WEBVTT - 5 Ways To Rethink Dating 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:03.280 Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife, 0:00:03.320 --> 0:00:06.160 and she coodn't She cleaned and cared for her children 0:00:06.200 --> 0:00:08.160 and the man of the house, and of course she 0:00:08.320 --> 0:00:09.480 didn't talk back. 0:00:09.600 --> 0:00:12.039 She was both obedient and soft by nature. 0:00:12.160 --> 0:00:15.480 She was a good woman who always made good choices. 0:00:17.280 --> 0:00:18.560 We're good Mom's bad choices. 0:00:18.640 --> 0:00:21.319 Who's single mom? Who said fuck the patriarchy shared all 0:00:21.360 --> 0:00:22.200 their bad choices and. 0:00:22.280 --> 0:00:23.440 Sound out they were so bad. 0:00:23.440 --> 0:00:26.440 After all, we're experts, overshares and your new besties. 0:00:26.560 --> 0:00:27.880 Sit back and enjoy the ride. 0:00:28.600 --> 0:00:28.960 I can. 0:00:32.320 --> 0:00:33.960 Welcome back to good Mom's bad choices. 0:00:34.000 --> 0:00:39.559 I'm Erica and I'm Mila. Happy Wednesday Beaches, Happy mod 0:00:39.600 --> 0:00:42.800 the fucking Wednesday Beaches. It's your favorite day of the week, 0:00:43.080 --> 0:00:48.159 right today Day. I hope you're humping today. Welcome to February. 0:00:48.240 --> 0:00:51.479 It's that short one month the black people get out 0:00:51.520 --> 0:00:54.120 of the year. Even though we celebrate Black History Month, 0:00:54.200 --> 0:00:59.480 a motherfucking month long, celebrating love, We're celebrating blackness, We're 0:00:59.480 --> 0:01:04.280 celebrating black love, celebrating love for ourselves. Is it going 0:01:04.360 --> 0:01:08.400 to be the Journey of love February? I love that, Okay. 0:01:08.440 --> 0:01:12.040 This month's theme is the Journey of love February. Because 0:01:12.560 --> 0:01:16.520 everybody knows love is a journey, Oh God, is it? 0:01:16.560 --> 0:01:19.000 And if anybody knows, always the journey of self love, 0:01:19.040 --> 0:01:21.640 the journey of romantic love, the journey of platonic love, 0:01:22.360 --> 0:01:25.400 the journey and the expansion of love for your children, 0:01:27.080 --> 0:01:29.880 the giving of love to people that irritate the fuck 0:01:29.920 --> 0:01:32.120 out of you. It's all a journey. 0:01:32.400 --> 0:01:35.080 Love is a journey. I think people think it's a destination, 0:01:35.280 --> 0:01:38.440 like when I fall in love, everything's gonna be perfect. No, bitch, 0:01:38.560 --> 0:01:42.600 it's a journey. It's never ending. It's an ongoing process 0:01:42.680 --> 0:01:46.240 of always functioning and operating from a place of love. 0:01:46.319 --> 0:01:48.960 And I don't think it's necessarily always human nature either. 0:01:49.640 --> 0:01:52.640 No, I mean definitely not now in this world and 0:01:52.720 --> 0:01:53.680 day and age where. 0:01:53.680 --> 0:01:57.640 Like hate is cool, trauma is so deeply integrated. Not 0:01:57.720 --> 0:01:58.480 hate is cool. 0:01:58.600 --> 0:02:00.800 It is like being a hay. There's low key kind 0:02:00.800 --> 0:02:03.400 of cool. And is it, I mean kind of. 0:02:04.880 --> 0:02:10.720 Interesting? Yeah, obtain love, ism more love. It is definitely 0:02:12.040 --> 0:02:16.680 it's harder on the weeks I'm pmssing. Loving is harder 0:02:16.720 --> 0:02:20.240 when I'm pmssing working on it. But how are you? 0:02:21.040 --> 0:02:24.200 I'm good, I'm trying to work on my love space 0:02:24.280 --> 0:02:28.040 today because some little bitches at my daughter's school have 0:02:28.080 --> 0:02:28.880 been fucking with her. 0:02:29.040 --> 0:02:29.760 Is this mom shit? 0:02:30.280 --> 0:02:31.800 This might be mom shit, but we can get to 0:02:31.840 --> 0:02:33.760 mom shit later because someone else had some mom shit 0:02:33.840 --> 0:02:36.120 to share. But maybe we'll just do my mom shit 0:02:36.240 --> 0:02:38.240 this week where I'm really trying to move in love 0:02:38.360 --> 0:02:40.560 and give nine year olds and ten year olds grace 0:02:40.880 --> 0:02:44.240 good luck, because I don't know for any moms that 0:02:44.360 --> 0:02:48.960 have encountered bullying at your daughter's or your son's school. 0:02:49.840 --> 0:02:51.560 This is a new this is new territory for me, 0:02:51.880 --> 0:02:54.840 and so it's really disturbed me for the especially today, 0:02:54.880 --> 0:02:58.560 I feel a little bit perturbed and disturbed just because 0:02:58.560 --> 0:03:01.760 I feel out of control. There's something what can you do? Yeah, 0:03:01.760 --> 0:03:04.280 there's nothing I can do. I mean I also like 0:03:05.120 --> 0:03:09.560 before today happened, I felt like, okay, like every child 0:03:09.680 --> 0:03:11.720 has a ride of passage where they have to like 0:03:12.160 --> 0:03:14.160 encounter these things, right, Like no one kind of gets 0:03:14.160 --> 0:03:19.880 to escape feeling called out or bullied or whatever the 0:03:19.919 --> 0:03:22.600 case may be. And you don't really know when it's 0:03:22.639 --> 0:03:25.520 going to happen. You just hope that like you've armed 0:03:25.520 --> 0:03:29.040 your kids well and they can sustain and or they 0:03:29.080 --> 0:03:33.080 can stand up for themselves. But then it's like and 0:03:33.080 --> 0:03:35.480 then it's also weird when like you're cool with the 0:03:35.560 --> 0:03:39.480 mom whose kid is bullying your kid, Like that adds 0:03:39.480 --> 0:03:43.080 an extra layer and it's just I'm about to throw 0:03:43.120 --> 0:03:44.240 all friendships out the window. 0:03:45.040 --> 0:03:47.400 Yeah, like all you bitches, that's difficult. 0:03:47.440 --> 0:03:49.120 But the mom group, I. 0:03:49.400 --> 0:03:51.920 Yeah, because you're not really friends, you're just the mom 0:03:52.000 --> 0:03:55.680 friend from school. I've had very little experience in the 0:03:55.680 --> 0:03:58.800 bullying thing. I think like twice. And you know it 0:03:58.880 --> 0:04:01.960 was like one time your house, like years ago, and 0:04:02.000 --> 0:04:05.720 I think one time on the over the over the 0:04:05.760 --> 0:04:08.760 FaceTime and I called that mom and it was the 0:04:08.800 --> 0:04:11.000 same mom from your school. I don't even know how 0:04:11.000 --> 0:04:12.480 I got into the how did I get into the beef? 0:04:12.480 --> 0:04:14.040 And I don't even she don't go to that school. 0:04:14.040 --> 0:04:17.320 But yeah, I can only imagine how you're feeling because 0:04:17.360 --> 0:04:19.680 even me as the side mom, I want to go 0:04:19.680 --> 0:04:20.800 over there. I want to trip the. 0:04:20.760 --> 0:04:22.760 Bit on the side mom, the side. 0:04:22.800 --> 0:04:26.080 On the side Mom, I will, I'll listen. I don't 0:04:26.080 --> 0:04:27.560 even go to the school, so I'll go up to 0:04:27.560 --> 0:04:30.360 the campers and trip a bitch. I'll don't mind. Nobody 0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:31.880 could call me, no, if you can suspend me, I 0:04:31.880 --> 0:04:33.880 don't care, I will curse a little bitch out, I 0:04:33.920 --> 0:04:36.320 really will. I have no problem if don't let me 0:04:36.360 --> 0:04:37.760 get in the corner with her, because I'd be like, 0:04:37.760 --> 0:04:40.400 I heard you're a little bitch at school. You think 0:04:40.400 --> 0:04:40.960 that's cute. 0:04:41.120 --> 0:04:43.120 I literally told I a reay to call them beach's. 0:04:43.839 --> 0:04:46.120 I was like, we need work on your comebacks. Yeah, 0:04:46.200 --> 0:04:48.400 and you have my permission to say beach. She was like, mom, 0:04:48.480 --> 0:04:49.320 I can't say that. 0:04:49.600 --> 0:04:53.040 I'm like, it's different than bitch. 0:04:53.360 --> 0:04:55.520 It's not a bad word telling your mom told him 0:04:55.520 --> 0:04:56.680 to say. 0:04:56.800 --> 0:04:59.479 You know, I realized I'm the mom. I will go 0:04:59.520 --> 0:05:01.880 to the school and you have said called a bitch 0:05:01.880 --> 0:05:04.000 a bitch, and I will stand on ten toes with you. 0:05:04.400 --> 0:05:08.840 Sounds reasonable to me. Oh, are you gonna suspend her? Fine, 0:05:08.839 --> 0:05:12.760 we're going shopping. Oh, then we're going to day off. 0:05:13.120 --> 0:05:17.679 Well, you know, I have been and I'm totally trying 0:05:17.760 --> 0:05:20.599 to get Irian on board with homeschooling, and so I 0:05:20.640 --> 0:05:23.440 was like, maybe this is God like trying to bless us, 0:05:23.760 --> 0:05:26.400 because the one time I did, I like, I've slowly 0:05:26.440 --> 0:05:29.440 been like mentioning it, just in joking form. But then 0:05:29.480 --> 0:05:31.720 the other day she was like, Mommy, I don't want 0:05:31.720 --> 0:05:33.719 to go to school, like I wish that we could 0:05:33.800 --> 0:05:36.040 just like stay home. And then I was like, well, 0:05:36.080 --> 0:05:38.840 you could stay home if we were homeschooling. In fact, 0:05:38.839 --> 0:05:41.320 today we could go to the beach. And this was 0:05:41.360 --> 0:05:43.720 before the fires, honestly, and then actually, like the next 0:05:43.760 --> 0:05:46.400 day the fire started, which is crazy. She's like, look 0:05:46.400 --> 0:05:47.960 it happened. I was like I read, No, this is 0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:50.640 not that. She's like, is this what manifestation? 0:05:51.480 --> 0:05:53.279 Why? What did you say? 0:05:53.440 --> 0:05:55.120 Well, well no, she was just. 0:05:57.200 --> 0:05:57.640 Oh yeah. 0:05:57.720 --> 0:05:59.840 I was like you said that. Yeah. I was like, no, babe, 0:06:00.360 --> 0:06:02.600 But that's why you have to be specific, Like this 0:06:02.680 --> 0:06:04.520 is not bad, honey, this is devastation. 0:06:04.680 --> 0:06:06.760 You do have to be a specific God did say 0:06:06.760 --> 0:06:07.280 being specific. 0:06:07.320 --> 0:06:08.880 But when I told her we could just do homeschooling, 0:06:08.960 --> 0:06:11.839 she literally she started crying. I was like, what the 0:06:11.839 --> 0:06:14.080 fuck is going on? She started crying, I. 0:06:14.080 --> 0:06:15.360 Don't want to be homeschooled. 0:06:15.360 --> 0:06:17.640 Why do you keep saying me homeschooled? And I was like, 0:06:17.640 --> 0:06:21.279 oh my god, relax, I'm just kidding sort of. But 0:06:21.600 --> 0:06:25.200 now with this bullying happening, I'm like, do I just 0:06:25.279 --> 0:06:26.960 let it? Do I do? I kind of let her 0:06:26.960 --> 0:06:29.360 hate school a little bit so that like the homeschooling 0:06:29.440 --> 0:06:30.840 thing sounds like a better option. 0:06:31.080 --> 0:06:34.960 No, I don't think she was bullying she herself. 0:06:34.960 --> 0:06:37.400 And then also school suck a little bit. I mean 0:06:37.680 --> 0:06:40.479 those pitches are I don't want new friends, you know. 0:06:40.560 --> 0:06:42.400 I just came up with a great idea. Want to 0:06:42.400 --> 0:06:42.880 hear my idea? 0:06:42.920 --> 0:06:48.159 What is it? Take your half of your highest tuition 0:06:48.400 --> 0:06:51.320 and then just spend it on a homeschool teacher, and 0:06:51.360 --> 0:06:54.000 then Luna and I can share that homeschool teacher. 0:06:54.200 --> 0:06:55.159 I mean I. 0:06:55.360 --> 0:06:56.240 Probably less well. 0:06:56.240 --> 0:06:57.440 I was just what I was trying to tell her. 0:06:57.440 --> 0:06:58.880 I was like, you're still gonna have friends, and I'm 0:06:58.920 --> 0:06:59.480 not gonna. 0:06:59.279 --> 0:07:01.640 Like put you in a home, not me. Reallotting your tuition, 0:07:01.839 --> 0:07:05.360 no kids for us. For the team, you take your 0:07:05.360 --> 0:07:06.680 half of your tuition money and you. 0:07:06.760 --> 0:07:08.480 Spend on support. 0:07:09.840 --> 0:07:12.440 It's a group. Are you my wife or not? And 0:07:12.480 --> 0:07:14.400 then spent at homeschool so we all could live happily 0:07:14.440 --> 0:07:15.280 ever after at the. 0:07:15.200 --> 0:07:18.880 Beach doesn't sound like a bad plan. I could be 0:07:18.960 --> 0:07:19.480 up in to it. 0:07:20.880 --> 0:07:26.880 I could. I'll do dance. I'm a cheer and dance instructor. 0:07:27.240 --> 0:07:29.520 Every Luna. It's just us three on the team. Our 0:07:29.560 --> 0:07:32.560 friends are coming over for the competition, so get ready 0:07:33.400 --> 0:07:36.840 were having a recital by me. Also, you know what 0:07:36.840 --> 0:07:39.040 I just thought of as you were tolding the story, 0:07:39.920 --> 0:07:42.200 And I never thought of it this way, just because 0:07:42.320 --> 0:07:45.600 I've this month, I had a pretty terrible PMS. I 0:07:45.680 --> 0:07:47.920 was just a bitch and I just litterally There's nothing 0:07:47.960 --> 0:07:49.640 I could do about it. I knew it was happening, 0:07:49.640 --> 0:07:52.040 but I couldn't and I was crying even up to 0:07:52.080 --> 0:07:54.120 the point where like I didn't realize there was a 0:07:54.120 --> 0:07:57.200 proposal happening, but I was just in the bathtub, like 0:07:57.280 --> 0:07:59.840 I'm bad at everything. I am a bad girlfriend. I'm 0:08:00.800 --> 0:08:04.080 just bad. And I was crying in Orlando's arms and 0:08:04.120 --> 0:08:05.520 He's like, what the fuck are you talking about? Not 0:08:05.560 --> 0:08:08.240 knowing I was getting engaged in the weekend. But I 0:08:08.320 --> 0:08:11.520 wonder if, like as women, we don't we underestimate how 0:08:11.560 --> 0:08:15.080 much hormones even affect us as children. Oh, I mean, 0:08:15.120 --> 0:08:18.040 I hear her like crying like that over homeschool, like yes, 0:08:18.200 --> 0:08:22.560 a she's nine, But also like as they're coming into puberty, 0:08:23.560 --> 0:08:26.320 like the attitudes, the emotions, like I think that we 0:08:26.440 --> 0:08:28.840 bypass the fact that they're even being affected in this 0:08:28.880 --> 0:08:31.960 stage of their lives and that come it takes until 0:08:31.960 --> 0:08:34.560 we're almost fucking forty to be like, what the fuck 0:08:34.640 --> 0:08:37.880 is happening, But it actually starts being implemented at puberty 0:08:37.920 --> 0:08:42.200 and we're not realizing like that that overt emotionalness and 0:08:42.240 --> 0:08:44.320 like not knowing where to put it is probably stems 0:08:44.360 --> 0:08:45.480 from hormones too. 0:08:45.760 --> 0:08:48.640 Absolutely, I mean I think that she was actually hurt. Also, yes, 0:08:48.720 --> 0:08:51.400 the fucking friends are being bitches. You not her friends, 0:08:51.640 --> 0:08:53.840 exactly what I was trying to explain to her lightly, 0:08:54.080 --> 0:08:57.800 but I was just like, yeah, like I don't know, 0:08:57.840 --> 0:09:00.720 it's just it's all very strange to me, how the 0:09:00.760 --> 0:09:02.880 tables are turning. And then I was on the phone 0:09:02.880 --> 0:09:06.160 with her teacher today and she was like everything hit 0:09:06.200 --> 0:09:08.280 the fan today. I'm actually really happy about it because 0:09:08.280 --> 0:09:10.120 I had been like messaging the teacher telling her like, 0:09:10.160 --> 0:09:12.400 over the last few days, Iri has been getting bullied 0:09:12.400 --> 0:09:13.840 and she doesn't want me to tell you, but I 0:09:13.880 --> 0:09:16.440 need you to keep in lookout for her and see 0:09:16.440 --> 0:09:18.200 what the fuck is going on. So she calls me 0:09:18.520 --> 0:09:20.360 and then she's like, you know, with my daughter, like 0:09:20.440 --> 0:09:22.560 you know, I've told her that you know, some girls 0:09:22.600 --> 0:09:24.800 are just jealous, they're just jealous of you. And I 0:09:24.840 --> 0:09:27.760 was like, yeah, I just like I understand that that 0:09:28.080 --> 0:09:29.840 I know that's not your favorite, that's not I'm like, 0:09:29.920 --> 0:09:32.800 I'm already triggered by that idea too, just because I mean, 0:09:32.840 --> 0:09:34.480 you guys have heard me talk about this on the show, 0:09:34.559 --> 0:09:37.280 Like that was like my mom's angle with women, and 0:09:37.360 --> 0:09:41.679 it really deteriorated my relationship with women and girls growing up. 0:09:41.840 --> 0:09:43.360 Like do you think it affects you now? Like when 0:09:43.400 --> 0:09:45.520 you have beefs with people, do you ever be like 0:09:45.840 --> 0:09:47.720 is your first go to be like they're jealous of me? 0:09:47.800 --> 0:09:49.959 No? Not anymore, but it was for a long time, 0:09:50.160 --> 0:09:52.600 Like never, I don't ever think that anymore. I always 0:09:52.640 --> 0:09:54.880 know there's something else. I actually am like, babe, like 0:09:54.920 --> 0:09:58.040 what happened to your childhood? Like that's where my first thing. 0:09:58.120 --> 0:10:02.800 Let's go from the bikini, allow you hold I've been 0:10:02.800 --> 0:10:07.320 holding your breath all day. No, But I was just like, yeah, no, 0:10:07.360 --> 0:10:09.040 I'm not gonna that's not the angle I'm gonna go 0:10:09.120 --> 0:10:13.080 with her. That's that's just not gonna happen. But no, 0:10:13.280 --> 0:10:15.120 even if it is true, I mean perhaps it is, 0:10:15.160 --> 0:10:17.760 and unless I'm really experiencing that and I have facts 0:10:17.760 --> 0:10:20.840 behind this, like I'm not going to do start doing that. 0:10:22.440 --> 0:10:25.120 But anyway, all that to say is that I'm trying 0:10:25.160 --> 0:10:29.160 to I'm trying to access the love within and allow 0:10:29.240 --> 0:10:31.800 the mommy bear in me to just be tame and 0:10:31.880 --> 0:10:34.720 know that this is just a season and it's just 0:10:34.720 --> 0:10:36.960 this week or maybe it will maybe it will, you know, 0:10:37.360 --> 0:10:40.680 transpire and continue on. I don't know, but just having 0:10:41.040 --> 0:10:44.360 grace also for like I know, in particular, one of 0:10:44.360 --> 0:10:46.440 the little girls has had a really hard time with 0:10:46.520 --> 0:10:49.679 a parent, and so just like trying to understand and 0:10:49.720 --> 0:10:54.840 be loving even when like my child is like I guess, 0:10:55.120 --> 0:10:57.960 I don't want to say suffering, but she's in pain 0:10:58.040 --> 0:11:00.760 right now, and I'm trying to understand and give give 0:11:00.960 --> 0:11:04.360 the school and these little bitches grace. 0:11:05.240 --> 0:11:06.520 No, I think you're doing the right thing. And I 0:11:06.520 --> 0:11:09.240 think sometimes because you know, I've had conversations with Luna too, 0:11:09.240 --> 0:11:12.240 and I've just had to tell her without telling somebody 0:11:12.240 --> 0:11:14.160 else's business so they won't go back and repeat it, 0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:17.880 like hey, you know, you have to consider that people 0:11:17.880 --> 0:11:19.960 are other people are going through things, and they may 0:11:20.000 --> 0:11:22.880 not even realize it. She's probably sad, she's probably hurt 0:11:22.880 --> 0:11:26.079 for other reasons unrelated to you, And sometimes you can't 0:11:26.120 --> 0:11:27.800 like most of the times you can't take it personally, 0:11:27.840 --> 0:11:30.880 And then I realize we have this like this very 0:11:31.480 --> 0:11:35.000 important role that we have the ability to plan a 0:11:35.000 --> 0:11:37.560 seed right now that in life as she gets older, 0:11:37.600 --> 0:11:41.000 when she has problems with bitches, her first reaction like 0:11:41.040 --> 0:11:42.599 ours is not like I'm gonna be punch you in 0:11:42.640 --> 0:11:45.440 the face, but more like, oh, babe, like what's going 0:11:45.480 --> 0:11:47.240 on with you? You know what I mean, especially for 0:11:47.280 --> 0:11:49.600 someone who's like previously been as you know, a friend. 