Speaker 1: What's up, guys. Welcome to The Granger Smith Podcast, Episode
Speaker 1: thirty five. Thank you for watching, Thank you for listening.
Speaker 1: I am grateful for this platform. I'm grateful to be
Speaker 1: able to sit in here in my office at the
Speaker 1: Ye Farm talk about my opinions, and I'm grateful that
Speaker 1: anyone actually likes to listen to it. This off started
Speaker 1: many episodes ago on my bus when we were on tour,
Speaker 1: in the back of my bus, talking about where I
Speaker 1: came from, how I got to hear, and it has
Speaker 1: turned into now a platform to be able to answer
Speaker 1: your questions, to be able to tell you what's going
Speaker 1: on with me and my family and the music or
Speaker 1: Yee apparel, and most importantly and my favorite thing, to
Speaker 1: be able to sit down with some of my friends
Speaker 1: and talk about their life. Today's a good one. This
Speaker 1: guy is one of the most fascinating people that I've
Speaker 1: ever met and as a very unique perspective on life,
Speaker 1: and rightly so, because he is one of the most
Speaker 1: deadliest snipers in American military history. With that, with that
Speaker 1: kind of title, being an army ranger and going through
Speaker 1: hell and back, essentially with that there comes a certain
Speaker 1: amount you either gain some knowledge and learn how to
Speaker 1: cope and learn how to see life through a different lens,
Speaker 1: or you don't make it out, and you're part of
Speaker 1: the devastating statistic of those men and women that actually
Speaker 1: take their own life. That is how serious war is,
Speaker 1: and that's how devastating it is to young men and women.
Speaker 1: Nick Irving is also a New York Times bestseller and
Speaker 1: an incredible storyteller, an incredible speaker, and I'm very excited
Speaker 1: to have him on this podcast. And I think you're
Speaker 1: gonna like it, y'all, stay tuned. Did in my time
Speaker 1: and so long line of fo hup and down, going back,
Speaker 1: crazy coolation. Everybody has a story, everybody's got history. Everyone
Speaker 1: has a set of events in their life that come
Speaker 1: together to create who they are as a person. And
Speaker 1: there's been a few times in my life when I
Speaker 1: have forgotten that. I forget it all the time. But
Speaker 1: I met you in the Holler music video. It was like, hey,
Speaker 1: you know Nick Irving. Yeah, yeah, yeah, man, yeah, ranger sniper,
Speaker 1: Yeah cool, You're a cool guy. We had fun that day,
Speaker 1: good party. And then I go read The Reaper and
Speaker 1: I learned your history and your story. Appreciate it and I.
Speaker 1: I mean, I remember sitting I was on tour and
Speaker 1: I was reading that and I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: this this is the god, this is Nick like, this
Speaker 1: is his story and it just it just reminds me
Speaker 1: that everyone's carrying around whatever it might be, and you have,
Speaker 1: you have an incredible story. You are You've you've seen
Speaker 1: things that that most people will never see, thank God hopefully. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Definitely and uh and it's an honor to have you
Speaker 1: on the podcast today. I appreciate it, man. That was
Speaker 1: a that was a deep intro. I appreciate it. Man.
Speaker 1: I feel regular, regular man. And that's why that's why
Speaker 1: you're such a cool guy, because you come off regular.
Speaker 1: That's that's how I hope people think of me, dude.
Speaker 1: I honestly, when after that video and when it came out, well,
Speaker 1: one of my son loves it and she was, you know, talking,
Speaker 1: He's like, that's the guy you're with. It's a real
Speaker 1: music video and he does real music. And I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: he's like I thought he was a regular guy. It's
Speaker 1: like me too, but yeah, it's I think it's it.
Speaker 1: It just goes to show like you never let things
Speaker 1: get too you know too much to your head. You
Speaker 1: know absolutely that such have you have to Yeah, I
Speaker 1: kind of read The Reaper twice because after I read it,
Speaker 1: then my bus driver Bull, who's in an army bat,
Speaker 1: I turned him onto it. So he started listening to
Speaker 1: the audiobook when you're driving. So in the mornings, I'd
Speaker 1: get up in the audiobook would be rolling wow, and
Speaker 1: then I would go sit up there with him during
Speaker 1: certain parts. And and so you've written for five books
Speaker 1: five now yep, Media Times bestseller, and working on like
Speaker 1: another autobiography but not for myself, and working on two
Speaker 1: autobiographies ghost writing. I love telling other people's stories man,
Speaker 1: And like the war part is cool, but I think
Speaker 1: the you know, the triumphs that people have to go
Speaker 1: over and the different you know, I'm writing one guy's
Speaker 1: autobiography and he's a It came from Mexico, he crossed
Speaker 1: the border it illegally, joined the army, suffered like eighty
Speaker 1: percent burns to his body on his first deployment, felt
Speaker 1: like killing him himself multiple times, wounded, missing legs and
Speaker 1: stuff like that. But stories like that, man, that fight,
Speaker 1: the drive to continue is what inspires me. You know,
Speaker 1: I look at those guys and you know, I had
Speaker 1: my time of wanting to give up man, more times
Speaker 1: than I can count. You know, I'm not sure how
Speaker 1: it is for you for music, but like, have you
Speaker 1: ever wanted to say, Man, I I can't anymore? You know,
Speaker 1: if you ever felt like that. It's the what makes
Speaker 1: people drive. Man, It's the story I like to tell.
Speaker 1: I even like to hear. You learn a lot from it.
Speaker 1: You know. There's a big difference between me and music business.
Speaker 1: And I have had that many times. I just thought,
Speaker 1: this is the end, this is road of music. I'm done.
Speaker 1: But it's different. You're kind of story. So that's actually
Speaker 1: happened to you. Uh on the day, the day for
Speaker 1: you and a day you'll never forget. Oh yeah, and
Speaker 1: that day you talk about in the book that you
Speaker 1: actually you had, you came, you came to a crossroads
Speaker 1: where there was actually a decision of do I take
Speaker 1: my own life not necessarily not in a selfish way
Speaker 1: at all, or not not in in a scared way,
Speaker 1: but more in a conserve conserving the intelligence. Yeah, this
Speaker 1: is all we have left? Man. Yeah, that was a
Speaker 1: that was a scary day, and I you know, I
Speaker 1: found myself. I think about it every day, but it's
Speaker 1: like an unconscious effort, unconscious effort to do it, you know,
Speaker 1: it just kind of pops up out of nowhere. And
Speaker 1: I think about, you know, that day, Me and my
Speaker 1: wife were having a conversation about it, like a week ago.
