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Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Welcome

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Speaker 1: back to I Choose Me. My guest is Valerie Bertinelli,

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Speaker 1: a woman who lived nearly five decades in the public eye,

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Speaker 1: beginning as the beloved girl next door on One Day

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Speaker 1: at a time, a show I was not allowed to

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Speaker 1: watch because it was a little too sassy for my

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Speaker 1: mom's taste. We watched her grow up on screen, but

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Speaker 1: what we didn't see was how early fame can shape you,

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Speaker 1: and how easy it is to become who everyone else

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Speaker 1: expects you to be. From a public marriage to the

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Speaker 1: late Eddie Van Halen to private battles she's carried on

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Speaker 1: her own. Valerie's story is about the long arc of

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Speaker 1: coming home to yourself now, in a chapter that feels

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Speaker 1: raw and quietly rebellious, she's choosing radical honesty through her

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Speaker 1: book Getting Naked and a direct to fan platform that

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Speaker 1: lets her speak in her own voice. What a privilege

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Speaker 1: it is to have Valerie Bertanelli here today. I'm so

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Speaker 1: happy that you're here. You just strolled into my studio

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Speaker 1: like you're my neighbor.

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Speaker 2: You're I kind of know you. I don't even though

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Speaker 2: we've never met. It's like Oh, yeah, there's Jenny Greth.

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Speaker 1: Isn't it weird that we've never met like paths.

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Speaker 3: Well, we're kind of well because I'm older than you,

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Speaker 3: so we kind of situations like your part.

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Speaker 2: You and me.

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Speaker 1: I was right behind you, trailing inspired by you all

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Speaker 1: the way. By the way, Oh my god, No, I've

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Speaker 1: adored you one because you've always reminded me and my

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Speaker 1: sister Cammi.

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Speaker 3: Oh like, that's how I got the job on One

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Speaker 3: D at a time. You because I reminded Laera of

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Speaker 3: his daughter Maggie.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god.

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Speaker 3: I remind people a lot of like siblings or mothers

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Speaker 3: or daughters or Yeah.

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Speaker 1: That's why you're so relatable and I love you so much.

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Speaker 1: So you this new book that you you've written, your

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Speaker 1: new memoir, Getting Naked. I think it was in the

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Speaker 1: first chapter there was something that really grat me right away,

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Speaker 1: and I'm just going to read it because I don't

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Speaker 1: want to mess it up. Who do I see when

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Speaker 1: I look at myself? Who am I looking at? There's

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Speaker 1: the version the world sees and the me that only

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Speaker 1: I know, The inside me and the outside me? Is

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Speaker 1: one more important than the other? Should they sync up?

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Speaker 2: What if they don't HI feel familiar? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's I still to this day, I'm getting closer.

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Speaker 3: The two are sinking up, you know, more and more

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Speaker 3: the older I get. But I do wonder of like

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Speaker 3: who I'm looking at? Who do I want to see?

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Speaker 3: When you know, I see me looking back at me?

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Speaker 3: And and do they line up? Do they have to

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Speaker 3: line up?

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Is it?

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Speaker 2: I don't know because.

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Speaker 1: I'm sinssary or actresses, so we do act, but I.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I'm not acting a lot when I'm out

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Speaker 3: in public, and you know, people come up to me

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Speaker 3: on airplanes.

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Speaker 2: And airports or whatever. It's just like, that's just me, right,

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Speaker 2: you know. And it's so funny because some people like, look,

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Speaker 2: where's you're a entra I'm like, no, it's just me

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Speaker 2: carrying my luggage going to the airplane.

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Speaker 1: That's right. You walked in here with not a publicist,

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Speaker 1: no no manager, no assistant, no bapart.

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Speaker 2: Is I don't like I understand some people that have

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Speaker 2: to do that.

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Speaker 3: But I've been around so long I think people actually

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Speaker 3: do think I'm like their neighbor or someone that they

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Speaker 3: knew from high school. I know, you look familiar, so

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Speaker 3: I just don't feel Maybe I've been in the public

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Speaker 3: eye for so long that it just doesn't feel abnormal anymore.

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Speaker 3: And I still and I'm able to just go on

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Speaker 3: with my life. Go to the grocery store, I go

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Speaker 3: to the dry cleaners. I clean my cat poop out

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Speaker 3: of the cat box. I mean, I just like I

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Speaker 3: have a normal life. I have an abnormal job.

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Speaker 1: Real people.

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Speaker 2: That's what some.

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Speaker 3: People find it so hard to believe, is that we're

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Speaker 3: like actual, living, breathing human beings.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I just picked up dog poop before you got here.

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Speaker 2: So and that's a cute damn dog too.

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Speaker 1: The little dotty potty. It's okay, But.

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Speaker 3: That's I mean, we literally have lives that, you know.

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Speaker 3: I take my dog to the vet, take my cat

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Speaker 3: to the vet.

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Speaker 2: I was New Year's Eve.

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Speaker 3: I was at the vet with my cat, you know,

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Speaker 3: last New Year's Eve when when Nelson had passed. But

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Speaker 3: so I don't I guess, I'm it doesn't confuse me

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Speaker 3: like it used to. I understand it. But I I

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Speaker 3: think it's normal to be quote unquote normal. What is normal?

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Speaker 1: What is normal?

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Speaker 2: I don't even know what normally.

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Speaker 3: I have a really weird job that's really exciting and

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Speaker 3: for me artistic and unusual, an unusual job.

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Speaker 2: Okay, that's a better word.

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Speaker 1: People look at it and can't like imagine themselves doing.

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Speaker 3: That, right, And it's not something that I mean because

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Speaker 3: you are putting your emotions and your vulnerability on the

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Speaker 3: line as an actress, as an actor, and I think

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Speaker 3: what happens is the better you become.

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Speaker 2: At acting, it's because I think.

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Speaker 3: We're more willing to open ourselves up more and be

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Speaker 3: vulnerable in front of the crew so that we can

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Speaker 3: reach the character and give the best, most authentic performance.

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Speaker 1: What about when you're doing something like Jure Verrymore show,

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Speaker 1: when you're just yourself, or when you're doing your new

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Speaker 1: show Valories place.

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Speaker 3: Like Yeah, that is like sometimes it's so myself that

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Speaker 3: I get a little nervous that I'm going to get

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Speaker 3: a bunch of pushback because I can be a little rash.

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Speaker 3: I think the things that make me strong are probably

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Speaker 3: things that could make me come off abrasive.

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Speaker 2: To some people. But I'm not going to change.

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Speaker 3: That because I've spent my whole life sort of defending

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Speaker 3: myself and now I don't feel like I have to

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Speaker 3: defend myself anymore.

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Speaker 2: And This is really kind of what you see is

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Speaker 2: what you get.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and if you don't like it, I'm cool with that, right,

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Speaker 3: Like I'm not for everybody, and I'm so cool with that.

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Speaker 2: It took me a long time to get cool.

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Speaker 1: With that, right.

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Speaker 3: So being as much myself as I'm allowed to be

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Speaker 3: on Drew is actually like for me, it's been a

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Speaker 3: godsend because that job came along right when I really

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Speaker 3: needed it, Like I was, I was drowning in twenty

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Speaker 3: twenty four.

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Speaker 2: I was so miserable I was last two years ago.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think you know why when you read

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Speaker 3: the book, there was just a lot of shit going

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Speaker 3: on and I just didn't feel like I catch my breath.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you had just left the Food Network. M hmmm

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Speaker 1: that show ended, Yeah, and it made me sad, I

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Speaker 1: expectedly for ye probably and because I wasn't.

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Speaker 3: Asking for a raise, the show was still doing really,

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Speaker 3: really well. So I took it personally. And I know

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Speaker 3: in business, as we know, you can't take it personally,

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Speaker 3: but I was doing my best to not.

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Speaker 2: But it's like, but wait a minute.

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Speaker 3: All the signs are there of a successful show and

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Speaker 3: I'm not asking for more money, Like why don't you

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Speaker 3: want me?

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Speaker 2: And then it's like, yeah, it is business.

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Speaker 1: Then you just have to remember and it's not personal.

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Speaker 3: No, yeah, no matter how much it does. And I

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Speaker 3: think you can apply that to everything in life. You know,

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Speaker 3: if someone's treating you badly, you can say, listen, this

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Speaker 3: isn't personal. They may say it's about me, but it's not.

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Speaker 3: And that's where it gets really like the work that

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Speaker 3: I've been able to do in these last two years

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Speaker 3: to come to a point where I really am so

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Speaker 3: grounded in who I am and I know what I'm

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Speaker 3: about that no matter how someone speaks to me now,

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Speaker 3: Like I don't take it personally, I don't.

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Speaker 2: It's not about me.

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Speaker 1: Did you ever read the Four Agreements?

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Speaker 2: Yes?

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Speaker 1: I love that one.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's really good.

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Speaker 3: I had them taped to my mirror for a long term.

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Speaker 3: It's hard to remember though.

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Speaker 1: It's like every time they're like, what are the four

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Speaker 1: and I can get three, but I can't remember that

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Speaker 1: fourth one.

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Speaker 2: Don't take it personally, don't take it personally. I think

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Speaker 2: that is right. No, do the best you can, do the

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Speaker 2: best you can.

