:51,640
Speaker 3: meetings and having clients, so I'm doubtful She's brought up

986
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:54,600
Speaker 3: divorce in fights. I've started calling her bluff and told

987
00:47:54,640 --> 00:47:57,120
Speaker 3: her to go, but then we both say that we

988
00:47:57,160 --> 00:47:59,600
Speaker 3: want it to work. During one fight, she told me

989
00:47:59,640 --> 00:48:02,680
Speaker 3: that she would sue for full custody. Then she took

990
00:48:02,680 --> 00:48:04,880
Speaker 3: it back. We talked and agreed to give it one

991
00:48:04,960 --> 00:48:08,719
Speaker 3: hundred percent, have more open communication, me being more supportive,

992
00:48:08,719 --> 00:48:10,840
Speaker 3: et cetera. I really do love her and want it

993
00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:12,680
Speaker 3: to work, even if it's just for the kids. But

994
00:48:12,760 --> 00:48:15,319
Speaker 3: I'm afraid that I won't live up to her expectations

995
00:48:15,560 --> 00:48:18,040
Speaker 3: or can't agree with whatever she wants all the time.

996
00:48:18,200 --> 00:48:21,000
Speaker 3: I'm also afraid that being afraid makes it impossible to

997
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:23,920
Speaker 3: give one hundred percent. Yeah, I wouldn't blame you for that.

998
00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:26,359
Speaker 3: This just feels like, Oh, he just kind of has

999
00:48:26,400 --> 00:48:29,000
Speaker 3: to deal with what she is doing, Like she is

1000
00:48:29,160 --> 00:48:32,440
Speaker 3: just not seeming to make any sacrifices for the family

1001
00:48:32,560 --> 00:48:34,080
Speaker 3: or put efforts in family.

1002
00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:37,680
Speaker 8: She thinks she's making sacrifice, Yeah, because she says that

1003
00:48:37,719 --> 00:48:39,719
Speaker 8: she wants to spend more time. She wants to do

1004
00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:43,120
Speaker 8: the school thing right, which it can work if you

1005
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:45,560
Speaker 8: know what you're doing, but she doesn't seems like she

1006
00:48:45,640 --> 00:48:48,400
Speaker 8: has both the time, the effort, and the knowledge to

1007
00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:50,960
Speaker 8: do homeschooling right. Like I know you people who've done

1008
00:48:50,960 --> 00:48:54,600
Speaker 8: homeschooling and they're fine. I know other people who they

1009
00:48:54,600 --> 00:48:56,800
Speaker 8: say they're going to homeschool, but they don't do anything.

1010
00:48:56,920 --> 00:48:59,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I mean that honestly seemed a little unfair too,

1011
00:48:59,719 --> 00:49:01,920
Speaker 3: because if she wants to do more in politics, and

1012
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:04,120
Speaker 3: she wants to do all of these different health coaching

1013
00:49:04,160 --> 00:49:06,080
Speaker 3: and all these jobs and stuff, ohp, he would be

1014
00:49:06,120 --> 00:49:07,560
Speaker 3: the one that would have to homeschool.

1015
00:49:07,640 --> 00:49:10,400
Speaker 6: No, she wants to homeschool, but she wants him to homeschool.

1016
00:49:10,480 --> 00:49:13,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, she wants them to be homeschool, but does not

1017
00:49:13,320 --> 00:49:14,000
Speaker 3: be the one yet.

1018
00:49:14,280 --> 00:49:16,360
Speaker 8: Her picture of what their life is going to be

1019
00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:18,719
Speaker 8: does not line up with what it's really going to be.

1020
00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:21,120
Speaker 8: And she seems like she's kind of stuck in her

1021
00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:24,239
Speaker 8: head of what could happen rather than the reality and

1022
00:49:24,280 --> 00:49:27,040
Speaker 8: like what that financial reality is exactly.

1023
00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:29,160
Speaker 3: And then OPI is just having to pick up all

1024
00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:32,120
Speaker 3: the scraps that she's leaving behind. I've tried to get

1025
00:49:32,120 --> 00:49:34,440
Speaker 3: her to go to a marriage counselor who I've already

1026
00:49:34,440 --> 00:49:37,560
Speaker 3: seen once, but she hasn't yet. She says that she

1027
00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:39,919
Speaker 3: wants to, but uses up her vacation or sick leave

1028
00:49:39,960 --> 00:49:43,200
Speaker 3: on her stuff, her pay is then docked if she's sick,

1029
00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:47,000
Speaker 3: which makes things worse financially, So I'll make an appointment

1030
00:49:47,080 --> 00:49:50,040
Speaker 3: for early next month, hopefully before she uses her time up.

1031
00:49:50,080 --> 00:49:52,920
Speaker 3: She brought up creating a Facebook group with her similarly

1032
00:49:53,040 --> 00:49:56,960
Speaker 3: crunchy friends for relationship matters. That seems pretty one sided, though.

1033
00:49:57,040 --> 00:50:00,719
Speaker 3: I've spoken to a financial counselor who advise separate bank

1034
00:50:00,719 --> 00:50:03,440
Speaker 3: accounts and paying off the debt, but my wife's suspending

1035
00:50:03,480 --> 00:50:06,359
Speaker 3: makes that impossible. So the latest, we've been sued by

1036
00:50:06,400 --> 00:50:09,080
Speaker 3: one credit card company, and I assume at least one

1037
00:50:09,120 --> 00:50:12,040
Speaker 3: more will be served soon. We have no way to

1038
00:50:12,080 --> 00:50:14,840
Speaker 3: pay and can't even afford to pay a filing fee,

1039
00:50:14,880 --> 00:50:17,200
Speaker 3: so I guess they'll get a default judgment and see

1040
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:20,719
Speaker 3: what happens next, probably bankruptcy. What a nightmare this has