Speaker 1: And I don't talk about the army stuff anymore, which
Speaker 1: is like weird. But I think about it, dream about it,
Speaker 1: you know, dream about every every once in a while,
Speaker 1: and it's just, uh, like that guy at that age. Man,
Speaker 1: it's I'm not sure how I you know, survived or
Speaker 1: you know, uh that that mindset you have to be
Speaker 1: in I've been, I don't know. It was. It was
Speaker 1: a weird place to be man, being overrun and and
Speaker 1: you know, surrounded, and you know, we called in for
Speaker 1: air support. They were like, you know, not dropping any
Speaker 1: air support. Uh, no reinforcements. And the last option was,
Speaker 1: you know, take a grenade, pull the pin and hug it.
Speaker 1: That was a day I'll never forget. But it's one
Speaker 1: of those days where I look back at that guy
Speaker 1: and I'm impressed by that guy. You know, it's almost
Speaker 1: like I it's a different person. It's it's such a
Speaker 1: different person that I admire that guy but I'm so.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's older now or or what
Speaker 1: it is, man, But like that guy is, it's I
Speaker 1: wouldn't do it. I don't know if I would do
Speaker 1: it again. I'm smarter and I know things hurt now.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm scared to ride a bike because of
Speaker 1: the fear of not a bike. But let's say a skateboard.
Speaker 1: I won't try that right now because my bones don't
Speaker 1: recover the way they used to if I fall, you know,
Speaker 1: but it's probably the natural progression of getting older. And
Speaker 1: you're not as crazy as you were. You know, Yeah
Speaker 1: that was crazy, but still still your story of crazy,
Speaker 1: your level of crazy is higher than anyone else. You
Speaker 1: dream about? It is that? What do you dream about?
Speaker 1: It starts off as a normal dream. For example, Oh,
Speaker 1: I was in this one dream last night. Oh that's
Speaker 1: another one I was. I met Prince in one dream.
Speaker 1: And I don't even think about Prince, you know, but
Speaker 1: I went to sleep and in this dream I was
Speaker 1: in this Uh it must have been a small dark
Speaker 1: club and all the smoke filled room and stuff like that,
Speaker 1: very small secluded club, and this guy walks in and
Speaker 1: everyone's like, oh my gosh, it's it's somebody and everyone's
Speaker 1: fighting to go see him, and I look and it's Prince.
Speaker 1: But he's short, like Prince is. But the closer I
Speaker 1: got to him, the taller he got, you know, And
Speaker 1: he became like eight feet tall, and I was like, well,
Speaker 1: I know this is a dream because Prince is not
Speaker 1: that tall. And then it turned into like being in
Speaker 1: combat again. It's every dream is like that. Eighty percent
Speaker 1: of my dreams. It starts off normal and I wake
Speaker 1: up and I'm like, you know, I tell Jessin, like, hey,
Speaker 1: I just killed like forty people in this dream, and
Speaker 1: it started off this way, and I don't know why
Speaker 1: it comes out that way. In combat, I dreamed about
Speaker 1: high school and bullies and stuff like that when I
Speaker 1: was in combat. But when I got out of combat,
Speaker 1: I think I dreamt more about combat opposed to, you know,
Speaker 1: the life that I'm living now. It's more about just
Speaker 1: weird things I think that I try to suppress for
Speaker 1: so long. It's finally getting a chance to to, you know,
Speaker 1: to rise itself in a way that you know, I
Speaker 1: think it's healthy at this point in time. It doesn't
Speaker 1: bother me. I don't lose sleep or anything. It's comical
Speaker 1: at this point. You know, I expect it, but it's
Speaker 1: it's a weird, weird transition from I guess the different
Speaker 1: state of mindsets and you know, watching those old videos
Speaker 1: growing up from the guys in Vietnam, and dude, I
Speaker 1: used to question, like, why are these guys crying? You know,
Speaker 1: they're eighty years old, are seventy years old, and this
Speaker 1: happened back when they were in their twenties. And I
Speaker 1: fall back on that saying like, bewhere what you wish for?
Speaker 1: You know? Right? And I definitely I see the connection
Speaker 1: that in my mind, I always see it as if
Speaker 1: it happened maybe two weeks ago. Everything that I've even
Speaker 1: that mission, it feels for me when I think about it,
Speaker 1: I can see it and it feels like it maybe
Speaker 1: two three weeks ago. But I know what happened in
Speaker 1: two thousand and nine, But the time doesn't. It just
Speaker 1: doesn't add up. And it still is fresh. I can
Speaker 1: still hear the bullet pops, I can still taste, you know,
Speaker 1: the blood that was in the stream. I still taste
Speaker 1: all that and smell the everything, the fear. You know,
Speaker 1: you guys got to read the Reaper to kind of
Speaker 1: fill in the blanks this You've talked about it on
Speaker 1: many other UH media sources, and so we don't have
Speaker 1: to go back to that day. But but but you should,
Speaker 1: you guys should read this book to fill in the blanks.
Speaker 1: So you're one of the the deadliest snipers in American history, right,
Speaker 1: And the takeaway from that is how you're so cool
Speaker 1: and normal normal? That's what? Yeah? Right, And maybe maybe
Speaker 1: you'll you hear me say that, and you think you
Speaker 1: have no idea, No, I honestly I think bro to
Speaker 1: be honest, man, I was so scared of letting that
Speaker 1: part of me go, right, you know. I used to
Speaker 1: drink a lot and I would call home and did
Speaker 1: I went through this really really depressed state. And depression
Speaker 1: runs in my family, like my mom she suffers really
Speaker 1: really bad from it. And dude, I remember visiting you know,
Speaker 1: her in hospitals, you know, from being just really really
Speaker 1: depressed state. And there's a few times that you know,
Speaker 1: we thought we were not going to have a mom,
Speaker 1: you know, and it's a it's a long lineage in
Speaker 1: my family. But I found it. I was so scared
Speaker 1: of of giving that that guy away that the reaper away,
Speaker 1: are losing an edge of something. You know. I was
Speaker 1: so so scared of it that I held on to it,
Speaker 1: held on to it, and it became like unhealthy, and
Speaker 1: I became more depressed. I started getting depressed of losing
Speaker 1: that guy, becoming you know, in this really dark spot
Speaker 1: of I don't want to lose this guy, I or
Speaker 1: don't want to lose this guy. And I had a
Speaker 1: hard time finding out who I used to be. You know,
Speaker 1: I look at the old pictures of me growing up,
Speaker 1: and I had this childhood dream of wanting to be
Speaker 1: a sniper, and I look at those old pictures and
Speaker 1: it's just not the same. I don't, I don't. I did.
