1 00:00:00,360 --> 00:00:04,439 Speaker 1: What's up, guys. Welcome to The Granger Smith Podcast, Episode 2 00:00:04,760 --> 00:00:08,600 Speaker 1: thirty five. Thank you for watching, Thank you for listening. 3 00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:12,440 Speaker 1: I am grateful for this platform. I'm grateful to be 4 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:13,760 Speaker 1: able to sit in here in my office at the 5 00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:19,280 Speaker 1: Ye Farm talk about my opinions, and I'm grateful that 6 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:22,120 Speaker 1: anyone actually likes to listen to it. This off started 7 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,160 Speaker 1: many episodes ago on my bus when we were on tour, 8 00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 1: in the back of my bus, talking about where I 9 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:32,360 Speaker 1: came from, how I got to hear, and it has 10 00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:35,400 Speaker 1: turned into now a platform to be able to answer 11 00:00:35,479 --> 00:00:37,520 Speaker 1: your questions, to be able to tell you what's going 12 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:41,120 Speaker 1: on with me and my family and the music or 13 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:45,479 Speaker 1: Yee apparel, and most importantly and my favorite thing, to 14 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:47,720 Speaker 1: be able to sit down with some of my friends 15 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:52,160 Speaker 1: and talk about their life. Today's a good one. This 16 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:57,320 Speaker 1: guy is one of the most fascinating people that I've 17 00:00:57,360 --> 00:01:03,560 Speaker 1: ever met and as a very unique perspective on life, 18 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:08,319 Speaker 1: and rightly so, because he is one of the most 19 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:16,240 Speaker 1: deadliest snipers in American military history. With that, with that 20 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:21,760 Speaker 1: kind of title, being an army ranger and going through 21 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:29,080 Speaker 1: hell and back, essentially with that there comes a certain 22 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:33,440 Speaker 1: amount you either gain some knowledge and learn how to 23 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:37,080 Speaker 1: cope and learn how to see life through a different lens, 24 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:42,280 Speaker 1: or you don't make it out, and you're part of 25 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:48,600 Speaker 1: the devastating statistic of those men and women that actually 26 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:55,200 Speaker 1: take their own life. That is how serious war is, 27 00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:59,920 Speaker 1: and that's how devastating it is to young men and women. 28 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:05,880 Speaker 1: Nick Irving is also a New York Times bestseller and 29 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:10,880 Speaker 1: an incredible storyteller, an incredible speaker, and I'm very excited 30 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:14,480 Speaker 1: to have him on this podcast. And I think you're 31 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:52,040 Speaker 1: gonna like it, y'all, stay tuned. Did in my time 32 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:58,760 Speaker 1: and so long line of fo hup and down, going back, 33 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:20,840 Speaker 1: crazy coolation. Everybody has a story, everybody's got history. Everyone 34 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:26,160 Speaker 1: has a set of events in their life that come 35 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:29,800 Speaker 1: together to create who they are as a person. And 36 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:33,880 Speaker 1: there's been a few times in my life when I 37 00:03:33,919 --> 00:03:36,480 Speaker 1: have forgotten that. I forget it all the time. But 38 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:42,720 Speaker 1: I met you in the Holler music video. It was like, hey, 39 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:48,600 Speaker 1: you know Nick Irving. Yeah, yeah, yeah, man, yeah, ranger sniper, 40 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:52,280 Speaker 1: Yeah cool, You're a cool guy. We had fun that day, 41 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:59,360 Speaker 1: good party. And then I go read The Reaper and 42 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:05,080 Speaker 1: I learned your history and your story. Appreciate it and I. 43 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:07,000 Speaker 1: I mean, I remember sitting I was on tour and 44 00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:10,960 Speaker 1: I was reading that and I was like, oh my god, 45 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:15,040 Speaker 1: this this is the god, this is Nick like, this 46 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:21,200 Speaker 1: is his story and it just it just reminds me 47 00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:28,039 Speaker 1: that everyone's carrying around whatever it might be, and you have, 48 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:32,400 Speaker 1: you have an incredible story. You are You've you've seen 49 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:36,760 Speaker 1: things that that most people will never see, thank God hopefully. Yeah. 50 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:40,840 Speaker 1: Definitely and uh and it's an honor to have you 51 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,120 Speaker 1: on the podcast today. I appreciate it, man. That was 52 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,440 Speaker 1: a that was a deep intro. I appreciate it. Man. 53 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:49,720 Speaker 1: I feel regular, regular man. And that's why that's why 54 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:52,279 Speaker 1: you're such a cool guy, because you come off regular. 55 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:57,080 Speaker 1: That's that's how I hope people think of me, dude. 56 00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:02,800 Speaker 1: I honestly, when after that video and when it came out, well, 57 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:06,320 Speaker 1: one of my son loves it and she was, you know, talking, 58 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:07,880 Speaker 1: He's like, that's the guy you're with. It's a real 59 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:10,640 Speaker 1: music video and he does real music. And I was like, yeah, 60 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:12,480 Speaker 1: he's like I thought he was a regular guy. It's 61 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:16,680 Speaker 1: like me too, but yeah, it's I think it's it. 62 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,640 Speaker 1: It just goes to show like you never let things 63 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:20,800 Speaker 1: get too you know too much to your head. You 64 00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:24,240 Speaker 1: know absolutely that such have you have to Yeah, I 65 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:28,440 Speaker 1: kind of read The Reaper twice because after I read it, 66 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:31,440 Speaker 1: then my bus driver Bull, who's in an army bat, 67 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:33,880 Speaker 1: I turned him onto it. So he started listening to 68 00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:36,440 Speaker 1: the audiobook when you're driving. So in the mornings, I'd 69 00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:38,880 Speaker 1: get up in the audiobook would be rolling wow, and 70 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,480 Speaker 1: then I would go sit up there with him during 71 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:44,760 Speaker 1: certain parts. And and so you've written for five books 72 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:51,080 Speaker 1: five now yep, Media Times bestseller, and working on like 73 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:54,000 Speaker 1: another autobiography but not for myself, and working on two 74 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:58,719 Speaker 1: autobiographies ghost writing. I love telling other people's stories man, 75 00:05:58,839 --> 00:06:02,360 Speaker 1: And like the war part is cool, but I think 76 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:05,839 Speaker 1: the you know, the triumphs that people have to go 77 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:09,040 Speaker 1: over and the different you know, I'm writing one guy's 78 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:13,760 Speaker 1: autobiography and he's a It came from Mexico, he crossed 79 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:17,680 Speaker 1: the border it illegally, joined the army, suffered like eighty 80 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:21,360 Speaker 1: percent burns to his body on his first deployment, felt 81 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:26,359 Speaker 1: like killing him himself multiple times, wounded, missing legs and 82 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:29,160 Speaker 1: stuff like that. But stories like that, man, that fight, 83 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,680 Speaker 1: the drive to continue is what inspires me. You know, 84 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:34,000 Speaker 1: I look at those guys and you know, I had 85 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:37,000 Speaker 1: my time of wanting to give up man, more times 86 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:39,120 Speaker 1: than I can count. You know, I'm not sure how 87 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:41,680 Speaker 1: it is for you for music, but like, have you 88 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:44,279 Speaker 1: ever wanted to say, Man, I I can't anymore? You know, 89 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:47,640 Speaker 1: if you ever felt like that. It's the what makes 90 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:50,320 Speaker 1: people drive. Man, It's the story I like to tell. 91 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:52,400 Speaker 1: I even like to hear. You learn a lot from it. 92 00:06:52,839 --> 00:06:55,520 Speaker 1: You know. There's a big difference between me and music business. 