0:11:49.960 --> 0:11:53.440 But I think that like, yeah, I realize I'm very 0:11:53.440 --> 0:11:55.520 filly and my mom is very like I'll punch a 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:58.080 bitch in the face, so so am I. But does 0:11:58.120 --> 0:11:58.880 that really help? 0:11:59.040 --> 0:11:59.120 No? 0:11:59.320 --> 0:12:00.760 You know, like you have to be able to have 0:12:01.320 --> 0:12:04.040 insight to give your kid compassion as they get older, 0:12:04.080 --> 0:12:06.120 so that a they do have the confidence to check 0:12:06.160 --> 0:12:09.880 a bit but also to understand that the same I 0:12:09.880 --> 0:12:10.640 got nothing to do with me. 0:12:10.800 --> 0:12:14.400 Yeah, I will say that. Throughout this scenario, though, I 0:12:14.440 --> 0:12:18.560 had like a very like proud mom, like this feeling 0:12:18.600 --> 0:12:20.280 of like Okay, I did the right thing, like you 0:12:20.360 --> 0:12:23.040 ever had that happen, where like you handle the situation 0:12:23.320 --> 0:12:25.320 and it's like it actually excites you, like, oh my god, 0:12:25.320 --> 0:12:27.760 this is what parenting is all about, like finally, like 0:12:27.800 --> 0:12:32.240 I get this moment to like re re brand what 0:12:32.360 --> 0:12:34.920 perhaps maybe my mom would have done in this situation 0:12:35.360 --> 0:12:37.600 or what I experienced in this situation, and like totally 0:12:37.679 --> 0:12:40.200 change the narrative around it. And you know, cause at 0:12:40.200 --> 0:12:41.800 first I was like, Okay, what am I gonna do? 0:12:41.840 --> 0:12:43.400 I'm gonna let the school deal with this. And I 0:12:43.440 --> 0:12:44.760 was like, wait, no, no, she doesn't want me to 0:12:44.760 --> 0:12:46.760 do that because already my daughter is like kind of 0:12:47.400 --> 0:12:49.600 you know, to the keeps in like her emotions and 0:12:49.600 --> 0:12:51.760 her feelings. And she really she confided me in this 0:12:51.800 --> 0:12:53.320 and asked me not to share, so I'm like trying 0:12:53.360 --> 0:12:57.160 to also protect her privacy. But I was. 0:12:57.120 --> 0:12:58.920 Really sure you are talking about on a podcast? 0:13:00.480 --> 0:13:06.760 I mean, but I was. I. I talked to her 0:13:07.040 --> 0:13:11.280 mostly just about just standing up for herself and like 0:13:11.360 --> 0:13:13.120 that this is an opportunity for you to stand up 0:13:13.160 --> 0:13:16.439 for yourself. And you know, ask your friends a question, 0:13:16.800 --> 0:13:19.439 ask them like, hey, like that really hurt my feelings? 0:13:19.640 --> 0:13:22.040 Are we friends? Like That's as simple as it has 0:13:22.120 --> 0:13:24.560 to be, because I can't what the fuck? Would she say? 0:13:25.320 --> 0:13:25.400 No? 0:13:25.679 --> 0:13:25.920 Yes? 0:13:26.120 --> 0:13:26.560 Like oh cool? 0:13:26.559 --> 0:13:28.400 Because I and I was like, then you get your 0:13:28.400 --> 0:13:30.520 answer and then one another thing. I said, just take note. 0:13:30.840 --> 0:13:33.400 I was like, take note because like after the situation 0:13:33.440 --> 0:13:35.560 happened the first time, she's like, oh, we played the 0:13:35.559 --> 0:13:39.800 next day, We're fine. I said, interesting, Okay, take note. 0:13:39.920 --> 0:13:42.600 It's so crazy how how forgiving kids are and how 0:13:42.880 --> 0:13:46.120 unforgiving adults are because you've had I had other experience. 0:13:46.160 --> 0:13:49.120 She's it's forgiving, it's just trying to get through it. 0:13:49.480 --> 0:13:52.600 And also like not wanting to like lose her friend group. 0:13:52.760 --> 0:13:55.640 Not like she's there's a rhythm going, she likes it, 0:13:55.640 --> 0:13:58.040 it's comfortable, and the idea of it. 0:13:58.080 --> 0:14:00.720 Being changed interrupted. 0:14:00.040 --> 0:14:05.000 Anyway is more important than like her standing up for herself. Yeah. 0:14:05.480 --> 0:14:08.400 So I really drilled that into her over the last 0:14:08.600 --> 0:14:10.840 over this week, and granted I don't think she took 0:14:10.840 --> 0:14:13.120 my advice, but I know that she's listening, and so 0:14:13.240 --> 0:14:15.680 that's like the most important thing that like at some 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:17.880 point she'll come back to this. And I was like, 0:14:18.160 --> 0:14:21.960 do you think your dad lets people punk him? Hell? No? 0:14:22.040 --> 0:14:25.200 And I said do you think I let people punk him? Nah? 0:14:25.240 --> 0:14:27.240 And I was like, you ain't no punk and you're 0:14:27.280 --> 0:14:28.800 not about to let people punk you, period. 0:14:28.840 --> 0:14:29.080 I know. 0:14:29.240 --> 0:14:31.840 And I also thought about too that too, because I'm like, 0:14:31.920 --> 0:14:36.240 the blackway is you better not be letting anybody fucking 0:14:36.240 --> 0:14:37.880 punk you because I'll punk you. 0:14:38.400 --> 0:14:39.920 Well, that's kind of like the angle that I took 0:14:39.960 --> 0:14:42.680 on in a lighter lef so very. 0:14:42.520 --> 0:14:44.120 Like, actually she needs compassionate with the. 0:14:44.080 --> 0:14:48.280 Diet version of it was compassionate, but also like, yeah, nah, 0:14:48.280 --> 0:14:50.120 this is not gonna do You're not you don't come 0:14:50.160 --> 0:14:53.000 from a lineage of women that take shit, so you're 0:14:53.040 --> 0:14:55.600 not about taking shit. Fuck that you have no problem 0:14:55.920 --> 0:14:58.880 telling you what you read, so like, we're not about 0:14:58.880 --> 0:14:59.160 to do that. 0:14:59.760 --> 0:15:01.600 Yeah, And you know what, I think we sometimes be 0:15:01.680 --> 0:15:03.720 like a lot of times parents rushing under the carpet 0:15:03.720 --> 0:15:06.120 because there's other things going on. Kids will be kids, 0:15:06.120 --> 0:15:09.000 girls will be girls type shit. But I'm just realizing, 0:15:09.080 --> 0:15:11.960 like those things, those little small things like plant seeds 0:15:11.960 --> 0:15:14.400 and even I'm thinking in our book, I wrote in 0:15:14.440 --> 0:15:17.240 like the first I don't know, like chapter or two chapters, 0:15:17.480 --> 0:15:19.440 there was a specific part in my life. I was 0:15:19.480 --> 0:15:21.560 like in sixth grade and these girls were like wanting 0:15:21.600 --> 0:15:23.400 to fight me. And I don't know why this was 0:15:23.400 --> 0:15:25.280 significant when I was writing and reading the book, but 0:15:25.320 --> 0:15:27.760 I just remembered having this option like either I'm going 0:15:27.840 --> 0:15:30.040 to be scared because I was or I'm going to 0:15:30.080 --> 0:15:31.920 go meet the bitch, and I knew I had to 0:15:32.000 --> 0:15:33.800 go meet the bitch, you know. I was like, this 0:15:33.840 --> 0:15:35.840 is not going to look good permanently if I just 0:15:35.960 --> 0:15:38.760 like fear. Like I just remember so vividly clear, and 0:15:38.800 --> 0:15:41.640 that was my first time having the understanding and the 0:15:41.720 --> 0:15:45.240 memory of choosing to stand up for myself and choosing 0:15:45.560 --> 0:15:46.520 to say fuck the fear. 0:15:46.640 --> 0:15:48.800 You don't forget it. You don't forget that moment, because 0:15:48.880 --> 0:15:51.600 I think all of us like when whenever that's happened, 0:15:52.080 --> 0:15:53.840 you remember that shit. I remember when I did it. 0:15:53.880 --> 0:15:55.800 And by the way, y'all, if you haven't read our book, 0:15:57.680 --> 0:16:00.560 A Good Mom's Guide to Making Bad Choices do. You 0:16:00.560 --> 0:16:02.880 can buy this on Amazon. You can listen on audible. 0:16:02.920 --> 0:16:05.840 Listen to our Sexy Voices on audible. And it's an 0:16:05.840 --> 0:16:09.800 easy read. It's really heartfelt. It's very informative and very 0:16:09.800 --> 0:16:11.320 honest and honest and will help you. 0:16:13.120 --> 0:16:13.520 Anyway. 0:16:14.080 --> 0:16:17.280 Yeah, I'm sorry you're going through that. It's like the 0:16:17.320 --> 0:16:19.760 growing pains of the growing pains of the children that 0:16:19.760 --> 0:16:22.080 you're raising. You know, you feel what they feel, and 0:16:22.120 --> 0:16:24.440 it's this is not gonna be the last time, and 0:16:24.480 --> 0:16:26.840 it maybe won't be bullying because I will beat a 0:16:26.920 --> 0:16:30.200 bitch's ass, especially as they get older. But but also 0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:33.480 like heartbreaks, you know, relationships are gonna be those things. 0:16:33.520 --> 0:16:35.440 Oh my god, if a nigga breaks my baby's heart, 0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:38.960 we won't stay out of it. Lord gave me strength. 0:16:39.040 --> 0:16:40.040 Imis stay out of it. 0:16:40.280 --> 0:16:44.360 You know, it's you have to, they have to. 0:16:45.720 --> 0:16:46.120 Oh my god. 0:16:46.120 --> 0:16:48.640 I remember one time somebody was bullying. Did you see that? 0:16:48.680 --> 0:16:50.680 Did you see the news that red men apparently punched 0:16:51.880 --> 0:16:57.360 huh oh method man. I supposedly punched his daughter's boyfriend 0:16:57.360 --> 0:16:58.720 in the face six times at the gym. 0:16:59.080 --> 0:17:03.160 Yeah, And I said my past and said, sounds justified 0:17:03.160 --> 0:17:06.399 to me. I was like yeah, And then also there 0:17:06.440 --> 0:17:07.480 was yeah, there's supposedly it. 0:17:07.440 --> 0:17:09.520 Didn't happen, and supposedly the either side it didn't happen. 0:17:09.520 --> 0:17:11.720 But if it did, I mean shit, you. 0:17:11.640 --> 0:17:15.600 Know, I wish my dad would have punched more people. 0:17:15.800 --> 0:17:17.399 So I mean, so do I I wish sometimes my 0:17:17.480 --> 0:17:19.400 dad would have protected me more because a lot of times, 0:17:19.440 --> 0:17:22.080 whenever I came to him with heartbreak, he didn't have 0:17:22.119 --> 0:17:22.440 a lot. 0:17:22.320 --> 0:17:23.879 Of remorse for me because he's a man, and he 0:17:23.880 --> 0:17:25.639 figured that's not gonna be He wasn't wrong, It was 0:17:25.680 --> 0:17:27.160 not gonna be the first or last time it happened. 0:17:27.200 --> 0:17:30.000 Ye, but a girl needs protection from her father. And 0:17:30.040 --> 0:17:32.359 like I just I think that that also sent me 0:17:32.440 --> 0:17:35.840 down a path of like just accepting a lot of 0:17:35.840 --> 0:17:38.320 things for men. And like you know, obviously this month 0:17:38.359 --> 0:17:41.119 we're talking about love and like honestly the origins of 0:17:41.160 --> 0:17:43.320 our love space, and like when I think about that, 0:17:43.480 --> 0:17:47.560 like that really hat does and has impacted me as 0:17:47.560 --> 0:17:51.400 an adult on like how I view Like I don't 0:17:51.400 --> 0:17:53.720 want to say my worthiness because it's but it's more 0:17:53.800 --> 0:17:55.840 so like that I'm normalized? 0:17:55.880 --> 0:17:56.800 Am I being protected? 0:17:56.880 --> 0:17:59.600 Normalizing certain things that are not that shouldn't be normal? 0:17:59.800 --> 0:18:02.320 Just be because my dad said, this is what niggas 0:18:02.359 --> 0:18:05.240 do you know? And and till this day he'll stand, 0:18:05.359 --> 0:18:08.240 he'll still he'll still stand ten toes down on that. 0:18:08.280 --> 0:18:09.600 I can't wait to have him back on the show. 0:18:10.119 --> 0:18:12.199 If you guys haven't listened to our episode we did 0:18:12.200 --> 0:18:13.600 a few years ago with my dad. I think it's 0:18:13.600 --> 0:18:18.159 called like groupies football and I don't know, like regret 0:18:18.240 --> 0:18:21.760 or something with my dad on it where he talks 0:18:21.880 --> 0:18:24.000 just about his views. Even I think I think he 0:18:24.080 --> 0:18:25.680 might have even mentioned that, and if not, we need 0:18:25.720 --> 0:18:27.760 to dive into that when he comes back on. No, 0:18:27.800 --> 0:18:32.520 we did mention that, but yeah, he's he's very much 0:18:32.760 --> 0:18:40.360 like a very strong voice in all men sheet and. 0:18:39.640 --> 0:18:40.880 He's an advocate. 0:18:42.000 --> 0:18:44.840 Even the bus driver. It doesn't matter, Yeah, it doesn't matter, 0:18:44.880 --> 0:18:46.800 Like it doesn't matter if you're rich poor in between, 0:18:48.160 --> 0:18:54.040 and like that conversation happened when I was in high school. 0:18:54.200 --> 0:18:56.320 I was like, my yeah, it was like a really 0:18:56.440 --> 0:18:59.040 horrible breakup that I was going through, and I remember 0:18:59.080 --> 0:19:01.720 he's telling telling me that, and it's stuck and he's 0:19:01.920 --> 0:19:04.640 and he continued to tell me that even even when 0:19:04.680 --> 0:19:07.399 my baby daddy like had a baby on me, although 0:19:07.400 --> 0:19:08.719 he did have a little bit. He was like, well, 0:19:08.760 --> 0:19:11.119 that's kind of crazy. We don't bring babies home, like 0:19:11.160 --> 0:19:14.880 we just we cheat in secrecy and we might get caught, 0:19:14.880 --> 0:19:17.280 but we don't. We don't co create, we don't. 0:19:17.080 --> 0:19:19.760 Bring receipts, lifelong receipts to the cheating. 0:19:19.800 --> 0:19:24.160 What the fuck? But yeah, I think that's that's definitely 0:19:24.200 --> 0:19:27.800 something that is a real, a real thing. 0:19:27.920 --> 0:19:31.320 So I don't know, Yeah, I mean then and then 0:19:31.840 --> 0:19:34.080 to think about it from the parents point of view, 0:19:34.160 --> 0:19:36.800 like just like method Man has been on the news 0:19:36.800 --> 0:19:39.560 for punching the guy six times. Like if your dad 0:19:39.600 --> 0:19:41.080 would have taken action, he would have been on the 0:19:41.080 --> 0:19:43.280 shade room if there was a shade room there. Like you, 0:19:43.400 --> 0:19:46.080 as a parent, you literally can't go fuck up a kid, 0:19:46.200 --> 0:19:49.080 you know. But I have seen in my childhood, like 0:19:49.359 --> 0:19:52.560 one of my best friend's moms pulled a little nakedbie 0:19:52.560 --> 0:19:56.080 his sweatshirt string and got in his face and was like, 0:19:56.359 --> 0:19:58.960 I'll fuck you up, And I was like, that seems fair. 0:20:00.280 --> 0:20:01.920 So I feel like I don't know if that should 0:20:01.920 --> 0:20:03.639 have never been an example in my head because if 0:20:03.640 --> 0:20:06.640 somebody fucks with Luna, I'll pull your fucking sweatshirt string 0:20:06.680 --> 0:20:10.320 and get in that motherfucking face because I didn't hit you, true, 0:20:10.920 --> 0:20:13.840 but you know it's sticky, it's sticky area. Just so 0:20:13.920 --> 0:20:16.800 you guys know, we are not advising that you beat 0:20:16.880 --> 0:20:19.760 up any kids. Oh, these are very bad choices. Don't 0:20:19.800 --> 0:20:22.200 trip or beat up any kids. Maybe get this close 0:20:22.240 --> 0:20:23.120 to their face though. 0:20:24.320 --> 0:20:26.639 Speaking of bad choices, I think we have doing a 0:20:26.640 --> 0:20:27.880 bad choice of the week. 0:20:28.040 --> 0:20:33.080 Day mom not a bad mom, but a bad mom, 0:20:33.119 --> 0:20:37.800 so good how. 0:20:40.600 --> 0:20:42.840 Put my girls to bed earlier this week? Then change 0:20:42.880 --> 0:20:46.040 into my lingerie, so be, so me and my hesbie 0:20:46.440 --> 0:20:49.760 could have nasty time. Hesbie, it's a hesbe? Is that 0:20:49.840 --> 0:20:50.280 a husband? 0:20:50.280 --> 0:20:51.080 A husband? Bae? 0:20:51.119 --> 0:20:54.720 Oh okay, my oldest woke up before we got started, 0:20:54.800 --> 0:20:56.600 so then I had to tuck her back in bed, 0:20:56.920 --> 0:20:58.879 but forgot to put on my robe before and she 0:20:58.920 --> 0:21:01.920 saw me half naked and lingerie. Now she's been pissed 0:21:01.920 --> 0:21:04.320 off at me ever since we're baby. 0:21:04.359 --> 0:21:05.400 At least that's all she saw. 0:21:05.480 --> 0:21:10.560 Shit, I mean, how old is she? And second, you 0:21:10.600 --> 0:21:14.399 know what, I think this is notoriously the problem. Moms 0:21:14.400 --> 0:21:17.120 are always trying to hide that were sexual beings and 0:21:17.240 --> 0:21:19.959 you're married and she's the product of this love. And 0:21:20.000 --> 0:21:22.359 not to say you got to walk away walk around 0:21:22.400 --> 0:21:28.439 the house in your lingerie, but like you're a wife 0:21:28.480 --> 0:21:31.080 and you're a woman, and you were sexy shit at night, 0:21:31.840 --> 0:21:33.400 and you know what, And I just feel like, yeah, 0:21:33.440 --> 0:21:35.600 I think we get so weird around it instead of 0:21:35.600 --> 0:21:37.159 just being like this is yeah, I got dressed up 0:21:37.160 --> 0:21:40.720 for daddy one time we were driving by a lingerie store. 0:21:40.720 --> 0:21:42.720 I think that would take a lot for most women 0:21:42.760 --> 0:21:46.800 to say, an everyday woman who whose daughter probably never 0:21:46.840 --> 0:21:47.919 even seen her ass naked. 0:21:48.040 --> 0:21:50.119 I'm just I'm just lightly suggesting me. 0:21:50.200 --> 0:21:51.800 I don't. I'm not disagreeing with you. I think that 0:21:51.840 --> 0:21:54.040 there's I think there's a lot of I think there's 0:21:54.040 --> 0:21:56.080 a lot of future healing in that that kids don't 0:21:56.080 --> 0:21:58.040 even realize they're getting. Like they might not understand in 0:21:58.080 --> 0:22:00.080 the moment, but later on when they were adults and 0:22:00.119 --> 0:22:01.639 they say, oh, my god, like, yeah, I grew up 0:22:01.640 --> 0:22:03.560 in a house where like my parents made out. I 0:22:03.560 --> 0:22:05.920 grew up in a house where like I saw the love. 0:22:05.960 --> 0:22:08.240 I saw the love. And then in the in the moment, 0:22:08.320 --> 0:22:11.040 it's like, ill, gross, But in the future, when your 0:22:11.040 --> 0:22:13.720 parents are still happily married, you're like, and then why 0:22:13.960 --> 0:22:18.960 you have a happy perception around what healthy love looks 0:22:19.000 --> 0:22:21.520 like because you experienced it in your household. 0:22:21.760 --> 0:22:24.479 It's different and it requires that you like you're like 0:22:24.840 --> 0:22:27.320 you you have the conversation and you'd be like, oh, like, 0:22:27.359 --> 0:22:29.919 are you feeling weird because I'm you know, whatever it 0:22:29.960 --> 0:22:32.000 is about my outfit. It's like, yeah, I got dressed 0:22:32.040 --> 0:22:33.560 up for Daddy last night because we were, you know, 0:22:33.600 --> 0:22:35.719 having some alone time. And I noticed one time we 0:22:35.720 --> 0:22:37.800 were driving by a lingerie store on like Ventura and 0:22:37.880 --> 0:22:41.000 Van Eys and Linda was like out the window, like 0:22:41.000 --> 0:22:42.960 you should get something for there for there for a 0:22:43.040 --> 0:22:45.119 landout to wear for a Lando And I was like, 0:22:47.000 --> 0:22:47.399 oh wait, you. 0:22:47.400 --> 0:22:48.119 Know what's so funny? 