Speaker 1: Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife,
Speaker 1: and she coodn't She cleaned and cared for her children
Speaker 1: and the man of the house, and of course she
Speaker 1: didn't talk back.
Speaker 2: She was both obedient and soft by nature.
Speaker 1: She was a good woman who always made good choices.
Speaker 1: We're good Mom's bad choices.
Speaker 3: Who's single mom? Who said fuck the patriarchy shared all
Speaker 3: their bad choices and.
Speaker 1: Sound out they were so bad.
Speaker 3: After all, we're experts, overshares and your new besties.
Speaker 1: Sit back and enjoy the ride.
Speaker 3: I can.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to good Mom's bad choices.
Speaker 3: I'm Erica and I'm Mila. Happy Wednesday Beaches, Happy mod
Speaker 3: the fucking Wednesday Beaches. It's your favorite day of the week,
Speaker 3: right today Day. I hope you're humping today. Welcome to February.
Speaker 3: It's that short one month the black people get out
Speaker 3: of the year. Even though we celebrate Black History Month,
Speaker 3: a motherfucking month long, celebrating love, We're celebrating blackness, We're
Speaker 3: celebrating black love, celebrating love for ourselves. Is it going
Speaker 3: to be the Journey of love February? I love that, Okay.
Speaker 3: This month's theme is the Journey of love February. Because
Speaker 3: everybody knows love is a journey, Oh God, is it?
Speaker 1: And if anybody knows, always the journey of self love,
Speaker 1: the journey of romantic love, the journey of platonic love,
Speaker 1: the journey and the expansion of love for your children,
Speaker 1: the giving of love to people that irritate the fuck
Speaker 1: out of you. It's all a journey.
Speaker 3: Love is a journey. I think people think it's a destination,
Speaker 3: like when I fall in love, everything's gonna be perfect. No, bitch,
Speaker 3: it's a journey. It's never ending. It's an ongoing process
Speaker 3: of always functioning and operating from a place of love.
Speaker 3: And I don't think it's necessarily always human nature either.
Speaker 1: No, I mean definitely not now in this world and
Speaker 1: day and age where.
Speaker 3: Like hate is cool, trauma is so deeply integrated. Not
Speaker 3: hate is cool.
Speaker 1: It is like being a hay. There's low key kind
Speaker 1: of cool. And is it, I mean kind of.
Speaker 3: Interesting? Yeah, obtain love, ism more love. It is definitely
Speaker 3: it's harder on the weeks I'm pmssing. Loving is harder
Speaker 3: when I'm pmssing working on it. But how are you?
Speaker 1: I'm good, I'm trying to work on my love space
Speaker 1: today because some little bitches at my daughter's school have
Speaker 1: been fucking with her.
Speaker 3: Is this mom shit?
Speaker 1: This might be mom shit, but we can get to
Speaker 1: mom shit later because someone else had some mom shit
Speaker 1: to share. But maybe we'll just do my mom shit
Speaker 1: this week where I'm really trying to move in love
Speaker 1: and give nine year olds and ten year olds grace
Speaker 1: good luck, because I don't know for any moms that
Speaker 1: have encountered bullying at your daughter's or your son's school.
Speaker 1: This is a new this is new territory for me,
Speaker 1: and so it's really disturbed me for the especially today,
Speaker 1: I feel a little bit perturbed and disturbed just because
Speaker 1: I feel out of control. There's something what can you do? Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's nothing I can do. I mean I also like
Speaker 1: before today happened, I felt like, okay, like every child
Speaker 1: has a ride of passage where they have to like
Speaker 1: encounter these things, right, Like no one kind of gets
Speaker 1: to escape feeling called out or bullied or whatever the
Speaker 1: case may be. And you don't really know when it's
Speaker 1: going to happen. You just hope that like you've armed
Speaker 1: your kids well and they can sustain and or they
Speaker 1: can stand up for themselves. But then it's like and
Speaker 1: then it's also weird when like you're cool with the
Speaker 1: mom whose kid is bullying your kid, Like that adds
Speaker 1: an extra layer and it's just I'm about to throw
Speaker 1: all friendships out the window.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like all you bitches, that's difficult.
Speaker 1: But the mom group, I.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because you're not really friends, you're just the mom
Speaker 3: friend from school. I've had very little experience in the
Speaker 3: bullying thing. I think like twice. And you know it
Speaker 3: was like one time your house, like years ago, and
Speaker 3: I think one time on the over the over the
Speaker 3: FaceTime and I called that mom and it was the
Speaker 3: same mom from your school. I don't even know how
Speaker 3: I got into the how did I get into the beef?
Speaker 3: And I don't even she don't go to that school.
Speaker 3: But yeah, I can only imagine how you're feeling because
Speaker 3: even me as the side mom, I want to go
Speaker 3: over there. I want to trip the.
Speaker 1: Bit on the side mom, the side.
Speaker 3: On the side Mom, I will, I'll listen. I don't
Speaker 3: even go to the school, so I'll go up to
Speaker 3: the campers and trip a bitch. I'll don't mind. Nobody
Speaker 3: could call me, no, if you can suspend me, I
Speaker 3: don't care, I will curse a little bitch out, I
Speaker 3: really will. I have no problem if don't let me
Speaker 3: get in the corner with her, because I'd be like,
Speaker 3: I heard you're a little bitch at school. You think
Speaker 3: that's cute.
Speaker 1: I literally told I a reay to call them beach's.
Speaker 1: I was like, we need work on your comebacks. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you have my permission to say beach. She was like, mom,
Speaker 1: I can't say that.
Speaker 3: I'm like, it's different than bitch.
Speaker 1: It's not a bad word telling your mom told him
Speaker 1: to say.
Speaker 3: You know, I realized I'm the mom. I will go
Speaker 3: to the school and you have said called a bitch
Speaker 3: a bitch, and I will stand on ten toes with you.
Speaker 3: Sounds reasonable to me. Oh, are you gonna suspend her? Fine,
Speaker 3: we're going shopping. Oh, then we're going to day off.
Speaker 1: Well, you know, I have been and I'm totally trying
Speaker 1: to get Irian on board with homeschooling, and so I
Speaker 1: was like, maybe this is God like trying to bless us,
Speaker 1: because the one time I did, I like, I've slowly
Speaker 1: been like mentioning it, just in joking form. But then
Speaker 1: the other day she was like, Mommy, I don't want
Speaker 1: to go to school, like I wish that we could
Speaker 1: just like stay home. And then I was like, well,
Speaker 1: you could stay home if we were homeschooling. In fact,
Speaker 1: today we could go to the beach. And this was
Speaker 1: before the fires, honestly, and then actually, like the next
Speaker 1: day the fire started, which is crazy. She's like, look
Speaker 1: it happened. I was like I read, No, this is
Speaker 1: not that. She's like, is this what manifestation?
Speaker 3: Why? What did you say?
Speaker 1: Well, well no, she was just.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah.
Speaker 1: I was like you said that. Yeah. I was like, no, babe,
Speaker 1: But that's why you have to be specific, Like this
Speaker 1: is not bad, honey, this is devastation.
Speaker 3: You do have to be a specific God did say
Speaker 3: being specific.
Speaker 1: But when I told her we could just do homeschooling,
Speaker 1: she literally she started crying. I was like, what the
Speaker 1: fuck is going on? She started crying, I.
Speaker 3: Don't want to be homeschooled.
Speaker 1: Why do you keep saying me homeschooled? And I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, relax, I'm just kidding sort of. But
Speaker 1: now with this bullying happening, I'm like, do I just
Speaker 1: let it? Do I do? I kind of let her
Speaker 1: hate school a little bit so that like the homeschooling
Speaker 1: thing sounds like a better option.
Speaker 3: No, I don't think she was bullying she herself.
Speaker 1: And then also school suck a little bit. I mean
Speaker 1: those pitches are I don't want new friends, you know.
Speaker 1: I just came up with a great idea. Want to
Speaker 1: hear my idea?
Speaker 3: What is it? Take your half of your highest tuition
Speaker 3: and then just spend it on a homeschool teacher, and
Speaker 3: then Luna and I can share that homeschool teacher.
Speaker 1: I mean I.
Speaker 3: Probably less well.
Speaker 1: I was just what I was trying to tell her.
Speaker 1: I was like, you're still gonna have friends, and I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna.
Speaker 3: Like put you in a home, not me. Reallotting your tuition,
Speaker 3: no kids for us. For the team, you take your
Speaker 3: half of your tuition money and you.
Speaker 1: Spend on support.
Speaker 3: It's a group. Are you my wife or not? And
Speaker 3: then spent at homeschool so we all could live happily
Speaker 3: ever after at the.
Speaker 1: Beach doesn't sound like a bad plan. I could be
Speaker 1: up in to it.
Speaker 3: I could. I'll do dance. I'm a cheer and dance instructor.
Speaker 3: Every Luna. It's just us three on the team. Our
Speaker 3: friends are coming over for the competition, so get ready
Speaker 3: were having a recital by me. Also, you know what
Speaker 3: I just thought of as you were tolding the story,
Speaker 3: And I never thought of it this way, just because
Speaker 3: I've this month, I had a pretty terrible PMS. I
Speaker 3: was just a bitch and I just litterally There's nothing
Speaker 3: I could do about it. I knew it was happening,
Speaker 3: but I couldn't and I was crying even up to
Speaker 3: the point where like I didn't realize there was a
Speaker 3: proposal happening, but I was just in the bathtub, like
Speaker 3: I'm bad at everything. I am a bad girlfriend. I'm
Speaker 3: just bad. And I was crying in Orlando's arms and
Speaker 3: He's like, what the fuck are you talking about? Not
Speaker 3: knowing I was getting engaged in the weekend. But I
Speaker 3: wonder if, like as women, we don't we underestimate how
Speaker 3: much hormones even affect us as children. Oh, I mean,
Speaker 3: I hear her like crying like that over homeschool, like yes,
Speaker 3: a she's nine, But also like as they're coming into puberty,
Speaker 3: like the attitudes, the emotions, like I think that we
Speaker 3: bypass the fact that they're even being affected in this
Speaker 3: stage of their lives and that come it takes until
Speaker 3: we're almost fucking forty to be like, what the fuck
Speaker 3: is happening, But it actually starts being implemented at puberty
Speaker 3: and we're not realizing like that that overt emotionalness and
Speaker 3: like not knowing where to put it is probably stems
Speaker 3: from hormones too.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, I mean I think that she was actually hurt. Also, yes,
Speaker 1: the fucking friends are being bitches. You not her friends,
Speaker 1: exactly what I was trying to explain to her lightly,
Speaker 1: but I was just like, yeah, like I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's just it's all very strange to me, how the
Speaker 1: tables are turning. And then I was on the phone
Speaker 1: with her teacher today and she was like everything hit
Speaker 1: the fan today. I'm actually really happy about it because
Speaker 1: I had been like messaging the teacher telling her like,
Speaker 1: over the last few days, Iri has been getting bullied
Speaker 1: and she doesn't want me to tell you, but I
Speaker 1: need you to keep in lookout for her and see
Speaker 1: what the fuck is going on. So she calls me
Speaker 1: and then she's like, you know, with my daughter, like
Speaker 1: you know, I've told her that you know, some girls
Speaker 1: are just jealous, they're just jealous of you. And I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, I just like I understand that that
Speaker 1: I know that's not your favorite, that's not I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm already triggered by that idea too, just because I mean,
Speaker 1: you guys have heard me talk about this on the show,
Speaker 1: Like that was like my mom's angle with women, and
Speaker 1: it really deteriorated my relationship with women and girls growing up.
Speaker 3: Like do you think it affects you now? Like when
Speaker 3: you have beefs with people, do you ever be like
Speaker 3: is your first go to be like they're jealous of me?
Speaker 1: No? Not anymore, but it was for a long time,
Speaker 1: Like never, I don't ever think that anymore. I always
Speaker 1: know there's something else. I actually am like, babe, like
Speaker 1: what happened to your childhood? Like that's where my first thing.
Speaker 1: Let's go from the bikini, allow you hold I've been
Speaker 1: holding your breath all day. No, But I was just like, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna that's not the angle I'm gonna go
Speaker 1: with her. That's that's just not gonna happen. But no,
Speaker 1: even if it is true, I mean perhaps it is,
Speaker 1: and unless I'm really experiencing that and I have facts
Speaker 1: behind this, like I'm not going to do start doing that.
Speaker 1: But anyway, all that to say is that I'm trying
Speaker 1: to I'm trying to access the love within and allow
Speaker 1: the mommy bear in me to just be tame and
Speaker 1: know that this is just a season and it's just
Speaker 1: this week or maybe it will maybe it will, you know,
Speaker 1: transpire and continue on. I don't know, but just having
Speaker 1: grace also for like I know, in particular, one of
Speaker 1: the little girls has had a really hard time with
Speaker 1: a parent, and so just like trying to understand and
Speaker 1: be loving even when like my child is like I guess,
Speaker 1: I don't want to say suffering, but she's in pain
Speaker 1: right now, and I'm trying to understand and give give
Speaker 1: the school and these little bitches grace.
Speaker 3: No, I think you're doing the right thing. And I
Speaker 3: think sometimes because you know, I've had conversations with Luna too,
Speaker 3: and I've just had to tell her without telling somebody
Speaker 3: else's business so they won't go back and repeat it,
Speaker 3: like hey, you know, you have to consider that people
Speaker 3: are other people are going through things, and they may
Speaker 3: not even realize it. She's probably sad, she's probably hurt
Speaker 3: for other reasons unrelated to you, And sometimes you can't
Speaker 3: like most of the times you can't take it personally,
Speaker 3: And then I realize we have this like this very
Speaker 3: important role that we have the ability to plan a
Speaker 3: seed right now that in life as she gets older,
Speaker 3: when she has problems with bitches, her first reaction like
Speaker 3: ours is not like I'm gonna be punch you in
Speaker 3: the face, but more like, oh, babe, like what's going
Speaker 3: on with you? You know what I mean, especially for
Speaker 3: someone who's like previously been as you know, a friend.