1041
00:50:20,760 --> 00:50:23,560
Speaker 3: promoted me to finally posting this here. Thank you for

1042
00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:25,920
Speaker 3: taking the time to read this and for any assistance

1043
00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:30,319
Speaker 3: you can give. There is an update, but ah yeah, man,

1044
00:50:30,480 --> 00:50:34,040
Speaker 3: that's like we got to have a serious, serious discussion

1045
00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:36,799
Speaker 3: with this woman, like trying to wake up, because I

1046
00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:39,880
Speaker 3: get that it's easy to fall into the mindset at

1047
00:50:39,960 --> 00:50:42,480
Speaker 3: least and this is a very smaller scale of what

1048
00:50:42,560 --> 00:50:44,879
Speaker 3: op's dealing with. But like if you get a new job,

1049
00:50:44,920 --> 00:50:47,399
Speaker 3: for example, like if right now, maybe you can't pay

1050
00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:49,640
Speaker 3: all your bills or you can't like go do all

1051
00:50:49,680 --> 00:50:51,840
Speaker 3: the fun things that you want and pay bills or

1052
00:50:51,840 --> 00:50:53,680
Speaker 3: something like that, and then you get a promotion, You're like,

1053
00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:55,920
Speaker 3: this is great. But then what you start doing is

1054
00:50:55,960 --> 00:50:58,759
Speaker 3: like start buying more fun things for yourself, a more

1055
00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:01,120
Speaker 3: expensive fun thing. And then it's like, Okay, well now

1056
00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:04,279
Speaker 3: I'm still kind of in the same difficult position. But

1057
00:51:04,360 --> 00:51:06,600
Speaker 3: that's because like I was already living out of my

1058
00:51:06,680 --> 00:51:08,360
Speaker 3: means and then when I got it's like a like

1059
00:51:08,400 --> 00:51:10,120
Speaker 3: a gold vision of fishing, you know what I mean.

1060
00:51:10,160 --> 00:51:13,120
Speaker 8: It's a self filling prophecy of spending. Like I got

1061
00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:15,439
Speaker 8: a promotion like recently this year, and I'm like, oh nice,

1062
00:51:15,480 --> 00:51:17,520
Speaker 8: I have more fun money, but I keep it within

1063
00:51:17,560 --> 00:51:20,120
Speaker 8: a reasonable limit, like yeah, I can't. I only have

1064
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:23,880
Speaker 8: maybe like seventy dollars more a month adds up by

1065
00:51:23,880 --> 00:51:25,319
Speaker 8: the end of the year, but it's like I can

1066
00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:27,480
Speaker 8: buy one more fun thing, right, So.

1067
00:51:27,800 --> 00:51:31,560
Speaker 3: Right, we do have an update. So since posting, we've

1068
00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:33,920
Speaker 3: had some ups and downs and it's been pretty stressful.

1069
00:51:34,080 --> 00:51:35,880
Speaker 3: So I thought i'd post an update and see if

1070
00:51:35,920 --> 00:51:38,520
Speaker 3: there was any other new advice I could garner. This

1071
00:51:38,560 --> 00:51:41,560
Speaker 3: week was our anniversary. Since we were low on money,

1072
00:51:41,560 --> 00:51:43,560
Speaker 3: which is typical, I used what was left on a

1073
00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:45,720
Speaker 3: gift card that I got for clothes for my parents

1074
00:51:45,719 --> 00:51:48,719
Speaker 3: for Christmas on an inexpensive gift for her. Most of

1075
00:51:48,760 --> 00:51:51,440
Speaker 3: my gift cards tend to go that route her clothes

1076
00:51:51,480 --> 00:51:54,799
Speaker 3: for work, weight loss, or gay, et cetera. However, I

1077
00:51:54,840 --> 00:51:57,280
Speaker 3: bought my first shirt on clearance in a couple of years.

1078
00:51:57,360 --> 00:51:59,920
Speaker 3: These types of sacrifices to try and keep us afloat

1079
00:52:00,080 --> 00:52:02,719
Speaker 3: that she is unwilling to make. At least she didn't

1080
00:52:02,719 --> 00:52:05,600
Speaker 3: spend money on a gift card for me, just a card.

1081
00:52:05,840 --> 00:52:09,319
Speaker 3: Also this week we saw the bankruptcy attorney. Prior to

1082
00:52:09,360 --> 00:52:11,760
Speaker 3: the meeting, my wife said that she talked to someone

1083
00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:14,360
Speaker 3: she knows about getting out of the creditors lawsuit and

1084
00:52:14,400 --> 00:52:17,319
Speaker 3: avoiding a default judgment by using what seems to be

1085
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:21,960
Speaker 3: a loophole or playing a game, contesting method of service,

1086
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:25,319
Speaker 3: whether they still have the contract, etc. I imagine we'd

1087
00:52:25,320 --> 00:52:27,319
Speaker 3: have to do this for every single credit card we had.

1088
00:52:27,520 --> 00:52:30,200
Speaker 3: I'd rather go through the bankruptcy so if it comes

1089
00:52:30,200 --> 00:52:32,640
Speaker 3: to a divorce, we won't have the debt hanging over us,

1090
00:52:32,880 --> 00:52:35,719
Speaker 3: and if by some miracle we don't get divorced. With

1091
00:52:35,840 --> 00:52:38,799
Speaker 3: a bankruptcy, we won't have to deal with a bunch

1092
00:52:38,840 --> 00:52:43,200
Speaker 3: of lawsuits, time off, legal fees, constant stress, etc. And

1093
00:52:43,280 --> 00:52:47,320
Speaker 3: can get started on fixing things Anyhow. The bankruptcy attorney

1094
00:52:47,320 --> 00:52:49,839
Speaker 3: seems to agree with me, convinced my wife, and we're