0:22:48.119 --> 0:22:49.919 And I was like, why is she saying this to me? 0:22:50.520 --> 0:22:52.600 And I guess I should be proud because she because 0:22:52.600 --> 0:22:54.960 she knows that that's like a part of it. But 0:22:55.040 --> 0:22:57.520 I was just like, I literally was. 0:22:59.160 --> 0:23:09.960 Okay, okay, okay. 0:23:13.680 --> 0:23:18.000 Wait, So when after your engagement, when they came back 0:23:18.040 --> 0:23:22.719 to my house, Luna was like, Erica, why did I 0:23:22.720 --> 0:23:24.359 I thought I was gonna spend the night at my house, 0:23:24.400 --> 0:23:26.000 Like why am I going to your house? We're in 0:23:26.040 --> 0:23:28.800 the car, and I was like, because we just decided 0:23:28.840 --> 0:23:30.840 to come to my house. And she was like, but 0:23:30.920 --> 0:23:33.560 like I like your house and everything, Like she literally 0:23:33.600 --> 0:23:35.439 said this, I like your house and everything, but like 0:23:35.720 --> 0:23:37.439 I don't get it, Like why do I need to 0:23:37.440 --> 0:23:39.840 come to your house? Like we were getting ready for bed, 0:23:40.440 --> 0:23:43.280 and I said, well, because your mom and Orlandos got 0:23:43.280 --> 0:23:45.480 engaged and they probably want to be alone and have 0:23:45.600 --> 0:23:48.600 spent this moment together. And then Iri goes, yeah, like 0:23:48.880 --> 0:23:51.439 a honeymoon sort of. And I was like, what the 0:23:51.480 --> 0:23:53.720 fuck does First of all, what does she think that means, 0:23:54.119 --> 0:23:57.000 And then like I know Luna knows better than like 0:23:57.040 --> 0:23:58.440 I know she knows or maybe not, maybe. 0:23:58.280 --> 0:24:01.760 She didn't know. Do you think I she's traumatized? Do 0:24:01.800 --> 0:24:04.120 you think I like traumatized her by like making her leave? 0:24:04.160 --> 0:24:06.200 And like does she think that now we're engaged, so 0:24:06.240 --> 0:24:07.879 we're gonna almost have to be alone or something? 0:24:08.119 --> 0:24:10.119 Oh no, that's not that's not what I took. No, 0:24:10.200 --> 0:24:12.520 I know, I know you didn't that, but my mind 0:24:12.600 --> 0:24:14.719 is overthinking, like what does she think this means? 0:24:14.760 --> 0:24:17.399 And like is she's like is she scared? Like you 0:24:17.440 --> 0:24:19.240 know what I mean? Like sometimes there's things that happen 0:24:19.280 --> 0:24:21.800 in adulthood and you understand, but you don't understand. 0:24:21.840 --> 0:24:23.159 Well, have you had a conversation with her? 0:24:23.240 --> 0:24:25.360 But what this means a little bit? But I didn't 0:24:25.400 --> 0:24:27.879 want to plant my own fears in seeds and like 0:24:27.920 --> 0:24:29.800 maybe she's not thinking about it at all, So I 0:24:29.840 --> 0:24:31.040 was just like, let me shut the fuck up. 0:24:31.080 --> 0:24:33.800 You know, well, I think that's not it's not necessarily 0:24:33.880 --> 0:24:37.840 about planting seeds, but like reassurance, it's more about reassurances, 0:24:37.960 --> 0:24:40.080 Like I'm so excited in this new chapter of our life. 0:24:40.080 --> 0:24:42.399 I want you to know, like every nothing changes, like 0:24:42.600 --> 0:24:45.200 it's just that we are, like, you know, furthering our 0:24:45.920 --> 0:24:48.520 our family life, like you know, we're solidified as like 0:24:48.520 --> 0:24:50.840 a real family unit, and not that we weren't already, 0:24:50.920 --> 0:24:52.960 but like we're going to celebrate our love and like 0:24:53.680 --> 0:24:55.919 you're part of that. I know, because instead I'm like, 0:24:56.160 --> 0:24:58.520 not like, are you okay? Do you think that Mommy's 0:24:58.560 --> 0:24:59.320 going to be away now? 0:24:59.400 --> 0:25:00.560 Because I was just. 0:25:00.480 --> 0:25:01.800 Like that would be planting seed. 0:25:01.880 --> 0:25:03.880 I was like, are you okay? Is everything okay? Because 0:25:03.880 --> 0:25:04.960 she was mad at me the other night, I like, 0:25:04.960 --> 0:25:06.520 what if it's that? And I was like I wanted 0:25:06.520 --> 0:25:07.840 to ask her, but I was like no, and I 0:25:07.840 --> 0:25:09.720 was like, are you feeling weird about anything? 0:25:10.520 --> 0:25:11.520 Why did you ask her? 0:25:12.080 --> 0:25:13.520 I don't know because I didn't want to plant any 0:25:13.520 --> 0:25:14.639 seed and I don't know how to say it, so 0:25:14.680 --> 0:25:16.560 I was just like, are you feeling weird about anything? 0:25:16.960 --> 0:25:18.720 She was mad at me about being on my phone 0:25:18.760 --> 0:25:21.240 too much, but I just was like like a little 0:25:21.240 --> 0:25:24.720 bit panicking, But yeah, I just it is interesting, you 0:25:24.760 --> 0:25:27.640 know how we perceive things, the conversations we don't have, 0:25:27.800 --> 0:25:31.679 and like, yeah, the lingerie thing, it's hilarious. And also 0:25:32.600 --> 0:25:35.080 I was asking Erica this before we started the episode, 0:25:35.119 --> 0:25:37.280 because you know, we're talking about love this month and 0:25:37.320 --> 0:25:40.080 about our personal journey and love. And I was just 0:25:40.119 --> 0:25:42.879 like asking her, Dan, what did I ask you? Not 0:25:43.000 --> 0:25:44.040 even high fuck. 0:25:48.400 --> 0:25:49.200 You asked me something. 0:25:49.359 --> 0:25:54.399 I asked you something about Oh, I asked you, do 0:25:54.440 --> 0:25:56.679 you think that your mom taught you how to be 0:25:56.840 --> 0:25:58.840 a wife or a girlfriend? Like did you see your 0:25:58.880 --> 0:26:01.040 mom show up in a way that you took like 0:26:01.080 --> 0:26:03.639 you had an example and so in like those are 0:26:03.720 --> 0:26:06.280 things that you understood as you got older. And she 0:26:06.440 --> 0:26:08.199 was like, no, you know, And I was just like 0:26:09.000 --> 0:26:10.760 with some of my friends, I know that their moms 0:26:10.840 --> 0:26:15.000 specifically taught them how to be wives and like caretakers, 0:26:15.080 --> 0:26:16.919 and I don't know if I didn't really get that. 0:26:17.080 --> 0:26:19.280 So I was wondering if you got that from your mom, 0:26:19.359 --> 0:26:24.000 like especially coming from like Latina, like you know, heritage 0:26:24.000 --> 0:26:27.440 that's very like like cultural. And even my other friend 0:26:27.520 --> 0:26:30.240 her mom's Asian and her her mom was Asian, and 0:26:30.280 --> 0:26:36.760 so I see that like that. 0:26:34.440 --> 0:26:35.240 That like. 0:26:36.920 --> 0:26:39.479 You know that that traditional wife role where you take 0:26:39.560 --> 0:26:41.680 care of the husband in a specific way. 0:26:41.840 --> 0:26:45.280 I think that the women in my family, specifically on 0:26:45.840 --> 0:26:47.919 the Mexican side of my family, they didn't get that 0:26:48.480 --> 0:26:53.240 bug I even think about my grandmother, like she had 0:26:53.240 --> 0:26:56.359 two husbands left either one of them not evenly giving 0:26:56.359 --> 0:27:00.560 a fuck her her mom, same kind of same thing, 0:27:00.800 --> 0:27:06.240 like they were never the family husband dynamic wasn't really 0:27:06.520 --> 0:27:09.760 the priority. And now even thinking more about my mom 0:27:09.800 --> 0:27:13.639 and her journey, because she's been with my stepdad for 0:27:16.119 --> 0:27:19.040 twenty eight years or something like that. They're not married, 0:27:19.160 --> 0:27:22.280 they're not technically married. They are married, but there's been 0:27:22.280 --> 0:27:24.320 no married. There's been no wedding, there's been no celebration, 0:27:24.400 --> 0:27:27.639 there's been no sacred union, no nothing. It's just a 0:27:27.760 --> 0:27:31.160 ring that she doesn't even wear. And I think about 0:27:31.160 --> 0:27:32.440 when I was a child, she always told me she 0:27:32.440 --> 0:27:34.320 didn't want to be married. She told me she didn't 0:27:34.359 --> 0:27:40.320 believe in marriage. And then later on a few years ago, 0:27:40.480 --> 0:27:42.000 this is not a few years ago, this is a 0:27:42.040 --> 0:27:47.000 while ago, she told me that she did want to 0:27:47.000 --> 0:27:50.639 get married. He just never asked again again, Yeah, And 0:27:50.760 --> 0:27:53.440 I was like what, like he proposed and then they 0:27:53.440 --> 0:27:56.520 never talked about it again, and like like she I 0:27:56.560 --> 0:27:58.520 think she was waiting for him. I think because she 0:27:58.600 --> 0:28:03.040 has fear around marriage, she was wanting him to like 0:28:03.119 --> 0:28:05.840 really ten Shale, even though he did fucking initiate. He 0:28:05.880 --> 0:28:07.639 got on one kneed and fucking bought a ring and 0:28:07.640 --> 0:28:10.280 did it. Were you there? Yeah, he asked for my 0:28:10.480 --> 0:28:12.520 you know, he asked for my blessing or whatever. But 0:28:13.680 --> 0:28:15.399 I think because of that, I carry that with me. 0:28:15.600 --> 0:28:17.680 I was very much like, I don't ever want to 0:28:17.680 --> 0:28:19.600 have kids, I don't ever want to get married very much. 0:28:19.720 --> 0:28:22.160 Never was like I want to be a wife. No, 0:28:22.200 --> 0:28:24.120 I don't want to be a girlfriend. Yeah, I love 0:28:24.200 --> 0:28:26.320 love love, I want to be a girlfriend. I literally 0:28:26.359 --> 0:28:30.240 never thought anything past the girlfriend phase, Like I don't 0:28:30.240 --> 0:28:32.280 know why, like it, did I want forever, yes, but 0:28:32.320 --> 0:28:37.480 I didn't associate marriage with forever forever. And you know, 0:28:37.640 --> 0:28:39.840 even now looking at my mom and her relationship, like 0:28:39.840 --> 0:28:41.880 they have a really great friendship. They've been together for 0:28:41.920 --> 0:28:43.560 a really long time, They've shown up for each other 0:28:43.560 --> 0:28:45.960 in different ways. So there is I have, I guess, 0:28:46.080 --> 0:28:50.760 had the the I have had the example of what 0:28:50.960 --> 0:28:54.760 partnership looks like in my house, but it wasn't necessarily 0:28:54.840 --> 0:28:58.000 under the guise of marriage, and like this like this 0:28:58.120 --> 0:29:02.080 like deep understanding of what that actually means, I guess 0:29:02.120 --> 0:29:02.800 in society. 0:29:03.880 --> 0:29:07.080 Yeah, it's so interesting, like you don't even recognize you 0:29:07.120 --> 0:29:09.440 haven't been taught something until you're in the position and 0:29:09.440 --> 0:29:11.000 you're like, do I know what the fuck I'm doing, 0:29:11.560 --> 0:29:15.280 you know, and like it's just some woman, you know, 0:29:15.320 --> 0:29:17.400 Like and I just wonder our perceptions of what like 0:29:17.520 --> 0:29:19.800 marriage and love is and like how to be a wife, 0:29:19.960 --> 0:29:22.440 and is that something like we're supposed to teach our girls, 0:29:22.480 --> 0:29:24.520 you know? And I was just like so interesting. My 0:29:24.600 --> 0:29:26.440 dad made a comment to me a few years ago, 0:29:26.760 --> 0:29:29.040 and it stuck with me because I'd never heard him 0:29:29.040 --> 0:29:31.720 say anything like that, and like, I think he was 0:29:31.760 --> 0:29:33.720 like seeing, first of all, my parents are still married. Okay, 0:29:33.720 --> 0:29:35.479 they've been together for four hundred years. All they do 0:29:35.520 --> 0:29:37.600 is fight, and they still fuck around and they still 0:29:37.600 --> 0:29:41.560 live together sometimes it's really weird. But he was seeing 0:29:41.560 --> 0:29:44.200 someone at the time, and I think me and my 0:29:44.240 --> 0:29:47.360 mom are from Philly, so she's about that life. And 0:29:47.400 --> 0:29:49.720 I think she had told me something the lady said. 0:29:49.760 --> 0:29:51.680 This is years ago. I can't even remember. I remember this. 0:29:52.000 --> 0:29:57.040 I called the lady and I cursed her out, and yeah, okay, 0:29:57.440 --> 0:29:59.600 this is like very much into adulthood. Like I don't 0:29:59.600 --> 0:30:01.760 know why in my parents' business to this degree as 0:30:01.760 --> 0:30:05.920 a fucking in my late twenties, but my dad was like, 0:30:06.080 --> 0:30:09.680 you know, your mom never was affectionate towards me. Your 0:30:09.720 --> 0:30:12.440 mom never showed me affection. She's never been like soft 0:30:12.480 --> 0:30:14.600 with me. And I was just like looking at him, 0:30:14.640 --> 0:30:18.000 like what the fuck are you talking about? Weak ass niggid? 0:30:19.160 --> 0:30:22.760 But then I later realized like, oh wow, like is 0:30:22.800 --> 0:30:27.479 that something I've never seen? And like sometimes but not really, 0:30:27.720 --> 0:30:29.920 and then like how does that affect me? And who 0:30:30.000 --> 0:30:31.480 I show up as and how I am in a 0:30:31.520 --> 0:30:34.600 relationship and like my go to I and like even 0:30:34.600 --> 0:30:37.720 in him saying it, like my dad's very manipulative, but 0:30:37.760 --> 0:30:39.920 he's also very charming, and I knew he wasn't lying. 0:30:40.600 --> 0:30:43.320 And then for the first time, like after it settled in, 0:30:43.400 --> 0:30:46.160 like I had some compassion for him a little bit, 0:30:47.400 --> 0:30:51.000 you know in that, But it was just interesting to 0:30:51.120 --> 0:30:53.440 me that I had never noticed it before until he 0:30:54.000 --> 0:30:56.920 mentioned it. So it's just like, yeah, as we talk 0:30:56.960 --> 0:31:01.120 about our journey of love and as I, you know, 0:31:01.720 --> 0:31:05.040 embark on this journey of marriage and can we wait 0:31:05.120 --> 0:31:07.680 because last episode La didn't have her ring on, which 0:31:07.720 --> 0:31:09.640 is crazy she had to go get her resize. 0:31:09.800 --> 0:31:11.520 Can we please get a ring cam. We need a 0:31:11.560 --> 0:31:14.400 ring cam, We need the ring cam. 0:31:15.000 --> 0:31:20.240 I'm going to be a whizz off whizz off. So yeah, 0:31:20.320 --> 0:31:23.120 I just even that night and even the next morning, 0:31:23.240 --> 0:31:26.880 as I'm like processing that all this has happened, you know, 0:31:26.920 --> 0:31:29.920 because it did. It happen so fast, I'm like, my 0:31:29.920 --> 0:31:32.160 friends are here, I'm getting hugs. Oh shit, Oh my god, 0:31:32.360 --> 0:31:35.160 there's a ring. Look at it. And I was just like, 0:31:35.320 --> 0:31:37.680 oh my god, Like what does this mean now? You know, 0:31:37.800 --> 0:31:42.120 like officially, I think this is actually the physical representation 0:31:42.680 --> 0:31:48.080 that I needed. That bitch, you are getting older. I 0:31:48.160 --> 0:31:50.680 have been fighting it, you know, like I am clinging 0:31:50.720 --> 0:31:52.680 to youth, like I'm the fucking fountain of youth. And 0:31:52.680 --> 0:31:55.400 I'm like, oh, like there are plans that need to 0:31:55.440 --> 0:31:58.360 be in action because you're getting older and life is 0:31:58.400 --> 0:31:59.959 evolving and things are changing. 0:32:00.840 --> 0:32:06.000 You've mentioned before how in your history of love and relationships, 0:32:06.000 --> 0:32:09.320 even though I know that you maybe didn't see like 0:32:09.360 --> 0:32:11.840 a softness or whatever in your household, you still had 0:32:12.200 --> 0:32:14.160 your parents lived together and there was obviously they were 0:32:14.240 --> 0:32:18.360 married that growing up you wanted to be a housewife 0:32:19.000 --> 0:32:23.960 and you wanted like that's what you wanted, Like does this, yeah, 0:32:24.000 --> 0:32:27.800 does this somehow like feed you in a way, like 0:32:27.880 --> 0:32:30.440 feed that version of yourself in some way, Like does 0:32:30.480 --> 0:32:33.600 it feel like validating to you in that way? Because 0:32:33.640 --> 0:32:36.280 maybe I don't know if at some point you kind 0:32:36.280 --> 0:32:38.479 of wrote that off and decided like that wasn't going 0:32:38.560 --> 0:32:41.800 to be necessarily like your story or maybe not. I 0:32:41.840 --> 0:32:43.440 don't know, Like how does it feel. 0:32:44.080 --> 0:32:47.120 It feels like a little bit surreal, like I'm having 0:32:47.160 --> 0:32:50.520 an out of body experience, like I'm experiencing and I 0:32:50.560 --> 0:32:52.440 know it's happening, and I know I'm in love, and 0:32:52.480 --> 0:32:55.800 then I'm like, but I feel like, oh shit, it 0:32:55.880 --> 0:32:58.800 is me. It is happening to me, and like I 0:32:58.800 --> 0:33:01.800 think I'm still integrating like the pro like that it's happening, 0:33:01.840 --> 0:33:03.800 and like even to the point where even in the 0:33:03.840 --> 0:33:06.720 moment when I saw the ring, I was like, oh god, 0:33:06.760 --> 0:33:10.720 it's huge, Like it's so big, not like it's mine 0:33:10.760 --> 0:33:13.280 and I'm gonna I'm like maybe I didn't. Maybe it's 0:33:13.280 --> 0:33:16.080 somewhere subconsciously like I didn't. I don't believe that I 0:33:16.120 --> 0:33:19.240 deserve that, you know, like like oh wow, that's large, 0:33:19.360 --> 0:33:23.719 you know, And I don't know. Yeah, I've had to 0:33:23.800 --> 0:33:25.680 like kind of like dig into that, like peel the 0:33:25.720 --> 0:33:28.280 layers back a little bit. But no, I'm excited and 0:33:28.320 --> 0:33:30.880 I think it's settling in and I knew it was happening, 0:33:30.920 --> 0:33:34.840 and it still feels different than it actually being in 0:33:34.880 --> 0:33:36.960 the happening. But I did want to be a housewife, 0:33:36.960 --> 0:33:39.280 and I'm really excited to be a wife, and I 0:33:39.360 --> 0:33:42.400 just think I had a picture perfect idea of how 0:33:42.400 --> 0:33:46.280 my life was going to go, and I didn't necessarily 0:33:48.880 --> 0:33:50.400 as I was saying, I just wanted to be taken 0:33:50.440 --> 0:33:52.960 care of and like be pretty and have a big 0:33:53.000 --> 0:33:55.120 house and be taken care of, but not like all 0:33:55.400 --> 0:33:57.120 the things that were going to go into that. And 0:33:57.160 --> 0:33:59.160 I realized I probably wanted those things because of my 0:33:59.560 --> 0:34:02.280 trauma of my parents fighting all the time growing up. 0:34:03.880 --> 0:34:07.400 So yeah, I guess I am actively healing the things 0:34:07.440 --> 0:34:10.279 that I thought that were broken in me or the 0:34:10.320 --> 0:34:13.920 things that I didn't think that I could manifest or 0:34:13.960 --> 0:34:16.560 have for myself. Kind of like when Zosia was on 0:34:16.640 --> 0:34:19.719 that one episode and we asked her marriage and she said, 0:34:19.760 --> 0:34:26.000 white women, you know, like that for us. I think 0:34:26.040 --> 0:34:27.840 a lot of times you see like Happily Ever afters, 0:34:27.840 --> 0:34:30.440 and you do you associate them with white women or 0:34:30.520 --> 0:34:32.120 like you know what you see on TV, which is 0:34:32.160 --> 0:34:34.720 generally white women, and so yeah, having to place myself, 0:34:34.719 --> 0:34:36.799 there has been a little bit like oh, it's my 0:34:36.920 --> 0:34:39.160 turn now, and I deserve this and I'm worthy of it, 0:34:39.560 --> 0:34:42.000 which I realize is just like another part of love 0:34:42.040 --> 0:34:45.319 that we don't recognize is also so deeply ingrained in us. 0:34:45.360 --> 0:34:48.879 It's like, do you feel like you deserve true, healthy love? 0:34:49.120 --> 0:34:51.520 And if you don't truly believe it, even if you 0:34:51.600 --> 0:34:54.840 say it, how does that manifest in the partners that 0:34:54.880 --> 0:34:55.840 you attract? 