93 00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:57,560 Speaker 1: And I have had that many times. I just thought, 94 00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:01,720 Speaker 1: this is the end, this is road of music. I'm done. 95 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:08,159 Speaker 1: But it's different. You're kind of story. So that's actually 96 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:13,920 Speaker 1: happened to you. Uh on the day, the day for 97 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:18,600 Speaker 1: you and a day you'll never forget. Oh yeah, and 98 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:22,000 Speaker 1: that day you talk about in the book that you 99 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:25,360 Speaker 1: actually you had, you came, you came to a crossroads 100 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:27,760 Speaker 1: where there was actually a decision of do I take 101 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:31,680 Speaker 1: my own life not necessarily not in a selfish way 102 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:33,920 Speaker 1: at all, or not not in in a scared way, 103 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:38,840 Speaker 1: but more in a conserve conserving the intelligence. Yeah, this 104 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:40,840 Speaker 1: is all we have left? Man. Yeah, that was a 105 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:43,080 Speaker 1: that was a scary day, and I you know, I 106 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:46,600 Speaker 1: found myself. I think about it every day, but it's 107 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:50,800 Speaker 1: like an unconscious effort, unconscious effort to do it, you know, 108 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:52,520 Speaker 1: it just kind of pops up out of nowhere. And 109 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,600 Speaker 1: I think about, you know, that day, Me and my 110 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:57,320 Speaker 1: wife were having a conversation about it, like a week ago. 111 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:01,240 Speaker 1: And I don't talk about the army stuff anymore, which 112 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:03,920 Speaker 1: is like weird. But I think about it, dream about it, 113 00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:05,800 Speaker 1: you know, dream about every every once in a while, 114 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:08,920 Speaker 1: and it's just, uh, like that guy at that age. Man, 115 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:12,560 Speaker 1: it's I'm not sure how I you know, survived or 116 00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:15,600 Speaker 1: you know, uh that that mindset you have to be 117 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,680 Speaker 1: in I've been, I don't know. It was. It was 118 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:20,240 Speaker 1: a weird place to be man, being overrun and and 119 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:22,920 Speaker 1: you know, surrounded, and you know, we called in for 120 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,120 Speaker 1: air support. They were like, you know, not dropping any 121 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:28,880 Speaker 1: air support. Uh, no reinforcements. And the last option was, 122 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:31,040 Speaker 1: you know, take a grenade, pull the pin and hug it. 123 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:33,480 Speaker 1: That was a day I'll never forget. But it's one 124 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:35,920 Speaker 1: of those days where I look back at that guy 125 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:39,360 Speaker 1: and I'm impressed by that guy. You know, it's almost 126 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:43,120 Speaker 1: like I it's a different person. It's it's such a 127 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:47,520 Speaker 1: different person that I admire that guy but I'm so. 128 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,400 Speaker 1: I don't know if it's older now or or what 129 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:54,440 Speaker 1: it is, man, But like that guy is, it's I 130 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:55,839 Speaker 1: wouldn't do it. I don't know if I would do 131 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:58,160 Speaker 1: it again. I'm smarter and I know things hurt now. 132 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:00,640 Speaker 1: You know, I'm scared to ride a bike because of 133 00:09:00,679 --> 00:09:03,120 Speaker 1: the fear of not a bike. But let's say a skateboard. 134 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:05,520 Speaker 1: I won't try that right now because my bones don't 135 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:07,480 Speaker 1: recover the way they used to if I fall, you know, 136 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:12,520 Speaker 1: but it's probably the natural progression of getting older. And 137 00:09:12,559 --> 00:09:14,560 Speaker 1: you're not as crazy as you were. You know, Yeah 138 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:18,280 Speaker 1: that was crazy, but still still your story of crazy, 139 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:20,679 Speaker 1: your level of crazy is higher than anyone else. You 140 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:24,640 Speaker 1: dream about? It is that? What do you dream about? 141 00:09:24,679 --> 00:09:28,679 Speaker 1: It starts off as a normal dream. For example, Oh, 142 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,360 Speaker 1: I was in this one dream last night. Oh that's 143 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:34,640 Speaker 1: another one I was. I met Prince in one dream. 144 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:38,560 Speaker 1: And I don't even think about Prince, you know, but 145 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:41,400 Speaker 1: I went to sleep and in this dream I was 146 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:44,000 Speaker 1: in this Uh it must have been a small dark 147 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,560 Speaker 1: club and all the smoke filled room and stuff like that, 148 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:50,440 Speaker 1: very small secluded club, and this guy walks in and 149 00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:53,840 Speaker 1: everyone's like, oh my gosh, it's it's somebody and everyone's 150 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:56,440 Speaker 1: fighting to go see him, and I look and it's Prince. 151 00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:59,240 Speaker 1: But he's short, like Prince is. But the closer I 152 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:02,040 Speaker 1: got to him, the taller he got, you know, And 153 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:04,000 Speaker 1: he became like eight feet tall, and I was like, well, 154 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:06,120 Speaker 1: I know this is a dream because Prince is not 155 00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:10,120 Speaker 1: that tall. And then it turned into like being in 156 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:12,920 Speaker 1: combat again. It's every dream is like that. Eighty percent 157 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:15,680 Speaker 1: of my dreams. It starts off normal and I wake 158 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:17,680 Speaker 1: up and I'm like, you know, I tell Jessin, like, hey, 159 00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:20,360 Speaker 1: I just killed like forty people in this dream, and 160 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,679 Speaker 1: it started off this way, and I don't know why 161 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:26,120 Speaker 1: it comes out that way. In combat, I dreamed about 162 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:29,920 Speaker 1: high school and bullies and stuff like that when I 163 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,680 Speaker 1: was in combat. But when I got out of combat, 164 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:37,240 Speaker 1: I think I dreamt more about combat opposed to, you know, 165 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:39,960 Speaker 1: the life that I'm living now. It's more about just 166 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:41,960 Speaker 1: weird things I think that I try to suppress for 167 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:48,160 Speaker 1: so long. It's finally getting a chance to to, you know, 168 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:51,600 Speaker 1: to rise itself in a way that you know, I 169 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:54,600 Speaker 1: think it's healthy at this point in time. It doesn't 170 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:56,880 Speaker 1: bother me. I don't lose sleep or anything. It's comical 171 00:10:56,920 --> 00:11:00,760 Speaker 1: at this point. You know, I expect it, but it's 172 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:04,960 Speaker 1: it's a weird, weird transition from I guess the different 173 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:08,640 Speaker 1: state of mindsets and you know, watching those old videos 174 00:11:08,679 --> 00:11:11,079 Speaker 1: growing up from the guys in Vietnam, and dude, I 175 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,840 Speaker 1: used to question, like, why are these guys crying? You know, 176 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,560 Speaker 1: they're eighty years old, are seventy years old, and this 177 00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:19,880 Speaker 1: happened back when they were in their twenties. And I 178 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,360 Speaker 1: fall back on that saying like, bewhere what you wish for? 179 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:25,280 Speaker 1: You know? Right? And I definitely I see the connection 180 00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:27,559 Speaker 1: that in my mind, I always see it as if 181 00:11:27,559 --> 00:11:30,440 Speaker 1: it happened maybe two weeks ago. Everything that I've even 182 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:32,840 Speaker 1: that mission, it feels for me when I think about it, 183 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:35,199 Speaker 1: I can see it and it feels like it maybe 184 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:38,120 Speaker 1: two three weeks ago. But I know what happened in 185 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:41,599 Speaker 1: two thousand and nine, But the time doesn't. It just 186 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:43,440 Speaker 1: doesn't add up. And it still is fresh. I can 187 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:46,360 Speaker 1: still hear the bullet pops, I can still taste, you know, 188 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,600 Speaker 1: the blood that was in the stream. I still taste 189 00:11:48,679 --> 00:11:51,280 Speaker 1: all that and smell the everything, the fear. You know, 190 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:55,199 Speaker 1: you guys got to read the Reaper to kind of 191 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:59,120 Speaker 1: fill in the blanks this You've talked about it on 192 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:02,280 Speaker 1: many other UH media sources, and so we don't have 193 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:05,720 Speaker 1: to go back to that day. But but but you should, 194 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,600 Speaker 1: you guys should read this book to fill in the blanks. 195 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:14,520 Speaker 1: So you're one of the the deadliest snipers in American history, right, 196 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:21,679 Speaker 1: And the takeaway from that is how you're so cool 197 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:25,120 Speaker 1: and normal normal? That's what? Yeah? Right, And maybe maybe 198 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:27,800 Speaker 1: you'll you hear me say that, and you think you 199 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:31,480 Speaker 1: have no idea, No, I honestly I think bro to 200 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:33,880 Speaker 1: be honest, man, I was so scared of letting that 201 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,199 Speaker 1: part of me go, right, you know. I used to 202 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,120 Speaker 1: drink a lot and I would call home and did 203 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:40,640 Speaker 1: I went through this really really depressed state. And depression 204 00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:44,120 Speaker 1: runs in my family, like my mom she suffers really 205 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:47,680 Speaker 1: really bad from it. And dude, I remember visiting you know, 206 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:50,920 Speaker 1: her in hospitals, you know, from being just really really 207 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:52,760 Speaker 1: depressed state. And there's a few times that you know, 208 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:54,360 Speaker 1: we thought we were not going to have a mom, 209 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:58,240 Speaker 1: you know, and it's a it's a long lineage in 210 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:00,760 Speaker 1: my family. But I found it. I was so scared 211 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:05,000 Speaker 1: of of giving that that guy away that the reaper away, 212 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:08,960 Speaker 1: are losing an edge of something. You know. I was 213 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,760 Speaker 1: so so scared of it that I held on to it, 214 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:14,360 Speaker 1: held on to it, and it became like unhealthy, and 215 00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:19,400 Speaker 1: I became more depressed. I started getting depressed of losing 216 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:21,920 Speaker 1: that guy, becoming you know, in this really dark spot 217 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,120 Speaker 1: of I don't want to lose this guy, I or 218 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:24,760 Speaker 1: don't want to lose this guy. And I had a 219 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:27,400 Speaker 1: hard time finding out who I used to be. You know, 220 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,400 Speaker 1: I look at the old pictures of me growing up, 221 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:31,640 Speaker 1: and I had this childhood dream of wanting to be 222 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:34,040 Speaker 1: a sniper, and I look at those old pictures and 223 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:37,040 Speaker 1: it's just not the same. I don't, I don't. I did. 224 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:39,840 Speaker 1: For a long time, I did not remember that guy, 225 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:43,040 Speaker 1: you know, the smiles, the my parents will tell me, 226 00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:46,000 Speaker 1: you know, I was this child and you know, happy stuff. 