1095
00:52:49,840 --> 00:52:52,120
Speaker 3: going to move ahead with that. Okay. The forms we

1096
00:52:52,160 --> 00:52:53,880
Speaker 3: need to complete and all the hoops we need to

1097
00:52:53,960 --> 00:52:56,640
Speaker 3: jump through seem very daunting, and I'll probably have to

1098
00:52:56,680 --> 00:52:59,120
Speaker 3: take care of most of this alone or it won't

1099
00:52:59,120 --> 00:53:02,560
Speaker 3: get done, just like our taxes. I've started keeping a journal,

1100
00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:05,279
Speaker 3: which has been quite the eye opener. I can look

1101
00:53:05,320 --> 00:53:07,120
Speaker 3: back on my past to do lists two and a

1102
00:53:07,120 --> 00:53:10,120
Speaker 3: half plus years and update the journal with everything I

1103
00:53:10,160 --> 00:53:12,320
Speaker 3: do around the house and with the kids. The journal

1104
00:53:12,360 --> 00:53:14,719
Speaker 3: allows me to add more detail and feelings, but I

1105
00:53:14,760 --> 00:53:17,120
Speaker 3: try to keep it factual. For instance, my wife has

1106
00:53:17,120 --> 00:53:19,920
Speaker 3: been going to more meetings, having been out several nights,

1107
00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:22,040
Speaker 3: which has helps me get our daughter to sleep in

1108
00:53:22,080 --> 00:53:24,759
Speaker 3: her own bed. But when my wife is home, all

1109
00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:27,080
Speaker 3: the work goes out the window and makes the following

1110
00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:29,680
Speaker 3: mornings more difficult. I get up at five point thirty

1111
00:53:29,719 --> 00:53:32,920
Speaker 3: to make breakfasts, pack lunches, get the kids dressed, and

1112
00:53:32,960 --> 00:53:35,399
Speaker 3: take them to school. My wife sleeps in as long

1113
00:53:35,440 --> 00:53:37,840
Speaker 3: as possible. We did have a few arguments. She alluded

1114
00:53:37,880 --> 00:53:40,480
Speaker 3: to divorce again since my first post, and I was

1115
00:53:40,520 --> 00:53:42,520
Speaker 3: able to record a couple of them on my phone.

1116
00:53:42,560 --> 00:53:45,799
Speaker 3: She has a swearing problem and can seem, at least

1117
00:53:45,800 --> 00:53:48,960
Speaker 3: to me in some family verbally harmful. I don't know

1118
00:53:49,000 --> 00:53:50,799
Speaker 3: how much of this will help me, or if I

1119
00:53:50,800 --> 00:53:52,840
Speaker 3: can even use it, but it's evidence of me wanting

1120
00:53:52,840 --> 00:53:54,960
Speaker 3: to go to counseling and her saying that it would

1121
00:53:54,960 --> 00:53:57,560
Speaker 3: be useless, that they would be against her, and that

1122
00:53:57,600 --> 00:54:00,120
Speaker 3: she's not really willing to do anything about it. She

1123
00:54:00,160 --> 00:54:02,400
Speaker 3: said she sees nothing wrong with speaking the way she

1124
00:54:02,400 --> 00:54:04,239
Speaker 3: does in front of the kids, and that they need

1125
00:54:04,280 --> 00:54:07,719
Speaker 3: to see the emotion rather than acting fake by being

1126
00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:12,200
Speaker 3: polite and having rational discussions like adults. Yikes, dude, that

1127
00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:14,840
Speaker 3: is not a good way to parents.

1128
00:54:15,080 --> 00:54:18,239
Speaker 8: No, it's not showing a united front at all, and

1129
00:54:18,239 --> 00:54:22,240
Speaker 8: it's no, it's not a good way to negotiate anything.

1130
00:54:22,280 --> 00:54:24,560
Speaker 8: So the kids are gonna see that and feel like

1131
00:54:24,600 --> 00:54:27,279
Speaker 8: that's appropriate behavior to do to anybody, because like if

1132
00:54:27,320 --> 00:54:29,839
Speaker 8: you can't do it to your closest people, you can

1133
00:54:29,880 --> 00:54:30,640
Speaker 8: do it to anybody.

1134
00:54:30,719 --> 00:54:33,919
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. Oh, my goodness, that is so so bad.

1135
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:37,000
Speaker 3: There are times where we still show that we love

1136
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:38,680
Speaker 3: and care about each other, and it's good for the

1137
00:54:38,760 --> 00:54:41,080
Speaker 3: kids to see that, But then there are the bad times.

1138
00:54:41,200 --> 00:54:43,600
Speaker 3: She sees no problem with the kids seeing or hearing

1139
00:54:43,680 --> 00:54:46,719
Speaker 3: the arguments and her name calling. You're in a hall

1140
00:54:47,040 --> 00:54:50,080
Speaker 3: and daddy's just being a clown type of stuff, even

1141
00:54:50,120 --> 00:54:52,800
Speaker 3: though she's the one yelling and I keep a calm

1142
00:54:52,800 --> 00:54:54,960
Speaker 3: and even tone. I know this could mess them up,

1143
00:54:55,040 --> 00:54:57,640
Speaker 3: but like other medicine, she's not open to what a

1144
00:54:57,719 --> 00:55:01,280
Speaker 3: counselor or therapist would say about that. She has very

1145
00:55:01,320 --> 00:55:04,319
Speaker 3: different ideas of how kids should be raised than I do.

1146
00:55:05,400 --> 00:55:09,080
Speaker 3: I'll just say to that, my goodness. It looks like

1147
00:55:09,120 --> 00:55:11,200
Speaker 3: within the next couple of months she will be quitting

1148
00:55:11,239 --> 00:55:13,759
Speaker 3: her stable day job to do her other political thing

1149
00:55:13,880 --> 00:55:16,360
Speaker 3: full time. The gross pay is about the same, but

1150
00:55:16,480 --> 00:55:19,200
Speaker 3: net should increase, which will help in the short term.