0:34:57.600 --> 0:35:00.120 Yeah, I mean there's I think there's a lot of 0:35:01.760 --> 0:35:04.200 fear around especially if you've had you know, bad luck 0:35:04.200 --> 0:35:05.920 and love. And I don't even want to say bad 0:35:06.000 --> 0:35:07.799 luck because I think it's a series of choices that 0:35:07.840 --> 0:35:10.160 you make. I don't I don't test it to luck, 0:35:11.400 --> 0:35:13.959 but you don't trust your choices, you know, in love. 0:35:14.000 --> 0:35:16.000 And so then you're like, Okay, I think I'm ready, 0:35:16.120 --> 0:35:17.680 Like what are the things that I need to look 0:35:17.719 --> 0:35:20.320 out for, Like what is what are the steps? And 0:35:20.360 --> 0:35:23.400 in knowing that, like I'm ready for this love, and 0:35:23.960 --> 0:35:28.480 I'm I'm equipped, and so me and me laugh can 0:35:29.000 --> 0:35:32.760 concocted a list of these things through our own personal research, 0:35:33.840 --> 0:35:41.160 through UH observing experience, experience, observing, speaking with honestly thousands 0:35:41.200 --> 0:35:43.960 of women at this point, through the podcast or the 0:35:43.960 --> 0:35:47.640 work we do with the Good vib Retreat, we've I 0:35:47.640 --> 0:35:51.239 feel like we we have some good, good quality perspectives 0:35:51.280 --> 0:35:54.279 and answers here. But before we get into that, I'm 0:35:54.360 --> 0:35:55.960 rolling this joint I love for us. 0:35:56.000 --> 0:35:57.200 You're rolling a backwood. 0:35:57.440 --> 0:36:00.400 I'm rolling a backward, true true, and I just want 0:36:00.440 --> 0:36:02.439 to I want to show y'all like I know y'all 0:36:02.520 --> 0:36:05.400 see us smoke backwards all the time, and honestly, like 0:36:06.239 --> 0:36:09.640 I love backwards. But I love the true raps the most. 0:36:09.640 --> 0:36:11.800 And I'm gonna tell you why I do too, because 0:36:11.960 --> 0:36:12.759 they come like this. 0:36:14.000 --> 0:36:15.799 You don't have that shit all over your house. 0:36:15.840 --> 0:36:19.440 They come already done. Because I don't like this stuff, 0:36:19.480 --> 0:36:22.640 Like this stuff on the inside. Is this stuff on 0:36:22.680 --> 0:36:24.600 the inside of anything. I don't want anything on the 0:36:24.640 --> 0:36:32.440 inside except love and juices. And so that this has 0:36:32.480 --> 0:36:34.960 made my life a lot easier. And I'm actually I 0:36:35.000 --> 0:36:36.080 picked up this cannabis. 0:36:36.200 --> 0:36:37.719 Let me just show you the in case you're at 0:36:37.760 --> 0:36:40.480 the store and you need to pick one up. This 0:36:40.560 --> 0:36:44.319 is the true wraps packaging. And you know, I don't 0:36:44.320 --> 0:36:46.359 see them in la as often, but if you look 0:36:46.400 --> 0:36:48.239 for them, you can probably order them A line it 0:36:48.280 --> 0:36:50.080 really does help, and it gives me New York feels. 0:36:50.080 --> 0:36:52.480 It gives me like grapa feels, which I like because 0:36:52.520 --> 0:36:55.239 we're obviously not in New York. But let me get 0:36:55.239 --> 0:36:56.120 my New York on. 0:36:56.840 --> 0:37:01.360 And tonight, tonight today we are are smoking Blue Dream. 0:37:01.920 --> 0:37:03.239 That's my favorite train. 0:37:04.080 --> 0:37:06.319 I didn't know that. Well, I think it's a lot 0:37:06.360 --> 0:37:08.240 of people o G smoker's favorite strands. 0:37:08.680 --> 0:37:10.719 You know, I just realized that we didn't do that. 0:37:10.760 --> 0:37:14.280 We should. We need to do maybe next week trigger 0:37:14.320 --> 0:37:18.759 each other. Mmm, but yeah, you want to trigger me? 0:37:18.800 --> 0:37:19.520 Where's this coming from? 0:37:19.560 --> 0:37:21.200 Because you said, I said, did you know my favorite 0:37:21.239 --> 0:37:22.720 strain is Blue Dream? 0:37:22.960 --> 0:37:23.000 Like? 0:37:23.239 --> 0:37:24.880 Did you really know that? You're just saying that? No, 0:37:25.440 --> 0:37:26.400 I did know that. 0:37:27.760 --> 0:37:29.239 Actually I didn't know that. 0:37:29.520 --> 0:37:31.480 Oh yeah, And. 0:37:31.400 --> 0:37:33.120 I'm just gonna put a little bit of a little 0:37:33.160 --> 0:37:35.880 bit of honey, A little bit of honey on my backwood. 0:37:37.800 --> 0:37:44.279 This just helps sweeten the wood, also helps it. It's fine. 0:37:44.320 --> 0:37:45.319 I got it. 0:37:45.600 --> 0:37:48.880 I've got it. See this little sea on your nail. 0:37:48.760 --> 0:37:55.200 It's not this right here, I see it. Okay, see look, 0:37:55.239 --> 0:37:57.160 it's gonna make that lay down, and it's also gonna 0:37:57.160 --> 0:37:58.759 help it burn a little slower. And it's going to 0:37:58.840 --> 0:37:59.840 taste a little sweeter. 0:38:00.160 --> 0:38:03.360 The honey is like the egge control. It is the edge. 0:38:03.440 --> 0:38:08.920 Oh my god, the honey is the edge control for backwood. WHOA, 0:38:10.400 --> 0:38:15.120 don't take my idea. I'm about to make it blood edge, 0:38:15.640 --> 0:38:21.040 my good moms, oh my god, edge control. M hm. 0:38:21.440 --> 0:38:23.040 If I see what you, if I see you, don't 0:38:23.040 --> 0:38:23.480 put too much. 0:38:23.520 --> 0:38:25.320 Because some of you bitches have been sending me pictures 0:38:25.320 --> 0:38:28.040 of like your backwoods like they're dipped in the honey. 0:38:29.719 --> 0:38:31.200 I'm like, bitch, no one told you to dip the 0:38:31.200 --> 0:38:33.279 whole goddamn thing in there like a hot dog on 0:38:33.360 --> 0:38:33.920 a stick, Like. 0:38:33.840 --> 0:38:36.440 What are you doing? Sometimes people take it real so literally. 0:38:36.480 --> 0:38:39.080 I know, we have one where I'm like, wet it first, 0:38:39.120 --> 0:38:40.960 and like it's wet, now, how I'm gonna roll it? 0:38:41.000 --> 0:38:45.759 I'm like, bitch, right, you gotta give you gotta give 0:38:45.760 --> 0:38:48.399 specific instructions or just don't do it because people are 0:38:48.440 --> 0:38:52.239 not going to use the common sense clues. It looks beautiful. Wow, 0:38:52.320 --> 0:38:53.040 that's about to get us. 0:38:53.400 --> 0:38:56.160 Also, you know what, it has such a specific taste. 0:38:56.360 --> 0:38:58.520 I mean, I mean sorry smell antaste. When I when 0:38:58.520 --> 0:39:00.200 I got to the dispensary and I opened it, I 0:39:00.239 --> 0:39:03.120 was like it makes you happ It was like nostalgia. 0:39:03.160 --> 0:39:06.440 I was like, Huhaul, like reminds you of like freshman 0:39:06.520 --> 0:39:07.200 year of college. 0:39:09.360 --> 0:39:09.759 Mm hmm. 0:39:10.160 --> 0:39:12.719 You know, I didn't really smart start smoking weed really 0:39:12.800 --> 0:39:14.520 until the freshman year of college and I was in 0:39:14.520 --> 0:39:16.960 Atlanta smoking reggie, which is very embarrassing. 0:39:17.560 --> 0:39:20.879 I started smoking freshman year of high school. And I'm 0:39:20.880 --> 0:39:23.120 going to use our little candle here. This is cute. 0:39:23.880 --> 0:39:26.560 Oh shit, can you smell the weed? That's cute. Like 0:39:26.600 --> 0:39:29.120 they copied our other candle or whatever they did. I 0:39:29.120 --> 0:39:30.439 don't know who that is what they did. 0:39:30.640 --> 0:39:32.439 This is an Etsy purchase. No, we do not sell 0:39:32.440 --> 0:39:33.480 this on our website. 0:39:33.239 --> 0:39:35.440 But we will because they stole it. Anyway, those candles 0:39:35.440 --> 0:39:36.080 were cute. 0:39:36.120 --> 0:39:43.440 Actually, anyway, do you want to get into our our 0:39:43.480 --> 0:39:46.239 list of I do? You know? 0:39:46.440 --> 0:39:48.960 I just want to say, as you know, as we 0:39:48.960 --> 0:39:53.320 were compiling this list and having this conversation just about 0:39:53.400 --> 0:39:56.560 the journey of love, me and Erica had the opportunity 0:39:56.600 --> 0:39:58.920 to sit back and you know, even while we've been 0:39:58.960 --> 0:40:01.719 off season and we've listened to some previous episodes and 0:40:01.719 --> 0:40:04.839 it's kind of laughworthy because we have come a long 0:40:04.920 --> 0:40:09.480 way since episode one twenty eighteen, where I was twenty 0:40:09.560 --> 0:40:13.400 nine and Erica was thirty. And you know, now we're 0:40:14.200 --> 0:40:17.239 slightly older and the more wise, and I've had a 0:40:17.280 --> 0:40:22.400 shit ton of more experiences. But like the relationship you 0:40:22.440 --> 0:40:27.000 want is such as it changes, it shifts, like the 0:40:27.040 --> 0:40:31.080 things that you think you want. So I just I'm 0:40:31.120 --> 0:40:34.880 happy that we've given ourselves the freedom and the flexibility 0:40:35.040 --> 0:40:37.960 to adjust and to change the things that we said 0:40:38.000 --> 0:40:42.799 that we wanted because they have changed. And so we're 0:40:42.800 --> 0:40:46.400 going down the list of ways to trust yourself and 0:40:46.520 --> 0:40:50.560 love and to prepare yourself from going from a single 0:40:50.600 --> 0:40:55.200 hoe to a married hoe like myself. I told you 0:40:55.280 --> 0:40:58.759 I'll be giving y'all fiance advice, and it's happening because 0:40:58.760 --> 0:41:01.279 guess what Beachi is lon I got this ring. I'm 0:41:01.280 --> 0:41:02.760 gonna be talking like I'm an expert. 0:41:03.000 --> 0:41:04.280 All I got is girlfriend advice. 0:41:04.800 --> 0:41:07.120 That's plenty. You're married to me. You're word in a trouble, 0:41:07.840 --> 0:41:11.160 remember I told you. Remember Jesse kept saying you are 0:41:11.160 --> 0:41:13.280 in a poly relationship though, And I was like, Jesse, 0:41:13.360 --> 0:41:16.960 with who She's like, Eric is your wife, Orlando's your husband. 0:41:17.040 --> 0:41:18.719 I was like, I know, but we're not Pollie together. 0:41:18.800 --> 0:41:20.759 She's like it's Pollie, she kept saying. I was like, no, 0:41:20.800 --> 0:41:24.120 it's like Polly, it is, it's Pollie. Guys all are 0:41:24.239 --> 0:41:26.440 very deeply covenant. And then I came back from Houston 0:41:26.480 --> 0:41:28.800 and I'm like, we're in a Poli relationship and they're like, 0:41:28.800 --> 0:41:30.640 can you shut the fuck up. I'm like, she's right, 0:41:30.719 --> 0:41:33.200 we basically are. We're together all the time, all three 0:41:33.239 --> 0:41:33.560 of us. 0:41:34.440 --> 0:41:35.960 Polly send me platonic. 0:41:36.400 --> 0:41:43.720 Poly platonic, platonic, Polly. True. The amount of hotel rooms 0:41:43.760 --> 0:41:47.800 travels fucking issue, Like there's there. You know, it requires 0:41:48.520 --> 0:41:53.799 requires a lot of personality management. I'm so popular, I 0:41:53.800 --> 0:41:55.520 have to manage all my husbands and my wives. 0:41:56.560 --> 0:42:00.680 Personality management is something I have been literally co templating on. 0:42:00.680 --> 0:42:04.160 Not to get off topic, but just like how much 0:42:04.440 --> 0:42:09.359 as women we have to manage personalities, I mean humans too. Yes, 0:42:09.400 --> 0:42:11.759 I'm not trying to take away this this thing from men, 0:42:11.800 --> 0:42:15.280 but I think because women were such were such feelers 0:42:15.320 --> 0:42:17.279 and nurturers, we want to fix and we want to 0:42:17.280 --> 0:42:21.360 make sure everything's okay. And like, the amount of fucking 0:42:21.640 --> 0:42:25.440 personality management I'm doing daily is out of control. 0:42:25.520 --> 0:42:27.200 And you know what I think too, as we talk 0:42:27.239 --> 0:42:30.960 about love and for those of you who isolate and 0:42:31.000 --> 0:42:33.920 think you're healing, you're fucking you're shit out of luck, 0:42:33.920 --> 0:42:35.920 because as soon as you make one friend like me 0:42:35.960 --> 0:42:41.800 and Erica, our dynamic has We've been so close sister wives, wives, sisters, 0:42:41.840 --> 0:42:44.480 best friends, business partners for so long. Our lives are 0:42:44.480 --> 0:42:46.879 so deeply integrated. So we were thinking about each other. 0:42:46.920 --> 0:42:49.680 But then we have kids. They have totally different personalities. 0:42:49.800 --> 0:42:52.960 Then we got niggas, they got different personalities and different traumas, 0:42:53.040 --> 0:42:57.719 and then to integrate that, and then we have a team, yeah, 0:42:57.760 --> 0:43:01.000 a work relationships that we also have to manage. And 0:43:01.040 --> 0:43:03.600 now me and Erica are fucking thinking we're semi therapist 0:43:04.000 --> 0:43:07.200 diagnosing everybody in their childhood. Even like, remember last time 0:43:07.200 --> 0:43:09.600 we had a videographer who's a shout out to David, 0:43:09.640 --> 0:43:11.800 been our videographer for so long, and we had to 0:43:11.840 --> 0:43:14.120 have like a deep conversation like where do you think 0:43:14.120 --> 0:43:16.560 your avoidance comes from? He's like, well, my dad, And 0:43:16.600 --> 0:43:18.759 I'm like I knew it, you know what I mean? 0:43:18.840 --> 0:43:20.799 Like there are real times where I'm like, this is 0:43:20.840 --> 0:43:23.439 deeper than good moms. This is not about your role 0:43:23.480 --> 0:43:27.080 as executive assistant. This is about something else, you know, 0:43:27.239 --> 0:43:31.319 And so I think we underestimate the amount of personality 0:43:31.360 --> 0:43:36.920 management requires to live like just easeful lives with people 0:43:37.000 --> 0:43:40.800 within a community. But historically people have been in community, 0:43:40.840 --> 0:43:42.920 and to isolate yourself is to remove a lot of 0:43:42.920 --> 0:43:45.320 the humanness and the like the divine way we're supposed 0:43:45.360 --> 0:43:48.560 to live. And so the personality management is a real one, 0:43:48.600 --> 0:43:50.920 and it's a real it could be a real obstacle 0:43:50.960 --> 0:43:54.160 if you don't have the perspective or the tools. And 0:43:54.160 --> 0:43:55.680 most of us don't have the tools because no one 0:43:55.680 --> 0:43:57.799 gave us a boss fucking handbook when we started the 0:43:57.800 --> 0:44:00.399 shit six years ago, or like a month their hood 0:44:00.440 --> 0:44:03.279 handbook or a wife handbook. And you know, now you're 0:44:03.320 --> 0:44:05.040 just like in the middle of it as the and 0:44:05.080 --> 0:44:08.799 I'll say, moms, we are the glue. We have to 0:44:08.920 --> 0:44:13.080 nurture everyone, including ourselves. And it is like and sometimes 0:44:13.080 --> 0:44:14.400 you get to your friendship or you get to your 0:44:14.400 --> 0:44:16.400 girls and you're tapped the fucking out of neocity. 0:44:16.480 --> 0:44:17.959 So now it's like, fuck, car, we're done. 0:44:18.160 --> 0:44:27.760 We're done. 0:44:18.800 --> 0:44:31.319 We're we're not, but we have an argument. We're done 0:44:31.320 --> 0:44:31.680 for life. 0:44:32.400 --> 0:44:33.560 It's true. 0:44:34.160 --> 0:44:37.359 So anyway, side note, just women, I feel you, I know, 0:44:37.600 --> 0:44:41.200 like we are managing so many personalities on a daily basis. 0:44:41.200 --> 0:44:43.480 Shout out to you because it's not easy. It's not 0:44:43.520 --> 0:44:47.560 an easy task, and it does require boundaries, not getting 0:44:47.600 --> 0:44:51.040 invested in everyone's fucking dysfunction and all their fucking shit 0:44:51.480 --> 0:44:53.160 because they want to have attitude today and then be 0:44:53.239 --> 0:44:56.120 nice the next day. You know, me, Hello, Hi. So 0:44:56.360 --> 0:44:58.439 it's just it's a lot. 0:45:01.800 --> 0:45:04.360 Yeah, And you know, I kind of feel like right now, 0:45:04.480 --> 0:45:07.239 but not gonna lie. I kind of feel like this 0:45:07.360 --> 0:45:10.200 is our fucking mathe episode mentioning Sierra. She's our best 0:45:10.200 --> 0:45:12.600 friend in her head obviously if she had knew Eric 0:45:12.640 --> 0:45:16.719 Abadu Cif you don't get these messages, I don't know 0:45:16.760 --> 0:45:19.520 what's going on with the Internet. I feel like I'm 0:45:19.920 --> 0:45:23.160 the Sierra of the host. My prayer worked. You know 0:45:23.239 --> 0:45:25.239 a lot of people are like Hose, especially the men 0:45:25.280 --> 0:45:27.719 on the internet, like Hose net are gonna always be Hose, 0:45:27.880 --> 0:45:30.839 never gonna get married. All the comments I've ever had 0:45:30.840 --> 0:45:33.040 and good moms is that's why you're not married, that's 0:45:33.040 --> 0:45:37.480 why you're single. Well how about this, bitches. I was like, 0:45:37.520 --> 0:45:39.440 I can't wait for this ring because when I go 0:45:39.480 --> 0:45:41.040 off and these comments is gonna really hit. 0:45:41.160 --> 0:45:44.480 Now, wait and then today in our Facebook on our 0:45:44.480 --> 0:45:47.839 Facebook group shout out to our Facebook group, make sure 0:45:47.880 --> 0:45:51.960 you go and be part of our Facebook group, we 0:45:51.960 --> 0:45:54.200 were talking about Sierra's prayer, because of course we do 0:45:54.239 --> 0:45:56.719 nothing but talk about Sierra. Apparently. Also, by the way, 0:45:56.760 --> 0:45:58.680 she has my birthday just so you know, the same 0:45:58.680 --> 0:45:59.160 birthday as you. 0:45:59.560 --> 0:45:59.920 October. 0:46:00.480 --> 0:46:00.920 Yeah. 0:46:00.960 --> 0:46:02.920 Wow, I'm basically best start at the Sierra. 0:46:04.840 --> 0:46:08.520 I was like, because someone was like, we were talking 0:46:08.520 --> 0:46:10.720 about baby daddies and how they're disappointing, and then someone 0:46:10.760 --> 0:46:13.880 said like, oh, you know, they become less disappointing when 0:46:13.880 --> 0:46:14.800 they find a good partner. 0:46:15.040 --> 0:46:15.239 Oh. 0:46:15.640 --> 0:46:17.640 And then I was like, can we do like Sierra's 0:46:17.680 --> 0:46:20.799 prayer for our baby daddy's, Like, can we write a prayer? 0:46:20.840 --> 0:46:22.800 We're about to do a Good Mom's Book of Prayers. 0:46:22.400 --> 0:46:25.839 Pray that our baby daddies find a very top notch 0:46:26.000 --> 0:46:28.120 partner that is going to make them show up and 0:46:28.160 --> 0:46:29.520 be responsible fathers. 0:46:29.719 --> 0:46:31.320 This is gonna be our next book because it seems 0:46:31.440 --> 0:46:34.520 like short paragraphs, not a whole two hundred pages. I 0:46:34.640 --> 0:46:38.520 like that short book. The Book of Prayer, the Good Mom's. 0:46:38.320 --> 0:46:40.480 Book of Prayers, the Little Book of Prayers, a Little 0:46:40.520 --> 0:46:44.160 Book of Prayers. Oh, my God, look out for us. 0:46:44.160 --> 0:46:47.600 HarperCollins is coming with a new concept in twenty twenty six. 0:46:47.480 --> 0:46:49.840 Starting with my prayer, Melis Prayer. Once I was a 0:46:49.880 --> 0:46:55.080 hoe and now I'm a wife. Oh okay, so this 0:46:55.160 --> 0:46:57.520 is one I really the first one on our list, 0:46:57.520 --> 0:47:00.840 and this is the side note this backwood you've noticed, 0:47:00.840 --> 0:47:01.560 I haven't passed it. 0:47:01.960 --> 0:47:02.680 I'm like, when are you. 0:47:02.840 --> 0:47:03.760 Getting at lightheaded? 0:47:03.840 --> 0:47:06.480 And I see your eyes getting smaller? Bitch, they opened them, 0:47:06.480 --> 0:47:07.239 open them, open them. 0:47:07.239 --> 0:47:09.880 Come on, there you go, my eyes get or if 0:47:09.920 --> 0:47:12.880 our homegirl hit us shout out to Aaron of Lilac 0:47:12.920 --> 0:47:17.239 and Flint Skincare. She hit us and said, I'm listening 0:47:17.280 --> 0:47:20.160 to your episode and I'm cracking the fuck up because, 0:47:20.360 --> 0:47:22.759 uh cause you guys get high and then you guys 0:47:22.760 --> 0:47:25.359 start all talking like this, and yeah, She's like, that's 0:47:25.360 --> 0:47:26.000 my favorite part. 0:47:26.000 --> 0:47:27.960 I'm like, when you get high and just fucking can't 0:47:27.960 --> 0:47:29.359 remember what you're talking about, it. 0:47:29.320 --> 0:47:32.319 With it and your voice has changed. Only a long 0:47:32.360 --> 0:47:35.560 time listener could peep some shit like that. Yeah, anyway. 