Speaker 1: For a long time, I did not remember that guy,
Speaker 1: you know, the smiles, the my parents will tell me,
Speaker 1: you know, I was this child and you know, happy stuff.
Speaker 1: But I just I don't know. I didn't want it,
Speaker 1: or I pushed it away for so long, and eventually
Speaker 1: it became unhealthy, and you know it kind of uh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: just got way too unhealthy for me. Man, And all
Speaker 1: hear vets that go and get motorcycles and yes, sir, go,
Speaker 1: crazy dude, I had when I had a Harley, and
Speaker 1: I was a uh, not a good person to look
Speaker 1: up to for bike riding at that time. I was
Speaker 1: doing a lot of dumb stuff. Man, it was for
Speaker 1: the rush, you know, I didn't want to give that
Speaker 1: you here, Oh yeah, and you know, finally getting reconnected
Speaker 1: back with that person taking a long look in the mirror.
Speaker 1: You know I'd never done that, you know, dude, I hadn't.
Speaker 1: I don't know if this is going to sound weird,
Speaker 1: but have you ever looked in the mirror, like at
Speaker 1: yourself for a while and notice how uncomfortable it is
Speaker 1: over time? If anyone has, if you should give it
Speaker 1: a shot to dedicate ten minutes and stare at yourself
Speaker 1: in the mirror and find out how awkward it is.
Speaker 1: It awkward it can be. And I wondered why, you know,
Speaker 1: I kind of wanted to get weird on this podcast.
Speaker 1: You're already doing it for me. I'm sorry. I know
Speaker 1: you can go there. Oh yeah, and that's what I
Speaker 1: eventually want to talk about with you. But okay, so
Speaker 1: so you stared yourself in the mirrorge in ten minutes.
Speaker 1: It's a meditation, it is. That's why I started meditating,
Speaker 1: And dude, I saw like all the like the no smiling.
Speaker 1: It just it made me feel different, you know, like, wow,
Speaker 1: this is what people see are this is what I think.
Speaker 1: You're a projection of what's on the inside. You know,
Speaker 1: So whatever is going on on the inside, people see it.
Speaker 1: It shows itself in its expressions. You age, and all
Speaker 1: these different things that are scientifically proven from being in
Speaker 1: a negative state, even frowning, you know, the muscles that
Speaker 1: it takes to do that opposed to smiling. So I
Speaker 1: started to change that person my changing the image on
Speaker 1: the outside, even if it was forcing it. In the military,
Speaker 1: we had this thing called AM and FM. Like you're
Speaker 1: a radio, you're a tuner, and AM is actual motivation
Speaker 1: and sometimes a lot of the times we have to
Speaker 1: turn to the FM station, which is false motivation, you know,
Speaker 1: So we would I would do that and fake this character.
Speaker 1: You know, I had built this character to be in
Speaker 1: the Army of the Reaper, and I wanted to build
Speaker 1: another character, which is a happier person. So I started
Speaker 1: to mold that person from the outside first and then
Speaker 1: find out, you know, why is that person the way
Speaker 1: it is? By no meditating it did it work? Work? Heck? Yeah, man,
Speaker 1: you fool your mind. I think you fool your mind
Speaker 1: by forcing it to do something even when it doesn't
Speaker 1: want to. So even in a bad situation, you begin
Speaker 1: to force yourself to find the positive and everything you know,
Speaker 1: So it's that false motivation of building that synapsis in
Speaker 1: your brain to always find something. Okay, damn man, you've
Speaker 1: have a you. I would say the word you have
Speaker 1: a gift. You wouldn't probably look at it as a gift,
Speaker 1: but you know, taken taken back to that moment on
Speaker 1: the day when you thought, all right, I'm probably gonna
Speaker 1: have to take my own life to save what's left
Speaker 1: of this mission. You've already lost buddies. Oh yeah, good men,
Speaker 1: you've seen everything go to hell. Yeah, that you hoped
Speaker 1: you would never see you thought you probably thought you
Speaker 1: might one day. Yeah, she hoped that you wouldn't. So
Speaker 1: you reached this point where you're like, all right, I
Speaker 1: think i'm gonna I'm gonna have to taking my own
Speaker 1: life is probably a good option. So then how long
Speaker 1: is that period between that thought and I think I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be all right? Oh, when the mission was over,
Speaker 1: when I got back home, When I got home, Well,
Speaker 1: I take that back I went to well. After that mission,
Speaker 1: I debated on standing up at one point during the
Speaker 1: ambush and like get shot or wound myself to get
Speaker 1: home early or something. But after that mission is when
Speaker 1: I went to the back of where we lived at
Speaker 1: and I grabbed a satellite phone that one of these
Speaker 1: FBI guys had, and I called my dad and I
Speaker 1: just cried for like, you know, a few minutes. I
Speaker 1: waited for an F sixteen jet to rev up its
Speaker 1: after burnner to take off, and I use that as
Speaker 1: a mask to cry. I didn't want anybody to hear me,
Speaker 1: and I cried for for a little while and he
Speaker 1: didn't say anything. He just I guess he already knew
Speaker 1: that obviously something wasn't right, But yeah, he just let
Speaker 1: me cry. And then I cried again. When I got home,
Speaker 1: I told my wife I was going to the gas
Speaker 1: station and I had these tinted windows on this Mercury
Speaker 1: Grandmarquies Yah. Trip to the car and set in the
Speaker 1: parking lot of the apartment complex and cried for a while,
Speaker 1: like another ten to fifteen minutes. You talk about hiding it,
Speaker 1: but in the reality is no one would blame you
Speaker 1: for meal. Yeah, dude, I was in It was one
Speaker 1: of those things. It was a sign of weakness for me,
Speaker 1: like I didn't want anyone to see me cry or
Speaker 1: or show emotion. It was I think that was the
Speaker 1: hardest toll, or one of the biggest tolls that you know,
Speaker 1: took it. You know, played a big part of who
Speaker 1: I became after that was holding a lot of stuff
Speaker 1: on the inside, you know, and being scared to say
Speaker 1: what was going on, and not being you know, not
Speaker 1: wanting to be seen. My childhood was not weird, but
Speaker 1: it was that very tough childhood. You know. Anytime I
Speaker 1: ever got hurt, it was my dad would tell me
Speaker 1: take the pain and throw it away. There was no crying,
Speaker 1: not allowed to get hurt. So I just grew up
Speaker 1: that being a man was you know, just never cried,
Speaker 1: never show emotion. Yeah I get that. Oh yeah. So
Speaker 1: there's a time in a place for it though. It
Speaker 1: went absolutely oh yeah. So it went all the way
Speaker 1: to the end of the mission. From the thought of
Speaker 1: maybe I should take my own life to save what's
Speaker 1: left of this, that went all the way to the
Speaker 1: end of the mission. Oh yeah, hours later. So the
Speaker 1: first time you actually slept in a safe bed. That
Speaker 1: was it. Yep, So laying in that bed, was there
Speaker 1: any feeling of gratefulness or was it all clouded by cloudy? Dude,
Speaker 1: I'm glad you brought that up. It was such a
Speaker 1: cloudy experience, Like after getting back. It was it was quiet,
Speaker 1: you know. I remember the first time I closed my eyes.