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Speaker 1: I think it's the last fourth one.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but and I would add that to do Yes,

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Speaker 3: I would say I'm doing the best I can and

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Speaker 3: I can always do better. That's how I like to

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Speaker 3: take because I don't think we're ever done learning. No,

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Speaker 3: not to me day we die, and any of the

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Speaker 3: day day we die. I can see myself now going, God,

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Speaker 3: dang it, I knew I.

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Speaker 2: Could have done this better. Can I go back right

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Speaker 2: now or let me send me back in a couple

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Speaker 2: of years.

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Speaker 1: I know I can do it better. You walk away

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Speaker 1: from something and you just.

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Speaker 2: Are like, oh, have done it better? Better?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and then everybody says it was great, it was fine,

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Speaker 1: don't worry about it, and then you worry about it

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Speaker 1: for the next four hours.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, all the mistakes I've made, all the regrets that

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Speaker 3: I have, Like, I would like to change that, but

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Speaker 3: then I remember I wouldn't be who I am today

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Speaker 3: if I did change that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it was painful as hell going through it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, don't want to do it again.

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Speaker 1: Don't want to do it.

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Speaker 3: Oh I got that lesson? Good, nice and clear loud

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Speaker 3: neon sign not the lesson.

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Speaker 1: I think you got it. I don't think you're going

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Speaker 1: to go through a nay of that again. No, and

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Speaker 1: I don't think I will you no, I hope not.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think we're smart enough.

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Speaker 1: Now we're smarter. Now we're wiser, right.

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Speaker 3: Not that we weren't smart, but I think I feel

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Speaker 3: more knowledgeable. I feel like I have more information to

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Speaker 3: deal with now, so I could do it differently.

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Speaker 1: Right, I think becoming famous young, as we both did,

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Speaker 1: being in the industry that we're both in, I feel

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Speaker 1: like who we are is sort of decided by someone else.

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Speaker 1: So we spend a lot of time living up to

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Speaker 1: other people's expectations of us, and that is just a

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Speaker 1: loop of anxiety.

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Speaker 2: Especially when you have those voices in your head as

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Speaker 2: well already. Right, yeah, yeah, but I know that. I mean,

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Speaker 2: I'm sure you got this too.

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Speaker 3: Like I did a sitcom for nine years on Monday

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Speaker 3: at time, and then I want to do TV movies.

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Speaker 2: Well, we don't know if.

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Speaker 3: She can beat do drama, but it's acting, right, And

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Speaker 3: so then I did TV movies for ten years, and

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Speaker 3: then I want to do a sitcom again, and can

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Speaker 3: she be funny?

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Speaker 2: Like I don't?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, why don't I keep proving those they say you're

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Speaker 1: only as good as your last project, which it really

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Speaker 1: stinks for those of us that haven't had a project

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Speaker 1: in a while. Then you're like, yeah, guys.

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Speaker 2: I could do this. I promise I have enough life experience.

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Speaker 2: I can give you what you need.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. So you say that you're nine year little girl

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Speaker 1: that you envision inside of yourself, sweet little girl with

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Speaker 1: fear in her eyes. And I think when we do

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Speaker 1: the work, that inner child work, so many of us

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Speaker 1: recognize that fearful little girl.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, or boy just wants to be taken care of,

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Speaker 3: like protect me, just protect And I feel like I'm

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Speaker 3: finally someone who could have protected her right, Like there.

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Speaker 1: Was so many years when I didn't. I didn't even acknowledge.

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Speaker 3: Her, No, and I just always put her aside just

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Speaker 3: to make sure I was pleasing everybody else, I was

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Speaker 3: behaving correctly, or I was doing what they wanted me

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Speaker 3: to do, or I was making them happy. I just

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Speaker 3: I still want to make people happy, just not at

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Speaker 3: destruction of my soul, you know.

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Speaker 1: Not selling your soul.

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Speaker 3: No, No, I mean it makes me happy to make

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Speaker 3: my son and his wife happy, my daughter in law,

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Speaker 3: It makes me happy to make my animals happy. It

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Speaker 3: makes me happy to make my friends happy because they

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Speaker 3: make me happy. So it's a give and take there.

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Speaker 3: But to just try to sell myself all the time,

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Speaker 3: like I swear I'm a good person.

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Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, either think I am or I am not.

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Speaker 2: And I'm okay with whatever said to you.

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Speaker 1: How did you come to realize that you needed to

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Speaker 1: comfort that little girl.

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Speaker 3: I got to a point where I knew that I

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Speaker 3: was pushing down trauma that I thought was fine.

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Speaker 2: I've dealt with it.

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Speaker 3: It's been fifty six fifty years. I've almost I mean,

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Speaker 3: I can deal with it. Like, look look what I've

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Speaker 3: done in my life so far, it hasn't affected me.

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Speaker 3: And speaking of you know, going to therapist when I

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Speaker 3: started when I was twenty. But I finally realized that

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Speaker 3: if if I take away the opportunity to give someone

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Speaker 3: I had something happen where I was vulnerable and I

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Speaker 3: shared my shame with someone and they were then able

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Speaker 3: to turn it into a weapon and use it against

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Speaker 3: me to hurt me.

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Speaker 1: That is rude.

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Speaker 3: It's difficult, and so I thought, I can't change them

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Speaker 3: or ask them to behave better, but I can change

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Speaker 3: my reaction anything that I'm feeling from it. It's not

274
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Speaker 3: about that isn't about me. That's what they did. But

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Speaker 3: what am I going to do about my shame and

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Speaker 3: my vulnerability to make sure that nobody can use it

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Speaker 3: as a weapon again. I have to dig down deep,

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Speaker 3: and I have to take care of it, and I

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Speaker 3: have to make friends with it. I was talking to

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Speaker 3: a therapist friend of mine and she said, you're going

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Speaker 3: to be in a relationship with your shame anyway, why

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Speaker 3: not remove the toxicity of it. Become friends with it.

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Speaker 3: She was like, that was a light bulb moment for

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Speaker 3: me because I thought, right, I'm never ever going to

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Speaker 3: get rid of this shame. It happened when I was

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Speaker 3: very very young, and it was given to me. It's

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Speaker 3: not mine to carry. I have then layered on top

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Speaker 3: of it, shame that things that I've done that I

289
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Speaker 3: may be ashamed of, but they're just mistakes that you

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Speaker 3: can get.

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Speaker 1: By right, growing bumps, right, But.

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Speaker 3: The original shame, Like, I need to dig into that

293
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Speaker 3: and make friends with that so that nobody can ever

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Speaker 3: shame me again.

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Speaker 1: So that whenever somebody brings it up or tries to

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Speaker 1: or it brings.

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Speaker 3: Up anything about you know, making fun of my character

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Speaker 3: or trying to disarm me with you know, whatever, I

299
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Speaker 3: can say that's that's not about me. You know, you

300
00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:34,320
Speaker 3: can lie about me and I'll be like, yeah, that's

301
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Speaker 3: about you, and that doesn't change who I am.

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Speaker 2: I'm still me.

303
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Speaker 1: Do you think that the little girl inside you still

304
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Speaker 1: has fear in her eyes?

305
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Speaker 3: Not as much, not as much. When I really look

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Speaker 3: in the mirror, not to see what I physically look like,

307
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Speaker 3: but I really like look into my eyes, I see

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Speaker 3: someone a lot calmer, who feels a lot safer.

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Speaker 2: And it didn't.

310
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Speaker 3: I mean, it took a long time to get here.

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Speaker 3: I don't want to give people because I want people

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Speaker 3: to learn from this and I want people to be

313
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Speaker 3: able to do this for themselves. It doesn't take it.

314
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Speaker 3: I thought, well, the first time I was sexually assaulted

315
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Speaker 3: abused when I was eleven, and the very first time

316
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Speaker 3: I really talked about it, really talked about it. My

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Speaker 3: first husband knew it had happened, but we didn't talk

318
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Speaker 3: about it much. My very first therapist and I thought,

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Speaker 3: I finally said it out loud, and she had been

320
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Speaker 3: slowly nudging me for months because she knew something was

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Speaker 3: going on, and I finally said it.

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Speaker 2: I thought, Okay, I'm going to be healed now I

323
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Speaker 2: said it out loud. So it takes all the power away.

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Speaker 3: No, it takes a lot longer because I thought I

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Speaker 3: said it like.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I'm good now, and we didn't talk about it

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Speaker 2: for years.

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Speaker 3: I actually stopped going to her so when it's not

329
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Speaker 3: until I started going back and then really started dealing

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Speaker 3: with the other dramas in my life that I thought, oh,

331
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Speaker 3: I got to keep going back to the original one

332
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Speaker 3: until I really take care of it.

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Speaker 1: It makes me sort of emotional when you said that

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Speaker 1: you're a little girl, doesn't have as much fear and

335
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Speaker 1: that you are less reactive.

336
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Speaker 2: How do you feel that with your and your own life?

337
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:08,840
Speaker 1: Yeah?

338
00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:10,440
Speaker 2: How do you think you.

339
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:16,560
Speaker 1: Came to that time? Love? Learning how to love myself?

340
00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:21,000
Speaker 1: You know, just like it doesn't matter if anybody else

341
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Speaker 1: loves me. And when someone says, well how do I

342
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Speaker 1: do that? What do we say to them?