Speaker 3: But I think that like, yeah, I realize I'm very
Speaker 3: filly and my mom is very like I'll punch a
Speaker 3: bitch in the face, so so am I. But does
Speaker 3: that really help?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: You know, like you have to be able to have
Speaker 3: insight to give your kid compassion as they get older,
Speaker 3: so that a they do have the confidence to check
Speaker 3: a bit but also to understand that the same I
Speaker 3: got nothing to do with me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I will say that. Throughout this scenario, though, I
Speaker 1: had like a very like proud mom, like this feeling
Speaker 1: of like Okay, I did the right thing, like you
Speaker 1: ever had that happen, where like you handle the situation
Speaker 1: and it's like it actually excites you, like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: this is what parenting is all about, like finally, like
Speaker 1: I get this moment to like re re brand what
Speaker 1: perhaps maybe my mom would have done in this situation
Speaker 1: or what I experienced in this situation, and like totally
Speaker 1: change the narrative around it. And you know, cause at
Speaker 1: first I was like, Okay, what am I gonna do?
Speaker 1: I'm gonna let the school deal with this. And I
Speaker 1: was like, wait, no, no, she doesn't want me to
Speaker 1: do that because already my daughter is like kind of
Speaker 1: you know, to the keeps in like her emotions and
Speaker 1: her feelings. And she really she confided me in this
Speaker 1: and asked me not to share, so I'm like trying
Speaker 1: to also protect her privacy. But I was.
Speaker 3: Really sure you are talking about on a podcast?
Speaker 1: I mean, but I was. I. I talked to her
Speaker 1: mostly just about just standing up for herself and like
Speaker 1: that this is an opportunity for you to stand up
Speaker 1: for yourself. And you know, ask your friends a question,
Speaker 1: ask them like, hey, like that really hurt my feelings?
Speaker 1: Are we friends? Like That's as simple as it has
Speaker 1: to be, because I can't what the fuck? Would she say?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 3: Like oh cool?
Speaker 1: Because I and I was like, then you get your
Speaker 1: answer and then one another thing. I said, just take note.
Speaker 1: I was like, take note because like after the situation
Speaker 1: happened the first time, she's like, oh, we played the
Speaker 1: next day, We're fine. I said, interesting, Okay, take note.
Speaker 3: It's so crazy how how forgiving kids are and how
Speaker 3: unforgiving adults are because you've had I had other experience.
Speaker 1: She's it's forgiving, it's just trying to get through it.
Speaker 1: And also like not wanting to like lose her friend group.
Speaker 1: Not like she's there's a rhythm going, she likes it,
Speaker 1: it's comfortable, and the idea of it.
Speaker 3: Being changed interrupted.
Speaker 1: Anyway is more important than like her standing up for herself. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I really drilled that into her over the last
Speaker 1: over this week, and granted I don't think she took
Speaker 1: my advice, but I know that she's listening, and so
Speaker 1: that's like the most important thing that like at some
Speaker 1: point she'll come back to this. And I was like,
Speaker 1: do you think your dad lets people punk him? Hell? No?
Speaker 1: And I said do you think I let people punk him? Nah?
Speaker 1: And I was like, you ain't no punk and you're
Speaker 1: not about to let people punk you, period.
Speaker 5: I know.
Speaker 3: And I also thought about too that too, because I'm like,
Speaker 3: the blackway is you better not be letting anybody fucking
Speaker 3: punk you because I'll punk you.
Speaker 1: Well, that's kind of like the angle that I took
Speaker 1: on in a lighter lef so very.
Speaker 3: Like, actually she needs compassionate with the.
Speaker 1: Diet version of it was compassionate, but also like, yeah, nah,
Speaker 1: this is not gonna do You're not you don't come
Speaker 1: from a lineage of women that take shit, so you're
Speaker 1: not about taking shit. Fuck that you have no problem
Speaker 1: telling you what you read, so like, we're not about
Speaker 1: to do that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And you know what, I think we sometimes be
Speaker 3: like a lot of times parents rushing under the carpet
Speaker 3: because there's other things going on. Kids will be kids,
Speaker 3: girls will be girls type shit. But I'm just realizing,
Speaker 3: like those things, those little small things like plant seeds
Speaker 3: and even I'm thinking in our book, I wrote in
Speaker 3: like the first I don't know, like chapter or two chapters,
Speaker 3: there was a specific part in my life. I was
Speaker 3: like in sixth grade and these girls were like wanting
Speaker 3: to fight me. And I don't know why this was
Speaker 3: significant when I was writing and reading the book, but
Speaker 3: I just remembered having this option like either I'm going
Speaker 3: to be scared because I was or I'm going to
Speaker 3: go meet the bitch, and I knew I had to
Speaker 3: go meet the bitch, you know. I was like, this
Speaker 3: is not going to look good permanently if I just
Speaker 3: like fear. Like I just remember so vividly clear, and
Speaker 3: that was my first time having the understanding and the
Speaker 3: memory of choosing to stand up for myself and choosing
Speaker 3: to say fuck the fear.
Speaker 1: You don't forget it. You don't forget that moment, because
Speaker 1: I think all of us like when whenever that's happened,
Speaker 1: you remember that shit. I remember when I did it.
Speaker 1: And by the way, y'all, if you haven't read our book,
Speaker 1: A Good Mom's Guide to Making Bad Choices do. You
Speaker 1: can buy this on Amazon. You can listen on audible.
Speaker 1: Listen to our Sexy Voices on audible. And it's an
Speaker 1: easy read. It's really heartfelt. It's very informative and very
Speaker 1: honest and honest and will help you.
Speaker 5: Anyway.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm sorry you're going through that. It's like the
Speaker 3: growing pains of the growing pains of the children that
Speaker 3: you're raising. You know, you feel what they feel, and
Speaker 3: it's this is not gonna be the last time, and
Speaker 3: it maybe won't be bullying because I will beat a
Speaker 3: bitch's ass, especially as they get older. But but also
Speaker 3: like heartbreaks, you know, relationships are gonna be those things.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, if a nigga breaks my baby's heart,
Speaker 1: we won't stay out of it. Lord gave me strength.
Speaker 1: Imis stay out of it.
Speaker 3: You know, it's you have to, they have to.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 3: I remember one time somebody was bullying. Did you see that?
Speaker 1: Did you see the news that red men apparently punched
Speaker 1: huh oh method man. I supposedly punched his daughter's boyfriend
Speaker 1: in the face six times at the gym.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I said my past and said, sounds justified
Speaker 3: to me. I was like yeah, And then also there
Speaker 3: was yeah, there's supposedly it.
Speaker 1: Didn't happen, and supposedly the either side it didn't happen.
Speaker 1: But if it did, I mean shit, you.
Speaker 3: Know, I wish my dad would have punched more people.
Speaker 1: So I mean, so do I I wish sometimes my
Speaker 1: dad would have protected me more because a lot of times,
Speaker 1: whenever I came to him with heartbreak, he didn't have
Speaker 1: a lot.
Speaker 3: Of remorse for me because he's a man, and he
Speaker 3: figured that's not gonna be He wasn't wrong, It was
Speaker 3: not gonna be the first or last time it happened.
Speaker 1: Ye, but a girl needs protection from her father. And
Speaker 1: like I just I think that that also sent me
Speaker 1: down a path of like just accepting a lot of
Speaker 1: things for men. And like you know, obviously this month
Speaker 1: we're talking about love and like honestly the origins of
Speaker 1: our love space, and like when I think about that,
Speaker 1: like that really hat does and has impacted me as
Speaker 1: an adult on like how I view Like I don't
Speaker 1: want to say my worthiness because it's but it's more
Speaker 1: so like that I'm normalized?
Speaker 3: Am I being protected?
Speaker 1: Normalizing certain things that are not that shouldn't be normal?
Speaker 1: Just be because my dad said, this is what niggas
Speaker 1: do you know? And and till this day he'll stand,
Speaker 1: he'll still he'll still stand ten toes down on that.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to have him back on the show.
Speaker 1: If you guys haven't listened to our episode we did
Speaker 1: a few years ago with my dad. I think it's
Speaker 1: called like groupies football and I don't know, like regret
Speaker 1: or something with my dad on it where he talks
Speaker 1: just about his views. Even I think I think he
Speaker 1: might have even mentioned that, and if not, we need
Speaker 1: to dive into that when he comes back on. No,
Speaker 1: we did mention that, but yeah, he's he's very much
Speaker 1: like a very strong voice in all men sheet and.
Speaker 3: He's an advocate.
Speaker 1: Even the bus driver. It doesn't matter, Yeah, it doesn't matter,
Speaker 1: Like it doesn't matter if you're rich poor in between,
Speaker 1: and like that conversation happened when I was in high school.
Speaker 1: I was like, my yeah, it was like a really
Speaker 1: horrible breakup that I was going through, and I remember
Speaker 1: he's telling telling me that, and it's stuck and he's
Speaker 1: and he continued to tell me that even even when
Speaker 1: my baby daddy like had a baby on me, although
Speaker 1: he did have a little bit. He was like, well,
Speaker 1: that's kind of crazy. We don't bring babies home, like
Speaker 1: we just we cheat in secrecy and we might get caught,
Speaker 1: but we don't. We don't co create, we don't.
Speaker 3: Bring receipts, lifelong receipts to the cheating.
Speaker 1: What the fuck? But yeah, I think that's that's definitely
Speaker 1: something that is a real, a real thing.
Speaker 3: So I don't know, Yeah, I mean then and then
Speaker 3: to think about it from the parents point of view,
Speaker 3: like just like method Man has been on the news
Speaker 3: for punching the guy six times. Like if your dad
Speaker 3: would have taken action, he would have been on the
Speaker 3: shade room if there was a shade room there. Like you,
Speaker 3: as a parent, you literally can't go fuck up a kid,
Speaker 3: you know. But I have seen in my childhood, like
Speaker 3: one of my best friend's moms pulled a little nakedbie
Speaker 3: his sweatshirt string and got in his face and was like,
Speaker 3: I'll fuck you up, And I was like, that seems fair.
Speaker 3: So I feel like I don't know if that should
Speaker 3: have never been an example in my head because if
Speaker 3: somebody fucks with Luna, I'll pull your fucking sweatshirt string
Speaker 3: and get in that motherfucking face because I didn't hit you, true,
Speaker 3: but you know it's sticky, it's sticky area. Just so
Speaker 3: you guys know, we are not advising that you beat
Speaker 3: up any kids. Oh, these are very bad choices. Don't
Speaker 3: trip or beat up any kids. Maybe get this close
Speaker 3: to their face though.
Speaker 1: Speaking of bad choices, I think we have doing a
Speaker 1: bad choice of the week.
Speaker 4: Day mom not a bad mom, but a bad mom,
Speaker 4: so good how.
Speaker 3: Put my girls to bed earlier this week? Then change
Speaker 3: into my lingerie, so be, so me and my hesbie
Speaker 3: could have nasty time. Hesbie, it's a hesbe? Is that
Speaker 3: a husband?
Speaker 1: A husband? Bae?
Speaker 3: Oh okay, my oldest woke up before we got started,
Speaker 3: so then I had to tuck her back in bed,
Speaker 3: but forgot to put on my robe before and she
Speaker 3: saw me half naked and lingerie. Now she's been pissed
Speaker 3: off at me ever since we're baby.
Speaker 1: At least that's all she saw.
Speaker 3: Shit, I mean, how old is she? And second, you
Speaker 3: know what, I think this is notoriously the problem. Moms
Speaker 3: are always trying to hide that were sexual beings and
Speaker 3: you're married and she's the product of this love. And
Speaker 3: not to say you got to walk away walk around
Speaker 3: the house in your lingerie, but like you're a wife
Speaker 3: and you're a woman, and you were sexy shit at night,
Speaker 3: and you know what, And I just feel like, yeah,
Speaker 3: I think we get so weird around it instead of
Speaker 3: just being like this is yeah, I got dressed up
Speaker 3: for daddy one time we were driving by a lingerie store.
Speaker 1: I think that would take a lot for most women
Speaker 1: to say, an everyday woman who whose daughter probably never
Speaker 1: even seen her ass naked.
Speaker 3: I'm just I'm just lightly suggesting me.
Speaker 1: I don't. I'm not disagreeing with you. I think that
Speaker 1: there's I think there's a lot of I think there's
Speaker 1: a lot of future healing in that that kids don't
Speaker 1: even realize they're getting. Like they might not understand in
Speaker 1: the moment, but later on when they were adults and
Speaker 1: they say, oh, my god, like, yeah, I grew up
Speaker 1: in a house where like my parents made out. I
Speaker 1: grew up in a house where like I saw the love.
Speaker 1: I saw the love. And then in the in the moment,
Speaker 1: it's like, ill, gross, But in the future, when your
Speaker 1: parents are still happily married, you're like, and then why
Speaker 1: you have a happy perception around what healthy love looks
Speaker 1: like because you experienced it in your household.
Speaker 3: It's different and it requires that you like you're like
Speaker 3: you you have the conversation and you'd be like, oh, like,
Speaker 3: are you feeling weird because I'm you know, whatever it
Speaker 3: is about my outfit. It's like, yeah, I got dressed
Speaker 3: up for Daddy last night because we were, you know,
Speaker 3: having some alone time. And I noticed one time we
Speaker 3: were driving by a lingerie store on like Ventura and
Speaker 3: Van Eys and Linda was like out the window, like
Speaker 3: you should get something for there for there for a
Speaker 3: landout to wear for a Lando And I was like,
Speaker 3: oh wait, you.
Speaker 1: Know what's so funny?
Speaker 3: And I was like, why is she saying this to me?