1151
00:55:19,360 --> 00:55:22,000
Speaker 3: She mentioned being able to spend time at the kids'

1152
00:55:22,120 --> 00:55:24,799
Speaker 3: school during the day and working in the evenings, which

1153
00:55:24,840 --> 00:55:27,760
Speaker 3: will unfortunately put me in the same single father position

1154
00:55:27,760 --> 00:55:29,640
Speaker 3: at night. If she moves up the ladder at her

1155
00:55:29,640 --> 00:55:32,680
Speaker 3: new job, our income will increase considerably, but there will

1156
00:55:32,719 --> 00:55:35,640
Speaker 3: still be all these other problems. I think that's great

1157
00:55:35,640 --> 00:55:37,400
Speaker 3: that she wants to help out at the school, but

1158
00:55:37,440 --> 00:55:39,839
Speaker 3: also fear that she can use it against me in court,

1159
00:55:40,239 --> 00:55:43,160
Speaker 3: leaving me to hope that the negatives outweigh the positives.

1160
00:55:43,400 --> 00:55:45,960
Speaker 3: Having to think about this makes me ill. I'm so

1161
00:55:46,120 --> 00:55:48,640
Speaker 3: torn between putting this all aside and being proud of her,

1162
00:55:48,840 --> 00:55:51,160
Speaker 3: trying to support her, and going with the flow in

1163
00:55:51,280 --> 00:55:55,040
Speaker 3: order to weigh out the financial difficulties versus hating everything

1164
00:55:55,080 --> 00:55:57,440
Speaker 3: about the new job and what it's cost our family,

1165
00:55:57,680 --> 00:56:01,440
Speaker 3: both financially and emotionally, not to mention the attitude swings,

1166
00:56:01,520 --> 00:56:04,160
Speaker 3: having to constantly walk on eggshells around her and doing

1167
00:56:04,280 --> 00:56:05,240
Speaker 3: all the chores.

1168
00:56:05,680 --> 00:56:06,359
Speaker 2: Hey, it's John here.

1169
00:56:06,360 --> 00:56:08,080
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to this episode, but a quick

1170
00:56:08,120 --> 00:56:10,240
Speaker 1: three minute break with Asthramar sponsors.

1171
00:56:10,600 --> 00:56:13,879
Speaker 3: My mother refuses to come to my wedding because it

1172
00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:15,000
Speaker 3: wasn't in a church.

1173
00:56:15,440 --> 00:56:17,640
Speaker 2: It's in a church, or it's not a wedding.

1174
00:56:18,280 --> 00:56:20,959
Speaker 3: In December, my dad was diagnosed with stage four mena

1175
00:56:21,080 --> 00:56:26,200
Speaker 3: static pancreatic OH. In this time, he has dropped significant

1176
00:56:26,200 --> 00:56:29,400
Speaker 3: weight and is undergoing chemo. I'm so sorry. My fiance

1177
00:56:29,560 --> 00:56:31,879
Speaker 3: twenty seven male, and I twenty seven female, have been

1178
00:56:31,880 --> 00:56:35,239
Speaker 3: engaged since July together eleven years total. Wow. We had

1179
00:56:35,440 --> 00:56:38,040
Speaker 3: tossed around the idea of getting married sooner rather than

1180
00:56:38,120 --> 00:56:40,440
Speaker 3: later because I want my dad at the wedding. This

1181
00:56:40,480 --> 00:56:42,760
Speaker 3: past week, we decided that since it is our eleven

1182
00:56:42,840 --> 00:56:45,160
Speaker 3: year anniversary and my dad's sister is in town when

1183
00:56:45,200 --> 00:56:48,000
Speaker 3: of his only remaining living family members that he's close with,

1184
00:56:48,120 --> 00:56:51,320
Speaker 3: we could get married this upcoming Saturday. It's actually perfect

1185
00:56:51,360 --> 00:56:54,359
Speaker 3: because my fiance's mom is a marriage commissioner and had

1186
00:56:54,400 --> 00:56:56,880
Speaker 3: agreed to do it at her house. Also, we have

1187
00:56:56,960 --> 00:56:59,200
Speaker 3: a makeup artist and two event planners in the family,

1188
00:56:59,360 --> 00:57:01,560
Speaker 3: both that we are very close with, who are more

1189
00:57:01,560 --> 00:57:02,359
Speaker 3: than pumped for this.

1190
00:57:02,480 --> 00:57:04,400
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, this is so awesome.

1191
00:57:04,520 --> 00:57:07,239
Speaker 3: Old families coming together. It's great. By the way, this

1192
00:57:07,320 --> 00:57:09,600
Speaker 3: comes from a shotgun wedding throwaway, and if you want

1193
00:57:09,640 --> 00:57:11,000
Speaker 3: us to make your own stories, go to the hour

1194
00:57:11,080 --> 00:57:13,359
Speaker 3: slash Okay storytime and sep reread it. So the wedding

1195
00:57:13,440 --> 00:57:16,440
Speaker 3: would be small, about twenty people and barely any costs,

1196
00:57:16,480 --> 00:57:19,600
Speaker 3: no venue to pay for, and book hardly any food costs,

1197
00:57:19,640 --> 00:57:22,120
Speaker 3: homemade beef on a bun and veggie trays, et cetera.

1198
00:57:22,320 --> 00:57:25,200
Speaker 3: I haven't asked my mom fifty seven female for a dime,

1199
00:57:25,440 --> 00:57:28,480
Speaker 3: but she's refusing to come. She said that not getting

1200
00:57:28,480 --> 00:57:31,720
Speaker 3: married in a church is a mockery to actual weddings.