Speaker 1: We were we had some detainees, some prisoners, and a
Speaker 1: prisoner was sitting next to me, and I closed my
Speaker 1: eyes and I heard this loud crack go past my ear,
Speaker 1: like a bullet. And I woke up and I looked
Speaker 1: at round and no one flinched, no one moved, and
Speaker 1: that sound was inside my head. And I was just
Speaker 1: so used to hearing snap snap. And when it was
Speaker 1: quiet time, it was just I took a shower. I
Speaker 1: was forced to take a shower. I didn't know how
Speaker 1: bad I smelt after five days and you know, but
Speaker 1: forced to take a shower and lay down in bed,
Speaker 1: and it was just a it was quiet, man, it
Speaker 1: was quiet. I think I watched Taken two after that,
Speaker 1: or no, I watched Hancock. Yeah, Will Smith, yeah, a
Speaker 1: little bit, a little bit. Yeah. It's like a chicken
Speaker 1: noodle soup for the exactly. Yep. I'll do that with
Speaker 1: the Office. If I'm going through a rough time. I
Speaker 1: watched The Office and it's you know, soul food for
Speaker 1: the brain after scary movies. Man, you have to watch
Speaker 1: turn on all the lights after a scary movie. That's
Speaker 1: what I do, and watch like Home Alone or something,
Speaker 1: you know. Yep. So now now it's been eleven years, right,
Speaker 1: something like that, ten years, is there now a feeling
Speaker 1: of I'm glad I made it. Yeah, you got a
Speaker 1: little boy out here, he's right out here in the lobby,
Speaker 1: beautiful wife, beautiful little boy years old. Is there now
Speaker 1: a feeling of maybe maybe there is a sliver of
Speaker 1: goodness that I was supposed to make it out of there? Yeah? Man,
Speaker 1: I think that was the big wake up call, like
Speaker 1: not even creating life, you know, shout out to women. Man,
Speaker 1: that's crazy, you know. But I'm like, I think having
Speaker 1: a family and and and just there is goodness, you know,
Speaker 1: and you see it in every child, any baby, any
Speaker 1: any kid. Man, They're all perfect. You know, there's nothing
Speaker 1: wrong about them. And like we were all that way
Speaker 1: at some point in time. You know. It's just the
Speaker 1: things that happen in life make the world seem to
Speaker 1: be grim and dark, and people are you know, crazy
Speaker 1: at times, but we all come from that same seed.
Speaker 1: And I think that getting a chance to experience that
Speaker 1: and see it with my own eyes and be a
Speaker 1: part of that creation of something that is pure great goodness,
Speaker 1: it's it put a big twist on things, man. It
Speaker 1: took away the bad stuff that I saw and gave
Speaker 1: a little bit of a spark. Like you know, that's
Speaker 1: all that matters now of is that thing, whatever it is,
Speaker 1: to keep it good. I want to keep it good.
Speaker 1: You know. If he can be a good person throughout
Speaker 1: this whole duration or this journey of life, man, then
Speaker 1: you know he'll be a blessing to somebody and it's
Speaker 1: a good thing, you know. I see it that way. Man.
Speaker 1: I've said on this podcast before that so much of
Speaker 1: life is suffering. Like humans are here and we suffer.