Speaker 3: And I guess I should be proud because she because
Speaker 3: she knows that that's like a part of it. But
Speaker 3: I was just like, I literally was.
Speaker 5: Okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 1: Wait, So when after your engagement, when they came back
Speaker 1: to my house, Luna was like, Erica, why did I
Speaker 1: I thought I was gonna spend the night at my house,
Speaker 1: Like why am I going to your house? We're in
Speaker 1: the car, and I was like, because we just decided
Speaker 1: to come to my house. And she was like, but
Speaker 1: like I like your house and everything, Like she literally
Speaker 1: said this, I like your house and everything, but like
Speaker 1: I don't get it, Like why do I need to
Speaker 1: come to your house? Like we were getting ready for bed,
Speaker 1: and I said, well, because your mom and Orlandos got
Speaker 1: engaged and they probably want to be alone and have
Speaker 1: spent this moment together. And then Iri goes, yeah, like
Speaker 1: a honeymoon sort of. And I was like, what the
Speaker 1: fuck does First of all, what does she think that means,
Speaker 1: And then like I know Luna knows better than like
Speaker 1: I know she knows or maybe not, maybe.
Speaker 3: She didn't know. Do you think I she's traumatized? Do
Speaker 3: you think I like traumatized her by like making her leave?
Speaker 3: And like does she think that now we're engaged, so
Speaker 3: we're gonna almost have to be alone or something?
Speaker 1: Oh no, that's not that's not what I took. No,
Speaker 1: I know, I know you didn't that, but my mind
Speaker 1: is overthinking, like what does she think this means?
Speaker 3: And like is she's like is she scared? Like you
Speaker 3: know what I mean? Like sometimes there's things that happen
Speaker 3: in adulthood and you understand, but you don't understand.
Speaker 1: Well, have you had a conversation with her?
Speaker 3: But what this means a little bit? But I didn't
Speaker 3: want to plant my own fears in seeds and like
Speaker 3: maybe she's not thinking about it at all, So I
Speaker 3: was just like, let me shut the fuck up.
Speaker 1: You know, well, I think that's not it's not necessarily
Speaker 1: about planting seeds, but like reassurance, it's more about reassurances,
Speaker 1: Like I'm so excited in this new chapter of our life.
Speaker 1: I want you to know, like every nothing changes, like
Speaker 1: it's just that we are, like, you know, furthering our
Speaker 1: our family life, like you know, we're solidified as like
Speaker 1: a real family unit, and not that we weren't already,
Speaker 1: but like we're going to celebrate our love and like
Speaker 1: you're part of that. I know, because instead I'm like,
Speaker 1: not like, are you okay? Do you think that Mommy's
Speaker 1: going to be away now?
Speaker 3: Because I was just.
Speaker 1: Like that would be planting seed.
Speaker 3: I was like, are you okay? Is everything okay? Because
Speaker 3: she was mad at me the other night, I like,
Speaker 3: what if it's that? And I was like I wanted
Speaker 3: to ask her, but I was like no, and I
Speaker 3: was like, are you feeling weird about anything?
Speaker 1: Why did you ask her?
Speaker 3: I don't know because I didn't want to plant any
Speaker 3: seed and I don't know how to say it, so
Speaker 3: I was just like, are you feeling weird about anything?
Speaker 3: She was mad at me about being on my phone
Speaker 3: too much, but I just was like like a little
Speaker 3: bit panicking, But yeah, I just it is interesting, you
Speaker 3: know how we perceive things, the conversations we don't have,
Speaker 3: and like, yeah, the lingerie thing, it's hilarious. And also
Speaker 3: I was asking Erica this before we started the episode,
Speaker 3: because you know, we're talking about love this month and
Speaker 3: about our personal journey and love. And I was just
Speaker 3: like asking her, Dan, what did I ask you? Not
Speaker 3: even high fuck.
Speaker 1: You asked me something.
Speaker 3: I asked you something about Oh, I asked you, do
Speaker 3: you think that your mom taught you how to be
Speaker 3: a wife or a girlfriend? Like did you see your
Speaker 3: mom show up in a way that you took like
Speaker 3: you had an example and so in like those are
Speaker 3: things that you understood as you got older. And she
Speaker 3: was like, no, you know, And I was just like
Speaker 3: with some of my friends, I know that their moms
Speaker 3: specifically taught them how to be wives and like caretakers,
Speaker 3: and I don't know if I didn't really get that.
Speaker 3: So I was wondering if you got that from your mom,
Speaker 3: like especially coming from like Latina, like you know, heritage
Speaker 3: that's very like like cultural. And even my other friend
Speaker 3: her mom's Asian and her her mom was Asian, and
Speaker 3: so I see that like that.
Speaker 1: That like.
Speaker 3: You know that that traditional wife role where you take
Speaker 3: care of the husband in a specific way.
Speaker 1: I think that the women in my family, specifically on
Speaker 1: the Mexican side of my family, they didn't get that
Speaker 1: bug I even think about my grandmother, like she had
Speaker 1: two husbands left either one of them not evenly giving
Speaker 1: a fuck her her mom, same kind of same thing,
Speaker 1: like they were never the family husband dynamic wasn't really
Speaker 1: the priority. And now even thinking more about my mom
Speaker 1: and her journey, because she's been with my stepdad for
Speaker 1: twenty eight years or something like that. They're not married,
Speaker 1: they're not technically married. They are married, but there's been
Speaker 1: no married. There's been no wedding, there's been no celebration,
Speaker 1: there's been no sacred union, no nothing. It's just a
Speaker 1: ring that she doesn't even wear. And I think about
Speaker 1: when I was a child, she always told me she
Speaker 1: didn't want to be married. She told me she didn't
Speaker 1: believe in marriage. And then later on a few years ago,
Speaker 1: this is not a few years ago, this is a
Speaker 1: while ago, she told me that she did want to
Speaker 1: get married. He just never asked again again, Yeah, And
Speaker 1: I was like what, like he proposed and then they
Speaker 1: never talked about it again, and like like she I
Speaker 1: think she was waiting for him. I think because she
Speaker 1: has fear around marriage, she was wanting him to like
Speaker 1: really ten Shale, even though he did fucking initiate. He
Speaker 1: got on one kneed and fucking bought a ring and
Speaker 1: did it. Were you there? Yeah, he asked for my
Speaker 1: you know, he asked for my blessing or whatever. But
Speaker 1: I think because of that, I carry that with me.
Speaker 1: I was very much like, I don't ever want to
Speaker 1: have kids, I don't ever want to get married very much.
Speaker 1: Never was like I want to be a wife. No,
Speaker 1: I don't want to be a girlfriend. Yeah, I love
Speaker 1: love love, I want to be a girlfriend. I literally
Speaker 1: never thought anything past the girlfriend phase, Like I don't
Speaker 1: know why, like it, did I want forever, yes, but
Speaker 1: I didn't associate marriage with forever forever. And you know,
Speaker 1: even now looking at my mom and her relationship, like
Speaker 1: they have a really great friendship. They've been together for
Speaker 1: a really long time, They've shown up for each other
Speaker 1: in different ways. So there is I have, I guess,
Speaker 1: had the the I have had the example of what
Speaker 1: partnership looks like in my house, but it wasn't necessarily
Speaker 1: under the guise of marriage, and like this like this
Speaker 1: like deep understanding of what that actually means, I guess
Speaker 1: in society.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so interesting, like you don't even recognize you
Speaker 3: haven't been taught something until you're in the position and
Speaker 3: you're like, do I know what the fuck I'm doing,
Speaker 3: you know, and like it's just some woman, you know,
Speaker 3: Like and I just wonder our perceptions of what like
Speaker 3: marriage and love is and like how to be a wife,
Speaker 3: and is that something like we're supposed to teach our girls,
Speaker 3: you know? And I was just like so interesting. My
Speaker 3: dad made a comment to me a few years ago,
Speaker 3: and it stuck with me because I'd never heard him
Speaker 3: say anything like that, and like, I think he was
Speaker 3: like seeing, first of all, my parents are still married. Okay,
Speaker 3: they've been together for four hundred years. All they do
Speaker 3: is fight, and they still fuck around and they still
Speaker 3: live together sometimes it's really weird. But he was seeing
Speaker 3: someone at the time, and I think me and my
Speaker 3: mom are from Philly, so she's about that life. And
Speaker 3: I think she had told me something the lady said.
Speaker 3: This is years ago. I can't even remember. I remember this.
Speaker 3: I called the lady and I cursed her out, and yeah, okay,
Speaker 3: this is like very much into adulthood. Like I don't
Speaker 3: know why in my parents' business to this degree as
Speaker 3: a fucking in my late twenties, but my dad was like,
Speaker 3: you know, your mom never was affectionate towards me. Your
Speaker 3: mom never showed me affection. She's never been like soft
Speaker 3: with me. And I was just like looking at him,
Speaker 3: like what the fuck are you talking about? Weak ass niggid?
Speaker 3: But then I later realized like, oh wow, like is
Speaker 3: that something I've never seen? And like sometimes but not really,
Speaker 3: and then like how does that affect me? And who
Speaker 3: I show up as and how I am in a
Speaker 3: relationship and like my go to I and like even
Speaker 3: in him saying it, like my dad's very manipulative, but
Speaker 3: he's also very charming, and I knew he wasn't lying.
Speaker 3: And then for the first time, like after it settled in,
Speaker 3: like I had some compassion for him a little bit,
Speaker 3: you know in that, But it was just interesting to
Speaker 3: me that I had never noticed it before until he
Speaker 3: mentioned it. So it's just like, yeah, as we talk
Speaker 3: about our journey of love and as I, you know,
Speaker 3: embark on this journey of marriage and can we wait
Speaker 3: because last episode La didn't have her ring on, which
Speaker 3: is crazy she had to go get her resize.
Speaker 1: Can we please get a ring cam. We need a
Speaker 1: ring cam, We need the ring cam.
Speaker 3: I'm going to be a whizz off whizz off. So yeah,
Speaker 3: I just even that night and even the next morning,
Speaker 3: as I'm like processing that all this has happened, you know,
Speaker 3: because it did. It happen so fast, I'm like, my
Speaker 3: friends are here, I'm getting hugs. Oh shit, Oh my god,
Speaker 3: there's a ring. Look at it. And I was just like,
Speaker 3: oh my god, Like what does this mean now? You know,
Speaker 3: like officially, I think this is actually the physical representation
Speaker 3: that I needed. That bitch, you are getting older. I
Speaker 3: have been fighting it, you know, like I am clinging
Speaker 3: to youth, like I'm the fucking fountain of youth. And
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, like there are plans that need to
Speaker 3: be in action because you're getting older and life is
Speaker 3: evolving and things are changing.
Speaker 1: You've mentioned before how in your history of love and relationships,
Speaker 1: even though I know that you maybe didn't see like
Speaker 1: a softness or whatever in your household, you still had
Speaker 1: your parents lived together and there was obviously they were
Speaker 1: married that growing up you wanted to be a housewife
Speaker 1: and you wanted like that's what you wanted, Like does this, yeah,
Speaker 1: does this somehow like feed you in a way, like
Speaker 1: feed that version of yourself in some way, Like does
Speaker 1: it feel like validating to you in that way? Because
Speaker 1: maybe I don't know if at some point you kind
Speaker 1: of wrote that off and decided like that wasn't going
Speaker 1: to be necessarily like your story or maybe not. I
Speaker 1: don't know, Like how does it feel.
Speaker 3: It feels like a little bit surreal, like I'm having
Speaker 3: an out of body experience, like I'm experiencing and I
Speaker 3: know it's happening, and I know I'm in love, and
Speaker 3: then I'm like, but I feel like, oh shit, it
Speaker 3: is me. It is happening to me, and like I
Speaker 3: think I'm still integrating like the pro like that it's happening,
Speaker 3: and like even to the point where even in the
Speaker 3: moment when I saw the ring, I was like, oh god,
Speaker 3: it's huge, Like it's so big, not like it's mine
Speaker 3: and I'm gonna I'm like maybe I didn't. Maybe it's
Speaker 3: somewhere subconsciously like I didn't. I don't believe that I
Speaker 3: deserve that, you know, like like oh wow, that's large,
Speaker 3: you know, And I don't know. Yeah, I've had to
Speaker 3: like kind of like dig into that, like peel the
Speaker 3: layers back a little bit. But no, I'm excited and
Speaker 3: I think it's settling in and I knew it was happening,
Speaker 3: and it still feels different than it actually being in
Speaker 3: the happening. But I did want to be a housewife,
Speaker 3: and I'm really excited to be a wife, and I
Speaker 3: just think I had a picture perfect idea of how
Speaker 3: my life was going to go, and I didn't necessarily
Speaker 3: as I was saying, I just wanted to be taken
Speaker 3: care of and like be pretty and have a big
Speaker 3: house and be taken care of, but not like all
Speaker 3: the things that were going to go into that. And
Speaker 3: I realized I probably wanted those things because of my
Speaker 3: trauma of my parents fighting all the time growing up.
Speaker 3: So yeah, I guess I am actively healing the things
Speaker 3: that I thought that were broken in me or the
Speaker 3: things that I didn't think that I could manifest or
Speaker 3: have for myself. Kind of like when Zosia was on
Speaker 3: that one episode and we asked her marriage and she said,
Speaker 3: white women, you know, like that for us. I think
Speaker 3: a lot of times you see like Happily Ever afters,
Speaker 3: and you do you associate them with white women or
Speaker 3: like you know what you see on TV, which is
Speaker 3: generally white women, and so yeah, having to place myself,
Speaker 3: there has been a little bit like oh, it's my
Speaker 3: turn now, and I deserve this and I'm worthy of it,
Speaker 3: which I realize is just like another part of love
Speaker 3: that we don't recognize is also so deeply ingrained in us.
Speaker 3: It's like, do you feel like you deserve true, healthy love?