1201
00:57:32,040 --> 00:57:34,840
Speaker 3: She said it's immature and any other insult she could

1202
00:57:34,880 --> 00:57:37,200
Speaker 3: think of. When I asked my grandma if they would come,

1203
00:57:37,400 --> 00:57:39,960
Speaker 3: my grandma cried and said that she's worried about my

1204
00:57:40,080 --> 00:57:42,560
Speaker 3: soul because I won't make it to heaven, but that

1205
00:57:42,600 --> 00:57:45,680
Speaker 3: she would think about coming. So that's where my mom

1206
00:57:45,720 --> 00:57:47,760
Speaker 3: got it from. On one hand, I'm worried that my

1207
00:57:47,760 --> 00:57:50,440
Speaker 3: mom won't allow my dad to come. He just finished

1208
00:57:50,480 --> 00:57:53,120
Speaker 3: his first psychle of chemos, so he would need a ride.

1209
00:57:53,200 --> 00:57:55,720
Speaker 3: He also said that while he doesn't agree with our decision,

1210
00:57:55,720 --> 00:57:58,160
Speaker 3: he will definitely walk me down the aisle. My question,

1211
00:57:58,400 --> 00:58:00,600
Speaker 3: how do I navigate this? Am I being an a

1212
00:58:00,640 --> 00:58:02,920
Speaker 3: hole for rushing this out of fear of my dad

1213
00:58:02,960 --> 00:58:05,480
Speaker 3: passing away? He's starting to turn yellow, meaning that his

1214
00:58:05,920 --> 00:58:09,240
Speaker 3: is spreading to his liver. Oh, any help would be appreciated,

1215
00:58:09,280 --> 00:58:11,480
Speaker 3: And there are some comments coming. Number one says, your

1216
00:58:11,560 --> 00:58:13,560
Speaker 3: dad will not be at your wedding if you wait.

1217
00:58:13,760 --> 00:58:18,080
Speaker 3: Pancreatic is not a recoverable condition, especially stage four. Stage

1218
00:58:18,080 --> 00:58:20,120
Speaker 3: four too like, yeah.

1219
00:58:20,520 --> 00:58:23,000
Speaker 5: Get rolling right undertake her wedding's happening.

1220
00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:25,760
Speaker 3: Try to explain this to your mother in a heartfelt way.

1221
00:58:25,840 --> 00:58:27,840
Speaker 3: Tell her she can invite her preacher, see if he

1222
00:58:27,840 --> 00:58:29,840
Speaker 3: will officiate it. That's an option. You can try to

1223
00:58:29,880 --> 00:58:33,040
Speaker 3: compromise some to accommodate her, but in the end, roll

1224
00:58:33,120 --> 00:58:36,439
Speaker 3: up and get your dad and do the thing. Good luck,

1225
00:58:36,520 --> 00:58:38,640
Speaker 3: you won't regret making this type of life decision on

1226
00:58:38,680 --> 00:58:41,000
Speaker 3: your own terms. Hope. He responds, he has heard of

1227
00:58:41,000 --> 00:58:43,200
Speaker 3: others recovering from cancer, so he thinks that he will

1228
00:58:43,240 --> 00:58:45,200
Speaker 3: be cured. My parents also think that he will have

1229
00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:47,120
Speaker 3: enough time for us to plan a summer wedding. She

1230
00:58:47,240 --> 00:58:49,960
Speaker 3: is not an understanding person. There is really no reasoning

1231
00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:52,600
Speaker 3: with her at all. Unfortunately. Comment number two says, I

1232
00:58:52,640 --> 00:58:56,040
Speaker 3: lost my mom to very recently. We considered getting married

1233
00:58:56,080 --> 00:58:58,320
Speaker 3: so she could be present, but she had a similarly

1234
00:58:58,600 --> 00:59:01,640
Speaker 3: fast moving so we never got the chance. If you

1235
00:59:01,680 --> 00:59:03,560
Speaker 3: let your mother ruin this chance for you, you are

1236
00:59:03,680 --> 00:59:05,640
Speaker 3: likely to regret it and resent her for the rest

1237
00:59:05,680 --> 00:59:07,880
Speaker 3: of your life. I wish i'd push the issue more

1238
00:59:07,920 --> 00:59:10,520
Speaker 3: while my mom was still well enough coming Number three says,

1239
00:59:10,560 --> 00:59:12,880
Speaker 3: does she think that the side of God doesn't extend

1240
00:59:12,920 --> 00:59:16,200
Speaker 3: outside of the church. In twenty seventeen, only twenty two

1241
00:59:16,320 --> 00:59:19,320
Speaker 3: percent of weddings took place in a church. Sorry, mom,

1242
00:59:19,400 --> 00:59:21,600
Speaker 3: you can get with the times, and we do have

1243
00:59:21,640 --> 00:59:23,280
Speaker 3: an update, But what are your thoughts on all this?

1244
00:59:23,320 --> 00:59:24,240
Speaker 3: What do you think they should do?

1245
00:59:25,080 --> 00:59:28,640
Speaker 5: Definitely have the wedding so your dad can be there. Yeah,

1246
00:59:28,720 --> 00:59:30,720
Speaker 5: and if your mom tries to stop them, get your

1247
00:59:30,760 --> 00:59:33,880
Speaker 5: favorite cousins together and go retrieve your dad to be

1248
00:59:33,960 --> 00:59:34,720
Speaker 5: there at your wedding.

1249
00:59:34,800 --> 00:59:37,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, that's what I'm going to be. Exactly. I

1250
00:59:37,520 --> 00:59:40,160
Speaker 3: would get into a car in my white dress if

1251
00:59:40,200 --> 00:59:42,960
Speaker 3: I needed to pack all that that puffy dress into

1252
00:59:43,000 --> 00:59:44,040
Speaker 3: a taxi or whatever.