227 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,920 Speaker 1: But I just I don't know. I didn't want it, 228 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,560 Speaker 1: or I pushed it away for so long, and eventually 229 00:13:51,559 --> 00:13:57,920 Speaker 1: it became unhealthy, and you know it kind of uh yeah, yeah, 230 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:01,640 Speaker 1: just got way too unhealthy for me. Man, And all 231 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:05,320 Speaker 1: hear vets that go and get motorcycles and yes, sir, go, 232 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,800 Speaker 1: crazy dude, I had when I had a Harley, and 233 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:12,600 Speaker 1: I was a uh, not a good person to look 234 00:14:12,679 --> 00:14:14,920 Speaker 1: up to for bike riding at that time. I was 235 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:16,839 Speaker 1: doing a lot of dumb stuff. Man, it was for 236 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:18,800 Speaker 1: the rush, you know, I didn't want to give that 237 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:23,800 Speaker 1: you here, Oh yeah, and you know, finally getting reconnected 238 00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:26,320 Speaker 1: back with that person taking a long look in the mirror. 239 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:29,400 Speaker 1: You know I'd never done that, you know, dude, I hadn't. 240 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:31,200 Speaker 1: I don't know if this is going to sound weird, 241 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,200 Speaker 1: but have you ever looked in the mirror, like at 242 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:37,720 Speaker 1: yourself for a while and notice how uncomfortable it is 243 00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:41,160 Speaker 1: over time? If anyone has, if you should give it 244 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:44,560 Speaker 1: a shot to dedicate ten minutes and stare at yourself 245 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:46,840 Speaker 1: in the mirror and find out how awkward it is. 246 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:50,880 Speaker 1: It awkward it can be. And I wondered why, you know, 247 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:53,640 Speaker 1: I kind of wanted to get weird on this podcast. 248 00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:56,000 Speaker 1: You're already doing it for me. I'm sorry. I know 249 00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:58,160 Speaker 1: you can go there. Oh yeah, and that's what I 250 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,000 Speaker 1: eventually want to talk about with you. But okay, so 251 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,960 Speaker 1: so you stared yourself in the mirrorge in ten minutes. 252 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:06,440 Speaker 1: It's a meditation, it is. That's why I started meditating, 253 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:10,280 Speaker 1: And dude, I saw like all the like the no smiling. 254 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:15,080 Speaker 1: It just it made me feel different, you know, like, wow, 255 00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:17,680 Speaker 1: this is what people see are this is what I think. 256 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:20,280 Speaker 1: You're a projection of what's on the inside. You know, 257 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:23,720 Speaker 1: So whatever is going on on the inside, people see it. 258 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:26,920 Speaker 1: It shows itself in its expressions. You age, and all 259 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:29,360 Speaker 1: these different things that are scientifically proven from being in 260 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:33,080 Speaker 1: a negative state, even frowning, you know, the muscles that 261 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:36,800 Speaker 1: it takes to do that opposed to smiling. So I 262 00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:39,520 Speaker 1: started to change that person my changing the image on 263 00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:42,360 Speaker 1: the outside, even if it was forcing it. In the military, 264 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,720 Speaker 1: we had this thing called AM and FM. Like you're 265 00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:48,000 Speaker 1: a radio, you're a tuner, and AM is actual motivation 266 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:50,080 Speaker 1: and sometimes a lot of the times we have to 267 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:53,040 Speaker 1: turn to the FM station, which is false motivation, you know, 268 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:57,880 Speaker 1: So we would I would do that and fake this character. 269 00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,720 Speaker 1: You know, I had built this character to be in 270 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,520 Speaker 1: the Army of the Reaper, and I wanted to build 271 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:07,040 Speaker 1: another character, which is a happier person. So I started 272 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,600 Speaker 1: to mold that person from the outside first and then 273 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:11,840 Speaker 1: find out, you know, why is that person the way 274 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:17,160 Speaker 1: it is? By no meditating it did it work? Work? Heck? Yeah, man, 275 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:19,360 Speaker 1: you fool your mind. I think you fool your mind 276 00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:22,320 Speaker 1: by forcing it to do something even when it doesn't 277 00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:24,880 Speaker 1: want to. So even in a bad situation, you begin 278 00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:27,840 Speaker 1: to force yourself to find the positive and everything you know, 279 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:31,200 Speaker 1: So it's that false motivation of building that synapsis in 280 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:36,520 Speaker 1: your brain to always find something. Okay, damn man, you've 281 00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:40,720 Speaker 1: have a you. I would say the word you have 282 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:43,520 Speaker 1: a gift. You wouldn't probably look at it as a gift, 283 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:46,360 Speaker 1: but you know, taken taken back to that moment on 284 00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:50,240 Speaker 1: the day when you thought, all right, I'm probably gonna 285 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:53,640 Speaker 1: have to take my own life to save what's left 286 00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:58,040 Speaker 1: of this mission. You've already lost buddies. Oh yeah, good men, 287 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,800 Speaker 1: you've seen everything go to hell. Yeah, that you hoped 288 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:03,960 Speaker 1: you would never see you thought you probably thought you 289 00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:07,000 Speaker 1: might one day. Yeah, she hoped that you wouldn't. So 290 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,520 Speaker 1: you reached this point where you're like, all right, I 291 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:12,000 Speaker 1: think i'm gonna I'm gonna have to taking my own 292 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:17,120 Speaker 1: life is probably a good option. So then how long 293 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:20,879 Speaker 1: is that period between that thought and I think I'm 294 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:24,040 Speaker 1: gonna be all right? Oh, when the mission was over, 295 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,920 Speaker 1: when I got back home, When I got home, Well, 296 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,760 Speaker 1: I take that back I went to well. After that mission, 297 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:34,000 Speaker 1: I debated on standing up at one point during the 298 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,840 Speaker 1: ambush and like get shot or wound myself to get 299 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:39,800 Speaker 1: home early or something. But after that mission is when 300 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,280 Speaker 1: I went to the back of where we lived at 301 00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:43,880 Speaker 1: and I grabbed a satellite phone that one of these 302 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:47,080 Speaker 1: FBI guys had, and I called my dad and I 303 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:50,720 Speaker 1: just cried for like, you know, a few minutes. I 304 00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:54,080 Speaker 1: waited for an F sixteen jet to rev up its 305 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:57,000 Speaker 1: after burnner to take off, and I use that as 306 00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:59,879 Speaker 1: a mask to cry. I didn't want anybody to hear me, 307 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,480 Speaker 1: and I cried for for a little while and he 308 00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:05,200 Speaker 1: didn't say anything. He just I guess he already knew 309 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:08,840 Speaker 1: that obviously something wasn't right, But yeah, he just let 310 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:11,200 Speaker 1: me cry. And then I cried again. When I got home, 311 00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:12,840 Speaker 1: I told my wife I was going to the gas 312 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:15,760 Speaker 1: station and I had these tinted windows on this Mercury 313 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:18,720 Speaker 1: Grandmarquies Yah. Trip to the car and set in the 314 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:22,320 Speaker 1: parking lot of the apartment complex and cried for a while, 315 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:25,159 Speaker 1: like another ten to fifteen minutes. You talk about hiding it, 316 