0:47:35.800 --> 0:47:40.680 Number one on the list trusting, Oh wait, Number one 0:47:40.680 --> 0:47:45.719 on the list. Establishing friendship first. Some of the best 0:47:45.760 --> 0:47:52.239 relationships are born from friendships. And I can genuinely testify 0:47:52.360 --> 0:47:55.000 to that because me and Orlando, even though as soon 0:47:55.000 --> 0:47:57.080 as we met, we got it pop in within like 0:47:57.120 --> 0:48:00.880 the first five days, and it was actually very meaningful 0:48:00.960 --> 0:48:03.200 and we had sex and we're nuts, so we told 0:48:03.239 --> 0:48:05.080 each other we loved each other, which is I wouldn't 0:48:05.160 --> 0:48:08.279 highly recommend unless you were both highly insane like us. 0:48:08.719 --> 0:48:12.400 But for a year, Orlando was my friend, and I 0:48:12.400 --> 0:48:14.839 think one of the first like conversations we had was like, 0:48:15.440 --> 0:48:17.640 no matter what, you're gonna be at my wedding. And 0:48:17.719 --> 0:48:19.239 I was like, I know, I'm gonnavite you to my 0:48:19.239 --> 0:48:22.719 wedding because we're best friends now. And I told him everything, 0:48:22.800 --> 0:48:26.360 like things I would I would tell Erica, like the threesomes, 0:48:26.400 --> 0:48:29.000 the hoe shit when niggas didn't call me back after 0:48:29.000 --> 0:48:30.799 they slept with me, and I'm like, I feel a way, 0:48:30.800 --> 0:48:32.319 and not that I like this person at all, but 0:48:32.840 --> 0:48:35.839 it was that it was that in depth to tell him, 0:48:35.880 --> 0:48:39.879 like every single detail. And you know, I think sometimes 0:48:42.040 --> 0:48:46.319 people put on this front and it just doesn't work. 0:48:46.400 --> 0:48:48.480 And I think the friendship is really where you like 0:48:48.960 --> 0:48:53.480 gain the the the like the realness of the relationship. 0:48:54.200 --> 0:48:57.320 You can't bypass it. It's like really a recipe for disaster. 0:48:57.440 --> 0:49:00.000 It's okay if you guys know that you are roman 0:49:00.000 --> 0:49:03.719 antically compatible and even are even dating, but there does 0:49:03.840 --> 0:49:06.600 require you, which is really hard when you get into 0:49:06.600 --> 0:49:09.160 that space. Though if you've already in agreement that hey, 0:49:09.160 --> 0:49:12.120 we're going to like let's do this, it does for 0:49:12.160 --> 0:49:16.759 some reason, and women create this this like flag in 0:49:16.760 --> 0:49:19.719 their mind where they like start compartmentalizing what they feel 0:49:19.719 --> 0:49:21.680 like they can share, like, oh, he doesn't want to 0:49:21.719 --> 0:49:23.000 know about that, he doesn't want to hear about that, 0:49:23.440 --> 0:49:26.040 And it's like, I highly implore you to just not 0:49:26.160 --> 0:49:28.400 do it and say the thing, because eventually some shit's 0:49:28.400 --> 0:49:31.840 going to come up, whether it's whether it's about previous lovers, 0:49:31.920 --> 0:49:34.920 whether it's about shit that happened in your childhood that 0:49:34.960 --> 0:49:36.480 you haven't shared with anyone. 0:49:36.480 --> 0:49:40.440 Fantasies like if you want to have an MMF, something 0:49:40.520 --> 0:49:41.560 I remember importantly. 0:49:43.040 --> 0:49:45.320 More importantly, the MMF you want to have is actually 0:49:45.400 --> 0:49:46.840 the reason why you need to start as friends. To 0:49:46.840 --> 0:49:48.680 make sure that Nigga is okay with it, that. 0:49:48.640 --> 0:49:50.960 Your fantasies will at some point come to fruition. 0:49:51.760 --> 0:49:55.600 It's important not the childhood dramas. 0:49:56.080 --> 0:49:58.799 Tell him your porn category even the really nasty one 0:49:58.800 --> 0:50:01.760 and see what face he makes. True, It's so true 0:50:01.760 --> 0:50:04.520 because I think there's a level of for women specifically, 0:50:04.600 --> 0:50:07.640 there's a level of safety that we rarely feel. There's 0:50:07.640 --> 0:50:09.560 a level of safety can we have with our friends 0:50:09.560 --> 0:50:12.200 because they're not gonna leave us because we dreamed of 0:50:12.280 --> 0:50:13.920 having an MMF and it was great. 0:50:14.000 --> 0:50:14.200 You know. 0:50:14.280 --> 0:50:16.880 I remember telling a young bay this, this is like 0:50:17.000 --> 0:50:19.840 year one. I literally remember him telling me he was 0:50:19.920 --> 0:50:21.840 dating a girl who told him that she wanted to 0:50:21.880 --> 0:50:23.759 have an experience with two men. And he was like, 0:50:24.360 --> 0:50:27.200 you will never be my wife. That was his exact line. 0:50:27.239 --> 0:50:29.120 And I was like, whoa, You're like, note to self, 0:50:29.160 --> 0:50:31.000 I'm not going to tell you that this is my fantasy. 0:50:31.280 --> 0:50:33.960 Right. Meanwhile, when Orlando came, I was like, hey, I 0:50:33.960 --> 0:50:36.480 had this great idea. What do you think you know? 0:50:36.800 --> 0:50:39.640 And because he was very open with me about how 0:50:39.680 --> 0:50:41.920 he was exploring what his fantasies were, you know, and 0:50:41.960 --> 0:50:44.600 like it does help that he's a podcaster and at 0:50:44.640 --> 0:50:47.120 the time he was, you know, talking about sex on 0:50:47.120 --> 0:50:49.400 his podcast, so I knew it was like a safe place. 0:50:49.640 --> 0:50:52.359 And I also really really really longed for a place 0:50:52.400 --> 0:50:55.960 where I could where I felt like it was equal, 0:50:56.520 --> 0:50:58.160 Like I could tell you things as a human being 0:50:58.239 --> 0:50:59.840 and you're gonna still love me and accept me just 0:51:00.000 --> 0:51:02.200 despite me telling you these things. Like for me as 0:51:02.239 --> 0:51:05.680 a woman, as a feminist, it's so important for me 0:51:06.120 --> 0:51:09.239 to have a man that feels like I'm genuinely his 0:51:09.320 --> 0:51:13.279 equal and not tries to fucking blind me and put 0:51:13.320 --> 0:51:15.799 the coat over my eyes with this social like this 0:51:15.880 --> 0:51:19.200 fucking societal bullshit, and like I even when we were 0:51:19.760 --> 0:51:21.319 I went on a trip and there was this guy 0:51:21.400 --> 0:51:24.840 talking about he wanted to be Polly, but he wanted 0:51:24.840 --> 0:51:27.160 this woman to only sleep with him. And he at first, 0:51:27.200 --> 0:51:30.000 I was like, he's so cool. He did these yoga events, 0:51:30.040 --> 0:51:32.120 Like I was like really vibing with him. I thought, WHOA, 0:51:32.160 --> 0:51:34.279 what a cool guy. And he said this shit and 0:51:34.320 --> 0:51:37.400 I literally was like a screeching break and I was like, immediately, 0:51:37.480 --> 0:51:40.480 I was like, he's done. Immediately I tapped out. I 0:51:40.520 --> 0:51:42.280 was like, oh, he's not as smart as I thought. 0:51:42.640 --> 0:51:44.560 I've had a lot of relationships with that with like 0:51:44.600 --> 0:51:47.400 with men who said big words and were highly sexual 0:51:47.440 --> 0:51:49.600 and we had conversations and we were talking about sexual 0:51:49.640 --> 0:51:52.440 things between us. It was fine. But the second that 0:51:52.480 --> 0:51:55.680 I mentioned my fantasies are things that I had done previously. 0:51:55.920 --> 0:51:57.600 All that went out the window, and I just can't 0:51:57.640 --> 0:52:00.560 respect that. And I never felt safe there. So I 0:52:00.600 --> 0:52:03.239 think a part of me blabbering to Orlando it was 0:52:03.280 --> 0:52:05.880 like testing and a lot of times I've done that relationships, 0:52:05.880 --> 0:52:07.680 and a lot of times men have failed most of 0:52:07.719 --> 0:52:10.320 the time. Yeah, And so it's like for the men listening, 0:52:10.400 --> 0:52:14.120 like that safety factor is just understanding that your woman 0:52:14.239 --> 0:52:17.719 is a human and has human needs and also likes 0:52:17.719 --> 0:52:19.319 to fuck and also. 0:52:19.200 --> 0:52:22.200 You know, and has fucked before you, has fucked before you, 0:52:22.320 --> 0:52:24.480 and the reason she fucks so good it's compete because. 0:52:24.239 --> 0:52:25.880 She fucked before you a lot. 0:52:27.440 --> 0:52:30.759 You know. Uh, I agree. I think that I've definitely 0:52:31.120 --> 0:52:35.920 been victim to you know, when I first started my 0:52:35.960 --> 0:52:38.920 relationship with my child's father, we had a friendship, and 0:52:38.960 --> 0:52:41.799 I think that's why our relationship lasted for so long, 0:52:41.840 --> 0:52:44.040 and it was beautiful for many years. Actually, I know, 0:52:44.280 --> 0:52:46.440 like I don't really share so many stories about how 0:52:46.480 --> 0:52:48.120 great it was, but it was the first three years 0:52:48.160 --> 0:52:51.560 it was fucking lit. And I really attested that to 0:52:52.320 --> 0:52:55.040 our friendship and I always was like a proponent for 0:52:55.040 --> 0:52:56.760 that for my friends, like you have to be friends 0:52:56.760 --> 0:52:59.040 for us, like this is why this relationship is different. 0:53:00.120 --> 0:53:02.640 And then you know, after we broke up and then 0:53:02.680 --> 0:53:05.279 exploring dating and computing myself out there, like I think 0:53:05.320 --> 0:53:08.879 I've like I've done both. I've like jumped into relationships 0:53:08.880 --> 0:53:12.520 that were like highly sexually charged that kind of interfered 0:53:12.600 --> 0:53:15.600 with how honest I could be with my friend versus not. 0:53:15.800 --> 0:53:18.160 And even in this particular relationship that I'm in now, 0:53:18.200 --> 0:53:21.480 I think for me, the friendship was really and I've 0:53:21.520 --> 0:53:23.440 talked about it, I guess on Patreon not really so 0:53:23.520 --> 0:53:25.920 much here about just my journey and celibacy in my 0:53:26.000 --> 0:53:30.000 relationship and how I think that that was a really 0:53:30.360 --> 0:53:34.719 really powerful tool in really cultivating the friendship because we 0:53:34.719 --> 0:53:37.200 weren't fucking and so there was no I felt like 0:53:37.840 --> 0:53:39.560 he couldn't judge. There was no I mean, I didn't 0:53:39.680 --> 0:53:42.160 feel like he's not a guy that would judge anyway, 0:53:42.200 --> 0:53:43.759 And at that point I really didn't give a fuck. 0:53:44.120 --> 0:53:48.080 But I think I think that you have to be 0:53:48.239 --> 0:53:51.560 willing to do something different in your relationship, whether that 0:53:51.719 --> 0:53:54.240 is not having sex when you first meet someone, whether 0:53:54.280 --> 0:53:57.000 that is being in agreement that you're going to be 0:53:57.080 --> 0:54:01.680 brutally honest, like that piece has to be different, Like 0:54:01.719 --> 0:54:03.440 if you're going, if you're someone that's coming out of 0:54:04.480 --> 0:54:06.839 really toxic relationships, you've done your healing and now you're 0:54:06.840 --> 0:54:09.439 listening to this episode because you're ready to come back 0:54:09.480 --> 0:54:11.319 into the love space, Like you have to know that 0:54:11.360 --> 0:54:14.680 there does you can't follow the same steps, like you 0:54:14.760 --> 0:54:18.080 just can't. And the friendship piece is like, literally, I 0:54:18.080 --> 0:54:19.600 don't think you can get around it. And that's why 0:54:19.640 --> 0:54:20.360 it's number one. 0:54:20.840 --> 0:54:25.760 Honestly. I remember my other best friends telling me, like, Mela, 0:54:25.840 --> 0:54:28.040 you got to not be so honest in the beginning, 0:54:28.080 --> 0:54:30.040 like basically, bitch, chill a little bit in the beginning 0:54:30.040 --> 0:54:31.680 so you could like someone can like you first. And 0:54:31.760 --> 0:54:34.160 I was just like, that doesn't sound smart. That sounds 0:54:34.160 --> 0:54:37.560 like a trick because I'm a specific taste, you know, 0:54:37.760 --> 0:54:41.480 and I and I always just felt very confident in that, 0:54:41.600 --> 0:54:44.000 like and I think it probably has the like my 0:54:44.080 --> 0:54:45.960 parents have been together for a long time since my 0:54:46.000 --> 0:54:48.680 mom was fourteen my dad was seventeen. And I've seen 0:54:48.719 --> 0:54:51.560 my mom like not know who she is. I've seen 0:54:51.600 --> 0:54:55.000 my mom make her identity my dad. I've seen her chase, 0:54:55.040 --> 0:54:57.160 I've seen her like forced, you know, I've seen her 0:54:57.239 --> 0:55:00.880 just like claws out, fangs out, and it just seemed 0:55:00.880 --> 0:55:03.480 like such a battle that I did not And it 0:55:03.480 --> 0:55:05.360 wasn't like she needed to be herself or any of 0:55:05.400 --> 0:55:07.600 those things, but I just saw what it looked like 0:55:07.640 --> 0:55:10.840 to convince someone that they should treat you a certain way, 0:55:11.200 --> 0:55:12.720 you know. And not that my dad was a horrible 0:55:12.760 --> 0:55:14.560 guy to her or anything like that, but like he 0:55:14.719 --> 0:55:18.880 was doing him and it tormented her, but like spiritually mentally, 0:55:19.280 --> 0:55:21.480 and I was just like, I'm not doing that, you know. 0:55:21.760 --> 0:55:24.360 And I know for most women, some women are listening 0:55:24.360 --> 0:55:27.480 to this and like, bitch, I listen to you, tell 0:55:27.600 --> 0:55:30.680 my nigga what I want an MMF, turn a shit off, 0:55:32.080 --> 0:55:34.120 turn a shit off. This is ridiculous, you know. And 0:55:34.160 --> 0:55:37.399 it's true, like the majority of the men are going 0:55:37.440 --> 0:55:39.640 to shut you, to shut it down, but that's how 0:55:39.680 --> 0:55:42.879 you weed niggas out. If you're not for me, don't 0:55:42.920 --> 0:55:45.560 waste my fucking time, you know. And so I think 0:55:45.600 --> 0:55:47.960 the friendship piece is like you don't hesitate to tell 0:55:48.000 --> 0:55:49.960 your real friends things because they're not going to leave 0:55:50.000 --> 0:55:52.440 you based on your secrets. You know, they're going to 0:55:52.520 --> 0:55:55.160 keep them and they're going to you know, give give 0:55:55.200 --> 0:55:57.440 your insight but like niggas don't be judging each other 0:55:57.480 --> 0:55:59.319 when they tell each other wild shit. Niggas keep their 0:55:59.360 --> 0:56:01.919 niggas secrets and they're cheating on their wives and doing 0:56:02.000 --> 0:56:05.360 fuck shit. So yeah, like bring that same homie energy 0:56:05.400 --> 0:56:05.960 to your woman. 0:56:06.680 --> 0:56:09.319 And let me tell you, ladies, there is nothing sexier 0:56:09.320 --> 0:56:12.000 than your man fucking you and being inside of you 0:56:12.080 --> 0:56:14.040 and saying I'm so lucky that I get to fuck 0:56:14.120 --> 0:56:16.680 my best friend, and then you actually believe it. Trust me, 0:56:17.000 --> 0:56:18.560 highly highly recommend. 0:56:18.280 --> 0:56:20.800 Highly highly highly recommend. 0:56:21.520 --> 0:56:24.320 I've done it, me too, and I'm doing it and 0:56:24.480 --> 0:56:26.960 it's real and I trust it and it feels good 0:56:27.080 --> 0:56:32.040 and it's it's it's like a level of safety building that. Honestly, 0:56:32.719 --> 0:56:35.440 you're building safety while someone's inside of your womb. 0:56:35.480 --> 0:56:37.160 I mean that. I don't know what's safer than that, 0:56:37.480 --> 0:56:40.520 like truly, And so you know that's one piece missing 0:56:40.520 --> 0:56:43.000 with me. And tell your husband to do that if 0:56:43.000 --> 0:56:45.840 that's your best If that's your best ye, can you 0:56:45.920 --> 0:56:47.440 tell me I'm your best friend while you fuck me. 0:56:48.760 --> 0:56:50.799 That's the whole reason you make a best friend with 0:56:50.840 --> 0:56:51.600 a penis holder. 0:56:56.040 --> 0:56:57.480 Strap bonds could be you could do this with a 0:56:57.480 --> 0:56:59.799 strap bon maybe like you scissor and do it like 0:57:00.400 --> 0:57:01.320 you're my best friend. 0:57:01.840 --> 0:57:03.400 Do you want to sister? And so I can tell 0:57:03.440 --> 0:57:03.960 you my message. 0:57:03.960 --> 0:57:05.680 I'm always pussies together. 0:57:06.080 --> 0:57:07.279 Do you think will manifest faster? 0:57:07.400 --> 0:57:08.520 Do you think that's what needs to happen? 0:57:09.080 --> 0:57:11.240 Well, you know, I was supposed to give you a yoni, 0:57:11.480 --> 0:57:14.480 a yoni like massage, and we never did it because 0:57:14.480 --> 0:57:17.600 we are always working there and have time to Costa Rica. 0:57:17.640 --> 0:57:19.320 I know it Costa Rica is the time. 0:57:19.320 --> 0:57:21.560 You know what I had a thought I did. I 0:57:21.840 --> 0:57:23.160 literally was like, oh, maybe this would be a good 0:57:23.160 --> 0:57:25.200 time we could finally give each other yoning massages like 0:57:25.200 --> 0:57:30.280 we're supposed to. And this is a very like educational piece. 0:57:30.440 --> 0:57:33.920 It's very it's like, it's not erotic. It's it's not 0:57:33.960 --> 0:57:36.360 it's not it's not erotic. It's intimate, but it's more 0:57:36.760 --> 0:57:41.080 for the purpose of like meditation but also release and 0:57:41.080 --> 0:57:45.800 not like yes, orgasm possibly, But sometimes there is things. 0:57:45.520 --> 0:57:47.640 Stored in your Sometimes a. 0:57:47.560 --> 0:57:50.400 Lot of times our wombs hold things physically and we 0:57:50.400 --> 0:57:53.000 don't even realize it. It's like if you did a 0:57:53.040 --> 0:57:55.480 certain hit, a certain stretch at the fucking yoga gym 0:57:55.720 --> 0:57:58.840 and it made you cry. I've literally witnessed people just 0:57:58.960 --> 0:58:02.720 on you know, like doing certain moodras on your genitals 0:58:02.760 --> 0:58:04.240 that will release tears. 0:58:04.320 --> 0:58:06.080 Well, I can attest to it because I did it. 0:58:06.120 --> 0:58:09.160 I had a Yoni massage. Yeah, and it was very 0:58:10.280 --> 0:58:13.440 unexpected the things that came up, even even knowing because 0:58:13.480 --> 0:58:16.360 I've learned the modality, I understand it, but then actually 0:58:16.400 --> 0:58:19.880 really experiencing it with someone who's another woman who like, 0:58:19.920 --> 0:58:22.680 there's no there's literally no attraction. She had, wants nothing 0:58:22.720 --> 0:58:25.520 from me except to make to help me release something. 