Speaker 3: And if you don't truly believe it, even if you
Speaker 3: say it, how does that manifest in the partners that
Speaker 3: you attract?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean there's I think there's a lot of
Speaker 1: fear around especially if you've had you know, bad luck
Speaker 1: and love. And I don't even want to say bad
Speaker 1: luck because I think it's a series of choices that
Speaker 1: you make. I don't I don't test it to luck,
Speaker 1: but you don't trust your choices, you know, in love.
Speaker 1: And so then you're like, Okay, I think I'm ready,
Speaker 1: Like what are the things that I need to look
Speaker 1: out for, Like what is what are the steps? And
Speaker 1: in knowing that, like I'm ready for this love, and
Speaker 1: I'm I'm equipped, and so me and me laugh can
Speaker 1: concocted a list of these things through our own personal research,
Speaker 1: through UH observing experience, experience, observing, speaking with honestly thousands
Speaker 1: of women at this point, through the podcast or the
Speaker 1: work we do with the Good vib Retreat, we've I
Speaker 1: feel like we we have some good, good quality perspectives
Speaker 1: and answers here. But before we get into that, I'm
Speaker 1: rolling this joint I love for us.
Speaker 3: You're rolling a backwood.
Speaker 1: I'm rolling a backward, true true, and I just want
Speaker 1: to I want to show y'all like I know y'all
Speaker 1: see us smoke backwards all the time, and honestly, like
Speaker 1: I love backwards. But I love the true raps the most.
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna tell you why I do too, because
Speaker 1: they come like this.
Speaker 3: You don't have that shit all over your house.
Speaker 1: They come already done. Because I don't like this stuff,
Speaker 1: Like this stuff on the inside. Is this stuff on
Speaker 1: the inside of anything. I don't want anything on the
Speaker 1: inside except love and juices. And so that this has
Speaker 1: made my life a lot easier. And I'm actually I
Speaker 1: picked up this cannabis.
Speaker 3: Let me just show you the in case you're at
Speaker 3: the store and you need to pick one up. This
Speaker 3: is the true wraps packaging. And you know, I don't
Speaker 3: see them in la as often, but if you look
Speaker 3: for them, you can probably order them A line it
Speaker 3: really does help, and it gives me New York feels.
Speaker 3: It gives me like grapa feels, which I like because
Speaker 3: we're obviously not in New York. But let me get
Speaker 3: my New York on.
Speaker 1: And tonight, tonight today we are are smoking Blue Dream.
Speaker 3: That's my favorite train.
Speaker 1: I didn't know that. Well, I think it's a lot
Speaker 1: of people o G smoker's favorite strands.
Speaker 3: You know, I just realized that we didn't do that.
Speaker 3: We should. We need to do maybe next week trigger
Speaker 3: each other. Mmm, but yeah, you want to trigger me?
Speaker 1: Where's this coming from?
Speaker 3: Because you said, I said, did you know my favorite
Speaker 3: strain is Blue Dream?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 3: Did you really know that? You're just saying that? No,
Speaker 3: I did know that.
Speaker 1: Actually I didn't know that.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, And.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna put a little bit of a little
Speaker 1: bit of honey, A little bit of honey on my backwood.
Speaker 1: This just helps sweeten the wood, also helps it. It's fine.
Speaker 1: I got it.
Speaker 3: I've got it. See this little sea on your nail.
Speaker 1: It's not this right here, I see it. Okay, see look,
Speaker 1: it's gonna make that lay down, and it's also gonna
Speaker 1: help it burn a little slower. And it's going to
Speaker 1: taste a little sweeter.
Speaker 3: The honey is like the egge control. It is the edge.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, the honey is the edge control for backwood. WHOA,
Speaker 3: don't take my idea. I'm about to make it blood edge,
Speaker 3: my good moms, oh my god, edge control. M hm.
Speaker 3: If I see what you, if I see you, don't
Speaker 3: put too much.
Speaker 1: Because some of you bitches have been sending me pictures
Speaker 1: of like your backwoods like they're dipped in the honey.
Speaker 1: I'm like, bitch, no one told you to dip the
Speaker 1: whole goddamn thing in there like a hot dog on
Speaker 1: a stick, Like.
Speaker 3: What are you doing? Sometimes people take it real so literally.
Speaker 3: I know, we have one where I'm like, wet it first,
Speaker 3: and like it's wet, now, how I'm gonna roll it?
Speaker 3: I'm like, bitch, right, you gotta give you gotta give
Speaker 3: specific instructions or just don't do it because people are
Speaker 3: not going to use the common sense clues. It looks beautiful. Wow,
Speaker 3: that's about to get us.
Speaker 1: Also, you know what, it has such a specific taste.
Speaker 1: I mean, I mean sorry smell antaste. When I when
Speaker 1: I got to the dispensary and I opened it, I
Speaker 1: was like it makes you happ It was like nostalgia.
Speaker 3: I was like, Huhaul, like reminds you of like freshman
Speaker 3: year of college.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.
Speaker 3: You know, I didn't really smart start smoking weed really
Speaker 3: until the freshman year of college and I was in
Speaker 3: Atlanta smoking reggie, which is very embarrassing.
Speaker 1: I started smoking freshman year of high school. And I'm
Speaker 1: going to use our little candle here. This is cute.
Speaker 3: Oh shit, can you smell the weed? That's cute. Like
Speaker 3: they copied our other candle or whatever they did. I
Speaker 3: don't know who that is what they did.
Speaker 1: This is an Etsy purchase. No, we do not sell
Speaker 1: this on our website.
Speaker 3: But we will because they stole it. Anyway, those candles
Speaker 3: were cute.
Speaker 1: Actually, anyway, do you want to get into our our
Speaker 1: list of I do? You know?
Speaker 3: I just want to say, as you know, as we
Speaker 3: were compiling this list and having this conversation just about
Speaker 3: the journey of love, me and Erica had the opportunity
Speaker 3: to sit back and you know, even while we've been
Speaker 3: off season and we've listened to some previous episodes and
Speaker 3: it's kind of laughworthy because we have come a long
Speaker 3: way since episode one twenty eighteen, where I was twenty
Speaker 3: nine and Erica was thirty. And you know, now we're
Speaker 3: slightly older and the more wise, and I've had a
Speaker 3: shit ton of more experiences. But like the relationship you
Speaker 3: want is such as it changes, it shifts, like the
Speaker 3: things that you think you want. So I just I'm
Speaker 3: happy that we've given ourselves the freedom and the flexibility
Speaker 3: to adjust and to change the things that we said
Speaker 3: that we wanted because they have changed. And so we're
Speaker 3: going down the list of ways to trust yourself and
Speaker 3: love and to prepare yourself from going from a single
Speaker 3: hoe to a married hoe like myself. I told you
Speaker 3: I'll be giving y'all fiance advice, and it's happening because
Speaker 3: guess what Beachi is lon I got this ring. I'm
Speaker 3: gonna be talking like I'm an expert.
Speaker 1: All I got is girlfriend advice.
Speaker 3: That's plenty. You're married to me. You're word in a trouble,
Speaker 3: remember I told you. Remember Jesse kept saying you are
Speaker 3: in a poly relationship though, And I was like, Jesse,
Speaker 3: with who She's like, Eric is your wife, Orlando's your husband.
Speaker 3: I was like, I know, but we're not Pollie together.
Speaker 3: She's like it's Pollie, she kept saying. I was like, no,
Speaker 3: it's like Polly, it is, it's Pollie. Guys all are
Speaker 3: very deeply covenant. And then I came back from Houston
Speaker 3: and I'm like, we're in a Poli relationship and they're like,
Speaker 3: can you shut the fuck up. I'm like, she's right,
Speaker 3: we basically are. We're together all the time, all three
Speaker 3: of us.
Speaker 1: Polly send me platonic.
Speaker 3: Poly platonic, platonic, Polly. True. The amount of hotel rooms
Speaker 3: travels fucking issue, Like there's there. You know, it requires
Speaker 3: requires a lot of personality management. I'm so popular, I
Speaker 3: have to manage all my husbands and my wives.
Speaker 1: Personality management is something I have been literally co templating on.
Speaker 1: Not to get off topic, but just like how much
Speaker 1: as women we have to manage personalities, I mean humans too. Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to take away this this thing from men,
Speaker 1: but I think because women were such were such feelers
Speaker 1: and nurturers, we want to fix and we want to
Speaker 1: make sure everything's okay. And like, the amount of fucking
Speaker 1: personality management I'm doing daily is out of control.
Speaker 3: And you know what I think too, as we talk
Speaker 3: about love and for those of you who isolate and
Speaker 3: think you're healing, you're fucking you're shit out of luck,
Speaker 3: because as soon as you make one friend like me
Speaker 3: and Erica, our dynamic has We've been so close sister wives, wives, sisters,
Speaker 3: best friends, business partners for so long. Our lives are
Speaker 3: so deeply integrated. So we were thinking about each other.
Speaker 3: But then we have kids. They have totally different personalities.
Speaker 3: Then we got niggas, they got different personalities and different traumas,
Speaker 3: and then to integrate that, and then we have a team, yeah,
Speaker 3: a work relationships that we also have to manage. And
Speaker 3: now me and Erica are fucking thinking we're semi therapist
Speaker 3: diagnosing everybody in their childhood. Even like, remember last time
Speaker 3: we had a videographer who's a shout out to David,
Speaker 3: been our videographer for so long, and we had to
Speaker 3: have like a deep conversation like where do you think
Speaker 3: your avoidance comes from? He's like, well, my dad, And
Speaker 3: I'm like I knew it, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Like there are real times where I'm like, this is
Speaker 3: deeper than good moms. This is not about your role
Speaker 3: as executive assistant. This is about something else, you know,
Speaker 3: And so I think we underestimate the amount of personality
Speaker 3: management requires to live like just easeful lives with people
Speaker 3: within a community. But historically people have been in community,
Speaker 3: and to isolate yourself is to remove a lot of
Speaker 3: the humanness and the like the divine way we're supposed
Speaker 3: to live. And so the personality management is a real one,
Speaker 3: and it's a real it could be a real obstacle
Speaker 3: if you don't have the perspective or the tools. And
Speaker 3: most of us don't have the tools because no one
Speaker 3: gave us a boss fucking handbook when we started the
Speaker 3: shit six years ago, or like a month their hood
Speaker 3: handbook or a wife handbook. And you know, now you're
Speaker 3: just like in the middle of it as the and
Speaker 3: I'll say, moms, we are the glue. We have to
Speaker 3: nurture everyone, including ourselves. And it is like and sometimes
Speaker 3: you get to your friendship or you get to your
Speaker 3: girls and you're tapped the fucking out of neocity.
Speaker 1: So now it's like, fuck, car, we're done.
Speaker 3: We're done.
Speaker 1: We're we're not, but we have an argument. We're done
Speaker 1: for life.
Speaker 3: It's true.
Speaker 1: So anyway, side note, just women, I feel you, I know,
Speaker 1: like we are managing so many personalities on a daily basis.
Speaker 1: Shout out to you because it's not easy. It's not
Speaker 1: an easy task, and it does require boundaries, not getting
Speaker 1: invested in everyone's fucking dysfunction and all their fucking shit
Speaker 1: because they want to have attitude today and then be
Speaker 1: nice the next day. You know, me, Hello, Hi. So
Speaker 1: it's just it's a lot.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And you know, I kind of feel like right now,
Speaker 3: but not gonna lie. I kind of feel like this
Speaker 3: is our fucking mathe episode mentioning Sierra. She's our best
Speaker 3: friend in her head obviously if she had knew Eric
Speaker 3: Abadu Cif you don't get these messages, I don't know
Speaker 3: what's going on with the Internet. I feel like I'm
Speaker 3: the Sierra of the host. My prayer worked. You know
Speaker 3: a lot of people are like Hose, especially the men
Speaker 3: on the internet, like Hose net are gonna always be Hose,
Speaker 3: never gonna get married. All the comments I've ever had
Speaker 3: and good moms is that's why you're not married, that's
Speaker 3: why you're single. Well how about this, bitches. I was like,
Speaker 3: I can't wait for this ring because when I go
Speaker 3: off and these comments is gonna really hit.
Speaker 1: Now, wait and then today in our Facebook on our
Speaker 1: Facebook group shout out to our Facebook group, make sure
Speaker 1: you go and be part of our Facebook group, we
Speaker 1: were talking about Sierra's prayer, because of course we do
Speaker 1: nothing but talk about Sierra. Apparently. Also, by the way,
Speaker 1: she has my birthday just so you know, the same
Speaker 1: birthday as you.
Speaker 3: October.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Wow, I'm basically best start at the Sierra.
Speaker 1: I was like, because someone was like, we were talking
Speaker 1: about baby daddies and how they're disappointing, and then someone
Speaker 1: said like, oh, you know, they become less disappointing when
Speaker 1: they find a good partner.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 1: And then I was like, can we do like Sierra's
Speaker 1: prayer for our baby daddy's, Like, can we write a prayer?
Speaker 3: We're about to do a Good Mom's Book of Prayers.
Speaker 1: Pray that our baby daddies find a very top notch
Speaker 1: partner that is going to make them show up and
Speaker 1: be responsible fathers.
Speaker 3: This is gonna be our next book because it seems
Speaker 3: like short paragraphs, not a whole two hundred pages. I
Speaker 3: like that short book. The Book of Prayer, the Good Mom's.
Speaker 1: Book of Prayers, the Little Book of Prayers, a Little
Speaker 1: Book of Prayers. Oh, my God, look out for us.
Speaker 1: HarperCollins is coming with a new concept in twenty twenty six.
Speaker 3: Starting with my prayer, Melis Prayer. Once I was a
Speaker 3: hoe and now I'm a wife. Oh okay, so this
Speaker 3: is one I really the first one on our list,
Speaker 3: and this is the side note this backwood you've noticed,
Speaker 3: I haven't passed it.