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Speaker 2: Because I it took me so long to get care

344
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:30,840
Speaker 2: did it take you along?

345
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Speaker 1: Were you ever annoyed by someone saying, well, you can't

346
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:36,160
Speaker 1: fully love someone else until you fully love yourself? I

347
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:37,400
Speaker 1: would do that exactly, be.

348
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:40,520
Speaker 3: Like, oh please, Yeah, I mean love is so complicated anyway,

349
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:43,920
Speaker 3: but we do have to start with ourselves to have

350
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:47,880
Speaker 3: any kind of Yeah, it's just life. But that doesn't

351
00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:49,600
Speaker 3: mean I can't love someone else. It just means there

352
00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:52,200
Speaker 3: might be some things that you know, don't get settled

353
00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:55,800
Speaker 3: right or that go astray right right, But until we

354
00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:58,760
Speaker 3: because I do believe that you can heal yourselves in

355
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Speaker 3: relationship as well. I think I've healed myself with relationships

356
00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:06,280
Speaker 3: with my son. I've healed myself in relationships with my girlfriends.

357
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:09,760
Speaker 3: I think you can do that. I healed my relationship

358
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Speaker 3: with my first husband. I don't think I've healed myself

359
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:17,640
Speaker 3: with relationships as a whole until I'm able to actually

360
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:20,440
Speaker 3: maybe put it to work what I've learned. I don't

361
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,960
Speaker 3: know how I'll be in an intimate relationship right now

362
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:26,960
Speaker 3: because I kind of have a big ol frickin' wall

363
00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:31,840
Speaker 3: up and I'm really gun shy right now. So I

364
00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:34,320
Speaker 3: don't know if I can actually put this into work

365
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:37,680
Speaker 3: and into play until you try it, until I try it,

366
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Speaker 3: and I'm not ready to try it.

367
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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's easier to not try it. Yeah.

368
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:43,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm mean to have a big, full.

369
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:47,200
Speaker 1: Life and you love yourself like that comes across so clearly. Yeah,

370
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Speaker 1: Whereas it's so weird because I had met you ten

371
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Speaker 1: twenty years ago, I wouldn't have that feeling, you know.

372
00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:55,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, no, and you wouldn't buddy that.

373
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Speaker 1: When they have.

374
00:16:57,440 --> 00:17:00,880
Speaker 3: Jack, you have a real calmness about it, You like

375
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:05,040
Speaker 3: an equanimity, and it's really lovely. Like don't you feel

376
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:08,879
Speaker 3: like when you're in the room, you just like there's

377
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:14,280
Speaker 3: nothing like seeping off of you that feels like anxious,

378
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,520
Speaker 3: Like you just have a serenity about you, and I

379
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:20,560
Speaker 3: always strive for that. It's just I mean, I still

380
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:23,360
Speaker 3: like getting excited and feeling joy, but it's just it's

381
00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:26,840
Speaker 3: so nice to have these moments like this still in

382
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:27,560
Speaker 3: the centered.

383
00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:30,359
Speaker 1: You know, my dad was a really quiet man. He

384
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:33,280
Speaker 1: didn't need a lot of words really, and we would

385
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,520
Speaker 1: just often sit in silence together.

386
00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:38,960
Speaker 2: So that feels normal and comfortable for you.

387
00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,760
Speaker 1: Oh wow. Yeah, that's why when I was married to

388
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:46,600
Speaker 1: an Italian, my emotions okay, you know.

389
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Speaker 2: What I'm talking about.

390
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:51,440
Speaker 1: No, it was like, you know, am I am my home.

391
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:54,679
Speaker 1: I was allowed to express my feelings and have my emotions,

392
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:57,119
Speaker 1: And as an adult, I still believe that and I

393
00:17:57,200 --> 00:18:00,760
Speaker 1: teach that to my girls. It's important. But when there's

394
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:02,840
Speaker 1: a lot of other energy going around, you get really

395
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:06,399
Speaker 1: confused about what's really yours and what's theirs. Oh yeah,

396
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:08,639
Speaker 1: especially in a loud household like that.

397
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:12,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, Italian we can be allowed. I don't know.

398
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:13,840
Speaker 3: I think I got a little bit of my mother

399
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,159
Speaker 3: in there, because I don't feel as loud as the

400
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,399
Speaker 3: Italians that I grew up with. I'm kind of like

401
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:21,320
Speaker 3: more like my mom. She was quiet and reserved, and

402
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:23,760
Speaker 3: she would watch things, and she had a great sense

403
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,560
Speaker 3: of humor. I would love to have her a sense

404
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:29,080
Speaker 3: of humor, but she's just she was God rest her soul.

405
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,600
Speaker 1: She was good.

406
00:18:31,119 --> 00:18:33,359
Speaker 3: She had a lot of I mean, I was angry

407
00:18:33,359 --> 00:18:35,679
Speaker 3: at her too, just like I adore and love my

408
00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:37,840
Speaker 3: father and I'm still angry at him for cheating on

409
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:39,840
Speaker 3: my mom, you know. And I'm angry at my mom

410
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:43,040
Speaker 3: for not pushing back and believing in herself more. But

411
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,359
Speaker 3: she had a really shitty childhood, right, so she didn't

412
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:45,959
Speaker 3: know how to do that.

413
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:47,960
Speaker 1: It's weird when you are able to look at your

414
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:52,359
Speaker 1: parents from this piss human beings, right, and after you've

415
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:55,840
Speaker 1: lived the life, you know, a comparable life to theirs

416
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,880
Speaker 1: to a certain age, then you look at them and think, wow,

417
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:01,200
Speaker 1: you lived through a lot too.

418
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:05,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, like what, And I know they did the best

419
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:09,520
Speaker 3: they could, right, because yeah I can. Yeah, so I

420
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:13,960
Speaker 3: can't be angry angry at them anymore. And I forgive

421
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,600
Speaker 3: them as I'm sure they forgave me for the mistakes

422
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:17,160
Speaker 3: that I made.

423
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:19,320
Speaker 2: But I sure do love them.

424
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:23,959
Speaker 1: No, that's that bond. Yeah, familial. Yeah, there's nothing like

425
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:24,840
Speaker 1: the family.

426
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:30,359
Speaker 3: No, Like I never knew unconditional love. I came close

427
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,679
Speaker 3: with Ed when we were young because I thought he

428
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:38,560
Speaker 3: was my whole world. But with Wolfie, my son, he

429
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:39,359
Speaker 3: can do no wrong.

430
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:41,480
Speaker 2: No, he can piss me off once in a while,

431
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:43,640
Speaker 2: but I adore him. I love him.

432
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,240
Speaker 3: I'm so flipp and happy for him. I'm so happy

433
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:49,320
Speaker 3: for the life he's building. You know, He's got such

434
00:19:49,359 --> 00:19:53,360
Speaker 3: a beautiful woman by his side. I'm just like, oh, yeah,

435
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,320
Speaker 3: that's all you want is your children to like get

436
00:19:55,359 --> 00:19:57,760
Speaker 3: to find their person and be happy right and find

437
00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,800
Speaker 3: their life thing in life and live their life.

438
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:01,920
Speaker 2: I'm just oh, I just love them.

439
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:05,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, dittoh, yeah, you say you spent years ignoring your

440
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:08,720
Speaker 1: own instincts. Do you trust yourself? Now?

441
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:12,639
Speaker 3: We'll see if I can put them into play again.

442
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,480
Speaker 3: I do trust myself a hell of a lot more

443
00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:20,080
Speaker 3: I know that I will trust my instincts more. If

444
00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:23,000
Speaker 3: something feels off, it means it's off. And I'm not

445
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:26,920
Speaker 3: going to talk my gut into thinking no, no, they're

446
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:29,399
Speaker 3: really a good person, just give them a chance. Because

447
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:31,320
Speaker 3: I'm one of those people that I will give you

448
00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:33,679
Speaker 3: a million chances to prove me wrong, because I think

449
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:37,400
Speaker 3: that everybody is a good person and you just need

450
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:42,760
Speaker 3: a little love if something's going off. But sometimes I'm

451
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:46,359
Speaker 3: just proven wrong that not everybody's a good person fully

452
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:49,359
Speaker 3: or they don't know how to behave as such. But

453
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,359
Speaker 3: I'll give you a million chances. But I don't think

454
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:52,359
Speaker 3: i'll do that any longer.

455
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,560
Speaker 1: No, maybe like five hundred thousands.

456
00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:59,199
Speaker 2: Maybe for thirty six, I don't know.

457
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:02,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's less, but because I'm still I want to

458
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:06,320
Speaker 3: so believe that you're good, and you've got to really

459
00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:09,480
Speaker 3: prove me wrong. But I'm I I have to trust

460
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:12,000
Speaker 3: my instincts more and my intuition and my gut.

461
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:13,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, because it's.

462
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:16,280
Speaker 3: Proved to be right every single time. Yeah, when you

463
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:19,400
Speaker 3: look back, oh my god, I was so right. God,

464
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:20,960
Speaker 3: why didn't I listen to my right?

465
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:21,920
Speaker 1: Right?

466
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:24,280
Speaker 2: I was so busy trying to convince everybody's No, they're

467
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,679
Speaker 2: a good person. Watch, watch they're a good They're not?