0:58:25.840 --> 0:58:29.840 And just realizing where I'm numb in certain places and 0:58:29.920 --> 0:58:32.600 where it actually is painful in certain places. That was 0:58:32.680 --> 0:58:35.600 that was a real shakra for me because even in 0:58:35.640 --> 0:58:39.160 my own practice of you know, Yoni mapping myself, like 0:58:39.240 --> 0:58:42.040 it's different when someone else does it. And I didn't 0:58:42.040 --> 0:58:44.960 realize I was experiencing pain in certain places until like 0:58:45.040 --> 0:58:46.680 she was touching me there and I was like what 0:58:46.800 --> 0:58:49.080 the ow? What the fuck? And I was like why 0:58:49.240 --> 0:58:51.160 this is She's not even pushing hard, like why does 0:58:51.200 --> 0:58:55.520 it hurt here? And then allowing myself to really walk 0:58:55.600 --> 0:59:01.160 through the meditation and accessing why the why? And it's 0:59:01.200 --> 0:59:05.200 usually like very visceral and like very you know, you 0:59:05.280 --> 0:59:06.760 know what it is. It's kind of like even too. 0:59:06.760 --> 0:59:09.160 I don't if you've ever ever gotten a massage and 0:59:09.200 --> 0:59:11.560 like someone like hits like a point like or like 0:59:11.560 --> 0:59:13.360 a not and you're like, oh shit, I know what 0:59:13.400 --> 0:59:18.720 that is, Like that feels emotional, like that's anger. I like, yeah, yeah, 0:59:18.760 --> 0:59:21.360 that's stress. Like you know, you carry stress in your neck, 0:59:21.480 --> 0:59:24.920 like you know, where when you are aware, aware enough 0:59:25.080 --> 0:59:27.760 and open enough, you can really access and understand what 0:59:27.920 --> 0:59:31.280 it is actually that's in there and blocking. I mean 0:59:31.320 --> 0:59:33.720 sometimes you can until it's fully released, but when you can, 0:59:33.840 --> 0:59:34.760 it's like fuck. 0:59:36.080 --> 0:59:38.560 And it's true. And so I just wanted to I know, 0:59:39.040 --> 0:59:42.280 going on going on, I just want to. I just 0:59:42.280 --> 0:59:44.400 wanted to press preface why we're going to give you 0:59:44.560 --> 0:59:47.640 Yoni map each other, Yeah, Costa Rica, because it's going 0:59:47.680 --> 0:59:51.640 to a elevate our business and our manifestation and our 0:59:51.640 --> 0:59:54.560 intimacy levels, and but mostly it's going to release some 0:59:54.600 --> 0:59:55.720 shit too, to make for him for them. 0:59:55.760 --> 0:59:57.160 And if you're listening to this right now in the 0:59:57.160 --> 0:59:59.040 first week of February, it's already happened. 1:00:00.000 --> 1:00:00.440 What happened. 1:00:00.440 --> 1:00:03.600 It's no Jamilla touched my pussy and I probably touched 1:00:03.600 --> 1:00:10.560 hers and we cried, and now we're going to be billionaires. Period. Anyway, 1:00:10.640 --> 1:00:11.280 number two. 1:00:11.160 --> 1:00:16.280 Anyway, number two, stop being so hard on yourself when 1:00:16.280 --> 1:00:20.240 it comes to making relationship mistakes, forgiving yourself and trusting 1:00:20.280 --> 1:00:23.080 the work that you've done. Ooh, this one hits a 1:00:23.080 --> 1:00:24.680 home for me, honey. 1:00:26.200 --> 1:00:28.440 Because the last year, it was a hard year for me. 1:00:31.360 --> 1:00:32.240 Yeah, you had it hard. 1:00:32.440 --> 1:00:36.680 I did a little bit of regressing, just a little bit, 1:00:36.760 --> 1:00:38.920 did a little regression in my healing process. 1:00:39.240 --> 1:00:41.560 Now against all my red flags. I don't know if 1:00:41.560 --> 1:00:45.040 it's called regressing. It's it's you know what, it's necessary testing. 1:00:45.560 --> 1:00:48.200 It's necessary testing to get to the next level. It's 1:00:48.200 --> 1:00:51.040 not regression. It's the last I learned. 1:00:51.320 --> 1:00:53.959 And you know what, I accessed some really good shit 1:00:54.080 --> 1:00:56.840 in that relationship to things that I knew. I finally 1:00:56.840 --> 1:00:58.800 had a partner where I could explore certain things I'd 1:00:58.840 --> 1:01:01.120 never been able to and so whether it was a 1:01:01.160 --> 1:01:03.280 healthy version of the thing I wanted to ignore and 1:01:03.360 --> 1:01:07.480 it was used as pure manipulation as a whole other subject. However, 1:01:09.720 --> 1:01:13.040 I did realize certain things about myself, specifically in the 1:01:13.040 --> 1:01:19.080 intimate space, because that's really where we thrived. All but 1:01:19.440 --> 1:01:23.280 other than that, you know, like I think after that relationship, 1:01:23.320 --> 1:01:27.720 I was so traumatized and it was like worse. It 1:01:27.720 --> 1:01:30.520 felt worse than like maybe this is probably not the truth, 1:01:30.560 --> 1:01:33.600 but it's just time numbs you and you forget. But 1:01:33.680 --> 1:01:37.600 it felt harder than like my baby daddy breakup. I 1:01:37.640 --> 1:01:39.800 know that's not the truth, but I think that maybe 1:01:39.800 --> 1:01:42.920 it was just that pain was retriggered and it felt 1:01:43.200 --> 1:01:46.920 like that, like I felt so much betrayal, I felt 1:01:46.920 --> 1:01:49.840 so much confusion. I felt so much anger for myself. 1:01:50.320 --> 1:01:53.520 I was like so mad at myself that I let 1:01:53.560 --> 1:01:57.480 this nigga fucking fuck with my with my my knowingness 1:01:57.840 --> 1:02:01.200 of shit, like I knew, you know, and I let 1:02:01.640 --> 1:02:05.960 my also my judgment of myself, feeling like I'm too boundaried, 1:02:06.280 --> 1:02:09.240 feeling like maybe I don't give people and the benefit 1:02:09.280 --> 1:02:12.000 of the doubt enough, and like knowing that actually that 1:02:12.080 --> 1:02:14.320 is my superpower, that no, I do give people the 1:02:14.320 --> 1:02:16.480 benefit of the doubt, and typically the ones that I do, 1:02:16.600 --> 1:02:18.560 it's because they needed the benefit of the doubt, and 1:02:18.600 --> 1:02:21.320 typically when I don't, it's because they're up to no good. 1:02:22.360 --> 1:02:27.440 And so because of that, I really allowed my boundaries 1:02:27.520 --> 1:02:32.439 to uh be in limbo. And after that, after coming 1:02:32.440 --> 1:02:36.880 out of that relationship. I was so like I was 1:02:36.920 --> 1:02:39.920 like trying to do womb clearing, Like I didn't trust 1:02:40.320 --> 1:02:43.760 my body. I didn't trust like even the thought of 1:02:43.840 --> 1:02:46.480 having sex. I've never felt this way like revolted me 1:02:46.560 --> 1:02:47.880 in a way that I was like, I don't even 1:02:47.960 --> 1:02:50.600 deserve that type of pleasure because I didn't even I 1:02:50.640 --> 1:02:52.520 don't even know how to respect my womb enough to 1:02:52.600 --> 1:02:57.240 like the have the discernment and who's who I'm allowing 1:02:57.280 --> 1:02:59.800 to enter And this person was unhealthy in a lot 1:02:59.800 --> 1:03:03.320 of ways also like didn't treat his body well, you know. 1:03:03.360 --> 1:03:07.800 And it's like, so because of that, I totally attest 1:03:07.880 --> 1:03:12.160 to this feeling of like needing to forgive yourself for 1:03:12.200 --> 1:03:15.560 those situations because I had a lot of healing before 1:03:15.600 --> 1:03:18.560 that that like doesn't get deleted because I because I 1:03:18.600 --> 1:03:22.160 needed this lesson. And so even and even for the 1:03:22.200 --> 1:03:25.000 women that maybe like are just in the beginning of 1:03:25.000 --> 1:03:30.280 their healing, it's so important that you allow yourself the 1:03:30.320 --> 1:03:33.920 space to fuck up in this new chapter, chapter chapter, 1:03:44.760 --> 1:03:46.120 because you are going to fuck up on the new 1:03:46.200 --> 1:03:47.240 chapter and you don't just wake. 1:03:47.120 --> 1:03:49.360 Up with your own holy bitch that's healed. 1:03:48.960 --> 1:03:52.400 And high valued, you know. And I say that with 1:03:53.120 --> 1:03:55.600 one of those quotation marks is I don't really like 1:03:55.640 --> 1:03:58.600 that term either. I hate that term actually, and I 1:03:58.760 --> 1:04:01.320 much more like the term high functioning because I understand 1:04:01.360 --> 1:04:04.240 what that that feels like. There's a path that doesn't 1:04:04.240 --> 1:04:07.280 feel like there's some sort of like violence and shame 1:04:07.680 --> 1:04:10.960 being imposed upon women where we've already are like our 1:04:11.000 --> 1:04:13.400 self worth is always in question all the time, already 1:04:13.440 --> 1:04:17.560 in the society. That adding value, even in the spaces 1:04:17.560 --> 1:04:20.680 of women talking about being high valued women, it just 1:04:21.320 --> 1:04:24.919 I feel like reverses. It's like actually taking us back 1:04:24.960 --> 1:04:28.560 by calling it that, but value it is relative. So 1:04:28.640 --> 1:04:31.960 with that said, giving yourself the space and permission to 1:04:32.080 --> 1:04:34.120 know in this new chapter you're going to fuck up. 1:04:34.120 --> 1:04:36.960 If you're fresh out of toxicity, I don't recommend you 1:04:37.200 --> 1:04:39.640 getting into a relationship, bitch. You probably need to set 1:04:39.680 --> 1:04:41.560 the fuck down for a second. You need to listen 1:04:41.560 --> 1:04:43.920 to your friends because they've told you a thousand motherfucking times, 1:04:44.080 --> 1:04:45.680 and they're going to tell you again when you get 1:04:45.720 --> 1:04:48.120 on tender five minutes after you broke up with a 1:04:48.160 --> 1:04:50.240 niggative because you're going to casually date someone. You're not 1:04:50.280 --> 1:04:52.320 looking for anything serious. But I'm just gonna like have 1:04:52.440 --> 1:04:54.640 fun because like, you know, I deserve that, Like that 1:04:54.800 --> 1:04:57.640 that was really crazy. No, bitch, you're not ready. Sit down. 1:04:58.360 --> 1:05:00.960 I mean, there's one thing that goes seeking and sometimes 1:05:01.000 --> 1:05:03.640 things come knocking at your front door. You're on tender, 1:05:03.640 --> 1:05:05.200 you're seeking, Yeah, don't be on tender. 1:05:05.320 --> 1:05:05.920 Yeah. 1:05:05.960 --> 1:05:09.520 And also just realizing too that like that step one, 1:05:09.560 --> 1:05:11.960 the friendship thing and like being really honest with people 1:05:12.000 --> 1:05:15.440 like immediately, sometimes that's how the snakes get you, because 1:05:15.440 --> 1:05:17.360 you are really honest, and then they'll play on that 1:05:17.480 --> 1:05:20.280 and then they'll be they can be they'll be manipulative 1:05:20.760 --> 1:05:24.200 by having the information, and first they'll they'll act like 1:05:24.240 --> 1:05:26.520 it's okay, they'll sucument and then they'll use it against you. 1:05:26.960 --> 1:05:28.880 And then it makes you question everything because now you've 1:05:28.960 --> 1:05:30.800 let down your guard. It has seemed like they have 1:05:30.880 --> 1:05:33.440 been safe people, and now you're both fucking confused. Like 1:05:33.520 --> 1:05:35.560 you're confused, bitch, because you thought you were doing something 1:05:35.920 --> 1:05:38.400 correct and then they you know, they backtrack because that's 1:05:38.440 --> 1:05:40.920 happened too, and then it makes you question all of 1:05:41.160 --> 1:05:43.840 all of your the lessons that you've learned. And it's 1:05:43.920 --> 1:05:46.880 just important to know that, like you can fuck up 1:05:46.960 --> 1:05:52.560 and know better. You know, and it's like spirit will 1:05:52.600 --> 1:05:54.640 test you, and Spirit will make sure did you get it? 1:05:54.640 --> 1:05:56.680 They'll it's gonna drive in the point and sometimes we're 1:05:56.680 --> 1:06:00.000 gonna fall short. And that's okay. But how do you 1:06:00.200 --> 1:06:02.000 how do you use that and not take it into 1:06:02.040 --> 1:06:04.800 the next relationship? You not say so guarded in the 1:06:04.800 --> 1:06:07.880 next relationship that you don't let a good thing come through, 1:06:08.240 --> 1:06:10.960 you know, because you know there's some terrible niggas and 1:06:10.960 --> 1:06:13.280 there's some great niggas, and it doesn't mean that everyone's 1:06:13.320 --> 1:06:17.480 the same, but carrying that same vulnerability into each one 1:06:17.600 --> 1:06:21.360 and not taking the wounds with you and the baggage 1:06:21.400 --> 1:06:23.640 with you, and just letting everything be a clean slate. 1:06:24.440 --> 1:06:26.120 I mean, that's one thing I promised myself coming out 1:06:26.160 --> 1:06:27.680 of that relationship that I wasn't going to allow this 1:06:27.760 --> 1:06:31.120 to harden me. I wasn't going to allow this person 1:06:31.240 --> 1:06:35.000 and this situation to have this much power over how 1:06:35.120 --> 1:06:38.320 I'm able my capacity for love in my next relationship. 1:06:38.600 --> 1:06:42.960 And even because my next relationship or that person showed 1:06:43.040 --> 1:06:47.120 up relatively fast after I let that go, I did. 1:06:47.160 --> 1:06:50.080 I had a lot of fear around is this too soon? 1:06:50.840 --> 1:06:55.040 Like what like do I I don't trust myself and 1:06:55.280 --> 1:06:58.240 I think the piece of allowing us to be friends 1:06:58.840 --> 1:07:01.240 for a long time, and again for me, removing the 1:07:01.280 --> 1:07:05.240 sex for over six months, like really allowed me to 1:07:06.200 --> 1:07:10.280 know that okay, like I'm okay, like I'm making good choices. 1:07:10.440 --> 1:07:14.040 I can trust myself. My intuition is good, like you know. 1:07:14.160 --> 1:07:17.439 So I think the friendship is really important, like you said, 1:07:17.480 --> 1:07:21.080 going back to number one in this in the second 1:07:21.120 --> 1:07:26.840 part of giving yourself, forgiving yourself for the past and 1:07:26.880 --> 1:07:28.960 the mistakes that you might make even in the interim, 1:07:29.160 --> 1:07:31.040 because I don't know, Like I think sometimes it is 1:07:31.080 --> 1:07:34.000 inevitable that you might bring something from a previous relationship, 1:07:34.160 --> 1:07:36.680 because it's not even from the relationship really, it's probably 1:07:36.720 --> 1:07:41.280 from something before that, your first relationship in love, you know. 1:07:42.680 --> 1:07:45.160 But hopefully, you know, because of the friendship, you're able 1:07:45.200 --> 1:07:47.560 to really talk through that thing with your partner, you know, 1:07:47.720 --> 1:07:48.480 and just trusting. 1:07:48.520 --> 1:07:50.480 It's more about trusting that you've done the work. 1:07:50.880 --> 1:07:52.360 And I think it doesn't answer the phone, Like he 1:07:52.360 --> 1:07:53.960 doesn't talk on the phone a lot. He's not like 1:07:54.000 --> 1:07:56.600 good with the phone, And that was super triggering for. 1:07:56.600 --> 1:07:58.320 Me, oh right, because the last thing I would pretend 1:07:58.360 --> 1:07:59.560 not to be good with this phone because he was 1:07:59.600 --> 1:08:00.640 being a fun boy. 1:08:00.480 --> 1:08:03.200 And also there was that, and also we would talk 1:08:03.320 --> 1:08:05.919 multiple times a day, and I got and I'm used 1:08:05.960 --> 1:08:08.640 to that cadence. So like, going into this new relationship, 1:08:08.680 --> 1:08:11.280 I could have totally fucked this whole relationship up just 1:08:11.320 --> 1:08:13.600 based off that because I was so in my head 1:08:13.640 --> 1:08:15.680 about it. I was so like, why is he answering 1:08:15.720 --> 1:08:17.360 the phone? Why has he called me all day? Like 1:08:17.360 --> 1:08:19.479 what the fuck is he doing? Like he says he's 1:08:19.479 --> 1:08:21.800 not fucking either, my fucking would if he's fucking, Like 1:08:21.840 --> 1:08:24.040 you know, it was just like it got crazy, but 1:08:24.439 --> 1:08:26.559 I didn't allow I worked through it, and I also 1:08:26.640 --> 1:08:29.559 communicated with him and said, hey, like I'm just not 1:08:29.680 --> 1:08:31.920 used to this, Like I understand you're not good with 1:08:31.960 --> 1:08:34.600 your phone and that's okay, and I'm working through it, 1:08:34.640 --> 1:08:37.000 but I want you to know that like if I 1:08:37.040 --> 1:08:38.479 call you and then if I call you in the 1:08:38.520 --> 1:08:39.920 morning and then I don't hear from you until six 1:08:39.960 --> 1:08:43.600 o'clock at night, that is like not okay. And I 1:08:43.600 --> 1:08:45.200 don't even know if it's from my past relationship. I 1:08:45.200 --> 1:08:47.080 think it's also just like there's a level of safety 1:08:47.080 --> 1:08:48.559 that I need, There's a level of check in that 1:08:48.600 --> 1:08:50.920 I need. There's a level of like, if there's an emergency, 1:08:50.960 --> 1:08:53.640 do I have access to you? Can I depend on you? 1:08:54.120 --> 1:08:57.960 And so like when I was able to share why 1:08:58.120 --> 1:09:00.800 in that way, like there was adjustment room, you know. 1:09:00.840 --> 1:09:03.320 And sometimes it's just as simple as that. Sometimes it's not. 1:09:03.560 --> 1:09:10.479 But yeah, yes, I think we got a little Yeah. 1:09:10.560 --> 1:09:14.240 So four, this one's really important because it. 1:09:14.240 --> 1:09:14.880 Is number three. 1:09:15.040 --> 1:09:16.439 Oh we didn't do three, I don't think so. 1:09:17.040 --> 1:09:22.960 Oh sorry, am I What do you bring to the 1:09:23.000 --> 1:09:25.000 table in terms of oh this we kind of went 1:09:25.040 --> 1:09:28.680 into this past experiences, trauma and understanding your needs and wants. 1:09:29.320 --> 1:09:33.640 I think that as women, there's such a terrible inventory 1:09:33.640 --> 1:09:35.800 of niggas that a lot of times we don't have 1:09:35.840 --> 1:09:38.120 to check in on our own shit. The men are 1:09:38.240 --> 1:09:40.960 so like it's so bare minimum right now, And I 1:09:41.040 --> 1:09:43.280 know it's it's we got to look higher and lower 1:09:43.320 --> 1:09:46.920 in new places. But like a lot of men are 1:09:46.960 --> 1:09:50.679 like operating on this new, weird frequency that I don't 1:09:50.760 --> 1:09:53.040 know what the fuck you not? I mean, just like 1:09:53.400 --> 1:09:57.479 they've gone really deep in like women hating. But sometimes 1:09:57.479 --> 1:10:02.880 I think we bypass our How are traumas show up 1:10:02.920 --> 1:10:05.880 in our relationships? And I know people always talking about 1:10:05.920 --> 1:10:07.160 like what do you bring the table? What do you 1:10:07.160 --> 1:10:08.680 bring the table? But like, what do you bring to 1:10:08.680 --> 1:10:12.720 the table in terms of your fucking trauma? You know? 1:10:12.760 --> 1:10:14.439 How do you love? How does that prevent you from 1:10:14.479 --> 1:10:15.040 being soft? 1:10:15.120 --> 1:10:15.280 You know? 1:10:15.280 --> 1:10:18.600 Because I think sometimes it's I think for me, particularly 1:10:18.640 --> 1:10:20.599 me talking to me is like I hear all these 1:10:20.640 --> 1:10:23.880 things all day on social on reels about black women 1:10:23.960 --> 1:10:26.800 not being soft, and we're in our masculine and like, 1:10:26.840 --> 1:10:29.160 you know, a lot of bashing of black women from 1:10:29.360 --> 1:10:33.639 black men, and so I get defensive when I'm told 1:10:33.680 --> 1:10:37.519 I'm not soft or I'm you know, not I do. 1:10:37.680 --> 1:10:42.719 I get very defensive, and it's prevented me from actually 1:10:42.880 --> 1:10:45.559 checking with myself and being like, could you be softer? 1:10:45.800 --> 1:10:48.800 Could you speak nicer? Why is that hard for you? 1:10:49.080 --> 1:10:53.760 Even when I'm told in the moment, hey, I realize 1:10:53.800 --> 1:10:56.519 immediately my walls go up and I'm in defense mode. 1:10:56.520 --> 1:10:58.599 I don't want to do it and having to check 1:10:58.640 --> 1:11:01.000 with myself like where does that come from from? Why 1:11:01.040 --> 1:11:02.280 can't you apologize? 1:11:02.360 --> 1:11:02.519 You know? 1:11:02.560 --> 1:11:04.599 There are certain things that I'm just like, I'm having 1:11:04.640 --> 1:11:06.640 to work on my softness, but first I have to 1:11:06.640 --> 1:11:08.479 be able to address it, and I have to soften 1:11:08.520 --> 1:11:10.639 myself to be able to be like, Okay, this person 1:11:10.680 --> 1:11:13.000 is telling me this because they love me. Maybe this 1:11:13.040 --> 1:11:14.920 is how I grew up. Maybe I don't mean it 1:11:14.960 --> 1:11:18.559 this way, but if someone else is interpreting it this way, 1:11:18.680 --> 1:11:22.160 how can I change? How can I get uncomfortable so 1:11:22.200 --> 1:11:24.160 that we can be comfortable and I can make do 1:11:24.240 --> 1:11:28.639 something differently? Bless you, bless. 