Speaker 1: I'm like, when are you.
Speaker 3: Getting at lightheaded?
Speaker 1: And I see your eyes getting smaller? Bitch, they opened them,
Speaker 1: open them, open them.
Speaker 3: Come on, there you go, my eyes get or if
Speaker 3: our homegirl hit us shout out to Aaron of Lilac
Speaker 3: and Flint Skincare. She hit us and said, I'm listening
Speaker 3: to your episode and I'm cracking the fuck up because,
Speaker 3: uh cause you guys get high and then you guys
Speaker 3: start all talking like this, and yeah, She's like, that's
Speaker 3: my favorite part.
Speaker 1: I'm like, when you get high and just fucking can't
Speaker 1: remember what you're talking about, it.
Speaker 3: With it and your voice has changed. Only a long
Speaker 3: time listener could peep some shit like that. Yeah, anyway.
Speaker 3: Number one on the list trusting, Oh wait, Number one
Speaker 3: on the list. Establishing friendship first. Some of the best
Speaker 3: relationships are born from friendships. And I can genuinely testify
Speaker 3: to that because me and Orlando, even though as soon
Speaker 3: as we met, we got it pop in within like
Speaker 3: the first five days, and it was actually very meaningful
Speaker 3: and we had sex and we're nuts, so we told
Speaker 3: each other we loved each other, which is I wouldn't
Speaker 3: highly recommend unless you were both highly insane like us.
Speaker 3: But for a year, Orlando was my friend, and I
Speaker 3: think one of the first like conversations we had was like,
Speaker 3: no matter what, you're gonna be at my wedding. And
Speaker 3: I was like, I know, I'm gonnavite you to my
Speaker 3: wedding because we're best friends now. And I told him everything,
Speaker 3: like things I would I would tell Erica, like the threesomes,
Speaker 3: the hoe shit when niggas didn't call me back after
Speaker 3: they slept with me, and I'm like, I feel a way,
Speaker 3: and not that I like this person at all, but
Speaker 3: it was that it was that in depth to tell him,
Speaker 3: like every single detail. And you know, I think sometimes
Speaker 3: people put on this front and it just doesn't work.
Speaker 3: And I think the friendship is really where you like
Speaker 3: gain the the the like the realness of the relationship.
Speaker 1: You can't bypass it. It's like really a recipe for disaster.
Speaker 1: It's okay if you guys know that you are roman
Speaker 1: antically compatible and even are even dating, but there does
Speaker 1: require you, which is really hard when you get into
Speaker 1: that space. Though if you've already in agreement that hey,
Speaker 1: we're going to like let's do this, it does for
Speaker 1: some reason, and women create this this like flag in
Speaker 1: their mind where they like start compartmentalizing what they feel
Speaker 1: like they can share, like, oh, he doesn't want to
Speaker 1: know about that, he doesn't want to hear about that,
Speaker 1: And it's like, I highly implore you to just not
Speaker 1: do it and say the thing, because eventually some shit's
Speaker 1: going to come up, whether it's whether it's about previous lovers,
Speaker 1: whether it's about shit that happened in your childhood that
Speaker 1: you haven't shared with anyone.
Speaker 3: Fantasies like if you want to have an MMF, something
Speaker 3: I remember importantly.
Speaker 1: More importantly, the MMF you want to have is actually
Speaker 1: the reason why you need to start as friends. To
Speaker 1: make sure that Nigga is okay with it, that.
Speaker 3: Your fantasies will at some point come to fruition.
Speaker 1: It's important not the childhood dramas.
Speaker 3: Tell him your porn category even the really nasty one
Speaker 3: and see what face he makes. True, It's so true
Speaker 3: because I think there's a level of for women specifically,
Speaker 3: there's a level of safety that we rarely feel. There's
Speaker 3: a level of safety can we have with our friends
Speaker 3: because they're not gonna leave us because we dreamed of
Speaker 3: having an MMF and it was great.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: I remember telling a young bay this, this is like
Speaker 3: year one. I literally remember him telling me he was
Speaker 3: dating a girl who told him that she wanted to
Speaker 3: have an experience with two men. And he was like,
Speaker 3: you will never be my wife. That was his exact line.
Speaker 1: And I was like, whoa, You're like, note to self,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to tell you that this is my fantasy.
Speaker 3: Right. Meanwhile, when Orlando came, I was like, hey, I
Speaker 3: had this great idea. What do you think you know?
Speaker 3: And because he was very open with me about how
Speaker 3: he was exploring what his fantasies were, you know, and
Speaker 3: like it does help that he's a podcaster and at
Speaker 3: the time he was, you know, talking about sex on
Speaker 3: his podcast, so I knew it was like a safe place.
Speaker 3: And I also really really really longed for a place
Speaker 3: where I could where I felt like it was equal,
Speaker 3: Like I could tell you things as a human being
Speaker 3: and you're gonna still love me and accept me just
Speaker 3: despite me telling you these things. Like for me as
Speaker 3: a woman, as a feminist, it's so important for me
Speaker 3: to have a man that feels like I'm genuinely his
Speaker 3: equal and not tries to fucking blind me and put
Speaker 3: the coat over my eyes with this social like this
Speaker 3: fucking societal bullshit, and like I even when we were
Speaker 3: I went on a trip and there was this guy
Speaker 3: talking about he wanted to be Polly, but he wanted
Speaker 3: this woman to only sleep with him. And he at first,
Speaker 3: I was like, he's so cool. He did these yoga events,
Speaker 3: Like I was like really vibing with him. I thought, WHOA,
Speaker 3: what a cool guy. And he said this shit and
Speaker 3: I literally was like a screeching break and I was like, immediately,
Speaker 3: I was like, he's done. Immediately I tapped out. I
Speaker 3: was like, oh, he's not as smart as I thought.
Speaker 3: I've had a lot of relationships with that with like
Speaker 3: with men who said big words and were highly sexual
Speaker 3: and we had conversations and we were talking about sexual
Speaker 3: things between us. It was fine. But the second that
Speaker 3: I mentioned my fantasies are things that I had done previously.
Speaker 3: All that went out the window, and I just can't
Speaker 3: respect that. And I never felt safe there. So I
Speaker 3: think a part of me blabbering to Orlando it was
Speaker 3: like testing and a lot of times I've done that relationships,
Speaker 3: and a lot of times men have failed most of
Speaker 3: the time. Yeah, And so it's like for the men listening,
Speaker 3: like that safety factor is just understanding that your woman
Speaker 3: is a human and has human needs and also likes
Speaker 3: to fuck and also.
Speaker 1: You know, and has fucked before you, has fucked before you,
Speaker 1: and the reason she fucks so good it's compete because.
Speaker 3: She fucked before you a lot.
Speaker 1: You know. Uh, I agree. I think that I've definitely
Speaker 1: been victim to you know, when I first started my
Speaker 1: relationship with my child's father, we had a friendship, and
Speaker 1: I think that's why our relationship lasted for so long,
Speaker 1: and it was beautiful for many years. Actually, I know,
Speaker 1: like I don't really share so many stories about how
Speaker 1: great it was, but it was the first three years
Speaker 1: it was fucking lit. And I really attested that to
Speaker 1: our friendship and I always was like a proponent for
Speaker 1: that for my friends, like you have to be friends
Speaker 1: for us, like this is why this relationship is different.
Speaker 1: And then you know, after we broke up and then
Speaker 1: exploring dating and computing myself out there, like I think
Speaker 1: I've like I've done both. I've like jumped into relationships
Speaker 1: that were like highly sexually charged that kind of interfered
Speaker 1: with how honest I could be with my friend versus not.
Speaker 1: And even in this particular relationship that I'm in now,
Speaker 1: I think for me, the friendship was really and I've
Speaker 1: talked about it, I guess on Patreon not really so
Speaker 1: much here about just my journey and celibacy in my
Speaker 1: relationship and how I think that that was a really
Speaker 1: really powerful tool in really cultivating the friendship because we
Speaker 1: weren't fucking and so there was no I felt like
Speaker 1: he couldn't judge. There was no I mean, I didn't
Speaker 1: feel like he's not a guy that would judge anyway,
Speaker 1: And at that point I really didn't give a fuck.
Speaker 1: But I think I think that you have to be
Speaker 1: willing to do something different in your relationship, whether that
Speaker 1: is not having sex when you first meet someone, whether
Speaker 1: that is being in agreement that you're going to be
Speaker 1: brutally honest, like that piece has to be different, Like
Speaker 1: if you're going, if you're someone that's coming out of
Speaker 1: really toxic relationships, you've done your healing and now you're
Speaker 1: listening to this episode because you're ready to come back
Speaker 1: into the love space, Like you have to know that
Speaker 1: there does you can't follow the same steps, like you
Speaker 1: just can't. And the friendship piece is like, literally, I
Speaker 1: don't think you can get around it. And that's why
Speaker 1: it's number one.
Speaker 3: Honestly. I remember my other best friends telling me, like, Mela,
Speaker 3: you got to not be so honest in the beginning,
Speaker 3: like basically, bitch, chill a little bit in the beginning
Speaker 3: so you could like someone can like you first. And
Speaker 3: I was just like, that doesn't sound smart. That sounds
Speaker 3: like a trick because I'm a specific taste, you know,
Speaker 3: and I and I always just felt very confident in that,
Speaker 3: like and I think it probably has the like my
Speaker 3: parents have been together for a long time since my
Speaker 3: mom was fourteen my dad was seventeen. And I've seen
Speaker 3: my mom like not know who she is. I've seen
Speaker 3: my mom make her identity my dad. I've seen her chase,
Speaker 3: I've seen her like forced, you know, I've seen her
Speaker 3: just like claws out, fangs out, and it just seemed
Speaker 3: like such a battle that I did not And it
Speaker 3: wasn't like she needed to be herself or any of
Speaker 3: those things, but I just saw what it looked like
Speaker 3: to convince someone that they should treat you a certain way,
Speaker 3: you know. And not that my dad was a horrible
Speaker 3: guy to her or anything like that, but like he
Speaker 3: was doing him and it tormented her, but like spiritually mentally,
Speaker 3: and I was just like, I'm not doing that, you know.
Speaker 3: And I know for most women, some women are listening
Speaker 3: to this and like, bitch, I listen to you, tell
Speaker 3: my nigga what I want an MMF, turn a shit off,
Speaker 3: turn a shit off. This is ridiculous, you know. And
Speaker 3: it's true, like the majority of the men are going
Speaker 3: to shut you, to shut it down, but that's how
Speaker 3: you weed niggas out. If you're not for me, don't
Speaker 3: waste my fucking time, you know. And so I think
Speaker 3: the friendship piece is like you don't hesitate to tell
Speaker 3: your real friends things because they're not going to leave
Speaker 3: you based on your secrets. You know, they're going to
Speaker 3: keep them and they're going to you know, give give
Speaker 3: your insight but like niggas don't be judging each other
Speaker 3: when they tell each other wild shit. Niggas keep their
Speaker 3: niggas secrets and they're cheating on their wives and doing
Speaker 3: fuck shit. So yeah, like bring that same homie energy
Speaker 3: to your woman.
Speaker 1: And let me tell you, ladies, there is nothing sexier
Speaker 1: than your man fucking you and being inside of you
Speaker 1: and saying I'm so lucky that I get to fuck
Speaker 1: my best friend, and then you actually believe it. Trust me,
Speaker 1: highly highly recommend.
Speaker 3: Highly highly highly recommend.
Speaker 1: I've done it, me too, and I'm doing it and
Speaker 1: it's real and I trust it and it feels good
Speaker 1: and it's it's it's like a level of safety building that. Honestly,
Speaker 1: you're building safety while someone's inside of your womb.
Speaker 3: I mean that. I don't know what's safer than that,
Speaker 3: like truly, And so you know that's one piece missing
Speaker 3: with me. And tell your husband to do that if
Speaker 3: that's your best If that's your best ye, can you
Speaker 3: tell me I'm your best friend while you fuck me.
Speaker 3: That's the whole reason you make a best friend with
Speaker 3: a penis holder.
Speaker 1: Strap bonds could be you could do this with a
Speaker 1: strap bon maybe like you scissor and do it like
Speaker 1: you're my best friend.
Speaker 3: Do you want to sister? And so I can tell
Speaker 3: you my message.
Speaker 1: I'm always pussies together.
Speaker 3: Do you think will manifest faster?
Speaker 1: Do you think that's what needs to happen?
Speaker 3: Well, you know, I was supposed to give you a yoni,
Speaker 3: a yoni like massage, and we never did it because
Speaker 3: we are always working there and have time to Costa Rica.
Speaker 1: I know it Costa Rica is the time.
Speaker 3: You know what I had a thought I did. I
Speaker 3: literally was like, oh, maybe this would be a good
Speaker 3: time we could finally give each other yoning massages like
Speaker 3: we're supposed to. And this is a very like educational piece.
Speaker 3: It's very it's like, it's not erotic. It's it's not
Speaker 3: it's not it's not erotic. It's intimate, but it's more
Speaker 3: for the purpose of like meditation but also release and
Speaker 3: not like yes, orgasm possibly, But sometimes there is things.
Speaker 1: Stored in your Sometimes a.
Speaker 3: Lot of times our wombs hold things physically and we
Speaker 3: don't even realize it. It's like if you did a
Speaker 3: certain hit, a certain stretch at the fucking yoga gym
Speaker 3: and it made you cry. I've literally witnessed people just
Speaker 3: on you know, like doing certain moodras on your genitals
Speaker 3: that will release tears.
Speaker 1: Well, I can attest to it because I did it.
Speaker 1: I had a Yoni massage. Yeah, and it was very
Speaker 1: unexpected the things that came up, even even knowing because
Speaker 1: I've learned the modality, I understand it, but then actually
Speaker 1: really experiencing it with someone who's another woman who like,
Speaker 1: there's no there's literally no attraction. She had, wants nothing
Speaker 1: from me except to make to help me release something.