468
00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:31,120
Speaker 1: Oh god, yeah, do you have any tips for somebody

469
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:33,680
Speaker 1: that's you know, we talked about a little bit about

470
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:37,680
Speaker 1: those voices and that are you know, not helping us, yes,

471
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:41,080
Speaker 1: and not encouraging us to choose ourselves? Yes, Like when

472
00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:43,840
Speaker 1: you say you're trying to convince everybody that this person

473
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:44,600
Speaker 1: is a good person.

474
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:47,680
Speaker 2: Right, trying to convince myself that I'm a good person too. Yeah.

475
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,760
Speaker 1: Right, Do you have any tips for people that might

476
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:55,920
Speaker 1: be listening on how they can shut those voices out

477
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:57,600
Speaker 1: and tune into their gut?

478
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:01,160
Speaker 2: Oh?

479
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:05,879
Speaker 3: Where's it coming from? Like what happened? I actually was

480
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:08,119
Speaker 3: able to put this into.

481
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:09,320
Speaker 2: Work.

482
00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:12,479
Speaker 3: At one point, I was talking with someone and they

483
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:16,199
Speaker 3: had said something a week previously, and then I was

484
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:20,280
Speaker 3: talking to them again, just recently, and it was a

485
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:23,320
Speaker 3: different story, completely different, Like they had said something that

486
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:25,600
Speaker 3: and then they said something different to someone else.

487
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:28,480
Speaker 2: I went, oh, that's a red flag. I can't believe

488
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:29,760
Speaker 2: I said it a loud first of all.

489
00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:33,239
Speaker 3: And they said, I said, because you told me this,

490
00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:35,680
Speaker 3: He goes yeah, Because I was embarrassed.

491
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:39,879
Speaker 2: I didn't want to admit that. I'm like, Okay, Okay,

492
00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:40,520
Speaker 2: I get it.

493
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:43,199
Speaker 3: Then I can understand being embarrassed and not wanting to

494
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,800
Speaker 3: admit something, you know, but okay.

495
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:46,920
Speaker 2: At least a cop to it right away.

496
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:50,520
Speaker 1: So look at where it's coming from.

497
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:53,040
Speaker 3: Look at where it's coming from. Where do you feel it,

498
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:56,159
Speaker 3: And if you need to speak on it, speak on

499
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,000
Speaker 3: it kindly.

500
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:01,080
Speaker 1: To yourself and others.

501
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:06,440
Speaker 3: Yes, always, always, But I think it trust your gut

502
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:09,080
Speaker 3: to begin with, and if it you know, you could

503
00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:12,280
Speaker 3: be wrong, like I was wrong about this person, you know,

504
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,800
Speaker 3: they they were, And I've been embarrassed where I've kind

505
00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:18,920
Speaker 3: of like whitewashed something before and then just like said

506
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:20,400
Speaker 3: the truth, you know totally.

507
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:23,840
Speaker 2: So I get that, but I love that they copped

508
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:24,120
Speaker 2: to it.

509
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:27,199
Speaker 3: Immediately and said yeah, I was embarrassed to tell you so,

510
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,840
Speaker 3: and then they weren't anymore, Like, yeah, you could have

511
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:30,520
Speaker 3: told me the first time.

512
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:32,199
Speaker 2: So much easier to do, so much easier.

513
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:35,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, just be Yeah, it's hard to do, though.

514
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:38,160
Speaker 3: But if you do have doubts about someone, just trust

515
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:39,560
Speaker 3: your gut and see where it's coming from. Like, if

516
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:42,800
Speaker 3: it's coming from here, it means something feels anxious. If

517
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:44,520
Speaker 3: it's coming from here, it means you feel like you

518
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:46,760
Speaker 3: can't say something. Why do you feel like you can't

519
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:47,359
Speaker 3: say something?

520
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:47,720
Speaker 2: Yeah?

521
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:51,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, and your your body will actually tell you where

522
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 3: it's coming from, if it's from your heart. Like most

523
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:55,720
Speaker 3: of the stuff that comes from my heart is because

524
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:58,479
Speaker 3: it makes me sad. Like something's making me sad. I'm

525
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:01,760
Speaker 3: watching something that's just me, me sad a behavior about someone,

526
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:03,840
Speaker 3: and I know I won't be able to fix it.

527
00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:05,480
Speaker 2: So just like, trust your gut.

528
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:08,000
Speaker 1: Listen to your body telling you things.

529
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:09,880
Speaker 2: I think your body's pretty powerful.

530
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:11,760
Speaker 1: It really is, but we don't hear it.

531
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:15,159
Speaker 3: No, I've been so busy ignoring my body for sixty

532
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:17,760
Speaker 3: years that, yeah, I had to tune into it.

533
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:18,960
Speaker 2: It's kind of a miracle.

534
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,879
Speaker 1: Yeah. And once you tuned into it, weren't you like,

535
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:25,160
Speaker 1: damn girl, I am proud of you.

536
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:28,480
Speaker 3: Yes and yes, And by the way, I thank it

537
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:31,679
Speaker 3: a lot too. Yeah, thanks for telling me. And this morning,

538
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:34,320
Speaker 3: I woke up really anxious. I had a couple of

539
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:37,360
Speaker 3: things that had happened, and my heart was pounding.

540
00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:38,760
Speaker 2: I went, Okay, what's this about.

541
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:40,520
Speaker 3: So I put my hand on my heart and I

542
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,400
Speaker 3: put my other hand on my belly, and I went,

543
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:45,120
Speaker 3: we're just gonna We're gonna ride this through. Just tell

544
00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:47,480
Speaker 3: me what's going on, tell me why you're scared, tell

545
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:50,119
Speaker 3: me why it hurts so much. And I just like

546
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:54,679
Speaker 3: calmed down within three minutes, and then I forgot what

547
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:57,399
Speaker 3: I was worried about. It's like, oh, yeah, I guess

548
00:24:58,119 --> 00:25:00,320
Speaker 3: it's not that big a deal, right, It's going to

549
00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:00,880
Speaker 3: be okay.

550
00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:01,879
Speaker 2: You can get past it.

551
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we all.

552
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:04,439
Speaker 2: Get past one hundred percent of the stuff we never

553
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:04,800
Speaker 2: thought we can.

554
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:06,959
Speaker 1: I mean, it's so true. When you're in like the

555
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:10,800
Speaker 1: grip of the trauma or the drama or the anxiety,

556
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:14,160
Speaker 1: it feels like it's forever. Oh yeah, but it's really

557
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 1: it passes in three minutes.

558
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:18,040
Speaker 3: Like if you really sometimes it'll take five, sometimes it'll

559
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 3: take thirty, but and sometimes it'll take a minute.

560
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:23,240
Speaker 2: Right, but your heart, you can talk to your body

561
00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:26,840
Speaker 2: and slow yourself down because it's just a feeling, yeah,

562
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:29,960
Speaker 2: and feelings are information. So I started getting curious. Always

563
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,800
Speaker 2: get curious with your feelings, like what why am I anxious?

564
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:34,879
Speaker 2: What's going on? Okay, well you heard that and you

565
00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:40,280
Speaker 2: did read that, So what if you just calm down?

566
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:43,920
Speaker 3: And it's okay to calm down if you don't have

567
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:45,520
Speaker 3: to calm down right now, you want to really get

568
00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:47,680
Speaker 3: like pissy, you can do that too, Like, don't tell

569
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:50,240
Speaker 3: your feelings to stop, just go What do you want

570
00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:50,760
Speaker 3: to tell me?

571
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:51,720
Speaker 1: What do you need?

572
00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:52,840
Speaker 2: What do you need from me?

573
00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:56,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, and sometimes it's that little girl going just protect me,

574
00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:59,080
Speaker 3: just hold you know, just hold me for right second?

575
00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:02,159
Speaker 2: Yeah, for right now, for sure, for sure speaking of

576
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:03,000
Speaker 2: get this all.

577
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:06,240
Speaker 1: Sounds so woo wooo listen, but I'm telling you in

578
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:09,600
Speaker 1: La having this conversation, people are listening.

579
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:12,320
Speaker 2: Oh, and I get it. I just sound like a

580
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:13,840
Speaker 2: fucking freak sometimes, But.

581
00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:16,960
Speaker 1: I think talk to your little girl like inside, I

582
00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:19,359
Speaker 1: mean it you guys, like I'm not blowing smoke?

583
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:20,280
Speaker 3: Is it?

584
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:22,080
Speaker 1: W This is about to survive.

585
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 2: I actually told somebody once I said, well, what's your

586
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:28,720
Speaker 2: little child inside? You say? And they went, oh, shut up, Okay.

587
00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:32,360
Speaker 1: They're not there already. Okay, you'll get there, you'll get there.

588
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:41,040
Speaker 1: Hopefully we all get there. Yeah, you were talking about

589
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:42,959
Speaker 1: getting in touch with your body and except you know,

590
00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:46,040
Speaker 1: listening to your body. I recently saw a TikTok of

591
00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:49,240
Speaker 1: a woman who was just in her forties, and she

592
00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:54,040
Speaker 1: talked about how she started feeling ugly, how beauty that

593
00:26:54,119 --> 00:26:57,240
Speaker 1: she had had and been rewarded for all her life

594
00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:00,879
Speaker 1: was starting to fade, and she know she was really

595
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:06,480
Speaker 1: at forty. I'm thinking, okay, okay, years, thirty more years.