1:11:28.439 --> 1:11:32.560 Youe it ooh, I have blue dream, baby blue dream. 1:11:32.800 --> 1:11:34.679 You know it's funny that you say that too, because 1:11:34.680 --> 1:11:38.280 this has come up for me in my relationship, because 1:11:38.280 --> 1:11:40.559 I'm finally in a relationship where I really feel safe. 1:11:41.400 --> 1:11:43.799 So I'm usually on the defense waiting for a niggative 1:11:43.800 --> 1:11:46.719 fuck up, and they always do. They always in my mind, 1:11:47.320 --> 1:11:49.200 to me, I feel like they fuck up. They might 1:11:49.200 --> 1:11:51.720 have a different storyline, but to me, I feel like 1:11:51.840 --> 1:11:56.719 I've been pretty great and become ungreat once they become ungreat, 1:11:57.240 --> 1:12:00.439 So I'm always waiting for them to fuck and so 1:12:00.600 --> 1:12:03.000 in this relationship that just hasn't happened. And so then 1:12:03.040 --> 1:12:10.559 I was like, oh, okay, cool up. Now I'm gonna 1:12:10.680 --> 1:12:12.519 like just like punching him a little bit like and 1:12:12.520 --> 1:12:13.400 then I'm like, damn, am. 1:12:13.320 --> 1:12:14.360 I gonna be the one to fuck up this? 1:12:14.439 --> 1:12:16.920 Relationship, and I'm like, oh my god, like I haven't 1:12:16.960 --> 1:12:19.960 even had the opportunity to let my fucking shit, my 1:12:20.000 --> 1:12:21.920 little fucking toxic flag. 1:12:21.600 --> 1:12:23.720 Fly, because it's usually justified, but. 1:12:23.680 --> 1:12:26.920 Because I, like I'm I'm usually the like the victim 1:12:26.960 --> 1:12:29.679 of the toxicity first, so then I'm just on defeat 1:12:29.720 --> 1:12:32.920 on defense, trying to like heal niggasm shit. And then 1:12:33.080 --> 1:12:35.800 now that I like have a very like a man 1:12:35.840 --> 1:12:38.920 that's been dedicated to his healing, I think even far 1:12:39.000 --> 1:12:41.679 beyond I became even aware that I had the option 1:12:41.800 --> 1:12:48.040 to do it, I'm like, oh wow, cool, Yeah, I'm 1:12:48.120 --> 1:12:51.760 sorry about that. That you didn't deserve that, and that 1:12:51.920 --> 1:12:53.880 is some shit I need to work on. 1:12:54.360 --> 1:12:56.640 And and that's the thing. And you know, that's the 1:12:56.680 --> 1:12:59.639 thing about dating someone who is your equal and who's 1:12:59.640 --> 1:13:02.200 always already on the journey and already self aware and 1:13:02.240 --> 1:13:05.080 like committed and wanting to invest in a relationship and 1:13:05.120 --> 1:13:07.519 invest it in love. It's like that's when you get 1:13:07.600 --> 1:13:11.400 to really to step your game up. That's where you 1:13:11.479 --> 1:13:13.280 get to grow, and that's where you get to stretch 1:13:13.320 --> 1:13:16.040 and be like, oh, like, this person's actually making me 1:13:16.840 --> 1:13:19.439 have to be better. But a lot of times women 1:13:19.479 --> 1:13:22.080 are dating below them, and so you don't even get 1:13:22.080 --> 1:13:24.040 to that point because then stay fuck up. Within the 1:13:24.040 --> 1:13:27.120 first five days, first five business days, they're fucking up. 1:13:27.160 --> 1:13:30.000 So it never, it never, rarely gets to the point 1:13:30.000 --> 1:13:32.439 where you have to look at yourself and grow and grow. 1:13:33.040 --> 1:13:35.360 And that's where you're like, oh, this is what the 1:13:35.479 --> 1:13:38.559 journey of love looks like. When I'm safe and someone 1:13:38.560 --> 1:13:40.960 can tell me gently, hey, I love you, Hey, look 1:13:41.000 --> 1:13:43.240 at me. I don't really I don't like that, you know, 1:13:43.320 --> 1:13:46.160 I know, you know. It's just a different it's a 1:13:46.200 --> 1:13:57.000 whole new, whole new Not being able to acapella sing 1:13:57.040 --> 1:14:01.120 is remakes really a whole new world, a whole new world, 1:14:01.280 --> 1:14:07.160 a whole new world. Not from Maladin bo relaxed from 1:14:07.240 --> 1:14:10.000 Jim Aladdin. It's a new remix. 1:14:11.280 --> 1:14:14.639 Oh my god. Okay, number four. 1:14:17.560 --> 1:14:20.080 That number four is I think we kind of touched 1:14:20.080 --> 1:14:21.559 on this, but I'm gonna add something to this because 1:14:21.560 --> 1:14:23.160 I forgot it on a different one. The number four 1:14:23.200 --> 1:14:25.479 is authenticity. Are you being honest? And or are you 1:14:25.479 --> 1:14:27.479 being the digestible version of yourself? And since we kind 1:14:27.479 --> 1:14:28.760 of already touch on this, I'd like to touch on 1:14:28.800 --> 1:14:32.800 something more important. Stepping out of your comfort zone when 1:14:32.800 --> 1:14:37.720 you date necessary. Yes, everyone's like, you always date. Never 1:14:37.760 --> 1:14:39.840 mind what I was gonna say, you always ate the 1:14:39.840 --> 1:14:42.640 black eye. This is my my white friend's talking to 1:14:42.720 --> 1:14:44.160 my white friend. The only dates the black guys do? 1:14:44.160 --> 1:14:45.120 Want you do somebody else? 1:14:45.439 --> 1:14:46.760 That's oh, they're saying that to her. 1:14:46.840 --> 1:14:50.640 Yeah, But you know, I think sometimes we're like, if 1:14:50.680 --> 1:14:52.479 you always date this kind of honestly, if you're always 1:14:52.560 --> 1:14:54.519 dating a thug and he has four phones and he 1:14:54.560 --> 1:14:56.080 always has to make a run and you never know 1:14:56.160 --> 1:14:58.320 where he's going, and you don't know really what he does, 1:14:58.360 --> 1:15:00.960 and he has four baby mamas, and you know he's 1:15:01.200 --> 1:15:04.240 probably a drug dealer. Probably date somebody a new type, 1:15:04.280 --> 1:15:06.760 you know, with a job, a real one. No, you know, 1:15:06.800 --> 1:15:10.160 no shade to the drug dealers. But I think sometimes 1:15:10.240 --> 1:15:13.240 we take this too far. And if you've been a 1:15:13.240 --> 1:15:15.200 part of Good Moms for a long time, you remember 1:15:15.240 --> 1:15:15.680 the time we. 1:15:15.640 --> 1:15:19.760 Took this too far, you know, you know, I think 1:15:19.760 --> 1:15:22.559 we were talking to our last episode about stupid bitch 1:15:22.640 --> 1:15:25.799 and then like the stupid aware bitch. Yes we were, 1:15:25.840 --> 1:15:29.400 we didn't we thankfully those relationships were at the very 1:15:29.439 --> 1:15:34.120 deadline of stupid aware bitch and stupid bitch. But actually 1:15:34.160 --> 1:15:36.120 I don't even know if we were aware. I mean, 1:15:36.160 --> 1:15:38.960 we were aware we were actively choosing men that we've 1:15:39.080 --> 1:15:42.439 never given a chance to before. We both knew we 1:15:42.439 --> 1:15:45.920 were choosing nerds, and not that nerds are not cute, 1:15:45.960 --> 1:15:51.360 but these are very specifics. Are cool like bad, like 1:15:51.479 --> 1:15:55.880 badge fashions, like white people, talking voices. 1:15:56.280 --> 1:15:59.920 Like like YouTube buffs, like not really wanting the fun. 1:16:00.920 --> 1:16:04.600 There was a lot of red flags, nerd flags. It 1:16:04.680 --> 1:16:06.479 was a lot nerd flags, you know, And it was 1:16:06.479 --> 1:16:08.280 a good thing at one point. And you know, no 1:16:08.400 --> 1:16:12.920 shade to that guy, actually a little shade, but he 1:16:12.960 --> 1:16:15.920 was He was older, he wanted he had a good job, 1:16:16.320 --> 1:16:18.960 he wanted to be married, all great things. 1:16:19.160 --> 1:16:19.800 He had a dog. 1:16:19.800 --> 1:16:21.800 He had a dog he would not leave at home 1:16:21.880 --> 1:16:25.719 fucking ever. He had camping equipment, I mean camping equipment, 1:16:26.640 --> 1:16:28.600 and that was great. He knew how to survive in 1:16:28.680 --> 1:16:37.520 apocalypse and that was great. But it was not realistic. 1:16:37.960 --> 1:16:40.320 That was too far left, and I knew it, and 1:16:40.360 --> 1:16:43.960 I kept trying to make myself attracted to him. I 1:16:44.120 --> 1:16:49.519 was from the waist down, you know, maybe even the 1:16:49.520 --> 1:16:51.360 belly button. He had a little ab going. But the 1:16:51.400 --> 1:16:53.559 thing was he wasn't my niggad and I wasn't wildly 1:16:53.600 --> 1:16:55.080 attracted to him, and I'm not saying it to be 1:16:55.160 --> 1:16:57.559 wildly attracted to every guy you date, but there is 1:16:57.640 --> 1:17:01.479 a level of I wanna fuck the shit out of 1:17:01.520 --> 1:17:03.519 you right now that has to happen because when you 1:17:03.560 --> 1:17:05.639 get out my motherfucking nerves and you're talking too much 1:17:06.080 --> 1:17:08.240 and you're doing too much, which will inevitably happen, and 1:17:08.240 --> 1:17:10.320 it's your peer things got to hold us down, and 1:17:10.360 --> 1:17:12.439 it's gonna be the it's gonna be your attraction to 1:17:12.479 --> 1:17:16.320 the person, and like the like them a level of like, 1:17:16.400 --> 1:17:18.559 I want to sit on your dick right now, that's 1:17:18.560 --> 1:17:23.040 gonna get you through, you know, the irritation. And I 1:17:23.040 --> 1:17:27.160 think sometimes women like especially you know, no shade to 1:17:27.200 --> 1:17:29.960 the single moms, I get it. I see single moms 1:17:30.200 --> 1:17:32.800 just go with the safe guy because they've been hurt 1:17:32.800 --> 1:17:34.920 in the past relationship. Go with the safe guy because 1:17:34.960 --> 1:17:37.720 he's safe, because you know he wants the things. But 1:17:37.840 --> 1:17:39.760 knowing good and god damn well, bitch, you don't really 1:17:39.760 --> 1:17:42.240 want to sit on his face all the time. And 1:17:42.320 --> 1:17:44.160 I think that's not fair to the other person, you know, 1:17:44.200 --> 1:17:45.840 because there's somewhere out there who wants to sit on 1:17:45.960 --> 1:17:48.000 that man's dick all the time. It's just not you. 1:17:48.400 --> 1:17:50.320 And I think you just do yourself a disservice trying 1:17:50.320 --> 1:17:51.439 to do the safe thing. 1:17:51.960 --> 1:17:54.960 You think that you think that I don't know if 1:17:55.000 --> 1:17:57.000 I agree that this is a single mom thing. I 1:17:57.000 --> 1:18:00.439 think that this is actually a woman without child thing 1:18:00.520 --> 1:18:01.000 that happens. 1:18:01.320 --> 1:18:02.200 Oh, you're right, it's both. 1:18:02.200 --> 1:18:04.479 But sometimes I think I can understand why you would 1:18:04.479 --> 1:18:08.320 say that it probably is a demographic of single mothers 1:18:08.320 --> 1:18:10.040 that just want help and support. 1:18:10.479 --> 1:18:12.800 There's a safety you have to You need safety not 1:18:12.800 --> 1:18:14.400 only for yourself but for your kid too. 1:18:14.600 --> 1:18:18.679 Yeah, but that will compromise those those pieces for the need, 1:18:18.920 --> 1:18:21.760 the need that they've been starved of in whatever version 1:18:21.800 --> 1:18:24.400 of motherhood they're dealing with. But I also think that 1:18:25.040 --> 1:18:29.559 this is wildly, wildly a thing for people without children, 1:18:29.720 --> 1:18:32.880 because especially if you're of a certain age without children, 1:18:33.200 --> 1:18:36.240 like because because in this world, and it's true, like 1:18:36.320 --> 1:18:38.519 we do have a time limit into which we can 1:18:38.600 --> 1:18:42.280 pro create, and so women start making really crazy deals 1:18:42.280 --> 1:18:45.840 with themselves in order to either push the timeline up 1:18:46.320 --> 1:18:48.360 to which they we're going to have a child. And 1:18:48.400 --> 1:18:50.240 even for the people that are younger than that, it's 1:18:50.280 --> 1:18:54.560 more so about you know, these societal expectations of like, oh, 1:18:54.960 --> 1:18:57.080 I won't even say societal expectations because I do think 1:18:57.080 --> 1:19:00.439 that like we've women have shifted in this idea that 1:19:00.479 --> 1:19:02.240 like they need to be a wife first, like people 1:19:02.240 --> 1:19:03.920 are now like I want to have a business first, 1:19:03.920 --> 1:19:06.639 I want to have a career. But I think there's 1:19:06.680 --> 1:19:10.799 still a lot of pressure for women to feel worthy. 1:19:11.040 --> 1:19:14.479 And being a wife makes people feel worthy. It's part 1:19:14.479 --> 1:19:17.240 of the checklist, the career, and the wife is part 1:19:17.240 --> 1:19:20.040 of the checklist. And but a lot of times that 1:19:20.160 --> 1:19:26.200 wifey thing or that wifey title equals worthiness, like someone 1:19:26.280 --> 1:19:31.800 chose me equals value equals I have purpose now, you know. 1:19:32.080 --> 1:19:37.120 And and there's also the the this idea that women 1:19:37.800 --> 1:19:41.040 like their their value decreases as they get older, and 1:19:41.080 --> 1:19:42.840 that you know, our birth, you know, we only have 1:19:42.880 --> 1:19:44.680 a certain window and we can have babies, and that 1:19:44.840 --> 1:19:46.559 drives us too to just be like this is the 1:19:46.560 --> 1:19:47.000 best thing. 1:19:47.200 --> 1:19:49.840 Yeah, And so there's like compromises that we make for 1:19:50.920 --> 1:19:54.160 the for that to to find to be in partnership 1:19:54.200 --> 1:19:59.920 with anyone honestly. So, uh yeah, that's the recipe for 1:20:00.040 --> 1:20:00.759 fucking disaster. 1:20:00.920 --> 1:20:03.840 Here's a good mom tip. Erica taught me this, and 1:20:03.880 --> 1:20:06.759 I almost didn't forgive her. But next time you're scrolling 1:20:06.880 --> 1:20:09.200 to said dating apps, I'm not gonna say them because 1:20:09.200 --> 1:20:14.080 they should pay us, because this is me. I'm such 1:20:14.120 --> 1:20:16.879 a cancer. I'm like, I like this answer. That was funny, 1:20:17.240 --> 1:20:19.639 you know, and the Erica said, zoom into his face 1:20:20.080 --> 1:20:22.200 and then think to yourself, can I wake up to 1:20:22.240 --> 1:20:25.000 this face every morning? And after that I scrolled different 1:20:25.000 --> 1:20:27.519 for the rest of my fucking single life and I 1:20:27.600 --> 1:20:30.559 barely swiped yes because I'm gonna add one more layer 1:20:30.600 --> 1:20:30.840 to that. 1:20:31.240 --> 1:20:34.200 Can you picture his fuck face? And is that okay 1:20:34.240 --> 1:20:39.080 with you? Okay? Because listen, I have I have trauma 1:20:39.120 --> 1:20:43.439 over fuck faces. That's some bad fuck faces, some real 1:20:43.479 --> 1:20:45.960 one real and honestly, it's not just because he's cute 1:20:45.960 --> 1:20:46.840 doesn't mean his fuck face. 1:20:46.960 --> 1:20:48.920 Who is the worst fuck face you've ever had? 1:20:49.560 --> 1:20:50.840 I can't say this publicly. 1:20:51.160 --> 1:20:51.920 You don't have a name. 1:20:52.400 --> 1:20:55.519 It's not even a name. It's just like, okay, just no, 1:20:55.640 --> 1:20:58.800 it's I just know, it's just just know. It's the 1:20:58.840 --> 1:21:00.960 reason I became a good mom. Who specially. 1:21:05.200 --> 1:21:07.080 Yeah, So I do agree with going out of your 1:21:07.080 --> 1:21:09.800 comfort zone. You can't date the same kind of guy 1:21:09.840 --> 1:21:13.680 who has emotionally unavailable, but you do have to be 1:21:13.720 --> 1:21:16.960 realistic in you know, your genuine attraction to that person, 1:21:17.560 --> 1:21:20.680 like you know, sometimes breaking news guys, and. 1:21:20.640 --> 1:21:23.719 That doesn't mean physical too, like sometimes it's like another 1:21:23.720 --> 1:21:26.400 thing too. This is really random, but like for me, 1:21:26.560 --> 1:21:29.639 music is really important. If we can't if you don't 1:21:29.680 --> 1:21:32.000 listen to my type of music and we don't have 1:21:32.080 --> 1:21:35.200 like the same sort of like inclination to sound in 1:21:35.240 --> 1:21:37.800 some capacity, it's not gonna work. 1:21:38.000 --> 1:21:39.320 Because we do go to concert together. 1:21:39.439 --> 1:21:41.240 It's just it's just not gonna work. Like our sexy 1:21:41.280 --> 1:21:44.320 time isn't gonna be aligned, like our house vibes are 1:21:44.320 --> 1:21:46.920 not gonna be aligned. Like clearly our frequencies are not 1:21:46.960 --> 1:21:49.519 the fucking same. I should have known that. Like I've 1:21:49.520 --> 1:21:53.280 had boyfriends that like listen to like just like hardcore, 1:21:53.360 --> 1:21:55.439 like fucking Ozzy Osbourne and shit, and I'm like, oh 1:21:55.479 --> 1:21:57.840 my god, he's black and he likes Azzi asthma, it's cool. 1:21:57.840 --> 1:21:59.920 And then I'm listening to Azzi os I'm like, this is. 1:21:59.840 --> 1:22:02.840 Not like that happened. That happened to my friend and 1:22:02.840 --> 1:22:04.920 she was at all these EDM concerts and she was 1:22:04.960 --> 1:22:08.400 angry after she was just like I. Finally we're like, 1:22:08.439 --> 1:22:10.320 I know this bitch likes hip hopic, why is she 1:22:10.360 --> 1:22:12.200 doing this star stuff? And finally, when the relationship is over, 1:22:12.320 --> 1:22:14.760 she's like, if I hear one more fucking DM, I'm 1:22:14.800 --> 1:22:16.960 gonna die. I'm like, yeah, bitch, because that was never 1:22:17.040 --> 1:22:19.280 your knigg Like why do you do? Why do we 1:22:19.280 --> 1:22:22.559 do these things? Look, I could do EDM. It's fine, 1:22:22.600 --> 1:22:25.040 that's not gonna And honestly, like, is EDM gonna be 1:22:25.040 --> 1:22:27.760 the breaking point in your possible husband? No, if you 1:22:27.800 --> 1:22:30.280 know what's your husband, you'll be able to withstand. 