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,960 Speaker 1: but in the reality is no one would blame you 317 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,159 Speaker 1: for meal. Yeah, dude, I was in It was one 318 00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:31,960 Speaker 1: of those things. It was a sign of weakness for me, 319 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:34,879 Speaker 1: like I didn't want anyone to see me cry or 320 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:38,000 Speaker 1: or show emotion. It was I think that was the 321 00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,840 Speaker 1: hardest toll, or one of the biggest tolls that you know, 322 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,400 Speaker 1: took it. You know, played a big part of who 323 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:45,760 Speaker 1: I became after that was holding a lot of stuff 324 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:50,359 Speaker 1: on the inside, you know, and being scared to say 325 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 1: what was going on, and not being you know, not 326 00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:56,520 Speaker 1: wanting to be seen. My childhood was not weird, but 327 00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,440 Speaker 1: it was that very tough childhood. You know. Anytime I 328 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,200 Speaker 1: ever got hurt, it was my dad would tell me 329 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:03,879 Speaker 1: take the pain and throw it away. There was no crying, 330 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,320 Speaker 1: not allowed to get hurt. So I just grew up 331 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:09,280 Speaker 1: that being a man was you know, just never cried, 332 00:19:09,359 --> 00:19:12,240 Speaker 1: never show emotion. Yeah I get that. Oh yeah. So 333 00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:13,840 Speaker 1: there's a time in a place for it though. It 334 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:16,280 Speaker 1: went absolutely oh yeah. So it went all the way 335 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:18,600 Speaker 1: to the end of the mission. From the thought of 336 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:21,480 Speaker 1: maybe I should take my own life to save what's 337 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:24,280 Speaker 1: left of this, that went all the way to the 338 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,560 Speaker 1: end of the mission. Oh yeah, hours later. So the 339 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:31,159 Speaker 1: first time you actually slept in a safe bed. That 340 00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:35,040 Speaker 1: was it. Yep, So laying in that bed, was there 341 00:19:35,119 --> 00:19:40,920 Speaker 1: any feeling of gratefulness or was it all clouded by cloudy? Dude, 342 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:42,919 Speaker 1: I'm glad you brought that up. It was such a 343 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:47,360 Speaker 1: cloudy experience, Like after getting back. It was it was quiet, 344 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:50,600 Speaker 1: you know. I remember the first time I closed my eyes. 345 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:53,359 Speaker 1: We were we had some detainees, some prisoners, and a 346 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,159 Speaker 1: prisoner was sitting next to me, and I closed my 347 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,720 Speaker 1: eyes and I heard this loud crack go past my ear, 348 00:19:58,040 --> 00:19:59,880 Speaker 1: like a bullet. And I woke up and I looked 349 00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:02,600 Speaker 1: at round and no one flinched, no one moved, and 350 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:05,040 Speaker 1: that sound was inside my head. And I was just 351 00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:07,399 Speaker 1: so used to hearing snap snap. And when it was 352 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:10,199 Speaker 1: quiet time, it was just I took a shower. I 353 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,440 Speaker 1: was forced to take a shower. I didn't know how 354 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:15,359 Speaker 1: bad I smelt after five days and you know, but 355 00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:17,840 Speaker 1: forced to take a shower and lay down in bed, 356 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:20,560 Speaker 1: and it was just a it was quiet, man, it 357 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:25,040 Speaker 1: was quiet. I think I watched Taken two after that, 358 00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:28,840 Speaker 1: or no, I watched Hancock. Yeah, Will Smith, yeah, a 359 00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:31,399 Speaker 1: little bit, a little bit. Yeah. It's like a chicken 360 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:34,560 Speaker 1: noodle soup for the exactly. Yep. I'll do that with 361 00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:36,600 Speaker 1: the Office. If I'm going through a rough time. I 362 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,879 Speaker 1: watched The Office and it's you know, soul food for 363 00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:42,800 Speaker 1: the brain after scary movies. Man, you have to watch 364 00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:44,920 Speaker 1: turn on all the lights after a scary movie. That's 365 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,480 Speaker 1: what I do, and watch like Home Alone or something, 366 00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:52,960 Speaker 1: you know. Yep. So now now it's been eleven years, right, 367 00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:56,840 Speaker 1: something like that, ten years, is there now a feeling 368 00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,639 Speaker 1: of I'm glad I made it. Yeah, you got a 369 00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:02,560 Speaker 1: little boy out here, he's right out here in the lobby, 370 00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:06,640 Speaker 1: beautiful wife, beautiful little boy years old. Is there now 371 00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:12,399 Speaker 1: a feeling of maybe maybe there is a sliver of 372 00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:16,520 Speaker 1: goodness that I was supposed to make it out of there? Yeah? Man, 373 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:18,560 Speaker 1: I think that was the big wake up call, like 374 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:22,560 Speaker 1: not even creating life, you know, shout out to women. Man, 375 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:30,040 Speaker 1: that's crazy, you know. But I'm like, I think having 376 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:33,520 Speaker 1: a family and and and just there is goodness, you know, 377 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,920 Speaker 1: and you see it in every child, any baby, any 378 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:40,240 Speaker 1: any kid. Man, They're all perfect. You know, there's nothing 379 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,640 Speaker 1: wrong about them. And like we were all that way 380 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:45,000 Speaker 1: at some point in time. You know. It's just the 381 00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:49,560 Speaker 1: things that happen in life make the world seem to 382 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:53,360 Speaker 1: be grim and dark, and people are you know, crazy 383 00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:56,920 Speaker 1: at times, but we all come from that same seed. 384 00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,680 Speaker 1: And I think that getting a chance to experience that 385 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:01,840 Speaker 1: and see it with my own eyes and be a 386 00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:06,800 Speaker 1: part of that creation of something that is pure great goodness, 387 00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:08,879 Speaker 1: it's it put a big twist on things, man. It 388 00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:12,240 Speaker 1: took away the bad stuff that I saw and gave 389 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,040 Speaker 1: a little bit of a spark. Like you know, that's 390 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:19,240 Speaker 1: all that matters now of is that thing, whatever it is, 391 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:20,800 Speaker 1: to keep it good. I want to keep it good. 392 00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,480 Speaker 1: You know. If he can be a good person throughout 393 00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:26,000 Speaker 1: this whole duration or this journey of life, man, then 394 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:29,600 Speaker 1: you know he'll be a blessing to somebody and it's 395 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:31,640 Speaker 1: a good thing, you know. I see it that way. Man. 396 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:34,399 Speaker 1: I've said on this podcast before that so much of 397 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:38,720 Speaker 1: life is suffering. Like humans are here and we suffer. 398 00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:41,640 Speaker 1: That's what we do best. The only way you can't 399 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:44,399 Speaker 1: get rid of the suffering. You can't. There's nothing you 400 00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:48,360 Speaker 1: could do. It's coming, yep. But you could offset it 401 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:52,520 Speaker 1: with meaning. And that's exactly what you're doing. You're offsetting 402 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:55,920 Speaker 1: the suffering that you've had and that you will continue 403 00:22:55,960 --> 00:23:02,800 Speaker 1: to have. Through meaning, and through meaning means responsibility, your wife, 404 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:05,520 Speaker 1: your little boy, raising him up the best that you 405 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:10,440 Speaker 1: know how you have to. And that offsets it doesn't erase, 406 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:14,800 Speaker 1: It doesn't erase the suffering, but it it ameliates it 407 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:19,919 Speaker 1: enough to tolerate it. Yep, yep, yep that I we mean, 408 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:23,280 Speaker 1: you haven't spoken in person. It's been three hundred and 409 00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:27,280 Speaker 1: sixty six days. Did you know that? No, three hundred 410 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:30,960 Speaker 1: and sixty six days. I know that because wow, because 411 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:34,119 Speaker 1: it was June fourth. We got together and there was 412 00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:38,040 Speaker 1: a leap yer this year. I didn't account for that. Yeah, 413 00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:41,880 Speaker 1: but we got together on a podcast with the Code 414 00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:45,520 Speaker 1: of Minor and that was on June fourth, and it 415 00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:49,080 Speaker 1: was here at the Yue Farm, and we talked about, 416 00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:53,360 Speaker 1: ironically in that podcast, is there a day in your 417 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,560 Speaker 1: life that defined you? We kind of went around the 418 00:23:55,560 --> 00:24:00,919 Speaker 1: circle and then that night became mine. I'm and you 419 00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:05,119 Speaker 1: know what, like, I don't I'm not a big I 420 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,960 Speaker 1: don't cry a lot, you know, But that day and 421 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,520 Speaker 