1253
00:59:44,160 --> 00:59:46,360
Speaker 5: Yeah, dude, I would love to sit down with this

1254
00:59:46,520 --> 00:59:49,560
Speaker 5: mom and just question her line of thinking, saying like, okay,

1255
00:59:49,760 --> 00:59:52,360
Speaker 5: like church is always around, so you're telling me that

1256
00:59:52,440 --> 00:59:54,720
Speaker 5: every single person that got married not inside of a

1257
00:59:54,800 --> 00:59:57,440
Speaker 5: church is going to the bad place? Really okay? And

1258
00:59:57,440 --> 00:59:59,360
Speaker 5: then start naming off people that are in the bad place,

1259
00:59:59,480 --> 01:00:02,080
Speaker 5: just to kind of yeah, understand her line of thinking,

1260
01:00:02,400 --> 01:00:07,520
Speaker 5: Like what and like Frand isn't mom's condemination of you

1261
01:00:07,600 --> 01:00:10,320
Speaker 5: a sin. Yeah, that's one thing, And then I thought

1262
01:00:10,360 --> 01:00:12,800
Speaker 5: you were gonna say this? How could she not critically

1263
01:00:12,840 --> 01:00:16,360
Speaker 5: think to the point, Oh, my husband's he's gonna see

1264
01:00:16,360 --> 01:00:17,920
Speaker 5: his beautiful daughter get married.

1265
01:00:18,000 --> 01:00:18,960
Speaker 6: Yeah, where's that?

1266
01:00:19,280 --> 01:00:21,520
Speaker 3: But we do have an update. So I went and

1267
01:00:21,520 --> 01:00:23,680
Speaker 3: spoke to my dad about the wedding last Wednesday. He

1268
01:00:23,760 --> 01:00:25,800
Speaker 3: wasn't pumped about the idea, but said that he will

1269
01:00:25,800 --> 01:00:27,840
Speaker 3: walk me down the aisle. He said that this is

1270
01:00:27,880 --> 01:00:30,240
Speaker 3: happening too fast, but that he loves both me and

1271
01:00:30,280 --> 01:00:32,680
Speaker 3: my fiance very much and knows that we're meant to

1272
01:00:32,720 --> 01:00:35,360
Speaker 3: be together. He said that he wants to have a

1273
01:00:35,400 --> 01:00:37,520
Speaker 3: sit down discussion with the both of us to discuss

1274
01:00:37,520 --> 01:00:40,240
Speaker 3: marriage values. On Thursday, my mother spent the day texting

1275
01:00:40,240 --> 01:00:42,600
Speaker 3: me about how I'm a horrible child that will do

1276
01:00:42,680 --> 01:00:45,560
Speaker 3: anything to hurt her. Oh my gosh. She then started

1277
01:00:45,640 --> 01:00:47,480
Speaker 3: texting my mother in law about how none of her

1278
01:00:47,480 --> 01:00:49,800
Speaker 3: family will attend the wedding and that even so my

1279
01:00:50,000 --> 01:00:53,280
Speaker 3: dad's too sick. So ironic. My fiance and I had

1280
01:00:53,360 --> 01:00:55,360
Speaker 3: made the decision to go ahead with the wedding, and

1281
01:00:55,400 --> 01:00:57,720
Speaker 3: so on Friday we went to my dad's to have

1282
01:00:57,760 --> 01:01:00,200
Speaker 3: the talk with him. He started off repeating everything my

1283
01:01:00,240 --> 01:01:02,040
Speaker 3: mother has said, that this is a mockery of a

1284
01:01:02,040 --> 01:01:05,640
Speaker 3: real wedding, et cetera. He kept going on about Catholicism

1285
01:01:05,920 --> 01:01:08,920
Speaker 3: and began being very disrespectful to my fiance while he

1286
01:01:08,960 --> 01:01:11,440
Speaker 3: shouted at us. He said that we were being disrespectful

1287
01:01:11,480 --> 01:01:14,000
Speaker 3: to his past away parents. I tried to get off

1288
01:01:14,000 --> 01:01:16,720
Speaker 3: the topic of religion and make a final plea regarding

1289
01:01:16,720 --> 01:01:18,880
Speaker 3: my dad's condition and that he needs to see where

1290
01:01:18,880 --> 01:01:20,480
Speaker 3: we are coming from. We want to give him the

1291
01:01:20,520 --> 01:01:23,080
Speaker 3: opportunity to walk me down the aisle. This pissed him

1292
01:01:23,120 --> 01:01:26,680
Speaker 3: off even more and he shouted, then watch me pass

1293
01:01:26,720 --> 01:01:28,800
Speaker 3: away in our faces.

1294
01:01:29,280 --> 01:01:30,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, dad saying this.

1295
01:01:30,520 --> 01:01:32,840
Speaker 3: The dad is saying this. He's mad about this. Now.

1296
01:01:32,920 --> 01:01:36,040
Speaker 3: At first he wasn't and he was like, well, it's disappointing,

1297
01:01:36,120 --> 01:01:38,080
Speaker 3: but I will still walk you down the island. And

1298
01:01:38,120 --> 01:01:40,880
Speaker 3: now he's like, it's it's over my body.

1299
01:01:41,080 --> 01:01:44,080
Speaker 5: Actually, I mazed. Should have seen this coming because the

1300
01:01:44,120 --> 01:01:46,600
Speaker 5: wife was saying, this is gonna down a hill on this.

1301
01:01:46,880 --> 01:01:48,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's gonna it's gonna spread.

1302
01:01:48,800 --> 01:01:52,040
Speaker 5: It's it's yeah, we're already thanking it because that's kind

1303
01:01:52,040 --> 01:01:54,760
Speaker 5: of how they roll. Yeah, and it sucks that you

1304
01:01:54,800 --> 01:01:56,640
Speaker 5: were like, oh, you're about to pass away, let me

1305
01:01:56,720 --> 01:01:57,360
Speaker 5: honor you.