1:22:30.400 --> 1:22:33.479 But you know what your things are. You know, like 1:22:33.640 --> 1:22:37.760 whether it's like you like fucking you like certain kind 1:22:37.760 --> 1:22:39.960 of movies like these are how you're going to spend 1:22:39.960 --> 1:22:40.600 your time, or. 1:22:40.640 --> 1:22:43.960 You like bougie shit if you like bougie shit and 1:22:44.000 --> 1:22:46.920 he brings three to five fucking outfits on a ten 1:22:47.000 --> 1:22:51.760 day vacation. Not the one if he suggests washing his 1:22:51.840 --> 1:22:54.519 clothes in the sink and staying at a hostel and 1:22:54.560 --> 1:22:57.559 he's over thirty years old. Not the one if you 1:22:57.640 --> 1:22:59.720 like boozy things. But if you like hostels, you guys 1:22:59.720 --> 1:23:01.280 a gonna fucking hostile your lives away. 1:23:01.360 --> 1:23:03.040 I mean, I don't think it also depends on where 1:23:03.120 --> 1:23:05.360 on the list bougie things will fall for you, because 1:23:05.360 --> 1:23:07.120 I think some people do like bougie things, but they 1:23:07.120 --> 1:23:08.800 can that's not gonna be the reason why they're going 1:23:08.840 --> 1:23:09.920 to pass up the love of their life. 1:23:09.920 --> 1:23:12.000 And and you also know if it's if you, If 1:23:12.040 --> 1:23:14.559 you you'll know if it's your husband and you're passing 1:23:14.600 --> 1:23:16.160 up to the husband of your life, if if it's 1:23:16.240 --> 1:23:18.840 something you literally can't get passed if you're And also 1:23:18.960 --> 1:23:22.320 be aware of when you nitpick things, because I when 1:23:22.360 --> 1:23:25.840 you're trying to repel something for whatever personal reasons, you'll 1:23:25.840 --> 1:23:28.120 make up things. I made up things about Orlando, and 1:23:28.160 --> 1:23:30.400 I believe them, and I was like, that crop top's 1:23:30.439 --> 1:23:32.120 not gonna work. I just like I knew he was 1:23:32.160 --> 1:23:34.280 a whore. That was actually true and honest, that was 1:23:34.400 --> 1:23:36.960 real observation. But there is things that I made up. 1:23:37.080 --> 1:23:39.840 I told he told he told me that he didn't 1:23:39.880 --> 1:23:41.560 have a jaw line. And then after he told me, 1:23:41.640 --> 1:23:42.920 I told I was like, I don't think it's gonna work. 1:23:43.000 --> 1:23:47.080 She's like, why it's like his jaw line and she 1:23:47.240 --> 1:23:48.360 was like, what are you talking about. I was like, 1:23:48.360 --> 1:23:50.439 he mentioned it and I can't see it. 1:23:50.560 --> 1:23:51.200 And I'm true. 1:23:51.280 --> 1:23:53.400 I was like making up things and I was like, yeah, 1:23:53.439 --> 1:23:54.920 I don't know. I told you, and then I told 1:23:54.920 --> 1:23:57.240 my friends I think he's gay. I made up all 1:23:57.280 --> 1:24:00.200 types of things not to make Orlando up until like 1:24:00.560 --> 1:24:02.559 deeply into it, I was like, it's just not gonna work. 1:24:03.200 --> 1:24:07.799 And I realized, like I was making myself fine reasons 1:24:07.840 --> 1:24:10.680 not to be happy. So there's a fine line, but 1:24:10.720 --> 1:24:14.280 the guy line, but the nerd guy. You know, you 1:24:14.479 --> 1:24:17.880 absolutely know that that outfit is not gonna work for 1:24:17.920 --> 1:24:19.559 the rest of your life. There's just certain things that 1:24:19.760 --> 1:24:22.680 you you're gonna start resenting this person and you're in 1:24:22.680 --> 1:24:25.040 your body, you know. I was literally looking at this 1:24:25.080 --> 1:24:27.719 thing and be like, and maybe if I changed his clothes, 1:24:28.040 --> 1:24:29.760 he looks good in this outfit, So maybe if I 1:24:29.760 --> 1:24:33.120 get more outfits like this, Like, you can't be calculating 1:24:33.720 --> 1:24:35.720 shit like that, you know what I mean? So I 1:24:35.800 --> 1:24:41.920 do keep it real. And also, breaking news, just because 1:24:41.960 --> 1:24:45.120 he's a good guy does not mean he's your guy. 1:24:46.000 --> 1:24:49.360 A good nice guy doesn't That's not all you need. 1:24:49.840 --> 1:24:50.439 Breaking news. 1:24:50.560 --> 1:24:52.720 Not just because he doesn't beat you and he has 1:24:52.760 --> 1:24:55.439 a job and he's a good guy. That does not 1:24:55.600 --> 1:24:59.799 make him your husband. Does he make your pussy tingle, 1:25:05.880 --> 1:25:08.760 your body telling tancha, your body telling what it is? 1:25:08.840 --> 1:25:10.800 Yes, all those things and does he hit all the 1:25:10.840 --> 1:25:13.400 other things on the list, like is he those things 1:25:13.439 --> 1:25:15.519 on the list that are important to you? Is he 1:25:15.760 --> 1:25:19.400 is he? Can he provide safety or whatever? 1:25:19.479 --> 1:25:21.480 Safety and always and friendship? 1:25:21.560 --> 1:25:24.840 Friendship like do you guys do your family's mesh like 1:25:24.880 --> 1:25:26.800 if that's on the list for you? Where families are 1:25:26.800 --> 1:25:30.439 super important, like the actual a meshing of families. And 1:25:30.920 --> 1:25:33.439 he doesn't prioritize family, And that's something I realize for me, 1:25:33.560 --> 1:25:36.200 like is super important. I'm not interested in dating people 1:25:36.240 --> 1:25:39.360 that don't understand and prioritize their family because I do. 1:25:39.560 --> 1:25:42.360 And it's going to be annoying to me when your 1:25:42.400 --> 1:25:44.920 mom lives five miles away and you see her two 1:25:44.960 --> 1:25:48.599 times a year or like every other month when she's 1:25:48.600 --> 1:25:51.320 there and she's old, like that bothers me. So it's 1:25:51.400 --> 1:25:54.280 just and I feel like I know inevitably those things 1:25:54.360 --> 1:25:56.559 end up impacting how you are able to show up 1:25:56.600 --> 1:25:59.760 for me, And because that's important to me, maybe that 1:25:59.760 --> 1:26:01.960 could be great for somebody else. So I think it's 1:26:02.000 --> 1:26:08.439 about honoring like truly, truly your X and your hell 1:26:08.520 --> 1:26:10.320 yes is yes yes. 1:26:10.400 --> 1:26:14.640 If it's not a hell yeah, it's probably a nobly 1:26:16.880 --> 1:26:21.439 number five. This is very important. Some may disagree, but 1:26:21.520 --> 1:26:26.599 this is why you have to trust your trustworthy tribe. 1:26:28.040 --> 1:26:33.000 Trust your trustworthy tribe. Sometimes your friends, you know, your 1:26:33.000 --> 1:26:34.479 friends are going to tell you the truth because they 1:26:34.520 --> 1:26:36.080 know you and they love you, and they're not going 1:26:36.160 --> 1:26:38.320 to try and hurt you. And sometimes you gotta trust that. 1:26:39.200 --> 1:26:43.400 No, it's true. I think your friends are going to 1:26:43.439 --> 1:26:46.679 see things that you ki'd just can't see. Once you've 1:26:46.680 --> 1:26:47.480 been penetrated. 1:26:49.080 --> 1:26:49.760 Everybody knows. 1:26:50.120 --> 1:26:54.599 Everybody knows penetrated, you're fucked literally and figuratively, and your 1:26:54.600 --> 1:26:56.840 friends are unfucked, and so they will tell you the 1:26:56.840 --> 1:26:57.439 fucking truth. 1:26:57.560 --> 1:26:59.080 Penetration will make you blind, you know. 1:26:59.720 --> 1:27:03.320 And friends, if you're listening, tell them stop, like, don't 1:27:03.680 --> 1:27:06.920 don't wait too long, let her, you know, do her thing. 1:27:07.400 --> 1:27:10.280 But then inevitably you have to tell your friend the 1:27:10.360 --> 1:27:14.160 truth because like she won't know, she really won't see, 1:27:14.160 --> 1:27:16.360 and she may not even listen. And that's fine, but 1:27:16.400 --> 1:27:22.080 at least you tried. So trust your trusted tribe, and 1:27:22.840 --> 1:27:25.440 trust yourself and trust yourself most importantly. 1:27:25.640 --> 1:27:30.599 Yeah, So good luck with love, Good luck with love 1:27:31.040 --> 1:27:31.919 sign a fiance. 1:27:36.320 --> 1:27:37.519 Oh is it terrot time? 1:27:37.560 --> 1:27:37.880 My dear? 1:27:38.200 --> 1:27:58.400 I believe it is terot time. You guys, have you 1:27:58.439 --> 1:28:04.200 been enjoying our beautifully cinematic segways to each of our segments? 1:28:04.640 --> 1:28:06.519 If you haven't turned in to YouTube, if you haven't 1:28:06.520 --> 1:28:10.479 subscribed to YouTube, you're missing out because we have beautiful production. 1:28:10.640 --> 1:28:13.240 We have a beautiful set, We are beautiful, and we 1:28:13.479 --> 1:28:18.439 dress nice, and so we've produced highly beautiful. 1:28:19.160 --> 1:28:21.559 Content for you to watch and enjoy. It's really a 1:28:21.560 --> 1:28:24.000 TV show you're gonna watch. Over there, you'll also see 1:28:24.040 --> 1:28:27.000 our beautiful outfits. Right now, I'm actually wearing something from 1:28:27.200 --> 1:28:30.040 our online store. It's for the Good Moms, the Good 1:28:30.080 --> 1:28:33.800 Mom Crew neck. I don't like to call it merch. 1:28:33.920 --> 1:28:36.519 It's our fashion line that we design and it's very 1:28:36.560 --> 1:28:39.559 high quality. And if you want our website, you get 1:28:39.560 --> 1:28:41.880 a discount. We sign up for a newsletter. So make 1:28:41.880 --> 1:28:45.040 sure you check out goodmomspad Choices dot com. Go check 1:28:45.080 --> 1:28:50.040 out our online store and all our offerings on our website. 1:28:50.760 --> 1:28:51.720 Tack your heart, my love. 1:28:52.520 --> 1:29:05.400 See ooh, this is interesting. 1:29:05.640 --> 1:29:09.839 The Five of Pentacles looks like they're having a hard time. 1:29:13.080 --> 1:29:14.160 To check out this card. 1:29:14.439 --> 1:29:15.360 See what it looks like. 1:29:17.080 --> 1:29:19.120 It's a little destitute. 1:29:19.560 --> 1:29:24.040 It's very destitute. One of them has a broken foot. 1:29:24.160 --> 1:29:25.320 I know he's injured. 1:29:25.560 --> 1:29:33.560 Financial loss, poverty, lack mindset, isolation, worry. The five of 1:29:33.640 --> 1:29:36.519 Pentacles is a card of financial loss and poverty. Hit. 1:29:36.640 --> 1:29:38.800 You have hit hard times, especially when it comes to 1:29:38.840 --> 1:29:41.600 your work, career, finances, and material possessions. You may have 1:29:41.680 --> 1:29:44.519 recently lost your job, your home, or financial security. You 1:29:44.640 --> 1:29:46.799 no longer feel safe because it has been all stripped 1:29:46.800 --> 1:29:49.360 away from you. In one below. Your ego may also 1:29:49.400 --> 1:29:53.080 be bruised, especially since success often correlates to financial wealth. 1:29:53.360 --> 1:29:55.719 Losing either can be humbling blow to your self esteem 1:29:55.760 --> 1:29:57.960 and sense of self forth. The upside is that this 1:29:58.040 --> 1:30:02.160 is a minor arcana card and with temporary effects rather 1:30:02.200 --> 1:30:05.840 than a major ocana which have longer term impact. This too, 1:30:05.880 --> 1:30:08.599 shall pass. In this time of need, The fiber Pentacles 1:30:08.640 --> 1:30:11.519 indicates that you feel isolated and alone, just like the 1:30:11.560 --> 1:30:13.080 two people in the car. Do you feel as if 1:30:13.120 --> 1:30:15.360 you have been left in the cold. You may wonder 1:30:15.400 --> 1:30:18.040 why is no one coming to help me? It appears 1:30:18.040 --> 1:30:20.799 as if no one cares anymore. However, since the windows 1:30:20.920 --> 1:30:23.280 in the church are lit up, help us nearby? But 1:30:23.360 --> 1:30:26.200 you are too focused on your problems to notice. You 1:30:26.240 --> 1:30:28.080 may be waiting for someone to come and help you 1:30:28.120 --> 1:30:30.479 when you really need When you really you need to 1:30:30.520 --> 1:30:33.519 be proactive and ask for help. You need to swallow 1:30:33.560 --> 1:30:35.599 your pride or let go of your fear of rejection 1:30:35.800 --> 1:30:38.439 and reach out. People are here to support you, find 1:30:38.479 --> 1:30:42.240 them and let them know you need them. It can 1:30:42.360 --> 1:30:45.760 highlight a lack mindset. You are sabotaging your ability to 1:30:45.800 --> 1:30:48.519 create abundance because you only focus on lack. 1:30:50.120 --> 1:30:55.919 Okay, this card is for me because I've been battling 1:30:55.960 --> 1:31:02.040 this mindset for the last few weeks around financial stability 1:31:02.040 --> 1:31:04.960 for the rest of my life, and like I was 1:31:05.000 --> 1:31:06.640 talking to my mom about this yesterday, I was like, 1:31:06.680 --> 1:31:09.240 how the fuck do people take care of themselves forever 1:31:09.400 --> 1:31:12.040 in this world? Forever when you get old and you 1:31:12.080 --> 1:31:14.759 can't work anymore, Like are you do you just accept 1:31:14.760 --> 1:31:17.559 that you have your life and like you have your 1:31:17.640 --> 1:31:20.880 life downgrades in some capacity or is it not a downgrade, 1:31:20.920 --> 1:31:23.160 It's just an acceptance that none of this shit actually 1:31:23.160 --> 1:31:25.559 matters and it takes us that long to fucking realize 1:31:25.560 --> 1:31:27.960 it that, like I don't need all these fucking things, 1:31:28.439 --> 1:31:31.720 Or is it that I've just prepared really well, and yes, 1:31:31.840 --> 1:31:35.439 things will change slowly in adjustment to how much I 1:31:35.479 --> 1:31:38.880 acquire or do, but that's also because I'm aging and 1:31:38.960 --> 1:31:42.160 I don't require that much anymore. So I was thinking, 1:31:42.360 --> 1:31:45.440 just like I've been stressing about that, like that concept 1:31:45.520 --> 1:31:52.160 of like generational wealth saving money, just like knowing that 1:31:52.240 --> 1:31:56.160 everything shifts and changes and I have control, but I 1:31:56.200 --> 1:31:58.280 also don't have control in certain ways right now in 1:31:58.320 --> 1:32:00.960 my life. And what am I going to do about it? 1:32:01.160 --> 1:32:03.200 And like am I gonna rise to the occasion? I'm 1:32:03.200 --> 1:32:08.160 gonna fucking crumble? And just like how how you do it? All? 1:32:08.240 --> 1:32:11.479 So I know that those thoughts too, even when I'm 1:32:11.520 --> 1:32:16.920 having them, I know that they're they're not true, and 1:32:16.960 --> 1:32:18.400 I have to keep but I have to keep. I've 1:32:18.400 --> 1:32:21.320 been having to keep having that conversation with myself and 1:32:21.360 --> 1:32:25.320 pulling myself out of financial scarcity and realizing like and 1:32:25.360 --> 1:32:27.920 then and then I continue to get blessings that are 1:32:27.960 --> 1:32:31.200 reminding me that no, no, and I've gotten them actually 1:32:31.240 --> 1:32:33.559 throughout the last two weeks. While I've been having these 1:32:34.240 --> 1:32:37.120 really weird thoughts, God has also been blessing me and 1:32:37.200 --> 1:32:40.639 showing me that it's not true. So trying to hold 1:32:40.640 --> 1:32:43.439 on to those moments and really believing them to be 1:32:43.479 --> 1:32:45.639 true and knowing that it's not just a moment, because 1:32:45.680 --> 1:32:48.439 I think there's that too. It's like feeling like we 1:32:48.600 --> 1:32:52.040 all have our moment, especially in like this industry that 1:32:52.040 --> 1:32:55.720 we're in, like entertainment and podcasting, and but I know 1:32:55.760 --> 1:32:57.880 that what we do is even more so, is more 1:32:58.000 --> 1:33:03.879 than just that, and that it just keeps expanding. And yeah, 1:33:03.920 --> 1:33:07.680 so back hard is it's for me and I receive it. 1:33:07.680 --> 1:33:08.200 It's okay. 1:33:08.320 --> 1:33:10.719 It's scary. I mean it's scary to have the thought 1:33:10.800 --> 1:33:13.960 like I have to provide and care for myself from 1:33:14.000 --> 1:33:17.960 now until forever, and if you know, one thing goes wrong, 1:33:18.200 --> 1:33:19.160 what does that look like? 1:33:19.320 --> 1:33:19.519 You know? 1:33:20.080 --> 1:33:24.040 Yeah, safety is big, and like constantly think and thinking 1:33:24.040 --> 1:33:25.800 about it when you think about over your lifetime and 1:33:25.800 --> 1:33:27.680 then you think about having a child, and it's just 1:33:27.720 --> 1:33:31.639 like it's such a grand uh, it's such a grand 1:33:31.920 --> 1:33:35.479 like not burden, but responsibility to just think of and 1:33:35.520 --> 1:33:36.960 that and I do it all the time, and I 1:33:36.960 --> 1:33:39.040 get fucking anxiety and then I want to just lay down. 1:33:39.439 --> 1:33:42.479 But it's just like having the knowing that you're always 1:33:42.520 --> 1:33:45.000 provided for and taking care of and that, you know. Yeah, 1:33:45.040 --> 1:33:47.160 like following the path is always going to bring you 1:33:47.400 --> 1:33:50.559 to where you need to be, and distrusting that, especially 1:33:50.560 --> 1:33:52.880 when our journey has already shown us that so much, 1:33:52.960 --> 1:33:57.200 you know, And yeah, like that's every there's going to 1:33:57.240 --> 1:33:59.840 be something presented every day that's scary and big. And 1:34:00.520 --> 1:34:03.000 this is the lifetime we've been granted and it is 1:34:03.040 --> 1:34:05.640 actually a very short time, and so why not like 1:34:05.720 --> 1:34:09.799 find joy in figuring out and just know that everything's 1:34:09.840 --> 1:34:12.479 going to be okay even if it looks different. And 1:34:12.479 --> 1:34:14.680 you know, we've been through hard things and you can 1:34:14.720 --> 1:34:16.840 get through hard things, and so ultimately there's no big 1:34:16.840 --> 1:34:19.960 anxiety to have to fear, to be scared of, but 1:34:20.840 --> 1:34:22.479 that everything is going as it should be. 1:34:24.080 --> 1:34:30.559 A well, y'all, this was fun. I love you. Thank 1:34:30.560 --> 1:34:32.599 you for joining us for another episode of Good Mom's 1:34:32.600 --> 1:34:34.599 Bad Choices. If you haven't had a chance, make sure 1:34:34.600 --> 1:34:37.360 you go rate and review this episode. Like Mila said, 1:34:37.439 --> 1:34:44.240 subscribe on YouTube, subscribe on all podcast platforms. Oh guess what, 1:34:44.479 --> 1:34:48.599 we just release dates for our next Costa Rica retreat 1:34:48.760 --> 1:34:53.479 and in the summertime, and you have time, bitches. So 1:34:54.200 --> 1:34:58.719 we're taking our Good Vibe Retreat to our annual location 1:34:58.800 --> 1:35:02.800 which we love so much on both the Yaho in July, 1:35:03.120 --> 1:35:06.000 end of July, July thirty first, Yeah, July thirty first 1:35:06.000 --> 1:35:09.960 through the fifth, and then August eighth, eighth through the eleven. 1:35:11.479 --> 1:35:14.400 No something, just look at the dates. It's an it's 1:35:14.400 --> 1:35:20.519 basically in August and yeah, if you're watching, if you're 1:35:20.520 --> 1:35:22.800 listening to this in February first, we're in Costa Rica. 1:35:22.880 --> 1:35:24.759 To go check out our stories like good Mom's Underscore 1:35:24.760 --> 1:35:27.600 Bad Choices and watch us living our best life and bikinis, 1:35:27.640 --> 1:35:30.120 and then you'll want to come in the summertime. 1:35:29.920 --> 1:35:31.559 You definitely, well, we'll be thriving. 1:35:32.000 --> 1:35:32.080 Go. 1:35:32.200 --> 1:35:33.920 Look, I can't wait to see my future self. 1:35:35.640 --> 1:35:38.560 Love you guys, Bye bye. 1:35:38.680 --> 1:35:41.840 Yeah, I'm living so good, can't you sell? I went 1:35:41.880 --> 1:35:44.080 through a drought, that's until I find a well made 1:35:44.120 --> 1:35:46.439 my have been known earth. I used to be broken tail, 1:35:46.560 --> 1:35:49.040 now got the blues dance and might beyon Say Jasell 1:35:49.360 --> 1:35:51.839 throat shot or pop in this power in our voices 1:35:52.000 --> 1:35:53.639 patriarch and kept it in the box. 1:35:53.680 --> 1:35:56.240 So it's floid. Women put the pi and powers. 1:35:56.280 --> 1:35:58.160 So what's the point do they want me to be good? 1:35:58.240 --> 1:36:01.559 So I made bad choices, not a bad mom but 1:36:01.640 --> 1:36:05.000 a Bad Mom bitters in put Cannabis Iner, bath Bomb, 1:36:05.120 --> 1:36:07.559 walk in Boss's cap and num b Lewis cat ball 1:36:07.680 --> 1:36:10.160 tip dog. Now I'm a mule to the cat call 1:36:10.280 --> 1:36:12.200 Herbie and no waste the straight to it like a 1:36:12.280 --> 1:36:14.680 dollar sign. Mother ren the number when So it's like 1:36:14.720 --> 1:36:17.280 a water summer where you're Rena wins recentual will win 1:36:17.320 --> 1:36:19.559 the summer time I do what all they know when 1:36:19.560 --> 1:36:19.960 I need. 1:36:19.920 --> 1:36:20.559 Some run by. 1:36:21.160 --> 1:36:23.479 Good Mom's Bad Choices is a production of the Black 1:36:23.479 --> 1:36:27.200 Effect podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the 1:36:27.240 --> 1:36:30.479 iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your 1:36:30.520 --> 1:36:33.920 favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe to and rate our show, 1:36:34.520 --> 1:36:36.960 and you can connect with us on social media at 1:36:37.000 --> 1:36:40.680 good Mom's Underscore Bad Choices. Make sure to subscribe to 1:36:40.720 --> 1:36:43.320 our YouTube channel at good Mom's Bad Choices to watch 1:36:43.320 --> 1:36:47.040 our episodes, and join our private community on Patreon to 1:36:47.080 --> 1:36:51.800 see extended episodes, uncensored content, and more at patreon dot 1:36:51.840 --> 1:36:53.919 com slash Good Mom's Bad Choices