1: when I found out, dude, it's I did, and I 422 00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:12,280 Speaker 1: texted you and stuff like that, it was it was 423 00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:17,080 Speaker 1: hard to I couldn't imagine. Yeah, damn, dude, it's really 424 00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:19,320 Speaker 1: weird that that's the last time we talked, and we 425 00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:22,000 Speaker 1: talked about what day to find you. I didn't know 426 00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:24,840 Speaker 1: that just a few hours I would be in my 427 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:31,480 Speaker 1: hell with with losing my little boy and who's now 428 00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:36,080 Speaker 1: the same age as yours. And and I think, I 429 00:24:36,119 --> 00:24:39,000 Speaker 1: do believe that everything happens for a reason. Uh. As 430 00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:42,399 Speaker 1: far as us being together that day, it was it 431 00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:47,080 Speaker 1: was a special thing. And and I respect you as 432 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:50,479 Speaker 1: a person, and and I respect the way that you 433 00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:54,520 Speaker 1: have offset your suffering through meaning and that that you 434 00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:58,600 Speaker 1: could even sit here and uh and be positive at all. 435 00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:03,280 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, dude, you're the inspiration man, like you know, Yeah, 436 00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:05,080 Speaker 1: I have d I have a boy, you know, So 437 00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:09,119 Speaker 1: it's a yeah, dude, I can yeah tell me. I 438 00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:13,720 Speaker 1: know that I know that you have some things that 439 00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:19,800 Speaker 1: you do to clear your mind. Yep, yep, you have to. 440 00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:25,119 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's the nation's deadly. As a sniper, you 441 00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:28,240 Speaker 1: don't just live a normal life and go through nine 442 00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:31,800 Speaker 1: to five. You have to have a ritual component to 443 00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:33,879 Speaker 1: your life where you go, Man, I have to do 444 00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:37,840 Speaker 1: this to recharge my brain. Yeah. I do a lot 445 00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:41,360 Speaker 1: of meditation, man, And that's one thing I picked up. 446 00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:44,560 Speaker 1: I want to say, three years ago, with the birth 447 00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:47,560 Speaker 1: of my son, I picked up meditation and like really 448 00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:51,200 Speaker 1: got I grew up wanting to know meditation. This guy 449 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:54,280 Speaker 1: named Michael White from middle school when dragon ball z 450 00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:58,520 Speaker 1: was a thing and chi energy and all these chakra stuff, 451 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:00,880 Speaker 1: so he introduced me to it. And as a kid, 452 00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:03,280 Speaker 1: I've always wanted to learn how to meditate or or 453 00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:06,000 Speaker 1: how to meditate and tried it as a kid and 454 00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:07,960 Speaker 1: I didn't get the concept of it. I just thought 455 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:11,120 Speaker 1: you closed your eyes and it was boring. So yeah, 456 00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:13,960 Speaker 1: I got really serious about it three years ago, and 457 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:19,080 Speaker 1: I changed my life, man, big time. Of It's the 458 00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:21,359 Speaker 1: only time I get a chance to be quiet and 459 00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:25,399 Speaker 1: question myself, get a chance to see myself from not 460 00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:28,000 Speaker 1: only the inside, but how other people view me or 461 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,439 Speaker 1: what other people see what you know, it's it's a 462 00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:33,000 Speaker 1: it's a it's been a really good game changer. Man. 463 00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:36,440 Speaker 1: I've becomes it's weird, but I've become like way more 464 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:40,240 Speaker 1: connected with like the earth, man, you know, way more 465 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:44,080 Speaker 1: connected with the earth and seeing like the uh beauty 466 00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:46,080 Speaker 1: and a lot of you know, a lot of things 467 00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:51,600 Speaker 1: and nature and the similarities between nature and mankind and 468 00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:55,080 Speaker 1: even with but this whole pandemic thing or whatever you 469 00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:58,520 Speaker 1: want to call it. It's when everybody went inside mother 470 00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:02,720 Speaker 1: nature became happy, It got really happy, and it made 471 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:06,240 Speaker 1: me think that, you know, we don't even our time 472 00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:08,520 Speaker 1: here is so short, and it's all going to end 473 00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:11,520 Speaker 1: one day and when it, when it does, the earth 474 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:13,320 Speaker 1: and everything else is going to continue to move on 475 00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:16,600 Speaker 1: just as happy, just as happy. So it's like we're 476 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:20,000 Speaker 1: already on this short linears you know, scale of time, 477 00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:24,639 Speaker 1: and to think that, you know, we're so important that 478 00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:27,960 Speaker 1: our negativity could you know, influence or we want to 479 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:30,480 Speaker 1: perpetuate this negativity is so much that it's going to 480 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:34,080 Speaker 1: have an impact on the earth, man are, on mankind. 481 00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:37,840 Speaker 1: It's it's kind of not even just selfish. It's just 482 00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:41,639 Speaker 1: a dumb move to thing. It's just a dumb metality itself. Absolutely, 483 00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:44,000 Speaker 1: I want to I'm gonna take a quick break and 484 00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:45,480 Speaker 1: then and then I want to I want to actually 485 00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:49,399 Speaker 1: talk specific on what how you meditate because maybe someone's 486 00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:52,159 Speaker 1: out there thinking, yeah, how does this do do it? 487 00:27:52,359 --> 00:28:01,120 Speaker 1: I want to try it. Yeah, we'll be back taking 488 00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:03,280 Speaker 1: a quick break. I hope you like the podcast. I 489 00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:07,000 Speaker 1: hope you're enjoying Nick Irving telling his stories, his perspective 490 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:08,800 Speaker 1: on life, and I want to tell you guys what 491 00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:12,720 Speaker 1: we break that This Friday, June the twelfth, we are 492 00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:17,120 Speaker 1: having Yeee Apparel's big summer launch. We have all kinds 493 00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:18,960 Speaker 1: of new apparel. It's gonna happen at ten am and 494 00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:22,680 Speaker 1: typically these have sold out pretty quick, So you're gonna 495 00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:25,560 Speaker 1: want to go to yee dot com or yeee apparel 496 00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:28,840 Speaker 1: dot com and get there early and make sure you 497 00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:33,080 Speaker 1: set your alarms in your phone. Say Friday, Hey, Hey, Siri, Friday, 498 00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:35,920 Speaker 1: remind me on Friday that it's the yee Apparel of 499 00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:37,919 Speaker 1: Summer launch, so that you can get it right in 500 00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:41,160 Speaker 1: there at ten am and have access to the store 501 00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:44,400 Speaker 1: and pick whatever you want because it's it's it's tough 502 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:47,480 Speaker 1: to see people that are that are you know, die 503 00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:51,000 Speaker 1: hard ye Nation and they go in there and they 504 00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:54,000 Speaker 1: find their favorite shirt and then they click large and 505 00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:55,880 Speaker 1: it says sold out. I don't want that to happen 506 00:28:55,920 --> 00:28:57,720 Speaker 1: to you. I am going to say right now on 507 00:28:57,760 --> 00:29:04,800 Speaker 1: this podcast. This particular hat, this is the the multi 508 00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:07,880 Speaker 1: multi wildlife hat. We'll call it that. I don't know 509 00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:10,320 Speaker 1: what they're calling it, but it's one of my favorite 510 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:14,040 Speaker 1: hats to wear, and I'm gonna give this away on 511 00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:20,720 Speaker 1: this podcast. Comment below, Sniper, Comment below, Sniper and I 512 00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:23,680 Speaker 1: will sign it. Nick will sign it, and we will 513 00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:26,760 Speaker 1: contact you, pick a random winner and mail it out. 514 00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:35,360 Speaker 1: Love you guys, more back. So do you meditate every day? 515 00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:40,560 Speaker 1: Every day? Okay, every day every day? How long it fluctuates? 516 00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:44,120 Speaker 1: The minimum thirty minutes. The longest I've done was two hours, 517 00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:47,320 Speaker 1: and that was like on a bad day, not a 518 00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:48,960 Speaker 1: bad day. It was just a lot of stuff going 519 00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:53,880 Speaker 1: on and I just wanted to take that time. But basically, 520 00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:57,000 Speaker 1: how I do it, it's finding a nice room that 521 00:29:57,040 --> 00:30:02,080 Speaker 1: I'm comfortable in. Usually it's dark for me. I like 522 00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:04,760 Speaker 1: it dark. Set me up. What's the room in your 523 00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:06,960 Speaker 1: house that you do this? It's got to be completely bare, 524 00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:12,000 Speaker 1: And so I read a lot of like weird books, 525 00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:16,680 Speaker 1: weird books, you know, Christian books, the Bible, front to 526 00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:23,040 Speaker 1: witchcraft and occultism. But not necessarily, I, you know, associate myself. 