1306
01:01:57,600 --> 01:01:59,840
Speaker 6: And he's like, have you outright now?

1307
01:02:00,800 --> 01:02:04,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, dude, wedding what at this? Okay?

1308
01:02:04,160 --> 01:02:05,360
Speaker 6: Then I don't want you got my wedding.

1309
01:02:05,400 --> 01:02:09,000
Speaker 3: I guess It's like ahh yeah yeah. At this point,

1310
01:02:09,120 --> 01:02:11,720
Speaker 3: we left and went to my sister's. She was heartbroken

1311
01:02:11,720 --> 01:02:14,000
Speaker 3: that my parents were acting this way. She also had

1312
01:02:14,040 --> 01:02:17,240
Speaker 3: spoken with her priest. She's quite religious as well, and

1313
01:02:17,280 --> 01:02:19,360
Speaker 3: he said that there is no reason for my parents

1314
01:02:19,440 --> 01:02:21,320
Speaker 3: to not support this decision and that there is not

1315
01:02:21,480 --> 01:02:23,160
Speaker 3: enough time to go through the marriage prep for a

1316
01:02:23,240 --> 01:02:25,959
Speaker 3: church wedding that my dad could attend. She also said

1317
01:02:25,960 --> 01:02:28,640
Speaker 3: that for her wedding, she had constant issues with my mom,

1318
01:02:28,680 --> 01:02:30,840
Speaker 3: but it was spread out over the course of a year,

1319
01:02:31,120 --> 01:02:32,880
Speaker 3: and with my dad. He screamed at her the night

1320
01:02:32,920 --> 01:02:35,640
Speaker 3: before her wedding because of the video. On Saturday, my

1321
01:02:35,720 --> 01:02:37,920
Speaker 3: mom texted me in the morning that she hopes we

1322
01:02:38,000 --> 01:02:41,120
Speaker 3: will honor their values one day. That was all. Then

1323
01:02:41,360 --> 01:02:44,480
Speaker 3: my fiance became my husband. Lots of family on the

1324
01:02:44,480 --> 01:02:47,760
Speaker 3: fiance's side and friends helped with everything throughout the day.

1325
01:02:47,840 --> 01:02:50,000
Speaker 3: My sister did so many incredible things and I can

1326
01:02:50,080 --> 01:02:52,320
Speaker 3: never thank her enough. My brother ended up walking me

1327
01:02:52,400 --> 01:02:55,360
Speaker 3: down the aisle, and my dad's sister, who's leaving today,

1328
01:02:55,400 --> 01:02:58,120
Speaker 3: attended as well. My parents did not show up. The

1329
01:02:58,120 --> 01:03:01,400
Speaker 3: funny thing is my auntie, my dad's sister, is Jehovah's

1330
01:03:01,400 --> 01:03:04,800
Speaker 3: witness and was married by Justice Peace. My dad's mother,

1331
01:03:04,840 --> 01:03:07,360
Speaker 3: who was very religious and who he had thrown in

1332
01:03:07,440 --> 01:03:11,040
Speaker 3: my face about disrespecting, attended and supported that wedding. We

1333
01:03:11,200 --> 01:03:14,080
Speaker 3: drove two provinces away to help set up for the wedding.

1334
01:03:14,120 --> 01:03:16,600
Speaker 3: So anyways, my fiance is now my husband. We had

1335
01:03:16,760 --> 01:03:20,200
Speaker 3: a really magical day surrounded by so much love and support.

1336
01:03:20,560 --> 01:03:22,160
Speaker 3: I guess I will never get a chance to have

1337
01:03:22,200 --> 01:03:23,960
Speaker 3: my dad walk me down the aisle and have my

1338
01:03:24,000 --> 01:03:27,080
Speaker 3: parents support our decision. Oh dude, now I have to

1339
01:03:27,120 --> 01:03:30,560
Speaker 3: evaluate whether or not I will still take compassionate care

1340
01:03:30,680 --> 01:03:33,160
Speaker 3: leave in February to help with my dad's care as

1341
01:03:33,200 --> 01:03:36,520
Speaker 3: his health declines. I already had all the paperwork completed

1342
01:03:36,520 --> 01:03:38,960
Speaker 3: and my boss is notified. I doubt he will want

1343
01:03:39,000 --> 01:03:42,560
Speaker 3: me to and there is a second update. But yikes, dude,

1344
01:03:42,720 --> 01:03:43,360
Speaker 3: that sucks.

1345
01:03:43,600 --> 01:03:46,840
Speaker 5: I yeah, it sucks that you moved your wedding so

1346
01:03:46,880 --> 01:03:48,280
Speaker 5: you can honor your dad and you just throw it

1347
01:03:48,400 --> 01:03:50,240
Speaker 5: in your face, and now you have to think, oh,

1348
01:03:50,280 --> 01:03:52,320
Speaker 5: do I want to take care of him as his

1349
01:03:52,400 --> 01:03:55,440
Speaker 5: health is declining, or do I take this serious and

1350
01:03:55,840 --> 01:03:59,240
Speaker 5: kind of keep my peace and he basically doesn't honor

1351
01:03:59,280 --> 01:04:00,000
Speaker 5: your marriage.