Speaker 1: And just realizing where I'm numb in certain places and
Speaker 1: where it actually is painful in certain places. That was
Speaker 1: that was a real shakra for me because even in
Speaker 1: my own practice of you know, Yoni mapping myself, like
Speaker 1: it's different when someone else does it. And I didn't
Speaker 1: realize I was experiencing pain in certain places until like
Speaker 1: she was touching me there and I was like what
Speaker 1: the ow? What the fuck? And I was like why
Speaker 1: this is She's not even pushing hard, like why does
Speaker 1: it hurt here? And then allowing myself to really walk
Speaker 1: through the meditation and accessing why the why? And it's
Speaker 1: usually like very visceral and like very you know, you
Speaker 1: know what it is. It's kind of like even too.
Speaker 1: I don't if you've ever ever gotten a massage and
Speaker 1: like someone like hits like a point like or like
Speaker 1: a not and you're like, oh shit, I know what
Speaker 1: that is, Like that feels emotional, like that's anger. I like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's stress. Like you know, you carry stress in your neck,
Speaker 1: like you know, where when you are aware, aware enough
Speaker 1: and open enough, you can really access and understand what
Speaker 1: it is actually that's in there and blocking. I mean
Speaker 1: sometimes you can until it's fully released, but when you can,
Speaker 1: it's like fuck.
Speaker 3: And it's true. And so I just wanted to I know,
Speaker 3: going on going on, I just want to. I just
Speaker 3: wanted to press preface why we're going to give you
Speaker 3: Yoni map each other, Yeah, Costa Rica, because it's going
Speaker 3: to a elevate our business and our manifestation and our
Speaker 3: intimacy levels, and but mostly it's going to release some
Speaker 3: shit too, to make for him for them.
Speaker 1: And if you're listening to this right now in the
Speaker 1: first week of February, it's already happened.
Speaker 3: What happened.
Speaker 1: It's no Jamilla touched my pussy and I probably touched
Speaker 1: hers and we cried, and now we're going to be billionaires. Period. Anyway,
Speaker 1: number two.
Speaker 3: Anyway, number two, stop being so hard on yourself when
Speaker 3: it comes to making relationship mistakes, forgiving yourself and trusting
Speaker 3: the work that you've done. Ooh, this one hits a
Speaker 3: home for me, honey.
Speaker 1: Because the last year, it was a hard year for me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you had it hard.
Speaker 1: I did a little bit of regressing, just a little bit,
Speaker 1: did a little regression in my healing process.
Speaker 3: Now against all my red flags. I don't know if
Speaker 3: it's called regressing. It's it's you know what, it's necessary testing.
Speaker 3: It's necessary testing to get to the next level. It's
Speaker 3: not regression. It's the last I learned.
Speaker 1: And you know what, I accessed some really good shit
Speaker 1: in that relationship to things that I knew. I finally
Speaker 1: had a partner where I could explore certain things I'd
Speaker 1: never been able to and so whether it was a
Speaker 1: healthy version of the thing I wanted to ignore and
Speaker 1: it was used as pure manipulation as a whole other subject. However,
Speaker 1: I did realize certain things about myself, specifically in the
Speaker 1: intimate space, because that's really where we thrived. All but
Speaker 1: other than that, you know, like I think after that relationship,
Speaker 1: I was so traumatized and it was like worse. It
Speaker 1: felt worse than like maybe this is probably not the truth,
Speaker 1: but it's just time numbs you and you forget. But
Speaker 1: it felt harder than like my baby daddy breakup. I
Speaker 1: know that's not the truth, but I think that maybe
Speaker 1: it was just that pain was retriggered and it felt
Speaker 1: like that, like I felt so much betrayal, I felt
Speaker 1: so much confusion. I felt so much anger for myself.
Speaker 1: I was like so mad at myself that I let
Speaker 1: this nigga fucking fuck with my with my my knowingness
Speaker 1: of shit, like I knew, you know, and I let
Speaker 1: my also my judgment of myself, feeling like I'm too boundaried,
Speaker 1: feeling like maybe I don't give people and the benefit
Speaker 1: of the doubt enough, and like knowing that actually that
Speaker 1: is my superpower, that no, I do give people the
Speaker 1: benefit of the doubt, and typically the ones that I do,
Speaker 1: it's because they needed the benefit of the doubt, and
Speaker 1: typically when I don't, it's because they're up to no good.
Speaker 1: And so because of that, I really allowed my boundaries
Speaker 1: to uh be in limbo. And after that, after coming
Speaker 1: out of that relationship. I was so like I was
Speaker 1: like trying to do womb clearing, Like I didn't trust
Speaker 1: my body. I didn't trust like even the thought of
Speaker 1: having sex. I've never felt this way like revolted me
Speaker 1: in a way that I was like, I don't even
Speaker 1: deserve that type of pleasure because I didn't even I
Speaker 1: don't even know how to respect my womb enough to
Speaker 1: like the have the discernment and who's who I'm allowing
Speaker 1: to enter And this person was unhealthy in a lot
Speaker 1: of ways also like didn't treat his body well, you know.
Speaker 1: And it's like, so because of that, I totally attest
Speaker 1: to this feeling of like needing to forgive yourself for
Speaker 1: those situations because I had a lot of healing before
Speaker 1: that that like doesn't get deleted because I because I
Speaker 1: needed this lesson. And so even and even for the
Speaker 1: women that maybe like are just in the beginning of
Speaker 1: their healing, it's so important that you allow yourself the
Speaker 1: space to fuck up in this new chapter, chapter chapter,
Speaker 1: because you are going to fuck up on the new
Speaker 1: chapter and you don't just wake.
Speaker 3: Up with your own holy bitch that's healed.
Speaker 1: And high valued, you know. And I say that with
Speaker 1: one of those quotation marks is I don't really like
Speaker 1: that term either. I hate that term actually, and I
Speaker 1: much more like the term high functioning because I understand
Speaker 1: what that that feels like. There's a path that doesn't
Speaker 1: feel like there's some sort of like violence and shame
Speaker 1: being imposed upon women where we've already are like our
Speaker 1: self worth is always in question all the time, already
Speaker 1: in the society. That adding value, even in the spaces
Speaker 1: of women talking about being high valued women, it just
Speaker 1: I feel like reverses. It's like actually taking us back
Speaker 1: by calling it that, but value it is relative. So
Speaker 1: with that said, giving yourself the space and permission to
Speaker 1: know in this new chapter you're going to fuck up.
Speaker 1: If you're fresh out of toxicity, I don't recommend you
Speaker 1: getting into a relationship, bitch. You probably need to set
Speaker 1: the fuck down for a second. You need to listen
Speaker 1: to your friends because they've told you a thousand motherfucking times,
Speaker 1: and they're going to tell you again when you get
Speaker 1: on tender five minutes after you broke up with a
Speaker 1: niggative because you're going to casually date someone. You're not
Speaker 1: looking for anything serious. But I'm just gonna like have
Speaker 1: fun because like, you know, I deserve that, Like that
Speaker 1: that was really crazy. No, bitch, you're not ready. Sit down.
Speaker 3: I mean, there's one thing that goes seeking and sometimes
Speaker 3: things come knocking at your front door. You're on tender,
Speaker 3: you're seeking, Yeah, don't be on tender.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And also just realizing too that like that step one,
Speaker 3: the friendship thing and like being really honest with people
Speaker 3: like immediately, sometimes that's how the snakes get you, because
Speaker 3: you are really honest, and then they'll play on that
Speaker 3: and then they'll be they can be they'll be manipulative
Speaker 3: by having the information, and first they'll they'll act like
Speaker 3: it's okay, they'll sucument and then they'll use it against you.
Speaker 3: And then it makes you question everything because now you've
Speaker 3: let down your guard. It has seemed like they have
Speaker 3: been safe people, and now you're both fucking confused. Like
Speaker 3: you're confused, bitch, because you thought you were doing something
Speaker 3: correct and then they you know, they backtrack because that's
Speaker 3: happened too, and then it makes you question all of
Speaker 3: all of your the lessons that you've learned. And it's
Speaker 3: just important to know that, like you can fuck up
Speaker 3: and know better. You know, and it's like spirit will
Speaker 3: test you, and Spirit will make sure did you get it?
Speaker 3: They'll it's gonna drive in the point and sometimes we're
Speaker 3: gonna fall short. And that's okay. But how do you
Speaker 3: how do you use that and not take it into
Speaker 3: the next relationship? You not say so guarded in the
Speaker 3: next relationship that you don't let a good thing come through,
Speaker 3: you know, because you know there's some terrible niggas and
Speaker 3: there's some great niggas, and it doesn't mean that everyone's
Speaker 3: the same, but carrying that same vulnerability into each one
Speaker 3: and not taking the wounds with you and the baggage
Speaker 3: with you, and just letting everything be a clean slate.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's one thing I promised myself coming out
Speaker 1: of that relationship that I wasn't going to allow this
Speaker 1: to harden me. I wasn't going to allow this person
Speaker 1: and this situation to have this much power over how
Speaker 1: I'm able my capacity for love in my next relationship.
Speaker 1: And even because my next relationship or that person showed
Speaker 1: up relatively fast after I let that go, I did.
Speaker 1: I had a lot of fear around is this too soon?
Speaker 1: Like what like do I I don't trust myself and
Speaker 1: I think the piece of allowing us to be friends
Speaker 1: for a long time, and again for me, removing the
Speaker 1: sex for over six months, like really allowed me to
Speaker 1: know that okay, like I'm okay, like I'm making good choices.
Speaker 1: I can trust myself. My intuition is good, like you know.
Speaker 1: So I think the friendship is really important, like you said,
Speaker 1: going back to number one in this in the second
Speaker 1: part of giving yourself, forgiving yourself for the past and
Speaker 1: the mistakes that you might make even in the interim,
Speaker 1: because I don't know, Like I think sometimes it is
Speaker 1: inevitable that you might bring something from a previous relationship,
Speaker 1: because it's not even from the relationship really, it's probably
Speaker 1: from something before that, your first relationship in love, you know.
Speaker 1: But hopefully, you know, because of the friendship, you're able
Speaker 1: to really talk through that thing with your partner, you know,
Speaker 1: and just trusting.
Speaker 3: It's more about trusting that you've done the work.
Speaker 1: And I think it doesn't answer the phone, Like he
Speaker 1: doesn't talk on the phone a lot. He's not like
Speaker 1: good with the phone, And that was super triggering for.
Speaker 3: Me, oh right, because the last thing I would pretend
Speaker 3: not to be good with this phone because he was
Speaker 3: being a fun boy.
Speaker 1: And also there was that, and also we would talk
Speaker 1: multiple times a day, and I got and I'm used
Speaker 1: to that cadence. So like, going into this new relationship,
Speaker 1: I could have totally fucked this whole relationship up just
Speaker 1: based off that because I was so in my head
Speaker 1: about it. I was so like, why is he answering
Speaker 1: the phone? Why has he called me all day? Like
Speaker 1: what the fuck is he doing? Like he says he's
Speaker 1: not fucking either, my fucking would if he's fucking, Like
Speaker 1: you know, it was just like it got crazy, but
Speaker 1: I didn't allow I worked through it, and I also
Speaker 1: communicated with him and said, hey, like I'm just not
Speaker 1: used to this, Like I understand you're not good with
Speaker 1: your phone and that's okay, and I'm working through it,
Speaker 1: but I want you to know that like if I
Speaker 1: call you and then if I call you in the
Speaker 1: morning and then I don't hear from you until six
Speaker 1: o'clock at night, that is like not okay. And I
Speaker 1: don't even know if it's from my past relationship. I
Speaker 1: think it's also just like there's a level of safety
Speaker 1: that I need, There's a level of check in that
Speaker 1: I need. There's a level of like, if there's an emergency,
Speaker 1: do I have access to you? Can I depend on you?
Speaker 1: And so like when I was able to share why
Speaker 1: in that way, like there was adjustment room, you know.
Speaker 1: And sometimes it's just as simple as that. Sometimes it's not.
Speaker 3: But yeah, yes, I think we got a little Yeah.
Speaker 3: So four, this one's really important because it.
Speaker 2: Is number three.
Speaker 1: Oh we didn't do three, I don't think so.
Speaker 6: Oh sorry, am I What do you bring to the
Speaker 6: table in terms of oh this we kind of went
Speaker 6: into this past experiences, trauma and understanding your needs and wants.
Speaker 3: I think that as women, there's such a terrible inventory
Speaker 3: of niggas that a lot of times we don't have
Speaker 3: to check in on our own shit. The men are
Speaker 3: so like it's so bare minimum right now, And I
Speaker 3: know it's it's we got to look higher and lower
Speaker 3: in new places. But like a lot of men are
Speaker 3: like operating on this new, weird frequency that I don't
Speaker 3: know what the fuck you not? I mean, just like
Speaker 3: they've gone really deep in like women hating. But sometimes
Speaker 3: I think we bypass our How are traumas show up
Speaker 3: in our relationships? And I know people always talking about
Speaker 3: like what do you bring the table? What do you
Speaker 3: bring the table? But like, what do you bring to
Speaker 3: the table in terms of your fucking trauma? You know?
Speaker 3: How do you love? How does that prevent you from
Speaker 3: being soft?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 3: Because I think sometimes it's I think for me, particularly
Speaker 3: me talking to me is like I hear all these
Speaker 3: things all day on social on reels about black women
Speaker 3: not being soft, and we're in our masculine and like,
Speaker 3: you know, a lot of bashing of black women from
Speaker 3: black men, and so I get defensive when I'm told
Speaker 3: I'm not soft or I'm you know, not I do.
Speaker 3: I get very defensive, and it's prevented me from actually
Speaker 3: checking with myself and being like, could you be softer?
Speaker 3: Could you speak nicer? Why is that hard for you?