527 00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:25,560 Speaker 1: I dislike knowledge and I like to understand maybe the 528 00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:28,880 Speaker 1: spirit a little bit more in depth. But my room 529 00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:32,920 Speaker 1: is completely bare, white walls, carpet. So you have a 530 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:36,480 Speaker 1: room just for this, all right, just for it. I 531 00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:38,200 Speaker 1: don't think you need one. You can find a closet 532 00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:42,120 Speaker 1: or even just a room you're comfortable in. For me, 533 00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:46,040 Speaker 1: I sit down in an Indian style and begin a 534 00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:48,560 Speaker 1: breathing process. I don't close my eyes all the way. 535 00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:53,080 Speaker 1: I kind of just look normal, and I breathe really deep, 536 00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:55,720 Speaker 1: and I hold it and I breathe out three seconds, 537 00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:59,000 Speaker 1: three seconds, and I keep that pattern up. And from 538 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:02,160 Speaker 1: that I start to really how little we do breathe, 539 00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:05,920 Speaker 1: you know, how many, how little we do breathe, and 540 00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:08,960 Speaker 1: the few deep breaths that we take in throughout the day, 541 00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:12,000 Speaker 1: and oxygen supplies everything to the brain, all the blood 542 00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:14,360 Speaker 1: to the brain, and you start to realize how more 543 00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:17,280 Speaker 1: or how better you feel just by breathing deeply and 544 00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:20,760 Speaker 1: holding it. And I work different parts of my direphragm 545 00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:23,680 Speaker 1: to help me breathe. A lot of people breathe breathe 546 00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:26,640 Speaker 1: from their chest area and change that and try to 547 00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:30,600 Speaker 1: breathe from your lower dire frame area. I repeat that 548 00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:34,560 Speaker 1: process until I feel comfortable. I would say ten minutes maybe, 549 00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:37,120 Speaker 1: And that's when my eyes begin to close and I 550 00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:40,000 Speaker 1: feel I relax everything in my body. So I consciously 551 00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:42,840 Speaker 1: make the decision to relax the very top part of 552 00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:45,560 Speaker 1: my head, the very crown part, and I relax my 553 00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:50,479 Speaker 1: forehead and take time relaxing each individual group from the 554 00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:53,480 Speaker 1: top of your head to your eyebrows, to your neck, 555 00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:57,440 Speaker 1: all the way down to your toes, law breathing and 556 00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:02,280 Speaker 1: relaxing everyone consciously. Everyone must group consciously, and then closing 557 00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:04,320 Speaker 1: my eyes all the way. And that's when I focus 558 00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:07,040 Speaker 1: on these small points in your body that are called 559 00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:10,240 Speaker 1: you know, chakras, and there's seven of them, so there's 560 00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:13,960 Speaker 1: one at the very base of chakras. If anyone looks 561 00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:17,040 Speaker 1: it up, it's a very simple to understand. I think 562 00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:20,120 Speaker 1: it's pretty you know, interesting to understand, like these energy 563 00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:25,480 Speaker 1: sources throughout your body. I practice basically opening my chakras 564 00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:29,160 Speaker 1: and I practice another form of meditation where you rise 565 00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:33,040 Speaker 1: the Kundalini energy. It's this serpent serpent of energy that 566 00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:35,680 Speaker 1: ryan goes through your spinal cord all the way to 567 00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:39,720 Speaker 1: the crown of your head and yeah, all the way 568 00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:41,360 Speaker 1: to if you believe in your third eye and all 569 00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:45,800 Speaker 1: this stuff. But yeah, I practice those methods and your chakras. 570 00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:47,920 Speaker 1: If you want to do the very simple version of 571 00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:50,280 Speaker 1: that is, you know, there's seven different points in your 572 00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:52,560 Speaker 1: body and you focus on each point and for me, 573 00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:56,959 Speaker 1: I open each one. They look like a flower pedals. 574 00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:01,680 Speaker 1: Imagine lotus flowers. Each one of them has their own 575 00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:03,680 Speaker 1: specific color. And you open one up and then you 576 00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:06,479 Speaker 1: let this light like the sun. You imagine all this 577 00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:09,800 Speaker 1: in your head and you open each one, focusing on 578 00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:11,920 Speaker 1: each point inside your body until you get to the 579 00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:16,400 Speaker 1: very top of it. And it works. Man, it calms 580 00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:18,440 Speaker 1: you down. And a lot of people when I first started, 581 00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:20,640 Speaker 1: you have a lot of thoughts to go on your head, like, well, 582 00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:24,400 Speaker 1: I can't concentrate on just one particular thing. Let those 583 00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:27,160 Speaker 1: thoughts come into your head, acknowledge them, and then let 584 00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:29,960 Speaker 1: them go. So if I think about do that, I 585 00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:32,120 Speaker 1: can be meditating and go off into a thought of 586 00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:35,000 Speaker 1: an eighteen wheeler truck, and I'll watch it and then 587 00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:37,920 Speaker 1: I'll let it go. And I'm observant of every thought 588 00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:40,480 Speaker 1: that goes into my head, just being observant, and meditation 589 00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:43,560 Speaker 1: is all about observing, just observing everything, the thoughts in 590 00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:47,360 Speaker 1: your head, the thoughts on the inside, including daydreams. Right everything, 591 00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:50,840 Speaker 1: start daydreaming, you realize you're daydreaming. You realize now it's 592 00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:53,680 Speaker 1: gone exactly Think about Okay, well that was it and 593 00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:56,000 Speaker 1: let it go. And that the stress is in your 594 00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:58,320 Speaker 1: life's team. You know, they'll pop up and things you're 595 00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:00,720 Speaker 1: mad at. You know, I don't allow myself to get angry. 596 00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:02,640 Speaker 1: I don't dwell on them. I just observe them and 597 00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:06,440 Speaker 1: then move on to the the exercise. But until the 598 00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:09,040 Speaker 1: exercise is eventually you'll get to the point where you 599 00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:11,920 Speaker 1: can do it all the way through. Yeah, man, you 600 00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:15,319 Speaker 1: guys think I think it's sometimes like a kicker in 601 00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:19,120 Speaker 1: the NFL and it's in the super Bowl and he's 602 00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:21,160 Speaker 1: got to make this. He's got to make this field goal. 603 00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:25,719 Speaker 1: He's got to connect this kick through the uprights to 604 00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:28,560 Speaker 1: win the game. And not only for his for his guys, 605 00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:31,600 Speaker 1: I'm sure it's his teammates are number one, but for 606 00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:36,759 Speaker 1: all the fans. I'm missing that one. So what can 607 00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:42,040 Speaker 1: you imagine? Not you the people listening that feeling times 608 00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:45,680 Speaker 1: a million finger on the trigger. Yeah, yeah, you're right there, 609 00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:49,920 Speaker 1: You're in battle. You got to make this shot. Are 610 00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:53,360 Speaker 1: your buddy is going to die? I'm scared all the time. 611 00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:56,600 Speaker 1: Either has never been a time where I've not been scared, 612 00:34:56,719 --> 00:35:00,520 Speaker 1: nervous or underrested. Made him underestimated myself in combat. So 613 00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:04,440 Speaker 1: tell me that that that feeling, that that level of 614 00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:09,319 Speaker 1: anxiety doesn't throw you into searching for some kind of 615 00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:13,080 Speaker 1: meaning in some kind of meditation, in some way. I mean, 616 00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:16,520 Speaker 1: I can't imagine, dude, it's because you didn't do that 617 00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:21,520 Speaker 1: before the war. No, No, you're probably just the regularly 618 00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:28,359 Speaker 1: regular guy, class clown, bad grades. Oh yeah, yeah, it's 619 00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:30,680 Speaker 1: a dude, it's I don't know. I think we all 620 00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:34,839 Speaker 1: have weird gifts and talents are even if you want 621 00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:37,640 Speaker 1: to call them talents. You know, I think what you 622 00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:40,839 Speaker 1: do is art. You know, I went to uh, I 623 00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:42,799 Speaker 1: went to college when I was in middle school. I 624 00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:45,319 Speaker 1: got selected to go to a college program or take 625 00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:49,560 Speaker 1: a semester for art. And I'm big into art. I 626 00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:52,840 Speaker 1: love painting and drawing and stuff like that. But I 627 00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:56,320 Speaker 1: look at your what you do, your you know, uh, 628 00:35:56,600 --> 00:36:00,080 Speaker 1: your ear for music, your you know, intellect within it. 629 00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:02,400 Speaker 1: It's it's an art form and it's a gift. Not 630 00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:05,319 Speaker 1: everybody has that and to be able to what I 631 00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:07,520 Speaker 1: think are When I think about music, I think about 632 00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:10,480 Speaker 1: let's say, your soul, right, that invisible thing that you 633 00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:13,640 Speaker 1: can put on a stringed instrument are an instrument are 634 00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:17,600 Speaker 1: your vocal tunes. I can't sing. I can strum around 635 00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:20,680 Speaker 1: on a guitar, but I'm not able to project what 636 00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:23,840 Speaker 1: I feel an emotion to a massive crowd. You know, 637 00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:25,920 Speaker 1: that's like I'm not trying to get too religious, but 638 00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:30,160 Speaker 1: I'm saying it's like when Yeshua Jesus the Great Teacher 639 00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:33,960 Speaker 1: fed you know, thousands of people with very small things. 