1352
01:04:00,240 --> 01:04:03,240
Speaker 3: Yeah. I was wondering if they got that person that

1353
01:04:03,320 --> 01:04:05,560
Speaker 3: is a priest, that's like the sister's friend or husband

1354
01:04:05,640 --> 01:04:07,840
Speaker 3: or something like that. I wonder if they got that

1355
01:04:07,920 --> 01:04:10,840
Speaker 3: person who was like, yeah, no, this is chill, Like, oh,

1356
01:04:10,840 --> 01:04:12,920
Speaker 3: I'm a priest and like it is God's chill with it,

1357
01:04:12,960 --> 01:04:15,360
Speaker 3: you know. I wish he went over to the parents'

1358
01:04:15,360 --> 01:04:17,160
Speaker 3: house and was like, Hey, guys, just want to let

1359
01:04:17,200 --> 01:04:20,720
Speaker 3: you know from like God to me to you, it's good. Guys,

1360
01:04:20,800 --> 01:04:23,520
Speaker 3: Like they're good. Bring God to Me to you. Yeah,

1361
01:04:23,680 --> 01:04:26,920
Speaker 3: like they're cool. They're cool, dude. We do have a

1362
01:04:26,920 --> 01:04:30,560
Speaker 3: second update. We attended the anointing of the six ceremony

1363
01:04:30,640 --> 01:04:33,040
Speaker 3: for my father a couple of weeks ago. My husband

1364
01:04:33,120 --> 01:04:35,720
Speaker 3: thought it was important and I agreed. My family, except

1365
01:04:35,760 --> 01:04:38,160
Speaker 3: for my cousins, didn't really talk to us, but my

1366
01:04:38,280 --> 01:04:40,440
Speaker 3: dad made a point to speak with us, apologize to

1367
01:04:40,440 --> 01:04:42,440
Speaker 3: my husband for how we spoke to him, and tried

1368
01:04:42,480 --> 01:04:45,400
Speaker 3: to make amends with my one auntie, who has been

1369
01:04:45,400 --> 01:04:47,120
Speaker 3: playing a big role in my dad's life since his

1370
01:04:47,200 --> 01:04:50,720
Speaker 3: diagnosis because her dad went through the same type, gave

1371
01:04:50,760 --> 01:04:53,440
Speaker 3: me a hug and said, no hard feelings. I thought

1372
01:04:53,520 --> 01:04:55,520
Speaker 3: that was a bit out of line, because I'm not

1373
01:04:55,560 --> 01:04:58,160
Speaker 3: too sure what she would have had hard feelings about.

1374
01:04:58,360 --> 01:05:00,880
Speaker 3: I think we should just roll right into it, shall we. Anyways,

1375
01:05:00,920 --> 01:05:03,000
Speaker 3: I haven't spoken to my dad as often as I had.

1376
01:05:03,320 --> 01:05:06,400
Speaker 3: My mom came over yesterday because she wanted to tell

1377
01:05:06,480 --> 01:05:08,280
Speaker 3: us some thing so that she can move on with

1378
01:05:08,320 --> 01:05:08,760
Speaker 3: her life.

1379
01:05:08,760 --> 01:05:10,480
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, her life.

1380
01:05:11,200 --> 01:05:12,120
Speaker 3: It doesn't sound right.

1381
01:05:12,480 --> 01:05:13,640
Speaker 2: Here's a bottomless pit.

1382
01:05:13,720 --> 01:05:14,480
Speaker 5: You could tell it to that.

1383
01:05:15,160 --> 01:05:18,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, fun, If just saying the words is gonna help you,

1384
01:05:18,560 --> 01:05:20,720
Speaker 3: then don't say it to me. Write on the letter

1385
01:05:21,680 --> 01:05:25,600
Speaker 3: and then just exactly so. She talked about how even

1386
01:05:25,640 --> 01:05:27,760
Speaker 3: if they wanted to come to our wedding, they couldn't

1387
01:05:27,840 --> 01:05:30,680
Speaker 3: because my dad was in too much pain, which was false.

1388
01:05:30,720 --> 01:05:32,680
Speaker 3: She also said that we could plan a church ceremony

1389
01:05:32,720 --> 01:05:34,600
Speaker 3: and that it would give my dad the opportunity to

1390
01:05:34,600 --> 01:05:37,120
Speaker 3: walk me down the aisle. I told her that is

1391
01:05:37,160 --> 01:05:40,240
Speaker 3: something that my husband and I would decide on privately.

1392
01:05:40,480 --> 01:05:42,960
Speaker 3: We spoke about it after and agreed that this is

1393
01:05:43,200 --> 01:05:45,240
Speaker 3: something that we would only do to make them happy,

1394
01:05:45,320 --> 01:05:47,720
Speaker 3: seeing as neither of us are religious. She also said

1395
01:05:47,720 --> 01:05:49,720
Speaker 3: that my dad has been very lonely since both my

1396
01:05:49,760 --> 01:05:52,120
Speaker 3: sister and I have barely contacted them since the wedding.

1397
01:05:52,320 --> 01:05:54,600
Speaker 3: Lo as fond as that my guy come on. I

1398
01:05:54,680 --> 01:05:56,919
Speaker 3: decided to take the month of March off work since

1399
01:05:56,960 --> 01:05:59,320
Speaker 3: I have a very stressful job, just to take some

1400
01:05:59,360 --> 01:06:01,000
Speaker 3: time to get to a good mind frame.

1401
01:06:01,160 --> 01:06:02,080
Speaker 5: Thank you can.

1402
01:06:01,920 --> 01:06:04,800
Speaker 3: Do that, not this job.

1403
01:06:04,840 --> 01:06:06,880
Speaker 5: I think we all should be able to take a

1404
01:06:06,920 --> 01:06:08,080
Speaker 5: month off after this week.

1405
01:06:09,360 --> 01:06:12,760
Speaker 3: We'll see how this goes. My question is how do

1406
01:06:12,800 --> 01:06:15,680
Speaker 3: I move forward after my parents refuse to attend my wedding.

1407
01:06:15,760 --> 01:06:17,280
Speaker 3: I don't want my dad to leave this world on

1408
01:06:17,360 --> 01:06:20,280
Speaker 3: bad terms, but I also don't want to disregard their actions.