Speaker 3: Even when I'm told in the moment, hey, I realize
Speaker 3: immediately my walls go up and I'm in defense mode.
Speaker 3: I don't want to do it and having to check
Speaker 3: with myself like where does that come from from? Why
Speaker 3: can't you apologize?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 3: There are certain things that I'm just like, I'm having
Speaker 3: to work on my softness, but first I have to
Speaker 3: be able to address it, and I have to soften
Speaker 3: myself to be able to be like, Okay, this person
Speaker 3: is telling me this because they love me. Maybe this
Speaker 3: is how I grew up. Maybe I don't mean it
Speaker 3: this way, but if someone else is interpreting it this way,
Speaker 3: how can I change? How can I get uncomfortable so
Speaker 3: that we can be comfortable and I can make do
Speaker 3: something differently? Bless you, bless.
Speaker 1: Youe it ooh, I have blue dream, baby blue dream.
Speaker 1: You know it's funny that you say that too, because
Speaker 1: this has come up for me in my relationship, because
Speaker 1: I'm finally in a relationship where I really feel safe.
Speaker 1: So I'm usually on the defense waiting for a niggative
Speaker 1: fuck up, and they always do. They always in my mind,
Speaker 1: to me, I feel like they fuck up. They might
Speaker 1: have a different storyline, but to me, I feel like
Speaker 1: I've been pretty great and become ungreat once they become ungreat,
Speaker 1: So I'm always waiting for them to fuck and so
Speaker 1: in this relationship that just hasn't happened. And so then
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, okay, cool up. Now I'm gonna
Speaker 1: like just like punching him a little bit like and
Speaker 1: then I'm like, damn, am.
Speaker 3: I gonna be the one to fuck up this?
Speaker 1: Relationship, and I'm like, oh my god, like I haven't
Speaker 1: even had the opportunity to let my fucking shit, my
Speaker 1: little fucking toxic flag.
Speaker 3: Fly, because it's usually justified, but.
Speaker 1: Because I, like I'm I'm usually the like the victim
Speaker 1: of the toxicity first, so then I'm just on defeat
Speaker 1: on defense, trying to like heal niggasm shit. And then
Speaker 1: now that I like have a very like a man
Speaker 1: that's been dedicated to his healing, I think even far
Speaker 1: beyond I became even aware that I had the option
Speaker 1: to do it, I'm like, oh wow, cool, Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: sorry about that. That you didn't deserve that, and that
Speaker 1: is some shit I need to work on.
Speaker 3: And and that's the thing. And you know, that's the
Speaker 3: thing about dating someone who is your equal and who's
Speaker 3: always already on the journey and already self aware and
Speaker 3: like committed and wanting to invest in a relationship and
Speaker 3: invest it in love. It's like that's when you get
Speaker 3: to really to step your game up. That's where you
Speaker 3: get to grow, and that's where you get to stretch
Speaker 3: and be like, oh, like, this person's actually making me
Speaker 3: have to be better. But a lot of times women
Speaker 3: are dating below them, and so you don't even get
Speaker 3: to that point because then stay fuck up. Within the
Speaker 3: first five days, first five business days, they're fucking up.
Speaker 3: So it never, it never, rarely gets to the point
Speaker 3: where you have to look at yourself and grow and grow.
Speaker 3: And that's where you're like, oh, this is what the
Speaker 3: journey of love looks like. When I'm safe and someone
Speaker 3: can tell me gently, hey, I love you, Hey, look
Speaker 3: at me. I don't really I don't like that, you know,
Speaker 3: I know, you know. It's just a different it's a
Speaker 3: whole new, whole new Not being able to acapella sing
Speaker 3: is remakes really a whole new world, a whole new world,
Speaker 3: a whole new world. Not from Maladin bo relaxed from
Speaker 3: Jim Aladdin. It's a new remix.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Okay, number four.
Speaker 3: That number four is I think we kind of touched
Speaker 3: on this, but I'm gonna add something to this because
Speaker 3: I forgot it on a different one. The number four
Speaker 3: is authenticity. Are you being honest? And or are you
Speaker 3: being the digestible version of yourself? And since we kind
Speaker 3: of already touch on this, I'd like to touch on
Speaker 3: something more important. Stepping out of your comfort zone when
Speaker 3: you date necessary. Yes, everyone's like, you always date. Never
Speaker 3: mind what I was gonna say, you always ate the
Speaker 3: black eye. This is my my white friend's talking to
Speaker 3: my white friend. The only dates the black guys do?
Speaker 3: Want you do somebody else?
Speaker 1: That's oh, they're saying that to her.
Speaker 3: Yeah, But you know, I think sometimes we're like, if
Speaker 3: you always date this kind of honestly, if you're always
Speaker 3: dating a thug and he has four phones and he
Speaker 3: always has to make a run and you never know
Speaker 3: where he's going, and you don't know really what he does,
Speaker 3: and he has four baby mamas, and you know he's
Speaker 3: probably a drug dealer. Probably date somebody a new type,
Speaker 3: you know, with a job, a real one. No, you know,
Speaker 3: no shade to the drug dealers. But I think sometimes
Speaker 3: we take this too far. And if you've been a
Speaker 3: part of Good Moms for a long time, you remember
Speaker 3: the time we.
Speaker 1: Took this too far, you know, you know, I think
Speaker 1: we were talking to our last episode about stupid bitch
Speaker 1: and then like the stupid aware bitch. Yes we were,
Speaker 1: we didn't we thankfully those relationships were at the very
Speaker 1: deadline of stupid aware bitch and stupid bitch. But actually
Speaker 1: I don't even know if we were aware. I mean,
Speaker 1: we were aware we were actively choosing men that we've
Speaker 1: never given a chance to before. We both knew we
Speaker 1: were choosing nerds, and not that nerds are not cute,
Speaker 1: but these are very specifics. Are cool like bad, like
Speaker 1: badge fashions, like white people, talking voices.
Speaker 3: Like like YouTube buffs, like not really wanting the fun.
Speaker 3: There was a lot of red flags, nerd flags. It
Speaker 3: was a lot nerd flags, you know, And it was
Speaker 3: a good thing at one point. And you know, no
Speaker 3: shade to that guy, actually a little shade, but he
Speaker 3: was He was older, he wanted he had a good job,
Speaker 3: he wanted to be married, all great things.
Speaker 1: He had a dog.
Speaker 3: He had a dog he would not leave at home
Speaker 3: fucking ever. He had camping equipment, I mean camping equipment,
Speaker 3: and that was great. He knew how to survive in
Speaker 3: apocalypse and that was great. But it was not realistic.
Speaker 3: That was too far left, and I knew it, and
Speaker 3: I kept trying to make myself attracted to him. I
Speaker 3: was from the waist down, you know, maybe even the
Speaker 3: belly button. He had a little ab going. But the
Speaker 3: thing was he wasn't my niggad and I wasn't wildly
Speaker 3: attracted to him, and I'm not saying it to be
Speaker 3: wildly attracted to every guy you date, but there is
Speaker 3: a level of I wanna fuck the shit out of
Speaker 3: you right now that has to happen because when you
Speaker 3: get out my motherfucking nerves and you're talking too much
Speaker 3: and you're doing too much, which will inevitably happen, and
Speaker 3: it's your peer things got to hold us down, and
Speaker 3: it's gonna be the it's gonna be your attraction to
Speaker 3: the person, and like the like them a level of like,
Speaker 3: I want to sit on your dick right now, that's
Speaker 3: gonna get you through, you know, the irritation. And I
Speaker 3: think sometimes women like especially you know, no shade to
Speaker 3: the single moms, I get it. I see single moms
Speaker 3: just go with the safe guy because they've been hurt
Speaker 3: in the past relationship. Go with the safe guy because
Speaker 3: he's safe, because you know he wants the things. But
Speaker 3: knowing good and god damn well, bitch, you don't really
Speaker 3: want to sit on his face all the time. And
Speaker 3: I think that's not fair to the other person, you know,
Speaker 3: because there's somewhere out there who wants to sit on
Speaker 3: that man's dick all the time. It's just not you.
Speaker 3: And I think you just do yourself a disservice trying
Speaker 3: to do the safe thing.
Speaker 1: You think that you think that I don't know if
Speaker 1: I agree that this is a single mom thing. I
Speaker 1: think that this is actually a woman without child thing
Speaker 1: that happens.
Speaker 3: Oh, you're right, it's both.
Speaker 1: But sometimes I think I can understand why you would
Speaker 1: say that it probably is a demographic of single mothers
Speaker 1: that just want help and support.
Speaker 3: There's a safety you have to You need safety not
Speaker 3: only for yourself but for your kid too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but that will compromise those those pieces for the need,
Speaker 1: the need that they've been starved of in whatever version
Speaker 1: of motherhood they're dealing with. But I also think that
Speaker 1: this is wildly, wildly a thing for people without children,
Speaker 1: because especially if you're of a certain age without children,
Speaker 1: like because because in this world, and it's true, like
Speaker 1: we do have a time limit into which we can
Speaker 1: pro create, and so women start making really crazy deals
Speaker 1: with themselves in order to either push the timeline up
Speaker 1: to which they we're going to have a child. And
Speaker 1: even for the people that are younger than that, it's
Speaker 1: more so about you know, these societal expectations of like, oh,
Speaker 1: I won't even say societal expectations because I do think
Speaker 1: that like we've women have shifted in this idea that
Speaker 1: like they need to be a wife first, like people
Speaker 1: are now like I want to have a business first,
Speaker 1: I want to have a career. But I think there's
Speaker 1: still a lot of pressure for women to feel worthy.
Speaker 1: And being a wife makes people feel worthy. It's part
Speaker 1: of the checklist, the career, and the wife is part
Speaker 1: of the checklist. And but a lot of times that
Speaker 1: wifey thing or that wifey title equals worthiness, like someone
Speaker 1: chose me equals value equals I have purpose now, you know.
Speaker 3: And and there's also the the this idea that women
Speaker 3: like their their value decreases as they get older, and
Speaker 3: that you know, our birth, you know, we only have
Speaker 3: a certain window and we can have babies, and that
Speaker 3: drives us too to just be like this is the
Speaker 3: best thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And so there's like compromises that we make for
Speaker 1: the for that to to find to be in partnership
Speaker 1: with anyone honestly. So, uh yeah, that's the recipe for
Speaker 1: fucking disaster.
Speaker 3: Here's a good mom tip. Erica taught me this, and
Speaker 3: I almost didn't forgive her. But next time you're scrolling
Speaker 3: to said dating apps, I'm not gonna say them because
Speaker 3: they should pay us, because this is me. I'm such
Speaker 3: a cancer. I'm like, I like this answer. That was funny,
Speaker 3: you know, and the Erica said, zoom into his face
Speaker 3: and then think to yourself, can I wake up to
Speaker 3: this face every morning? And after that I scrolled different
Speaker 3: for the rest of my fucking single life and I
Speaker 3: barely swiped yes because I'm gonna add one more layer
Speaker 3: to that.
Speaker 1: Can you picture his fuck face? And is that okay
Speaker 1: with you? Okay? Because listen, I have I have trauma
Speaker 1: over fuck faces. That's some bad fuck faces, some real
Speaker 1: one real and honestly, it's not just because he's cute
Speaker 1: doesn't mean his fuck face.
Speaker 3: Who is the worst fuck face you've ever had?
Speaker 1: I can't say this publicly.
Speaker 3: You don't have a name.
Speaker 1: It's not even a name. It's just like, okay, just no,
Speaker 1: it's I just know, it's just just know. It's the
Speaker 1: reason I became a good mom. Who specially.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So I do agree with going out of your
Speaker 3: comfort zone. You can't date the same kind of guy
Speaker 3: who has emotionally unavailable, but you do have to be
Speaker 3: realistic in you know, your genuine attraction to that person,
Speaker 3: like you know, sometimes breaking news guys, and.
Speaker 1: That doesn't mean physical too, like sometimes it's like another
Speaker 1: thing too. This is really random, but like for me,
Speaker 1: music is really important. If we can't if you don't
Speaker 1: listen to my type of music and we don't have
Speaker 1: like the same sort of like inclination to sound in
Speaker 1: some capacity, it's not gonna work.
Speaker 3: Because we do go to concert together.
Speaker 1: It's just it's just not gonna work. Like our sexy
Speaker 1: time isn't gonna be aligned, like our house vibes are
Speaker 1: not gonna be aligned. Like clearly our frequencies are not
Speaker 1: the fucking same. I should have known that. Like I've
Speaker 1: had boyfriends that like listen to like just like hardcore,
Speaker 1: like fucking Ozzy Osbourne and shit, and I'm like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, he's black and he likes Azzi asthma, it's cool.
Speaker 1: And then I'm listening to Azzi os I'm like, this is.
Speaker 3: Not like that happened. That happened to my friend and
Speaker 3: she was at all these EDM concerts and she was
Speaker 3: angry after she was just like I. Finally we're like,
Speaker 3: I know this bitch likes hip hopic, why is she
Speaker 3: doing this star stuff? And finally, when the relationship is over,
Speaker 3: she's like, if I hear one more fucking DM, I'm
Speaker 3: gonna die. I'm like, yeah, bitch, because that was never
Speaker 3: your knigg Like why do you do? Why do we
Speaker 3: do these things? Look, I could do EDM. It's fine,
Speaker 3: that's not gonna And honestly, like, is EDM gonna be
Speaker 3: the breaking point in your possible husband? No, if you
Speaker 3: know what's your husband, you'll be able to withstand.
Speaker 1: But you know what your things are. You know, like
Speaker 1: whether it's like you like fucking you like certain kind
Speaker 1: of movies like these are how you're going to spend
Speaker 1: your time, or.