640 00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:38,200 Speaker 1: You know, it's the same. It's that concept that work. Bro, 641 00:36:38,560 --> 00:36:42,080 Speaker 1: I think it's not the same. But you affect people 642 00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:44,759 Speaker 1: and you change lives. I think if you can do 643 00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:49,520 Speaker 1: that for me as a storyteller, right, you can change 644 00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:52,240 Speaker 1: people's lives by telling a story. But to play music, 645 00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:54,799 Speaker 1: I look at it as if, H do you play 646 00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:59,680 Speaker 1: guitar by the way you enjoy it? I enjoy it, 647 00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:03,520 Speaker 1: but I can't. I can't do what you do where 648 00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:06,360 Speaker 1: I can. I can play, but it's not that emotion. 649 00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:08,879 Speaker 1: And I'm learning how to play. You know what I mean. 650 00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:11,200 Speaker 1: You have a gift and a talent to play, and 651 00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:15,160 Speaker 1: you feed people's souls with your gift. You know, you 652 00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:19,640 Speaker 1: change people's lives. You may take someone through a hard time. Dude. 653 00:37:19,719 --> 00:37:21,680 Speaker 1: Music for me growing up was you know I could 654 00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:24,000 Speaker 1: have a song that related to you know, when I 655 00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:26,200 Speaker 1: felt that I was getting bullied in school. You know, 656 00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:28,120 Speaker 1: I can go back to that song. It changed my life, 657 00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:31,120 Speaker 1: made me feel a little bit more powerful or whatnot. 658 00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:33,920 Speaker 1: Even in combat, it has a spirit to it and 659 00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:36,359 Speaker 1: it changes lives. Listen to death metal and all these 660 00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:38,480 Speaker 1: you know, hardcore songs to get us ready to go 661 00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:41,239 Speaker 1: into combat. So music in itself, I think has a 662 00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:44,480 Speaker 1: portion of something in it that feeds the soul one 663 00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:49,480 Speaker 1: hundred percent has to It's vibrations, raw made of vibrations. 664 00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:53,760 Speaker 1: So well, let's take away the combat. Let's take away 665 00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:58,680 Speaker 1: all your sniper kills, ranger school, let's take away all that. 666 00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:02,360 Speaker 1: Now you're just a black man in America. Where are 667 00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:06,959 Speaker 1: we at today? Sad? Man? I do I think it's sad? 668 00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:09,520 Speaker 1: You know, I was talking to three days ago. I 669 00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:13,479 Speaker 1: was talking to a writer, a book writer, older guy, 670 00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:17,120 Speaker 1: and he grew up around the you know, segregation and 671 00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:20,879 Speaker 1: racism back in America, and my parents did as well. 672 00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:23,200 Speaker 1: My parents, my dad went to a fully segregated school 673 00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:26,640 Speaker 1: and when it all happened, but he told me that 674 00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:31,279 Speaker 1: it's it's worse now. He's still around. Yeah, he is, 675 00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:35,000 Speaker 1: he is, and you know, they both, you know, it 676 00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:37,960 Speaker 1: came to that conclusion that it's worse now, and I 677 00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:43,839 Speaker 1: think that it's because of maybe it was never fully demolished. 678 00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:48,279 Speaker 1: Our are out of certain parts of culture. And I 679 00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:50,719 Speaker 1: can't blame anyone for that, or anyone can I think 680 00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:55,200 Speaker 1: that to think that everybody here on this planet and 681 00:38:55,239 --> 00:38:57,520 Speaker 1: there's a good and an evil that everybody's going to 682 00:38:57,640 --> 00:39:01,480 Speaker 1: choose good, everybody can't choose good. If it were that way, 683 00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:04,160 Speaker 1: then you know, heaven on Earth. But being that it's 684 00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:06,279 Speaker 1: not at that point yet, there are going to be 685 00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:09,680 Speaker 1: bad people with bad intentions and bad morals and bad 686 00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:13,440 Speaker 1: ways of thinking. And I think that, you know, you 687 00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:17,960 Speaker 1: can't necessarily have everyone like you, you know, but the 688 00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:21,880 Speaker 1: common acceptance of the fact that maybe we're just a person. 689 00:39:21,920 --> 00:39:23,400 Speaker 1: We have a view of me, but you don't have 690 00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:26,920 Speaker 1: to disrespect me because I am that person or a 691 00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:30,040 Speaker 1: color of a person that you may not like, you know, 692 00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:32,120 Speaker 1: but the respect of a human being we can all 693 00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:34,680 Speaker 1: at least agree to that, you know, we're at least 694 00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:38,239 Speaker 1: human being. Whatever you think about me, you know, it 695 00:39:38,280 --> 00:39:40,680 Speaker 1: is what it is. But it's just a weird place 696 00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:42,400 Speaker 1: to be. And then I think, you know, having a 697 00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:45,480 Speaker 1: family and having a kid. I'm lucky in the fact 698 00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:47,719 Speaker 1: that he doesn't know what's going on. Yeah, you know, 699 00:39:48,239 --> 00:39:51,279 Speaker 1: having to explain him, explain to him though I'm not 700 00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:54,279 Speaker 1: even sure I can explain it now, you know. Here 701 00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:56,440 Speaker 1: to myself, I don't know what's going on. I think 702 00:39:57,120 --> 00:40:01,080 Speaker 1: I'm not sure if it's something he was swept under 703 00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:03,720 Speaker 1: the rugs for so long that it, you know, finally 704 00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:08,000 Speaker 1: became a boulder and here it is, or we've been 705 00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:12,840 Speaker 1: stressed out as a nation, you know as well, and 706 00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:15,440 Speaker 1: a lot of people are just doing things that they 707 00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:17,920 Speaker 1: may not necessarily believe. Some do, but I think a 708 00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:21,400 Speaker 1: lot of people at this point have maybe chosen two sides. 709 00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:23,960 Speaker 1: And I think that's how our country has split. Regardless 710 00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:26,319 Speaker 1: of how you look at it. It's not united, it 711 00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:29,719 Speaker 1: never has been. And your dad, you're dad, What does 712 00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:33,480 Speaker 1: he say to Why does he think it's worse? I 713 00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:36,320 Speaker 1: should say, I honestly do think because it's on TV 714 00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:39,880 Speaker 1: and it's it's it's being film more and everybody you 715 00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:42,680 Speaker 1: know has access to it. That's the way. I've seen 716 00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:45,160 Speaker 1: those videos of the sixties, man, and to me, that 717 00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:47,719 Speaker 1: was worse. Dude. We've seen the fire hose videos in 718 00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:51,440 Speaker 1: Mississippi or wherever, you know, wherever that was, and he said, 719 00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:55,040 Speaker 1: and he was there, not there, But yeah, how does 720 00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:58,759 Speaker 1: he he thinks that the social media? I think it's 721 00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:03,400 Speaker 1: social media and being able to see everyone's opinion of 722 00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:05,439 Speaker 1: how they feel. Back then, it was you know, three 723 00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:07,800 Speaker 1: channels is what he said, you know, right, three channels 724 00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:09,759 Speaker 1: and that was it and you saw what you saw 725 00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:12,200 Speaker 1: in the news, and you know, that was it. He 726 00:41:12,239 --> 00:41:14,520 Speaker 1: went to a fully segregated school. So I think now 727 00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:17,600 Speaker 1: just having access to social media and you get a 728 00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:21,400 Speaker 1: chance to maybe see people's opinions or ways of thinking, 729 00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:24,520 Speaker 1: is what may make it appear to be bad. But 730 00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:27,600 Speaker 1: I think maybe