Speaker 1: That's what we do best. The only way you can't
Speaker 1: get rid of the suffering. You can't. There's nothing you
Speaker 1: could do. It's coming, yep. But you could offset it
Speaker 1: with meaning. And that's exactly what you're doing. You're offsetting
Speaker 1: the suffering that you've had and that you will continue
Speaker 1: to have. Through meaning, and through meaning means responsibility, your wife,
Speaker 1: your little boy, raising him up the best that you
Speaker 1: know how you have to. And that offsets it doesn't erase,
Speaker 1: It doesn't erase the suffering, but it it ameliates it
Speaker 1: enough to tolerate it. Yep, yep, yep that I we mean,
Speaker 1: you haven't spoken in person. It's been three hundred and
Speaker 1: sixty six days. Did you know that? No, three hundred
Speaker 1: and sixty six days. I know that because wow, because
Speaker 1: it was June fourth. We got together and there was
Speaker 1: a leap yer this year. I didn't account for that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but we got together on a podcast with the Code
Speaker 1: of Minor and that was on June fourth, and it
Speaker 1: was here at the Yue Farm, and we talked about,
Speaker 1: ironically in that podcast, is there a day in your
Speaker 1: life that defined you? We kind of went around the
Speaker 1: circle and then that night became mine. I'm and you
Speaker 1: know what, like, I don't I'm not a big I
Speaker 1: don't cry a lot, you know, But that day and
Speaker 1: when I found out, dude, it's I did, and I
Speaker 1: texted you and stuff like that, it was it was
Speaker 1: hard to I couldn't imagine. Yeah, damn, dude, it's really
Speaker 1: weird that that's the last time we talked, and we
Speaker 1: talked about what day to find you. I didn't know
Speaker 1: that just a few hours I would be in my
Speaker 1: hell with with losing my little boy and who's now
Speaker 1: the same age as yours. And and I think, I
Speaker 1: do believe that everything happens for a reason. Uh. As
Speaker 1: far as us being together that day, it was it
Speaker 1: was a special thing. And and I respect you as
Speaker 1: a person, and and I respect the way that you
Speaker 1: have offset your suffering through meaning and that that you
Speaker 1: could even sit here and uh and be positive at all.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, dude, you're the inspiration man, like you know, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I have d I have a boy, you know, So
Speaker 1: it's a yeah, dude, I can yeah tell me. I
Speaker 1: know that I know that you have some things that
Speaker 1: you do to clear your mind. Yep, yep, you have to.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's the nation's deadly. As a sniper, you
Speaker 1: don't just live a normal life and go through nine
Speaker 1: to five. You have to have a ritual component to
Speaker 1: your life where you go, Man, I have to do
Speaker 1: this to recharge my brain. Yeah. I do a lot
Speaker 1: of meditation, man, And that's one thing I picked up.
Speaker 1: I want to say, three years ago, with the birth
Speaker 1: of my son, I picked up meditation and like really
Speaker 1: got I grew up wanting to know meditation. This guy
Speaker 1: named Michael White from middle school when dragon ball z
Speaker 1: was a thing and chi energy and all these chakra stuff,
Speaker 1: so he introduced me to it. And as a kid,
Speaker 1: I've always wanted to learn how to meditate or or
Speaker 1: how to meditate and tried it as a kid and
Speaker 1: I didn't get the concept of it. I just thought
Speaker 1: you closed your eyes and it was boring. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I got really serious about it three years ago, and
Speaker 1: I changed my life, man, big time. Of It's the
Speaker 1: only time I get a chance to be quiet and
Speaker 1: question myself, get a chance to see myself from not
Speaker 1: only the inside, but how other people view me or
Speaker 1: what other people see what you know, it's it's a
Speaker 1: it's a it's been a really good game changer. Man.
Speaker 1: I've becomes it's weird, but I've become like way more
Speaker 1: connected with like the earth, man, you know, way more
Speaker 1: connected with the earth and seeing like the uh beauty
Speaker 1: and a lot of you know, a lot of things
Speaker 1: and nature and the similarities between nature and mankind and
Speaker 1: even with but this whole pandemic thing or whatever you
Speaker 1: want to call it. It's when everybody went inside mother
Speaker 1: nature became happy, It got really happy, and it made
Speaker 1: me think that, you know, we don't even our time
Speaker 1: here is so short, and it's all going to end
Speaker 1: one day and when it, when it does, the earth
Speaker 1: and everything else is going to continue to move on
Speaker 1: just as happy, just as happy. So it's like we're
Speaker 1: already on this short linears you know, scale of time,
Speaker 1: and to think that, you know, we're so important that
Speaker 1: our negativity could you know, influence or we want to
Speaker 1: perpetuate this negativity is so much that it's going to
Speaker 1: have an impact on the earth, man are, on mankind.
Speaker 1: It's it's kind of not even just selfish. It's just
Speaker 1: a dumb move to thing. It's just a dumb metality itself. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: I want to I'm gonna take a quick break and
Speaker 1: then and then I want to I want to actually
Speaker 1: talk specific on what how you meditate because maybe someone's
Speaker 1: out there thinking, yeah, how does this do do it?
Speaker 1: I want to try it. Yeah, we'll be back taking
Speaker 1: a quick break. I hope you like the podcast. I
Speaker 1: hope you're enjoying Nick Irving telling his stories, his perspective
Speaker 1: on life, and I want to tell you guys what
Speaker 1: we break that This Friday, June the twelfth, we are
Speaker 1: having Yeee Apparel's big summer launch. We have all kinds
Speaker 1: of new apparel. It's gonna happen at ten am and
Speaker 1: typically these have sold out pretty quick, So you're gonna
Speaker 1: want to go to yee dot com or yeee apparel
Speaker 1: dot com and get there early and make sure you
Speaker 1: set your alarms in your phone. Say Friday, Hey, Hey, Siri, Friday,
Speaker 1: remind me on Friday that it's the yee Apparel of
Speaker 1: Summer launch, so that you can get it right in
Speaker 1: there at ten am and have access to the store
Speaker 1: and pick whatever you want because it's it's it's tough
Speaker 1: to see people that are that are you know, die
Speaker 1: hard ye Nation and they go in there and they
Speaker 1: find their favorite shirt and then they click large and
Speaker 1: it says sold out. I don't want that to happen
Speaker 1: to you. I am going to say right now on
Speaker 1: this podcast. This particular hat, this is the the multi
Speaker 1: multi wildlife hat. We'll call it that. I don't know
Speaker 1: what they're calling it, but it's one of my favorite
Speaker 1: hats to wear, and I'm gonna give this away on
Speaker 1: this podcast. Comment below, Sniper, Comment below, Sniper and I
Speaker 1: will sign it. Nick will sign it, and we will
Speaker 1: contact you, pick a random winner and mail it out.
Speaker 1: Love you guys, more back. So do you meditate every day?
Speaker 1: Every day? Okay, every day every day? How long it fluctuates?
Speaker 1: The minimum thirty minutes. The longest I've done was two hours,
Speaker 1: and that was like on a bad day, not a
Speaker 1: bad day. It was just a lot of stuff going
Speaker 1: on and I just wanted to take that time. But basically,
Speaker 1: how I do it, it's finding a nice room that
Speaker 1: I'm comfortable in. Usually it's dark for me. I like
Speaker 1: it dark. Set me up. What's the room in your
Speaker 1: house that you do this? It's got to be completely bare,
Speaker 1: And so I read a lot of like weird books,
Speaker 1: weird books, you know, Christian books, the Bible, front to
Speaker 1: witchcraft and occultism. But not necessarily, I, you know, associate myself.