596
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:09,960
Speaker 1: But I sometimes feel that way too, you know, And.

597
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:10,840
Speaker 2: Are you kidding me?

598
00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:11,439
Speaker 1: Yeah?

599
00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:13,200
Speaker 2: I think, why did I say? Are you kidding?

600
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:15,560
Speaker 3: Nocre's their feelings and you're allowed to have them all.

601
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:18,120
Speaker 3: But I'm looking at you, going, she's so beautiful.

602
00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:20,520
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm looking at you think the same thing.

603
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:22,439
Speaker 2: I mean, isn't it?

604
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:25,160
Speaker 3: If we could just That's why I have a chapter

605
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:27,359
Speaker 3: in the book, like if we could like hear ourselves

606
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:29,080
Speaker 3: from our animals, if our animals can talk to us,

607
00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:30,840
Speaker 3: Like if we could hear the way our friends talk

608
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:33,560
Speaker 3: about us, if we could hear the way our children

609
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:36,040
Speaker 3: talk about us, because our children, no, no, no, no,

610
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:40,040
Speaker 3: but I mean when they're unguarded. I mean, I know

611
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:42,679
Speaker 3: my son says really lovely things about me, but not

612
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:43,280
Speaker 3: to my face.

613
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 2: Sometimes to my face, but rarely.

614
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:47,080
Speaker 1: You talk to a dog.

615
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:50,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, yourself, the way you talk to a dog.

616
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:51,800
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's the secret.

617
00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:55,080
Speaker 2: Look at you? Do you look cute? You just make

618
00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:57,000
Speaker 2: you smile? Look at you?

619
00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:01,160
Speaker 1: You look god, oh god, oh my right, did whant

620
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:01,959
Speaker 1: to you talk to you like that?

621
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:05,560
Speaker 2: Because think we'd all be crazy? But it's a good crazy.

622
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:08,920
Speaker 1: I agree with you one hundred percent. And so anybody

623
00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:11,440
Speaker 1: that's listening that thinks this is just too ulu out

624
00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:12,280
Speaker 1: of touch or that.

625
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 2: That's okay, you're allowed you do you Yep, you're allowed

626
00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:17,480
Speaker 2: to think whatever you want.

627
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:20,880
Speaker 1: What do you you talk about mirrors though in your

628
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:26,399
Speaker 1: book and the danger of mirrors? What what do you

629
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:27,359
Speaker 1: see as the danger of.

630
00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:31,640
Speaker 3: The mirror, Because it's not showing our heart and our

631
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:36,320
Speaker 3: mind and our soul. It's showing our physical creation on earth.

632
00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:38,680
Speaker 3: It's showing our human body. And we're here to have

633
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:41,680
Speaker 3: a human experience. So this body gets us, gets our

634
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:43,880
Speaker 3: soul around or I don't know how the souls work,

635
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:50,880
Speaker 3: but it's energy. And we have been trained to find

636
00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:54,200
Speaker 3: shame in the way we look. And that's a weird

637
00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:57,400
Speaker 3: thing to train us to do. So who came up

638
00:28:57,400 --> 00:29:00,800
Speaker 3: with I don't know, but it's been going on for centuries. Yeah,

639
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:04,200
Speaker 3: because that changes the look, changes of what's beautiful and

640
00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:08,280
Speaker 3: what's not. I think you know, when you look back

641
00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 3: at some of the most beautiful paintings in the world.

642
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:11,520
Speaker 2: These women were.

643
00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:15,760
Speaker 3: Beautiful and bodacious, you know, and now you then you

644
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:18,440
Speaker 3: look at the sixties in America and it's like the

645
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:20,920
Speaker 3: thinner you are the better And maybe that's still going on.

646
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:23,320
Speaker 1: But I don't know what. I don't know what phase.

647
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:25,280
Speaker 1: I don't know where we are is either in the

648
00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:27,479
Speaker 1: public eye at this point. Yeah.

649
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:29,360
Speaker 2: So that means we just have to accept ourselves.

650
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:31,120
Speaker 1: And it just means you stop caring. Yeah.

651
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:34,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I want this woman, this four year old,

652
00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:37,840
Speaker 3: to stop caring about what other people think of her.

653
00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:41,280
Speaker 3: Why Why does she not find herself beautiful anymore? What

654
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:45,360
Speaker 3: is it about herself that she doesn't find beautiful? She's beautiful?

655
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:50,280
Speaker 3: You know that moment today you look at yeah, like, ooh,

656
00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:51,600
Speaker 3: that's really getting a little sight.

657
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:53,440
Speaker 2: What am I going to take care of that? You know?

658
00:29:53,920 --> 00:29:56,280
Speaker 2: It's like, I'm not it is what it is. I'll

659
00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:58,320
Speaker 2: put more cream on. I just need to be moisturized,

660
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:02,360
Speaker 2: need moisture, please. But I want her to like.

661
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:06,680
Speaker 3: Look in the mirror and see a beautiful woman, because

662
00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:10,320
Speaker 3: mirrors are meant to just reflect what we physically look

663
00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:13,680
Speaker 3: like now, not who we are and what we mean

664
00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:18,960
Speaker 3: to people. I think when we start seeing ourselves instead

665
00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:21,640
Speaker 3: of in mirrors, but through other people's eyes that love us.

666
00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:23,640
Speaker 2: We're gorgeous.

667
00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:28,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so weird. Like sometimes with my husband, I

668
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:31,600
Speaker 1: will feel unattractive for some reason or another or be

669
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:34,800
Speaker 1: selfish having one of those days, and he will be like,

670
00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:37,120
Speaker 1: what are you talking about? I don't see that at all,

671
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:41,920
Speaker 1: And I think, huh, really are you? That's a lie?

672
00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:47,680
Speaker 3: Because he loves you, You're You're loved for you in

673
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:51,480
Speaker 3: that moment, he sees how beautiful you are because he

674
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 3: sees you for you, and your skin glows and your

675
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:56,040
Speaker 3: eyes sparkle.

676
00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:59,720
Speaker 2: Because you're beautiful. Yeah, And beauty is in the.

677
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:02,200
Speaker 3: Eye of the beholder, but it's also in the person

678
00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:03,520
Speaker 3: exuding the beauty.

679
00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:07,280
Speaker 2: Beauty is your aura. Beauty is I really sound woo woo.

680
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:10,040
Speaker 2: I swear I'm not that woo woo. I'm really grounded.

681
00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:15,880
Speaker 3: But beauty is in Like when I'm full of joy

682
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:18,880
Speaker 3: and happy, I feel more beautiful because I think.

683
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:19,760
Speaker 2: I look more beautiful.

684
00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:20,440
Speaker 1: Absolutely.

685
00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:24,160
Speaker 3: And I like when I see pictures of myself where

686
00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:26,160
Speaker 3: I know that I'm uncomfortable and i know that I'm

687
00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:29,320
Speaker 3: having a odd day as opposed to where I'm see

688
00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:31,920
Speaker 3: like pictures that they take when you know, in the

689
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:35,040
Speaker 3: kitchen of me cooking, it's like, I look like I'm

690
00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:36,280
Speaker 3: having so much freaking fun.

691
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:37,600
Speaker 2: To me, I look beautiful.

692
00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:40,920
Speaker 3: I'm still the same weight, I'm still wearing big, baggy jeans, but.

693
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:42,960
Speaker 2: I look beautiful because I'm exuding joy.

694
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:45,040
Speaker 1: It's a big difference.

695
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:45,400
Speaker 2: Yeah.

696
00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:48,480
Speaker 1: It actually manifests physically on your outward body.

697
00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:50,800
Speaker 3: Yes, And it's good to remember that if we're going

698
00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:53,480
Speaker 3: to be down in the dumps, like you can, you

699
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:56,240
Speaker 3: can easily walk around miserable. In this day and age,

700
00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:59,440
Speaker 3: there's a lot of asinine shit going on in the world.

701
00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:01,960
Speaker 3: It's so easy to get upset, and it's so easy

702
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:05,360
Speaker 3: to be just angry all the time. But that's not

703
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:06,400
Speaker 3: a fun way to live.

704
00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:08,880
Speaker 1: Who wants to live? And that's what I thought after

705
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:12,200
Speaker 1: one of my divorces, I think the second one.

706
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:15,280
Speaker 2: I've been through a couple twos, so there.

707
00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:17,080
Speaker 1: I thought, you know what, I don't want to walk

708
00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:19,440
Speaker 1: around with this anymore. I'm not having fun.

709
00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:23,920
Speaker 2: And it's interesting when you finally do. I was able to.

710
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:28,080
Speaker 3: My first marriage, Ed and I were able to come

711
00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:32,800
Speaker 3: back together and be like, really develop a nice friendship.

712
00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:35,080
Speaker 3: I wish he could have lived longer. But that sucks

713
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:38,120
Speaker 3: and it didn't work out that way. Not that we

714
00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:40,000
Speaker 3: ever would have been intimate or a couple again, I

715
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:40,920
Speaker 3: don't think we would have.

716
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:44,480
Speaker 2: But I loved him. He was a really great guy. Yeah,

717
00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:45,360
Speaker 2: he was the best guy.