it's not bad, or it just never 731 00:41:27,640 --> 00:41:30,600 Speaker 1: went away, you know. And if that be the case, 732 00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:35,439 Speaker 1: I mean, do I think there needs to be changed systematically, Yes, 733 00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:38,239 Speaker 1: but not just in the favor of me because I 734 00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:41,400 Speaker 1: am black. I think in the favor of everybody. You know, 735 00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:45,520 Speaker 1: my son's not black, he's mixed, you know. And I 736 00:41:45,560 --> 00:41:49,920 Speaker 1: think that these rules are whatever the good fight is 737 00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:53,640 Speaker 1: for needs to apply to everyone. Everyone should at least 738 00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:57,200 Speaker 1: feel safe or have the same advantages. And I always say, 739 00:41:57,320 --> 00:41:59,360 Speaker 1: you know, people asked, does that really happen? You know, 740 00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:04,120 Speaker 1: thevantage of advantages of being black in this situation or not. 741 00:42:05,160 --> 00:42:07,360 Speaker 1: And I would use the example of just me and 742 00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:11,600 Speaker 1: movies and TV shows, right And I've been denied three 743 00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:15,360 Speaker 1: times for a show and talked to on set with 744 00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:19,279 Speaker 1: the producer for a network, a big major network, to 745 00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:22,479 Speaker 1: probably cut my hair because it would not look good 746 00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:25,120 Speaker 1: to a certain demographic. And I called my wife a 747 00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:26,880 Speaker 1: meeting and I was like this mother, you know, just 748 00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:30,520 Speaker 1: told me. Yeah. And so it's a real thing. It's 749 00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:34,560 Speaker 1: I've been discriminated against. You know, my wife and me 750 00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:37,680 Speaker 1: both have been discriminated against for being mixed, and you know, 751 00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:40,600 Speaker 1: called names. I've been called names and all of it. 752 00:42:40,719 --> 00:42:44,839 Speaker 1: So it does exist. But I'm not sure there's nothing 753 00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:46,840 Speaker 1: you really can't do about that. You can't change someone's 754 00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:50,840 Speaker 1: way of thinking. You know, I every morning at the 755 00:42:50,880 --> 00:42:54,880 Speaker 1: gym work out with these guys, both of them black guys. 756 00:42:55,239 --> 00:42:59,120 Speaker 1: One of them is not racially sensitive at all, the 757 00:42:59,239 --> 00:43:05,040 Speaker 1: other one very racially sensitive. So and we're really close. 758 00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:08,080 Speaker 1: So we get into these some occasionally, these deep conversations, 759 00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:11,160 Speaker 1: and I always and kind of like I want to 760 00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:12,480 Speaker 1: do with you right here, is I just want to 761 00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:15,279 Speaker 1: kind of get out of the way, because I'm not 762 00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:21,920 Speaker 1: going to pretend like I can relate. But I do 763 00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:24,080 Speaker 1: tell him. And it's funny because I tell him this, 764 00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:25,680 Speaker 1: and then I say, I'll never say this in public, 765 00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:28,359 Speaker 1: and here I am on my own podcast. But it 766 00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:34,440 Speaker 1: feels like to me that as time goes by long enough, 767 00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:38,640 Speaker 1: it gets a little bit better. Maybe, and you you 768 00:43:38,640 --> 00:43:41,200 Speaker 1: are the only one that can answer that. But and 769 00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:44,000 Speaker 1: my point to him, to Larry is, I say, Larry, 770 00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:48,600 Speaker 1: if you ask your great great granddad if you got 771 00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:51,799 Speaker 1: it bad, don't you think he'd laugh at you and said, 772 00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:57,320 Speaker 1: tell me more about your problems. And as your kid 773 00:43:57,600 --> 00:44:01,680 Speaker 1: and Larry's kids and my kids, every generation goes by 774 00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:05,000 Speaker 1: a little bit of it falls away, or does it. 775 00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:07,319 Speaker 1: I don't know. I know I get where you're going, man, 776 00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:10,120 Speaker 1: And that brings up a good point. So I would say, wow, 777 00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:13,879 Speaker 1: I was pretty good. Yeah, I think I think you're right, man. 778 00:44:13,960 --> 00:44:16,520 Speaker 1: I do think you're right. Over time, it has to 779 00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:19,520 Speaker 1: work that way, It only has to. I think we 780 00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:22,800 Speaker 1: may be looking at time and and and how fast 781 00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:27,279 Speaker 1: change is supposed to be on a scale that is 782 00:44:27,320 --> 00:44:30,120 Speaker 1: not naturally supposed to work that way. You know, But 783 00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:32,480 Speaker 1: you threw my theory out of the water the very beginning. 784 00:44:32,520 --> 00:44:35,160 Speaker 1: When you say, no, that's worse, but no, I think 785 00:44:35,360 --> 00:44:37,439 Speaker 1: and that's the only reason why I think that, though, 786 00:44:37,520 --> 00:44:40,080 Speaker 1: is because of social media having access. We have so 787 00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:42,759 Speaker 1: much access to the world now. Back then it was, 788 00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:44,759 Speaker 1: you know, we had access to one view and that 789 00:44:44,920 --> 00:44:47,040 Speaker 1: was whatever the TV told you, and you didn't have 790 00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:51,879 Speaker 1: access to I can talk to a person in the Congo. Well, 791 00:44:51,960 --> 00:44:54,080 Speaker 1: I never have, but I'm pretty sure I could, you 792 00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:57,720 Speaker 1: know on the internet if yeah, the Congo, right. Yeah. 793 00:44:58,040 --> 00:45:00,879 Speaker 1: When I hear people say the country more split now 794 00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:03,520 Speaker 1: than it's ever been, I always think, have you read 795 00:45:03,560 --> 00:45:07,320 Speaker 1: about the Civil War? Yeah, you're one hundred percent correct, Yeah, Yeah, 796 00:45:07,680 --> 00:45:10,040 Speaker 1: I don't think it's split. I think it's just having acts. 797 00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:14,480 Speaker 1: Everyone has access to seeing forms of hate, and some 798 00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:18,520 Speaker 1: people tend to gravitate towards the hateful side. You can 799 00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:20,239 Speaker 1: pick and choose what you want to see, you know, 800 00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:22,720 Speaker 1: what you want to feed your sol I don't see 801 00:45:23,239 --> 00:45:26,120 Speaker 1: I do see division, one hundred percent see division. But 802 00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:29,160 Speaker 1: I think it's also because of the fact there is 803 00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:33,120 Speaker 1: a lot of social media you can look into. Division 804 00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:36,600 Speaker 1: is always going to be there. I'm a firm believer 805 00:45:36,760 --> 00:45:38,960 Speaker 1: in that. I think there's a way to cope with it. 806 00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:41,239 Speaker 1: But now that you said over time, and you've made 807 00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:45,320 Speaker 1: me think, like, you know, my grandparents were growing up, Dude, 808 00:45:45,440 --> 00:45:49,600 Speaker 1: I wouldn't last two minutes in their shoes. So I 809 00:45:49,640 --> 00:45:52,000 Speaker 1: look at it now. I think we evolve and we 810 00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:55,719 Speaker 1: start to see what's wrong. Over time, we naturally start 811 00:45:55,760 --> 00:45:58,319 Speaker 1: to evolve, and you know, we get better and we 812 00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:00,960 Speaker 1: get better, and we say that was pretty crazy. Fifty 813 00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:03,560 Speaker 1: years ago we were drilling holes in people's heads saying 814 00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:06,200 Speaker 1: it's going to cure a headache, you know. So you 815 00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:08,839 Speaker 1: got a point there, while mind is blown a little 816 00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:12,279 Speaker 1: bit there that at least is going up. It might 817 00:46:12,360 --> 00:46:14,759 Speaker 1: not be fast enough for most people. I like that. 818 00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:18,040 Speaker 1: You're right. It's the curve, Bro, It's the curve. And 819 00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:20,799 Speaker 1: what I tell Larry is more bluntly as I just say. 820 00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:24,919 Speaker 1: Old people just got to die eventually. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Bro, 821 00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:28,479 Speaker 1: got to die with them. Yep. Everybody's got one hundred 822 00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:31,439 Speaker 1: years man, Max, all right, at least unless you're lucky. 823 00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:33,440 Speaker 1: I like that one. I like that one. See now 824 00:46:33,480 --> 00:46:36,120 Speaker 1: I have to go meditate on that now I am. 825 00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:38,680 Speaker 1: I am? That was the good one. Yeah, well, just 826 00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:40,839 Speaker 1: the thought of that. I get the privilege of being 827 00:46:40,960 --> 00:46:45,080 Speaker 1: in a Nick Irving right, right, I think I just 828 00:46:45,600 --> 00:46:51,799 Speaker 1: shrine of Grand Smith on the wall. Man. We can't 829 00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:53,560 Speaker 1: go to another subject after that. I just want to 830 00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:57,200 Speaker 1: say thank you for taking your time. You are an 831 00:46:57,239 --> 00:47:02,440 Speaker 1: American hero. You have of You have many many times 832 00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:05,000 Speaker 1: over protected the right that has allowed me to have 833 00:47:05,120 --> 00:47:07,880 Speaker 1: this podcast, to have the freedom of speech, to speak 834 00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:11,000 Speaker 1: my mind on a platform that I choose at the 835 00:47:11,040 --> 00:47:13,120 Speaker 1: time that I choose, and to live the American dream 836 00:47:13,160 --> 00:47:15,840 Speaker 1: by going and choosing to play music to provide for 837 00:47:15,960 --> 00:47:19,880 Speaker 1: my family. I believe that all that is provided and 838 00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:24,880 Speaker 1: defended by guys like you. I appreciate it and I 839 00:47:25,920 --> 00:47:28,560 Speaker 1: can't thank you enough for what you've done for your 840 00:47:28,640 --> 00:47:32,680 Speaker 1: story and UH and for your friendship. Awesome man. I 841 00:47:32,719 --> 00:47:34,480 Speaker 1: appreciate you, brother. I appreciate it.