Speaker 1: I dislike knowledge and I like to understand maybe the
Speaker 1: spirit a little bit more in depth. But my room
Speaker 1: is completely bare, white walls, carpet. So you have a
Speaker 1: room just for this, all right, just for it. I
Speaker 1: don't think you need one. You can find a closet
Speaker 1: or even just a room you're comfortable in. For me,
Speaker 1: I sit down in an Indian style and begin a
Speaker 1: breathing process. I don't close my eyes all the way.
Speaker 1: I kind of just look normal, and I breathe really deep,
Speaker 1: and I hold it and I breathe out three seconds,
Speaker 1: three seconds, and I keep that pattern up. And from
Speaker 1: that I start to really how little we do breathe,
Speaker 1: you know, how many, how little we do breathe, and
Speaker 1: the few deep breaths that we take in throughout the day,
Speaker 1: and oxygen supplies everything to the brain, all the blood
Speaker 1: to the brain, and you start to realize how more
Speaker 1: or how better you feel just by breathing deeply and
Speaker 1: holding it. And I work different parts of my direphragm
Speaker 1: to help me breathe. A lot of people breathe breathe
Speaker 1: from their chest area and change that and try to
Speaker 1: breathe from your lower dire frame area. I repeat that
Speaker 1: process until I feel comfortable. I would say ten minutes maybe,
Speaker 1: And that's when my eyes begin to close and I
Speaker 1: feel I relax everything in my body. So I consciously
Speaker 1: make the decision to relax the very top part of
Speaker 1: my head, the very crown part, and I relax my
Speaker 1: forehead and take time relaxing each individual group from the
Speaker 1: top of your head to your eyebrows, to your neck,
Speaker 1: all the way down to your toes, law breathing and
Speaker 1: relaxing everyone consciously. Everyone must group consciously, and then closing
Speaker 1: my eyes all the way. And that's when I focus
Speaker 1: on these small points in your body that are called
Speaker 1: you know, chakras, and there's seven of them, so there's
Speaker 1: one at the very base of chakras. If anyone looks
Speaker 1: it up, it's a very simple to understand. I think
Speaker 1: it's pretty you know, interesting to understand, like these energy
Speaker 1: sources throughout your body. I practice basically opening my chakras
Speaker 1: and I practice another form of meditation where you rise
Speaker 1: the Kundalini energy. It's this serpent serpent of energy that
Speaker 1: ryan goes through your spinal cord all the way to
Speaker 1: the crown of your head and yeah, all the way
Speaker 1: to if you believe in your third eye and all
Speaker 1: this stuff. But yeah, I practice those methods and your chakras.
Speaker 1: If you want to do the very simple version of
Speaker 1: that is, you know, there's seven different points in your
Speaker 1: body and you focus on each point and for me,
Speaker 1: I open each one. They look like a flower pedals.
Speaker 1: Imagine lotus flowers. Each one of them has their own
Speaker 1: specific color. And you open one up and then you
Speaker 1: let this light like the sun. You imagine all this
Speaker 1: in your head and you open each one, focusing on
Speaker 1: each point inside your body until you get to the
Speaker 1: very top of it. And it works. Man, it calms
Speaker 1: you down. And a lot of people when I first started,
Speaker 1: you have a lot of thoughts to go on your head, like, well,
Speaker 1: I can't concentrate on just one particular thing. Let those
Speaker 1: thoughts come into your head, acknowledge them, and then let
Speaker 1: them go. So if I think about do that, I
Speaker 1: can be meditating and go off into a thought of
Speaker 1: an eighteen wheeler truck, and I'll watch it and then
Speaker 1: I'll let it go. And I'm observant of every thought
Speaker 1: that goes into my head, just being observant, and meditation
Speaker 1: is all about observing, just observing everything, the thoughts in
Speaker 1: your head, the thoughts on the inside, including daydreams. Right everything,
Speaker 1: start daydreaming, you realize you're daydreaming. You realize now it's
Speaker 1: gone exactly Think about Okay, well that was it and
Speaker 1: let it go. And that the stress is in your
Speaker 1: life's team. You know, they'll pop up and things you're
Speaker 1: mad at. You know, I don't allow myself to get angry.
Speaker 1: I don't dwell on them. I just observe them and
Speaker 1: then move on to the the exercise. But until the
Speaker 1: exercise is eventually you'll get to the point where you
Speaker 1: can do it all the way through. Yeah, man, you
Speaker 1: guys think I think it's sometimes like a kicker in
Speaker 1: the NFL and it's in the super Bowl and he's
Speaker 1: got to make this. He's got to make this field goal.
Speaker 1: He's got to connect this kick through the uprights to
Speaker 1: win the game. And not only for his for his guys,
Speaker 1: I'm sure it's his teammates are number one, but for
Speaker 1: all the fans. I'm missing that one. So what can
Speaker 1: you imagine? Not you the people listening that feeling times
Speaker 1: a million finger on the trigger. Yeah, yeah, you're right there,
Speaker 1: You're in battle. You got to make this shot. Are
Speaker 1: your buddy is going to die? I'm scared all the time.
Speaker 1: Either has never been a time where I've not been scared,
Speaker 1: nervous or underrested. Made him underestimated myself in combat. So
Speaker 1: tell me that that that feeling, that that level of
Speaker 1: anxiety doesn't throw you into searching for some kind of
Speaker 1: meaning in some kind of meditation, in some way. I mean,
Speaker 1: I can't imagine, dude, it's because you didn't do that
Speaker 1: before the war. No, No, you're probably just the regularly
Speaker 1: regular guy, class clown, bad grades. Oh yeah, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: a dude, it's I don't know. I think we all
Speaker 1: have weird gifts and talents are even if you want
Speaker 1: to call them talents. You know, I think what you
Speaker 1: do is art. You know, I went to uh, I
Speaker 1: went to college when I was in middle school. I
Speaker 1: got selected to go to a college program or take
Speaker 1: a semester for art. And I'm big into art. I
Speaker 1: love painting and drawing and stuff like that. But I
Speaker 1: look at your what you do, your you know, uh,
Speaker 1: your ear for music, your you know, intellect within it.