Speaker 3: You like bougie shit if you like bougie shit and
Speaker 3: he brings three to five fucking outfits on a ten
Speaker 3: day vacation. Not the one if he suggests washing his
Speaker 3: clothes in the sink and staying at a hostel and
Speaker 3: he's over thirty years old. Not the one if you
Speaker 3: like boozy things. But if you like hostels, you guys
Speaker 3: a gonna fucking hostile your lives away.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think it also depends on where
Speaker 1: on the list bougie things will fall for you, because
Speaker 1: I think some people do like bougie things, but they
Speaker 1: can that's not gonna be the reason why they're going
Speaker 1: to pass up the love of their life.
Speaker 3: And and you also know if it's if you, If
Speaker 3: you you'll know if it's your husband and you're passing
Speaker 3: up to the husband of your life, if if it's
Speaker 3: something you literally can't get passed if you're And also
Speaker 3: be aware of when you nitpick things, because I when
Speaker 3: you're trying to repel something for whatever personal reasons, you'll
Speaker 3: make up things. I made up things about Orlando, and
Speaker 3: I believe them, and I was like, that crop top's
Speaker 3: not gonna work. I just like I knew he was
Speaker 3: a whore. That was actually true and honest, that was
Speaker 3: real observation. But there is things that I made up.
Speaker 3: I told he told he told me that he didn't
Speaker 3: have a jaw line. And then after he told me,
Speaker 3: I told I was like, I don't think it's gonna work.
Speaker 3: She's like, why it's like his jaw line and she
Speaker 3: was like, what are you talking about. I was like,
Speaker 3: he mentioned it and I can't see it.
Speaker 1: And I'm true.
Speaker 3: I was like making up things and I was like, yeah,
Speaker 3: I don't know. I told you, and then I told
Speaker 3: my friends I think he's gay. I made up all
Speaker 3: types of things not to make Orlando up until like
Speaker 3: deeply into it, I was like, it's just not gonna work.
Speaker 3: And I realized, like I was making myself fine reasons
Speaker 3: not to be happy. So there's a fine line, but
Speaker 3: the guy line, but the nerd guy. You know, you
Speaker 3: absolutely know that that outfit is not gonna work for
Speaker 3: the rest of your life. There's just certain things that
Speaker 3: you you're gonna start resenting this person and you're in
Speaker 3: your body, you know. I was literally looking at this
Speaker 3: thing and be like, and maybe if I changed his clothes,
Speaker 3: he looks good in this outfit, So maybe if I
Speaker 3: get more outfits like this, Like, you can't be calculating
Speaker 3: shit like that, you know what I mean? So I
Speaker 3: do keep it real. And also, breaking news, just because
Speaker 3: he's a good guy does not mean he's your guy.
Speaker 3: A good nice guy doesn't That's not all you need.
Speaker 1: Breaking news.
Speaker 3: Not just because he doesn't beat you and he has
Speaker 3: a job and he's a good guy. That does not
Speaker 3: make him your husband. Does he make your pussy tingle,
Speaker 3: your body telling tancha, your body telling what it is?
Speaker 1: Yes, all those things and does he hit all the
Speaker 1: other things on the list, like is he those things
Speaker 1: on the list that are important to you? Is he
Speaker 1: is he? Can he provide safety or whatever?
Speaker 3: Safety and always and friendship?
Speaker 1: Friendship like do you guys do your family's mesh like
Speaker 1: if that's on the list for you? Where families are
Speaker 1: super important, like the actual a meshing of families. And
Speaker 1: he doesn't prioritize family, And that's something I realize for me,
Speaker 1: like is super important. I'm not interested in dating people
Speaker 1: that don't understand and prioritize their family because I do.
Speaker 1: And it's going to be annoying to me when your
Speaker 1: mom lives five miles away and you see her two
Speaker 1: times a year or like every other month when she's
Speaker 1: there and she's old, like that bothers me. So it's
Speaker 1: just and I feel like I know inevitably those things
Speaker 1: end up impacting how you are able to show up
Speaker 1: for me, And because that's important to me, maybe that
Speaker 1: could be great for somebody else. So I think it's
Speaker 1: about honoring like truly, truly your X and your hell
Speaker 1: yes is yes yes.
Speaker 3: If it's not a hell yeah, it's probably a nobly
Speaker 3: number five. This is very important. Some may disagree, but
Speaker 3: this is why you have to trust your trustworthy tribe.
Speaker 3: Trust your trustworthy tribe. Sometimes your friends, you know, your
Speaker 3: friends are going to tell you the truth because they
Speaker 3: know you and they love you, and they're not going
Speaker 3: to try and hurt you. And sometimes you gotta trust that.
Speaker 1: No, it's true. I think your friends are going to
Speaker 1: see things that you ki'd just can't see. Once you've
Speaker 1: been penetrated.
Speaker 3: Everybody knows.
Speaker 1: Everybody knows penetrated, you're fucked literally and figuratively, and your
Speaker 1: friends are unfucked, and so they will tell you the
Speaker 1: fucking truth.
Speaker 3: Penetration will make you blind, you know.
Speaker 1: And friends, if you're listening, tell them stop, like, don't
Speaker 1: don't wait too long, let her, you know, do her thing.
Speaker 1: But then inevitably you have to tell your friend the
Speaker 1: truth because like she won't know, she really won't see,
Speaker 1: and she may not even listen. And that's fine, but
Speaker 1: at least you tried. So trust your trusted tribe, and
Speaker 1: trust yourself and trust yourself most importantly.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So good luck with love, Good luck with love
Speaker 3: sign a fiance.
Speaker 1: Oh is it terrot time?
Speaker 6: My dear?
Speaker 3: I believe it is terot time. You guys, have you
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Speaker 1: Mom Crew neck. I don't like to call it merch.
Speaker 1: It's our fashion line that we design and it's very
Speaker 1: high quality. And if you want our website, you get
Speaker 1: a discount. We sign up for a newsletter. So make
Speaker 1: sure you check out goodmomspad Choices dot com. Go check
Speaker 1: out our online store and all our offerings on our website.
Speaker 3: Tack your heart, my love.
Speaker 2: See ooh, this is interesting.
Speaker 1: The Five of Pentacles looks like they're having a hard time.
Speaker 2: To check out this card.
Speaker 3: See what it looks like.
Speaker 2: It's a little destitute.
Speaker 3: It's very destitute. One of them has a broken foot.
Speaker 1: I know he's injured.
Speaker 3: Financial loss, poverty, lack mindset, isolation, worry. The five of
Speaker 3: Pentacles is a card of financial loss and poverty. Hit.
Speaker 3: You have hit hard times, especially when it comes to
Speaker 3: your work, career, finances, and material possessions. You may have
Speaker 3: recently lost your job, your home, or financial security. You
Speaker 3: no longer feel safe because it has been all stripped
Speaker 3: away from you. In one below. Your ego may also
Speaker 3: be bruised, especially since success often correlates to financial wealth.
Speaker 3: Losing either can be humbling blow to your self esteem
Speaker 3: and sense of self forth. The upside is that this
Speaker 3: is a minor arcana card and with temporary effects rather
Speaker 3: than a major ocana which have longer term impact. This too,
Speaker 3: shall pass. In this time of need, The fiber Pentacles
Speaker 3: indicates that you feel isolated and alone, just like the
Speaker 3: two people in the car. Do you feel as if
Speaker 3: you have been left in the cold. You may wonder
Speaker 3: why is no one coming to help me? It appears
Speaker 3: as if no one cares anymore. However, since the windows
Speaker 3: in the church are lit up, help us nearby? But
Speaker 3: you are too focused on your problems to notice. You
Speaker 3: may be waiting for someone to come and help you
Speaker 3: when you really need When you really you need to
Speaker 3: be proactive and ask for help. You need to swallow
Speaker 3: your pride or let go of your fear of rejection
Speaker 3: and reach out. People are here to support you, find
Speaker 3: them and let them know you need them. It can
Speaker 3: highlight a lack mindset. You are sabotaging your ability to
Speaker 3: create abundance because you only focus on lack.
Speaker 1: Okay, this card is for me because I've been battling
Speaker 1: this mindset for the last few weeks around financial stability
Speaker 1: for the rest of my life, and like I was
Speaker 1: talking to my mom about this yesterday, I was like,
Speaker 1: how the fuck do people take care of themselves forever
Speaker 1: in this world? Forever when you get old and you
Speaker 1: can't work anymore, Like are you do you just accept
Speaker 1: that you have your life and like you have your
Speaker 1: life downgrades in some capacity or is it not a downgrade,
Speaker 1: It's just an acceptance that none of this shit actually
Speaker 1: matters and it takes us that long to fucking realize
Speaker 1: it that, like I don't need all these fucking things,
Speaker 1: Or is it that I've just prepared really well, and yes,
Speaker 1: things will change slowly in adjustment to how much I
Speaker 1: acquire or do, but that's also because I'm aging and
Speaker 1: I don't require that much anymore. So I was thinking,
Speaker 1: just like I've been stressing about that, like that concept
Speaker 1: of like generational wealth saving money, just like knowing that
Speaker 1: everything shifts and changes and I have control, but I
Speaker 1: also don't have control in certain ways right now in
Speaker 1: my life. And what am I going to do about it?
Speaker 1: And like am I gonna rise to the occasion? I'm
Speaker 1: gonna fucking crumble? And just like how how you do it? All?
Speaker 1: So I know that those thoughts too, even when I'm
Speaker 1: having them, I know that they're they're not true, and
Speaker 1: I have to keep but I have to keep. I've
Speaker 1: been having to keep having that conversation with myself and
Speaker 1: pulling myself out of financial scarcity and realizing like and
Speaker 1: then and then I continue to get blessings that are
Speaker 1: reminding me that no, no, and I've gotten them actually
Speaker 1: throughout the last two weeks. While I've been having these
Speaker 1: really weird thoughts, God has also been blessing me and
Speaker 1: showing me that it's not true. So trying to hold
Speaker 1: on to those moments and really believing them to be
Speaker 1: true and knowing that it's not just a moment, because
Speaker 1: I think there's that too. It's like feeling like we
Speaker 1: all have our moment, especially in like this industry that
Speaker 1: we're in, like entertainment and podcasting, and but I know
Speaker 1: that what we do is even more so, is more
Speaker 1: than just that, and that it just keeps expanding. And yeah,
Speaker 1: so back hard is it's for me and I receive it.
Speaker 1: It's okay.
Speaker 3: It's scary. I mean it's scary to have the thought
Speaker 3: like I have to provide and care for myself from
Speaker 3: now until forever, and if you know, one thing goes wrong,
Speaker 3: what does that look like?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 3: Yeah, safety is big, and like constantly think and thinking
Speaker 3: about it when you think about over your lifetime and
Speaker 3: then you think about having a child, and it's just
Speaker 3: like it's such a grand uh, it's such a grand
Speaker 3: like not burden, but responsibility to just think of and
Speaker 3: that and I do it all the time, and I
Speaker 3: get fucking anxiety and then I want to just lay down.
Speaker 3: But it's just like having the knowing that you're always
Speaker 3: provided for and taking care of and that, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 3: like following the path is always going to bring you
Speaker 3: to where you need to be, and distrusting that, especially
Speaker 3: when our journey has already shown us that so much,
Speaker 3: you know, And yeah, like that's every there's going to
Speaker 3: be something presented every day that's scary and big. And
Speaker 3: this is the lifetime we've been granted and it is
Speaker 3: actually a very short time, and so why not like
Speaker 3: find joy in figuring out and just know that everything's
Speaker 3: going to be okay even if it looks different. And
Speaker 3: you know, we've been through hard things and you can
Speaker 3: get through hard things, and so ultimately there's no big
Speaker 3: anxiety to have to fear, to be scared of, but
Speaker 3: that everything is going as it should be.
Speaker 1: A well, y'all, this was fun. I love you. Thank
Speaker 1: you for joining us for another episode of Good Mom's
Speaker 1: Bad Choices. If you haven't had a chance, make sure
Speaker 1: you go rate and review this episode. Like Mila said,
Speaker 1: subscribe on YouTube, subscribe on all podcast platforms. Oh guess what,
Speaker 1: we just release dates for our next Costa Rica retreat
Speaker 1: and in the summertime, and you have time, bitches. So
Speaker 1: we're taking our Good Vibe Retreat to our annual location
Speaker 1: which we love so much on both the Yaho in July,
Speaker 1: end of July, July thirty first, Yeah, July thirty first
Speaker 1: through the fifth, and then August eighth, eighth through the eleven.
Speaker 1: No something, just look at the dates. It's an it's
Speaker 1: basically in August and yeah, if you're watching, if you're
Speaker 1: listening to this in February first, we're in Costa Rica.
Speaker 1: To go check out our stories like good Mom's Underscore
Speaker 1: Bad Choices and watch us living our best life and bikinis,
Speaker 1: and then you'll want to come in the summertime.
Speaker 3: You definitely, well, we'll be thriving.
Speaker 4: Go.
Speaker 3: Look, I can't wait to see my future self.
Speaker 1: Love you guys, Bye bye.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm living so good, can't you sell? I went
Speaker 4: through a drought, that's until I find a well made
Speaker 4: my have been known earth. I used to be broken tail,
Speaker 4: now got the blues dance and might beyon Say Jasell
Speaker 4: throat shot or pop in this power in our voices
Speaker 4: patriarch and kept it in the box.
Speaker 3: So it's floid. Women put the pi and powers.
Speaker 5: So what's the point do they want me to be good?
Speaker 4: So I made bad choices, not a bad mom but
Speaker 4: a Bad Mom bitters in put Cannabis Iner, bath Bomb,
Speaker 4: walk in Boss's cap and num b Lewis cat ball
Speaker 4: tip dog. Now I'm a mule to the cat call
Speaker 4: Herbie and no waste the straight to it like a
Speaker 4: dollar sign. Mother ren the number when So it's like
Speaker 4: a water summer where you're Rena wins recentual will win
Speaker 4: the summer time I do what all they know when
Speaker 4: I need.
Speaker 5: Some run by.
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