718
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:48,840
Speaker 1: I knew your love story when I was you know,

719
00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:51,800
Speaker 1: my sister was more in the same age bracket as you,

720
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:54,840
Speaker 1: so I kind of saw her through your love story

721
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:56,240
Speaker 1: with Ed because she had a boyfriend that was a

722
00:32:56,280 --> 00:32:59,080
Speaker 1: little bit like rough around the age you have tattoos

723
00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:02,040
Speaker 1: and stuff. I was like, oh, man, that's the kind

724
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:06,640
Speaker 1: of love I want that like and just abandon yeah,

725
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:08,320
Speaker 1: just like free to just I.

726
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:09,840
Speaker 2: Think I had to do with our age, right.

727
00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:13,320
Speaker 3: We grew it, definitely got you know, but I'm glad

728
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:15,560
Speaker 3: we came back to where we were and we had

729
00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:16,920
Speaker 3: we had a beautiful son through it.

730
00:33:16,960 --> 00:33:19,720
Speaker 1: So that's the work though, I mean, yeah, yeah.

731
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:23,560
Speaker 2: And my second marriage, it's been over for I don't know,

732
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:25,720
Speaker 2: four or five six years, I don't know, it feels

733
00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:28,200
Speaker 2: like a long time. I used to be so angry.

734
00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:32,200
Speaker 2: I'm just not anymore because I realized, oh, I loved him,

735
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 2: I actually did love for him.

736
00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:36,160
Speaker 1: Because someone just asked me this yesterday, like, how do

737
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:37,920
Speaker 1: you how did you just let go of that anger

738
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:41,040
Speaker 1: or you know or you know it kind of just

739
00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:44,360
Speaker 1: happens and that you know, that fear and that anger,

740
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:47,000
Speaker 1: like it just and I said to her, it's weird.

741
00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:49,840
Speaker 1: It's like a switch. Yeah, like you don't think you

742
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:50,360
Speaker 1: can do it?

743
00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:50,840
Speaker 2: Yeah.

744
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:54,400
Speaker 3: I thought I'd be angry at him forever. I'm so angry,

745
00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:57,400
Speaker 3: and now I'm like, he's just a human being trying

746
00:33:57,400 --> 00:33:59,280
Speaker 3: to do the best you can too. Yeah, you know,

747
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:02,960
Speaker 3: he made mistake. I made mistakes. I'm just like, but

748
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:07,200
Speaker 3: at some point we both loved each other. So I'm

749
00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:09,120
Speaker 3: just gonna hold onto that because that was nice and

750
00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:10,480
Speaker 3: I think it was important for me to let it

751
00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:13,319
Speaker 3: go for like I was angry at ed for a

752
00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:16,479
Speaker 3: year or two because I wanted him to choose us

753
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:17,080
Speaker 3: and not.

754
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:18,040
Speaker 2: The drugs and the alcohol.

755
00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:20,680
Speaker 3: I know so much better now, I know so much

756
00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:24,600
Speaker 3: more about addiction. That was an awful thing to ask

757
00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:26,239
Speaker 3: him to do, to give up something I mean, he

758
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:29,520
Speaker 3: was that was a really important tool for his trauma

759
00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:32,919
Speaker 3: that he couldn't process. I would be much more compassionate now,

760
00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:37,080
Speaker 3: but I took it personally and I wanted him to

761
00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:40,040
Speaker 3: want his family more. He had all the love in

762
00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:43,760
Speaker 3: the world for both of us, but he was trapped

763
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:47,920
Speaker 3: in trauma and I so I was angry for a

764
00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:49,840
Speaker 3: little while, and then we came to a place where

765
00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:55,200
Speaker 3: I just love him a lot. He was a good soul,

766
00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:58,240
Speaker 3: a good human being. He really wanted the best for people.

767
00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:00,279
Speaker 3: He just didn't know how to do it for him.

768
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:01,160
Speaker 3: So how does that happen?

769
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:04,359
Speaker 1: Like, how did that become that relationship that coming back

770
00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:06,759
Speaker 1: to that relationship in a different way, more mature way,

771
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:08,720
Speaker 1: a different perspective. How did that happen?

772
00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:12,120
Speaker 3: It happened around the same time that Wolfe started working

773
00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:14,319
Speaker 3: with his dad, because I had to spend more time

774
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:18,920
Speaker 3: with Ed, and I was adamant because Wolfe was only sixteen.

775
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:21,440
Speaker 3: I was adamant about there being a tutor. I was

776
00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:22,960
Speaker 3: going to be out every couple of weeks. I'm going

777
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:24,560
Speaker 3: to be out on the road. And he's like, yeah,

778
00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:26,880
Speaker 3: that's fine. So we got to talk more and we

779
00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:30,080
Speaker 3: got to know know each other more in this new

780
00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:33,640
Speaker 3: relationship that we have, and it was great, and he

781
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 3: was sober for a lot of it.

782
00:35:34,719 --> 00:35:36,160
Speaker 2: When he wasn't, it was difficult.

783
00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:39,360
Speaker 1: Do you think that that had a big impact on

784
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:45,640
Speaker 1: Wolfe like seeing his parents Oh yeah together, Oh yeah, functioning.

785
00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:47,759
Speaker 3: Would I mean, that's a question for wolf But I

786
00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:51,640
Speaker 3: think Wolfe appreciated that his parents got along for sure,

787
00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:54,680
Speaker 3: because I've seen the I've seen kids where their parents

788
00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:56,520
Speaker 3: don't get along, and it's really hard on the kids.

789
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,680
Speaker 3: And I think the most important thing you can do

790
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:01,920
Speaker 3: in loving your children is love them more than you

791
00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:04,239
Speaker 3: hate your ex. And if you can learn how not

792
00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:07,400
Speaker 3: to hate your ex, it's really helpful for your kids.

793
00:36:07,520 --> 00:36:12,319
Speaker 3: It's not up to you to disparage their ex. And

794
00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:15,560
Speaker 3: it's hard because you want to tell them how terrible

795
00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:18,080
Speaker 3: they're being to you, you know, but that's between the

796
00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:20,080
Speaker 3: two of you, and it's not between you know. The

797
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:24,080
Speaker 3: kids have to find it out for themselves. But I'm

798
00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:25,879
Speaker 3: not here to tell anybody how to do it either,

799
00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:28,759
Speaker 3: because every situation is individual.

800
00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:32,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, what works for you or me? It doesn't, No, No,

801
00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:37,160
Speaker 1: it's just I think. But sharing our stories as you

802
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:41,040
Speaker 1: do so vulnerably vulnerably in your book, Thank you, it's

803
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 1: moving and when something moves you, it alters something inside

804
00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:50,240
Speaker 1: of you, Like you see things differently.

805
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:55,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, And I think seeing things differently is a

806
00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:59,359
Speaker 3: gift because then like if we only looked at things

807
00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:01,800
Speaker 3: through our like little I used to have blinders on

808
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:03,600
Speaker 3: all the time, You're not going to see much.

809
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:05,200
Speaker 2: You're not going to open yourself up to the world.

810
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:07,799
Speaker 3: Right, There's so many different experiences, and people are having

811
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:10,880
Speaker 3: different experiences all the time, and I'm always so curious

812
00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:14,520
Speaker 3: about what motivates them and why they're going through this experience,

813
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:16,640
Speaker 3: what the choices they made, and why they made them.

814
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:18,839
Speaker 3: Not because they're wrong or right, but because I think

815
00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:21,279
Speaker 3: it's interesting and I want to know how they got to.

816
00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:22,960
Speaker 2: Their you know, through their journey.

817
00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:23,520
Speaker 1: You're curious.

818
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:24,600
Speaker 2: I'm so curious.

819
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:26,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you learn from.

820
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:28,080
Speaker 2: Other people's all the time.

821
00:37:28,320 --> 00:37:30,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, And which is why I write the books, is

822
00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:34,560
Speaker 3: because I think as I grow and change and grow

823
00:37:34,719 --> 00:37:37,600
Speaker 3: up and learn new skills, I think it's helpful to

824
00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:38,360
Speaker 3: pass those along.

825
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:41,640
Speaker 1: You definitely do in your book. I really enjoyed reading.

826
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:44,640
Speaker 1: I enjoyed getting to know you. I felt so like I,

827
00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:47,920
Speaker 1: you know, very intimately knew you kind of from inside

828
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:49,279
Speaker 1: your brain, which I.

829
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:52,239
Speaker 2: Really kind of like it. Yeah, oh, thanks, thank you.

830
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:53,400
Speaker 1: I like it in your brain.

831
00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:53,920
Speaker 2: Thank you.

832
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:57,120
Speaker 3: I finally do too. For a long time I didn't, No,

833
00:37:57,320 --> 00:37:57,760
Speaker 3: I can.

834
00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:08,360
Speaker 1: Relate yea, yes, yes, okay, let's talk about your kitchen

835
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:12,319
Speaker 1: and your new show, your new digital platform. Hello, that's

836
00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:16,240
Speaker 1: a very fun title. Yeah, valeriees Place, Uh huh where

837
00:38:16,320 --> 00:38:19,000
Speaker 1: you are cooking live streaming?