Speaker 1: It's it's an art form and it's a gift. Not
Speaker 1: everybody has that and to be able to what I
Speaker 1: think are When I think about music, I think about
Speaker 1: let's say, your soul, right, that invisible thing that you
Speaker 1: can put on a stringed instrument are an instrument are
Speaker 1: your vocal tunes. I can't sing. I can strum around
Speaker 1: on a guitar, but I'm not able to project what
Speaker 1: I feel an emotion to a massive crowd. You know,
Speaker 1: that's like I'm not trying to get too religious, but
Speaker 1: I'm saying it's like when Yeshua Jesus the Great Teacher
Speaker 1: fed you know, thousands of people with very small things.
Speaker 1: You know, it's the same. It's that concept that work. Bro,
Speaker 1: I think it's not the same. But you affect people
Speaker 1: and you change lives. I think if you can do
Speaker 1: that for me as a storyteller, right, you can change
Speaker 1: people's lives by telling a story. But to play music,
Speaker 1: I look at it as if, H do you play
Speaker 1: guitar by the way you enjoy it? I enjoy it,
Speaker 1: but I can't. I can't do what you do where
Speaker 1: I can. I can play, but it's not that emotion.
Speaker 1: And I'm learning how to play. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1: You have a gift and a talent to play, and
Speaker 1: you feed people's souls with your gift. You know, you
Speaker 1: change people's lives. You may take someone through a hard time. Dude.
Speaker 1: Music for me growing up was you know I could
Speaker 1: have a song that related to you know, when I
Speaker 1: felt that I was getting bullied in school. You know,
Speaker 1: I can go back to that song. It changed my life,
Speaker 1: made me feel a little bit more powerful or whatnot.
Speaker 1: Even in combat, it has a spirit to it and
Speaker 1: it changes lives. Listen to death metal and all these
Speaker 1: you know, hardcore songs to get us ready to go
Speaker 1: into combat. So music in itself, I think has a
Speaker 1: portion of something in it that feeds the soul one
Speaker 1: hundred percent has to It's vibrations, raw made of vibrations.
Speaker 1: So well, let's take away the combat. Let's take away
Speaker 1: all your sniper kills, ranger school, let's take away all that.
Speaker 1: Now you're just a black man in America. Where are
Speaker 1: we at today? Sad? Man? I do I think it's sad?
Speaker 1: You know, I was talking to three days ago. I
Speaker 1: was talking to a writer, a book writer, older guy,
Speaker 1: and he grew up around the you know, segregation and
Speaker 1: racism back in America, and my parents did as well.
Speaker 1: My parents, my dad went to a fully segregated school
Speaker 1: and when it all happened, but he told me that
Speaker 1: it's it's worse now. He's still around. Yeah, he is,
Speaker 1: he is, and you know, they both, you know, it
Speaker 1: came to that conclusion that it's worse now, and I
Speaker 1: think that it's because of maybe it was never fully demolished.
Speaker 1: Our are out of certain parts of culture. And I
Speaker 1: can't blame anyone for that, or anyone can I think
Speaker 1: that to think that everybody here on this planet and
Speaker 1: there's a good and an evil that everybody's going to
Speaker 1: choose good, everybody can't choose good. If it were that way,
Speaker 1: then you know, heaven on Earth. But being that it's
Speaker 1: not at that point yet, there are going to be
Speaker 1: bad people with bad intentions and bad morals and bad
Speaker 1: ways of thinking. And I think that, you know, you
Speaker 1: can't necessarily have everyone like you, you know, but the
Speaker 1: common acceptance of the fact that maybe we're just a person.
Speaker 1: We have a view of me, but you don't have
Speaker 1: to disrespect me because I am that person or a
Speaker 1: color of a person that you may not like, you know,
Speaker 1: but the respect of a human being we can all
Speaker 1: at least agree to that, you know, we're at least
Speaker 1: human being. Whatever you think about me, you know, it
Speaker 1: is what it is. But it's just a weird place
Speaker 1: to be. And then I think, you know, having a
Speaker 1: family and having a kid. I'm lucky in the fact
Speaker 1: that he doesn't know what's going on. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: having to explain him, explain to him though I'm not
Speaker 1: even sure I can explain it now, you know. Here
Speaker 1: to myself, I don't know what's going on. I think
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if it's something he was swept under
Speaker 1: the rugs for so long that it, you know, finally
Speaker 1: became a boulder and here it is, or we've been
Speaker 1: stressed out as a nation, you know as well, and
Speaker 1: a lot of people are just doing things that they
Speaker 1: may not necessarily believe. Some do, but I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people at this point have maybe chosen two sides.
Speaker 1: And I think that's how our country has split. Regardless
Speaker 1: of how you look at it. It's not united, it
Speaker 1: never has been. And your dad, you're dad, What does
Speaker 1: he say to Why does he think it's worse? I
Speaker 1: should say, I honestly do think because it's on TV
Speaker 1: and it's it's it's being film more and everybody you
Speaker 1: know has access to it. That's the way. I've seen
Speaker 1: those videos of the sixties, man, and to me, that
Speaker 1: was worse. Dude. We've seen the fire hose videos in
Speaker 1: Mississippi or wherever, you know, wherever that was, and he said,
Speaker 1: and he was there, not there, But yeah, how does
Speaker 1: he he thinks that the social media? I think it's
Speaker 1: social media and being able to see everyone's opinion of
Speaker 1: how they feel. Back then, it was you know, three
Speaker 1: channels is what he said, you know, right, three channels
Speaker 1: and that was it and you saw what you saw
Speaker 1: in the news, and you know, that was it. He
Speaker 1: went to a fully segregated school. So I think now
Speaker 1: just having access to social media and you get a
Speaker 1: chance to maybe see people's opinions or ways of thinking,
Speaker 1: is what may make it appear to be bad. But
Speaker 1: I think maybe it's not bad, or it just never
Speaker 1: went away, you know. And if that be the case,
Speaker 1: I mean, do I think there needs to be changed systematically, Yes,
Speaker 1: but not just in the favor of me because I
Speaker 1: am black. I think in the favor of everybody. You know,
Speaker 1: my son's not black, he's mixed, you know. And I
Speaker 1: think that these rules are whatever the good fight is
Speaker 1: for needs to apply to everyone. Everyone should at least
Speaker 1: feel safe or have the same advantages. And I always say,
Speaker 1: you know, people asked, does that really happen? You know,
Speaker 1: thevantage of advantages of being black in this situation or not.