838
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:22,880
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm going to live stream cooking. Okay, cook The

839
00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:25,080
Speaker 2: website is up. It's Valoresplace dot com. You can go

840
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:25,680
Speaker 2: and sign up.

841
00:38:26,120 --> 00:38:30,080
Speaker 3: And I have three cooking shows plus a live show.

842
00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:32,680
Speaker 3: I also have a book group that I want to

843
00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:35,480
Speaker 3: start on the site, and I have a podcast that

844
00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:36,400
Speaker 3: I had told you about.

845
00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:39,279
Speaker 1: Before we started getting naked, and that's going.

846
00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 2: To be great. Yeah, lots of stuff. If you don't

847
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:42,759
Speaker 2: like me, you're not going to like this.

848
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:44,080
Speaker 1: Se don't go on the platform.

849
00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:47,279
Speaker 2: People go on somebody else, go on someone that you

850
00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:47,560
Speaker 2: do like.

851
00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:49,799
Speaker 1: Right, Wait, but how did that? How did you come

852
00:38:49,840 --> 00:38:52,280
Speaker 1: to this decision to do this? Just take the bowl

853
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:53,680
Speaker 1: by the horns and do what you wanted.

854
00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:56,279
Speaker 3: These guys if Visible Things came to me, okay, and

855
00:38:56,320 --> 00:38:58,239
Speaker 3: they said, we do this, we know how to do this,

856
00:38:58,320 --> 00:39:00,480
Speaker 3: and we think you're a perfect candidate to do this with.

857
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:03,840
Speaker 3: And I just lost my Food Network show. So this

858
00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:05,560
Speaker 3: was a couple of years ago that they came to me.

859
00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:10,160
Speaker 3: It's taken this long to build it out, And they said,

860
00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:11,360
Speaker 3: what do you want to do on it? So I

861
00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:13,279
Speaker 3: told them all of my interests. I said, I'm a

862
00:39:13,280 --> 00:39:13,719
Speaker 3: book club.

863
00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:14,080
Speaker 2: I love it.

864
00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:15,560
Speaker 3: I you know, I love to cook. I miss my

865
00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:19,880
Speaker 3: cooking show, and I love talking to people. So I

866
00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:21,480
Speaker 3: might want to do a podcast. I don't want to

867
00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:23,560
Speaker 3: do a talk show because it's I see the way

868
00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:25,280
Speaker 3: Drew works and it's hard.

869
00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:25,560
Speaker 2: Hard.

870
00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:28,360
Speaker 3: This is hard in its own but it's fun, like

871
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:30,480
Speaker 3: you really get to know people. And I think the

872
00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 3: the rush of doing talk shows and doing a bunch

873
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:37,200
Speaker 3: of different things is I don't.

874
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:38,040
Speaker 2: Know that I could handle it.

875
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:39,480
Speaker 1: My a lot of moving parts.

876
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:41,359
Speaker 3: It's a lot of moving parts. But there's really good

877
00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:43,080
Speaker 3: people that do that, and Drew's one of the best

878
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:43,359
Speaker 3: of it.

879
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:45,719
Speaker 2: Yes, that is so they don't need me.

880
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:48,520
Speaker 1: So people can just go on and click and watch you.

881
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:51,320
Speaker 3: They want to any cooking show they want to watch.

882
00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:54,840
Speaker 3: It's it is monetized because these things cost money.

883
00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:56,360
Speaker 2: Like I have to pay for the crew. I have

884
00:39:56,480 --> 00:39:58,919
Speaker 2: to pay, you know, for everything. I have to pay

885
00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:00,640
Speaker 2: for all of it. Everything.

886
00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:03,239
Speaker 3: I am using my house, so you actually get a

887
00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:07,120
Speaker 3: tour of my house, go into my library. All my

888
00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:10,440
Speaker 3: animals are there all the time. We actually have we

889
00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:13,960
Speaker 3: do have a place. I'm weighing whether or not I'm

890
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:15,920
Speaker 3: going to set up. My son thinks I set up

891
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:19,240
Speaker 3: should set up a pet cam in the cadio because

892
00:40:19,239 --> 00:40:21,120
Speaker 3: the cats are pretty funny the cadio.

893
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:22,720
Speaker 2: I do have a cadio.

894
00:40:23,440 --> 00:40:26,399
Speaker 3: Yes, it's all windows and it's just for them and

895
00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:27,920
Speaker 3: you can go out there. They can go out there.

896
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:32,840
Speaker 3: I have three different bird feeders, I have a bird bath,

897
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:34,120
Speaker 3: I have everything for them.

898
00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:35,120
Speaker 2: Plus I have bird TV.

899
00:40:35,480 --> 00:40:36,160
Speaker 1: Lucky Cat.

900
00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:39,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I want to be my cat.

901
00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:42,920
Speaker 1: Yeah. Isn't it great when your kid brings you ideas?

902
00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:43,280
Speaker 2: Yes?

903
00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:45,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, because they're right.

904
00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:49,040
Speaker 3: He's always My son's always right. Yeah, yeah, he'll he'll

905
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:49,799
Speaker 3: bring something up.

906
00:40:49,719 --> 00:40:50,520
Speaker 1: That they're always right.

907
00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:52,720
Speaker 2: At a point, how old are your kids?

908
00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:55,080
Speaker 1: Nineteen twenty three and twenty eight?

909
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:57,000
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, we'll feel be thirty five.

910
00:40:57,239 --> 00:40:57,520
Speaker 1: Okay.

911
00:40:57,640 --> 00:41:00,520
Speaker 3: So he's got a few so he's like his belt,

912
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:02,399
Speaker 3: yeah yeah, so he can be on it. And he's

913
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:04,319
Speaker 3: got three albums under his belt, and he's really he's

914
00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:07,040
Speaker 3: really built his own business and his own you know

915
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:11,720
Speaker 3: world for himself, his own touring business, own band and yeah,

916
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:13,879
Speaker 3: so I kind of I trust his instincts. He's got

917
00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:18,400
Speaker 3: his own show on Sirius FM. So XM serious, XM.

918
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:20,719
Speaker 1: Go well if you go yeah, yeah, I know I

919
00:41:20,719 --> 00:41:21,719
Speaker 1: can tell how proud you are.

920
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:24,360
Speaker 2: I know, I just like, as my boy.

921
00:41:24,239 --> 00:41:27,040
Speaker 1: What do you think about letting people into your home

922
00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:30,080
Speaker 1: though it's your kitchen. It's such an intimate it is.

923
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:33,399
Speaker 3: And we didn't do it for Food Network because they

924
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:36,120
Speaker 3: told me that we wouldn't be able to because the crew,

925
00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:39,879
Speaker 3: the crew was so you know, and we did.

926
00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:41,120
Speaker 2: They took up a lot of space.

927
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:44,600
Speaker 3: But this is such an intimate small show as well

928
00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:48,400
Speaker 3: that we only need two cameramen. Sometimes we have a

929
00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:53,480
Speaker 3: third with a with a phone and the sound is miked.

930
00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:56,400
Speaker 3: And we do need the outdoor kitchen in my in

931
00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:58,960
Speaker 3: my garage, and I take everybody, you know, behind the scenes,

932
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:01,840
Speaker 3: because I think we're all think these shows just happen magically.

933
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:02,120
Speaker 2: Right.

934
00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:06,120
Speaker 1: There's also a lot it's unattainable for the normal price.

935
00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:09,920
Speaker 3: And right, but it's because I have a kitchen in

936
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:12,719
Speaker 3: my like, they just delivered the kitchen because I'm gonna

937
00:42:12,719 --> 00:42:15,640
Speaker 3: start cooking in on Thursday and Friday. They just delivered

938
00:42:15,680 --> 00:42:19,680
Speaker 3: a kitchen, so they're building that in my garage, and

939
00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:22,320
Speaker 3: then my sous chef will come in and he'll start

940
00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:25,760
Speaker 3: chopping away and doing everything. My producer, my culinary producer,

941
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:28,120
Speaker 3: has started writing all of the scripts and taking the

942
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:30,759
Speaker 3: recipes for what we're going to be shooting. So it's

943
00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:33,279
Speaker 3: it's a lot of work, but we want to make

944
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:34,359
Speaker 3: it look easy.

945
00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:35,520
Speaker 2: Because cooking is easy.

946
00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:39,200
Speaker 3: Cooking is fun, and it should really feel like you're

947
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:41,960
Speaker 3: just like stretching and playing with your artistic muscle. Y,

948
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:42,799
Speaker 3: it's another way of.

949
00:42:42,719 --> 00:42:43,400
Speaker 2: Being our chefe.

950
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:46,480
Speaker 3: Yes, but I don't when I'm home alone when so

951
00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:48,560
Speaker 3: when I do my meals for one, that's just me

952
00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:49,799
Speaker 3: doing it on my own.

953
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:53,760
Speaker 1: I like the meals for one, Yeah, these are good meals.

954
00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:56,399
Speaker 2: Yes, I mean too girl dinner every night.

955
00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:58,319
Speaker 1: I want to ask you about this because you talk

956
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:01,200
Speaker 1: about getting naked in your book. I mean it's called

957
00:43:01,239 --> 00:43:05,080
Speaker 1: getting naked, and it's for reasons far beyond actually taking

958
00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:07,200
Speaker 1: your clothes off. But you actually did, in fact take

959
00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:10,080
Speaker 1: your clothes off at one point, yes, in order to

960
00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:13,440
Speaker 1: get where you are right now, right? Yes, the skinny

961
00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:15,960
Speaker 1: dipping or the cover well, the skinny dipping.