Speaker 1: And I would use the example of just me and
Speaker 1: movies and TV shows, right And I've been denied three
Speaker 1: times for a show and talked to on set with
Speaker 1: the producer for a network, a big major network, to
Speaker 1: probably cut my hair because it would not look good
Speaker 1: to a certain demographic. And I called my wife a
Speaker 1: meeting and I was like this mother, you know, just
Speaker 1: told me. Yeah. And so it's a real thing. It's
Speaker 1: I've been discriminated against. You know, my wife and me
Speaker 1: both have been discriminated against for being mixed, and you know,
Speaker 1: called names. I've been called names and all of it.
Speaker 1: So it does exist. But I'm not sure there's nothing
Speaker 1: you really can't do about that. You can't change someone's
Speaker 1: way of thinking. You know, I every morning at the
Speaker 1: gym work out with these guys, both of them black guys.
Speaker 1: One of them is not racially sensitive at all, the
Speaker 1: other one very racially sensitive. So and we're really close.
Speaker 1: So we get into these some occasionally, these deep conversations,
Speaker 1: and I always and kind of like I want to
Speaker 1: do with you right here, is I just want to
Speaker 1: kind of get out of the way, because I'm not
Speaker 1: going to pretend like I can relate. But I do
Speaker 1: tell him. And it's funny because I tell him this,
Speaker 1: and then I say, I'll never say this in public,
Speaker 1: and here I am on my own podcast. But it
Speaker 1: feels like to me that as time goes by long enough,
Speaker 1: it gets a little bit better. Maybe, and you you
Speaker 1: are the only one that can answer that. But and
Speaker 1: my point to him, to Larry is, I say, Larry,
Speaker 1: if you ask your great great granddad if you got
Speaker 1: it bad, don't you think he'd laugh at you and said,
Speaker 1: tell me more about your problems. And as your kid
Speaker 1: and Larry's kids and my kids, every generation goes by
Speaker 1: a little bit of it falls away, or does it.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I know I get where you're going, man,
Speaker 1: And that brings up a good point. So I would say, wow,
Speaker 1: I was pretty good. Yeah, I think I think you're right, man.
Speaker 1: I do think you're right. Over time, it has to
Speaker 1: work that way, It only has to. I think we
Speaker 1: may be looking at time and and and how fast
Speaker 1: change is supposed to be on a scale that is
Speaker 1: not naturally supposed to work that way. You know, But
Speaker 1: you threw my theory out of the water the very beginning.
Speaker 1: When you say, no, that's worse, but no, I think
Speaker 1: and that's the only reason why I think that, though,
Speaker 1: is because of social media having access. We have so
Speaker 1: much access to the world now. Back then it was,
Speaker 1: you know, we had access to one view and that
Speaker 1: was whatever the TV told you, and you didn't have
Speaker 1: access to I can talk to a person in the Congo. Well,
Speaker 1: I never have, but I'm pretty sure I could, you
Speaker 1: know on the internet if yeah, the Congo, right. Yeah.
Speaker 1: When I hear people say the country more split now
Speaker 1: than it's ever been, I always think, have you read
Speaker 1: about the Civil War? Yeah, you're one hundred percent correct, Yeah, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't think it's split. I think it's just having acts.
Speaker 1: Everyone has access to seeing forms of hate, and some
Speaker 1: people tend to gravitate towards the hateful side. You can
Speaker 1: pick and choose what you want to see, you know,
Speaker 1: what you want to feed your sol I don't see
Speaker 1: I do see division, one hundred percent see division. But
Speaker 1: I think it's also because of the fact there is
Speaker 1: a lot of social media you can look into. Division
Speaker 1: is always going to be there. I'm a firm believer
Speaker 1: in that. I think there's a way to cope with it.
Speaker 1: But now that you said over time, and you've made
Speaker 1: me think, like, you know, my grandparents were growing up, Dude,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't last two minutes in their shoes. So I
Speaker 1: look at it now. I think we evolve and we
Speaker 1: start to see what's wrong. Over time, we naturally start
Speaker 1: to evolve, and you know, we get better and we
Speaker 1: get better, and we say that was pretty crazy. Fifty
Speaker 1: years ago we were drilling holes in people's heads saying
Speaker 1: it's going to cure a headache, you know. So you
Speaker 1: got a point there, while mind is blown a little
Speaker 1: bit there that at least is going up. It might
Speaker 1: not be fast enough for most people. I like that.
Speaker 1: You're right. It's the curve, Bro, It's the curve. And
Speaker 1: what I tell Larry is more bluntly as I just say.
Speaker 1: Old people just got to die eventually. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Bro,
Speaker 1: got to die with them. Yep. Everybody's got one hundred
Speaker 1: years man, Max, all right, at least unless you're lucky.
Speaker 1: I like that one. I like that one. See now
Speaker 1: I have to go meditate on that now I am.
Speaker 1: I am? That was the good one. Yeah, well, just
Speaker 1: the thought of that. I get the privilege of being
Speaker 1: in a Nick Irving right, right, I think I just
Speaker 1: shrine of Grand Smith on the wall. Man. We can't
Speaker 1: go to another subject after that. I just want to
Speaker 1: say thank you for taking your time. You are an
Speaker 1: American hero. You have of You have many many times
Speaker 1: over protected the right that has allowed me to have
Speaker 1: this podcast, to have the freedom of speech, to speak
Speaker 1: my mind on a platform that I choose at the
Speaker 1: time that I choose, and to live the American dream
Speaker 1: by going and choosing to play music to provide for
Speaker 1: my family. I believe that all that is provided and
Speaker 1: defended by guys like you. I appreciate it and I
Speaker 1: can't thank you enough for what you've done for your
Speaker 1: story and UH and for your friendship. Awesome man. I
Speaker 1: appreciate you, brother. I appreciate it.