962
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:19,520
Speaker 3: Okay, Well, because I'm like I got cameras up all

963
00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:22,520
Speaker 3: over my house because I just you know, it's it's

964
00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:25,040
Speaker 3: it's in an area that we have to be careful.

965
00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:31,719
Speaker 3: So it was it was like, I don't know, it

966
00:43:31,760 --> 00:43:34,400
Speaker 3: was a beautiful part of night. It was the gorgeous outside,

967
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:38,440
Speaker 3: and I'm home alone with my animals, and I'm thinking

968
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:43,480
Speaker 3: nobody would see me if I just dove in, nobody

969
00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:43,920
Speaker 3: would see me.

970
00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:46,359
Speaker 2: He doesn't have that thought, I know. Okay, good, yeah,

971
00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:47,320
Speaker 2: I thought it was crazy.

972
00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:50,319
Speaker 1: Okay, good, Like I'm let's walk around naked.

973
00:43:50,560 --> 00:43:50,880
Speaker 2: Yeah.

974
00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:54,120
Speaker 3: Oh like sometimes I'll run downstairs naked because sometimes I

975
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:55,479
Speaker 3: don't sleep in a T shirt.

976
00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:56,160
Speaker 2: Sometimes it's not.

977
00:43:56,800 --> 00:43:59,239
Speaker 3: Sometimes I'm not, And I'll run downstairs because I hear

978
00:43:59,239 --> 00:44:01,400
Speaker 3: one of the cats and I'm like, I hope the

979
00:44:01,440 --> 00:44:02,360
Speaker 3: house is a cash fryer.

980
00:44:02,280 --> 00:44:05,000
Speaker 2: Right now, you know, because I just this. I'm okay

981
00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:05,200
Speaker 2: with this.

982
00:44:05,239 --> 00:44:06,880
Speaker 3: I'm okay with the cats and the dogs seeing me,

983
00:44:06,920 --> 00:44:10,040
Speaker 3: but nothing else. But it feels so good to get

984
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:13,759
Speaker 3: naked and not care, not care. I could just feel

985
00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:16,000
Speaker 3: so good. So you recommend it to anybody.

986
00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:18,080
Speaker 2: You jumped in the pool, jumped in the pool, took

987
00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:18,800
Speaker 2: a couple laps.

988
00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:20,360
Speaker 1: Did you forget about the video cameras.

989
00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:25,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, but you know, whoever is watching, I hope

990
00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:25,799
Speaker 3: they had.

991
00:44:25,719 --> 00:44:26,200
Speaker 2: A nice show.

992
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:27,520
Speaker 1: No one's supposed to be watching.

993
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:29,239
Speaker 3: No, no one's supposed to be keeping an eye on

994
00:44:29,280 --> 00:44:31,040
Speaker 3: the you know, security cameras.

995
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:31,799
Speaker 2: But what are you gonna do?

996
00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:32,279
Speaker 1: Who knows?

997
00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:32,960
Speaker 2: Who knows?

998
00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:36,759
Speaker 1: Do you think it's ever too late to start doing

999
00:44:36,800 --> 00:44:38,800
Speaker 1: the hard work now choosing yourself?

1000
00:44:39,480 --> 00:44:39,719
Speaker 2: Never?

1001
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:42,640
Speaker 3: I am going to be sixty six years old, and

1002
00:44:42,719 --> 00:44:47,879
Speaker 3: I really feel like, Okay, started work ten maybe more.

1003
00:44:48,200 --> 00:44:49,239
Speaker 2: I think I've always.

1004
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:52,400
Speaker 3: Been working, but I think I really started once I

1005
00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:56,319
Speaker 3: admitted what happened as a child and was able to

1006
00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:58,400
Speaker 3: dig into it. I think that's where the real work started.

1007
00:44:59,719 --> 00:45:01,520
Speaker 3: And I I think I've really been able to come

1008
00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:07,160
Speaker 3: to maybe even an apex of it where it feels

1009
00:45:07,239 --> 00:45:14,120
Speaker 3: like I finally really learned something. I finally really like

1010
00:45:14,239 --> 00:45:18,680
Speaker 3: myself without feeling cringe about saying that, because I would say, no,

1011
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:19,600
Speaker 3: I like myself.

1012
00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:20,600
Speaker 1: I do.

1013
00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:24,680
Speaker 2: I love myself, you know, and I just didn't feel it.

1014
00:45:24,719 --> 00:45:28,160
Speaker 2: But I really like me, and I'm allowed to like me.

1015
00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:32,799
Speaker 3: It doesn't mean that I'm egotistical, but we all have

1016
00:45:32,840 --> 00:45:36,600
Speaker 3: an ego, and that ego can be healthy. But I

1017
00:45:36,640 --> 00:45:39,800
Speaker 3: would want everyone to have that gift of finally really

1018
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:44,000
Speaker 3: liking themselves, because everybody is really lovable all.

1019
00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:44,760
Speaker 2: On their own.

1020
00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:48,600
Speaker 3: It doesn't matter what you've done, It doesn't matter like

1021
00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:51,920
Speaker 3: the mistakes that you've made.

1022
00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:56,600
Speaker 2: It we're all lovable because we're we're here for a purpose.

1023
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:59,719
Speaker 2: We're here to love, we're here to learn, and we're

1024
00:45:59,719 --> 00:46:03,440
Speaker 2: here to have a community. So how can you not

1025
00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:08,120
Speaker 2: love yourself? Yeah, well I know a lot of people

1026
00:46:08,120 --> 00:46:08,959
Speaker 2: don't because I did.

1027
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:12,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you've been there. Yeah, Okay, before I let

1028
00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:16,920
Speaker 1: you go, Valerie Burtonellie, what was your last I choose.

1029
00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:24,040
Speaker 3: Me moment when I chose myself over a relationship because

1030
00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:28,960
Speaker 3: I knew that was the right choice. When I chose

1031
00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:35,879
Speaker 3: my emotional health over continuing something that I knew wasn't.

1032
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:38,320
Speaker 1: Okay, that's a very brave choice.

1033
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:41,719
Speaker 3: It is because I think as a people pleaser, I

1034
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:43,680
Speaker 3: think you may be one too, may have had that

1035
00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:49,279
Speaker 3: in your past. And I tried to please for so

1036
00:46:49,440 --> 00:46:53,959
Speaker 3: long that I finally and this actually happened with multiple relationships,

1037
00:46:56,200 --> 00:46:57,759
Speaker 3: and I think I just got to a point where

1038
00:46:57,760 --> 00:47:01,040
Speaker 3: I was able to choose myself sooner and faster, not

1039
00:47:01,200 --> 00:47:03,359
Speaker 3: let as many years go by and.

1040
00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:06,720
Speaker 2: I think we just have to get to a certain

1041
00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:11,040
Speaker 2: point where we say this isn't healthy for me and

1042
00:47:11,080 --> 00:47:11,920
Speaker 2: be okay with that.

1043
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:14,759
Speaker 1: Yes, be brave enough.

1044
00:47:14,920 --> 00:47:18,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, be brave enough, step outside, be kind about it.

1045
00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:23,880
Speaker 2: But you still. I would really.

1046
00:47:23,719 --> 00:47:29,800
Speaker 3: Want anybody to choose themselves over anything that's hurting them always,

1047
00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:37,279
Speaker 3: And I'm so used to feeling the like you get

1048
00:47:37,360 --> 00:47:40,319
Speaker 3: used to the pain because you think that's I mean,

1049
00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:41,080
Speaker 3: that's what I'm used to.

1050
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:42,840
Speaker 1: It's comfortable.

1051
00:47:42,920 --> 00:47:47,120
Speaker 3: It's comfortable, which sounds odd on its face, but you

1052
00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:49,920
Speaker 3: do get comfortable, especially when you've been doing it for decades.

1053
00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:52,560
Speaker 3: It's like, well, I'm just uncomfortable. This hurts me, but

1054
00:47:52,840 --> 00:47:56,760
Speaker 3: they'll feel better and that's not healthy.

1055
00:47:56,920 --> 00:48:01,160
Speaker 1: That's no way to live. No, no, So that Yeah.

1056
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:04,640
Speaker 2: I chose me, and I would encourage anybody else to

1057
00:48:04,719 --> 00:48:05,440
Speaker 2: choose themselves.

1058
00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:09,560
Speaker 1: Thank you, Valerie, thank you, Jenny, you guys. I'm very

1059
00:48:09,560 --> 00:48:13,480
Speaker 1: excited to share that my book I Choose Me Chasing Joy,

1060
00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:19,640
Speaker 1: Finding Purpose and Embracing Reinvention is coming April fourteenth, and

1061
00:48:19,680 --> 00:48:22,320
Speaker 1: it would mean the world to me if you would

1062
00:48:22,360 --> 00:48:26,279
Speaker 1: pre order a copy or the audiobook wherever you get

1063
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:29,960
Speaker 1: your books. And yes, I am definitely narrating the audiobook,

1064
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:31,040
Speaker 1: so it's going to be so fun.